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Sangyeop is just untying his shoes and coming back from a run when his phone buzzes. It’s a KKT notification from the group chat with all four members. When he goes to check it, it buzzes again, and then again.
Busking LUCY Violin Shin Yechan Hyung-nim | 10:27AM
Guys I’m sick 🙁
Busking LUCY Drum Shin Gwangil Dongsaeng | 10:31AM
Shin brother! No!!
Don’t die and leave me alone!
… Are you actually okay though?
Busking LUCY Bass Cho Wonsang Dongsaeng | 10:34AM
oh no hyung!!!
feel better soon!! 🥺❤️
i guess that means practice is canceled today
Busking LUCY Violin Shin Yechan Hyung-nim | 10:35AM
I’m fine Gwangil-ie
Don’t worry about me, I’ll be back before you know it!! ㅋㅋㅋ
Sorry about practice Wonsang-ah
Busking LUCY Bass Cho Wonsang Dongsaeng | 10:35AM
it’s fine hyung, rest up!! 😣
Now that he thinks about it, Yechan had seemed a bit off during their meeting a few days ago. He’d been more quiet than usual, his laughter subdued and a beat late. Sangyeop had thought he might’ve just been tired and in need of a good night's sleep, but clearly it had gotten worse.
me | 10:40AM
Aigoo
Do you need anything?
He figures Yechan is probably fine, just like he said, but the side of him that always wants to make sure the four of them are happy and well taken care of can’t help but offer anyway. If he wants to make sure Yechan especially is taken care of, then that’s his business and no one else’s.
By the time Sangyeop has grabbed some water and taken a quick shower, Yechan has responded to him. Except instead of replying in the group chat, he’s sent a separate message just to him.
Busking LUCY Violin Shin Yechan Hyung-nim | 10:46AM
Yeop-ah, can you come over and take Seollie for a walk?
Which is how Sangyeop knows that it’s pretty bad and that he was just downplaying it for the kids. Shin Seol is the apple of Yechan’s eye and he usually takes him out first thing in the morning. The fact that it’s this late and he still hasn’t taken him out yet means that Yechan must be feeling pretty terrible.
me | 11:01AM
Eung
Have you eaten anything yet?
Busking LUCY Violin Shin Yechan Hyung-nim | 11:01AM
…
me | 11:02AM
Be there in half an hour with groceries and medicine
Busking LUCY Violin Shin Yechan Hyung-nim | 11:05AM
As expected of Yeopmom 🙆🏻♂️
☼
When Sangyeop punches in Yechan’s code and pushes through the front door, carrying a bag of groceries and a smaller bag of medicine and supplements from the pharmacy, he’s surprised by how quiet it is. Usually when he arrives for a visit he’s met with a delighted Seol and an only slightly less exuberant Yechan, the two of them greeting him before he’s even had time to toe his shoes off.
The house is silent now. Sangyeop hopes that means Yechan is getting some much needed sleep.
Sangyeop slides on his usual house slippers and makes his way to the kitchen. He unloads the groceries into the fridge and unpacks the pharmacy bag on the kitchen table, setting the bottles down carefully lest his clumsy hands drop something and wake Yechan up.
After, he creeps down the hallway to Yechan’s bedroom. The door is cracked open. Sangyeop can just barely see Yechan’s face. He’s clutching the covers tightly, his face pinched even in sleep. When Sangyeop gets closer, he notices a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead.
Mostly he just looks exhausted. It’s in the blue bruises ringing the bottom of his eyes. Sangyeop had grabbed a mask on the way out, just in case whatever Yechan had seemed contagious, but he doesn’t think he’ll need it.
One of Yechan’s arms is tucked around Seol, who’s curled up close to his side like a protective teddy bear. He glares a little until he realizes who it is, then whimpers softly.
“Have you been keeping an eye on him?”
Seol blinks back at him.
“Good job watching over him until I got here,” Sangyeop says, reaching out to pet Seol, who nudges his head into Sangyeop’s outstretched hand.
“Are you ready for a walk?” Sangyeop whispers, beckoning.
Seol stays in his place tucked beside Yechan, looking torn.
