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“I can’t imagine what might have happened if you hadn’t been there!” the woman in front of him gushes, “Thank you so much!”
“Wh-no, I- I didn’t mean to save you! I mean not that I want you dead but-!” Yonji sputters.
“I didn’t even realize the building was coming down until the floor started tilting,” the woman continues obliviously, “I probably would’ve died if it weren’t for you!”
“Well, I’m glad you weren’t hurt, but I still- I was trying to-“
“You’re my hero!”
Yonji stares at the woman’s beaming face with a steadily growing sense of despair, barely resisting the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall. “I was the one trying to bring down the building in the first-!”
The woman talks right over him. “Oh, I should go check on my friend!” the woman cuts him off, “I think she showed up after the building was already collapsing, but I’m sure she’s still shaken up!”
“Uh-huh,” Yonji says, rapidly going through the five stages of grief. “You do that.”
“Thank you again!” The woman says, “I’ll be sure to tell everyone about how you saved my life!”
“Please don’t,” Yonji says, but the woman’s already gone.
Yonji glares at the crumbled and twisted remains of the destroyed building, like his recent failure is its fault. “You were supposed to be empty,” Yonji mutters viciously at the pile of rubble.
He’d had it all figured out earlier that morning too.
Yonji had planned this particular event weeks in advance, picking out the perfect target in the center of downtown N. Blue to destroy in an extravagant display of chaos and violence. It would’ve been a spectacle so big that the news stations would’ve been forced to report on it, finally cementing Yonji’s status as a true supervillain and force to be reckoned with in the N. Blue district.
Finally he would’ve been at the same level of infamy as his siblings, but nooooo. That woman just had to go into work early that morning, interrupting Yonji mid-demolition as he’d been trying to bring the building down. Now, Yonji knows that most supervillains probably wouldn’t care about such collateral damage, but… well, she’d just been screaming and crying, alright? How was he supposed to leave her like that?
And so Yonji had abandoned his initial plan halfway through, stopping just long enough to scoop up the woman and rush her out of the building. He’d planned to go back to his destruction then, but at that point authorities and worse, heroes, were showing up on the scene trying to stabilize the building and evacuate the surrounding area. Even if Yonji had dreams of becoming the biggest supervillain in the city, he knew when he was outnumbered and had reluctantly given up on his original plan.
“Sir!”
Yonji’s snaps out of lamenting the unfortunate failure of his ingenious evil plan as a camera and microphone are shoved in his face. “Huh?”
“Big News Morgan with Channel 5, we received reports from a witness that you were the one who saved her from the collapsing building!”
“Wh- I- I guess?” Yonji says, wincing at the bright lights being shined in his eyes.
“That’s amazing!” The reporter says, an incredibly fake smile on his face, “Would you happen to be a new hero trying to break out into the scene?”
“Hell no!” Yonji blurts, “I’m trying to be a-!”
“Ah, an antihero,” Morgan says, cutting him off, “Well, vigilantes are all the rage these days.” He gives an artificial laugh.
“No! I’m trying to be a-!”
“Don’t worry, you don’t have to put a label on it so soon,” Morgan says, clearly trying to sound comforting but coming across more patronizing than anything else. “We’re just glad to see another heroic face on the scene. Were you perhaps inspired by any great heroes currently operating, like Aokiji or one of the members of the Warlords unit?”
Yonji feels his eyes starting to twitch. “I’ve got nothing to do with those bastards!”
“Oh, perhaps an underground hero then like the Straw Hats?”
At that Yonji feel something inside him snap. “Do I look like I want to be put on the same level as the Straw Hats?! I want nothing to do with them-!”
“Morgan, sir!” Someone, probably one of the reporter’s assistants, rushes up to him, “The chief up police is about to give his statement on the incident!”
“Oh, damn,” Morgan shoots Yonji one last look, “Well, good job out there today, kid. Keep at it and I’m sure you’ll be the face of Hero Monthly in no time!”
The reporters are gone in a blink of an eye, leaving Yonji to seethe in a potent mixture of confusion and indignation. After a few seconds where he tries to process everything that has just occurred, Yonji spins and punches one of the crumbling walls hard enough to make it explode into fragments.
“I am not a goddamn hero!” Yonji yells, not that there’s anyone paying attention to him.
