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Transferring to the SVU after several years in OC had been a career move he had been considering for some time. Although SVU was known to be the most challenging team within the NYPD and other units such as Homicide or Computer Crimes would allow him to have better hours; he felt it was his place in SVU. Elliot knew that many cops who joined SVU burned out within a few months; convinced they could handle it until they couldn’t. However he was determined to try; although he had dealt with drug lords, crime bosses, and other such scum; it didn’t feel like he was helping those who needed it. He wanted to be the one fighting for the underdog, ensuring justice was achieved and that those who had suffered knew that someone out there cared.
Selfishly, it also made him feel that he was indeed making the world safer for his kids. Maureen and Kathleen were teenagers now and the twins were getting older. He wanted to feel like he was doing all of those things cops were meant to do; protect people, catch the bad guys, get justice for the victims.
His first few days had been fairly unremarkable. Captain Cragen had been one of the few people Ayanna respected which meant Elliot knew he would be a decent commander. Munch and Fin had quickly accepted him into the fold and explained that Amanda Rollins was currently on maternity leave so the three of them would alternate partners. An unusual system but one that seemed to work. Elliot had been introduced to ADAs Alex Cabot and Sonny Carisi who handled the SVU cases as well as reluctantly scheduled a meeting with Doctor Huang for after his first case. His first SVU case was nothing major (by SVU standards apparently), a middle aged flasher who was neither a shower nor a grower.
“We’re going to grab a drink, you coming?” Fin asked Elliot as he made his way to the locker room.
“Sure, let me get my stuff,” Elliot replied. As he entered the locker room, he leant against the locker and laughed to himself. He and Munch made a point to see how many ‘small penis’ jokes they could make before the perp snapped and confessed. It had taken a lot fewer than they would have liked but Munch’s tic tac remark was one for the books.
Fin had explained the SVU’s mindset of looking for the light. To take the good moments and hold onto them as support for the darker days. Although their humour could be viewed as warped, it was a coping mechanism they all used and one they relied upon.
“ Heard you and Munch got the flasher to break, not bad.”
Elliot looked over at the unfamiliar voice. A woman was standing by the benches, one whom he had caught glimpses of here and there but had never spoken to her until now. His first thought was that she was beautiful; short honey brown hair, wide dark eyes and there was something innately trusting about her. He felt as though he had known her for years and yet, he had never met her before.
“We did, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Elliot.” Elliot said and offered his hand. However the woman didn’t take it, she instead smiled softly at him.
“Olivia,” Olivia replied. “How are you finding SVU?”
“It’s different to OC but it feels good to not be undercover for once.” Elliot stated. “Have you been at SVU for long?”
“A while,” Olivia replied enigmatically and there was something about her that was so intriguing, so mysterious, that for a second, just a second, Elliot forgot that he was married. He wanted to know more about Olivia, needed to know more about her.
“Are you always so vague?” Elliot asked and Olivia laughed. Her laugh caused a shiver to run up Elliot’s spine as she shrugged her shoulders.
“Sometimes,” Olivia replied with a teasing lilt in her voice.
“We’re going for a drink, do you want to join us?” Elliot offered but the request caused the smile to fade from Olivia’s face. It was as if a candle had been extinguished, the good humour was gone and the look on her face was so forlorn, so sorrowful, that Elliot felt compelled to apologise. “I’m sorry, I-”
“I have to go,” Olivia replied and before Elliot could say anything else, she turned around and walked through, not around, through the benches and through the solid brick wall.
When Elliot regained his senses, he hurried across the room and made a point of touching the bench and wall; as he expected, both were completely solid. That was impossible.
“Elliot? You OK?” Munch asked as he walked into the locker room. “We’re waiting for you.”
