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It took five hundred years for Shen Qingqiu’s body to decompose.
It turned into dust so fine Luo Binghe could no longer hold him.
No matter how hard Luo Binghe tried to preserve his husband’s remains, even a Heavenly Demon was useless against the destroying path of decay.
Within their home away from Qing Jing Peak, the roof began to creak with age. How couldn’t it? How couldn’t the paint begin to peel? Why wouldn’t the furniture begin to squeak and splinter and break with time?
By now, even Cang Qiong Mountain Sect had fallen into the hands of decay— shattered and separated by a buildup of events that couldn't be called anything but an inevitability of time.
So long had passed that their clothes had begun to rot in their closets— the dye faded and burned away by the sun and dust. The original green that Shizun once wore was something that appeared to no longer exist.
Even Shizun’s fans had decayed. The little folding fan Shizun used to lovingly tap his head with as a disciple… Shizun’s treasure…
No matter how well Luo Binghe took care of them, it all rotted into nothing but a memory.
But Luo Binghe didn’t give up. If a chair broke, he would replace it with the exact same material and style as the original. If their clothes frayed and fell apart, he would buy more of the same and then, when the store no longer existed, he would make his own. If Shizun’s beloved fan disintegrated into nothingness under the maws of decay…
He…
Luo Binghe would simply make a new one, pretending it was the same.
Pretending that nothing had changed.
Luo Binghe would live on in this little holiday hut, surrounded by the Shizun he loved more than life itself, relying on his own memory to relive those moments with Shizun again and again and again. He replayed the exact same scenes and the exact same dialogue of their love story.
It had to be the same.
Two hundred more years had passed alone in that little hut, rebuilding their love again and again and again so it wouldn't change.
The hut’s structure which used to creak with the wind had now almost fully broken down.
Rolling his sleeves up, Luo Binghe began to replace the construction.
By now, the forest that was used to build the original hut no longer existed— its trees no longer the same, instead, evolving into a new species that no longer looked the same.
Luo Binghe flew around the world for a year, trying to find the same wood as before. But he could no longer find those same trees.
They no longer existed.
When he arrived back at the hut, he began to replace the wooden structures with a similar-looking wood— stronger and more resilient to time.
And yet (painfully) not the same.
First, he began to replace the structures underground. However, after digging for a while, Luo Binghe found a chest in the earth.
It was a chest buried by Shizun.
[Time Capsule for the Future]
He opened it carefully, barely touching it with his fingers, using two pairs of gloves to pry the metal chest open. Inside was his old Qing Jing uniform, folded ever so gently inside.
Despite it all, the uniform had not decayed into a memory yet.
Unlike everything else, it wasn’t a replacement. It wasn’t something Luo Binghe built in memory of the original.
It was the original.
“I want to go back to that time with Shizun.”
Luo Binghe began to take his outer robes off. He then slid his arms through the ancient Qing Jing disciple robes again.
“I want to be with my Shizun again.”
But the uniform was so old— nothing but an already frayed cloth that, with a single careless jab, had unraveled the minuscule threads that held it together.
The moment he put it on, it was already decomposing.
Running back into the hut, he scrounged around for a sewing kit.
Luo Binghe spent hours and hours and days and months trying to sew the holes back together but no matter what…
His old uniform had already turned into nothing but trash.
“I… I want to go back home...”
Luo Binghe stared at the pile of threads on the ground.
“I want to see Shizun again—”
But, when he thought about it again. He realized something crucial.
Luo Binghe could no longer recall what Shizun’s face looked like.
—-----------------
It took around seven hundred years for Luo Binghe to forget his lover's face.
By now, the climate on Earth had begun to change and twist with time— making the hut’s original materials no longer suitable for the weather or humidity.
The house was beginning to wither away forever and Luo Binghe could do nothing to stop it.
He could only postpone the inevitable— to stop walking on its wooden floor out of fear the ground might one day fade with the strength of his footsteps; to no longer sleep in their bed anymore in dread that the frame might one day bend.
Luo Binghe didn’t want to replace anything anymore.
He had spent so much time and effort retracing their love story that he had forgotten the face of his lover.
No... He couldn’t afford to think about anything but Shizun lest he lose even more of the man he loved so dearly.
Upon realizing he had forgotten his Shizun’s face, he began to draw and paint once more.
He couldn’t imagine his lover’s expression anymore, but as he dragged his brush across the canvas, Luo Binghe could imagine his fingers running softly across Shizun’s face. In his mind, he would feel the curve of his nose, the feathery feeling of his lips, the smoothness of his hair… It still came naturally to him.
On the canvas was a painting of Shen Qingqiu— perfect, beautiful, unchanged.
And yet, Luo Binghe couldn't help but think that the right eye was a little bit off.
So he painted over it and altered it to be better.
But then, he realized Shizun didn’t smile quite that way.
So he painted over it, made his smile a little lovelier, a little more accurate.
Over and over and over again.
It just didn’t look right.
Shizun didn’t look like that.
He didn't look like that at all!
But when Luo Binghe stared up at the final product, he realized it was all wrong.
He should have never painted over it.
Why did he change it?!
The first drawing was the correct one!
Luo Binghe tried to peel back the layers of paint caked on top of each other like clay.
Shen Qingqiu’s face— the one Luo Binghe could no longer see in his dreams— that face had to be under there, somewhere!
His true form must be here!
It must!
He couldn’t accept this distorted half-forgotten picture.
He couldn't have forgotten his beloved...
And yet, by the time he peeled off the thirtieth layer, the canvas had ripped.
Hidden under all the new and incorrect variations, that true face that he once loved more than anything had been destroyed forever.
—------------------
It took a millennium for Luo Binghe to forget his loved one's name.
The house they once lived in was all wrong. Walls were missing, the stairs were a different color, the door long faded into dust by the wind.
