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Phee’s ship wasn’t the most hospitable thing in the galaxy. Though by most standards it held together better than her ally’s ship, the Marauder, seemed to, it still wasn’t the best thing out there. It’s hull held a variety of treasures through it’s time. It had held a few prisoners even, but that was an on and off situation when she was desperate for a few credits, or had a favor called in. She was no bounty hunter. Treasure hunter was far more fitting anyways.
Still, when those aforementioned favors were called in she’d do anything for the caller. It just so happened that the people who had asked for her help were the closest thing she’d had for friends in quite some time.
Ally was an easier word for them, sure. But she didn’t show them Pabu for nothing. She didn’t teach Omega a thing or two about finding a diamond in the rough just to brush her aside. And she certainly hadn’t taken a shining to the brains of their operation just for a little fun.
She admittedly did enjoy watching him flush up whenever she’d compliment him. She didn’t know much about clones, but it was easy to guess that they didn’t get a lot of affection out there in the wider world.
People either seemed to regard them as droids made of flesh, or soldiers meant to serve their purpose and not cause problems afterwards. That was just the consensus she’d heard during the war though. She’d heard a few people acknowledge the greater humanity of them. That they were clearly just as capable of feeling as an civilian on Coruscant or Naboo. They just weren’t being allowed to show it because of the horrors they were forced to fight.
So she wasn’t totally surprised when she found them in Cid’s dive. Everyone had to make a living one way or another after the Republic's fall. It was just a little more contentious for troopers to be out on the street, and not under the Empire’s thumb.
She didn’t regret helping them though.
It was one of the better decisions she’d made in her chaotic life even.
However, she did regret the out come she had to bare when she walked Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo walk off their ship all those months ago.
She’d stayed on Pabu to see them come back. All five of them. She’d wanted to see all five of them together. And she found only three instead.
An ache refused to leave her after that.
Even when she’d seen Omega come back with them, it wouldn’t go away.
It got worse when Wrecker showed her the goggles.
She was surprised how long it took them to show them to her, but Wrecker said that Hunter wasn’t sure when it would be a good time. It was a loaded item, after all. She certainly felt it as she held it in her hand and felt the edges of the glass.
No person should be able to survive a fall like that. It was better not to hope for the impossible.
It didn’t change the present. She still had work to get done. She still had things that she could do.
So she didn’t protest when Hunter came to her hoping for help. She gladly offered up her ship to aid them in the recovery of their lost kid. She’d even put in extra effort to make sure that the pick up went smoothly when there was a sudden complication. She just wish she’d had more of a heads up before she went into her bridge to find a bound imperial trooper.
“Your eyes are still brown, at least. Empire can’t take that much away from you.” Phee observes, her eyes stare down at the bound clone trooper in the brig of her ship.
That heads up was what she would have needed to not show any sort of pain on her face when she saw the hate in their captive’s eyes.
It felt wrong to be looking at him without his goggles on. Her brown-eyes didn’t have the right gleam to them now that she wasn’t looking at them through thick orange lenses. That certainly would have had an appel to them if the circumstances were different. Maybe a night alone would have been ideal, but that was a pipe dream even back then. Now it was practically an improbability.
“Though that helmet of yours doesn’t fit you at all. It’s too tight for your head. I mean you got those rims under your eyes. That’s probably from the fall, now that I think about it more.” She took a few steps closer to the hostage. “With the way Wrecker was describing it, I’m surprised you’re able to walk at all. I’m sure the Empire did something to your spine. Must have been painful.”
“The Empire saved my life. Found me broken with no memory. I owe them everything.”
“Oh, so you can still talk? Here I was thinking they might have taken out your tongue with how much you babbled.”
“I only talk when necessary. Right now, it is necessary to shut you up.”
She cocked an eyebrow at the absurdity of that idea. “Strange sentiment, the brown-eyes I knew couldn’t help but monologue when given an inch. Of course, hearing him talk about a mile was well worth in it the end.”
The trooper’s face twisted in disgust at the sudden use of the nickname. “Naming the phenotype of my eyes does little to convey anything.”
The edges of her mouth curled upwards while she let out a quick snort. “Maybe it really is you behind all that anger. And here I thought that they just copy and pasted my brown-eyes and we got the second version of him.”
He opened his mouth to retort again, but the beeps of her ship got louder. She rolled her eyes in disappointment while knowing that she was needed else where now.
“We’ll finish this later, honey. Don’t go and bite anyone’s heads off while I’m gone. I’m sure your brothers will all be disappointed in you for it.”
The last thing she heard before the door closed was, “I don’t have any broth-”
“Hunter’s gonna love hearing that.” She mumbled to herself while striding to the head of her ship. “This is gonna be so much harder than they want.”
