Work Text:
Mikoshiba has always been conscious of attention. People’s attention to him, that is. His awareness heightens when unearned confidence surges in him. It’s become a cultivated instinct, being sensitive to eyes chasing his every gesture, every wink, every word when playful one-liners roll off his tongue or when he shoots flirty winks at his fans. He anticipates their reactions, preens at their adoration when he hits a bullseye.
And then.
That very same glee sours into shame. His face burns and his skin itches with embarrassment and he wants to crawl away from many pairs of eyes on him, curl up in a dark corner and cease to exist.
As much as he revels in attention, he shies away from it. A frustrating dilemma.
Mayu's attention does not unnerve him. It could be because Mayu rarely looks at anyone for long, really. Maintaining eye contact is tiring, keeping his eyes open is tiring. When Mikoshiba talks to him, Mayu looks at him with a calm and steady gaze. And that keeps Mikoshiba from letting his mouth run faster than his mind can catch up.
Besides, Mayu is Nozaki's younger brother. He is not the girls in his class who swoon at the sight of him. Nor the art students who shower him with praise and affection whenever he (unwittingly) agrees to pose for them. Mikoshiba does not feel the need to turn on his charm, however short-lived it may be, to sweep Mayu off his feet.
(And let’s be real, Mikoshiba cannot even shove Mayu by an inch, let alone pick him up in a bridal carry.)
Today they are gathered at Nozaki’s apartment after class, along with Sakura and Nozaki himself. Mikoshiba busies himself with adding accents to the pages while Mayu slumps against the floor napping the afternoon away.
A good hour passes before Sakura stands up and stretches her arms with a quiet sigh.
“I’m feeling a little hungry. I got oranges before we came, does anyone want some?”
Mikoshiba shoots his hand up excitedly. “I do!”
Nozaki nods. “Thank you, Sakura. Hm, what if Suzuki buys some oranges for Mamiko and feeds them to her? Feeding someone is an act of love and Suzuki would be able to demonstrate his tender and caring side…”
He trails off and sinks back into his creative headspace. Sakura breaks into an amused smile and goes to look for her bag, leaving Nozaki to sketch out his inspiration. She comes back a few moments later with a bag of fresh oranges and hands a few to Mikoshiba.
“Thanks, Sakura.”
“No problem, Mikorin!” She turns to face Nozaki, lips pursed in shy indecision. After a thoughtful pause, she starts peeling an orange and holds out a slice in front of him.
“H-Here, Nozaki-kun! I peeled some for you!”
Nozaki looks up. “Ah, thank you Sakura.”
And eats the orange slice out of her fingers.
Mikoshiba doesn’t even need to look at Sakura to know that she has spontaneously combusted on the spot. Her face burns redder than his hair, which is no small feat on its own. And yet Nozaki, the fool he is, goes back to sketching like he didn’t just set off an entire festival’s worth of fireworks in Sakura’s head.
Sadly, the sky will fall sooner than Nozaki realising her feelings for him. Mikoshiba silently cheers his friend on as he watches her stumble her way back to her seat.
He cranes his neck to see Mayu still quietly sleeping away, so he takes an orange and starts to peel them as well. Once he has them all neatly peeled, he shuffles over to Mayu’s side and gently nudges him awake.
"Mayu."
Mayu pries open one eye lazily, gaze clouded with drowsiness.
Mikoshiba holds out his handful of orange slices in offering. "You want some oranges? I peeled them for you cause I know you can’t be bothered to do it yourself."
Mayu's other eye snaps open. He gapes mutely at the slices before him, not a single trace of grogginess left in him. Mikoshiba fidgets, the back of his neck tingling with nerves. Does Mayu hate oranges? Is he allergic ? Did Mikoshiba accidentally cross some unknown line by shoving them in his face?
Before he can pull back his hand with an apology at the ready, Mayu reaches out and carefully scoops the orange slices from him. His fingers, warm from tucking between his knees, brush against Mikoshiba's palm. For some odd reason, Mikoshiba’s breath hitches.
Mayu stares blankly at the peeled fruit, now cupped in his hands. It is a peculiar sight to behold.
He does not give it back to Mikoshiba, so he takes it that he accepts the offering. Shrugging it off as yet another Mayu-esque behaviour, he begins to move back to the table. He catches himself halfway through the moment when he hears his name.
"Mikoto-san."
Mikoshiba turns back to Mayu.
And Mayu—
—is looking right at Mikoshiba.
His gaze is uncharacteristically piercing, unyielding. Not like the way he gets when someone brings judo into the conversation. This feels different.
Mayu stares at him like he is all that Mayu sees. Mayu stares at him like nothing else matters in this moment except Mikoshiba.
Mikoshiba feels strangely vulnerable. Typically he would have been struck by the hysteric need to hide his face from the world, but Mayu does not trigger this. His skin prickles, but it is not unbearable.
"Thank you, Mikoto-san."
The spell breaks. It is only when Mayu speaks when Mikoshiba remembers to breathe.
"N-No problem." The words tumbles clumsily out of him as he shifts himself back to the table.
Mikoshiba doesn't understand why his heart is threatening to beat out of his chest. He stares at the page he is working on and sees a flustered Mamiko, fingers pressed up her cheeks as though she can smother her blush away.
He doesn't understand why Mamiko looks like how he is feeling.
Sleep is reluctant to find him that night. Mikoshiba contemplates between playing his games until he collapses from exhaustion or just forcing himself to fall asleep.
He does neither, and picks up his phone.
From: mamiko
hey there! how was your day?
He remembers the first few months when he started exchanging messages with Mayumayu. According to Kashima and Sakura, he was insufferable . His phone would go off every few minutes, he would stop listening to them talking because he’s too engrossed talking to his penpal-slash-online crush. He would get pouty (which he will deny to his very last breath) whenever it took Mayumayu a few hours to reply him.
(There was also one time where Nozaki suddenly freaked out and cried out how Mamiko must not let her heart be led astray by a faceless stranger. Mikoshiba had no idea how Nozaki knew he was using Mamiko’s name as his alias, but he doubted that would cause Mamiko to be unfaithful to Suzuki.)
It’s gotten better now. At least, he thinks it has. They still talk every day, and Kashima and Sakura’s complaints have stopped. Now they only make teasing jabs about his “online girlfriend” and how Mikoshiba doesn’t act like a “lovesick puppy” (Sakura’s words, not his) anymore whenever he gets a message from Mayumayu.
His phone pings with a new notification, interrupting his thoughts. He opens the chat and snorts when he reads it.
From: mayumayu
was ok class ended early. took a nap
From: mamiko
haha i wish i had the time to take a nap! been so busy meeting deadlines TAT
From: mayumayu
wat r u busy w?
From: mamiko
school, and helping a friend with an after school project. i enjoy doing it but sometimes it can get intense and my hand hurts
From: mayumayu
do hand stretches
From: mamiko
will try them out! thanks!!
From: mayumayu
np
Mikoshiba isn't sure when it started, but Mayu begins to leave Nozaki’s place with him.
He's usually done for the day when he finishes adding the accents and flowers to the pages, or if they're airing the anime he likes that day and he wants to reach home in time to catch it.
As he packs his things, Mayu sits up from his usual napping spot and declares to Nozaki that he is leaving too.
“Is that so? I'll see you around then.” Nozaki suddenly perks up. “Actually, I made too many cookies because I was trying to imagine how Mamiko might feel about baking for Suzuki. Let me pack some for you—”
“Oh, I'd love to try some of those cookies…” Sakura's hopeful voice trails off as Nozaki ducks into the kitchen.
Mikoshiba smirks slyly at her. “Don't worry, Sakura. You'll have all the time in the world to try his cookies after we leave. Just the two of you .”
At that, Sakura squeaks and her pen clatters loudly on the table.
Nozaki emerges with two bags of chocolate chip cookies, oblivious to the commotion. He hands one to Mayu and one to Mikoshiba.
“Oh, thanks Nozaki, you didn't have to.” Mikoshiba takes the cookies. They are nicely wrapped in clear plastic and even have a cute red ribbon tied around each bag.
“It's kind of pretty…”
Nozaki brightens at his compliment. “Is that so? Let me know what you think after you taste them.”
“Sure.”
Mayu holds his bag limply in his hand. His eyes are focused on Mikoshiba instead, unbeknownst to him.
They leave the apartment and Mikoshiba sneaks a glance at Sakura as the door closes behind them. He sighs inwardly when he sees her staring up at Nozaki expectantly.
Of all people to fall head over heels for, it has to be a guy who is denser than a black hole.
At his side, Mayu walks in sync with him, staring into the distance.