But Luo Binghe couldn’t figure out what it should have been in the first place.
As the house’s roof had tumbled down and the floor began to sprout with innumerable shoots and plants, he could no longer remember what it first looked like.
Luo Binghe couldn’t remember what life used to be like with that man anymore.
He couldn’t remember his lover’s name.
He...
One day, he looked down at his chest to find the old remnants of a wound.
A wound?
Luo Binghe felt the traces of the scar over his heart… It was clearly an old wound— too old and forgotten for him to even care about until this moment.
Since when did Luo Binghe get hurt?
Did… Did that man do this to him?
The man who Luo Binghe had loved. The man who Luo Binghe had forgotten. Did that man actually hate him?
Was he wrong? Did he actually hate that man back? Had he mistaken his hatred for love?
Has he suffered so long in this house for an enemy?
Why the hell was he even in this rotting house? Why was he restricting himself so much?
What did this house mean to him in the first place!?
Luo Binghe couldn’t take it any longer. With a swing, his hand collided with the side of a table, sending it flying through the house and destroying whatever was in its path.
With another step, the aura of demonic energy around Luo Binghe flared up, shaking the entire fragile building until another wall began to collapse.
By the time Luo Binghe gathered himself up again, almost half the house had been destroyed.
What…
What was he doing??
He didn’t hate that man!
He loved him! He loved him more than anything…
Picking up a shattered section of the wall, Luo Binghe could only stare in horror as the millennia he spent delaying the inevitable, trying to preserve everything of the man he loved…
It had been erased in a single outburst.
Those memories and the objects attached to them… It had all been destroyed in a single moment.
Luo Binghe spent the next hundred years in the half-destroyed ruins of that house, wishing he had done something different— wishing that he never saw that wound on his chest…
Praying that he’d remember his lover’s name again.
“I’m sorry…” He couldn’t put a name to this feeling. He couldn’t put a name to that man he once loved. “I promise. I’ll never do it again… I'll never forget you... Please…”
…
Five hundred years later, Luo Binghe looked down at his chest to find the old remnants of a wound.
A wound?
Luo Binghe touched the traces of the scar over his heart… It was clearly an old wound— too old and forgotten for him to even care about until this moment.
Since when did Luo Binghe get hurt?
Did… Did that man do this to him?
…
Three hundred years later, he looked down at his chest to find the old remnants of a wound.
A wound?
Luo Binghe felt the traces of the scar over his heart… Judging by how faded and soft the scar tissue had become, Luo Binghe knew that it was clearly an old wound.
But, since when did Luo Binghe get hurt?
Did… Did that man do this to him?
…
One hundred years later, Luo Binghe looked down at his chest to find the old remnants of a wound.
A wound?
Was his heart ever wounded? Who had even hurt him in the first place?
Has that stab wound upon his heart… Has it ever hurt?
Has it ever meant anything to him?
Luo Binghe couldn't remember it anymore.
Putting a hand over the old scar, Luo Binghe sent a shiver of demonic energy through it.
Within the span of a heartbeat, that scar had completely disappeared.
—------------------
Luo Binghe didn’t know how much time had passed since that person’s death.
He didn’t even know if they existed at all. Was that person a man? A woman? A dog? A cat? The wind? He didn’t remember if they were even human.
By now, the house no longer stood. It hadn’t for a very, very long time now.
It had been so long that even his own memories no longer remained beyond a few crumbles of sentiments.
But Luo Binghe couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong.
He was supposed to remember something, right?
He had loved someone once… right?
He was sure of that.
The memory that he had once loved was all he had left.
He couldn’t forget that too…
“Was it… wrong?” Luo Binghe had been standing still for a very long time. He had been there, stationary, unmoving for longer than he could remember.
His legs were numb. His mind was blank with exhaustion.
He was so, very, tired, of trying to remember that person again.
“Was I wrong to want to remember you?”
Standing there, Luo Binghe waited for a response. He waited and waited as the trees started to sprout from around him and as the ground began to shift and rise— enclosing him deep within the earth, alone in the dark.
But no matter how long had passed, there was no response.
“Should I have abandoned you from the beginning?”
But... He didn’t want to forget that person. Even as his legs became tired as thousands of years raced by him, he didn’t want to abandon that person.
No. He mustn't lose any more memories.
He mustn't move beyond their love story.
In resolve, Luo Binghe closed his eyes— refusing to enter the future. He stood there, trying to relive his love story over and over and over again until his legs froze up like a statue and nature closed in around his sleeping body.
What moments did he truly relive? What did he remember in his thousand-year slumber?
Nothing.
He remembered nothing at all but the faint glimmers that, at some point in time, someone once loved him very, very much.
(And that he was in love with them, too.)
—-------------------
One day, by accident, a voice woke him up from his slumber.
A voice had shattered his dreams of past love, leaving him with nothing but the empty present.
However, somehow, it was a familiar voice.
“What the hell?!?! A nudist??”
“Who... are you…?” His voice was deeper and hoarser, quiet and dry from thousands of years of disuse— each word seemed to tear large holes in his throat, causing blood to suddenly spill out of his mouth and onto his naked body.
“Are you alright?? Uh, um, here. I have some water…” The man had gently lowered Luo Binghe to the floor with one hand— the other hand remained plastered across his eyes, blinding himself and yet occasionally separating his fingers slightly to take a peek at him.
His body, unchanging and standing upright for so long, was so easily guided towards the ground to rest.
“Did you get lost? I wouldn’t be surprised. Nobody ever goes up this mountain so there aren’t any paths… I’ve been playing around here for a while though, so don’t worry about me!”
When Luo Binghe’s vision finally cleared, he laid eyes on a young man with a strange wire-glass object sitting on his nose and ears. What was that? What was this guy’s clothes?
