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1 - Mission Declined
Roy and paperwork are undoubtedly mortal enemies. He knew that the position of Colonel would be primarily bureaucratic, but if alchemy has taught him anything, it's that there is an equivalent exchange for everything in life. If he wants to change this country, then he will have to face whatever comes his way until he reaches the position of Führer.
Unfortunately, one of those things is extensive paperwork that could be summarized in one or two pages if not for so many useless protocols and unnecessary flourishes.
The only good thing about having a bureaucratic position is that he, as a Colonel, has some advantages, especially as a Colonel with such a good reputation as his. And one of those advantages is that he can choose the missions assigned to his team and, in a way, help in the investigation. One thing that few people know is that Roy Mustang is a great lover of puzzles and riddles, which is why most of the missions assigned to his team are major crimes, confusing and mysterious, perfect for someone with such a fascination (and complex enough to put him on the good side of all his superiors).
That’s why Roy, as soon as he saw the numbering on the file in front of him, felt his eyes light up, knowing very well that no one would notice. Right in front of him is a case with the number 150122. The number 15 focuses on crimes involving kidnappings followed by murders, 01 for crimes involving high-ranking military officers in some way, and 22 for crimes that have already passed through two or more teams and remain without clues or resolutions.
In summary, children have been disappearing in the past year. Initially, it was just two students from one of the local military schools, then some outstanding students from the best military school in the region, all from humble origins; soon it escalated to outstanding students from military families, and finally, children from military families who had no connection to the schools where the other kidnappings occurred. The only connection between all the children that shows it's the same killer is that all are girls, disappeared for the same period, and were killed in the same way.
It’s an intriguing case. It should be simple, especially when the last victims were kidnapped inside their own homes, but even so, there are no proofs other than circumstantial evidence. Something seems really strange about this case.
— Fullmetal, I see you still can’t open a door with your hands. — Roy forces himself to remain calm, the brat has been in the army for only a few months and continues to test his patience in every possible way, but he is Roy Mustang, the youngest Colonel in the history of the Amestrian Army and the Flame Alchemist. He won't be defeated by a brat who just got out of diapers.
— And I see you're still a bastard! — Edward is loud and obnoxious, still with the high-pitched and silly voice of a child, sounding almost like a girl (or a whistling kettle releasing steam) when he yells.
— With your height, I'm surprised you can see anything.
— WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT THEY COULD ONLY SEE IF THEY JUMPED OVER A BACTERIA?! — The good thing is that Roy can irritate the brat as well as the brat can irritate him. It’s almost a special talent.
— I never said that, you have a poor self-image, Fullmetal. — With that, the kid screams even more, being held back by his younger brother in a huge scandal that attracts the attention of all the subordinates present. — Now that we’ve discussed your minuscule height, can we focus on the important matter? I have a case for you.
For a while, there was still some commotion, but when the brat finally finished, he approached Roy's desk and picked up the file, reading the important parts and looking at the photos of the crime scenes.
— Hm... And what do you want from me?
— Isn't it clear? I want you to solve this case. — For a long time, Fullmetal looks at Roy, blinking slowly and then flipping back a few pages, seemingly rereading what is written.
— This is too much even for you, Bastard Colonel. — Edward Elric then puts the file back on the desk, shaking his head in denial. — Let me see if I got this right. This is a case where GIRLS between the ages of 8 and 16, aspiring Alchemists or daughters of State Alchemists, have been kidnapped and killed in less than 3 days.
— That's right. — Roy feels a hint of amusement, why does the kid seem so outraged? Is he afraid of being mistaken for a girl because of his squeaky voice, long hair, and short stature? How hilarious. — Any problem with that?
— Are you trying to use me as bait or what? — Roy's subordinates look from Edward to Roy several times, changing whenever one of them starts talking. So Fullmetal really has that concern?
— No, I want you to be the lead investigator, are you worried about being mistaken for a girl? — Roy feels a poorly hidden smile forming on his face, but, contrary to expectations, Fullmetal doesn't get furious, he just seems confused. For some reason, the person who really seems angry (something surprising for someone who is physically incapable of making facial expressions) is Alphonse Elric.
— Colonel, Ed can't take the case. — Alphonse says before Fullmetal can even open his mouth to say anything, snatching the documents from his older brother's hands and throwing them on the desk. Unlike Fullmetal, Al is a kind and respectful boy. Infinitely more pleasant than Edward. It's not normal to see him speak so harshly or act like this. Before Roy can say anything, Hawkeye approaches, picking up the document to read the contents.
