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Will was never the type to take an interest in other people’s relationships with each other. He wanted those people to live their own lives, while he lived his, provided by the company of himself and the few dogs he had.
So, why was he so focused on the way Jimmy constantly looks out for Brian and why was he so bothered and almost intrigued by it?
The shift in their relationship became apparent to him a few days prior, just before the discovery of the man in the bathtub, one with his kidneys removed. He was convinced that the killer didn’t kill him on purpose and was instead trying to save him. It wasn’t the Chesapeake Ripper, no matter how much Brian insisted that it was. No matter how much he sees the possible signs, he knows the feeling of the ripper and this was far from that.
Even before the incident, Will couldn’t help but notice the frequency of Jimmy and Brian arriving together in the morning, sharing a car, and peculiarly, the scent of Brian's familiar cologne lingering on Jimmy. It was a detail that niggled at him, though he tried to push it aside and focused on the stench of dead bodies surrounding him instead.
Will shifted in his seat, not bothering to think about it further as the lights hummed softly in the sterile room of the morgue. Brian was hunched over a microscope, his eyes tired but focused, examining the tissue samples from the fourth victim of what Will believes to be the Ripper’s last for the week. Jimmy flipped through a thick file of notes beside him, he could notice him lose focus on whatever it was he was reading as he eyed the man beside him.
“There’s nothing,” Brian sighed as he scratched his left eye, pulling away from the microscope. “No drugs or toxins used, the killer stabbed him while he was still alive, removed his spleen after, and made his theatrical debut for us to find him. Similar to the first three victims a few days ago.”
“A classic from The Ripper,” Will said.
“Spleen transplants,” Jimmy said. “Who the hell thinks of a spleen transplant?”
“I don’t know,” Brian answered, seemingly annoyed and tired of bantering with his pair. Jimmy notices this and rises himself up from his seat, putting his arm around his shoulder and rubbing his thumb there. The sudden intimacy between the two felt like an intrusion on Will’s solitude and he feels the boundaries of the room closing in. It was as if they were the only ones there, the rest of the world fading away.
“That’s enough for today,” Jimmy said softly. “You look like you're about to collapse. Let's call it a night and pick up fresh tomorrow morning."
“No, I’m fine—” Before Brian could protest further, the wave of dizziness washed over him as he lost balance with himself. Jimmy quickly moved to support him, grabbing his hand and steadying him with a firm grip to prevent him from falling head-first to the table. “Okay, maybe not that fine. Sorry.”
"Never apologize. Not to me." Jimmy puts Brian’s hand over his shoulder as he leads him towards the door, completely forgetting Will’s presence. "Come on, I don't want to see you passed out on the floor because of this. We’ll finish this tomorrow, together, yeah?”
Brian smiles fondly at him. “Together,” he added.
As they left, Will started to question his own decisions. He could have left with Jack and returned in the morning with a clearer mind. But instead, he stood there, amidst the stillness of the morgue, facing the body the ripper killed.
Skin that the ripper touched a few minutes before ending him, watched the color fade from his eyes as he removed his parts and his heart to stop. He could feel him here, he always felt so close every time Will thought of him. He couldn’t point out why but these killings gave him the feeling of being laid bare for all to see, every layer of existence painted and written like instructions on the pages of a morbid anatomy book he picked up out of curiosity. Steps for a fledgling to take.
He wonders how it must feel like to have your skin touched as his, he wonders if it feels as alienating as what he felt lately. He wonders how it must feel to be felt like that.
He sighs with himself, rubbing his eyes and letting his vision blur for a moment before closing the lights of the morgue off. He needs to get some sleep.
—
He found himself thinking of the two during this break, a few days after they caught Devon Silvestri in a stolen ambulance vehicle. It was a Wednesday and he had an appointment with Doctor Lecter that night. As he headed towards the appointment, he made a quick stop at a fast food restaurant to grab some food, since he had been skipping meals for days.
Upon exiting the fast food restaurant and reaching his vehicle, he couldn't help but notice Jimmy and Brian on the other side of the street, diligently loading groceries into their car. He initially intended to pay them no mind while rummaging through his pockets in search of the car keys. When he finally found it, he heard Jimmy call for him.
“Will!” Jimmy yelled out while waving his hand in the air as if he wasn’t close enough for Will to see.
Pausing, he turned to face them, offering a nod before intending to continue on his way. However, all of his plans were interrupted as Jimmy darted across the road towards him. He glanced at his watch, taking note of the time: 6 PM. He only had an hour to spare, that hour being dedicated to the drive to Hannibal’s place.
He heaved a sigh in frustration when Jimmy stood in front of him with Brian following suit.
“Jimmy,” he greets him, shifting his eyes to Brian. “Zeller.” He added.
He knew his voice lacked enthusiasm but he felt too tired to pretend a smile or to be giddy about the fact that his only free time was getting interrupted.
His eyes scanned the two, now closer compared to lately as he found matching silver rings laced on the two’s middle fingers. Not on the ring finger, so not a marriage but a responsibility, an appreciation for the beauty of each other. Interesting.
Then, Brian noticed the place where his eyes were focused and immediately put his hands around his back, there was nervousness present there. A hint of anticipation too. Will ignores it.
