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A miracle sent from heaven. A blessing. In Tina’s eyes, Bagi is everything Tina wishes to be. Kind, friendly, yet confident and intelligent. In Tina’s eyes, Bagi is her light, which Tina follows patiently until she finds a cauldron full of gold. Although, realistically speaking, Tina has already found a reason to never show any hint of sorrow on her face. Bagi’s tender hands will brush away all her worries.
There were many opportunities to bring up the emotions she holds for the woman. Ones she made use of, ones that she completely threw away the moment she realized now is not the time. She wanted to make it special so both Bagi and she could reminisce about the moment together.
Every time Tina made an effort to speak out before Bagi and led the conversation deeper into her heart, it was more in vain than anything. That all made Tina bury herself alive out of pure embarrassment, but she guesses that it was all worth it to witness Bagi’s angelic smile.
i.
Whenever Tina visited Bagi or simply crossed paths with her, Bagi made sure to invite Tina for a cup of tea. The first time Tina tasted Bagi’s tea (jasmine; the flavor is stuck on Tina’s tongue to this day), the hot liquid flooded her with warmth. Exactly as the first time she saw Bagi in the city.
Then an idea popped into her head.
If Bagi insists on Tina trying a new flavor of her homemade tea, Tina is obliged to return the favor. And what is better than preparing the tea herself? She must make an impression and show off her soon-to-be girlfriend, and there is only one way to do so.
It takes her days to think about a great option, pondering what would be best for Bagi. Lot of options, but none seem to be the ones Tina is looking for. Until she comes up with an idea to make exactly what Bagi gave her to taste for the first time ever.
Proud, she goes looking for a recipe for the tea. Honestly, she doesn’t understand the work behind a good tea. Boil water and pour it into mugs with whatever you want it to taste like. Boom. That’s all. Looking through the old books, it looked more than easy.
Once she gets hold of the jasmine, she follows the steps written on a yellowish piece of paper.
“Not so hard,” Tina mutters once she gets to the final part: boiling water.
While she fills up a pot with water, she takes out her phone
i have a surprise at mine awaiting u
She presses send and rereads it a couple of times. She groans at her choice of words and hopes Bagi will be quick to respond before she chokes on her embarrassment. Get it together, Tina. It’s just tea.
She places the now-filled pot on the stove and waits for the reply. She sits on a chair, putting the phone aside for a second. She eyes it once, twice, five times, and when she sees how the screen lights up, she immediately takes it to her hands.
oh, a surprise for me, you say? i'll be there :)
Tina’s heart hammers in her chest. She inhales sharply through her nose and mirrors the smiley face, humming upon reading the short message. She looks back at the pot. She has brewed tea before and saw Bagi as well; therefore, she believes the outcome will be worth it.
Just as the bubbles start to form in the pot, Tina hears a knock on her front door. Full of excitement, Tina walks up to the door and swiftly opens it. In the doorway stands Bagi, smiling at the sight of Tina.
“Hi,” she exclaims.
“Hi, Tina,” Bagi greets her, spelling out the name that forms butterflies in Tina’s body. She hopes her smile isn’t too much.
Tina beckons her inside, leading her to her small kitchen. “Sit down here.” Tina motions at the chair where she has sat before and goes to check the pot. She turns the stove off, confirming that the water is hot enough, and sets it aside to let it cool down for a moment.
Bagi, now seated, tries to peek over her shoulder. “So, am I now worth enough to know what the surprise is?” Tina looks back at her, catching the way the light catches in her eyes just the right way.
Tina tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, nervous. Slowly, to not burn herself, she boils the water in the mugs. “I’ve been meaning to ask you to have tea with me. Don’t get me wrong, you do the best tea, but I felt that I could return your kindness by brewing one myself.” She watches the water change color.