What was going on?
Was Luo Binghe himself naked?? Had his clothes rotted away in his sleep???
Was he asleep?
“What’s… what’s my own name?”
A look of horror spread over the young man’s face. “Memory loss??? Do you have a bag or anything? Any ID?”
“ID? What’s that…?”
“Oh. Oh my god. What the hell… WHAT THE HELL?” The man’s face looked quite constipated as if he was really about to take a stress dump. “Do… Do you know where you live?”
He shook his head.
“Do you know anybody I can contact?”
…He shook his head.
“...”
Judging off the look on his face… Luo Binghe really wondered if the man was about to turn his trousers brown.
Eventually, the young man took off his jacket and put it around Luo Binghe's shoulders… then after watching it dangle there for a bit Shen Yuan changed his mind and instead wrapped it around his waist.
“My name is Shen Yuan… I’m going to take you to the police, okay? Hopefully, they’ll be able to find out who you are”
Luo Binghe could do nothing but nod and be dragged along by the current.
But something within Luo Binghe began to swell— a feeling he had tried to maintain for the past five thousand years suddenly became all he could feel the moment he stopped standing still.
This man, the feeling of his fingers against his wrist, the way he walked…
Luo Binghe couldn’t remember why, but he knew it meant something important to him.
He knew it was something so very important.
But if he was someone he once treasured, then why didn’t he remember anything?
However, at this moment, he didn’t stop walking. Thousands of years of standing still within his own mind was enough, Luo Binghe decided. His legs were becoming restless and he was tired of standing still. He wanted to follow this person into the future.
And so, he followed Shen Yuan to the “police station”, then back out again, then back in again, and then back out again, and then back in—
“Are you sure you don’t know where this man’s from????”
“Mr. Shen, I don’t know what to say. He has no biological or written records on any of our systems. There’s nothing we can legally do about him.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Homeless shelter, perhaps? Or maybe you can bring him to a government office to register his existence. There’s nothing we can do about it.”
“Nothing you can do my ass…”
Walking out of the station, Luo Binghe couldn’t help but finally speak again. “What… What are you going to do with me?” This time, his voice no longer seemed to rip his throat apart.
“Well, I have a spare room I guess… I’m not going to dump you on the street or something…” Shen Yuan gave a big dramatic sigh. “Do you really not have a name?”
“Shen Yuan can name me.”
“Hmmm, I wasn’t allowed to name my dogs growing up, you know. You’re putting a looooot of responsibility on a guy with a decade of repressed dog names…”
What… What did that mean…
…?
Luo Binghe couldn’t repress the shiver that crawled up his spine.
“Hmmmm... Ah.... How about... Luo Binghe? The Icy River Luo. That mountain I found you on is also the source of the Luo River... What's that look for! I don’t ACTUALLY want to name an actual human being something stupid. But Luo Binghe isn’t such a bad name, isn’t it?”
“It’s quite warm outside. Why an icy river?”
“Well…” Shen Yuan gave him a side-eye. “I don't really know why. Don’t worry about it. It was just something random. Don’t you think it’s pretty though? The icy waters of the Luo River, flowing down the mountain in massive chunks of the cold, glaciers sliding down the waterfall, breaking into the water…”
“It’s… it’s a good name.”
“Very good! It was either that or naming you Little Dumpling or something. I’ve always wanted a tiny white dog named Little Dumpling.”
“Do I remind Shen Yuan of a tiny white dog?”
“... Of course you don’t! You’re too big to be a little guy. Especially your… Whatever...”
“My what?”
Shen Yuan kept quiet, his face flush with embarrassment.
When they arrived at his apartment, it became apparent that Luo Binghe had no sense of safety within modern society.
“Don’t touch the oven!!!”
“What is an oven…”
But it was already too late. Luo Binghe had already spun the dials around erratically, causing Shen Yuan’s faulty oven to suddenly glow red and radiate heat like a nuclear bomb.
Dinner had been “ruined”... to say the least.
It wasn’t actually just dinner but the entire oven had completely broken during the two minutes that Luo Binghe was fiddling around with the buttons.
Why did he do it?
…Well, he just had a feeling that it was wrong.
Seeing that "frozen pizza” in the “oven”...
That yellow-white disk wasn’t real food. Luo Binghe wouldn’t dare let himself or Shen Yuan eat it.
Nope! His instincts were telling him that Shen Yuan was an important person! This Shen Yuan was a person to love!
And Luo Binghe would NEVER let a loved one eat something as poisonous as “frozen pizza”.
However, in front of Shen Yuan, Luo Binghe merely played an innocent face… “Oh… Sorry… I don’t know how the ‘oven’ works. I’m sorry I broke it and you can never have ‘frozen pizzas’ ever again… How about this Binghe cooks for you instead?”
“You can cook?” But before Luo Binghe could even think about what he just said, Shen Yuan suddenly rescinded his words. “Actually, I don’t think I trust you to cook…”
And so, Shen Yuan offered to cook up a specialty of his— cup noodles.
A…
A specialty…
No, this was unacceptable. This was ABSOLUTELY unacceptable.
Luo Binghe couldn’t let this happen. He needed to earn back Shen Yuan’s culinary trust before the oven was fixed.
Shen Yuan had recently given him a weird rectangle and showed him which place on the screen to press to watch “YouTube”.
On it, he was able to use the microphone function to learn how to use a stove and he had begun to cook!
Cook?
Could he even cook???
Luo Binghe didn’t remember the last time he had eaten anything apart from those awful noodles, let alone the last time he cooked…
But no matter how empty his memories became, his body seemed to move on its own.
It appeared as if what the mind no longer remembers still existed within him.
It had been long enough for Luo Binghe to forget what a mother was. However, the way the knife moved up and down, the way his hand spun and stirred the congee with a twist of his wrist— it was all undeniably the same as how his mother once taught him.
