Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There is a saying that goes "people only look out for themselves". It's not actually a saying, probably, but it's common sense to think that someone will only care about themselves and the people they're close to. Things like tragedy are often mentioned when it comes to this phenomenon. It's easy to say that you would not lose a wink of sleep because someone across the world is currently dying, starving, or otherwise just having a shitty time. After all, bad things happen all the time. And we have developed the ability to avoid bad things like the plague, in a societal effort to pursue "happiness" and give "tragedy" our backs. Because of this, people will often shy away from accidents or even develop a negative reaction to seeing someone suffering.

To turn someone in trouble into an eyesore is, in a paradoxical way, the epitome of what this globalized society stands for. The more access to information people have, the more diluted our humanity becomes. And the more lonely people turn when they lie to themselves thinking that all they need can be accessed through a touch screen.

To summarize: To get ahead in this life, one has to abandon shame and empathy. Be willing to step on others and you'll go far in life. Feel bad or acknowledge that the way things work is messed up, and you'll become a naysayer and a pariah. Hell, some jobs might even see that you're saying things that you shouldn't and they'll find a reason to add poverty to the number of problems you have. Truly, in this world only the most sadistic cynics win.

"Ummm, I think you got the wrong room." In a hospital bed in Tokyo, a young man saw a girl wearing dark clothes and a cap enter his room. His frown would've made anyone else stop in their tracks, given how naturally unwelcoming it was. But the girl didn't seem at all affected by his mug. Instead, her expression brightened upon seeing him.

"I don't think so, I don't think so at all." Her cuteness didn't stop in her facial features, but instead she moved and behaved in a cute way. Perhaps like a younger girl or with a little too much liveliness to be visiting someone needing to be in a hospital, but her movements were fluid enough that these things were only evident in hindsight.

And for someone like Hikigaya Hachiman, realizing things in hindsight is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen.

The girl took off the cap that kept her long dark purple hair concealed, and she advanced in a way that made Hachiman a little nervous. He'd seen girls behave like this before, high school girls that more often than not wanted to ask for a favor or were about to drag him into something unpleasant. He wouldn't go as far as to say he was wary of girls behaving like this, not anymore at least, but it did give him a sense of deja vu as he wondered if this girl would start calling him "senpai" out of the blue.

Still, the weirdly expectant smile she gave him did help make him feel more uncomfortable.

Okay, calm down. Just because you went through an encounter with a freak does not mean that you'll immediately meet a second one. Life doesn't follow such simple patterns, and it's more likely that the feeling of trepidation comes from how fresh the first encounter is. Or at least, that's what Hachiman tried to tell himself as he felt cold sweat run down his neck as the seconds passed. Now, granted, the girl slowly turned from looking expectant to annoyed. An expression he was more used to facing, but it didn't change the fact that a random girl entered his room and he had no idea of who she was.

"Well?" She asked after what felt like an eternity. It didn't sound demanding per se, but in any other situation Hachiman would've wondered what he had to apologize for.

To be honest, given that he didn't really know what to think, he started to get a little annoyed with her.

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me?! I'm here for you! At least act surprised!" The outburst made him flinch, even though the girl didn't actually start yelling. It was more like a pretend scream. Like someone would do when they are telling a story and use the inflection for emphasis. "Japan's sweetheart is here for you alone, y'know?!"

Hachiman didn't understand. Really, all he knew was that he shouldn't be getting any visitors. Even if it wasn't kind of late. And that the only reason he was even here was because he'd been sliced to prevent a creep from attacking someone.

Was this girl the target of that guy? The apartment complex they were in was indeed a somewhat luxurious one, and he wouldn't be surprised if someone with money lived there to keep a low profile. But the girl's sudden antics still didn't make sense to him. With no cameras, no people dressed sharply ready to force him to sign anything, and basically no warning whatsoever, all he could do was stare with his mouth agape. Waiting for things to make sense.

"I'll call security." He finally made up his mind and turned to the side, looking for the buttons that would call someone to the room.

"Wait, don't do that!" The girl rushed to the side of the bed and grabbed hold of Hachiman's hand, completely red in the face and very panicked. "It's me! You know, me! Ai-chan!"

Having her so close and finally giving Hachiman some context kicked up his brain.

"...From B-Komachi?" Hachiman pulled back his hand just in case she was another psycho after all. She did look like the idol she claimed to be, but seeing her in person was a bit weird.

After all, famous people basically live in an entirely different world from the common folk.

"He heh! You took your sweet time. But that's right! Everyone's favorite idol has come to pay you a visit! Isn't it exciting?!" She struck a pose that made it all click. The motion was too fluid, too perfectly fitting for her alone that it left no room for further doubt.

Hachiman's heart fell.

"But… The doctors said there were no complications."

"...Eh?"

"How… Am I actually dying ? What the hell? Did I get an important organ punctured? Those assholes said I was lucky, I knew that no one could be that thick in the head that…"

"No, no, no! You're not dying? Why would you think that?!" The idol's face drained of all the blood it previously had as she looked at Hachiman with a lot more panic. She got a little closer to him, almost to the point that he could feel her breathing and pointed at herself. "It's me! I'm the one you saved! You being here is because you saved my life!"

Oh.

Hachiman blinked a couple of times, his thoughts having halted completely as he took in her words and fully comprehended them. Scares aside, putting a face and a name to the person he benefited felt… Nice. Bleeding on the floor, enduring the pain of being cut in the struggle, all he had was the vague hope that he'd made a difference. That he'd taken the fall for someone else that would be none the wiser. The little blond brat with weirdly knowledgeable ways to stop his bleeding while an ambulance came had been the closest to a real person to put his hopes on, staving off the cold and all the regrets he'd wanted to amend by going to that place to begin with.

Was it pathetic that he'd not want to think of her in his final moments? That he'd rather hope for someone to feel indebted to him, someone he'd never met or would ever care about, instead of facing his own shortcomings?

"Ummm, Hikigaya-san?" The idol's voice brought Hachiman back to reality. She'd tilted her head with some worry. She probably didn't know what to do or say, and the prolonged silence after the poor reception probably helped to screw up the script she made for herself even more.

Hachiman cleared his throat.

"I'm fine." He let one of his hands drop on the bed for emphasis. "As you can see."

"I'm so glad." The idol smiled warmly."I don't know what I'd do if that wasn't the case."

The contrast between her previous excited demeanor and the quieter, warmer one from now almost felt like he was talking to two different people. Logically, he understood that people in the show business put up a front. They made their personas a product that people would want to buy, because otherwise they'd not make it in the industry. Not too dissimilar to artists, or even cooks and people that make things. Still, there's no wonder why Hachiman didn't immediately recognize her. The difference would've broken the illusion to any fan, even though Ai was simply showing empathy like anyone else would.

There's a reason why idols are called that. Although the meaning has changed, the people from today will still worship theirs as something above themselves; just like the people from history.

"I'd like to think my family would at least get some cash for my death." Hachiman looked away as he tried to lift the mood the only way he knew. It came without saying, but the borderline morbid stuff that got out of his mouth did the opposite. Although he wasn't the same awkward teen that Hiratsuka-sensei picked on, some things are really hard to change. And he'd be hard-pressed to say he had a way with words like more outgoing people do.

"I… You… Well, I mean…" Seeing this girl choke on her words made him feel even worse. It's one thing to ruin the mood with people he already knows. One way or another, the awkward chuckle and moving on to a different topic made him wanna die. But in a less serious, and more familiar form than this. Because it was all metaphorical. He knew that his actions had meaning, especially to the one that benefited from them. "Ahahaha… That's not something I should discuss! But if I call Ichigo-san maybe…"

"I'm messing with you." Hachiman interrupted her with the flattest tone he could muster. He'd spare her the awkwardness and make himself be just an ass, because he didn't want to admit he didn't know what to say to her. And, if he was lucky, that'd encourage the idol to leave sooner.

He gained what he wanted, and probably gave her what she wanted too. He'd treasure the knowledge of knowing who he helped for as long as he remembers that he almost died. There was nothing else for her to do in this room.

"Huh? Oh, jeez! You don't have to be so mean, y'know~?" Her reaction felt a lot more practiced now. A bit out of tune with the seriousness of the situation, like she'd been given a pass to stop thinking about depressing stuff. Or maybe she just wanted to salvage the mood? Still, Hachiman couldn't help but praise her professionalism. No wonder she's so successful, she could squeeze some charm from almost anything. "And here I thought it'd be nice to meet my hero one on one, hmp!"

"Really…"

"What's with that face? You don't believe me?" The idol put her hands on her waist and puffed her cheeks. If she was actually mad, Hachiman couldn't tell. He doubted it, but the mixed signals felt a little too much for him. Maybe it was the time recuperating, or how suddenly this was happening. But he wasn't in the right place to actually squeeze out the intent behind her every action.

"This is just my face, Ai-san. I've been told it's not very welcoming at the best of times." Hachiman pushed himself back a little bit, without actually having to move his whole body further to the other side of the bed.

"If you think you can trick me, I…" The idol grabbed Hachiman's chin, making him flinch as she moved his cheeks with her thumb and index finger. She played with his face for a few moments before her expression yet again changed to one of confusion. "Hmm?"

She touched his face with both hands, and by this point Hachiman was trying to get swallowed by the bed. As he couldn't move further with the idol so close to him. She moved his eyebrows and the corner of his eyes with an increasingly confused expression. No, not confused. She was getting tired of trying to find something in his face that wasn't there.

When she released him, he frowned before relaxing his features to speak.

"Are you done?"

"Oh, wow. That's your neutral face? Are you alright?" She gave him a bit more space, tilting her head while asking. "I know this is our first meeting, but if something's in your mind you can tell me. It's the least I can do. I'll defend your secrets with my life!"

"Please don't."

"I… Well, you're not making this easy at all." Once again, she pouted. But this time she also crossed her arms and turned a little to her right, showing her annoyance with her whole body. "This should be a nice and heartwarming meeting. It's alright if you want to be all over me, y'know?"

"What did you say?"

"I mean, I know. This is not idol material." Ai continued speaking, ignoring Hachiman's stunned question, as she pulled on the sides of her baggy sweater. "But I can't exactly roam around the city in my costume, we'd have reporters all over us. Is this side of me really so disappointing?"

What is this? Is there a hidden camera somewhere? Why did this girl even barge into Hachiman's room and start yapping like this?

"Well, sorry for not being excited under medication. It's kind of hard to match your average fan under painkillers meant for recuperating from being stitched back together." Hachiman didn't actually know whether he'd been dosed enough for his mood to become duller, but he really doubted this idol knew either. He had indeed felt sleepy a couple of days, but he'd never been someone to get overly excited to begin with. So that could very well be the truth.

The girl stayed still, falling silent like she'd been turned off completely. Hachiman gave her time to take in their surroundings, as if it wasn't necessarily telling. He didn't know whether she was this clueless or if she'd focused on her bit so much that she forgot how different a hospital can be from a stage. Which, granted, is something people don't often think about. But it felt as though she hadn't had anyone have to be in a hospital to act like this. Or perhaps her work had already overcome her common sense like the internet says happens to most celebrities.

Hachiman couldn't help the sigh that came after the prolonged silence his words caused.

"Thank you for coming, Ai-san. I'm glad you're safe." Hachiman would've offered her a smile, but that would probably ruin the moment even more. At least this way, he wouldn't feel like he was pushing her away because he was too dense to take her gratitude. It's easier to think of her as an idol selling her product rather than a person whose life had been in danger for reasons outside of her control. "If you could get me something signed by you, that'd be great. My little sister would love it."

"Eh? Well, I can. But what does that have to do with…?"

"Great. Now, can I rest. It's kind of late." Hachiman interrupted her again, this time putting a bit more force in his words.

Ai looked honestly disappointed when she realized she was being shooed away.

"I… Guess it's too much excitement too soon, eh?" She gave him a practiced smile but it didn't quite stay.

"You can say that." Hachiman sighed.

"Well… I hope I made your stay brighter…" The girl looked around the room. There was no decoration around, no flowers or anything. "You… Mentioned a sister?"

Hachiman gave her an honest smile now.

"Hikigaya Komachi." Hachiman chuckled as the girl's eyes became a little wider. "Funny coincidence, huh."

"Yeah! It'll be difficult to forget!" She jammed a hand forward, pointing at him. It felt as though she was stuck giving a show. "If that makes you happy, I'll make it happen!"

"Thanks." Hachiman got comfortable on his pillow. "That'd be nice."

"I'll… Hmmm… I'll let you rest." The idol finally dropped her act when she realized Hachiman was getting ready to go to sleep. "Good night, Hikigaya… San. Have a pleasant dream."

He half expected to promote herself again, but neither the tone nor the vibe she was giving fit that side of her. Again, it felt warmer. But Hachiman couldn't say for sure how or why. Lowering her voice wouldn't cause that by itself.

He sighed once more when he was left alone again.Twice he'd put himself in danger now, and twice it'd have made a cheerful girl suddenly appear in his life with their perception of him warped completely. Yuigahama, he could understand. But the sheer distance between himself and someone like Ai was just too big to comprehend. It gave him bad vibes. Especially with something like a creepy fan going to end her life.

Back then, had she called the ambulance? The police? Had it all been her, or did someone else do it for her? It made him worry, because such a close encounter with the ugly side of her life meant opening his eyes to it in its entirety.

Did she have someone to come with her? Did no one follow her? He didn't even consider himself a fan, but instead his mind started seeing her as just another person who'd been attacked for a reason Hachiman did not understand.

He had been bullied, he had been left behind. He hadn't had someone go up to him and try to stab him because he was a human and they didn't want him to be.

He should've played along with her bit, let her pretend to be another product. At least this way, Hachiman wouldn't feel connected to another scared human being in the dark jungle called life.ungle called life.

Chapter Text

Who would've thought that almost getting killed could boost someone's popularity up to the sky? And not in the sense that it wasn't something people aren't interested in. Of course it's a hot topic, especially if it's someone already famous like B-Komachi's Ai. The idol quickly found herself in the news, being invited to commentary shows, and even got people invested in horror stories of other famous people being stalked or outright suffering from violence.

No, the point laid elsewhere. Because technically, the group was on "time off" so that their star singer could recuperate from the shock and could find somewhere else to feel safer living in, with some people even arguing over whether she actually got injured or not. It felt like she'd been catapulted into more work while the rest of the group got nothing but secondary mentions, or even rare appearances on one show or another where they'd try to tell whatever they knew about the incident. Even though it was stated outright that they had nothing to do with it, nor were they even aware of what happened for the first few days afterward.

Ai, as a brand, was more successful than ever. And while Hachiman stayed confined to his hospital room, he had to wonder whether he felt annoyed at this outcome or the fact that there was virtually nothing else to watch while he decided to replay the same game in his console for the 10th time in the week.

Engaging in social media was out of the question, of course. He didn't have enough flesh and bone friends to use them in any meaningful way, and he didn't want to see his feed bombarded with more idol stuff than the TV itself offered. Frankly, if he'd been visited by Ai's company, or shareholders, or whatever the guys calling the shots on her public persona are called, and was offered a ridiculous amount of money to never get himself involved with anything remotely connected to him, that'd have been fantastic. At least better than having everything else eclipsed by her!

There's only so much content and so many times that the most popular songs of the group can be repeated before someone goes insane. Hell, at this point he wondered if he had indeed died and this was some sort of demented punishment for his sins!

He wished at least Komachi was around to distract him. She wouldn't immediately freak out about his condition, given that she already knew. And her one-sided talk would at least have him keep paying attention so he didn't fall into this limbo state of boredom and being half-asleep.

Hell, even a nurse or a doctor would be well-received. If nothing else, he could—.

The door opened swiftly but silently, letting a girl with baggy and discrete clothes in before she stealthily closed it behind herself.

"He he he… Infiltration… Complete!" She stage-whispered as she did a small fist bump and smiled brightly at him. "Heya~. It's me!"

No damn way.

"What are you doing here again?" Hachiman couldn't help uttering in disbelief. He pressed his lips tightly and screwed his eyes shut, as if denying the reality in front of him would do anything.

"Why… You don't look very surprised." She spoke innocently enough, but Hachiman still heard the corporate tone she so easily fell back to.

"Tsk. I AM surprised." Hachiman opened his eyes while speaking.

"Why would you click your tongue then?!" Her reaction felt kind of weird. Like, not outright out of a comedy bit. But rather, it felt as though she was behaving like they'd known each other for a long time. And that obviously wasn't the case. "I made time to come here, y'know?!"

"I, well, why would you do that?" Hachiman sank a little on his spot. Already annoyed by the continued non-yelling that the idol did. He'd be grateful that she didn't straight up raise her voice with surprise. But it still pissed him off quite a bit.

"To see if you're alright? Because I wanted to see you? You must be quite bored, stuck here all the time. So I thought it'd be nice to keep you company for a bit." She looked kind of annoyed, but didn't roll her eyes or actually gesticulate to show her emotions. Instead, she just talked like she was trying to chew him for having her answer the question. Which, contrary to what most would believe, didn't actually piss Hachiman off more. Instead, it made him fall into a bit of silence.

"I thought I told you how to get even?"

"Oh, well yeah. But, like, that's beside the point! A gift is a gift, but you can't use it while still stuck here. Right?" She stretched her arms to illustrate the point, showing the room walls and how sterile it all was. "So, me. I was told you only get two other women to visit you. And I was, like, really? But then I was told only women visit you, so that's kind of funny. I guess your mom and your sister really care for you, huh."

Hachiman looked away.

"Dad's taking one for the team and working extra hard so they can visit." If nothing else, Hachiman respected the old man's sturdiness. Coming home even later than usual, sometimes not even to his wife and daughter because they'd stayed in Tokyo to visit Hachiman for the whole day… It took grit. He even called a few times, so Hachiman couldn't hold it against him. If anything, he felt bad for the Hikigaya patriarch. Cutting off his precious time even more due to Hachiman's idiocy.

He deserved so much better.

"Oh, that makes sense. You have a cool dad." The idol looked around while talking, unwittingly or not diminishing the weight of her words. She approached the bed and sat on the edge, making Hachiman have to move away to put some space between them. "Relax, you don't have to be so self-conscious. No one's watching."

"You don't know that. Someone could've followed you here to get some spicy gossip." Hachiman pointed at the TV. "You're all everyone cares about nowadays."

"Oh, you've watched me?!"

"There's nothing else to do here." Hachiman replied flatly.

"Oh, at least you're not bored." She leaned in to kind of touch his shoulder with her elbow, but the position was too awkward and she just sort of hit the air instead. She didn't look bothered by it, probably only meant to do the motion like this anyway. But it still felt kind of weird how familiar she got out of the blue. "Am I right?"

Hachiman looked away.

"...Right?" The idol repeated, this time with a lot less self-confidence.

"It gets tiring after a while." Hachiman confessed in the most uncaring tone he could muster.

"That can't be it! I put so much effort in every appearance, and everyone's always so into it. Have you seen my fansites?"

"Umm, no." Hachiman didn't know how to say this in a roundabout way. And somewhere along the line he lost the energy necessary for it. So he just spoke as it was. "I'm not a fan. I don't follow idols, or celebrities and all that."

"Oh, well. But you have your favorites, right?" The idol insisted, pivoting with so much confidence that Hachiman could see how everyone was kept entertained whenever she appeared.

Not really. It just felt as though she had experience in talking, which was a funny thing to note while thinking how much better it'd be if she wasn't there, making things awkward.

"I mean, if I'm forced to choose…"

"Really? But it's not just about the music, the aesthetic, the themes! Following an idol is about passion! It's a community, it's…"

"I don't belong in such circles." Hachiman interrupted her. "Do I look like someone who belongs in… Anywhere, really?"

"Well, I wouldn't judge someone based on appearances." Said the idol with a lot of fans that fell squarely on the ugly side due to the business she partakes in. "But I'd think a community would be glad to welcome you in. At least I'd love for my fans to be like that."

That… Didn't answer the question. Not really.

"I don't do big groups." Hachiman said neutrally. She was tiptoeing around the topic, and Hachiman found no reason not to do the same. After all, she was indeed starting to succeed in entertaining him. And this side of her helped him to forget all the things left unsaid between them. All the things that they both probably actually wanted to talk about.

It wasn't his place to ask for her wellbeing, and she probably would be better off without revealing more to just a random guy recovering from being stitched up. They lost nothing but some time going back and forth like this.

"Really? I'd think you had a lot of friends and knew a lot of people." The idol tilted her head, saying it with such a straight expression that Hachiman almost believed her.

"Yeah, right." Hachiman did his own version of an amused sound. Not quite laughing, but it didn't come out as his usual scoff either.

"Really! I just think you're a very cool person."

"I am, but that's strange coming from someone working on showbiz." Hachiman did scoff this time around.

"Well, yeah. Everyone's great. They're kind, attentive. I've met some pretty cool people." Her smile changed a little, or maybe her eyes unfocused in the "here" and carried her all the way to a place Hachiman didn't know about, somewhere he couldn't follow. Then, she returned. And her smile was dedicated solely to him. "But you're pretty nice yourself. That's why I'm here. I like nice people like you."

Now Hachiman frowned.

"You're mistaking me for someone else."

The idol's expression fell as she looked straight into Hachiman's eyes. She did the closest thing to frowning she could, and then she bounced off the bed and started to walk around the room.

"One of my ba— a guy I know helped me untie our previous interaction." She laughed it off only to become sort of serious again. Hachiman's brows were pressed together even more now. "I get that you're not my fan. I didn't understand it back then, but it was kind of obvious. It's… It doesn't surprise me you're not into… Us, you feel me?"

Hachiman suppressed a sigh. It felt as though the idol was having a lot of trouble getting to the point she wanted to touch.

He didn't help her and just listened.

"So, I was wondering. And I thought and thought about it in the shower for a few days. The toilet too, sometimes but y'know…" The girl was now talking like he wasn't there, and her words started going into a strange place. Had it been anyone else, Hachiman would've called them out on talking nonsense. But something in the way she moved her hands to herself as she paced stopped him. "And… Something doesn't quite feel right. And I think I know the answer, but I still wanna know: Hikigaya-kun, why were you there when Ryusuke-kun came for me?"

Hearing the creep's name cradled like that by his would-be victim made Hachiman feel horrified. It was said so innocently, so carefully. And yet, Hachiman knew that such a thing was disproportionately grotesque. She'd be in the right to curse his name, to avoid it at all cost. Yet Ai did no such thing, and instead spoke of him like a memory she couldn't let go of. Where Hachiman would've given anything to forget, to avoid the stab of pain in the stomach, this girl just kept it by her side like she carried a scar.

He felt sick, but she didn't seem to notice. His breathing failed a little, but only the silence that lingered helped him deal with the utter shock and wild heartbeat that assaulted him.

Dangerous. This woman was utterly dangerous. But in a different way that the guy had been. Hachiman didn't want her to stay in the room any longer, something incredibly wrong was happening in her mind. And his instinct told him to spare himself and just put as much distance from her as possible.

"Hikigaya-kun?" The softness of her voice now brought a different kind of pain. In the confusion of his swimming gaze, and under the odd light of the room, if he was careless he could've mistaken her for someone else. The low tone helped his brain form the connection even more, and a new cold feeling spread through his stomach and heart as he tried not to choke on his own tongue. "Did you know I lived there?"

"No." He wheezed immediately. He didn't think of how the quickness of his answer could paint a picture of him akin to the creep that had tried to stab her, or how not elaborating would make him look suspicious.

The girl didn't seem to mind at all.

"Did you know him? Were you trying to stop him from making a mistake?"

"I have no idea who that guy is."

"Was." She corrected him immediately.

Damn. This girl is a lot more trouble than even the older Yukinoshita sister, huh. They say famous people are not normal, that they're completely removed from the common folk. But Hachiman didn't want to think that it was always like this.

"I saw it on the TV, yes." Hachiman swallowed. It kind of hurt, but he didn't care. He felt breathless and in danger, he hated both feelings.

"Then?" Her voice was sweet but calm. She didn't look like flowers would start growing all around her as she went 'I'm curious!'. But her eyes still looked ready to swallow Hachiman whole. Like she'd waited for this answer for a long, long time. Like her life depended on it.

From the way his heart fought to keep him alive, he didn't have it in him to feel ashamed of his own actions.

"...I was looking for someone." Hachiman looked away first, cringing at how easily he gave up the answer so the girl would stop looking at him like that. "We lost contact. I… I thought…"

Don't tell her you were looking for a 'she'!

"...I thought it was the right place."

"Oh? Oh!" The idol clapped her hands together. "Is that how it is? How unlikely is it that I'd live close to one of your friends?!"

Extremely. Hachiman doubted that she lived in that complex, or else she'd have gotten wind of what happened and would've visited. Or at least, that's what Hachiman wanted to believe. Because thinking that a second time getting his life in danger would warrant at least one visit.

"Yeah, imagine that…" He said without much emotion. He just wanted the idol to move on, because this little exchange was quickly leaving a sour taste in his mouth.

"If I can, I'll make sure to say hi to him… Her?"

"Oh, I don't think I got the right place." Hachiman waved his hand in front of him to dismiss the question.

"Really?"

Hachiman looked at the small pot of flowers beside his bed.

"Oh, of course. You've had no visits. That'd be kind of shitty coming from a friend, huh."

"Right."

"Well, that's why I'm here! I can make you company for…" The idol checked her cellphone. "...Not a lot longer, but hey. It's the thought that counts, right? I can help you search once you're discharged too. I know, why don't we exchange…?"

"Really?" Hachiman didn't really feel confident in having this girl involve herself any more in his life. "You'd do that for me?"

The grin that appeared on her face didn't make him shiver, but it also didn't feel wholesome at all.

"Of course! You're a nice guy, after all." She put her left hand on her heart, her eyes almost shining as she spoke. "I owe you my life, Hikigaya-kun. Don't forget that."

"It's nothing like that." Hachiman scoffed.

"Uh, it is. You survived because the knife wasn't 'meant' for you, so the injury was less… Well, fatal." She spoke about this with such carefreeness that it almost felt like someone else's problem. Like they were talking about someone annoying behind their back. "I wouldn't be so lucky. What you did means a lot to me."

"Anyone would've done it." Hachiman insisted. "Any of your fans. You just gotta half-joke about it. See how many would willingly throw themselves between you and a bullet."

Maybe it was because she started with the morbid topics, but Hachiman didn't feel so bad about saying that. Or maybe he was trying to cope, who knows. At least he felt glad Komachi wasn't around now. Because he'd fear that this girl would quickly get his sister entangled in something bad.

"Oh, that's what we were talking about!" She pointed a finger at him, seemingly realizing something important. "Yes! Any of my lovely fans would've done that for me… But also, some would have tried to attack me to begin with."

Her expression turned dark.

"Yet you are someone who… Not knowing who I was, or why I was being attacked, got in the way. You cared enough about someone you didn't know anything about to risk your life." She smiled again, tilting her head a little as she did. "Aqua helped me realize this but… Hikigaya-kun, you did not save me because it was me. You'd simply have done the same thing if anyone else was in my place."

She walked over to his side, placing her hands on the edge of the bed to lean in close to him.

Hachiman would've gotten to his feet and put as much distance from her as he could if he thought it'd help.

"Why? I don't think you're dumb. So it has to be because you're an exceedingly nice person, right?" She got a hand on the left corner of Hachiman's mouth. Stretching it up and down absentmindedly. Like she was trying to distract herself from something else.

Slowly, almost like he was trying to get to Kamakura without startling the cat, he reached out to her hand to get her to stop.

"Why?" She repeated. And although the tone was neutral, Hachiman could feel the demand for an answer in her gaze.

"People help each other in times of crisis all the time." Hachiman spoke slowly, deliberately making it as impersonal as he could. "You see it all the time in the news, Ai-san. I just did what was right."

"People do?" She asked with some confusion. Like a kid who didn't understand a concept or a complex topic.

"Yes." His answer didn't seem to satisfy her.

"You know, they say that in times of crisis people show their true colors. I think it's like that. I think you're just trying to pretend you're not nice."

"That's a quote from a superhero movie." Hachiman pointed out. "You're quoting an overseas movie."

"Well, yeah. But it has some merits!" The idol pulled back and puffed her cheeks. "You know this. Where are your friends when you need them?"

"I don't have that many." Hachiman deadpanned. "And they don't know I'm in the hospital."

"Eh? Why?"

"I don't want to deal with their questions." Hachiman almost groaned until he realized that it'd be better for her if he didn't spread the news anyway. "It's the best for the both of us, right?"

"Aww, you're thinking about me?" How did she see him talk about the people he knows in an annoyed tone and come to that conclusion. "You're so sweet."

"Sure. Whatever." He scoffed now that the tension had all but gone away thanks to her antics.

"I, umm…" She looked around. But as one would expect, the room was almost barren. "How are you?"

Hachiman let out a single big 'hah!'.

"Don't be like that… I mustered up my courage to ask the things I wanted to know." She fiddled with her fingers while talking, making herself look cute in that way Hachiman was starting to associate with her falling back on true and tested patterns when she was unsure about how to proceed.

"I'd think someone with the guts to stand in front of thousands upon thousands of people wouldn't have trouble talking to some guy confined to bed." Hachiman scoffed, but not in annoyance this time.

"It's a lot more intimate! Doesn't it make your heart flutter~?"

"I don't think that's the right word." More like, make his heart jump. He was already bad at dealing with strangers, and top it with someone who had a different common sense from him and you'd see what happens.

Like, maybe he was getting it wrong. Maybe he wasn't giving the girl behind the celebrity enough credit for the way she carried herself. Sure, in high school he'd have ranted about how blatantly hollow her cheer was. The context mattered, and he'd used it often enough to rely on the cracks that inevitably appeared under enough scrutiny but…

But in high school, he hadn't taken a knife for someone else yet. And, given how life-changing this single encounter had been, he couldn't blame her for coping however she could.

"Did I say it wrong? Doesn't that mean what I think it means?" The girl blinked with a bit of confusion. Cute confusion, but still with enough wonder to let Hachiman know she was actually wondering if she messed up.

Call it a hunch, but it felt as though she had been increasingly more blatant about that gap. About showing where Ai-chan ended and the real actress behind that role started.

"No one would say that in real life."

"I'm told this all the time!"

Right.

"Gotta watch out for those kinds of people." Hachiman sighed.

"Don't worry, Miyako-san came here with me this time. I'll be fine!"

"Wait, you came alone last time?" Hachiman sounded more surprised than he intended.

"Umm, yeah? Ichigo-san wouldn't let me come if I told him, so I had to fool them to make a quick escape and…"

"Are you actually insane?" Hachiman couldn't keep listening to this lunatic. "Didn't you say you wanted to take your time to recover? Feel safer? What?"

"When did I say that?" The idol asked back. "Like, specifically. The question might have a different context…"

"You're a lunatic. You're actually out of your damn mind." Hachiman couldn't help but feel wonder. And here he had thought about how she was actually faring behind all the publicity and re-telling of what should've been an extremely traumatizing event. "What… What is wrong with you?"

The idol pouted, seriously considering the question.

"I don't think we have time for that." She looked at her phone again.

Hachiman was stunned into silence.

Her smile came back.

"But don't worry. I forgot the gift to your sister, so we can maybe talk about this the next time!"

Hachiman called his mom that night, wondering if he could transfer to a hospital in Chiba after all.

Chapter Text

He was gone the next time Ai went to visit. It didn't take her as long as the last time either. She'd made sure to stick to the conditions Miyako–san put up, went and came back quickly even though she didn't get a phone number out of him, and didn't complain about things still not going her way.

She'd been sure this time it'd be different too. She traced her plan of action with Ruby, after all. And even Aqua chimed in from time to time. It should've been perfect. After all, the tips and tricks to a good performance were things she had mastered already. The only way that it could've gone better was with divine intervention.

"Are you sure? Maybe he just changed rooms and you weren't notified." Ai tried to stay calm, think rationally. But it was kind of difficult after her day got soured like this.

"That'd be a difficult mistake to make." The nurse chuckled, checking her clipboard again. "I'm pretty sure Hikigaya-san got out 4 days ago."

Ai's gaze turned to the ground, hiding behind her dark cap while her mind raced with all the things she wanted to say and all the possibilities that suddenly escaped her grip.

"I see. Maybe we missed a text or something." Miyako-san placed her hands on Ai's shoulders, taking the lead to disengage with the nurse. "Thanks for telling us."

"Of course. There can be stressful days, or weeks after all." The two grown up women shared a chuckle before Miyako-san pulled Ai slightly so that they could get going. But Ai didn't really want to.

She still complied, slower than Miyako-san would've liked, but didn't put up that much resistance as they left the hospital.

"That doesn't make sense." She didn't want to complain, but her mood was just right to do exactly that. "I don't get it. Why is he gone?"

"People usually want to get out of the hospital as soon as they can." Miyako-san gave her a knowing look. "Isn't that right?"

Ai pressed her lips together.

"I guess it's kind of boring." She agreed.

"Plus it's not like that's up to the patient." Miyako-san continued as they crossed the automatic door, getting to the street. "If they need the bed, there's not much to do."

"Would doctors do that? Get someone out so they can re-use the place?"

"...If they're ready to be discharged." Miyako-san said after a moment. "Otherwise that'd be medical negligence or something similar."

Ai thought back to the moments she entered labor.

"Why didn't he tell me though?" She murmured, still looking down.

That made Miyako-san stop in her tracks.

"Did you give him a way to communicate with you?" The question was swift and a little choked. It made Ai look at her companion, who was drilling holes on Ai's face with her wide-eyed stare.

"I didn't have the chance." Ai sighed. "I wanted to exchange numbers, but that didn't happen."

Miyako-san still stared at Ai for a bit more before sighing.

"Perfect."

"It's not! I wanted to stay in contact with him." Ai couldn't help complaining, seeing that the woman that had defended Ai's decision to come to begin with be so cold toward the guy that saved her life. "It'd be great if we could become neighbors or something."

"We don't need any outsiders holding sensitive information over our heads, Ai." Getting to the car felt like a sentence. Like, if Ai got inside the guy she'd met would disappear forever. Like a dream she'd eventually forget. Miyako-san still had her enter while talking. "And I'm sure he wants to move on from this as soon as possible. The kid got sliced on the stomach, I don't think that's something anyone would want to remember so vividly."

"I don't think he'd reveal stuff about me." Ai complained as she fastened her seatbelt, looking straight forward while Miyako-san started the vehicle.

"It's not about whether you think that's the case or not, it's about keeping you safe." Miyako-san said without hesitation. "Better safe than sorry."

"You think someone who risked his life for me would try to harm me?"

"I think someone who has some dirt on you would try to take advantage." Miyako-san still didn't hesitate with her answer.

Ai had no choice but to pout again.

"Just think about it: Something that not even the rest of B-Komachi knew blew up to the point of someone coming for you." Miyako-san gave her a side glance before returning her attention to the road. "You're in a position where everything crumbles with the smallest mistake. We can't afford to be lax about this."

Ah. That made sense. Ai knew where Miyako-san was going with that, but she would not give in. Yes, the number of people that knew about her babies could be counted in one hand, and that was counting Ai herself. And among them, there was only one person among them that would realistically not care about keeping it a secret.

So what? As they said, there could be things outside of their control that made all of this happen. Someone could've seen them with the twins, or maybe someone believed forum rumors a bit too much and got hellbent on finding her. Such people can exist, she'd been warned of such.

Of course, there was another person that could be responsible for this. But she didn't think that someone who left at such an important moment would care about doing her wrong like that.

"That might be so, but I had a very good hunch about this."

"A hunch, huh."

"Yeah, I just…" Ai lifted her hands, trying to find the right words to convey what she meant. "Need to understand a bit better. I was very close to figuring him out."

"I'm sure you were." Miyako-san sighed. "But please don't go around threatening everything you've built up. Think of the twins. Can you imagine what would've happened if you died back there?"

"They'd have been fine." Ai murmured. "They're strong and smart."

"They're still kids who need their mother." Miyako-san furrowed her brows. "Would you be alright leaving them behind like that?"

Ai thought back to her mother.

"No."

"Exactly. So please just let it rest. I know I can't imagine how much it meant to you. We are super glad that this guy was where he was, obviously. But… That's it. That's where it all ends. You were lucky this time, and we're more worried about there not being a second time. Okay?"

Ai fell silent for a moment.

"I told my babies I'd repay him."

"Ai, please…" Miyako-san sighed again, this time with more tiredness. "He saved your life. Fine. But, if… I don't know, if a fire had broken out and a firefighter had gotten you out, would you be this worked up about it?"

"I guess?" Ai replied immediately. "I should be thankful, right?"

"Okay, but would you try to reveal your secrets to some firefighter just doing their job?"

"Well, they're obviously nice. I wouldn't feel like they'd try to hurt me." Ai argued.

"Fine. Let's say this guy has a vocation for saving people. That and not having the willingness to hurt someone are two different things." Miyako-san started driving a little slower, being worked up about the topic more than even Ai herself.

"You think so?"

"I know for a fact. It's a job, Ai. It's like the police, you know that they should protect the people but how many times have you seen a movie not portraying them at least somewhat corrupt?"

"You're quoting movies to me now?" Ai pivoted out of the obvious trap.

"It's based on something that people can see and relate to." Miyako-san argued.

"Oh, please. Not even the director would pass that argument here." Ai looked away. "You're just jealous I met a guy that would treat me like a princess before you did."

"I know you're being this defensive because you're not giving up on this." Miyako-san's face twitched as she held back the retort that she had in her mind. "Let me be very clear: I'll have to get on Ichigo-san's side on this. It was cute and nice at first, but I didn't think you'd be this affected by things happening like they're supposed to."

"Affected?" Ai frowned. "I just don't like that…"

"I saw you back there, you know? You looked like someone had died on you." Miyako-san pursed her lips, sounding calmer now.

"I didn't." Ai replied.

There was no reply.

Why didn't they click? What went wrong? Ai thought that making a connection when they were tied by something this big would be easy. Even if they had both their own reservations, surely coming so close to death would make people grow closer. Then again, she'd thought the same about the doctor. Yet that hadn't worked out the way she thought it would either.

Perhaps hospitals brought her back luck?

"I guess you're right." Ai finally sighed. "I should've gone watch a movie with my babies or something. I kind of regret wasting my day off like this."

Miyako-san chuckled at that, and for a bit the ride back became a silent one. Ai watched the people walking down the streets, going about their day without knowing that Ai was looking at them.

What would they do? Would they recognize her immediately if she got her head out of the window? Would they cheer? Chase the car? Would they react badly to her presence and call security?

"It's okay to make some space for yourself from time to time. You're only young once, after all. You'll have a lot more time for them when you graduate." Miyako-san looked happy. Ai didn't know if it was because she was thinking about Ai's career or because she seemed to convince the idol of her point. Regardless, Ai smiled a little herself. As long as Ichigo-san and Miyako-san were by her side, her career would stay in its intended path.

With its ups and downs, at least Ai could build something for herself and her family. And, indeed, when the time came, she'd have a lot less work to keep her away from her children. There was no need to fret about that.

"Actually, can we drop by the convenience store? Let's bring some snacks so the time away is worth something!"

"Okay, okay. Let me just see what's the nearest…" Miyako switched mental gears, changing lanes and looking around while driving at a better speed to turn around. It seemed like they arrived at an understanding until they got off the road and walked into the store.

"Ok, how much can I get for myself?" Ai fixed her cap and walked straight to the aisle with salty stuff. Looking at some of the prices while Miyako-san led her by the arm like they were mother and daughter.

"I'll make an exception this time, just grab whatever you want."

"Thank you so much, best friend!" Ai cheered in her poor version of english while running ahead. She heard Miyako-san sigh while she grabbed stuff.

This was working, so she chose not to go too overboard. Just a couple of extra sweets 'in case the kids weren't satisfied'. And let Miyako-san go to the front to pay while she hung back checking the soda.

When the woman was out of sight, Ai quickly got her phone out and went to social media.

"Hikigaya, Hikigaya, Hikigaya…" In this time and age, being completely hidden away from the rest of the world is nigh impossible. Even for people that don't like to interact with others, they'll at least have an account or two on the net to keep themselves communicated with co-workers, friends, and even people they met online. Ai owed her success in great part to the power of the internet, and thus she turned toward it once again when she needed help.

Miyako-san would never understand. It was part of the reason why she never revealed Hikaru's name even to her. No one, not even the girls of her group, would understand. Ai herself didn't fully get it. It wasn't like she found this guy attractive, or funny, or even similar to her.

Not yet, at least.

But, if she was to find someone like that. If she could grasp at the feeling of kindness, real kindness, maybe she could find something that Ai-chan lacked. Not for profit, or glory, or for the idea that her actions would be rewarded. But because she genuinely wanted to help and be helped. Because those were the feelings she wanted to truly show to her children, to the family she had so painstakingly built.

So that, in the end, she could say 'I love you' for real when it counted.

Chapter Text

Dance practices being a closed-doors affair might be understandable for the idol industry. After all, it made it apparent just how much of the girls appealing to the fans was choreographed. The magic died as people saw their favorite girls practicing their cuteness, robbed of the natural protections that the scenery and teams of people setting the mood provided. It was probably one of the quirks of the job that Ai took advantage of the most, being able to see herself reflected on the wall-sized mirrors in front of her to get to that picture perfect pose.

On the other hand, the end of such sessions was anything but glamorous. The smell and sensation of the sweat of seven girls who'd been under rigorous physical effort for hours on end made things stuffy enough that appearances were the last thing on everyone's mind.

"This sucks!" Ari wheezed as soon as the song rolled to an end, dropping to her knees while lifting her face in an attempt to take in more air. "It stinks… I stink!"

"It's been a while since we got worked to the bone like this…" Niino chuckled weakly, carrying her weight by placing her hands on her knees and trying to take deeper breaths to slow down her accelerated heart.

"Yeah, I almost missed it haha…" Meimei had waddled to the farthest back of the room, placing her back against the wall and letting herself slide down slowly. "But oh, man. I'm almost starting to think that this song was a little slower…"

"Uh-oh. That's probably not good." Ai wasn't any different from them. They had been warned about one week prior that they'd shift gears back into going for a comeback.

Appearing in the TV had been good enough for a while, giving Ichigo-san some time and freed up resources to see what he could do to run damage control on the attempt on Ai's life; but enough was enough. And although the public had maintained interest for a little while longer than expected, the company would not let B-Komachi sink into obscurity due to a lack of idol activities.

The other girls gave half-hearted replies to Ai's comments, some awkward laughs were exchanged but it didn't matter too much to Ai. No, she focused on her own body instead. Her knees shook a little from the effort. Small tremors that made her feel like she'd not be able to carry her own weight sooner or later. And her breathing was so irregular that she almost marveled at how she hadn't just collapsed on the spot.

She should've worked out more strictly as soon as she got notice… No, scratch that. She shouldn't have slacked on it at all!

"C'mon girls, you should've seen this one coming." Takamine coughed a little, trying to put on airs that she was fine when she looked as tired as the rest. "Ai-chan's right: If we're this tired from just our first day back, it's probably not a good sign."

"We're not machines though! It was difficult when we had it down, but now…" Niino's complaint made the other girls agree. Ai didn't mean to frown at the same time, as she struggled to walk toward her water bottle with any amount of confidence but she couldn't help it.

Hmmm… Okay, maybe if she…

"Woah!" Ai let her legs give in and laughed tiredly, making the others only react to the initial hit but kind of making it clear that it wasn't anything serious.

"Yeah, not good." Takamine scoffed, looking at Ai like a mother that saw her child fall on their butt. "C'mon, Ai-chan. You gotta bring out your 120%."

"I'm so thirsty though~." Now that comment? That got her a lot more sympathy. She didn't know whether they laughed at how it looked like she'd been a jerk only to end up worse off for it, or if it clicked that she'd been talking about herself from the beginning. Still, it didn't matter. As Ichigo-san talked to the instructor and gave them a side-glance, Ai made sure that the idea that there was no problem was slowly cemented into the group.

She noticed the lack of concern or interest in how she was doing. The pleasantries didn't go farther than asking about her weekend and stuff like that. For all intents and purposes, the attempt on her life had been put behind by everyone. And so Ai didn't bring it up. It'd be better this way. Especially because she didn't want to think too much about it on the clock.

"..." Getting her phone, she quickly browsed to the page she had open. Finding nothing that she found of interest made her refresh, and after waiting a moment and quickly scrolling down, she still didn't find what she was looking for.

"...Ai-chan…"

She was pretty sure she got the right profile, but she'd met only silence when she sent the friend request. She couldn't exactly go around using a profile showcasing her real identity, but she was very sure that a photo obscuring her face but with the clothes she used to visit him would be a good clue about her identity. She'd have used a picture doing one of her poses in that outfit, but that'd have defeated the point.

"Ai-chan?"

…Should she resend the request? Again?

"Ai-chan!"

"Eh?" Ai turned around, seeing Niino peer over her shoulder with some annoyance. "Sorry, what was that?"

"If you're too tired to talk, at least look the part. Jeez." The brunette clicked her tongue, and Ai sort of flinched at the sound while her fellow idol put her hands on her waist. "I was asking you if you're alright."

"Eh? Yeah, pretty good!" Ai cheered, putting her phone away. "I mean, I'm beat. If I don't wake up tomorrow don't be surprised, but I'm fine!"

"Yeah, yeah. All of us." Niino nodded without much interest ."Well, I guess if you're fine then it's alright. Wouldn't want things to get more difficult or anything."

"I guess…" Ai didn't really understand what Niino was talking about, but she just agreed to avoid making things awkward.

It was probably something that had been said when Ai zoned out.

"Something wrong?" Takamine approached them, quickly scanning Ai sitting on the floor beside her bag, and how Niino had leaned in to avoid yelling while getting Ai's attention.

"I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get home." Ai chuckled, sighing some of the exhaustion out.

"Girl, me neither." Takamine chuckled too. "Feels like the producer is taking revenge for all these weeks without practice."

"Oh, no. That'd be terrible. But I don't think we'd get in trouble because of this." Niino looked away, sort of mumbling the last part instead of speaking out.

There's people that speak slowly and without raising their voice, and there's this. It felt as though the girl didn't fully intend to be heard.

"Yeah, probably not." Ai had to agree, however. It'd be disheartening to be punished for something they had no control over, and the idea had ways to take root very easily. "Yeah, they're always hard on us. But I don't think we're in that sort of black company kind of deal."

"Yeah, the director would've fired Kyun for those messages he got wind of last time." Takamine shook her head. Ai had no idea what she was talking about either.

"She got chewed for it, right? Isn't it normal to let things like these slide?" Niino apparently knew what this was about. So Ai couldn't chime in to ask for clarification.

"It depends, I think. Like everything."

"Maybe if it happened now, it'd be different." Niino added.

Takamine didn't immediately know what to say.

"I… Guess so, yeah."

Even though they avoided looking straight at her, Ai could tell they were doing that on purpose.

"We can't really do anything with our lives, huh." Ai frowned. She was used to the hypocrisy by now. That Ichigo-san had made it part of his job to help Ai juggle her life as an idol and mother was a miracle beyond expectations, and having to let people talk behind his back without defending him kind of sucked; but the plan had been traced for about four years now. She couldn't slip even for a moment.

"We missed our teen romance." Ari added her own voice to the topic, apparently having gotten close to hear what the other three were talking about. "The least they could do is give us more free time!"

"More free time means we'll fall even further in our performance. Look at what a handful of weeks of slowing down caused!" Niino shrugged while shaking her head. "This is real life. Imagine being someone who thinks they'll get a high school romance just because they're pretty!"

"If you didn't fool around with boys then, when will you?" Ari titled her head. "When you graduate? Most people will think you're past your prime by then."

"It's not that far into the future, y'know?" Niino countered. "Some people quit early while they're ahead."

"Not everyone is part of this group, though." Ai managed to chime in again after losing the flow of the conversation.

Niino had a complex expression in return.

"Yeah, not everyone can be the star of the show."

"Dedication, it's about dedication." Takamine hit the back of her left hand with the right one, like someone in one of those court dramas that aired sometimes. "We're expected to perform, and we have to deliver. That's how it works."

"I'm kind of scared of going out with my friends now." Ari frowned while crouching, placing herself between Takamine and Ai. "Nene-chan is kind of boyish and recently cut her hair. If someone sees her from the wrong angle…"

"I don't think anyone would confuse for a boy someone called "Nene-chan" though." Niino said with a deadpan.

"You haven't met her! Plus, I've seen people on the internet speculate that some girls use code names for their boyfriends!"

"Yeah, no. Ari's right. It was funny before, but please. We're turning a page in our careers, let's all be very aware of what we have to do." Takamine did give Ai a side glance now. It wasn't a joking one. "I'm talking for your safety here, girls. If possible, don't interact with guys at all. We don't need another creep getting wind of what we do behind closed doors…"

Ai pressed her lips together.

"Too soon?" Niino asked with a bit of a frown.

"Ai-chan's probably scared." Ari intervened. "There's no need to point out the obvious."

"Yeah, but…"

"Are you dense? Let her deal." Takamine quickly got angry at Niino.

"I… I guess…" Niino looked away.

"It's okay. I'm fine." Ai stretched her lips to the right. "I've had help."

Boy, was there ever an understatement…

"Girl, I've heard of people getting mugged. And I'm pretty sure that was 10 times as scary." Takamine shook her head. "Take your time."

"I…" Ai didn't know what to say. She was used to the hypocrisy. Of not telling them the whole picture. It kind of sucked, but it'd been going on for enough time that she defaulted to retreating even without thinking. "Thanks."

"Just tell me: Was there really a guy involved?" Takamine's question made Ai flinch. She didn't know where she'd have had the idea that…

Oh, right. It was speculated that Ai had been spotted with some guy.

She thought back on her call to the twin's father…

"...No." Ai hugged her legs tightly. "I think… I think he saw me having dinner with Ichigo-san and Miyako-san…"

The silence had made the girls start doubting the answer that she'd give them, but the actual words made them all even more confused. It had been agreed that Ichigo-san could take some of the fall if it came to it; given that they were never alone without someone else. So, no matter how someone tried to spin the story, there would always be proof that at least Miyako-san was by her side at all times.

People could theorize, but only the people that were too hardcore to even be classified hardcore fans would try to pursue that thread.

The girls though? They'd have to come to their own conclusions. It was inevitable. That's why Ai had wanted to finish their first practice session with the feeling that they were tied in their goals.

Alas, she sort of forgot about it to go check her phone.

"That's… Ummm… Y'know…"

"Ai." Ichigo-san called her, phone in hand and a frown on his mug. "A word."

He couldn't have chosen a worse moment for it.

"Coming…" Ai slowly got to her feet and gave her fellow idols a small smile to reassure them. The questions that that small interaction gave them were probably more than the answers she meant to give them, but something felt off about this.

No matter what, she still considered that Ichigo-san was on "her" team after all.

"Sorry I muddied your name back there." Ai started as they got to a different office, intertwining her hands behind her back. It'd make sense that he overheard something, even if not the whole conversation. So she chose to make things clear from the get-go. "Nothing else occurred to me."

"I didn't think you'd be so quick to throw me under the bus." Ichigo-san sighed. "But oh, well. It's your name too. So we're even."

"Really? Then why did you call me here? To make it even?" Ai tilted her head. She didn't think the man would do this out of pettiness. It was his company after all.

"I got a message earlier, and I wanted to know if it rings any bells." He looked at his phone again, and his frown returned. Oh no. "It reads: star-singer of your B-Komachi seems to have been stalking me for a bit now, and I'm a little scared given what's going on. I'd like to ask to the people in charge to do something about this, as I'm sure everyone would be better off keeping these sort of things private. Signed, Hikigaya Hachiman."

Ai couldn't look at herself, but her expression must've been something else because Ichigo-san's features softened when he put down the phone and looked at her.

"Care to explain yourself?"

"I just sent him a friend request on…"

"What did we say about using social media?"

"It's a fake profile. I was gonna delete it after…"

"Ai, c'mon. Let's forget this for a moment and think back to our respective jobs." Ichigo-san sat on the desk behind him and crossed his arms. "I'm your boss, and I'm in charge of you. Our rules about our idols' private lives were very specific already, and we've never had problems about this."

Ai thought back to her babies, to the way Ichigo-san had made the weight of the responsibility a lot lighter than it'd have been. By all means, this wasn't about just being boss and employee, and it kind of felt weird for the man to go that route now.

"I'm aware." Ai looked down, not really knowing how to react. She didn't know whether her mind was blank because of this conversation or because the email Ichigo-san apparently got. He might be lying, maybe he got wind of what she was doing from either Miyako-san or… Maybe one of the kids let it slip. Still, she didn't think he'd be lying to her about this. It didn't suit the situation.

"And your life was at stake because someone got wind of the twins." Ichigo-san continued, his voice turning solemn as he lowered its volume.

"...Yes."

Her answer made him sigh and cover his eyes.

"Ai, we've worked as a team for quite some time already. You're twenty, I'm glad you made it to twenty and I hope you make it to twenty one." The darkness in his voice made him stop. A strange mixture of feelings made his expression change ever so slightly from moment to moment, until he hardened his features and continued. "You've dedicated your youth to this, I know. We've had our ups and downs, our disagreements… Hell, I think calling you out like this falls outside the boundaries of our contract."

"You've been with me when I needed you the most." Ai agreed.

"And… Maybe I got the wrong idea. Maybe somewhere along the line I took you for granted. I thought we had come to an agreement and were moving to a common goal. Sure, Aqua and Ruby are… Something of an exception. I was willing to bet in your favor and it played out well, so maybe I should trust you a little more here. But this guy doesn't even look like them so…"

"Of course not!" Even Ai herself was surprised by how offended she sounded. She reacted a little too easily, a little too soon. She had to reign herself in and press her mouth shut so she wouldn't call the man out on how much that was out of line.

"Right. He's not showbiz material, just some guy that you picked up on the street basically." Ichigo-san sighed again. "Well, it doesn't matter. It's still a terrible idea."

"What is?"

"Ai, you're risking your future here. I… I'm sorry that we pushed you to the front of every page, got you in every news site. But you agreed to it. I thought we both know that in this business, even your despair ought to be sold. I thought we agreed to move forward with a cold heart and with no regrets." Ichigo-san chuckled, hanging his head back as if he felt complete and utter defeat. "I should've attended to your feelings more. I… I don't even know what this is. Imagine if anyone got wind of this? Star idol Ai-chan, the heart of popular group B-Komachi, stalking some guy like another creepy fan."

"I'm not…! I'm not stalking him! I didn't think it was so bad to want to be close to him!" Ai didn't know why she was so pissed, but now that it came to it she couldn't just back down. "What did I even do?! Is it so bad to want to be there for someone that was there for me when it mattered?! How is that hard to understand?!"

Ichigo-san's unimpressed stare made her look back at her words. They carried so much disappointment that Ai actually wondered which part she'd said wrong, to what exactly he wanted to object.

"If anyone spoke about you like that…" Ichigo-san said slowly, making sure that every bit of what he was trying to convey could be understood. "...I'd have thought it came from just another creepy fan obsessed with you."

Being hit would've hurt a lot less than being told that.

"It's not… This is different, I…"

"How is it different?" Ichigo-san interrupted her. "You barely know this guy from what I understand. And yet you've gone so far as to go behind our backs with the way you use the internet? I don't get it."

"His presence made all the difference, okay? I… I just don't understand why mine didn't!"

"Because you're the reason he almost died! Why else?!" Ichigo-san managed to sound even more disappointed in her. "You don't care about him. Hell, I'm not even sure you care about sending him to the hospital. Do you?"

"I… We wouldn't have met, so..."

Ichigo-san gave her a humorless smile.

"Ai…"

"I made myself very clear when you first came to me." She balled her fists for a moment, stopping to see whether she'd be heard or not. Only to continue when Ichigo-san crossed his arms and stayed silent. "We've been together for a while. I think we understand each other fairly well."