Bagi makes a sound of astonishment, and pride rises on Tina’s face. She grabs the yellow mug and slowly places it before Bagi. It smells sweet, and Tina hopes it tastes just the same. Bagi thanks her, and Tina takes her mug from the kitchen counter as well. She seats herself in front of her, excited to watch her reaction.
“How was your day?” Tina asks, leaving the tea to cool down a bit. She doesn’t wish to burn her tongue.
Bagi waves her hand. “I was just wandering around, nothing that special.” Tina hums, interested. “I’ve been wanting to go out for a long time, and finally, today felt like the day.”
“Didn’t I disturb your peace?” Tina asks in between her talks. The last thing she would like to do is bother her. She knows the woman works hard and that all the free time she has is visibly limited.
Bagi shakes her hands. “No, no, god, Tina.” She breaks into giggles, and Tina follows the suit, hesitant. “If anything, you are the last person to bother me. I perceive your company as... having freedom on its own.”
Tina rolls her eyes, feeling the blush rising in her cheeks. He brushes her hair from her forehead, distracting herself. Bagi watches her curiously.
“Well, I think we can try your masterpiece, shall we?” She winks at Tina, making her giggle from the depths of her heart.
Tina takes her mug and waits until Bagi’s lips touch the ceramic material before she mirrors her actions and takes a small sip to check if it’s still not hot. Doesn’t seem like it. Thus, she takes a sip of her jasmine tea, expecting the sweetness to flow through her body.
Bitter. It’s bitter. Tina fights the shuddering that creeps on her. Bagi doesn’t move an inch. Maybe Tina should take another sip and see. It’s probably because of how nervous she is—nothing too serious. So, she takes another one, and another, one worse than the other.
The bitter taste is definitely there, yet Bagi stays still and doesn’t comment on it. She smiles from behind her mug, and Tina would do the same if she wasn’t fighting the terrible taste that is now stuck on her tongue. If she could, she would pour it down the sink and cry.
Bagi, however, looks more than pleased with Tina’s work. Tina nearly begs her to stop drinking it and wants to offer an alternative to the horrible tea she just poured.
Tina sets the mug aside, her face saying everything that is going on in her head.
“I don’t think it’s bad,” Bagi points out. Tina nearly snorts. She was sure the tea would be able to kill her. “It’s not the best I’ve had, but it’s made by you. And I appreciate the effort you put into it. You poured your heart into it; I can taste it.”
Tina’s face goes pink.
ii.
Tina walks home when she spots a flower shop hidden behind a hoard of people. Curiously, she steps closer to the small shop and looks inside. She takes in the shop, which is literally blooming with different flowers, and Tina’s eyes ache. In a good sense.
She ponders buying flowers for Bagi.
She confessed to Tina that lately she hasn’t been doing that well and that she is tired all the time and doesn’t have time for herself. Her job ties her up, and sometimes it gets exhausting to take on both of her responsibilities and herself. Therefore, she lacks free time.
It’s not the first time Bagi complained. Every time she does, Tina feels bad for her and knows that hugs aren’t going to solve anything.
Tina bites her lip, hesitant.
Minutes later, she walks out of the shop, holding a small bouquet of flowers, reminding her of Bagi. Most of them are white because, just like Bagi, they are pure. She pictures the smile on her face; hopefully, that will make her day better.
She doesn’t call her beforehand, wanting her appearance to stay a secret until she pops up before her front door. She holds the bouquet in front of her the whole time, and the more she studies it, the more worried she gets. She isn’t exactly overthinking her choice. Until she does.
Too late now.
Bagi won’t say no. The worst case possible is that she will pretend to be excited. Which honestly terrifies Tina.
She knocks on the door several times, waiting for Bagi to open. She breathes in and out and repeats the action until Bagi reveals herself in the doorway.
The first emotion Tina takes in is a genuine surprise mixed with relief.