He grumbles and kicks at the rubble a little more, but eventually he has to give up. There’s no way he can bring this situation back around and make it the villainous debut he was hoping for. He’ll have to head back to his apartment to try and come up with another plan to strike fear into the hearts of the general public.
It’s too bad that this is the tenth time he’s failed at that.
He trudges to the nearby subway station tired, defeated, and still covered in a thin layer of dust and debris. His shoulders start to ache as the residual adrenaline wears off and Yonji realizes he might have overextended his mechanical arms a bit too much in his excitement. He would kill for a hot shower, but he already knows that he’ll be lucky to get more than ten minutes of hot water back at his shitty apartment.
He scowls the whole subway ride back home, glaring at anyone who gives his raid suit a side glance. His mood sours further when a kid asks for his autograph in his tiny notebook plastered with pictures of the Warlords unit. The kid clearly thinks he’s an up and coming hero with the way his eyes shine as he pushes the notebook and pen excitedly into Yonji’s hands.
Yonji still signs it, of course, because he’s not a total monster.
“It’s not my fault everything I try backfires,” Yonji grouses, “How was I supposed to know that tree I was going to throw at someone actually had a cat stuck in it? Or that the armored van I hijacked was actually being used to smuggle drugs? Or that the bridge I destroyed would cut off the escape route of a criminal in the middle of a high speed chase? Those were all honest mistakes!” He glances down at the can in his hand. “Where do you want the peaches, Miss Garcia?”
“Oh, second shelf up from the bottom, I think,” his elderly neighbor says. Yonji dutifully shelves the can where she indicates. “Thank you, dear. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here to help me with my groceries.”
“It’s no problem,” Yonji says, shaking his head, “You’re always cooking for me.”
She laughs, “That’s hardly any extra work. I’m so used to cooking for a big family that I always make too much!”
It’s an excuse she’s always used to foist extra Tupperware’s full of food onto Yonji. He suspects it’s because he reminds her of her son, one that hadn’t been able to visit in nearly two years due to his own work on the other side of the country. Yonji knows that helping his neighbor with her groceries probably isn’t doing him any favors in trying to establish his villainous reputation, but really the lady is like eighty five years old and four foot five inches tall. What’s he supposed to do? Just let her struggle?
She’s also a pretty good listener too, always letting Yonji gripe about his failed villainous exploits, so that’s a bonus.
“But as you were saying dear, I’m sorry your last idea didn’t work out,” Miss Garcia says, looking genuinely apologetic. “I thought your plan was quite impressive! Goodness, I certainly would have been scared of a villain like that!”
“Thanks,” Yonji says, feeling a little better despite himself. “I guess I’ve just been a little frustrated since yesterday.”
It hadn’t helped his mood when Niji had sent an article to the family group chat later in the evening, just hours after Yonji’s botched attempt.
Worst Brother
looks like Yonji fucked up again lmaoooooo
[link]
It had taken everything in Yonji’s power not to fly over to Niji’s apartment to try and strangle him.
The article had only made things worse despite the fact it was barely more than a blurb. A vast majority of it was dedicated to the efforts the major heroes had made to save civilians as the building was coming down, nothing remarkable there, but at the very end there had been a small section that Yonji had quickly realized was a highly edited version of his unexpected interview with the reporter earlier.
In that section Yonji had been painted as a new hero hopeful, one who worshipped all the heroes that had come before him. There was a complimentary testimony from the woman he’d saved (and even Yonji had to admit her genuine gratitude was touching), but beyond that there was no mention of the cause of the destruction in the first place or even the fact that the building had been deliberately demolished.
By the time Yonji had finished reading the article he was practically shaking with anger, and he’d had to throw his phone aside before his superhuman grip had cracked the screen. He really couldn’t afford a new phone right now. But even that concern was quickly pushed aside at his own despair at yet another failed attempt.
All his siblings were successful villains.
Ichiji had plenty of destructive rampages under his belt, had nearly leveled downtown N. Blue on three different occasions, and was classified as a Level 1 threat by all the top hero agencies. Niji had caused millions of dollars worth of property damage and had caused city-wide blackouts with enough regularity that he had actual bounties from electric companies posted on him. Reiju was a well-known assassin who made top dollar from high-profile clients for some of the biggest companies in the world.