Mikoshiba chooses not to question why Mayu has been leaving with him. On this topic, he decides to practise Mayu’s way of life and be too lazy to think about it. Maybe he is just trying to find an opening to get out and go home where he can nap on his own bed, who knows. Mikoshiba doesn't mind the company. He quite enjoys his walks with Mayu. And that’s all he can ask for.
Still, there is one thing he wants to ask.
"So, Mayu. Have you decided which high school you wanna go to?"
Mayu glances at Mikoshiba's school crest on his uniform. Mikoshiba grins at that.
"Oh, Roman Academy as well? Why's that?"
Mayu stops in his tracks and Mikoshiba does the same. Mayu lifts his line of sight to Mikoshiba’s face and lingers there. Mikoshiba's grin falters a little at the abrupt attention.
Mayu's gaze usually does not faze him. This is like that day with the oranges all over again. Mayu has started to look at him differently but Mikoshiba just cannot figure out why.
" Nii-san already has an apartment close to the school. I come by often anyway."
The answer is rather anticlimactic and Mikoshiba finds himself chuckling. “For convenience, huh? That sounds like you, Mayu.”
Mayu tilts his head. Something crinkles softly and Mikoshiba notices the other boy is still holding the bag of cookies in his hand.
“Are you still going to hold that?” He gestures to the bag. “It'll melt in your hands. Better put it away.”
Mayu stares at it like it is a perplexing puzzle. His eyes flit to Mikoshiba for a few seconds before returning to the baked goods. After a brief moment, he unwraps it and hands one cookie to him.
Mikoshiba raises a brow. “I already have a bag of ‘em. You don't need to give it to me.”
He thinks he spots disappointment flicker across Mayu's face. But that thought is swiftly snuffed out by doubt. Why would Mayu be disappointed that Mikoshiba turned down his offer? Maybe he is being lazy as usual and can’t be bothered to stuff it in his school bag, so he prefers it gets eaten.
Still, his gut twists with guilt as Mayu slowly lowers his hand. Damn him and his soft heart.
“Fine.” He blurts out before his mind can catch up. “I'll have one, since you insist so much.”
Almost instantly Mayu’s expression smoothens out. He raises the cookie right up to Mikoshiba's mouth. He almost goes cross-eyed at the proximity. He spares Mayu a glance, and sees expectant hope in his eyes.
What Mikoshiba does next, even he can't tell you why he had done what he did.
He leans forward. And bites the cookie right out of Mayu's grip.
The moment it happens, Mikoshiba lifts his eyes. And locks gazes with Mayu. He sees Mayu's eyes widen and feels his own heart plummet as realisation dawns upon him.
He immediately staggers backwards, breaking out in cold sweat despite the heat burning up his face.
“I—shit, sorry—that was kinda weird. I guess I just thought my hands were dirty from all the ink from just now and I didn't want to get it all over something I'm eating so—”
His mouth is running like a speeding bullet as he goes on a frantic ramble, buzzing with frenzied embarrassment.
Mayu, on the other hand, is just staring mutely at his hand which Mikoshiba ate off from.
“—mean it's normal for guys to feed each other if they can’t use their hands, right? Just guys being good bros—”
“It's okay.” Mayu cuts him off softly.
“I-It’s okay?”
Mayu looks back up and right at him. If Mikoshiba hadn't spent enough time around Mayu, he wouldn't have noticed the way his eyes crinkle at the corner. Almost as if he is smiling.
“This is okay, Mikoto-san.”
From: mamiko
omg something embarrassing happened to me today!!! i wanna just crawl into a hole and disappear forever
From: mayumayu
?
wat happened
From: mamiko
ok so my friend wanted to give me a snack and for some stupid ridiculous reason i just?? ate right out of their hand?? instead of taking it from them like a normal person!!
ahhh i feel so silly TTATT
From: mayumayu
its ok ur not silly
same thing happened to me
but i was the other person
From: mamiko
omg really?? guess it happens more than you think
how did you feel when it happened to you
From: mayumayu
happy
From: mamiko
oh??
From: mayumayu
felt nice
like i was taking care of them
From: mamiko
aw that's kind of sweet actually!
i highly doubt my friend felt the same way, just hope they're not weirded out!
From: mayumayu
then theyre not ur real friend
From: mamiko
haha i guess so! you always have a way to help me see things more clearly
thank you <33
From: mayumayu
im glad
The next school year starts. Mikoshiba moves onto the third and final year of high school. Mayu joins them as a first year.
They bump into each other more often now that they are all in the same school. It’s a natural progression, Mikoshiba thinks, although he’s glad to see that Mayu is getting along with his classmates as well.
Still, he notices that his time spent with Mayu has only increased. Take today for instance. Mayu has waited for Mikoshiba after class to leave school together. Nozaki and Sakura have gone off first to do an art supply run.
It is not by chance.
Mikoshiba ‘conveniently’ forgets he has to help his teacher with an errand and tells them to head off first.
He sees the mild panic in Sakura’s eyes at suddenly being left alone with Nozaki. But he’s gotta help pull out all the stops - they’re in their final year of high school now! If Nozaki and Sakura pick different universities, she’ll miss her chance of getting her feelings across to him.
As their friend and self-appointed wingman, he needs to do all he can too.
Mayu probably knows what Mikoshiba is trying to achieve, and waits for him instead of following the not-yet-lovebirds.
“Thanks for waiting, Mayu.”
Mayu nods. They start making their way to Nozaki’s apartment.
The sky is clear today and the weather is mild. A slight breeze picks up during their walk and fans at Mikoshiba’s hair. He looks up at the sky, a strange bittersweet feeling tugging at him despite the pleasant weather.
“Man, I can’t believe that in a year I won’t be wearing this uniform anymore.”
Mayu tilts his head to observe him quietly for a moment. “Have you decided where to go, Mikoto-san?”
He hums in consideration. “I’ve been giving it some thought, but haven’t really come to a decision yet.”
Mayu falls silent, weighing his responses. Mikoshiba wonders if he has had this conversation with Nozaki himself. Let’s Fall in Love has always come first for Nozaki, but Mikoshiba notices he’s been casting distracted glances at the university catalogues at his desk when he is not sketching.
“Whatever choice you make, as long as you are content with it, it will be fine.”
Mayu’s gaze is steady. It is resolute with faith and trust, and somehow that fills him with the reassurance he doesn’t know he needs.
Mikoshiba laughs heartily and throws his arm around Mayu’s shoulder. “You’ve got some real wisdom in you, Mayu! I think you’ll make it through high school just fine!”
Mayu breaks eye contact and fixes his stare at the ground, but he doesn’t pull away.
Unfortunately, Sakura did not manage to confess to Nozaki, judging from the neutral expression on her face when they meet up later. Mikoshiba groans internally in disappointment.
Well, there’s always next time.
When it is finally time to pick their universities, Mikoshiba, Nozaki and Sakura all gather in Nozaki’s apartment, huddling around the table. The air brims with restless uncertainty, and they somberly agree to yell out the name of their choice university simultaneously just to get it over with.
The words that spill out of their mouths all sync with each other, not a single syllable misaligned. For a split second they can only stare numbly at one another in shock before bursting into laughter.
“Looks like we’re going to be school mates again!” Sakura laughs lightheartedly. “I’m glad there’ll still be familiar faces when I go to a new school.”
Shoulders sagging in relief, Mikoshiba sighs. “Tell me about it.” He pointedly ignores Sakura’s judgemental look, both fully aware of his social anxiety.
Nozaki nods. “I will still continue Let’s Fall in Love , so I’ve also looked into what the various university courses may look like. This one seems to fit well with my schedule, which is why I picked it.”
Mikoshiba smirks and pats him on the back. “And you’ll have your trusty assistants with you all the while. You’re just in luck!”
Sakura smiles brightly at Nozaki. “Yes! I’m delighted I can continue to work with you on your manga, Nozaki-kun.”
He nods again with a pleased smile. “Yes, of course. This is indeed a blessing, having people who have inspired me walk alongside me into the next chapter of my life.”
Sakura practically glows at his words.
“Since we will probably be in different faculties, we can cover more ground to get references of couples and romantic encounters on campus!”
She wilts a little at his exclamation, but her eyes gleam with exasperated fondness.
Mikoshiba masks his snort with a cough.
He also asks Kashima about her decision when he sees her the next day. When she tells Mikoshiba that she's choosing a different university, he can't help but feel a little crestfallen. He'll miss hanging out with his best friend every day. He’ll even miss those times when she dragged him to be a stand-in for drama club and he had to suppress the urge to panic whenever he had to act out dramatic scenes in front of others.
His sadness quickly shrivels when she explains why she decided on that university.