Tina shoves the bouquet in her hands. “I– Hi.” She giggles. Bagi looks over the bouquet and glues her eyes back on Tina. “I was walking down a street when I noticed this shop, and I know you are dealing with a lot now. So, I went there and bought you a bouquet, not only to see your smile but also... You have flowers tucked in your favorite hat, so I thought you would like these, and oh, ain’t I talking a bit too much? I should just, just... This is for you.”
For a moment, Bagi looks at her as if she’s grown a second head. Then, her face softens. “For me? Tina, that is wonderful. Thank you a bunch.” She brings Tina into a warm, long-lasting hug. Tina laughs into her shoulder, wrapping her arms, careful of the present.
In the movies, this would be an act done only for a love interest.
Tina shakes the thought out of her head as quickly as possible and enjoys the pure moment.
Although it perhaps wouldn’t be a bad moment to scream her love at her.
Her lips stay sealed. Maybe next time.
iii.
Bagi reads a lot. A lot lot. At least more than Tina ever engaged in enjoying a book. Several times, she has caught her completely immersed in pages, leafing through them gently. So, another attempt to confess her love for her was by giving her a gift while she proceeded to tell her the truth she had been concealing.
Bagi loves to read books that involve crime and mystery. Tina didn’t expect any less when she innocently asked Bagi what genre she reads the most. She had her figured before she asked her. Though it's never bad to ensure oneself.
Right now, she searches the bookstore, walking around like crazy, looking for a book that would suit Bagi. She read about a few crime thrillers, ones that are great but a bit underrated. She bets Bagi doesn’t own most of them. To be fair, she has never seen her carry the books since she saw the jackets. Thus, she immediately set off on her journey to hunt down the back perfectly chosen for Bagi.
After about half an hour, a specific book catches her eye. She reads the beginning, looks it up and down, considers it, and, satisfied, buys it for Bagi. She peels off the prize tag. The last thing she wants is for Bagi to worry about money.
Today, she is supposed to meet Bagi. It’s been a while since they've seen each other. She runs on enthusiasm the whole day.
Happy that she is prepared, she shoves the book in her bag, slowly counting the hours and minutes in her head.
The day drags on, but that’s how it is when you are excited. She gets ready, taking laps in her room, before it’s time to officially meet Bagi. They are meeting at her place. They agreed to have a simple dinner and movie night. Tina is full of energy, already picturing Bagi’s face the moment she hands her the present Tina bought her.
“Hi, hi, Tina!” Bagi hurries when she spots Tina and brings her into a quick hug. Just like Tina, she seems to be delighted to see Tina in flesh. Tina returns the hug and snickers when Bagi closes the door behind her, and she literally bounces on her feet around her.
When Tina is about to reveal what she bought her, Bagi disappears into the living room. Tina curiously follows her into her apartment, observing the cozy home.
She sees Bagi inch into one of her cabinets, and she takes out a book. Tina expects her to instantly fill her in on the story as she does, but when she uncovers the title of the book, Tina’s face loses color. She recognizes the title, the jacket—everything about the book feels familiar. Dangerously familiar.
“Yesterday, I went to the bookstore, not expecting to find anything but look,” she shouts, excited. She taps the book several times and brings it closer to Tina. “I’m still somewhere at the beginning, but I am so invested.”
Tina laughs and covers her disappointment with a dozen questions, and Bagi is quick to reply to each of them. The book is now lying on one of Tina’s shelves, touched by nothing but dust.
iv.
Today is not Tina’s day. She decided to make cupcakes earlier, mostly out of fun, but it’s everything but fun. Firstly, there was an older lady who yelled at her for bumping into her in the store. She didn’t cry, of course not. She kindly gestured for her to move aside, as the aisle was too narrow. She didn’t listen. Instead, she went on with her scolding.
Tina should have taken it as a sign that today is not her day.
Then it started raining. Although Tina ran home the fastest she had ever been, she still came home soaked from the rain. But that was not enough to push her over the edge, no.
You know what did?
