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You rarely slept these days, most of the time you just stayed wide awake through the night and barely ever got tired. Maybe it was your new body not needing sleep, or maybe after hundreds of loops without it you've become completely numb to the exhaustion, maybe it was a little bit of both. Either way, you were almost always awake at night, including this one.
You were sitting on your bed, reading a copy of The Cursing of Chateau Castle Mira The Housemaiden had given you. You had a room to yourself, partly because you couldn't turn off the light of your starry head and partly because you needed some space from everyone to think about things. It was the middle of the night and you were expecting to be left entirely alone.
Then you heard a soft knock at the door.
It was so unexpected that you were sure you had imagined it, so you ignored it and went back to your book. Then it happened again, and you knew this wasn't something you imagined.
Too lazy to get from your spot you called out: "Door's unlocked, come on in."
Possibly the last person you ever expected to be on the other side was there, as you saw
yourself
your Stardust open the door. He had clearly been crying, and you'd recognize the nervous small shaking and the way you scrunch in on yourself from anywhere. The pieces soon fell into place for you, he had a nightmare and wanted some comfort.
So why come to you then? Usually if they were upset by something they'd go to their family for comfort and love. The Fighter was far closer and the Housemaiden would never pass up the chance for some comfort hugs and feelings buddy talk. Even the Researcher and the Kid would probably give better advice on this than you ever could so why?
"W-Well hello stardust~" You try to say in your usual singsong tone that you took under the favor tree. It wasn't as effective for various reasons, mostly how soft your volume was to avoid waking anyone else in the house up and you being caught off guard. "How can I help you on this wonderful new night?"
The question was purely rhetorical, a force of habit between you two as a familiar script to serve as a base for a whole new unfamiliar play. He seemed to realize that, as you could barely put your book away on the nightstand before they're clinging onto you like a koala. While your little understudy has been slowly getting used to touch you still flinch at the contact and want to crawl out of your skin a little. Just another thing your stardust is much better at than you. Still, you wrap your arms around them the same and start playing with their hair. You don't really breathe (you're not even sure if you can), but you move your chest slowly and deliberately in and out for them to mimic as if you could. They do eventually, and after a while they look at you again.
"So what was it this time?" You ask, back to business. "Was it something so terrible and awful you just couldn't bear to tell any of them?"
He looks at you like they aren't sure if you're joking. You're not sure either.
"...no, it's not that." They mumble after a minute. "I dreamed about you."
Normally you would pounce at the chance to tease and annoy your stupid little copy, but now's not the best time and you're trying to get out of the habit of self deprecating comments.
"You were standing there, at the favor tree again." Their grip on you tightened. "Y-You were fading away just like before, and I was trying to hold onto you but every part of you I grabbed just crumbled into lightless sand. And when all that was left was your head you floated into the sky– and I tried to look for you in the stars but I couldn't focus– and I couldn't remember their names or their–"
You shush your stardust before they can go on, you know this road can only lead to a panic attack. So that's why they went to you? They... were worried? No don't be stupid of course they weren't. You're Loop, their annoying unhelpful Loop that doesn't deserve any love or to be worried about. You saw how they cried when you came back, how much you worried them all this time that you were dead for good (as if the universe would be so kind). You know just how terrible and awful and annoying you were when you were getting used to being back in the party and on a journey again rather than being in Dormont over and over and over again. You don't deserve to be worried about. Stupid.
"Well, that sounds very scary stardust." You couldn't help but say it in the same tone as how you speak to Bon- the Kid whenever they show you something they think is cool but you've already seen a dozen times before and cant be bothered to put on a more convincing impressed voice. He looks at you, their eye still full of tears. The good thing about being the same person is you can both pretty accurately guess how the other is feeling. The bad news is they can pretty accurately guess how you feel, and they must have been able to tell your little breakdown.
"...I'm sorry."
What.
"I'm sorry for bothering you, I know you're still mad at me because of everything and it's fine but..." They sigh and think for a moment. "I don't want to lose you."
What.
"D-Don't be silly stardust!" You try to keep up the helpful fake persona. It doesn't work, your mask and voice is cracking. "You don't need me anymore, I'm just here to help you after all~"
"I know I don't need you, I want you. I want you here with me and the others."
"
Why?
Why in the universe would you ever want someone like me around you?" That's something you've been asking yourself ever since your stardust Siffrin brought you back here. Ever since they introduced you to your
family
ex actors. Ever since you made that promise under the tree.
"Because you're fun, and helpful, and kind in your own way." You feel tears run down your face. "Yeah you're not perfect, yeah you tease and annoy me sometimes but after everything I think you deserve it."
Siffrin holds your face... you think this is the first time you've touched their hands without the gloves. They feel a little rough. The stubs of where nails were feel strange against your skin(?). It's not quite the same as Mirabelle, but it's close enough. You close your eyes, and start crying even harder. You cry for every loop, every death, every tear you suppressed back then to just keep on going. You cry for the family you lost back then, and you cry for the home you never will have again. But surprisingly, you also cry for you. Those tears sting the most, you think. You don't care though.
Now it's his turn to comfort you.
What a pair you are.