“I’ll take care of him after I take care of you,” Sangyeop promises quietly.
Although Sangyeop would love to get Yechan some water and make him take some medicine now, it would be better for him to eat first. He saw some leftover rice in the fridge so it should be pretty quick to make some juk, but even though Seol is hesitant to leave Yechan’s side, he clearly needs to go out soon. Plus, Yechan would want him to take care of his baby first, so it really just makes the most sense.
Sangyeop beckons once more and Seol finally relents, reluctantly slipping out from under Yechan’s arm.
Yechan clutches at the empty space for a moment, whining softly, before he settles down and starts snoring softly again. Sangyeop’s heart twists at the noise but he moves to creep out of the bedroom with Seol, knowing the quicker they go for this walk, the faster they’ll be back.
Sangyeop grabs the leash and a doggy bag.
“Let’s go.”
They walk Seol’s usual short loop around the neighborhood, which is just long enough for him to do his business and stretch his legs. Although he’s clearly a bit anxious to be away from Yechan while he’s unwell, Seol is enjoying being outside, sniffing around the plants and turning towards the sounds of children laughing at the park across the street.
Sangyeop tilts his head up to the sun for a moment. It really is a beautiful day. The late morning air is crisp, warm in the sun but cool in the shade. Above him, the sky is blue and dotted with a few fluffy white clouds. The last of the cherry blossoms are clinging to the trees, the breeze rustling through them.
Yechan really will be sad to have missed it, especially since the spring weather has been so fickle and miserable lately. He’s been complaining about having to take Seol out in the rain, how they both get soaked even with the little doggy raincoat Yechan bought. Maybe if he wasn’t sick he would’ve called Sangyeop over anyway, so they could’ve taken Seol out and enjoyed the good weather together.
Although the walk was nice, Sangyeop feels oddly relieved as they round the last corner back to Yechan’s place.
After Sangyeop takes off his leash and wipes his paws, Seol immediately goes trotting back toward Yechan’s room. He jumps back onto the bed next to Yechan, settling down by his side once more. Yechan snuffles sleepily, pulling him in closer.
His face still looks warm, all rosy and flushed.
Sangyeop sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle them, and presses a hand to Yechan’s forehead. His skin feels overheated to the touch.
Yechan finally stirs, mumbling, “Sangyeop-ie?”
“Mn, it’s me. I think you have a slight fever.” He gently smooths back Yechan’s bangs, which stick slightly to his clammy forehead. Yechan sighs, like the touch is a relief. “How do you feel?”
“Hot. Tired. Head hurts.”
“Have you taken any medicine yet?”
“Not today. Didn’t want’a get up,” he mumbles.
“Silly hyung. Let me go make you some food and then you can take some medicine, okay?”
“Mm,” Yechan hums. As Sangyeop pulls his hand away from Yechan and moves to stand up, Yechan catches his hand in one of his, looking at him with bleary eyes. “Sangyeop-ah?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for coming,” says Yechan. Then he pauses, squinting. “Why is your hair wet?”
Sangyeop had left right after his shower, not even stopping to dry his hair. Although it’s mostly dried by now, the ends are still damp and curling. He’s surprised Yechan even noticed with how out of it he seems.
Then again, when one of them is tired they always look to the other first, drifting toward each other like magnets. Even just meeting eyes with each other feels like quiet reassurance after a long day.
“I took a shower this morning and didn’t dry it before I left.”
“Really? Your health is important too, you should’ve at least dried it before coming over. I would’ve been fine for another twenty minutes.”
Which Sangyeop knows is probably true, since Yechan was asleep when he arrived and most likely would’ve just kept snoozing while he waited but. Still. The thought of Yechan alone and in pain for any longer than he needs to be doesn’t sit right with him. Yechan, who still dreads going in for his annual flu shot and to his regular dentist appointment for a check up. Who hates being in pain the most, out of all of them.
“I’ll be fine, worry about yourself.” Sangyeop squeezes his hand once before moving away. “Go back to sleep and I’ll let you know when the food is ready.”
Yechan hums quietly. His eyes are already slipping closed again, hand going slack as he’s pulled back into sleep.