Well, she was really looking forward to baking the cupcakes, but right now, she’s sobbing over the burned ones. She didn’t expect to forget them in the oven. She blames it on being tired and not paying enough attention.
In the midst of the catastrophe, what others would call a kitchen, she hears her phone ringing from the living room. She groans, frustrated. She goes to see who’s calling her.
She nearly drops the spatula in her hand when she realizes it’s Bagi. Warmth enters her body, and she exhales happily when she hears the soft voice.
“Hi, I wanted to ask you if I could visit. I’m nearby, and I felt like seeing you,” Bagi suggests.
The voice saves Tina from sliding down the spiral of complete frustration and despair. Her posture straightens, and she sighs. “No, no, it’s no problem. But actually, I have a mess here, so yeah. Uhm,” Tina stutters. She feels like a teenager in love again. “Whatever, you can come over if you want.”
Bagi hums, happy. “Alright, that’s settled. See you real soon.”
Tina swears that the moment she hangs up, she hears the doorbell. As if Bagi has been waiting the whole time behind the front door. That would be creepy. But Tina doesn’t mind. Maybe she was too lost in thoughts, looking for a way to undo the damage her kitchen went under.
She passes by the said kitchens and groans at the sight of the burnt cupcakes.
Tina opens the door, welcoming Bagi in. She still wears the apron covered in flour, and Bagi instantly starts questioning her. “Oh, you’re making something? I can help.”
She enters the kitchen and cuts her words. Tina whines. “I tried to make cupcakes, but today is not my day.” She takes a pan with cupcakes and frowns. Bagi mirrors her sad expression. Tina opens the bin and throws them out, her brows furrowed. “Earlier, this lady at the store yelled at me, and I accidentally bought oak milk and forgot to buy strawberries. And I spilled my drink when I was walking out of the café, and I thought baking would melt the bad memories away, but it’s just getting worse.”
Bagi grabs Tina by her arm, running her hand up to her shoulder. She squeezes it empathetically, and Tina fights both tears and the redness threatening to show off. “Poor you.” Her eyes run down to the now-empty pan. “What about we make them together? Maybe with me, they will turn out better.”
Tina’s eyes shine with sparkles. “You would?”
“Is there anything else you’d like to do?” Bagi smiles and jabs Tina into her side. The woman laughs breathlessly and shakes her head. “That’s what I thought.”
Eventually, they end up remaking the cupcakes. Instead, this time, Tina feels less stressed and more free. Then and there, she brushes her hands with Bagi’s or catches herself observing her while she stirs the ingredients together. Somewhere in the process, Tina wonders if this would be their daily life if they ended up living together.
Perhaps now would be a great time to say it out loud. On the other hand, she’s scared to bring it up. She would ruin the fun, and Tina’s last intention is to make Bagi leave. After all, she wants to embrace her and never let go of her. She doesn’t want to imagine the world crumbling after such simple words as “I think I like you, a bit more than a friend should. ” Tina shivers.
“Are you alright?” Bagi asks when Tina has mindlessly stood on the same spot for quite a while now. “Don’t you want to sit down?”
The concern in her eyes overshadows Tina’s doubts. A smile plasters on her face. “I’m good.” Maybe a bit more than good.
But how can one feel bad when Bagi is around?
Tina decides to hold her feelings closer to her heart than ever.
v.
Tina likes movie night because that means she can spend time with Bagi. They brag about the characters’ traits, talking about what could possibly happen to them and cursing out the characters which are terrible in their opinion. They would sit behind a TV, bowls filled with snacks. Sometimes, they would do a different activity and the show would just background noise.
This night is one of them.
When Tina notices all kinds of make-up scattered around the coffee table, she assumes Bagi was only running out of time and wasn’t able to clean it.
Until she sits down and Bagi proudly holds out a few of her newly brought products. “Today’s plan: doing make-up. We’ve never actually done it and I wanna do it so bad. I like your style, so I really wanted to do your make-up which I believe would suit you the best.”