Hell, even Sanji was more infamous than Yonji, his older brother a top officer in the underground vigilante group, the Straw Hats. His brother had a devoted cult following online where thousands and thousands of people compared his powers and abilities against other heroes and villains currently on the scene, and the Straw Hats chaotic exploits were regularly the subject of the evening news reels.
Yonji’s whole family was famous (or infamous)… all except Yonji.
“You’ll have your moment to shine, dear.”
Yonji’s jolted out of his depressive spiral by a few light pats on his arm. He looks down to see Miss Garcia giving him a comforting smile. “I hope so,” he sighs, “I don’t think I can handle seeing the papers call me a hero again.”
“Maybe you should stop trying so hard,” Miss Garcia hums, “Go back to the classics! The tried and true, golden age villain methods! Nothing wrong with keeping it ‘old school’.” She giggles at her own words. “Big Mom, Kaido… my I remember all the girls at my school had the biggest crush on Whitebeard back when his mugshot first hit the news!”
Yonji thinks it over. Well, it might not be the worst idea. He’s never been the best at planning (he’d always left that up to his siblings), so maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise that all his methods up until now haven’t worked out. The old villain tactics had less chance of being misinterpreted, now that he thought about. Old school villains were always straight forward with their efforts, none of this ‘shades of grey, morally nuanced’ bullshit. They were all terrible people and everyone know it.
“You know, I think you might be right, Miss Garcia,” Yonji says, straightening up. Already his mind is racing with possibilities.
“I usually am, dear,” she says, nodding sagely.
There were so many options with older supervillains. Sure, some people online might call him an unoriginal hack for falling back on such well-worn tropes, but if he could get them talking about him at all it’d be a step in the right direction.
“Thanks, Miss Garcia,” Yonji says, feeling a boost of adrenaline rushing through his veins. He needs to get back to his apartment right now so he can start doing some research. “I need to head out.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for lunch?” His neighbor asks with a frown.
Yonji opens his mouth to politely refuse, only to hesitate. “What are you making?”
“Tamales.”
Yonji pouts. “That’s playing dirty. You know I love tamales.”
She laughs. “I knew you were coming over, that’s why. You’re staying for lunch then.” It’s not phrased as a question.
Yonji sighs. “I guess so.”
“Good,” she says, satisfied. She begins to bustle around the kitchen in a practiced routine as she pulls out the ingredients she needs. “Be a dear and set the table, yes?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Yonji says, already moving to pull down the plates from her cabinets.
“And then over lunch you can tell me what your siblings are up to,” she says. It’s also not a question.
“Alright,” Yonji agrees.
She’s probably been planning on getting information out of him for the past week so she can gossip about it at her local knitting circle. Yonji knows she loves using stories about famous supervillains (his siblings especially) to entertain her friends. He probably shouldn’t be so free with information about his family, but damn did Miss Garcia make the best tamales. For as scary as any hero or villain could be, they had nothing on the well-meaning manipulation tactics of an elderly woman.
After a long few days of poring through dozens of files of past crimes from the golden age of supervillains Yonji finally settles on one. Robbing a bank isn’t anything revolutionary, but it was big and flashy enough to get at least a few eyes on it, not to mention it would be near impossible to spin it in a way that made Yonji look like a hero. It’s that more than anything that has Yonji scouring through the list of banks in his area to try and find the perfect target, one positioned prominently enough that he’ll get some attention, but also difficult enough to get to that he’ll have some leeway before the heroes and authorities come in to stop him.
Eventually he finds one that fits his criteria, a branch of a fairly well known bank that’s located downtown. The area is busy enough that the nearby streets are usually clogged with traffic, perfect for delaying authorities trying to get to the place. He even finds that the bigger name heroes are supposed to be working a charity event that weekend, something that would certainly set back any of them who might try and respond to the scene.
For once it feels like everything is turning out for him. He can only hope it’ll stay that way.
Yonji strolls into the bank in high spirits. He’s not wearing his supervillain outfit yet (he plans on a very dramatic reveal for that), but he’s made sure his hair looks good and he’d spent all of the night prior practicing his line delivery and evil laugh, so he’s pretty confident he’ll succeed for sure this time. At least, it better work out or else Yonji and the pint of ice cream in his freezer will be getting well acquainted for the next few hours-
No, he’s not going to assume he’ll fail before he’s even begun.
