Chapter Text
The night after the solar flare storm, TK held Carlos’s hand and told the truth.
“I want you, us, Carlos– If you’re still interested?” TK remembers asking, squeezing his eyes tight. He still replays the small laugh Carlos let out. He still basks in a world where a joke is the only possible scenario where Carlos wouldn’t want him.
Their relationship doesn’t fix anything. But it helps.
Since that night, TK has let himself relax into a relationship. He stays over at Carlos’s instead of running out with his belt half unbuckled. They’ve introduced each other to their coworkers and they hold hands at Saturday farmers’ markets. It’s terribly perfect and exactly what TK thought he would never have. But despite this, he’s not sure Carlos fully understands how much things have changed, and how comfortable TK is in their relationship.
He doesn’t feel ready to say I love you. He knows he’s in love with Carlos. But, it feels too soon: too soon in the relationship, too soon after Alex, too soon after the relapse. But even if he can’t say it, he wants Carlos to feel secure in their relationship too.
Last night, TK slept over at Carlos’s. They’ve been together long enough to have a routine. He woke up to coffee and kisses, showered, and got dressed. Now, they’re browsing tables at Saturday farmers’s market.
Since the solar flare storm, Carlos countless amazing meals. It’s never fish, though, and TK thinks he knows why. He’s betting Carlos has been trying to separate Date Night Dinners from what happened months before. It’s not exactly rational but he knows Carlos sometimes obsesses over the past. It’s smart, Carlos wanting to ensure he’ll never be in the same bad situation twice. Except, TK thinks they might both deserve a do-over.
“Hey, Carlos?” TK nuggets his arm. “It says fresh red snapper right there! You finish buying the honey, I’ll grab some snapper for tonight.”
That was casual, right? TK thinks. Just an out-of-the-blue statement, definitely not a planned declaration of commitment.
On the way home, they exchange smiles and stares. Carlos kisses his cheek as they put the groceries on the counter. TK smiles as he sees Carlos start to whisk a marinade. He rummages through one of the kitchen drawers, assured that Carlos was busy measuring liquids and patting fish filets.
Don’t mess up Carlos’s uber-organized kitchen, TK tells himself. Just find the same table settings and casually set the table. Just like every other night.
“Thanks for setting the table, babe.”
TK smiles wide over a shiny plate, back facing Carlos. “Of course, thanks for making dinner.”
“You know, I took one of those silly online quizzes last night… apparently, food is my love language.”
TK can feel his heartbeat all over his body. It’s in his hands, it’s in his collarbones, it’s in his ankles. His chest vibrates as he hums. It’s unbelievable, how patient Carlos has been. It’s only natural that he’d want more, want an “I love you” instead of a symbolic dinner.
But TK just can’t. For both their sakes, he needs more time to soak up the comfort and warmth of the relationship. He rushed into every milestone with Alex, checking boxes. 1 and ½ months: first “I love you.” 2 months: meet the parents. 2 and ½ months: meet the 252. 4 months: basically cohabitate. It was a recipe he followed all the way to a failed proposal.
“Hey, you okay?”
“TK?”
Carlos places his head in the space between TK’s neck and shoulder.
“Hey, babe,” TK whispers.
“What’s wrong?” Carlos wraps his arms around TK’s torso.
“I just. It’s…” It’s hard to explain, wrapped inside Carlos’s arms. It’s almost silly. Because of course, he’s been falling in love with him since their first night. But both of them deserve to have TK say it when he’s ready and comfortable, when he won’t feel an ounce of regret once he’s no longer engulfed in Carlos’s embrace.
“I just got overwhelmed, I guess.”
TK feels Carlos press a small kiss on his neck.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’d never pressure you for anything, you know? Except maybe to clean the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.”
TK sighs into his boyfriend. Only Carlos would understand the catalyst of his spiraling, subtly address it, and then give him an out.
“The dishwasher cleans the dishes, Carlos, it’s literally in the name.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Carlos twists TK around, pulling him to his chest.
TK tries to relax. He rests his hand on Carlos’s forearm. He tilts his head towards his shoulder.
This is Carlos. Who is steady and patient, even when he isn’t. Who’s determined to do everything right, including their relationship. Maybe Carlos understands exactly what he’s trying to say with his daily small gestures. Maybe he isn’t being timed. Maybe he can wait and say it when he’s ready and still win.
He takes a small step back, places his hands on Carlos’s face, and kisses him.
It’s soft and teasing and careful and flirty all at the same time.
“We should eat before the food gets cold,” TK whispers.
Carlos walks him to his chair and plates the fish. He grabs mineral water from the fridge.
Let this be good , TK thinks.
For once, he does. He lets the fear settle right next to the love and comfort. They laugh and share their funniest calls of the week. TK debriefs him on the firehouse drama while simultaneously praising his cooking.
It’s soft and warm and gorgeously domestic. And TK finally lets himself hope for a future that includes Carlos Reyes.