She seems to be filled with joy once Tina nods her head. Tina scoots on the couch, making herself comfortable, knowing Bagi will take her time.
Bagi starts off with removing the make-up Tina has on, and she tries to not focus on the way Bagi gently holds her chin to have her still. “You look so beautiful,” Bagi mutters. Tina blinks several times, feeling how the warmth spreads across her cheeks.
She struggles to focus on anything else. Closing her eyes resolve to be hyper-aware of where Bagi places her hands, looking away makes her feel more awkward. Bagi fills in the space with small talk, filling Tina in to how her day went and what she was doing the whole time.
The voice combined with the smile does magic.
She moves her fingers around Tina’s face, knuckles brushing her cheek bones or cuping her cheeks. All the movements are part of the process, Tina believes, but she can’t brush off the feeling of adoration. Her body gets electrified every time Bagi makes a contact with her soft skin. She smiles down at her whenever Tina leans back.
She’s sure her face burns by now. But Bagi doesn’t take her hands away, nor does she decide to take a small pause and give herself a break. She doesn’t comment on her bashful appearance, but swims easily in between Tina’s short replies and cheeky smiles.
If that isn’t a message enough for Bagi to realize that Tina is into her, she doesn’t know what will. She’s a mess under Bagi’s hands and all she does is simply doing her make-up while looking at her as if she’s the angel she was blessed with.
Tina can say the same about her. She clutches the cushion close to her belly and eventually starts humming a song to fill in the silence they’ve found themselves in.
Bagi takes a look at her, probably looking for what to fix. Pleased, she hands Tina mirror.
“You look absolutely flawless right now,” Tina observes herself in the mirror, noticing the pastel colors Bagi chose. “Not that you didn’t before, don’t get me wrong,” Bagi adds.
Tina lowers the small mirror and looks at Bagi. “I like it.” And I like you.
v. + i.
Tina rarely gets sick. She takes good care of herself. But, oh, when she gets sick, it’s terrible. It started off with a simple headache, which erupted into the flu. She thought it’d be gone in a blink of an eye, and there was nothing to worry about.
How stupid of her.
She’s literally tied to her bed; even sitting up doesn’t do her any good. One would say that she would remain strong and positive, but she’s long ago abandoned all hope.
The bright side is that when Bagi found out Tina was sick, she didn’t hesitate to come over and take care of her. Quite sweet, Tina thought when she read a message from Bagi, informing her that she’d be there in a minute.
The whole day, Bagi spends with Tina. She places a compress on her head, believing that will bring the temperature down, and makes her a drink of her choice, preferably tea, because Tina loves her teas. She makes her a light snack to not upset her stomach, and truthfully, Tina lives in bliss.
Bagi is kind to her, talking in a sweet voice and even speaking Portuguese then and there. She’s noticed that Bagi will start speaking in Portuguese when she is super concentrated on something. She likes the way she speaks; therefore, Tina asked her to talk to her about anything. She didn’t want Bagi to feel under pressure that she must stay silent whenever she was around her.
She loves her for being her. She loves the way she talks when she gets excited. She loves all the little and big things about her. Thus, she wants her to talk.
“Do you feel any better now?” Bagi asks.
Tina is currently sitting in her bed, propped by her pillows. She takes a sip and nods. “Yeah. Thanks again. I’m not sure if I would be able to feel better without you here.” Tina smiles against the cup and takes another sip.
Bagi waves her hand. “It’s nothing. Just a small favor.” She looked at the laptop sitting on a desk and innocently returned her sight to Tina. “Do you want to watch anything? You’re choosing.”
“I don’t know. I just, I’m not sure if I can focus on some plot at the moment.” Bagi frows. “But I would love to watch anything.”