— Sir, if you allow me, I would like to take on the case. It seems quite interesting. — Hawkeye, despite appearing to be asking, is actually demanding that the case be given to her. There's a hard and demanding expression on her that makes Roy shiver slightly. One wrong move and he could easily get shot...
He looks from Edward to Alphonse and then to Hawkeye... He doesn't understand what happened here, but who cares. If this case is solved by the Mustang team, it doesn't matter which subordinate does it.
— If you want it, it’s all yours, Lieutenant. — Roy sighs and shrugs. Grabbing a new folder for the Elric Brothers. If they are not going to be in charge of case 150122, then they are free to search for a new lead on the Philosopher's Stone...
2 - Valentine's Day
The next strange situation Roy noticed involving Fullmetal happened one year after the kid joined the military, when Valentine's Day arrived.
To say Mustang’s office was flooded with letters and chocolates for Fullmetal would be an understatement. There were literally about five boxes full of things for the brat. How did he manage to meet (and make so many people fall in love with him!) in such a short time of traveling? It's a great mystery.
The team was growing increasingly curious; it reached the point where everyone preferred to spend their own lunch breaks reading who the senders were and where they were from (thank goodness their curiosity was stronger, as there were some really inappropriate things that went straight to the trash). This was how Roy realized that the boy was the object of affection for dozens of boys all over Amestris. Of course, there were a few girls sending chocolates and letters, but the number was infinitely smaller.
How did Fullmetal manage to make so many men fall in love with him? Such a strange thing!
Roy is by no means prejudiced; if Fullmetal is really gay, it doesn’t matter to him. But the bigger question is how Edward Elric managed to get so many men to openly declare their feelings for him. It’s almost bizarre, especially when considering that few people in the country are as open-minded as he is...
— Hey, Bastard Colonel! I’m here to deliver this crappy report you asked for. — Speak of the devil. Fullmetal enters the office holding some papers and waving them around like a flag. His voice hasn’t changed at all in the past year; it’s almost funny, shouldn’t he be hitting puberty by now?
— Would it kill you to be a bit respectful? And you’re late.
— Yes, I would drop dead if I had to salute a womanizing bastard like you. — Edward rolls his eyes and hands over the papers (basically throws them on Roy’s desk) and finally notices all the letters scattered around the office. — Hm? What’s this mess? Are you moving to hell?
— Haha… Very funny, Fullmetal. — Roy tries hard not to roll his eyes, starting to read the report; it seems acceptable... — All these boxes are for you. Admirers, apparently... Valentine’s Day is approaching, and it seems some young men want to show their... affection for you.
Roy watches curiously as the brat in front of him, instead of appearing embarrassed or furious with Roy’s complacent tone, simply approaches the boxes, rummaging through all the gifts sent with evaluating eyes. For a 13-year-old, he seems to be handling this very naturally...
Could Edward really be gay? He doesn’t seem surprised by the number of boys who sent presents to Roy’s office (since the Elric brothers are, in a way, homeless, their contact address ended up being Roy’s office, much to his dismay…).
— Hm... That’s a lot of stuff... — Edward looks up while picking up some boxes of expensive chocolates, seeming very happy about it. — Wow... I’ve never received such expensive things! Look, Al!
— Yeah... I’m seeing it, Ed... — Alphonse, who had remained silent until now, slowly approaches, looking over Ed’s shoulder to see the contents of the boxes. The initial tone of the younger Elric seems almost a bit angry (an almost impossible emotion for someone like Alphonse, which greatly surprises everyone present), and then there’s a tone mixed with malice and playfulness. — It’s a lot of stuff for someone as small as you...
That’s how a fight started, dirtying part of the office with chocolates. It took a long time to separate Edward from Alphonse, but at least Fullmetal seemed to agree that there was too much chocolate for a 13-year-old and shared it with the whole team. Now Roy has enough chocolate for all his sisters and still keeps some at home...
Little did he know that the amount of chocolate would increase exponentially with each passing year...
3 - Hospital
When Roy received a call from Central's main hospital, he was genuinely shocked. There was no other statement besides “Major Elric is injured, and we need his commanding officer to be present” before the call was abruptly cut off.