Sangyeop preps the vegetables and the chicken quietly in the kitchen. He throws them all in a pot together with the rice, letting it simmer away until it thickens.
Since there’s nothing to do but wait, he turns his attention to the rest of the kitchen. The sink is full of what looks like dishes from Yechan’s dinner last night. He washes them along with his own dishes from cooking, quietly humming to himself, then sets them on the rack to dry.
When he turns to sit down at the kitchen table, he notices that some of the plants in Yechan’s living room are starting to look dry. They’ve probably been neglected while he’s been sick.
Sangyeop doesn’t have much of a green thumb, but he’s seen Yechan water them before, surprisingly gentle as he brushes through their leaves and checks how moist the dirt is.
Figuring even he can’t ruin them, Sangyeop grabs the spray bottle Yechan keeps nearby and lightly mists the plants that seem like they need it.
When he checks on the juk again, the chicken looks cooked and the mixture has thickened nicely into a porridge.
He pads back to the bedroom and shakes Yechan’s shoulder gently.
“Food’s done. Come into the kitchen when you’re ready.”
Yechan groans but doesn’t immediately fall back asleep, so Sangyeop figures he’ll come eventually. He’s just shredding the chicken and adding it back to the pot when he hears one of the chairs scrape as it’s pulled out from the kitchen table.
When he turns, Yechan is sitting there with a blanket pulled tightly around him, a flush still sitting high on his cheeks. He looks small and terribly cute.
Sangyeop turns away to ladle the juk into a bowl for him.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Like I got hit by a truck.” Yechan laughs quietly and then winces, clutching his head. Seol has followed him out and settled quietly by his feet.
Sangyeop places the bowl down in front of him, along with a spoon and a glass of water. “Eat, then you can take your medicine.”
Sangyeop goes to sit down across from him when Yechan frowns.
“Aren’t you going to eat too? Or did you eat earlier?”
“I’ll just eat later.”
Yechan frowns more. “Why not now?”
Sangyeop definitely made enough for more than one meal, but he was planning to save it so Yechan would have something easy to heat up tomorrow.
“Because then you’ll have less to eat later.”
“It’s fine! You need to eat too.”
Sangyeop sighs but goes and gets himself a bowl. He knows Yechan well enough to know how stubborn he can be about these things. “You just want me to make you food again later.” Now that the food is in front of him, it does smell pretty good. He didn’t even realize he was hungry, even though he hasn't eaten anything since before his run earlier.
“There’s that too. I can’t believe I finally get to eat your cooking again and I can’t even enjoy it because I’m sick.”
“I’ll just cook for you again later,” Sangyeop says plainly.
Yechan looks satisfied when he returns. He picks up his spoon and takes a big bite from his own bowl, humming happily.
“This is really good!”
Sangyeop keeps his face as blank as possible. “It’s because of my secret ingredient. I added it so you’ll get better faster.”
“Really? A secret ingredient?”
“Mhm.”
“What is it?” Yechan asks, eyes wide.
“My love,” Sangyeop says, raising his eyebrows and winking, slow and greasy.
Yechan bursts out laughing then promptly chokes and starts coughing. Sangyeop gets up and comes behind him, rubbing his back. When Yechan finally stops coughing, Sangyeop hands him his water and sits down again.
“You can’t do that to me right now, I’m too weak,” Yechan whines. His face is totally red and there are tears gathering at the corners of his eyes from coughing too hard.
“Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t have done that while you were eating. Although to be fair, I thought you were old enough to know how to eat your food properly.”
“The disrespect,” Yechan sniffs. “I can’t believe I’m sick and have to deal with you teasing me and flirting with me, looking like that—”
“Looking like what?” Sangyeop asks, looking down at himself. He’s just wearing some sweats and an oversized shirt he threw on after his shower. His hair is finally drying but is still wavy and completely unstyled. He doesn’t look any different than he usually does when he shows up for practice. He definitely looks worse than he does when they have a schedule and someone has picked out an outfit and done his makeup for him.
“Like that!” Yechan gestures toward him. “So handsome! It makes me flustered!”