Five thousand years of forgetting wasn’t enough to make him truly lose something like this.
(And perhaps no time in the world could make him forget something like this.)
“You… you can actually cook?? If you can cook then how did you even mess up the oven that badly?”
“Why doesn’t Shen Yuan have a taste? I will teach you how to cook this congee recipe later.”
Upon sitting down and taking a sip of warm congee, Shen Yuan suddenly dropped his spoon and reached over the table— grabbing Luo Binghe’s head and, with an iron grip, forcing the stunned Heavenly Demon to look right into his eyes.
“You are NEVER leaving this house, you hear me? I SAID: DID YOU HEAR ME!! YOU AREN'T LEAVING!!!!!!”
Fearfully, Luo Binghe could only nod.
And so, the days passed peacefully like this. Shen Yuan would bring him outside or around the house to explain the functions of certain appliances or what the concept of a “car” was.
“This is called a web novel.”
“A novel? So A-Yuan likes to read?”
“You… You could say so, I guess… Anyway! I’ll send you a link to this one! Do you remember how to check Discord? Ahh, you really are like an old grandpa!! Even your congee recipe is so ancient!”
Speaking of Discord, Luo Binghe quite liked it actually. After spending a couple of hours gathering cute moving images, he would then spend his afternoons while A-Yuan was away at work sending him links to cooking videos alongside his own reactions to them.
Then, as A-Yuan got off work, he would start cooking the one Shen Yuan paid the most attention to.
Sometimes he alone would cook for both of them.
However, almost always, the pair would cook together— arguing about the ratio of sauces or the masses of each ingredient... Only occasionally waging little food wars and battles with one another with little cheese catapults and vegetable tanks racing across the counter.
Eventually, Luo Binghe was no longer paranoid about the newly fixed oven.
Luo Binghe and A-Yuan lived together like this. It was a slow and steady routine but one that was never quite stationary. A life where the forgotten things of the past didn’t matter because they could always make new memories tomorrow.
One day, Luo Binghe would be upset that their hand-holding session had ended. He was afraid that it would never happen again— that he would slowly lose the feeling of A-Yuan’s warm hand on his own.
“I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll forget about you, A-Yuan.” Luo Binghe cried these words into Shen Yuan’s shoulder that night. No, that wasn’t quite true. He didn’t just cry them out. He sobbed them, he shouted them out, he wanted to rip them out of his throat and show them to A-Yuan— to let A-Yuan understand what it all felt like.
(To him know how painful it was to forget these things about them.)
“Hmm… I don’t really understand… But for now, you don’t need to worry about it at all. See—” Still drowsy with sleep, Shen Yuan wrapped his hand tightly around Luo Binghe’s trembling ones, stilling them. “I’m holding on tightly to you right now. If you don’t want to let go of my hand, then you never have to. Personally, no matter what you want, I’m never letting go of my private chef… That fried chicken today was really good…”
“A-Yuan!! How could you say that!” Luo Binghe began sobbing again. “Who do you love more— fried chicken or me!!!!!”
Shen Yuan became silent for a long time before definitively and powerfully holding Luo Binghe’s hands tighter. “You’re such a crybaby… Isn’t it obvious? Of course, I like your fried chicken more.”
Shen Yuan held his crybaby Binghe as he sobbed in outrage.
However, no matter how much A-Yuan comforted him, Luo Binghe was still terrified of forgetting A-Yuan.
These little moments of happiness… He didn’t want them to disappear.
...
Five years passed until Luo Binghe learned what marriage was.
…Five days passed until Shen Yuan gave in to his Binghe’s pleading and said “yes”.
Then, the decades seemed to go by full of happiness and laughter— every dinner was a fight to see who could cook better, every morning a chance to stare at each other’s faces, tracing the details through the tips of their fingers until the other woke up ticklish.
Another decade passed, and then another.
Shen Yuan’s hair would grow gray and then white while Luo Binghe remained identical.
Shen Yuan’s back began to hurt more while Luo Binghe remained the same powerful Heavenly Demon as before.
Luo Binghe was used to waiting for millennia.
Merely seven decades wasn’t enough…
It wasn’t enough…!
“Binghe.” Shen Yuan’s wrinkly hand was still clutched around Binghe’s. However, his grip was no longer as tight as before. His once loud and imposing voice was now quietened only by the looming presence of death itself.
And yet, despite the changes, Luo Binghe still loved him more than everything else.
(Just, please, don’t leave me.)
(I don’t want to forget your face again.)
“Binghe…” A-Yuan spoke a little louder this time. “I still remember it. All those years ago. You told me you were afraid that you’d forget me…”
Luo Binghe placed his ear a centimeter from A-Yuan’s mouth, catching every word— every inhale and exhale— recording it all to memory as best as he could.
“Binghe, do you remember what I said back to you? I do. I remember it clearly.” A-Yuan’s fragile hands tried their best to hold onto his Binghe. “Back then, I said I would never let you go.”
“Binghe, you’re immortal, right? Then find my next reincarnation. You’re my private chef. You must find me once more in the future and cook congee for me again.”
…
One month after his A-Yuan died from old age, passing away happily and as healthily as he could’ve been…
Luo Binghe… One month after his A-Yuan left him, Luo Binghe stayed in that apartment of theirs, staring at the walls that once housed their love— walls that would begin to crumble with time.
An apartment that he loved… a place he wanted to keep perfectly still in a time when his A-Yuan was still alive—
No.
One month after Shen Yuan’s death, Luo Binghe sold the apartment, kept a few belongings, and used the money to travel the world in search of his A-Yuan's next reincarnation.
—-----------------
During the years after Shen Yuan's death, Luo Binghe had almost traveled the entire world. Every place where there was human life was a place that Luo Binghe had visited at some point.