It's been two years since Fullmetal joined the military, and he remains a pain in Roy's ass. Honestly, was it worth bringing him into his team for the promotion to Colonel when the kid causes so many headaches?
When Roy finally arrived at the hospital, he encountered the last thing he expected to see. Not that he had spent the whole time imagining the worst-case scenarios or anything… But the last thing he expected was this…
Much of the area around Fullmetal’s room was completely destroyed; there were various holes in the walls, broken objects, and shattered medications on the floor. It was almost like a war zone!
Now it made sense why the nurse seemed so desperate for Roy’s presence…
The funny thing was that when Roy entered Fullmetal's room, the boy was gracefully sitting on the hospital bed, with his stump crossed over his leg, neither of his automail limbs attached, and he was sipping from a cup, probably drinking tea or coffee. Whatever it was, it felt like a great offense to Roy, since he had been worrying for nothing…
— What happened here?
— Bastard Colonel? — Edward looked surprised at the door; his hair was loose, and Alphonse had large dents in his armor that couldn’t be fixed by his brother without both arms back. — What are you doing in Central?
— I came because a very desperate nurse demanded my presence… And looking around, I can understand her.
— This? This is nothing. — Edward shrugged, well, at least one shoulder moved… — Al will fix it after Winry comes back with my automail. It's better not to repair this before Winry puts my automail back in place, as it's possible she'll start trying to kill me again.
Roy blinked a few times, thinking about where he had heard of this Winry… It took some time before he remembered; she was Fullmetal's mechanic. Was she the one who caused all this destruction? Are all the people around this kid so chaotic and violent? This explains a lot…
— I don’t know how you manage to destroy everything even with two limbs missing, Fullmetal. — Roy pinched his temple, already feeling the headache coming on. — How did you manage to destroy both of your automails on a mission to escort a four-year-old child?
— Apparently, there was a very good reason for the kid’s parents to want a high-ranking escort. — Edward made light of it, almost rolling his eyes as he finished drinking whatever was in the cup. — And I didn’t destroy the automails, they malfunctioned because of the gunshots.
— Gunshots? — Roy sighed in defeat, exhausted, mainly with the realization that this wasn't even surprising. — Why am I not surprised by this? Why are you admitted to the hospital?
— I got shot in the thigh, nothing else. If Winry didn't have my automails, I would have already left here. — Al didn’t even bother to reprimand his brother, apparently feeling as defeated as Roy himself.
Speaking of the devil, Winry appeared at the door, looking much like Roy remembered from years ago, except she was clearly older and had longer hair. The girl carried Fullmetal's two prostheses, looking in a bad mood.
Is this girl the one who caused so much destruction in the hospital? God…
— Ed! I finished the automails! — Winry walked right past Mustang and Hawkeye, placing the prostheses on the bed, taking advantage of all the space Edward was unable to use. — I didn’t have all the materials I needed, so they’ll be less resistant. You need to come back to Resembool as soon as my schedule frees up a bit! Got it, you little idiot?
— WHO ARE YOU CALLING LITTLE, BEAN SPROUT?! — Fullmetal started his tirade, and Roy had to take a deep breath not to set his ears on fire. God, this brat is annoying!
It took a long time for those two to stop fighting. Roy couldn’t hold back his surprise when he saw the girl hitting Fullmetal with a wrench, but after a while, this event seemed to become more normal and began to seem almost natural, especially when Al stepped in every time it seemed like it would go too far.
— Alright… Let’s put on these prostheses. Al, you’ll have to help me today. — Winry began arranging things, and when she was satisfied, the girl turned to Roy and Hawkeye with a judgmental look. — What are you still doing here?
— Hm? What?
— Ed has to take off his clothes for us to attach the automails… — Winry said in a somewhat ironic tone, as if it were obvious why Roy had to leave. Is the boy shy now?
— What’s the problem with me staying? — Roy asked with a bit of sincerity; he was really curious about how the automail connection worked, but the question seemed to infuriate the girl…
Despite being a Colonel and State Alchemist, Roy fled as soon as he saw the girl from the Amestris countryside holding the wrench still stained with Fullmetal’s blood. He was still a man with a desire to live.
To be honest, Roy was surprised that he was the only one kicked out of Fullmetal’s room. Hawkeye remained inside until she came out accompanied by the Elric brothers and Winry. She stayed close, watching the two boys repair the hospital just like someone inspecting a construction site.
