Archive of Our Own ^beta

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JD is reincarnated after dying from starvation. They didn't eat because they spent so much time working on things to make them perfect that eating food was dubbed useless time and since they were alone it got bad quick. They have this whole thing where if it isn't perfect it isn't worth doing, which gives them heavy perfectionist issues. They chased perfection in the hopes it'll be enough for their own unattainable standard. They then died alone with nothing because nothing was never enough for them.

Once they are reincarnated they throw themself into being the perfect brother and eventually the perfect band manager while imposing their impossible standards on everyone else. They watched the movies. They know what's happening, but they are in so much misery while trying to do the right thing that they don't know how to stop.

Reincarnation isn't always someone who can change things just because they know. JD was actually worse than John Dory in canon because they were heavily depressed from dysphoria, being effectively made an early parent, feeling like nothing could be controlled, sensory problems that flared onstage, but they knew they had a role to play so they started the band and followed the conclusion it led to.

They knew their brothers were real! They loved their brothers! They just hated being a parent at age 8 and a brother in general. They worked hard to be a good parent though, outside of the Perfect Family Harmony, but sometimes that isn’t enough when you can’t be good to yourself. The night of the argument JD was scared for their brothers, especially for Bitty B, since he knew what would happen, but he also was relieved because he knew he would finally be set free.

Once JD is on the Neverglade Trail and is free from obligations for the next 20 years they have a breakdown and finally go grey. Rhonda is eventually found and helps bring their color back because caring for her is a relatively low stress thing they can control. She also takes care of them back in her own way which is something they desperately needed. They are good at taking care of people but no one ever took care of them back before.

Come TBT, it goes about the same as canon because at this point JD knows they have a script to do to bring everything to the best possible outcome. After Canon is when the perfectionist problems, autism, and dysphoria start to become clear but the brothers continues to brush the problems off because they’re still mad and they either miss the signs or use it as proof JD hasn’t really changed.

Then a flower appears, it regresses them back to a child as her true self, to highlight the help she actually needs (akin to the support a child needs) to the brothers who fight to stay oblivious. JD disappears while a bright blue trolling with jade green hair (a different shade than John Dory) appears who seems to recognize them. She acts like she's lived in Pop Village her whole life (using info from the movies) but no one recognizes or claims her. She wears only a moss cape and blue pants, and calls herself Blue Jay, occasionally Blue Jade.

She neglects her health for the sake of helping others as the weirdly capable Mom friend and seems to think if things aren't perfect then life isn't worth living. She has a lot of love to give but still no one ever gives any back because they think she’s a ghost? She casually admits to dying so she becomes a myth, as the Trolling who can do anything for anyone she meets (in the hopes it'll finally be enough). The brothers refuse to realize JD was gone tho and think they just left again, so two years go by of Blue Jay being the “dead” orphan trolling living at the edge of the woods. 

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Blue Jay doesn’t that actively avoid food. She just has lot of sensory problems that spread to food which limits her diet a bit. She also has a, “might as well but only when,” mindset, which basically means she won’t bother taking the time to make food due to her self imposed busy schedule, and also won’t eat food if it doesn’t fit into the schedule because she has to have everything accounted for first. If everything she is working on is done tho or if everyone else is already eating something already made, she won’t deny food that’s been placed in front of her (as long as she can eat it). 

She was better with Brozone because they knew they needed a certain amount of nutrients to keep up with the practices and everything they did on stage not being able to do that would’ve interfered with that. Neverglades they pretty much ate nothing until Rhonda because they needed to feed Rhonda and Rhonda learned how to find food for them. After the flower therapy treatment? She only ventures into the village for food about once a week and is pretty small.

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"YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO DIE INSTEAD OF GRANDMA! THEN WE’D HAVE SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY CARES! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT BROKE US SO JUST LEAVE US ALONE AND DIE ALREADY!"

