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“What were you thinking, Eddie?” Buck had said, barely above a whisper, followed by a silence that spoke volumes.
Buck’s mind was a complete and utter mess– he was disappointed, obviously , that Eddie would do something like this. It didn’t seem like something he would ever do, no matter what the circumstances were.
Though, to be fair, Buck couldn’t really judge him. It’s not like he was new to the concept of cheating on a spouse. And well a drunken kiss is much different to voluntarily going on a date with another woman that isn’t your girlfriend, it was still something Buck actively wanted to do, as much as he tried to tell himself otherwise.
So… he shouldn’t be too hard on Eddie, he could tell Eddie wasn’t in his most put together state right now, and if there’s anything he needed right now, it was someone to talk some damn sense into him. And if Buck had to be that person, then he would be. He always would be. He had said, years ago, that he’d have Eddie’s back. And after the lawsuit, especially after the lawsuit, Buck would never let that fact change, not in a million years.
“I– I don’t know, Buck. I know it was wrong , and I know it was fucking stupid of me to do, but– you have to understand.” Eddie took a few steps closer to Buck, his hands shaking in front of his chest.
Buck noticed it immediately. Buck had known Eddie for long enough to see his nervous tells. His hands would shake, his eyes would dart everywhere but the eyes of whoever he was talking to, his brows would furrow, and he would always be moving. Whether it was pacing back and forth, or if was just rocking back and forth on his feet, like he had been doing moments prior.
“She looked exactly like Shannon. Or– at least– what she would have looked like, older, if she hadn’t–” Eddie took a shaky breath, tears building up at the corners of his eyes. “I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know what’s come over me. It was stupid– I was stupid, and it was a fucking stupid thing to do, and I swear i’m not going to see her again. I’ll tell Marisol, and it’ll all be okay–”
“Oh, come on, Eddie.” Buck spoke up, interrupting him mid sentence. “You know damn well Marisol is just as much of an influence in this as Shannon is.”
Eddie’s nervous expression morphed into one akin to anger.
“What– what the fuck are you talking about–”
“Because you don’t love Marisol, Eddie!” Buck said, loud enough for a slight echo to ring out afterwards. Buck moved from leaning on the kitchen island to stand properly, right in front of Eddie.
“You never have! It’s the exact same problem you had with Ana! You do so much for Christopher and never fucking take into account what it is you really want. This entire relationship with Marisol– it has been forced on your end since the beginning, and you can’t keep leading her on. You can’t keep lying to her!”
Eddie looked taken aback, and for a moment, there was a flash of hurt in his eyes. It felt like Buck had been stabbed in the heart.
“That’s– that is none of your business Buck. I haven’t been lying to Marisol– we’ve been fine! We always have been! This– this date with Kim– it meant nothing, okay? And i’m sure if I explain all of this to Marisol, she’ll understand–”
Buck groaned, as he silently paced back and forth for a few moments, ignoring Eddie’s glare as he continued to ramble on and on about his, extremely fucked relationship that was already six feet under before Eddie made the decision to cheat on her.
“I don’t see how you can offer your opinion on this, Evan–”
Buck stopped in his tracks, refusing to look back.
“You are in no position to give me any kind of relationship advice, with how every single relationship you’ve had has gone. Before I even got to the 118, you were in a relationship with someone, what, nearly two entire decades older than you? That was clearly just using you to feel young again? And ever since that shitshow ended, you’ve just been going in circles–”
Buck turned on the spot and only took two strides towards Eddie before he was right in front of him again.
“Shut up. That– none of that matters right now, and you know it. You’re just making excuses to get out of addressing the very real problems you have with relationship commitment. This isn’t about me. This was never about me. And I don’t–”
Eddie’s eyes narrowed at him with a rage that made Buck’s breath get stuck in his throat, forcing him to break eye contact and take a few steps back, creating more distance between them. A distance that was only widening more and more with every word exchanged. With every sharp look that made Buck feel like bursting into tears on the damn spot.
He thought about Christopher. He thought about how he didn’t deserve any of this. Eddie was going to have to tell him eventually. And he knew that Eddie was aware of that fact, deep down. If he had to fight for what Christopher deserved, which would never be this , not in a million life times, then he would. Even if that meant he had to go against Christopher’s father.
“What would Chris think about this, Eddie?”
And when Buck looked back at Eddie, the look in his eyes only made the tears building up in his eyes even harder to push back and keep from falling.
“Don’t you dare bring Christopher into this–”
“Oh, I'm gonna.” Buck bit back, with a hostility in his tone that he couldn’t control. “What would Christopher think about you willingly going on a date with someone behind your girlfriend's back that so much as looked like your dead wife? What would he think about you putting your relationship on the line just for some clarity and grief you still haven’t dealt with yet–”
“Don’t.”
Buck took in a shaky breath at that. But still, he continued.
“You can’t keep lying to yourself, to Christopher, to me . You know damn well that I just want what’s best for you, man. You’re my best friend, and I will always have your back, so you can’t take this as me going against you. Because i’m not. Marisol doesn’t deserve this, Kim doesn’t– You don’t– And Christopher doesn’t deserve this either–”
“Christopher isn’t your kid! Stop acting like he is! I’m his father, not fucking you .”
Buck blinked once. Twice.
“You have no idea what Christopher wants. You didn’t raise him, Buck. I did .”
Buck’s jaw was still slack. And for the first time in a while, he felt an ache in his heart that was indescribable.
It’s in my will, if I die, you become Christophers legal guardian.
Buck felt his hands begin to shake.
No one will fight for my son as hard as you.
And he couldn’t stop the tear that fell down his face.
He took another shaky breath in.
“Get out.”
Eddie scoffed. “What?”
Buck gestured towards the door of his loft. “Get the fuck out. I’m not going to tell you again.”
Eddie had the fucking audacity to roll his eyes in response. “Buck, come on, don’t be like that–”
“I’m not going to ask you again.”
For a moment, Buck saw a flicker of guilt in Eddie’s eyes. But just as fast as it appeared, it was replaced by annoyance.
“Seriously? That’s how we’re doing this? What happened to having my back ?”
Buck shook his head incredulously. “I’m not going to bother dealing with you like this if you’re going to be a stubborn fucking asshole and not listen, Eddie. You know what i’m saying has truth to it, and if you’re going to treat your best friend like this just because he wants what is best for you and your son–”
The emphasis on your was caught by Eddie immediately, and he flinched at the way Buck lingered on it.
“--Then I don’t have to fucking tolerate it. Either you listen to me, and listen to what you probably have been telling yourself for weeks , or get the fuck out. I have plans tonight with Tommy that I don’t want to miss out on just because someone who was meant to be my friend is being a cunt.”
Buck ignored the way Eddie’s eyes narrowed when he mentioned Tommy. Eddie’s annoyance with Tommy was an issue Buck would have to address another time. It didn’t matter right now, and unlike Eddie, he wasn’t going to bring relationships that weren’t even relevant into this.
“Fine.” Eddie finally said, grabbing his jacket from Buck’s kitchen island that had been thrown there just minutes before, and made his way towards the door without another word. Buck wasn’t going to just let him leave like that, though. He wasn’t going to let himself feel this hurt that felt like his heart was burning, if Eddie didn’t feel it too.
“I thought I could trust you. I thought– I thought you were smarter than this, Eddie.”
Eddie stopped in his tracks with his hand lingering on the door handle of the exit he so desperately wanted.
“Turns out I was wrong.”
Eddie walked out and slammed the door shut as soon as Buck said his final word.
And just like that, Buck was alone.
And so was Eddie.