"What brings you two here?" he asked instead.
“Needed to restock our fridge,” Jimmy answered. “Defrosted it this morning and god—” he gagged. “Never forget to leave plastic containers with abandoned takeout and let it lay there for 10 days, God! The odor was so terrible I had to force Brian to get up on his feet and take out the trash after. So, now we’re forced to restock the whole thing.”
“Must have been a hassle,” he said without much interest in the topic.
"It was, it was," Jimmy nodded in agreement, gesturing towards him as if passing the conversational baton. "Where are you off to now?"
“I have an appointment…” He stumbles over his words momentarily before correcting himself. Those weren’t the right words for their relationship. “I’m meeting with Doctor Lecter.”
“This late?” Jimmy questioned.
He shrugged, his tone nonchalant. "The only time I'm free."
"And you're giving that to Doctor Lecter?" Brian chimed in, curiosity evident.
Will looks at the two of them. He doesn’t make eye contact, choosing to stare at their foreheads instead. I guess you could call that looking at them, staring at them in confusion.
Normally, one might classify their interactions as those between doctor and patient. He did have appointments with Hannibal, but he never referred to him as his psychiatrist. Perhaps they were simply two individuals engaging in a conversation—strangers sharing their thoughts on random topics, blending them into a singular exchange.
Would he consider Hannibal a friend? He’s not quite sure yet.
They’re just having conversations. Ones that Will was willing to give his time for.
Is that so wrong?
“No, it’s just—” Brian hesitates and Will notices that he probably said his last thoughts out loud. “It’s good. You actually get to tell someone how you feel, you know since you’ve been kind of…out of it lately. I know what it’s like to finally have someone to listen.”
Will frowns at that, is Brian Zeller comparing his relationship with Hannibal Lecter to be akin to his and Jimmy’s?
“I guess,” he said, disagreement present despite that. “How about you two? I didn’t know you two were living together.” He shifts the topic to them instead, avoiding looking deeper into what Brian is proposing and hoping that the two don’t notice that.
Brian’s gaze immediately moved to look at Jimmy, almost as if they were telepathically talking to each other. It was obvious that they were both hiding something. As long as Will’s concerned, it’s not a dead body, at least.
“For reasonable circumstances,” Jimmy forces a smile. “Like I said, he can’t really keep his fridge in order."
Recognizing his success in diverting the conversation, Will decided not to press further. Instead, he gestured towards his car.
"I'll be off then," he announced, opening the door. "Got schedules to keep."
Jimmy smiled in return, waving at him. When Will entered his car, he caught the two walking away, whispering with each other with an exchange that was less uncomfortable than he anticipated and leaned more on an underlying slyness. He knew that they were talking about him. He just didn’t know if it was because of his suspicions, the person he was about to meet after this, or maybe both.
When he got his engine to start, he found their hands now laced onto each other. He bit his lip as he drove away.
—
“Zeller and Jimmy are pretty close.”
Hannibal glanced up from his table as Will paced the library above him, his fingers lightly grazing the spines of books, feeling their dust and recognizing ones he was familiar with and ones he wasn’t. He sees Hannibal’s past in there. He imagines him putting each book on the shelf and reading them one by one, his touch lingering on its covers, remembering him.
“Oh?” Hannibal inquired, observing Will as he also left traces of his touch across Hannibal’s.
“They've been spending a lot of time together,” Will said, his voice trailing off slightly before he continued. “They leave together, share a home together, and they've even gone so far as to get matching rings. Not ones for marriage though.”
Hannibal raised an eyebrow, his interest piqued. “You suspect there's more to their relationship than meets the eye?”
Will nodded, a subtle frown tugging at the corners of his lips. “It makes me wonder,” he answered. “I find it interesting how they see each other in their eyes, how they seem to understand one another without the need for words.” He stops feeling the books on his hand and moves to the railings to get a view of Hannibal. “They open themselves up to each other. Frankly, way too easily.” He scoffs.
“The tendency that comes when one feels in love,” Hannibal said. "Have you ever been in love, Will?"
Will’s mind raced, caught off guard as he retraced parts of his past relationships, each fraught with its own complexities and failures. There were fleeting moments, sure. There were moments of warmth with many of his partners, and he recalls their bond breaking immediately once a breakup happens. He recalls being left alone, and all he felt after was darkness.
Whether it be familial, romantic, or any other form, he has always felt like he was striding in a boat with an anchor submerged into the deepest parts of the ocean that no one bothers to reach for to let him move.
He stares at his reflection in that ocean, and nothing comes out of it. Beyond the horizon was an endless lonely sea.
“One way or another,” he vaguely answers. “How would you define love, Doctor Lecter?” He deflected. The same trick he used on Jimmy and Brian a few hours before. One that works differently on Hannibal since he can point out the moment Hannibal caught notice of his intentions. “Surely a man of your status might have swooned a woman or two.” He adds in an attempt to change his focus.
Hannibal paused. “Love is the only way to grasp the soul of another human being. The innermost part of themselves can be seen through it,” he answers. “No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. He sees the traits and features of his beloved. He sees potential…” He stops for a moment tilting his head as he stares up at Will, the light casting a glow on the back of Will’s head as Hannibal’s pupils shine through those lights. “He sees a future. All-consuming, victorious.”
