Chapter Text
“I don't think I can keep doing this"
The words Jude feared the most hurted like a hammer: hard and sharp.
He felt like someone just ripped his heart out of his chest,and he couldn't bear to look at the hurtful expression on his boyfriend's face.
He wanted to say something like: “I know,you wont have to....” and then “Because I'm super gay,for you” Or something like that, but he felt a lump in his throat and he couldn't get one single word out of his mouth.
Connor was hoping to hear him saying something that could make him change his mind.
There was no point in standing there, looking into each other's eyes and simply giving up on all they had.
“I have to go.”Connor announced giving one last look into Jude's eyes,still hoping that he would say something, anything, to save their relationship.
He was waiting for a sign; that maybe it was all inside his head...That his feelings weren't one sided,that Jude really wanted to be with him.
But he didn't get any answer.
“I'm done.”Connor announced taking a step back,looking one last time in Jude's eyes.
Jude looked at him with pleading eyes but he didn't do anything to stop him when he saw him turning around and walking away from him.
Just as Connor was out of sight the words he wanted to say finally slipped out of his lips:
“I love you,don't go".
Too late.
After the LGBTQ prom, things became really awkward and cold between the two of them.
Everytime they crossed each other in the hallways Jude lowered his gaze feeling ashamed of how he handled things..
He was afraid to look at him in the eyes and find it empty and cold,deprived from the brightness and deep affection Connor only reserved to him.
He blame himself for ruining their relationship..But as weeks went by,something changed.
Jude started to feel hostility and anger towards Connor, those feelings came out with the realization that "it takes two to tango".
Infact Connor showed no interest in talking things out with him.
Jude didn't try to call him either because Connor was the one who ended things,he was the one that walked away,and the one who dumped him at the prom.
He was disappointed,mostly because Connor knew what he's been through;that it wasn't going to be easy for him to be completely open about their relationship and he needed some time before being completely at ease with himself.
it hurted a lot thinking about how Connor always said that nothing would have changed how they felt about each other.
So,whenever they crossed each other at school,he looked straight in Connor's eyes,in a way to let him know that he was as devastated and heartbroken as he was.
“If he wants to talk to me,he know where to find me”
Jude said to Taylor one day,sitting at their lunch table.
After the break up,Jude and Taylor became really close.
She never left him alone,and despite the fact that she basically outed them to the whole school he forgave her.
“Yeah, and I'm sure he thinks the same, so because of your pride you're never talk to each other ever again.”Taylor retorted rolling her eyes.
She thought that the both of them were handling things in a very childish way; They needed to face their problems, not running away from it.
Because eventually time flies, and people move on.
Infact as weeks went by,even the awkwardness between them in the hallways was a regular thing by now.
Jude began to think that the feelings he thought he felt for Connor faded away,because even seeing him every day didn't make him feel his heart ache like it used to.
“I think I'm over him”
Jude confessed to Taylor one day during Spanish class,he laid his head on his desk and closed his eyes.
“You think?”Taylor asked slowly “Or you're sure?”
She saw how heartbroken Jude was after the LGBTQ prom, and she noticed that he was slowly imploding.
She knew he was keeping all his feelings bottled up and he was just trying to convince himself that he was over him.
Jude slowly opened his eyes, looking directly in her best friend's eyes for a long moment,thinking about it very carefully.
“I'm sure” He said before closing his eyes again.
Taylor was never fully convinced by his answer anyway.
The morning after Taylor arrived at school before Jude,which was strange since he would usually arrive before her every morning.
While she was waiting near his friend's locker she witnessed Connor Stevens walking through the hallways,hand intertwined with another boy's.
She noticed how proud he looked in that moment smiling at his friends and occasionally introducing his new boyfriend to them.
“This is Aiden, my boyfriend.”
She was distracted by a noise from behind her, and she jerked around looking at Jude picking up his books from the floor.
“Shit” He cursed trying not to look at the two boys a few feets away from them staring right at Jude with uncertain expressions on their faces.
Jude got up and opened his locker as he saw the boys approaching them.
“Hi Taylor” Connor said dragging his boyfriend along with him.
“No,No,No...... please don't” Taylor thought,until they were standing right in front of her.
“Hey, Connor” She smiled awkwardly at the two of them.
“This is Aiden, my boyfriend”.
“Hi, nice to meet you” she replied shaking his hand.
She couldn't be mad at them, especially since Aiden really seemed a nice guy; she could see it from the way his face was lighting up looking at Connor.
She knew that look very well.
She had witnessed that look since the very beginning of Jude and Connor's journey.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Jude's sharp and slightly broken voice.
“See you at lunch” and he was out of sight.
Unfortunately they didn't share any classes that day, so Taylor spent all of her classes thinking about was how devastated Jude must have felt after seeing his first love with someone else.
“Are you okay?” she texted him but she didn't get any answer.
Taylor didn't find him at their lunch table, So she started looking out for him.
She walked past the table where Connor and Aiden were sitting,along with Daria and some of her friends.
“You two are adorable!”One of them said with dreamy eyes.
“So cute!” Another one agreed.
As Taylor walked past their table her eyes crossed with Connor's.
And for a second she saw a flash of sadness in it, before his boyfriend got his attention back to him.
She found Jude sitting on a bench,staring absent mindendly into space.
She sat down next to him, and he was startled by the sudden presence.
He didn't make an effort to wipe his eyes,Taylor got it covered.
“Jude.....” She wiped some tears off his face.
“How could he?!” He groaned suddenly.
“How could he show off his new boyfriend like that?”.
“He didn't considered my feelings! He didn't even had the nerve to tell me that he moved on so fast! I hate him!”
He started crying again,lashing out at Taylor all the anger and the hurtful feelings he was locking up inside of him.
Taylor considers herself Jude's best friend,and it's what he needed in that moment.
He needed someone that would have told him the truth, even if it would be hurtful to hear.
He needed to move on,and Connor has every right to do it too.
If it was meant to be,they would eventually find the way back to each other.
But Jude needed to focus on himself,and heal his own wounds.
So she told him all of that, softly holding his hands,and caressing his tumb in a way to soothe him.
“I know... but after all we've been through.. I thought he was the one”.
He lays his head against Taylor's shoulder,closing his eyes and letting hot tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Hurts a lot.” He sobbed tightening his grip on Taylor's hands.
“Let it all out,you will feel better...everything will be ok,I promise”.
Taylor was seriously a miracle worker,because although he was still feeling the pain in his chest, ten minutes later Jude was feeling slightly better.
And as he walked past the table where Connor and his friends were still sitting,his teary eyes met Connor's and in that exact moment Jude promised to himself:
“I Need to move on”.