Chapter Text
Wylan wouldn’t dare looking down at the silver coffee spoon on the tablecloth. It had been polished to such a shine he was afraid he’d see his own, anxious expression reflected back at him. “It’s only a picnic,” he reminded himself for the third time since the morning. “Only a reunion between old friends. Nothing more.” And yet, that ball of stress which now dwelled somewhere behind his sternum wouldn't ease, no matter the amount of reassurance he tried to give himself.
He shouldn't be thinking about tomorrow, and what might happen then. He should be enjoying the present : the way the soft April morning light came in through the windows of the sunroom, the fragrance of the flowers from his mom’s rose bushes outside, the soft smile playing on Marya’s lips as she sipped her green tea across from him, or the way Jesper’s garish, yellow buttoned-up shirt clung to his athletic shoulders in a very pleasant way. More than anything, he should be relishing in the fact that his son, who was usually a fussy eater, was devouring food with appetite for a change.
‘“Wow!” Jesper exclaimed, ruffling the little boy's hair. “You've already finished eating everything on your plate!”
Perched on his highchair by Jesper's side, the toddler nodded with pride as he chewed on his last cube of honeydew melon.
“Do you want more fruits?” Wylan offered.
“Yes.”
“Which kind?”
“The -awbeyies.”
Marya was the one sitting closest to the bowl of freshly cut strawberries. She reached for it and used her spoon to drop four pieces onto her grandson's plate. “There you go, little gem.”
“What do we say to Nanna?” Wylan reminded him.
“Thank you, Nanna.”
Before Wylan could congratulate his child on a politeness lesson well learned, the sound of the doorbell echoed through the entrance hall, all the way to the sunroom.
Jesper sprung up on his feet, and stopped the butler before the stern-faced man could even take a step toward the mansion’s front door. “It’s fine, Luther. I’ll get it.” Jesper was always restless during meals and would take the first opportunity to go stretch his legs. Wylan had stopped trying to combat that habit several years ago, and just assumed table manners didn't apply to his husband.
“Dada!?” the toddler exclaimed, a tinge of distress in his voice, contorting in his chair with a whine, as he tried to see where his father went.
“Dada's gone to answer the door, treasure. He'll be back soon,” Wylan reassured his son and then pointed at the pieces of fruit. “Why don't you eat your strawberries in the meantime, huh?”
The little boy looked down at the food, wary now, as if his father’s sudden absence had turned the berries into something vaguely ominous.
These days, he was suspicious and a tad scared of almost everything. Jesper could barely put him down before the toddler would stretch his arms up, bottom lip quivering and eyes filling with tears. The doctor said it was a normal stage of his development, which would only last for a few months. It’s Wylan who had called the pediatrician for a consultation. He himself had been a frightened child, and this was the last thing he wanted for his own son.
“Is it the best idea to have guests over while he's going through that phase?” Wylan had questioned his husband the week before, as they were ready to settle into bed. “Maybe we should postpone? ”
Jesper didn't share his concern, however. “Nah. We don't wish to isolate him either, do we? It's good for him to be able to play with other kids. He doesn't have that many opportunities to do so, and Nina told me Eva loves interacting with younger kids. They'll be like two peas in a pod in no time.”
Wylan hoped he was right.
“Da!” the toddler rejoiced when Jesper stepped into the sunroom again.
“Hey, rabbit!” Jesper greeted back with a bright grin, as if they were seeing each other for the first time in weeks. “Hmm, strawberries!” he chirped, stealing a piece from his son’s plate and popping it into his mouth before dropping down onto his chair. No table manners indeed, and a terrible example for a child who would have to learn the strict etiquette of Kerch’s high society one day, but Jesper had so many other amazing qualities as a father that Wylan purposefully ignored the little things.
“What’s this?” Wylan asked, making a head gesture at the piece of paper Jesper brought back from his trip to the door.
“It's a telegram from Matthias.”
“Oh! What is it saying?” Wylan caught himself hoping there had been some sort of delay, or that Nina and Matthias decided to cancel their trip altogether. “Are they going to be able to come?”
