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Change. That’s what I needed, I needed change. This lawsuit, the arguments, the anger; everyone was mad at me for the lawsuit. All I wanted was to do was go back to work. It’s not like I asked for a fire truck to fall on my leg.
But after the grocery store incident, the argument with Eddie, everyone just watched. Even Bobby, especially Hen. Outside of Eddie, I was closest to her. She was my sister and she didn’t have my back.
Maddie had come over after that, Chim had called her and told her everything. She came into my loft and demanded I quit the LAFD, I refused.
“Evan!” She raised her voice, “What are you not understanding? You cannot work as a firefighter anymore.” Her expression shifted, she was tearing up. “Don’t be like this, you’re throwing your life away. Throwing Daniel’s life away, you can do something else. You can-“
After overcoming my initial shock, I interrupted her, “Did you just- did you just use Daniel against me?” I laughed in her face, “I don’t know if you forgot, I’m not just spare parts. This is my life. Mine. Not Daniels.”
“Buck I-“
I just shook my head, stopping her, and headed to my front door.
“Buck wait, come back- Buck-“
I slammed the door behind me. I took a deep breath and headed to Eddie's house. He is still on call and Chris is in school.
I've made up my mind, I’m leaving. I called my lawyer to drop the suit. I left a letter in Chris’s room. I told him what was going on and that I loved him. I told him not to inform Eddie of the note, I had added a new number, and I bought a new phone on the way. I gave him my number, for an emergency or just to chat.
I knew it was wrong to tell him not to tell Eddie. But sometimes we just have to suck it up.
I left a note for Eddie, it’s time to move on. Don’t come looking for me. I left my key on the counter and walked out the front door. Eddie kept a key under a rock, I locked the door, placed the key back down, and left.
I stopped by the LAFD, stopping to leave my resignation letter on Bobbie’s desk. I waited outside, making sure my crew was out the door. Once I watched them leave on a call I walked in.
I said my goodbyes to the few firefighters there and cleaned out my locker, taking out all the personal items.
I went back to my loft, and Maddie was gone.
I grabbed all of my essential items, what I needed, and fit them in my truck. I managed to get all my extra clothes and donate them. I handed my landlord my key, and told him to do whatever with what’s left in my loft. He happily accepted, and said he could get more money with a furnished apartment.
I didn’t care as long as I could leave immediately. I hopped into my car and drove. I had no direction. I had no idea where I was headed but I drove.
————
I ended up in Colorado after a few days. I enjoyed it, I noticed how much their residents hate Californians. I changed my license plate as soon as I found a place to live and began my new life as a Colorado resident. I enjoyed skiing and my skills as a firefighter helped me be a search and rescue
I’ve been living here for about a year now. I’ve never felt better. I admit. I feel a bit sad, a bit empty without my family. I’ve met some good people up here. But they can’t come close to the LAFD.
At least they never asked why I left LA and why I chose to come here. I get to go outside and have fresh air and also have the fulfillment of saving people.
I check in with Chris regularly. He recently told me that Eddie came close to finding out. That he felt bad lying but he didn’t want me to go away like his mom.
On my weekly check-in with Chris, I received a text from an old college friend. Asking to meet up for lunch. I gently informed them I was no longer in the state but he insisted. He even said he’d fly me out.
Who am I to say no to a first-class flight to LA to meet with a friend? Besides it’s a huge state, what’s the worst that can happen?
—————
He met his friend Connor in a restaurant. Meeting for brunch, it was very spontaneous but it was nice to be back in LA.
“So why did you want to meet? Is everything ok?” Buck asked after they finished eating and catching up.
“Look Buck,” Connor sucked in his breath, “Kameron and I - we can’t have kids. As it turns out. I am infertile. And you are the perfect candidate as a sperm donor…”
“Are you asking me to be your sperm donor?”
“I- uh-“
“Yes,” Kameron interjected. “I’ve spent hours looking through the booklets of possible Donors but you- you are LAFD, your features are gorgeous. We’d be stupid not to think of you,” Kameron wrung her hands nervously. “Of course, only if you are okay with it?”
“I uh… can I have a few days to think about it?” I chuckled nervously, “This is very new. And a commitment.”
“Yes of course!” They both said happily, “Please take all the time you need to come to your conclusion. Call us, please. How long do you plan on staying in LA?”