"I thought so too." The man replied.

"So just… Trust my judgment a bit, please. It's not… This is not what you're painting it as."

"Then what is it?" Ichigo-san put his hand behind his neck and cracked it with a side motion. "Tell me, Ai. What is this?"

"I want to understand. Seeing him lie on the floor, all the blood…" Ai looked down, her fists coiling even tighter. "And yet, I felt no regret coming from him. I don't think I've ever seen someone care so selflessly for someone else. I didn't even know it was possible that…"

"Have you considered that he might've been suicidal?" Ichigo-san scoffed. "Hell, die protecting Ai-chan? Now that's going in a blaze of glory."

"That doesn't check though! It's so dumb, why would someone like him want to die? I don't think he's dumb at all!"

"What do you mean "like him"?"

"I… Well…" Ai actually felt somewhat embarrassed now. "With so much kindness to give."

Ichigo-san looked straight at his feet.

"Y'know, I've been thinking… Perhaps I was too harsh on you. Perhaps I was too cynical in my answers to your 12 years old mind."

"Are you looking down on me now?" Ai frowned, somehow getting revitalized by the idea of this man doing that. The very same man that saw her succeed where anyone else would've failed. Someone who helped her adapt and thrive in the harshest of environments. In the worst of storms.

"I think I forgot there was a heart behind the girl I met." Ichigo-san smiled at her with some regret. "Maybe I wanted to think that I was giving you everything you needed, after I realized that you were getting what you wanted. Maybe… I don't know. Maybe I grew used to the ideal that it was all perfect as-is, that it was okay to only look forward."

Ai didn't understand that either. Everywhere she looked at, anywhere she asked, moving forward was the single most important thing to do. Get better, do more, achieve even greater heights. Even her aspirations for the future, past her prime, involved being in a better position than she was. Maybe she could pivot to full-time acting, at least until she made enough connections and got enough money to ensure the twins' futures. It'd be perfect, a full family of talented celebrities that would be looked up to as the epitome of success.

All of that meant getting better, more. Moving forward.

She tried to think back at her aspirations from before. Not a time without the twins, but without Ichigo-san instead.

Her mind came completely blank.

"I'm sorry for not taking care of you better." Ichigo-san finally broke the silence that had formed as Ai scratched the bottom of her soul for answers.

"You're not my mom, so…" Ai scoffed. "You're doing great."

There was something there that she wanted to say, and she thought she saw Ichigo-san wanting to speak up too.

Instead of doing that, they both let the silence linger for longer. Keeping those precious words close to their heart without reaching out.

"You are indeed a pretty capable young lady, all things considered." Once again, Ichigo-san breached the awkwardness. Coughing on his fist and changing the topic without really leaving behind the main concern at hand. "And your choices haven't let us down… Except maybe to who you "open up" to, if you get my drift."

Ai chuckled without thinking, without meaning to.

"Ouch." She finally said when she realized how horrible Ichigo-san's words actually were.

"I guess you deserve a chance." The man sighed one final time.

"What?" It felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She looked at the man's eyes to search for any sort of foul play, but it felt as though he had chosen to give up in a strangely positive way.

"I mean, I'm pretty sure you'll be let down. People are not better just because they're not knees-deep in the shit we get up to." He chuckled to himself, staring into the distance as if he remembered something from the past. "But, well, if you'll learn this in no other way… I might as well be there for you. Keeping things in order."

"So…?" Even Ai felt the brightness in her voice. The whole conversation still weighed deeply in her mind, but she managed to put it all aside when she realized that trusting this man kept paying off even now.

"I can get you in contact with this guy." Ichigo-san basically waved a white flag in the air with those words. "But… We talk things out. Your life was at stake once. Please let us keep protecting you."

"YES!" Ai rushed toward the man and clung to him like a monkey, crossing her legs around his midsection and forcing him to put his hands down on the desk to avoid slipping. "Yes, yes, yes! You're the best!"

"I-yeah. Of course. But, huh, get off me. Would you?"

"Nope! I'll give you an Ai-chan special! Even Aqua can't help melting in my arms with this!" In spite of everything said about their training, Ai was still in the peak of her physical condition. She tightened her legs to release her arms just so she could reach Ichigo-san's head. Taking hold of it and running her cheek around the crown section with more vigor than she'd had since finishing training. "Yosh, yosh, yosh~!"

"Okay, okay! I get it. Now release me. We still have work today and…" He kept talking, but Ai wasn't listening anymore.

After all, they'd come to an agreement. He wouldn't go back on his word anymore. They might both have rotten souls, creating the idol Ai-chan with their combined effort and ability to take advantage of others, but there was no reason not to make some heartwarming moments from time to time.

She could only hope that this sincere desire could reach someone else next time.

Chapter Text

“Thank you for agreeing to this, I hope it wasn’t too inconvenient to leave home alone.” The woman that greeted Hachiman once he entered the (admittedly nice) restaurant might’ve been around Hiratsuka-sensei’s age, and was as much of a looker in her light blue frilled blouse and light-colored pencil skirt. 

Hachiman couldn’t see the color well due to the light, and he couldn’t keep staring without looking like a creep either; so he quickly led his eyes back to the woman’s face.

“It’s fine, the doctor recommended some light exercise anyway.” He hadn’t expected that much formality, given that the final message he got told him he didn’t need to go fully dressed up. So he just threw on a button up shirt and the lower half of his old Sobu high uniform. Formal enough that he only got one strange look from the guy letting people in, but still looking kind of cheap compared to everyone else.

He was used to being the weird one standing out however, so he simply let himself onto the fancy chair the woman motioned to and found a comfortable position where his belly didn’t feel funny.

“Please don’t tell me you came all the way here walking. We did agree on a location that’d be convenient to you, but I don’t recall any neighborhoods around.” The woman looked more annoyed than concerned, but Hachiman suspected this was out of habit rather than malice. That lecturing tone really fit someone that was called the “right hand” of the man behind Strawberry Productions.

“No, of course not.” Hachiman scoffed “I wouldn’t do that even if I wasn’t stitched up.”

“Well, it’s your own health.” The woman sighed “Saitou Miyako, by the way.”

“You’re that man’s wife?” Hachiman guessed she already knew more than just his name, so he didn’t bother with the introduction.

“Yeah, yeah.” That didn’t sound like the voice of a happily married woman however “You’re too young to be asking with that tone though.”

Does everyone in that company say weird shit all the time? The idol, Hachiman could sort of understand. But even the staff?

Like, okay. She’s a looker. But that doesn’t mean that Hachiman lacks common sense.

“I’m sorry you think I’d ogle you.” Hachiman closed his eyes, feeling a pang of discomfort that had nothing to do with his physical health.

“Very funny, have you considered a career in stand up?”

“I don’t think most people have the intellect to understand my sense of humor.” Hachiman opened his eyes again. Saitou-san was shaking her head with an amused smile.

“That’s the funniest way someone can single themselves out as a loser.” Her words didn’t cut that deep, to be honest. Being forced to involve himself even more in all of this had already soured his mood, so his defenses were strong to be able to go through this meeting without losing his mind.

“That’s a very convenient label to tag me with.” Hachiman put his elbow on the table, and his cheek on top of his hand “Isn’t it?”

“Oh, extremely. You’re making my job a lot easier by confirming it’s easy to spin your image around with ease.” Saitou-san chuckled “That’s a relief. I imagined your attitude would be bad, but I’m too used to big egos and blowback to have imagined you’d be like this.”

“I’m not the one insulting you though.” Hachiman pointed out with a deadpan.

“Right off the bat you were disrespectful in the way you referred to Ichigo, asked about my status in a very “you’re too good for him” tone, and managed to insinuate I’m not attractive and… Oh, that the public is stupid.” Saitou-san pointed a finger at Hachiman’s nose “Forgive me for the bluntness, but in my line of work these mistakes are a clear sign of a persona non grata in any form of entertainment.”

To her credit, she gave him a passable enough excuse. But it still didn’t move him nor did it change the way she approached him.

“When was the last time you unwinded, Saitou-san?” Hachiman crossed his arms.

“Not your business.” The woman chuckled to herself “Now then, shall we tackle the main topic?”

“Sure. I can’t really eat anything from the menu anyway.”

“Not yet?” She looked actually surprised, although not entirely interested in his well-being.

“Soon.” He replied without much care. 

The least he revealed about himself, the better. Even if these people had likely already investigated him.

“I guess I know why Ichigo agreed to pay for whatever you order now.” Saitou-san nodded to herself.

“Oh, he also has a sense of humor.”

“It’s doing things with style, Hikigaya. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the term.”

“I think telling people to piss off in no uncertain terms is more satisfying.” Hachiman shrugged as the woman smiled at him. Mocking wasn’t the right word, it felt more like she was trying to keep things civil. Which told Hachiman that they should indeed move on from their personal feelings.

Still, he couldn’t just let this woman walk all over him. He at least had to put up a token effort to defend himself. 

“Jeez, what even is Ai’s obsession with you?”

“I was hoping you’d tell me.” Hachiman clicked his tongue “This feels ripped off straight out of a shitty slice of life manga.”

“Did you threaten her somehow?” Saitou-san ignored the comment while asking.

“Oh, yeah. Totally.” Hachiman rolled his eyes “I waited until she showed up to take a picture of her to prove it’s her, then asked for favors. Get real, Saitou-san.”

The woman caressed her chin, surprised.

“You’re really terrible for this. If I was recording you, what would you have done? It’d be game over for you.”

“I don’t have to fear public exposure.” Hachiman growled “I don’t exactly have an image to maintain.”

“And your friends and family?”

“Anyone worth my time knows me well.” Hachiman shrugged.

“And college?”

“I’ve always been very enthusiastic about not having to study or work.”

“That’s not…” Saitou-san chuckled “Okay. That’s not a real thing that can happen, but okay.”

Hachiman chuckled too. He hadn’t actually thought deeply about his answer, but it felt good that he wasn’t shot down harshly for once.

“So, your star. I guessed you’d come up with a proposition.” Hachiman drew circles around the empty plate that the table had in front of him. This place was expensive enough that even the forks and knives had some designs on their handles. So he studied them to distract himself.

“Yes, of course.” the woman looked away.

Hachiman’s frown deepened.

“What is it?”

“Don’t laugh.” Saitou-san gave him a moment to brace himself “We think it’s for the best if you humor her until she grows bored of you.”

“Bullshit.” Hachiman stated immediately.

“Ichigo’s idea, not mine.” The woman sighed “Look, we…”

A waitress came to take their orders, making them both fall into an awkward silence that Saitou-san filled by ordering something she’d already seen. Hachiman asked for a lemonade, the most expensive glass he’d ever ordered, and they sort of fell silent again until the waitress had left.

“Why?” Hachiman hissed after he was done getting mad in silence.

“You want to put this all behind for obvious reasons.” Saitou-san spoke slowly, more tenderly. Like Hachiman was a kid “And we think Ai wants the opposite because she wants the same thing. And it might even be better for you too.”

“How does getting involved with any of you is good for me?”

“I won’t pretend to be a psychologist. But I think it can help you both heal.” Saitou–san scratched the left side of her nose nervously “Unless, of course, you get a nervous reaction from just seeing her. But I don’t think that’s the case.”

“You’re just asking for more trouble.” Hachiman bit back what he actually wanted to say, calling them out on not actually caring about what he wanted. Instead, he gave it the spin a company would understand. 

Risk.

“Let the adults worry about that.” Saitou-san waved him off “Concentrate on healing your heart.”

“My heart is fine.” His heart had never been fine.

“Sure, but Ai’s is not. And, if you don’t feel like facing your actions, then all I can ask from you is to cooperate in helping us heal her instead.”

Hachiman narrowed his eyes.

“You make it sound like I did something wrong.”

“You did something impactful enough that our precious maiden-hearted Ai can’t forget about you.” Saitou-san almost made it sound convincing, if it wasn’t for her amused expression “We’re really grateful for that and want nothing but her well-being, so that’s how it is.”

Right. They cared so much about her that they put her to work immediately after almost getting killed. It read to Hachiman like they didn’t know what to do. Perhaps she’d been more hurt than he expected, more than she let it show when they met.

He thought back about the carefree way she talked about her stalker. The apparently unaffected way she informed Hachiman he’d passed away. And now this woman wanted him to believe that she’d been affected beyond their ability to handle? How did that…?

He wanted to hit the table immediately.

“What do you want me to do?” His voice came out raspy, filled with a newfound heat.

How could he have been so blind?

“You can at least try to pretend to agree on good terms.” The woman lifted an eyebrow.

“I’m angry at myself, shut up.” He wanted to understand. To know, to see the truth. Yet, when presented with it, he willingly looked away in fear.

How did he not realize that he’d met a girl doing her best to appear brave?

“If you say so.” Saitou-san brought up her phone “I’ll give you Ai’s number. Is it okay with you to send her a text first? Her schedule is still packed, and we’re not about to take you out of your ordinary life.”

“...” Hachiman sighed, letting some of the heat out as he drove his arm to his pocket “Fine. I’ll…”

The phone rang, making his heart stop for a moment.

“Ummm…”

He hadn’t told anyone he’d go out. He should be resting, after all. And not even Komachi really knew why he’d been attacked or that Ai had gone to see him twice already. As far as anyone was concerned, he’d been looking for Yukino when he got wind that she’d been back in Japan and luck had shown him its back that day. So if someone came back and didn’t see him there…

The number was unknown.

“Did you already have my…?”

“No way. We wouldn’t breach your privacy like that.” Saitou-san sounded half offended and half worried “Who is it?”

“I don’t know.” Hachiman didn’t want to answer, something in his bones told him to just let it ring. Pretend he didn’t hear it.

The phone stopped vibrating.

“Well, you might have more life than I gave you credit for.” Saitou-san looked somewhat surprised, then looked at Hachiman’s face “Something wrong?”

“No. I just didn’t tell anyone I’d be out.” Hachiman sighed “I hoped we’d be done soon enough.”

“Well, our orders aren't even here. So how about we exchange numbers and get you a taxi?” Saitou-san continued fiddling with her phone “Again, we don’t want to impact your life negatively. We’re strictly looking out for Ai’s well-being.”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. So…” His phone started ringing again.

Saitou-san looked at him weirdly.

“Answer.” She told him.

“I don’t want to.”

“C’mon, it can’t be that bad. I’ll help you explain things if need be.” The woman said with more encouragement than Hachiman would’ve imagined “You don’t get scam calls or death threats, you’re not famous enough.”

Hachiman made a face and answered.

“Who is it?”

“Guess who~?” A voice that chilled him to the core replied.

Hachiman hung up immediately.

Saitou-san moved her palms to face up like she was asking “what was that about?”.

“You jinxed me.” Hachiman said breathlessly “I…”

“You know.” A feminine voice interrupted him from behind. Amused, cold “It’s rude to cut off a lady when they go out of their way to talk to you.”

If he’d screamed like a little girl, he wouldn’t even have felt embarrassed about it.

“Haruno-san.” Hachiman’s mouth twitched as he turned around to greet the young woman in front of him.

Her hair had the same cut as he remembered, just a little longer. And she wore a blouse and skirt less formal than what Saitou-san had. More like Hachiman himself wore, a bit casual even.

“Hello, hello. It’s been a bit, huh.” Her smile was pleasant enough, but Hachiman had the feeling that nothing was behind it. She didn’t put the extra cheer, or obvious ominous aura. She was just… There.

His heart calmed down when it clicked that she wasn’t actually interested in him.

“Family?” Saitou-san asked when Haruno’s attention went to her.

“Eh, never formalized.” Haruno’s comment felt like a barb hitting Hachiman’s ribs “Right now we just know each other.”

“I see…” Saitou-san nodded even though she obviously didn’t know what to think about that “Hoshino. It’s a pleasure.”

“Yukinoshita.” Haruno reached out to give the adult a handshake, then returned her attention to Hachiman “What brings you here? Isn’t she a little out of your league?”

“She’s actually my sugar mama.” Hachiman stated solemnly now that some of his panic had receded “You think I have money to pay for this?”

“Excuse you?!”

Haruno’s smile became filled with genuine amusement.

“Wow, okay. You always punch above your league, huh.” Again, Haruno chose to hurt him a little bit. But Hachiman refused to back down.

“If it works, it’s not out of my league.” He shrugged “What are you doing here? Hiratsuka… San told me you’d be in Tokyo. That’s why I felt safe coming here.”

“Pfff, Shizuka-chan said so? Okay, yeah. I might’ve let that slip.” Haruno pointed with her head to a table further into the restaurant “I had some trouble and came here with some work “friends”. You know how it is.”

“Not really, no.” Hachiman did as Haruno and completely ignored Saitou-san’s reaction. For her own good “Did you witchcraft get interrupted or…?”

“Well, you joke. But a dumb bird stole my phone.” Haruno showed the screen of the device, cracked on one side like it’d been dropped “I got it around the block, so we had to cut our losses.”

“All the way from Tokyo?” Hachiman wanted to call bullshit, but that was too big a lie even for Haruno.

“No, silly. I was never in Tokyo. I lied about that.” Haruno sighed “What? Got your hopes up?”

Now that? That did pierce through his defenses.

“...” He looked down without meaning to, feeling dumb and ridiculous for believing “A bit.”

It got a chuckle out of Haruno.

“You’re still so innocent.” Haruno put a hand on his shoulder “But I don’t hate that from you. It’s entertaining.”

She looked at the woman and then at Hachiman, apparently satisfied with getting a laugh at his expense.

“I’ll leave you to your little date, don’t want to screw things for you.” Her last smile felt a lot colder than the rest “You’re adept at doing that yourself.”

…

“...”

“...”

…

“...Are you alright?” Saitou-san finally asked after what could’ve been just a minute or a dozen.

Hachiman considered just shrugging her off.

“No.” He admitted with a sigh “I need to hide in bed for an hour or 3 days.”

“I see…” She looked away, probably toward where Haruno went “Bad blood between you?”

“She’s the devil.” Hachiman hissed. If something good came from losing contact with those girls that he considered his best friends, it was also losing contact with Haruno. But it looked like the universe just couldn’t give him a break.

Saitou-san still didn’t know how to react.

“She’s not blowing your little joke out of proportion, right?” So instead, she chose to safeguard what she knew was important: Her image.

Hachiman couldn’t help the glare that he gave her.

“I’m not stupid enough to say something like that to someone that can’t take it.”

“I don’t know, you’re awful at communicating things.” The woman rested her chin on her hand.

Hachiman didn’t disagree, but there was no need to point it out.

“The number?”

“Right.” The woman seemed to agree to simply turn the page “We’ll be in your care, Hikigaya.”

“Don’t worry.” Hachiman stared at the devices with a heavy heart “I’m not a very interesting guy.”

Saitou-san looked at him, then away. Again, probably where Haruno was.

“If you say so.”

Chapter Text

[Hey. You still owe me Komachi’s gift.]

It wasn’t much, but Hachiman didn’t really have anything to tell someone who he’d never met. Let alone someone so far removed from his life that she’d constantly appear on the TV and be known across the country like Hoshino Ai was. It felt particularly strange because, as far as he could tell, there was not a particular reason to actually talk to her. He couldn’t ask her if she was doing well with her murder attempt, that’d be insensitive. And it’s not like Hachiman wanted to talk about it anyway.

Besides, and Saitou-san warned him beforehand about this, it’s not like Hoshino would reply immediately. It filled him with some relief, to think that he’d have time to pull back and prepare for the girl’s reply. The very idea that she’d not get mad for him taking his time to do the same tempering his mind enough that he actually sent the message when he went back home that same day.

“...” Staring at his phone, he hit the send button and waited. This whole thing gave him a bad feeling, but he suspected it was due to the bad connotations that doing this entailed. That, or the idea of waiting for hours for a response that might not come brought him back to bad memories “Tsk.”

Well, at least he’d been warned this time. It made sense that someone like Hoshino would be busy: no one jumps to fame and stays there with little effort on their part. And besides, Hachiman didn’t actually want to talk to her all that much. So, in a way, this whole thing was nothing like before. He didn’t have to go through useless expectations and get himself hurt by something so minor. In fact, if he didn’t get a reply, that was probably a sign of success.

He couldn’t help sighing, being amused with himself as he slacked off on the living room’s couch. Still clinging to the cellphone like he was still 15.

What did Saitou-san say? That he should concentrate in healing his heart?

Okay, yeah. This small action? It did feel like he was putting a hand on his younger self’s shoulder, it felt just a little bit reassuring. Even if the end goal was to…

[omg]

[hiiiii]

[lunch break is almost can we talk later?]

[imma try to be done by 6 so can i call u round 7?]

[ill save you as b-onii-chan rn is that alright?]

[hope you have a great day!]

Eh? What? He was told she’d be busy!

Hachiman kind of panicked. But not in the “struggled to hold the phone due to shaking” sort of nervousness, but the sort that a deer would be when pointed at with a giant flashlight. Freezing up, not really knowing what to do. He didn’t know if he was more surprised by getting an answer at all, or how fast it was.

No, okay. Calm down, Hachiman. Keep it cool. You’ve messaged people for a while now. And yeah, messaging a girl feels kind of thrilling in this context. She’s famous, you’re both single… Probably. Likely? It’d be strange if no one had at least tried to make a move on her, but if he really thought about it…

No, wait. Why should he? He was doing it again, getting useless thoughts mixed in with the important things. Their private lives were just that: private. He agreed to help out, to reach out. If she felt comfortable with him, then Hachiman wouldn’t try to push her away. Fear and loneliness are insidious killers, after all. He’d know better than most people. While at the same time, they didn’t actually have to get along. Feelings and experiences create strong bonds, but chemistry plays an equally important role in a relationship. Also, also, no two bonds are the same. And even if they somehow, unlikely, almost impossibly did end up getting along…

…

How much lamer can someone get?

Hachiman re-read her responses after driving himself to feel ashamed.

Hmm…

[No. I can’t explain why I’m talking to a stranger to my parents, let’s just message please.]

That should be alright. He was recuperating, after all. And if she ended up asking why he was still with them, Hachiman would know she was quick to judge. All in all, a net win given the boundary he established early on. So that there were no mistakes of where he was standing. He was keeping her involvement secret, and she would probably at least respect that much. It benefited her, after all.

“...” Ai didn’t know what to say. The first text took her by surprise, breaking the silence she’d made around herself as she waited for Miyako-san to work her magic. She had indeed been warned not to expect much, but she couldn’t help letting the small victory overtake her in the middle of the group having a snack and having to dodge the questions.

Hours later, when she finally could access her phone again, she found herself staring at the disapproving reply she got.

Somehow… Hmmm. It felt like she was being chewed for being a brat.

Why? She just texted him normally. Was he still somehow resistant to the idea of getting to know her?

“Ai-chan?” One of the girls called her out “Are you alright?”

“Yeah! What’s up?” She didn’t outright hide her phone, but she was indeed mindful to lower it to get the screen against her attire. Just in case.

“Nothing, it’s just…” Takamine searched her for an answer that she’d not find “You looked gloomy for a moment.”

“Oh.” Ai chuckled awkwardly “Sorry, I saw a few bad comments and…”

“Doom scrolling doesn't suit you, Ai-chan.” Her fellow idol accepted it as a valid enough answer “You’re our little star, don’t let a loser or two sour your day.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks.” Ai lifted her phone again, re-reading the message with a bit more clarity now that she knew someone was looking at her “I just gotta convince ‘em we’re trying to reach their hearts.”

“That’s the spirit.” Takamine patted her shoulder and moved away, giving Ai some privacy.

Hmmm…

[oh ok]

[i dont wanna give u trouble]

Somehow, sending that message felt a bit thrilling. She wasn’t doing anything bad, was she? Did rebellious teens feel like this when they hid something from their parents? What a funny thing.

[im w the girls rn]

[were makin progress but theres no new songs]

[id like to send a pic but ichigosan would probs get mad at me]

Yeah, it’d be even more thrilling. But again, that was her career she’d be putting at stake. Or rather, even if he winded up disappointed he’d understand. Right? Ai didn’t have a reason to think he’d want to breach that gap, it had been established that he wasn’t someone that followed Ai’s line of work. Or that of other groups beside B-Komachi. And maybe Miyako-san was getting to her, because Ai didn’t think he’d push more than she was willing to give. It didn’t suit the mental image she had of him, after all.

It’s not like…

“Ai-chan!” One of the girls called her, patting her wrist with a finger like she had an invisible watch on it. A universal signal that time was over.

“Gimme a sec!” She glued her eyes to her screen, hoping she’d have gotten an answer in that small frame of time. But alas, no such luck. He must be busy too “Hmm…”

It didn’t feel right to just say that. What else could she try to say? What topic of conversation wouldn’t be weird to finish on? She still wanted to talk after she finished the session, so maybe she should wait until then? He didn’t say that it was a bad time, just that he didn’t want to get a phone call…

“Ai-chan!”

Fine. She’d figure it out then. At least he was more open to her presence now.

What the hell was he supposed to take from those messages? They didn’t tell him anything meaningful, and Hachiman was horrible at small talk. It would be completely lame to just answer with an “ok”, and from what he gathered that’d actually be hurtful to any girl. 

No, wait. Maybe it’s time for “that”? He’d developed a trump card that had 0% chance of failing. He’d first developed it thanks to Yukino, but it worked even with guys. So maybe he should use it? Was it too soon? It’s not like he’d put any real effort in saying anything interesting and…

Why should he? The idea was to let Hoshino get tired of him. Maybe this was for the best. It’s not his fault if there’s nothing to talk about, after all. It’s not like he was looking to meet more people or fill in the void left behind by those two…

“Ugh…” Meeting Haruno again probably messed with his mind more than he thought. It had been a while since he second-guessed himself this much, and he couldn’t help mentally kick himself when he realized he was falling in the same old pitfalls that he should’ve learnt to avoid.

Yes. Maybe Haruno was right. Maybe his carelessness and lack of social skills ruined everything. Maybe he was still just a kid flailing around without knowing what he was doing, and by this point it would simply not be enough. 

But so what? If he tried, if he honestly let people in, at the end of it all there would be something meaningful. Something that he can understand, something that can be exchanged.

No one is just the version of themselves presented to the world, no one can help hide from their fears. And no one can live on loneliness. Everyone needs to depend on someone else, to trust. That’s what makes us all human. And maybe that’s, conversely, what makes Haruno in-human.

Hachiman took the phone with more confidence after spending like half an hour trying to convince himself that Haruno had no business getting herself entangled in her sister’s affairs.

“Eh…”

[Don’t push yourself too much though, you’re doing great already.]

He went to the TV and quickly switched channels, looking to see if there were any news or gossip channels talking about Hoshino’s group. It took him a bit more effort to look for the content this time around, so he turned to the internet to see if he could find anything. Afterward, he just took a screenshot from a random site that read “B-Komachi coming with a swing?” in all caps and with several question marks to bait idiots into reading the article.

They can’t help themselves, huh.

No, wait. That sounded wrong. Like he was mocking her. Hmm… this was a lot more difficult than expected. How could he make it sound supportive without implying she should bend to people’s expectations?

Did he actually have to be this tactful though?

[You have them holding their breath here.]

Okay. Not exactly what he’d call a good answer, but good enough. Anything more fell squarely out of his mental capabilities, and he didn’t want to feel exhausted every time he got a reply just because he didn’t know what to say. Curating his way of speaking wasn’t something he did, no matter what Saitou-san had to say about it. And there was only so much to meet Hoshino halfway on before it turned into just trying to appease her instead of actually making an honest effort to hear her out. Every first time was awkward, not ideal. Hachiman was willing to give this a little more right now, so that they could move on. Building familiarity as they both stopped feeling the need to prompt the other into giving out something.

His mind went back to their two face to face meetings, how she carried herself. If he understood it right, Hoshino was just too centered in her job. Maybe she just needed an outlet, a break from always carrying herself in the way everyone wanted. Or maybe she was just friendly and nice, he couldn’t discard that even with the darker undertones she let him see.

“...Right. There’s always something like that.” Hachiman had to sigh. In the end, something he also had to be clear on was what he wanted out of this. No matter the expectations placed on him, Hachiman couldn’t afford to give more than he was willing to. Not anymore.

He retreated to think things through. Maybe he’d be called lame for overthinking these things, but he knew his own mind. He knew that he’d try to hide and lie even to himself, that his own desire was shy and meek. And that he threatened hurting another human being if he couldn’t get over himself and put clear limits.

And, well, wasn’t it a little exciting to be texting a celebrity? Even someone like Hachiman had to admit that it was.

“I’m home!” Ai cheered with open arms, letting her voice reach every corner of the apartment without reservation.

“Mama!” Ruby’s tiny steps echoed as she rushed toward Ai’s embrace, digging her face into the young woman’s shoulder as she crouched to hug her back tightly.

“Where’s my little boy, I wonder~?” Looking around with a hand over her eyes, Ai waited for her other child to make his way to her.

“Good evening. How was your day?” Aqua might’ve sounded more reserved, but Ai still opened her left arm for him to approach at his own pace. He also got himself comfortable against her arm; and Ai pressed them against her chest with enough force that one of them wheezed due to the pressure.

“It was great! Tiring, but great.” She released them and brought her hand to the beg, from which she procured one of those boxes that are bought for meetings, with a variety of cookies in them “Look, I even sneaked this out of the meeting!”

“Yeah!” Ruby cheered as Ai walked toward the kitchen counter, letting the box down on one of the chairs so that the kids didn’t have much trouble reaching it.

“Did Miyako-san let you?” In spite of the question, Aqua still took a chocolate chips cookie for himself without hesitation. Ignoring Ruby’s glare as she quickly took two like there was not gonna be any left.

“Eh, of course!” Ai looked away with a big smile on her face “You’re so right…”

Aqua didn’t look like he believed her, but no child could refuse free cookies. So he let it slide.

“Where is she, by the way?” Ruby asked after swallowing. Didn’t she take more? Wasn’t she eating too fast?

“Busy.” Ai shrugged like it wasn’t the reason why she was able to steal the leftover cookies “You know how it is sometimes.”

“Great. She should be working to make mama even more famous.”

“She’s gonna collapse one day.” Aqua’s comment again got him a glare, but he just kept eating.

“Yeah…” Ai tapped the counter with her fingers, like she had an imaginary piano over there. Still, since her children were with her she didn’t want to take out her phone. It was a “they” moment, after all.

She hadn’t considered this small detail.

“Oh! Mama, I’ve been practicing the song you showed us last time!” Ruby suddenly cheered, taking Ai’s hand to try to drag her to the living room. Almost vibrating from excitement.

How many cookies did she eat?

“Really? Now, we’ll have to see who’s better!”

“Mama is, but I’ll do my best!” The little girl bumped her fists in the air.

Ai turned toward Aqua.

“...I don’t mind seeing you dance.” He looked away like he didn’t want to be seen admitting it.

“Then let’s change, it’s a duel!”

Ai chose not to use the phone in front of the twins that evening.

Chapter Text

Was texting someone always so… Inane? Exchanging greetings, saying farewell. When both sides of the conversation were better off doing other things, it felt kind of unnecessary. Sure, one could say that Hoshino’s schedule made it so they couldn’t spend every waking moment exchanging messages. But when it came down to it, Hachiman had no choice but to reveal his trump card sooner rather than later: showing the idol pics of the cat.

The result was… Mixed. She revealed she never had a pet and wondered how it was to take care of one, but the line of conversation quickly died out as it became evident that she didn’t actually want one.

He could almost feel his younger self being disappointed, wondering what else he could do to keep the words flowing. Scrapping the bottom of a barrel long dried out for something, anything really. Even if it was completely mundane.

He did no such a thing, however.

Sure, he might’ve forgotten that most conversations are lame and boring. But that doesn’t mean that he’d go out of his way to make new conversation.

When it works, it works. And when it doesn’t, it’s so painfully obvious that it becomes annoying. Not only to the receiver, who probably has no choice but to expose themselves to a topic they care nothing about, but to the poor idiot wracking his brain for the smallest of chances.

Besides, not everything has to be exciting. Not everything has to be an adventure.

[dance practice ended. im beat]

[Did someone fall off this time?]

[noooo ofc not. were pros]

[So nothing interesting happened.]

It also had the curious side effect of making Hachiman feel a little bad for famous people. In Hoshino’s case, her life seemed to consist of three things: singing, exercise, and planning for future appearances. It was no wonder that she’d go to sleep early when she probably came back home and hit the bed as soon as physically and hygienically possible. He couldn’t even tell when she had her days off because sometimes she’d just forget to reply, and them Hachiman would read the message at a strange time and just answer before going to sleep or something similar.

It wasn’t exciting at all, more like checking on Komachi when she stayed out. Sometimes trying and failing to tell a joke because the necessary tells he gives to show he’s being sarcastic doesn’t translate well to text, or sometimes being asked a random question that he had to think about a bit more than usual.

[pastas basically melted to the pan]

[what to do?]

[Throw it in the trash and buy a new one.]

[I just replaced it tho!]

[RIP you I guess.]

He looked at the time, wondering whether his perception of it had become strange as weeks went on and he slowly recovered his ability to do things, or if the sheer weight of doing mostly nothing had made him especially sensible to it.

[Shouldn’t you be going to sleep right now?]

He quickly regrated sending that message as soon as he realized he was suggesting he remembered when she said farewell, because it never actually came up in conversation and because he didn’t actually say good night to anyone else over the phone. He thought about passing it off as a joke, spinning it around to make it about her inability to cook and relating it to her being a kid, but it wasn’t so simple.

Hachiman quickly gave up. If Hoshino called him weird or creepy, that was on him.

Again, texting her wasn’t actually that exciting. He’d probably get a reply related to her job, or maybe she wouldn’t reply until the next day. Hoshino, the person that worked to keep the toolkit used to bring up the idol, was boring like that.

[forgot dinner]

[cant sleep on an empty stomach]

Oh. Okay. Yeah, an idol’s diet is probably too strict. Like, it didn’t strike him that way with Hoshino’s case. But it made sense that there were some rules she’d have to adhere to all the same.

She probably couldn’t eat instant noodles for the same reason.

[What do you have?]

[nothin]

[that was the first thing i threw together]

[In the kitchen. I mean things to cook.]

[idk]

[theres like]

[jelly]

[sugar]

[someone drank my yogurt]

Someone? He’d assumed she lived alone, but even in that case she could’ve had people come over. Perhaps it was because of her line of work, but these things both stood out a little and felt more off-limits than with other people. Hachiman wouldn’t have found that tidbit interesting, nor would he feel that asking about it was off-limits. But lo and behold.

Was this the magic of idols? That was some pretty potent spell to put on people… Not. Hachiman was simple growing impatient as Hoshino listed off everything except something that could serve as a main dish.

[Guess you’ll have to live off fruit for tonight.]

[no]

[cant]

[gotta made somethin fillin]

[make]

[Order some pizza.]

[I’ll get mad at you]

[Right. Can’t always answer the door with sunglasses and a facemask.]

[would you give a kid pizza for dinner]

[?]

[Of course I would. But it’d be one they don’t like that much so that they think twice before asking next time.]

[what]

[Sorry, I assumed we were talking about the case of a kid asking for it.]

[kids are not always pushy about dinner yknow]

[Oh, they are. I’d know, I was one.]

[ok old man]

Instead of answering, Hachiman just scoffed and left the girl to her own problems. Pushing the phone a bit farther into the desk and resuming to type away while checking on the books he’d borrowed from the library. He’d soon go back to attending classes, just like it had once happened in high school. And, just like that time as well, there were things he needed to catch up to if he didn’t want his grades to take a nosedive.

He did slack off for the most part while recuperating. But in nights like this one, he sat down and tackled the things that he should’ve done during the week.

Knowing that he had deadlines fast approaching helped him be productive. Or maybe that was just an excuse for a bad habit that he couldn’t break out of anymore. Regardless, as long as he managed to meet said deadlines, he wouldn’t do anything about it. So going to sleep late would only be a problem when he went back to college. Because classes wouldn’t let him wake up late without repercussions.

The phone distracted him again.

[is it actually ok?]

Hachiman got serious for a moment.

[As long as they don’t eat too much, I think. Drinking plenty of water should also help.]

[I meant me]

[Same rules apply.]

[i guess once doesnt hurt]

Hachiman scoffed. He understood that she lived off of her looks, but a single pizza night shouldn’t affect her. At least not in any visible fashion. Although she might have to wait a bit too long for it to arrive…

Hachiman scrolled up to see the list of ingredients she’d mentioned.

A quick search gave him something easy enough to prepare, so he sent it to her.

He didn’t know the details; he wouldn’t ask for them. Hoshino’s life sounded stressful enough as-is to be poking his nose where he’s not welcome. But he knew two things: no one asks to consider kids without being involved with them one way or another, working all day every day and coming home tired and hungry would take its toll no matter the person. Even if he couldn’t imagine the face of B-Komachi struggling to make herself something to eat before bed, he had wage slave parents. And he knew people like Kawasaki too, who took care of the younger siblings because of similar reasons.

Perhaps that’s the difference between real money and people that think they have it. He couldn’t imagine someone like the Yukinoshita sisters leaving home early in the morning and coming back in the evening. Even their mother looked like she chose whether to take things lightly or not, so problems like Hoshino’s might even feel alien to them.

At least he knew that Yukino was a bit more down to earth because she’d lived alone and figured out all these things back in high school.

…

Well. Strictly speaking, Yukino seldom struggled with anything. Communication aside, that girl was nigh perfect. Be it in sports, art, or any other subject that Hachiman could think of. If it’s possible to be good at it, Yukino would undoubtedly be. Perhaps that’s why Hoshino felt so human to Hachiman, closer to what he understood for “normal people” instead of a rich Yamato Nadeshiko with a bad attitude. And the less spoken about her sister, the better.

Hadn’t Hayama said once that the elder Yukinoshita couldn’t be defeated no matter what?

“Damn it…” Hachiman knew very well this mood, used to feel this way a lot when he started college. So he immediately dropped his progress and walked away from those thoughts both metaphorically and physically.

What could he get himself? A glass of water felt too little to go all the way down for, and it’d probably leave him just as bothered as he was now. But he didn’t feel like making coffee, or preparing himself anything to take a bite… Actually, coffee would be alright. If it was diluted enough, it might just be a hot drink to clear his thoughts. Tea would’ve been better, but he wanted to stop thinking about Yukino. Not think about her even more.

Maybe all we need is a time out, like kids. Maybe all we need is a little bit more maturity.

These things happen, but it’s also true that Hachiman’s wounds heal slower than most.

The twins didn’t hate the fact that she’d suggested ordering pizza only to cook something else last minute. These two were special like that, always happy to take anything Ai gave them. Always making every little moment special and making her hope they could stay smiling like that forever.

Her miniature world might not be complete in the eyes of others, but she’d not change what she did have for anything in the world. Her children, perhaps because they were too young to understand, loved every aspect of her life. Seeing her struggle, seeing the end result in live performance. She didn’t know if it was the reassurance of being able to proudly tell them what she devoted herself to, or the gratefulness of having someone else that saw what others would condemn and tell her she’s doing fantastic. The best, the pinnacle of the industry. And getting them to bed while talking about her next performance filled her with a strange sense of purpose, one that had given her the initial push to grow to the top to begin with.

And this time, she had someone to thank for it.

“Success!” She stage-whispered while typing, giving the sink a glance over while waiting to see if he’d answer “You’re pretty good in the kitchen, huh.”

It could take a minute or forever, no in-between. So Ai would use it to decide whether to slack off a little bit or put everything in order and go to sleep.

[Normal, I’d say. I just excel at doing stuff lazily.]

That sounded nice… Sometimes she did feel like kicking back and doing nothing all day, but the only time in her life she managed to do that was prior to meeting Ichigo-san.

She’d rather be busy forever than going back, so she didn’t complain with the planning, exercise, and fighting for some elbow room to have with her kids. She’d have time for herself when they grew up and entered their rebellious stage… If they did. Ai had the suspicion her genes were too strong in these two, as they had already shown signs of great maturity. Maybe they’d be perfectly lovable even when they became teenagers.

Ai could only cross her fingers.

“If you’re so lazy, why don’t you go to sleep early?” She didn’t know whether it had become an unspoken agreement not to delve too deeply into each other’s lives, Miyako-san must’ve talked about this when they met, but at times of peace like these Ai felt the needed to push a little further into that boundary.

Her conversation skills had improved a bit, she didn’t need to rely so heavily in a script, and the guy on the other side of the screen had these flashes of niceness that reminded her why she was texting him.

Perhaps because they hadn’t met for an extended period of time, or maybe she got the wrong idea. It felt as though Hikigaya stayed completely static until disturbed, like if she forgot her phone and went back two years later, she could pick up the conversation right where they left it off. Talking about unimportant stuff, just going through the motions. Only to stay completely static once more.

Like a flytrap closing its leaves to feed itself, only to go back to being a plant once more. Or perhaps like a lizard basking in the sun, living off like that until it was time to it.

Maybe the later comparison was a bit too unflattering, but Ai couldn’t fathom a life like that. She understood that he’d have more things to do once he went back to studying, but it still irked Ai that someone could go through any extended period of time wasting.

[I’m actually doing a couple of projects right now, can’t really go to sleep early. Plus, it’s not like I’ll have anything important to do tomorrow.]

See?! Isn’t that just plain inefficient?!

“Just go to sleep early and do it tomorrow.” She couldn’t help scoffing while typing.

[I don’t want to. The day is for slacking off, the night is for doing everything last minute.]

“It’s even bad for your eyesight, maybe that’s why you glare all the time.”

[This is just how my eyes look.]

Ai stopped in her tracks.

“Sorry.”

[You feel sorry for saying that or because my eyes look like that?]

“For being insensitive. I mean, your eyes are fine I think.”

[Sorry for not being aesthetic or whatever.]

“I’m serious though!” Ai put the phone down, tipping to her right to see if her muttering hadn’t made her kids wake up. And went back to typing once she confirmed no movements or noises came from their room “Aren’t you a bit too active right now?”

[I’m taking a break, trying to distract myself.]

Ai didn’t know what to say to that. She had her kids, but he didn’t really have anything readily available to him to take the edge off his mind. Not that she knew of, at least. And his sister would either be asleep, if she was even a bit more responsible than him, or doing her own things.

“Wanna talk?” She finally typed after considering it for a moment. She’d had the offer given to her by her co-stars before, but she rarely took it. They didn’t have a lot to talk about, after all. But she’d been going through the motions with Hikigaya for just enough time that it wouldn’t be weird to talk about nothing at all.

That’s all they ever did, and a strange form of comfort came from it. Maybe because she knew it helped him stave off his boredom. It felt like she was helping out someone that did the same for her, even if just in the smallest amount.

It gave her purpose, just like seeing her children cheer her on.

Her phone rang.

“I thought you’d turn me down.” Ai spoke as quietly as she could, pressing her ear against the device like she’d be unable to hear him otherwise.

“I was.” His voice was small too, almost a whisper. It filled Ai with a sensation of being accomplices in doing something behind people’s backs. Or perhaps like a kid sharing secrets under a blanket with one another.

“Then…?”

“I’m just really trying to procrastinate as much as possible.”

“Eh?”

“Postpone what I have to do.” He elaborated with a sigh. It felt as though he was either stretching or finishing yawning “I let things pile up a bit too much.”

“That’s why I was telling you to get your times in order.” Ai pouted and held the phone between her cheek and shoulder so she could start washing the dishes without putting it on speaker “You never really get back the sleep you don’t take.”

“Yes, mom.”

“Fine, do whatever you want. See what happens.”

“It must be a lot easier when you have someone telling you what to do and when to do it.” He replied like she was just telling him this to be annoying “Takes a lot less initiative.”

“If you think I’m babied all the time, then you’re wrong. My contract explicitly states I have to do my part.” Ai’s half-lidded eyes pointed to the side her phone was on, like she could shove her expression through the phone and into his mind via Wi-Fi.

“But you get punished if you fail.” He pointed out.

“And you don’t?”

“School is different. Consequences are overrated.” The guy replied with enough carefreeness that Ai could’ve thought he was talking about something inane instead of his future. Implicitly or not, wasn’t college super important for getting a job? He couldn’t live off of his face, so that was a real problem for him “Nothing a super smart person like me can’t trivialize.”

“Must be great to get away with it.” Ai chuckled, not really knowing where to go from there.

“Must be, yeah.” The reply came more somber than she expected, and for a moment she thought her words had been misunderstood “Or not. I know someone like that, and she’s bored all the time.”

“Like you.” Ai pointed out.

“Never say that to me ever again.” Again, his reply was strange. She didn’t know if he was joking or not, so she backpedaled and went back to her tried and trusty way of deflecting.

People in humor did this all the time.

“Then get to work properly.” She had to giggle to make things smoother, go with it all the way so she wouldn’t lose the thread. Going half-way would remind her that this wasn’t airing on TV or anything. But instead, she was trying to appease someone she was trying to befriend.

The answer didn’t come immediately, but when it did, he sounded defeated.

“Maybe I should listen to you.”

“You should. I’m the image of a successful person, after all.” Ai let out a sigh when things calmed down. She wanted to ask, she wanted to know why that particular comment had irked him. But she just kept going with the flow, doing what she did best. Staying in the safe surface of what she knew.

“Who would’ve thought? Inspirational coaches were right: go to sleep early, exercise, invest in private property is the way to success.”

“Or get scouted for your charm and talent.” Ai pointed out to get a chuckle out of him.

“I guess.” He didn’t, but she did hear a scoff coming from his side of the conversation. So she took it as the next best thing “Then why isn’t Komachi famous yet?”

“Ah, it’s all rigged. Sorry about that.” Ai wouldn’t normally have made fun of the industry like this, not even on the TV. But Hikigaya apparently thrived in this kind of humor, so she gave it a chance.

“Damn. And here I was thinking I could mooch off her cuteness when she started working.”

Ai stopped in her tracks.

“I’d hate that.” She stated with some coldness in her tone.

“It’s my life.” He replied.

Yes, but…

“It doesn’t suit you.” She held the phone with her hand, thinking about where that sentiment came from “I think you have a lot to give.”

More than his well-being, or at least that’s what Ai wanted to believe.

“If you say so.” He side-stepped the topic again, making Ai purse her lips.

“Too much thinking and too little action will leave you having done nothing.” Ai insisted.

“But if I don’t consider things properly, I’m bound to mess things up.” He calmly replied, breathing a little more heavily as he did.

“Messing up is a part of life, dummy. How else will you grow if you don’t push your limits?”

“Oh, you’d know about that.”

“Well, yeah. You don’t make it in this line of work if you do the same as everyone else.” Ai stretched her left arm, making circles with her wrist to feel for any discomfort “The same goes for our bodies. They’re made to be used, we’re happier when we get tired, sweaty, and actually need to take a breather instead of going to sleep only tired in mind.”

“That’s not something a girl should be telling a guy over the phone.” Although it sounded like a jab, she felt a tinge of discomfort in his voice.

“I thought you weren’t into idols? I guess even lame guys like you can feel the appeal.” She spoke smugly, putting her free hand on her waist. Too bad he couldn’t see her.

“Society has tricked us to believe famous people are somehow better than the rest. Even I’m not immune to propaganda.” He sounded annoyed now, but in the way she’d seen the girls reply when they’re being made fun of without crossing their personal limit.

“You don’t think I’m better than the rest?” Ai put as much sweetness and innocence in the question as she could, closing her eyes to savor the moment.

Again, the answer didn’t come immediately.

“Not because you’re famous, no.”

“But…?”

“…Guess I have to give your efforts some credit.” He sighed again, and that made Ai smile.

“That wasn’t the question, but thanks for the praise.”

“Eh…”

The silence that stretched felt a lot more comfortable than Ai expected. Seconds trickled down and she kept the tiny smile on her face, doing chores while hearing the sound of something being poured on the other side.

Was he also in the kitchen now?

“Come to think of it. How are you doing?” Ai opened her eyes. She hadn’t noticed when she closed them “How’s your… Mmm, you know.”

“We did it, chief.” Came his voice after he apparently swallowed something “I’m just taking things slowly to make sure everything goes well.”

“Finally.” Ai didn’t know why it felt relieving. He could be lying and didn’t sound too excited about it, but it still felt like a weight off her shoulders “Think you’ll be able to come pick up your signed merchandise soon~?”

“Err, I meant to say I’ll have to be immobile for much longer.” The awkwardness in his voice made Ai scoff, but she didn’t interrupt his bit “I’ll have to become a NEET at this point.”

“Please don’t.” Ai released some air through her nose. Not amused, but kind of annoyed now “If you do, at least do something online. Miyako-san says content creators will get a lot more popular soon.”

“Eh, who wants to watch someone else play a game?”

“I don’t know. It sounds to me like technology is advancing in that direction quickly.” Ai thought about the small meeting they held about a promotional video. It had been discussed whether they should make it so people could send in their questions via a webpage and they read them, or do something more traditional. She hadn’t understood that this was content to make the promo even more relevant upon being revealed, but it did leave that impression.

Or maybe she’d completely missed the point. Wouldn’t be the first time, as thinking of the logistics behind those things was Miyako-san’s job. Sometimes, Ai just did things as told and didn’t ask questions. It’d worked thus far after all.

“Sounds like a drag.”

“I don’t know, just please do something productive.”

“I don’t think most people would call playing games “productive”.”

“Most people wouldn’t think singing and dancing is productive either, but I’m everyone’s Ai-chan anyway.”

She heard him mulling over it with another sip.

“Guess it sounds too far-fetched for someone like me.” He replied after a bit.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been taught to think that once high school is over, I have to study a career, then enter the work force.” He took another sip of his drink, and when he kept speaking, he sounded a bit sleepier “That’s what happens. Living off art or videogames sounds like something that only happen in fiction.”

“Isn’t there a game that has official teams to represent their country for money?”

“Yeah, but that game automatically turns guys into weirdos most of the time. Your chances of becoming a pro are like 1% at best.”

What?

“I don’t get it.”

“Let’s just say that making things a competition has a way to bring out the worst in people.” He replied half-heartedly.

“I mean, I still made it. So you have no reason to think it’s impossible. Chase your dreams, Hikigaya-san!”

“Humans are persistence predators. It’s more effective to follow them at your own pace until they get tired.”

Again, what was he talking about? Ai sometimes really didn’t understand why he’d say things like those.

“Fine. Do whatever you want, just don’t come to me if things don’t work out.” Ai pouted again, knowing that he wouldn’t listen anymore.

“Can’t I at least be staff-kun if needed be?”

“Hmmm, if you ask nicely I might think about it.” Ai hated to admit it, but he did save her life. It’d feel wrong not giving him that opportunity at least “Hey, you just want free access to my concerts!”

“No way.” The guy shot her down way too quickly. It hurt Ai a little bit.

“You could at least pretend to consider it…”

He chuckled at that. It was quiet, almost to the point that Ai might’ve missed it. But unmistakably it happened, proof that he was enjoying their little meaningless conversation.

“Guess you’re less stressed out?” Ai tried to get a better glimpse of what he was doing, poking at the limit with a hesitant finger. Ready to pull it back.

“Sure.” He took another sip of his drink “I think tiredness is catching up to me though.”

“Then go to sleep.” Ai looked at the hour “It’s a bit late, but you gotta start somewhere.”

“Will this affect your schedule?” He sounded actually bothered by the idea, which again made her smile.

How could someone be so hard to talk to yet show so much concern for her at the same time? What a strange person.

“I’ll just deal with it.” Ai shrugged even though he couldn’t see her “If something goes wrong, though. I’ll let you know.”

“You’re not making me take responsibility for your actions, are you?”

“What do you mean? We’re talking because you can’t get your schedule right.” Which, now that she thought about it, might not have been such a bad occurrence after all.

“Right.”

“Plus, the company is nice.” Ai didn’t know if she meant it or simply wanted to get more opportunities to dissect his behavior. But that didn’t matter at the moment “Thanks for your time.”

“…I’m the one talking to Ai-chan.” He replied after some awkward silence.

“Yes, you are. I sure hope I’m making your night a bit better!”

“Eh, it’s alright.” Again with the deflection! But Ai was getting used to it by now.

“Please leave a review. Make sure to give me five stars and I’ll get you something nice~.” Ah, speaking of… “By the way. Will you come to my concert? We’re performing soon.”

“I don’t think I should.” Came his reply a bit too quickly for her liking.

“C’mon, I’ll get you a meet and greet pass~.”

“Thank you, Hoshino. But no.” His tone went back to that cold one he’d used at the hospital “It’s really kind of you, but I’m not well enough to go.”

“Well, it’s not so soon that…”

“Thank you.” He repeated himself “But it’s better if it doesn’t happen.”

“…”

“Too many people, too many eyes. The loudness, the light…” He kept talking after a moment of awkwardness. Like he’d realized she was really looking forward to it “I’ll cheer for you from here.”

“…Thanks.”

The silence was no longer comfortable.

“I don’t mind seeing you.” He added after a bit, when Ai was about to end the call “Just please don’t make me go somewhere with a huge crowd.”

“…”

“Hoshino?”

“Fine. I’ll take it. But you have to let me call you now.” Ai stated after a moment.

“Eh?”

“I’m trying to be a part of your life, Hikigaya-san.” Ai pursed her lips with some annoyance “It’s fine if you don’t care for what I do, but please give me something.”

“You don’t have to do that.” He replied with some confusion.

“I’m doing it because I want to, not because I have to.” She didn’t understand that comment. What of her actions looked like something outside of her ability to make decisions “I think you could use a friend that listens to you.”

“I have friends.”

“Did you tell them you were hurt?”

“…”

“You haven’t told them?”

“I mean…”

“Plus, I…”

“Fine. I can go to your concert.” He sounded somewhat annoyed “Just don’t look down on me like that.”

Ai pressed her lips. It felt as though he’d revealed something that made everything else click. She just couldn’t put her finger on it…

No. She could, it’s just that she didn’t want to think about him in that context. She’d been down to her luck before, so that had to be different.

Why did it feel like he thought the world was out to hurt him?

“You’re so rude…” Ai trailed off “It’s like you get nervous around me. And not in the cute and fun way.”

“Awkwardness is neither fun nor cute.” He replied with more calmness now.

“It can be.” Ai assured him.

“The real thing is not.” He assured her back.

“I wouldn’t know.”

“You wouldn’t.” He sighed more bitterly this time “I’ll listen to you this time, I’ll hit the bed now.”

“…Good night, Hikigaya-san.” Ai had no expression nor warmth in her tone when she spoke. It felt as though she’d failed again.

“Rest well, Hoshino.” He sounded bitter too, ready to cut the call off as soon as physically possible “I’ll, ummm, let’s plan this out later. Okay?”

Ai wanted to turn him down, but his tone felt more familiar than she wanted to admit.

It dripped with loneliness.

“Yeah, good idea.” She caressed her face, not really knowing what to think anymore “I think I’m really tired too.”

It was a lie, of course. And his was one too. But pulling back like this, making up an excuse, felt a lot more natural. Giving reasons to agree to let things slide later on, like water under a bridge that wasn’t going to be used because they didn’t have the equipment.

She couldn’t reach him. But it felt as though they were both acknowledging the fact. Giving each other a chance to try again.

And Hoshino Ai is someone that takes opportunities no matter what.

Chapter Text

He didn’t speak about their little disagreement the next day, or the day after that. Ai had sort of hoped that’d be the case, but that didn’t bring her any closer to seeing him at all. Messaging was alright enough, but the only images that came to Ai’s mind when she thought of him were that of Aqua trying to stop his bleeding, and the hospital bed where they met for the second time. Sufficient to say, that didn’t do for a good memory. And, as Miyako-san and Ichigo-san said, that was probably the case for him too.

Scratch that, it was the case. Which meant that they needed to make happy memories together too. Override the bad with the good, just like how she did as she came home to her children instead of a cold and uncaring orphanage. She wanted him to look at a poster, or a picture, or anything related to her and not to shiver. But instead, to make him smile as much as any of her fans would. With fond memories and the feeling of having gained something, instead of having lost it.

