Chapter Text
He tried to show him, he tried to make sure he knew that there was someone out there for him, someone who would be the one to work around his problems, to try and help him. It hadn’t even started that way, when Chandler walked into his life his first thought had been one of mistrust. Just another paper policeman, just like the guys said. But no he was different, he was exciting and although he struggled with the procedure and with the team Kent had empathised with him in a way that the others didn’t.
He had always been the baby of the group, the newbie who got everything wrong and was easy to ridicule and he knew how frightening it was to come under the spotlight of them. Let alone lead them...
Still he tried to show him kindness but it was difficult. Kent knew he was a natural follower, he had always melded to be whatever his friends, his family, his colleagues needed him to be and so he followed on in their attempts to bully Chandler and to make him quit.
But then Chandler saved the skip and suddenly they were all together and before he had even thought about it he had already taken on Chandlers dress sense and had started to keep his desk just as tidy. It had become a sort of comfort to him, it helped and Kent didn’t look into it any further.
He had felt fear and shame during the break in at the office, the pain of remembering how concerned the DI had been when they had come to the hospital to see him. The way he had basked in his attention, in the obvious emotion he shared had filled him with a warmth he coveted.
He had ignored his reactions and when he was accused the pain that flooded his system and made his heart pound and his eyes prick was so sudden and unexpected he had been unable to move. That was of course until Chandler spoke those immortal words.
“Out of everyone I really wish it hadn't been you.”
He had ran. The shame and the disbelief that Chandler could think he was the mole was too much to bear. He had limped away with the eyes of the team on his back and it was all his fault.
Chandler had thought it was Kent’s ego that had stopped him from telling him. To some extent he was right but there was always the niggling feeling that telling Chandler that he had let the destruction of the office happen would be tantamount to admitting what he feared the most.
He would have to admit that he was a coward, that he would never be like the brave, confident DI and that he was doomed to always be shy and ashamed of himself.
He would never be able to stand up to the bad guys; he would never make a difference.
When the team took him back he was elated and he ignored the buzz he got from Chandlers personal apology. His attention focussed on Kent one more time and he was still oblivious to just why Chandlers opinion of him was more important than any other person.
That was of course until DI Norray turned up and from his desk he watched Chandler start to fall for her. It was then he started to feel jealousy and not just because his idol was now focussing on someone else. No, he felt the warm wet spread of jealousy pour across his face and down his back as he watched Chandler smile at her, watched him flirt with the woman who had so obviously disliked the skip from the start. A woman who viewed every one of them as expendable.
Then she had the nerve to question him about Miles and Kent had snapped at her. He had regretted it later, now afraid that she would mention his overreaction to Chandler and that his new found feelings would be discovered but he didn’t seem to notice. He supposed he should be grateful to her for that, grateful enough that when Norray was poisoned he was just as panicked as everyone else. However when Chandler chose Miles over her it was not enough to stop a triumphant smile from bubbling up inside him.
No, by the time Morgan Lamb appeared on the scene he was well aware of the truth. He was in love with his boss. And it was fine; he could cope because the boss had enough on his plate without Kent piling his unwanted feelings on him. He tried to keep them out of his work and usually he succeeded.
But Morgan had gripped the DI’s attention like nobody else before and trying to put aside his feelings he focused on the facts of the case. His theory was a good one it seemed and before he could stop to reconsider his mind had ran with the idea and he was convinced she was involved. He knew his feelings weren’t helping but he wanted, he needed them to consider the option because he knew that they were in danger of Chandler going the other way and ignoring a guilty woman because of his feelings for her.
When his fears were realised and Chandler rebuffed him telling him to keep his feelings out of it Kent had felt his heart stutter in his chest because surely surely the DI knew the implication of his words. He must have known why Kent’s suspicions were so strong and why he had been so relentless. He must have known why Kent was jealous and he had simply discarded him for her. It was another kick in the gut and Kent had retreated, he had apologised to her he had felt the guilt.
The rejection he had expected although it was not as palpable as he had imagined it hurt just as much.
Her reaction to his apology was not expected at all. Perhaps Chandler had been being kind when he hadn’t expressly mentiuoned that Kents feelings were romantic and that was what he hand’t wanted but it seemed Morgan had no problem saying it as she saw it. And she saw much, Kent had listened as she spelled out how he had suspected her jsut because he was jealous of her relationship with his boss, how chandler cared for her and she cared for him and how she planned to continue the relartinshipa dn how she saw them going far. She asked him if he loved him. Kent didn’t have to answer, the shake of hsi ahdns had been enougha dn she had looked almost pitying. She told him that if he truly loved him he would be happy for them.
To hear the truth was almost a death blow to Kent. He had turned and ran from that room as the walls came closing in on him. Every single thing she said was right. Chandler would never ever be interested in him and he would jsut have to face that. He would have to pull away even further, he relaised he had been to liberal with hsi emotions. He ahd not been as careful or as controlled as he had thought.
Then she died and suddenly the boss needed him more than ever. He needed people who understood and whilst he had Miles and the team, sometimes they wouldn’t notice when he was having a bad day. Miles would be tired looking after his young daughter or the team would be distracted by a large case and Kent would pick up the slack. He would make sure the boss left at night and that he was given food to eat, time to rest. He made sure not to take liberties, not to force his feelings on a weakened and grieving man.
He moulded his life around checking on him, on taking care of him. Chandler would thank him for being such a good friend and Kent would go home and cry because through time he realised that perhaps the DI hadn’t meant to be kind when he had told him to ignore his feelings. He hadn’t even understood the double meaning to his words. He didn’t know he was loved.
Eight months to the day she died Kent went to work early to check that the boss hadn’t returned to the office during the night and he found a note on his desk. It was addressed to him but it didn’t say who it was from.
Emerson,
You have 48 hours to find him.
Be brave.