He straightens his shoulders and heads for the line to the counter, noting absently where all the visible cameras are in the bank. He stands in line behind an older man and counts three tellers behind the counter and a few more employees sectioned off in offices around the main area, and he’s sure there’s a manager or two in the back rooms. There are only four other customers not including himself. It’s not the best headcount if he plans on taking them hostage, but he can work with it.
“Next guest?”
Yonji looks up, not having even noticed he’d reached the front of the line as he’d been looking around. A woman behind the counter waves to him and gestures for him to step forward.
‘Alright,’ Yonji wipes his sweaty hands on his pants, before striding up to the counter. His raid suit canister presses against his leg with each step. ‘Showtime.’
“Good afternoon, sir,” the woman says with a practiced customer service smile. “How can we help you today?”
Yonji gives his best practiced smile back. “Well actually, you can start by putting-“
“Halt villain!” There’s an explosion of shattering glass.
Yonji freezes, eyes going wide. Had he somehow already been found out?! He hadn’t even committed the crime yet! Unless there was a superhero out there he hadn’t heard of before with the ability to see the future, Yonji should’ve had at least twenty minutes before anyone would have been able to show up!
“What on earth-?!” The teller blurts, clearly just as caught off guard as Yonji.
“It’s Kaido’s son!” Someone shrieks.
It’s that particular proclamation that makes Yonji spin around only to see that, yup, that sure is Yamato standing in the doorway of the bank, the glass doors near him lying in ruined shards.
“Fear not!” Yamato beams, clearly unbothered by the destroyed entryway he’s standing in. “I’ve come to serve justice!”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Yonji blurts without thinking.
Yamato (who for some reason went by his actual name) was a hero that had recently joined the scene. He was most well known for being the son of one of the most powerful supervillains of the golden age, Kaido, but he was also infamous for his controversial hero policies, most notably the obscene amounts of property damage he caused. In interviews Yamato had claimed he was following in one of the footsteps of well-known golden age hero Kozuki Oden, but he also shared Oden’s unfortunate habit of not always checking and clearing his immediate surroundings before trying to subdue villains.
Despite being a hero for less than a year at this point, Yamato had already racked up more damage charges than even Yonji’s oldest brother. Had he mentioned that Ichiji had nearly leveled downtown N. Blue? Well, Yamato did that on a regular basis, to the point that he was pretty sure Yamato himself was a category that could be put down on one’s insurance claims.
“I’m here to put an end to your nefarious schemes, villain!” Yamato levels his club in Yonji’s direction.
“Me?!” Yonji asks, incredulous. “I haven’t even done anything yet!” The least the guy could do was let Yonji change into his raid suit so they could have a newsworthy battle. He’s already reaching for his raid suit canister when-
“Hm, oh, my apologies, civilian,” Yamato says, shaking his head, “I meant the one behind you.”
Yonji blinks, only to slowly turn to face the teller he’d been speaking to seconds ago. At this point she looks downright terrified. “Me?!”
“Yes, you!” Yamato’s eyes narrow, “For the crime of soiling a national park, I will dispense your justice!”
Both Yonji and the woman shriek as Yamato runs toward them, diving to the side as Yamato’s oversized spiked club annihilates the counter space they’d just been near. When Yonji looks up again he sees that the other tellers and customers are running for their lives, trying to flee out the gaping hole where the front doors used to be.
At first Yonji thinks, ‘Oh good,’ but then he backtracks a second later, ‘Hey, wait! My hostages are escaping!’
“You are under arrest!” Yamato yells, tugging his club free of the splintered remains of the desk. “Please do not try and resist!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” The woman says, scrambling back from the approaching hero. Yonji can already see tears gathering in her eyes and clearly now everything’s going to hell in a hand basket and there’s only one way he can see to stop it before the bank is completely destroyed.
Yonji pulls out his raid canister and transforms into his suit in a flash. He darts toward the woman, getting in front of her just in the nick of time to block Yamato’s club as he swings it again. The impact of it against his arms makes Yonji very, very glad the appendages are mechanical as he’s pretty sure the force of the other’s blow would’ve shattered every bone from his shoulders to his fingers.
“Stop it!” Yonji growls, “You’re wrecking the place!”
They break the deadlock and leap back, sizing each other up. Yonji can see Yamato winding up for another barrage, and braces himself to intercept the attacks. For a while the world fades away as he trades blows with the hero, matching the other just barely. Geez, this guy really must have inherited his father’s strength because Yonji’s sure a normal person would be no match for him.