Will purses his lips as he keeps moving around his library. “If love is what it takes to be seen,” he ponders. “You have to be understood.”
“Indeed.”
“Everyone craves to be seen for who they truly are."
“And everyone desires to be loved in return,” Hannibal added, his gaze unwavering as he followed him with his eyes.
“Do you wish to be loved, Doctor?” Will asked while going down the ladder to pace forward and meet Hannibal.
Hannibal's lips quirked into a small smile. “I believe that question is better suited for you, Will,” he replied, his eyes playful.
Will’s expression hardened slightly, a flicker of discomfort crossing his features before he redirected the conversation, he pointed to himself. “This isn’t about me,” he stated.
Hannibal’s eyes twinkle for a moment as he sizes up his prey before deciding to play along, an amused gaze meeting Will’s, a contact Will can’t seem to let go of. He was trapped.
Will’s heart pounded in his chest as he felt the weight of Hannibal’s gaze. He shifted uncomfortably under the intensity, his mind racing to find a way to regain control of the conversation.
Hannibal leans forward, a small grin forming on his lips. “Isn’t it though?” he countered softly. “You have a keen eye for dissecting the emotions and desires of others,” he continued, his voice low. “But what of your own? What about your own heart? What desires beat within you, in sync with your heart, waiting— begging to be acknowledged?” he asked. “By you and by someone else?”
Will’s gaze flickers away as he straightens up his posture. He felt caught between Scylla and Charybdis in Homer’s Odyssey. He could fall on the hands of the six-headed monster in Scylla dwelling on the side and let himself be eaten, or fall on Charybdis’ deadly whirlpool that is churning the other. It was either to be swallowed and seen or to be drowning in himself.
It was between the devil and the deep blue sea. To choose the lesser of two evils.
“Isn’t that why you’re so focused on the two, Will?” Hannibal added.
With that, Will likes to believe that he chose himself.
“No,” Will answered. “I was curious.”
“Curiosity is insubordination in its purest form,” Hannibal remarked. “You’re opening up yourself slowly, Will. More than you ever realize.” He added. “God forbid someone may even see you, and give you what you want.” He paused, a sly smile playing on his lips. “By now, you already wonder what that is, don’t you?”
Will could feel the water seeping in, enveloping him. The boat had collided with something, splintering and exposing him to the relentless ocean. He was on the verge of drowning—in himself, in blood, one that he mistook to be his own but wasn’t. A reflection of him.
It was either to be swallowed and seen for his desires or to be drowned. Yet, every ending and conclusion led back to the same ending.
“Yes,” he answered. “I do.”
And he’s drowning in it. In that reflection. Colored red in blood, a creature shifting in the water. In the form of a stag, in the form of a man, craving and feasting on his flesh.
Everything leads him back to it. The monster.
And Will Graham being the man he is, decides to ignore it by closing his eyes.
—
“It’s getting late,” Will checked his watch. He and Hannibal had been talking for quite some time, Hannibal was just finishing his explanation to Will about logotherapy until Will became wary of his sleep schedule. “I’ll see you again next week, Doctor.”
“Allow me to escort you out,” Hannibal offered, rising gracefully from his seat and gesturing for Will to precede him. Will obliged, standing up as Hannibal led him towards the door, holding it open with a courteous gesture.
As Will prepared to thank Hannibal for the session, his gaze was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a man standing before them. He assumes he had been waiting there for quite some time. He didn’t even bother knocking, so Will thought that he might’ve been a patient. A patient patient.
It was weird since he thought he was the last one Hannibal would come to see.
“May I help you?” Hannibal called out to the man and Will felt like Hannibal completely forgot that he was there.
“Doctor Lecter!” The man said, cheeks flushed and eyes dilated.
“Franklyn,” Hannibal said. “What are you doing here at this late hour?”
Will’s eyebrow twitched as he looked at Hannibal.
“Sorry for coming here without telling you, uhm—”
Will noticed him shifting his gaze to him now. He could tell that the man was wondering why he wasn’t leaving. He chose not to move anyway, crossing his arms in the process.
Franklyn was disturbed by that, he might’ve even considered it rude. He wanted to be alone with Hannibal and Will won’t allow it.
“I was just around the area and you’ve been so good to me, and I thought you’d like some treat.”
Will's scoff was barely contained. The man… Franklyn seemed to be addressing Hannibal as if he were his pet.
“I got chocolates, and I feel like I bought too much. My friend, uhm, Tobias, is unavailable and the drive is just too far away, and you were the closest one around the area,” He’s just overexplaining now. “So, if you don’t mind, if you want some…”
“I would be delighted, Franklyn,” Hannibal responded, the man’s name grazing Hannibal’s mouth smoothly. Way too soft for Will’s liking. His whole demeanor was different, he couldn’t point out why or couldn’t determine if it was a good thing or not. It annoyed him, nonetheless.
He later noticed that he was too distracted with his own thoughts and what he should say to the man in front of him, he just now noticed that Hannibal was looking at him with a smile.
