Work Text:
This was a grave, grave mistake.
It was meant to just be a small celebration just for them after the whole Red Hood fiasco since they couldn’t celebrate it together the first night due to Edward’s throat. Just a few drinks throughout their night, using the wine his own father had left for him.
The night went rather well at first in his opinion, starting with long-winded gossip about the other politicians, the cops they now had to work with, the rich snobs they had to sit with, things of that nature. Sharing about the little infuriating inactions they had with them all led toward more personal little details about their lives. It was…nice to laugh like that, to feel so close to one another, to be able to feel the vibrations of the other’s laugh.
The sound of Edward’s rambling was lovely too. It had this rhythm to it, one that seemed inconsistent in tone and speed at first, but when listened for a longer time it became clear that that variation in tone and speed would be repeated again and again. To an untrained ear, his natural cadence of speaking sounded unruly and bizarre, but to someone who had listened to him for as long as Oswald has, they would realize how sophisticated it was.
Nevertheless, after around a half hour, Oswald started to notice how…sluggish Ed had become throughout their conversation. Even though both of them had around the same amount of wine, it was clear it affected him more than it did Oswald.
It was strange really, Edward didn’t act the same while drunk. Instead of the constant chitter-chatter and rambles that would go into so many unexpected and rather interesting tangents, he became quieter. He paused more, stared off, and even started to respond in more shorter sentences. It was like the mere act of becoming more drunk had taken away his energy.
What was he supposed to do now? Should he end the night with Edward since it was clear he was too intoxicated to continue? Would Edward object to this? The entire conversation had ended in a way, but did the other recognize this? How could he lightly tell the other that they should depart into the night? Sure, it was unlikely that someone like Edward would blow up over this but it was still just a slight possibility that he could, which would be just disastrous to Oswald.
The sound of muffled giggling was what took Oswald out of his thoughts. He turned his head over only to see Edward, still in his corner of the couch holding his empty wine glass in his left hand, trying and failing to stifle his snorts by clamping his other hand over his mouth. Why was he laughing all of a sudden? What had suddenly changed in their situation to cause this?
Edward turned his head over to Oswald, the surprise flashing in his eyes seemed to be from a realization of how the other man had understood his laughter, or for lack of a better word, didn’t.
Edward still snorted much to his own dismay as he put his wine glass back on the table. He looked back at Oswald, gulping audibly before he began to speak, though the gulp seemed to be more so to hydrate himself than out of embarrassment like one would expectantly do in this situation. The surprise in his eyes became replaced with something else, something that felt like he wanted to dissect Oswald almost. A morbid, but warm curiosity toward the other.
“I apologize, you’ve done nothing to cause this little fit I promise, it’s just-“ Edward snorted again as he crawled closer to Oswald’s face, acting like he couldn’t see him without their noses practically touching even with his own glasses on, “ I’ve been remembering what I did after I found you in this woods, and it’s a bit funny how I both overthought what to do and didn’t think it through, no?”
Oswald paused, trying to think what options he had, which was not helped by the feeling of Edward’s breath on him and his own intoxication. Sure, it wasn't as bad as Edward’s was currently, but it still took him longer to think clearly than he could sober.
“What do you mean?”
His own voice sounded so unlike himself as he said it, to the point he felt like crying. Instead of coming off as direct and tough, it came off as wavering and weak.
“ I never told you what the original plan was?” Edward tilted his head in confusion as he looked at Oswald. During this he had also started to interlace their fingers together; an action that seemed like he wasn’t even aware of. Oswald had noticed though, even if he tried not to.
“I thought you already did your original plan when we met, Ed.” The slight hesitation he had tainted his voice as he replied to Edward, who seemed to not have noticed it in his own drunkenness.
“I’m talking about the speech, silly! You didn’t let me finish it, which was in my original plan. Why would I plan for an unfinished speech, Oswald?”
Edward’s hands gripped and ungripped Oswald’s hands around three times as he said it, something that reminded Oswald of a heartbeat. Edward paused to see if the other would say anything before he carried on. When all he got back from the other was uneven breathing, he continued.
“When I first saw you in those woods I just had to figure out what had happened to you. So I did some digging of course and found out about your mother's death that night as you know-”
”Where are you going with this, Ed? I already knew about this.” His words sounded similar to a sigh of exhaustion as he said it. If Edward wasn’t holding his hands hostage as he was right he would’ve pinched his brow line to calm down.