“Hori-chan-senpai is attending it too. My poor senpai , it must be so hard to live his dream as a princess without me around.”
She sighs forlornly. “He is probably looking out his window in yearning every day, hoping to see me grace the gates of his university to sweep him off his feet.”
As Kashima laments in genuine sympathy, Mikoshiba can only gawk at her in bewilderment.
(More like Hori would vomit blood when he hears that Kashima is going to the same university as him. And likely start putting up barricades to keep her out of his campus. But better to keep this thought to himself.)
Seasons pass like a winding daydream, and the first year of university starts. Mikoshiba learns how to get around a brand new environment. He enjoys being able to wear his own clothes and match his outfits now, though he sometimes misses putting on a school uniform.
He still manages to keep up his playboy reputation, but not without sending Sakura a few panicked S.O.S. messages from time to time.
(“Mikorin, you’re pretty much an adult now. You have to stop saying such embarrassing lines and then be embarrassed about them yourself!”
“I can’t help it! Girls start talking to me and before I realise it I say all those things to them!”
Sakura shoots him a look of disbelief and he wilts under her glare.)
Somewhere along the line, he also gets over his crush on Mayumayu. Of course, he still thinks of her as a great friend that he can bare his heart to. Maybe he grew up and realised it’s no use crushing over a faceless person online, maybe his feelings just changed. Regardless, she still means a lot to him.
He tells her about his new experiences. He doesn’t divulge which university he attends - despite sharing so many things with his friend he finds comfort in maintaining this veil of anonymity. That he can be himself with Mayumayu without the fear of judgement that weighs on his shoulder in real life.
From: mayumayu
ill enter university soon too
From: mamiko
oh right!! are you excited?
From: mayumayu
yes
know ppl there
From: mamiko
that’s so sweet that you plan to attend the same university as your friends!
From: mayumayu
yes
will see them more
From: mamiko
i went with my close friends too
i hope you’ll enjoy the experience as much as i have!
From: mayumayu
hope so too
“How does it feel to be in third year?”
A year has passed and Mikoshiba would confidently say he’s settled down nicely at university. Him and Sakura are still helping Nozaki with his manga. Sakura has yet to get her feelings across to Nozaki.
The world spins as usual.
The exception, however, is Mayu. As it tends to be.
Mayu visits the university campus several times a week. Why he is making the extra trip despite being in his final year — the year where he is supposed to study for his university entrance exams — bewilders him.
Perhaps he misses his brother and wants to see him more often— at least, that is what Nozaki thinks, with delighted tears in his eyes.
(Sakura, at that time, had subtly glanced his way and muttered something like “maybe it wasn’t Nozaki-kun he wants to see” but refused to elaborate when he asked her about it. Till this day he doesn’t know what she meant by that.)
Mayu peers up lazily at him from where he is lying, curled up cosily on the floor of Mikoshiba’s room. He contemplates his question and shrugs nonchalantly.
Mikoshiba sighs in mild frustration. “Come on, the final year of high school is one of the most important years of your life. It is the rite of passage into adulthood! The last year of carefree school life! Your last chance to get confessed to at the rooftop!”
Mayu levels him with an unimpressed stare.
“And did you get confessed to at the rooftop, Mikoto-san?”
Caught off-guard at having the question thrown back to him, Mikoshiba splutters. “It's different for me! You see, the girls at school loved me so much they couldn't bear to confess to me lest the wrath of my other admirers were brought down upon them!”
Mayu raises a brow, evidently unconvinced. They do not study in the same grade level, but they still spent one year in the same school. Mayu would at least have known of Mikoshiba’s fans to cast doubt at his claims.
Mikoshiba clears his throat and wisely veers the conversation back on track.
“Have you really not gotten a confession in high school?”
Mayu shakes his head.
“You don't even have a crush?”
At that, Mayu is silent.
“So you do have a crush!” Mikoshiba sits up in excitement and leans in until his hip presses against Mayu’s arm. “Who is it?”
Mayu turns away, trying to hide from his inquisitive leer. But by doing so, Mikoshiba sees the faintest shade of pink dusting the tips of his ears.
“Not telling you.”
Mikoshiba pulls back with an indignant pout. “Fine, fine. Keep your secrets.”
Mayu turns back. Curiosity seeps into his dark eyes.
“Do you have someone you like, Mikoto-san?”
Mikoshiba scoffs. “So that's how it's gonna be, huh? You can't tell me, but I can tell you?”
Mayu has the gall to pout .
Mikoshiba puffs at his ridiculous behaviour, retort ready at the tip of his tongue. But just as quickly as his annoyance balloons, he deflates. Well, it's not like he has a crush on Mayumayu anymore, he supposes it’s okay to talk about her now…
Huffing in half-hearted indignation, he crosses his arms. “I liked someone a lot back in high school.”
If he had not been too bashful revealing this to the other boy, he would have noticed the way Mayu’s jaw tightens.
“She was really cute and we messaged each other a lot back in the day. So much so that Sakura got annoyed at how much I had been glued to my phone.”
Mayu stares at the floor, brows drawn to a slight scowl.
“I recently got over her though. She’s still a good friend, but I don’t see her that way anymore.”
Mayu perks up. “…Recently.”
“Hm?”
He stares at Mikoshiba, looking unusually insistent. “So, there's no one you like right now?”
Mikoshiba cocks a brow in confusion. Strange for Mayu to phrase it like that. “Well, I guess.”
For a split second, Mayu’s gaze drops as if dejected. But it quickly flits up back up to him, newfound determination sparking in his eyes.
“I see.”
“Mayu?”
“I will try harder then. For my crush.”
Mikoshiba’s confusion only grows. Mayu is behaving rather oddly today. Perhaps the stress from his studies is finally getting to him.
Mikoshiba returns home for the weekend to visit his parents (and Noa, who had leapt straight into his arms the instant he opened the door and spent the whole night purring at his side). As much as he enjoys an independent and carefree life at university, there is something fond about home that he can never replace.
(The hundreds of figurines waiting for him back home are probably a major factor too, but he digresses).
The doorbell rings as he is shuffling around his room, looking through his things and deciding what he wants to bring back to his apartment.
His parents are out for the day, Nozaki and Sakura did not come back with him, Kashima is spending the day with Hori cafe hopping (much to Hori's supposed reluctance, based on the selfie that she has enthusiastically taken of them both and sent him).
So he can only wonder who it can be.
Noa peers curiously up at the door when he walks up to it but her tail swishes calmly. Someone familiar, then.
Mikoshiba opens the door and lets out a yelp of surprise when he sees who is on the other side.
“Mayu! What are you doing here?”
Mayu holds up a paper bag. Something heavy shifts inside of it. “ Nii-san told me you were back for the weekend and I thought I should return your manga.”
Mikoshiba clicks his tongue but not unkindly. “You didn’t have to trouble yourself to come all the way here!”
A shake of the head. “It’s no trouble.”
Mikoshiba raises a brow sceptically. Bold words for someone who can’t be bothered to sit up from laying on Nozaki’s bean bag to sip his boxed juice and needed Mikoshiba to hold it up for him so he can drink it without spilling it over himself.
“Alright. Thanks for taking the time to travel here. Do you wanna come in?”
He invites Mayu in and heads into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Mayu, instead of waiting in the living room like an obedient guest, follows him in.
Well, he’s been over at his place so many times. He’s even seen the more risque figurines that Mikoshiba has painstakingly preserved in his room. He supposes Mayu has earned the special guest privilege of making himself at home.
“So, how’s the progress with your crush?” Mikoshiba asks as he pours his friend a glass of water.
Mayu blinks at him, a mix of surprise and puzzlement.
“You said you were going to try harder, didn’t you?”
“Ah.” Recognition settles in his expression. “I did.”
Mikoshiba raises his brows in anticipation.
“It’s…going.”
He groans. “Come now, Mayu! Now’s not the time to be lazy! If you really like her, you gotta give it your all!”
Mayu wordlessly takes in his reaction with an intrigued glint in his eyes. “How would you do it, Mikoto-san?”
Mikoshiba startles. “Like what? Confess to someone?”
He nods.
“I—well,” he thinks for a moment. He hasn’t really thought about it, to be honest. Sure, he’s confessed plenty of times in his games, but usually it’s the girls who do it first. And he doesn’t even need to consider real life because he has never confessed to anyone before. Not to forget that understatement of a disaster when that girl from the other school confessed to him and he had to drag Seo to be his pretend girlfriend to prove that he was unavailable.
(How Wakamatsu has developed feelings for Seo, he does not have the first clue.)
Mayu is still staring at him expectantly and he realises he has gotten off tangent in his thoughts.