Yamato frowns. “Why are you protecting her?” Yonji barely manages to dodge out of the way of a heavy downward sweep. “She needs to face the consequences of her actions!”
“This is too much!” Yonji snaps back. “You’re going too far!” If he can’t stop Yamato he’s going to have no hostages left to negotiate with!
“Any wrongs must be righted,” Yamato says, scowling, “I will make this community one Oden would have been proud of, and that means punishing those who would so callously damage the natural environment!”
“You said her punishment was just…” Yonji tries to recall what Yamato had said, “Soiling a national park, right?” He shoots one of his arms toward the club and wraps it around the end to try and restrain Yamato’s movements. It’s useless though as the hero breaks free a second later.”
“She dumped the waste from her lunch on the ground before leaving!” Yamato says, lashing out with his club once more. Yonji blocks it, though the head on impact is enough to nearly knock him off his feet.
“Are you seriously trying to dispense capital punishment for littering?!” Yonji yells incredulously, “Most people just get a fine or community service for that!”
Yamato goes quiet then, blinking owlishly at Yonji. The strength behind the club lessens, and then the club is pulled back. “Is that true?” He asks, sounding genuinely confused.
For a moment all Yonji can do is stare blankly at the hero in front of him. Eventually he does find his voice though. “Yeah. Uh, I’m pretty sure the fine is like three hundred dollars or around three days of community service.”
“Oh,” Yamato says, seemingly absorbing this information. He then breaks out into a wide smile. “Why didn’t you say so?” He turns to the woman, who flinches back with a stifled shriek. “My apologies, ma’am!” He bows to her. “Please explain to the proper authorities when they arrive at the scene and accept whatever judgement they give you!”
“A-ahhh-“ the woman wails curling into a ball as she sobs.
As if on cue Yonji can already hear police sirens wailing in the distance, rapidly approaching the area. One of the other customers or tellers must have made a call to the authorities while the two of them were fighting.
“Ah, I need to get out of here,” Yamato says, clearly hearing the same thing Yonji does, “The police force here are not fond of my methods.” He’s gone in a flash, racing out over the remains of the front doors and down the street.
“Can’t imagine why,” Yonji bites out, glaring a the other’s retreating back. Then he frowns as he scans the bank. The pieces of his surroundings slowly click together in his head. Had he just… saved the bank he’d been trying to rob? “Wait a minute… I was supposed to be the bad guy!”
“Freeze!” Someone yells, “Put your hands in the air!”
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Yonji mutters, but he puts his hands up anyway. He glances at the door way to see cops already starting to swarm inside, guns drawn.
“Sir, I need you to-!”
“No, officer, that’s the hero that saved us!” Another voice yells. Yonji glances to the side to see one of the customers from earlier speaking with the officers.
“Is that true?” The officer asks looking Yonji over suspiciously. Yonji opens his mouth to deny it, but another officer speaks before he has the chance.
“Yeah, this guy really is a hero!” They say, “I saw an article online about him the other day! He saved a lady from a collapsing building!”
Yonji doesn’t start crying then, but it’s a near thing.
Yonji lies facedown on his bed, groaning into his pillows, when his phone dings. He screws up his face, wondering if he can just ignore it. It dings again, and Yonji finally gives up and rolls onto his side before grabbing for his phone where it’s lying on the bed next to him.
Worst Brother
congrats to Yonji for being the best new hero in N.Blue!
[link]
He clicks on the link resignedly.
“Heroic Newcomer Saves Bank!”
Yonji groans again as he sees the article’s headline. It’s accompanied by a very unflattering picture of Yonji in the bank earlier, a baffled expression on his face as the police captain shakes his hand. God, they’d even given him a little plaque for his ‘heroic service’, one he’d immediately stuffed in his closet under his old sneakers. His phone dings again. Against his better judgement he opens the group chat with his siblings.
Worst Brother
good job, loser! I can’t wait to see your face on the fucking hero choice awards!!!!
Reiju
Don’t be rude, Niji. Yonji’s doing his best.
Reiju
He’s just trying to find his niche.
Old Man
It was bad luck you ran into Yamato at the bank. I reviewed the security footage and saw that you didn’t even have time to threaten the teller.
Worst Brother
how the hell did you even get access to the security footage ichiji???