“Isn’t this what I always look like?”
“Well, you always look handsome,” Yechan grumbles, grabbing another bite and sticking the spoon in his mouth. He definitely looks a bit better now that he’s up and eating something.
Sangyeop hums, unsure how to reply. He knows that he’s handsome, obviously. It’s important for his role in the band and his members tell him all the time. He’s pretty sure Gwangil told him that yesterday. Still, it’s different to hear it from Yechan like this, when Sangyeop is wearing lounge clothes and being completely himself, when Yechan is sick and completely unguarded, turning impossibly more pink in front of him.
He clears his throat. “I think you’ve eaten enough that you can take your medicine now.” Sangyeop grabs his water glass and refills it, setting both the cup and a bottle of pain relievers in front of him.
Yechan obediently fishes out a pill and takes it, finishing off the glass of water.
“Now that I’ve eaten I just realized how gross I feel,” Yechan says, wrinkling his nose.
“You have been sweating a lot. If you can, you’ll feel better if you go take a shower.”
“Ugh, yeah.”
Sangyeop takes both of their dishes and sets them in the sink. Then he comes back to Yechan’s side and reaches for his arms, trailing down them until he can grab his hands.
“Come on. Up, up, up.” Yechan groans but lets himself be pulled to standing. Once he’s up he stumbles a little, falling into Sangyeop’s side.
His body is warm where they’re pressed together, his forehead sagging against Sangyeop’s shoulder.
Sangyeop lets Yechan lean his weight against him as he leads them to the bathroom, careful not to trip on Seol.
When they get to the bathroom door, Sangyeop takes the blanket off Yechan’s shoulders. He crosses his arms immediately, a shiver running through his body.
“Cold,” he says.
“I know, go hop in the shower. Don’t make the water too hot though.” Sangyeop runs his hands up and down Yechan’s arms to warm them. His arms are toned under Sangyeop’s hands. Yechan is so small that he often forgets just how strong he is.
“Okay.”
“Do you need any help?”
Yechan blinks at him for a moment. Then:
“Yah! Why would I need your help to shower?!” Yechan sputters, face going red again.
“I don’t know! You were practically swooning when you stood up earlier!” Sangyeop says defensively, drawing his hands back. Even though he shouldn’t rile him up while he’s sick, it really is too easy to tease him. Yechan gets embarrassed about the weirdest things. Sangyeop has always delighted in how easy it is to affect him, whether he’s making Yechan laugh until he can’t breathe or so flustered he’s stuttering over his words.
“That’s because you pulled me up too fast and it made me dizzy!”
“Are you sure you don’t need help undressing? It’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before.”
Yechan turns, going into the bathroom and shutting the door in Sangyeop’s face with surprising speed for someone who’s sick. The door creaks slightly, like he’s leaning back against it on the other side.
Sangyeop laughs. “Yell if you need anything!”
“You’re going to be the death of me, Choi Sangyeop,” Yechan says, the sound muffled through the door. Sangyeop grins but lingers for a moment in case Yechan really does need any help.
Once he hears the shower start running, he goes back to Yechan’s room to return the blanket to the bed. The sheets are rumpled and twisted, like Yechan tossed and turned in them all night. Sangyeop strips the bed and pulls a clean set of sheets off the shelf, quickly remaking the bed. Then he turns back to the kitchen to put away the juk and start the last of the dishes. After they’re all clean, he settles down on Yechan’s sofa and scrolls on his phone for a bit. Seol hops up beside him, climbing into his lap. Yechan has always taken longer showers.
Eventually, Sangyeop hears the sound of the water shut off and Yechan padding into the bedroom. When he returns, he flops down on the couch and into Sangyeop’s lap, his head landing right next to Seol’s. He’s changed into a fresh pair of sweats and a sweatshirt that looks big and worn. His brown hair is towel dried but still damp, and his eyes are already closed again. The soft, clean smell of Yechan’s soap is almost as familiar as his own.
Sangyeop smiles and puts his phone down, carding his hand through Yechan’s hair not unlike how he was petting Seol earlier. Yechan sighs.
