Chapter Text
"Life is but a dream for the dead, and well I, I won't go down by myself, but I'll go down with my friends," She sang along softly, barely audible, her headphones on as she drew in her sketch book.
Her feet were tucked up under her and she used the arm rest of the couch to help support her sketch book. She purposefully took up as little space on the couch even though no one else was in the room. Everyone else was in their own separate bunks probably fast asleep.
She had never been one to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but tonight her nightmares had been keeping her awake.
She abandoned her bunk a few hours before and resorted to sketching instead.
The small lounge of the tour bus seemed hauntingly beautiful in the moon light. The eerie silence had been hard to cope with, so she had put in her earbuds, making it incapable for her to hear her own thoughts any longer.
Looking at the paper in the dim light, she could make out the grey lines of the fallen angel she had drawn.
"Nightmares again?" The familiar voice made her head snap up. She gazed up into a pair of kind, hazel eyes hidden behind messy black hair. He was wearing a black t-shirt with grey sweatpants, appearing to have not gotten a blink of sleep.
She nodded her head as he took a seat next to her on the couch. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she instinctively leaned into him, not realizing how cold she had been.
"You're freezing," He announced.
"And?" Was her instant response, the thirteen year old not caring how she spoke to her father. He didn't respond, only leaned over to see what she had been drawing.
"That's great," He told her, his voice hushed as to not awake the others.
"It's crap," She responded. A small pout formed on her lips as she looked down at her creation.
The angel was beautiful. She had perfect features, her body evenly proportioned. If it hadn't been for the look of pain on the angel's face, you would have been confuzed by her torn wings. Feathers scattered the ground beneath her and she seemed almost ashamed of herself.
Most parents would be concerned as to why a thirteen year old would have drawn something like this and pestered them. But then again, most children aren't raised perfectly aware of the horrors of the real world.
"Better than I could do," He said. Over the last few years of raising the young girl, Gerard realized that it was easier to show how much better she was at something than he was, than to tell her what she did well. She's never taken compliments well, always brushed them off as if they didn't matter.
She rolled her eyes. "You draw cartoons, dad," She replied half-heartedly whilst closing her book and tossing it on the table. "I can't even do that right."
"Nation, you drew Batman a few days ago and I was convinced it was something Mikey printed off the internet until I realized it was sharpies."
"So?"
"That's pretty damn good."
"If you say so," She replied turning her head away from him. She let out a yawn indicating that she definitely needed to go to sleep. "I'm tired," She spoke through her yawn.
"Hi tired, I'm Dad."
She froze before turning her head and giving him a hard glare, a smirk tugging on her lips.
She turned back towards him, burying her face in his shoulder, using him as a pillow. "You're weird," She concluded.
"That a bad thing?"
"I'd be concerned if you weren't."
This made him grin. He had never thought himself as the greatest father, so it was little moments like this always made his day.
Getting his best friend pregnant in high school was not on his list of shit to do and it took him a full eight years to fully comprehend the fact that there was a miniature version of him running around. That wasn't until her mother, his best friend, had passed away suddenly.
He can see her in her sometimes, bringing back old memories from when he was younger.
He shared many things with his daughter, from their hazel eyes to their dark hair. Her raven locks fell in perfect ringlets down her back, no matter how hard she tried to straighten them. The two seemed almost identical, passing for siblings sometimes with how young he still looked.
But he could still see her in Nation.
From the way she ran her hands through her hair when she's frustrated to the mischievous look in her eyes when she knows she's about to say something that could possibly get her in trouble. Unlike him, her skin seemed incapable of tanning, leaving her pale as snow.
The two sat in silence. The only sound came from the bunks, where you could hear the guys snoring.
"It was Mom again," She mumbled almost silently. His heart skipped a beat at the mention of her. It always had. They say time is the only thing that can take away the pain of the loss of a loved one.
The reality of it all is the pure opposite.
