Chapter Text
When there is a monster, that eats everything around you, you do everything in your power to stop it.
You try to push it away, you try to ignore it till it leaves, you try to hurt it, you try everything to stop it.
It's even harder when no one else sees it.
You are losing your everything to fight it off and you still have to act the same as before you saw it.
It all stops when you realize you're the monster you're trying to end.
When you realize your light was eaten away by dark.
And still you were the one who brought up that dark.
No one else.
Just you.
"Hey Luz... Your mom said dinner was ready..." Hunter opend the door of Luz's room.
She was laying on her bed, watching something on her phone.
What was she watching?
Well... Everything? And nothing? Kinda?
She was switching trought the apps she had every 5 minutes because everything was boring and she didn't wanna use them. But she had nothing else to do.
(She had to clean her closet, to go to library and take some books that could help her get back on the isles f̶̃ͅi̵͇̊ẍ̷̦́ ̸̤́h̷̰͂e̴̺͝ŕ̵̥ ̶͙̊m̴̬̃i̵̯̚s̸̛̜ţ̶̛a̶͍̎k̷̮̎e̷͙͊, oh and also return a book she took before summer started, she had to redecorate the abandoned house where portal was. She had to kinda start reading that book her teacher told their class to read for summer but she still have like a month for that. She could also maybe finish that book she started writing, or a fanfic she hasen't updated in months. She could also finish that cosplay she started? She has to finish that one series she stopped watching few months ago but she really liked it! And she needs to do stupid homework her teachers gave her for summer. Seriously who gives homework during summer! That's litteraly crazy! )
"Aha! Wokay! I'm there in a sec!" She said.
"Hey... Are you doing okay? I mean it's kinda been a week since we got here and I know we talked about this few times but emm..." Hunter struggled to ask...
He knew Luz felt guilty. She literally told him that.
Luz also knew Hunter is having literally existential crisis.
They are in this shit together.
But last few days Luz got sooo distanced from him.
Whenever he sees her with others she is trying to cheer them up.
Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive.
He knows there is no way she just magicly feels better. She has to be pretening. Right?
"Yeah... Not necessarily okayyy, but like fine. Like alright. like not bad. Like fine. Like you know!" She smiled.
Isn't fucking fine, alright, not bad literally the same as okay?????
"Aha... You sure cause like..."
"Yeah! I promise you I am sure. Now lets go to eat I am starvinggg!"
"Mhm..."
They went down stairs.
Others were already there, at the table.
"Oh Luz, Hunter. Sit down your food is getting cold." Camila said.
"Thanks mom..." Luz souned kinda off?
"You okay Luz? " Willow asked her.
"Yeah! Sorry! It's just so late and I woke up early and I am just kinda tired."
"You should finish your food and go to rest mija. I'll do the dishes."
"No mom, there is no need. I can do it! I can finish it then I'll go to sleep!"
"No, It's okay I can do it Camila... Luz you should go to rest... You seem kinda pail?" Amity entered the conversation.
"N... Okay... Thank Amy..." Luz said as she was finishing her food.
All the time she could FEEL Hunter glaring at her.
Fuck him.
Why can he just leave her alone!?
She already told him she was fine! Why doesn't he just leave her alone!?
But he is trying his best to help her... And to be there for her...
He is also in shit situation right now...
But she needs to distance herself from him... She can't talk about what she feels. She won't!
With all of this stress others have and all of these problems all they need is Luz telling them she feels bad.
And if she tells them she also needs to tell them about Belos and Philip and Collector and everything!
She can't do it.
She won't do it.
All of this because of one person.
Belos. L̵̡͕͚̳̣͐̚͝ü̵̡̻͈̼̲͝ẓ̸̙̈.
She can't make more problems.
Luz finished her food and put her plate in a dishwasher.
You're so fucking selfiah. How much they all do for you and you make them do more. And all you do is cause problems. How pathetic...
The voice in her head said as she was going to her room.
But it wasn't anyone elses voice... She was pretty sure it was her voice.
Then why was she talking like she was talking to another perosn and not herself? Why didn't she say "I"?
Don't you just feel selfish? You're just going to sleep while people you made leave their homes try to find a way back?
"I didn't mean to do it! I swear. I just really can't think staright right now... If I just rest a bit I can find a way to help!" Luz thought like she was replaying to her other thought.
Oh and when was your 'help' actually helpful? When you tried to help withes of the boiling isels? We both know how that ended. When I think about it, the only time you actually helped was when you help Belos? Is that not true?
Luz was chaging her into her pajamas.
"But I didn't want to do that! I just wanted to help!" She was thinking.
Yeah and look where you are now.
Maybe it's better that you are useless and selfish. Just go to sleep and don't bother others.
Luz ignored it. She ignored that stupid thought.
She can't think about it. She won't.
...
She layed in her bad. And closed her eyes.
...
I-I have to get Eda. We'll find a way back to you!
Luz, I'm so happy I had you as a big sister.
We don't belong here.
We don't belong here
Luz, I'm so happy I had you as a big sister.
How could they be tricked so easily?
How could they be tricked so easily?
I wouldn't be so judgmental, if I were you.
I wouldn't be so judgmental, if I were you.
if I were you.
You.
I-I have to get Eda. We'll find a way back to you!
We don't belong here.
"Shut up!" Luz thought. She turn around. As that would change anything.
...we were destined to meet.
Destined .
I'll do anything to save humanity from evil.
You're evil.
This kind reminds me of you.
"Stop already!"
"I just wanna help everyone! I wanna save them from evil!" What if you're the evil?
"Go away! Litteraly please just go away!" Luz was truning from one side to another.
She wanted to cry so bad.
Why did this hurt so much?
Why can't it just stop?
Oh but I just got here. And I swear to God you'll get punish just like every evil person should.
You killed your friends! You killed Eda and King and Hooty and Lilith and Raine and everyone! Every kid! Everyone!
"They're not dead! They are not! I'll find a way to help them! I'll find a way to save them!"
The room was quiet.
Not a word was said.
Yet again in Luz's head the noise was unberable.
She'd do anything to shut it up.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7..."
Are you trying to fucking count to distract yourself for me? That's so fucking stupid. Imagine needing counting to shut up your own thoughts. So pathetic.
"8, 9, 10... 11..."
You can not run away. There is no where more to run. Not one realm for you to hide to.
That's weird right? You literally found a real fucking another world in a real life and you somehow menaged to ruin it.
Maybe cause you ruin everything.
"23, 24, 25, 26..."
"I forgot to focus on numbers... stupid... 27..."
King is dead.
Eda is dead.
Lilith is dead.
Hooty is dead.
Raine is dead.
"34.... 35.... 36..."
Willows' dads? Dead.
Gus' dad? Dead.
Amity's parents? Dead.
"I'll start counting again... I fogot to focuse... 1! 2! 3!"
Emira is dead.
Edric is Dead.
Everyone is dead.
And it's you who killed them.
Luz quietly sobbed. 4! 5! 6! 7!
It's your fault.
"8..."
You are the one to blame.
"9..."
You are just as bad as him.
"10..."
You are worse.
"11..."
Cry quietly crybaby!
"12..."
- Cry quielty...
"12..."
- Crybaby.
"13..."
- Cry quietly... 13...