“Weren’t you just telling me to dry my hair earlier?” Sangyeop asks.
“Got dizzy,” Yechan mumbles, turning his face into Sangyeop’s thigh.
“Poor Yechan-ie,” Sangyeop says, patting his head. Then, “I’ll help you.”
“Really?”
“Mm. Stay here.”
“You’re being awfully nice to me today,” Yechan says, pressing his face even closer.
“I don’t like it when you’re sick. It’s weird when you’re so quiet,” Sangyeop admits, giving Yechan’s head one more pet before he carefully slides out from under him.
He grabs a chair from the kitchen and drags into the bathroom so Yechan will have something to sit on. Then he opens the cupboard and pulls out Yechan’s hair dryer, gingerly unraveling the cord and plugging it into one of the outlets by the mirror.
When he returns to the living room, Yechan is still lying on the couch. He’s cuddled up with Seol again, curling around him. Sangyeop takes a moment just to stare at them, his gaze going soft, before he comes closer.
“Are you ready?”
Yechan hums noncommittally.
Sangyeop carefully scooches Seol to the side and grabs both of Yechan’s hands. Yechan keeps his eyes closed, letting Sangyeop blindly pull him up and towards the bathroom. Even though the walk isn’t far and Yechan throws himself on Sangyeop all the time, Sangyeop is still quietly floored at the admission of trust, of how pliant Yechan is allowing himself to be in Sangyeop’s hands.
“Sit,” Sangyeop says.
After they get Yechan settled in the chair, Sangyeop picks up the hair dryer and turns it on. He dries Yechan’s hair methodically, making sure even the spots at the back of his neck and behind his ears are no longer damp.
Yechan sits quietly while Sangyeop works. He hums every once in a while when Sangyeop tilts his head one way and then the other, looking more relaxed by the minute. Sangyeop’s hands, often so big and clumsy, are careful as they brush through the strands of Yechan’s hair.
By the time Sangyeop is turning off the dryer, Yechan is starting to slump in the chair, clearly on the edge of sleep again.
“Tired?”
“Mhm. I think the shower and medicine made me sleepy.”
“You can go nap again while I start dinner,” Sangyeop says.
Yechan blinks his eyes open, looking up at Sangyeop in the mirror. “You’re really going to cook for me again?”
“I might as well since I’m here. Plus I already bought the ingredients for samgyetang earlier.”
“Oh,” Yechan breathes, looking down now. “Lucky me.”
Sangyeop’s heart speeds up a bit in response. Ah, he thinks. Maybe that was a little too telling. Time to redirect then.
“Someone has to take care of this hyung so he grows big and strong,” Sangyeop teases, hands gently patting Yechan’s shoulders.
“Aish,” Yechan complains. His eyes are curving into happy little crescents as he smiles though. Sangyeop feels himself grin in return, unable to help himself.
Yechan lets him guide him back to bed and settles under the covers again. From the window in Yechan’s bedroom, Sangyeop can see that the sun has gotten lower in the sky. There are a couple of students walking home from school, laughing as they point at something on one of their phones. A woman walking her dog smiles as they pass.
When he looks back at the bed, the late afternoon light is filtering through the sheer curtains, painting Yechan and the rest of the room in golden hues. Sangyeop takes a moment just to drink him in. Yechan looks honeyed where the light hits him, his face already going soft and relaxed with rest. Sangyeop wants to hold this moment, so warm and peaceful, close to his heart. He feels like the sun’s rays are inside him too, like all of his feelings for Yechan are spilling out of his chest and painting him in their rosy hues. Maybe he’s the only one who can see it though, and that’s why Yechan has never said anything about it. Or maybe he feels the gravity that pulls the two of them together too and has decided to let them keep orbiting each other like stars drawing closer and closer but never crashing into each other. Sangyeop has always been brave, but even he knows there are some things in life you don’t want to mess with.
There’s no use dwelling on it now, though. Sangyeop pulls the covers up, gently tucking Yechan in, before quietly making his way back to the kitchen to start cooking.