JD stared at Branch, who was still breathing heavy from his exclamation. He was near in tears as he glared at her as if she was the worst being in the world.

She then looked at Clay, who had been startled by Branch’s declaration but quickly hardened his glare, “He’s right. Leave.”

She glanced at Bruce, who wasn’t even looking at her, seeming ashamed as he looked to the side, quietly murmuring, “It’s probably best if you go.”

She sighed and turned to go, but stopped upon hearing Floyd’s pleads for her to come back, to keep being their brother.

She whirled around, eyes blazing, but the fire died upon seeing her Boo’s distraught face. She simply said, “I was never your brother,” before storming to the elevator, leaving the bunker.

As the elevator rose she thought about the last night where she had broken them all. The night she couldn’t take back. The night she knew was coming, but couldn’t stop, because even if you know a train is going to crash; it's not going to do anything if it's already off the tracks. Her train was falling off a cliff long before that night, and it was all she could do to stop theirs from following after her.

JD heard the cheers outside and “One minute to showtime.” The end was ticking near and they were wracked with anxiety, though they didn’t show it, as they contemplated the song list, “All right, guys. We’re gonna open with Perfect and end with Perfect for me! Wait, no! We’ll end with Price of Perfection True Colors! Come on! We are gonna make history tonight.”

They wandered around, checking on the brothers. Spruce was hard at work they could’t wait for their Sugar to find love and get a break. But that’ll only happened as long as they didn’t screw this up, “510. 511. 512.”

They made sure to praise him, but also followed it up with the lines they knew to say. Their words couldn’t be their own anymore if they wanted it to be enough because they had already broke this family and this was all they could do now for them. “Love it, Brother! I wanna see a hundred more of those by showtime, Spruce. Those abs need to be poppin’, baby!

Spruce groaned, “Oh, come on!”

JD smiled as they moved on, “I wanna boil an egg on those abs!”

Clay called out to them, “John Dory, do I really have to keep wearing these things?”

JD nodded, “Yes, you do, Clay. They’re funderdrawers.” They internalized the grimace. You can leave the box behind soon, Sweets. I hope you will be happy and safe without me. “It’s underwear, but 76% more fun. Let’s see those dance moves, Brother.”

Clay sighed, “Fine,” as he rehearsed his famous FUN dance moves one last time, “Rusty Robot, into Wiggle Worm, end on Caliente Puppet. Yeah.”

Floyd came up to them, sensitive to his stress as always, “Bro, you look stressed. Breathe.”

JD growled, “Well, of course I’m stressed, Floyd. It’s the first show of the tour. We have to hit the perfect family harmony. We promised the fans.” They have to get this right or everyone’s lives will BE IRREPARABLY RUINED!

Floyd cautioned them while gesturing to Bitty B, “Okay, calm down. You’re making Baby Branch nervous.”

JD gasped, “What? Nervous?” I’m so sorry, Baby. “No, no, no. He’s not allowed to be nervous. He’s gotta be perfect enough to survive the twenty years alone.”

Floyd frowned, “Cut him some slack, John Dory.” JD flinched one more night as Floyd continued, heading over to Bitty B. “It’s his first show.”

JD watched his pep talk briefly before going, “All right, boys, just remember, no matter what you do, follow my lead.”

Floyd piped in, “Or maybe, let’s just go out there and have fun together.” I’ll miss your perfect pink, Boo. Please hold on, because I will, for you.

They heard the call of “Ten seconds!”

Spruce finished rubbing oil over his abs, “And what happens if we can’t hit it?”

JD turned to face him, a near maniacal grin on their face as they let some of their true feeling slip through, “Oh, that’s not an option. If we can’t hit the perfect family harmony, we aren’t perfect. And if we aren’t perfect, we’re nothing. Just follow my lead, and the harmony will happen. LET’S BRO! Please! No! I don’t want to loose you! … This all I can do now though. So let’s do it, for your futures.”

