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FADE IN:
INT. A SPACIOUS AND NATURALLY LIT PENTHOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE MINGLING AND MURMURING - MIDDAY
ELAINE CALDWELL, a young Englishwoman in her early thirties and a recent friend of the Roys (or at least of some of them), is at her first Roy-adjacent function, standing by the buffet with copious amounts of appetisers. It’s a charity brunch and SHIV ROY, her girl best friend of present and a girlfriend of three weeks ago, is standing next to her, picking out the least dubious looking shrimp. Shiv is not quite hosting the event but probably makes it to the top five main characters of the day along with ROMAN ROY, her brother of no particular occupation and no striking reputation.
Elaine has already met him a few times at Shiv’s, where he tends to often hang out, and against the odds he’s gotten on her good side. Earlier today she was finally introduced to his girl - insert a glaringly huge platonic gap here - friend TABITHA, who, despite being far too gorgeous and witty and charming and- (get your shit together, Elaine) to be attached to Roman in any manner at all, still made an impression of sincerely enjoying his company. If not for the recent amicable break up with Shiv and now known to Elaine (and only to her, as far as she was aware) family history of hijacking partners - she would’ve asked Tabitha out. As it stood, Elaine could only look and sigh watching Tabitha disappear from her view most likely to bewitch someone else.
With Tabitha out of sight and entirely too soon into the event for Elaine’s liking it gets rather boring. But oh, wait! Heaven sends Elaine a gift - GREG HIRSCH gracing the room. She doesn’t know him, of course, despite knowing of him from that time she met Tom Wambsgans, Shiv’s ex-husband, and listened to the tale of their complicated relationship. Not knowing at the time that Tom was Tom, or that his man was Shiv's cousin. Once Elaine knew and once she had some time to consider the matter in a sober state of mind, she decided not to tell Shiv. She wasn’t sure if that made her a good ally or a bad friend - perhaps both - but since ignorance was often a nice way out of sticky situations, she also decided not to ask about that nameless cousin of Shiv’s nor to google him. If he happened to float up in some conversation, so let it. But until then she shouldn’t pry.
SHIV
(immediately noticing Greg, with a mixed reaction)
Oh no, not this fucker.
ELAINE
Who?
Elaine looks around cluelessly, trying to detect of Shiv's animosity, and is relieved to find no Tom in sight. She's not too eager to meet him like this and to have to explain herself. After all, there wasn’t much to explain. It was an awfully fine chance that they would meet at a bar, become drinking buddies and, unaware of their respective couplings at the time, overshare about their personal lives.
There is, however, a ludicrously tall man entering the room. Late twenties to early thirties, legs for days, dressed in navy wool trousers and a white button up, no tie - overall rather tasteful despite the simplicity. Somewhat relaxed and almost shaggy hair going nicely with his smart casual attire. A particularly childish expression with huge wondering eyes roaming the room. What on earth this Bambi could do to piss Shiv off is a mystery to Elaine. Before she could ask just that, they are approached by Roman.
ROMAN
(whistling and groaning simultaneously, if that’s even possible)
Not this sick puppy?? Show me the idiot who let him in and I’ll maybe do something about it…
SHIV
He’s probably here on Ewan’s behalf.
ROMAN
Aren’t you supposed to be a co host?? Why didn’t you do something?
SHIV
Only as much of a co-host as you are. Which is none at all. Why didn’t you do something?
Elaine has no idea what is happening but by now she knows better than trying to insert herself into their bickering. Soon enough she will find out what this is about.
ROMAN
(begrudgingly dropping the accusations, shifting into the gossip mode)
I hear he’s still in the company somehow. A wonder they haven’t put him down yet.
SHIV
I have some disgusting ideas about that…
ROMAN
(eyebrows slightly raised)
Do tell.
SHIV
Back at the-
(reconsiders)
Matsson once called him- God, I don’t even want to say it. Anyway, I suspect he might be playing boytoy to the boss. Hence the-
(she vaguely gestures to Greg and his visible upgrade in style)
-everything.