Luo Binghe couldn’t rule out the prospect that Shen Yuan would be reborn in a faraway location and so, unlike before, he was forced to move. He wasn't allowed to be stationary, waiting thousands of years— only able to focus on how many things he’d forgotten.
No. He wanted to continue making new memories with Shen Yuan no matter what.
He had to find him again no matter who A-Yuan became.
Fifty years after A-Yuan’s long and peaceful life had come to an end, Luo Binghe returned back to the city where their apartment once stood.
In a busy city, the decay of time ushered in so much faster and with such an uncaring speed. Unlike that little house in the countryside which lasted for hundreds of years unchangingly, in the time Luo Binghe was away, the building they had used to live in had been bought and demolished— remade to be an empty office building that now housed nothing but lost investments.
The apartment where they had once shared their meals together no longer existed.
But Luo Binghe wasn’t here for his previous home. No, he was here to relax a bit— a little break before he returned to traveling the world again.
And wasn’t the apartment still with him? The money he earned from it… does it not fund his current life? In the end, didn't it just change form?
Their apartment wasn’t lost. It wasn’t destroyed. It was still with him at this very moment. It was the very same happiness that drove the entirety of the past fifty years.
In every hotel and sleeping bag and shed he slept in— the way he organized his bedding, the way he placed his belongings, the orientation of his body as it slept… It was all from his time in that apartment with A-Yuan.
(And if it didn't originate from his time with Shen Yuan, then it came from a place long, long ago...)
(The person he had long since forgotten had existed, somehow they still mattered.)
(Somehow, despite it all, that person never left him even once.)
Fifty years after Shen Yuan's death, Luo Binghe found himself in a restaurant.
The waiter handed him his order— the restaurant's specialty congee.
It hadn’t been a long time since he had tasted or made the congee he always cooked for A-Yuan. For the past fifty years, it was too painful for him to eat congee— to feel it on its tongue, for the memory of A-Yuan's congee to be replaced by another...
However, something compelled him to eat it in this restaurant— a hunch, perhaps. Or maybe it had been so long that he had somehow forgotten that pain.
Or maybe he just wanted a break from withholding his favorite food.
And yet the way the restaurant’s congee slid down his throat like silk, the way the congee’s consistency slid off the porcelain spoon down with a little heaviness— it was all undeniably the same as he had once taught A-Yuan.
Fifty years of forgetting wasn’t enough to make him truly lose something like this.
“Who… Who’s the chef??” Luo Binghe stopped the waiter. “How did he cook this so deliciously? Where did he learn it from?”
“Why don’t you watch your mouth! The head chef isn’t a man, she’s a woman! And if you want to show your appreciation to her, then go buy more of our food or wait until her shift is over!”
...
Next to twenty boxes of takeaway food, Luo Binghe sat down on the curb in the moonlight, waiting for Shen Yuan to finish her shift.
Because it was surely A-Yuan. That congee recipe was his own recipe— every step was unique to him in what A-Yuan called his “grandpa ways”.
“You are really NEVER leaving this restaurant, are you—”
The restaurant’s backdoors suddenly slammed open and a woman, taller than A-Yuan, walked out with eyebags hanging heavily from her head, pulling her down into a tired slump as she dragged herself along the pavement. Life as a chef must’ve been hard because A-Yuan didn’t even see the mountain of takeaway boxes before she tripped over them all—
Falling straight into Luo Binghe’s arms.
Before anything could happen, A-Yuan’s head began to turn eerily— staring at him with deathly eyes, she spoke.
“You better not tell ANYBODY about this, you hear me? I SAID: DID YOU HEAR ME!! YOU AREN'T TELLING ANYONE!!!!!”
Fearfully, Luo Binghe could only nod.
Then, A-Yuan walked away— her face scrunched up in such a way she looked constipated.
That look on her face really made Luo Binghe wonder if she was going to stain her trousers brown on her way home.
And so, this would continue for a couple of wonderful months.
Luo Binghe would arrive at the restaurant the moment the doors open. Then, he would begin eating and would NEVER STOP eating. After exploiting his Heavenly Demon biology, he would then wait near the back entrance for A-Yuan to come out... only for Shen Yuan to look at him with annoyance and storm away.
“Don’t you…” The server opened the door that morning to find that, tadah, Luo Binghe was standing there again ready to eat again. “Don’t you have a job? How do you even have the money or time to do all this?”
“I sold my apartment to come eat here every day.”
“...”
Luo Binghe didn’t wait before seating himself at the same table as always— facing the kitchen with a smile on his face and listening in to the kitchen's chaos.
A-Yuan’s voice was louder than her previous reincarnation— her actions rougher and harsher from her time in the kitchen. It was so different from the shyer and teasing A-Yuan who cooked dinner with him every night.
“Get your DAMN food!” Ahh, A-Yuan’s sweet voice… It was so mean!!!! It hurt his soul like every time A-Yuan said he preferred his food over his lovely and wonderful and handsome husband.
As was their usual routine, Luo Binghe was forced to walk into the kitchen and pick up his own food (he shouldn't inconvenience the waiting staff, according to A-Yuan at least).
“Hiiii, A-Yuan!!!!”
“Be quiet and take your food away. I’m busy!” However, no matter how much A-Yuan used her kitchen voice against Luo Binghe, he never once flinched.
Luo Binghe did, however, start crying.
“A-YUAN!!!! How could you do this to me!!!!”
“Get out of here you stupid crybaby!!!!”
Ahhh, A-Yuan really was so different from her previous self!! Of course, the previous A-Yuan could do a mean chef's voice but it was never used as much as the current A-Yuan! But, despite the differences, that performative anger and rage and annoyance was something so very similar to her past incarnation.