“Did you see her?” Elliot asked, his fingers still against the wall. “She was just here but she-she walked through the wall…”
Munch sighed and put a hand on Elliot’s shoulder before he guided him from the room. Fin, Sonny, Amanda and Cragen were waiting on them and looked at Elliot concerned as Elliot was led to his desk chair and he sat down. The others exchanged a knowing look; Olivia tended to avoid new detectives until they were settled in and usually they were able to somehow bring her up in conversation before she was seen. This time, they hadn’t been able to.
They had actually planned to discuss her tonight.
“So you met Olivia then,” Munch said casually as he leant against Elliot’s desk. Elliot, still confused and unsure about whether or not what he had witnessed was real, looked at Munch.
“That was real?” Elliot asked; he knew that SVU affected cops in different ways but seeing a ghost. That was a new one.
“She is real, her name’s Olivia.” Munch explained. “She was one of us.”
The past tense stuck in Elliot’s head.
Was.
Olivia was one of them.
When she had been alive.
“What happened to her?” Elliot asked as Cragen sighed heavily. Even all this time later; the loss of Olivia weighed heavily on him. Although Cragen did his best to never play favourites; everyone knew that Olivia was his favourite, the daughter he had always wanted but never had. He still remembered that day; the warm, sticky scarlet blood on his fingers, her brown eyes staring vacantly at the ceiling, the echo of the gunshot in the air deafening them…
“We lost her, right here.” Cragen replied. “There had been a case, a bad one. It was a father abusing his own daughter. Olivia had been the one to take the case; she took the kid’s statement, helped to explain the court proceedings, even contacted relatives to ensure the kid wouldn’t end up in the system. The mother sided with her husband, claimed the kid was making it up, refused any evidence, even insisted in the courtroom that the five year old had seduced her own father. In the end, he was convicted and sent to Sing Sing. When the word got out about what he was in for, the prisoners made their disapproval known.”
Elliot nodded; even those who weren’t cops knew how convicts dealt with those who hurt children. He could also put the pieces together. The husband was murdered in prison and the wife had insisted upon his innocence. Therefore she took revenge against the person she felt was responsible. “So the wife…”
“Blamed Olivia,” Munch finished. He had been there. It had all happened so fast. The wife called Olivia’s name
Olivia had looked up from her desk and then…
She was gone.
“So her ghost haunts the precinct?” Elliot asked. “How?”
“We don’t know, even she doesn’t. Obviously, Olivia tends to try and avoid the public and most of the unis but sometimes she joins us. She’s still a great detective,” Amanda explained. “We just have to remember not to mention her in court.”
“And she doesn’t appreciate the reminder that she’s dead.” Fin pointed out as Elliot felt a ripple of shame in his stomach.
“I upset her, I didn’t mean to. I asked her if she wanted to join us but I didn’t know.” Elliot stated and he felt an icy sensation on his shoulder. He saw a pale hand on his shoulder and knew that Olivia was there. “Olivia? I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK, you didn’t know,” Olivia replied as she sat cross-legged on the desk. Elliot looked curiously at her.
“How do you do that? You walked through the bench earlier?” Elliot asked and Olivia shrugged her shoulders.
“I don’t know, sometimes I can sit on things, other times I go through them.” Olivia remarked. There were a lot of things that she was and wasn’t able to do as a ghost that didn’t make sense. She could touch people, they could hear her but she couldn’t lift things and she didn’t appear on photos, videos or recordings. She could write on some surfaces if there was water or ink but couldn’t lift a pencil. “Any other questions?”
Elliot shook his head. His mind was racing with questions but he knew that most of them were asinine or too personal. How did she remain as a ghost? Could she float? How did those who didn’t know she was a ghost handle her? Could she turn invisible?
“You get used to her, if Olivia likes you then you’re in.” Fin remarked, shivering slightly as he touched her hand. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Have fun,” Olivia replied wistfully as she watched them leave. Cragen smiled balefully at her as they left. Once she was alone, Olivia turned and wandered towards the framed photographs on the wall of fallen officers. Her own face stared back at her, in her uniform, looking proud of what she had achieved on her own accord, unaware of the hand that fate had dealt her. She still didn’t know how or why she had stayed but at least she still had her family with her.