They end up lying next to each other, Tina covered in a comforter to shield herself from the cold and Bagi being there for her as her guard. They agreed to watch a romantic movie. The main character is madly in love with her best friend but isn’t able to tell him because, well... she’s scared. Tina can picture herself in her shoes, afraid to spit out the truth.
The story can go many ways, and Tina can’t pick the worst scenario possible.
“Tina... Have you ever felt adored by someone so much that you didn’t understand what was blossoming in your chest?” Bagi looks over at Tina, bewildered. Tina opens and closes her mouth several times. Her head is full of mist, and it’s hard to focus on anything at the moment.
She takes her moment to think it through, and even Bagi gives her the needed space. Patient, she smiles at her while Tina fishes for the right words. “I mean, eventually you get this kind of feeling, deep in your chest. But it’s hard to say what it really means.” She shrugs.
Bagi hums, unbothered. “And have you ever felt the need to say it?”
Tina shuts her eyes. Is it a great idea to say yes? It’s not like Bagi would know what Tina is talking about. Plus, they lead these types of conversations on a daily basis. It’s not new for them to talk about their emotions. Tina is mostly shy about opening up about hers, but Bagi can get bashful at times. Tina always laughs when she sees Bagi struggling, but never in a mocking way.
“I think yeah. Yes,” Tina replies. “Why are you asking?”
She turns her at her. And woah.
Bagi’s face is full of love and tenderness. She looks down at Tina and understands why she has fallen in love with her. Her heart melts. She’s not sure if the warmth oozes from the comforter or from her heart.
“Tina,” Bagi drags out the syllables of the name in a way nobody can. “You may be pretty, but you are also oblivious. So oblivious.”
Tina glues her eyes to the screen. Her cheeks flush. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Bagi scoffs. “You really think I am blind, Tina? I have known you for a while, and I just waited for you to say something because I wanted you to know what you would say.” Bagi sits up properly. Tina catches a glimpse of her and looks away to avoid sudden eye contact. Her cheeks are burning again, and it’s not because the flu is coming back at her.
“Eu gosto de você.”
Tina is brave enough to look at Bagi. Her face, just like hers, is all red. She bites her lips when Tina does nothing but stare at her. Seconds pass, and neither Tina nor Bagi moves an inch.
Tina would be a liar to say she has no idea what she said. Because, honestly, she memorized the phrase a long time ago as a way to confess her feelings for Bagi. She wanted it to be more special; therefore, she made an effort and looked through sites on how to express one’s love for the other.
“You like me?” Tina says out loud. She doesn’t believe it. Not that she wasn’t aware of the signs, but the what-if questions have been eating her from the inside out.
Bagi nods stiffly. “Yeah, I have for a long time now. I was sure that you wanted to make a step, but I just... I just don’t want to wait. I want to be here with you and enjoy what life gives us. You are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, and you are so smart and kind, and I just wish to be by your side. You have no idea what you do to me, and I wanna... How else can I express what I feel towards you?”
Tina's breath hitches in her throat. “I think I took time. But I can’t believe it.” Her heart has always chased after Bagi. Her heart belonged to Bagi long before she realized her feelings for her.
“Oh, you can.” Tina glares at her. Bagi’s laughter fills her ears.
Bagi is the most wonderful person Tina has ever met, and being with her means that Tina can breathe easily because Bagi will be there for her. Bagi has always been Tina’s support, the reason Tina smiled, and the person Tina looked for in a crowded place. She never cared more for anyone else than Bagi.
“I’d give you a kiss if I weren’t sick,” Tina complains.
Bagi hums, somehow sad. “There are other ways to enjoy one another’s presence.” Bagi gets closer and spreads her arms. “Do you want to cuddle?”
Tina looks up and down. “What if you get sick because of me?”
Bagi rolls her eyes. “Then I’ll be able to spend more time with my beautiful girl.” And with a proud smile, she pecks Tina’s forehead.
God, Tina is the happiest person in the world when she’s in Bagi’s arms.