Although she was different, it just meant that Luo Binghe could love Shen Yuan again in more ways than one.
Whenever the previous Shen Yuan was mean, Luo Binghe wouldn’t hesitate to become a crybaby. However, now that the current A-Yuan was nothing BUT mean…
But, to be fair in both this life and the past, being mean and then being a crybaby was all just a fun little act between the two of them. And so the moment Luo Binghe left the kitchen, the tears from his eyes would immediately dry up and his face would turn from flushed and sobbing to determinedly eating.
The waiter came by to give him some water. “You’re so weird, you know. You should try getting into competitive eating. Perhaps you’ll finally make some money. Or actually, seeing how quickly you cried in front of the Head Chef, maybe you should be an actor.”
“I don’t need your help to find a job…”
And with that, the waiter sighed and left her financial concerns for Luo Binghe behind as she tended to another table.
But before the waiter departed, she suddenly called out to Luo Binghe. “Oh, tonight we’re shutting early! Our Head Chef is going out on a very very special occasion this evening!”
A…
A special occasion?????
A DATE????????
With WHO.
…
Uh, with himself, apparently.
“Why do you even like my food so much?” From her home kitchen, Shen Yuan was cooking her own dinner while Luo Binghe sat fearfully in her living room, arms crossed over his lap and back as straight as a rule.
What... What should he say to her?? It was so easy to talk to the previous Shen Yuan... But somehow he felt so nervous right now????
He couldn't exactly say "Oh I love your food (but, more accurately, I love YOU) because, actually, I taught you how to cook it in your past life and, oh yeah, I'm actually some immortal Heavenly Demon... Don't worry about that, you know... Thank you for inviting some demon into your home, though, it totally doesn't sound like a bad premonition— please don't kick me out!!!!"
Abruptly, she popped her head out of the kitchen and shocked Luo Binghe out of his own thoughts— she suddenly stared at him for a long time. Then she asked. “Do you still want dinner or are you full from the million meals you had earlier?”
“I will have more dinner, please—”
“What is WRONG with you?!?!”
In a flustered rage, Shen Yuan threw an egg at Luo Binghe. It splattered across his shirt.
“What. Is. WRONG. With. YOU!!!!! You’re so rude! You try for weeks to get my attention! Then you make yourself homeless to eat my stupid food!!! And now you’re sitting in my stupid living room with an egg on your shirt!!! Why are you being so polite right now! I didn't invite some nice man into my house! Be more annoying you stupid HANDSOME crybaby!!!!”
No matter how mean these words were, they seemed to ignite something within the shell-shocked Luo Binghe.
Because suddenly, he began to lick and suck the raw egg off his shirt.
Shen Yuan could only stare in horror. “YOU’RE DISGUSTING!!! Are you a dog?? Take your shirt off! Get it away from yourself! You’re not allowed to eat eggs anymore!!”
Luo Binghe ran around the living room, dodging her hands while continuously attempting to eat the egg off his shirt (who knew that in the modern day, his martial power and cultivation would be useful for something like this…).
“I will eat everything A-Yuan gives me!!”
“STOP IT!!!! You’re eating raw egg!! You’ll die from food poisoning!”
“I WON’T DIE!”
After fully sucking up the egg, Shen Yuan finally caught him in an iron grip, dragged him into the kitchen, and then slammed a pot over his head.
Upon reawakening, dinner had been prepared and set across the table.
...
Afterward, like this, the years passed peacefully. Luo Binghe was promoted from favored customer to waiting-staff and then finally to Shen Yuan's assistant Head Chef. Every day, Shen Yuan would cook (eggless) dishes for Luo Binghe in her restaurant before dragging her crybaby back to her apartment for the night.
("Does A-Yuan really hate eggs now...")
("It's all YOUR fault, you stupid crybaby. No more eggs. I can't even look at one anymore without remembering it. Disgusting.")
After a decade of this, eventually, and inevitably, the money Luo Binghe received from selling the apartment had run out— funneled almost entirely to A-Yuan’s little restaurant.
Slamming a coupon onto Luo Binghe’s table, A-Yuan didn’t dare turn her head to face her annoying crybaby— and yet, despite it, Luo Binghe could still see her face exploding with embarrassment.
“Take the stupid coupon already.”
[Coupon for free meals]
[Expiry date: never]
[Only for the annoying crybaby]
Luo Binghe couldn’t help but smile. The way she curled her “e”... it was the same as her previous reincarnation.
And yet, every other word was different with such uniquely awful handwriting that it could only make him laugh. Shen Yuan's differences were nothing but a source of happy joy, a puzzle that only revealed more and more to love.
“A-Yuan is too nice to me! Instead of giving me this coupon… Why don’t you marry me instead?”
The restaurant went silent.
But before Luo Binghe could go back on his words that “Haha no, actually, it’s all a joke”—
With an iron grip, she grabbed Luo Binghe’s head, forcing the stunned Heavenly Demon to look right into her eyes.
“I. Want. A. Ring.”
Fearfully, Luo Binghe could only nod.
By Shen Yuan’s orders, their marriage had taken place the next day.
And so... life went by... peacefully— if not slightly terrifyingly for Luo Binghe.
One night, Luo Binghe began to hum a song to A-Yuan. It was a slow song, a single note sung in different registers and octaves— a song that seemingly remained stagnant and yet always traveled onwards in new ways.
“Where’s that song from?” Shen Yuan was still groggy from sleep. She could barely even open her eyes. “I’ve never heard it before. Is this another thing from your immortal travels?”
“I learned it from an isolated temple in the mountains. A young boy there, sickly and soon to die, was singing it. He said that he composed it himself— that it was our little secret. He wanted me to remember it for him even after he died.”
“...” A-Yuan went quiet before, gently, she tapped his throat. “I want to hear it again. I want to hear your secret song again and again. I don’t want to forget it.”