Old Man
If you think I can’t do something as trivial as hack a bank then you must truly underestimate me.
Free Meal
Didn’t Yamato almost kill him?
Me
saying he almost killed me is an exaggeration, I totally had him on the ropes
Worst Brother
lmao you definitely ate shit
Old Man
Yonji, you know I hate to side with Niji, but… you did, in fact, ‘eat shit’.
Me
you all suck
Me
except you reiju
Reiju
Thank you, Yonji ^_^
Worst Brother
reiju also said you ate shit, she just did it in person
Me
wow okay never mind fuck all of you then
Yonji tosses his phone aside, ignoring his siblings as they continue to message the group chat. They’d realize soon enough that Yonji wasn’t looking at it. He gives it a few seconds of feeling sorry for himself after another failed debut before forcing himself to stand up. He decides he should reward himself for such a herculean effort with that pint of ice cream he’d been thinking about earlier and maybe some shitty reality show on Netflix.
Yeah, that sounded like an appropriately villainous evening.
He pads to his kitchen then, pulling out his ice cream and a spoon before spinning around to go to his living room and-
Until the day he dies Yonji will deny the noise he made at that moment. No matter what Miss Garcia tells her bridge club, it was definitely an understandable noise of surprise and not a high pitched shriek. He can’t however deny how he clutches the ice cream to his chest like a lifeline when he spots Yamato of all people standing on his fucking balcony.
What the hell?!
No seriously, what the hell! Yonji lives on the third floor of his apartment complex. How the hell did he get up here?!
Yamato waves at him, unbothered, a wide smile stretching across his face. He knocks on the sliding glass door separating them and mimes opening it, as if Yonji couldn’t tell what the other wanted. For a moment Yonji deliberates turning around and going back to his bedroom- pretending he saw nothing and instead watching videos on his phone- but he knows Yamato probably won’t give up that easily at such a rejection and might even try and smash his way inside, and yeah shit that has Yonji moving toward the door.
He can’t afford to replace the glass if Yamato breaks it, and god knows his landlord will take his sweet ass time replacing it.
Yonji sets his ice cream and spoon down on his coffee table and yanks the glass door open quickly. “What the hell are you doing here?!” He hisses.
Yamato just continues to beam at him, “Greetings! I’ve come with a host gift!” He lifts a grocery bag he’s holding and shoves it into Yonji’s arms. “I can enter now, correct?”
“Huh?” Yonji says, but Yamato apparently takes that as confirmation and lets himself in.
“Your place is very nice!” He says excitedly.
“It’s a shithole,” Yonji replies without thinking. He then shakes his head to try and clear it of the error screen his brain seems stuck on. He glances in the bag he was hand to see two containers of pink colored mochi. Actually, that looks pretty good and Yonji’s in no place to be turning down free food. He sets it down next to his ice cream.
“Oh, no!” Yamato exclaims, reclaiming Yonji’s attention, “It is very nice here! There are no bugs or snakes and you do not live in a cave!” There’s no hint of joking in his tone.
“Did, uh, did you ever live in a cave?” Yonji asks despite the more pressing questions he has at the moment.
“Once,” Yamato confirms cheerfully, “But I escaped when I learned how to punch my father!”
And shit, Yonji definitely doesn’t know what the appropriate response that his so he just ends up blurting, “I’ve wanted to punch my father too.”
Yamato’s eyes widen before he grips Yonji by the shoulders and then leans in way too close. “Would you like me to punch your father?” He asks seriously, brow furrowed and lips pursed.
“Uh,” Yonji’s brain becomes a mess of white static, “Hm, uh, maybe?”
Yamato nods before thankfully releasing Yonji’s shoulders. “On my honor, I shall do so then.” He smiles once more. “It is the least I can do for my new mentor!”
Yonji blinks slowly once, twice, then, “Wait, what?! Mentor?”
“Ah, my apologies,” Yamato says, bowing at a near ninety degree angle, “Yonji Vinsmoke, I have come to ask for your mentorship on my path to becoming a hero like Kozuki Oden!” He straightens back up after the proclamation, looking at Yonji expectantly.
“Why me?!” Yonji asks, eyes wide.
“Well, you are the biggest up and coming hero right now, are you not?” Yamato says, tapping a finger on his chin, “Despite my best efforts, and much to my embarrassment, I have spent nearly a year trying to become a better hero, and yet I am still not thought highly of by either authorities or the general public. You, however, have become a hero relatively recently and already there are those out there singing your praises. Therefore it stands to reason that you must have a number of tips you can give for a newcomer hero!”