When Hannibal finally got his attention, the older man fluttered his eyes at him while asking. “I’ll see you next week?”
Will returned the smile, his expression warm despite the lingering annoyance. He nodded affirmatively, sparing no further glance at Franklyn as he exited the room, leaving the two men to their conversation.
—
“You do know those two are together right?”
Will startles as Beverly suddenly appears beside him, causing him to quiver in his seat.
He looks at her before looking back at Brian and Jimmy who are in one of the corners of the hallway, both standing near the fire exit. Will had caught them talking to each other for quite some time there, exchanging a few touches until Jimmy had him pinned against the wall. It was their break and they were free to do anything, but Will never thought those two had the nerve to flirt in the literal hallway where they knew everyone would pass by.
“They haven’t confirmed anything yet,” Will answered. “It feels out of place for me to quickly assume so.”
“I think they got together in New Jersey,” Beverly whispered to him.
Will licked the edges of the inside of his left cheek with his tongue while thinking. It does make sense, the two were staying at a motel when they were retrieving the murdered couple's bodies, Roger and Marilyn Brunner with the flesh of their backs opened and strung to the ceiling to give them the appearance of wings. “You’ve got a point—” he mutters to himself before realizing. “Bev!”
He lightly hit her while she bit her lip before she started laughing.
“Hey, I’m just saying,” Beverly raises her arms defensively. “I know those two more than anyone. If they’re hiding something from me and they’re being open like that,” Will looks at the two, with Brian’s hand now on Jimmy’s shoulder. It makes his eye twitch a bit. “They’ll probably tell us in a week or so.”
“Forced or willingly?”
She shrugs before her lips perked into a sly grin as she hits her shoulder with Will’s. “You jealous?”
Will scoffs at her, putting his arms around himself. “I’m not interested in any of them if that’s what you’re curious about.”
“But you are interested in someone,” she concludes. “Well, isn’t that fun.”
“Oh, no. I’m not—” Will starts, only to be cut off.
“Is it Bloom?”
Beverly's direct question catches him off guard, his lips tightening into a frown and his eyebrows knitting together. He didn’t know why he had such a negative reaction to that, if anything, he should be shy about it.
“If you’re interested in her you should take the chance, I think she’ll be interested in you too,” Beverly added.
He felt a pang of disappointment nudging his consciousness, a feeling of discontent that he struggled to grasp. Beverly, of course, took notice of the shift in his reaction.
“Is it not her?” She confronts. “I was so sure it would be...”
He glances away for a moment, confused, his head feels like it's hurting for some reason and he can’t seem to find himself to focus. He doesn’t understand it, and he’s wary to give a meaning to it.
He heaves a sigh before looking at her. “Don’t just jump to conclusions,” he replies, his voice tinged with more annoyance than he intended. He doesn’t want to hear another counter-argument from Beverly, so he immediately turns away, retreating from her and the feelings clawing their way out of his body.
Without even realizing he was approaching the couple, the words came out of his mouth like bile rising up his throat, acidic and repulsive, leaving him nauseated. “Zeller,” he called out with a voice similar to the one he uses to his students every time he finds them whispering and laughing to each other mid-class. “Do us all a favor and control your boyfriend for once, will you?” He bites out, trying to understand why he got so pissed at Beverly’s comment or why he was so bitter that the two were openly holding each other.
He could think of a few reasons, some of which he can refute easily. The most basic one would be the assumption that he’s homophobic. That would already be out of the way; he’s known he’s liked men ever since he was a teenager. He’s kissed them once too, though he’s never really tried to officially date one. He knew he could have feelings for them, either way. He didn’t mind it.
Another assumption would be underlying feelings that he doesn’t seem to realize. Feelings for Brian or maybe even Jimmy. He gagged at the thought.
And lastly is the assumption that he’s jealous of them because he doesn’t understand, has never experienced, and has never felt what the two felt for each other. What they had was special, something nobody could break into, limited by a glass where they could only watch at an exact distance.
He envied it, for quite some time now, and he relented the fact that he did.
—
“Have you ever envied anyone, Doctor Lecter?” Will had asked him for one session.
“To deny envy would be disingenuous,” Hannibal replies, his voice calm and swift. “Why do you ask?”
“Envy, resentment…” Will let the word linger as he paced around the room, Hannibal watched him and sat on the edge of his table. “They’ve been a part of my life for longer than I can remember.”
“Envy gnaws away at the heart. It is the opposite of empathy, a desire to see someone suffer for having something that we don’t. It’s a bitter jealousy that eats away one’s soul,” Hannibal defines. “You aspire for defiance of that envy.” He stated, that words shaped like a question but stated more as fact.
“I aspire to get rid of it.” He corrected him.
"The desire to get rid of something always stems from a deeper place, whether it be fear, anger, jealousy... or even hurt." Hannibal tilts his head, curious. "What is it that hurts you so much that you want to exterminate it?"
“It’s not about hurt ,” Will paused. “It’s not about what I envy,” he began slowly, his thoughts weaving. “It’s about the hold envy has over me. It’s about the way it twists my thoughts and poisons me. I can feel it, it’s distracting.”