“Well, if I were to confess to someone,” the first time that comes to mind is something extravagant like in his games—fireworks during a festival, flowers on a birthday, shooting stars blazing across the night sky—but none of those seem right . None of those are what he truly wants.
“I want it to be a private and intimate moment between the two of us,” is what Mikoshiba finally says. “It will feel right, like this has been a long time coming. And at that moment there is no one more important than the person in front of me.”
When he is met with silence, Mikoshiba glances up. Mayu is staring at him with an unreadable expression, but this is the first time he sees so much in his eyes. The sheer everything in his gaze captivates Mikoshiba and he cannot look away.
Mayu is the first to break eye contact, and Mikoshiba lets out a breath he doesn’t realise he’s been holding.
“Thank you for the advice, Mikoto-san,” came his soft murmur. Mikoshiba attempts a confident smile and hopes it doesn’t waver as much as his heart is fluttering.
They spend the rest of the afternoon holed up in Mikoshiba’s room playing one of his games. Nothing of note happens after their conversation in the kitchen, and it feels like any other regular hangout with Mayu again. It is only when he gets a text from his parents that they are returning soon that he realises that it is already close to evening, if the evenfall blue crawling across the sky is of any indication.
Mikoshiba squawks and jumps to his feet. “My bad, I didn’t realise so much time has passed. You must have lots to do now that exams are around the corner.”
“It’s okay.” Mayu says as he takes his time getting up. “I enjoyed today.”
He sure has a way to stop Mikoshiba from worrying over every little thing. He smiles amusingly.
“Are you going over to Nozaki’s tomorrow?” He asks as he walks him to the main door.
Mayu nods.
“Alright. See ya then.” He reaches to open the door but then pauses. “Oh, out of curiosity - have you decided which university you wanna go to?”
Mayu nods again.
“Same as you.”
Mikoshiba blinks. Then he laughs.
“First Roman Academy, now this. Is it cause you can continue to stay with your brother?”
Mayu regards him for a moment. Then, he takes a step closer.
Mikoshiba’s shoulders tighten at the abrupt close of distance. Instinctively he backs up, but Mayu moves forward again to close the space between them. Mikoshiba hadn’t realised he is this much taller than him. He has to crane his neck to look up at him, but if he walks back any further he’d have hit the wall.
Mayu is now close enough to touch. He peers down at Mikoshiba, eyes conveying something profound but he does not have the means to decipher it.
Mikoshiba’s chest tightens and he finds himself having trouble breathing.
“It’s because,” Mayu murmurs, deep gaze fixed on him, “I want to catch up to you.”
Mikoshiba stops breathing.
Mayu steps back as if nothing happened. As if he did not tilt Mikoshiba’s world on its axis. “I'll take my leave then. Goodbye, Mikoto-san.”
And just like that, he walks out. Mikoshiba can only stare numbly at his retreating back until he disappears around a corner.
Mikoshiba has no idea what just occurred. But for some reason, he feels like he has unlocked a special dialogue not unlike in his games. But this is not his games, this is not a 2D fictional girl he is talking to. This is Mayu.
So why is his heart hammering so loudly?
Mayu’s words haunt him late into the night, replaying in his head like a broken record. Mikoshiba lays on his bed and stares up at his ceiling, frowning at a small mark as if it will unravel the tangled strings of his confusion.
A quiet ping breaks his concentration. Mikoshiba pulls out his phone, welcoming the distraction.
From: mayumayu
r u awake?
From: mamiko
hey!! yes i am. how has your day been?
From: mayumayu
is k. visited a friend
From: mamiko
oh that’s nice!! always good to spend time with your loved ones :)
did you want to talk about something?
From: mayumayu
no just bored
From: mamiko
ah, will do my best to entertain you!!
actually, i do have an interesting story. something strange happened to me today
From: mayumayu
?
From: mamiko
what do you think it means when someone says they want to catch up to you
a friend’s sibling said this to me and i still don’t know what to think of it…
From: mayumayu
oh
like in a race?
From: mamiko
i don’t know!! that’s the thing :((
are we competing and i wasn’t aware of it? but we have nothing to compete over?? we’re in different grades, and we’re totally different people
From: mayumayu
mb they think you walk fast
From: mamiko
really? i don’t think i walk that fast…
anyway, i’m gonna sleep on it, maybe i’ll figure it out tomorrow
have i sufficiently entertained you? :)
From: mayumayu
yea
hope u figure it out
From: mamiko
thank you <3
From: mayumayu
gnite
From: mamiko
good night!!
“Hey, Sakura.”
“Hm?” His friend hums absent-mindedly as she takes a sip of her iced coffee. They’ve huddled up in a cafe near their campus to wait for Nozaki’s class to end.
“Do you think I walk fast?”
Sakura almost spits out her drink. “Huh?!”
Mikoshiba frowns. What is so shocking about his question? “Do you think I walk at a weirdly fast pace?”
She gawks at him like he’s grown a second head. “No? You walk at a normal pace? Why would you even ask that?”
Mikoshiba purses his lips, dissatisfied at her answer. “It’s nothing. Just a random thought.”
Sakura squints at him suspiciously and he stubbornly does not elaborate. Consider it payback for the many times she brings up Mayu in their conversations for no reason and does not explain herself.
As if she can read his thoughts—
“How’s Mayu doing?”
“Busy preparing for his entrance exams.” He shrugs matter-of-factly. “Not busy enough to visit us apparently. Who would have thought someone as lazy as him would have come all the way to my place to return my manga?”
Sakura glances away, an indecipherable look in her eyes.
“Hey, Mikorin. What do you really think about Mayu?”
He leans forward. “What do you mean by that?”
“You’ve known him for years, and he’s the closest to you besides Nozaki-kun. He seems to like hanging out with you the most.”
“I mean,” Mikoshiba scrambles to come up with an explanation, “Nozaki hangs out with the two of us the most, by extension so does Mayu. And it’s natural for a guy to spend more time with another guy than a girl. I just so happened to be the ‘another guy’.”
Sakura seems unconvinced. “But it’s like you said, he makes the extra effort to see you, like going to your house to return your manga. And not to forget, all the times where he leaves Nozaki-kun’s apartment whenever you do!”
“Now you’re just seeing things where you shouldn’t…” He laughs weakly, trying to brush off her claims. He knows what she’s trying to get at, and he is not going to buy into it. Sure, he’s made similar observations as her, but clearly it isn’t what she thinks it is!
Sakura rolls her eyes, not hiding her vexation at his bullheadedness. “You spend all these years playing those dating games and yet you’re still so oblivious to someone’s feelings.”
Mikoshiba hurriedly hushes her, not wanting his secret otaku side to be revealed so openly in public.
“Says the girl who has a massive crush for years over a shojo manga artist who ironically has been blind as a bat to her romantic feelings,” he snaps back hotly.
Sakura flinches and pouts grumpily, and almost instantly his irritation withers away.
“Sorry, that was a low blow.”
“It’s okay.” She mumbles, eyes downcast. Mikoshiba takes in the glum sight of his friend and awkwardly pats her hand. Sakura’s mouth twitches with a weak grin and he knows that all is forgiven.
“He’ll get the hint. Eventually. I mean, he has to, right? No one can be that big of an idiot.”
Sakura lets out a long-suffering sigh. “At this point, he might just be. But hey, don’t think I forgot the point of this conversation. You haven’t told me how you feel about Mayu.”
“Mayu’s a good friend. That’s all there is to it.” Mikoshiba simply replies.
She narrows her eyes and he cannot help but fidget in his chair. Before she can prod further, a familiar voice calls out to them.
“Mikoshiba, Sakura. Sorry for the wait!” Nozaki hurries over and plants himself onto the seat next to Sakura.
“It’s okay, Nozaki-kun! I’m glad you’re here.” She smiles cheerfully, the razor sharpness in her eyes softening into delight at his arrival.
Mikoshiba steals a final glance at her before turning to Nozaki. “Damn right you are to feel sorry. Sakura waited for you for hours, you owe her dinner for this.”
Sakura startles and begins to fret. “I didn’t wait that long, really, it’s alright—”
“Is that so?” Nozaki casts her a guilty look. “Of course, happy to make up for my lateness with dinner. Feel free to pick a place, Sakura.”
If her face is to turn any redder, she’d outmatch the red bows on her hair. In her agitation, her frantic eyes dart to Mikoshiba.
Mikoshiba all but winks back.
From: mamiko
maaan i can’t wait for my friends to get together
this has been going on for literal years!! and it’s going nowhere!!!
