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Why were you digging?
What did you bury
Before those hands pulled me
From the earth?
I will not ask you where you came from
I will not ask you, neither should you
Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips
We should just kiss like real people do
______
“ You’re killing me, Tsubaki-chan ! “
Tsubaki smiles when she hears Umemiya huffing behind her ; she steals a glance over her shoulder and smiles even more at the sight of her dear captain struggling against the hill they’re currently climbing.
She had to admit it was a little bit of a hassle, this climb - Tsubaki was used to it. Umemiya, less so. Which makes her appreciate his dedication even more.
“ We’re almost there,“ she replies, a hint of apology hidden in her words.
Umemiya didn’t have to comply with her request ; especially since it came randomly, right after patrol. They were on the rooftop of their headquarters, surrounded by that garden so precious to him - how she wished he could look at her with the same twinkle in his eyes, the same devotion Umemiya spent tending to life.
Are you free, right now ?
Umemiya had looked at her in surprise.
I want to show you something.
He said yes - he always said yes. She didn’t deserve him.
“ I can’t believe this is nothing to you, Tsubaki-chan, “ he complains again, and truly Umemiya looks like he’s about to give up - he won’t, though. “ Especially so in heels. “
Tsubaki chuckles ; she can only look back with fondness and adoration in her eyes.
They reach the top of the hill. It’s beautiful, the woods, with the dying sun rays filtered through leaves and branches ; it makes everything softer, sunspots dancing on their skin in a secret ballet. It gives her courage.
“ I come here often, when I need to think things through, “ her hands are joined together behind her back, and she looks up, up the branches of the big tree that reigns sovereign over the others - she won’t admit it, but this tree reminds her of Umemiya. It’s sturdy, with big roots and a bigger heart. “ When I need to run away, too. “
She feels Umemiya’s gaze on her back, and she tries to smile and be strong, when she turns to face him - it’s too early to break down already. Some things need to be done first.
Tsubaki sits on the ground, long legs delicately resting under her body, and she adjusts her skirt underneath ; she taps right next to her, asking Umemiya to join this little ceremony. He does, sits in silence, gentle and questioning at the same time.
” I’ve been hiding things under the shade of this tree for almost as long as I can remember, “ her voice is soft and shy - she starts digging, and the earth is still tender from her last funeral.
If she had planned for this a little better, she wouldn’t have had her nails done three days earlier ; it was fine, though. All was fine. Tsubaki was used to cleaning dirt from her fingers, no matter where it came from - Umemiya’s garden, or the wreckage of her life.
Soon enough, she finds what she was seeking - it’s a black box, the type people use to store photographs. It’s small, but it rattles from all the things she’s been burying in shame, in secret.
” Do you want to open it ? “
Umemiya stays silent, for a moment ; he’s got this serious look on his face Tsubaki hates, because it doesn’t belong here. Umemiya is carefree, aloof, he’s kind of an idiot, too. He laughs and cries as openly as the sky above him, and Tsubaki loves him just like that - free.
These shackles are not yours, she wants to say. They belong to me.
“ If you want me to, I will, “ and of course, he would.
The box is full of trinkets - to other people, it’s a random collection of small objects, but they all mean something to Tsubaki. Some she recalls in fondness, others, she’d rather they never existed at all.
“ This was given to me by an old elementary school friend, “ Tsubaki says as she unfolds the piece of crinkled paper. “ They meant to show me the controller car, but there was an ad for cute jewelry on the other side. I used to collect them as a kid. “
There are things she isn’t saying ; like the shame she felt at lying to her friends. How bad it was to pretend to like cars, and masculine things, when all she ever dreamed of were pretty accessories, and even prettier clothes.
She picks up something else - it’s an empty vial of makeup, it looks elegant and old.
” This is the first lipstick I was gifted by this lovely old couple I visited everyday, “ Tsubaki fiddles against the mouth of the stick ; it comes out, all dried and caked up, but to her, it still looks the same as when she opened it for the first time - bright and magical. “ I started buying makeup in secret, with pocket change I’d save for months. “
It goes back in the box, with the meticulousness of a ritual. Tsubaki fights back the tears.
She shows Umemiya all the bows she would wear in secret, in her room, too terrified to come out and face the world - little boys didn’t wear bows in their hair. But she wasn’t a little boy, was she?
It gets sad.