Which meant that she needed a new plan of action.

“Eh? Where’s my phone?” Ai felt her purse for it, getting Miyako-san to look up from attending to Ruby.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” The woman narrowed her eyes, letting the kid be by herself on the couch for a moment.

“I charged it last night, so it’s here.” Ai looked around, opening the cabinets just in case she’d placed it there instead of the jelly or something.

“Maybe it’s in our room?” Aqua tilted his head. He didn’t sound disturbed or worried, which encouraged Ai a little given that Miyako-san looked ready to start yelling at her.

Ai stretched her back.

“Might be.” She strode to their bedroom, making sure to not cross eyesight with Miyako-san as she looked for it. It didn’t seem to be around, with most things in order with the exception of a couple of books and toys.

Now, that was worrying…

Her tone sounded muted. Low, but unmistakably there. Ai had to wonder why or how, but instead followed the noise until she lifted one of Ruby’s pillows to find Miyako-san calling her.

Smart.

“Got it!” She picked it up and triumphantly went back to the living room, where Aqua was glaring at a Ruby whose gaze was everywhere but paying attention to what she was doing.

Ai wanted to ask about it, but instead unlocked it to quickly go through her messages.

Hikigaya’s chat wasn’t there, as she’d hoped. She deleted it whenever she could. Committing to memory what had been said last time to avoid a problem like someone getting the conversation when she wasn’t looking. They could still see the contact, but it’d be a lot harder to do something with that when nothing could be drawn without sending Hikigaya a message.

Or if he answered. But reading a “that sucks” hardly tells anyone anything about their relationship. If their back and forth could even be called that.

“I wonder why it was hidden away.” Ai put a finger on her chin, looking for any guilt in her children’s eyes. Which there was plenty of, but Aqua stoically held her glance and Ruby outright refused to acknowledge the comment. That… Admittedly told her very little. Any of them could’ve known and cover for the other, it felt just as likely “I got really scared for a moment, y’know.”

“Ruby.” Miyako-san called her with that “you’re in trouble” tone she used with Ai as well.

“How do you know it was her?”

The woman blinked at Ai for a moment, like she didn’t think anything for a second there.

“You think Aqua would do that?” She didn’t have to sound so doubtful, though.

“Well, I mean. He’s a kid too.” Ai replied defensively. She knew her children, and she knew that Aqua was pretty well behaved. But also, wouldn’t it be unfair to single out Ruby like that? Although small, it could’ve been her brother. Ai didn’t want her to develop a complex where only Aqua’s voice was heard.

“I guess.” Miyako-san sighed, sounding unconvinced “That’s still something that shouldn’t happen though.”

“Yeah. That wasn’t very nice, even if it’s a prank.” Ai did her best admonishing tone without being hurtful, pointing a finger at the kids while pushing her eyebrows together “May I hear from you who hid it?”

Ruby still didn’t look at Ai.

“C’mon, let’s…”

“It was me.” Aqua stated before Ai could finish her sentence.

“…Eh?” Miyako-san looked surprise, which made Ai a little smug on the inside.

See? She knows her children.

“Why would you do that? You know this could be dangerous if it falls on the wrong hands.” Ai showed the device to him, shaking it like the piece of technology wouldn’t break if it fell.

“I wanted to use it.” He didn’t hesitate to answer, which took Ai a little aback. It sounded like he thought he didn’t do anything wrong.

“But why?”

“I was bored.”

That… Wasn’t what Ai was expecting. Aqua said so little all the time, that now Ai had nothing to work with. She wanted to admonish him, but she didn’t really have anything to say but “ask first instead of taking it” and it felt like that wouldn’t be enough.

She looked at Miyako-san for help.

“Isn’t that counterintuitive? You’re just making Ai worried about it being taken when she’s not looking.” Miyako-san spoke in a very serious and mature tone, making Aqua give her his full attention.

Ai didn’t know if she could replicate that tone.

“But I wanted to…”

“Then you should ask. What happens if you forget where you put it?” Miyako-san didn’t relent. Pointing at Ai while actually looking angry “She’s been doing her best to keep you two safe, give you comfort and to be a mother. Don’t you think she deserves at least a tiny bit of respect to her things?”

Hmmm… Somehow… It felt as though Miyako-san was enjoying herself here.

Regardless, Aqua stared at the floor.

“Sorry.”

Umm, well. At least he knew he had to apologize immediately, right?

“It’s alright if you want to take my things.” Ai got to her knees to hug her son “I’m just asking you to tell me first. I don’t mind giving it to you.”

“As long as you’re supervised.” Miyako-san added while Ai was trying to comfort him.

“…Okay.”

That pause… Hmmm. Ai should probably be more careful with her things from now on.

“…”

“…”

In the living room of the Hikigaya household, the two siblings were sitting on the same couch, on the same position, with the same dissatisfaction in their faces. Had anyone been there, seeing them be a copy of one another save for things like their eyes, height, and hair style; they’d not have doubted that these two had grown together. That they were indeed, brother and sister. Not just by blood, but in the way that only people that have lived their lives together can be.

“Somehow… Hmmm…” The younger sister finally breached the awkward silence, breaking the stance of having her elbows on her lap and hands pressed together over her mouth like she was praying, and reached out to the phone on the tea table in front of them.

[u suck so bad]

[u call yourself a man like that?]

[don’t even have the balls to turn me down in my face]

She picked up the open conversation as looking at the screen made her older brother cringe. And change his position from the same that she had had, to instead cover his face with both hands while letting out a small pathetic moan.

“Onii-chan… You don’t have the necessary tact to talk to girls.” The younger girl finally finished her idea. Adding nothing to the problem, but also not really helping either.

Hachiman could only groan in reply.

“I mean… It’s okay! That happens, I think, to most people! There’s a lot of fishes in the ocean. Huh… The point is to keep trying, and stuff.” She sounded like she didn’t know what to say. And for good reason. She’d found him like that. Stunned, bemused, confused. She’d made a joke about his fish out of water expression until she read the messages. And then… This.

“You got it wrong.” Hachiman finally managed to speak while taking a lungful of air.

“Right, right.” His little sister nodded sagely “I mean, it’s okay. I’m not mad or anything. Yukino-san was a great catch, but your happiness is what’s important.”

Hachiman closed his eyes again.

“Eh… I mean, you weren’t trying to seduce her to forget about Yukino-san, right?” Komachi did the opposite of what Hachiman wanted and kept talking “That’d be a really shitty move on your part. She’d be right to be mad.”

Wow. In spite of how serious and mature she’d been before, Hikigaya Komachi was still his sister. And as such, she couldn’t help putting her foot in her mouth as badly as Hachiman sometimes did.

“No.” He felt like crying, just a bit. The only thing that kept his emotions in check was the implication that Komachi didn’t actually believe her older brother was that kind of trash “I wasn’t.”

“Ok, great. Then you don’t have to feel bad for this.” The younger girl nodded to herself “Not so bad, at least. You’ll get better! Komachi trusts you!”

Okay. That was relieving, probably. But Hachiman just couldn’t lose face in front of his little sister. She’d been there for him, and part of the reason for him to move on was so that Komachi wouldn’t worry. He didn’t feel well taking time off her youth having to look out for her useless older brother. Yes, she’d know what he expected when he went in a trip to Tokyo. Yes, she’d been the first to visit him at the hospital. And perhaps she got a bit of a bone to pick with the Yukinoshita because of it; but no. He could not do this to his little sister. Not anymore.

“The problem is actually that I didn’t say anything to upset her.” Technically the truth, since Saitou-san had been very clear in what was expected of him. Hoshino was a pro, after all. No matter what he thought about her, or what he thought she thought, reality dictated that if she got mad at him for whatever reason it would look completely different from this.

And there laid the problem: What to do? Call Saitou-san? Ask Hoshino what this was about? This went far beyond the idea that one simple mistake would make her hate Hachiman or make her mad enough to write a message like this, at least. He didn’t doubt she could find reasons to hate him. But he wanted to believe that this wasn’t the same girl that projected a carefully crafted persona to the masses for over years. He could just as well show this to people. And whether they believed it was Ai-chan or not, it’d probably make some waves.

Hachiman might have many negative traits to his name, but being stupid is not one of them.

“Somehow I don’t believe you.”

“Hey. What’s that supposed to mean?” Hachiman glared at the little shit staring back at him with a straight face like she’d said something evident.

“Let’s be honest, onii-chan. You like playing hard to get and it doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m careful to choose who I open up to, which is different. It’s about my own peace of mind.” He crossed his arms and lifted his chin, disregarding the message and its implications for now.

“Sure, sure.”

“Besides, I am allowed to choose who to let into my life. It comes with the territory, and it’s my prerogative to…”

“So you did make her mad?”

“Just a little bit.” Hachiman scoffed “But it ended in an alright enough note.”

“Sometimes you easily miss beats when you think you have everything figured out.” Komachi pointed out.

“Umm, we agreed to talk about it later one.” Hachiman shook his head.

“Maybe she wanted you to take the initiative and do it soon.”

“She’s a busy woman.”

“Oh, really? That’s convenient.” Komachi narrowed her eyes only to blink with some surprise “Well, I mean. It’s the first time I’m hearing about this. So…”

“There’s a reason to it too.” Hachiman sighed, pushing his shoulders back and making his spine pop.

“I’m sure there is.”

“Like, actual real life reasons.” Hachiman looked away “It was agreed to keep this under wraps.”

Komachi’s expression oozed with disbelief as she put a hand on his shoulders.

“She’s toying with you, onii-chan. Get out of there.”

“We’re not dating.” He hissed, actually mad now “It’s more complicated than that.”

“I know you love that, but some things are very straightforward onii-chan…”

“She’s famous.” Hachiman put a hand on his stomach.

Komachi blinked again. It seemed like she was trying to piece things together.

“How famous?”

Hachiman sighed once more.

“Famous enough to get a stalker.” He lifted his shirt, letting Komachi see the still-red scar.

Realization hit her in that moment.

“No way.” She looked away, to somewhere Hachiman couldn’t follow “Mom knows. I knew she was keeping quiet about something!”

“They probably paid for the hospital to some extent.” Hachiman nodded.

His little sister stood from the couch.

“Delete her number this instant.”

“What?”

“Isn’t it insane that you met her when she was about to get killed? You’re just asking for trouble!” Komachi took the device and pointed at the last message displayed “What if she’s a psycho? Do you not watch TV? This is a terrible idea!”

“I think you’re still insisting on something that’s not happening.” Hachiman kept his voice level in spite of the vile growing in the pit of his stomach.

“This is very suspiciously implying you’re not man enough for her.” Komachi insisted.

“You’re now just accusing me of random shit.” Hachiman growled “At best, she’s salty that I don’t care for her career.”

“Oh, sure. Yeah, because that’s…”

[went for sum icecream]

[it was nice]

Komachi stopped in her tracks as the new messages popped up, forcing her to look at the screen like an alien message had randomly been intercepted by her brother’s phone.

“She’s a psycho…” Komachi wheezed in disbelief.

Hachiman couldn’t deal with two meddlesome girls at the same time, so he flipped a mental coin and chose to pick the phone with a heavy heart.

He resent the messages to her.

[What’s this about?]

[?]

[You sent this to me like 3 hours ago.]

[what]

[did not]

Hachiman only had more questions now. Perhaps Komachi was right and she was just a psycho. Or maybe someone got her phone and typed that…

She didn’t strike him as being too close to the rest of her group, so maybe this was a case of bullying. He could believe it. If kids can be cruel, he couldn’t imagine the vileness of people used to being the center of attention for a living.

[id never say that to u]

Somehow, he could believe it. But it didn’t make him feel better.

[Well, someone did. Using your phone.]

[i dont think so]

Hmmm…

[sorry]

[wasnt me]

Right…

Hachiman and Komachi exchanged a glance. She made a cutting motion over her neck in silence.

[If you say so.]

[rlly rlly]

[i swear]

[If that’s the case you should be more careful with your stuff.]

He locked the device in spite of the immediate answer he got and threw it to the side of the couch with a sigh.

Komachi just stared at him with some tiredness.

“Is she very famous?”

“Yeah.”

“Have I heard of her?” This line of questioning…

Hachiman stuck out his tongue and lifted his arms, pushing his index fingers back and straightening the middle ones to make half-hearts to either side of his face with the closest to a wink he could muster.

“No way…” There was no surprise in Komachi’s face. Just pure, unfiltered disbelief “Is onii-chan actually a ladies’ man…?”

“What?”

“How do you do it?”

Although the question irritated him, it gave him enough of a pause to make him consider it for a moment.

“I think god hates me.” He replied with as much honesty as he could muster.

Komachi lifted her hands to either side, palms looking up like she wanted an explanation until she fully thought about the situation for a moment.

“Well, it’s not ideal but… Huh.” The younger girl walked to put herself right in front of Hachiman and kneeled “Please accept Komachi’s honest apologize, onii-chan. For doubting your charisma.”

“Get the hell out of here.” He leaned in and bonked her in the head “If someone got her phone, her career will be over and it’ll be a mess for me too.”

“Nah.” Komachi stuck her tongue out when Hachiman didn’t cheer up “I mean, true. But so what? You’re not gonna…”

She looked back at his stomach.

“Oh.”

“Oh, indeed.” Hachiman sighed once more.

“Ummm…”

“I’ll figure this out.” Hachiman assured his now worried little sister, kicking himself mentally for doing exactly what he wanted to avoid “Don’t worry.”

“Kind of late for that.”

“Well, you barged into this.” Hachiman decided sending that text to Saitou-san after all. Talking it with Komachi made him realize that this could indeed get ugly for him too “Cope.”

“What are you doing?” The younger girl frowned.

“I’m not getting knifed twice.” Hachiman growled “I’m not stupid. I won’t risk my life uselessly like this.”

Komachi was still frowning while he typed.

“I don’t think I like Ai-chan that much anymore…”

Hachiman just rolled his eyes. Boy if it was just about liking her, everything would be far easier.

Chapter Text

She didn’t fully register what she’d done until she felt the stinging sensation on her palm, and Miyako-san’s shocked reaction fully registered as being caused by her. Ai still had to take a couple of seconds to center herself. To what had made the woman suddenly stand up while her kids teared up a bit, flinching away from Ai’s presence.

The arm in the air only cemented the idea, the damning evidence or something dark and ugly. And the realization that she’d used her free hand to pull each of the twins toward her so they wouldn’t run away when she did it only made Ai’s heart drop even further.

She hadn’t meant to do it. It didn’t have to be such a big thing, something that made and broke the way they interacted. A child’s prank is only a prank, after all. And yet Ai saw herself momentarily losing her better judgment. Going so far as seeing herself transformed into the adult that represented a threat to the kid. Instead of being the kid that saw the threat coming and could only shrink away.

It felt nauseating.

“Ai!” Miyako-san didn’t go for her, but instead pulled the twins away and gave Ai a wary look before checking their faces “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“I…” The light eroded from her gaze, breaking the otherwise pristine facial features of a perky young woman. She couldn’t see herself reflected anywhere, but everyone’s reaction clued Ai enough to flinch away from their gazes.

She stopped understanding their emotions, as her brain rushed into fight or flight mode to protect the one thing she had never seen threatened.

Ai covered her face as she lost control over its appearance.

“I…” Her vision blurred a little, she couldn’t understand… No. She didn’t want to understand. She didn’t want to see, to be there. To acknowledge the fact that, once again, a single slip would cause such a terrible outcome “I… Sorry!”

“Mama…!”

Ai rushed out of the apartment, head low and full of questions. She almost face-planted the door because she didn’t stare ahead, and struggled a little to open it and close it behind her while she clenched her stomach as hard as she could.

Some things must never be done, some things are for people that are bad and can’t turn their lives around. When Ai joined hands with Ichigo-san, she thought she’d leave all that behind. That she would be able to turn a page in her life, be better off with the bad people away.

Hikaru had been like her. And although things were a lot more complicated if she thought about him, at least she’d been left better off after parting ways. Now she didn’t think she’d be half as happy without her kids, the light of her days, the truth at the backstage that loved her through every lie and made-up facet of herself.

And she’d hit them when Miyako-san explained what happened.

That’s… No. Even if… But when…

Ai put her back against the wall and let herself slide down, hugging her knees and placing her forehead on them to cover her face while a myriad of emotions went through it. She couldn’t hear, the buzzing in her ears was too strong, and the sudden wave of nausea threatened to make her already labored breathing even worse.

It hadn’t been that bad, it wouldn’t even be seen as appropriate in any other family; much less in Ai’s new one. Even if they’d done something terrible, something that threatened the small balance in Ai’s life… They were still her babies. They were smart, unmistakably so, but they were still kids. She had no excuse for getting physical with them.

She had no excuse to be a terrible mother.

“Aaahhh… Aaahhh…” The dry heaving didn’t stop, and the shadow of her limbs reduced Ai’s world to simple glimpses of the light coming from the sides, and the smell of salty sweat coming from her own skin. A bit more nauseating now that she felt so overwhelmed, but something that she could partially ignore for the same reason.

Small details that added up, that made a whole. Things that she thought she could push back, but that were tied to others which created a solid wall around her. Seemingly frail due to its composition, but taking out one of the small pieces was impossible. And so, it became something unstoppable, something that she had to process and depurate while suffering every second.

Why? She’d been in control for so long. Not even her pregnancy saw her losing her mind so easily, so suddenly. The feeling of getting dizzy was a familiar one, but something inside of her just made the experience completely unhelpful. If she could throw up to feel better, she would. But her mouth felt dry instead of watery. And the hiccups she now had were only painful enough to make her flinch, but not strong enough to make her stomach turn. Instead of being symptoms, they felt like pure torture created by her own body.

Deep breaths. Ai needed to take deep breaths. Every second counted, she didn’t want to keep suffering. She didn’t know what was happening, only that she needed to calm down. And the only thing that came to mind was regulating her breathing, because her heart felt like it’d burst through her ribcage if she didn’t get it all under control. It felt like having a jack-in-the-box that refused to go back inside. So she had to painstakingly screw everything back slowly. Making sure everything went in the appropriate space.

Her thoughts came back to her mother, she needed those thoughts put aside. Her mind went back to Hikaru, she unwittingly thought of the hospital. The doctor that left her behind.

No. No, no, no. Not those thoughts either. Other thoughts, simpler thoughts. Practice. What was her schedule? What are the questions that anchors more usually try to sneak in? Choreography. Steps, buildings blocks.

Method acting. Her kids, the way they broke the internet for a little bit back when she recently had them. Their smiles, their cheer, their red cheeks…

No. Not even that.

Those thoughts, the pure thoughts she had reserved. The small joys in her life… They were tainted now.

Something else, anything else. Whatever can make her feel the warmness of a heart. Fans, praise, money, sing, dance. Act, act, act!

A selfless helping hand.

“…”

Ai lifted her head, letting her eyes peer above her arms. She’d stopped shaking and the buzzing had become bearable enough that she could actually hear now. Some of the other apartment owners had come out to see what was happening, or were there for one reason or another. When they crossed eyes with Ai, they pretended not to see. Pretended to be doing anything but sticking their noses where they did not belong.

They couldn’t recognize everyone’s Ai-chan beneath the homely shorts and loose long-sleeved shirt. Behind the apron she sometimes kept because, although plain, Ai thought it had a cuteness to it. No. All they saw was a young girl shaking in her pants, having trouble breathing, so all they did was stare.

“Are you calmer now?” Miyako-san’s soft tone made Ai jump on the spot. The woman had chosen to sit on the floor on the opposite side of the door, giving Ai enough space that they could not have whispered to one another “Are you feeling sick? I’ll bring you some water.”

“I…” Ai didn’t get to finish her sentence as the light-haired woman stood up and went back inside into the apartment. She hadn’t expected to see her there, waiting. But her absence made Ai nervous again, made her feel a bit naked.

She wanted to stand, but didn’t have the strength for it. She wanted to call for her, but the voice that could melt entire stadiums with its charm was nowhere to be found. Ai had been reduced back to a shivering kid, afraid in an unknown place with no adult supervision. Thinking she’d been abandoned.

Of course, Miyako-san entered Ai’s house. So she went back soon enough with a glass of water. This time, she chose to sit to Ai’s left, leaving the door on Ai’s right. And passed the glass by cupping Ai’s hands around it and only letting go after making sure the younger woman held it firmly.

“What are we going to do with you, kid?” Miyako-san sighed, throwing back her head until it touched the wall behind “You know, I’ve said this several times already. But I did not sign up to being a foster mom. You were already a handful without the twins. Can’t be chasing after you now. It’s just too much.”

Ai wanted to drink, but her throat felt clogged. Like she’d choke if anything went through. So she didn’t.

“I think your reaction scared them more than being hit.” Miyako-san continued; her voice soft. If a little confused “You looked ready to murder someone back there, I don’t think I’ve seen you this pissed off before.”

Ai opened her mouth, but only a whimper came out.

“…What did I do?” A wheeze came after a moment. No better combination of words could’ve expressed what she felt. No structure in any language half as charged with emotion.

“Hey, these things happen. Sometimes kid can get on your nerves.” Miyako-san put her hands on Ai’s shoulders, rubbing them a bit “It’s part of being a parent, I think.”

“I hurt them!” Ai wanted to scream, but only a small pitiful cry came out.

“Yeah.” Miyako-san kept rubbing her shoulders.

“It’s wrong.”

“I didn’t say it was right. Just that it’s normal.” Miyako-san dropped her hands and sighed “You’re in the wrong, of course. But even adults have their limits, their feelings can get hurt. Sometimes a kid can pass a limit at a bad time, where we’re the most vulnerable. And we just lash out. That’s part of being human, and it’s only considered wrong because children are small, pitiful, and have no idea what they’re doing.”

The woman scoffed like she found the idea funny.

“Even if the twins are smarter and better behaved that most children.” Miyako-san added, scratching her lower lip while looking away “Eventually the honeymoon phase leaves. And you’ll have to step up your mom game. Imagine when they get to their rebellious phase. What will you do?”

“They won’t be.”

“Of course.” Miyako-san scoffed.

Ai finally took the chance to get a small sip, testing if she’d be able to drink somewhat quickly or if she’d have to take things slowly.

“Where… Where are they?”

“In their room, grounded.” Miyako-san looked at Ai “What? Did you think I’d play nice cop to your bad cop? No. Otherwise they won’t get it. They need to understand that they did something wrong.”

“But…”

“A time out doesn’t hurt anyone.” Miyako-san interrupted her “Regardless of your next move. If you want to go in and start apologizing, be my guest. But please tell them, in no uncertain way, that they are in the wrong.”

Ai didn’t have an answer for that.

“Kids are kids. If they think everything’s fine, they won’t learn. It’s fine if you’re against physical violence. You’ll have to work on yourself, but it’s fine. But do not confuse educating them right with letting them get away with everything.” Miyako-san got Ai’s phone from her back pocket “It was important to you, right? You shouldn’t give up the things you want just because your kids are too young to understand.”

The thought, however abstract, made Ai feel a little less cold on the inside.

“I can’t be thinking of this now.” Ai still took the device, because it felt like the right thing to do “I… How will I face them now?”

“With confidence, kindness.” Miyako-san answered.

“I can’t remedy this.” She still remembered what it had been to be with her own mother. Even after all this time, it’s something that came all too readily to her mind “They’ll hate me. I can no longer go back to what it was.”

“Oh, they will.” Miyako-san laughed, and in that laughter, Ai found herself incredibly tilted “No matter what you do, they’ll always remember that one time you hit them because of a harmless prank. They’ll resent you, keep grudges, and it’ll probably shape their personality until they’re about 30 and realize that you were always a great mom and one time where they were little shits and you freaked out does not represent you as a person.”

Ai opened her mouth, but seeing Miyako-san shaking her head made her pause.

“Kids are kids. They still don’t know anything. They must learn, and one of the worst shocks to any child is seeing that their parents… That their mother, is only human. And not the invincible superwoman they always thought she was.” Miyako-san smiled at her reassuringly, and patted Ai’s left knee twice before groaning to stand up. Like she needed to do the first to manage the second.

“Wait. What do I do now? I…”

“You think about yourself, you open up.” Miyako-san stretched her back, warping her voice slightly as her bones popped “So that when you go back, you can tell them whatever you need to tell them. They’re kids, but they’re smart. It’s not the end of the world.”

She smiled at Ai one last time before going back in, leaving the idol alone with her thoughts.

She still felt completely lost, unable to truly process her own thoughts. Having Miyako-san there helped, because she didn’t have to pay as much attention to herself as she’d otherwise do. But now? Now everything was slowly dripping into her consciousness. Like a black ink oozing into her memories, painting everything. Tainting it.

She needed someone else, but she couldn’t go back where her kids were.

She looked at the phone. The reason for all of this.

She hated the person on the other side of the line for a moment. A brief, fleeting instant. All too real all the same, so much so that it gave Ai clarity. It gave her direction.

Even anger helped here. She pressed for a call.

He didn’t answer.

“…” Ai bit her lower lip. It wasn’t like her, but she’d started moving. No matter the direction, she just needed to avoid stagnation.

She called again.

“…Hey.” The tired voice that picked up was almost alien. It’d taken him a bit to reply, and Ai opened her mouth to complain only to stop. Realizing that it wouldn’t make sense to accuse him of not answering when he just did.

“Hey, it’s me.” She chuckled awkwardly, resting the back of her head against the wall.

“Sure is.”

“Ummm… Thanks for telling Miyako-san about… Y’know. We just figured it out.” She spoke with a soft tone, slowly to keep her bearings. It might sound strange even to her own ears, but it was the one thing she could do to speak without getting hiccups or her words tangled.

“Is that right?” He didn’t sound particularly interested, but the pause he took did make Ai curious “Did someone take your phone? Was it someone you work with?”

The worry wasn’t that tangible, but Ai felt sensitive enough to say she could hear it. She had to press her brain for answers, because she couldn’t just tell him that her kids too the thing for whatever reason.

“That’s… Confidential.” Nothing came to mind. So, unable to lie, she just went with the only thing she could do: Shut that line of conversation down.

She cringed on the inside, feeling helpless in having to do that. But she still loved her kids, still wanted to protect them from her own job and what would happen if their existence was revealed… Again.

She hadn’t forgotten that her would-be murderer somehow knew that she had kids. He did manage to say that before Hikigaya ran toward him.

“…Is that so?” He sounded unimpressed, probably disappointed too. It made Ai’s heart sink even more “Did you solve it, at least?”

“Oh, yeah. Nothing you have to worry about.” Ai replied, almost tripping on her own words to get the across.

“Doesn’t sound that way.” He pointed out.

“I…” Ai tried to make her words work again, get her years of performance to help her there. But her mind was too much of a mess, her heart too broken by her own actions. So far, she hadn’t even thought she could hurt herself like this. So imagine the sheer shock of going through so many… Feelings “It’s still terrible.”

“No doubt.” He didn’t flinch or hesitate, and instead let out a sigh like he’d been reminded of something from the past “People can be cruel. Jealousy, resentment, feelings of inferiority… They’re all too human, and there’s no way of escaping them. You know what they say: You know you’re succeeding when people start saying you’re cheating.”

The light in Ai’s eyes hadn’t come back yet, but even like this she had to do a mental double take at whatever the hell Hikigaya thought he was saying.

“People don’t say that.” She replied in a perfect deadpan. The best “smart retort” she’d managed thus far.

“They don’t? That’s weird.” He did another pause “People that don’t put as much effort as you will often find reasons to give you shit, all the same. But their opinion doesn’t matter.”

He probably thought it’d make her feel better, but he was badmouthing her kids there. So instead, she just wanted to argue there. Tell him he was wrong, but she only bit her tongue.

“You’re wrong.” Ai wheezed “I can’t tell you why, but it’s not what you think.”

“It’s not?”

“No.”

“How are you so sure?”

“…” Ai avoided biting her lip again, but she still clenched her jaw “Because we love each other. I love them, and they love me.”

“…” His silence made her panic a little. She’d pushed too far through the limits, and there was no one to blame but herself. Even hinting at this would… “I see. So that’s how it is.”

Ai blinked as the guy on the other side made some noise she didn’t recognize.

“Then I don’t have to worry.” He sounded calm, almost smug. So much so that Ai momentarily forgot about her inner turmoil to make sure she was hearing right.

“You’re… Not being sarcastic, are you?”

“What? No.” Now he scoffed “Why would I?”

“It feels like you’re not taking me seriously.”

“It’s not my place to get involved in your private life.” He said more to broaden the topic than anything, give sense to what he really wanted to say… Or imply it because he wouldn’t say it outright “But since it’s your private life, and yours alone, then I can trust that it’s something that doesn’t involve me.”

That stung a little, but Ai didn’t know why.

“That’s kind of cold.”

“Everyone gets little things to deal with at home.” It felt like he shrugged there, but Ai couldn’t be sure “If it’s not going to blow up, then it’s fine.”

“They…”

“You don’t owe me any explanations.” He interrupted “Clear things up, let it be water under the bridge. As long as it’s not threatening your career, I’m fine.”

Ai needed a pause to think about his words.

“…That’s very nice of you.”

“It’s for my own safety.” He replied with a nervous chuckle. She didn’t know why, but Ai imagined he was covering his stomach now “Don’t think too much about it.”

The tone felt strange coming from him. They hadn’t talked a lot, but Ai had coined the cold and stony tone to his face. There was little warm to give except in those small glimpses of conversation. A small praise, a shared idea. Things that were easily missed if Ai hadn’t been looking for them to begin with.

His warmth felt contagious. The kindness filled her like soup fills one’s belly while under the effects of a cold. A feeling that Ai had no thoughts or consideration for until its absence became unbearably evident.

Why did he become warm so readily now? What changed? What did Ai do right this time? She would not tolerate having to suffer just to get this little respite. It’d be like breathing out of a car pipe to stop herself from drowning in a pool. No. If this was it, if suffering was the only thing that made him relatable, then Ai would have to cut it right then and there. She’d choose her kids over this, whatever it was.

…Then again, hadn’t she freaked out because she found herself having to choose either? Because she couldn’t imagine the reason why she couldn’t get more warmth instead of choosing one source?

“You’re very kind today.” Ai chuckled to herself, still unable to bring herself to put up a better face “I wonder if you’re taking pity on me.”

“It feels like we’re actually talking to each other.” He confessed.

Ai opened her eyes. She hadn’t realized when she closed them.

“That’s…” Ai wanted to deny it. Her first instinct was to panic, yet words did not form so readily either “Are you calling me pitiful?”

So she chose to get mad at him. That earned her a scoff, but she did not pull back.

“You don’t need my pity. I’m a nobody.” He audibly breathed in like he’d laughed in silence before.

“I disagree.”

“You’re free to do so.” He sounded a bit colder now, and Ai still didn’t get it.

“You’re really kicking me while I’m down, here.” She couldn’t help complaining now.

“Yeah. It’s a good reminder that you’re not a product.” He finally stated, making Ai’s mind click with something that made her shiver “You’re entitled to your real, unfiltered emotions, Hoshino.”

Ai was super close to telling him the truth, she chose self-preservation.

Mostly.

“I’m scared, y’know.”

“Who wouldn’t be? Fanaticism is scary.”

“I’m lonely.”

“Of course you are, you do nothing but work and rest.”

“I don’t want to be forgotten.”

“By whom?” That question made her pause “Your fans? Your co-stars?”

“…I don’t know.”

“I see. That’s fine as well.” He let out a grunt like he’d stretched, just like Miyako-san did. Was that something older people did? Didn’t he only have about 2 years on Ai? “Figuring what you want is part of the journey.”

Ai felt like the unsaid part of what he meant dangled in front of her.

“Did you figure out what you want?”

“Yeah. Some time ago.” He replied with no hesitation, no turmoil or reservation. Like the very idea freed him somehow.

“Would you mind to share?” There was a bit of hope in her tone. A bit of desperation, perhaps. She didn’t want to say it, she wouldn’t admit it, but speaking with no reservation had her feeling like she was staring down a huge fall. She’d die if she slipped, for there was nothing to break her fall. She was too high up, filled too much with things that would weigh her down.

It was thrilling.

“No.” He cut her daydreaming short, viciously bringing her back to her problems.

“Eh? Why not?”

“You have bigger problems to think about, right?”

Ai hung her head down.

“…That’s right.”

“Maximum effort.” Was all he said.

“Family, huh.” Ai chuckled lowly.

“You’ll be fine.”

Ai sighed.

“Better to stop putting it off.” She finally stood up, hearing her own back pop now.

“Go get them, Hoshino.”

“I’ll see you around.” Ai smiled weakly.

“Fine.”

She hung up. He didn’t strike her as a person that needed to say goodbye.

Another sigh and she pushed the door. She felt weak, without the strength to go on. But two people had already patted her on the back. She wouldn’t back down.

Besides, her glow had yet to return. And, if talking like this with Hikigaya felt so thrilling, then surely her kids would…

“Mama!” Ruby ran and smacked herself against Ai when she entered the room. The little girl started crying rivers, startling even her twin as she clung to Ai like a drowning man in a storm “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“My baby…” Ai couldn’t help smiling, feeling her own eyes get wet as she returned her child’s embrace “No, no. I’m the one who’s sorry. I should’ve never…”

“I’m sorry! Please don’t leave me! I’ll be good, I promise!” If something could’ve broken Ai’s heart even more, it was those words. She didn’t even register where Miyako-san was. She could only see Aqua shyly approaching as her own breathing became irregular again.

“Ruby…” Ai reached out and pulled Aqua into her embrace. He’d meant to say something, but Ai couldn’t be bothered to listen at the moment “Aqua…”

“I didn’t think he meant so much for you…” Aqua managed to squeak, but Ai didn’t understand his words at all.

“Don’t leave me…”

“I’d never leave. You two are my heart.” Ai hugged them even tighter “My babies… I love you. I love you so much… I didn’t want to hurt you…”

Indeed. In the end, speaking the truth just felt too good to let go. And the fact that she could say these things when it mattered… It felt as though Ai could die happily knowing she finally said it.

And yet…

Her eyes focused elsewhere, basking in the warmth her kids gave her.

Not yet.

More. She needed more. Desperately, pitifully. Like a starving man craving for another bite, an alcoholic trying to get even another drop from an empty bottle. A drug addict trying to sniff even some stray powder.

More. More… She needed more. But where to find it? How to take it? More…

Like someone who’d been too out of their mind to realize they were starving.

It seemed like Ichigo-san had been right. She hadn’t been given what she craved. She’d just been too busy lying and fearing for her life to notice.

Chapter Text

Giving up is one of the easiest things people can do. Stopping, letting things happen, is as simple as taking a step back and breathing. This is why most of the adults he knew lived in a constant rush to get to where they need to be, gain what they want, enjoy what they can. In this world, time is money. And by teaching people from a very early age that loss is always painful, a machine that keeps on producing successfully turned into a self-perpetuating one. Missing out, being left behind. These things always make people feel like shit, while they’re taught against understanding why this even happens.

Hachiman knew all about that, but even he knew that giving up wasn’t always painful.

Not always.

“I thought you’d be more sluggish.” The blonde that approached wore her hair in a ponytail and wore sport uniform belonging to a team Hachiman didn’t know anything about.

He might’ve practiced tennis more since meeting her and Saika, but he wasn’t a fan. He might even be mistaken about the uniform, but the white shorts and red t-shirt screamed “I’m a pro” even to someone like Hachiman.

“I got off easy.” Hachiman still looked way more tired than her, unused to the harsh training that she certainly went through while he’d been lazing around at home “I still might’ve made more effort than recommended.”

The girl shook her head, scoffing at her.

“You always push yourself in weird situations, Hikio.” She put her hands on her waist, racket still held on her right, and glared at him like she hadn’t been the one putting him through the effort “If you needed to slow down, you should’ve told me.”

“I tried.” Hachiman sighed “You just didn’t listen to me.”

“I thought all that noise was because you were catching your breath.” She shook her head “Not my fault, you should’ve stopped.”

Hachiman rolled his eyes, not really wanting to continue with this line of conversation. He knew she was made, and knew it was his fault. Not everyone could be as angelic and understanding as Saika, and so some people were bound to stay mad at him for not telling them when he went to the hospital and went full no-contact with them.

“Eh. If I start bleeding, I’ll let you know.” Hachiman stretched his back, feeling his muscles burn in a way that was both pleasant and unpleasant at the same time. Like his body screamed at him not to do that again, but in a tsundere way. Like, maybe in moderation, okay? I-Idiot! “Besides, it feels great to do stuff again. I really needed to work some sweat after so much time doing nothing.”

“Clown shit, I tell you.”

“Well, Miura-san. If you didn’t want to be reminded that I came out of the hospital recently, maybe you shouldn’t have invited me to play.” Hachiman clasped his hands and put them against his cheek, making his tone as annoying as he could muster.

“You’re not a baby, and you could’ve just watched.” She pointed the racket at him, but Hachiman didn’t flinch. They were a little too far away for that to take him by surprise.

“I just told you I wanted to do it, woman. Get off my back about it.”

“You’re treating your health too lightly!” Miura insisted, now looking genuinely mad at him.

“Fine, I’ll rest. Jeez.” Hachiman made a face while leaving the court and handing the racket to the still angelic, albeit a little more masculine, presence still waiting for him on the bench “Here, she’s done clearing the floor with my pride.”

“You did great, Hachiman! I almost thought you hadn’t stopped playing at all.” The sentiment was appreciated, but Hachiman could feel the difference in his day-to-day life. The prospect of using the bike tired him more, even if he went slower than usual. And, although playing with people like Miura and Saika had always been challenging as they continued to pursue the sport, it had never been this bad.

Again, Miura might just be letting her frustration out here. But Hachiman doubted that was all there is.

“Thanks.” Hachiman offered him an awkward smile while Saika handed him a bottle of water, giving some space to Hachiman as he let himself fall on the bench.

“Don’t mention it. I’d hope you don’t strain yourself too much, though.” Saika’s pure smile was tainted with a bit of concern, giving Hachiman a look like he’d seen every time Hachiman was caught doing something stupid “You didn’t have to play.”

“I wanted to. I’ve been lazing around too much.” Hachiman sighed, not wanting to continue the same conversation as before.

“Ah, that’s so weird coming from you! Haha…”

“Guess everything has a limit.” Hachiman stretched his back “I’m just gonna cool off now.”

“Yeah! It’ll be quick, so don’t get too bored!” Ah, as always. Saika just couldn’t help worry about Hachiman’s well-being.

He did give them a pretty awful scare, especially since he’d been obtuse about it for most of the recovery time.

Not answering was one thing, making up excuses to not see each other was another. He told himself he’d tell them eventually, when they couldn’t bombard them with questions and worry about a healed wound. But as time passed, keeping up the lie became harder. “I had an accident” went only so far when Hachiman wouldn’t even let them visit him at home. And then, the time had come and he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Couldn’t bring himself to tell them the version that Komachi had known before the weird messages from the mysterious third party at Hoshino’s home.

She had reminded him the importance of communication, however. Not wanting to make them worry was one thing, but Hachiman had been lying to them. And he couldn’t have that. The thing he’d tell them was partially a lie anyway, a necessary one, but a lie all the same. He couldn’t just avoid giving them anything. They deserved to know, they wanted to be there for him. Could he even consider himself a friend when he didn’t let them even do that?

And so… This. He got dragged out of home, fitting somewhat awkwardly in Saika’s schedule, and being bombarded with the same questions he wanted to avoid at the beginning. Only this time, he took it to the chin and told him what he could. His own hangups about the situation were no reason to let one of the people Hachiman actually care about stay in the dark.

That he couldn’t avoid Miura… Well, those are quirks of knowing people. He wouldn’t have believed she’d remain one of the people he kept in contact with before, but they weren’t exactly close. More of acquittances that had a friend in common. Or a couple, given how Zaimokuza and Ebina remained doing weird stuff with their shared hobbies even now.

Actually, what a bunch of weirdos. From an outside perspective, the list didn’t make sense. The sweet angel Saika, the moody tennis pro Miura, and the two weirdos that aspired to make it big with trashy novels on opposite sides of the spectrum. No wonder they rarely hanged out together as one group. But rather sort of met up with the ones available, and more interested on their side of things.

And inserted in the middle of all that… Hachiman.

…

Maybe his talent is picking up misfits off the streets.

Saika scored rather quickly after his serve. Probably because Miura had already used up some of her powers to crush Hachiman completely, but it still counted on the latter’s book when Saika cheered.

“Did you see that?!”

“Amazing, awe-spiring, breathtaking, iconic.” Hachiman babbled while Miura got the ball, still glaring at him but very much unable to do anything to stop him. If he had a sign going “Saika #1!” he’d have gotten it up already. The fact that it’d piss Miura off even more was just a bonus.

Hmmm. Speaking of annoying fans…

Shuffling stuff in his bag, Hachiman brought up his phone. Zaimokuza still managed to fill his chat with questions, but Hachiman ignored them for now. That he accepted to come clean with everyone doesn’t mean that he wanted to deal with everyone at the same time. And he did tell the guy he’d go out, so there’s no harm in stalling a bit more.

There was a number he hadn’t registered, but recognized part of it because of the time with Saitou-san. Hachiman deleted the conversation without reading it and moved on.

Hmmm… Hoshino had asked if he was free almost 2 hours ago. He’d been busy playing… Or perhaps he’d still been dealing with Saika’s questions and Miura’s outrage before they could get to play… Who knows? Also, the question felt a bit strange. They hadn’t talked a lot, so he didn’t know if this was her getting comfortable with calling him or if there was something else going on. Too little information, and too much he couldn’t pry on.

His mind came up with information, falling into the habit of filling in with the hints he’d gotten. But he quickly shut himself down. It wasn’t his place, he didn’t need to worry about it. All of this was just an experiment to see them both better off after… Well, what happened. And he was probably getting really worked up for a simple question.

Well, he still wasn’t free. So he didn’t answer either. It’d be better if he just messaged her back when he went home, just because he didn’t really want one of those random immediate responses when he was with Saika. It’d get awkward really quickly when Hachiman found himself with more things he couldn’t tell him and…

“…?” Hachiman saw the flap of a couple of small wings, distracting him from what he was doing as he saw a bird land somewhere between the limits of the court and the bench Hachiman sat on. It turned around, tilting its head in the way birds do, taking in the two people smacking the ball loudly before turning to face Hachiman.

It was black, probably some kind of raven. And it turned to give Hachiman its left eye before staying perfectly put, like they had started a staring context in spite of the loud bangs the rackets made when Saika or Miura returned the ball to the other side.

Why wasn’t it spooked by it?

Furthermore, the way it had stared at Hachiman without blinking… Somehow, it felt as though as the little creature was judging him.

No wonder some people on the internet birds are government spy drones. Some of them could be really weird like that. Dogs are often goofy, cats moody, but birds are complete weirdos. Sometimes it felt like they didn’t like Hachiman very much.

Its hops were strange. Again, it felt as though it should’ve been scared off by the rackets. But it sort of did its thing while mostly ignoring the noise. It did perk up its head from time to time, but Hachiman still felt like it was a pretty weird creature.

Many things had become weird since the “accident”, so maybe this was just par of the course. Or maybe Hachiman had simply strained himself more than he thought and…

“AGH?!” Hachiman cried out as the little creature jumped at him. Pecking his fingers and taking the phone while flying off. Hachiman reeled from the attack, clutching his hands, but quickly changing mental gears as the bastard left the court while his friends stopped playing to see what had happened.

“Hachiman…? Are you…?”

“That little shit stole my phone!” He was pretty angry about it. A bit of blood came out from between his fingers, and he’d probably have to go to the doctor to avoid infections because of course that bird could’ve been carrying something. The annoyance, plus the adrenaline of being attacked by such a bastard, made him forget about his stomach and had him run after the creature.

He didn’t know what he’d do to catch up, nor how he’d get the phone back. He only knew he really wanted to hit that thing and get his device back.

The black bird made a couple of circles in the air while Hachiman left the tennis courts, basically mocking the human’s inability to soar the skies before moving a bit farther. Forcing Hachiman to run faster if he didn’t want to lose it. He had nothing to throw, and he doubted that’d work. But Hachiman still didn’t give up. If anything, the lack of ways to get the thing scared off made him want to catch up even more. Something in his brain had activated, and the caveman inside his head only had two thoughts: Throw rock, and if no rock, then pursue until it gets tired.

And, as someone who respects his elders, Hachiman couldn’t help agreeing with his made-up ancestors.

The bird flew lazily, and opened its beak. The device fell, making Hachiman yell and making people freeze up due to the commotion. But it did give someone the time to stop and look up, putting his hands on the air before he could get his face smacked by Hachiman’s phone.

The little bastard made a sound that felt like laughter, and just flew up and beyond Hachiman’s sight.

“That…! That little shit…!” Hachiman put his hands on his knees, wheezing and feeling an acute pain in his stomach. Unlike before, this little run had indeed pushed his limit a bit too far. And he didn’t know whether the pain or the lack of air hurt more under these circumstances.

“I… Umm…” The voice in front of him belonged to a boy. Wearing a jacket and plain clothes. His nervousness made Hachiman stop himself from cursing once more.

He noticed people staring, and couldn’t help the embarrassment. How could he explain himself? He’d only make things worse.

“Thanks… Thanks for catching it.” Hachiman took a lungful of air and stretched back to his full height, trying very hard not to look like he was about to pass out.

“Y-Yeah. It’s… Ummm… I wasn’t counting on getting smacked by a phone today.” The boy chuckled awkwardly, handing it back and shaking his hands once they were free. A red spot becoming evident as to what part of them he’d stopped the fall with.

“I wasn’t counting on getting it stolen.” Hachiman hissed and checked his fingers. They hurt like a bitch and were still bleeding. He’d have to get them look at soon.

“Yeah. Looking out for bad people is one thing, but animals?” The chuckle that followed gave Hachiman pause. He gave the guy a better look, even though he avoided Hachiman’s gaze with some discomfort.

Dark blue eyes, blond hair under the cap. He reminded Hachiman a bit of Hayama, if more androgynous. But he doubted this guy had bleached his hair. It looked more natural than Hachiman’s former classmate’s hair.

The gaze that he returned, however, made Hachiman stop for a moment. Something in there made him uncomfortable, like he’d forgotten something important.

He just sighed, because his fingers still stung.

“Thanks again.” He wasn’t the best at communicating, but he at least knew how to cut an awkward conversation short. Release them both from the leash of social obligation they’d both unwittingly walked into “I should probably go.”

“Oh, yeah. That looks awful.” The guy made a face, but Hachiman had the distinctive feeling that the boy wasn’t actually irked by the wounds “I think I…”

“It’s really rude to ignore a girl trying to talk to you, Hikigaya-kun.” Oh, c’mon! Why…? “Oh? Who is this, I wonder?”

Haruno announced herself with the same coldness that Hachiman had grown to know her for. Although, this time, her gaze didn’t register him first. But instead, the boy that had almost been bricked by his phone moments before.

The blond looked like a deer caught by the flashlight of a speeding car. His nervousness doubled, and Haruno kept the eye contact for long enough that it even became awkward for Hachiman to stand there and see them keep at it.

“I… I’m just passing by.” The boy broke the eye contact first, looking at the floor and trying to escape “Check your wounds, dude.”

“Ah…” Haruno finally looked back at Hachiman, giving the boy a side glance as he left “A bird? Little things are way too rowdy nowadays.”

She held Hachiman’s hands with hers, giving them a good look while Hachiman tried not to hiss at the contact.

“What are you doing here?” Hachiman couldn’t help asking, needing to distract himself with something.

“I saw your friends running after you, promised to see that everything went well.” In other words, she told them to piss off because she wanted something. But why? “Didn’t you see my message?”

“I don’t have anything to talk to you about.” Hachiman replied, knowing full well that Haruno could mess with him by pressing the wounds. She didn’t.

“Hmm, are you sure?” She smiled at him like she knew something that he didn’t. That gave his irritation a reason to pause.

“The fact that you went out of your way to look for me tells me everything I need to know.”

“It’s a coincidence, a coincidence I tell you.”

“Right.”

Haruno released him.

“You’ll be fine. Just disinfect it.” She shook her head “You gotta be more careful, Hikigaya-kun. You never know when you’ll get injured.”

“That stupid thing attacked me.” He groaned.

“I wasn’t talking about the bird.” Haruno again looked back to the place where the boy had left. Her expression became less cold “Although yeah, birds are little menaces. I carry a rubber band with me now. Just so I can hit them with something if they try anything funny.”

Eh?

“Oh, right. You were attacked by one too.”

“Not outright, but it also threw my phone.” Haruno shook her head “What’s up with that anyway?”

“Beats me.”

“Weird, weird. Almost as weird as you hanging out with someone of the entertainment industry.” Ah, there it is.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really? Because last time I checked, that woman from before…”

“You still have an awful lot of free time, huh.” Hachiman interrupted her.

“That’s what happens when you’re good at what you do.” Haruno shrugged easily.

“Good for you.” Hachiman growled “Where are “my friends”? I need to get patched up."

He showed Haruno his hands again, and that made her laugh.

“I could hear those air quotes, Hikigaya-kun! There’s no need to be so wary of me.” Again, her smile didn’t show as much coldness from before “Reserve that for people that actually want to hurt you.”

Now, her words made him look back. Did Haruno see something in that boy that he hadn’t?

“Right. Like you wouldn’t like to take a bit of me.” Hachiman scoffed, pushing the idea off because that might be part of Haruno’s game.

“Boy, if I wanted to hurt you… You wouldn’t even see it coming.” She patted his shoulder like they were life-long friends “Go. I’ll keep having “a lot of free time”, so we can always talk at another time.”

Hachiman pressed his lips tightly.

“Get a hobby that doesn’t involve stalking people.”

Haruno laughed at that.

“No. That’s not me, Hikigaya-kun.” She patted him again “That’s not me at all.”

Chapter Text

The station didn’t have that many people around. Most of the time, it’d fill up at very particular times due to office workers and sometimes school students as well. It also only filled up for certain stops, so it’s not like there was any need for people to go into the same wagons or stay close to each other.

That’s not the reason why Yukinoshita Haruno did it, after all. It’d have been all too easy to come up with a believable excuse. To make herself stand out less, start out with a better tone. However, whether she refused to do so or thought it was not necessary was out for debate. As the blond young man was concerned, he’d simply been followed all the way out in his attempt to leave Chiba. And she simply let herself sit right beside him, crossing her legs like she hadn’t just forced them into close proximity in spite of the wagon being mostly empty.

“…” Her smile remained the same, although she didn’t stare at him. She fiddled with her phone and that apparently made the young man more nervous. It made for a strange scene, one that the few passengers around were all too happy to ignore because of the lingering silence. Yet behind the cap, it was obvious that something was happening.

“I didn’t think we’d go in the same direction.” The boy chuckled after they both let the vehicle keep moving two stations after getting on. His tone had more assuredness now, but it still remained somewhat uncertain. Still on guard.

“We’re not.” The elder Yukinoshita assured him, still with her eyes on her phone as the younger guy had to swallow the pill of her amused tone. She made no attempt to hide her amusement, but the distance that her body language gave off made it seem like she was ignoring him.

He moved his finger rhythmically, touching his legs as a new station appeared in their vision. The silence hadn’t become any less uncomfortable, and people didn’t seem to pay them much attention while the younger guy struggled to keep his nervous tics in check.

Then, when there were only two people on the farther left and one on the right, the woman put down the phone and her expression transformed.

Her smile looked fake enough that one could’ve tried to peel it off her face, like a sticker. And her sidewise glance meant that she could keep her voice down and no one would notice the toying tone that came so naturally out of her.

“Do you come here often?”

“Not really.” The blond replied with some reservation.

“Funny, it looked to me like you knew exactly where you were going.” The woman looked away, seeing the person to their right pick up their phone and give them their back “I thought you were the traveling type, like me.”

The younger guy didn’t immediately know what to answer.

“Do you like going on trips?” He finally asked after some consideration, keeping his eyes level so that the cap would block his gaze from her own.

“You can say that.” The elder Yukinoshita’s smile became more pleasant “Sightseeing is a hobby of mine. I’m always on the hunt for something new and exciting to happen.”

That last part sounded very targeted, so the blond looked up to see that she didn’t have her attention on him.

Strange, vexing. A little creepy too, how it’d seem like she didn’t notice his existence while jabbing at him with her tone alone. But whatever else the guy might be thinking was masked by the thin line that he made while pressing his lips together.

“Sorry to disappoint. I’m a pretty lame person.” He fixed the cap, doing it with a lot more certainty than any other thing he’d done so far “The overseas look is just a curiosity.”

“Your looks?” The elder Yukinoshita fully turned to him, tilting her head a little to get a better look at him “Ah, I guess you’re kind of cute. Yes. What about it?”

The boy looked back at her, a bit put off by the nonchalant way she gave him a glance over and returned to mostly ignoring his presence. She looked beautiful. The dangerous aura oozing out of her might’ve deterred most people from looking too much. But she was unmistakably beautiful. Sure, she might be dressed in a simple style that didn’t draw too much attention. But even her clothes didn’t look out of place on her. She had no makeup that he could distinguish, and although her eyes were cold there was something there that simply drew people in.

He cut off the eye contact when their sights clashed.

“You must think I’m flattering myself.” He chuckled in a low tone.

“Showing your good side is not a bad thing. Rather, I’m of the idea that too much humility is boring. What’s wrong with showing off from time to time?”

The smile that appeared on his face was a wry one.

“It’s not the same with guys.”

“Guess not.” She nodded to herself, crossing her arms beneath her chest area. He avoided staring again “But it’s also rarer, maybe that’s why. Have you considered modeling?”

Was that supposed to be a compliment? It didn’t feel like one.

“It’s not for me.”

“Yeah, fair.” She looked at her nails, like she wanted to make sure they were pristine “People see you around and assume you’d be into these things. They don’t really get that there’s more to us than a pretty face.”

Again, his only reaction was to chuckle awkwardly. It looked like she was just mouthing off, keeping a unilateral conversation where she didn’t care about his answer.

It still felt like she was implying something, it just was too obtuse that it didn’t make any sense.

“For instance, I have a friend that has a terrarium. Beautiful thing, really well kept. He has several small critters in it. Some ugly, some cute. He sprays it with water every day, cuts the sprouts that look about to wither, and just really likes to keep it alive and green.” She gave him a side glance again, momentarily acknowledging the presence he was trying to conceal by making himself smaller “It’s the only thing she’s passionate about. The only thing that brings her joy, because life is so mundane that these little critters are the only thing that make it feel like time isn’t just passing by.”

His expression became blank for a moment.

“I thought you had a male friend?”

“Did I say that?” The woman tilter her head “I don’t think I did.”

Okay. Now, that felt like she was actually being more forward. If only because she gave him the dirty eye before continuing. A glimpse of barely a moment, but one that made him close his hands as the woman discharged some of her wickedness on him.

“Anyway. The terrarium is nothing important. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. The critters might die if she lets them go, because they’re so used to being fed and cared for. But that doesn’t matter.” The elder Yukinoshita chuckled “She still despises pests. Bugs that shouldn’t be there, breaking the frail equilibrium. She’s a person, but little vermin whose only purpose is take advantage of her hand will still mess things up, because the critters in there are not suited to combat them. She hates them.”

The vehicle arrived at another station, and the two of them were left alone.

“Now, she went on a trip and begged me to take care of it. I don’t care much for it: I don’t like the lizards or insects bumbling around. But, she’s coming back at some point. She actually went to get a little happy fellow that’ll be center piece of the terrarium.” She didn’t look at him again, but her smile had turned cold and haunting. Her eyes were devoid of any warmth too, but not in the way a predator does not care about the well-being of its prey.

Rather, the gaze reflected on the window of the wagon felt like that closer to what the guy saw when he looked at the mirror.