“They're already on their way,” Jesper announced. “They sent the message from the port in Os Kervo, just before they boarded the ship. They’ll arrive in Ketterdam tomorrow around ten. And since Kaz and Inej arrive on the train at 11 bells, it seems like everything is falling into place.”
“That’s good news,” Marya pointed out. “Isn't it, Wylan?”
“Yes, of course. That’s great news.”
Maybe Marya noticed that the smile didn't quite reach Wylan's eyes, but if she did, she refrained from commenting on it. Jesper, on the other hand, was too busy nuzzling his son’s hair and pressing a hundred kisses on his little head, as the almost-three-year-old hesitated, with a deep frown of concentration, between two identical pieces of strawberries as to which he would eat first. “Maybe you’ll remember Auntie Inej and Unkle Kaz, since we saw them only a few months ago,” Jesper told his boy in-between kisses,”but Auntie Nina and Unkle Matthias, you don't know yet, but you’ll love them. They’re brilliant!”
The news about their friends’ imminent arrival had put Jesper in a tremendous mood. Wylan wished he could say the same. Instead, he swallowed his discomfort with another sip of coffee. Of course, he was looking forward to seeing Matthias. He had missed him a lot. He had missed Nina too… it was just…complicated.
“And they have a son, and two little daughters,” Jesper told the toddler, grabbing a croissant in the basket at the center of the table before sitting back down. “You’ll get to play with them outside in the garden, if you want.”
“Today?”
“Tomorrow.”
“But I wanna play today!”
“You can play outside today, but your new friends will only be here tomorrow,” Jesper explained.
The exchange was interrupted by the nanny’s arrival. The poor girl looked mortified to be disrupting their breakfast. “Sirs, Miss Hendriks,” she greeted them. “I’m here to take young Mister Van Eck on his daily stroll.”
“For the last time, Dierdre,” Wylan said, rising from his chair with a sigh. “I really appreciate the sentiment, but you know you can call him by his first name.” It had taken Wylan several years to reconcile with being called Mr Van Eck himself, always half-expecting to turn around and see his father standing there. Hearing his son being called that way gave him the ick. Sometimes, he even caught himself regretting Jesper’s idea of giving his cursed patronym to their child.
“Yes, Mister Van Eck,” the nanny blurted out, “Of course, Mister Van Eck.”
He cocked his head to the side and gave the young woman an indulgent smile.“And, as I recall, I also asked you to call me Wylan.”
She flushed a deep red, as she stepped to the highchair and her hands fumbled with the strap containing the toddler in it. She shook her head. “I can’t do that, sir. It’s not proper.” She then greeted the little boy, adding : “If we want to go outside, young man, we should get you changed first.” He was still in his pajamas, as per Jesper’s initiative.
“No!!!” the child protested, loud and distressed, struggling when the nanny tried to pick him up. Jesper had to catch him in his arms before the boy could launch himself out of his chair and onto the hard floor.
“You don't want to go on a stroll with Dierdre?”Jesper asked him, balancing him on his hip. “You love strolls!”
“No!”
“What do you want to do then?”
The little boy outstretched his arms in Wylan's direction. ’“Daddy!”
Jesper shook his head with a laugh, as he hitched the toddler higher up on his chest. “You can't do Daddy. That’s my job.”
“Ghezen, Jesper!!” Wylan exclaimed, turning a shade of crimson to rival the nanny's own blush.
Fifteen years after their first meeting, Jesper Fahey was still willing to go to great lengths to make him flustered. Wylan just wished he wouldn't do that in front of his mother, the nanny and the butler. Marya, to her credit, didn't bat an eyelash and kept on stirring sugar in her second cup of tea. By now, she was used to her son-in-law's antics, and most likely found them charming, even at the most inappropriate of times.
The little boy had locked his arms around Jesper’s neck and wouldn't let go, his small shoulders shaking with something that wasn't quite full-on crying yet, but certainly looked like a tantrum in the making. Jesper rocked him, in hope to appease the brewing storm. “Maybe I can go with them on the walk today, if that can help,” he told Wylan, “Annika will manage at the Club without me. I think she even prefers when I’m not there breathing down her neck.”