“So your envy is not born out of mere resentment, but rather a fear of losing yourself to it.” Hannibal pauses. "And what do you feel like you might do under the influence of this... envy?"
“I might lose them,” Will confessed. “Not lose in a physical-dying sense but relationship-wise.” He corrected.
“Why do you assume that?” Hannibal now stood up, standing in front of Will who had stopped pacing.
Will's gaze flickered, “People are far,” he confessed.
As if drawn to him by a string, Hannibal advanced, each step in synch with the beating of Will's heart as he felt the heat of Hannibal's proximity like a physical weight pressing against his skin.
"Distant," Will continued, his voice trailing off as he lifted his gaze to meet Hannibal's piercing stare.
At that moment, Hannibal’s hand found its play against the wall behind Will, a subtle gesture, a simple attempt to lean at something.
"Too unreachable for me," Will concluded, his words a whispered admission of defeat, spoken into the void that separated them. “It’s either they break me or I’ll break them.”
Although he loved to live in solitude, he found importance in the relationships he’d made in his life. He knew how it felt like to watch people drift away from you so he’s learned to value a few, even though they’re not the closest to him. Although he wouldn't call it fondness, he knew how easy it was to lose them
Alana, Jack, Beverly, Abigail, and maybe even Hannibal if they get close enough to each other.
He doesn’t want envy to gnaw at him and alienate him from those relationships just because they have something that he doesn’t.
“Icarus expressed a similar sentiment,” Hannibal replied. “But he ventured forth nonetheless.”
Will scoffs, turning his head before speaking. “And burned his wings in the process, died for others to lament to.”
“Died beautifully, I must admit,” Hannibal acknowledged. “Who wouldn’t like nothing more than to burn spectacularly?”
"Who wouldn't hate anything but spectacularly burn?" Will muses, his words swirling. "To witness doubts crumble like tinder before the relentless heat of truth,"
He noticed the distance between them was reminiscent of that same couple he'd encountered that morning, and a sharp pang pierced his chest.
It was like a sour taste on his tongue, the kind that lingers long after everything is done and dusted.
With a heavy sigh, he looked at his hands, trying to figure out the source of that feeling, trying to figure out why it hurt so much.
“Delusions turning into reality,” he said. “The underlying truth behind those feelings of envy.”
“You can’t hate which is true,” Hannibal murmured. “You never know unless you act on it,”
“The truth is never what you want it to be.” Will scoffed softly, a ripple of defiance. “I'd rather reach safely like Daedalus did than succumb to Icarus' fate,”
“That’s fear, Will,” Hannibal tells him before pulling away, and Will can feel himself exhale from the distance, staring down at the floor as Hannibal’s words sink into him, clawing inside.
Hannibal paces on his table, holding something in his hand that Will assumes to be his pen, something to fidget on, properly.
It would be poetic if it was a knife.
“Tell me, is this envy rooted in someone else, or is it tied to a vision you yearn to share with a certain someone, the one that remains out of reach?” Hannibal had asked with his back still turned towards him.
“What?”
Hannibal purses his lips, looking back and dropping what he was holding on the table to stare at him. He breathes like he’s found a conclusion within himself.
“Do you yearn to be loved or are you in love?”
“I…” Will stammered on his words, he didn’t have an answer for this yet. He didn’t even know that that was what he had been implying. He knew where his envy came from, but he didn’t understand why he felt that way in the first place, or perhaps he decided to be blind to it and deny that understanding.
Hannibal saw something right through him that he hadn’t realized himself. Now at a crossroads again.
“I don’t know.” He answered as he lowered his head, unsure, doubtful. He doesn’t even know if he’s in the right mindscape to fall in love.
Hannibal’s response was surprisingly tender, he strides forward, his hand coming to rest on Will’s head, fingers grazing lightly through his curls.
“Find that out first,” Hannibal said softly. But Will fears it.
He fears falling.
—
Will walked his way across the hallway and arrived at Jack’s office. He found Jimmy and Brian sitting on two of the chairs, Beverly standing at the side with a smile on her face. He can’t seem to find Alana anywhere, so this was just an issue concerning the four of them.
He assumed this to be an update on the ripper case, but considering that he wasn’t called in the morgue, he figured out that this was something else. As he entered, he felt the light atmosphere of the room envelop him. With the way, Beverly was smiling and Jack didn’t have his eyebrows furrowed like he always did, he found himself able to exhale.
“Are you free this afternoon, Will?”
Will relaxes his posture. “I may be,” he said. “Why?”
Beverly and Jack looked at each other, their eyes turning into crescents with how much they were smiling into each other, he’s never seen Jack so laid back, it was out of character.
“Jimmy and Zeller are taking us out,” Jack said as he stood up. “Some kind of team building.”
Will looks from Beverly to Jack and back again, his eyes narrowed. "I never took you to be the team-building type," he said. "Thought we were more about dissecting crime scenes than trust falls,"
Beverly pats his back, a gesture Will flinched at as she rests her hand there and then to Jimmy and Brian. “It’s a special day.”
Jimmy bit his lip. “Truly is.”
“Well, spit it out already,” Will said finally, his tone holding more impatience than he intended.
“Jimmy and I are together,” Brian finally said. “Our anniversary. We figured it was about time to tell you guys.”
