Chapter Text
Aelfwyn and her sister had never been close. Their parents had done little to discourage rivalry and resentment between the two as they grew up. Quite the opposite in fact. Competition was seen as healthy for children growing up in their harsh, war-loving tribe. But their patents had taken it to extremes, showering one child's victories with praise and scolding the other, then when the girls turned their bitterness on each other, they were told to wrestle it out and not stop until one drew blood.
That blood had typically come from a nosebleed or a deep scratch across the cheek from sharpened fingernails. A couple of drops at most.
Not an entire puddle, enough to fill a goblet fit to offer to the Morrighan, gushing from a hole in one of their skulls after a blow from a rock had caved it open. As Aelfwyn stood and stared down at her own corpse, she thought maybe even her cruel parents would think this a tad too far.
Breathing heavily, she heard a thud as the rock fell to the ground. Her sister, Lliefa, was standing over her, pale as the snow. The anger that had burned in her eyes moments before as they'd scuffled was replaced with an almost childlike expression of terror and loss.
"Wynny....Wynny, sister, I am so sorry..." She began to weep, the tears falling down her cheeks disturbing the painted symbols that had been given to her on her coming of age ceremony only a few days earlier.
Only eighteen. Twins, though they didn't resemble each other. Lliefa had inherited their mother's emerald eyes and blessed red hair, while Aelfwyn had her father's square jaw and plain brown locks. Lliefa however, did have his temper.
Maybe that's why Aelfwyn found it hard to cling to her anger when the truth of what happened hit her. That was her body, her face that she'd seen from the rare reflecting glass that they were lucky to have hanging in their hut. It was her blood that soaked the grass.
She was dead. Killed by her own blood. But Aelfwyn could see the blow hadn't been intentional, or at least Lliefa hadn't been in her right mind at the time. If she had, she wouldn't be falling to her knees and throwing herself over Aeflwyn's body to weep as she now was.
Aelfwyn sighed, closing her eyes. Grandmother always advised her to breathe out all her unwanted rage as an offering to the Morrighan, or to Wotan. She knew she should be furious at her sister right now...but all she felt was sadness and pity.
Blood crimes were one of the biggest affronts to the gods. Siblings could slay each other in fair combat. But this had been a blow while her back was turned, an attack spurned from Aelfwyn saying cruel words she'd regret forever.
There was nothing she could do to the girl that would be worse than what the fates had in store for her.
"I forgive you, sister. Please, just return my body back to the tribe. Let me receive the proper rites so the gods will take me to the next world." She pleaded, reaching out to touch her sister's shoulder only for her hand to pass through.
The contact made her retch. She gagged, stomach lurching, despite not having eaten all day. They'd been sent out to hunt, their parents offering a reward to whoever came back with the largest kill.
She supposed Lliefa would win hands down. Aelfwyn hoped their parents would keep to their word.
It was rather painful to watch her sister try to carry her back to their settlement, being the shorter of the two of them. Aelfwyn tried to follow close, hoping her words with pierce through the veil.
"No don't pull me by my head! Look, you're making things fall out, that might make me dumber in this world!" Even in death, her sister still managed to vex her; "Maybe if you learned how to bind and carry your kills better instead of leaving it to me!"
But before she could rant some more, Aelfwyn took another step and then was shoved back in the opposite direction. She turned, blinked in confusion, then tried to follow again.
Same thing. Back away from the path.
"Sister! Sister, I'm trapped! Please do the ritual properly so I can be free, please! For Danu's sake, don't skip the part where you eat my heart!"
"Shh!"
She froze. Who just shushed her?
Turning to her left, she spotted a figure sat against the base of a tree. He'd managed to camouflage himself with the foliage as she'd approached but now she could spot the skin of a....man.
No, wait.
"Are you....Are you the Wild God of the Dead?!"
"SHHH!" He said again, a finger on his lips.
That confirmed it. He was part of this new realm she lingered in. A fellow spirit of some sort.
"Oh, I...sorry." She lowered her voice, not wanting to anger him if he was a god.
Though his image didn't resemble any carvings she had seen.
"Me just got her to sleep." He muttered, irritated, one arm curled against his chest. His voice was rough as the grunt of a moody bear.