By the time Sangyeop has finished making the samgyetang, the sun has really started to set outside. When he makes his way back to the bedroom, he finds that it’s gotten dark there too, with only the soft light from the hallway and the street lamps outside spilling in. He clicks the lamp next to Yechan’s bed on and gently shakes him awake again.
“Hyung, dinner is ready.”
“Do I hav’ to get up?” Yechan mumbles. His mouth is still slow and clumsy with sleep. “I’m so tired.”
Sangyeop tucks a stray hair behind his ear. “Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“Okay. I’ll pack it up so you can eat it tomorrow then.”
Before Sangyeop can get up again, Yechan catches his hand. His calluses are rough against Sangyeop’s skin, evidence of his hard work and his devotion to the instrument he cherishes so dearly. There’s so much about Yechan to love.
“Wait,” Yechan says. His voice sounds so small. “Could you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone right now.”
Sangyeop gives his hand a squeeze and feels his heart pang in response. He’s really, really glad he came over so Yechan doesn’t have to suffer through this by himself. He would make it through, of course, but Sangyeop is glad to do anything he can to make it easier. If he could take away the pain and make Yechan well again, he would. But since he can’t, he’ll settle for this: cooking for him, cleaning for him, making sure he’s taken care of and has someone’s hand to hold. The fact that Yechan is letting him fuss over him, that he trusts him to take care of him, already means a lot to him.
“Thank you for taking care of me today. I really mean it,” Yechan says quietly, still clasping his hand. “I keep waking up and seeing you here and thinking it’s a dream, and that the next time I wake up I’ll be alone again.”
That affects Sangyeop more than he’d like to admit. He takes a deep breath then says, “Why, do I look like the man of your dreams?” Sangyeop keeps his voice intentionally light and teasing.
“Something like that…” Yechan mumbles, his voice trailing off. Soon after his breath evens out, his face going soft and slack with sleep.
Sangyeop sighs. Yechan’s phone lights up with a message on the bed beside him. Sangyeop grabs it, sees that it’s at 12 percent battery, and reaches for the power cord. He probably hasn’t charged it all day. When Sangyeop looks down at the screen, he sees that it’s open to Yechan’s KKT thread with Gwangil.
97 | 6:47PM
Hyung, do you really need anything?
You never responded to the group chat earlier
So I got worried
me | 6:51PM
Gwangil-ie is cute to worry
I’m really fine though!
Sangyeop-ie came over and made me food
97 | 6:53PM
Oh?
Did he now?
I bet that was nice
me | 6:55PM
Shut up.
97 | 6:56PM
I didn’t even say anything!
me | 6:58PM
Say less
97 | 7:03PM
ㅋㅋㅋ
I really am glad Sangyeop hyung is taking care of you though
Huh. Sangyeop lets the exchange roll around in his mind for a moment before he turns the screen off, plugging Yechan’s phone in and setting it on the nightstand. After he cleans up the kitchen again and has put the soup in the fridge for tomorrow, he grabs a spare blanket from the closet and settles in on Yechan’s couch for the night.
☼
When Sangyeop wakes up the next morning, Yechan is standing by the couch with Seol in his arms and looking down at him with a considering look on his face. Sangyeop blinks awake, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“You’re up?” He asks. “How’re you feeling?”
Yechan sits down on the couch next to him, resting his arm across Sangyeop’s waist. With his other hand, he gently brushes some stray hairs from Sangyeop’s bangs out of his eyes. Seol pads up and sniffs at his face for a moment, giving his chin a quick, sloppy kiss before returning to Yechan’s lap. Yechan laughs when Sangyeop’s face scrunches together.
“I feel a lot better today.”
Sangyeop reaches up and Yechan obediently tilts his head down so he can press a hand to his forehead. The strands of Yechan’s bangs tickle his fingers, still fluffy from being dried yesterday. Unlike yesterday, his skin is warm but not hot to the touch. “You look a lot better,” Sangyeop says. “It seems like your fever’s broken too.” He draws his hand back down.
Yechan really does look a lot better. His face is no longer flushed, with dark bruises weighing down his eyes. He still seems tired but his eyes look more focused, like they’ve regained their sparkle and the everpresent mirth that glitters in them. Sangyeop feels a part of him that he didn’t even realize was tense relax.