Will’s expression remained unchanged, just as he thought. He blinked for a second before offering a casual shrug. “Congratulations?” he said nonchalantly while Beverly hit him on the shoulder and he felt the urge to roll his eyes. “Good for you two, I am so shocked, who would’ve known.” He sarcastically places.
A smile spread across Jimmy's face at Will's response, his eyes sparkling with relief and happiness. “Thanks, Will,” he said, his voice filled with gratitude. “It means a lot.”
Will furrowed his eyes, wondering if it really feels that way when they say so.
Will nodded, a genuine warmth in his eyes as he returned Jimmy's smile. “Where are we going?”
As Beverly looked at Will with a smug smile on her face, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of foreboding. A small part of him knew that he might regret agreeing to go on whatever the two had planned, but he pushed that feeling aside. He would deal with that later.
Smiling back at Beverly, Will decided to make the most of the situation, despite the looming sense of uncertainty. After all, he wasn’t going to let his worries spoil a good time, was he?
—
“Come on, just one more won't hurt!” Beverly was pushing the fourth glass of beer into his throat, her smile mischievous as ever.
Will shook his head in mock protest. “Bev, I’m…I can’t,” he chuckled, his words slurring slightly. The alcohol was starting to take its toll, and he was beginning to feel the heat spreading across his cheeks.
The moment he dismissed his class, the three immediately pulled him out of the lecture hall and into a bar nearby. Without even time to think, he immediately found Jimmy standing at one of the chairs in an attempt to make himself taller, beer in his hands as he encouraged everyone to dig in.
He wasn’t planning on getting drunk, he didn’t want to. He still has to drive his way home after this. The last thing he wants is to get arrested over celebrating the anniversary of these two.
But then, the questions started coming in.
“How did you two tell each other?”
“When did it happen?”
“How does it feel to finally be together?”
“How does it feel to be in love?”
Will had no choice but to sit through the barrage of questions, his cheeks flushed and his words still slightly muffled. He drank everything Beverly encouraged him to, then grabbed one of his own in an attempt to ignore the sheer feeling of scratches he felt in his chest, claws.
His eyes kept darting around the bar, desperate for an escape from the seemingly endless interrogation (that he also found to be asking himself.) He couldn’t believe he had agreed to come out tonight when he knew how he felt when he was around them.
Suddenly, he found himself taking the glass Beverly was giving him. He got a sense of déjà vu, and he wondered if this truly was his fourth glass because it definitely felt like he drank more than that.
Then he drank another, it was bitter. He could feel himself passing out soon so he decided to hover around his phone to text someone, maybe Alana, or Jack—wait, Jack was here. Alana it is, then.
He scrolled through his contacts, expecting Alana's name to pop up at the top. But as he searched, he couldn't seem to find her. Had he saved her under a different name? "Doctor Bloom," perhaps? Yes, that was it.
Finally, he found her contact, his vision blurring as he attempted to type out a coherent message. It took him a few tries, his fingers fumbling over the keys before he managed to send it off. Satisfied, he tucked the phone back into his pocket as he let himself drown in the loud cheering of the couple, the questions bombarding them, and the music coming out of the stereo of the bar.
After a few moments, he found himself giggling as his glass clinked against Beverly’s. “Cheeeers!” He yelled out, drinking from his glass as he felt the burning sensation in his throat. He was starting to feel a tad more inebriated and relaxed. As he stared at the couple, he felt himself lean closer to them, alcohol flowing.
He didn’t even notice the sly grin spreading across his face as he raised the half-empty glass in another toast, slurring his words slightly.
“Cheers to you two lovebirds,” he said with a hint of sarcasm way too obvious and laid out so that everyone would notice. “You two finally figured out what you wanted, huh?” He let out a low chuckle. “Can’t keep your hands off each other, can you?”
Beverly was pulling him back to his seat now, Will could feel her start to regret driving him up to the edge like this, he thought she should’ve known better. So, he tugged on the shirt Beverly was holding, causing her to push forward as he made a terrible attempt to stand up straight.
He notices Jimmy and Brian touching each other’s shoulders, eyes he knew were lovingly looking at each other. Mutual. Reciprocated. He had wanted that closeness for so long. Yearned until he was bled dry and he had nothing to give. He wonders if he actually has something to give now, he wonders if he can love like they do.
“Tell me, does he fuck good?” He asked. “Must be nice to have someone.”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Jack told him. “Let’s call it a day.”
“Mhm,” Will hummed, finding himself sitting down at his seat with his head resting on his hand. “Do you fuck good, Jack?”
"Oh my god," Jack muttered, rubbing his temples.
Will couldn’t resist a mischievous chuckle as he stared at him, his fingers rubbing circles against the rim of his glass. “What’s the matter, Jack?” he asked in a teasing tone. “Never been asked that before?”
“Will,” some voice behind him said.
Will blinked, his vision blurred as he tried to focus on the person standing before him. It sounded like a man.
“Doctor Lecter,” he heard Jack call. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, wondering what Hannibal was suddenly doing here. Surely he wasn’t close to Jimmy and Brian as they were, he couldn’t just come out here.
