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Derek Nurse considers himself to be a fairly laid-back guy, all things considered.
He’d be more laid-back if his D-line partner wasn’t so uptight, that’s for sure.
He knows he winds Dex up, and it’s usually not on purpose, but. Well. When Dex gets those little spots of colour high on his cheeks, when his fists start to clench, when his breathing starts to pick up, it’s really hard not to dig in further.
Nursey knows he’s pretty chill, but he’s also pretty stubborn.
****
His first semester of college involves a steep learning curve.
(Not in terms of academics; that’s actually really chill, finally being able to dedicate more school time to studying the things he really enjoys like poetry, philosophy and art history. He knows he’ll need to make up some science credits at some point, but he’ll deal with that later.)
He came to Samwell for a number of reasons. One of them was to get away from all the straight white boys he knew from playing hockey at Andover. And for the most part, the people he meets in his first few weeks of college are great - so much more aware of the world than his friends from school ever were. He joins the LBGTQIA alliance during orientation, although he’s still not sure about how “out” he wants to be, especially with the hockey team.
Especially with Dex.
William Poindexter, III, is a member of the Samwell Republicans group. Nursey knows this because he saw the sticker on his laptop, and well. That doesn’t bode well. He’s tried to find out how socially conservative Dex really is, but it’s hard to do without feeling like he’s laying all his cards on the table, exposing his soft underbelly with no guarantee he’s not going to just get a kick in the stomach for his pains. He’s tried to bring up gender politics a few times with Dex, just in the context of breakfasts with Shitty, or articles he’s read on his phone, but Dex really doesn’t want to engage.
It’s fine, Dex can be an asshole if he wants to be, it’s no skin off Derek’s nose, but. It doesn’t make him easy to trust, and they’re meant to be defensive partners.
He knows it’s bad when Bitty feels like he needs to get involved.
(And, like, does Dex know Bitty’s gay? He must, right? What does that mean?)
People are hard, man.
****
It gets better, gets easier over the course of the semester. Derek learns to compartmentalise to a certain extent: he’s open with his friends from his courses, makes jokes about his queerness with the people he knows will empathise, who won’t out him to the hockey team. With his friends from the hockey team he just… doesn’t say anything. He kissed a couple of boys in high school, but he’s only dated girls so far, so he’s not even having to play the pronoun game with his past. It’s fine.
His roommate, Andy, wants to set him up with a guy he knows for Winter Screw. Nursey says he can’t, says it’s tradition for the hockey team to set each other up, which. Isn’t exactly true. But Ransom and Holster find him a date anyhow. She’s nice, they get on well. It’s fine.
The winter break is the same as it’s always been; coming back from Samwell is no different to coming back from Andover for a couple of weeks of drinks parties, family dinners and stilted conversation with relatives that he only sees once a year, if that.
It’s totally fine.
****
Spring semester goes by fast.
They make the playoffs, and over the course of a million roadies he and Dex get more comfortable with one another. It translates to better playing, a stronger defensive line, a tighter team and then. They lose.
They lose and Dex throws his helmet in anger and Derek tries to comfort him but all he really wants is to cry.
They lose.
****
Derek’s worlds collide at the Spring Concert. Chow’s off with Farmer, so Nursey decides to spend the day with his friends from the slam circuit. He figures he might run into the hockey team at some point, but his priority is Andy, Lou, Meg, everyone. All the people he didn’t have time to see during playoffs.
It doesn’t work so well. It turns out that Lou has a huge art-crush (or possibly just crush-crush) on Lardo, so she demands that Derek find the hockey team and introduce them.
When Nursey sees Dex and Andy deep in conversation, he nearly has a heart attack.
He decides to deal with the stress by drinking.
****
That was possibly not the best decision he has ever made.
He found himself hanging off Bitty at one point, talking about hockey butts. And hockey boys.
He can’t remember who else was nearby. Shit.
Chowder brings it up with him a few days later. They’re out on lake quad taking a study break, when Chowder says, “So, uh,” and stops.
“What’s up, C?”
“So! It, like, totally isn’t a big deal or anything! But! I don’t know how much you remember about the other night but you and Bitty were talking for ages and I wasn’t eavesdropping! But you guys were quite loud! And you were talking about boys! And I just wanted to say that if you were worried about how we’d react you totally shouldn’t be because you’re awesome and we’re friends and if you like boys that’s totally cool and you shouldn’t be scared!” Chowder stops, looking nervous.
Well, that answers that question. He clears his throat, takes a deep breath, says “Thanks, Chow.”
They fall quiet again, before Nursey decides he may as well ask the question that’s really bothering him. “Who else was around while we were talking? I remember talking to Bitty, but I don’t remember where we were or who else was with us…”
Chowder looks surprised. “Oh! Oh, uh, well, I was there and so was Farmer and some of the girls from the volleyball team. And, well, you guys were kind of being held up by Ransom and Holster so they were there too.”
“Was Poindexter there?”
“No, he’d gone to bed by then. Is he who you’ve been worried about telling?” Chowder looks even more surprised by this.
