Chapter Text
Alex comes barging into their home after his swim, hoping Henry is back from therapy so they can have a fun morning together.
Henry is not always in the mood to have sex or to do something else that is fun because therapy tends to drain him, which is totally understandable and Alex obviously respects it.
He's also done therapy and every time he left the office he was convinced it cured his insomnia because he'd feel the urge to go sleep at his desk at 3 pm when he is normally still wide awake at 3 am.
He pokes his head around the wall to see what state Henry is in.
He doesn't look sad or depressed or anxious, but he doesn't look happy and giddy about possible alone time either.
He looks serious.
Of course, they are both mature adults, capable of serious conversations and communication.
But something about the way Henry is sitting at their diner table looking deep in thought is freaking him out.
Even though he has no idea why.
He walks in then and fixes himself a cup of coffee to sit down next to Henry.
"Hey, baby, can I kiss you hello?" He asks softly.
Henry looks like he's only now realizing Alex got home.
He smiles at Alex. "Always."
Well, it's still good to check.
So Alex kisses him Sweetly and then he sits down next to him and grabs his hand.
"You seem stressed, sweetheart. Did therapy not go well, H?" He asks gently.
Henry sighs. "No, it did. I just- this is going to sound silly but I- I want to ask you something or talk to you about something rather, something I read last night that made me curious and- and I'm a little nervous about it."
Alex frowns. "H, I hope that at this point it goes without saying that you can tell me or ask me anything. The worst that could happen is that I gently tell you no. You never have to worry about talking to me. You could tell me anything. You could tell me you killed a man and I'd simply ask you if you need help hiding the body."
Henry laughs at that, the tension slowly disappearing. "Well, it's good to know that being with me hasn't completely destroyed your morals then".
Alex chuckles.
Then he squeezes their hands. "Comm'on H, talk to me, baby."
Henry sighs. "I will. I'm just. I'm scared that you'll-"
He cuts himself off to make a weird circular hand gesture.
Alex frowns. "Look, I know that I'm supposed to be able to read you like a book. And I like to think I can but, respectfully, what the fuck does that hand gesture mean? And why is it only now coming to my attention that you suck at making hand gestures or readable signs?"
Henry laughs. "You're going to break up with me for it?"
Alex shakes his head. "No, that seems a bit drastic. But you're going to have to translate it for me. What does that.. whatever the fuck that was mean?"
Henry sighs. "I meant that I don't want you to freak out."
Alex nods slowly. "Great way to start a conversation with someone with ADHD who is already thinking of 8 million worst-case scenarios, babe."
Henry waves him off. "You don't need to worry. I'm fine. I just want to ask your opinion about something and I'm a little nervous as to how you will react."
Alex takes a sip of his coffee. "3 months", he jokes.
Henry raises an eyebrow at him. "What?"
"Once we're married...I'd wait 3 months before I'd remarry, should you die", Alex teases.
Henry shoves him, and once again the tension melts away. "You're such a cretin."
Alex smiles at him. "That should not be a surprise to you. Comm'on, baby, tell me what's on your mind. It's me. You know you can tell me or ask me anything"
Henry takes a deep breath and stares at his lap.
"I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore, it doesn't feel right', He whispers.
Alex doesn't mean to drop his coffee.
He knows it probably looks a little dramatic.
But he wasn't expecting that.
He likes to think he always knows what's on Henry's mind.
But no he wasn't expecting his boyfriend to be thinking about breaking up.
Everything was going so well if you asked him at least.
After Henry abdicated this life finally felt like their own, living with Henry in their brownstone is the happiest he's ever been.
Henry is writing his debut queer romance novel while Alex is going to law school, so yes they're both busy, but he'd like to think they still make time for each other.
Henry stands up instantly and Man handles him out of his seat.
"Love. Are you alright? Are you burned?" He asks as he stares at Alex who is now soaked in coffee.
Alex shakes his head, forcing himself not to cry.
No, of course, he's not alright, why should he be?
He's going to lose all of this and he doesn't even know what he did wrong.
"The coffee wasn't that hot anymore. Don't worry about it", he forces himself to say through the nausea building up.
Henry frowns. "Are you okay? You look like you're going to pass out or throw up or cry', he says concerned.
Alex digs his nails into his hands. "I am fine', he hisses through gritted teeth.
"Alex, my love, don't lie to me', Henry says gently.
Alex shakes his head repeatedly.
He's not going to cry, damn it.