…
They had been together for only three decades before A-Yuan passed away.
Sickness and stress from working in the kitchens daily had first taken her fine motor skills.
Only a decade after her diagnosis, it had taken her life.
“You’re an immortal Heavenly Demon whatever…”
With both hands, she softly grabbed his fist— clinging onto it.
“You’re my annoying little crybaby, right? Then you must find me again in the future and annoy me more.”
“As long as my next life can be with you again, I don’t care if you forget me.”
Luo Binghe sat there beside her, tracing her features with his finger, singing their secret song into the air.
This A-Yuan was so different from her previous body. Her face was sharper, her voice rougher, her shape stronger and her build taller.
It was nothing like how he initially remembered A-Yuan. She wasn’t the same at all.
They were so distinctly separate that, in less than a century, Luo Binghe had already begun to forget her previous face.
In such a short amount of time, he had already forgotten how A-Yuan sounded when he became angry— the memory of it was replaced by her newer anger.
Luo Binghe could no longer recall his angry face.
And yet…
And yet, as Shen Yuan’s life once again faded away, as her soul left her body accompanied by their secret song now filled with wracked sobs from her little crybaby…
Luo Binghe wondered how A-Yuan would appear to him again next time.
Luo Binghe wondered in what ways he would love Shen Yuan again.
—--------------
After A-Yuan's short and sickly existence had passed away, Luo Binghe realized something crucial…
I don’t have any money????
Ahhh, what the hell…
The money A-Yuan left behind was a lot, yes, but not enough for decades of searching.
Unlike her previous incarnation, she wasn’t some rich CEO’s spare child who had never needed to care about money. They were small-time owners of a little restaurant… not exactly rolling in money.
But luckily having three decades of kitchen experience looked quite good on his job applications.
“You have three decades of experience…?” The interviewer of the high-end restaurant gaped at him. “You barely look twenty…”
“...What can I say? My late wife always said I looked very handsome and young. She said it was good genetics.”
As if EITHER Shen Yuan would ever call him handsome to his face… But whatever, A-Yuan would approve of this lie!! This was all for the job!!!!
Luckily, the interviewer was taken in by his good looks and decided to subject him to a forty-five-hour week job in which his sleep schedule had almost immediately turned nocturnal.
A-Yuan would approve… RIGHT?????
It was never this bad back in their old place!!!! Why were these high-end chefs working so hard???
He hated this!!!!!!!!
Aurgh… but he really needed the money…
Whatever, he’ll only be doing this for maybe five to ten years or so…
But... Maybe another job will be better?
Maybe he could exploit his Heavenly Demon heritage and get into a wrestling job or something… though they didn’t pay as much.
And, to him, being a public figure was a million times worse than working forty-five hours. How was he going to lie about his immortality?? It was already difficult enough getting a new identity every fifty years…
(The most recent Shen Yuan had actually almost punched the passport officer to distract him from the forged document.)
(The previous A-Yuan had done something similar, too… Bless A-Yuan’s heart!!! He wasn’t going to throw all their work away by being a public figure!!!)
Luo Binghe had sold his and A-Yuan’s previous car. This meant that walking to work and back took more than an hour of inter-city travel in the early hours of the morning or late at night. Luckily, his Heavenly Demon body meant that this was nothing— he could sprint back within ten minutes if he wanted to and maximize the efficiency of each day.
However, although Luo Binghe didn’t want to stand still in time, he also didn’t want to rush into the future anymore.
He knows that A-Yuan will be there, somewhere, waiting for him in the happy little accidents and breaks in his day.
So there’s no need to rush.
(It's okay to forget a little because he knew that whenever he paused to take a happy break, or whenever he spent time cooking a meal from the past, he would see A-Yuan again in every action he took.)
On the way back home one night, Luo Binghe heard a dog whimper in the darkness.
Under an old and long-forgotten car, a little white dog was shivering in the night’s cold.
(A-Yuan, his husband, had once wanted a little white dog before…)
(Yes, he just remembered it again. He wanted a little dog named Little Dumpling.)
Luo Binghe couldn’t slide under the car, so he began to click his tongue to lure the little puppy out.
“Little Dumpling… Come on out, Binghe just wants to help you…”
Initially, the puppy was quite taken by this extremely handsome man. But upon hearing the words “Little Dumpling” fall sweetly from Luo Binghe’s lips…
The puppy began to retreat further under the car.
…
What an ungrateful little mutt!!! He just wanted to help Little Dumpling out!
Eventually, after triple-checking his surroundings, Luo Binghe decided to give up on his human act and simply lift the entire car up.
Although the puppy initially seemed to be sad and scared, it was strangely quite excited to see Luo Binghe. Immediately it had begun to paw and jump at his trousers and, upon lifting the little white dog up, the puppy was slobbering licks and kisses all over his face!
…Luo Binghe takes it back! This little puppy is so cute!!!!
However, it really did NOT like the name Little Dumpling.
But no matter how many times he would be ignored, NOTHING was stopping him from naming this white dog Little Dumpling.
He couldn't quite remember why he liked that name so much, but he knew it mattered a lot to him.
And like this, life went by chaotically. Every single day was filled with overwork and then coming home to cuddle with Little Dumping who would growl and bark at him whenever it heard its name— rinse and repeat.
But early one morning, a typhoon warning had been issued and the restaurant had shut its doors as per government regulations. At first, Luo Binghe was ready to jump in glee at his free day off but upon the first thunderstrike, he realized that perhaps Little Dumpling didn’t share his love for rainy days.
“Come on… Don’t be afraid, Little Dumpling…” But the puppy didn’t even react in disgust to its own name— it barely did anything but shiver uncontrollably in his arms.