There’s a long silence after he finishes speaking.
Yonji’s mind is racing as he processes the other’s words, thoughts ranging from incredulous disbelief, to outrage, to blatant confusion, and back again. It’s almost insane what the other is saying, the assumption that Yonji of all people is the one to go to for heroic advice.
He’s trained his whole life to be a supervillain, hell, most of his immediate family are supervillains! They’ve been born and raised for maximum chaos and destruction! He’s got no business teaching someone to be a good person or whatever shit sells on the Hallmark channel these days!
“I’m a supervillain!” Yonji protests.
Yamato frowns. “What?”
“I’m a supervillain!” Yonji repeats with some added flailing, “You know, world domination, city-wide destruction, parking in handicapped spaces without a sticker! All that stuff! I’m not a fucking hero!”
“But…” Yamato tilts his head, “You saved the woman at the bank.”
“Well, yeah, you were trying to kill that customer!” Yonji responds.
Yamato flushes. “I wouldn’t have killed her!” Then he mutters, “Though I will admits some of the guidelines in the older hero manual are out of date in the current environment.”
“What manual are you looking at that demands death for littering?!” Yonji huffs.
“Skypeia?” Yamato offers.
Yonji opens his mouth to yell again, before it closes. “Yeah, okay, that sounds like something they’d do,” he admits. “But aside from that I was trying to rob the bank and then you started attacking one of my would-be hostages!”
Yamato’s eyes widen. “But- but what about that lady you saved from the falling building the other day?”
“I was trying to destroy it, but she was inside-“
“And the time you exposed that drug trafficking ring?”
“The car I stole was full of contraband-”
“And the child you saved from drowning?”
“He got caught in the portable whirlpool I borrowed-“
“The animals you saved from that burning shelter?”
“Who the fuck leaves behind animals in a burning-?”
“The cat in the tree?”
“I was going to throw it at a cop!”
They’re both breathing heavily after their intense back and forth, glaring at each other with scrunched up expressions. Yamato’s the first to break the stalemate, leaning back with a frown. “I don’t accept it,” he says, “I know you’re a hero deep down.”
“But I’m not!” Yonji says, “I just- I’m in the wrong place at that wrong time!”
“Or the right place at the right time,” Yamato counters. He looks at Yonji speculatively. “No, I think you would be better as a hero. You have the instincts for how to best help other people even if you’re not intending to.”
Yonji scowls. “Stop calling me a hero.”
“What’s wrong with being a hero?” Yamato looks truly baffled.
“Well, there are too many rules you have to follow and all these expectations you have to live up to, and if you screw up even once then the whole city turns against you-“
“I understand,” Yamato nods, “Being a hero is not easy, that is true, but it is worth doing.” He straightens his shoulders. “I retract my earlier intention to allow you to mentor me then.”
Yonji sighs in relief. “Great, then you can head out and-“
“Instead we will both discover how to become better heroes together!” Yamato proclaims.
“Wait, wh-?”
Yamato’s already moving though, grabbing Yonji’s shoulders again and getting up in his face once more, close enough that Yonji feels his face reflexively flush. “Let us agree to become the best heroes we can be and honor the ones who came before us!”
Yonji struggles against the other’s grip, but holy shit he’s strong. He’s painfully reminded of how much weight the other’s attacks had behind them back at their earlier encounter at the bank. What kind of fucking workout routine does Yamato have?!
“Hang on, I never agreed to-!”
“I look forward to our continued partnership, Yonji Vinsmoke!” Yamato says, steamrolling any of Yonji’s attempted protests, “Soon everyone in the city will know our name!”
“Ugh,” Yonji groans, finally admitting defeat and sagging in the other’s grasp. He knows continuing to try and fight the other isn’t going to do anything. “Okay. Sure. Why the fuck not? It’s not like I’m getting anywhere on my own.”
“That’s the spirit!” Yamato says before crushing the life out of him in a hug.
Yonji gasps for air and mentally resigns himself to whatever Yamato apparently has planned for them. Hell, maybe if he sticks with this guy he’ll end up becoming a supervillain after all given the other’s track record. At the very least he might get some good workout tips.
…How the hell did his life come to this?