Why did Roy feel like he was missing something?
4 - Military Lodgings
A few weeks after the hospital incident, another confusing situation arose. It has been several days since Fullmetal was admitted to the Military Lodgings. The boy had been on the waiting list since joining the army, and until recently, there had been no vacancies. That was until five days ago.
Roy gave the Elric brothers a few days to settle into their new room. Now they are no longer literally homeless. Even though the accommodations are simple and without many luxuries, they should be sufficient for them.
Now, why is this relevant to Roy? The answer: It’s not relevant.
The truth is, Roy simply can't stand seeing any more paperwork in front of him. He really can’t tolerate it; if he sees even one more paper, he might throw himself in front of the first car or carriage he sees. So, what better time than this to make a little visit to his subordinate?
The military dormitory doesn’t have a gender division, but the soldiers try to organize themselves as best as possible, so the floor where Edward lives is almost entirely inhabited by women. His presence on this floor must have been a decision made based on the brat’s age.
Between a child and an adult man, it’s normal for women to feel more comfortable with the former.
Since it’s work hours, few women are present on the floor, going from one place to another. Some leave the shared kitchen with plates of food, while others are just relaxing in the common room, watching some random program on TV.
Roy gets a few glances, but he’s mostly ignored by the majority of the women. This is not a problem; it’s better to avoid encounters with coworkers. That’s rule number one in the Bachelor’s Handbook!
Getting back to the reason for his visit, Roy knocks twice on the door without getting any response. He can hear some unidentified noise coming from inside the room, which indicates that Edward simply didn’t hear him. Roy has two options: give up and return to the paperwork (which he absolutely will not choose, even if he has to melt this doorknob) or try to open the door and hope it’s not locked.
The second option was chosen almost instantly, of course. Luckily for Roy, the door is unlocked, so he simply enters the surprisingly organized room (except for some books that are neatly scattered on a desk in front of him, probably one of Fullmetal’s research projects, and some clothes on the bed... are those women’s clothes?). Now that the Colonel is inside the room, it’s clear the noise from before is coming from the bathroom. The brat is taking a shower, which is why he didn’t hear the knocking.
Apparently, the kids settled in quickly. Which is to be expected; they’re used to a nomadic life, so adaptation isn’t a challenge for them.
— Fullmetal?
There’s a humming coming from the bathroom. The door to the room is ajar to let the steam out, which is normal. When Roy lived in this same building, he also showered with the door open to prevent moisture from causing mold in the bathroom, as there are no windows in this particular room (Roy and Hughes had a theory that the lack of windows was to prevent soldiers from being assassinated while they were on the toilet, but it’s just a stupid theory).
— Fullmetal? Can you hear me? — Roy was ready to approach the door and clap to get the brat’s attention, not wanting to look inside the bathroom and see something that shouldn’t be seen while the boy is completely dressed. But before Roy could do that, the room door opened.
Alphonse appeared carrying a paper bag. For a long moment, they stared at each other in confusion, but Alphonse looked from Roy to the bathroom door (it’s easy when the Colonel is just a few inches from the doorframe) and then his red eyes glowed more intensely.
— Colonel? — Alphonse put the bag on the first surface he found, walking toward Roy. For some reason, there’s this sense of impending danger that Alphonse shouldn’t know how to emit, but still does very successfully. — What are you doing at the bathroom door while Ed is taking a shower?
Roy doesn’t even have time to respond before Alphonse grabs him by the collar and throws him out of the room as if the Colonel were just a bag of trash...
It took a few days for Alphonse to decide to listen to what Roy had to say. Everything was explained in whispers. At least the younger Elric brother seemed embarrassed for jumping to such a strange and hasty conclusion so easily (shouldn’t he know Roy’s true character by now?), but in the boy’s defense, apparently, this scenario is quite common during the kids’ travels. However, instead of a trustworthy adult just trying to notify Fullmetal of his presence in the room, there’s usually a genuine pervert.
Roy will have to investigate this further. How is this a common scenario?
In any case, Roy also pulls Fullmetal aside and reiterates that one of the rules of the Military Dormitory is that civilian visitors are not allowed. The boy looks very confused by this reprimand, but Roy is certain he saw a skirt lying on that bed. Winry must have been there for a few hours earlier and forgot the clothing. The Elric brothers are lucky that Roy is much more lenient than Mrs. Becker, the head of the Lodgings.