Elaine is pleased to see the dots connecting in front of her eyes. Apparently this guy worked with them in Waystar and ended up playing for the other team. Metaphorically as well, it seems.
Being English and mainly uninterested in American politics or the upground social scene, she should have little trouble staying away from discussions of Waystar-now-GoJo. In theory, that is. Because in practice Lukas Mattson still somehow pops up in their talks all the fucking time, invoked by the weirdest things. And honestly, taking this gangly guy as a lover is far from the most interesting thing Elaine has heard about him even this week. If Shiv is right, of course.
ROMAN
Bullshit.
(not seeing any hints of joking on Shiv’s face)
No, that’s absolutely horrifying. I actually might get sick…
ELAINE
(joining in, as if she was talking with them all along)
What’s even more horrifying - is to think that your Lukas guy has been known to hit on Shiv. And now this? He’s a man of a wide taste…
To be fair, the young man in question was interesting enough to be someone’s ‘boytoy’, as Shiv put it, though Elaine had a hard time imagining him in any sexy scenario. She supposed he was twinky enough for the part, and still. In moments like this she was reassured in having exactly zero interest in men. But good for Lukas and the guy, she supposed.
SHIV
(indignated by this treacherous reveal)
Hey!
ROMAN
What? No, wait- What? You?? That’s just laughable!
SHIV
(hissing, lowering her voice remembering they are in public)
Pardon?? What is that supposed to mean? I can’t have a crazy swede of a wooer?
ROMAN
Better stick to crazy corn guys, because I know for a fact he wasn’t interested in you at all.
SHIV and ELAINE together
For a fact?
ROMAN
(cocky to mask his slight embarrassment)
Well, actually, he was into me, so.
SHIV
(laughing at that)
Yeah, you.
ROMAN
Yeah, me, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife!
SHIV
With a plastic one? You’re delusional and sick in the head!
Seemingly, they have forgotten about Greg altogether. Elaine looks back and forth between Shiv and Roman like it’s some tennis match if players were allowed on the court only on the condition of being insane, petty and rude. Just like a regular tennis match then, she thinks distractedly.
ROMAN
(sure he’s about to win this, mockingly)
Well have you received the gift from him yet? If he’s so head over heels for you.
SHIV
Oh, have you?
They both look at each other in buzzing silence, neither willing to give up Mattson’s hypothetical affections (no matter how fucked up those were) by admitting that no, they haven’t got anything other than a few flirty looks and the feeling of being entitled to those.
ELAINE
What the actual fuck are we even talking about? What gift?
SHIV
Not here-
ROMAN
(giddy to shock Elaine since she’s generally not shockable enough for his taste)
His blood.
ELAINE
(successfully shocked, whispering)
What?
ROMAN
Yeah, he like? Sends his blood to whoever he fancies.
SHIV
Allegedly.
ROMAN
Oh yeah, no, we know it.
SHIV
No, we don’t, unless it’s somehow of use.
ROMAN
It's been of use since the very moment we knew, you dumb-
ELAINE
(more preoccupied with the blood part of it than with the potential leverage qualities)
Uh. Just like? In packets or-
CHANGING ANGLE, GREG NOW IN THE SHOT:
GREG
Hey there, gang!
The Roys and Elaine turn their heads to him in sync with a mix of surprise, horror and hatred in their faces.
GREG
(less convincingly)
Gang?
It’s their first real encounter since the buyout and Greg looks at them with curiousity and automatic excitement despite knowing better. They are all so short, comes to his mind unbidden. It feels strange to have had forgotten them in small ways like that. As a reflex from the past he almost goes in for a hug but immediately changes his mind. That ship has sailed long ago, if there ever was any ship at all.
Upon arriving he has located them quickly and easily enough but had to keep the distance for some time and make sure they notice him first. So that they don’t get the impression he’s here to spy on them. Which he totally is. Damn Tom and his paranoia and his hot mouth on Greg’s neck that lulled Greg into agreeing to this. (Although, to be fair, Greg was into corporate espionage just as much as Tom, if not more.)