In a way.
As the weeks passed, Elliot got used to the SVU and Olivia’s presence. It was indeed like how the others had explained; Olivia was a part of the squad. Actually an essential part of the squad. She was still involved in investigations, helping to discuss motives, suspects and find hidden links that the others had missed. Although she couldn’t participate in interrogations, she could watch from the other side of the glass and provide possible lines of questioning.
When she had been alive, she must have been an amazing detective, Elliot was certain of it. He wondered if they would have been partners. They had a similar thought pattern and he found himself sharing his ideas with Olivia before any of the others.
Olivia spent a lot of her time in the records rooms; especially during the daytime or when cops from other precincts or the higher ups from 1PP stopped by. There were only so many times when a ‘trick of the light’ or a ‘ yeah she looks just like Olivia, weird huh?’ could work. It wasn’t uncommon for the unis or the others to leave a cold case or a few out for Olivia to look over, in the hope that something could be found that they missed. After all, she had time. It also meant that Olivia was always there if they had a bad day and needed someone to talk to.
Which was why Elliot took himself to the records room under the guise of looking up a nonexistent case. Olivia was looking at an unsolved case from three years ago when Elliot entered the room and sighed heavily before he thumped the wall.
“Ouch,” Olivia remarked dryly. “Case or home?”
“Both I guess,” Elliot replied. “One of the victims looks just like my Katie and when I look at it, I see her. Plus I got the call for this case during one of Katie’s soccer games so,”
“You’re in the doghouse,” Olivia finished. “How many kids do you have?”
“Four, three daughters and a son.” Elliot explained. “One of the reasons I chose the SVU was to spend more time with them. With the OC, I was gone for months at a time.”
“That must have been difficult.” Olivia said. “You want to protect the kids and you can’t discuss it at home.”
“Exactly,” Elliot sighed as he ran a hand over his head. “I want to keep them as safe as possible but also let them know what dangers are out there. Does it get easier?”
“Sort of. You learn how to cope, as much as you hate it; Huang is good to speak to and being able to tell a victim that you’ve gotten justice for them; it helps.” Olivia reassured as she squeezed Elliot’s arm, causing him to shiver. “Sorry, I keep forgetting not to do that.”
“No, it’s fine.” Elliot replied. “So, this case, it’s not the worst I’ve seen but it’s just…”
“Hit hard. It happens to all of us. It makes you question humanity as a whole, wonder how we’re capable of hurting one another so much and it feels like what we do is endless.” Olivia reasoned as she caught Elliot’s eye. “Munch has made the same speech to everyone.”
“And here I thought I was special,” Elliot quipped as Olivia laughed.
“Well, Munch has his quirks. If you ever get bored; tell Munch a bizarre conspiracy theory. We once had him ranting for two hours because Monique, she was here before Fin, told him that Princess Diana had been murdered by the Russian Mafia.” Olivia grinned at the memory.
“I’ve heard his remarks about JFK.” Elliot stated. “So is that his coping mechanism?”
“Possibly, we all had our ways. Cragen used to drink, now he has candy. Fin does a lot of youth outreach work. I wall climbed.” Olivia explained. “You need to find a way to channel the emotions.”
“I used to do a lot of sport back in the day. Maybe you’re onto something.” Elliot reasoned. If he went back to the gym, worked out his aggression, it could be helpful.
“I am and you can’t say otherwise.” Olivia intoned. “You cannot argue with the dead.”
Elliot let out a burst of laughter and Olivia laughed with him. It wasn’t the funniest thing that she had said, but it was just as Fin had told Elliot. You have to look for the light. Something that she had taken time to learn to do after her murder, when all she knew became darkness and there was no sign of heavenly light; she had to find her own light in the precinct. Each member of the squad brought their own source of light and Elliot’s light, Elliot’s light, although new, was the brightest one of all.