The moment you are told you can't believe what you are hearing. The moment you hear that they are gone you haven't been without them long enough to miss them. It isn't until days or weeks later do their death finally take its toll.
The moment you go to pick up the phone and call them and you realize no one would be on the other end to receive your call. Or when you wake in the morning and begin to make coffee for them, only to realize that they aren't present to drink it.
It's not until you start missing even the things you hated most about them do you finally realize they're gone. Maybe it's the way they scraped their fork against the plate when they ate or when they yelled at you to clean your room. It could be something as small as when they glared at you for bumping into the table, causing the once perfect pile of papers to become slightly less perfect.
So when they say that time takes pain away, it's truly the opposite. Time causes more pain. Even if it's been so long that you don't think about it as much, when you suddenly see something that reminds you of them, the sad thoughts return, reminding you will never see them again.
Gerard took a breath before replying, "The crash?"
She nodded.
He sighed, unsure of what to say. Before settling on the usual, "So you wanna talk 'bout it?"
"Same as always," She mumbled.
He glanced towards the clock, noticing it was four a.m. "Do you wanna have a Supernatural marathon until the guys wake up or should we get some sleep like normal human beings?"
"Are there any benefits to being normal?"
"We won't collapse at sound check tomorrow," He responded. She sighed.
"Carry me," She mumbled.
He groggily stood up from the couch, looking down at his daughter. She held up her arms making grabby hands. He chuckled, a smile forming on his face before he lent down and lifted her into his arms, grunting as he did so.
"You weigh a fucking ton," He complained.
"No, you're just weak."
"Both of you shut up," They hear Frank grumble.
"Fuck off," Both replied instantly, causing them to grin at each other.
Gerard carried Nation into the bunk area and set her down in her bunk, middle on the left hand side. Her Uncle Mikey was fast asleep in the bunk above her, and her father occupied the one below her. Right across from her, on the other side of the bus was Frank. Below him was Ray, above Bob.
Nation crawled under her mound of blankets that she had brought with her on tour - well more like acquired - and shoved her head into her pillow.
"Get some sleep," He whispered, before pressing a light kiss to her forehead.
"No promises," She mumbled but he could already tell that she was drifting him. He smiled softly as he looked down at her, before quietly slipping into his own bunk to fall asleep himself.
**
"Well, someone has to wake her up," Frank told the group. The short man had his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against his bunk whilst looking down at the sleeping teenager. His hair was disheveled, the only indication that he had just woken up recently due to him already dressed and ready for the day.
"But she looks so cute," Ray responded, tilting his head to the side.
Bob snorted, resulting in Mikey elbowing him, knowing full well that Bob and Nation have never gotten along. Bob stopped and cleared his throat, focusing his attention on leaving the space instead, heading towards the lounge in search of food.
"We have to be at the venue in like twenty minutes and she'll throw a fit if she doesn't have time to eat," Frank reminds them.
"Well, who's gunna wake her up then?" Gerard questioned the group. They all fell silent, eyes locking onto him. "Ah no, I gotta live with her outside of tour too. One of you can do it," He brought his hands up in a defensive manor.
Frank rolled his eyes. "Fine," he groaned, "I'll do it."
"I'm out of here," Mikey announced, quickly exited the space where Bob left.
"See ya," Ray spoke before leaving, Gerard close on his tail.
Frank chuckled, rubbing his hands together mischievously as he followed after the bunch. They all gave him concerned looks as he went over to the mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.
"You do realize you get to sleep in her bunk until it dries right," Gerard asks him, but Frank didn't seem to be paying attention as he quickly went back to where Nation was fast asleep. A moment later, the guys heard a loud shriek followed by a string of swears being thrown at Frank while he giggled.
Frank swore before quickly running out from the bunks and into lounge, closely pursued by a soaking wet Nation. "I'm gunna fucking kill you," She growled at him a pillow clutched tightly in her hands.