ROMAN
(in lieu of greeting)
Freak.
SHIV
(slightly gnashing her teeth)
Hey to yourself.
ELAINE
Hello!
(not sure if the siblings will introduce them and counting only on her own manners)
Laine Caldwell, these guys’ friend.
Greg thinks he remembers her face and name from one of the papers he used to carefully prop on Tom’s desk every time he happened to see a mention of Shiv moving on and dating about. It kinda worked, he has to admit, although he is surprised to see that one of Shiv’s flings stuck around.
GREG
Ah, greetings, Ms Caldwell!
ELAINE
Please, Laine.
GREG
Laine. My pleasure.
(offering her a hand)
Greg- Gregory Hirsch, of the Roy-Hirshes. Uh, “these guys’” cousin.
Elaine experiences the wildest whiplash of a deja vu. This cannot be happening and yet it is. She manages to shake the offered hand with a faint smile while Shiv and Roman attack Greg with renewed force.
ROMAN
Second cousin, actually.
SHIV
Once removed.
ROMAN
Working for the enemy.
GREG
(not too surprised by their pettiness but still caught off guard)
Well? Um, that’s a bit dramatic, no?
ROMAN
Nope, and we hope they’re treating you accordingly, you sicko.
GREG
That's, um- Probably uncalled for? But, like, sure, if it helps.
They stand in silence for a beat, unsure what's the protocol for such a situation. Shiv thinks some more on Greg's newly found self assurance and decidedly despises it. If he indeed is fucking Mattson… She'll fish it out one way or another now that he's here.
SHIV
(louder than required)
Oh no, is that a hickey, Cousin Greg?
There is no hickey of course but the desired effect is reached.
GREG
(losing those crumbs of cool)
What? No! No, I mean where? It’s just-
ROMAN
(getting the point and playing along with a sense of joyous viciousness he hadn’t felt in a while)
Are you lying to us? Now that is just uncousinly. C’mon, who’s the lucky girl? Or is it finally a boy?
GREG
(blushing and choking and trying to tell himself that they don’t know-know about Tom but hearing the Kill Bill sirens go off in his head nonetheless)
What, I- I don’t know what are you-
ELAINE
(with little patience for bullying in general and outing in particular)
Would you please stop? Have some class.
Greg gives her a grateful look, Shiv - an irritated one.
SHIV
(narrowing her eyes at Greg)
Sure, we’ll put that on hold.
ROMAN
But-
SHIV
How’s Ewan? I should hope he’s well, seeing as you’re here on his behalf.
GREG
(still red, knowing she doesn't give a shit but glad to go along with the change of the subject)
Yes, I am. That is to say, Grandpa is well, but you know. He never goes to these things, but I-
(he makes a vague gesture giving up mid sentence)
ROMAN
So the cranky bastard still kicking it, great.
GREG
(frowning, shaking his head a little in distaste)
Man! You can't say that- And, uh, it’s not even a fair assessment? You don’t even know him-
Greg is bitter to know that the assessment is to the point but feels strangely defensive. Only Tom is allowed to sometimes see the bits of Ewan that Greg is ready to damn. Either way, he has been somewhat detoxed from the self-deprecating mentality in these past Roy-free months so he probably shouldn’t allow it. Tom wouldn’t like him just taking it.
GREG (CONT’D)
-So maybe, fuck you, Roman, kindly and such.
Roman is startled. Shiv’s eyebrows slightly rise and she tries not to smile in spite of her growing irritation with Greg. And Elaine, not confined by anything really, simply laughs.
ELAINE
Oh, that’s almost good.
GREG
(unsure)
Thank you?
They all look at each other incredulously. Elaine is surprised to see Shiv and Roman not have kicked Greg out by now. Or Greg not having fled the scene being met with outright bullying. And she hates herself for liking him. It was enough of a stinker to like Tom, but now she kinda sees the charm in their potential couple. She idly wonders if they’ve moved from unacknowledged drunk kisses to some other activities, even if still whilst drunk.