Wylan scratched his eyebrow, as he made a quick, mental overview of his schedule for the day. “I only have a meeting this afternoon, and nothing too urgent this morning. I could come with you.”
“Sounds like a brilliant plan,” Jesper agreed. He rubbed his son's back to catch his attention. “What do you say, rabbit? Do you want to take your stroll with daddy and I this morning?”
A pitiful sniffle, and then: “Yes. I want.”
“It's settled, then,” Wylan declared, before turning to the nanny. “You can take your day off, Dierdre; with wages, of course.”
She hesitated. “Really? Are you sure, sirs?”
“Of course,” Jesper said with a reassuring smile. “Enjoy your day.”
“Thank you, Mister Fahey; Mister Van Eck.” She did a slight, rather unnecessary curtsey, and turned around to leave, but before she could, Wylan called her name.
“Oh, and Dierdre, you can take tomorrow off as well. We have guests coming and my husband and I will both be home all day long.”
She gave a polite nod and took her leave, not the worse for wear for getting a surprise, paid holiday.
***
Wylan couldn't get himself to regret his decision of postponing work for a few hours. The weather outside was truly wonderful, not too hot or too cold, and sunny, which was a rare treat. Ketterdam wasn't usually so giving, even in the midst of springtime. Jesper had their son secured on his back, wrapped in a yellow piece of fabric that matched his shirt; one of Aditi's old headscarves converted into a baby carrier. The child was babbling away as Jesper was showing him funny shapes in the puffs of clouds hanging in the clear blue sky.
This was all a tripping hazard, since Wylan was looking at his boys, and not so much at where he was going. There was nothing new to look at, per say. He knew each line and feature of those two faces by heart, could sketch them with his eyes closed, but in the circumstances, he couldn't help himself but detail them again and again. Father and son had the same thick mane of tightly coiled hair, and the same larger-based, round-tipped, royal-looking nose inherited from the Hili side of the family. But while Jesper's eyes were of a dark chocolate brown, the boy, however, had pale, blue-gray eyes. “Grandpa Colm's gray eyes,” Jesper would say, but Wylan secretly disagreed.
“Wy?”
“Hm?”
Jesper pointed at a large tree next to the gates of the University district’s botanical garden.
“Rabbit’s asking the name of that tree over there.”
“It's an ash tree, love,” Wylan supplied, reaching to squeeze one of his son's little shoes, always happy to feed his endless curiosity.
“An asstree,” the toddler repeated, as they were crossing the garden's gateway. Wylan opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Jesper cut him off.
“Please don't correct him. I like the idea of an ass-tree.”
Wylan rolled his eyes, but with more fondness than despair.
“Asstree,” the boy repeated once again, reaching up to touch the leaves and branches hanging low over the pathway.
Jesper laced his fingers with Wylan's as they took a secondary path to their left, which led them to a quiet clearing, enclosed in a circle of century-old chestnut trees and some elderberry shrubs. Jesper put a knee down on the ground and Wylan helped remove the sling so they could free their child who was already vibrating with excitement.
As the little boy explored the clearing, his parents sat together in the grass, with Wylan between Jesper's legs, his back resting against his chest, one of Jesper's arms around his shoulders, and the other braced back to support both their weights.
They remained silent for a while, just enjoying the sweet spring warmth, the earthy aroma of nature, and the sound of the breeze in the trees.
Every now and then, their son would come careening with a treasure of some kind, screaming “look!!!” He would then place the offering carefully at his dads’ feet. So far, the hoard included a weirdly shaped twig, two earthworms, a large leaf fallen from the nearby chestnut trees, three milky quartz rocks, and one black feather with a blue and green hue that Wylan identified as belonging to a magpie.
As wonderful as this all was, Wylan just couldn't make that tight knot of anxiousness dissipate inside his chest.
“You seem perplexed,” Jesper observed after a while. He didn't even have to see Wylan's face to guess that something was amiss. This was one of the perks (or one of the banes) of being married to someone who knows you too well.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” Wylan confirmed. His gaze still followed their son’s wanderings, as if there was a chance he would vanish forever if he lost sight of him even for a split second.
