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Pabu wasn’t a bad planet by any means. When Crosshair had first heard Omega describing it he’d thought it was impossible to find a planet that safe. No imperial presence, a small island with a thriving community, and an expansive sea that provided for those on land. It sounded heavenly to him, and it hadn’t disappointed when he finally arrived.
However, there were still hang ups to be found when it came to dealing with his vods. Hunter was one of the larger issues for him to try and cope with. The cold shoulder that he was receiving from his ori’vod was not unjustified, but it was still grating.
Receiving a cold shoulder was a general act that hadn’t been uncommon between them before. It was the easiest way to show displeasure after an argument, and it didn’t easily conflict when it came to the battlefield. It was just something he’d deal with during the quiet breaks after battle. They’d deal with things from there. But it was normal.
Now, however, it felt like a knife to the back.
They needed to be having conversations to resolve the issues that were hanging in the air. There needed to be a point where they dealt with the topic of the Empire, his betrayal, and Tech’s death. But they couldn’t start having those kinds of conversations if Hunter was just going to blatantly ignore him.
It just led to the very obvious conflict between them to get dragged out. Hunter wasn’t very good at being subtle anyways. His eyes were always tracking Crosshair whenever he was nearby. Crosshair found it lucky that he at least could mutually keep track of his oir’vod, but it was still disconcerting to have to keep in mind.
There weren’t many points when Crosshair wasn’t around Hunter anyways. When he was though, it was truly a blessing.
Things just felt easier when he didn’t have to be hyper aware of how he was being viewed. Sure, some of the people of Pabu seemed skeptical of him at first. But a few choice interactions with Omega was enough to ease them into the idea that he was just as well meaning as the rest of his aliit.
Omega trusted him, it was something. It was easier to make it on the island knowing that there was at least part of his aliit that didn’t see him as a monster of the Empire. Though it was a fair perception, it was annoying to deal with if someone wasn’t willing to confront him about it.
However, that left out any acknowledgement about what Wrecker seemed to be feeling.
Crosshair hadn’t meant to so blatantly ignore his kinder vod, but it was easier to do than he expected.
Hunter’s obvious disdain for him was the most obvious issue in front of him. Echo wasn’t around to grill him on Tantiss, which just left Hunter picking at the little bits he could. Omega was around as well. She was the only one willing to have a full conversation with him, but they were always of the mediating kind. It just pushed him toward having the all important, inevitable, discussion with Hunter that would be able to clear the air. He didn’t want that either though, and that made those kinds of talking-tos even more tedious then if he was dealing with Hunter. Which just left Wrecker in the background.
He wasn’t content to stay ignored, however.
“Hey, Crosshair, do you think we could talk about somethings?” Wrecker carefully asked.
The sniper couldn’t lie, he was surprised by the forwardness of the question. After tolerating all the kriffing kark that had surrounded him for so long he doubted anyone would be bold enough to ask him directly to talk. Yet here Wrecker was, being the bigger man than even Hunter was willing to be. The only issue now as to figure out what it was that Wrecker wanted to talk about.
“What is it, Wrecker?”
The two clones were standing just outside the Marauder when Wrecker popped the question. So he bulkier clone motioned for the both of them to go inside. “I just wanna ask you about somethings. It doesn’t have to deal with Tantiss though, don’t worry about that. I know Hunter is already hounding you enough about that kinda thing.”
“Indeed,” Crosshair hissed as he followed his vod’ika inside. “It’s getting tiresome to deal with. I’ve given him all the info I can.”
“I’m sure you have, he means well though. He just wants to know what happened to you. He’s trying to figure out where to go from here now that you and Omega are back.”
“And Tech isn’t coming back?”
Wrecker noticeably flinched at that question. “Yeah, it’s a bit jarring for all of us still.”
“It would be easier if we talked about it.”
Wrecker nodded along, “You’re not wrong, but that’s not I wanted to talk about with you.”
That got Crosshair’s attention. If not to talk about Tech, then why would Wrecker want to talk with him privately? What would he have to talk with him about privately?
“Then what is it?”
Wrecker fidgeted with his fingers for a moment. It wasn’t necessarily an out of the ordinary thing for Crosshair to see, but it normally meant that he was nervous. Which added an extra weight when he decided to say, “Your chip, when it activated, what was that like for you?”
Crosshair blinked in surprise. “My chip?”
“Yeah, you know, your inhibitor chip. When it kicked in for you and all, I just wanna know what that was like for ya’.”
“Well,” He pulled out a toothpick from his side to help him think, “To say that it ‘kicked in’ is inaccurate. Tarkin strengthened it with the help of the Kaminoins. It was- painful. After that, it just made it easier to justify the steps that would come after, like attacking you all.”
Wrecker’s eyes widened, “So you’re sayin’ that the Empire forced you to attack us? We just thought that when they took you away the chip started working more. It was so hard to tell.”