Yechan grins, his eyes curving sweetly, and catches his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Is there still some of the food from last night? I really want to have some of the samgyetang that you made.”
“Eung, I put it in the fridge. We can go heat it up.”
Yechan stands and tugs Sangyeop towards the kitchen, keeping their hands linked together. Seol follows them closely, weaving between their legs. Yechan giggles when he almost trips on him, Sangyeop smiling as he instinctively reaches out to steady him.
Yechan settles at the kitchen table, pulling his knees up to his chest while Sangyeop heats up enough for both of them to eat. He looks happy and terribly cute as he watches Sangyeop bustle around the kitchen, especially now that he’s got some of his usual energy back.
When Sangyeop places the bowl in front of him, Yechan takes a large spoonful and blows on it carefully before slurping it down.
“Wah,” he says, tilting his head appreciatively. “Our Sangyeop is such a good cook!”
“At least one of the four of us had to be good at cooking.”
“I’m serious though, your food is always really, really good. It tastes… warm.”
Sangyeop laughs, his eyes scrunching closed. “That’s because it’s soup, hyung. It’s supposed to be warm.”
Yechan reaches across the table to swat at him. Sangyeop dodges, grinning. “That’s not what I meant!” He whines. Then he settles down, looking thoughtful again. “It’s like… you cook so genuinely. You know the feeling you get when you drink whiskey and it’s all nice and warm when it settles in your stomach? It’s like that. Like I can taste how much you care for me in every spoonful and it’s warming me from the inside out.”
“Oh.” Sangyeop ducks his head for a moment. Well that’s just embarrassing. He knew that he was putting his heart on a plate coming here and cooking for Yechan while he was sick, but he didn’t realize just how much it was on display.
Yechan puts his spoon down and looks up, right into his eyes. “You took really good care of me yesterday. Sangyeop, I…” he trails off. Sangyeop looks at him steadily, trying not to give away how his heart has suddenly jumped into his throat. Is this it? Is Yechan really going to talk about this now?
Yechan takes a deep breath, nodding to himself once, then twice, before continuing. “You know how I keep saying I wish you were born earlier so we could be same age friends?” Sangyeop nods, feeling his heart rabbiting in his chest. “The truth is, I think I just always want to be closer to you. I once said it feels like we’re married when we’re on stage but… when it’s like this, it doesn’t feel like we’re like that just on stage. You take such good care of me and the kids. Not just today, but all the time. We laugh together, always have each other’s backs, and lately it feels like whenever I look at you, you’re always looking back. So I keep thinking you might feel the same but… If not, we can just forget I ever said this and pretend it’s the fever talking.” Yechan says, smiling even though it doesn’t reach his eyes. He says it bravely, like Sangyeop doesn’t know him like the back of his own hand and can’t see through all the cracks in the front he’s trying to put up. Yechan has always been afraid of pain. Sangyeop knows this well. The last thing he ever wants to do is hurt him.
Sangyeop swallows thickly. “I… Your fever broke last night.”
Yechan’s brow furrows. “I know?”
“That means you don’t have a fever anymore.”
“That’s… true. Yes.” Yechan says, still looking confused, and a bit guarded now.
“So you meant it. It wasn’t just the fever talking,” Sangyeop says. His voice sounds much calmer than he feels. Something is building inside of him now— it’s been building inside of him for a long time. Now that Yechan has cracked open this door, he doesn’t think he can contain it for much longer.
Yechan has walked them to the edge of an abyss that they’ve danced around multiple times, but have never jumped over. But it’s like he’s waiting for Sangyeop on the other side now, hand outstretched, afraid but hoping that Sangyeop will jump over with him. All Sangyeop has to do is take one final leap and trust that Yechan will catch him in return.
Sangyeop reaches across the table slowly and takes his hand, smoothing his thumb over Yechan’s knuckles. Yechan still looks hesitant but allows his hand to be taken, his eyes wide and full of hope.
“You meant it, Yechan, right?”
Yechan swallows. He’s looking at Sangyeop so earnestly it hurts. “Yeah, Sangyeop-ah. I mean it.”