Buck thought about it. “Maybe a few days. I could use a vacation from the snow.”
“Yeah? Ok well if you need anything else let us know.”
“All right. Thanks to lunch, I should get going. I booked an appointment with my old doctor, and I figured a check-up after a flight would be good.”
“Are you still in pain from the truck?”
“Nah, but I like to make sure the cabin pressure doesn’t make my medication worse. Blood thinners can be tricky. I don’t want to start coughing up blood again.” I laughed. Their horrified looks were even funnier. “We’ll see you, I’ll let you know soon!”
I left the restaurant and headed down to the hospital. I ducked my head in, covering my face in a hoodie just in case the LAFD stopped by from a call
“Hey, I’m here to see Dr. Koch, just a check-in for my blood thinners.”
“Yes, Evan Buckley? For the 2 pm appointment?”
“Yup!” I grinned.
“All right. Take a seat and we’ll call you when it’s time. Should only be about 10 minutes.”
“Perfect”
———————
I left my appointment with no issues. He said I was cleared and in a few months I didn’t need to take them anymore, I was informed to keep taking them until my new main physician decided to remove me from them.
I smiled happily, walking down the street, my headphones in and breathing in the warm Cali air.
I was minding my business when I heard someone scream, “Someone help!! Please!” I turned around to see where the scream was coming from.
A woman was in hysterics, a man was holding her with a knife against her abdomen. I ran towards her.
“Sir, you need to put the knife down.”
“No. This bitch stole my car!”
“It’s my car,” she cried. “You stole it from me!”
“Yeah well, I was using it and you stole it!”
“It’s in my name!”
The man only grunted in response. I turned to a bystander, “You- call 911, tell them we have a hostage situation. “
I turned back to the knife wielder, “Sir- Mr-“
“Kessner.” He said, “John Kessner.”
“Ok. Mr. Kessner. I’m going to need you to put down the knife. Put down the knife and we can talk. The cops are going to be here any second and I know a sergeant who will have no problems in knocking you out.” The man walked back, pulling his girl with him. “You don’t want that right? So put the knife down, and we can talk.”
“Screw that. I’m not getting caught by some cop bitch.” He threw the hostage at me and took off running. I left the woman with the person on call with 911 and ran after the suspect.
He was fast. But not fast enough. I built up a lot of stamina, and muscle in my legs recently, with the altitude difference and my new job. I caught up to the man rather quickly, knocking him down.
“Let me go!”
“No, you assaulted and threatened a woman. You’re not going anywhere.” I grabbed his belt and Tied him up with it.
“This is Sergeant Grant Nash. I have eyes on the suspect and a civilian arresting him- “ I heard all I needed to hear. I heard Grant Nash and booked it. “Hey wait!” I heard her yell.
I did nothing illegal so there’s no way she’ll come after me. I ran for a few blocks before catching my breath. God damn, I used to run towards her, not away from her. But who knows what she’ll tell Hen or Bobby. Once they know, everyone knows.
I don’t think I can handle them telling me that I’m being selfish and wrong again.
I clapped my hands together. Well, time to move on. I walked down the Avenue, blissfully unaware of my surroundings. When I thought I heard my name being called.
“Buck?” I heard. I looked around, “Buck?”
It was louder the second time. And more chorused in voices.
Oh no. I turned around slowly when I noticed a restaurant with outdoor seating and a familiar set of people sitting there. The 118 LAFD was staring right back at me. Eddie stood up first. “Buck- what- where have you been?”
“Sorry you have the wrong person” I automatically said. Why? I have no clue why.
“Buck, you literally responded to us calling you Buck.” Hen laughed.
My heart just sank further. “Sorry man. I gotta go.”
“Buck wait- Maddie misses you,” Chim said. “She cries like once a week.”
I’m tired of them using her crying as an excuse for me to go back to her. I love her but I’m tired of that.
“Tell Maddie that if she wants to cry over spare parts then go find Daniel.” I snapped. “She’ll know what I mean. And please. Don’t come looking for me.”
“Buck wait-“
I turned and kept walking. I was hoping this wasn’t going to happen. And yet out of the entire LA region. Of course I would meet everyone on day one.
That was enough touring for one day, I went back to my hotel room and crashed.
————-
I woke up at 10pm to my door being banged on. Do people not understand that this is a hotel? And that it’s 10pm?
