Chapter Text
Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz doesn’t know how long he has sat on his couch, staring into his empty house. It’s dark now, but he can’t bring himself to turn on the lights.
Why does he need to? He’s alone and no one’s coming.
Bobby’s still recovering, Athena by his side.
Hen and Karen are still fighting a custody battle that’s finally looking up for them.
Jee-Yun had come down with something, so Chim and Maddie are switching back and forth taking care of her.
Christopher…
Christopher went with his abuelo and abuela when they went back to El Paso. He said it was so he could spend some time with them, but Eddie knows his son better than that. Christopher is still mad at him.
And Buck…
Buck has been a constant in his life for years now. Even when they both had partners, it wasn’t uncommon to find Buck at Eddie’s place. But this thing with Tommy? Eddie’s never seen Buck so excited and happy with a partner.
They haven’t hung out these past two weeks, not since Christopher went to El Paso. No late-night talks over beer. No video game competitions. No movie nights. No bad take-out. No eating out. No recipe trying. No talk about their plans on their next day off.
Even at the station, all Buck seems to do is gush about Tommy or talk about what he wants to do with his boyfriend next.
They’re still fine at their job, still coordinated as they always were, but…
Eddie doesn’t have Buck to himself anymore. Eddie lost him.
He’s never felt this alone.
When did he start taking Buck’s presence for granted? Did Buck only ever come around because of Christopher? Why won’t Buck come now?
His phone has long gone dark, Buck’s number still dialed into the keypad.
Eddie can’t ruin Buck’s relationship with Tommy because he feels lonely.
But why does it feel hard to breathe? Why is his chest constricting?
His mind flashes to an email he received earlier that day, an email that he really should have just replied to immediately, but he hadn’t.
‘Dear Firefighter Diaz-’
‘I am-’
‘Your name has been recommended-’
‘Upon further review of your file-’
‘I am honored to-’
Eddie should have emailed them back and declined the offer. L.A. has been his home for years, and it’s a home that he’s never thought about leaving.
But now everyone has someone but him. Now that his son is back in El Paso and will probably hate him forever…
He wonders if it’s the right choice to move on.
With shaky legs, he stands up from the couch and wanders his house, thinking about the past seven years of his life here. The living room, the kitchen, the bathroom…
His bedroom.
Eddie runs a hand across the wall where holes once resided. That had been a spectacular mess, but why does he feel more hollow now than that night and the days that followed?
Right. Because he had someone then. His son had called for help. His best friend had rushed over and given Eddie the support he needed to get through it.
His best friend had helped him patch his walls both physically and emotionally.
A sob escapes him unintentionally.
No one will be there to help him patch them up this time.
=======================
For all of Eddie’s anger at Shannon for not leaving him a letter, he can barely leave one himself.
His email is sent. His papers are filled out. Moving boxes lean on his wall.
But the blank piece of paper on his desk is the most intimidating thing of all.
It makes him wonder if he’s making the right decision.
He pushes past it though. He’s not needed here. He’ll just end up ruining one thing or another. He’ll be closer to his son this way.
But why was it so hard to put pen to paper?
Abandoning his task for now, he opens a box and secures the bottom with tape, looking around to see what to pack first.
It’s hard to pick a place to start. Eddie doesn’t remember it being this hard when he moved here, but the past seven years have been…filled to the brim with happiness and joy and family and…
Love.
His eyes wander to the couch and the blankets on its end, the place where Buck spent so many nights.
They wander to the pictures on the wall, snapshots of things he and Christopher have done together as a family unit with Buck over the years.
His feet take him to the kitchen where the Hildy-operated coffee maker Buck had sent as a prank sat.
His hand brushes against the apron Buck had brought over and never took back.
Eddie’s gaze turns to the bathroom where he knows there’s an extra toothbrush sitting behind the mirror for whenever Buck is over.
Then he turns towards his bedroom where Buck used to leave extra clothes in Eddie’s drawer.
Used to.
Because after the last time he stayed over, Buck hadn’t left anything in there since. There are still two extra shirts, an extra pair of pants, extra sweats. and even some extra underwear, but…
There was a time when that drawer had been so filled because Buck was here all the time.
The realization had hit Eddie like a battering ram when he had opened that drawer yesterday. The realization that they had built a family, that Eddie didn’t need to find a mother for Christopher when he already has a second father who loves Chris like his own…
The realization that he loves Buck more than a best friend should and that he wants a family with Buck.
And it had all somehow fallen apart before he even knew it.
Eddie knows it’s his fault. For not realizing sooner, for trying so hard to find something that his parents would approve of when it was right there in front of him, for cheating on Marisol with a woman that looks like a dead wife…
He can only hope he can find someone else to build a family with somewhere else.
And maybe that’s his answer.