“ I’m getting there, Oswald.” He giggled, booping the other man’s nose with his own to try to lighten up the mood, oblivious of how Oswald's face had reddened even more as his mouth opened slightly in shock even though it was right in front of him.
“What struck me the most about it all was the fact we both experienced the loss of someone we loved due to our own actions on the same day and yet I had finally realized how I was as a person from it while you had lost your way. I had finally gotten rid of that pesky little need for feelings but had no guidance while you had sadly fallen into them, even with all the experience you had.”
Edward had started to crawl onto Oswald’s lap as he talked, likely to stop his knees from getting hurt from kneeling too long on the couch. The intoxication likely didn’t help as well, possibly making him forget about social boundaries.
Even with that explanation of Edward’s actions, it still made his breath sputter and heartbeat quicken as if he were running away from bears this very moment as Edward slowly invaded his space more and more. It felt impossible for him to process anything but Edward at this precious moment.
It was likely Edward didn’t know that, nor the flustered mess it caused Oswald, but did that matter? Did the intention free him from the consequences of his actions itself?
“It was as if fate had seen how similar our paths were, and guided us to find each other. That had to be the case, which was what my original speech was about.” Edward’s final words broke Oswald out of his train of thought, leaving him scrambling for a response.
What was he supposed to say to that? Sure, Edward had been quite…plentiful with his compliments before but never as much as this. He was too much here, too invasive, and most of all too…uncharacteristically strange. He was strange before of course but not like the touchy, nonsensical, and quite dewy-eyed mess over here.
What was he trying to get at here by telling him all of this? It wasn’t like Edward to act like this at all, even when he got affectionate he still wasn’t five seconds away from holding onto him like how a baby monkey holds onto its mother, its creator.
This wasn’t even mentioning how it was borderline offensive for Edward to overstep his boundaries like this over the course of their conservation. He shouldn’t take this behavior, he should call off the night once and for all to end the madness after the other could even ponder on what else to do!
And yet…and yet Oswald still somehow had found some pleasure out of this invasion of privacy. Even if it was borderline distasteful to have someone do this to him, the praise he got was intoxicating. To be seen as a gift from the universe itself was only something he had heard from his mother. No one else had compared him to that until now, God, where was Edward going with this? What does he expect him to respond-
“Could I tell you something quite weird, Oswald?” Edward said suddenly, breaking him out of his thought process yet again.
A pause.
“Sure.”
Edward gulped before he spoke again, though unlike the last time his face had begun to redden for a reason Oswald knew nothing of. Oswald also took note of the fact, that Edward had started to rub his thumb on the top of Oswald’s hand; maybe it was to soothe himself perhaps?
“This entire situation reminds me somewhat of the Greek myth of soulmates in a way; where man and woman were one being, attached to the spine of each other, making them have four legs, four arms, and two faces. They only split due to our pride as humans, dooming us to a life of searching for our other half.”
Edward was still rubbing his thumb onto Oswald’s hand, just squirming on Oswald’s lap and looking at Oswald with his head down low rather nervously as he did it now. He looked as if he was searching for the right way to phrase what he wanted to tell the other.
“I uhm, I feel quite tethered to you is what I’m saying. As if a version of me couldn’t exist without you, and vice versa. As if you were what I was missing in my life all this time, an equal to this unruly, uncivilized, and borderline moronic society. You were what was missing.”
That look in Edward’s eyes had returned, the look of uncontrollable and energetic awe he had when he had first started on this unpredictable ramble.
“I know this isn’t exactly helping my case in how strangely, uhm, romantic, what I said just now is but I do think I’ll truly envy whatever woman you marry will get from you when the day comes. She will always sadly be closer to you than I will be, a privilege that you give her for being such a dear to you, an angel, even. Maybe in another life, we could, in another life where I am your wife and you are my lovely and precious lover. I would wait and ache to experience the warmth of you every day if I were yours, the mere memory of you would be the only thing sustaining me in the hours we are apart from one another. I’ve never got the people who claim you as ugly anyway, god, the mere fact someone such as you gets considered undesirable because you look rather unique is such a-“
“Why can’t we do it now? What would be wrong with that?” His interruption from Edward’s tangent came out as a whisper. Something no louder than a mouse squeak, for if it was any louder would be too much of a risk.