“You think I’d be so flippant with my loyalties?”
“To be fair, you were the one getting mad at Hunter in the cell about orders and everything. It wasn’t the biggest leap in logic to think that things just kinda went from there. Besides, you said that you had your chip removed on Kamino.”
Crosshair moved the toothpick around in his mouth. His teeth grinded against the end of the small piece of wood as he considered the chip’s impact on him. It felt inconsequential after he told his vods that he’d had it removed. In the grand scheme it just meant that there wasn’t an extra voice in the back of his head, but it had been dulled already. Making it’s lose wasn’t the most noticeable thing in the world.
“I did. When you all turned on that Venator's engine’s the burns were extensive, but the worst of the damage was from the fall that followed. I hit the metal hard. The Kaminoians found that it would be more problematic for me to continue having the chip in my head. It start to poison me, somehow. They never wanted to tell me the full details of everything. All I know is that by the time I was unbandaging my head it had been removed.”
“But you still chose to stick with the Empire?”
That got a good, long, sigh out of Crosshair. Right back around to issue that loomed over them, delightful. “There was security in staying, I thought. I assumed that there was a mutual respect from what I could offer the Empire. My skills were useful to ensure that they wouldn’t have any issues in asserting themselves. It took me too long to recognize that there was no respect there. Only a never ending demand that I couldn’t continue to live under.”
A small part of his toothpick chipped off inside of his mouth, but that didn’t matter once something occurred to him. “Why do you ask about the chips? I was under the impression that you all had had them removed ages ago.”
“Oh, uh, yeah we did. Rex got us to do it after we got kinda complacent actually.” Wrecker started to rub his head, “Some stuff happened before we could get them all out. And I just knew that you’d had a similar issue so-”
“What happened, Wrecker?”
Panic promptly appeared on his face. Crosshair almost felt like chuckling at how easy it was to read his vod’ika, but it didn’t fit the mood. “The chip took over, okay! I hurt Tech, I hurt Hunter, I hurt Echo, hell I nearly hurt Omega. It was so long ago now, but I still have nightmares about it. I just kept going on about how they were ‘in violation of order 66’ and all the kark.”
Crosshair watched as tears welled up in Wrecker’s eyes. He tried to reach out to comfort his vod, but promptly found his hand swatted away. “I grabbed Tech by the neck, Cross. I held him there and compressed his kriffing neck. I keep seeing it. Every night it’s just- there. I hurt our vod. And I can’t even apologize for it anymore because he had his spine shatter at the bottom of some karking ravine!”
Crosshair ignored Wrecker’s attempts to keep him away as his vod fell to his knees. Tears continued to stream down his face as Crosshair wrapped him in a hug. “You apologized afterwards, didn’t you?”
“Of course, I couldn’t stop apologizing for weeks. He got so fed up of hearing it he snapped at me once.”
“Which means he knew you were sorry. He always knew you were sorry. He knew that it wasn’t you doing the damage. Of everyone in this aliit he would be the one to know the most that it was not you doing that, Wrecker.”
“But I still hurt him. I hurt all of them.”
“And they know it wasn’t you.” He tried to pull Wrecker as close as he could, but he ended up being the one that had to move closer. “Out of everyone who experienced you in that moment they would know that it wasn’t you. This was over two years ago, wasn’t it? So they already know how sorry you are. I’m sure none of them have any hard feelings about it now.”
“That doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel bad about it though.”
Crosshair started to rub circles into Wrecker’s back. Thankfully he was in his civilian clothing or it would have to be a ‘thought that counts’ scenario. “Of course not. We all have to deal with our guilt in our own way. It won’t go away, even if we apologize and everyone accepts it. There’s always going to be the complication of our mind.”
Wrecker sobbed into Crosshair’s shoulder. His whole body shook as the flood gates shattered in front of the sniper’s eyes. “I just want to tell him I’m sorry one more time, Cross. I just want him to know how much he meant to me.”
Crosshair’s breath shuddered while his hands froze and latched onto Wrecker’s back. He’d been dealing with similar thoughts as well, ever since Omega broke the news to him in his too small jail cell, but he hadn’t expected to hear them verbalized now. It was too real, but it was what they all needed now.
“I know, we all have regrets about what we could have done better for him, Wrecker. We just have to know that he always cared about each of his. In his own Tech way, he knew that. He was our vod, an important part of our aliit, and that will never change.”
Crosshair felt a few of his own tears begin to dribble down his cheeks. So, he rested his head on Wrecker’s shoulder and likewise let a sob wrack through his body.
It wasn’t much, but it was something.
The catharsis he had been hoping to find for so long was finally arriving.
They crumbled into each other as the two vods couldn’t bare to let go. They didn’t care if Hunter, Echo, or Omega found them now. All they could focus on was that someone else understood the thoughts that had been keeping them awake at night, and there was still room for things to get better.