From: mayumayu
y dont u just tell them both
From: mamiko
i can’t do that! i’m not taking that away from them. a confession is something special between two people, i can’t just interfere like that
From: mayumayu
wt r u gonna do
From: mamiko
i don’t know…i’ve tried to give them opportunities to spend time alone together. hopefully that will get them somewhere
or maybe give one of them the opportunity to confess to the other. and properly this time
From: mayumayu
wbu
how wld u want to be confessed to
From: mamiko
hm i don’t know
there’s so many ways you can go about it!
Mikoshiba presses his phone against his chin. As he tries to piece together a good enough answer, he remembers what he told Mayu the other day.
(“I want it to be a private and intimate moment between the two of us,” is what Mikoshiba finally says. “It will feel right, like this has been a long time coming. And at that moment there is no one more important than the person in front of me.”)
Granted, it was about how he would like to confess to someone, not the other way around. But at the end of the day it’s pretty much the same, is it not?
From: mamiko
ok i got it!
i want it to be a special one. something intimate. if it’s just us when the confession happens, i think it’ll be really sweet cause that moment is shared just between the two of us. don’t you think it’ll be an amazing feeling? that right then and there that there is no one more important than the person in front of me?
It takes a long time for Mayumayu to reply. In fact, she does not reply for the rest of the night.
Uneasiness creeps up at Mikoshiba, and he wonders if he shared too much and crossed a line.
A day stretches to a week. Mikoshiba shoots a message to ask if things are okay and also to apologise if he said anything wrong. He doesn’t get a response.
One week stretches into two. And two into three.
Around this time Mayu stops visiting them. Mikoshiba chalks it up to exam crunch period and doesn’t bother him. Even Nozaki mentions that he’s been getting slower responses from his brother (even slower than it usually is, anyway).
It is only after three weeks of radio silence that he gets a message. Mikoshiba’s heart speeds up in nervousness when he finally gets the notification. He opens the message, excited but fearful of what he will see.
From: mayumayu
sflr an emergency came up
ddnt mean to ignore u
From: mamiko
that’s ok! hope you’re okay now
From: mayumayu
idk i hope so
how r u
From: mamiko
i’m great, especially now that i’m hearing from you again!
i was really worried i scared you away…
From: mayumayu
no never
sry for leaving u alone
From: mamiko
don’t be! i’m glad we’re talking again
From: mayumayu
hows the thing with ur friends
From: mamiko
you know what? i think it’s actually going somewhere for once! my friend (the one who’s been pining for years) seems happier than usual! guess i’m doing a pretty good job as her wingperson!
From: mayumayu
thats gd
From: mamiko
:)
anyway tell me what you’ve been up to!
Mayu resumes his visits again. Exams are now over, and he seems pretty confident about the outcome.
“Of course you’d be.” Mikoshiba says. “Didn’t you top your class when you were in middle school?”
“Because I was told I won’t be able to attend the judo club if I didn’t improve my grades.”
He chuckles. “What, so did you use the judo club in our university as motivation?”
“That was one,” Mayu nods, “there was also another motivation.”
Mikoshiba raises a brow. Now this is interesting. “And what was that?”
Mayu stares at him. It feels different from the previous times he looked at Mikoshiba. Even compared to the time where he was all up in Mikoshiba’s personal space in his house.
Mayu stares at him as if not even the end of the world can take his eyes off Mikoshiba.
“Not telling you yet.”
Mikoshiba clicks his tongue. “Spoilsport! You and your secrets. First, your crush. Now, your mystery motivation. You really know how to leave someone hanging.”
At that, Mayu smiles.
As predicted, Mayu scores with flying colours, and joins the same university as Mikoshiba, Nozaki and Sakura. It feels like the time where they were all in the same high school, and they’d meet up after class and head over to Nozaki’s place to help him with his manga. This sliver of familiarity is somewhat comforting for Mikoshiba.
Now that he has moved into Nozaki’s university apartment, Mayu doesn’t have to travel to and fro from his parent’s place, his high school and the university. Which means he continues his tradition of waiting for Mikoshiba after class and walking to Nozaki’s apartment or their lunch spot.
Somewhere along the line, Mikoshiba starts to notice Mayu differently.
Objectively, Mayu has always been handsome. He is well built with his years and effort training in judo. His black hair frames his defined features pleasantly (and is surprisingly soft to the touch. Mayu had more than once wiggled into Mikoshiba’s space and rested his head on his lap for a nap, and Mikoshiba accidentally runs his fingers through his hair). If he had been more sociable, he’d be extremely popular among his peers.
Maybe it is the change of environment. Maybe it is because he is seeing Mayu even more often after so long. Maybe it is because they are in the same school again. And maybe it is the silly claims that Sakura said that have wormed their way into his brain.
At some point, he picks up on the little things about Mayu. The quiet depth in his eyes. The blink-and-you-miss smiles whenever they exchange eye contact. The curl in his fingers when they stand close to each other, as if Mayu wants to hold onto something but is restraining himself from doing so.
And now that Nozaki and Sakura are starting to spend more time together (and if the increasingly pleased expression on her face is anything to go by he’d dare say that something is blossoming on the horizon), he naturally starts to spend more time exclusively with Mayu as well.
“Mikoto-san.”
Mikoshiba looks up from his phone. He has taken a seat on one of the campus benches while waiting for the other. “Oh, Mayu. You’re usually here earlier than me. Did you get held up?”
Looking slightly apologetic, Mayu holds up an iced can of tea. “Got this for you.”
Mikoshiba blinks in surprise and takes it. “Ah, thank you. That’s very kind of you. I didn’t get you anything, though.”
Mayu shakes his head. Mikoshiba smiles, ignoring the way his heart skips a little at his thoughtfulness.
“Anyway, shall we? Sakura told me there is a pretty nice sushi place that just opened, we can go there for lunch.”
“Okay.” Mayu pauses for a second. “Can we walk through the park to get there?”
An unusual request, but Mikoshiba obliges.“Sure?”
They take a detour through the park. University students and members of the public pepper throughout the area as they spend the afternoon relaxing there, but their path is not crowded. Mikoshiba takes a sip of his drink as they walk at a leisurely pace.
“Mikoto-san.” Mayu suddenly speaks up. “I have something to tell you.”
Ah, so there is something on Mayu’s mind after all. A favour perhaps, hence the drink as bribery?
“Sure, what’s up?”
Mayu stops in his tracks and Mikoshiba mirrors his movement. Mayu keeps his gaze on the ground, hands clenching and unclenching as he bites his lower lip. Mikoshiba sucks in a breath of shock.
Mayu is nervous .
“What’s wrong, Mayu?” He attempts to reassure the other boy. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“Mikoto-san. You told me previously, about the girl you liked.”
He frowns. “What about her?”
“Actually, I know who she is.”
“What?!”
“She—Mayumayu—” Mikoshiba gasps sharply at the mention of her name. So Mayu actually knows—”is me.”
Mikoshiba blinks. Then—
“What are you talking about? Mayumayu is a girl I met online. I started talking to her when I was high school and she was in middle school—” he pauses, then continues, “and I found her through her art blog with her drawings of girls in judo—” another pause, “b-but it was weird for a guy to compliment a girl’s art so I went by the name—”
“Mamiko.” Mayu finishes for him.
Mikoshiba’s jaw drops.
To deal the finishing blow, Mayu pulls out his phone and flashes the screen at him.
It is the chat he shares with Mayumayu, years of messages and secrets in this conversation. Except the sender here is not Mamiko, but rather—
Mikoshiba releases a shaky exhale.
“ You’re Mayumayu.”
Mayu shifts awkwardly and even though he doesn’t mean it as a question, he manages a stiff nod. A pang of hurt and betrayal hits Mikoshiba, knocking the air out of him. It must have reflected clearly on his face, with the way Mayu’s lips twitch with what he thinks to be guilt.
“Why didn’t you tell me? How long have you known?”
“I’ve only found out recently. But I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“How recent?”
“…more than six months ago. At the end of my third year.”
His conversation with Mayumayu replays in his head. His blood runs cold. He feels his heart take a nosedive.
“All the things I’ve told Mayumayu—told you —all these years…! I can’t believe it.”
Mayu leans forward and begins to reach a hand to his shoulder. “Mikoto-san—”
Mikoshiba flinches and jerks away. Mayu freezes, eyes blown wide.
“I need—time. To think. Sorry.” And hurries away. He doesn't wait to hear Mayu’s response.
He doesn’t know how he makes it back to his apartment, but he does. He plunges face first onto his bed, shrinking into a tight tense ball. He gasps into his trembling arms, squeezing his eyes shut in a futile attempt to block his thoughts out.
His head spins and the bed sheets crumple in his clenching fists. All he can hear is the sound of his rapid choked breathing.