Edward paused and stared at him for a minute. Which later became two. He burst out into laughter when the words Oswald had said had finally processed in his head,
“We’re not queers, silly! It wouldn’t make sense for two heterosexuals to engage in sexual intercourse or romantic relationships, no?” Edward chuckled a bit as he said it. It was as if the mere suggestion that they could do anything romantic or sexual was as impossible as something like a unicorn existing, the fucking nerve.
All of this was some profound mockery, wasn’t it? Edward somehow found it, and instead of politely declining and moving on with his life, he pulled a childish little display to belittle him. God, that must be it, isn’t it? Why should he sit here and take this behavior, instead of just kicking him down right now? God, why should he ever even let himself believe for even a second that anyone could actually, genuinely care-
“Ah, is queer offensive now? I forgot if it was, I thought they reclaimed it or something even though it quite literally means weird, maybe I misremembered, though. wait, is me sitting on your lap irritating your leg? Is that why you're responding so slowly to me? I could move if you’d like-”
“NO.”
His own accord squandered his last opportunity to get out of this situation. His only chance to get out of being humiliated was foiled by a mere impulsion to stay intimate with each other. God, what was he thinking? Was he truly that desperate deep down? No, it couldn’t be, it was just a simple slip-up, a hitch of the mind in a way.
As Oswald looked back to Edward he saw that any sign of worry on his face had disappeared, replaced only with surprise as he stared back at Oswald in confusion. Oswald gulped and looked away again as he realized he would have to explain himself to Edward. If he said too much of the truth he would likely scare the other away, wouldn’t he?
“I'm…fine with the current, uhm, area you’re sitting in, Edward. I just personally don’t know what to add to the conversation we have here so far, Ed.” Edward's eyes had softened when Oswald looked back at him. Edward had begun to smile the more he looked at Oswald, the kind of smile that takes up someone’s whole face.
“Okie dokie,” he wrapped his legs around Oswald’s waist immediately after he said it, causing Oswald's breath to be knocked out of him again.
Nothing happening here was lining up with any explanation Oswald could ascribe to it. It was clear Edward genuinely wasn't manipulating him, but it didn’t fit into just a platonic connection. Even with Oswald's inexperience with friendships he still knew this wasn’t what entails that. If it wasn’t manipulation or platonic then what was his intention? Unless…
God, what’s the point in pondering that option if the person in question is in a state like this? He cannot accept advances made in this state they pertain to, he can’t say anything that will stick with them through the next morning, any option taken to advance this would be all for naught. He couldn’t do anything even if it was a possibility, could he? Why pertain hope of a relationship for a man who doesn't even know his attraction to the other if Oswald was right about this?
“ Ah, this stuffy tie, feels like it’s about to decapitate me at any moment. You don’t mind if I take it off do you?”
Edward was starting to sweat visibly as he let go of one of Oswald’s hands to tug his tie, looking up and away from Oswald as well. The temperature of the room didn’t change at all though. Sure, it made sense for someone like Oswald to sweat a little during this considering his infatuation with the other, but why did Edward?
“Just get it over with, Ed.” Oswald finally was able to indulge in the urge to soothe himself by dragging his hand across his face as it burned. A small moment of peace in this strange situation he found himself in.
A peace that did not last long though, since Edward had finished taking his tie off and resumed holding back Oswald’s hand, as if holding just one wasn’t enough for his gluttonous little heart.
“ Do you mind if I take off my coat too? I won’t if it makes you too uncomfortable, it’s just rather humid here all of a sudden.” Edward laughed loud and quite nervously after he finished talking, acting like the laugh itself would excuse him for his…bizarre behavior during this. As if it would clean him from the sin, almost.
“Please only the tie, Ed.” Even though he practically spat it out as he said it, Oswald's face was still burning from all of this. God, how was Edward not noticing this at all? Did he not even care enough to notice even such a simple expression from him?
“Alrighty, just letting you know that I’ll smell like two corpses fucking on your rooftop on an average Tuesday soon if I keep this on, though.” Edward chuckled after he said it, smile only flinching when he saw Oswald wincing in disgust at his joke instead of laughing along.
“Would it be alright if I told you something weird again, Oswald? I know I keep doing that but I really wanna tell you something. Is that alright with you? I just want to make sure you’ll be okay if I-”
“Just spit it out Edward, it can’t be weirder than anything you’ve said before.” He rolled his eyes at Edward, who quickly began to smile in glee again as he raised their intertwined hands next to both of their shoulders. The elbows of their suits brushed one another slightly from the action.
