Chapter Text
The smell of smoke filled her nostrils.
Her eyes stung and her vision was blurred.
She could hear screaming around her and the feel of hot rubble under her bare feet.
Was this Thaymor?
How many times would she come back here?
A bright light pulled her attention and she looked towards it.
A small part of her wanted to run, but she couldn’t bring herself to move.
She watched as She-ra tore through the Horde squadron, and her troops retreated in defeat.
The glowing form dropped and there stood Adora, clutching that sword, the one that started all of this.
Resentment boiled in her abdomen, twisting it and freezing the fire in her veins.
She just stood there, paralysed, watching as Adora stood up and walked towards her, a gentle smile on her face, as if she wanted to be near her.
She couldn't move. Her body refused to listen and she felt helpless as Adora got closer, close enough to feel her former best friend's breath on her face as she whispered her name.
‘Catra.’
Adora’s hand slid across her jaw, fingers in the hair at the sides of her face, with such tenderness it nearly broke her.
‘I have to do this, Catra.’ that same heart-breaking sentence, always repeated.
Her eyes burned with unshed tears as she yearned to grab her, to hurt her, hold her, anything to quell this ache in her chest.
But all she felt was that sword, white-hot and sliding inside her, piercing her heart, as she watched Adora’s face become She-ra’s once more and her smile become cruel.
Catra woke up, biting down the scream in her throat.
Her eyes squeezed shut and she tried to control her breathing.
Years of keeping quiet in the barracks at night had taught her how to quell the panic her nightmares would cause.
And this was a familiar one.
Not that it was much of an issue anymore since she had her own room now as Force Captain.
But old habits die hard.
The air smelled sweet and the sound of running water helped relax her mind.
Wait, water?
Her eyes snapped open and for once she didn't need her superior dark vision to see that she wasn't in her room.
No, this room was far too big. The moonlight was far too bright and it smelled too clean, floral, and fresh.
Unfamiliar.
Her body felt heavy as she tried to get up from the bed.
What was wrong with her?
She felt her hands shaking and looked down at them.
Her claws were gone.
At first, she thought that Shadow Weaver had finally made good on the threat of removing them, but then she noticed no major damage, aside from obvious signs of nail biting.
A habit she had always seen Adora do when she thought she was alone.
Back then, she would simply grab Adora’s hands when she saw her biting them, and distract her, usually with a play fight.
She raised those hands to her face now, noting the changes in her face, the lack of feline ears, the hair pulled up in that ridiculous ponytail.
She pulled the tie out and grabbed the length of hair towards her face so she could see the colour.
It was pale and golden and soft.
She knows this hair.
She used to run her hands through it when her friend was having nightmares.
She looked down, the heaviness she felt earlier making sense.
This was not her body.
This was Adora’s.
What the...
‘Adora, did you want to rest while we report to Queen Angella?’ Bow asked, his hand on her shoulder, grounding her in his warmth.
The North had been rough. Not just on herself, but on her friends as well.
Trying to protect themselves from a berserk She-ra must have been hard on them.
She had tried to apologise to them but they insisted it wasn't her fault and wouldn't accept anything else she said about it.
She shook her head at him, giving him as much as a smile as she could muster.
‘I’ll be alright Bow, the Queen should hear it from all of us’
The whole ordeal was blurry, but she still had splotches of memory.
Mostly of a big, sharp woman, snow on her tongue, buttons, and feeling free and safe.
For once.
Her friends had told her everything they knew, and from Seahawk she found out how loopy she had been.
That he and Scorpia had kept her safe while she was in that state and that even against orders, Scorpia had broken the crystal that had infected her.
According to them, Catra hadn't been willing to give it up, even if that got all of them killed. She was fighting against them all to keep Adora like that.
To control her.
She just couldn't wrap her head around why Catra had been willing to die before breaking it. What was so important about it?
Did she really hate her that much now?
Not for the first time did she wish that things could go back to the simpler days of their childhood. It wasn't perfect, in fact, the more time she spent away, the more she understood how wrong everything had been growing up there.
Everything except Catra.
She shoved that thought aside, burying it deep with all of her other memories of her friend, she couldn't let herself get lost in them, not when so much was relying on her.
After the briefing with the queen, of which Adora really had nothing to add to.
She just sat there feeling useless and wondering again why the sword had chosen her.
Literally anyone else would have won this war using the power of She-ra by now.
She clamped those thoughts down too.
It wouldn't help thinking like that.
She had a job to do, a destiny, and she wasn't going to let the planet down by failing at it.
Maybe she should talk to Light Hope about the infection. The hologram never had anything useful to say, but it was worth a try.
So she grabbed the sword, and some dinner rolls for the road and headed towards the Whispering Woods, determined to get answers.
The Fright Zone always looked different from up high.
The higher Catra got, the less filtered by smog the moonlight was.
It was a good spot to come up and think. To get away, even for a moment.
To give her some semblance of peace.
Peace, which would not be given this time as the walkway she perched on suddenly lurches up and down.
She groans as Scorpia chuckles weakly.
‘Hey Wildcat.’
‘What do you want, Scorpia?’ She keeps her voice disinterested.
She feels her body tense up, and smooths the fur on her arms down to ground herself.
It's just Scorpia, she has nothing to fear.
‘Oh man, I've been looking all over for you Wildcat, you're a tough one to find, did you know that?’ Scorpia's wide grin makes her want to scratch it off.