"Catch me if you can," Frank taunted.
"Twenty bucks says the kid wins," Mikey bets.
"Which one?" His brother replies.
"Little Mikey. You really think I'd bet on Frank winning?" Mikey asked looking at Gerard who shrugged.
The two Ways watched as Little Mikey chased Frank around the tour bus with an angry look plastered across her face as Frank giggled like a two year old.
"You know what," Nation finally stopped, throwing her pillow on the ground in frustration. "I give up. But, I'm warning you, Iero, next hotel..." She left the threat unfinished before turning towards her father. "When do we get to the venue?"
He glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Like ten minutes." He chuckled when he saw the flash off horror on her face. "Coffee's on the counter," he told her. She quickly turned around to face the small kitchen, and picked up her coffee and brought it to her lips.
"Might want to change shirts," Ray told her. She furrowed her brow before glancing down at her shirt. She groaned, putting her coffee back down before disappearing into the bunks. They could hear her rummaging through a drawer, and a moment later she returned, now dressed in a pair of black sweat pants, a t-shirt that read 'Kill 'Em All', and an old pair of converse.
"Nice t-shirt," Frank commented, "Where'd you get it?"
"Oh this run down little shop close to here. You'd probably know it. It's called Your Drawers. It's mostly shit, but occasionally there's something there I want," She responded instantly. She picked her coffee back up whilst stuffing her phone into her pocket.
She sat down on the couch between her father and uncle. She turned sideways leaning her back against Mikey and propping her feet up on her father.
"Do you want me working the merch table or backing vocals again?" She asked the band.
"Backing vocals," Four of them replied. Bob didn't answer, instead kept his focus on his dinosaur of a laptop.
"You can play guitar too if you want," Frank continued. She looked up from her coffee with a horrified look.
"Oh hell no. I can't sing and play guitar to save my life. Everything will go to shit. Ah ah, no. Nada. Not happening." No one protested her answer. "Ray is my mask still on your guitar?" She asked him suddenly.
"Should be. I didn't touch it," He replied. She nodded in response and the five sat in silence for the rest of the journey, somehow agreeing it was too early for all the conversation.
**
Nation watched from right in front of the stage as everyone ran around getting everything ready. The guys where tuning their guitars to begin sound check, the smallest Way was excited for what she's always thought of as her own private concert.
Gerard was handed a microphone just as Frank finished tuning his guitar. He brought it up to his mouth, not bothering to look behind him at his daughter.
"Are you just gunna sit there or are you gunna get up here," He asked whilst moving towards Ray.
Princess Fro Fro untied the black mask from his guitar, handing it over to Gerard. Nation grinned quickly using her arms to lift herself on stage. She swung her feet up on stage so that she was sitting down, before quickly rising to her feet.
Someone from stage crew rushed over and handed her microphone and she smiled in thanks whilst moving towards her father. He handed over the black mask and she quickly put it on, a grin forming on her face.
"What's the set for tonight?" She asked them.
Gerard suddenly had a blank look on his face. He reached into the pocket of his jeans, retrieving a crumpled piece of paper. He crumpled it into a ball and tossed it to her. Neither were expecting it to land a few feet in front of her. She looked down at the paper in disappointment.
"That was depressing," She announced, before bending down and picking it up.
"Shows how much Gee cut gym in high school," Frank chuckled. Gerard shot him a glare whilst everyone took their spots. Nation skipped over to one of the larger amps near Mikey and hopped up onto it, swinging her legs as she sat.
The six quickly went into sound check, playing through the set list with ease. Frank ran around like an idiot as always, somehow managing to play in the oddest positions. Mikey stayed in one spot as per usual, trying to move as little as possible. Ray shredded on his guitar whilst Bob played the drums as if they were apart of him. Nation sat, unmoving from her spot as she harmonized with Gerard when there weren't any written backing vocals already.
