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In the midst of thoughts, he just couldn’t find the words to describe it. A beautiful thing that he couldn’t have, a person he wasn’t allowed to hold, a friend he wasn’t allowed to love. He knew he was an idiot for gaining feelings for the only person who was deeper than conversations about the weather. Everyone around him, he felt, was shallow to the brim, even when they all seemed like good people. But none of them knew why he was doing any of this, why he was always trying to get to the top, while at the same time, fearing that he will slip and fall to rock bottom. Akhiko Shirashi was an idiot.
He didn’t know when it started, but Harumi swayed his thoughts like a tornado, shook his façade like an earthquake, and took over his heart like a tsunami. And he hates it.
Yes, he knows it’s not Harumi’s fault that he’s so good looking with white mushroom hair and that soft face he wants to caress with his scarred and calloused hands so badly, but he just couldn’t shake the fact that every time he sees him, his heart feels like it’s melting, and his limbs become jelly. Every time Harumi says something he laughs or remarks far too loudly, and his face reddens whenever his eyes linger on his.
He feels stupid that whenever he and Harumi look at one another for a beat too long, he wonders that maybe, just maybe, there’s even a slight chance that Harumi believes the same thing. But it always fades because of the obvious in Aki’s mind: Harumi Kurose would never like a guy.
And now Aki simply finds himself crumpling yet another paper and tossing it away, as he began doodling the mushroom head on the edges of it again. The paper landed outside the trash can, neighbored by at least twenty others that were sitting around the rim as it overflowed. Overflowed, that’s what Aki was right now. Overflowed with a romantic feeling he shouldn’t dare try to have possessed in the first place. He knows that it might eat him alive if he stays quiet like this. He’s torturing himself just thinking about it. And just as he’s about to grab a new piece of paper, he finds that the time his phone showed was well past ten.
He simply groans at that. He’s been sitting in the bus station for three hours because he had track practice(and a tutor session), and he kept missing the bus because he was so overwhelmed by his invasive thoughts. He gave up and began to walk home, knowing that he has very little options left for the night.
AKI: Hey, are you busy?
HARUMI: Nope, just watching TV. What’s up?
AKI: Can I stay at your place for the night?
HARUMI: Yeah, sure. Where are you rn?
AKI: At the bus station near Suisha.
HARUMI: GOD Aki, what are you doing there at this time??
He lifted his phone to his chin as he began to think about what excuse he would cook up this time. He knew he couldn’t ponder on it too long, knowing Harumi won’t buy it. As he became desperate, he gave up on trying to find a decent excuse.
AKI: It’s a long story…
HARUMI: Hm, okay then. Be safe Aki
He gritted his teeth shamefully as his heart jumped at that. He knew his friend was just being genuinely concerned, and of course Aki was just overreacting yet again. He strolled along towards Harumi’s house (or in the general direction, at least) thinking useless thoughts, and wishing for the impossible to happen.
It took a while for him to realize where he was going, wondering around feverishly in what felt like constant circles until he caught sight of something he recognizes. He kept walking in that direction, finding more and more things he knew, while still knowing he had long ways to go until he would reach the other bus station.
Eventually, he reached the general area of the other bus station, and began to walk down the road into the neighborhood, legs shaking in coldness and in pure exhaustion. His eyes get heavy as he tried to stay awake, his walk completely broken.
By the time he reached the general area Harumi’s apartment and his neighborhood it was almost midnight. He was dragging his feet across the asphalt miserably as he managed to catch the faint sight of the apartment. His heart leaped despite his entire body wishing to collapse on him as he continued on to the building. He was unsure whether to go or not because it was already really late, and Harumi might have fallen asleep by now. He didn’t want to deal with a grumpy Harumi now of all times. As he inched toward the building weakly, he felt his sight go blurry, and everything felt like it was going black. He was so close, he can’t pass out now. But… as he kept trying to walk, his knees buckled from underneath him, and found himself trying to crawl, as he lost sight of the buildings, his goal to make it to that apartment, and losing sight of the pitch black sky completely…
…
Harumi had been binge watching his favorite show when Aki texted. He felt a bit of excitement linger up his spine as he jumped up into a sitting position, which irritated him. Why does he get so excited when he gets a message from his only friend (literally)? He felt his cheeks warm up a bit as he realized it actually was Aki. He shook himself out of any thoughts he was having. He could not afford to have Aki know the truth, about how he felt for him. It would ruin everything. He was pretty sure Aki was the straighter person on planet earth, and he knew there was no point in bothering hopeless wishes. He pushed all his thoughts aside and read the message. He was asking if he was busy. Harumi wondered why he was asking, as it seems pretty late for Aki to be texting at this time. Maybe he was struggling with a math problem (not like he could help). Harumi just responded about how he was watching TV.