He's not going to cry because he's being abandoned by the man he explained his abandonment issues to, that's just embarrassing.
Although that's not a fair way to look at it.
Henry is allowed to want to break up with Alex, he is a lot to handle, too much to handle apparently.
Alex forces himself to take another breath.
"Love, I think you're starting to panic', Henry tells him gently.
Alex forces himself to take another breath. "I'm fine, I'm just-"
He takes another shivery breath.
"I'm just really going to miss you", he chokes out.
Henry looks at him like Alex just punched him in the face, which he would never do obviously, but hurt flashes across Henry's face regardless.
"What?" He chokes out looking equally surprised and horrified.
Alex scoffs as if he's not 4 seconds away from crying his eyeballs out.
"You're surprised that I'm going to miss you?" He asks confused.
Henry shakes his head as tears start building up in his pretty blue eyes.
"No, I'm surprised because I thought- I didn't think this would be a deal breaker for you. I guess I thought - or I hoped that you loved me for who I am, not who I identify as", he says as he stares at the ground.
Alex frowns.
Wait what the fuck?
He shakes his head repeatedly.
"Wait? What? Huh? Baby, hey, look at me", he says softly as he rubs his eyes and tries to ignore the tears that keep building up.
Henry looks up nervously and Alex's heart breaks at the sight of his beautiful partner crying so hard his whole body is shaking.
He rushes forward. "Hey, baby, no, don't cry. It's okay. We're okay. I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much, always, nothing could ever change that, I promise. You- we misunderstood each other.'
Henry's eyes widen and then he launches forward.
They fall onto the couch with Henry on top of Alex, he hides his face in Alex's neck as he sobs
Alex rubs his back as Henry keeps sobbing.
"I'm sorry, baby, I misunderstood you completely. Please stop crying, you're breaking my heart, Hen."
Henry pokes his head out from Alex's neck nervously.
"We've never talked about this, but at pride you mentioned you'd date a trans person, so I just assumed you'd also be okay with-' he cuts himself off with a sob.
Alex smiles softly at him as he wills himself to calm down.
Henry doesn't want to be his boyfriend anymore, but he still wants Alex.
Turns out he's not too much after all. Not for Henry.
Thank fuck.
Turns out what was going on had nothing to do with Alex in the first place.
Being too much? He can't fix that.
But loving Henry unconditionally?
That he can do.
He clears his throat.
"I would date a trans person. I like men and women. Trans women are women. So you don't have to worry about that. So is this you telling me you're trans, baby? I'm so proud of you. Obviously, I'll be there throughout your entire transition process, I'll support my girlfriend-"
"Alex, please stop", Henry chokes out as they shakes their head repeatedly.
Alex cringes.
Once again his mind is ten steps ahead.
He sits up carefully as he lifts Henry up to his chest.
"I'm sorry. Fuck, I am sorry. I should have let you continued talking. I thought since you asked me if I'd date a trans person, that's what you meant when you said you didn't want to be my boyfriend anymore."
Henry shakes their head. "No, I'm not trans. And you phrased that wrong, love. I don't want you to call me your boyfriend anymore, and I also don't want you to call me your girlfriend. But you said I didn't want to be your boyfriend anymore, it's more like I don't want you to call me or see me as your boyfriend . But I obviously still want to be your partner."
'Obviously", Alex repeats slowly, willing his self-degrading thoughts to shut up.
Henry seems to finally realize why Alex freaked out at first and hugs him tighter.
"Oh, love. I'm so sorry. You thought I was breaking up with you when I told you I didn't want to be your boyfriend anymore. Didn't you? That's why you got upset?" They ask softly.
Alex nods and then he's finally letting himself fall apart in the arms of the person he loves so much and he's apparently not losing after all.
Henry turns them so Alex can lay on their chest instead.
"I'm so sorry, Alex. I love you so much. The only way I'm leaving you is in a body bag", they promise.
Alex slaps their bicep. "Don't say shit like that, baby", he chokes out.
Henry kisses his forehead. "Sorry, but I promise I'm never going to leave you."
Alex hugs them tighter. "Thank fuck. Those were the worst 2 minutes of my life."
Then he kisses Henry's jaw. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make your coming out about me."
Henry lifts him up so they're both sitting on the couch. "No, don't apologize. I should have phrased it differently. I'm sorry. I can now understand that it sounded more like a break-up confession than me coming out as non-binary to you. I was so nervous, I just wanted to listen to my therapist and tell you before I lost the confidence. I was really scared, but deep down I knew you'd be supportive so I was really surprised when you talked about missing me. That hurt because I hadn't expected you to want to leave me", they confess.
