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“Have you ever been so tired you can’t sleep?” Buck says, thinking out loud.
Eddie settles in closer to Buck’s chest in response. The weight of the other man’s limbs pressed against his body is like a balm for his aching muscles and he stills on instinct, like lying here with Eddie is as natural to him as breathing.
“What’re you smilin’ for?” Eddie grumbles, voice muffled at the edges by sleep already taking over.
“Nothing,” Buck smiles wider.
At this strange hour, exhaustion so heavy it feels like their bodies are ready to break apart at the seams, time swells around them. It’s the middle of the night, past dawn but not quite morning yet. They only got home from work an hour ago - a twenty-four hour shift turned closer to thirty thanks to a five-alarm mall fire - at once pulsing with adrenaline and barely conscious, smoke still coating their nostrils. Buck, still wired and needing to decompress after the call, had driven them home, Eddie barely able to keep his eyes open in the passenger seat of his jeep. Home. It feels a little strange to say it, he muses, even though it shouldn’t, as if Eddie’s place hasn’t always felt like home as long as he has known him.
This thing between them is still new and fresh and exciting and Buck still can’t find the words for it. He has known Eddie for so long, has been part of his life - a piece in his puzzle - for so long that most of the time, it just feels normal; like nothing has changed. But this is different, so new it doesn’t quite feel real yet; Eddie’s hot breath against his skin, his head nestled into the crook of his neck, his steady hands close against his body. In many ways, they are getting to know each other all over again; new intimacies, a kind of vulnerability they are still learning to adjust to.
And if it feels new to Buck, he can only imagine what it must feel like for Eddie. He is not only getting to know Buck in this new capacity, he is getting to know himself, still in the early stages of untangling what it means for him, and probably still grappling with a little bit of Catholic guilt for good measure. Putting a name to whatever this thing is will come soon, but for now, they don’t feel the need to get caught up in the semantics.
For now, all that matters is getting some sleep, which is proving harder than first thought for Buck. Upon returning home, they had immediately slumped parallel on the couch, staring into space and grateful for the chance to stop for just a moment. Eddie had grabbed two beers from the fridge, but they still sit unopened on the coffee table, sweaty with condensation as they reach room temp. Buck had coaxed Eddie to share a slice of toast with him before they showered, cleansing themself of the residual soot that had taken residence in the crevices of their skin before getting dressed; Eddie in a pair of plaid pajama pants, and Buck in a pair of borrowed sweats and a vest. Throughout each of these tasks, sleep had threatened but now that he is horizontal on Eddie’s bed, with Eddie dozing draped over him, he can’t quite nod off.
“I gotta piss,” Eddie mumbles, still half-asleep. “But I don’t wanna move.”
“That’s quite the dilemma you’ve got there,” Buck teases, lazily running his hand through Eddie’s hair. “Go. And grab me a snack while you’re on your feet.”
Eddie curses under his breath, making no effort to move except to bury his head closer against Buck’s body.
“Hey, come on,” Buck sits up, Eddie reluctantly moving with him as he tugs him by the hand so they are sat side-to-side on the edge of the bed. “The sooner you go, the sooner you can get back to sleep.”
Another fond ‘fuck you’ from Eddie, and Buck has to fight the urge to kiss his stupid face. Instead, he takes his hand and cajoles him down the hall. Whilst Eddie uses the bathroom, Buck brushes his teeth with the spare toothbrush that has been such a permanent fixture recently he’s not even sure he can call it ‘spare’ for much longer before they switch effortlessly, this already a practiced routine.
“Please don’t tell me we’re back on shift tomorrow,” Eddie says, mouth full of toothpaste.
“Can’t remember,” Buck shrugs, squeezing into the space beside Eddie at the sink to wash his hands. “Maybe.”
Eddie knows Buck is teasing and throws him the middle finger, earning a splash of water in the face in retaliation.
“I think our next shift is on Wednesday,” Buck guesses, not entirely sure what day it is. “Although I might have said I’d cover a couple hours of the back-shift for B-shift tomorrow.”
“Don’t go,” Eddie fake-pouts. “Tell Cap your leg fell off or something.”
“I’ll see. I’ll probably text Bobby and see if someone else can do it; we’re going to be hurting tomorrow.”
“I’m hurting right now.”
Not only had the day’s shift been long, but it had also been more physically demanding than either of them can remember a shift being in a long time. Muscles they didn’t know they even had hurt, and if they hurt right now, they can only imagine the delayed onset muscle soreness that awaits them tomorrow.
Buck turns to find Eddie sitting on the closed toilet seat, head in his hands. From his slow breaths, Buck wouldn’t be surprised if he’s squeezing in a microsleep.
“D’you want to go back to bed or do you want to sleep here?” Buck jokes.
They make their way back to bed, barely aware of how they manage the journey before they’re tucked under the comforter. They return to how they were before, Buck on his back like a starfish with Eddie breathing gently against his chest. Eddie’s fingers mix through Buck’s hair, which is beginning to curl at the ends from the residual moisture from his earlier shower.
They lie together like this in silence for a moment. Eddie fights sleep, aware of Buck’s pulse refusing to slow beneath him.
“Can’t sleep?” he whispers.
“Mmm,” he tries to settle against his pillow. “It’s ‘cause of your stink breath.”
“Ha-ha, very funny.”
Eddie wordlessly shifts and without needing to discuss it, they switch positions. Buck occupies the space underneath Eddie’s arm, tucked into his warmth and sleep feels a little less distant.
“Eddie?” he whispers.
“Mmm-hmm?” Eddie says through a yawn.
“Love you.”
It’s the first time he’s said it; in this capacity anyway and Eddie has to take a deep breath before he responds.
“Love you too,” he says simply.