“Uh, yeah, Chow. You know what he’s like.”
“But, Nursey, like, Dex adores Bitty! And Bitty’s gay! Why would you think he’d have a problem with you being…”
“Bi,” Derek supplies.
“Right! That!”
“I dunno,” he says, ducking his head. “I guess I just… got a vibe? He’s just not very chill about things, you know?”
“Well, yeah! But he’s not, like, a homophobe or anything!”
“Mmm,” says Nursey. He wants to be done with this conversation, like, yesterday. “Come on, let’s go get some coffee and head back to the library. We need to study, bro.”
****
He doesn’t know if Dex knows. He assumes he must.
(It’s simplest to just assume everyone on the team does; Ransom and Holster are Not Subtle. They’re good guys, but. They clearly don’t understand the cardinal rule of do not out people, ever.)
So, he and Dex just. Don’t talk about it. Derek tries not to feel awkward, does his best to be as chill as possible, but. This is the one thing he really can’t be chill about. He’s probably going to be rooming with Dex on roadies for the next three years, so. He can’t afford for it to be a problem.
For his part, Dex doesn’t seem to be behaving any differently. Maybe Nursey was worried about nothing. He feels like a bit of an idiot.
****
Bitty’s birthday surprise goes without a hitch. Dex spends all morning (and a fair bit of the afternoon) removing Betsy and installing the new oven, while the rest of the team switches off keeping Bitty company and following Dex’s precise instructions.
It ends perfectly: Bitty’s a weeping mess, Jack takes millions of photos, and Ransom and Holster organise an impromptu kegster while Bitty bakes.
The kegster ends up getting pretty wild. Nursey invites all his slam friends for the first time; he figures the damage is done already so he may as well.
They show up at about nine o’clock, having clearly decided to pre-game the kegster. It’s a bold move, Derek thinks. But, he guesses, they’ve never been to one of these before, they don’t know about the tub juice situation. They’ll learn.
Andy’s clearly three sheets to the wind when he corners Derek to thank him for the invite. Andy slings his arms around his neck and gives him a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.
“Get it, Nursey!” he hears Holster yelling from across the room.
Andy huffs a laugh into Derek’s ear. “See, I told you it would be fine,” he slurs.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” says Derek. “Get off me, you big lump.”
Andy moves to the side, drags them both back so they’re leaning against the wall. “So, come on then, which one is it?”
“Which one is what?”
“Which of your sexy hockey bro friends do you have the world’s saddest hard-on for?”
“Wow, man, that’s crude.”
“I’m telling it like it is, sweetcheeks.”
They’re interrupted by a very drunk and enthusiastic Bitty, who is dragging Dex around the room by his hand to tell them all what a sweet, sweet boy he is for spending all year fixing Betsy, and then -- and then! -- installing a whole new oven just for him!
Dex has obviously had a fair amount to drink as well; there’s a high flush on his cheeks, and he’s looking really rather pleased with himself as he sways, tugged to and fro by Bitty’s waving hands.
Bitty catches sight of Jack and runs over to babble at him instead, leaving Andy, Dex and Nursey in semi-awkward silence.
Andy turns to Derek and says, “You can’t seriously be telling me you were worried about being out to a team that includes that guy. Like, really?”
Dex snorts a laugh. “Wait, really, Nurse? What did you think was gonna happen?”
And Derek has had just enough to drink that it’s enough to tip him over the edge. “Oh, piss off, Poindexter. You have no idea what it’s like.”
He turns on his heel and heads out to the porch.
It doesn’t take long for Dex to come out and find him. He’s sat on the porch steps, head in his hands, trying to breathe evenly.
“What the hell, Nursey? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Derek sighs. “Just go away, Dex. I’m not in the mood.”
Dex ignores him, sits down next to him. “Nope, sorry. Not gonna do that.” Dex nudges his knee into Nursey’s. “Come on, Nurse. What’s going on?”
Derek sighs again. “I just. I’ve been worried all year about how you were going to react and then you laughed at me for it. That’s kind of a dick move, Poindexter.”
“Wait, really?” Dex sounds shocked.
“Yes,” Derek bites out.
“But -- Nurse, I’m gay.”
Derek’s entire world tilts on its axis. “What,” he says.
“Um, yeah,” says Dex. “I told everyone last semester, after Winter Screw. I thought -- how did you not know?”
Nursey can feel a dull flush rising up his cheeks. “I don’t--”
“I thought you were being really weird this semester, I couldn’t work out what your problem was, but. Well. I guess that makes sense. What the hell gave you the idea that I’m--”
“God, I don’t know, there was just, like, a vibe, okay?”
Dex stops short. “A vibe?”
“Yeah. A vibe.”
Dex looks down at his feet and huffs out a laugh. “Did you ever think that maybe the vibe you were getting was a different vibe?”
Derek frowns, lifts his head to look at Dex properly. “A different vibe?”
“Yeah,” says Dex. “A different vibe. Stop me if I’m wrong here,” he says as he gently lifts Derek’s chin, and slowly leans in.
Derek meets him halfway.