GREG
How’s Ken? Have you maybe... heard from him?
There is a heavy pause. Roman and Shiv share a look. There’s been exactly zero media coverage of Kendall in the last two months and since Greg was still living in his apartment he was getting a bit worried. First he expected a letter of eviction or an egged door (or both). Then he started suspecting that some stink bomb was planted in his air vents. After the smell persisted for almost a week he got it into his head he was being slowly but surely poisoned with something. (It turned out he dropped a sandwich behind his couch somehow and forgot about it. It was a relief to find it rotten and smelling exactly like the poisonous gas Greg was sure he was inhaling that whole time.) In the end, he realised Ken probably didn’t give a shit about him and started munching on the idea of moving anyhow, if only for his own mental health’s good. He wanted to let Ken know, though, and also to check on him. He had provided Greg with this safety net after all.
SHIV
(sighing, indulging Greg this once, since he always seemed to be close with Ken)
He’s out of town. Meditating. That shall suffice.
GREG
(nodding and breathing out with relief)
Good, good to know. I often worry that- Well. It’s good to know you’re in touch.
SHIV
We’re not.
GREG
Oh?
ROMAN
(bored now)
Hosseini.
GREG
Sure, sure. Still good to know, right?
Silence is the response.
GREG
So what are you guys, like, up to these days? Having fun or-
(cringing, knowing Shiv wasn’t exactly having fun last couple of months)
SHIV
(deadpan, seeing its as her cue)
Yeah, lots of. Not as much as you, running our father’s company into the ground, but yeah. Or, should I say, kissing asses of those who actually do?
ROMAN
(once again catching her drift)
We have just been talking by the way, cuz, how the fuck has Mattson not fired you?
SHIV
Yes, very interesting.
GREG
(not too eager to drag Tom into this but having little choice)
Well, as Tom’s chief of-
ROMAN
Yeah, Tom, bullshit. Look me in the eye and tell me you aren’t crawling after Mattson on your knees pleasing him in hopes to get some blood from him one day.
Elaine cringes, wondering if there’s any plausible deniability to this phrasing, and Shiv just rolls her eyes, but Greg surprises them by faintly laughing almost in relief.
GREG
(indeed relieved they aren’t onto him and Tom, even though it seems they somehow know about his fling with Lukas)
Oh, that, no, I- It’s not like that? I mean
(blushing, forgetting himself for a moment and starting rambling)
How did you? I kinda freaked out when I opened the box and. Yeah, huh, that’s. Lukas can sometimes be very-?
(looking at the astonished faces and panicking)
Because we haven’t! Or like. Well, yes we have but it was before the merge? So I don't think it counts, per se. And the blood was way after- so. Not exactly a consensual blood offering, you know. I didn’t keep it. Not that any of this actually happened, of course.
(finishing with a nervous chuckle)
Roman is almost green all of a sudden and Shiv just looks like her worst expectations from life have been confirmed and then doubled. It’s also not the first time she hears Greg referring to Mattson by his first name. Only by his first name. It’s kinda disgusting and she can’t even tell why.
SHIV
(faintly)
Uh huh.
Elaine isn’t sure what’s worse - the blood thing or the Tom thing, or the fact that she’s the only person here aware of both. She looks at Greg with new eyes and can’t exactly wrap her head around this baby deer getting both Tom Wambsgans and Lukas Mattson. He has to be great in bed. And maybe he’s a lot fucking sharper than he appears to be. Not a boytoy at all.
GREG
(resigned, feeling as though the mission to spy for Tom has been miserably failed - now fishing only for what interests him)
I mean, was it Willa? Because like, I told her in confidence and all…
ROMAN
(taking it as yet another blow, still not having patched things up with Connor)
You talk to Willa??
GREG
Uh? Yes, yes, we- I mean I was- Well, my mom and Connor and- And he brought Willa. I, yeah.