He wore the most basic and mismatched selection of furs. No real fabrics or patterns. There were those who chose to live fully out in nature away from the tribes but they were usually shamans and nomads. This man looked as though he'd never slept in a hut in his life.
Or death, she supposed.
"Are you a dead soul too?" She asked, quietly, stepping closer; "What's your name?"
"Dunno."
"You don't know your name?" She frowned.
He shook his head; "Name in shadows right now. Can't be bothered to go find. Shadow where memories go to hide when brain too loud and scary."
Definitely not a god, Aelfwyn realised. The man sounded like those in her tribe who smoked too much of the relaxing leaf until it wore off and paranoia sent them mad. How long had he been here?
"I'm Aelfwyn of the Horseli. What was your tribe called?"
The man blinked, tucking his arm up again; "Tribe no have name. Children of Moonah. Other tribe be children of Sunne. Other children of Earth Mother. Good tribe and...bad tribe."
"Where are they now?"
"....Gone. Gone up to stars. Me stay. Me always stay." The voice sounded so very old, even though there wasn't too many signs of age on him as one would expect. No grey hairs, hardly any wrinkles.
His blue eyes that didn't quite meet hers stared out in a deep, agonising loss that chilled her bones.
"You're all alone here?" She asked.
He began to laugh; "Ha....Ha ha! No, silly horsey tribe lady! Me not alone. Me have Moonah! Your tribe....They give thanks to Moonah, yes?"
Something in the way his brow furrowed told her she should answer carefully.
"We call her Rhiannön. Yes, we give thanks and ask for her blessings each month."
"Oh....Yes, have seen you and tribe do ritual at Moonah ston. Very good. We come and join you, though you not see us."
"Us?"
"Me and daughter."
"Oh. You have a child here?" She glanced around.
The man nodded; "You...want to meet?"
"Yes, I love kids. How old is she?" Her heart stung as she realised she'd now never have ones of her own, not in that life.
"She...She only just been born..."
Aelfwyn blinked; "I thought you said she was with us on the last full moon?" Almost a month ago.
"Me did."
It took a second for the penny to drop, horrifying Aelfwyn at the realisation. Of course if the baby was a spirit, like her father, she would still be a newborn if that was when...
"I'm....I'm so sorry."
"Why sorry?"
"I...never mind," She shook her head; "Can I still see her? I'm good with babies, I've helped my mum deliver a few."
"Okay...if promise to be very careful..."
"I swear by the gods."
The man leaned forward and pulled back a section of his fur covering his front. Aelfwyn nearly startled back before she heard the tiniest snuffling sound.
Peering closer, she spotted a tiny ball of grey fur curled against the man's chest. It twisted, mewling a little, then poking out a black dot of a nose.
"Ain't she bootiful. Me very proud dad." He smiled down, "Say hello to Horsie Lady, Kya."
"....It's a wolf pup." Said Aelfwyn.
Another chuckle from the man; "No, no, no, that just fur me swaddle her in. She look just like me, see? Have same ugly nose."
There may have been a wild resemblance between the two creatures but she was certain the little thing was not a human babe.
But the man was looking at it with as much devotion in his eyes as any parent she'd seen when holding their baby for the first time. She doubted there was anything she could say to convince him otherwise.
Aelfwyn forced a smile; "She's lovely. Her mum not here?"
The man's face darkened with weariness and pain.
"....Go up to stars with rest of tribe...They all go up and leave us behind..." He sighed and then twitched his head; "Too many babies. Mum can't feed them all. Little one hungry. Me wait. Me watch. Me listen to her cry and beg for milk but she left behind. Just like me. So I wait. Then when she stop cry, I pick up..."
Except the cub was still crying for nourishment it would never receive, nuzzling its nose against his skin and finding nothing to sate it.
"...She mine. Understand? She my cub. Her cry just like my Kya so she must be same...spirit reborn, yes?"
He seemed to be trying to rationalise it, probably due to how Aelfwyn was looking at him. She couldn't hide her doubt.
But then the druids did say part of their souls returned to the earth to be born anew.
"I understand." She nodded, wanting to placate the man; "Can I hold her?"