Alex sighs dragging them onto his lap. "You'd think We've learned from Rio but here we are miscommunicating again."
Henry throws their arms around him. "At least this time it didn't take us multiple years to figure it out."
Alex chuckles softly.
"Thank fuck for that."
Then he grabs Henry's hand and kisses it.
"Now let's talk about you, baby. I'm so fucking proud of you for coming out to me. You said you'd like me to call you my partner from now on? Consider it Done. Easy Peachy. I can do that. What pronouns would you like me to use for you?"
Henry smiles softly at him.
"They/them, please. And I'd like to keep using Henry, that still feels right even though it's not really a gender-neutral name. I still feel comfortable using it, I like that my dad chose it for me, so I want to keep it. But no gendered terms anymore, please. No boyfriend, no princess or prince. I know you like to call me your princess sometimes, jokingly. And I find it cute that you do it when you want to take care of me, but it makes me uncomfortable when you use feminine or masculine terms. When anyone does."
Alex hugs them tighter. "So I'll never do that again. Consider it done. Since I'm a sap who needs to shower his partner with love every second of every day can you tell me what pet names you are comfortable with? I have an idea of gender-neutral terms, but I just want to make sure I get this right."
Henry smiles. "I like baby-"
"Like is an understatement, babe", Alex teases.
Henry chuckles. "I suppose it is, so baby, babe, honey, corazon, love. I like all of those. Handsome feels too masculine. Pretty and beautiful are fine because they are pretty gender-neutral. Sexy and other gender-neutral terms are also fine."
Alex nods. "Okay, baby. And what about genitalia and sexual terms? Are you still comfortable with me talking about your cock or dick or would you rather I use pussy or just gender-neutral terms or just not name your genitalia at all? I'm cool with whatever, it's your body, you are the only person who gets to decide how we refer to it. I just want to make sure I don't misgender you while we make love. That would suck. If you're still figuring it out that's fine too."
Henry sighs. "No, I think I know. But I'm afraid you're going to find it weird."
Alex rolls his eyes at them. "Baby, why would I ever find any part of your identity weird? I just want to help you be as comfortable as possible. I always want you to feel safe and loved with me. Whatever you need me to call you or your body to achieve that I'm down. You could tell me to call it your coffee cup and I'd do it."
Henry laughs at that. "You're such a cretin."
Alex smiles. "Made you laugh, didn't I? Now what do you want me to call that sexy body of yours? I promise I won't find it weird."
Henry bites their lip. "I like gender-neutral terms since I feel neither a girl nor a boy.'
Alex nods encouragingly. "Okay, and what did you have in mind, baby? I just want to make sure I get this right because I care so much about you.'
Henry smiles softly. "Uhm, well just-'
Alex squeezes their hand.
"Baby, I'm not going to find it weird, I promise. But if you're not ready to tell me right now, you don't have to. I understand that coming out was nerve-wracking enough. You can just tell me the next time we have sex."
Henry shakes their head. "No, I'll tell you now, because having this discussion during sex would be kind of a turn-off for me. I think terms like sex organ, naughty bits, bits . I think those sound the least uncomfortable, but I'm not completely done figuring out what works for me, especially because we've never tried them before. So I am not sure if I'll love it or hate it. I know that I don't like feminine terms, and I know I have no interest in you calling it my pussy or anything. But I'm not sure what would work yes. I think we'll figure it out as we go and I'll just tell you if I don't like something.'
"Okay, that is fine, as long as you promise to immediately tell me if I do something that would make you uncomfortable', Alex tells them.
Henry nods. "I will. Can I ask something that might offend you even if I don't mean to offend you?'
Alex smiles. "You can ask me anything, baby.'
"Are you sure you're okay with me being nonbinary? I know you're a supportive partner and person. I already knew that you respect and support everyone in the LBTQIA+ community, and it's not like I expected you to dump me. But I just want to make sure you don't feel forced to continue something that no longer works for you", Henry tells Alex softly.