Even though he appears confused, Fullmetal doesn’t argue or protest about the reprimand, merely shrugging and returning to his brother.
These two brats give Roy constant headaches, but at least they’ve started to listen to him.
5 - Infiltration Mission
When Roy saw the requirements for this infiltration mission, he had the urge to burst into laughter and roll on the floor, especially when he saw who was demanded for the mission.
It's a simple infiltration mission, where a drug trafficking network has settled in a girls' boarding school. It's an idiotic problem that lower-ranking officers would solve in a few days, but because the daughters of some high-ranking military personnel study at this school, the military decided to take action.
For this mission, the higher-ups demanded that Fullmetal infiltrate as Leona Weber, a 14-year-old girl. The brat is going to freak out so much!
It took a long time for Roy to calm down and ask Lieutenant Hawkeye to call Fullmetal for a meeting. Fortunately, the brat took a good while to arrive, so Roy managed to calm down a bit more and appreciate the irony of this mission.
— What do you want, bastard? — Edward finally arrived, as usual followed by his younger brother.
— I have a mission for you. — Roy couldn't afford to delay explaining the mission, not knowing if he could hold back his laughter. — You'll have to infiltrate. There's a report of a drug trafficking network at a prestigious Boarding School.
Without waiting for Roy to extend the folder, Fullmetal takes the document and starts reading what's written quickly. There's no emotion on his face, but Roy knows he must be boiling inside.
— Since when is selling weed in a school of interest to the military?
— Since the daughter of an Amestrian Army General was caught smoking that weed. — The response comes automatically, and Fullmetal seems torn between finding it funny and being outraged by the choice of cases investigated by the military. — Your disguise will be as Leona Weber, a 14-year-old girl with a leg amputation, daughter of Anelise Weber, Lieutenant Colonel of the Amestrian Army. The clothes you will wear will be provided by the military, and Lieutenant Hawkeye will take you, pretending to be Lieutenant Colonel Weber. You will begin the infiltration tomorrow.
There's a long silence. Roy expects an explosion that never comes. Fullmetal seems genuinely calm about it and returns the folder to the table, rolling his eyes at the Colonel's explanation.
— Don't let them forget the damn gloves this time, they always forget the gloves. — Edward shrugs and turns to Lieutenant Riza, asking about the schedule and if she would be the one delivering the mission's clothes. — If you've said everything you need, I'll be going now.
With a blink of an eye, Fullmetal disappears from Roy's office, leaving him puzzled about what just happened... Well, he's the only one surprised; all the subordinates act as if this is completely normal.
He’s definitely missing something, especially when Edward returns from the mission two days later, and a large part of the clothes he used in the infiltration and were supposed to be donated are missing from the suitcase... What the hell would he do with a leather skirt?
+1 - Military Ball
Every year, there are at least five military balls, most of them for high-ranking officers to make connections and brag about their achievements. However, there is one ball that is different, at least in its intended purpose.
The Spring Ball is focused on military personnel bringing their families to enjoy a night of fun. The use of military uniforms is prohibited, but many of the more decorated officers wear their medals on their expensive suits.
In any case, this is the first time since joining the army that Edward Elric doesn't have a plausible excuse to avoid this ball, so he will be forced to attend. Roy can use this to his advantage, but he is still concerned.
Edward Elric is a boy with a terrible personality, which is good when he’s on combat missions. However, in situations like a family party or when there is a need to socialize, it's a terrible thing, not to mention his style choices.
Roy knows the style; it's much more common in Aerugo but became popular many years ago and fell out of use even before Roy entered the Military Academy. Despite being considered sinister and antiquated, Edward seems to love this style, much to Roy's chagrin.
Buildings with gargoyles and skulls, a gothic style that Roy finds sinister and morbid. Besides the constructions, this style is also evident in the clothes he wears. All of them are weird, and the moment Roy learned that the young man would attend the ball, he had to speak privately with Alphonse and Hawkeye, the only people Edward would listen to, even if only sometimes.
— Please, don’t let Fullmetal wear something of his taste to the ball...
Even trusting the two of them, Roy still feels uneasy. Were they able to control Fullmetal’s questionable tastes? If they managed, is it a tasteful and expensive suit? Fullmetal is so stingy he might as well wave goodbye with a closed fist...