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She wasn’t wrong when she said that they wouldn’t be happy about the state Tech was in. She heard a lot of vitriol leave his lips as every member of his aliit tried to remind him of who he used to be. Each memory they chose to focus on fell on deaf ears, and when it got to be too much each one of them had to storm off to some corner to try and cope.
They’d all had their time to mourn when they thought he was a body rotting on the surface of some planet. None of them were ready to give themselves time to mourn the memories he was lacking when they’d discovered he’d survived.
None of them were ready when they discovered that their former Batch mate also was prone to trying to end his life. It made sense with the imperial programming inside of his head, but she could still imagine the horror of Omega going to check on him and finding blood splattered across the floor of the Marauder.
The girl weeped about how they thought they’d restrained him enough. How they had made sure to remove all avenues for him to try and do such an act, but it still wasn’t enough.
She held Omega close as she cried about wanting her brother back. She had hoped he was still out there so many nights. She just wasn’t ready for what that would mean if that hope manifested anything real.
She checked in with Hunter, Wrecker, the ever gloomy Crosshair, and occasionally Echo when he would pop back up. They’d always say the same things. “He’s not talking today,” “He still says he doesn’t remember us,” “He’s listing off how we failed the Empire today,” and other variants along those lines.
It always came back to the same answer though, “We’re not sure if he’s Tech anymore.”
Eventually, Phee got tired of hearing things second hand. She hadn’t meant to avoid him entirely. She wanted those who were closer to him to have their try of brining him back. But they’d had their go around with him. Now she was all that was left to give it a shot. Though that felt like too much credit being given to her.
She stepped onto the Marauder and she could already feel that there was something different to it. She’d been given the go ahead by Hunter, so she knew she’d have the ship all to herself. Still, she was ready for it to be so quiet. Some buzzing or beeping was normal for a ramshackle ship like this. Yet it felt as though it were holding it’s breath with her as she approached where Tech was being housed.
“I’d hoped that you’d have stopped sulking a few months into this, but you still have a pension for corners I hear.” She leaned against the door while she looked him up and down. He’d been left with nothing but his blacks at this point. They couldn’t even trust him with his goggles. Wrecker had told her that he’d mellowed out a little by now, but it was too risky to fully trust him right now. Too much faith in him could lead to more trouble down the road. “I guess you might not be able to tell it is a corner.”
“I can see just fine.”
“Ah, and here Hunter had warned me that you were using the silent treatment again. You making an exception for little ol’ me?”
His arms were crossed while he had his back to her. He gripped onto his blacks and clearly began to squeeze them. If she had to guess at the kind of expression he was making, she wouldn’t have been surprised if it was one of utter disgust. Teeth exposed and nose all scrunched up. It came off cuter in her head, if she saw it now her stomach would probably flip.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, you know. If you hear them out a little they’ll start trusting you again. They just don’t want you to do anything brash.”
“I did what I was supposed to.”
“On the Empire’s orders, right? They don’t even care enough to try and find you. You know the kind of resources they have. They could have been able to find you months ago. And you’re still here, locked up pouting in a corner. Can’t you see that they don't care about you with your perfectly functional eyes?”
His back hunched over a little, he never let go of his blacks, as he hissed, “I have my orders. That is all I need.”
“Why do orders matter to you now, honey? They’ve left you behind.”
“Because orders are all I have!” He burst out, he quickly turned on his heels and charged toward her. His face was so taut Phee half expected him to lunge for her and bite down. “There is nothing else for me to do. If I cannot fulfill the one reason I was allowed to live, then there is no reason for me to continue.”
She took a step into the room and let the door shut behind her. “And those orders are to, what, take your life again? Seems a little antithetical what you just said. If you fulfilling them because they gave you your life, then why would be ready to snuff it out?”
His face kept up the infuriated snarl, but his eyes quivered away from her. “It is not my place to question what I’ve been told to do.”
“No one told you to do it. You’re just assuming that’s what they want, brown-eyes.”
“I’m not your brown-eyes! You people are incapable of accepting that I am not that man. I don’t know who you are, why you care, or what that name means!”
Phee sighed, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you aren’t that man anymore. But that doesn’t change the fact that when I look at you I’m still reminded of him. I can’t help that when I look into this amber eyes I remember those late night rambles I listened to. How passionate you were about your ship, and how excited you were to get the chance to teach Omega how to fly.” Tentatively, she reached her hand up to Tech’s cheek. She half expected him to bat it away. His face certainly portrayed enough revolution to her that it would make sense. But he let her rest it there, and he let her rub her thumb along his cheek. She felt a light amount of stubble underneath it. She almost wanted to laugh at how ill fitting it was, but that wasn’t the point. “I loved that man. And if you aren’t him, then that’s fine. But that’s not going to stop me from looking at you and wanting to kiss you like I never got to.”