“I love you”

The elevator reached the top and she left the bunker, running to reach Rhonda while thinking of the night she realized what she needed to do.

Bitty was still an egg. They kept him in their hair as they wrote songs for the band. 

They hadn’t wanted to start Brozone. They knew the disaster it would create. But after Floyd was born the family had apparently gotten too large, the Bergens were eyeing their pod as an easy cluster of Trolls, and they knew they had to do something before the next Trollstice; so they had proposed the idea of starting a band, hoping the prediction of the movie scene would keep them alive.

Their brothers were so happy they almost regretted not suggesting it sooner. They could be enough to hold them together, right. They could avoid the breaking of the family that the movie had. This made their brothers happy, so they’d have to, for them.

The plan worked and over the past 6 years the Bergens had avoided their tree. Apparently, band sensations got a pass because they made Trolls extra happy and a happy Troll is a tasty Troll. The thought made them sick but as long as their brothers were safe and happy they didn’t care.

However….

JD finished their latest song for the band, putting down their crayon and standing to find their brothers.

They found them all in the living room and held up the papers with their latest song, “I’ve got another song!”

Clay sighed, “Great, what is it?”

JD frowned at the lack of enthusiasm but nonetheless handed it over, “It’s called The Other Side Of The Storm. It’s about an optimist and pessimist going on a journey to find a rainbow."

Spruce peered over Clay’s shoulder, “A pessimist? No one’s going to want a song about that!”

Floyd tried to keep the peace, “I’m sure it’ll be fine! There’s an optimist in there too!”

Clay groans, “Fine. I want the pessimist though.”

JD put a quick stop to that, “No, as the Fun One, you will be the optimist. Spruce will be the pessimist since, as the Heart Throb, girls like boys who worry about them.” It wouldn’t work otherwise!

Clay glares, “Why do I always have to be the Fun One? Can’t I be serious for once!”

“You asked for the role, Sweets. You loved being the Fun One. Also, it’s too late to change your role now! It wouldn’t make sense! This is how it is!” JD growled, feeling uneasy.

Spruce stepped in, “He should be able to be something else! Why don’t we switch roles? Maybe I can be the silly one for once and not think about impressing the girls!”

“You’re the one with abs, Sugar! Not him! It’s your role! You asked for this to get more dates with girls!” JD rose his voice as he faced them done. They couldn’t change it now! It was how it was!

Floyd tried to get between them, “Guys! How about I play the song with John? Neither of you have to sing a part!”

Clay growled, “Right, because he’s the Leader! How come he’s the only one with a versatile role!?”

“I arrange all the concerts and write all the songs! I handle our publicity and hire the stage crew!” JD seethed.

“I come up with the choreography!” Clay yelled.

“Guys, we can just come up with a different song,” Floyd tried to offer.

JD scoffed, “Oh, so I have to rewrite the song just because Clay doesn’t think it’s enough for him!”

Spruce glared, “I don’t like it either!”

All of sudden everyone was yelling, Clay & Spruce at JD, JD yelling back, with Floyd yelling for them to stop.

….they weren’t very happy anymore.

It didn’t seem like it would ever end when JD heard something, “Guys stop.”

“Don’t tell us to stop-“ “Guys, listen.”

Everyone quieted down until they heard what JD did, a cracking sound was coming from their hair.

JD pulled Bitty B’s egg from their hair and they all looked on in awe as the egg shivered and cracked, until it eventually broke and revealed a giggling blue trolling.

JD smiled down at him, hugging him close, before handing him to Spruce to hold. Spruce hugged him too before passing him to Clay. This continued til Bitty B reached Floyd’s arms.

JD crouched down, “I’ve done this before with Spruce and Clay and now it’s your turn. We all will be his family, but as your only little brother you will have a special responsibility. You will be the brother for him. The one closest to him and the one to cherish him when we get too wrapped up in our older sibling problems. We will help, but you will be his first. Do you promise to be there for him no matter what?”