Instead she turns her back on the woman, huffing at her words.
‘Not tough enough it seems.’ she muttered.
‘Did you wanna join me and Entrapta on a game night? We have board games and snacks! Tiny ones and regular sized ones.’
Catra can hear the hopefulness in her voice, and instinctively hardens her heart.
‘In case you haven't noticed, Scorpia, but we’re in the middle of a war and you want to waste our time with board games?’ her tail rapidly swishing, expressing her annoyance.
‘There’s not even any point to them.’ she adds reluctantly.
Catra watches the sadness briefly pass over Scorpia’s face before she resolutely shakes her head and brings that overeager grin back.
‘Oh Wildcat. You’ve been so tied up since you got promoted, don’t you ever think about taking it easy once in a while?’ she looks at her solemnly.
She hisses in annoyance.
‘No, I really don’t.’ she states before she jumps off the edge and away, disappearing in moments, leaving Scorpia able to do nothing but watch despondently.
It's been a few hours walking through the Whispering Woods and Adora is getting frustrated. It usually does not take this long to find the Crystal Castle, and now that the day moons have set, the woods are dark and getting cold now.
She calls out to the woods, begging them to lead her to Light Hope, but is met with nothing but the wind whistling through the branches.
She sighs and takes a seat on a rock, a rock she's passed twice over already.
Once again, she wonders if maybe the woods are trying to tell her that she never should have touched the sword.
If they won't help her when she needs them, then what does that say about her?
She knows her focus is off and has been split between her destiny and what the world needs her to be, and her past.
If she could just forget what she wants and focus on what she needs to be, things would be better.
She knows it.
It has to be, right?
She's so lost in thought, she doesn't even notice the noises behind her until she feels something hit her on the head.
‘Mara! What are you doing out here now, silly girl’ the voice says as Adora rubs her head, realising that smack on the head was just a broom.
‘Razz! It's so good to see you! I could really use some help right now’ Adora exclaims, happy to see the old woman.
‘Ahh, Adora! Why are you out here so late? You're going to get lost again!’ the old lady admonishes her.
‘Razz, I really need to talk to you.’ the blonde pleads.
‘You can talk all you like dearie, but come with me. This is the wrong time to be out in the woods’
Adora follows the old woman to her strange home, and sits at the table, quietly observing as Madame Razz fumbles around, sorting out tea and chattering away.
Adora can feel herself actually relax as she sips on the warm beverage, the heat soothing the chill in her bones.
‘You look troubled, dearie?’
‘I just, I don't know what I'm doing Razz. I can't focus, I almost hurt my friends and they're counting on me to lead them and fix everything and…’ she trails off, her throat tight.
She looked up into those wild yet comforting eyes and her walls crumbled. She sighed.
'All I can think of is why would Catra do that to me?’
Her hands grip the mug of tea almost too tightly, and she pushes it to the side to avoid breaking it.
‘I don't even know why I'm surprised, she hates me now, I'm sure of it, but I just, I didn't, I didn't think she hated me this much.’ her voice grows softer in despair.
Without the mug, her hands default to picking at her nails reflexively.
‘I just don't understand her anymore. I wish so much that I did.’
She felt the tears slip down her face before she even realised she was even close to crying. But, here, in the warmth and safety of Razz’s cottage, she could.
She felt Razz’s hand on her back, rubbing it soothingly, softly encouraging her to let it out.
And she did. She let it all out.
All the pain and confusion she'd been holding in.
Her sobs were uncontrollable and her chest hurt.
After what felt like an eternity, she felt a wave of calmness wash over her.
‘There, there dearie. Madame Razz knows what will help.’ and she pushes the half-drunk, cooling tea towards the sniffling girl.
‘Sometimes, you cannot understand someone until your story together is complete, dearie. Mara would know.’
Adora just blinks at the old woman, her advice confusing, as it almost always is, but she appreciated the thought behind it.
‘Finish your tea, then go home and get some sleep. Things will make sense soon.’
Adora smiles softly, finishes her tea, and heads back to Bright Moon.
The woods lead her back quickly and she's tucking herself into her bed within an hour.
Her dreams are foggy, filled with a crackling laugh and sharp fingers on her back.
She wakes up slowly, stretching her body before she opens her eyes.
She feels lighter today. Maybe visiting Razz really did help, at least helped lighten the load she always carried.
She opens her eyes, but it's still dark out.
Maybe she didn't get that much sleep after all.
But wait, her room is always bright, even in the darkest part of the night.
The large windows letting in the moonlight made sure of that.
She reaches for her sword, but feels only a scratchy blanket. Her mattress is harder than normal, almost like…
No.
No, it can't be.
She gets up, her hands blindly looking for a light switch.
She's knocking things over, her ears twitching at the sounds, finally finding a switch.
She flips it up and recoils in shock when she sees Catra staring back at her in horror.
She cries out and stumbles backwards, looking around wildly for her sword but it’s not to be seen.
It’s gone.
This is not a room she knows.
This is a Fright Zone room.
Catra must have captured her!
She whirls around to face her rival, but she's gone.
She's alone.
She sees a single bed, similar to her own but harder.
There's a standing sink, a small cluttered desk and a door.
She creeps closer to the door to see if it's locked and notices the mirror above the sink.
The mirror she was standing in front of when she turned on the light.
The mirror that was the first thing she saw when the light came on.
The mirror that should have shown her own reflection.
But it's not her reflection staring back at her…
It was Catra's.