…He can’t deal with this by himself any more. If he is smothered in his own anxiety a second longer he is going to throw up.
When he eventually, finally, raises his head, he looks at the window. The sky has already begun to darken at the edges. He must have been in this state for hours.
With a sluggish hand, he dials the first number he can think of.
“Hello?”
“…Sakura.” His voice is hoarse, having not spoken for so long.
Her voice is light, gentle. It is a balm to his aching heart. “Mikorin? What's up?”
“Are you back at your place?”
“Yeah. Why? Are you alright?” Concern bubbles in her tone. Mikoshiba feels his eyes burn at the question.
“…No, I'm not. Can I come over?”
“Okay. Be safe while you get here, alright?”
“I’ll try.”
Pushing himself onto his feet, he rushes over to her place with a one-track mind, trying to hold it together the whole way there. He thinks he managed fine, given that no one spares him a second glance when he hurries past them.
When he reaches her door, he only has to knock on it once before it opens. Evidently she has been waiting by the door for him to show up.
Sakura looks up at him with wide, worried eyes.
“Mikorin?”
Mikoshiba bursts into tears.
She jolts in surprise, but quickly ushers him inside. Gently guiding him to sit at the foot of her bed, she cautiously settles next to him.
He cries and cries, not caring how he looks as he leans into her shoulder. He must look and sound awful, but she says nothing about it.
“It's okay, Mikorin.” Sakura murmurs as she rubs soothing circles on his back. “You're safe here with me.”
Eventually his wailing subsides, emotions quelling just enough for his tears to stop flowing uncontrollably. Mentally he narrows in on her comforting hand on his back as his anchor, and he slowly pieces himself back together to resemble a fraction of his usual self.
Seeing that he has calmed down a little, Sakura leans away a little to grab some tissues for him.
“…Sorry.” He mumbles as he wipes his face.
“There's nothing to apologise for.” Her firm words are softened by the compassion in her tone. “Who did this to you?”
He shakes his head wearily. “It's not like that.”
“Then what is it?”
Mikoshiba chews on his lip, struggling to figure out where to even start. “You remember the girl I've been messaging all the time?”
Sakura nods, wariness etched into her frown.
“I found out who she is.”
Her back straightens in surprise. “You did? Who?”
Mikoshiba presses his lips into a thin hard line, the truth heavy on his tongue. Despite having everything laid out in front of him just hours ago, there is a part of him that still struggles to come to terms with it.
“It's Mayu.”
Sakura freezes. Her hand on his back goes still.
“What?!”
He tiredly recounts to her what happened, watching her expression flit from shock to disbelief to troubled to anger and finally to sympathy.
Her face falls. “Oh Mikorin, I'm so sorry.”
“Don't be. I can't believe I've been so blind.”
“You're not. You didn't know.” Sakura purses her lips. “And I guess Mayu didn't know till recently either.”
“I know, but I'm still so upset. At him, at myself, at everything .”
“It's okay to be upset.” She rests her other hand on his arm. “What are you going to do now?”
He shrugs helplessly. “I don't know. Crawl into a hole and never come back out again, I guess.”
Sakura gives him a chastising look but doesn't comment on that. Instead, “I think you just need some time to digest this. You may want to keep some distance from Mayu until you get your thoughts sorted. But you shouldn't ignore him for too long either.”
Mikoshiba buries his face in his hands and groans in distress.
“This is such a mess. I don't know what to do anymore.”
He feels a soft pat on his back. “We'll figure this out, Mikorin. You're not alone in this.”
Mikoshiba snaps his head up and gapes at her. “Please don't tell Nozaki about this. Not until I sort this out.”
Sakura shifts uncomfortably at the thought of hiding something from Nozaki. But, “Okay, I promise.”
He sags in relief. “Thank you. I don't know what I've done to deserve you as a friend.”
She gives him a crooked smile, as if she finds his words utterly ridiculous. “We're friends because we care for each other. Being there for you is the least I can do. It's that simple.”
They fall into a comfortable and commiserative silence. Mikoshiba’s gaze wanders around her room, taking it in proper for the first time even though he’s been here on a few occasions. He notices an open laptop and books on her desk and wonders if he interrupted her studying. She’d deny being disturbed though, he’s sure of that.
After a while, Sakura speaks again. “I don't know if this makes you feel better, but—Mayu has always cared for you deeply. It's something I've noticed all these years we've known each other. He cares for you as friend, and maybe also—”
She clears her throat. “But regardless, the fact that he chose to tell you, even if it wasn't immediately after finding out, means that he doesn’t want any secrets coming between you two. I hope that at least means he wants to continue being your friend.”
Mikoshiba lets her words sink in for a minute.
“Okay, I’ll think about it.”
Sakura smiles gently and she pulls Mikoshiba into a tight hug. Though she is of a much smaller frame, her warmth envelopes him wholly. He melts into the embrace, relishing the comfort she shares with him.
She makes him stay the night, despite his countless protests (”You shouldn’t let some guy just stay at your place—” “You’re not just some guy , Mikorin—” “And what would Nozaki think if he finds out—” “Please, Nozaki-kun would do the exact same thing as me—”)
What finally convinced him is the earnest look in her eyes and her reason being, “You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
And damn, as much as he denies it, she is right. The last thing he wants to do now is to be alone in his thoughts, surrounded by four blank walls and suffocating in silence. And for that he is eternally grateful for his friend.
As expected, Mayu doesn’t look for him the next day. Or the next. Mikoshiba said he needed time to think and Mayu has respected his request. There is neither hair nor hide from him, and despite himself Mikoshiba feels a terrible ache in his absence.
Sakura spends more time with him now. She calls him up to ask his whereabouts so that she can take him to the trendy cafes that just opened. He does not see Nozaki with her, and somehow he knows it is her doing. Being around Mayu’s brother does him no favour to the storm raging in his mind right now, and he’s certain that Sakura knows this.
He really doesn’t deserve her.
At night, when he stews in his thoughts in his bed, he plucks the courage to open his chats with both Mayu and Mayumayu. He scrolls through the years of messages he’s exchanged with them both—which he now knows to be the same person. He texts Mayu with their real numbers, and with Mayumayu they use a messaging app that doesn’t require phone numbers.
It really is obvious now that he looks back, but hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
Mayu is not online, which gives him the motivation to start typing.
hey—
Backspace.
i’m still kinda mad but—
Backspace.
i miss y—
Backspace .
He scowls at his phone as types and retypes, but just can't string together a thread of words in the right order.
He falls into a restless sleep with his phone in hand, his message remaining as a draft.
He finds Mayu in the library a few weeks later. The other boy is tucked away in an empty corner, quietly dozing away. Mikoshiba wouldn’t have come across him if he hadn’t received a message from Sakura revealing his location. How Sakura knows where Mayu is, he isn’t sure but knows better to question it.
He takes her message as a gentle nudge to resolve the situation, rather than a warning so he knows where to avoid. Thinking back on the stories that Nozaki has crafted about Mamiko, he takes inspiration from the shy yet brave heroine who will not run away from a problem but rather face it head on.
As Mikoshiba walks towards him, Mayu pries open his eyes at the sound of approaching footsteps. The glazed look in his eyes clears in an instant. He hurriedly sits up, staring up at Mikoshiba with restrained anticipation. His mouth parts and shuts, clearly wanting to say something but dares not to send Mikoshiba scuttling away again.
Mikoshiba glances at the seat opposite him. “Can I sit here?”
Mayu nods stiffly. Mikoshiba takes a seat.
An awkward silence passes as they stare silently at each other, both waiting for the other to say something. Mikoshiba had hoped that facing Mayu in person would help him find the right words, but the appropriate response evades him still.
An idea strikes him. Pulling out his phone, he begins typing to Mayu—not Mayumayu. Mayu watches him curiously and takes his phone out as well when it vibrates with a new message.
what did you think of Mamiko?
Mayu looks down at the screen, eyes boring into it for a good few seconds. Mikoshiba's heart is thumping so loudly he swears the whole library can hear it.
His fingers eventually move to type a response. Mikoshiba recalls, years ago, that Mayu once gave up penning his thoughts and spoke instead because it was too troublesome to write. But now, there is a determined set in his jaw, his usual lethargy nowhere to be seen.
Mayu presses ‘send’ with quiet decisiveness and looks back up at Mikoshiba. His eyes trace Mikoshiba’s expression cautiously as he reads his message. Mikoshiba feels his heart leap as his eyes sweep across the words.
cheerful shy kind. reminds me of u
That is definitely Mayumayu's writing style, if Mikoshiba still has any doubt left in him.
were you upset when you found out i was Mamiko? He sends back.