No amount of treats or head pats could wash away the fear from the puppy's eyes… it was really too much for Luo Binghe to watch.
The puppy seemed so scared that it looked constipated...
Constipated...?
WAS LITTLE DUMPLING ABOUT TO SHIT ITSELF????
Don't be afraid anymore, Little Dumpling!!!! You don't want to turn from a well-sealed dumpling into a leaky pork bun, do you?!!
Quietly so that nobody else could hear, Luo Binghe began to sing a song— he began to sing their secret song.
A song that he promised himself that he would sing only to her.
And yet…
The moment the first verse had been sung, the puppy had stopped quivering and, looking at Luo Binghe with those same loving eyes—
Luo Binghe had realized something crucial.
This little white dog…
Was it really A-Yuan?
He… A-Yuan… you…
A-YUAN!!! It was YOU who loved the name Little Dumpling!!! Why do you hate it so much now!!
Luo Binghe couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Holding the puppy tight, Luo Binghe began to sob and sob and sob.
But no matter how many tears fell... And no matter how much A-Yuan tried to lick them away, Luo Binghe couldn't stop sobbing with happiness.
…
Luo Binghe quit his job the next day and, after a horrible two-month period, he had finally been let free from the kitchens!!
Now he had become a personal chef and dog trainer to his little spoiled A-Yuan!
There was NO such thing as canned dog food for A-Yuan. Nope! A-Yuan must be eating fresh meat every single day with extra vitamins and different varieties of fats and proteins! A-Yuan was eating GOOD and well... but for some reason he was picky with only one food...
The first time Luo Binghe was bitten by him was upon cracking an egg into A-Yuan’s dinner.
“A-YUAN!!! Why do you still hate eggs even in your next life… I said I was sorry for licking a raw egg off my shirt…”
One day, A-Yuan even broke into the pantry and destroyed all the eggs…
The bath time afterward was a sticky eggy mess that put him off buying eggs again for the rest of his life.
Whatever! That didn't matter at all!!!
The best part about this new Shen Yuan was that he was really good at learning tricks!
During a walk with A-Yuan, a breakdancing showcase was being performed in the city center and so the two had stood and watched it for its entire duration. Although A-Yuan seemed a little... unimpressed... Luo Binghe was completely taken in by it.
He was more than excited to begin teaching A-Yuan how to spin around and A-Yuan was... more than "happy" to indulge his crybaby owner.
As the white dog spun around and around on his butt as if he was breakdancing, Luo Binghe couldn't help but cry in with laughter and joy at the sight.
…
No matter how healthy they are, dogs just simply don’t live for long.
Luo Binghe knew that from the beginning.
Compared to the thousands of years he has been alive, fifteen years was almost entirely negligible…
Just like how he had already forgotten many things about the earlier male Shen Yuan, (just like how he had forgotten the existence of the first Shen Yuan, his Shizun), Luo Binghe knew that he would forget this little puppy eventually— inevitably.
And yet…
And yet, as A-Yuan’s life once again faded away, his soul leaving his dog body as Luo Binghe combed his fingers through his fluffy fur— singing their secret song through the sobs…
Despite the goodbye… Despite how quickly he knows he’ll forget this— Luo Binghe knew that A-Yuan would find him again no matter what.
There will always be a tomorrow with his A-Yuan.
Shen Yuan may simply be a certain happiness he feels when he eats congee or a nostalgic sensation when the sun shines with warmth onto him. Shen Yuan could just be the happiness in his life— living on in the little habits like the ways he switched on and off his devices or the way he avoided eggs.
It may not be the same A-Yuan he had known before.
But Shen Yuan will still be beside him no matter what.
—-----------------
Next, Shen Yuan had become a breakdancing stray cat who he had fed heartily and healthily (and expensively) for two long decades.
This A-Yuan had never enjoyed indoor life, so Luo Binghe followed him out on his little cat adventures. Each and every day, Luo Binghe would go wandering with him— breaking into people’s gardens to take a look around and then scampering out to chase some colorful birds.
A-Yuan was a talkative cat who would squeak a meow in greetings and goodbyes and anytime in between— a meow which slowly evolved to sound a little like “Binghe”.
A meow that sounded like "Binghe" and which VERY QUICKLY caused Luo Binghe to go wavy and faint with the POWER of his cuteness.
A-Yuan passed away, dying in the warm sun, cuddled once again in Luo Binghe’s arms— their secret song sang in accompaniment with the sound of leaves.
…
Then, A-Yuan had become a butterfly who fluttered around his legs in the same way A-Yuan had done as a cat.
A-Yuan was a beautiful shade of green. He was a butterfly meant to blend in and camouflage with the foliage and yet always playfully revealed itself to Luo Binghe.
Luo Binghe wasn’t able to say a proper goodbye to A-Yuan at that time.
As a butterfly, A-Yuan had simply disappeared— his corpse unable to be found.
…
Then, Shen Yuan became the cool summer breeze.
The softness of a brand-new carpet beneath his feet.
The boiling warmth of a heatwave.
The anger of a typhoon raging outdoors, destroying his kitchen windows.
A-Yuan became the clouds.
The rain itself.
The very air he breathed in.
Eventually, Luo Binghe could no longer recall the faces of Shen Yuan.
Luo Binghe could no longer remember the way they flushed at compliments or became dark with annoyance or bright with love.
Eventually, Luo Binghe could no longer remember their names.
But whenever he pauses to look up at the sky— to see the beautiful blue, to feel the calming warmth against his skin…
In those happy feelings, he realizes he has never forgotten that person at all.
I cannot truly forget you because I can always see you again in all of life's beautiful things. Every step I walk into the future, every breath of happiness... These are all just places I can meet you again.
These are all just places I can love you again.
He could no longer recall Shizun’s face.
But, perhaps that was okay.