I opened the door, half asleep, “hello?”
“Evan. Buckley.” A female voice stated.
I rubbed my eyes and looked at the visitor. It was Athena- she stood there in her plain clothes, a badge on her belt. Behind her was everyone else. “Fuck-“ I went to close the door. Athena put her foot in between the door and the frame.
She pushed her way in, everyone else trailing in behind her. Why did I agree to meet Kameron and Connor? Why?
“Where have you been?” Athena demanded.
“How did you find me?” I questioned.
“I’m a cop. A good cop. You- you’re just stupid. Now answer my question, Buckley.”
“I have been, you know, traveling.”
“You’ve made us worried sick. Why did you leave? Why come back now?” Eddie stepped up to the front of the group. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“We all have our problems. We just have to suck it up. So, why don’t you suck it up and leave me alone?” I retorted.
“Evan- I” Eddie stuttered. “I’m sorry. I was mad at everyone when I said that. I was bad at you for suing, I was mad at Shannon for dying, I was mad that you were the one who got hurt- and I took it out on you. I’m sorry. Ev, please don’t shut us out.”
Those words, apologies. They felt empty but the way Eddie said it, sounded sincere. But it doesn't matter, they spent months degrading me and my emotions. When all I wanted to do was return to work.
"It doesn't matter. I have a new life now."
"Where?" Eddie asked softly.
I shrugged, "Doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters, we've been worried sick calling your phone and checking all your normal places." Chim replied.
I rolled my eyes, "Why do you care now? Hmmm? I seem to recall being shunned when all I wanted to do was return to work. I was cleared by doctors, physicians, psychiatrists. you name it. And yet.... I still wasn't allowed to return." I clasped my hands together. "And you- Chim. You got rebar jammed through your brain and a month later you're allowed to return with nothing but a tiny scar? Eddie, you get shot, nearly missing your heart and you return a week later. Hen, you ran a girl over, killing her and you could still return. But I have a few blood thinners and I'm not even allowed to drive the damn truck? Be fucking real, why would I care now what you have to say?"
They looked at me, shamefully avoiding my eyes. Did I go too far? Was I in the wrong?
"Buck, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you from coming back," Bobby said, "It was my call and I made the wrong one. You shouldn't blame the others for my decision."
"I'm not an idiot Bobby, I know it was you. I'm mad at them because they went along with it, demonizing me for trying to get my job back. Did you know that my Lawyer offered me 20 million in compensation but I turned it down because I just wanted my job back?"
Their eyes widened, "Seriously?" Eddie asked.
"Of course, the city wanted me to drop the suit, tarnishing their reputation. And of course I went to see you at the grocery store to talk about it and... you know the rest."
"You could've stayed and talked with us," Athena cut in.
"With all due respect, why would I subject myself to that kind of abuse? If I wanted that, I'd go back to live with my parent's."
The group stayed silent. “We’re sorry, Buck.” Eddie finally responded, “Please come back.”
“I can’t.” Buck grit his teeth. “I have a new life, new friends. I can actually do what I love there.”
“Where is there?” Eddie asked exasperated.
I shrugged, “Just there.”
Eddie burst out in anger, “this is just like you buck! Always running away. Do you know how much Chris has missed you? He's in highschool now, he still idolizes you even thou gh you left.”
I laughed, “Is this guilt trip supposed to make me want to crawl back to you? Do you think I still crave your validation? Do you think I still beg for you to praise me?” I laughed again, “I’m not someone you can just call on when you need someone to blame or you need to feel stronger. So I got a fire truck dumped on my leg. That didn’t affect my ability to do anything else. But when anyone else gets hurt they can just hop right on back.”
I rolled my eyes, “get over yourselves. You call yourselves my family and closest friends, yet when I needed you the most you chose yourselves. Why would I choose you now that I'm stable all by myself.”
“But-” Hen began.
“Why don’t you all just grab a drink otu the mini fridge and then leave?”
“Come on, let’s go.” Chim shook his head.
I sat on the couch, watching them leave one by one. Eddie stayed at the end. Looking at me, waiting for me to change my mind.
“Are you really leaving?”
“Yup.” I replied, bored.
“Okay.” he simply replied, walking towards the door. He opened it, looking back one last time. “Take care of yourself. Evan.”
The door shut quietly behind him. And once again, I was alone with my own solace.