The next thing Aki said shook him a bit. Why would he want to go over to his place this late at night? He’s definitely not at home, that’s for sure. Something is off.
He allowed Aki to come over, and asked where he was. His eyes widened when Aki told him.
Did his parents even know?? Isn’t the bus station from Suisha usually closed by now?? Doesn’t Aki know how far of a walk that is??
He sighed as he put his palm to his forehead. This boy will give him a heart attack one of these days and he knows it. As he tried not to go off on Aki about how dangerous and recklessly stupid he’s being right now, he asked him as politely as possible what the hell he was doing there of all places at this time. He said it was a long story. Of course, Harumi didn’t buy it, he probably was so busy from all the things going on in school he missed all the busses back. Harumi just replied and told him to be safe, and regretted it immediately. What was he, his mom?? God that’s weird. It’s weird to say that to any guy, his straight ass friend specifically. He could take that in so many wrong ways, because he knows damn well he might’ve.
Red faced and embarrassed, Harumi tossed his phone aside and decided to continue watching his favorite show until Aki arrived.
After not even five minutes, Harumi began to wonder if he should prepare some snacks for Aki (he probably hasn’t eaten since lunch), or maybe he should order food for him. Harumi thought about how Aki taught him how to make spaghetti a while back, and maybe he would like that more-
Harumi slapped his cheeks dismissing all of those thoughts. Aki will probably just sleep at his place, it’ll be a while until he gets there anyway. So Harumi just fixed his cushion and waited for the doorbell to ring.
Only it didn’t. Harumi knew it would take him a while, and he decided that if he didn’t get there by 11:45, he would go look for him. As the clock kept ticking, and time kept passing, Harumi’s anxiety only grew. His stomach began to make knots, and by 11:45 he bolted out the door, sweat running down his forehead. He ran out into the streets, calling out his name, “Aki!”
The only response he won was the empty silence of the streets. He ran along the streets calling out for him, looking here and there, only to no luck. He kept going until something stopped him short. His heart sank, his eyes widening, he cursed himself for not leaving sooner as he ran desperately to his unresponsive friend.
“Dammit, Aki!”
…
Aki woke up to a loud crash, and found himself utterly confused. Last time he was awake, he was on the road to Harumi’s apartment, but now he was in it, wrapped in a blanket. How did he even get here? That wasn’t the biggest thought, what was that crash just then?
He walked over to the kitchen to see that there was a pot and water on the ground, and Harumi was hunched over it, shaking violently. He approached him and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey, are you okay-”
Harumi looked up and suddenly his heart sank. His eyes were red and puffy, “Aki-” he hiccuped a sob, “Uh, just go back and sleep.”
He looked away and tried dealing with the mess, but Aki didn’t move, “What happened back there?”
Harumi’s body stiffened at that, and he didn’t look up, “When I found you, you were out cold, and so when you didn’t wake up, I kinda carried you back here.” he shuddered, “but I think I did something wrong, because my ankle kinda hurts, but it’s fine. I’m just really glad you’re okay.”
Aki looked over at his left foot, and saw it looked swollen even with a sock on, “Can I look at it?”
Harumi shook his head, “It’s fine honestly. I’m just worried about you, I knew I should’ve gone to look for you when it had gotten late, I don’t even know how long you were sitting there… You were so cold…” he finally looked up at him, his smile warm, “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Aki knew he shouldn’t have, but he blushed so hard his face looked like the reddest cherry tomato Earth has ever seen. Harumi couldn’t help but to laugh, “Ha~ you’re so adorable Aki” his smile a mischievous grin.