His eyes widened while his body shuttered with each motion of her thumb. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly losing his focus as he experienced touch for the first time in months, before he asked, “What are you doing?”
"The Empire never taught you what affection is like?" She joked, apart of her curled up inside at how beautiful his eyes were in that moment. There was angry of malice behind them for the first time in months, just light amounts of disgust that teetered on wonder.
"No, affection was not viewed as necessary."
"That's not exactly surprising. They like their things harsh and jaded, you're not exactly gonna find anything soft and fluff like that anywhere.
"It would be paradoxical."
"That's right, it would be paradoxical." She smiled a little more, it sounded just like him.
She felt his face move away fro her hand slightly, but then he stopped. "What is it like?"
"Affection? Well, this is one version of it, Brown-Eyes. Pet names can also count as well."
"But you've been calling me Brown-Eyes since we met."
"Exactly."
That really made his eyes go wide. There wasn't any disgust left in them, just the most genuine wonder she'd ever seen on his face. His cheeks, as well, were beginning to take on a redish hue. His throat tenses while Phee notices his breathes begin to quicken.
“Are you okay?" She can't help but ask. There was a real, noticeable, panic that was startling to her. After all the things Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair had told him the sudden shift didn't make much sense.
"There isn't any logic."
"What?"
"It does not make sense for you to show such affection."
"Well, it makes sense to me. Isn't that enough?"
He pulls away from her then, "No, it does not! If there is no clear reason for it, then why do you continue to do it?"
His guard returns immediately as takes a few steps away from her. The corner appeared to beckon him back to safety, but he doesn't entirely commit to it. "Why would you bother to push what is clearly not working in your favor? You are wasting your time."
"I wouldn't call it wasting my time. I mean, getting to see your face just then was worth a lot to me." She chuckled as the red once again returned to his face.
He looked just like the previous version of himself then. She could see him so clearly then, and she wanted him back more than ever.
"Why do you continue to grab for someone that isn't there?" He yells, his face continued to grow more red as he spoke. But his eyes screwed themselves shut to try and not see the very clear smile that persisted on Phee's face.
Do you want to find out?”
His eyes pop back up, "What do you mean?"
"Do you want to find out why I keep doing it?"
His brow furrowed, “How would you do that?”
"Come here and find out." Phee, motioned for him to step forward. "It'll be easy if you come here."
He hesitantly takes a step forward, before pulling back again. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to show you what affection can look like when someone really looks like. And if you're not comfortable with that, you can shove me out of this door and I won't come back."
She watched him stand there again, his fists balled up and his teeth ground together, as he clearly tried to make the right choice. That wonder in his eyes though, they seemed to win. He effortless returned to her side and allowed her to place her hand on his cheek again. He didn't recoil from her, and his eyes were trained on her again. He was clearly studying her with every motion she made, but she still knew he wasn't going to guess what she had in mind.
His face was so close to hers she could practically see the cogs moving in his head. She didn’t doubt that his memories were fuzzy, or that the Empire had done something to make him forget, but her Tech was clearly still in there with the way his eyes darted around while making a decision. She loved to see it happen because so few people were able to get close enough to notice. It was just a subtle shift here and there, but it was a twitch none the less. And she loved it.
“Show me.”
She didn’t wait even a moment after that. Her lips brushed against his quickly. There was no motion on his end, but she didn’t care. She was prepared to be the one moving this kiss forward anyways. She made sure to take the time to study how soft they were. That in spite of how much he’d gone through, his lips were still delicate. Then she noted that there were a few rough spots that felt like they’d been picked at. His twitchiness explained that easily, and it made things a little bit better. It was a good reflection of the person he was. He’d been through the horrors of war, but he’d come out the other side a caring brother. And hopefully he’d be able to become that person again, someday.
When she felt like she’d memorized enough, she pulled away.
His face was entirely pink, eyes wider than she’d ever seen, and his mouth went slack slightly when she was done.
It was cute.
She almost felt like she was looking at the original instead of the orders following version.
“If you’re not him, that's fine. But if there is a chance that there’s even the smallest part of him left in you, I’m going to hold out for that chance.” She leaned upwards and kissed his forehead, “Because I love him, and I’m not giving up on him now that I know there’s a chance to get him back.”
Phee stepped a few paces back before the door opened to her. He didn’t react at all. He simple continued to stand in place, slack jawed, as she made her exit.
She refused to give herself too much credit and hope that that kiss had broken through to something, but with the look in his eyes she couldn’t help. Only her brown-eyes would look that taken aback by obvious affection. And she really did want to get the chance to show him that love in his full mind.
But for now, shattering the expectations of his factory reset version would have to do.
It was certainly more than enough for her.