There’s a ball of cotton hidden in a little plastic satchel, and Tsubaki picks it up.
” This is from the first time I got hit for going outside dressed in a skirt, wearing makeup. “ She doesn't want to look at Umemiya’s face - he’s listening to her, and if she sees her own sadness reflected in his eyes, she might as well die of heartbreak. “ My mother cleaned my bruises that day, and I couldn’t face the tears falling down her cheeks. “
Her hands hesitate, when she goes to pick up what’s next ; they start shaking, and Umemiya places his gentle, calloused palms over hers. It steadies her - gives her a little bit of faith.
” I used these razorblades to do horrible things to myself, “ her fingers graze the cold metal and she shudders - some things scarred, but never truly healed.
Umemiya picks up the last item from the box : it’s a beautiful bracelet, silver, with sapphires shining dimly in the sunset.
“ I was wearing this bracelet when I watched my dad cross the door for the last time, “ she chokes on the words. “ I never saw him again. “
She wondered if he was happy, wherever he was - if he thought of her, sometimes, or even just once. Because she thought of him often, and it hurt her every time.
Tsubaki hears Umemiya sniffles loudly next to her ; she finally looks up, and the man is crying, nose reddened and cheeks splashed from tears. To anyone else, he would look almost pitiful - but to her, it’s a salvation and a curse.
“ I didn’t know you were suffering alone like that, all those years, “ Umemiya lets out, almost in a whine. He takes Tsubaki’s hands in his, and cries some more. “ I wish I had known. I wish I could have helped you more. “
Tsubaki punches him directly in the chest ; it’s not a strong punch, but it means something. There’s a little bit of anger behind it, and she’s crying too.
“ You’re an idiot, Umemiya. “
Tsubaki was known for speaking her mind ; it came from loving so fiercely, and years of regrets hiding her heart away, because love could be frightful when it was a one-way street.
” You saved me that day, you know that ? “ She’s grasping at his white shirt, fist clawed against the fabric in a vice grip, she doesn’t care when she leaves mascara stains all over his chest. “ You keep saving me ever since. “
Umemiya holds her gently - just holds her, her fragile self, while she cries some more. She cries until they become dark silhouettes in the night, and Umemiya lifts her head, wipes the makeup staining her cheeks, and he kisses her softly on the forehead.
“ I made you cry, and you’re the one picking me up when I’m in pieces, “ Tsubaki mutters under her breath, still holding up Umemiya’s shirt. “ I didn’t bring you here so you could feel bad about yourself. “
He caresses her cheek, swipes a strand of dark hair from her face to tuck it delicately under her ear. Tsubaki blushes ; Umemiya was a goofy guy, but he always knew exactly what to do. It came with this big, stupid heart of his.
“ What did you bring me here for, then ? “
Wasn’t that the question ? Why did she show him the box ?
“ I’m tired of burying things - here, and inside of me. “ She fiddles with the ring on her finger - the old couple gave it to her, years ago. It was their first engagement ring.
Tsubaki steadies herself ; looks back at Umemiya with a shining resolve.
“ I love you, Umemiya. “
He doesn’t look surprised at all. Tsubaki turns crimson.
“ I know, “ he replies softly. “ You wear your heart on your sleeve. “
She slaps him on the chest ; this was so embarrassing. She never pretended to be a master at hiding her feelings for her captain, but he could have had the courtesy of lying, only to preserve her dignity.
“ Then why didn’t you say anything ? “ It’s a little bit bitter, and she bites her lower lips, averts her eyes because that’s what ladies do.
Umemiya chuckles ; he brings her hand to his mouth, plants a gentle kiss on her skin. It burns like a firebrand.
” I’ve been ready for a long time, “ there’s a second kiss, on her wrist, and a third, the tender flesh of her inner arm. “ I was waiting, so you’d be ready, too. “
Their lips graze ; Tsubaki wraps her hands around Umemiya’s neck, preens when he circles her waist with his steady hands. It’s her first kiss : it tastes of home, of fire and earth, it’s honey and spring water and it’s Umemiya.
“ What do you want to do with all of your stuff ? “ Umemiya asks her when they part.
Her head rests gently against his shoulder ; she tightens her arm around his neck, she never wants to let go.
“ What about a bonfire? “
Fire cleanses ; it burns and scorches and it devastates, but things have been reborn from ashes more than once.
They watch the flames spur to life well into the night, embracing.