“Will called me,” Hannibal explained calmly, striding towards Will's seat and placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Will made no move to shrug it off. “I see you all seem to be in a good mood.”
“Just a few drinks, celebrating, you know,” Jimmy replied. “I would ask you to stay but looking at his state…”
Hannibal's gaze softened as he regarded Will, a faint smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Thank you for looking after him,” he said, his voice calm and reassuring. “I'll take it from here.”
Will could find himself getting guided on his feet, his legs feeling like jelly as he stared up at Hannibal inches away from him, with the older man’s hand holding his arm, straddling his waist with the other.
A mischievous smile tugged at Will's lips as he leaned into Hannibal, tilting his head slightly. “Were you following me, darling?” he teased.
Hannibal gazed for a moment, shocked, and god, did his eyes always look gold like that? Is that even possible?
“One could say that I have a keen sense of timing,” Hannibal chuckled softly, and holy shit his eyes were twinkling.
“Dance with me,” he chuckled. “Come on,” he attempted to pull Hannibal but ended up falling on his chest instead, almost all of his body weight was now being carried. “You love this song! What was Steve? Did you? Mhm, that was…” God, he can’t remember the name.
“Stevie Wonder, Will.”
“Yes! Him, oh the,” he started humming some incoherent parts of the song, pretending to play the piano with his fingers. “Maybe, someday, you’ll see my face among the crowd,” he sang out of tune and tried to keep up with the speakers. “Maybe someday, I’ll share your little distant cloud. Oh! Cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore,” he continued, his head nuzzling on the warmth before him. “You’re the only girl my heart beats for, how I wish that you were mine,”
“Got that one right,” he heard Beverly say from behind him while he was still singing tuneless ‘la la las’. He got reminded that he was still at the bar, with his co-workers, being carried by his psychiatrist. He couldn’t find himself to give a fuck at the moment though so he just ended up chuckling at himself and how ridiculous the situation was.
“You love that song, I heard you hum it sometimes.” He said.
Hannibal smiled at Will's drunken antics, his eyes never leaving his face. He was fazed that Will recognized the song. “Yes, Will. I do know the song,” he said softly, his hand gently caressing Will's back. “But I think we should get you home before you start to pass out and vomit all over, don’t you think?”
Will closed his eyes, pursing his lips, not pouting, or at least he thinks so. “I won't vomit.” He said, almost offended.
Hannibal chuckled softly, his gaze softening as he looked at Will's flushed expression. “Alright,” he said. “I'll believe you on that one. But I still think we should get you out of here before things get any more... interesting.”
Jimmy and Brian, who were still sitting nearby, watched the scene unfold with a mixture of amusement and concern. Beverly tried to stifle her laughter while Jack just sighed and shook his head again, clearly exasperated by the situation.
Hannibal sighed, slowly turning himself so that he can effortlessly hoist Will onto his back, feeling the weight settle comfortably as he secured his grip on Will’s thighs. Will could feel his arm drape over Hannibal’s shoulders, the warmth of his body against his own.
“Please excuse us,” He heard him say as he felt the two of them move as if they were in one body.
“Seems like it’s not only Jimmy and Zeller’s announcement we’re getting soon,” Beverly had said as they left.
Hannibal's lips quirked into a subtle smile at Beverly's comment, a silent acknowledgment passing between them before he continued on his way out of the bar with Will securely in his grasp. Will, feeling the warmth of Hannibal's embrace, couldn't help but chuckle softly at Beverly's playful banter, his cheeks flushing slightly as he nestled closer to Hannibal's back.
—
“Did Alana send you?” Will asked. They were outside of the bar now, still on his back while Hannibal walked to look for his car. “Was so sure that she was the one I was textin’. My vision may be blurred but I don’t just accidentally text someone.”
“I happened to be in the vicinity,” Hannibal replied smoothly. “I felt your need to get out of there so I made up an excuse to Jack.”
Will hummed, feeling Hannibal’s hair on his cheeks as he shifted closer. “So you were following me.”
Hannibal chuckled softly, the sound of his laughter sending a shiver down Will's spine. “I suppose you could say that,” he said, his voice low and seductive. “Do you despise it?”
Will shook his head. “I was hoping,”
Hannibal raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. “Oh? Care to elaborate, Will?”
Will hesitated for a moment, his mind still clouded by the effects of alcohol. But he couldn't resist the temptation. He leaned in closer, his voice a low whisper next to Hannibal’s ear. “I was hoping you would come,” he murmured, his breath hot on Hanniba’s skin. “I wanted you here, with me.”
Hannibal's eyes widened slightly at Will's admission. His taciturn response spurred Will to probe deeper, but before he could, the click of Hannibal's car door interrupted their exchange, and Will found himself reclining in the back seat as Hannibal settled him in. He stares up at Hannibal.
“Did you see the two lately?” He asked.
Hannibal nodded. “Indeed,” he replied. “Their demeanor suggests contentment.”
“They're deeply infatuated,” Will remarked. “In love.” He made clear, his voice trailing off by the comfort of Hannibal’s car.
Hannibal was getting blurry, his head was throbbing out of his mind and he suspected that it might not just be the beer anymore, was he getting sick?