Alex rolls his eyes at them. "Did you not get the memo when I had a panic attack at the mere idea of you breaking up with me? Baby, you're it for me no matter what you identify as. Your gender identity has nothing to do with why I love you. Yes, I am bisexual. But that doesn't mean I don't like you anymore if you no longer fit into either the man or woman boxes. I love you, this changes nothing. Except that it just gives me another reason to possibly beat the shit out of Philip. I'll beat the ever-loving crap out of anyone who dares to misgender you. That's all this changes. I promise. Unless me identifying as bisexual offends you now that you no longer identify as a man? Because bisexual works for me, it feels right. I looked into pansexuality but that didn't feel right for me. But I don't want what label I use to identify my sexual orientation to make you insecure, so if you have a problem with me identifying as bisexual-'
Henry shakes their head. "No, I don't mind you identifying as bisexual, that's who you are, you should get to honor who you are in this relationship. Just like I get to. I can't speak for every non-binary person out there, but for me personally, as long as you honor my gender identity and don't misgender me, you won't make me insecure.'
Alex rolls his eyes at them. "I would literally never do anything to disrespect you. You know that. Plus using the right pronouns really isn't that fucking hard. I'm not going to misgender you, you absolute nightmare. I love you to death, for currently unknown reasons, I'd rather set myself on fire than ever do anything to hurt your feelings. You fucking know that.'
"I love you', Henry whispers softly.
Alex kisses them then.
"I love you too, baby. Not that it's any of my business, but have you thought about coming out to other people? I am only asking because I don't want to accidentally out you because I used they/them pronouns for you in the company of someone who doesn't yet know you're non-binary.'
Henry smiles softly. "I really appreciate you being so supportive. And I think I want to come out on social media soon. I'm done hiding myself and I have no interest in continuing to get misgendered, especially by people who I know would honor my pronouns if they knew about them.'
Alex nods. "I am really proud of you, baby. But don't thank me for being supportive. This is a two-way street. You held my hand in the emergency room when I thought I was having a heart attack at 3 am because of the side effects of my new adhd meds and I'll break Philip's nose for you if he ever dares to misgender you. It's called balance.'
Henry laughs at that. "You're a cretin, but I love you.'
"I love you more, my sexy, stunning partner', Alex whispers back.
Henry kisses him then.
Afterward, Alex clears his throat.
"Bisexual still feels right, but you know what also feels right? Henry-sexual, I think I'm going to change my Instagram bio into he/him and then Henry-sexual. What should I make my flag look like? 'He teases.
Henry rolls their eyes at him.
Alex chuckles. "For real though. I was attracted to you when you identified as a male. I am obviously still attracted to you now that you identify as non-binary. I know you have no interest in transitioning, but I'm 100% sure I'd still be attracted to you if you were to transition, hypothetically. And I am attracted to you when you dress as male presenting, but even though I've never seen you dress as gender neutral or genderqueer or female-presenting, I know I'd be attracted to you then too. Because it's you . And should you, hypothetically, ever want to do drag, I know for a fact I'd be attracted to you as a drag queen. Because it's you. You're always going to be the hottest person in the room to me. I love your body, I love your clothing style but so much more importantly I love you, who you are as a person, your beautiful heart and soul and character. So that is obviously not going to change if you were to start dressing differently or if you were to gain weight or something. Because I'm attracted to you because I'm in love with you. Not every man, woman, and non-binary babe makes me turn my head around. But I will always, in every universe, walk into a pole to check out that ass baby. Whether you're wearing chinos, a dress, or nothing at all. Although I sincerely hope you don't walk around naked in the streets, and I don't really want there to be a pole in our living room or bedroom but you get my point right?"
Henry snorts. "Yes, I get your point. That was cute, I love you. But let's not create an entirely new sexual orientation. Because no one else could identify as Henry-sexual. Let's just keep the bi flag in your ig for now.'
Alex shrugs. "If that's what you want. But I was thinking the Henry sexual flag should be red and blue and white and-'
Henry chuckles. "Alex, you identifying as bi really doesn't bother me. It's who you are. You accept me as I am, so why shouldn't I accept you as you are? You can stop worrying that pretty little head of yours now. We're fine. We're perfect.'
Alex gasps. "Stop calling me short, you absolute nightmare."
"You're the best boyfriend anyone could ask for', Henry whispers gently.
Alex grins and just barely manages to bite back the 'for now' on top of his tongue as he feels the engagement ring burn in his jeans pocket.
He was planning to propose tonight, but he's not going to take Henry's thunder.
They should get a day in honor of embracing their identity.
Alex will propose the next chance he gets.
"And you're the best partner anyone could ask for, baby. Now should we change your pronouns on ig to prevent people from misgendering you?'
Henry smiles. "Yes, I'd like that.'