Oswald felt his expression…soften after Edward had done that. Any ounce of spite in his confusion toward Edward that came from this conversation was replaced with something else, something like hope. A hope that it could lead there, despite what Edward had said about it before.
“I keep, uhm, having this repeated fantasy almost whether I think about Greek soulmates for too long. I don’t know how it developed but I've had it for years. It’s not exactly sexual per se but it is…intimate. I don't know why the fantasy is attached to you now but it has.” Edward gulped again as his smile began to wane a bit before continuing.
“Instead of being attached to the spine, I’m attached to you by the opposite side, and it happens gradually. You crack open my rib cage through my skin, ripping it open as I do the same to you. After the pain and cries end from us both we would move closer and closer to the point of there being no area where our skin hasn’t touched the other's skin now. Our ribs intertwined with each other’s like how one interlaces a hand with another hand. You feel my viscera as I feel yours, as we slowly breathe in sync with one another. Feeling our cracked and splintered ribcages become one, our hearts become one, even our blood vessels becoming one. The sounds of the bones, organs, blood vessels, and breathing would be all we would hear, as we ensure we could never depart from the other ever again.”
“Edward…” Oswald tried to force himself to respond to Edward, but all he could get out of his own wretched throat was only the fucking name of the other. Edward leaned his forehead against Oswald, exhausted from only just talking for too long. Oswald tried to ignore the feel of Edward’s sweat now sticking to his forehead.
“I want to always see you at least in the corner of my eye, to never have your smell leave my nose, to never have the sound of you leave my ears. I don’t know why, the mere reminder of how impossible that is has always seems to sicken me.”
Edward whispered it under his breath, so quietly that it seemed like Oswald wasn’t even supposed to hear it in a way. As if the confession was one not intended for Oswald, and the mere fact he heard was a violation in itself. Even despite this feeling of voyeurism in the mere act of using his ears, Edward still smiled as he whispered it— though the smile looked more bitter now than it did before he had begun talking about it all—.
Edward stopped resting his forehead against Oswald’s after a bit, his eyes unfocused as he breathed finicky. He continued to do so for an awkward minute, Oswald being too much of a coward to ask him what was wrong. It only ended when Edward leaned and buried his head in Oswald’s shoulder, mumbling intelligibly and sniffling for a while.
As soon as Oswald finally found the courage to speak again, Edward lifted his head up and away from Oswald's shoulder as he let go of Oswald's hands to warp his arms around Oswald’s back. Edward was smiling again as he looked back at Oswald as if Edward were a teenage girl giddy about seeing her crush again. That smile, that grin was one of wonder, as if Edward had simply forgotten about being upset five minutes ago.
“No one in my life has ever made me feel like you have, Oswald. Not even Kristen had made me feel like this— and I loved her in ways I couldn’t with a man, you know!—” Edward chuckled nervously again after he said it, licking his lips and drumming his fingers on Oswald's back before continuing.
“I don’t know how I can describe what you do to me, but every time I get too close to you or ponder on you for too long I feel like my insides are about to boil over and froth out of me. And yet I can’t get enough of you, even that feeling feels wonderful when it shouldn’t. The only person who can make me feel so-”
Oswald had started to stop paying attention to Edward for a bit, not out of a genuine disinterest in what he was saying, but out of a genuine desire to piece two and two together. Something Edward has said before was not lining up with this…naked showcase of feelings. Something that Edward had said to Oswald’s face, but his mind was so clouded by alcohol that he couldn’t remember. What could it -oh. Oh dear.
“I thought we shouldn't let love get to us, ed.” Oswald interrupted Edward as he directed his gaze back onto him, not caring nor listening to whatever tangent he was now on.
“Huh?” Edward’s smile faltered as soon as he absorbed Oswald's words, his eyes losing their awe as it was quickly replaced with confusion and something else. His arms let go of Oswald as well as if Oswald had burned him slightly with his words, causing him to recoil away.
“Ed, you told me that if we let love drive us then we would ultimately be weakened by it, but that's what you're doing right now. How is that any different?” Edward scoffed and instantly forced himself off Oswald’s lap as he began to pace a few feet away, barely keeping himself from falling as he walked back and forth.
“You’re-you’re unbelievable. God, the mere fact you compare this to what I brought up before is just” he paused to grit his teeth, shaking his hands in the air in a fit of anger and disbelief before clenching them into fists, “fucking laughable! I can't believe you think I'd be so loyal and devoted to something so illogical toward you-”
“You mentioned that shit toward my mother’s death, Edward! My love for her is stupid compared to the love you carry for me?”