Roy approaches the bartender and orders a glass of wine, deciding there is no more room to worry. If something goes wrong, there is no solution left; he can only trust that everything will go right.
The ball is still in its early stages, so many people are arriving in the hall, making it noisier and more crowded. Imagine his surprise when, suddenly, Lieutenant Hawkeye simply appears next to Roy, wearing a beautiful light green dress. It’s a bit straighter at the waist, with no kind of neckline. The little volume the dress has comes from a fabric Roy cannot name, but it is light and creates various drapes. It's a lovely dress for a beautiful woman.
— Lieutenant Hawkeye? — Roy can barely contain his shock when the woman appears beside him as if she had teleported. — Did you come with the Elric brothers?
Without waiting for a response, Roy starts searching for the Elrics in the crowd, but he finds only Alphonse with a bow tie attached to the bars near his helmet, the most formal thing he could do with the armor.
— Yes, they are talking with Lieutenant Colonel Hughes and Major Armstrong. — Hawkeye points to where Alphonse is, but Edward is not visible in the group. However, if the Lieutenant looks so relaxed, there shouldn’t be anything to worry about, right?
— Right. — Roy turns back to the bar counter and sets his now empty glass down. Feeling a bit calmer, Roy’s mind works better; he can go and make all the connections he intended from the start. But imagine his surprise when, as soon as he starts to move, a child appears as suddenly as Hawkeye in front of him.
There is an uncomfortable silence for a long time. The girl doesn't seem to be more than 12 years old and has a really angry expression. Whose daughter is she? Perhaps Major General Armstrong’s? Would anyone dare to have a child with that woman?
The girl seems older than Roy initially thought, as her hemline suggests she is between 14 and 16 years old. The dress itself is quite voluminous, indicating she must be wearing a crinoline underneath, something that is not very common nowadays. The dress stands out compared to the others, its primary color being a deep red, almost wine-like, with most of the details in black. The dress has some ruffles at the hem, but the focus is mainly on the lace and drapery. Of course, the dress had a neckline, but the tailor added more fabric and created a high collar. The sleeves are wider and draped with intricate lacework. The whole dress screams drama and sinister... It's almost like seeing Fullmetal as a girl...
Fullmetal... as a girl...
Roy blinks slowly and looks more closely at the girl's face. There is well-done makeup, but it's light enough to be considered appropriate for a child. The blonde hair is styled elaborately, with loose curls and a black accessory with a discreet skull pinned at the top of the head. And as if it were there just to confirm everything for Roy, the girl wears a necklace with a medallion bearing the Flamel symbol that Fullmetal carries on the back of his red coat.
— Fullmetal? — The girl glares at Roy even more grumpily, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
— Why didn’t you warn me that those two human aberrations would be here? I would have made sure to hide. — When the girl opens her mouth, Fullmetal’s high-pitched voice fills Roy’s ears, making him shiver with the confirmation that the weird girl is indeed his subordinate.
— What the hell, Fullmetal? Why are you in a dress? What were you thinking? — Fullmetal seems confused by the reprimand, glaring at the grip Roy keeps on her arm and looking indignant as if it were a huge audacity for him to complain about her choice of attire.
— What do you mean? The invitation said the dress code is that women wear dresses and men wear suits. How did you want me to come? Naked? You damn pervert! Now let me go!
— Yeah! The WOMEN wear dresses.
— And what am I, a wall? Let go of my arm, you fucking bastard! — Fullmetal finally escapes Roy's grip, quickly moving away and partially hiding behind something shiny: Alphonse. While all this happens, Alphonse appears behind Edward, and Hawkeye returns to stand beside Roy.
— What is going on here, Colonel? — Alphonse asks in the most neutral tone he can manage, but there’s a clear indicator that the younger Elric is hiding his true emotions, as he looks at his older sibling with that strange gleam in his eyes. — Sister? What did you do to irritate the Colonel?
The question leaves the already not-so-calm Edward furious, starting a huge argument that is completely ignored by everyone in East City, who are well aware of the reputation of these two. As the argument between the siblings intensifies, Hawkeye looks at Roy questioningly, probably having seen the whole scene. She doesn’t need to say anything to get the information she wants from Roy.
— Lieutenant Hawkeye, what does this mean?
— What do you mean, sir?