“And you see, she’s still my friend. I can’t disappoint her. I’ll keep looking after these things until she comes back, because I care.” She closed her eyes, and when the wagon began to slow down, the woman had turned back into a pretty lady with a bit of a scary vibe because of how unapproachable she looked like.

“…What does that have to do with me?”

The monster chuckled.

“From one wandering soul to another? I’d suggest getting better pet projects.” She shook her head while getting out of her seat “Don’t lock yourself with responsibilities that you’ll regret messing up. Okay? Just an onee-san’s wisdom before I say goodbye.”

She turned around and offered him her hand.

“Yukinoshita.”

He blinked at it.

“Sounds familiar…”

Her smirk turned a bit more sadistic.

“Figured as much.” She moved her hand to make a wave, not bothered by his refusal to take it “Take care little guy. Don’t let me find you again.”

When the vehicle started moving again, it felt like her piercing gaze followed him even beyond the confines of her body. Even though she’d stayed in the station.

The young man decompressed, sinking into his seat so much that his butt left the seat and his lower back protested at the strange position it had to maintain.

He probably had never seen someone leave behind a message so clearly without uttering a word about it.

Last warning.

Chapter Text

“Last time you sent a message, and it was kind of a problem. Now you call me, that makes me nervous.”

“Sorry, Saitou-san. It’s not about a problem this time around though. Hoshino insisted that she wants me to go to her concert, and I’ve been convinced to oblige.”

“You sound like it’s not something you want to do. Even in my position, or perhaps because of it, I’d strongly suggest to not let Ai strongarm you into anything.”

“It’s okay, I have my reasons too.”

“Not something I have to worry, I hope.”

“I like making my little sister happy.”

“Oh. I see, sorry for…”

“It’s alright, I’m used to it.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re calling though.”

“I’d like to secure four tickets.”

“Four? Can I ask…”

“They’ll be paid for; I don’t intend to mooch off of Hoshino’s friendliness.”

“Oh. Then…?”

“Not all of us can get the money right when the tickets become available, I have the feeling they’ll sell like hot bread.”

“Well yes. Hmm... Yeah… I can certainly do that for you.”

“What’s with that tone?”

“Just pleasantly surprised you’re such an honest kid. Perhaps I misjudged you, Hikigaya.”

“Story of my life. Then, can I tell everyone they’re secured?”

“Hmmm… I’ll call you back in a couple of days, see that I don’t unintentionally pull them out from a contest or something.”

“Got it. Thanks, Saitou-san.”

“Stay safe, kid. Don’t make Ai too angry.”

“No promises.”

“Well, there we go.” Hachiman wasn’t in the best of moods. So many people so tightly packed made him both nervous and annoyed. It might not be as bad as concerts he’d seen on the internet from overseas, where people literally got squeezed together like canned sardines, but it still felt a little too overwhelming for someone used to the safety of his comfort zone only being breached by his sister and meddlesome people from time to time “As promised, good spots.”

“…” The girl to his right had her glasses fogged up while shivering. She didn’t seem to mind that some people would push her from time to time in an effort to get to somewhere else; but instead, a bubbling emotion that Hachiman knew all too well was beginning to surface.

Oh no. Not again.

“As expected of my partner of life and death. Your ability to perform miracles is unmatched.” Zaimokuza sounded like his usual self, perhaps regressing a little too much into his chuuni era, but the way he seemed to be holding his breath and shaking as much as their companion told him exactly how he felt.

He took a step away from the two and closer to Komachi, who was silently judging the two that Hachiman had brought along.

“Hikigaya-san… No! HIKIGAYA-SAMA!” Ebina clung to his shirt like a mother desperate for someone to help her child from somewhere dangerous, tears running down her cheeks and everything, but the sheer joy in her eyes dispelled the initial thought as she began ugly crying “MY CROPS ARE WATERED, MY SKIN IS CLEAR, MY TAXES ARE PAID! I’M SO HAPPY WE COULD LIVE UP TO TODAY!”

“I-I didn’t know you were such a huge fan.” Hachiman cringed as he lifted his arms a bit, trying to make a physical obstacle between his sweet little sister and this creep he’d unwittingly arrived with.

“No! Yoshi-dono is, though.” Once again, Ebina became a normal human being. She fixed her glasses and stared around, still visibly very excited “But he put me through non-stop B-Komachi appreciation time, and I really dig ‘em. The girls are cute, the songs could be themes for many of my projects! I feel power coursing through my veins! When Ai-chan does her final pose, I feel like I fight a thousand battles and win!”

“Maybe we should’ve come our separate ways...” Komachi murmured behind him. Hachiman couldn’t agree out loud even if he wanted to.

 “Leave the hype for when the good stuff starts, woman. Your energy is for showing our girls our support!” Zaimokuza could’ve released a menacing aura from how much he was holding back there, crossed arms and feet firmly on the floor. He’d mentioned this would be the first live concert he could attend, and the sheer amount of merch he carried made him more of a walking advertisement than an attendant.

Not like he hadn’t seen guys literally clad in B-Komachi from feet to head, but at that point were they truly human? It felt more like an extension of the event itself, assimilated like drones of a hive mind that knew nothing more than to say “Ai-chan wa kyou mo kawaii~!” over and over again.

At least the lights weren’t as blinding as he thought they’d be. He had no idea how anyone could dance and sing with those things pointed directly at their eyes. If it was Hachiman, he’d probably go straight from having dead fish eyes to that of an olm.

“Ummm, onii-chan?” Komachi grabbed his sleeve, looking a bit bothered. Which made Hachiman startle into focus, forgetting his previous hangups to attend to his sister.

“What? Something wrong?”

“No. Well, I mean… It might be a little to late to ask, but are you okay coming? You don’t look too comfortable.” Ah… She’s just worried about him! Hachiman must’ve done something right in his previous life to have a little sister so pure and dedicated! “I won’t tell mom and dad if you wanna leave, before fans go wild. I can go back by myself if need be.”

Hachiman scoffed and bonked her shoulder with the soft side of his closed hand.

“I’m fine, kiddo. I made my decision knowing that it’d be uncomfortable.”

“I’m twenty.” Komachi complained.

“But you’ll always be my small, cute, and spoiled little sister.”

“Grrr… I can’t even get mad at the last part. You’ve become a really smooth talker, onii-chan.” She sighed in defeat, her idiot hair deflating as she looked straight ahead “Just tell me if you get uncomfortable or tired, okay?”

Hachiman chuckled while the other two were still messing around.

“Promise.” Honestly, the fact that he’d accepted at all was proof that he was invested. Sure, Hoshino’s shining career did not interest him beyond a clinical curiosity. A desire to see the other side of the coin, the result of days upon days of practice and exercise. The reason why Hoshino had little to no time for herself.

He understood, even without seeing the large amounts of fans waiting for the concert to start, just how much she dedicated herself to this. It’d be a disservice to simply chalk it to luck and talent, as not many people were able to bounce back from a tough spot as cleanly as her. It’d also be a lie to say that the things she sells are bad. From the videos he’d seen, to the merch and appearances on TV; the fact that Hoshino Ai thrived in this savage industry was nothing short of praise-worthy. Her private hangups aside, someone who doesn’t want to be where she is cannot succeed like she does.

And because he now knew, he should pay his respects to the unflinching will that Hoshino Ai has. If she wanted to be seen like this, he’d oblige. At least this time.

“By the way, Hikigaya-sama.” Ebina closed in a bit so that her voice wouldn’t be drowned out by the chatter around “You didn’t want to tell us before, but how did you get the tickets?”

Hachiman just shrugged.

“I met someone involved in events like this one at the hospital.” Not technically a lie. He invited them, to begin with, because of how mad they’d gotten when he told them about the accident. And trying to come up with a better story felt like he was just making the same mistake “Small graces, I guess.”

“Guess no matter where you come from, your health can decline at a moment’s notice.” Ebina was too preoccupied looking at the darkening of the stage to question it. So she just nodded and fetched her phone “Oh~! I have to show Yumi-chan this~ I’ll make her regret not coming!”

“That’s the spirit!” A girl fully clad in B-Komachi merch chimed in. She had those huge glasses that looked like they had a spiral, a tunic-like piece with each of the girls’ faces and animal motifs printed all over it, a band on her head with fans with the girls… Hell, she was carrying a bag filled with goodies and gave both Ebina and Zaimokuza a couple of things before turning to the siblings “You got your light sticks ready? Who’s your oshi?”

“Not to worry, kind lady!” Zaimokuza crossed his arms over his chest, revealing two light sticks of each color “This Zaimokuza Yoshiteru has come prepared to cheer on everyone!”

“Oh! Can I have an Ari-chan and Ai-chan stick?!” Ebina pushed Hachiman aside as she looked inside the bag of the super-fan girl.

“Sure, sure! Everyone should be allowed to cheer for their favorites!” The girl released a bit of a creepy laugh, which was mirrored by Ebina as they shook hands.

The girl turned to the Hikigaya siblings.

“I want a Takamine one.” Komachi replied after letting another fan get closer to take a couple of goodies.

“Ah, Takamine?! Okay!”

“She feels like the cool type!” Komachi cheered when she took the light stick.

The girl offered Hachiman a red light stick.

“No, thanks.”

“C’mon! Ai-chan will be sad if you don’t cheer her on, y’know?!” Ugh, that expression. Scratch what he was thinking, this girl could sure be foxy in spite of the fanaticism! But Hachiman knew exactly how to deal with girls like here.

“Fine.” He got the offered object and put it under his arm, covering it with his armpit while turning around “Thanks.”

“No! You gotta show it off! Like…! Eh?” The girl snatched it and put it back on Hachiman’s hands…

Gloves? They both stopped as Hachiman saw the plastic cloth covering her hands while she saw the bandages on his.

“What happened?”

“Ah, never mind.” Hachiman pulled his hands free, now uncomfortable at the sudden confusion and worry coming from her voice “That’s why I don’t wanna hold it.”

“That’s… Huh…” The girl was tapped on the shoulder, with a couple of guys having arrived to take more goodies. She switched gears, getting the bag off her shoulder as the light sticks started being the only source of light “Pass it on! Everyone has to have one! Let our love reach our girls!”

“Thanks, funny lady!” Komachi waved as the girl disappeared, moving along to make sure her instructions were heard.

What a weirdo.

“Is this normal?”

“Some people really want their idols to feel appreciated.” Ebina explained with some smugness “I honestly don’t know if a person pays for a ton of merch and gives it out like this all the time, but it’s not that surprising.”

“Huh.” Fanaticism is scary after all. To think someone would throw away their money like that just for something like this…

It didn’t take long for the lights to turn back on once the stage became completely dark. Cheers erupted as one by one, the members of B-Komachi came out from each side. Bouncing around and cheering along.

“Onii-chan.” Komachi tapped Hachiman’s shoulder with a light stick. It’d seem like the girl had left the red one with Komachi after all. Sigh… What a pain.

He could ignore some random fan easily enough, but if Komachi requested it herself…

Hachiman took the thing and waved it lazily as the tempo of the song signaled the moment the main focus of the night would appear.

The girls stopped, the music continued.

Hoshino did not appear.

…Eh?

The volume of the music went all the way to zero in a couple of seconds, and was replaced by murmurs and people moving their sticks around. Even the girls on the stage looked confused as to what was happening. And as seconds trickled down, Hachiman felt a hole in his stomach begin to form.

Why hadn’t they turned the lights on and…?

“Oh, no!” A melodious voice came from behind him. And it got reflected by a microphone into the speakers all around “Where could Ai-chan have gone?!”

A gloved hand pushed Hachiman to the side while the other pushed Ebina. One carrying some thick glasses, and the other a robe with every face and mascot printed all over it. The light shone directly beneath them an instant later, and Hoshino grinned as the band on her head only held her own fan, and she quickly moved the arm on Ebina to put the microphone close to her face.

“Someone call the…?!” She took a confident step forward, only to trip against the giant bag that she hadn’t kicked away from her, entangling her right foot with the strap.

Hachiman didn’t think about it, just like Ebina didn’t think when she pulled back and threw her hand toward Hoshino. He managed to catch her by the shoulder, hissing when the pecks that stupid bird gave him stung against the plastic of Hoshino’s costume. While Ebina managed to sort of hold onto her other arm.

The contact made Hachiman flinch from the pain, but he felt with absolute clearness a powerful shiver come from Hoshino’s body. She looked stunned for a moment that might’ve as well been an eternity, and Hachiman only realized she didn’t actually stay put forever when she managed to untangle her foot a continue walking.

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” She yelled into the microphone and started singing. The music continued a moment later, and that created a chain effect that made people start screeching.

So powerful was the noise, that Hachiman felt blinded by it. Not deafened, but instead so overcharged that his brain couldn’t process the images coming through his eyes.

He only noticed the crowd parting ways as Hoshino bounced around waving her left arm, never once turning to face them, because Ebina shook him so much that his brain was forced to reboot.

“HIKIGAYA-SAMA, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I’LL GIVE MY FIRSTBORN YOUR NAME! I’LL PRAY FOR YOUR HEALTH AND LONG LIFE EACH NEW YEAR!”

IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!” Zaimokuza fell to his knees, and Hachiman noticed some others follow suit while hitting the ground in utter defeat “WHY?! IT’S ONLY A FRACTION OF A METER! WHY?!”

What the absolute fuck?

“That was incredibly dangerous.” Komachi had to reach out and separate Ebina from Hachiman by pushing herself between them. She didn’t look amused “What if they didn’t make way? We’d get crushed by the hardcore fans.”

Hoshino reached the stage, and the two girls on the front crouched to reach out and help Hoshino climb to the stage with a jump. The crowd’s cheering became even worse, but Komachi had already placed her hands on Hachiman’s ears when he reached toward them.

Insanity. That’s what this was.

“Don’t be such a party-pooper, little Hikigaya-dono.” Zaimokuza finally got over himself and got back to his feet “Ai-chan knows her fans well! The people that truly care wouldn’t try to harm her even if she was centimeters away from them!”

Komachi looked like she wanted to retort, but she knew better than to reveal too much. So instead, she crossed her arms and turned to her brother.

“What do you think?” She sounded like an analyst asking for another professional’s opinion, and Hachiman couldn’t blame her. She was, after all, his little sister. And she also had some skill in reading between the lines in situations where she’d feel in danger.

“Slyness hidden in boldness, and boldness hidden in slyness.” By pulling this stunt, it was akin to telling the world that she was not scared. It had to be planned, of course. As much a fabrication as the smiles and cheerful tone. But in doing this, her fans were reassured somewhat.

Their oshi was the same. It was alright to forget that she’d almost died. If she didn’t fear being outside the protection of the stage, no matter how there were some paid people to help make way when she walked toward it, the public would accept it as something unworthy of its attention.

Like sheep following their blind leader.

Hachiman felt something extremely bitter in his mouth.

“I don’t like it.” Komachi insisted.

“Then the meet & greet is gonna suck.” Hachiman nodded sagely.

His little sister, for a moment, had the same cynical gaze as he’d had when he was in high school.

He couldn’t help feeling bad for her. However, he still didn’t want to drop the event. Everyone now knew their beloved Ai-chan was fine and ready to keep shining. But what about Hoshino? Who cared about the girl beneath the costume when they only had to see her in person for a few hours? Who cared if she only needed to appear brave once and keep cowering in silence ever after?

Hachiman. Hachiman did. And so, he’d do as she wanted. With the utmost respect for her effort and dedication, Hikigaya Hachiman would pay his respects no matter what.

Chapter Text

The company wouldn’t just place chairs and folding tables and a couple of guards between their idols and the rabid mob of fans just after the event. That’d be suicidal, even though when things calmed down people returned to being thinking, functioning humans… Mostly.

“Are you okay?” Komachi asked as Hachiman cradled the side of his head. He’d tuned out the other two as they described from beginning to end what they’d gone through. Not because they annoyed him, but because keeping up with them made his head sting even more.

“I think I have a migraine.” The noise, lights, and everything else were really punishing. Hachiman couldn’t get into it wholly, so he’d had to endure the overload of sensations without getting entangled in the mob mentality that these events rely on to work. He couldn’t imagine how people could put themselves through this more than once, and honestly, he’d kind of regrated his choices halfway through.

Fortunately, the meet & greet happened in a different hall, where the mob was less dense and guards allowed small groups to pass through to meet the B-Komachi team in relative peace.

Hachiman lingered on the back. They couldn’t be the last ones, some guys had the same idea, but he could make time between coming out of the boom burst of the concert and having to meet Hoshino in person once more.

She hadn’t really told him what he should do, Saitou-san did. They don’t know her last name, so he should call her the same as everyone else. No indication that they knew each other, no physical contact beyond the allowed handshake and maybe a hug for a photo. Hoshino, on the other hand, told him to just “ride the wave”; so Hachiman had no choice but to list off what Saitou-san had told him.

“Really? You’re not passing out on me, right?” Komachi’s frown deepened, which made Hachiman feel even worse. Even after the encounter with the weird guy and Haruno, he wanted to have a moment to stop thinking. To do something nice for his little sister, disconnect. Maybe mixing that up with his feelings about Hoshino’s work were counterintuitive. But it still stung that his plans weren’t working.

“Don’t worry, Komachi-chan. We’re here with you.” Ebina put a hand on Hachiman’s sister while Zaimokuza nodded “No matter what, we came together and we’re leaving together.”

“Somehow, I don’t feel at all assured.” Hachiman complained, still cradling the side of his head.

“Hachiman, Hachiman.” Zaimokuza shook his head “Have some faith. We’re having as much fun as we can because everything’s fine. The moment something happens? Serious mode. One hundred percent.”

“Right, right. You kinda owe us for hiding important things, but we’re not gonna leave you to die on a corner.” Ebina gave him a thumbs up “You can relax.”

“It sounds to me like you shouldn’t bring that up anymore.” Hachiman replied, perhaps sounding a bit saltier than he intended.

“Hmmm, right. Still, the sentiment remains.” Ebina patted him on the shoulder “If you don’t feel well, tell us. Okay?”

He couldn’t help sighing. Perhaps half of their attention while Komachi actually took care of him was good enough. And it’s not like he felt so bad that he’d pass out, he was sturdy. His injuries were proof of that. And, although he wouldn’t admit it out loud, he did feel a small thrill with each small group dwindling.

That was spoiled when the one of the groups took a little too long. And the annoyance in the people started sticking to him.

“Sorry people, a couple of guys in the last group had a… Problem.” Saitou-san emerged from the closed door, scanning the people still waiting until she locked eyes with Hachiman. Damn it. Wasn’t she the one that told him not to do something weird “We’re completing the group. You two…”

The people parted ways as Saitou-san approached, and Hachiman stuck closer to the people he’d come with.

“…You win, come with me.”

“I came with them too.” Hachiman pointed at Ebina and Zaimokuza, a little annoyed “Isn’t it a bit unfair?”

That didn’t sit well with Saitou-san, who simply looked back at one of the guards. Who Hachiman was pretty sure remained completely still and gave no indication of conveying anything in silence to her “Exactly the number we need. Come with.”

What happened to the plan?! It was supposed to be a perfectly normal meeting. They’d get in, get autographs, maybe a photo for Komachi, and leave. Hachiman managed to gather his courage exactly because of that! He even thought about the way he’d word his praise so Hoshino knew he meant to praise the way she lived her private life! Maybe if…

“We’re going! We’re so going!” Zaimokuza took Hachiman by the shoulder. It startled him, and he couldn’t stop Ebina from doing the same on the other. Only managing to put some of his weight as they used their combined weight to get Hachiman to move.

Betrayal! Liars! Where was the promise of help and understanding?!

“Glad to see you have my back.” Hachiman hissed as they crossed the first door, revealing a corridor which split into two, one to each side.

“Sorry, kid. Ichigo’s become a pushover.” The woman replied, which he’d have let go of. But Hachiman wasn’t feeling so merciful at the moment.

“Oh, don’t get me started on you.” He groaned “So much for rules of engagement.”

“Eh? Do you know each other?” Ebina turned to face the woman, giving Hachiman enough leeway to start walking under his own power.

“Are you deaf? I’m just following orders.” The woman clicked her tongue. This whole event had probably chipped away at her sanity as well, which was honestly hilarious.

“That’s a pretty convenient excuse that will certainly not be used against me later on.”

“Onii-chan.” Komachi’s voice came more as a warning than just a random word. The implicit command of “keep it down” came loud and clear, and for a moment Hachiman tried to listen to her. Arguing would do nothing.

“That’s the prerogative of a company, do try not to take it too personally.” Saitou-san chuckled while looking away.

Why, you…!

“Ummm, this feels familiar.” Zaimokuza had reverted to his shier self, looking between Hachiman and Saitou-san as they bared their teeth at the other. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

“Well, your company sucks. Who’d give a bad service and blame it on the customer?”

“Oh, you’re not pulling that card on me. Do you know how many kids like you I deal with on a daily basis? Too many to count.” Saitou-san lifted a finger and almost put it on Hachiman’s face, looking pretty annoyed herself as they took a left turn “It’s not going to work, I can tell you that much.”

“I thought you were someone important. So maybe I should bring my discomfort to someone above.” Hachiman shot back.

“Boy, I’m the CEO’s wife. There’s no one “above”, get real.”

“H-Hikigaya?! Maybe don’t do this with someone like that?!” Ebina grabbed him by the shirt, but Hachiman shook her off.

He wasn’t that mad anymore, Komachi had helped dispel that notion. No. This was more personal than that.

“Really? Because you made it sound like you’re just the person that does all the busywork.” Hachiman shrugged “Sorry, I misunderstood. What are you? Person in charge of things no one wants to do?”

“Oh, please. This company doesn’t move a finger without my say-so. You can keep trying, though.” Saitou-san let out a single laugh as she moved her hand to the guard in front of them.

“Sounds to me like the most expensive babysitter in existence.”

“Onii-chan.”

“Well, this babysitter can get you kicked out with a snap of my fingers. So maybe show some respect to your elders.”

“Oh, please. I’m begging you to do that. Go on.” Hachiman moved a bit ahead and planted his feet squarely on the ground. Turning around so that Saitou-san would be face him “Go on, tell someone to move me. I won’t resist. Let’s see what happens.”

“You really don’t know how these events work, do you? You’re just making a fool out of yourself.”

“Says the woman being ordered around by someone my sister’s age.”

“Hey!” Komachi complained, stopping herself from touching Hachiman for whatever reason “Take that back!”

“Yes, “onii-chan”. Don’t get your sister involved and defend yourself like a man.” Saitou-san crossed her arms with smugness.

“You’re the one threatening physical violence of me, so I don’t know how your face remains where it is after saying that.”

“Again, keep trying kid. I have to deal with people way more unpleasant than you every day, all day.” Saitou-san scoffed “You’re not impressing anyone.”

“Ummm, is… Is everything…?”

“Not now, Ari.” Saitou-san tilted to the right and pointed a finger at someone behind Hachiman. Only to stand straight again and going back to crossing her arms “Come on. Do your worst. We can be here all night.”

“Woah, that sounds really wrong coming from someone insisting on calling me a “boy” and a “kid”.”

“Allegations, how inventive.” Saitou-san scoffed “That’s low even for you.”

“I thought we were getting along better.”

“Yes, but your little masochistic tendencies really ruin your image.” Saitou-san’s words confused him a little. Which made it so that he couldn’t reply when he wanted to “Oh, please. Don’t pretend like I didn’t see that little friend of yours walk all over you that day. I’m pretty sure you enjoyed it too.”

What other…?

Oh. Oh!

“You don’t know shit about her.” Hachiman spat with the confidence that knowing Yukinoshita Haruno for as long as he did give him “She’d chew you and spit you back without effort.”

“Ooohhh. Scary.”

“What friend?” Someone asked.

“Considering that “I just stepped on shit” face, it’s probably Haruno-san.” Komachi replied.

“Hey, I’m just trying to warn you.” Hachiman lifted his hands as if he was surrendering “It makes me a little sad that my honesty isn’t getting through.”

“Again, I have to deal with scarier people every day. You’re not going to impress me, Hikigaya.” Saitou-san chuckled again.

Hachiman would’ve answered with something smart, but the very idea just made him grin.

“Heh…”

“Don’t believe me?” Saitou-san looked unimpressed.

“Didn’t I tell you? She’s the devil.” Hachiman was coming down from the high the banter gave him. Sure, it wasn’t the same. But it at least didn’t feel like what Haruno put him through. It was… Freeing, in a way. He’d missed crossing words with someone ready to defend and attack at once “But you do you, I guess. Now, let’s…”

Hachiman turned around. They weren’t in the corridor anymore.

Seven girls dressed in colorful dressed and standing around behind a few tables put together horizontally were staring at him like they’d seen someone enter the room with a gun.

Komachi looked thoroughly disappointed.

“This is why I told you we should leave if you didn’t feel like coming.” And she sounded very disappointed too “Look, they’re scared now.”

Hachiman didn’t look at the idols. But instead, at the guy and girl that had come with him. Sort of standing behind Komachi, trying to appear invisible while Hachiman had been busy. He felt heat quickly go to his face. So much so that he turned around without thinking, giving Hoshino his back wherever she was.

Saitou-san was red in the face too. Covering it with a hand and holding the other beneath her chest.

A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Chapter Text

How does an orphan get picked up and make it big in the entertainment industry?

How does a 16 years old girl pull through with her delivery, keep working while keeping her kids away from prying eyes, and climb the steps to be on the forefront of everyone’s attention?

Not alone, that’s for sure. With great effort, half a chance, and no small amount of luck.

“So that’s how it is.” Aqua had said, sitting with his little legs stretched as he played with his lower lip as he thought about it. After hugging and spoiling them a lot for the sin of hitting them, Ai was forced to follow Miyako-san's advice. Sitting them down and explaining why she'd reacted the way she did. Why messing in this seemingly unimportant way had made her turn into... That. But she couldn't just let it end with an apology; so the next day she took them to visit a certain someone to trace a plan of action.

“Eh? But…” Ruby still didn't get it. To her, although the man she'd texted turned out not being her father; she still couldn't understand why Ai cared about him.

“Ah, don’t get it wrong.” The little boy spoke before Ai could, snapping out of his considerations for a moment “It’s nothing like what you’re thinking.”

Ai smiled softly, with the conversation she'd overhead about their father in her mind. Back then, she chose to call him instead of acknowledging the topic, no matter how weird the conclusion they came to was. Now, with the attempt on her life, and their confession of overhearing her conversation with Hikigaya, she could guess what Ruby was thinking about, and couldn't help feel glad that Aqua would cover for the things she didn't want to say.

“But…”

“No matter how you look at it, it’s weird that mom has no friends.” Aqua went back to his musings, probably running through the number of faces he knew that Ai was connected to. Her eye twitched slightly, but her expression remained the same “It can get lonely sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have people you can trust.”

“Mama can trust us!” Ruby complained, looking ready to cry but not quite there yet.

“We can’t defend her as we are.” Aqua shook his head.

Ruby didn’t like that.

“But…”

“No one should feel lonely.” Aqua stated like he’d made up his mind “Besides, if it’s really that guy… Mhm. I understand.”

“Then, what do you think? You kids are very smart, I wonder what you guys think…” Being able to act when they were so small, following the director’s orders, and being able to keep up the pretense of being Miyako-san’s children while in public… No matter how Ai looked at it, she’d been blessed with a couple of geniuses with a powerful destiny.

And, right there and then, that thought had woken up a hunger in her mind. A desire to get these two on her side. Because the idea of things being different were too scary to consider. And because her she didn’t want to think her own actions could break her life apart.

The little boy stared at his mom with eyes filled with determination.

“As your son and fan, I’ll support you to the best of my abilities.” Aqua said carelessly, waking up a different set of feelings in Ai.

A memory. Not forgotten but buried.

She couldn’t help smiling bitterly, hoping that this time they were for real.

“You’re really getting all worked up for a guy?” The director didn’t look very convinced. For one, they’d interrupted one of his “sessions” where he’d neither film nor write. So Ai didn’t really understand why he was upset about it, but that didn’t matter.

She also wanted him on her side. So she sent her kids away to check the man’s scripts.

“Sensei, if I…” Ai turned to Ruby, who still didn’t look wholly convinced. Although she was smart, she wasn’t the same as Aqua. She felt more like Ai, more sporadic. And she’d need a better foundation to work with to make it big, just like Ai herself had needed “If I died tomorrow, who do you think would show up to my funeral?”

The man closed his eyes, unable to hold Ai’s gaze now that the glitter and shine were gone.

“The public one or the real one?” He asked with a sigh, eyes closed.

Ai scoffed.

“That’s what I thought.” Death has a way to put things into perspective, after all.

 The moment they entered, arguing and with little care for the rest of the world, Ai knew she had to get ready for a rough start. Her fellow co-stars had differing levels of fear, which seemed to be the prevalent emotion in their reaction. Much more when Miyako-san shut down Ari in favor of continuing to argue with Hikigaya-san.

Ai turned to look at Ichigo-san, arms crossed and resting his back on one of the walls like a yakuza boss looking over his products. He… Wasn’t much help, really. He’d folded when Ai insisted to pull off the stunt of appearing off the stage, he’d agreed to let Hikigaya come alone with his sister by discretely getting the previous group to leave early. But now, he couldn’t do much in front of the idols and the few guards around. Those guys, too, didn’t seem to know what to do. So Ai didn’t think that her target would get subdued and thrown out any moment.

Was she stunned? Not exactly. Their conversations had Hikigaya say some pretty strange things sometimes, comments she didn’t get. Ruby thought he was being a jerk, but the director and Aqua had a different opinion. Someone with a fundamentally terrible personality isn’t inclined to be useful, doesn’t feel the need to meet people halfway. Both of the adults had worked with such people before, so Ai could sort of understand where they were coming from. Aqua had also worked with that little girl with red hair, so he probably got the idea from her specifically.

Was little Aqua perhaps on his way to being a Casanova? A boy that gave girls a lot of “character development” after charming and playing with them? Would Ai have to worry about two different girls coming to “study” with him and being shocked to see the other there?

With his genes? Not out of the picture. But not something to worry about for at least 9 years. Ruby, too, could end up being extremely sadistic in her relationships. But again, Ai had time to plan a strategy for that later.

For now, she waited. She had to ask who Miyako-san was referring to when she called Hikigaya a masochist, true. But besides that, Ai’s first step was to let this play out. Let the two realized that they were arguing in front of everyone. She took mental notes, trying to fit the mental picture that she’d worked with her team to see if she could contextualize the conversation better. But really, this was all just so she could play peacemaker when they ran out of steam.

The results were better than expected.

What a cute expression, all red like a teenager with a crush. Ai could’ve taken a picture and hidden it somewhere…

"This is why I told you we should leave if you didn't feel like coming." The (old girl? Young woman?) that looked the most like him spoke up, being quick to the draw before anyone could make things look worse than they were. As expected of his little sister, she was quick witted "Look, they're scared now."

“Oh, no, no! Don’t mind us!” Ai stood from her seat, waving her hands like she wanted to pacify the tensions. She did her best impression of being just as stunned as the rest, chuckling awkwardly so that she could grab everyone and drag them to the vibe she was aiming for “It’s fine! It’s the most lively I’ve seen Miyako-san for a while, after all.”

“Hey, what are you trying to imply?” Oops… Ichigo-san seemed to take that the wrong way, which made the tension raise a little bit.

No matter. She knew this interpretation would be awkward. This wasn’t her forte, the usual. She needed all of her talent and focus to hang just slightly off the edge of being confrontational, pull from the Ai that hadn’t known Ichigo-san was her ticket to a better life without actually giving in on the darkness that the little girl carried…

Hikigaya made a sound that might’ve either been a burp or a restrained laughter.

Hook…

“Onii-chan, c’mon.” The young woman that looked like him elbowed his ribs, and that made most of the embarrassment drain from his face.

…Ai felt a little disappointed.

“Sorry, sorry.” Hikigaya stretched his back, and the same dull expression Ai had seen him wear in the hospital returned in spades “It wasn’t funny at all. Nope.”

“It really wasn’t.” Miyako-san didn’t look amused at all, but the spell seemed to have been lifted. And she returned to Ichigo-san’s side while the other members of B-Komachi reeled from the sudden break in tension “Ai, please sit down.”

“Okay~!” Ai did as instructed just so it wasn’t that evident that she had the ability to argue against the bosses in the room. She put her hands on the table, intertwining her fingers and going back to her tested and true tactics “Shall we start again~? You’re less people than usual, but that just makes it all the more special, right?! Come! Come!”

“Y-Yeah. Ai-chan’s right!” Niino pulled herself together the quickest, perfecting her smile before the small group could decide that they weren’t in trouble after all “I see that these two are the superfans that helped out Ai-chan too. Don’t be shy!”

Ai felt smugness creep up her features, but she pushed it down. As expected, the girls were still proud members of B-Komachi. They were pros from head to toe, and were used to following the lead. They hadn’t cracked in any concert, in any interview; not even after Ai’s close-call. She could rely on them to keep her plan going after taking the initiative.

The thick guy and the girl with glasses responded the most positively. With Hikigaya taking a few moments to digest what was happening. What had the director said? Cautious? Proving? She couldn’t be sure whether he was a person that projected out hostility or someone who didn’t know that his words could hurt. He did it too seamlessly, and even the director didn’t feel confident guessing what his deal was.

Still, knowing this in advance helped a whole lot. It allowed Ai to brace for impact, so she wouldn’t get swept under a different rhythm from her own.

This process would be a little more awkward, however. They’d have to wait for the fans to go through shaking hands with each and every single one of them. Choosing something from what they’d bought to sign, taking pictures… That was fine. Niino gave Ai the opening she needed.

“Thanks a lot for the catch, by the way.” Ai beamed as the Hikigaya siblings came into earshot “You really saved the show back there!”

Hikigaya didn’t immediately give her his attention. He looked lost, hesitant. Eyeing the adults before turning his attention to the Ai sitting in front of him. Waiting.

She took it all in. What were the tells she was supposed to look out for? She slightly tweaked her tone to make it softer and a little bit less energetic. Or a bit more apologetic would work better?

“…I’m pretty sure you had it under control.” He spoke without much inflection, conveying less than most people did when they made their tone flat. A spectator wouldn’t really know what they were supposed to take from it, it lacked a critical component in communicating feeling. It was too impersonal.

Was that supposed to be a compliment? She couldn’t be sure. But it felt like that.

“Learning to fall is a quintessential skill in this business.” Ai put some airs of wisdom, nodding to herself “Minimize injuries so you can keep the party going, y’know.”

“Is that something that happens often?” The younger Hikigaya asked, sounding more curious than interested. Ai chose to retain the mood she had going.

“Less so with experience, like with all things.” Ai motioned with her arm to the girl to her right “Ask Kyun here, she knows I’ve landed on my face more times than I can count!”

“Haha… Well, it’s an idol secret!” Her co-star winked, not really sure where Ai was going. But knowing how to keep the mood light-hearted “Can’t get our fans thinking we’re clumsy, now can we~?”

“Right, right!” Ai chuckled “But don’t let me keep you here, go!”

“I thought we could start from this side?” The younger Hikigaya asked.

“No, no. Go with the queue. You’re four, but those are the rules.” Ai winked before the first guy finally reached her.

He was breathing from the mouth and his glasses were a bit foggy, but it looked like he’d managed to reign his emotions in by the time he reached Ai. She opened the marker when he presented his two red light sticks.

“This… This is my first time coming to a concert…” He sounded both excited and apologetic, which made Ai chuckle a bit.

She eyed the siblings while signing with practiced swiftness.

“Is that right? Was it all you imagined?” Ai asked without looking at his face, moving the sticks around to see if her signature hadn’t been cut off by the cylindrical form it had.

“Yes! You were stunning! Angelic! The bestest in the world!” His words fed her. She’d heard very similar things from beginning to end of this session, but she still felt fed by them. Small amounts, mere crumbs compared to what she needed. But nurturing all the same.

“I’m glad. Please keep supporting us!” Reminding people to keep buying was a given. No one lives off of smiles and photos, after all.

…Models. Right. Uh… A better metaphor…

“I’ll try! As long as it’s in my power!”

“Please look after yourself first, though!” Ai pointed a finger at his face “Your well-being matters, okay?! No slacking on that!”

“Yes! Ai-chan!”

“Good!” She nodded with satisfaction “Will you be taking a photo or…?”

“Actually, I was hoping to get one with the whole group…”

Oh, is that right? What a coincidence. Ai needed an excuse to circumvent the natural barrier that the tables created.

“Well, you’re a handful… That can be arranged, right girls?!” She beamed at them, making them stop and eye Ichigo-san discretely.

Of course, there was no problem. But they had to finish protocol first, so Ai offered him her hand.

Interestingly, although it was a little sweaty, this guy didn’t smell. Ai could tell individuals apart, and this room had kind of clogged her nose when some people entered and left a bit of a disgusting scent when they spoke to her. And yet, this guy didn’t. She was indeed aware that Hikigaya would pick his companions with more care than most people, not as much as Ai herself but still. The sentiment remained that she felt actually pleasantly surprised.

The girl that came after him was even more nervous, but Ai knew how to side-step setting her off to screaming in delight. She supposed it was better than having fewer fans, just like when B-Komachi started, but it still tired her a little to have to pick her words with more care than usual.

Finally…

Wait, finally?

“Is something wrong?” The younger Hikigaya asked, having her brother move to behind her. Making his little sister a natural wall between Ai and himself with the same awkwardness that the rest of the girls had when looking at him.

“Ah, is your brother not getting anything signed?” Ai couldn’t help asking. She had honestly not paid attention to that particular part, although it made sense in retrospect.

“Oh, yes. We just came together.” The young woman turned around so that her brother extended one of the bigger posters they were selling. With every other signature except the last two “He got this instead.”

It was more like a frameless painting. Printed over, but supposed to be able to stand on its own. It was no bigger than Ai’s face, and would probably not stand out that much in any room.

He oozed his personality in whatever he did, huh. It had to be something like this, if Ai had to imagine him buying anything from the shop. Small, discrete. Meant to be looked at by itself, and not as a part of a larger collection or the center of attention.

She felt her expression soften, but she couldn’t put up any resistance. She didn’t know how. And it still fed her, this small gesture. However unimportant, it felt individualistic. Like a person dressed in a sharp suit amidst a crowd of people in pajamas, or perhaps a veggie in a steak buffet.

The girl hadn’t pulled it out before either, it had no signature at all. This is what made Ai realize that she’d lost control over her expression.

“Awww, it’s so cute.” She signed it first. Of course she would, she was planning to reveal the girl’s name after that. And hopefully it’d help make the others forget that she alone shared something with this particular person.

Would they realize what they were looking at? Would they suspect? Honestly, Ai couldn’t help ride the thrill. It emboldened her.

With the little fragment of my heart I’m allowed to give. -Ai.

“Here.” If his sister read the little message, she gave no indication of… No, never mind. She stole a glance toward Ai for a moment. A small moment where Ai felt judged.

She blinked a couple of times, holding the stare. It took a couple of seconds before she realized she hadn’t signed the poster.

She didn’t lose, okay? She was just following the procedure. It’d be weird if she didn’t.

“Komachi…?” She couldn’t quite pretend to be surprised. Although it was still kind of funny “Hey, hey! What’s up with this?! Are we getting visited by THE Komachi?! We’re not in trouble for stealing the name, are we?!”

It didn’t matter if the other girls didn’t think much of it, Ai would still make it a big deal. This, too, was within what she was allowed to do after all.

“First a small group, now someone named like the group… C’mon, girls. We gotta do something special now!” Ai stood from her seat, ready to drag them along if needed be.

Admittedly, she was just as tired as the rest. But she couldn’t help herself. She needed more attention. She’d been expecting it for days on end, it couldn’t end like this. She couldn’t just let it slip from her fingers without a fight.

“You two, with me!” Ai told the girl with glasses and Hikigaya, more or less dragging them to the center.

“Hey…” He hissed lowly, a warning in his eyes that he wouldn’t convey through words because that’d be counterintuitive.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” She sneaked her arms around each of their waists, pulling them closer to herself and making the girl squeak a bit. Fortunately, she was too embarrassed to speak as Ai tilted her head against Hikigaya’s shoulder “Enjoy the moment. It’s a special occasion.”

He also didn’t smell bad, which she was grateful for. It allowed his body heat to be more enjoyable, seep into her brain like a jolt of electricity that made her feel alive.

She didn’t even notice that the others put Komachi in front of her, forcing Ai to tiptoe and the girl to crouch a little. She was too busy digging in.

Look at me, look at me, look at me…

So busy she was, that she didn't see his eyes growing sharper.

"You're trying too hard." He whispered, forcing her to lock her expression when the camera went off.

...What?

Chapter Text

How long had it been? How long had it actually been? Not since it happened, but since he’d last thought about it. Because someone like Hachiman could never forget something like that. Not when he’d thought everything would be alright, that life had turned around for the better.

Back when college was starting, back when his high school romantic comedy ended.

“You’re trying too hard, Yuigahama.” Leaving high school had its benefits. For one, he didn’t have to see the same shitty faces all day every day. It freed him from having to think about having to go through pointless courses, hear mind-numbing conversations, and all of that just to spend some time with the people he cared about. It was so much easier to hang out at home, or somewhere they agreed.

He should’ve known that Yuigahama arriving alone was a bad omen, but he’d promised himself he should let things play out a bit more. Cut out the judgment a bit, like Hiratsuka-sensei had last advised. And maybe, just maybe, seeing things a bit more positively would make them actually be better.

“I…” Yuigahama couldn’t look at him straight to the face. She’d pushed him, landed on top of his stomach. And her advances had taken him by enough of a surprise that he couldn’t really resist her at first. But when she tried to push further, when her lips came so close to his that he could almost smell her skin, his mind clicked in place. He pushed her face away, and did not lower his hand even while he felt the eye he was covering get wet “I…”

“What’s going on, Yuigahama?” His voice was small, almost a whisper. It might have been taken as having tact, as giving the girl the space she needed instead of getting mad or pressing her for answers. That’d be a lie. Hachiman was simply way too confused to do anything, too on the defense to summon more of his emotions.

Many things raced through his mind. Their friendship, his own relationship to Yukino, all the moments they’d gone through together. He always knew Yuigahama didn’t see the world through his eyes. That, amidst the three, Yuigahama would always be the one with the most innocence. The one that saw things as a little less bad, to say it in a way that makes sense, compared to Yukino and Hachiman himself. Maybe that’s what made things not work, maybe the closeness to Yukino was the tipping point in their relationship, and now it had strained to a point where it couldn’t be fixed.

That, too, was a lie.

The two of them cared enough to understand, they saw each other’s differences and did their best to meet them halfway. At the beginning, it’s not like they did it consciously or well. Hell, half of their problems was giving each other too much space for fear of backlash; for fear of losing whatever they had going before Hachiman confessed.

It pained him to no end to admit that the first thing that he felt was betrayal. That his first instinct was to raise his defenses, taint the mental image he had of Yuigahama.

Thankfully, he’d always been too much of a coward. And seeing her last-ditch effort of putting up a front crumble in front of him made him realize how badly he’d reacted. When the girl with pinkish hair hugged him and started crying without saying another word, his heart sank to the bottom of his stomach.

She didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to.

How could he look himself in the mirror and not shy away from how self-centered he was? A terrible move, it’d been. But Hachiman should’ve known one of his closest friends well enough to understand the tells of someone asking for help. He should’ve realized that nothing was alright, that she was giving signs of something being amiss. And, although her actions had no justification, he should’ve read between the lines and reached out first.

But what could a lonely boy do when he just learned how to care, how to share? What does a loner do when one of those precious few has her world fall apart? Work hard? Try to understand? What does one do when their best is not enough? When the game changes and the cards turn all into losing bets?

Sometimes it’s better to quit when you’re ahead, sometimes it’s safer to fold.

Hard work betrays none, but dreams betray many.

And Hikigaya Hachiman might be many things, but brave is not one of them.

“You’re trying too hard.” Maybe he should’ve listened to Komachi, maybe they should’ve allowed Ebina and Zaimokuza to go on ahead. Maybe they should’ve left while Hachiman was thinking straight in spite of the headache.

From the moment Saitou-san traced the rules of engagement for the first time, Hachiman had known that he should do better. That he should listen to the woman’s warnings, that he should’ve let things progress with normality. He didn’t think he’d done especially terrible: he let Hoshino see how lame he could be, let her know how little he actually did, how little he could hold a conversation. He made bad jokes, sent cat pictures, didn’t always reply on time.

Perhaps he’d lulled himself into a false sense of security, maybe he’d convinced himself that the little pieces of the puzzle called Hoshino Ai he picked were just things that the human brain did. That pulling similarities and correlating one thing to another is just how the brain works. Millions of years of evolution surely made it be a quirky organ, right? Just a primitive imperative trying to keep the individual alive even through modern times.

He should’ve known better.

The camera went off, which made Hachiman blink as he felt Hoshino’s hold on him tighten. Not because she pulled him any closer, but because her muscles had tensed to the point that it was noticeable to him. It didn’t hurt, but it did bring his attention to his mouth. And from that to the room they were all in.

He’d tried to let things slide; to accept the generosity from the idols and pretend he didn’t do the most embarrassing thing in front of the whole group he’s ever done in quite a while. And maybe that, the anticipation, or the stress of being surrounded by so many people and under so much noise had eroded his defenses.

Maybe he was just an idiot. He didn’t even have the excuse of knowing Hoshino for that long. He’d never even seen her outside of the hospital room, out of character.

Maybe the wonder of how different it’d be clouded his senses. Intellectually, he’d known that he’d find no trace of Hoshino here. That no one would greet him in a lame way, telling him she was exhausted. He should’ve known he’d find no trace of exhaustion, no hint or tell of all the effort that went into every detail of her presentation, and that there would be only the face he’d seen at the beginning. The bright, star-eyed young woman at the top of the world.

No trace of the girl who almost got herself killed for not being that star.

Except… That’s also a lie, isn’t it? He’d seen the presentations, the sneak filming. He’d been told what to expect and what lines not to cross. No last name, no special greeting, no see you later. It had to go right, it needed to line up. And although Hachiman hated every word on principle, he’d been willing to swallow his feelings because now he knew that they didn’t matter. Hoshino’s safety came first.

Life does not care for opinions, it simply unfolds. It waits for no one to make up their minds, it simply drops the consequences of their inadequacies.

Perhaps the contrast of his expectations and reality made him take things too personally… But also, somewhere inside his mind, the instinct of cutting things off resurfaced. Stopping the girl trying to kiss him before something happened that they’d both regret.

A heartbeat passed.

“Rude? I’m not that tall, y’know.” It felt like an eternity, like time had stopped and Hachiman could feel the girls behind him and Hoshino tense up. Like he could see a notification that he’d messed up, that a relationship gauge had taken a dive. And yet, Hoshino took it in stride, taking only a couple of seconds too long to react.

Everyone moved away from the others, sort of expanding and making some room to go back to arms’ length. Hachiman, too, moved to his right as Hoshino stiffly released him. Like she didn’t want to uncoil her arm but was forced to. Her fingers still ran through his shirt, letting his skin feel her nails as they traced a line through it before losing the contact entirely.

Her smile was the same as when he first saw her. Happy-looking, almost unthinking. She didn’t seem to take offense in his words, and ignored the pregnant silence that came from Hachiman opening his mouth in an otherwise silent room.

“That’s not…” His mind didn’t process her intentions quickly enough, and it continued in a straight line in spite of the feeling of having put his foot in his mouth. He was nervous, dreading for the girl in front of him. But not in a way that he could help. Not now.

“So should I just not appear in the photo? C’mon now, I’m also part of the group y’know~.” The girls that had been farther from them looked a bit confused, and the way they stared at the ones diagonally and behind Hachiman told him that those were extremely perplexed. Sort of caught out of the loop, if they’d been in it since Hachiman’s group entered.

“Onii-chan, this is why I don’t go out with you.” Komachi scoffed, crossing her arms and looking kind of mad “Can you at least behave today? For me?”

“It’s alright, Komachi-chan!” The idol beamed and waved her hands in front of her, sounding somewhat embarrassed “It’s not the first time we’ve met someone contrarian. Right girls? It’s not too strange to meet guys trying to act stubborn and rude to get attention. Not at all.”

“Well, I mean, it happens sometimes.” One of the girls behind Hachiman (had Hoshino called her Kyun?) sounded unconvinced but apparently agreed with Hoshino. Or so her tone indicated.

“It’s a pain, to be honest.” Another of the girls added, coming from behind Hoshino “But not something we’re not used to.”

“Right, right?” Hoshino pointed a finger at Hachiman, winking with a cheeky smile “Alas, your trickery is obvious! We’re pros after all, so why not leave behind all the posturing and accept you’re beyond elated to be here~?”

Guh!

Hachiman took a step back, his trepidation changing to one more akin to embarrassment. He knew that Hoshino would prioritize her own image, but he honestly didn’t expect to be thrown to the wolves that easily. Somewhere in his heart, the girl that had confessed to have family problems to him would at least hesitate to do so. Even if for a moment.

It also dawned on Hachiman how little he could read her face. Her actions screamed barely contained self-restraint, but her eyes and smile left nothing exposed. No tells or quirks, like an actual mask perfectly crafted to fit seamlessly where “Hoshino” should’ve been. Like he was in front of some form of doppelganger.

He knew hidden intentions, he’d faced them. The difference was that, someone like Hayama had allowed Hachiman to read him at some point. He’d been human in his way of lying, a man of habits and quirks. Hoshino? In this moment, in this room, felt a lot more like a Yukinoshita Haruno to him: The mask felt real enough that he could not guess, could not attempt to understand what laid beneath. He had nothing to work with, no context to gain. He had nothing.

He didn’t know whether to be terrified or amazed, because Haruno had always been an abnormal woman. And although Hachiman understood that this is what being a pro means, his instincts still told him to push her away. To protect himself from something he could not understand.

Because being in the dark is terrifying, because not knowing make him lose his mind.

What was he feeling now? Was it embarrassment, actually born out of social pressure? Or was it something more primal, more self-serving? A fear born out of experience, of being beaten into submission time and again?

Was all of this fair to Hoshino?

“I… I’m not…” His words were stuck in his throat. For all the things he wanted to say, nothing really fit or came easily to his mind. Had he been allowed to turn around and run, he’d have done so. But everyone’s attention had been drawn by Hoshino, and by proxy to the recipient of her own.

“Aww, you’re so embarrassed~.”

Hachiman almost choked, and his thoughts became even more incoherent. Unable to even mount a counter like he’d do with other people.

He’d been in situations where all he wanted to do was to hide under the bed and scream before. It was the story of his life, after all. But this? It was hell. Maybe because of the mental image he had of Hoshino, incomplete as it was. Maybe because he thought he was smart enough to see the threads of her being behind the mask. The less-than-pleasant strings that make the cute mascot sewed into a glove, into a sock.

Being teased by someone so Hoshino-looking but that was clearly not Hoshino made his brain short-circuit. In this room, under the judging gaze of everyone, the guidelines he’d insisted himself to follow backfired on him. Restraining him from saying anything that’d blow the cover of someone who wasn’t even here.

“Hmmm, you’re not so threatening after all.” The idol put a finger on her chin, tilting her head while taking a step forward.

Hachiman took a step back without thinking.

“Could it be that you wanted to use your sister as an excuse to be here? Did you think that arguing with Miyako-san would make you stand out? Say some smart things and stay in everyone’s minds? Those are such innocent, honest thoughts.” Her smile became a little warmer, but her eyes reflected so much life that they didn’t seem to be capable of anything else. Not even mirroring the glee that her tone and mouth would suggest “It’s kind of cute.”

Then, all of a sudden, she spun on her heels and walked away. Moving a finger in the air like a marching band director.

“But too bad! Ai-chan figured you out! It might’ve been a little endearing in its own way, but it’s not the first time we face this! Your plan has been foiled, I’m afraid.” She went all the way around the tables, being the first to go back to her seat and smugly taking her marker to motion in Hachiman’s general direction “I’m a pro, so I’ll say this only once: it’s true that we remember our most ardent fans, those that come and send letters all the time. We carry them in our hearts. We’re people too, how can we not appreciate all the LOVE given so selflessly.”

For a moment, for the briefest of moments, Hoshino opened her mouth without saying anything. Like she was sucking in air, like she’d talked more than necessary. Or if she’d said something that made the real person reel back.

It was gone before Hachiman could even blink.

“So, if you wanna get our love? I suggest doing the same.” Hoshino pointed the marker downward and slammed it against the table. Making the cap break and the tip get ruined against to covers “Bad fans get nothing, only oblivion. Got it?”

Hachiman was so preoccupied sucking every bit of information coming from Hoshino’s body that he almost didn’t hear his friends falling in line, answering like some military general had spoken.

“Got it?” She repeated, and nothing of her smile had changed except that it held no warmth at all. It felt as artificial as the cheer in her eyes, as matter-of-fact as the way Yukinoshita Haruno looked at him.

Hachiman pressed his lips into a thin line, holding back the wave of disappointment his tortured mind gave him.

“Bet.” He turned around when he realized the other girls were copying Hoshino, going back to their spots in spite of the palpable tension around. The comparison to Zaimokuza and Ebina’s reaction to Hoshino’s tone came back to mind. It felt as though they’d felt a tug, a pull of some sorts, and they were obeying.

It felt like he was looking at something that he shouldn’t. It felt as though he was seeing them want to speak up, say something, intervene. But Hoshino’s sheer aura kept them silent.

He thought back on her confessing to feel lonely as he glanced at the Saitou couple, watching over the group like guards would to their prisoners.

He didn’t even say anything as his group awkwardly chose to leave. The image engraved in his mind was too bitter to care. Maybe he should’ve said something, do what he did best just to get that extra context to understand the dynamics hidden behind smiles and practiced movements.

He did no such a thing, for he shouldn’t be prying on Hoshino’s life like that. He’d take the loss and move on.

People might get the wrong idea about Hikigaya Hachiman a lot of the time. But when they come to the conclusion that he’s a coward… They’re not really wrong.

Chapter Text

“Fantastic choice.” Ichigo-san grinned, his voice distant while the small group of Hikigaya’s friends left. The girl with glasses gave Ai one last look before leaving. And that broke the spell in the room before Miyako-san could close the door.

“What was that about?” Niino’s voice came in stride, a bit louder than Ichigo-san’s but still not as loud as Ai needed. There was a noise that was becoming increasingly annoying, and she didn’t know where it was coming from.

“That was super scary…” Another of the girls added with a big sigh. Ai was a bit busy seeing the mess she made to look at them.

“Can I get another marker? I sorta had to sacrifice this one to keep them in line.” Ai lifted the thing in the air while Miyako-san approached her, an inquisitive look on the older woman’s face.

“You don’t have to yell.” She replied a bit too quietly for Ai’s comfort.

“I’m not yelling though.”

“Guys?” Niino insisted, but the other girls were either looking at Ai for answers or doing their utmost best to pretend nothing was happening.

That happened a lot when Ichigo-san and Miyako-san were around.

“You’re rising your voice.” Miyako-san spoke in a better level for Ai “Like this.”

“No, you were speaking quietly.” She insisted.

The woman opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. Instead, she closed in and covered Ai’s ears gently. Like she didn’t want to hurt her.

The noise was still there.

“Are you alright?” Miyako-san searched Ai’s face, looking for a sign that would never be there. She turned to Ichigo-san for a moment before touching Ai’s forehead.

“Oh, I do feel a bit light-headed…” Ai frowned a bit. She hadn’t realized it because she sat down and didn’t have to hold her own weight. But perhaps that’s also why she broke the marker. She put too much strength into it because it felt as though it’d slip her grasp otherwise.

“Just a bit?” Ichigo-san finally closed in, giving a look to Miyako-san before touching Ai’s face himself.