Two hours later, everything was finished. The guys had everything set up to how they wanted and the set list was rearranged to their liking. The six decided to head out to lunch due to the six hour wait until the concert and Mikey and Nation ranting about sushi.
**
"This isn't sushi," Mikey and Nation said together as they pulled up at the closet pizza place to the venue.
"Get over it," Bob told them. They pouted but got over it anyway knowing that pizza was the next best thing. The two quickly unbuckled their seat belts and exited the SUV the band had rented for the time being. They made their way into the restaurant as the rest of the band exited the car.
"So," Nation spoke up as the uncle and niece walked side by side together, "Are you dating Pete Wentz?"
Mikey tripped over his own shoes but quickly recovered, unfortunately for Nation, not falling on his face. The thirteen year old chuckled at the man's reaction.
"Wh-what? N-no. Okay. Maybe, how'd you even find out," He questioned her. A grin broke across her pale face as she looked up at her uncle whom had turned cherry red.
"I heard you skyping him a few days ago. I hadn't had the time to ask you about it 'til now," She answered him.
His brow furrowed and he adjusted his glasses whilst opening the door to the restaurant. She smiled her thanks walking inside. The guys were just a few feet behind them, talking amongst themselves.
"When was the last time you got any sleep?"
Nation hesitated, but answered nonetheless. "Last night."
He shook his head. "I mean a descent amount of sleep. I know you're up late. Sometimes I can hear you drawing, over Frank snoring, that's impressive." He looked down at her through his thick frames, concern plastered over his face.
"Couple weeks ago," She mumbled her answer. "I'll get two or three hours here and there. It's probably the only thing keeping me going. I probably wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open if it weren't for all that coffee we drink," She barely whispered, afraid of the others hearing. She kept glancing behind her shoulder as if to make sure they weren't listening.
Mikey sighed, putting his arm around her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze, "It'll get better. I promise."
She chuckled dryly. "You said that last time."
"Well it did."
She tilted her head up, meeting his eyes as they found an empty booth large enough to sit the six of them in the corner of the room. "But they're back."
"Somethings don't go away forever, Little Mikey," He told her with sad eyes. She sat in the booth, scooting all the way over so that Mikey could sit next to her. "We'll talk later," He told her as the rest of the guys came up to the table, followed by a waitress who looked to be in her late teens.
Gerard slid into the booth across from Nation as Bob took the seat next to Mikey. Frank sat between Gerard and Ray. The waitress waited patiently for the six of them to settle in before placing menus in front of us.
"Hi ya'll. My name's Maddie and I'll be your waitress for this evening. Can I start ya'll off with something to drink?" She asked us politely a smile on her face. There wasn't a trace of a southern accent on her, yet the slang word flew off her tongue as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It's strange how Virginia works.
The six musici as ns quickly order their drinks and Maddie wrote them down, before leaving, saying she'd return in a moment.
"So, two pepperoni's and then a vegetarian for Frank and Nation," Ray asked us with raised eyebrows. They all agreed before slipping into a group conversation about the show later tonight.
"So, Nation, been a while sense you've sang with us. Excited?" Gerard asked his daughter. She shrugged, faking being unaffected. But her hands were in her lap, twiddling her thumbs nervously at the mere thought of going back out on stage tonight.
"Just like every other show. What's so special? Is Frank gunna tackle me or something?" She raised an eyebrow at the small man.
He wiggled his eyebrows a grin plastered across his face. "You never know. I could decide you're a comfy chair." The girl glared at the man but she laughed anyway. It wasn't uncommon for Frank to go crazy on stage. Once, Mikey slipped and fell during Cemetery Drive (the most appropriate time may I add), so he just fell to his knees beside his head and played then and there until her uncle stood up again.
"She is a comfy chair," Mikey replied causing everyone to laugh. Nation elbowed her uncle in the side but laughed nonetheless.
"Watch it, Uncle Mikey. I could sabotage your bass for all you know," She told him. He immediately stopped and looked at her in horror.