“I envied them,” he said, out of his mind. “I wonder if I too…could…you know.”
Hannibal's gaze softened as Will spoke. He leaned closer, listening intently, savoring the deep and velvety tone coming out of him.
“Um,” Will’s words began to drift into the haze of his mind, the alcohol-induced fog clouding his thoughts. “Be loved.” His voice wavered, soft and distant, as if carried away by the gentle current of the stream, water in his fingertips.
“Not that I expect it to be ideally similar to theirs, god, no,” he chuckled, the sound echoing faintly in the car's quiet interior. “But my language,” he murmured, his words trailing off into the ether.
Will felt himself slipping, the edges of his consciousness blurring as he floated on the verge of sleep.
“Someone who chose to stay with me, with each and every moment spent with me,” he murmured, the words muffled by the lull of the water's melody. “But people are so far, so distant.” He lamented. “I wonder if I could be pulled a bit closer,” his words were barely audible as he surrendered to the gentle pull of slumber, letting the ocean swallow him. Closing his eyes with Hannibal as his last thought. "I wonder if I could be loved like that.”
“Do not worry,” Hannibal's fingertips grazed Will's cheek, a gentle caress against the flush of alcohol on his skin. His own heart quickened unexpectedly, a sensation that both intrigued and unsettled him. Amidst the scent of beer and aftershave, he found himself lost in his own thoughts of the man before him.
At that moment, Hannibal wondered if he were to play the role of Icarus, would Will be the one to gaze upon him with affection as he soared too close to the sun?
“Someone will,” He whispered softly, his breath a mere whisper against the air as he reached out to gently tuck Will's stray hair behind his ear. “Dear boy, you are more lovable than you know.”
He could feel himself close to the sun, close to falling.
He thinks that he wouldn’t mind it if it was because of him. If it was for him, then anything. He’d take the fall.
—
When Will awoke, the sound of the crashing waves from the open window greeted him. The Cuban sunlight was pouring into the room, casting a warm glow on the edge of their bed. As he stirred, he turned to his side and fixed his gaze on the man beside him. Memories long forgotten resurfaced in his mind, like fragments of time reawakening in his thoughts, memories turning on the shore like seashore debris.
Hannibal took the fall for him, unknowingly dragging him with it. Just as he pulled him closer as they fell into the Atlantic Sea, they were reborn into something new, exceeding the limits of natural boundaries.
Will reached out and touched Hannibal’s arm. His fingers delicately brushed across Hannibal’s naked chest, ultimately reaching his cheek. He touched him with utmost reverence as if he were the most precious and sacred entity in existence. At that moment, he could almost feel the rhythm of Hannibal's heartbeat resonating with his own.
As Hannibal started to wake up, he leaned into Will’s touch, relishing the sensation and surrendering to it willingly. Those brown, almost golden eyes dilated under the sunlight focused on him. Hannibal had chosen to spend every moment with him, every action he made was for him. He chose to stay with him and to love him in their very own language that they grew to learn for each other.
Will leaned in, his gaze locked on the man before him as he gently kissed him on his lips. He’s kissed him many times throughout the months of their escape, and every moment has been ingrained in his mind, remembering the feeling and memorizing him.
Their lips melded together, laying each emotion bare for the other to touch according to the beating of each other’s heart. It was devotion, a connection that Will thought he could never have, one he believed he would never acquire and that he would lay dead in his mind for years.
Hannibal opened every part of him, opened doors in his mind palace he thought would be locked forever.
He wonders if they’ve both been falling from the sun the moment Hannibal stepped into Jack Crawford’s office. Wings burnt, embracing each other as they rebel and embrace freedom.
Once Will pulled away, Hannibal stared at him in awe.
“Good morning,” Will greeted, his voice soft with affection.
Hannibal hummed at that with satisfaction, reaching up and gently caressing Will’s cheek. “Good morning, my love,” he grazes the scar on his cheek that was healing beautifully, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath his fingertips. “Did you sleep well?”
Will nodded, a gentle smile forming his slips. “I had a dream,” he said, earning the curiosity of the man beside him.
“What was it about?”
“Lost memories,” Will leaned in again, capturing Hannibal’s lips in a tender kiss, their mouths moving gently against each other.
“I trust they were pleasant?” Hannibal murmured between kisses, holding Will in his gaze.
Will nodded, a gentle smile forming on his lips as he deepened their kiss. This causes Hannibal’s arms to wrap themselves around Will, pulling him closer as he presses their bodies together. The world around them faded away, leaving only the two of them.
Eventually, they reluctantly pulled away, their foreheads gently resting against each other. Will took a moment to admire Hannibal, the man who yearns and feeds on his love. The man who loves him.
Every detail of his face, from the warmth in his eyes to the slight curl of his lips, Will owned them all. Will had wanted to be loved, and he feared falling in love, knowing the impending implications of what he felt for Hannibal at that time. He feared losing others when what he should’ve looked at was what he owned, for eternity.
And that was him.
“Hannibal?” he whispered softly.
“Yes, my love?” Hannibal responded, patiently, beautiful.
Will kissed his lips gently, chaste, ending with a soft smile.
“Thank you.”