“What’s going on? You know you can tell me, right?”
Wylan nodded. No point in hiding anything from Jesper. He was more perceptive than people gave him credit for. “I'm looking forward to seeing the Crows reunited tomorrow. It's been too long since we were all together, and I've missed them. But, also, I’m kind of dreading it as well,” he confessed.
“Because of Nina?”
“Because of Nina…”
Jesper hummed, deep in thoughts, and silence fell between them once again.
“Look what I found!” the toddler yelled, running back to his fathers as fast as his little legs allowed. His jacket was askew and he had grass blades stuck in his hair. He opened his hand and showed Wylan the wild strawberries he had picked through the grass, some of them more crushed than others.
“That's so nice!” Wylan congratulated him for his finding. “But we're not going to eat those ones, okay? A lot of people walk here with their dogs.”
The little boy decided the strawberries would be for the magpie, so the bird wouldn't feel sad about having lost a feather. They were promptly placed with the rest of his treasures, and soon enough, he was gone again, in search of other exciting artifacts.
“Returning to our previous topic,” Jesper said. “What are you afraid of, exactly?”
“I'm not even sure,” Wylan sighed. “I think I'm mostly afraid that whenever I’ll be around her, I'll be intensely aware of everything she says and does.”
“And not knowing in advance how she’ll react makes you anxious?”
Wylan nodded again.
Jesper leaned forward, resting his chin over his husband’s shoulder and enfolding him in both his arms. “I understand, love. But everything will be alright, I'm sure. And if it turns out everything is not alright, you can come and find me, and I’ll be there for you.”
“I know,” Wylan said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. It had eased a little, knowing that he could rely on Jesper to comfort him.
The toddler’s explorations had brought him to a big, dirty puddle of rainwater next to the pathway. Already, he was right in the middle of it, shoes soaked, squatting and grabbing handfuls of the slimy mud at the bottom, determined to build a pile of it in the gravel nearby. “Maybe we should get our child out of that mud puddle over there,” Wylan observed. However, Jesper's arms around him, and the solid press of his chest on his back felt very nice and he wasn't keen on moving.
“Hell no!” Jesper exclaimed, letting go of Wylan and jumping back on his feet. “I’m gonna get in there with him, so you'll end up with two mud monsters.”
“But Jes!” Wylan called after him, as his husband was already jogging toward the pathway. “Your clothes! They are-”
It was too late, of course, as Jesper was already kneeling next to the puddle.
“New…. They are new,” Wylan completed weakly.
Jesper helped their child extract as much mud out of it as possible, and build a big, slimy pile. He then lifted his son up, by grabbing him under his arms, and made him jump right into it. The mud splashed everywhere, on the two of them, making the toddler burst into delighted giggles, and upon hearing the sound of such unadulterated joy, Wylan couldn't bring himself to care about the state of his boys’ clothes.
***
“Looks like someone's going to need a nap after lunch,” Jesper commented, just as they took a turn onto the Geldstraat.
“Looks like it indeed,” Wylan agreed, looking down at the toddler. He was strapped to his chest in the sling, his little head lolling on Wylan’s shoulder until his face came resting to the side of his neck. “I can put him to bed,” he offered. “I think I'm going to lie down with him for a bit, actually. I'm kinda tired too.”
“Didn't you have a meeting this afternoon?” Jesper reminded him.
“I'll cancel it. I need this more,” Wylan declared.
Jesper raised his eyebrows at that, but he would certainly not argue. He was the one who always scolded Wylan for not taking enough days off and not enough rest in general.
Later that afternoon, it took less than one and a half lullaby from Wylan to have his son out like a light. As he watched him sleep in the bed next to him, Wylan’s mind still clung to this sense of impending doom. Why was he feeling like a soldier preparing to go to war tomorrow; like he'd soon have to take the arms to defend his feeble claim to parenthood? He wrapped a protective arm around the small human shape lying by his side and put his own head on the pillow, doubtful that he would find any sleep.