“Good,” Sangyeop says, squeezing his hand tightly. He takes a deep breath, surprised at how unsteady it is. Then, he leaps. “I don’t have any fancy words like you do, but I feel that way too. We take care of each other, trust each other, and spend most of our time with each other. Let’s keep doing that and more for a really long time.”
“Yeah?” Yechan asks.
“Yeah. I really like you. You make me happy.”
“You make me really, really happy too,” Yechan says, smiling at him so widely that his eyes disappear into crescents. Sangyeop feels like he’s just swallowed the sun.
Then Yechan groans and buries his face in his hands. “Yah, Choi Sangyeop! You had me so scared there for a moment.”
Which is a little surprising to Sangyeop, who had thought he was being fairly transparent about his feelings and was abiding by an unspoken understanding not to talk about them, but apparently not. “Really? I thought you knew. I was being pretty obvious.”
“I had hoped but I wasn’t sure! If anyone was being obvious it was me. Gwangil and Wonsang have been teasing me for months, but they didn’t push because none of us knew if you liked me back that way. You can be really hard to read sometimes…” Yechan says, which is. A lot of information.
“For months?” Sangyeop asks incredulously.
“And that’s just how long they’ve been teasing me!” Yechan whines. Yechan has felt this way for months at least, if not longer. Sangyeop is hit with the sudden need to kiss him.
“I really wish you weren’t still sick right now,” he says.
Yechan looks thrown by the change in topic, peeking at him through his fingers. “Why?”
“Then I could kiss you.”
Sangyeop watches as Yechan yelps and hides his face in his hands again. “Sangyeop-ah! You can’t just say things like that!”
“Why not? It’s true.” Sangyeop says steadily, ignoring how hard his heart is beating in his chest.
“Because now I want to kiss you too,” Yechan mumbles shyly.
Sangyeop rests his chin on his hand, pretending to think it over. “We should really wait, unless you want me to get sick too.” He probably wouldn’t get sick though. If he was worried about that, he would’ve been wearing a mask earlier. And even though Sangyeop is serious about taking care of his health, he thinks it would probably be worth it even if he did get sick.
“I’ll take care of you if you do.”
“You won’t do nearly as good of a job as I did taking care of you,” Sangyeop teases.
“Well, I might not be able to cook, and even if I did try to clean your apartment you’d probably have to do it all over again because you like to organize things in a certain way and I always put everything in the wrong place, but I can take care of you too!!” Yechan says heatedly. He says the words in a rush, breathing a bit heavily when he’s done.
Sangyeop doesn’t have the heart to tease him more when he’s being so sincere. “I know,” Sangyeop says honestly, “You already do.”
“So you should kiss me,” Yechan says. His cheeks are puffing out cutely. He’s starting to get that stubborn look in his eyes that tells Sangyeop he won’t give up until he gets what he wants. As if Sangyeop would deny him anything, especially this. “Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me— mmph!”
In one smooth motion, Sangyeop pulls out the chair, crosses over to Yechan’s side of the table, takes his face in his hands, and kisses him. His lips are warm and slightly chapped. Yechan sighs into the kiss. One of his hands comes up to grip Sangyeop’s waist and it feels good, grounding. Even though it’s a first kiss, it feels like they’ve done this ten, twenty, a hundred times before. Sangyeop can’t wait to do it hundreds more.
☼
The weather outside is clear and beautiful again today, so after they’ve eaten breakfast, they go take Seol for a walk. They stop by the neighborhood coffee shop so Yechan can get his daily latte. The barista smiles when she sees him. When she hands over the drink, she tells him she’s glad he’s feeling better.
As they walk around the block, Yechan holds Seol’s leash in one hand and Sangyeop’s in the other, swinging their clasped hands back and forth between them, his eyes curved into sweet little crescents as he grins. Sangyeop smiles and lets him do it, feeling indulgent. The sun is shining on Yechan’s hair, turning the dark brown strands sunlit and golden. He looks soft and handsome and happy, happy, happy.
Sangyeop hopes they’ll stay like this, happy and holding each other’s hands, for a really long time.