Mikoshiba doesn’t know why he wants to know, but the question chips at the back of his mind ever since he found out the truth.
surprised but not upset. glad actually
Mikoshiba snaps his gaze up at Mayu. Mayu's expression is unreadable. But his fingers twitch when their eyes meet.
Is he nervous? Mikoshiba wonders. What for?
“Were you upset?” Mayu breaks the silence. For some reason, it cements the reality of the situation.
Mikoshiba sighs lowly. “I was at first. I felt like I was lied to, and I said so many things to Mayumayu that I wouldn't tell—well, Mayu. She was meant to be my confidant, I can tell her things without her finding out who is behind the screen. And now I realise that I had bared my soul to someone who knows who I am in real life.”
Mayu winces—barely, but enough for him to notice.
“But I wasn't forthcoming either. Even though I wasn't the one who found out first, I still pretended to be someone I'm not to talk to you in the first place. And I can imagine you were in a tough spot when you found out. Despite it all, I’m glad you decided to tell me. I just hope that this doesn't ruin our friendship for good.”
Tentative hope gleams in Mayu’s eyes.
“I want to continue being your friend, Mikoto-san. If you’ll let me.”
Mikoshiba gapes at him for a few seconds, and then smiles wryly.
Mayu really has a way to stop him from worrying over every little thing.
Things slowly return to normal after that. Mayu waits for him after class again, and Mikoshiba doesn’t feel like he has hidden a dead body in secret when he sees Nozaki.
Though, there is that one time where he spotted Sakura giving Mayu a piercing glare when he and Nozaki stepped out to buy some drinks, and when they returned Mayu looked strangely chastised.
(Sakura had given him a pat on the shoulder after that. “You’ll be alright, Mikorin. I’ve made sure of that!”
And Mayu, when they were eventually alone together, declared with a resolute look in his eyes, “I promise I will not hurt you anymore, Mikoto-san.”)
Mikoshiba has yet to figure out what on earth happened between them two.
The rainy weather has become a frequently increasing occurrence, and because Mikoshiba is a stubborn idiot he forgets to pack his umbrella and is now paying the price.
He and Mayu have ducked into a cafe to grab a late afternoon coffee, but by the time they are done the sky is grey and rumbling. Soon it starts to rain with what seems to be an impending downpour.
Mikoshiba groans at the darkening sky. “Crap, if we stay, who knows how long we’ll get stuck here. Do you have an umbrella?”
“No.”
“Shit, okay. Let's run back to my place, it's closer.”
They brave the rain and scramble to Mikoshiba's apartment. Mikoshiba denies having squawked when a large droplet just so happens to splash right in his eye.
Somehow they make it to Mikoshiba’s apartment back in one piece, but not without being a victim to nature’s tears. Still, as Mikoshiba brushes stray droplets from his arms, he thinks they made a good choice, seeing that it is pouring buckets right now. If they left the cafe any later they might as well have swum a lap in the pool and wouldn’t have looked any different.
Sparing a glance at Mayu, who is shaking water out of his hair like a wet disgruntled cat, he cannot help but grin in amusement.
“Wait here, I'll get us some towels.”
He rifles through his cupboard for clean towels. Grabbing the first two he gets his hands on, Mikoshiba stands back up and pads back over to Mayu.
He stops short when he takes in the sight of Mayu. Mayu has peeled off his jacket, leaving his upper body in a drenched white shirt that clings steadfastly onto him. Though he looks slim on a regular day, he is still a judoka with years of training under his belt. This unfortunate situation only helps to accentuate the firm contours of his sculpted figure.
Fighting back an inconvenient blush, Mikoshiba shoves a towel at him.
“H-Here you go.”
Mayu takes it, seemingly oblivious to the turmoil simmering in his head. “Thank you, Mikoto-san.”
“Do you want a change of clothes too? You're gonna catch a cold.” Giving him a fresh set of clothes will benefit both of their healths, he reckons.
Mayu hesitates for a second before he nods.
“Gotta find something bigger for you.” Mikoshiba chuckles to himself as he rummages through his wardrobe. “Guess that's what judo does to a guy. And good genes too, with how tall Nozaki is himself.”
He finds the largest pair of shirt and sweatpants he has and hands them to Mayu.
Mayu mutters his thanks and begins to remove his clothes from where he stands.
Mikoshiba swears he’s going to blow a fuse. “Wait! W-What are you doing?”
“Changing my clothes,” came the dry answer, as if Mikoshiba is the ridiculous one here.
“Do it in the bathroom!” Mikoshiba runs a hand down his face. “You know what, you can stay here, I'll get changed in the bathroom.”
Mikoshiba hastily yanks out a shirt and pants without even checking which ones he took and scurries to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Slumping against the door, he squeezes his eyes and tries not to think about Mayu's long fingers fiddling at his buttons. Or his pale skin that his wet shirt was doing a terrible job of hiding. Or the way rain droplets were hanging onto his long lashes.
This has been happening more frequently now. Not Mayu removing his clothes, obviously. Getting distracting thoughts whenever he looks or even thinks of Mayu. His mind has the worrying tendency to wander into the unchartered territory of Mayu’s hair, his face, his hands, arms, legs, ass—
Stop. Do not let that train of thought finish.
He wonders if this is because he knows now that Mayu and Mayumayu are one and the same, and his old crush over Mayumayu has revived now that he can put a face to the name.
Scrubbing his face to push these unwelcome thoughts out of his mind, he hastily gets changed. Counting backwards from thirty, he gives himself time for his face to return to a normal shade of colour before exiting the bathroom.
Thankfully, Mayu has already changed and is standing idly, wet clothes in his hands.
“Do they fit alright?”
“Yes.” He tugs at the hem of his shirt. Mikoshiba's shirt.
“I'll get a bag for your clothes.” He combs through his shelves for a spare plastic bag.
“Thank you.” He hears Mayu say quietly.
Mikoshiba chuckles as he helps Mayu shove his wet clothes into the bag. “Gosh, you can't get by without me, huh? Need me to take care of you and everything.”
Mayu looks up. There is something in his gaze that leaves Mikoshiba feeling dry in his throat.
“I like it when you take care of me.”
Mikoshiba’s jaw slackens. Those words spur his mind back into overdrive—after all the trouble to calm it down to somewhat reasonable levels. Damn Mayu with his bad timing and poor choice of words.
He spins around frantically, hiding his reddening face from Mayu.
“T-There you go again, saying something so embarrassing. You should save those lines for someone else. Like that person you like.”
He is about to stomp off when firm arms envelop him from behind. That steals his breath away.
“M-Mayu…?”
He feels Mayu lean into him, forehead against the back of Mikoshiba’s head. A long line of heat presses up against Mikoshiba from behind. Mayu’s breath hits the back of his neck and sets his entire body ablaze. Mikoshiba’s senses are going haywire but his body has locked up in complete shock.
The rain patters softly against the window. The silver veil shields them from the world outside. At this moment, in the quiet rainfall, everything else fades away and only the existence of them two remains.
He feels Mayu slide his head lower, and lower—
“Mikoto-san.” Mayu whispers into his neck, pressing his name into his skin.
A full body shiver shoots up Mikoshiba’s spine. He opens his mouth (—to say something, call out Mayu’s name, ask him what he’s doing—) but only a soundless gasp escapes him.
“Mikoto-san.” Mayu says quietly again, seemingly aware of the effect he has on Mikoshiba. “You are the one I like.”
Mikoshiba’s mind blanks.
“I like you.”
His knees buckle, but Mayu’s strong embrace keeps him upright. His arms tighten around his arms and abdomen, setting his skin on fire.
“I—you—”
“You don’t have to give me a reply. I just want to make my feelings known to you.”
Mikoshiba’s heart is racing so quickly he gets a little light-headed. It is only when he attempts to calm himself down with deep breaths when he feels a matching rapid heartbeat thumping against him as well.
Coherence has escaped Mikoshiba and he cannot string words together in an intelligible manner. He remains standing numbly, embraced by Mayu as he takes in the sensation of Mayu’s breath on his skin, arms around his body, heartbeat of another person against his back.
Mayu tilts his head and with the change in angle Mikoshiba feels the faintest brush of lips against the side of his neck.
Soon, and sooner than he would have liked, Mayu lets go. He takes the warmth with him and Mikoshiba finds himself yearning for it again.
He turns around timidly and dares to glance up. Mayu is staring back, features soft with what Mikoshiba may even call affection. That resets his process of recovering his bearings and a minute passes before he is sensible enough to speak again.
“I…I need time. To think about this.”
Mayu nods in understanding. “I will wait.”
Mikoshiba licks his lips in nervousness and his stomach somersaults when Mayu’s gaze darts down to catch the motion.