Edward flinched visibly, finally realizing why Oswald brought it up out of nowhere. His hand slightly reached out to Oswald as he slowly walked over to him, almost tripping over and bashing his head against the table along the way.
“Oswald, you know I don't mean it like that, I-”
“Then what? What do you mean, Ed?” He asked, watching as Edward squirmed under even the slightest bit of scrutiny for his worldview.
“It’s just- both of us can defend ourselves, can't we? ” he chuckled slightly, his eyes moving rapidly as he tried to explain himself as fast as he could. “We aren't carrying the other weight around, we just work better together. I’m not letting my devotion to you outweigh thinking logically, I'm being logical in even devoting myself to someone like-”
“God, Ed, just please shut your trap. It's taking everything in me not to hit you right here and now.” A bitter laugh escaped from his lips as he said it. He noted how Edwards face crumbled as he curled in on himself when hearing that sound come out of Oswald at his own expense.
“I thought you understood me, Oswald. I thought you wouldn't treat me like some idiot! I-”
“Ed, let's just- let this go alright? We’re both drunk, tired, and have way too much work tomorrow to spend our night doing this instead of getting our well-deserved rest. It isn't worth this. I don't have the energy to argue with you right now, and I don't think you do either.” he paused to rub his eyes for a bit before he continued. “If you want, we can talk about this tomorrow but we have to talk about what else you told me before this, okay?”
Oswald made sure to use that one soothing voice Edward always liked as he said it; a voice similar to one his mother always used when he was upset as a kid. Edward said it sounded like the world’s first decent therapist when he mentioned that to him a few months back.
Edward paused as he looked back at Oswald, lip quivering like a kicked dog as if he wasn't about to bite Oswald's head off a minute ago.
“You’re only saying that because you don't like someone mad at you. Someone yelling for being rightfully mad at their own friend doesn't even understand something so simple about themselves,” He said while avoiding looking Oswald in the eye. Edward’s eyes were strangely more shiny now, more…wet in a way.
“Am I wrong, Ed? You almost tripped over yourself over five times as you’ve gotten up, your legs are shaking as we speak.”
He scoffed, scrunching up his face as he thought about what to say back to it before begrudgingly agreeing. “Fine…” he bit his nails as he looked away before continuing.
“I, uhm, I'll sleep on the couch. I'm…unsure if I'll be able to walk upstairs while I'm this drunk, you’re right about that at the very least,” he murmured.
He stumbled back to the couch so he could sleep, almost tripping and falling again as he crawled back. He looked back at Oswald for a hot minute, and a spark of recognition of what was likely on Oswald’s mind hit his face before he said “I don’t need a blanket. Don't fetch me one, alright? I'll use my blazer.”
Oswald softly sighed back to that instead of responding. He walked to the stairs, preparing himself for bed, walking just as gracefully as Edward did even despite being more sober due to his barely functional right leg.
He stopped and remembered he hadn't told Edward even a slight farewell, something that seemed rather deserved even despite Edward’s little fit at the end. He turned his head around, noting mentally how Edward was still looking at him, seeming to never have stopped looking at him in the first place.
“Goodnight, Edward.” He used that voice again, wanting to ensure Edward wouldn’t spend the rest of the night worrying if Oswald hated him; a paranoia too unrealistic to ever be true in this lifetime they both shared together.
“Goodnight…” Edward’s voice slightly wavered as he said it back to Oswald.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Just as predicted, Edward had forgotten about it all the next morning. When Oswald walked down the steps and entered the living room of the mansion the Ed he met was completely oblivious to the night before. Going on and on apologizing if he was too weird and when pressed for what exactly he did he would only scramble for a simple “I don't know, I have no clue what I have done but it must’ve been horrid, wouldn't it be?”
The only evidence of that night were the wrinkles that littered Edward’s shirt and blazer and the wine glasses on the table. Only he was left with the memory of it all. A memory that would inevitably dim and distort in age; a memory that could likely never be shared by telling it to another out of the mere shame of it all.
He was content with this. He was going to be at least, even if it took some time. He had other chances of getting with Edward even outside of that night. With an aching heart, he will make himself move on. That night wasn't his last chance to be with Edward—it wasn't even a chance to begin with!—Even if it hurts to let that memory go, he would have to, wouldn’t he?