"Why would you do such a thing?"
"Cause she's Nation," Bob replied sounding bored.
"No it's cause she's Gerard's kid, raised around Frank. How else could you get someone like her?" Ray joked.
"Science?" She suggested. Everyone chuckled as Maddie came back with their drinks. Ray quickly ordered the pizza and soon the conversation returned, though this time everyone was having their own separate conversations. Bob and Ray were trying to figure out how to make it safe to play a show with Frank; Iero himself was trying to convince them that it's safer to play a show with him than to drive a car.
Gerard and Mikey were having a heated discussion of who the best superhero was whilst Nation listened intently, laughing at her family. Maddie arrived ten minutes later and placed the pizzas on the table. They thanked her before quickly digging in.
Frank and Nation were soon taking advantage of being the only two vegetarians as they laughed the four men fighting for the other pizzas. They laughed as Gerard grabbed the last slice from one pizza just as Mikey was reaching for it.
They spent their lunch laughing and remembering all the things they've done this tour before Ray brought up the dreaded.
"So, are we getting in the studio as soon as we get home or are we going to relax for a bit?" Princess Fro Fro asked the group. The chatter soon ceased as they realized none of them had thought about this yet.
Gerard scratched the back of his neck. "Well, we've already got most of the songs written, all that's really left to do is record and decide which one's are going on the album itself. But, I kinda want to take a trip with just me and Nation before we even think about heading out on tour again."
"Disenchanted," Mikey said flatly before bringing his drink to his lips.
"We get it!" Everyone replied in sync.
"I say," Ray spoke up, "we go in record a couple songs. Chill for a bit and then come back and finish. I haven't seen Jocelyn for a while so I know she'll appreciate it."
"Oh just get married already," Nation rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Jocelyn this, Jocelyn that. Seriously, just marry her. Hold up," She turned towards Gerard, her hair falling in front of her face. "Did you say trip?"
He chuckled. "Wanna go to Disney World?"
No one had ever seen the girl smile so much. "Fuck ya, I wanna go to Disney World! But, you can't say crap if I go and take a picture with the princess, especially Pocahontas cause that bitch 's bad ass," She ranted. Her hazel eyes shined with excitement as she grinned from ear to ear.
"Language," Ray tutted.
Even Bob gave him a look.
"Honestly, man, give up. It's not gunna happen," Mikey sighed, shaking his head.
"She's our kid," Frank said, motioning between himself and Gerard, "Do you honestly think that she has filter?"
Gerard nodded in agreement.
"Wait," Nation stopped with a confused look, "When did you claim me as your kid? I know he's stuck with me," She pointed a finger toward her father, "And this idiot likes the fact that I'm named after him," She poked Mikey's face. "I ain't got a clue as to when I started callin' him Uncle Ray, but you haven't said anything 'til now."
Frank chuckled. "I've probably kissed Gerard more than your Mom."
Gerard and Mikey froze giving the girl a sideways glance. They know her mother is a touchy subject, but she also isn't prone to public outbursts. She's learned to cover her emotions with snide comebacks and sassy remarks. No one had yet to push her past her breaking point.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course you have, my mom was lesbian."
"Have to admit," Bob but in, "a kid? That's one hell of a cover up." Everyone laughed, though Gerard and Mikey's seemed forced, though no one noticed but the two.
"Didn't say they were smart," Nation said coolly. She plastered a smile across her face as she faced the men. She knew better than anyone that they would understand if she were upset. She had always been on the opposite end, comforting them in their darkest hours.
The girl, even at thirteen, had slapped more sense into them than most. She talked Frank out of suicide when she was eleven and slapped Gerard once when he tried to down a bottle of Nyquil. She's sat next to almost all of these men as they've cried their eyes out, whilst she always hid in a corner, muffling her sobs with a pillow. It seems the person who always takes care of everyone else is always the person who is in need of help the most.