“How long have you…?”
A low thoughtful exhale leaves Mayu. “I don’t know. Years, maybe.”
A gasp of surprise escapes him. “Years…!”
“I don’t know when it started, but I realised it one day when you were looking at me like you always do.”
“...Which is?”
Mayu looks down in thought. Mikoshiba supposes it’s been a while since he has to talk at length like this.
“Cheerful, shy. And kind.”
Astonishment rises up Mikoshiba’s throat and he has to swallow it back down. He chuckles despite himself. “That simple, huh.”
His muted laughter tapers off when Mayu smiles.
“With you, falling in love was the simplest thing that could have happened.”
Mikoshiba’s breath catches.
Another moment passes as he takes in the sight of Mayu being so achingly tender.
“Mayu, give me some time. I promise I will give you a reply.”
Gentle understanding settles in his expression. “I know.”
The rain has yet to stop but it has lessened slightly enough to see the nearby buildings. Mikoshiba glances out at the window. Rain drops tap lightly against it, sliding down the glass like a weeping canvas.
“I can leave.” Mayu says. “It’s let up a little, I can make it back.”
Mikoshiba looks back in concern. “You don’t have to leave because of me.”
“I know. But I should.”
He regards him for a moment before relenting. He goes to dig through a corner of his room and comes back with an umbrella.
“You went through all this trouble to get dry. Better not let your hard work go to waste.”
Mayu takes the umbrella from him gratefully, the corners of his mouth curling into a private smile.
“Mikoto-san knows how to take care of me as always.”
A fierce blush begins to burn at his cheeks. “Yes, yes, whatever. Get going already, won’t you?”
For a second he fears his bashfulness has gotten the better of him and sharpened his tongue too much, but Mayu’s lips only twitch in amusement.
“I will. Goodbye, Mikoto-san. Please take care.”
Gosh, Mikoshiba doesn’t think his heart can take it anymore.
“…You too, Mayu. Have a safe trip back.”
Mikoshiba walks him to the door. Before Mayu steps out, however, his gaze lingers on his face, as if committing everything about Mikoshiba to memory while he still can.
Then, he blinks. And he leaves.
Mikoshiba closes the door and rests his head against it.
He doesn’t think he will get much sleep tonight.
“ Let's Fall in Love has been increasingly well-received. And we already have years' worth of chapters, if this keeps up Ken-san says there may be talks about making an anime out of it.”
Mikoshiba's jaw drops. “Really? That's amazing, Nozaki!”
Sakura beams proudly at Nozaki. “It's the result of all your hard work and passion, Nozaki-kun! I'm glad more and more people have come to love your work!”
Nozaki nods, grinning brightly. “Keeping my fingers crossed on that, and I hope to be able to keep receiving your support for this.”
Mikoshiba claps him on the back. “Are you kidding? Of course I’m with you all the way.”
“As am I!” Sakura smiles joyously at him.
Nozaki chuckles with grateful contentment. “I'm going to celebrate the success we have so far anyway. Let me treat us to a round of drinks now.”
Mikoshiba lets out a triumphant cheer. “Yes! I want that goma latte they just launched please!”
Nozaki nods with an indulgent smile and turns to Sakura. “And the usual for Chiyo?”
A light pink dusts her cheeks. “Yes, please.”
The moment Nozaki gets up and heads to the counter, Mikoshiba peers cheekily at Sakura.
“ Chiyo , huh?”
“Oh, be quiet, won't you.” She protests half-heartedly, a fond smile tugging at her lips.
He grins in delight. “Come on, as your wingman, I get to have a pass at making fun of you.”
“Who says you're my wingman!” She scoffs and crosses her arms. “Besides, I'm your wingwoman, so we cancel each other out.”
Mikoshiba sticks his tongue out at her, which she counters with an equally childish sneer.
“Speaking of, how're things going with Mayu?”
Mikoshiba falters, recalling the quiet confession that rainy day. “…It's alright, I guess.”
Sakura raises a sceptical brow at him, causing him to grow flustered.
“I'm figuring things out, okay? I need some time before I can give him an answer.”
Her eyes widen. “You mean he—”
She cuts herself off, pressing her fingers against her mouth. After she gives herself a few seconds to calm down, she lowers her hand.
“Right, okay. Well, like I told you before, don't leave him hanging for too long, alright?”
“Yes, ma'am.” He gives her a lazy salute, to which she rolls her eyes.
“But seriously, Sakura,” he smiles, “I'm happy for you.”
She gives him a bright smile in return. “Thank you. I wish you the same happiness too.”
After their little get-together, Mikoshiba makes his way back to his apartment. He passes by a supermarket and decides to head inside for an impromptu mini grocery run.
He walks by some potato sticks that he recalls Mayu finishing in one go and picks up a few boxes for when he visits. He spots the aisle with instant ramen and goes looking for the brand of miso flavour that Mayu had mentioned he liked best. And since he’s already here, might as well stock up on the canned tea that Mayu often gets him, so he doesn’t have to spend money on Mikoshiba all the time.
As he wanders down the fresh fruit aisle, something in the corner catches his eye.
It is a box of pre-peeled oranges.
Suddenly, an old memory hits him like a crashing wave. He can picture it in his head like it was yesterday. Him taking the oranges from Sakura. Him peeling one into neat little slices. Him giving them to Mayu.
Oh.
He—loves—
He loves Mayu.
From: Mikoto-san
can we talk?
They meet at the park. It is quiet at this time of the day. The setting sun paints amber streaks across the sky. It makes Mayu’s skin glow and Mikoshiba wants to look at him forever.
Mayu straightens up when he approaches.
“Mikoto-san.”
“Mayu, you look…nice.”
Mayu looks down at his outfit. It is the kind of shirt and pants he wears every day and they both know it.
Taking in a deep breath, Mikoshiba tries to calm his nerves. He is still buzzing from his recent revelation but he needs his wits with him for this. Mayu looks at him curiously but opts to keep quiet.
“I wanted to say—I thought about it. I had some time to think. And I wanted to give you an answer, like I promised.”
Mayu’s gaze sharpens, but continues to remain silent.
“I wanted to tell you—what I wanted to say was—”
Mikoshiba feels his face flushing. After all these years, he still can’t shake off the surge of embarrassment whenever he talks about these things.
But this is Mayu. Mikoshiba never puts up the same kind of front that would render him into an incorrigible mess. He never needs to, because this is Mayu.
But this is also Mayu. The Mayu who has been privy to his nerdy side and read his entire manga collection. Who knows his secrets and feelings when he was talking to him as Mamiko. The Mayu who pulled him into an embrace and whispered his confession like an eternal secret.
“Mikoto-san.”
Mikoshiba looks up. Mayu has closed their distance until they are inches apart. Their eyes meet, and the memory of the rainy day flashes across his mind. Mikoshiba flusters with the flighty instinct to back away, but Mayu reaches to take his hands in his. Gentle enough that he can pull away if he chooses to, but firm enough to ground him.
Mikoshiba slowly unwinds, his shoulders falling and releasing the tension that was built up just moments ago.
Mayu has always grounded him in ways that no one else can.
With that realisation, Mikoshiba musters his courage and finds his voice.
“Mayu, I’ve always noticed you looking at me. You’d stare silently at me, and confuse me further with your words. For the longest time I haven’t been able to figure out why you look at me the way you do, but now I finally understand.”
Mayu’s gaze softens. His fingers curl closer around Mikoshiba’s, who returns the gesture by clasping their hands together.
Mikoshiba’s chest rises with a steady inhale.
“All I wanted to say was, I like you too.”
Mayu smiles. He sways forward until their noses touch, eyelids lowering but keeping his gaze on Mikoshiba.
“Mikoto-san. I would like to kiss you.”
He bristles at such bold words. “You—! You really are a cheeky one.”
A small smile tugs at Mayu’s lips. He does not respond and continues looking at him patiently.
Mikoshiba bites the inside of his cheek and grumbles. “Fine. Just a tiny one.”
Swallowing his nervousness, he zeroes in on Mayu’s face and braces himself. Leaning up and forward, he presses a light kiss on Mayu’s cheek.
He feels like his lips have been torched alight, and so has the rest of his body. He must be burning as red as the setting sun but he stifles the urge to wriggle into the nearest crevice, tempting as it may be.
“There. Happy?”
The softest smile he has ever seen on Mayu graces his lips. Mayu leans into him and presses their foreheads together.
“Yes.” He says softly.
It really is that simple, huh.
Mikoshiba lets out a light huff and closes his eyes, pressing back. In the fading afternoon light, everything else ceases to exist. He relishes in Mayu's warmth, and at that moment there is no one more important than the one in front of him.