Floyd nodded, still staring at Bitty B in awe.

JD laughed, “Well then, why don’t you welcome Branch, our Bitty B, to the family. He’ll sleep in your room tonight.”

It was all a blurr after that, but it hit them when they were standing over Bitty B’s crib in Floyd’s room. Before Bitty B had hatched they had been just about ready to kill each other. Tensions high and hackles raised over a silly song for the band. The movie was coming true and this was the family Bitty B had been born into.

They didn’t recall it being this bad in the movie. Did they make it worse? They must’ve. Of course they couldn’t be enough to hold it together, both the band and their own shattering mental state.

They brushed a hand over Bitty B’s sleeping face and made a decision. They had some research to do and letters to write. The band was going to break, and they were going to make sure it broke right. Bruce would never feel alone. Clay would never have to struggle to survive. Floyd would never feel unheard. Branch would get his family back.

She saw Rhonda and ran towards her, but tripped at the last second. She tumbled, and tumbled, and tumbled, and tumbled right off a cliff. She grabbed a rock at the last second but couldn’t pull herself up.

She heard Rhonda bellowing anxiously above her and smiled up at her. It was too late for JD. It seemed she was going to take Branch’s advice.

She thought about the night she became the parent to her beloved family as she hung there, waiting those final seconds before she gave up.

They were four-years-old when Spruce was put in their arms. Their Mom giving a speech about being a good older sibling to him and the one to take care of him. It was just an excuse to leave. They never saw their Mom again.

They handled the cleaning, preparing for the baby, and made sure to have baby safe food and formulas on hand. They sewed baby clothes and stopped going to school, carefully convincing the Troll that checked on them that nothing was wrong.

Then Spruce hatched. They stared at him in awe, at the cute bubbly trolling that was their brother child. Everything they did became worth it as they bestowed him the name they knew would one day change, “Welcome to the world, Spruce.”

After that they made sure to raise him well, teaching him manners and helping with his homework, making sure he knew he was loved, all while cooking and cleaning and dodging questions on where their Mom was.

This continued when Clay was dropped off at the front door and they presented him to Spruce when he hatched, giving him a revised version of the speech their Mom gave them while making him promise to always take care of Clay even when she couldn’t.

Then came Floyd, and Bitty B, and they had their family. They had been enough to take care of them, at least for a little while.

JD let go, thinking about her children brothers as she fell. She hoped her absence would finally made them happy.

As she lay bleeding, dying in a patch of flowers, it evoked one last memory.

She had been working for days. Her parents stopped calling after passing her off to the college dorm and she was slammed with homework as she struggled to be enough for the degree she wanted.

She couldn’t disappoint her parents after they had been nice enough to pay for college. She wouldn’t have been there otherwise since she was too anxious to handle the interviews needed to get a job. She barely left her room except for lectures and didn’t bother eating because it was a waste of time as she worked on her homework, spending hours making sure it was enough for her unattainable standards.

She worked, went to lectures, slept, rinsed and repeated.

Eventually her lack of self care caught up to her. The world began to fuzz. She could barely stand. She was thin as a stick and stopped attending lectures. She fell forward in her chair, slamming into the desk.

As she lay, dying, on her desk she only had one thought, “WHY AM I NEVER ENOUGH?”

JD was about to take her second last breath however, when the flowers around her began to glow. A swirling green light lifting her up as it transformed her body, turning her into an eight-year-old Trolling. It had some similarities to John Dory but was overall brighter in hue and more feminine.

When the trolling woke up she would remember nothing about being John Dory, wiped clean of everything she endured in her second life as she enjoyed her third. She would quickly become a legend as the ghost who could do anything because she couldn’t stand seeing a hurt or upset trolling, and that expanded to the adults. She took care of everyone. But still no one took care of her….

She didn’t mind though. This was just who Blue Jay was. But still, some part of her wondered why she felt so desperate to help to make amends with her children who didn’t even look for her.