“It’s fine, I… Keuk!” Ai’s muscles tensed when her stomach tried to push itself up her throat. Making her heave and gasp because the contractions had occurred without her breathing.

The girls to her side quickly made space.

“…am fine. Really.”

“You’re about to throw up, girl.” Ichigo-san sounded on edge, but Ai couldn’t pay too much attention to it.

“No, really.” Her stomach protested again, forcing Ai to shut up for a moment to take in air without heaving again “A doctor once told me my mouth would water when I’m about to do it, but my mouth’s dry. I’m not gonna empty my stomach.”

“I’m stopping them from coming, check with a paramedic.” Miyako-san snapped, turning on her heels without waiting for an answer or confirmation.

“I’m getting Ai-chan some water.” Kyun used the opportunity to slip from Ai’s side. Her light steps echoed in Ai’s head, and it started feeling like someone was hammering it from the inside.

“Ai, what am I going to do with you?” Ichigo-san chuckled nervously, going around the tables and sitting where Kyun had been. He carefully wrapped her hair around his hands, holding it behind so it wouldn’t get in the way “Tell me it’s just the nervousness catching up to you.”

“It’s just the nervousness.” She did as commanded, gasping for some air.

“Who was that anyways? I’ve seen Miyako-san floor people that could’ve made us rich before.” Niino didn’t sound too pleased, but Ai didn’t have the presence of mind to face her.

“Can you not see there’s something more pressing going on?” Ichigo-san snapped, his voice making Ai cringe from the venom they held “One thing at a time.”

“Oh, sure. Because Ai-chan is…”

“If Ai passes out, I want you to explain to the fans why she’s lying on a pool of her own lunch.”

“…”

“That’s what I thought.” Ichigo-san sighed “Later, when we’re done. You have my word.”

“…Fine.” Niino clicked her tongue “Where’s Kyun anyway? We have water here.”

“She’s probably running damage control, like we should.” Takamine spoke and patted someone on the shoulder, the small smack still registering in Ai’s brain although her mind remained empty “C’mon.”

“Thanks, girls.”

“This isn’t over, Saitou-san. It’s been a long time coming, and you have to deliver on your promise.”

“I know.”

What the hell…? Why? Ai chose to keep things under control. Hikigaya would understand, Miyako-san had told him that secrecy was important. So why…?

“Sorry, guys. We have a tiny, lil’ problem. Wait for us a bit, ‘kay~?” One of the idols came out to inform the still-waiting fans, soon followed by two other girls who started doing things to entertain the people.

Hachiman’s group was about to leave the now emptier hall when this happened, which meant that Ebina and Zaimokuza stopped to look back before they could put all of this behind them.

“I wonder what that is all about…” Ebina murmured. She’d become quiet since they left, and although she sounded normal, her expression didn’t hold even a 10% of the interest she’d had in this whole thing for most of the night.

“You think the girls were too upset?” Zaimokuza mused without thinking too much.

“Eh… Famous people. Even Yumi-chan has her ego, and she’s nowhere as successful as these girls.” Ebina chuckled softly. If Hachiman had been in a better mental state, he’d have come up with something smart to say about the stark contrast between her current attitude and how she was before.

“I… Guess so.” Zaimokuza pressed his lips together, restraining himself from saying what he’d thought “They’re still my favorites, though.”

“That’s fine!” Ebina slapped him on the shoulder.

They both turned to look at Hachiman.

“What?”

“Ugh… I hate that sharp tone of yours.” Ebina made a face “It went that badly for you, huh.”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Sure, sure.” Ebina chuckled “Sorry the night ended on such a sour note. I was hoping you’d have some fun too.”

Hachiman scoffed, looking back at the now-excited crowd react to the three idols doing… Something. They didn’t have microphones, so Hachiman couldn’t tell what was happening.

“It’s not my thing.” Hachiman sighed.

“It’s always worth trying out something new, right? Komachi-chan?” Ebina bumped her elbow with his sister’s shoulder.

“I guess.” The younger girl looked in a complex mood. Not angry, not worried. But somewhere in between.

“Tsk, you two really are siblings. Can’t do anything about those downer faces.” Ebina shook her head “Did you at least enjoy the concert itself?”

The Hikigaya siblings exchanged a look.

“Yeah, it was pretty cool. All things considered.” Komachi scratched her left shoulder, looking a bit hesitant to say it out loud.

“It was alright.”

“Well, that’s what matters.” Ebina shrugged “Enjoy the moment or the whole night will be spoiled. Simple as.”

“You weren’t the one on the receiving end of…” What could Hachiman even call that? Was that Hoshino at all? Had it been a mask? Partially? Completely? Where was young struggling young girl in that moment? “…that.”

“Oh, no. I’d have died on the spot.” Ebina elbowed Zaimokuza while speaking “It’s why we kept our mouth shut. We’re not as strong as you.”

“Being called out by Ai-chan like that…” Zaimokuza shook his head “While I don’t know all the context, I don’t think I’d ever be in your place anyway. So I can’t comment.”

“There’s no context to be had.” Hachiman replied a bit too quickly.

“It’s fine, it doesn’t surprise me.” Zaimokuza shrugged “Bet it’s probably complicated, and I like looking at the girls the way I do now. Save it.”

“No, really. I…”

“It’s fine, really.” Ebina slapped Hachiman’s shoulder “It’s not like you have to tell us everything. Seeing how that woman was keeping tabs on you, I suspect we’re better off not knowing.”

Hachiman didn’t really know what to say.

“…” Komachi crossed her arms, keeping her expression neutral. They were Hachiman’s friends, so she did not intervene.

“It’s… Messy.”

“There we go.” Ebina nodded to herself “Can’t imagine how draining it was, then.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Hachiman’s messy brain relaxed a bit. Saying this much, even if nothing had been cleared out, helped his peace of mind a little. At least, he felt like he’d gotten more comfortable. Like loosening a tie which had been bothering him for a while.

“Then, we should head home ASAP.” Ebina turned to face Zaimokuza “Yoshi-dono, we’ll meet as planned.”

“Eh?” The spectacled guy blinked “What do you mean?”

“Eh? I thought you’d stay to enjoy the idols a bit more.” Ebina pointed at the girls with her chin “It’s free, after all.”

“No, I…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s something you enjoy.” Ebina took the things she’d bought and handed them to Zaimokuza, leaving nothing on her person seemingly without even a bit of hesitation.

The guy looked at her, then at Hachiman. As if he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Jeez, you’re so helpless.” Hachiman sighed “I don’t mind.”

“Ah! Thank you for your benevolence, Hachiman-sama!” He took Ebina’s things and bowed “I’ll see you around, then!”

“Sure.” Hachiman almost didn’t manage to wave goodbye because of how fast the guy turned around and joined the crowd. It surprised Hachiman a bit, but he wasn’t going to comment.

“Let’s go, then.” Ebina nodded to them, taking the initiative in leaving Zaimokuza behind.

“Is that fine? I thought you were super into this.” Komachi spoke up, giving the older girl a surprised look.

“I’m not a fan.” Ebina repeated herself for the nth time in the night “Yoshi-dono is. I don’t mind at all.”

“I mean, okay. But that costed money.” The younger Hikigaya insisted.

“So? It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, just like coming, just like giving all that up.” Ebina chuckled “I enjoyed it when I bought them, when they got signed, and it felt good giving them up. That’s all there is to it.”

“Really now…”

Hachiman looked at the two things he was carrying under his armpit. Komachi’s poster and the tablet-like souvenir he’d bought for himself. Thinking back, he’d thought the purchase as a token action from him to Hoshino. A way of supporting her, in however small way he could. Which was also the reason he’d wanted to buy the tickets instead of getting them for free, he’d wanted to feel like he’d helped when he knew how hard she worked for these things.

Right then and there? He didn’t know how he felt about this anymore.

“Hikigaya-sama might not remember it like that, but I wasn’t always like this. The future was scary, feeling like things would change made me nervous.” Ebina continued to talk while they walked. Hachiman felt a little uncomfortable with the topic, but given the difference between this and what happened in that room, he didn’t feel like interrupting “Well, I guess I’ve always been someone who lives in the moment? Difference is, I want to enjoy the “now” to its fullest. Things aren’t always perfect, so you gotta live it up while you can”

The streets felt empty even though the dome was filled with artificial lights, revealing the absence of people who either had better things to do or were asleep already. Hachiman would’ve gotten nervous if they hadn’t planned the whole thing with their parents. They still had some money, so they’d crash one night at a hotel and go back the next day. This whole thing was an event in full form, so maybe that’s also why Hachiman’s mood had soured so much: They even spent money and time to reserve a room to sleep the night, made adjustments to their schedules… Only for it all to end in a sour note.

“Really, now.” Hachiman scoffed at Ebina’s words. Somehow, it felt like the girl was trying to look cool in front of his sister. Even though something inside Hachiman wanted to shoot down her words just for the sake of it.

“Ha ha, maybe it doesn’t look like that to you. But, y’know, these past couple of years have been awesome to me.” Ebina stretched her back, lifting her arms toward the sky and even tiptoeing a bit “It’s been a blast hanging out with everyone, fooling around during classes, doing whatever I want.”

She faced Hachiman, smiling with a warmth that reminded Hachiman of things he’d rather not remember. Which meant taking a step back and looking away.

“And it’d be even cooler knowing everyone’s enjoyed it as much as I do.”

“Sure, babysitting a bunch of weirdos is cool and all.”

“Now you’re just being mean for the sake of it! But, well, I guess it’s better than seeing you sulking.” Ebina laughed it off, but quickly fell silent. Looking at the stars, or trying to, as the skyscrapers and artificial lights blinded them both to what laid higher up “I’m glad you at least gave it a shot.”

“Didn’t have much of a choice.” Hachiman rolled his eyes “Peer pressure is a bitch after all.

Ebina gave him a side glance.

“I think Ai-chan had a bit of a point though.” She spoke smugly “And that’s what bothers you so much.”

“Now you’re just kicking me while I’m down.”

“Really? Did you truly wish you’d have a chance not to come?”

“Yeah.”

Ebina’s smile grew a bit.

“I don’t think so, I don’t think so at all.” So she said. Although Hachiman was more curious about where he’d heard that said before “But that’s fine. You’re always so tsundere about things. It’s kind of endearing.”

“I’m throwing you into traffic.”

“So scary~.” Her voice was still teasing, but when she stopped talking her whole expression became emotionless. Not that many cars had appeared, but that wasn’t what was on her mind “If it was that bad, I’ll do my best for Yoshi-dono to drop the topic as much as possible. I don’t think he wants to bother you either.”

That made Hachiman raise an eyebrow.

“Don’t be surprised. Getting along with people means compromising too, right?” She smiled at him again “It’s better to talk these things out before someone takes offense. Communication is key, after all.”

Something in her tone and expression made Hachiman shrug some of the mental load he had. There was something there, something left unsaid. A prompt, a hint. Maybe she had felt something that Hachiman had missed. Or perhaps she knew more than she let on from the beginning. She’d never asked about why Yukino left to study in the United States, or why Yuigahama and Hachiman stopped talking. She hadn’t bothered, never showed any contempt toward him or worry about the situation. He’d thought her callous then, but now…?

“I…”

“Yes, Hikigaya-kun?”

“Do you…? Y’know.” He gulped, feeling like he’d choke on his own tongue if he continued “Keep in contact with…?”

Ebina blinked, expectant. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t acknowledge his words. She simply waited.

“…Never mind.” He sighed, feeling worse for it. But at least he wasn’t having difficulty talking anymore.

“I see… Too bad.” Ebina smiled bitterly “You should go rest up, Hikigaya-kun. You look like shit.”

He didn’t have it in him to be offended.

“Yeah.”

Ebina patted his shoulder again.

“I’ll go with Yoshi-dono after all, see if I can watch a bit or if they’re done already.” She didn’t sound disappointed now, nor did her expression change when she turned around “Thanks, Hikigaya-kun. I really enjoyed the night.”

Hachiman didn’t have the energy to smile.

“Sure.” He watched her go, leaving him alone with his thoughts. Well, as alone as he could be with… “Komachi…?”

He turned around but didn’t immediately see his little sister by his side. He spun on his heel, momentarily panicking as he tried to remember when was the last time he’d seen her.

“Komachi?!”

“I’m here!” The younger girl rushed to his side, making Hachiman exhale the breath he didn’t notice he’d held for a moment “Sorry.”

“What the hell? Don’t do that to me.” Hachiman put his hands on his sister’s shoulders, screening her to see if something was amiss “Where did you…?”

His eyes were locked to the thing under Komachi’s arm. Or rather, the tiny human she was holding.

Small, more a baby than a kid. With almost golden hair and deep blue eyes that stared at him blankly. Like the kid was studying him like a scientist would. Which was kind of strange, given that he was being held around the torso, so his little legs and arms dangled in the air uselessly.

“Hey.”

Hachiman had seen this kid before. No. Not only him, but also someone older that looked almost exactly like him.

“What is this thing?” Hachiman asked breathlessly.

“I’m not a thing.”

“I found him following us. Little bastard is tenacious.” Komachi clicked her tongue.

Hachiman didn’t care, though. His mind was racing so much that he almost felt dizzy.

“I’m glad that you made it safely.” The kid spoke, his expression still neutral “I wanted to meet you.”

This was the kid that had been by his side when he’d been bleeding out in front of Hoshino’s home.

Hachiman took a step back, almost leaving the safety of the sidewalk entirely.

“Onii-chan, be careful!” Komachi reached for him, trying to stop him.

Hachiman stopped by himself, but he still smacked his sister’s arm away.

“Get rid of him. Right now.” No. Not like this, not tonight. Hachiman had had enough.

“Hikiga…”

“Get him back inside.”

Komachi looked alarmed by Hachiman’s reaction. Yet she was still the best little sister in the entire world.

“Right away, onii-chan.” She spun around and ran back inside.

Hachiman let himself fall on the edge of the sidewalk, cradling his face while his heart pummeled in his chest.

“I shouldn’t have pried, I shouldn’t have pried, I shouldn’t have pried…”

Chapter Text

Waking up to her kids cuddling to each side of her felt nice. It gave her a rock to hold onto, a certainty that she didn’t know she’d needed. At the end, when it mattered, she was finally able to realize this piece of herself. This small portion of her world which had been shrouded in shadows for as long as she remembered.

That should’ve been enough.

Ai held them closer to her body, basking in their body heat as her senses slowly adjusted to the ambient light and let her know that she wasn’t all that well. She felt… Light. Different. Like her body was trying to push something out that it couldn’t grab a hold of. The paramedics were kind of weirded out by her symptoms, and she even had a blood test she took later the next day told then that she had nothing wrong to worry about. Of course, that made Ichigo-san put her aside to ask if they have to “visit that remote hospital again”, but there was literally no possible chance that that’d be the case. The timeframe didn’t fit. So, after some awkward apologizing, they dropped the topic altogether.

Now, with that covered…

Ai couldn’t remain lying like this for long. She carefully untangled herself from the twins, making sure to shush them back to sleep, and went to grab the phone on the night stance. She tried to be more careful with this one, having three kind of made it awkward to juggle but she’d done so for some time already. And it was only a matter of paying attention to this particular one a little more, so she didn’t have to change her habits too much.

She opened her conversation. The same one she’d started once she got home after the concert. It remained the same way it was when she went to sleep the night before, and the morning of the same day, and the night when Ai sent the messages: Unanswered.

[ty for ur time]

[hope u enjoyed it]

[what was ur fave song]

[were you surprised by my little surprise at the beginning]

[hey]

[srry about the meeting]

[rlly]

[srry]

[had to keep thing in order]

[u can be a handful yknow]

[meanie]

[but im not mad]

[rlly]

[myk-san can be rlly mean too so theres that]

[wonder if i can make it up to u somehow?]

[did u see my secret message?]

[did u get back home safely?]

[tell ur sis I say hi]

[hope she enjoyed the attention too]

[u know before everything else]

[she looks very smart]

[ur siblings after all eh]

[ur prolly asleep so ill stop making ur phone buzz haha]

[good night Hikigaya]

[have sweet dreams]

[well with the songs we covered that’s prolly a given haha]

[again thnks for coming]

[means a lot that I can continue to do my best with everyone]

[thnks to u]

[good night]

Ai clicked her tongue without thinking, wondering if she should add something to see if he’d answer once the conversation went to the top of his menu. Then, realizing that it’d be a little weird given their previous record, she went back to the main menu and put the device away.

…Then again, this is the guy that took a knife in her stead.

[mornin]

[u didn’t answer and I know moving around can be dangerous]

[just wanna know u made it home safely]

[sorry to bother I guess]

[kinda worried here]

Ai pressed her lips together, looking at the device like she could will it to get her the answers she needed. Oddly enough, it kind of worked out. Because, a minute later, something did come out of it.

[We spent the night and came back home the next day. I wouldn’t put my little sister through moving out of the city at night if I can help it, so don’t worry. And it goes without saying, but you’re a terrific singer. I already knew, but seeing it in person is something else entirely.]

Ai chuckled to herself, having to re-read the message a couple of times to fully get it. But she still kicked her legs up and down as she typed.

[whaaaa u shoulda told me!]

[we coulda done smth fun before u left!]

[ur sis too ofc]

She waited a bit, still staring at the formal way he typed. It looked like him, or at least that’s what I imagined. It was too bad she had to constantly delete the conversation, but she had to do it for their safety. She’d have liked to keep screenshots or something, keep tabs on things she’d said to know if she’d pushed any boundaries that needed rectifying, but that too would be dangerous. So she didn’t.

All she could was wait.

And wait, and wait…

…

She turned around and moved one of the kids a little.

“Bweh…?” Aqua opened one of his eyes, turning and looking up with nothing but confusion as his mother leaned in with pressed lips.

“Hey. Hikigaya answered. The message looks normal to me, and I was wondering if maybe you didn’t get it wrong? He doesn’t feel distressed at all.” She whispered, looking at Ruby who was still fast asleep.

“Mmmm… He met you after the incident… So his brain probably attached my image to the trauma of being stabbed and only mine…” A bit of saliva ran down his little mouth, his words a bit slurred because his body was only half-awake.

“I see. Thanks, Aqua-sensei.” Ai sat back up, not really knowing what to make out of her son’s answer.

“Mmmmm, don’t worry about it, Ai-chan. That’s what I’m here for…” Aqua lowered his head back to the pillow “Don’t forget your stretches… Mmmm…”

His little voice made her stop for a moment, not knowing what the knot in her stomach was. She wanted to smother him. But at the same time, those words made something click in the depths of her mind. A fond memory, if bitter. A time where things were simpler.

Were those times real? What happened? Why was she abandoned? Was it happening again?

She stared at the screen again, waiting.

And waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

When her kids woke up completely, her ears were buzzing a little. Still no reply.

Life called, there were still things to do that day. Although Ai didn’t particularly enjoy them.

“So, let me get this straight.” Niino was caressing her face like she’d eaten something sticky and was trying to get it off her cheeks “This guy’s the reason Ai’s alive, and that’s why you thought it was a good idea for him to come?”

“We didn’t “think” it was a good idea of any kind. He did it on his own.” Miyako-san had her arms crossed, fully in defensive mode as the rest of B-Komachi were silently coming to their own conclusions.

“And the special treatment?” She pointed out.

“You saw how Ai reacted. We wanted to have as little people witnessing a bad reaction as possible.” The woman replied without breaking a sweat “Ai showed no signs of distress before, but I’m pretty sure we all know what can happen when stress creeps up at bad moments. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that.”

Niino fell silent, looking away but sitting back down without another word.

“That still means that you let Ai-chan down the stage with everything that happened.” Takamine spoke up, sounding calmer but still a little tense.

“That’s… Something we didn’t green light.” Miyako-san turned to Ai, giving her a pointed look “We told you we’d discuss it with the people of the scenario, but we didn’t agree to anything.”

“Are you sure?”

“I explicitly told you it wouldn’t happen unless otherwise stated. I think the silence on the matter would’ve clued anyone in any other circumstance.” Although she answered Takamine’s question, her gaze remained squarely on Ai.

“I kinda forgot…” Ai said weakly.

“Yeah, we noticed.” Miyako-san scoffed.

“So that won’t have repercussions either?” Niino spoke up again.

“Later. One thing at a time.”

“Okay, but why were you arguing with him?” Kyun raised her arm, asking without sounding stressed out at all “It looked to me like there’s a lot more communication going on here.”

Miyako-san remained stoic in her posture.

“There was. I had to look him up just in case. Depending on his background, there’d have to be some level of communication with his family. If only to keep things under wraps and civil.” Miyako-san looked at her nails, seemingly not caring about the topic in spite of how much tension it brought up. It didn’t escape Ai’s mind that the girls had talked about being careful around men after the very thing that allowed Ai to meet her hero “Imagine the scandal. The media would’ve eaten us alive if spun in the right way.”

“…And?” Kyun motioned her hand around for Miyako-san to continue.

“What?”

“What did you find?” The girl insisted “He looked like he’d call some shady people in if he was more pissed off. Honestly, it was really uncomfortable being in the same room as him.”

“Nothing. The most relevant thing was that he went to high school with one of the Yukinoshita heiresses, but that’s it.” Miyako-san shrugged “And it’s not like they’re, like, Shinomiya levels of successful. So we didn’t dig further.”

Kyun pursed her lips and went for her phone, quickly manipulating the device and catching the idols’ attention to the point that silence lingered until she showed the screen to Miyako-san.

“Is this the woman the younger girl mentioned? This so-called “devil”? And that’s not important?”

“Won a competition in chess, tennis, acrobatics, singing, karate, archery…” Miyako-san murmured as she scrolled down, only to grow irritated and do it faster. After about five swipes, she just clicked her tongue and went back to her spot “Okay, I can kinda see why she’d be called that. I honestly didn’t know this woman had that record.”

That sounded like a lie… Right? Ai wanted to think that her bosses wouldn’t slack in learning about Ai’s benefactor thoroughly.

“Why are you so invested in this anyway?”

“We’ve been scrapping for information since day one.” Kyun scoffed “We basically know nothing about what happened, how it happened. We’re as in the dark as the media and that’s not fair.”

“It was better for the covering of these events if you didn’t know. It helped a lot to sell the idea we went for. Sorry if that hurt your trust in the brand.” Miyako-san said the blandest tone imaginable.

“I wasn’t referring to Ai’s murder attempt but okay.”

“Okay, Kyun. I get it. If you have anything else to say, take it to Ichigo.”

The idol looked at Ai, eyes narrowed but otherwise calm. She didn’t speak up.

“This won’t happen again, right?” Takamine asked.

“Not up to us. We can’t control what Hikigaya does, it’d look bad.”

“So we have to endure this too?”

“You’re being overdramatic. It’s not up to us how Ai reacts to his presence.” Miyako-san pointed out “She’ll have to heal at her own pace.”

“Heal, you say…”

“This isn’t the Ai-chan I know.” Niino gritted her teeth “Are you sure you’re telling us the truth?”

“You can look for the guy if you want, I won’t stop you.” Miyako-san scoffed “Though I’d suggest to leave him alone if you don’t want to endure the yapping again. He seems to be good at it.”

Niino clicked her tongue in response.

Good. One way or another, this whole thing was done with. Tension would probably be worse for the following days, but Ai already knew how to deal with that. The main point to take home was that she’d have to be careful not to check her phone too often around them, maybe change the contact name now that they knew who “Komachi” is.

That’d be… A bit difficult. She still had to keep her hands to herself, avoid taking the device. She knew, intellectually, that no answer was waiting for her. But what if she was wrong? After all, Miyako-san hadn’t been right about everything. Couldn’t be.

The way she described Hikigaya made him look bad. Maybe it was planned around what Ai said in front of the girls, but she too had been covering up for the facts. The things that Ai and only Ai knew.

Someone that can worry so selflessly for others can’t be like that. If he cared for Ai when he didn’t know who she was, then he couldn’t not care when he did. It didn’t make sense, no it didn’t. It couldn’t make sense. True, maybe he’d felt offended by her words. No one is perfect, after all. And this, too, Ai knew it as a certainty. Everyone has an ugly side, it just so happens that Ai might’ve triggered that tiny, insignificant side without meaning to. But it would be alright, because he couldn’t not be kind. Not someone as selfless as him.

She just… Needed to speak with him. Like that time, their last call. She felt something click, although she didn’t know what. So she just needed to do it again, press onward. She should be able to find what she was looking for… Right? Even she had found her own love in her children. In the end, when it mattered, she was capable of loving for real. With that in mind, and with the image of selfless love… Ai can complete the puzzle, right? She just needs to press onward, keep trying, keep looking in the right direction.

Ai stared back at Kyun.

Haruno, huh. It must’ve been a matter of speech; he did say weird things from time to time after all. There’s such a thing as being devilishly good at things, right? And the site Kyun found proved that…

Good. That makes sense. Yes, it does. How fortunate.

Because Hoshino Ai is a winner too, and the unmistakable truth is that she’s at the top of her career as well. It’d be difficult for anyone to compare.

She just has to look in the right direction.

Chapter Text

Going out by herself became a little more difficult. Both Ichigo-san and Miyako-san wanted to come along, suggested going with the kids somewhere. But Ai had already talked to the twins. She had a plan, took her a little but it should work.

“Who is it?” A young man’s voice came from behind the door she’d rang the bell for. The corridor was as she remembered, if on a different floor from which she’d lived until the incident. It was curious, if irrelevant. At least for the purpose of coming back here.

Why was Hikigaya here then? For all the time she spent waiting for his responses, Ai knew precious little about him. But, with how things had developed, she had to use some of her smarts to figure things out.

What to do? Referencing with names from Sobu High and other legally accessible knowledge, she’d had to screen and cross out names in her search for answers. She didn’t really know what she was looking for, not yet. But knowing more about him should be a good start. Right? It made sense, at least because understanding was the first step in everything. How things, or people, work. Why they work the way they do. Like the choreography and makeup during a show. If Ai could push through years of idol work just to learn about love, she could certainly puzzle out a single individual for the same purpose.

“Package for Yukinoshita-san~.” She didn’t know if this door had a way to look outside. Her own hadn’t had it, but she still held the small white box closer to her face just in case.

“…” The door opened slightly, letting the person peer out from behind it “Yes?”

Dyed blond hair, green eyes. He looked somewhat tired, but otherwise regarded Ai with the same disinterest that anyone on the street would give her given the inconspicuous civilian attire she wore.

This guy is…?

“Ummm, hi. Is Yukinoshita-san not home?” She tilted her head, not letting her pleasant smile fall.

“She rents me the place.” He explained, moving something behind the door to be able to actually step outside. He looked like he’d come back from either work or school, with the button up shirt he wore loosely hanging to him with neither tie nor visible belt beneath it. His pants didn’t look especially comfy, but Ai didn’t pay attention to it.

What do you mean Haruno’s not here?

“Ah, I see…” Ai looked down and pushed the small package closer “It’s a small cake.”

“Eh?”

“Cake.”

“Ah! Ok, thank you.” The guy took it with both hands, lifting it a little while he expressed gratitude verbally “Sorry, who sends it?”

“Oh, I’m a friend of her sister from high school!” Ai cheerfully informed him “We lost contact, but I remembered her sister lives around so I thought of dropping by.”

“Oh, really?” The blond smiled a bit, tilting his head “That’s nice.”

“Yeah. I was hoping to catch up, though…”

“Haha, Haruno-san can be difficult to get a hold of.” The guy smiled sidewise, looking behind himself. Checking for something.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. I have a timer on, don’t mind me.” He smiled pleasantly enough, but Ai had the distinctive feeling that she’d seen expressions like that before. Sometimes at work, sometimes in the mirror.

Sometimes in bed too.

It made a bit… Softer, so to speak. Like she could breathe freely because she was speaking the same language as the guy in front of her.

“Yeah, well. If she’s not here, guess I should look elsewhere.” Ai shrugged “Do you happen to know where she works?”

“No, not really. But I can send her a message, if you want.” The guy didn’t change his expression, and Ai felt a little more relaxed.

“Ah, that’d be great… Errr…”

“Hayama.” He stated. And the way he let that word linger in the air had Ai’s mind spin around, trying to piece it together.

The names, the…

Oh, damn.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah…” He looked away, a little amused “Sorry to break the spell, friend-san.”

“Ah, well. It was worth a shot.” Ai still felt kind of comfortable in this position. Be it because Hayama was taking it well, or because something else was going on “You don’t have a timer, right?”

“I have a bat.” He stated simply.

“Oh, sounds like I should get going then.” Ai smiled brightly at him, taking the hint.

“And I don’t suppose this is cake?”

“It is.” Ai confirmed “Chocolate with coffee.”

“Coffee with chocolate.” He corrected her.

“Same difference.”

He opened the small box, seeing the pastry and smelling it with some reservation.

“Well, seems to be the case.” He nodded to himself “Can I know the reason why you were trying to do this? Haruno-san might be interested.”

“I just wanted to meet her.”

“People like that usually schedule a meeting.” Hayama pointed out.

“I have my own reasons.”

“Does it have to do with the thing that happened here, perhaps?” Hayama moved his head, looking a little cheeky while asking.

Ai fixed her cap without thinking.

“Maybe?”

“I still don’t see what it has to do with her. Haruno-san is scary, but she wouldn’t send someone to murder a celebrity.” The blond shook his head.

“That’s for me to know.” Ai stated in no uncertain way.

The blond held her gaze for a bit before shrugging.

“Fair enough.”

“You’re, huh, taking this rather well.” Ai’s smile became a bit bigger “I appreciate it.”

“I can’t imagine Haruno-san being in any sort of danger.” Hayama chuckled awkwardly “I’ll let her know, so who should I tell her sent this?”

“Hikigaya.” Ai stated coldly.

The guy stopped smiling, but Ai’s expression became a bit brighter.

“I don’t think that rings a bell.”

“Liar.”

“Ah, well.” Hayama snapped his fingers.

“Can I at least get a hint for that reaction?” Ai tilted her head.

“Not a name I’m fond of.” Hayama shrugged.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Not someone notorious for being a people person… Or likeable at all.”

It was the same with the other girls. Everywhere she looked, no one ever believed in Hikigaya’s good points. Why? Was this some kind of secret? Was Ai’s warped understanding of people what allowed to see things for what they were?

…Was she, perhaps, the only one that could see it?

One way or another, she felt a bit warmer at the idea.

No one can take a treasure they don’t know it’s there, after all.

“I see…” Ai looked away “Thanks all the same.”

“Sure. A pleasure to be helpful.” The guy chuckled, opening the door slightly to step back in. He left his head outside for a moment though “If you excuse me, I’ll go back to taking a break.”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks for your time!”

“Sure.” He chuckled again “Oh, and… Ai-san?”

She wasn’t wholly surprised, but it still made her flinch.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t come back here ever again.” His expression was still pleasant, but the hollowness of it became more evident “I don’t want to have anything to do with whatever you’re doing.”

Ai considered it for a moment.

“If you keep your word, I can do that.”

Hayama chuckled awkwardly again.

“I can do that.”

Chapter Text

Ai didn’t exactly know what to expect. The guy living in Yukinoshita’s place didn’t ask for a number, an address, or anything of that sort. He’d just closed the door and Ai had had to trace her steps back and buy something nice for the twins. It wasn’t exactly the best outcome, but Ai couldn’t complain that nothing bad had happened. On the other hand, she should’ve known that contacting someone from Hikigaya’s circle would not be very helpful but…

Well, at least she tried, right? It’d make the wait a bit easier on her mind. Thinking that she did something while she waited for the text back, because she wasn’t insisting after she’d burned her “I’m worried about you” card. Pulling it off once was alright, expected even. Or at least, that’s what her co-stars implied while they talked about their friends and family. People on the TV, too, usually had connections with the friends and families of their acquaintances. And the things she saw on the internet helpfully informed her that the stronger connections between people were those that, indeed, shared more of their lives with one another.

That’s… Okay. Ai didn’t exactly have many people to share with. She hadn’t really weighed that before, because the director suspected that Hikigaya wasn’t someone with a lot of friends either, but their last meeting made it apparent that he at least had some. And he probably hung out with them, texted, and shared experiences.

People that he trusted, so Ai should be able to trust as well.

Either way, the day finished. She was asked by Ichigo-san where she’d been, and Ai traced her route around the city without changing much. After all, that zone was the best known by all three. So it wouldn’t be strange for Ai to feel the most comfortable taking a walk around there.

Then, the next day arrived. The idol group had scheduled a recording session to celebrate Ai’s successful return to the stage, and to thank everyone that participated and cheered the girls that night. Ichigo-san had asked director Taishi to work on this, as a token of friendship so that the still-rising-star director could have a bit more cash to fund his projects; so it’s not like it’d take as much effort as with other people getting involved in the production process. The director knew Ai better than most, and he’d also worked with the rest of B-Komachi a couple of times. They even brought the twins along, so Ai was feeling a lot calmer than the day before. More back to the usual.

Hmmm, could Ai count him among the people she could “exchange” with Hikigaya…?

“Can we stay while they’re recording? I wanna see mama acting!” Ruby had said from the back seat, making Ichigo-san frown as he gave the kids a look through the mirror.

“I wanna see my babies watch me too!” Ai sat in the middle, with Aqua to her left and Ruby to her right. She bumped her fist far enough to hit the car ceiling lightly, and that made Miyako-san cringe a bit.

“I don’t know…” Ichigo-san glanced at his wife for a moment, wordlessly asking for help.

“Not with the rest of the girls, no. You two are staying in an adjacent room.”

“Aw, c’mon!”

“Sounds about right.”

The contrast between the two had Ai release a light chuckle. They’d probably make a great comedic duo one day, their personalities bounced off each other even when they weren’t directly interacting with one another. It’s not like she always found it funny, or that she ever actually did… Without getting too much into the logistics of Ai’s mind; the point is that, from a business perspective, Ai felt that it would work.

“Don’t worry, we’ll do something nice once we’re done.” Ai placed a hand on each of their heads, closing her eyes to feel the connection in a deeper fashion. More personal by closing herself off to the rest of the world for a moment “Something nice, nice… How about something to eat?”

“You didn’t have breakfast?” Miyako-san glanced at her, carrying a strict glance that made Ai choose her words carefully in spite of how simple the actual answer was “Did the kids eat at least?”

“Something light. Couldn’t cook anything elaborate.” Ai had to be more careful about food since the children were born. It hadn’t always been simple, but the reality of having them be malnourished felt real enough that Ai had put a lot of effort into this. Before, she could’ve gone through her day without having breakfast. But now? She had other two mouths to feed. And she couldn’t have them see their mother not eat, or have her do so at a different time.

Eating together sounded important, after all.

“It was filling.” Aqua came to the rescue, nodding to Miyako-san to dispel her worries.

“Mama’s cooking is always delicious, after all.” Ruby added, nodding vigorously until Ai stopped her with her hand.

“Careful not to hurt yourself.” She warned the kid before returning her gaze to Miyako-san “I didn’t do the dishes though.”

“That’s fine. We’ll start early to finish early.” She accepted her words and moved on. Thankfully. Ai couldn’t have them start doubting her now “We can get you all something nice.”

This time, Ai joined Ruby in her cheering. Food that is paid for with someone else’s money always tastes great, after all. Especially after an arduous day of work. It felt like Ai could put a bit more of her concentration like this, push her mind away from the silence in her phone while still wondering. She didn’t want to forget about it, that’d be bad too. But keeping tabs on something that was still and unresponsive also had its downsides.

Ai-chan was back, she couldn’t just let her career slip from her hands while she looked for her answers. That’d defeat the point. There would be nothing to go back to, nothing to give to the kids she knew for certain she loved.

Balance, balance, balance… Such thoughts preoccupied her while they discretely entered the building. Arriving early worked double duty, as there were less people around, she’d have to worry, and thus they’d be able to prepare the twins a spot to hang out and wait. Ai would not be seen arriving with the Saitou couple, and it’d give her time to…

The director was already there.

“Eh?”

That much was expected, but Miyako-san’s stunned expression clued Ai into the fact that something was critically wrong. He wasn’t alone, he was talking with a woman. That wouldn’t be weird, it’s really awkward when people are working in the same room but do not interact at all, but that woman’s presence making Miyako-san stop in her tracks made Ai instinctively look back to confirm that the twins were indeed already hidden.

“Ah?” The young woman giving them her back realized that they had company, so she turned around and gleefully waved at them “Ah! Good morning, Hoshino-san!”

Ai’s stomach turned for a moment.

“Yukinoshita-san…?” Miyako-san still couldn’t believe her eyes “What are you…?”

“Hoshino?” Ichigo-san interrupted before things could get more awkward “Did you give her your maiden name?”

 “Eh?” The young woman blinked, her expression dropping “Maiden…?”

“She’s Saitou now.” The director interjected “Do you know each other?”

“Oh? Did you get married recently? Congratulations.” The young woman smiled warmly, some of the previous cheer returning “We met some time ago.”

“Not that long ago.” Miyako-san replied with more serenity now.

“Man, that’s so nice. Other people would be going on a honeymoon instead of working.” The young woman gave Miyako-san a thumbs up, willfully unaware of the tension that her greeting had caused “You’re the real deal, alright. I’m impressed.”

“It’s a business transaction. Don’t think too much about it.” Miyako-san looked away, avoiding Ichigo-san’s expression while her face contorted into something Ai couldn’t understand. Still, she managed to pull herself together, so when she spoke again, her tone was even “What are you doing here, Yukinoshita-san? Is it safe to assume you’re a model or…?”

“Oh, no! Well, not professionally at least. I’m more of a business woman myself. I do a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. Look to expand, make relationships. You name it.” She shrugged with a sidewise smirk, looking away like she was trying to see a mental list of the things she’d said “It’s easier and has less baggage. Getting in the public eye can be messy, and neither I nor my family need any of that right now.”

“We were just talking about the problem with having no connections in the industry while starting out.” The director interjected, glancing at each of the Saitou before continuing “Especially for the talents themselves.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t be the first time someone wants to catch me lacking.” The young woman chuckled, and that comment made Ai’s mind snap out of silence imposed on Ichigo-san and her.

“Yeah, that sucks so much.” Ai placed a hand on her chest, stepping away from the sides of the Saitou couple “I’d know.”

“Oh. Sorry! I didn’t catch your name.” The young woman looked a bit embarrassed, but she still met Ai halfway and reached out with an open hand “Yukinoshita Haruno. At your service.”

Aha…!

“Ai-chan, the pleasure’s mine!”  Haruno’s hand was cold but firm. It felt like the textbook way to do a handshake, even though it wasn’t really customary even in this industry. It was more something of movies, commercials. Of power games. So Ai pulled back and waved toward the two adults behind her “And this is our boss, Saitou Ichigo-san. Seems like you already met Miyako-san, huh.”

“Good morning, Yukinoshita-san.” Ichigo-san nodded to the young woman, sort of keeping to himself without looking too out of place. Miyako-san crossed her arms though while he spoke though “I don’t think my wife told me much about you, sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. We just exchanged names.” Haruno looked at Miyako-san for a moment, like she was expecting her to say anything. But Miyako-san didn’t “I was doing other stuff. We didn’t really talk.”

“Ah, a busy woman I see.” Ichigo-san nodded.

“Well, I could say the same of your wife!” Haruno fixed her attention on Ai “I didn’t know who I was talking to back then. I’d have at least tried to show my good side.”

“Miyako-san is excellent.” Ai nodded sagely “You better not have made her uncomfortable or anything!”

She pointed at the young woman cutely, putting her other hand on her hip with practiced ease. This, for some reason, helped people think of her words as a joke. So that would help ease the mood even more, let the woman get back to her A-game.

“Me? No way, I’d never.” Haruno chuckled and waved her hands, dismissing the notion “You can’t go around making enemies in business… You’ll sink very quickly if you do.”

“But not making waves is just as dangerous, don’t you think?” Ai put a finger on her cheek, making her best ‘think about it’ expression “You’ll sink into irrelevance.”

“Ah! Not only a talented singer and dancer, but also have an eye for business too?” Haruno chuckled “Amazing. And here I thought your boss had lucked out on finding you first.”

“I was, indeed, the first person that found her.” Ichigo-san pushed his chest out a little “It takes a good eye to find hidden gems, after all.”

“Hmmm, yeah. I suppose we can’t expect everyone to be good at their job.” Haruno snapped her fingers “Opportunities wouldn’t be so easily found if that was the case.”

“Easily found?” That probably touched a sensitive nerve on the director, given how he looked at the young woman with some apprehension.

“Well, I mean, it’s not so straightforward of course. But a lot of people that have found their way to success owe the incompetence of others as the main contribution for this.” Haruno put her hand out like she was stating the obvious “Take Ai-chan for example, how hard would the back and forth had been if someone else had found her before or after?”

“We’ve had those.” Ichigo-san looked at his wife with an awkward smile.

“Oh, do we have…” Miyako-san sighed, more tired and almost physically older after being reminded of the ‘negotiations’ to keep Ai in their company.

She wouldn’t leave them, of course. Their work ethic and relative understanding of Ai made her comfortable, especially since Ichigo-san knew what Ai wanted out of this job. Plus, it’s not like she could go to another company with her kids in tow and expect things to go well. She was shackled to the Saitou couple just like they were to her, and they’d made the best out of it both in business and effort to walk similar paths.

Pregnancy and recent events excluded, of course.

“Ugh. Opportunists, am I right?” Haruno rolled her eyes, a bit amused at the notion. Ai didn’t know why, if it happened to her too, she’d find it funny. But it’s not like Ai understood people a whole lot. Still, it scratched her brain funny. Felt like Haruno was doing it on purpose. Just shy of speaking her mind out, just shy of pointing at Ai and saying ‘got you!’ for what she’d done “Must be harder when your employees are all cute girls. I’ve found that it warps things in creepy ways.”

“Oh, you also work with young girls?” Ichigo-san sounded a bit surprised.

Haruno clasped her hands, stretching them down and lifting one of her feet.

“Ah. Err… Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright! I know I give a very serious and mature vibe.” Haruno interrupted Ichigo-san, standing properly, and waved his concerns off with her left hand “I’m probably not idol material anymore though. That much I understand.”

“Eh? How old are you?” Ai tilted her head.

Haruno opened her mouth like she was shocked by the question.

“How old do you think I am?” Ah! Trick question!

“Eh, y’know. Twenty… Eight?” Ai made sure to make her ‘cutely pondering’ face just so she wouldn’t actually offend the woman in front of her. She knew a lot of people found the topic sensitive, men and women alike, so she’d learned to approach this topic like this whenever she screwed up “No, wait. You said you look mature. So you must be younger, right?”

“I’m in my mid-twenties, so yes. Correct!” Her expression could’ve been cheerful out of politeness or amusement. Ai couldn’t really tell.

“Eh~? We’re not that far apart!” Ai crossed the distance and held Haruno’s hands between hers “Is it normal to make it from ‘cute’ to ‘cool’ in such a short time?”

“Aww~. Of course it is!” Haruno returned the gesture, folding her fingers around Ai’s hands like she was doing “You probably know better than I that it’s all about presentation! Clothes, makeup, tone of voice. Things like that.”

“I see, I see. I can’t really see myself being a cool onee-san…” Ai released the young woman and caressed her chin, putting her other hand on her hip while she tried to guess how deep she should make her voice to send her point across.

“That’s good, great even.” Haruno nodded to herself “It means you’re still profitable, after all.”

That jab made Ai lose the thread of her bit.

“Eh?”

Ai’s confusion made Haruno stop from continuing, so instead she stared at the Saitou couple with some wonder.

They’d been content to let the girls interact, but now their body language had changed. Becoming more awkward.

“I was under the impression idols retire young.” Haruno spoke with a lot more tact now, eyeing the business people and then Ai a couple of times “How old are you?”

“I’m twenty. Just fresh out of the oven.” Ai replied with a pleasant, but less cheerful, tone.

“Hmm, well. Plus, you’re Ai-chan, so you’ll probably outlast your co-stars…” Haruno looked away, trailing off and lowering her voice like she had forgotten she was talking to them. But she corrected it when her eyes returned to them “Ah, I don’t mean to pry or anything. I’m trying to wrap my head around how things work on your side.”

“Ever the businesswoman, hmm?” Miyako-san had grown tired of standing around. So she went to the side of the room with a table, water dispenser, and a small coffee machine “Coffee? Water?”

“Thanks.” Haruno shook her head.

“I could use some coffee.” Ichigo-san approached his wife “Director?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Ai?”

“Water sounds fine.”

“It’s not something we’ve discussed recently.” Ichigo-san spoke without looking at Haruno, looking at his watch before continuing “Recent events made us feel like it’d be insensitive. And unnecessarily worrisome for Ai. She’s just reaching the peak of her career, after all.”

“Hmmm?” Ai turned her head, having heard nothing about this before herself.

“Ai is still young, barely an adult.” Haruno nodded “And the public can’t get enough of her. I can see that much.”

“And she doesn’t have to leave the industry in its entirety.” Ichigo-san pointed with his chin at the director, who’d just begun to approach the ‘adult’ side of the room “We’ve explored other venues for her, it’d be a terrible oversight to let her go just because she starts to be considered too old for idol activities.”

“Of course, this is all theoretical.” Miyako-san interjected “I’m sure you understand that projections are exactly that and nothing more. Public perception shifts and it’s more worthwhile seeing a little more short-term in general.”

“Ah, sounds like the mentality of a star company.” Haruno sounded more interested now “Respecting your workers creates a more stable and productive environment in the long term, yes.”

That… Sounds like the opening for a joke, right? To keep the mood civil and not talking about how Ai found out where she, technically, lives.

“Well, not like they don’t work us to the bone!”

“Ai, please…” Ichigo-san sounded a bit worried, but she and Haruno laughed it off.

“Well, you’re the ones bringing in the money! Of course that’s the case.” Haruno put her left elbow on Ai’s right shoulder, but did not make her carry her weight. It felt… Weird. Not because their height wasn’t that different so it was a bit awkward, but because it felt like Ai was being used like a paperweight. Or, rather, like she was being put behind a cardboard cut of a person. Holding it there, not really knowing what to do “Take it from someone who does the planning and negotiating: Most people don’t care who does that as long as they get the big names on posters and ads. It’s all about marketing the better-known stars.”

“I’d disagree with the notion, but we covered that topic already.” The director spoke slowly, awkwardly. He looked like he wanted to say more but didn’t quite find the words for it. He eyed Ai, but she only saw him through the corner of her sight. As she was locked looking at Haruno, as it’d be rude not to look at the person talking to her when they were physically close.

She’d been touched before in all sorts of situations and contexts, and she could tell that the other woman didn’t really do this to show interest of care in Ai. Producers and chairmen would try to get close, squeeze a bit of warmth out of Ai either to get her on their good side or because they had more carnal objectives. The same went for other stars, although there was more of a mix of ‘doing the bare minimum to keep things civil’. Egos were as rampant as one would expect, even if some were better at hiding it than others.

This wasn’t it. Haruno wasn’t just doing it to not lash out at Ai. It felt more like the first times she and Hikaru had touched each other. Awkward, empty. The motion was there, but it lacked substance.

She did not care for Ai, she was performing for the Saitou couple.

Ai blinked a couple of times. Had she misunderstood something? Did that guy break his promise? But if so, why had this woman come to meet Ai? It was too much of a coincidence, just the next day. So early in the morning? No, that couldn’t be it.

She glanced at Haruno better, even though the woman was giving her attention to the director now.

“-a level of trust, I guess. A name can make people think ‘ok, this sounds like a safe investment’. But that’s because movie productions have their directors also be kind of celebrities as well.”

“Yeah, B-Komachi as a brand is better known than Strawberry Productions for sure.” Miyako-san nodded, eyeing up like she was bringing the information directly from memory.

“I haven’t been approached by any fan on the street though.” The director looked away, sounding a bit bothered.

“Then you get to live the best part of both worlds.” Haruno smiled a bit more confidently now “Believe me, you do no want that to happen. It’s… Not enjoyable.”

A pregnant silence engulfed the whole room.

“Yeah…” Ai chuckled awkwardly, taking the chance to separate from Haruno. Whose arm dropped without her needing to shift her weight at all. She hadn’t actually leaned against Ai, she hadn’t actually ‘relied’ on her at all.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to… Y’know.” Haruno flinched, motioning with her hands to show a bit of distress. But it felt practiced, hollow. Ai wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, or maybe she was projecting the fact that Haruno might know that Ai had done something similar to Ryousuke and that made her a bit paranoid. She didn’t know.

“It’s okay, it’s okay! I’m working on it, he heh…” Ai scratched her head, closing her eyes and smiling in an awkward show of ‘you’re crossing a boundary here’ that anyone would get.

“Is that so?” The woman at least had the decency to not smile while tilting her head this time.

“We’re making sure to keep Ai safer.” Miyako-san spoke with a strict tone, like she was willing Haruno not to keep talking about it “Though we can’t coddle her too much. It might be bad on a lot of fronts.”

“Yeah. The idea of needing protection all the time can mess with people…” Haruno looked away before clapping her hands together “But, well, I’ve never faced something of that magnitude, so I guess all I can do is wish for you to not to have to deal with something like that again.”

Ai blinked, not really knowing how to react to the way she worded that. Her expression also didn’t reveal anything, but Miyako-san caught some meaning behind it.

“You’ve been stalked before too?”

Oh. Wait. Wait, wait, wait…

“Beautiful and successful lady.” Haruno shrugged instead of spilling the beans like Ai had feared, catching the idol with her mouth open as her own words overrode Ai’s attempt to steer the conversation “I’m afraid it’s not as uncommon as you’d think. Don’t you think?”

“I see…” Miyako-san furrowed her brows.

“There’s a lot of ugliness involved when people stop thinking of you as a person and more like a commodity.” Haruno continued with a shrug, eyeing Ai with some seriousness. Albeit not like she was accusing her of anything “I’ve found that smacking those people as soon as possible is the best way to deal with things like that. Break the pattern before it blows out of proportion.”

“Lawyers must love you.” Ichigo-san looked a bit put off while Haruno approached him, taking the cup he held and giving it to Ai to drink the water she asked for.

“Nah, these things have a way to give you bad publicity. And in entertainment that might not be too bad a thing, but in business it’s different. If you bring problems to the table, people will not want to work with you.” Haruno shook her head “Dealing with things in private is often the best solution. Nothing like a little scare here and there to keep creeps in line.”

Eh? Wait, does that mean…?

Haruno smiled at the director.

“As I was telling Gotanda-san, I’m a woman of many talents. It’d be ridiculous if I went straight for legal action every time a problem like these arises.”

That made the Saitou couple exchange a worried look.

“I’m note sure I follow.” Ichigo-san said, and that had Ai nodding along. She was a bit confused, but not for the same reasons as the couple.

She eyed the director, who simply kept on watching things unfold. Staying behind the metaphorical camera in the room. She might need to ask for his opinion on all of this later.

“Most people… Ah, maybe Ai-san is not comfortable with the topic? Let’s just say that people that do things behind the scenes often don’t have the guts or resources to make a move in the light.” Haruno closed her fist and shook it a bit while speaking “I’ve found that walking up to them in no uncertain matter and going ‘stop this’ is efficient. If only because I have my own tricks up my sleeve.”

…Like being able to appear in Ai’s life so fast that the girl had been reeling since she saw her when they arrived. Right?

“I see…” Ai looked at the floor, physically pondering. But in her mind, she was just trying to come up with a way to move the conversation away from the topic.

“Again, I haven’t gone through being actually attacked. So don’t take my word for it. Stay safe, Ai-san.” Haruno lifted her hands like she was conceding the victory to someone else “Sorry I can’t give you any encouraging words or concrete, helpful advice.”

“We appreciate the sentiment.” Miyako-san interjected “Though it’s not something we should…”

“Good morn… Eh?” Niino opened the door that was behind Ai, making the first thing she saw was all the adults kind of loosely surrounding both her and Haruno. Tension in their faces and an expressionless Ai turning to look who’d just entered.

“…discuss here.” Miyako-san finished her sentence, carried by the momentum of being trained in not letting people talk over her. As someone who made choices, she had to be strict in this.

This was a bad time for that.

“Hello, hello. You must be Nino-chan.” Haruno tilted and waved with both hands, growing cheerful again and stepping out from behind Ai. From Niino’s perspective, that is.

“Eh? You are…”

“Yukinoshita Haruno, at your service.” Haruno made circles with her hand like a faux impression of a subject introducing a noble. It was kind of funny, because there was no one to introduce but herself. And also because Haruno was dressed in plain, practical clothes like Ai was. Which kind of made them both blend more with Ichigo-san and Taishi-san than with Miyako-san, who was all dressed up and in full makeup “Man, this means it might be time to dip. Can’t be late for the meeting.”

“Wait, eh? What are you doing here?” Niino was still reeling. They had indeed mentioned Haruno two days ago, when Miyako-san was running damage control. So it might’ve been a little odd that she was there. Maybe that’s also why Miyako-san was on edge. From their point of view, it almost looked like they’d summoned the woman. Close enough to be strange, but not so much that they felt like Ai: Like it was an omen.

“I’m… Meeting with someone?” Haruno looked puzzled by the question, but quickly changed mental gears and gave the idol a polite smile “I might look the part, but I’m not here to sing or record anything with you. If that’s what you mean.”

“No, I…”

“Nino.” Miyako-san interrupted the girl, an unspoken warning carried by her tone alone “We were just talking about what Haruno-san does for a living.”

“Hmmm? I make connections.” Again, the young woman seemed to be caught a bit off guard by the shift of the conversation. But more in the ‘oh, now is this?’ rather than ‘what are you even talking about?’. Ai suspected that she was more like herself than the blond guy had been, being able to just seemingly carry on without losing her metaphorical balance in the conversation. Feeling what is best for the occasion “Friends, partners, all that. For now, I don’t have to make every decision. So my main function is that. When my parents need me for something else, well.”

She shrugged with a tired smile, breaking character a bit before putting back on the mask with a sigh.

“I see. So you’re here to see what’s the trend, so to speak?” Ichigo-san cradled his chin.

“Not exactly, no. More like, scouting for the people behind the scenes.” Haruno moved her right index finger around “Getting the competent people better opportunities.”

“Ah, well.” The director scratched the back of his head awkwardly “Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome. I like your style.” Haruno relaxed her features a bit “Brings back memories.”

“Really?”

“I know a lot of people.” Haruno shrugged, eyeing the door when the voice of two girls talking entered the room. They stopped when they saw everyone, and just like Niino, looked weirded out by Haruno’s presence “You strike me as the kind of person that’s easy to work with. Hello, girlies.”

“Umm, hi…” The voice sounded uncertain, wary. Ai didn’t turn to see who it was because she had locked her stare on Haruno’s body language.

It felt less… Threatening. Like she’d stopped hounding Ai with her comments, although the idol didn’t know if this was a good sign or not.

“If that’s so, I might just give you a call.” The director chuckled “See if I can use your connections a bit.”

“Why, of course! Any business that has nothing to do with my family is well-received… Don’t let them know that though.” Haruno chuckled and pulled her sleeve to look at her watch “Guess I’ll see myself out, then. Thanks for your time, Taishi-sensei.”

“Actually, before you leave.” Ichigo-san interrupted “I was wondering if we could talk for a bit.”

“Hmmm? Of course.” Haruno erased all traces of cheer, giving Ichigo-san a poker face like she was trying to appear more mature “There should be a meeting room on the lower floor, right?”

“There’s one in this one.” Ichigo-san looked at Miyako-san “Can you oversee this?”

“Of course.” She replied with her arms crossed.

“Ummm…” Ai felt her hands shaking. The fact that Ichigo-san stopped Haruno meant that he suspected something, right? He wouldn’t be thinking on pressing the woman for questions out of Ai’s earshot, right?

“Then, have a great day.” Haruno waved when Ichigo-san took the lead.

“I was actually…”

“Ai.” Miyako-san stopped her “Let’s get ready.”