This is surely a wreck, but Greg almost thinks the worst is behind when Shiv finally says it.
SHIV
And how’s Tom?
GREG
Oh, wow, Tom.
He absentmindedly rubs his neck where he thinks there might or might not be a hickey Tom left even though they explicitly agreed on the no neck hickeys policy. Elaine notices and tries not to get weak in the knees.
GREG (CONT’D)
He’s good. On a working trip, as of now. Life... Carries on?
ELAINE
(fascinated)
Oh, doesn’t it? Carry on.
GREG
(eyeing her with uncertainty)
Well, yes, new projects, new team…
SHIV
(with a put upon indifference)
And your double act? Of hunting down any and all breathing women to fuck their will to live out of them?
Or have you ‘carried on’ to new things?
Roman whistles, both because it’s rare to hear Shiv being actually crass and because it’s the first time he hears of this. Greg and Tom? Tom and Greg? Fucking women in what sounds like possible threesomes? That once was a thing? The notion wakes something ugly in him and adds to the good old self hate pile of vile thoughts.
GREG
(guilty and not sure what exactly she wants from him)
No, no, that’s not…
SHIV
Whatever. Send him my regards.
ROMAN
And a big fuck you from me.
GREG
(cringing but not denying them the right to wish Tom poorly)
Sure thing. By the way-
(thinking it’s probably a bad idea to ask but they are family so)
Do you think I could perhaps go? I talked to that guy Philips I know from- And some elderly lady, Mrs Tinswell, I think? And I’d say I successfully made it across that Grandpa is doing his part, so. Am I good?
Shiv silently watches him. She could eat him alive. Taking it all from her - the company, Tom, Matsson. Having the gall and the luck and perhaps a method to it. She is still surprised she didn’t beat the shit out of him on election night. So much left unsaid, so much pride left trampled.
Roman, however, has it easier.
ROMAN
We couldn’t care less, dick.
SHIV
(swallowing what feels like bile, once again overcoming herself and trying to be the bigger person despite her every instinct)
It’s okay, Greg, you’re in the clear. Feel free to go.
Greg looks at her for another moment, perhaps recognising some of the sentiment. He could say a word or two to her as well. But his idiotic upbringing and Grandpa’s self righteous ideals beaten into him make Greg gratefully nod and leave without anything else to say.
CUT TO:
EXT. ON THE STREET, MAIN ENTRANCE TO THE BUILDING WHERE THE EVENT IS TAKING PLACE - MID DAY, A FEW MINUTES LATER
Elaine, having hastily left the event under the guise of a phone call, exits the building and squints against the blinding sun. She quickly detects Greg to her right, by the outdoor ashtray, taking a fag and looking completely disassociated. She mildly coughs upon approaching and asks him for a lighter.
GREG
(apologetic)
That’s a juul, so.
ELAINE
(chuckling)
Should’ve guessed.
(beat)
Sorry, it was an excuse to talk to you.
Greg watches her pull out a fancy looking pack of cigarettes and a lighter of her own. He has little energy to play along.
ELAINE
(after a drag)
I can barely stand them myself sometimes.
GREG
(exhausted, no filter)
No shit.
ELAINE
I mean it’s okay. We’re all people.
GREG
What is okay?
ELAINE
To have beef with family? To still love them.
To not be entirely out, she thinks. To be into your cousin’s ex husband. To have crippling doubts and such.
GREG
Love? I’m never sure. Our family is too fucked for that.
ELAINE
Still family.
GREG
(echoing)
Still family.
They smoke in silence for a while.
GREG
How do you know them?
Elaine reads it as a polite rephrase of ‘How the fuck have you ended up with those pricks’. Fair enough.
ELAINE
Family friends. Sort of. On Caroline’s side.
Well, Greg thinks, that explains the accent. And high tolerance for the family shit.
GREG
Have we perhaps met? At the wedding? Either of.
He thinks he would've remembered her, although those weddings have merged into one hazy unpleasant whirr of a memory now.