— Why is Edward Elric wearing a fucking dress?! — He forces himself to speak more quietly, not wanting to draw attention from anyone at the ball, especially now that everyone is enjoying the orchestra’s music. Hawkeye looks at him with a strange expression, as if wondering if he’s drunk (which, as amusing as it is, isn’t an uncommon expression for Hawkeye).
— Edward Elric? — Hawkeye asks, confused, looking at the siblings and then back at Roy. — Sir... that’s not Fullmetal’s name.
— What? — Roy turns to Hawkeye, feeling shocked. This isn't the tone she uses to mock him; it's actually a very calm and factual tone, the one she uses to share undeniable facts. Shortly after, he realizes the sound of the Elrics' argument has disappeared. The two kids are now silent and staring at him, just like Riza. — What do you mean?
— Are you crazy? I heard syphilis can cause madness in people! — Fullmetal’s voice draws his attention, leaving him even more confused, so much so that he can’t feel angry at the offense (he will later, when he realizes what the kid said). — Wait... you really think I’m a guy? How many years have we known each other? Four years? You NEVER read my documents?
— What?
— My name is Edwina Elric, you bastard. — Fullmetal says a bit more gently, seeming full of amusement, especially now that he realizes what happened. As soon as Roy sees the devilish smile on this kid’s face, he realizes... this will be Roy’s cross to bear for the rest of his life. — I can’t believe you didn’t read my documents and thought my name was Edward for four years!
For a long time, while Edward (Edwina?) laughs, there is silence among the other two people in the quartet that Roy is now part of. At least there was until Alphonse lets out a sound that strongly reminds Roy of a sigh. He quickly extends his hand to Fullmetal, who immediately understands the message and hands him everything found in the pockets (dresses have pockets now?). Without ceasing to look depressed and defeated, Alphonse takes out a small coin purse and opens it, handing over a large amount of notes to Lieutenant Hawkeye.
— I can’t believe I lost the bet!
— I’m sorry, Alphonse... — Hawkeye smiles softly, counting the money in a miserly manner, clearly teasing the younger one. — I know how obtuse the Colonel can be about some matters...
He can’t quite understand what is happening. He blinks a few times and hears Fullmetal’s laughter grow even louder. A bet? They were betting?
— Can someone explain to me what’s going on?
— It’s exactly what it looks like, sir. We realized you confused Edwina’s gender from the beginning and decided to bet... Alphonse had more faith in you than I did. — Pulling the bag hanging on her shoulder, the Lieutenant puts away the money while Alphonse looks truly disheartened, receiving a few pats from the girl dressed like a damn character from Dracula or whatever literary abomination exists.
— I will never trust you again, Colonel! — Alphonse squeaks indignantly, his soul’s light glowing more intensely in his eyes, as if ready to strangle the adult. — You’re useless even in this! No need for rain!
Such a gentle soul as Alphonse saying this really destabilizes him, forcing him to lean on the bar counter to avoid collapsing to the floor in defeat. Alphonse’s anger makes Edward... Edwina? Laugh even louder, drawing the attention of Hughes and Armstrong (and everyone present in the hall).
— Roy! My friend! What happened? Did it start raining in here? — Hughes approaches with Elicia in his arms. The girl always loved the Spring Ball but is too young to stay up for the entire event, so she often dozes off in her father’s arms during the party. It seems that’s what’s happening now, as she’s even drooling on her father’s expensive suit, Roy’s old friend. — Edwina, now that I notice! You look adorable in that dress, though not more than my lovely Elicia!
— Are you crazy? You spent more than half an hour talking to me and still didn’t notice what I was wearing? Look at the size of this thing! — With a gesture as dramatic as the outfit, the girl draws attention to the dress.
— Sister, don’t act like you hate your dress. You’re the one who chose it!
— YOU chose this gigantic thing! I chose the other one!
— Your first choice was a super low-cut dress! It would be inappropriate even if you were an adult! — Alphonse speaks as if this is a recurring conversation, Fullmetal rolls her eyes and ignores Alphonse, turning her back on him. — Don’t ignore me, sister!
— I’m going to eat, excuse me. — With that, Edwina Elric disappears into the hall, followed by a thoroughly indignant Alphonse.
Roy spends the rest of the night drinking in defeat, his eyes always focused on the newly discovered girl and remembering all the situations where he knew he was missing some fact that now makes much more sense.
If he discreetly took actions to fend off some young men interested in the Elric girl, only Hughes commented, teasing how Roy really seemed like the type of man who is "girl dad"...