Ai eyed the rest of the room.

“What’s up with this?” Ari whispered in Ai’s ear as the two adults left.

“I… I don’t know.” Ai let her expression fall, showing nervousness “I hope it’s nothing bad.”

Because she wouldn’t know what to do if this was the end of her little journey.

“Good work out there.” Haruno’s voice reached Ai’s ears as she was taking a break, sitting on the floor outside the main studio while the others were chatting away. Her presence had made the girls a bit nervous, and although they didn’t say anything, the push to talk to Ai had decreased. So she kind of had to be outside to not stick out. Also, it helped that she’d been able to sneak to the room her kids were in. So she could recharge a bit of her battery and go back out without anyone bothering her.

“Ah, did you have the meeting you talked about?” Ai offered the woman a tired smile, and blinked a couple of times when a can of mineral water was offered to her “For me?”

“No, for your friends inside.” Haruno chuckled “Yes, of course. Who else?”

“Ah, well. Thanks.” Ai wasn’t really thirsty. And water like that didn’t really help when she was, but she took it between her hands all the same.

“No problem. Talking with Ichigo-san has opened my eyes a bit.” Haruno put her back on the opposite side of the small corridor, against one of the pillars separating the wide windows that faced the street “It’s the least I can do.”

Ai stared at the can, chewing on her words.

“Did you tell him?”

“That we met yesterday? Of course.” Haruno chuckled lightly “It’s normal, we lived in the same building after all. Not that big of a coincidence at all.”

Ah…

“I see. Yeah. Did you like my present?”

“It was delicious.” Haruno nodded “Although I do find it a little weird. Was it for yourself? I don’t think you bought it for me.”

“It’d be rude to meet someone and arrived empty-handed, I think.” Ai pointed out “I wanted to make a good impression.”

“Nice, nice. That’s always important.” Haruno nodded and looked away, trying to see through the window to her right “You truly are a showbiz kid, huh.”

“I’ve been at this for years.” Ai nodded.

“Though I would suggest against going back. Hayato-kun does not like being disturbed, and I’m pretty sure it’d be dangerous for you to roam around that zone.” Haruno’s eyes became sharper, although she still did not look at Ai “Just saying.”

“Thanks. I think I’ll follow your advice.” Ai chuckled, trying to buy herself a bit of time to think what she wanted to say “These weeks have been…”

“Bad?”

“Weird.”

“I’d suspect that much.” Haruno returned her face to Ai, but watched her with it not fully facing her. Like she wanted to look at Ai through the corner of her eyes “You did almost die.”

“I was saved.” Ai smiled softly.

“Yeah, yeah…” Haruno looked away again “He does that.”

“So I was right? You’re friends with Hikigaya?” Ai stopped the pretense of being invested in whatever the conversation was, seeing as no one was interested in getting out looking for Ai yet.

Might as well.

“Our relationship is far more complex, but not as interesting as you’d think.” Haruno sounded uninterested in the topic, but Ai had the feeling that, just like with everything else, she wasn’t being honest. She could feel the ‘we’re the same’ feeling that she’d noticed in the past. Hikaru, the guy in Haruno’s apartment… And Haruno herself. Just to name the most relevant at the moment. The ones that clearly felt that way to Ai “I AM kind of responsible for your luck, so you’re welcome.”

Ai blinked when she couldn’t quite process Haruno’s words at first.

“What?”

“I sent Hikigaya to that building… Well, not directly. But it’s a prank gone wrong all the same.” Haruno moved her nose in a funny way, still looking solemnly out of the window “That’s why I came here in peace, see personally that it doesn’t get any messier. Take responsibility for bringing him close to dangerous people, if you will.”

Ai furrowed her brows.

“Did I give you that impression?”

“It feels like you were tracing your stalker’s steps.” Haruno turned to face Ai again, looking a bit surprised at the question.

“Ah, well. He was a very big fan. I just thought there was some merit to approaching things in an unorthodox way…”

“Scary… But I guess it’s not unexpected.” Haruno scratched the spot between her eyebrows “You’re not normal by any means. You gotta be a little weird to be in showbiz, from what I’ve seen. But you’re the biggest name around.”

Now, Ai actually frowned.

“That’s not very nice of you.”

“It’s also not very nice to try to stalk people unrelated to your little problems, but here we are.” There was amusement in Haruno’s tone now, but it quickly vanished as she crossed her arms “I came with the full intention to just cut this thing from the root. No point in making a potentially dangerous person go around unchecked.”

“So you do care about Hikigaya.” Ai tilted her head, still frowning.

“Not particularly, no. But someone I do care about cares.” Haruno shrugged.

“The girl that was in his generation?” Ai pursed her lips, trying to make herself as unthreatening as possible. As they were talking about Haruno’s little sister.

“There were a lot of those.”

“Ha-ha.” Ai shook her head “I think you misunderstand my intentions.”

“Not really. It’s a story I’ve seen before.” Haruno pulled out one of her arms, admiring her nails while speaking “The begrudging hero saving an innocent maiden, and so she falls head over heels for him. Except, it’s not really him. It’s the idea of having a personal hero that is enthralling.”

She dropped her hand, gauging Ai’s reaction.

The idol’s glower disappeared a bit, but she kept a professional smile on.

“Has he saved someone else’s life before?”

“Not to this level, no.” Haruno shook her head “Which is kind of bothersome. Your situation is, indeed, dire. And that’s precisely why I wanted him to distance himself from all of this. Seems like Ichigo-san shared the sentiment…”

“But it matters to me. I want to show appreciation; to show him how much his actions matter to me.”

“By stalking me?”

“It worked, right? You came here to meet me.” Ai nodded to herself.

“I’d have crushed you if I woke up a little more pissed off.” Haruno tilted her head.

“But you didn’t. I wonder why.”

“Guess I came here too early, had some nice chat.” Haruno smiled again “It gave me enough of a pause to consider it a good idea to see what you’re all about first. You are a big shot, in your own way, after all.”

“Seems kinda weird that you’d want to face me like this, then.” Ai pursed her lips again.

Haruno smiled but didn’t give in. She didn’t answer the challenge.

“I was kind of curious why me too. It doesn’t follow the usual pattern, it’s strange.” Haruno lifted a finger “I might believe first that Hikigaya-kun talked badly about me, but you sound like you wanted to meet me.”

“I just want to understand, have clarity.” Ai shrugged now “I can’t be close to him…”

“I wonder why.”

“…because our lives are so different in schedule and order. So…”

“That’s a really backwards way of thinking.” Haruno chuckled, not looking at Ai again “You want to understand? Just talk to him. If he doesn’t want to talk to you, there’s not much you can do. No normal person would do that.”

“It’s important.” Ai insisted.

“Or, hear me out, you want to make it important.” Haruno slid off the wall until she was crouching, smiling smugly at Ai “I know it was impactful; has to be, you almost died. But you’re breaking at the seams and it’s evident that you’re only holding on by a thread.”

Ai didn’t know what expression to make while Haruno spoke.

“You say it like I’m dangerous.” Ai pointed out.

“I say it like it is, like someone who can see that the stars in those eyes of yours are nothing but mirrors of the lighting on a stage.” Haruno cupped her cheek while speaking “I could’ve done things differently. But it struck me that I can just do this: Talk things out, make less enemies, and still, you’ll understand that I’m the real deal.”

“It seems like you’re making a lot of assumptions though.” Ai put a finger on her cheek, adamantly refusing to let go of the glower in her stare “That’s a lot of pondering just for poor ol’ me.”

“We’re not so different.” Haruno lifted her chin, proud like a peacock “And, with the due respect, I had to act the part.”

“I still think you’re showing a lot more care for someone you imply you don’t care about.”

“I’m not implying anything; I honestly don’t like Hikigaya-kun that much.” Haruno narrowed her stare “I don’t hate him, but I don’t agree with his sluggish and careless way of life on principle.”

Sluggish, huh? Yeah, Ai could see it.

“And I think you wouldn’t like him either. So, from girl to girl, I chose to be upfront with you.” Haruno showed Ai her hands while speaking.

“Isn’t that for me to decide though?” Ai chuckled “I mean, I’m an idol. I might not be the best judge for boys but… I wanna think I can discern people’s character well enough.”

“And so you talk to me, more real in these couple of minutes than you’d probably been with Hikigaya-kun for however long you’ve talked with him.”

That made Ai remember the concert, the way she retreated. Tried to pull back and run damage control, knowing that he knew it had to happen. Knowing that telling him she was sorry should work things out.

No such luck. What she ‘knew’ would happen didn’t. And Ai was at a loss for words, thinking about how she didn’t insist except for the first time. Thinking about how she chose to look for different avenues.

“I don’t know what you’re looking for, but it’s certainly not his company.” Haruno grunted as she stood back up, stretching her arm lazily and making a satisfied face “Good talk, Ai-chan. It’s been a while since I had a heart-to-heart. Not even Hayato-kun likes those with me.”

Her mind was buzzing, so she didn’t reply immediately.

“I was gonna ask you…”

“Hmmm?”

“No, it’s nothing.” Ai sighed, putting some airs of being cutely mad “You wouldn’t get it. Idols must have wholesome thoughts after all, and you’re all grim and naughty it seems.”

Haruno’s grin stretched so wide that Ai thought she would break out cackling.

“Sure! Let’s go with that. Reality is often disappointing, as they say.”

“You have your ‘reality’ mixed up with mine.”

“You’re really underestimating how much of a weirdo you are.” Haruno shook her head.

“I’m a perfectly normal girl.”

“No perfectly normal girl imitates her to-be murderer.” Haruno insisted “No normal girl cares more about an idea than the person in front of you.”

Ai blinked a couple of times.

“Sorry, you lost me.”

“You haven’t actually asked anything about Hikigaya-kun. Nothing meaningful, at least.” Haruno sounded amused again “Why is that?”

“I was getting there.” Ai insisted.

“No, you weren’t. You’re just trying to tell yourself you care about him. You’re afraid that, if you let things run their course, the weight of your life would be shown for what it is: A note in the grand scheme of things.” She smiled with some pity, and Ai actually felt a little sick holding her gaze like that “No one likes to think themselves bad or unimportant, much less someone looking to make it big for… Whatever reason you may have.”

“…” Ai hugged her legs, feeling like Haruno’s eyes reminded her of her mother. Even though she couldn’t quite remember the woman anymore. Or perhaps linking the unwanted scrutiny to a hidden piece of her memories “Those are… A lot of assumptions for someone who doesn’t care about the cause of all of this.”

“I told you before: I have to take responsibility for my actions.” Haruno shrugged “That’s what adults do.”

“Taking responsibility…”

“It’s fine if you don’t get it right now, the Saitou have been protecting you after all.” Haruno smiled with less coldness now “Nice family you have going. I wonder if you’ll inherit the company.”

That… Was a thought that hadn’t crossed Ai’s mind.

“They’re not my family.”

“They’re not?”

“We’re just… Business partners.”

“Pfff…” Haruno covered her mouth “Now, you sound like Hikigaya-kun. Nice, nice.”

“I don’t understand you.” Ai frowned more “Are you having fun? Does getting a reaction out of me tickle you silly?”

“That sounds like I’m some sadistic woman, and I’m not.” Haruno replied with more seriousness “As I told you, I’ve found that being precise in showing how much of a bad idea it is to cross me works wonders. Makes it so we don’t have to go into legal matters, finish things in a friendly enough way.”

Ai considered it for a moment.

“Guess you want me to state that I won’t bother you anymore.”

“You’d be guessing right.”

“And Hikigaya…?”

“What about him?” The woman asked back a little too fast.

Ai chuckled.

“I see.”

“I think you’re making a strange assumption, but…” Again, she shrugged “I don’t think I have to worry about you.”

“Thanks. For the vote of trust, I mean.”

“From one cute girl to another? It’s my pleasure.” Haruno became a little warmer before leaving “Enjoy your success~.”

Guess Ai understood wrong. Even someone as pure as Hikigaya had to find a woman like Haruno unpleasant.

…

That doesn’t look good, does it?

Chapter Text

The problem of being a person who wanted to understand, that chose to seek out the tells and details that unraveled the whole picture, is that sometimes the truth is ugly. Difficult to bear. No matter how smart or logical one can make their analysis; it'll always be bound to the observer's own prejudices, and the myriads of factors that alter the observed party's mood. People, in the end, weren't reigned by their logic or ability to think. But by their experiences and emotions, which made the journey of understanding them difficult to begin with. It made it so some truths were not meant for everyone.

Hachiman took a few days to mull things over, to really let the events of the last week set in. Because, while it might've hurt and left him feeling emptier than he'd been before the concert, they could be called nothing but an outstanding success: The whole point of his interactions with Hoshino were to show her that he was just another guy, that the fleeting moment where they crossed paths didn't have to mean anything. For her, for him. No matter how scary or horrible, they should both be able to look back and think they were fine. That they'd continue to be fine.

Hachiman was not fine. Not by any stretch of the word.

Remembering that kid hurt, made him breathless. And it inevitably invited other thoughts that he hadn't considered important thus far, pieces and details of conversation he hadn't labeled as important before. With Hoshino, with Saitou. Those small moments where Hachiman could see a unique life rearing its head. Small, personal. Completely unrecognizable by an outsider unless other, bigger pieces, were slotted in to form a picture.

A picture that, all the same, Hachiman couldn't peel his eyes away from. Not if he wanted to avoid looking at the other, uglier image that the last few days had for him. An image borne out of his own shortcomings and failures, pushed to the forefront by Hoshino's double-faced actions.

"Hey, you want some?" The voice of a woman made Hachiman rear his head, taking his eyes away from the snacks section of the convenience store he found himself in, only to see said woman holding a bunch of beer cans over Hachiman's face, inviting. "You look like you could use a drink or two."

"Should a teacher really be inviting her students to drink alcohol, Hiratsuka-san?" Hachiman frowned but still weighed his options. He wasn't against it, as long as it was indeed one or two cans, but given the company he'd have…

"You're no longer my student, and you're an adult. I'm using my time off to help you guys out too, so at least give me this much." The older woman scoffed, shaking her head and making the hasty bun she used to tie her hair shake a bit. Her casual clothes didn't look odd, but it still made Hachiman a bit nervous. Given that he was used to her more professional look, even after all this time. "So is that a yes or no?"

"You're just asking to split the bill." He growled.

"Yes or no, Hikigaya!"

"Alright, fine. I don't want to drink!" Hachiman scratched the back of his head. "Jeez."

"Was it that hard?" Hiratsuka put them back to where she got them from.

"I… Kinda want to but…" Hachiman trailed off, giving the cans in the freezer another glance. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"That's fine. Just don't change your mind when we're already at my place." Hiratsuka shrugged. "Or you'll have to come back alone."

"Fair." Hachiman carried the stuff he picked up to pay for them, walking a bit ahead of his former teacher while glancing around. Trying to be discrete. "Did you get Miura's drink?"

Hiratsuka shook a sports drink bottle.

"Cool."

The walk back wasn't as bothersome or awkward as one might expect. There were enough things in Hachiman's mind already, keeping him preoccupied enough that a bit of time in silence didn't bother him that much. It might've been a different question had he felt the passage of time more acutely, if he worried about the things that his former teacher wanted to hear or say. Hiratsuka knew him well enough to tell that he might be present physically, but not mentally. Still, she didn't press. She carried the things she bought in silence, looking ahead while Hachiman followed her with his eyes on the ground. Walking slower as he trailed behind his previous teach with the same mindlessness that a duckling follows its mom.

In any other time, he'd have felt bad. He might've tried to reach out, assure her that things were okay enough. That all he needed was time. He couldn't do that. Hoshino's life wasn't one he could talk about, not freely enough that he felt confident in his ability to keep things low-key when he told Hiratsuka his worries.

Because, even now, he got it. He understood. His talk with Saitou-san wasn't in vain, he'd known that separating was the ultimate goal. That he'd probably end up a little worse in the end, given how little even Hoshino's co-stars knew. And even now, bitter and unable to think about other things, Hachiman chose to respect that.

Still, when they arrived at the woman's house, Hachiman felt that it'd be awkward to enter without even a word being exchanged.

"Sensei." He called out before she could open the door, and the amused look that she gave him when she turned to look at him made Hachiman realize his blunder. "Err… I mean, Hiratsuka-san."

"What is it, Hikigaya?" The woman chuckled but didn't tease him or anything. It felt like a warm gesture, one that made the start of a blush appear with even more intensity in Hachiman's face.

"…Thanks for inviting me." He mumbled the least smart thing he could come up with. Because even someone like Hachiman was not immune to embarrassment. "I didn't want to be a bother so…"

"It's fine. I wouldn't want one of my favorite students to get bad grades because life happens." Hiratsuka shook her head, the amusement replaced with bitterness. It was contagious, however. And Hachiman couldn't help cringing at her words. "Sorry. Even I can get my foot in my mouth. Hmmm…"

"It's fine." Hachiman shrugged, even though it was not fine. "I'm still thankful."

Hiratsuka let out a sigh and patted his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, kid." She turned forward to open the door with a bit more confidence, probably having some of her own doubts and worries cleared out by Hachiman's sloppy approach. Or at least that's what he wanted to believe. "I'm back!"

"We're back." Hachiman echoed as he entered and closed the door behind him with his hip, looking at the right of the mini-corridor to see the people sitting around Hiratsuka's living room on various states of boredom.

"Welcome back~." Ebina replied in a monotone from her seat at the main table that was meant for a bit over 6 people. She rested her chin on the table proper, and held what Hachiman was pretty sure was Zaimokuza's phone horizontally, tapping away at it without blinking.

"Finally." Miura sat a couple of seats to Ebina's right, and she at least put away her phone and looked down on the notebooks and pencils, and other stuff scattered around the table. "We finished this section."

"And ordered some pizza." Zaimokuza from behind Ebina. Not actually sitting, but still looking at what the spectacled girl was doing.

"Then why did we go buy snacks?" Hachiman growled, a bit more annoyed than he should be.

"Well, I like eating well!" Zaimokuza laughed like some kind of evil general revealing his master plan. "We can't just eat pizza, after all."

"Normally, that means that you'd have something more nutritious alongside it." Miura complained while Hachiman put the bags on the table.

"Not like you didn't know we'd only eat junk food." Ebina spoke without moving until something happened on the phone. "Eh? Did I reach pity already?"

"Ummm, I don't think so?" Zaimokuza took the device from her. "Man, this is why Hina-dono has the divine hands!"

"You're still spending money in that game?" Hiratsuka brought a can of beer from her freezer. She'd bought some for them, just less than what she'd have gotten if Hachiman had said yes. Because, in the end, this was still supposed to be her free day. "No wonder your grades are lacking."

"I have to grind to get everything for my wife!" Zaimokuza cheered. "How else could I call myself a fan?!"

"You already have her at SS-rank and with sig. There's literally no content that she can't clear." Ebina stretched her back, making it pop rather painfully; but she ignored it and reached for one of Hachiman's bags to take a package of gummies. "And it's not like the content is difficult. Try playing other games for a change."

"Ah, no. I don't think so." Zaimokuza shook his head smugly while Hachiman sat back down on his previous spot, parallel to the guy talking. "I don't want to have to grind for over a month just for a 4-stars character. I'm not a peasant."

"The grind is what makes it worth it!" Ebina complained, getting an annoyed sigh from her blonde friend.

"My drink?" Miura ignored her friend's words and got Hachiman to point at Hiratsuka, nodding and getting off her seat to go get it.

"If only you put as much effort studying…" Hiratsuka shook her head, disappointed.

"Nah. I can always tag along and get private lessons like this." Ebina sounded proud of herself as she puffed her chest and ate some of her gummies. "It's better like this, get more things done."

"You're the least focused on this." Hachiman pointed out as he popped his can of coffee open.

"My grades are fine…ish… I don't have to worry."

"Sounds like someone's getting too comfortable doing the bare minimum." Miura gave Ebina a side glance.

"Well, I wouldn't be this comfortable is someone didn't think she'd make it big if she pushes away her studies and goes hard on training." Ebina jabbed at the blonde with a wide grin.

"Uh, at least I'm working hard!" Miura scoffed "What's the point in trying if you're not going all-in?"

"And I'm the one locked babysitting you all." Hiratsuka left one seat empty between herself and Hachiman when she plopped down, waving at the home she'd bought for herself as she took a sip from her beer can. "So shut up and get to work before I kick all of you out."

The house looked about good enough for a full family, yet everyone pointedly did not comment how Hiratsuka was the only one living there. Which, all things considered, was more awareness and self-preservation instincts than these guys had shown since Miura got Hiratsuka to help her out with her failing grades.

"Hey, I just came back. You can't do this to me." Hachiman complained without putting too much emotion into it, giving his own notes another glance to try to get back at what he was doing before the small break.

"Ah, I feel compelled to ask Hachiman-sama to be spared your wrath." Zaimokuza clapped his hands together, still not sitting down. "Please, Shishou! He's been good to me, don't make him hate me!"

"You aren't half as cool as you'd have to be my pupil. Sit down." Hiratsuka replied with more seriousness. "I'll punch you."

"…At once, Sensei."

"Is that allowed? I don't think that's allowed." Miura got distracted, getting an expression of smug amusement while she glanced at Zaimokuza while he sat down in silence. "I should try that."

"No way, Yumi-chan will one-shot anyone with a single whack." Ebina shuddered. "Those racket swinging sessions don't lie."

"Can you stop talking about physical violence?" Hachiman took another sip of his coffee. "I'm actually trying to catch up here."

"Hiratsuka-san started it!" Ebina raised her hand and her voice, making Hachiman pull back due to the suddenness of her action.

"Stop screaming!" Miura yelled at her friend.

"It's unfair that only Yumi-chan gets to scream!"

"The things I do for free food…" Hiratsuka covered her face, holding her can with a hand resting beneath her chest.

Hachiman scoffed and returned his gaze to his notes.

This was… Nice. Chaotic, annoying when Ebina was encouraged to keep that monkey attitude she sometimes brought, but nice. At least like this, Hachiman wasn't alone with his thoughts. And that helped massively to put things into perspective. To make things more impersonal, thanks to his private life having nothing to do with everything regarding Hoshino.

It was like staring at the other side of the fence. Looking from home, toward Hoshino's space. Except, an empty lot separated them both. And the small time they jumped over their own fences had been horrible. The space was unkept, with no one to care for it. With mud, trash, and some thorny vines here and there. It helped Hachiman feel glad that he was in the comfort of his own space, recharging. But with people to help clean up the mess that had been left behind.

Who'd have thought? With the right people, even catching up to the time he couldn't attend school could be pleasant.

That's why, when his cellphone started ringing, Hachiman almost wanted to snap his pencil in half as he reached into his pocket to check who he had to deal with now.

"Is everything alright?" Hiratsuka tilted her head, seeing Hachiman's face contort like something he'd eaten was hurting his stomach.

"It was." Hachiman huffed "No. I'm not doing this right now."

He put the phone on the table and reached out for some chips, taking a handful and shoving them all in his mouth. Letting his chewing drain the building stress off his shoulders.

The flavor helped, at least. So he…

The phone started ringing again basically as soon as it died down.

"Who is it?" Miura asked, eyeing the device with some suspicion but without fully turning to it. Like she wanted it to think that she wasn't looking.

"Is it about… 'that'?" Ebina asked, making air quotes while looking around carefully.

"Probably." Hachiman huffed, taking the device again.

"If you don't wanna deal with it right now, it should be fine. Right?" Hiratsuka chimed in. "Or is it important?"

Hachiman turned the question around in his mind, an acutely unpleasant sensation running across his stomach.

"It might be." He acknowledged, and so he took the call. "Yes?"

"Oh, good. I thought I'd have to leave a message." The woman on the other side sighed, holding her voice with the same rigidity that a mother would with her meddlesome children. "Are you busy right now?"

"Sort of." Hachiman turned to Hiratsuka, who simply shrugged.

She didn't know about the relation between going to watch an idol show and his injury, but he didn't feel the need to leave the room at the moment. Miura might be more of a problem, but he didn't think he'd have to dance around the topic. Not with Ebina whispering in her ear to get her up to speed without Hachiman needing to say anything.

The blonde looked at her friend, then at the nodding guy that had become serious again. Then, she just sort of sighed and crossed her arms. Relenting.

"It's kind of pressing." Saitou-san stated, making Hachiman roll his eyes.

"Yes, I figured. You wouldn't call me otherwise."

"Yeowch…" Ebina murmured.

"Tell me he's not talking to someone important." Hiratsuka caught the comment, and gave Ebina a stern look.

"He's not talking to someone important." The short-haired girl obediently recited.

"Okay. Just to get it out of the way, did you know that your little "friend" paid us a visit this morning?" Something in Saitou's voice annoyed Hachiman to no end. So he stretched his back and squared his jaw.

"I can only think of a single person I'd categorize like that living in Tokyo, and she basically works non-stop. So I don't know who you're talking about." Hachiman made a pause and put his hand over the phone to regard the girls sitting across from him. "Is Kawasaki still working in that bar?"

"Hmmm? Yeah." Ebina gave him a thumbs up. "I don't know how she does it. I'd have turned into a raccoon by that point."

"Is she still with that horrible schedule?" Miura asked with some worry.

"Yeah. It's like she chooses the most back-breaking way to do things imaginable. And she looks fine. Which is very scary." Ebina hugged herself. "I could never."

"You can't even study properly alone." Hiratsuka clicked her tongue.

"Ehehehe…"

Hachiman returned his attention to the phone.

"-know what I'm talking about, Hikigaya."

"I really don't." Hachiman replied, a bit calmer now.

"Really?"

"Pinky promise." He said in the dryest tone he could muster before taking his can of coffee to drink.

That worked like he'd broken a spell, letting the other college students go back to their work. And, although Hiratsuka kept a glance on Hachiman's side, she eyed the others too to make sure they kept working from time to time. Drinking her beer with a lot more comfort than before.

"You sound a little too smug to believe it."

"I thought we were done, Saitou-san." Hachiman put his can down and flipped Miura the bird when she was about to make an exaggerated surprised reaction. He could just see it in the girl's face, just waiting to re-interpret Hachiman's words to her own amusement.

She took one of Ebina's gummies and threw it at Hachiman's face.

"Ow…" It had… A lot of accuracy. And it did make him flinch, but he just picked it from his lap and ate it. "I played my part. Hell, I got the short stick of it but took it like a champ. I don't mean to brag, but you could've honestly not asked for a better person to play the role you asked of me. Anyone else would've taken it personal."

Not like Hachiman didn't, but he'd gone through his own growth. Interacted with people, experienced things. He wouldn't stay down forever. He might need more time than most to recover from seemingly unimportant things, to make up his mind. But he wasn't weak, not like Haruno thought he was at least.

"I… I know." Saitou took a lungful of air, gathering her thoughts. "This still has to do with you though."

"Then I'm sorry, but that's your problem." Hachiman scoffed. "I can't do more now. It'd defeat the point."

"Look, yes. I understand that. But this particular instance still concerns you." The woman replied with pin-point precision. It sounded too professional to just be her trying to scold or push her worries onto Hachiman.

"Now what?"

"Because she came earlier today…"

"Who?"

"You weren't listening!" Saitou raised her voice to the point that Hachiman had to pull the phone back from the sudden high pitch. "Yukinoshita! Yukinoshita came to the studio we rented earlier in the morning."

Hachiman's stomach turned.

"Oh…"

"Yes, oh indeed." Saitou held her voice at bay now that she had his full attention. "And we talked, or Ichigo did. And we thought this would finally close…"

"What did you tell her?" If Hachiman could glare across the phone line, he'd have killed Saitou with the meanest evil stare he could muster.

"…Why do you assume it's our mistake?"

"Because it sure isn't mine." Hachiman replied dryly.

"Look, I'm only prefacing this. It doesn't necessarily have to do with Yukinoshita-san."

"Then?"

"Some of the girls saw her, and there's been a lot of unrest since you met Ai back at the concert." Saitou sighed, stopping in her tracks to get her bearings back. Hachiman let her, taking the opportunity to do the same. "I'm running damage control, but I got a message from Nino's family…"

"Who?"

"One of our girls." Saitou replied without missing a beat. "She did not return home, and we think she might've gone to Chiba."

Hachiman blinked a couple of times, the stress draining out of his body.

"Ah, well." He wanted to shrug, but he couldn't quite manage it in a way that Saitou could see it. "Good for her?"

Saitou didn't reply immediately. But when she did, she could barely hide the stress she was under.

"Look. I know it's bothersome, but can I still count on you to keep things under control?"

"I don't see why you wouldn't." Hachiman gave her an honest reply. "It'd be pointless to have so much mud thrown at my face if I wasn't all-in."

"Look, the thing with Ai…"

"I'm pretty sure you've made me the villain of this story." Hachiman closed his eyes, speaking with more clarity than before. "That's fine. I don't care for any of that, it's not like I know any of these people. But you're making your problems mine now."

"That's…"

"And those are exclusively yours. I don't even know how little the others know, how much you've hidden in your quest to protect Hoshino. And that's fine, it's your company. But let me make this clear: I'm not sinking for you. I won't let you drag me to any of that. Hoshino is one thing. It happened, it's not your fault. But that's the end of it." Hachiman sighed when his thoughts went back to the idol, to her star-struck gaze. To the things that lurked beneath seemingly beyond Hachiman's ability to look away from. And… Well, to his own darkness. "I'm not your sacrificial pawn, Saitou-san. I can't abandon my… My friends and family, for people that I don't know."

He didn't want to look at the others, even though their attention was pretty obviously on Hachiman. He especially didn't want to look at Hiratsuka, whose glance he felt the most distinctly when he became hyperaware of his surroundings. The others, he could sort of ignore. They gave him the space, not looking at him and trying to busy themselves while he talked. They'd have their questions, but Ebina had made him feel like there were some worries he'd be able to put to rest. He could deal with them.

He didn't want to see his former teacher, however, because he didn't want to know whether she was proud of him or if that glance carried nothing but pity.

"No." Saitou spoke again, but she wasn't talking directly to him. Something was happening on the other side. "Wait, I'm dealing with… No."

Hachiman could guess what was happening.

"Let her." He said with a sigh, finally having enough and standing from his seat. Turning around to go to Hiratsuka's kitchen. He pulled the phone away as he stopped for a moment, turning a little toward Hiratsuka without actually looking at her. "Can I get a beer after all?"

"I mean, you're drinking coffee but be my guest." The woman sighed. "Leave some room for the pizza."

"Got it." Hachiman nodded while walking into the kitchen. It was pretty nice, as all rooms in the house. And it felt homely, even though a single woman lived there. It was as if it oozed the fact, like it radiated Hiratsuka's presence in a mysterious way.

"…Hey." The small voice that came from the phone made Hachiman frown. He still had a lot of thoughts, most of which he could've hurled at the girl. But that tone reminded him of the girl he'd talked to in this way, not the one he'd met back at the concert.

There's a comment about how scary the difference is in there, somewhere between Hachiman's distorted thoughts. But he put them aside, like he'd done since he went to study at Hiratsuka's place.

"Guess I'm worth talking to, now." Hachiman opened the fridge, letting some of his frustration out without meaning to. In any other circumstance, he'd have corrected the tone. But he really, really didn't feel like it.

In his mind, the plan remained the same: Cutting ties, leaving. It'd be the best for the both of them, it'd avoid having to deal with things that obviously neither wanted to deal with. It was simple, clean.

It didn't sit well with him.

"Ah… Please don't say that. It hurts to think you don't believe I'm sorry." The small voice made him hesitate, but not for the reason one might think.

Her tone put him back in an uglier moment of his life, reminded him of a girl he'd had in his arms. On the verge of collapse, not knowing what to do.

It made him feel worse.

"So you say." He'd seen how quickly she could pull herself back in, hide in the darkest corners of her own mind. Again, it was kind of scary. And the thought that she could be lying to him when he couldn't look at her bothered Hachiman to no end. So he couldn't help answer in this way.

"You don't believe me?" The question sounded a lot more poignant than Hachiman had heard someone speak before. Well, not entirely. He'd been in pretty awkward, pretty devastating situations. But still caught him off guard.

"I… Don't think Saitou-san called for you to ask these things." Hachiman held his phone between his cheek and shoulder to open the can, feeling a bit better when the usual 'pssst' told him he'd be able to drink.

"Right. I… Right." Hoshino chuckled humorlessly, breathing in such a way that Hachiman could hear the waver in her lungs.

He had to admit, she was pretty good at these details. He could almost believe her.

"So?"

"Well, please take it easy with Miyako-san. She's running around, doing everything in her power. I think she's at her limit." Hoshino's voice was more cheerful than the previous moment of silence would've made Hachiman expect, but he didn't comment on it. Instead, he held his annoyance, his natural distrust, in his metaphorical hands. Saving it. "What I think she meant to say, is that she called so these things wouldn't get you by surprise. So that you can deal with it at your own pace."

"Really?"

"Well, I think that's the case." It was kind of funny how quickly Hoshino gave up on defending the woman, but Hachiman didn't make a noise. "Because I hope at least you understand this side of the… The problem."

Hachiman shook his head, releasing some air through his nose.

"Again, whether you trust your co-workers or not is not my problem." Hachiman took a sip from his drink. "I can do this much. I get it."

"That's all I'd ask for." Hoshino replied breathlessly "I know it's a lot but…"

"No. I…" Hachiman felt the bitterness in his tongue mix with the one in his heart. "It's important. I was there."

"I'd love to trust Nino-chan and the rest more." Hoshino trailed off, like she wasn't talking to Hachiman directly. "But right now that's a bit…"

"Scary?" He offered.

"I guess."

Hachiman nodded to himself.

"I… I can understand that."

That made Hoshino chuckle.

"Your friends are pretty scary though."

"I don't have scary friends, I think you've got it mixed up." Hachiman scoffed. "They're normal people that do normal things."

Like spending all their savings on gacha games. Man, if only Saika had tagged along…

"Is that so? Well, I…" Hoshino stopped, taking a couple of seconds before Hachiman could actually hear conversation happening on the other side "Well, that's about it. Thanks for listening."

Hachiman didn't know if he felt relieved or disappointed.

"Thanks for the heads up, I guess."

"Yeah. We've troubled you enough as-is." She stopped again, not ending the call. "Can I, umm, y'know…"

"I don't see what's the point."

"Please. You're… A lot nicer than a lot of people here."

If he was the Hachiman from high school, that'd have been the single most devastating sentence ever spoken to him.

Hachiman blinked the strangely humid sensation off his eyes.

"That's pretty sad."

"Well, I can…"

"Later, Hoshino." He cut her off, taking a bigger sip from the beer to buy himself a couple of seconds. "I'm busy right now. Catching up with school and stuff."

"Oh. Right, sorry." Her voice became cute again, like she'd been revitalized. He kind of missed the more pathetic tone now. "Good luck."

"You too. I'll, huh…"

"I'll text you." She immediately took the initiative back. "Miyako-san is kind of mad, so let's continue later. Bye!"

She cut the call before Hachiman could say no, leaving him with his thoughts and no clue as to how to continue studying without his thoughts breaking through the dam he'd carefully built these past couple of days to let himself process them slowly.

"Don't you have a boyfriend though…? Adding another person is…" Hachiman stared with incredulity at his phone, willing it to give answers that he'd probably never get.

After all, why else would a stalker want to kill her in the same world that she'd have a good-looking boy with a little copy of himself around?

Hachiman closed his eyes, failing to push her out of his mind this time. Back when it mattered, he'd have chosen her. He should have, in no uncertain terms, but he hadn't. He'd let the choices be made for him. He just couldn't understand.

If Hoshino had such a close relationship to have his family around, then why?

"Hikigaya?" Hiratsuka's voice spooked him out of his thoughts. "Everything alright?"

He looked back, seeing the people that wanted to check on him but still chose to give him some space.

Right. It's not the same, is it? Even if he was selfish enough to leave everyone else behind for her… It doesn't mean that others can't strive for more connections. It's not like everyone is as pathetic as he is, getting entangled in the same pitiful problems.

Hachiman wheezed before answering.

"I'm fine." He meant it, sort of. Feeling a bit more clarity now. "I almost choked."

"Oh, jeez. If you don't know how to drink, then don't." Hiratsuka admonished him when he returned to the living room. "I don't wanna get scolded by Komachi-chan."

Miura was giving Hachiman a suspicious glance.

"What?"

"Nothing." She looked at her notes again. "You good?"

Hachiman put the can on his side of the table.

"I will be."

Miura didn't look at him anymore.

"As long as that's the case."

"Thanks." Miyako-san didn't look very happy, but she still relented to Ai's actions as the idol gave the phone back. "I'd have suggested…"

"As long as he's with us, he should be allowed to deal with Nino-chan however he wants." Ai lifted a finger, smiling fondly at the woman and hiding on her chest when she got Miyako-san into a hug. "You've done enough. You don't have to personally look at every detail yourself."

"If she even went to Chiba." Ichigo-san scoffed, scratching the back of his head with some annoyance. "I still think it has nothing to do with it. It's just a family that got nervous thanks to Ai's situation."

"Which is logical enough." Miyako-san slowly closed her arms around Ai, breathing slowly. "Hey, stand up properly. Putting you face there is a bit…"

"Sorry! Ruby loves to do that, so I was wondering…" Ai chuckled but did as commanded, resting her forehead on the space between Miyako-san's lower face and shoulder. "There, there. It's alright. You've done enough."

"Maybe with you, you're her mother." Miyako-san chuckled with some nervousness. "I just want to make sure things are alright."

"They will be." Ichigo-san put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "Trust the guy that went to you immediately when he suspected something was amiss while messaging Ai."

"Yeah! It's not that I don't understand, I want nothing more than have Ruby and Aqua be safe." It just so happened that this particular instance was as much an opportunity to get back in the game as making sure her secret wasn't exposed again. Really, Ai was simply killing two birds with one stone.

That the second bird wasn't in Miyako-san or Ichigo-san's sight, well, that's not really Ai's problem. Is it?

"But you're going to keep texting him?" The woman couldn't hide her worry.

"Again, I trust him. I want to trust him…" Ai's voice became more normal as she released Miyako-san and turned to gaze at Ichigo-san. "I think it's safe."

Ichigo-san frowned.

"It's been four years since you decided to have the twins, and it's been only one mistake since then. One mistake, and look how far it has gone." He shook his head, closing his eyes like some unseen weight rested on his shoulders. "We're doing our best here, Ai. Please don't throw it all away."

Ai pressed her lips tightly.

"I won't." Ai turned around, smiling at the two children that had spent most of the time silently watching the team meeting unfold.

Aqua shrugged.

"As long as… Mom… Is happy."

Ruby ran to hold Ai by the leg.

"As long as I'm by mama's side!"

Miyako-san shook her head.

"There's already too many moving parts."

"Then let's making them less." Ai insisted. "Nino-chan… I actually don't think she'd go all the way to look for Hikigaya. She's dumb, but not that dumb."

"Don't you think Yukinoshita gave her weird ideas?" Miyako-san still didn't look any less worried.

"I… Don't think so?"

"That doesn't sound very convincing." Ichigo-san commented.

"Well, I mean. I saw Haruno-san last." Ai tilted her head, petting her daughter on the head while she spoke. "I didn't see Nino-chan or anyone else there. It could've been while I was out of the studio, but you'd have to ask the director."

"Okay…" Miyako-san sighed. "Okay, fine. Let's assume that for now."

"Yeah!"

"Even if Nino-san went to look for Hikigaya, it doesn't matter." Aqua chimed in. "Trust that he's got enough self-preservation to avoid risking putting his neck on the line again."

That… Didn't sound good when said out loud. But maybe that's what Aqua was aiming for.

"I guess…" Miyako-san looked down, more defeated than calm.

She didn't know that Aqua had met him, after all. She didn't know that Hikigaya freaked out upon seeming him. So… Ai also wanted to think that the fear would make him put some distance with Nino and any other of the girls, if they tried to look for him. And if they tried to aim for Haruno-san… Well, Ai already knew how that'd end up.

Good. She had some time to figure things out. She'd rather have them by her side than against her, of course. It was only logical. But, well, could she honestly see their relationship patched and past differences put behind them?

It's not like they knew how to love selflessly, not that Ai could tell at least.

Chapter Text

Why is it that problems always come back to bite him in the ass? Why does it feel like things don’t change, that they don’t get better? It’s like last time too. Miura, Ebina, Zaimokuza. Even Hiratsuka glanced at him from time to time. Hoping, waiting. It felt like he’d gone through this before. Just, perhaps, not in the same way.

It wasn’t like it felt like their stares judged him, far from it. He could feel them for what they were: Hoping that he’d reach out first. That he’d speak up. It’s something that he had always struggled with, something that he thought he could put behind with at least Yukino and Yui. But it’s always the same, isn’t it? They always struggled with things like these.

Even back then…

“What…?” Back then, Yukino hadn’t known. She hadn’t even been notified that Yui had reached out to him, that she’d gone to his house, that she’d tried to take even a little bit of happiness for herself. But Yukino deserved to know, if only because the context mattered too much to be left unsaid. “Just like that?”

“He was heading to an interview.” Hachiman hadn’t looked at Yukino in the eyes back then. It felt wrong, because he was telling her just to save his own neck. To feel like he was doing things right. It hadn’t been his place to tell her.

Yukino hadn’t known how to react, of course. Things had been awkward already, difficult. Hachiman himself had had trouble processing things, and even now he couldn’t help feeling sorry for Yui. He couldn’t help seeing her as the victim, as someone to whom bad things had happened. And, as such, he felt the need to protect her.

But what happens when life goes on? When there’s no culprits, no reason to things other than a bad move? A bad draw of the cards? Who do you protect people from? Happenstance? Themselves? How is that different from burdening them even further?

“…Why?” Yukino had asked, and the sheer disbelief in her face and voice made Hachiman feel even worse.

“These things ha­pp…”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Yukino lowered her gaze, now looking so helpless that it blanked out Hachiman’s face.

He could’ve told Yukino, he could’ve said that Yui tried to seduce him. To kiss him, rather. Because he couldn’t call her clumsy, desperate move seduction and keep a clear mind at the same time. Not while all of this was happening.

“Give her time. She’s… Probably confused.” Hachiman had scratched the back of his head then, looking for the right words to say. “She has enough on her plate as-is.”

“You’re… You’re probably right…” Yukino had intertwined her fingers, a myriad of thoughts crossing her mind so fast that it looked like her features were shivering. “I guess I should call her?”

Hachiman thought it was a bad idea. Yui had left startled, confused, regretful. She probably needed time, at least to process what she’d tried to do. What Hachiman tried to offer her in his soft rejection, in his advice to not be hasty. He could’ve told Yukino he thought she shouldn’t, but that’d mean explaining why. Or at least, that’s what Hachiman’s guilty conscience said.

He did not speak up.

“If that’s the case, maybe I…”

“I should leave.” Yukino sounded hurt, almost like she’d gotten physically hit by the news. “Her dad is dead and we’re here, spending time together like it’s nothing.”

No. That’s not… That isn’t what she should be getting out of this, right?

“Adjusting to not having an income has taken a toll on her already.” Hachiman argued, his voice small. Breathless. “And we’ve been there for her. But that doesn’t mean we can’t…”

“We should focus on her well-being.” Yukino had stated this with the most conviction he’d heard her use in a bit. In retrospect, this should’ve been a hint. A warning sign. But to the Hachiman of back then, it was only a reminder of how strong Yukino could be.

Of how strong she appeared to him. One of the things he both admired and most often was fooled by in her. A front he’d fallen for enough times to know better, but one that she’d worked on to make into a reality enough that he believed her all the same.

“That’s… Probably right.” He should’ve known better. He should’ve told her to wait, to let Yui do things at her own pace. He shouldn’t have done things halfway… What did Miura say before Saitou called? That not going all-in on things is pointless?

He now wished that the Hachiman from back then could’ve heard these words.

He couldn’t concentrate. Again, the eyes on him were a little too much. And, like Hiratsuka said, drinking both a sugary coffee and beer at the same time had… Not been particularly smart of him. It only made his heart beat really fast while his mind stopped encompassing as much stuff as it did. Or, in other words, his attention was smaller and could only concentrate in the fact that he was not concentrating at all.

He got some water, but that just made it more apparent that he was being checked on when he sat back down. Still, he played dumb for a bit more. At least while his own dumb decisions were processed by his body enough that he wouldn’t feel sick while he talked.

“Zaimokuza.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you in any B-Komachi fan groups?” The question raised a lot of suspicion, especially from Hiratsuka. Who understood the least about what was going on. “Any Chiba groups, that is.”

“Mmm, yeah. A couple.” The guy with glasses took his phone and fiddled with it a bit. “Why?”

He could almost feel the expectations growing in the room. Silently, but present all the same.

“One of the girls is missing.”

“WHAT?!” Zaimokuza’s screech made Hachiman a bit dizzy. It made the girls flinch as he stood up abruptly, making Hachiman regret his choices thus far. “Whu…?”

“Calm down!” Hiratsuka smashed the side of her left fist on the table, making the stuff on it jump a tiny bit. “Jeez!”

“Sorry…” Zaimokuza plopped back to his chair. “It’s just… Hachiman-sama. Do you understand what you’re saying?”

Hachiman tilted his head, feeling incredibly tired already. Because he knew that he couldn’t just ask for help in this without giving any sort of explanation.

“Their… Manager, I guess…” He frowned a bit. Realizing he didn’t actually know Saitou’s position in the company, or the work relationship between her and the idols. “Called. I think it’s Nino?”

“Nino-chan is missing?!” Zaimokuza was about to stand up again, but Hiratsuka jabbed a finger in his direction. Sending a very clear unspoken threat which kept the guy with glasses pinned to his spot.

“Maybe.”

“Okay. Hold on, stop.” Miura put her pen down, setting her elbows on the table and intertwining her fingers like she’d ask Hachiman to pilot a giant biomechanical robot. “We have a problem here, don’t we? And I’m not talking about whatever you’re talking about yourself.”

Hachiman sighed, pushing himself back on his seat like the backrest would give him some emotional support. So much so that the front legs of the chair left the floor as he tilted it back a bit.

“This can get me in trouble.” Hachiman started, eyeing his former teacher to gauge her reaction. Which was that of an unimpressed adult, even if she remained quiet and in a very ‘I am waiting’ position. Like a mom letting her kid try to make excuses before showing how mad she was. “As in honest, legal trouble.”

“They made you sign your silence?” Ebina actually looked worried for once. And not in the ‘I hope you’re okay’ way, Hachiman had seen plenty of that. But more in a ‘holy shit, someone help this dude’ way.

“No… Although I think mom did sign something.” Hachiman mused, buying himself some time to put his words in order before he could mess up even more. “It’s just a very delicate topic.”

“I mean, yeah. No kidding.” Ebina crossed her arms, nodding along and getting some of the heat off of Hachiman’s shoulders. “Idols are a delicate topic. Look at Yoshi-dono here. He was gonna blow up just because of what you said.”

“I wasn’t gonna “blow up”, it’s just shocking to hear something that important from him.” Zaimokuza fixed his glasses, getting them to glint a bit “As a fan…”

“And he’s somewhat normal.” Ebina interrupted him.

“No. I am a hardcore fan!” Zaimokuza pointed a finger at the girl with glasses before suddenly stopping his own hype. “With all the respect and appreciation that entails, of course.”

Hachiman actually narrowed his eyes at his antics, looking at Ebina for answers now that he also felt like he was missing some context. It was strange for him to stop his antics, whatever they were about. And the way Ebina avoided his gaze told him that she knew something that he didn’t, although he couldn’t put his finger on what.

We can talk it out. Hadn’t Ebina said something along those lines in the concert? Was that it?

“Point is: I kind of get it. Knowing Hikigaya makes it sort of obvious.” Ebina got back to the topic tapping a finger on the opposite arm. “But it might not make sense to Yumi-chan or Hiratsuka-san.”

That made the most adult of the people in the room glare at Ebina.

“What do you mean?”

Ebina sighed, not looking intimidated by Hiratsuka’s glare at all.

“Yoshi-dono?”

“Ah, well. Idol culture is… Very strict.” Zaimokuza put his hands together like he was some kind of guru talking about his specialty “They’re… How do I say it? Public figures plus, I guess. And their private lives are very monitored.”

“Wait…” Hiratsuka narrowed her eyes, looking at Hachiman and Zaimokuza a couple of times each “Who are you talking about again?”

“B-Komachi.” Zaimokuza chose his words with more care than usual. “You know? Ai-chan’s group.”

Hachiman closed his eyes, bearing for impact.

It took Hiratsuka a few seconds to connect the dots. But Hachiman knew immediately because she left her spot and grabbed him by the shirt.

“You! You were there!” Hiratsuka’s face was a mess of rage and worry, looking Hachiman’s face from side to side like she was looking for any injury “Accident my ass! You got injured the day you went to look out for Yukino!”

“I’m sorry.” Hachiman looked away, half pained by the loudness of the woman’s voice and half pained by the way she was reacting “I didn’t want you to feel bad.”

“Feel bad? Feel bad?!” Hiratsuka actually took a moment to gather her thoughts, releasing Hachiman and dropping to her seat. Her arms went to her head, and she actually looked a bit lost for a moment. Then, as sudden as her turmoil appeared, it was reigned in with a deep intake of air. “I’m the one that gave you that address…”

Hachiman looked away.

“If I had known…”

“There was no way you’d know.” Hachiman assured her in a low tone.

“I trusted Haruno.” Hiratsuka sounded out of air now. “I thought it’d be good for you if…”

“Oh, well. That’s actually a dumb mistake to make…”

Hiratsuka sent a glare his way, but Hachiman played dumb. It actually helped the woman a little. But Hachiman was preoccupied looking at the final member of the table.

“You told her something different to us.” Miura stated. Not mad, not disappointed. Simply pointing a fact out.

“I’m risking someone else’s life.” Hachiman held her stare, doing his best not to flinch away from it. “It’s not just about me.”

“Sure sounds like it’s not all flowers and rainbows.” The blonde narrowed her eyes. “It’s almost like you got entangled into something bad for all your troubles.”

“Can you… Not say that?” Hiratsuka reached out with a hand, physically willing Miura to stop. “Not now. Please.”

Hachiman gave them both some time.

“Well?” He returned his attention to Zaimokuza. “Their manager thought she might be coming here, given what happened in the meet and greet. Their poor communication might make things worse for… All of us.”

He shook his head, making a point of showing his displeasure with the situation.

“I’d have never thought B-Komachi was in the clutches of a black company…” Ebina looked rather displeased with this.

“I mean, I can ask…” Zaimokuza concentrated in his phone a lot more, almost like he was doing something actually important. “But isn’t asking if someone has seen her also bad? What if people try to corner her or something? Ai-chan’s case might not be as fresh now, but it still set a precedent.”

“Don’t speak about that kind of creep like it’s going to become the norm.” Miura’s disgust oozed out of her body language and tone like she could physically will it into existence.

“I… Don’t think asking is a bad idea?” Ebina tilted her head, puckering her lips to balance her pen above them. “Just make it a half-hearted joke. Something like “hey, I saw someone like Nino-chan today at the station! Anyone else?” or something.”

“Okay, but is communication within that company bad enough that they’d try to find you?” Hiratsuka asked while fondling her whole face. With her voice a tad higher pitched than usual.

Hachiman thought about how freaky Hoshino’s stage-face was when compared to her reserved, boring private self.

“I can believe it.”

“Ok. But why?” Hiratsuka looked at Hachiman like she’d just come back from getting low blood pressure. Sort of groggy, sort of not wholly in the here and now.

“I… I’ve exchanged messages with… Ai-san.” Hachiman glared at Zaimokuza, who had his eyes fixed on him when that name came up. They held each other’s eyes in a contest of wills, so Hachiman was forced to talk while looking at the glasses-wearing guy. “Both for our peace of mind. It’s… I don’t think they understand their girls that well.”

“Really? Did “Ai-chan” tell you that?” Miura tilted her head, her features hard but not angry. Like she was holding herself back. Reigning her emotions in.

This would get ugly really fast if Hachiman didn’t put in the right words.

He wasn’t meant to put in the right words.

“That’s my read, at least.” Even though he wanted nothing more than to make excuses, Hachiman tried to keep his words and breathing in check. Slow and steady, he answered in a way that made it clear that he wasn’t playing around. That he wasn’t trying to dodge the question even if the choice of words sounded strange.

“From interacting with someone whose whole deal is to sell an innocent and marketable image.” Miura kept her own tone in check, visibly getting angry but still not letting it off. Holding it back.

“Umm, I like that image.” Zaimokuza interjected.

“I don’t-!” Miura shut her mouth, taking a lungful of air before speaking again. “That’s besides the point at the moment.”

“Nah. It’s not besides the point.” Ebina made circles with her index finger, catching Miura’s attention with the motion. “There’s a target audience, so there’s a market for it. Like pro-wrestlers, like pros in any sports. You, more than anyone, should know how much there is to these things.”

Miura pressed her lips tightly.

“I’m just starting to catch the fact that there’s a pattern here, isn’t there? A girl blown out of proportion comes in, sweeps Hikio off the floor and…”

“Wow, wow, wow!” Hiratsuka put a hand down on the table. “Stop right there, pro player-chan. Have some faith in Hikigaya, will you?”

Hachiman pressed his eyelids close, hiding part of his face while the muscles in it felt so tense that he might’ve permanently mess up his already uninviting neutral expression even more.

“Do you really think I’d be… Y’know?”

Miura at least had the decency of looking uncomfortable when she spoke next.

“…I know that a nice smile and a good face make people stupid.”

“…” Hachiman wanted to retort, really badly. He had something extremely sarcastic, very biting at the tip of his tongue. Begging to be freed.

He switched mental gears instead.

“…I don’t think she’s on Yukino’s level though.” He balled his hands, hard, while speaking. It killed him a little to admit it, but there was no going around the topic. He could only hope that they’d meet him half-way in this. That they’d get the hint and move on.

“I, err, there were also no shortage of cute girls at school either.” Zaimokuza might’ve chosen the weirdest way to move on, more so given that there were two girls and two dudes, but he didn’t shrink when the eyes were drawn to him. “Right?”

“Eh, true enough.” Ebina nodded sagely. “We were blessed with pretty cute girls in our generation, right? Hiratsuka-san?”

“Call me stupid, but I’m not answering that.” The oldest of the group rested more comfortably on her seat.

She did something else, but Hachiman didn’t catch it. As he was still holding Miura’s gaze.

One second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds, five…

Miura put an elbow on the table and rested her cheek on the same hand.

“You don’t, do you?” She scoffed in the same way she used to do in high school, when she found the shenanigans of her group actually endearing. “I see, I get that too.”

She looked away first, giving Hachiman the confidence to breathe normally again. It was kind of uncomfortable, but Hachiman powered through it. Giving his former teacher a small smile.

“Thanks.”

“I said it more for my own benefit than yours.” Her expression still contained some pain in it. And she seemed to find it hard to hold his gaze now as well.

“It’s… Fine.”

“No, it’s not.” Hiratsuka looked away. “It’ll never be fine.”

Hachiman touched his stomach.

“Guess we’ll both have to carry the weight, then.”

“Don’t make this weird, Hikigaya. I’m serious.” Hiratsuka complained, her eye twitching while she gave Hachiman a side glance.

“Eh?”

“Not thinking it, not thinking it, not thinking it…” Ebina interrupted, covering her eyes while mumbling to herself.

“You do realize that’s where the scars are, yes?” Hachiman hissed, actually pissed off again.

“Sorry. Brainrot. I’m trying to be serious.” Ebina replied but refused to uncover her face.

Hachiman didn’t want to accept her words, but he had no choice but to roll his eyes and move on. There were, after all, more pressing matters than Ebina’s creepy train of thought.

“Okay. So, we’re on the same page?”

“Unfortunately…” Hiratsuka scratched her head.

“I guess…” Miura shrugged.