ELAINE
No. It’s a long story. I’ve met Shiv only recently, through Aunt Caroline, after I moved here a couple of months ago. She helped me a great deal.
GREG
(trying to be sympathetic)
Sure.
ELAINE
She wasn’t in terribly good shape, of course. But we made it through.
GREG
(carefully)
Pardon me prying, are you still-?
ELAINE
Together? No. Just friends.
A wise man once told me it’s sometimes better to stay friends than try to sustain a romance that wasn’t meant to be.
GREG
(face darkening, with some bitterness in his voice)
Ah, that is wise.
ELAINE
(not sure how far exactly Greg and Tom managed to go but desperate to help them for some reason)
Sometimes, of course, it’s more suitable to risk it and give the relationship a chance, you know. Good friends are good friends, but if you are meant to be…?
Greg looks at the cars passing them on the road, lost in thought.
GREG
But how do you know for sure?
ELAINE
(smiling, looking at the flow of cars as well)
You don’t. But when you do, don’t hesitate. Talk. Make deals. Don’t settle for less.
GREG
Talk…
They have indeed talked. Some three weeks ago Tom called him and they had a late night talk at his place about this whole mess. But Greg couldn’t quite tell what they had landed on. Feelings? Yes. Lust? Yes. Amazing mind blowing sex? Big time, yes. Post divorce doubts of entering a new relationship? Sadly, yes. Greg’s never yielding apprehension of the worst yet to come? Expectedly, yes. Not being out? Yes and yes. It sucked ass. He wanted it more than anything in his life.
GREG (CONT’D)
It’s just? You can talk all you want. And make deals all you can. And still end up nowhere. Here.
ELAINE
May I ask something personal?
GREG
(taking a drag, shrugging)
You can try.
ELAINE
Is this about your boss?
GREG
No. Lukas and I are not-
ELAINE
(gently interrupting)
Your other boss.
Greg stops breathing altogether and feels the blood rushing in his ears. He’s horrified and isn’t entirely sure he’s not hallucinating this right now and yet- He’s so frustrated and fucking down, he has no strength to deny it. Greg tilts his head in some weird non disclosing disclosure and feels his eyes strat prickling. He quickly takes another drag inhaling too much, and coughs purely for distraction purposes while recomposing himself.
ELAINE
It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. Shiv doesn’t know.
GREG
How the hell?-
ELAINE
It’s a long story. Maybe another time. But listen to me, don’t fucking fool yourself. I don’t know anything about you and what the hell happened to you to make you so? So you. But it’s never easy. I hear it’s hard after a divorce. And I hear it sucks to be closeted in a big corporation. And maybe it’s scary to look your cousins in the eye sometimes, especially if-. Still. Fight for it if you want it.
Greg is completely lost. Elaine is clearly talking about Tom. How on Earth does she know? Shiv and Roman seemed to have no clue. He also can’t make himself believe anything she says. Yes, he wants Tom with such an eerily quiet determination that it scares the shit out of him. And yet he has a lot to lose if things with Tom go awry. Mainly his heart, his soul, his living wage and any and all self respect.
GREG
Uh.
ELAINE
(pulling out a mock card she made herself some time ago to give out to people as a joke after receiving Tom’s card all that time ago)
I have to go, or they’ll wonder what took me so long. But text me, okay? No names, no leverage, no nothing. Friendly advice.
Greg looks at the card like all of this is a crazy fever dream. The card is handmade and it’s a piece of paper for watercoloring and in small yet powerful strokes there are flowers framing the name in small lettering:
elaine caldwell
free artist
unemployed and proud
He flips it and dumbfoundedly looks at the number on the back of it. When he looks up again Elaine is nowhere to be found. Good. Greg isn’t sure he could take even one more moment of this.
He needs to smoke, and his nicotine juul simply won’t do. He tucks the card into his back pocket and calls for Tom’s driver. He has a lot to think about while Tom is away.
FADE OUT. THE END.