Aki could tell Harumi was in pain, and without putting much thought into it, he grabbed Harumi and carried him bride-style to the couch.
Now it was Harumi’s turn to redden. “Wha- what the hell Aki?!” His voice held surprise while still trying to suppress it with his nonchalant and cool attitude, and failing. Aki placed him on the couch, crouching eye-level to him and said, “Show me.”
He felt his eyes widen as he noticed how freaking red Harumi’s face was right now, and on top of that the way he was biting his lip as he couldn’t meet Aki’s eyes was not helping. He suddenly realized how out of context his words were alone and wanted to die until Harumi sighed and lifted the pant of his right leg gently, his hands trembling.
Aki gasped at it. His ankle was swollen and it was a dark red. He gulped and looked up at Harumi, who shamefully looked away, “What did you do, drag me up the stairs?!”
“…”
“Harumi, you did not!”
“The uh… the elevator was broken…”
Aki dug into his track bag and pulled out a blue sock with holes in it. Harumi simply gulped as his eyes were trained on it. “Y-You’re not putting that on my leg, right?” He asked as he chuckled nervously, glaring at the sock as if it offended him somehow.
His voice became soothing, which looked like it scared Harumi even more, “Hey, it’s okay, it’s only going to hurt even a little bit.”
Harumi hesitated, “Isn’t there any better alternative other than that… that thing?”
Aki cocked an eyebrow, “You mean a compression sock? I mean, we could do ice-”
“Actually I’d rather do the sock thingy.”
Aki grinned, “Okay, just don’t bite my head off, here we go…”
Harumi reached for his hand and held it with a steel grip as Aki put the sock on as gently as possible. By the time he was done applying it, his face was red from both his hand likely not having blood flow and from the fact that Harumi was actually holding his hand.
When Aki finally looked up from the sock, he noticed Harumi’s cheeks were lightly dusted red, and he was biting on his lip to the point it could bleed.
“W-was I not careful?” Aki asked nervously, thinking that maybe he hadn’t been gentle enough.
“No, you did fine, it’s just…” he bit on his lip again and trained his eyes elsewhere (god, was he cute when he did that) and simply said, “I… wait a minute, your my guest. I should be taking care of you what the hell?” He tried getting up but Aki pushed his chest very subtly, causing Harumi to sink back into the couch even more.
“What we’re you even going to do? Walk all the way to the front door to get takeout? Harumi, whatever you need, I can do it-”
“For shits sake Aki, you were literally out for like half an hour. You could’ve put yourself in danger or died because of the stupidity you pulled tonight, and you’re worried over my stupid foot?”
“I am worried, and it’s not just your stupid foot. You got hurt because you tried dragging me in here. You shouldn’t suffer from my stupid decisions.”
“Honestly I’m fine, but promise me, promise me Aki, you won’t try pulling shit like this again, please.”
He looked at him, and felt his heart flutter. Was he really that worried about him? Aki would usually believe it was just Harumi being genuine, but the desperate look he was giving him was telling him otherwise, that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way too.
However, he wasn’t worried about that at the moment. He knew his friend was worried and he just needed some comfort. So Aki just did the thing he can do best: cheer up his friend.
So he leaned in and hugged him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, his nose being tickled by the silky white hair, their cheeks rubbing slightly. He didn’t know if Harumi could feel how fast his heart was beating against the pressure of his chest, but he didn’t care. He just wanted him to feel better.
As he took in the moment, he heard a heavy sigh escape Harumi in serenity, “I promise that you’ll never have to feel this way ever again Harumi. I promise you won’t have to put out a limb for me like that. I really promise.”
He felt Harumi’s hands wrap around him, caressing his back lightly. He could feel their hearts beating in the same, delicate rhythm against each other. It was nice.
It took a short while until they both withdrew from that embrace. After that, they simply hung out for a bit, talking about pure nonsense until they retreated to sleep. Despite them both sleeping in the same bed, hearing their breaths and feeling their warmth, Aki felt torn, his heart yearning for that same feeling of comfort again. He could feel his empty heart ache for it, knowing he won’t get that feeling for a long time. If, ever…