“Good. I don’t think a single girl could actually come all the way here and find me, but knowing my luck…”

“I mean, if she knows your name she can do some quick research.” Hiratsuka pointed out. “I don’t think you’re the kind to broadcast where you are on social media, but aren’t they trained in how to navigate it to avoid…”

The doorbell rang, making everyone freeze.

Zaimokuza was the only one that was excited.

“No way.” Miura’s usual aloofness had been broken yet again. And instead she sounded just as startled as everyone else looked, with her expression slowly unscrewing from a frown into wide-eyed shock. “There’s no way, right? That’d be too convenient.”

Hachiman gulped, but he’d been doing awkward things since he talked about it. So he got to his feet, prompting Hiratsuka to rush to his side and grab him by the shoulder.

“Let me get this.”

“But if it has to do with…”

“It’s my house.” She reiterated.

Hachiman looked away.

“Fine.”

His former teacher fixed her clothes a bit and went to open the door, leaving everyone else frozen in silence as they heard her speak to the person on the other side.

“Ah…” Hiratsuka’s voice made Hachiman stop being so tense, at least a little. If it was someone she recognized, then it shouldn’t be…

Komachi entered with a red spot on her face.

“…?” Hachiman didn’t know how to react, so he didn’t at all. He just looked at his sister, who’d peered into the room in somber silence but didn’t actually enter it. More annoyed than scared or worried.

“Komachi-chan…?” Ebina mumbled, just as confused as Hachiman was.

“I…” She took a lungful of air, staring at Zaimokuza for a moment.

“First aid.” Hachiman snapped out of his confusion. “Sensei, I need a first aid kit. Now.”

The woman scoffed at him.

“First aid? Really?”

“You’re right. I should get her to the hospital.” Hachiman nodded at his former teacher. “The car, I need…”

“Kid, calm down. She’s fine, see?” Hiratsuka patted Komachi, getting no reaction other than a small grumble.

“I’m fine. Hiratsuka-san’s lessons were helpful.” Komachi stepped forward, making Hachiman stop in his own approach as the younger Hikigaya dragged someone along.

She was dressed in sport clothes. Dark, unassuming. Except that she, too, had some rough spots on her face. And her brown hair was messy in a way only long hair can be after being put through a lot of movement. She looked scared, kind of like a deer, but that only made Hachiman glare at her even more.

“You.” Hachiman’s voice became more of a growl compared to normal, and only Hiratsuka stepping between the two prevented him from grabbing the girl and shaking her for answers.

B-Komachi’s member number ???: Nino-chan.

“I…” The girl desperately tried to pull back, but Hiratsuka put her hand on the girl’s shoulder. Locking her in place even harder than Komachi’s grip had. “…This isn’t what it looks like.”

Chapter Text

The so-called idol couldn’t start making up excuses fast enough. But Hachiman couldn’t listen to her right off the bat. Actually, he wanted to. But he wasn’t allowed to get in the girl’s face and press her for answers. Instead, Zaimokuza and Miura pushed him further back; creating a human wall between him and the bug that had intruded and damaged Komachi’s face. Which forced Hachiman to try and go around them, and that ended with a back and forth that just pissed him off even more.

“I understand this bastard, but even you?” Hachiman hissed, glaring at the blonde that had teamed up with the idol fan among the group.

“He’s right for once. You’re insane if you think I’ll let you beat someone up just because she hurt your sister.” Miura stated while holding a ready stance, knees bent and arms stretched. Prepared to catch or wrestle Hachiman if needed be.

“Thank you for the vote of trust, but I take offense in that.” Zaimokuza fixed his glasses, deadly serious even though he didn’t look as ready to clash with Hachiman.

“You’re too obsessive.” Miura complained, tearing her eyes off Hachiman to say that. Which only prompted Zaimokuza to chuckle proudly.

“It’s called “living life to the max”, Miura-san. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the concept.”

“I don’t care about any of that, move.” Hachiman growled, jabbing a finger in the direction of the idol. “I just want to make a couple of questions, force the answers out of her a little bit.”

“Man, Hikigaya-sama’s really serious now.” Ebina stood farther away, like a neutral party just witnessing Hiratsuka put herself between the idol and Komachi. The girl with glasses just crossed her arms, resting her shoulder against one of the walls farthest from Hachiman. “You really messed up there, Nino-chan.”

“You’re one of his friends, right? Why don’t you help me too?” That’s right. Be scared, bitch. That’s what you get for hurting…

“Nah, I’m good here. Ain’t no way I’m stepping between these siblings.” Ebina uncoiled one of her arms and gave the panicking girl a thumbs up. “Good luck, tho!”

“So much for faithful fans…!” The brunette cringed, looking toward Hachiman while he remained locked behind his two traitorous friends. And recoiling when she found him glaring at her all the same.

“Why does everyone think I’m a fan? You’re confusing me with Yoshi-dono.” Ebina shrugged and looked away; so smugly that it wouldn’t have been strange if she pulled out her phone and started recording the whole thing.

“Don’t worry, Nino-chan-sama. I’ll protect you with my life.” Zaimokuza stated with so much confidence that Hachiman actually flinched, fearing for a moment that the thicker guy would actually attack him out of fanaticism.

No such thing happened, but Hachiman dialed it down a bit. Just in case.

“Don’t make this weird! Weirder.” Miura hissed, pushing her elbow onto Zaimokuza with some annoyance.

The absolute bastard did not move a millimeter.

“Is this house just filled with psychopaths?” The idol looked more scared for her life, turning to Hiratsuka for help. “Hey, you’re the one in charge. Right? Can you…?”

“Hmmm. She got you good.” Hiratsuka, however, had given the idol her back. And was checking on Komachi’s face with the same precision that someone who’d punched people in the face before would. “Any dizziness? Nausea? Ringing in the ears?”

“Nope.” Komachi didn’t put a lot of emotion in her tone. Simply blinking when Hiratsuka mentioned the dizziness. “I’m good.”

“See? She said she’s good.” The idol with the hit marks on the face motioned toward Hachiman’s sister.

“You’re so dead all the same.” He jabbed a finger in her direction.

“But why?!”

“Stop trying to argue!” Miura yelled, turning her head a bit so that the idol knew she was being talked to. “He won’t listen!”

“Right. This is the guy that was fighting with…”

“Fighting is a bit of an overstatement.” Ebina put a hand out, like she was saying the obvious. “More like, bantering, enrolling in a friendly spar of wits. Flirting, even.”

“Oh, like with Yukinoshita junior?” Miura sounded actually surprised, a bit glad too? “That’s something I haven’t seen in full force in a while.”

“Good times…” Zaimokuza nodded, giving himself a moment to think of something else than his beloved idol.

“You do realize that Saitou’s around Hiratsuka-sensei’s age, right?” Hachiman quickly intervened, feeling like his credibility had suddenly taken a sharp turn for the worse. At least, he wanted to make sure Komachi didn’t…

“Oh, jeez. Don’t remind me.” Komachi looked away, visibly growing uncomfortable with the line of conversation.

“You were flirting with an older woman?” Hiratsuka turned around. Slowly. Glaring at Hachiman like he’d just made a comment about her age.

“I was not. Not with an older woman, not with anyone.” Hachiman quickly crossed his arms above his chest. Forming a big ‘X’ to get his point across. “She started it.”

“That’s literally how you flirt.” Ebina insisted.

“No, it is not.” Hachiman growled.

“Explain Yukinoshita, then.” Miura added.

“It’s not… It’s not just her.” Hachiman swallowed painfully. Not being quite ready to have himself be questioned on this particular topic. “I’ve done it with both Haruno-san and Hiratsuka-san before. So it’s not just Yukino.”

“…” Miura gave Hachiman an unimpressed look.

“All beautiful women.” Ebina shrugged.

Hiratsuka was covering her face with a hand.

“Onii-chan…” Komachi also crossed her arms, getting Hachiman to start sweating cold. “Please stop digging your own grave.”

“You’ve got it wrong…” Hachiman tried to reach out for his sister, but the other two blocking him still did their job.

“What is wrong with all of you…?” The idol now looked weirded out instead of scared.

“Oh, don’t give me that, rainbows and sugar girl.” Miura actually turned around fully and pointed at the idol. “I bet one of you is even worse than all of us combined, so shut it.”

“I’m not the one talking about fighting to seduce someone though!”

“They’re just trying to break the tension, trash.” Hachiman interrupted. Hoping that the idea that popped up first would stick.

“Why would you call me…?”

“Now. Given that Hikigaya is not looking to attack this girl anymore…” Hiratsuka coughed on her fist, putting up some airs of control before continuing. “Why is she here?”

“Well, I…”

“I don’t believe you.” Hachiman interrupted.

“Stop that!”

“Let Nino-chan speak!” Zaimokuza echoed the girl.

“I don’t care about what she has to say.” Hachiman glared at him. “I’ll…”

“This is going nowhere. Komachi-chan, if you will?” Hiratsuka interrupted, giving the youngest of the bunch a look for her to start.

Komachi sighed and rolled her eyes.

“So, I was using the groceries money to buy the new tome of psychopathic fighting Ai-chan when…”

“Komachi-chan.” One of friends had shaken her a bit by the hem of her blouse, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “The girl in the sports sweater has been following us for a bit.”

Now, as a regular girl… What do you do? For every time her brother had told her to be careful, to watch out for creeps and weirdos, there had been a moment where she’d tell him not to overthink things. To stop making her nervous, because these things don’t happen in real life. At most, Komachi had been pursued a little too hard by a guy at school. But that hadn’t led anywhere dangerous, and she continued to live her normal life.

Until that moment.

No one likes to think that bad things will happen to them. Bad news are usually understood as one step separated from people. Things that happen to others and that surely, for certain, won’t apply to “me”. One of such fallacies are so common place that people are actually surprised when they find themselves being in the center of something bad happening, that degree of separation tricks them. Make them stop and get scared because their defense mechanism had always been thinking that “it won’t happen to me though”.

Except, Hikigaya Komachi had an experience with someone creepy fresh in her mind. Even if not directly concerning her. It still popped into her mind so suddenly and so vividly that she froze in place, and had to fight the urge to look in the direction that friend-chan told her.

How could she not panic?

At first, they tried to go easy on the girl. Going to the nearest mall, see if the guards would deter her from following them anymore. Technically, this could be a coincidence. Nothing wrong with dressing up to avoid detection and go check on those forbidden fanservice-packed stories that girls frowned upon when guys showed them during class. However, and this was a big one, Komachi had a really bad feeling about this. She didn’t recognize the girl at first, but the more she and friend-chan moved around, the more evident it became that they were the stalker’s target. And so, Komachi decided to take matters into the public restrooms. Where she waited behind the door to see if the girl would enter.

She didn’t, so Komachi waited around a bit more before opening the door and revealing the same girl trying to enter.

“Gah!”

“Kyaa?!”

The two of them had startled the other, and Komachi did the first thing that she could and shoved her aside. Breaking into a run to find a guard as fast as possible.

Now, there’s something that Hachiman didn’t know thus far. Apparently, this idiot was supposed to be wearing something on her face. Some way to mask her real identity, just so no one could tell.

Like, it made sense, but being told this and the fact that Komachi’s violent shove had her lose the cloth/hat/whatever did make what happened next be painted in a different light.

“Wait!” The creepy woman abandoned all pretense of being a decent human being, so she chased down Komachi directly. Prompting the cutest little sister in existence to panic even more, double her efforts to flee, and tripping over the floor in such a way that she slid a bit on it before the other girl could catch up.

“Get away from me!” Komachi kicked up when the girl managed to catch up, hitting her on the stomach and making her bend over because she didn’t expect to get kicked by the girl she was trying to reach toward.

She made a strange sound, and Komachi scrambled to get to her feet. Giving the creep her back for a couple of seconds, which had been Komachi’s only mistake (if she could ever make one, of course).

“You…!” The girl pulled on Komachi’s sleeve and punched her on the face. Getting the younger Hikigaya to stumble and look back. Completely startled as the idiot idol reeled back too. “Wait. I didn’t mean to…”

Komachi whacked the idiot with the soft side of her hand. Making the girl unable to resist being grabbed by the hair so that Komachi could actually hit her for real.

She managed to put up some form of defense, lifting her arms to block the punches. But Komachi simply released her head and grabbed both arms to push her back and pull her closer.

Making her hit herself didn’t do much damage, but it did mean that in her panic to stop being whacked, she lowered her guard and that let Komachi punch her again. Except that this time, it made the girl fall and bought Komachi enough time to keep running away.

“…and that’s when the guards showed up.” Komachi sighed. “They probably heard the screaming and went to see what was happening. This girl just chased me down from there.”

“If I’m caught by the police, my career is over!” The creepy idol complained, jabbing a finger at Komachi like she hadn’t done enough damage already. “Why did you have to go full gorilla on me?!”

Gorilla? Who? Komachi? Oh… Now she did it. Now her career was over for real. Hachiman would make sure to…

“Because you were stalking me?!” Komachi looked actually offended by the question.

“You didn’t have to fight though!”

“Yes, I did!”

“But why?!”

“BECAUSE I’M NOT STUPID!” The younger Hikigaya screeched so loudly that Hiratsuka actually had to push her back a bit. “For all I know you could’ve wanted my young, unblemished organs and I had no chance if you got reinforcements!”

“Actually, fighting her head on wasn’t the smartest move.” Hiratsuka interjected, using her ‘teaching tone’ while placing a reassuring hand on Komachi’s shoulder. “Remember: Only when absolutely necessary should you do it. The best defense is one you never have to use.”

“Yeah, well. I was scared.”

“Understandable.” Ebina stole the word right out of Hachiman’s mouth.

“What part of me looks threatening though…?”

“I still don’t understand why she’s here.” Hachiman crossed his arms, still having the shitty idol in sight.

“Right. So, after I noticed she’d followed me I realized that…”

“She tried to kick my ass again.” The brunette interrupted.

“That’s…!” Zaimokuza tried to say something, but Hachiman put a hand on his shoulder. Murderous intent wholly centered on him. “…probably not the whole picture. Do continue, Komachi-sama.”

“I admit I did try to knock her out a little. But then I recognized her.” Komachi looked away. Not at all looking regretful for her actions.

Good, she didn’t do anything wrong.

“So you brought her here, knowing your brother was studying.” Hiratsuka nodded to herself.

“No, she started complaining to me…”

“Because she almost killed me!”

“…and I figured she should bother someone else. Her employer, for example.” Komachi looked back at Hachiman. Expression filled with nothing but seriousness again. “She had a lot of silly questions, but the point is that I don’t actually know how to get rid of her without the police asking questions. So please get rid of her.”

“You can’t do that. The rest of the group know I came here, if you make me disappear, they…”

“Hold on. This… This took a strange turn.” Zaimokuza interrupted the idol for the first time, earning himself being released from Hachiman’s grip. “What do you mean disappear? Sorry to bother with my question, but it’s…”

“Stupid?” Hachiman offered.

“Nonsensical.” Zaimokuza looked back with seriousness.

“I don’t know…” The idol sighed, looking wholly defeated. “Everyone had their own theories, and most of them weren’t even making sense to themselves. I didn’t want to come; I just know that they were all wrong. They sort of didn’t give me a choice…”

Hachiman blinked when the others looked at each other.

“What.”

“I’ve come for the truth!”

“No… Okay.” Hachiman pressed his fingers on his forehead and eyes. “You came all the way here… Because the other idols wanted you to come?”

“I, well, I did say some things myself…”

“Like what?” Miura tilted her head.

“That doesn’t matter! What matters is that I’ll expose you! You and your creepy friend will…”

“Why does everyone assume I’m friends with Haruno-san?!” Hachiman couldn’t help interrupting, feeling exasperated more than angry now. “Like, seriously people! We don’t like each other. Where is that coming from?”

“Maybe because you’re one of the few people she actually, like, recognizes as a living being.” Miura told him with a side glance.

“Ugh…”

“Is it that bad, actually?” Ebina pursed her lips. “Like, I can’t help think y’all are exaggerating.”

“Haruno is… A special case.” Hiratsuka cringed. “Just like Hikigaya.”

“Please don’t rope me in the same category as that woman. That’s slander.”

“Kid, you’re here having this conversation because I beat you into shape.” Hiratsuka reminded him with a dangerous tone. “You were never precisely the most normal person at school.”

“Onii-chan was fine…” Komachi complained. “I believed what people said a little too much but… Onii-chan was always going to be fine.”

Hearing that gave Hachiman pause, seeing his little sister agonizing over something, even more. There were things that she wanted to say, things she saved to herself because they’d hurt him. But he wanted to think that that was part of life. She’d grow out of her bratty tendencies, some of them, and learned to meet him halfway. Like every relationship, like every pair of siblings. With their lives intertwined, not by blood, but by living through the same life along each other.

“Thanks.” Was all Hachiman could say, given that he didn’t have the time or the energy to fully understand what Komachi meant.

In place of a straight answer, she gave him a small smile.

“You didn’t become better, onii-chan. You were always great from the beginning. Just… A little immature, is all.”

Hachiman didn’t know what to say to that except…

“I disagree.”

“You’re entitled to your opinion.” Komachi looked down, a bit embarrassed.

Ebina’s sidewise smirk also embarrassed Hachiman, a lot. He stared down for a bit, letting Komachi’s words spread warmth through his chest. Making him smile a bit, lifting his face and stretching his back a bit.

Somehow… He felt a lot prouder about himself now.

“I… Kind of feel out of place now.” The idol broke the spell while trying to pull back and getting Hiratsuka to grip at her tighter.

“You are. You shouldn’t be here.” The older woman sighed, releasing her immediately and shaking her head with some tiredness. “I need a cigar. Anyone has one?”

“Smoking would kill my career.” Miura huffed.

“Not my thing.” Ebina added.

“It stinks.” Komachi frowned.

“Nah.”

“It’d ruin my art.” Zaimokuza finished.

“Well, damn. I’ll go check if I have some…” Hiratsuka turned back and left to the kitchen, where she yelled at them from. “Where’s my lighter?!”

“I don’t know, it’s your house!” Miura replied for them.

The idol turned around, looking at the small corridor that’d let her leave. Then turned to face everyone.

“We’re not stopping you, if that’s what you’re wondering about.” Miura crossed her arms. “You’ve told us enough. Piss off, you’ll be in trouble anyway.”

“No way this guy can talk to the Saitou if he wants…” The idol let out a tired sigh.

Hachiman just shrugged.

“What the hell? Who are you anyways? Do you have ties to big names? Are you the son of a gangster? Are you extorting Ai-chan for favors?” With each question, her desperation grew a little more. But she didn’t quite explode. It was weird, doubly so because Hachiman couldn’t help comparing her to the sides of Hoshino he’d seen. And it gave him an even weirder picture.

This idol didn’t flip a switch and transform, Hoshino seemingly did. What the hell is going on?

“I was just in the wrong place at the wrong moment.” Hachiman shrugged.

“Bullshit! You… You…!”

“Do I look like a cri… No, never mind that.” Hachiman scoffed, looking at the others for support. But their attention was also on him. They were letting Hachiman lead the conversation. “It doesn’t matter. If you have questions, ask Saitou-san.”

“Like hell I’ll get my answers. It’s always been like this. No matter how hard we try, to far we go. If it’s about Ai-chan we…”

“Ah, sorry to interrupt.” Ebina lifted a hand, clearly out of her silly mode. “Yoshi-dono, you might want to sit this one out. Wouldn’t want to ruin your image about your precious girls.”

Hachiman returned his attention to the other guy in the room, seeing him still giving Hachiman his back.

He was tense. Hachiman hadn’t noticed, but Zaimokuza was clearly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going. Clearly being there for a reason beyond just being supportive and a good friend.

“I…”

“Really?” Miura scoffed.

“It’s fine.” Hachiman interjected before she could make things worse. “It’s something he cherishes.”

“Right, but…”

“Your own sport has its issues relating to players, trainers… Hell, I’m pretty sure you can see the parallels in this whole thing. Favoritism is…”

“But then he should know.” Miura insisted, not letting Hachiman finish the idea.

“The illusion is part of the show.” Zaimokuza stated with some coldness. “A quintessential part of it. It’s how it’s ‘played’, Miura-san.”

The blonde looked bothered by the answer.

“Fine. Be that way.”

“I won’t leave.” Zaimokuza stated without looking at her. “No matter what, I’ll support my idols. I know what I got myself into, I know there will always be ugly things behind the scenes.”

“The cute face weaved into your favorite socks have a tangled mess when you reverse it.” Ebina shrugged.

“Please don’t compare my whole career to socks.” The idol turned toward Ebina, her glare even stronger than with Hachiman. “I’ve done everything, given it my all. Even if Ai-chan stole everything, I’m still a proud member of B-Komachi. I’m still part of…”

“I’m back.” Hiratsuka interrupted, cigar unlit in her mouth while she put herself back between the idol and Hachiman’s sister.

“Why didn’t you light it up?” Komachi asked.

“I couldn’t find the thing.” Hiratsuka shrugged. “Man, this sucks. I hope none of you stole it so I don’t smoke.”

“Eh, it doesn’t really bother me…” Ebina scratched the back of her head.

“Listen to me!” The idol insisted. “This is important!”

“No, it’s not.” Hiratsuka shook her head. “None of us, Zaimokuza here exempted, really care.”

“We just wanted to know why Komachi-chan was hit. That’s all.” Ebina nodded. “Your problems with Hikigaya are yours. You’re not the first person to try and make up stuff about him either.”

“People can’t help dunking on Hikio just because he looks a little lame.” Miura sighed.

“That’s…”

“I…” Zaimokuza sighed, clearly trying to choose the right words to not set off the girl beside him. “I think you should just talk with Hachiman. You’ll see what they mean.”

The idol frowned now.

“Look, you’re coming from a place riddled with problems.” Hiratsuka pointed out, moving behind the idol and putting both hands on her shoulders. “You’re tense, confused, and this cutie pie just kicked your ass. Why don’t we relax and figure things out? Hmm? How does that sound?”

“I…”

“Your parents must be worried.” Ebina pointed out.

“No, that can’t be. I told them I’d drop by at a friend’s house.”

Hachiman raised an eyebrow.

“And did you tell your friend?”

“Eh? Why? She said she’d have my back no matter what.”

That felt like a cold slap to the face.

“Let’s…” If sentences could subtract braincells from him, he’d have taken heavy losses after the full meaning behind the idol’s words settled in. “Let’s wait for the pizza.”

He took his phone out, quickly typing while getting Komachi to frown.

“You’re not talking to Ai-san, are you?”

"Of course you have Ai-chan's contact after all, Kyun saw what she wrote in..."

“Of course not.” Hachiman scoffed, trying to ignore the idol. “I’m telling Saitou-san directly.”

Now that? That shut her up.

Chapter Text

Eating is a rather interesting part of life. More often than not, it’s thought about as a commodity. Something to choose for the enjoyment, to go through one of the most ingrained rituals that humanity created. After all, eating together is widely acknowledged as one of the most wholesome and fulfilling moments in people’s lives. See someone eating out alone, and people will often feel sad for them. See someone buying a cake, or something clearly meant to be shared, and people will feel their spirits lifted even a bit. Thinking that the random stranger they saw on the street has people to go back to. It’s nothing strange, given that humans are social creatures, and it’s the way that society has coiled around the idea of sharing and fulfilling people’s needs that makes it so special.

Case in point, when the pizza arrived, even Saitou’s promise of arriving later seemed like a distant worry. At least while chewing and seeing people sitting around, adding stuff to their slices, and ignoring the fact that Komachi still had a red spot on her face thanks to sitting beside her brother. But Hachiman couldn’t just ignore the calming properties of filling his stomach while people chatted around him, giving him some respite as the promise of new problems hung over his head.

“I see, I see…”

“And it’s not like I don’t get it. But boys really don’t understand how much being in an idol group, not any band or team, makes public perception shift…” Even the dumb girl that attacked Komachi seemed to relax, talking non-stop when she realized that Zaimokuza would give her his undivided attention. More talking at him than to him, but the guy with glasses didn’t seem to mind. Which was kind of annoying, but Hachiman didn’t want to think too deeply about it or his anger would return in full force.

“She’s paying her share, right?” Miura couldn’t help asking, sitting on the opposite side of the table and looking at the exchange with suspicion in her eyes.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” The idol interrupted herself to glare at Miura. “Didn’t think you’d invite me anything.”

“I thought you’d want to save the spare change you still have.” The blonde returned her gaze to her food. “Y’know, in case you get booted today and stuff.”

“I have my savings, girlie. I could’ve fed all of you if I wanted.”

“Oh, so you’re not completely stupid.” Miura didn’t even give the idol the benefit of changing her expression.

“It is precisely because of my intelligence that I came here.” The idol glared even harder at the blonde.

“Yeah, we can tell.” Miura replied, unimpressed.

“You…!”

“Can we not do this while eating?” Hiratsuka had retreated and chose only to observe, staying quiet while deep in her own thoughts. Glancing at Hachiman from time to time to check on him.

“Sorry…” The brunette at least looked apologetic enough to look away before continuing to eat.

“I’m not that hungry anyway.” Miura scoffed.

“Sorry. You were saying?” Zaimokuza returned his gaze to the idol, eating more slowly than he usually would. Which was a little funny, at least. But Hachiman still tried to put it out of his mind.

“It’s fine, I’m used to it by now.” The brunette smiled bitterly. “It’s always like that, if it’s not about Ai, it’s not important. I get that.”

Hiratsuka’s eyes narrowed, and Komachi turned to look at her brother. He, in turn, gave the younger girl an equally concerned look as her own. This was one of the reasons he’d kept quiet thus far, letting Zaimokuza keep the girl entertained: The picture he was getting in his head by her, clearly distorted, view of things did help him put into context of the situation that tainted every single problem he had had since het met Hoshino at the hospital.

It was almost funny, really. He’d thought he went through his fair share of miscommunication in his teen years. But, damn. These idols sounded like they’d have their heads explode if they heard about the concept of positive criticism. Or, well, an assertive approach to their problems.

Like, okay. Hachiman isn’t the right person to talk, but damn.

Still…

“What is it?” Hachiman looked at Miura, who’d returned to ignore the girl talking and instead stared at Hachiman like she was looking through the glass in a zoo. Or perhaps a tank in an aquarium, looking with curiosity at the thing that was happening on the other side.

“You’d usually have said something by now.”

“I don’t have anything to say to her.” Hachiman resumed eating; a bit bothered by the way the blonde looked at him. “I’ll save my energy for Saitou-san.”

“Right, right.” Miura scoffed. “It’s just that it feels like you’re all bark and no bite nowadays.”

“Weren’t you one of the people trying to stop me from getting to that chick before the food came?”

“Well, yeah. But that concerns your sister. So it doesn’t count.” Miura shrugged. “Feels like ages since you said something outrageous to make someone feel bad.”

“Hello? 16 years-old Hachiman called; said you’re looking at the past so much you’ll end up inventing time travel.”

“Oh, shut up. It’s not like that at all.” The blonde shook her head and went back to eating.

“Rather, I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“I’m trying to eat.”

“No, I mean. It might get messy. Although you were here, it doesn’t really have to do with you.” Hachiman took another bite of his slice, looking at all of the girls after saying his piece.

“I honestly do wanna leave.” Ebina clicked her tongue. “It’s not like our presence would make a difference. Rather, it feels like it’d make things worse.”

“It’s not like I can leave my own house.” Hiratsuka shrugged. “But you might be onto something. This girl was already stressed out, can’t imagine how the adults behind her would be.”

“I’m… I’m an adult already.” The idol complained weakly.

“Sure thing, sweetheart. Of course you are.” Hiratsuka smiled with some fondness. “Finish eating though.”

“Maybe we can add some pressure?” Miura suggested.

“Is that a good idea? What if they put the weight of the whole company behind messing with us?” Ebina cringed.

“Would that happen? Like, actually?” Komachi scoffed at the idea. Chiming in now that matters were a little more on the line she’d wanted to discuss since the beginning.

“Eh… Yumi-chan?”

“Sports and showbiz are, like, completely different. It’s a whole new league, on top of that.”

“You’re also not fooling with president Saitou.” The idol chimed in again. “Give it up, you won’t make a strategy that trumps over their devotion to Ai-chan.”

“What strategy?” Ebina tilted her head. “We’re discussing if we should stay for the mess or not.”

“It’s not like I can’t see myself taking some advantage of the blunder.” Miura pointed out. “But a local athlete getting enrolled with national idols would be really weird. Probably bad publicity for both parties.”

“I just want you people out of my life.” Hachiman glared at her.

“And compensation for damaged goods.” Komachi added. “I lost my manga because of you, and we could stand to replace that old coffee machine…”

“Asking for some money should be possible…” Hiratsuka scratched her chin. “If nothing else, just to put things in order. Maybe they’d feel safer knowing that they can “bribe” you? I don’t know. Sorry, I can’t really help beyond being here with you.”

“That’s fine, it’s not like I know someone that might help on that front.” Hachiman shrugged.

“Well…”

“We don’t, Hiratsuka-san.” Hachiman insisted.

“Right.” Hiratsuka scoffed, looking away with some resentment on her face. Although it didn’t feel like it was aimed at Hachiman himself.

“Ok, so… Can I bail? After finishing my portion, of course.” Ebina looked at everyone on the table, waiting for their opinion. “Just so I’m not in the way of things.”

“I… Don’t really know.” Hachiman sighed. “It’s not like I’ve had to deal with these things before.”

“It is a problem they’d want to keep under wraps…” Miura crossed her arms. “And I don’t think they’re in a position to demand things from Hikio anyway…”

“Joking aside, if the worst-case scenario happens…” Hiratsuka stretched her arms, seemingly trying to act casual. “You guys being unknowns might be for the best, if only so that you can buy us time to pull the rug from under them.”

Hachiman gave the idol a side glance, noticing how she tensed up at Hiratsuka’s words.

It was a bit of a heavy weight, but he sighed it out and regarded the whole table.

“Finish eating and pack.” He didn’t leave room for complaints. This situation would just keep getting discussed over and over until the time ran out, and he really didn’t want to deal with all of them at the same time. “If nothing else, call my mom if I don’t report back or something.”

He couldn’t really tell them “go to the police, try to get to the cameras from where the idol had been following Komachi” in front of the brunette, but the people around him weren’t stupid. So much so that they were seriously considering sticking around or not to save themselves from the incoming trouble.

“Roger that.” Ebina nodded with a complicit smile, going back to digging in with renewed vigor. Miura also looked like she had some idea of what should happen, so she nodded in a more absentminded way.

“I…” Zaimokuza caught Hachiman’s attention with the deepness of his voice. “I’ll stay here a bit longer, if that’s alright.”

“Why?” He narrowed his eyes, preparing to hear something that’d make him mad.

“You’re angry.” Zaimokuza stated like that explained everything.

“Yeah, of course I am.” Hachiman didn’t understand though, which actually kind of annoyed him. “So?”

“So… I want to listen to Nino-chan.” Zaimokuza gave him a serene look. There was neither embarrassment nor excitement in his face. Only a sense of having made up his mind and going through with what he felt was right. “When you’re angry, when you’re not here… Who’ll listen to the other side of the story? If it’s not Hachiman, then who’ll give the person hurting in front of us a chance?”

“You’re confusing me for Saika.” Seriously. That absolute angel, too good for this world. Too pure. Ah… If people understood the greatness of Saika, truly, this world would be a better place.

“Right.” Zaimokuza scoffed. “So… I’ll stay back for a bit longer.”

Hiratsuka had a bit of a smile on her face.

“Sure, be my guest.”

Guess that settles it, then. Hachiman continued to eat, blocking out the noise and concentrating on his little sister.

 They didn’t appear until the sun had finished setting. Like a bad omen, the doorbell rang when both the Hikigaya siblings and the idol had grown bored of waiting around.

She’d stayed put, for the most part due to being called directly by Saitou, and for the other because… Well, she needed to rest because of all the hits she got. They’d started aching for real, so she got to the couch and napped while Hachiman tried to keep studying a little bit. At least she was able to, after ranting to Zaimokuza for a couple of hours before he departed. It did feel like the guy carried a sadness way deeper than just seeing one of his idols being mean to someone else. It wasn't just about the “spell” being broken. But something else entirely.

Things to mull over later, with him. For now, he wanted to concentrate on the matter at hand. And if the idol was sore enough to need to rest a bit, then Hachiman surely wouldn’t forget why he’d stay behind until this point.

“Thanks for receiving… Oh, jeez.” Saitou entered the room and flinched upon setting her gaze on Hachiman, almost walking back until she stumbled onto Hiratsuka from the surprise. “You look like you’re about to murder me.”

“…”

“Miyako-san…” The brunette sat up, looking as nervous as she had before they all ate together. Not even daring to look at the woman’s face for more than a couple of seconds while fiddling with her fingers. “I…”

“Shut up.” The woman hissed, letting herself in properly this time. “Not… Not now.”

Hachiman lifted his eyebrows. For one, he hadn’t seen her be this mean to anyone but him before. And, for another point, she looked about ready to cry herself.

Then, as suddenly as she’d flinched, she lowered her head. So much so that Hachiman could see her back from his sitting position. Her posture and execution were so perfect that Hachiman could’ve imagined her being a professional at apologizing. Her 90 degrees posture was so flawless that even Pythagoras himself would’ve felt moved if he was alive to see this woman lowering her head.

“I am terribly sorry for the trouble. I know just saying it won’t fix anything, but I hope my sincerity can get through you all the same.”

“Ugh…” Hachiman couldn’t help feeling awkward by the display, so he looked away to the place where Hiratsuka should’ve been standing and… His eyes narrowed again.

“Are you drinking?”

“What is she doing here?” Komachi asked before Hachiman could put into words his own thoughts.

“A-Ai-chan.”

Both Komachi’s words and the idiot idol’s fell flat when Hoshino entered the still-apologizing Saitou. Making the older woman look back a bit and lift her head again while Hiratsuka walked past the two of them and positioned herself behind the Hikigaya siblings.

Hoshino followed Hiratsuka with her eyes, a blank smile on her face all the while; contrary to Saitou’s stressed-out features.

“It smells like alcohol in here. Is someone drunk?” Hoshino put her hands on one of the chairs opposite to Hachiman, resting her gaze on him while her nose moved a bit.

“Ai.”

“Right, sorry.” Hoshino pulled back a little, taking some of her hair onto her right shoulder while she glanced at the woman she’d arrived with. Seemingly not at all affected by the tension in the room. Although aware of it. Or at least that’s what Hachiman thought when she gracefully bent down, hair out of the way, and her voice turned serene and clear when she spoke with her head low. “I’m very sorry for all of this, everyone. It’s our fault that things have escalated to this point.”

Hachiman exchanged a look with Komachi, staying silent to confirm that the idol bowing would remain in that position.

It felt… Strange. Like, it’s not that Hoshino’s approach was wrong. Far from it. That was the least Hachiman expected given that this mess had caught up to Komachi. But it still left a bitter taste in his mouth. Like he was being looked down on.

“Do you do this often?” Hachiman spoke up. “Apologize, I mean.”

“Not even with my co-stars, no.” Hoshino replied without hesitation, still bowing.

Hachiman clicked his tongue.

“You should both sit.” Hiratsuka didn’t speak coldly, but still kept a reserved tone as she took the seat on the corner of Hachiman’s side. Leaving Komachi between them.

Saitou and Hoshino did as instructed; parallel to both Hiratsuka and Komachi respectively. Although the older woman kept her eyes darting around everyone in the room; while Hoshino kept her eyes on Hiratsuka for some reason.

“Again, thanks for having us. And for waiting before doing anything.” Saitou sighed, putting her hands together on the table. Making her fingertips touch their parallel. “Sorry for not arriving sooner.”

“Tough day, huh.” Hiratsuka commented without much interest.

“You can say that again.” Saitou pressed her lips, eyeing Komachi for a moment before returning her attention to the brunette that Hiratsuka had been hosting. “So… Nino.”

“Look at what she did to me.” The idol complained. Although her voice carried a bit more desperation than annoyance. Maybe because she knew how utterly helpless her situation was.

“She should’ve sent you to the hospital…”

“Hikigaya.” Hiratsuka warned him, voice clear and firm. More a warning than an unspoken order, but still effective enough that Hachiman felt like a little kid being scolded. “Sorry, I need you to understand this isn’t normal.”

“Yes, I can tell.” Saitou gave Hachiman a bit of a worried look, but he couldn’t tell if she was thinking about him or about the whole situation. “From our conversations, he’s never been this… Aggressive.”

“I need you to understand that there’s a limit to everything, Saitou-san.” Hachiman breathed slowly, keeping his eyes solely on the woman while he figured out how not to curse while talking. “If this girl had approached me, if it had been me, everything would be fine. It’d be kind of creepy, but from what she talked about, I get where she’s coming from.”

“But?”

Instead of answering, Hachiman put a finger under Komachi’s chin and made her turn around a bit. The motion made Hoshino tear her gaze away from Hiratsuka, and looked at the siblings with mute curiosity.

“She touched my sister, Saitou-san. This is unacceptable.”

“She looks way better than Nino-chan.” Hoshino commented, giving Komachi’s face a serious look from her spot.

“I don’t…!” Hachiman stopped and took a deep breath. “I don’t care if it was only one soft tap, that’s 10 thousand too many.”

“I… I see.” Saitou-san’s face changed into a thoughtful frown. “Still, we’d love to avoid more trouble than necessary. And that now involves your sister, so it’s not so bad if you hear us out. Right?”

“It’s a matter of principle, Saitou-san. When this all started, you said it’d be good for the two of us.” Hachiman pointed at Hoshino with his chin, getting her to look at him for a moment. Before her gaze wandered off again. “What did you say back then? Help us heal? I don’t think any of this has helped me get over getting sliced on the stomach.”

“I also want to think I’d have understood if this girl approached me in peace.” Komachi added, closing her eyes while she talked. Like she didn’t want to look at the women in front of her. “That’d still have its own problems, but there’d be no desperation mixed in. I could have shrugged it off as someone being weird and just… I dunno. Send her back? Call onii-chan anyway? I can’t even picture how that’d have turned out because we’re here now.”

“Desperation, huh.” Saitou eyed the idol herself, making the girl try to make herself smaller under everyone’s scrutiny.

“Now she’s calm. But she was a mess when Komachi-chan brought her here.” Hiratsuka added, shaking her head in disappointment.

“You must be good with young people.” Hoshino commented. It sounded strange, out of turn. But Hachiman couldn’t pinpoint why.

“I see, I should also thank you for treating Nino well in that case.” Saitou looked like she’d aged a little bit just from saying that, but Hachiman kept his attention on his former teacher.

“See, that’s the thing: We just gave her food, listened, and let her rest. We didn’t do anything besides giving her some basic human decency.” Hiratsuka put her elbow on the table and held her head with the hand. “I can’t help wonder what’s happening in her environment to have something so small have this much of an impact on someone.”

“That’s…” Saitou’s eyes ran through the people on Hachiman’s side of the table, clearly holding back what she was about to say. Given that all of them probably looked one corporate-talk away from ganging on her. “A whole new mess to unpack.”

“Well, I mean. Not like I don’t believe you or anything, but that sounds far-fetched.” Komachi replied with such a perfect deadpan, that Hachiman wished they were under different circumstances even more. He felt a little proud of her, even though he still had to reign in the burning sensation in his stomach to keep the conversation civil.

“Ha-ha. I could continue to apologize, but we’d be here all day without going anywhere. I told your brother before, but my goal is first and foremost to keep our company afloat.” Saitou frowned.

“Even at the cost of your employees?” Hiratsuka sounded even more irritated by the answer.

“Of some.” Saitou didn’t seem alright acknowledging the fact, but she did all the same. “They are, in the end, investments. And we can’t coddle them all if they’re not worth the trouble.”

“What kind of black company accepts that so readily?” Hiratsuka now sounded disgusted.

“Well, it’s not like Hikigaya here wasn’t aware of this. That’s why she’s here too.” Saitou put a hand on Hoshino’s shoulders, seemingly ‘reactivating’ her into paying attention. “Because in the end…”

“It all begins and ends with her.” Hachiman’s frown deepened when Hoshino gave them a small smile.

“It has always been this way.” She shrugged like the topic didn’t concern her. “Wherever I go, whatever I do, people always find a way to warp things. It’s not something I haven’t gone through before. I’m used to it.”

That… Sounded uncomfortably familiar, but Hachiman forced himself to put the thought aside.

“That’s still a lot of coddling from your bosses.” Hiratsuka pointed out, giving Saitou a judgmental look.

“Well, I mean, I got Strawberry Pro out of debt.” Hoshino gave them a demure peace sign with her right hand. “And also shot B-Komachi from being an underground group to starting a new wave in the idol industry.”

She made a peace sign with her left hand when she said that, moving her fingers like scissors as her confidence grew by the second.

“Ah… I don’t want to sound conceited, but that’s how it is. You can ask anyone in Strawberry Pro. So, when you see it that way, is it really that strange?”

Hachiman ignored her, cutting their locked gazes to check on the other idol. Who looked like she was being beaten back with each word that came out of Hoshino’s mouth. Like reality was bearing down on her.

Was that the truth? It did make sense, especially taking into account how this Nino insisted on how much favoritism Ai-chan was given. The people that had left because of her, the environment…

He could see the ugly side of it. The envy, resentment. The personal bias that tainted the girl’s words, and that sort of completed the picture. If they were put with someone so much better than them, and people acted the part, they’d unmistakably resent their position. They’d lash out when they were overshadowed so blatantly and successfully.

Like a girl trying to prove her worth but finding herself overwhelmed, giving someone more competent all the work and feeling even more inferior because things started working out. Like jealous girls forcing someone to run for the student council to shut her down… All these things, he’d seen before. It’s not like Hachiman was a stranger to jealously. But never before had matters of money and livelihood been mixed into it. The mess was bigger and reached so far that he was now talking to a nation-level idol.

He closed his eyes, feeling the anger cool down against the wave of tiredness that threatened to put him down. Bring him to a place where he didn’t want to be.

He re-ignited the embers thinking about the injustice, the stupidity that brought forth the jealousy. The matter of having to protect his sister from selfishness.

“That’s a terrible excuse to show favoritism.” Hiratsuka spat, making Hoshino flinch whereas Saitou took the accusation in stride. “Are you stupid? These girls also have hopes and dreams. It doesn’t matter if they’re not as successful, they’re still under your care. Is it too much to ask to let them feel like they’re doing something right?”

“Dreams and reality are completely different, Hiratsuka-san.” Saitou replied, a bit defensive now. “It’s good and fine if they want to reach new heights, but we’re still a business. We cannot live just out of hopes and dreams.”

“Right. Because, if you added “second-hand idol” to the job description then they wouldn’t do their best. Right?” Hiratsuka put her hands on the table, glaring at the woman on the other side.

“You’re awfully worried about someone that attacked a member of your family.”

“She’s not our family.” Komachi replied immediately.

“Oh, really? Could’ve fooled me.” Saitou tilted her head.

“She’s our teacher.” Hachiman added.

“Was.” Hiratsuka corrected him. “I am here because this is my house, and that’s it.”

“What were you two doing here anyway?” Hoshino shot a look at Hiratsuka, scanning her face for something that Hachiman didn’t understand. “It feels a bit weird, to be honest.”

“What? You don’t think Hikigaya would need to catch up with his studies after spending so much time at the hospital?” Hiratsuka glared at the idol, not giving even a moment for Hoshino’s words to settle.

“…I didn’t say that.” Hoshino retreated, looking down while Hiratsuka crossed her arms.

“I was out and about.” Komachi reminded them. “Doing my own thing, being silly. Being the best Komachi there is.”

“I… Take offense on that.” Hoshino chuckled.

“Yeah… There’s no competition, sorry.” The younger Hikigaya shrugged.

“B-Komachi is my life. I’ve been doing this for far longer than even I expected.” Hoshino explained, playing with her hands while she talked. Like she was telling a story. “It would be no exaggeration to say that it’s my whole world. I don’t know if you understand what I mean.”

“I understand that it’s pretty sad that your job is your whole world.” Komachi replied mercilessly.

“Ah ha ha! You don’t know the full story.” Hoshino scoffed weakly.

“And we will never know, apparently.” Hiratsuka interjected. “Because you’re too much of a cash cow for your bosses to even let you interact with your co-stars.”

“But we do things together all the time?”

“Sure. Because you need to practice, rehearse, rest, and do a bunch of other stuff together.” Hiratsuka shrugged, fixing her hair while she talked like she needed to stay busy. “But how true is that outside of work hours? I don’t know you, and it’s pretty evident that you alone don’t do anything with them when the clock runs out.”

“It’s not like I don’t want to.” Hoshino insisted. “It’s just, y’know, complicated.”

“Right.” Hachiman scoffed, giving the other idol a side glance to gauge her reaction. Which felt like got him more information than trying to read Hoshino herself.

“It really is! To begin with, my own relationship with Miyako-san and Ichigo-san is more complicated than with the rest of B-Komachi.” Hoshino dragged her chair back, startling Saitou as she stood up and leaned down to hug the stressed-out woman from behind. “Back in the day, and probably even now, some of my fellow idols thought that I sleep around with Ichigo-san for my privileges. But how could I do that? After all, he adopted me when he scouted me for B-Komachi. Which means… Miyako-san is my mom, and he’s my dad. Right?”

The look of realization that hit Nino took Hachiman a bit by surprise, but knowing what he knew about business from the Yukinoshita…

“Right.” In the end, it’s not strange to see corporations follow these old-fashioned patterns. Right? Some of them are the new face of monarchy, or noble bloodlines letting people inherit the right to rule.

Saitou hesitated, but ultimately put a hand over Hoshino’s own. Visibly calming down as the idol embraced her even through the uncomfortable position that had the backrest of Saitou’s chair dig into Hoshino’s belly.

“I see. Makes sense.” Hiratsuka scoffed. “It’s a story I’ve seen enough times to get tired of it: Overprotective parents spoiling their kids rotten, not knowing that they’re hurting them in the long run.”

“Considering that Ai-chan is our strongest assets, I believe you’re simplifying it a bit too much.” Saitou complained.

“Wait, so…” Nino finally spoke up. Seemingly feeling shocked enough to forget her hangups about this whole situation. “So the reason why Ai-chan is so much more than all of us combined… The reason I lost the spot of the center…”

“Ah, don’t misunderstand. Nino-chan.” Hoshino interrupted her, releasing Saitou from her embrace. “As I said, it’s a bit more complicated than that. It’s like… Hmmm…”

She put her hand under her chin, making a point of showing how she was deep in thought. It felt planned, fabricated. But Hachiman couldn’t help trying to visualize how all of those movements connected to something else. To a bigger picture.

Like the strings of a puppet connecting to the hands of the puppeteer. Clearly packed with intention.

“I’ve seen this going around on the internet a lot, and I don’t get it. But I guess your question can amount to “Are you Ai-chan because you’re the president’s daughter, or are you the president’s daughter because you’re Ai-chan?”; right?” The reference slapped Hachiman so strongly that he almost lost the train of thought, having to blink and shake his head a little to concentrate back on Hoshino’s words. “Well, in my case, I think it’s both. I am Ai-chan because I was adopted by president Ichigo, and I was adopted by president Ichigo because I am Ai-chan. He scouted me because he saw something he didn’t see anywhere else. And he saw something in me, so he did his best to give me the ability to exploit it to its maximum potential.”

The brunette fell into a deep silence, visibly unable to process the things that were being said. But Hoshino didn’t seem to notice or care.

“In other words… No, you didn’t lose your position as center because it was meant for me. You lost it because B-Komachi itself was supposed to be built around the idea of Ai-chan.” Hoshino brought a smile to her face and pointed at it with both hands, heedless of how it drove her fellow idol further into the dirt. “The best-est, cutest, most invincible idol there is. It just so happens that I was chosen, but it also just so happens that there’s seldom people like me around. People that have that certain something that Ichigo-san was looking for.”

Ah… Is that how it is? Damn. Couldn’t it have been something else?

Why is it that things always go back to that? Why is it that Hachiman can never escape that particular illusion?

“Invincible, huh.” Komachi murmured. “Right.”

“Or maybe…” Hiratsuka cut through the conversation, bringing Hoshino’s attention back to the people she was supposed to be worried about. “You’re lacking a certain something that he wanted to avoid. Ever thought of that?”

Hachiman suppressed a smirk. Even if Hoshino tanked that accusation bravely, she still stopped smiling and dropped the unnecessary movements when she regarded Hiratsuka fully.

“That sounds wrong.” Hoshino replied. “If I lack something, then why even bother? Isn’t that backwards thinking?”

“Lacking things others have isn’t necessarily bad.” Hachiman interjected, looking away when he realized he might be thinking about himself too much. “It’s also not good. It’s just… A trait, I guess. Something that makes people fit better or worse in certain situations, in certain environments. And it shows, especially when it makes people fit too well or too badly.”

Hoshino smiled at that.

“You would know.”

Hachiman raised his hands like he was asking for a cease fire.

“I didn’t say that.” Then, his eyes became sharper. “And that’s beside the point.”

“Right.” Hoshino walked toward her chair but didn’t sit down, instead placing her hands on the backrest.

Saitou sighed once again.

“I don’t think you’ll listen to me now, right?” The woman scratched above her right eyebrow. Preparing to hear something unpleasant.

“No.”

“Even if I…?”

“No, Saitou-san.”

“You’ve never been this uncooperative.” She tried to fetch for some sympathy, any purchase she could get.

“I’ll crush you if it means keeping my sister safe.”

They glared at each other, unable to reach a compromise. Or at least, that’s what Hachiman thought.

“Then I should cut to the chase.” Saitou closed her eyes like she was in physical pain. “What do you want?”

“I’m not sure I believe you’d deliver.” Hachiman replied, voice as even as he could make it.

“It’s not like I can just sign an empty piece of paper to ensure that we come to an agreement, Hikigaya. I need something too.”

“Maybe you should’ve thought about it before hiding so much from your own employees that you’re now in this position.” Komachi shrugged. “But hey, I’m no businesswoman. What do I know?”

“I’m starting to see the similarities.” Saitou narrowed her eyes.

“Thanks.” Komachi replied simply.

“I like to think I helped make her the best there is.” Hachiman nodded.

Saitou turned to face Hiratsuka.

“Money.”

“Right.” Saitou shook her head. “That’s doable. Ai is pretty profitable.”

“I am, yeah.” Hoshino nodded with some self-satisfaction.

“What about me?” The other idol couldn’t help asking, slouching on her spot and looking more like a kicked wet dog than a person.

“You’re removing her, yes?” Hachiman glared at Saitou.

“Wait. I…”

“I need to protect B-Komachi, and Strawberry Pro, Hikigaya.” Saitou stated coldly, holding back her bite. “I can’t just proclaim we’re dropping Nino because of what happened here.”

“Nino-chan is one of our founding members. It’d be a big hit if that’s how she goes.” Hoshino frowned, but the expression felt plastic. Almost like she was imitating Hachiman’s own scowl.

“As I understand, others have come and gone. Just like that.” Komachi looked down at her phone, where some information about the idol group was displayed.

“Well, yes A-chan. But Nino-chan is different.”

“What did you call me?” Komachi’s idiot hair almost stood straight from the shock of being given a nickname by Hoshino. “Take that back!”

“Why? We’re talking about two different Komachis here, it can get confusing.” Hoshino pointed out with a raised finger. “So, given you’re the older Komachi, you’re therefore A-Komachi. Makes sense, right?”

“Komachi’s Komachi! Just call your group its whole name!”

“Stop trying to provoke my sister.” Hachiman growled as soon as he got the chance.

“I’m not, though!” Hoshino reacted like she was offended by the accusation, even though Hachiman was perfectly in the right here.

“Hey, this is my future on the line. Y’know?!” The brunette idol interrupted, slamming her hands on the table. “Miyako-san! Please, don’t tell me you’re going to sell me just like that?! I was the center before Ai-chan, I’ve done my best. I’ve given B-Komachi my all!”

“I know.” Saitou nodded slowly, not looking at her.

“Isn’t this weird?! You’re going to accommodate him just because he has ties to Ai-chan?!”

“It’s not… It’s not just that he saved her life, Nino.” Saitou sighed once more. That was becoming a nasty habit, huh. “I’m not considering it because Ai asked me or anything.”

“For the record, I’d like to take Nino-chan’s side.” Hoshino’s smile became awkward. “But, y’know, I can’t do it in good conscience when I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”

“You’re not helping either.” Saitou glared at her daughter.

“I think we were asked to make things clear, put everything on the table.” Hoshino replied.

“Look, I came here to negotiate. Ensure that I can give you as small a punishment as I can without blowback. Because, like Ai said, you’re one of the founding members of B-Komachi. The fans believe in the fixture of the original four. It’d be worse compared to any other members.” Saitou’s frown deepened, glancing at Hachiman’s side of the table and gauging their reaction. “But if I ask more of this guy… That’d probably break the contract we have with his family.”

“Remember that I almost died, Nino-chan.” Hoshino’s comment felt horrifying. Just like when she spoke of her almost-murderer like a fond person. It creeped Hachiman out so much that he got goosebumps from her voice alone.

“I… I get that…”

“You know I appeared from below the stage to reassure everyone, right? To keep the illusion going for a bit longer.” Hoshino talked like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but Hachiman had the slight suspicion that this was deliberate. Rather than made out of her mental fortitude alone.

It reminded him of the way someone else had carried herself. Elegant, strong, unreachable.

Frail beneath it all.

“I’ve given B-Komachi and Strawberry Pro my all, as my love letter to the chance of becoming something more than a pitiful orphan destined to oblivion.” Hoshino’s expression fell, all at once losing the glow that Hachiman had come to associate with the Hoshino he could see. Rather than the one he heard through the phone. “I will not let them die out, just like they didn’t let me do the same. Do you understand where I’m coming from? It might be selfish, but I can only beg for forgiveness after I’ve ensured my mission has been fulfilled.”

Then, Hoshino turned her attention to the siblings.

“According to Ichigo-san, we can put Nino-chan on the bench “temporarily”. Open up auditions, look for a better fit.”

“Wait. Wait, Ai-chan. You can’t just…” The brunette left her chair, falling to her knees and grabbing Hoshino by the lowest part of her pale sweater.

“How does that sound? I don’t know if you’d be okay with her coming back if nothing happens, but that’d still leave a mark. Right? The point is to avoid giving our lovely fans concrete answers as to what happened. That’s all we ask.” Hoshino did not pay any heed to her co-worker. She completely ignored the way she was shaken, and her voice did not waver as result. “And you? You can get anything we can give, of course. I’ll make sure of it.”

Hoshino had started acting out too much, too blatantly. It felt like Hachiman was being overwhelmed by the mixed signals she was giving. So he’d stopped thinking too deeply about it, or else he would be unable to act and react to it all.

He turned his gaze toward Saitou, who simply nodded with the heaviness of a woman out of options.

“You can visit Ichigo if you don’t believe us. I’ll schedule it.”

Hachiman blinked a couple of times and looked back at his sister.

“It’s your injury.” He said, hoping he wasn’t making it too obvious that he had no idea of what to think out of this.

Komachi looked at her brother for a few moments before returning her gaze to Saitou.

“Modeling and stuff sounds fun.” Komachi didn’t actually sound excited, but she was also far from the ruined mood she’d been so far. “For a bit.”

Saitou closed her eyes.

“That can be arranged.” Her voice had turned a bit deeper, and Hachiman noticed the tension had left her face a bit. “You too, Hikigaya. If you need any form of income…”

“I’d first believe Hiratsuka-san would be a better fit for modeling.” He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms to show that he doubted Saitou’s words.

“Hah!” Hiratsuka let out a single cackle, looking away and hiding her face with her left hand. “Stop it. You’ll make me blush.”

“It takes more than just looks to be a model. The industry is weird like that, always being super picky about what kind of body-type they want.” Saitou replied like someone who’d been disappointed by the person talking.