The offer alone made him tense, clearly hesitant to let the pup go. Aelfwyn wondered if he’d ever allowed a second where some part of him wasn’t touching it, keeping it close.
"You have milk for her?"
"Uhh...no." Even if she did, she didn't think that was something she'd be comfortable with in any world.
The man shook his head; "She keep wanting milk but I tell her that Daddy no have boobies to give milk. Have to wait until Mum come back with brothers and sisters. Not long now..."
She no longer knew if he meant his real family or the wolves that had abandoned their runt.
Aelfwyn looked down at the pup again. Its eyes were closed, probably forever, but it wriggled and pawed against the man.
"Shh, shh, little one, we safe. Horsie lady good me think...." He rocked the pup close; "She know my scent. My skin. It always dark for her, you see. She won't know who you are if I hand over. Might think me left...Can't ever leave. Never."
"That's okay. I won't take her-."
"No, no, no," He clutched the cub tight, shaking his head fearfully; "No take. Not last one. She all I have. Please."
"I said I won't touch her. Not if you don't want me to." She dared to reach and touch the man's shoulder instead.
He struggled to steady his breathing as he looked at her with those haunted eyes.
"....You have leak in head." He whispered.
Aelfwyn touched the back of her skull and felt the indent along with a moist matt in her hair. When she looked at her fingers there was no blood.
"Sibling rivalry." She tried to jape, as it was all she could do.
"Me try to stop. Yelled at you both to shut up so no wake baby."
"Sorry about that." She sat cross legged beside the man; "Maybe I can make it up to you by helping you look after her? Children aren't supposed to be raised alone."
He nodded; "....Everyone raise together. Peace and love..." He stroked his thumb over the soft, velvet ears of the cub; "She miss her mum and siblings and cousins...She miss a lot of people."
"I bet she does." Aelfwyn whispered, her heart aching for the poor man.
She'd always thought of wondering spirits as mysterious or wise, even playful. She'd never expected one to be so sad.
"Here..." The man carefully handed the cub to her; "Mind head. Best she get to know your scent."
"You sure?" She never thought she'd feel so honoured to be passed a wolf pup.
He nodded; "We family now. Aelfwyn of Horsey Tribe."
The pup whined in distress as she was moved away from the only source of comfort she knew and into Aelfwyn's arms. The man kept his arm close to her, the sleeve of grey wolf fur close to the pup's nose.
"Me here, Kya. Daddy right here. Daddy always stay." He promised, voice cracking; "She not hear me before when I say...When she and her mum found body and they scream...she not hear me say I here..."
His voice trailed off again as his eyes glossed over. Aelfwyn held the cub up to her skin above her dress so it was resting just above her heartbeat.
Her other hand reached to squeeze the man's fingers.
"She hears you now. She knows." She did her best to reassure him, just as she'd seen her mother do to anxious parents.
This was a whole other case she hadn't been trained for.
"You look tired. I bet she's been keeping you up all these nights like babies do." She said, softly.
The man nodded, "Been waiting for mum to take her turn...She be here soon...She always come back to visit....Be here very soon...."
"I'm sure she will. How about you try to have a nap? I'll look after this one. She'll be safe with me, I swear."
Hesitation and fear twitched in those lips again for a moment. Then he saw how the pup was starting to yawn and relax against Aelfwyn's chest.
He smiled, his eyelids clearly heavy. When had he last slept? No wonder his mind was gone.
"You wake when they come back? Please?"
"I will."
She tugged him to lay on his side and use her thigh as a pillow.
"Be good for horse lady, Kya. Daddy just take little sleep. Be good girl..." He whispered before closing his eyes; "Be good...Stay...Must always stay..."
Aelfwyn sighed, stroking the man's ragged mane while cradling the pup in her other arm. This was not how she imagined spending her afterlife. She hoped her sister would hurry up with the ritual so her spirit could move on...
Assuming that's how it worked. She wondered if she was desperate to become the same as the man on her lap, trapped and driven insane, clinging to whatever shred of company he could and convince himself it was his lost kin. The thought terrified her.
"We'll just have to wait and see, won't we Kya." She whispered to the cub.