“Really? You don’t think Hiratsuka-san is modeling material?” Honestly? Hachiman couldn’t believe it. He’d usually not cross this limit, but it felt as outrageous as if he’d been told that he was somehow idol material. It just boggled his mind to the point that he needed to call bullshit on it.

Saitou raised an eyebrow, and simply ran her hand from her head to the part of her torso that Hachiman could see in a clear “look at me” motion.

Hachiman narrowed his eyes.

“I’m not a model.” Saitou elaborated. “I’m also not cut for it, apparently.”

Hachiman realized that he should not have opened his mouth after all.

“Ah, well. Yeah.” He looked away. “That line of business is bullshit, indeed.”

“Thanks.” Saitou couldn’t help the smile that came to her face as she fixed her hair a bit. “So… Do we have a deal?”

“I won’t oppose my sister’s wishes.” Hachiman shrugged.

“If she’s all bite and no bark, let her sink.” Komachi glared at the prostrated idol, who was having Hoshino whisper in her ear. Her eyes not really looking at anything, like she was being brainwashed in real time. “But, uh, I doubt it. So I’m fine with it.”

“Okay. Good, great even.” Saitou seemed to be able to breathe better now. “Pulling Nino out of B-Komachi for an unspecified amount of time, and a meeting with Ichigo. Done.”

“What do you mean ‘unspecified’?” Hachiman glared at her again.

“That you should discuss how permanent it should be with him.” She replied instantly. “That’s beyond my paycheck.”

Hachiman saw Hiratsuka shake her head from the corner of his eyes as Saitou stood up.

“Ai.”

The idol turned around, pulling her co-star along.

“Can you go ahead?” Hoshino smiled softly at her mom. “Take Nino-chan to Ichigo-san?”

“He’s here?” Hiratsuka interjected.

“He’s doing something equally as important, but yes.” Hoshino assured them with a big nod. “Taking care of matters, so to speak.”

Hachiman glared at her.

“Hachiman-san…” Hoshino’s eyes felt like they’d devour him whole. “Let’s talk?”

“That was…” The days were becoming chilly. Soon enough, people would need to wear thicker coats. Maybe something on the ears and hands thanks to the snow that was soon to fall. And yet, for now, Hachiman didn’t feel cold because of the weather. But because of seeing the idiot idol go through her walk of shame while following Saitou. “Kind of easy.”

His anger had subsided, leaving him hollowed out in an uncomfortable way. He’d felt like this before, but not out of anger. Instead, the overwhelming cocktail of emotions that Yukino had left behind when she dropped out of college without warning had made him unable to react to anything. Sort of having him dissociate through most of his days for a bit, before he settled into despair. And then into something far colder but equally as devastating.

“Did you think we’d come with all our might? Lawyers in tow and ready to take everything away?” Hoshino chuckled, heedless of the memories that she’d unwittingly awoken. Slowly crouching until she, too, was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. Looking at the night sky just millimeters away from Hachiman. She must’ve been cold, because even Miura and Ebina liked to give themselves a bit more space in similar situations. “For all our faults, we’re not evil.”

That sounded strangely familiar, which snapped Hachiman out of his thoughts.

“Is that so?”

“You’ll have to take my word for it.” Hoshino chuckled. “Or… You could see for yourself. I think that you’re charismatic, if nothing else. You won’t know if you don’t try, I know that was the case for me. At least.”

Hachiman scoffed, not wanting to think too deeply about anything at the moment.

“I see how it is: You lull me into a false sense of security, and when I least expect it, I’m pulling all-nighters for 1% of all revenue of my work.” Hachiman scoffed while shaking his head. “Bet your dad’s taught you how to spin around a contract like that.”

“I don’t actually consider Ichigo-san my dad, y’know.” Hoshino titled her head, somehow making her flat voice sound entirely insincere. “It’s just a straightforward way to make others understand my position.”

“Can’t believe you’re a… What’s it called? Nepo-baby?”

“What is that?” Hoshino blinked, confused.

“Never mind, I don’t know myself.”

“Then don’t bring it up.” She rolled her eyes, although it felt more for show than anything. “But really, give it a try. Ichigo-san has a good eye for people, he can probably make you fit somewhere.”

“I fit here well enough, away from the cameras and nosy people.” Hachiman scowled again. “I didn’t ask for any of this, nor do I plan on proving to my middle school classmates how right they were about how lame I am.”

“Eh?”

“Never mind, I’m talking to myself.” Hachiman sighed. “Just regular bad experiences.”

“Regular, you say?” Hoshino narrowed her eyes.

“Like you’ll find everywhere else in the world. No one lives a perfect life, no one has been happy forever since childhood.” Hachiman looked at the stars again, taking deep breaths to avoid letting those memories in as well. He had enough seeing Yukino whenever he closed his eyes. “That only happens in dreams and fantasy.”

“Eh… That’s kind of depressing.” Hoshino followed his gaze, trying to find something in the sky. “I wonder if it’s out there somewhere.”

“What?”

“Spica.” Hoshino replied. “I once made a wish, learned a bit of it. It’d be nice if I could show it to you now.”

Hachiman blinked, not knowing what to say about that for a moment.

“I didn’t know you were superstitious.”

“My life is kind of like a tale, Hachiman-san. With its ups… And downs.” Hoshino smirked partially, her lips curling up to the right for a moment. “I’m just glad that I didn’t reach the last line on the last page before I finished my business in this world.”

“You sound like an alien sent to conquer us all.” Hachiman awkwardly curled his lips up.

“Hmmm, I might be? I’ve never been normal. No matter where I go or who I meet.”

“Now you sound like an edgy teen. Are you okay?”

Hoshino chuckled and looked back to Hachiman.

“Like I told you at the hospital: I don’t think we have time for that.” She returned her gaze to the sky, her expression breaking down until the bare “Hoshino” that had little but her job peered through the light in her eyes. “Even telling you this took me a lot of courage and self-reflection. Facing things I’ve forgotten how to face, things I haven’t thought about for years.”

Her expression didn’t change, not in the slightest, but it felt as though Hoshino had become a little girl when she next spoke.

“I don’t like feeling so small.”

“Why don’t you quit?” It’s not like it takes a genius to know how badly her job affected her, that the environment fostered hurt her no matter how much she insisted her bosses/parents weren’t evil. It didn’t make sense. Although Hachiman would have to admit that he was biased in this as well.

“I haven’t found what I’m looking for, I haven’t learned what I need to learn.” Hoshino replied without thinking too much about it. “But I think I’m close, like actually. Not in the abstract way I’ve been thus far.”

“I… See.” He didn’t get it, but he at least could relate to the struggle of getting what he wanted. To be so desperate to keep it at arms’ reach for so long that he’d forgotten to actually take it when he found it in his grasp.

He hated that feeling, because he could see a little of himself in Hoshino’s eyes. He’d compared her to the Yukinoshita sisters before, to his own pain for wildly different reasons, but now? Now he could see a little of himself in those bright eyes of hers. Those eyes that oozed self-pity, those eyes that reflected nothing of the world but a Hachiman he couldn’t see in the mirror. He knew what they were saying, and seeing the message so clearly had him feel his own eyes water. He had to close them, because the truth was too raw to take all at once.

The thing he should’ve said when Yukino broke up with him, the thing he should’ve said when his silence made Yui retreat and take care of her matters by herself. What he should’ve said when everyone was forced to move on when he refused to lift a finger.

It pained him enough that he didn’t register Hoshino getting close to him, taking advantage of his closed eyes. It made him breathless enough that he didn’t notice that she had sealed his lips until he actually felt his lungs demand oxygen, and he didn’t notice the softness and warmth in his face until it was too late.

The thing he should’ve said, the thing Hoshino so desperately was trying to convey.

I don’t want to give up.

But the time had long passed, and the only thing that remained was the bitterness of two souls with nothing to show for it. Reeling back from reality staring down at them and demanding that they understood that their days were counted, that the clock hadn’t stopped just because they pitied themselves. It’s not like he knowingly or willingly returned the feelings that Hoshino pushed onto him that night. Nor is it like Hoshino wanted to make the first step. When he asked her, if he asked her, she’d tell him that she did it just because she felt like it was right for the mood. That, because she didn’t know him that well, she was unable to take the hint and did the thing she felt was right.

It wasn’t right. It was selfish, self-compassionate. But at the end of it all, actions often spoke more than words. It’s not like they’d be able to understand each other even if they said everything there was to be said, it’s not like Hachiman could’ve accepted her if he hadn’t felt the sheer desperation that years of lies prevented her from conveying.

It’s not like he didn’t regret it as soon as their lips stopped touching, or that he didn’t run away the next moment.

But, even with all those things clouding his mind, the one thing that he couldn’t lie about is that Hoshino Ai was the exact kind of woman that made Hachiman lose his mind: Shining, successful, bigger-than-life… And so very small all the same. It’s not like Hachiman didn’t kick himself for falling this low but, given the circumstances, there was no possible way that he could’ve prevented Hoshino from taking advantage of this weakness. Not after being hollowed out so thoroughly like during that night.

Chapter Text

His lips were a bit dry, but that wouldn't be a problem for Ai’s purpose. They tasted the same as the smell of alcohol she'd noticed in the living room though. Bitter, more than she'd anticipated. Off-putting, to be honest. But that wasn't a problem either. If she went past it, it'd be alright. Right? Except, he didn't let her in immediately. Why? This is not how kisses work, right? Ai had to push her tongue with a bit more force, locking her hands a bit better around the union of his shoulders and neck, until he finally took the hint.

Hmmm… Yes, this is better. Cool, not that much bitterness…

Okay, good. Should she be concerned about the hesitation though? It's not like it hadn't happened to her before, but those were completely different circumstances. “They” had been exploring things for the first time, figuring everything out. Did she overlook something here? Ah... No, that can't be it. When he reciprocated, things just connected. This... It felt familiar enough that Ai could simply go on, probe his mouth without much input. Without really thinking about it.

Ai felt something scratch her thigh. Her jeans weren’t form-fitting, so she mostly felt the fabric drag against her skin. A rather curious sensation given that she was otherwise too busy to really understand it. Although the rough way the movement happened felt like being scratched… Was he…? Were those his fingers? His nails? Ai couldn’t see what was going on, as she had closed her eyes when their lips touched, but it felt like he was moving his fingers without taking his hand off the sidewalk. Was he looking for her hand? But she had them close to his face, so he wouldn’t find them. Still, she couldn’t be sure. If only there was a way to stop having her eyes closed…

He pushed his forehead closer to hers, bumping slightly and pulling his chin back. Making the connection break as he gasped for air. Which Ai didn’t fully register until the chilly air entered her throat basically uninvited.

“Hoshi—” Ai didn’t let him finish. Why should she? The air was painfully chilly, his mouth was warm. This time, Ai felt her own lips get sucked in. A bit too much, but it wasn’t uncomfortable so she just did the same.

That’s how it’s supposed to go, right? Push and pull, give and take. Or that’s how it should be until the insistence in pulling back made Ai’s mind click and had her finally release him.

“Ah…” The streetlight illuminated a small string of saliva that was severed almost as soon as Ai opened her eyes, seeing the other side end in an expression that could only be described as overwhelmed. His eyes were focused on her, so much so that she felt like the only thing that he could actually see was her form. Or at least that what she’d think while going back to that moment. It made sense, as she felt self-conscious of her own expression. Not because she knew what her face looked like, but because she understood intuitively that she wasn’t smiling.

So she did. As naturally as flipping a switch. Showing her teeth and narrowing her eyes, although she didn’t really know why. It actually got in the way of her focusing her gaze. There was no reason for it. Just like there was no reason for the warmth she felt on her cheeks or keeping her hands on him.

There’s no reason to any of that, she can’t keep him in her hold forever. She can’t focus her sight right with that expression. She can’t stretch that moment any further. She could only fall back on old habits, try to show herself at her strongest. Like everything was according to plan, like she got away with doing what she wanted. Even though her head had as many ideas, or thoughts at all, as there are… Things… In places where… They shouldn’t be…

Right.

Hopefully he wouldn’t ask questions, because she had no answer to give. Not even premeditated ones, or given to her to keep appearances. Although his panting made her realize that he was too busy catching his breath to really say anything.

“Ehehehe…” A chance! If she seized the initiative, then certainly… “Eh?”

Whatever Ai’s consciousness could’ve come up with, it died out without fully forming as she fully registered the emotions going in front of her. His eyes were still solely on Ai’s face, but the moment they’d shared was completely annihilated in an instant. Leaving behind nothing but anger, unequivocal in the way his jaw was clenched and his features sharpened to the point that it felt like she was seeing a completely different person.

Ai flinched, but the emotion was drained completely. Like he’d missed a step and the boiling feeling had fallen through a drain, leaving behind nothing but the rapidly growing humidity in his eyes and a lot of confusion that Ai got contaminated with.

“Sorry. I…” He quickly turned around, frantically using his sleeves to clean off the evidence of his unrestrained emotions. He gave Ai his back completely, and her stomach felt a lot heavier when she could see neither his expression nor what he was doing as he slouched even more like he was halfway through curling onto himself. “It’s all too sudden, I…”

Ai blinked, searching for something to say. But she couldn’t even bring herself to say his name. She tried to recall something, anything, but her mind refused to give her a straight answer. So, instead, all she could do was reach out and place a hand on his back.

He flinched at her touch, but Ai didn’t pay any attention to it. If she couldn’t think, then she’d go with her instinct. It seldom failed her, after all. And she could deal with the fallout later, when she was saner.

“Hey.” Her voice had turned sweet without her say so, and her smile was smaller than usual. Focused, if she had to put a word to describe it. Which she used to full effect by placing a finger on his chin and pulling back so he would face her at least partially. “Was it that bad?”

“…”

“Did you hate it?” Ai insisted, turning her words into a whisper and getting her face closer. Inviting.

He opened his mouth, although Ai didn’t know if he wanted to answer or not. She leaned in closer, and only managed to narrowly see him shut his mouth again before she could touch him.

She stopped.

“You hated it.” She hadn’t meant it to be an accusation, but her tone didn’t fully obey her either. It was… Weird. Like, not in the sense that she didn’t understand why it was happening. She was winging it, after all. She couldn’t rehearse a situation that hadn’t come up before. But she wanted to think she had better control over herself all the same.

Instead of answering, he put a hand on her shoulder and slowly pushed her away. Like he was afraid she’d fall back and get hurt.

“I can’t.”

“You can, you did. It was nice.” Was it? Well, she’d do it again. Does that mean it was nice? At least it means she didn’t hate it, right? Yeah. That checks out.

More…

“Hoshino.” His tone had become threatening, or at least on edge. It felt as though even his hair wanted to stand, like his whole body language had become defensive.

It made her stop for a moment, weigh the options that she couldn’t think about. But which she couldn’t ignore because the signs were there, the warning was clear. Like a venomous snake… It made her think of a rattlesnake, evoking its warning noise. Coiled around itself. Not to hunt, but telling what it thought was danger that it itself was more dangerous.

“You hated it.” She didn’t know what to say, so she repeated herself. It made him pause, at least. But this whole situation was less than ideal.

“That’s beside the point.”

“No.”

“No?” He parroted, incredulous. “Hoshino, you—”

“Don’t bring anything up. Not tonight, not right now.” She dragged herself closer, narrowly avoiding the invasion of his personal space. But placing a hand on his cheek, locking eyes so that he wouldn’t escape.

“Don’t you have a partner already?” The fear in his eyes was evident, and although Ai’s mind was mixed with the images brought by his words, she still couldn’t put what she felt in clear words.

“Not anymore.” Now, she made a point of pouting. Hands still on him. “Do you really think I’m that sort of person? I’m hurt.”

“But…” His words were stopped by Ai’s finger going to his lips.

“Not anymore.” She repeated.

She had known he’d figure it out, given Aqua had been seen. But it annoyed her a little that the first thing his mind would go to was that she was cheating. Instead of literally anything else. She didn’t know if this came from his niceness or the light that recent events shone over his image of Ai but…

Well, she needed to fix that. Convey that her heart wasn’t anywhere else. Hmmm… Yes. Make it so he was certain, preferably through action, if he was so worried that he wasn’t the only one without a…

Ai’s gaze became sharp.

“…Do you have a partner, Hachiman-san?” His name almost felt alien to her own ears. And the question seemed to slap him out of his own hangups. He physically recoiled from it, and Ai could tell that it made him tense through her hands. Feeling how his neck tensed.

“…No.” Was all he said, his defenses dropping once more.

That’s all Ai needed to hear.

“Then it’s fine.” Ai’s brightness returned to her face. “Let’s do this.”

“We can’t.”

“We did.” She reminded him, inching closer.

“Your career…”

“No one has to know.” Ai whispered.

“It’s dangerous.”

“Doesn’t that make it exciting?”

“You’re…”

“The only thing in your mind, I hope.” Ai brushed her lips against his own. Barely holding back, her eyes barely open. “C’mon. Just once.”

He opened his mouth but Ai never figured out if he meant to protest or take the initiative. She pressed herself against him again, coiling her arms around his neck instead of just putting her hands there. Turning the distance between them non-existent.

This time, he brought his arms up, surrounding her back with them and pulling her in. Pressing her body given that there was no further room to cover, making Ai unwittingly think about the rules for giving good hugs according to what she’d heard.

Number one, put some strength in and…

She bit his lower lip playfully, and although it startled him at first; she managed to convey the idea. Take the lead for what she wanted. He mimicked her a moment later, giving Ai free pass to lick his upper lip while her fingers intertwined with his hair. The opposite, right hand, dumbly looking for the neck of his clothes and failing miserably because of the stupid hoodie that his sweater had.

Number one is… Number one…

He pulled back a bit, trying to breathe before Ai gave chase. Sealing his lips again. He sort of blew into her mouth because she hadn’t given him the time, and it tingled around the inner part of her cheeks. She chuckled, because her mind couldn’t come up with another reaction, and in turn bit his lower lip with a bit more force. Making him shiver.

More… More…!

How strange. The night was no longer chilly, and the tension from a very rough day had seemingly faded out of existence on its own. She’d talked with the Saitou couple before arriving, tracing a plan that now escaped Ai’s mind entirely. She’d pushed for them to be more reasonable; they’d insisted on being rougher in the situation. Yet… Why? What happened? She couldn’t remember. There was no before or after, no concept of time while the wet sound of their tongues reached Ai’s ears and electrified her brain. She had things to do, but no item in the list came to mind. There were places she had to go, but she didn’t even care where she was then and there. There were urgent matters to attend to, but someone else could do so. Ai was busy, after all.

Leave tomorrow to tomorrow. There’s nothing else but this. Nothing exists, nothing matters. This… Whatever this is. The feeling of connection, of understanding even through the inability to understand. Of coming to an unspoken agreement, letting the other take as much as they wanted. Looking the other way to where their hands strayed toward, embracing the intensity.

Ai did not understand many things, but the physical side? It’s something she understood a bit better.

“Ah…” But even that had to end, even Ai’s brain would eventually grow too dizzy to function even in this fractional way. And when it happened, all she could do was cup his cheeks with her hands and try to discern anything with her glazed over eyes. Try to be a functioning person again.

His tongue was out to, and for a brief moment Ai’s body dictated that they should continue. And she closed her eyes once more, but his voice made her stop and open her eyes.

“You said…” His breathing was rough like he’d ran through the entire city. And while Ai desperately scratched her tongue with her teeth, he managed to catch enough of his bearings to speak. “…You said only once.”

She did, yes. But…

“Saitou-san will probably come back at any moment.” He wheezed, forcing himself to speak clearly before Ai could take advantage of any break.

She did ask for a bit of time, but Miyako-san would probably not want to leave her alone for long… Come to think of it, they weren’t outside for more than 10 minutes. Right? It felt like an eternity. Like she’d gone through an entire lifetime and come back exactly to the point where she started.

Ai blinked and pulled back, taking the hint for once.

“She will, yes.” She had an easier time getting her breathing in check. So she did just that in spite of the discomfort in her lungs. “I, ummm, y’know.”

His only reaction was to stand up, doing so like he’d partially forgotten how to move his legs. Or maybe like an old man, struggling to hold his own weight? It was a strangely stiff kind of movement that boys sometimes did. Although Ai didn’t really understand why.

She pushed herself off the ground too, but his hand reached out before she could get to his feet. Inviting.

Ai smiled out of habit and took it to help herself.

“How gallant.”

“Yes, well…” He coughed into his fist. Looking away into the distance, gaze blank. Breathing still not under complete check. “I, uh, we should… Y’know. We should go back inside.”

Ai’s eye twitched.

“Where those women are?” It still felt strange, and annoying now that he mentioned the house again. What’s up with that adult woman? Why is it every time Ai meets a guy there’s someone like that?

Why is this teacher so big as well?

His eyes sharpened when Ai asked that.

“I… It’d be kind of uncomfortable.” She scrambled her brain for excuses, remembering when one of her fellow idols had confessed to have broken up with her boyfriend. Shame… Shame works here, right? She can put up a front like this, right? “Y’know…”

“You should’ve thought about it before…” He closed his eyes, face still red.

“I kinda liked it.” Did she? Well, she kept going for it. So maybe she didn’t hate it. And that’s a start, right? With this she at least could now say for sure that…

Hmmm…

“Let’s…” He looked even redder, refusing to meet her gaze even when the silence stretched for a far too long. “Let’s go back inside.”

“Right.” Ai spoke softly, with no gleaming or extra energy. She was too busy having her brain catch up. Try to figure out the most important thing here.

What did she do that for again? Oh, man. She’d have to do it again to figure it out, right?

Chapter Text

There are no excuses. No amount of rationalization or self-justifications could make up for what he was doing. For what he was letting Hoshino do. He should’ve known better, stopped her and told her to simply talk inside the house. To remain within the boundaries that Hiratsuka’s home afforded him.

But he didn’t, he let himself be made defenseless. He allowed Hoshino to pull him into a territory where he didn’t have any advantages. And the result was… This. Feeling just how small she was, how thin in spite of the baggy clothes she wore, how the goosebumps that ran through her body made her change her advances to the point that Hachiman’s mind could not hope to adapt. All he could do was throw the concentrated desire that the first kiss had made him accumulate, release the very thing that he wanted to hold back. That would make him do something terribly stupid.

And do something terribly stupid he did.

“Ah.” Hoshino had looked like a normal girl for a moment, right when Hachiman managed to scramble his brain to get her to stop. Seemingly losing some of her shine when his flaw-filled logic entered her brain. Yet, even now, she’d returned to being as stunning and vibrant as he’d seen her both on stage and right after she was done with all of his rationality. “Given everything that has happened so far, it’s probably better if I say it outright…”

Hoshino had more freedom of movement, of thought. Hachiman still felt in a daze. Carried only by the way he just needed to walk on a straight line to go back to Hiratsuka’s house, because otherwise he’d not be able to keep to himself. The things he felt, the things his brain made him notice… What the hell? How was he supposed to go back? Perhaps the rush still kept his mind from realizing that he wasn’t thinking straight. But in that moment, even telling Hoshino to think of her mom had been a huge effort.

“…I really don’t intend to put my career on the line. I can’t afford to do that.” Hoshino looked away sheepishly as Hachiman stopped in his tracks and stared dumbly at her. “So, I’m sorry. You’ve seen how it is when there’s eyes on me. I hope you can understand.”

His heart was still racing, his jeans still hurt a bit, and his lungs still felt like they needed oxygen directly from a breather. And yet, Hachiman’s mind started buzzing all the same as Hoshino chuckled awkwardly, scratching her cheek before reaching out to his hand.

“So, while we’re alone…”

“Ah, I’m glad.” Hachiman spoke before Hoshino could intertwine her fingers with his, giving him a chance to properly face her and pull his hand back without thinking.

“Eh?” Hoshino brightened up a bit when she saw Hachiman smiling a bit. “I knew you’d understand.”

His expression became bitter, but it really was a relief. The way these emotions conflicted left him a bit more breathless, but he understood that these things happened. That feelings that would seemingly be opposites sometimes mixed up to form something else. Complex, illogical, but human all the same.

He’d know, Yui would know.

“Yes. You just took me by surprise. I…” Hachiman looked away, trying to keep calm. Keep Hoshino from doing anything else before he could remember how to walk and talk at the same time. Go back to the safety to Hiratsuka’s home. “I’m not used to these things.”

“Oh? Is that right?” Hoshino clapped her hands together, seemingly delighted by what she was hearing. “I thought Miyako-san would’ve explained. I’m really good at what I do, so maybe I should’ve told you. Or maybe I was too aggressive back then… Even the others realized something was amiss when we met, I think. So that’s my bad.”

…

What is she talking about now?

“But don’t worry. As I said, I did do this before. I know how to handle things.” Hoshino gave him a thumbs up, positively sparkling now.

Hachiman’s expression fell even further.

“But, Hoshino.” The way she handled this helped him sober up, get his thoughts in order. Being reduced to a guy, little personality and more instinct, had been a really weird experience. But, fortunately, people like Hachiman can’t really be just "some" guy. If that was the case, his life would’ve been so much easier. Blending in with people, going unnoticed. Which would’ve been better than being the target of ridicule and contempt even from his teachers. In the end, even now, Hachiman could never stop being ‘that kid’ who just so happened to have managed to grow up. “There won’t be a next time, will it?”

Hoshino’s light-hearted vibe ceased immediately.

“…Eh?”

“You’ll keep your word, right? That that would be a one-time thing.” He lied with the ease of someone whose mind isn’t wholly present, of someone whose worries are only just catching up. Carried by the momentum that Hoshino herself forced him into. “Don’t get me wrong, I won’t judge you or anything. It’s your life, you choose how to lead it.”

 Hoshino’s expression became basically unreadable with the way she stared blankly at Hachiman, mouth agape. Still inviting, but that was only his hormones talking.

“Do you think I’m that kind of person?” Her words had little to no inflection. They weren’t cold, they just lacked a certain something that could’ve clued Hachiman about her feelings. But that alone told him enough.

“I know you’re under a lot of pressure, dealing with a lot of things.” His response was pragmatic, a bit avoidant but there was little to no chance of keeping the conversation on track otherwise. “I get it. Things are rough, we don’t bring our A-game. It’s… It’s okay.”

It wasn’t. It really wasn’t. Hachiman's brain had become a half-melted down, half-frozen mess that had a hard time making sense of his own emotions. It scared him, because he liked to believe that he could at least sit back and take apart the way his own mind worked. If given enough time, Hachiman would be able to come up with an answer. And yet, here and now, everything was falling on top of him. Making this already slow process creep into a halt.

The anger of having Komachi be involved in this, of seeing her injured, the anger at Hoshino’s fake persona, the confusion and fear from the glimpses he’d seen of her life, the sympathy of seeing someone so alone in spite of having what most people would’ve wanted… And that’s not even covering her own relationships. So she broke up with her boyfriend? Really? With the guy that’d have his little brother/cousin/whatever tag along for Hoshino’s concert? Was that why she felt lonely? Was it not working? Why was the kid in her house back then? What display was that, if not of a close and working relationship? What was she unsatisfied with in that? Was it something that she didn’t want? Maybe too fast for her?

Hoshino’s life was a trainwreck happening in real time in front of Hachiman, and he couldn’t look away. His mind refused to leave it all behind, to not attempt to do something. To try to stop the tragedy-in-the-making in front of him. Perhaps because he is stupid, or for some buried feeling of wanting to do good, do what he did in high school when he got better. Perhaps, even, he wanted to honor the memory of Yukino. Not the one that left him when he needed her the most, but the bright and cold Ice Queen he’d first met. Perhaps he wanted to cherish the idea of her at her strongest. To say that those experiences were not in vain.

But… All those things were lies, right? All of them were excuses.

No matter what he might think afterward, what strange idea he could put up at the forefront of his mind, reality was a lot simpler: There was someone clearly crying for help, someone who Hachiman thought he’d already helped. And seeing his efforts amount to nothing, seeing the life that he helped go full-speed into a crash course to be destroyed once more… That? That was pure and blistering torture.

“No, that’s not… Listen. This can work. I know what I am doing.” Hoshino stated with the certainty of someone who couldn’t see the weight of her own actions. “I… I don’t think you understood what I’m trying to convey.”

“No, Hoshino. You’re not listening to yourself.” Turning her down gently hurt. It really did. It made Hachiman think he was doing something wrong, that he was doing things in a half-assed way again. Being unwilling to let her go yet trying to stop whatever feelings she might have, whatever relationship she might want. But, after failure and failure to get through her, Hachiman quickly realized that he would never be able to leave her alone. Not because she needed him, whether that was the case or not that’s secondary. But because Hachiman would never live it down if something were to happen to this girl. “You don’t understand what you’re asking of me.”

“I’m not asking anything of you though.” She took a step back like Hachiman was trying to offend her, which made things more complicated. He really didn’t want to do that; he didn’t want to go full throttle on saying things that they’d both regret later on. He didn’t want to play the villain anymore. “Is it that hard to understand? Didn’t you feel the ‘click’ too? I think you did, but I don’t understand why you’re pretending not to now.”

“You’re talking nonsense.” Hachiman chuckled nervously, trying to choose his words carefully.

“I am not, Hachiman-san. You are being stubborn.” Hoshino jabbed a finger in his direction. “Or what? Would you just kiss anyone that came around and asked? Are you that kind of slutty man?”

Hachiman ignored the accusation so he didn’t focus on how ridiculous it sounded.

“Hoshino… How did we meet?” He switched tactics immediately. He already knew that beating around the bush wouldn’t work, even if Hoshino said she knew how to do things. He’d have to lead her to the answer. Ignoring her feelings, pushing forward. Not giving up.

“What does that have to do with anything?” She looked away, pretending to be angry. Now Hachiman’s head started working overtime.

“How did we meet, Hoshino?” He insisted, knowing that this girl didn’t want to face it. Knowing that someone like her would always knowingly and willing shy away from the truth.

That’s fine, she can try. Hachiman has played this game for quite some time after all.

“Do you think it’s because you saved me?” Hoshino smiled with some pity in her expression, bright again. Practiced. Perfected. Now it struck Hachiman just how breath-taking she could make herself seemingly at will. But they were past simple physical attraction. “That I’m just a dumb little girl swooning for her hero? Don’t look down on me like that, Hachiman-san. I know what I want. I have never had it more present in my entire life.”

What she wants, huh? Yes. When desires get in the way, there’s precious little to be done. A rude awakening isn’t always what is needed, or enough. For that matter. Sometimes desire, dreams, cloud people’s minds. And they willfully double down on their self-sabotaging behavior because they’d rather pretend that they’re “following their heart” instead of harming themselves. And that’s not even mentioning how some people wish for things that they simply can’t have.

Hard work betrays none, after all. But dreams betray many.

“Hoshino, you do realize that there’s priorities. Right? I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” What she could possibly see in someone like Hachiman. “But you are smart, smarter than I’ve given you credit for. You ought to understand what I’m trying to tell you.”

“And you need to trust me!” Hoshino approached him, taking his hands between hers. “Mistakes are to be learned from. I… I don’t know what hangups you might have, but we can work them out! You can show me, and I can learn. I am certainly a smart girl. If someone like you joins forces with someone like me… Aren’t we basically unstoppable?”

Hachiman reversed the grip, releasing one of his hands while taking Hoshino’s with the other. And drove them to his belly while he pulled his shirt. Placing her cold hands over his skin. Making Hoshino flinch.

“Can you feel them?” The scars stung against the coldness of Hoshino’s hands. Or perhaps his brain was playing tricks, making connections where there were none. All the same, it was uncomfortable. But Hachiman pressed on. “Can you tell that they are there?”

Hoshino’s face looked like she was going to melt. Like her brain had been scrambled from that. But her eyes didn’t leave Hachiman’s face, they remained trained on him.

“Can you tell, Hoshino?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Why do I have them?”

“That’s…”

“Why, Hoshino?”

“Because I made a mistake.” Hoshino pulled her hand, anxious. Not looking at Hachiman anymore. “But I know I have to be more careful now, I can become better.”

“Hoshino, you’re gambling your life on a whim.” Hachiman took her hands between his now, sounding a bit more desperate than he meant to show. “I… Whatever desires, whatever hopes and dreams you may have, they won’t mean shit if you lose the bet and wind up right back at that door. Where I cannot follow you.”

He could’ve told her that she was being ridiculous, that she simply didn’t want to face the fact that she’d died. That, one way or another, she was dragging Hachiman into a world he had no place. Into a darkness that would swallow them both in the most beautiful and horrible way possible.

He didn’t.

Although he thought all of these things were the truth, in the end, he did want to do things right. He did want to help, to lead the way like he hadn’t been able before. Like he should have, years back. So he chose his words, he paused, held Hoshino so she couldn’t run away. Stayed patient.

If the truth is not used with kindness, it is not the truth. It is only another weapon to hurt people. The genuine thing Hachiman had been looking for all this time was like this. It understood, it helped. It gave finality. It didn’t tear people apart. It did not harm. Such is the reality of being social creatures, of bonds that lasted beyond bad memories. The thing that kept humanity in the right and narrow, when it chose to give its back to evil. The effort of meeting people halfway, of selflessness.

You’re being stupid and selfish, Hoshino… It can’t be it. That cannot be Hachiman’s answer. It’d be no different than playing the villain, it might not even get the point across and just make Hoshino hate him. And, regardless of whether that did push Hoshino in the right direction or not, Hachiman would be a fool to think he’d be able to live with the fact afterward.

“You can be with me! Ichigo-san can give you a way for us to keep meeting, you can make a career close by!” Hoshino took her hands back, moving to mess with Hachiman’s hair like she was a stylist. “It can work out. It’ll be a funny story when my time at B-Komachi runs out. We can…”

“I will not be the reason why some creep with lack of female affection tries to stab you again.” Hachiman stated, shaking off Hoshino’s hands. “I can tag along for as long as you need me. I won’t shy away from the responsibility of forcing you to face your problems. But that’s it, I cannot live knowing that I am risking your life.”

Hoshino’s hands dropped to the sides, making the expression she had twist into something more natural. More human.

“You don’t understand… It’s not what you think.”

Hachiman gave her a pained smile.

“And yet it matters enough that you can’t talk about it.” Hachiman scoffed.

“I… I don’t want to lie to you.”

“And yet that’s all you’ve been doing. Even now, isn’t it?” Hachiman shook his head.

“That’s…”

“Half truths are not different from trying to trick people. You have to cut them just right. They’re effective, convenient. And, therefore, deliberate.” Hachiman’s voice became softer as he placed his hands on Hoshino’s shoulders. “I know you’re not doing this out of malice, or a desire to hurt anyone. I know that you’re just trying to survive, Hoshino. I know this very well. That’s why I won’t hate your lies, I can take comfort in knowing that letting them slide keeps you safe.”

She looked so lost now, so small. Hachiman hadn’t even realized how much taller he was compared to her, and it brought back to mind how slim she’d felt in his embrace. How fragile she’d been.

“But what about what I want?” Her voice hadn’t become small, it hadn’t become pathetic. She simply wanted an answer to a very important thing, to something that she needed more than anything. To call her those things would be a disservice to the girl struggling to go on in spite of the horrible things she’d witnessed. “Why do I have to put it away? Why should I keep waiting?”

Hachiman looked away.

“You have to live with your choices, Hoshino.” Hachiman sighed. “You’re famous, successful. You can’t just throw all of that away. How hard was it?”

“You don’t understand the industry.” She pushed him on the chest, forcing him to take a step back. “You don’t understand the things I understand. I know my way around this world, not you. I am…!”

Hachiman tilted his head when she expected him to answer.

He didn’t.

“I am Ai-chan.” She finished in a smaller voice.

“And I hope that you finish being her at your own pace.” Hachiman offered her a small smile, the best that the pit in his stomach afforded him. “Not when someone finally gets to you and puts you 3 meters under.”

“I can’t wait, though. I need it now.” Hoshino looked ready to do something reckless again. Something they’d both regret. So Hachiman caught her hands before she could use them. “I can’t keep living like I have.”

“That might be so, but that doesn’t mean you have to throw away your life for it.”

“I’d die for it, I want it. I need it.” The fire in her eyes was cute, in a way. But Hachiman was well beyond appreciating the way she kept pushing for that sort of reaction. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how long she’d done so that it came so naturally now.

“No dream is worth your life.”

“That’s because you understand what you want!” Hoshino pulled her arms away again, genuinely angry now. “You’ve seen it! You’ve touched it! What about me?! What about being only able to grasp at threads that go nowhere?! Look on from a distance?! Why can you pursue your dreams but I have to wait?!”

Hachiman’s smile grew. It was a pitiful thing to look at.

“I abandoned my dreams some time ago. I stopped looking, gave up.” He looked down, barely seeing his feet because the street light didn’t reach him that well. “It’s not the only thing I stopped doing. I… I’ve let a lot of things slip.”

“But you still have a family, you still have friends…” Hoshino didn’t look like she understood. But that was fine, Hachiman had clued into the fact that they wouldn’t be able to do that now.

“I am lucky, yes. But you have a family too, right?” Hachiman tilted his head. “Look at all the things Saitou-san has done for your sake, the risks she’s taken.”

“That’s…”

“Any other manager would’ve let you rot, squeeze you out for every cent. And then thrown you out when you turned out to be more trouble than it’s worth.” Hachiman scoffed. “Hell, your dad? He’s probably screaming at the mirror right now trying to figure out where he went wrong. How he can reach out to you.”

“He’s… He’s not my dad, not really…” Hoshino looked at the floor, confused. “We’re not a family.”

Hachiman scoffed again.

“I don’t think so, I don’t think so at all. But it’s something I shouldn’t meddle with.” Hachiman reached out, letting his hands hang in the air while the girl that shone like the sun looked at him helplessly. “I can only offer you what I can give. And it might be nothing in the end, but I’ll still do what I can.”

Hoshino looked down again, taking the first step forward.

“It solves nothing.”

“Solving problems requires time, a good head on the shoulders, and some help.” Hachiman replied.

“I’m still so lonely…”

“I am not leaving. I just can’t let you ruin your life after saving it.” He replied, seeing Hoshino take a second step forward.

She looked up, staring into his eyes with the glower turned into a bottomless void.

“But I want you to love me.”

“…” Hachiman’s expression became even more bitter. He knew he should give her feelings more weight, honor the way she let them out. Trusted him with them. He couldn’t bring himself to, because it might weaken his resolve. “I can’t love you, Hoshino. I can’t let myself be the reason you come in harm’s way.”

Her expression broke until there was no star to be found. Just a small, helpless girl that chose to cling to the wrong person.

Hachiman closed his arms around her, placing his cheek on top of her head.

“You don’t get a single thing.” Hoshino complained, voice sounding as wet as her eyes had been before she hid against Hachiman’s chest.

“We’re the same in that regard.” Someone was coming, steps getting closer in a way that made Hachiman turn around, making Hoshino face the opposite direction. Having her back to the stranger that had gone through the trouble of making their approach known.

Saitou-san had a complex expression when the street light illuminated her face.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Was all she said, eyes squarely on Hoshino’s back.

“It’s okay. She probably needs you more than ever.” Hachiman’s expression became neutral, unwittingly shielding his heart before this woman could meddle with affairs she had no business knowing. “Hoshino? Mom’s here.”

The girl with purple hair released him, slowly turning to face the brunette waiting for her.

“Ai…”

“Sorry.” Hoshino used her sleeve to dry her face, schooling her features with a dexterity that even Saitou-san found a bit unsettling. Becoming once more the Hoshino Ai that she was while under people’s gaze. “I was… Phew. That was rough, huh.”

Saitou-san’s expression became gentler.

“I can’t imagine how much.” She reached out, offering Hoshino a hand. “Let’s go home.”

“Yeah, let’s… Yes.” Hoshino’s glow hadn’t returned, but at least she was presentable enough that Hachiman began resenting the mask a bit when she turned to face him. “I… I’ll see you around, right?”

Sorry, Hoshino. He might not have said the whole truth. Hachiman would do his best, of course. But lies? They still made Hachiman unreasonable. They scared him.

“Of course. Gotta scam Saitou-san for all he’s worth.” He snapped his fingers, looking at the brunette woman with a knowing look.

“Ah haha…” Hoshino shook her head. “I… I hope it’s different this time, compared to how we’ve met…”

Hachiman nodded, noticing Saitou-san’s stare remaining on him.

“What? She’s the one that said it, not me.” He grumbled, putting up a bit of a front while swallowing the vile rising in his stomach.

“Thanks, Hikigaya.” She didn’t wait for him to reply, didn’t even seem to care for his reaction. Saitou just put a hand on Hoshino’s shoulder and led her away. Going back to wherever she’d parked the vehicle she’d arrived in.

Hachiman waited until they were out of his sight to resume walking.

The walk back to Hiratsuka’s home felt cold and pointless. Lonely.

Chapter Text

Looking at the rear mirror, Ai could see the still defeated-looking Nino’s head waving to the rhythm of the car. Seemingly too tired or out of sorts to pay attention to anything. It’s not like Ai herself was in any better shape, but the “neutral” expression she held (read: small smile, wide-open eyes) still held even as Miyako gave her a side glance from time to time whenever she could. Driving a little faster than usual but not enough that Ai felt worried about it.

It might just be because they were on the highway, in the end.

“Are you alright?” Miyako-san spoke up, and that startled Nino a bit. But she quickly went back to her unresponsive state. Maybe realizing that the older woman was not talking to her.

“Yeah.” She did feel her limbs light, and her head had some difficulty grasping at anything concrete for more than a handful of seconds. But otherwise, Ai felt normal. Dissatisfied, but normal. “Long day, huh.”

Miyako-san scoffed.

“You can say that again.” The woman kept her eyes on the road, more serious now that she’d heard Ai sound like her usual self. Settling for a silence that had Ai turn on the radio so that it’d become less awkward.

The song playing out wasn’t hers, but it sounded cheerful enough that Ai could naturally pick up the rhythm. Move her head along while it lasted. She busied herself like this, keeping herself sharp as the co-pilot. Sometimes sneaking glances at Nino and Miyako-san. Making sure everything was alright. She knew that their trusty pilot would not suddenly fall asleep and make them crash, but it helped immensely to have something to do. Even more than looking for a station playing anything from B-Komachi. She could’ve used a playlist from any of their phones, but what was the point? She knew them all by heart, it’d be more difficult to keep herself distracted.

Which she only needed for a bit as, eventually, they dropped Nino somewhere in the city. The darkness made it so Ai couldn’t identify her surroundings, but she saw Miyako follow Nino into the place she was supposed to go, and come back into the vehicle while Ai played with her phone a bit.

She didn’t start the engine, so Ai mentally switched gears to take on anything Miyako-san had to inquiry.

“Are you hungry?” Miyako-san didn’t look at Ai. She had her hands on the wheel, eyes onto the road. But she still didn’t make the vehicle move. “I bought Nino something off a burger place, but I don’t think she left anything…”

Ai considered the question for a moment.

“Not really, no. Are you?”

“I had a small burger.” The woman sighed. “But I could use a drink or two right about now.”

“Err... I don’t know how to drive.” Ai’s eyebrows got closer, showing the hesitation to become the designated driver.

Miyako-san shook her head with amusement.

“Right. Guess I can do something at home.” She started the engine now, giving the direction where she’d seen Nino last another look before actually driving off. Seemingly going back to her own thoughts while Ai turned down the volume a bit.

“You think she’ll be alright?”

“I hope so. We should probably touch base with her family sooner rather than later…” Miyako-san shook her head again. “I don’t even remember tomorrow’s schedule. Damn.”

“It’s alright, as long as she’s home that’s at least one worry out of the way.”

“We can’t just let her go around doing things unsupervised. Ideally, we’d have her guardians knowing what’s happening at least.” Miyako-san’s frown deepened. “Then again, she’s already an adult… Phew, I don’t know. I’m too tired to think about this right now.”

“That’s fine, I promised I’d protect her.” Ai offered a smile that Miyako-san didn’t turn to look at. “Even if we do the auditions and stuff, it’s still Nino-chan. I gotta be strict with whoever comes around. Right?”

“I guess…”

“Besides, what good would it be if we just abandon her like that? I’d rather keep one of our trusty girls around. Show what we’re all about.” Ai nodded to herself; voice small but clear. “Might be too much for her to lose her place too…”

“That’s… We’ll see.” Miyako-san didn’t seem to like Ai’s line of thought. “I wouldn’t want to go against my word soon after talking with that little group. It feels… Dirty.”

“Let me do my part.” Ai shrugged. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Of course, but the idea is to keep the cleanest record we can.” Miyako-san replied. “And that includes honestly deciding what is the best for both B-Komachi and Niino.”

The best for both, huh…

“Which brings us back to the most important topic.” Miyako-san gave Ai a side glance, looking a bit older than usual when their eyes met. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Ai scoffed. “Long day, huh.”

“Right.” Miyako-san’s chest rose like she was holding her breath, preventing herself from sighing. And when she spoke, her voice sounded a bit strangled. “For what it’s worth, yes. I get it. It’s been a stressful day for everyone. Even Ichigo must be tearing his hair out while juggling the twins and… Whatever he’s doing right now.”

“And Miyako-san too.” Ai tilted her head. “You’ve been doing your best all this time.”

“Yeah, I deserve a break.” Miyako chuckled to herself. “Let me finishing cleaning up this mess, and I’ll take a few days off.”

“Sounds good. We did get an invitation to a SPA growing in popularity?”

“Ah, yes. But no. Maybe going for hot springs. Why go to a SPA when we have the real deal…?”

Ai chuckled at that.

“Please don’t eat away our budget on your vacations.”

“You should probably come along.” Miyako-san looked at Ai for a moment again. “Bring the twins for a few days. No shootings, no exercise of dance practices. Just us relaxing. How does that sound?”

“We’re just bouncing back from the accident, Miyako-san.” Ai shook her head. “We can’t be lenient now.”

“See, I don’t really agree with that. We could even cover up Nino’s thing a little bit if we all take a break.” Miyako-san smiled bitterly, making Ai snap her face away from that expression without really knowing why. “Give the girls some time off. That might be good for everyone.”

Ai pursed her lips, making a point of looking like she was thinking about it.

“I don’t think that’s convenient. We’ll lose momentum.”

“We don’t need the momentum.” Miyako-san laughed. “Taking it easy might be better in the long run. You made it, your popularity won’t go anywhere if we slow down now. Tokyo Dome will still be trigger happy because of… The accident… So giving them time to calm down and let us in is necessary anyway.”

“I don’t think Ichigo-san would like that.” Ai pointed out.

“Ichigo will understand. Any industry has compromises being struck all the time.” Miyako-san shook her head. “It’s not just about the spectacle, the lighting, the choreography. There’s so much more to look out for.”

Ai shrugged.

“I leave those things to you. I only dip my hands in places I can.”

“That’s why I’m putting it on the table.”

Ai chuckled, letting her head plop as she relaxed her neck muscles. Letting Miyako-san know that she was taking the hint.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think so.” Miyako-san replied with a strict tone. Her hands gripping the wheel harder. “I don’t think so at all.”

“…”

“You were eavesdropping on us.” Ai stated. Not coldly or in an accusatory way, but it still sounded to her that it lacked the usual light that her words usually had.

“I was wondering why you weren’t at Hiratsuka’s house, that’s all.”

“Hiratsuka?”

“The siblings’ teacher.” Miyako-san didn’t bat an eye at the confusion.

“Ah, that woman.” Ai let herself frown a bit.

“Yes, her.” Miyako-san nodded. “Is something wrong? Did she say something to you? Do something?”

Ai blinked, trying to remember if she had interacted with the woman at all.

“I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure?”

“I mean, I think she offered me dinner.” Ai scratched her chin.

“That’s… Pretty nice of her, actually.”

“Right?”

“Okay.” Miyako-san let out a sigh of relief. “Good.”

“Yeah.” Ai pushed her chest forward, moving her shoulders back to stretch them in the cramped space of her seat. “Long day, huh.”

Miyako-san looked at her for a moment, worry painted all over her face.

“…” Ai saw through the corner of her eye how the woman went through several stages of grief, growing redder by the minute but being unable to close her eyes or cover her face. For fear of releasing the wheel. Ai looked down, but she couldn’t see the woman’s feet. Maybe she should learn to drive so that she can use a car to stay focused? “You know, Ai. Before I worked for Ichigo, I dealt with a lot of guys in the Minato Ward. It’s not easy to pretend someone’s charismatic, funny, or even interesting for a living. I…”

Ai’s expression broke a little when her mouth twitched. With her smile becoming more strained and her eyes narrowing down as the woman spoke.

What the hell, Miyako-san? Weren’t those the kinds of girls she’d told Ichigo-san not go be around? What did that have to do with anything?

“…And, I mean, sure. You’ll never have to go through having to coddle to high-spec men that are just looking to have some eye candy held by the waist.” Miyako-san sounded a bit aphonic. Like she couldn’t bring the words out by herself. “Hell, I don’t think you’d ever be in a situation where a guy makes you do anything that you don’t want…”

Ai licked her lips without thinking. Just a momentary display of her tongue, that gave her no lingering taste of anything at all.

“But the point is, knowing people requires a certain… Let’s call it “malice”, y’know.”

That made Ai snapped out of her thoughts.

“Malice?”

“It might be the wrong way to put it. But a lot of time you have to be on guard, look out for the jerks and criminals-in-potency.” Miyako-san released a bit of her breath, nervous. “In our line of work, people will always look to take advantage of us. It makes personal relationships so much harder.”

Ai pressed her lips tightly.

“It’s not just the industry, Miyako-san.” She looked at herself through the mirror, seeing that the glower in her eyes had fallen off. Realizing that she hadn’t been able to maintain the illusion thanks to the silly topic. “It has always been like this for me.”

Wherever she went, whatever she did, people would always find reasons to shun her. To despise her. Ai held no illusion that she could be normal, that she could blend into this world that had rejected her since the beginning. But, well, she wanted to think that someone so unlike her, so far away from the norm she’d come to know that it might as well be a different kind of extraordinary, would find a place for her. Would let her in, make her bathe in the light. Close her eyes, let her be a part of something… Something beautiful.

Was Ai really this undesirable? Was the girl beneath the mask really so little that it was pointless to pick her up? In this whole world, only one person hadn’t rejected her. Was that really it? Only one? When there were countless others? Just the one?

Ai let out her breath slowly, feeling her chest tighten up painfully. Unwittingly making her try to clasp it, grab the metaphorical tightness and try to tear herself free.

“Well… That’s because you’re one of a kind.” Miyako-san chuckled. “I’m just glad you’re not finding yourself in the jaws of some bastard.”

Ai gave Miyako-san a half-lidded stare. Her mouth partially open, her features getting worse as the woman’s words made Ai feel something akin to the tightness in her chest. But less cold. More… Red-hot.

“I think you got the wrong idea.”

“I did. At first.” The woman with light-brown hair scoffed. “There’s a lot of people that will play along, give their backs to avoid trouble. That’s… I wish I’d realized sooner that this is not the case.”

Ai closed her mouth, still not understanding Miyako-san’s words. But feeling the hotness in the pit of her stomach recede all the same.

“I… Well, full disclosure? I’m not actually sure if we can fire idols for being in a relationship.” Miyako-san chuckled. “I believe the contract says something along the lines of “highly discouraged for safety and publicity reasons”. More or less, I’m not sure. It might actually be illegal to forbid people from doing that sort of stuff. Not sure right now.”

“Right…”

“Point is. I want you to take a moment to step back, relax. It’s too soon to go around doing strange things. We’ll figure out how to keep your private life safe, safer. We know you’re discrete. Damn, you’re very good at that.” Miyako-san shook her head. “So… It’s okay if you want to play around for a bit. Not take things seriously. Let the shock and still-fresh memory settle. We’re here with you.”

Ai’s expression had become neutral. Not Ai-chan’s neutral, but truly blank instead.

“It won’t happen again.” Miyako-san hissed. Not angry at her, no longer stressed out. But with a fire in her eyes that Ai couldn’t understand. “You will be fine. This won’t repeat.”

“Miyako-san…”

The woman gave her a side glance, mixed with a bit of a strained smile.

“I’m glad you’re getting something out of this, at least.”

“What could that be?” Ai looked away, seeing her new apartment complex fast approaching in front of them.

“Haha. I don’t know. You’ve never told me.” Miyako-san parked before continuing, making sure to give her whole attention to Ai so that the point would come across. “But whatever it is, it’s certainly important enough to make sure this is it. Right?”

Ai blinked a couple of times, a bit taken aback.

“I mean, I don’t mean to pry but…”

“You already did.” Ai pursed her lips.

“…But it sounds to me like it’d be heartbreaking if this is not it.” Miyako-san fixed Ai’s hair, pulling a stray strand behind her ear. “And, like people, you really need to test out the waters first. It’s the same for all relationships. Family, friends… Lovers…”

Miyako-san didn’t look straight at Ai anymore.

“It’s all about… Teamwork. You’re sharing a portion of your life with them, after all. How compatible, how much better they make your life, how much you can let them in… No relationship is the same as the other. And we all have to figure these things out.” Miyako-san pushed the button to unfasten Ai’s seatbelt, giving the girl a sidewise smile. “And that, Ai, requires time. Time that just so happens you have to let pass anyways. Isn’t that convenient?”

…

Miyako-san left the car, prompting the idol to do the same. Following her instead of leading, in spite of heading to Ai’s own home. The Saitou couple hadn’t moved her closer to them significantly, that might present its own problems. But at least Ai knew that they’d be closer. It did help her nerves a bit, if only in case she needed to call them up for something. Especially for taking the twins to school. Hopefully Ai would be able to do that herself for middle and high school. Now… Now she needed it to happen. She needed to be able to do that, as she became aware that the possibility to the contrary existed.

Miyako-san stopped and exhaled with her face looking up. Under the street light, it didn’t appear visible. The air wasn’t chilly enough for that. But it’d be soon enough. It wasn’t a worry as they went upstairs, but it’d be.

“We’re back~.” Ai said in a small voice as they entered the apartment. Clad in darkness except for the light of a laptop atop the coffee table of Ai’s living room, in front of which Ichigo-san sat on the floor and only stopped typing when they turned the lights on.

“Ow… Welcome back.” The man lazily got to his feet, rubbing his eyes while Miyako-san threw her purse at the couch. Letting Ai look around to see if something had changed since they left in a hurry. “The kids are in bed already. They might be a bit rowdy tomorrow, but everything’s fine.”

“Thanks for the hard work~.” Ai mumbled while Miyako-san went to the kitchen. “Nothing has come up online?”

“I don’t know.” Ichigo-san sounded defeated. “I stopped looking like half an hour after you left.”

“What?” Ai tilted her head. “What were you doing then?”

“I’m working in the schedule.” Ichigo-san gave her a look like he couldn’t believe she was asking. “Gotta make it all seem natural, like everyone’s taking it easy. Then we slip Nino out… Y’know. And so we have a few days free.”

“That’s…” Ai’s gaze went to Miyako-san, or at least the place she’d been. Because she didn’t actually see the woman. “Isn’t that counterintuitive?”

“Wow, big words. You’ve gotten better with them.”

“I don’t want to hear that from the man that uses sunglasses indoors to look cool.” Ai shot the man with a raised eyebrow. Still feeling weird inside, chest a bit tight, but with enough energy to not let Ichigo-san’s nonsense slide.

“Again, it’s all part of the plan. We can’t do things half-heartedly. It’s the same as any public appearance or concert: All the planning and backstage work is what makes it successful.”

“…”

“Besides, wouldn’t it be great if we had a bit of free time? I’d have thanked Nino if we weren’t bordering on a lawsuit thanks to her.” His frown deepened, letting the tension show on his face for a fraction of a moment before his jovial tone returned. “Of course, you should still stream a bit. But we can relax, the accident is still fresh, we’re returning. It’s bound to be imperfect. Maybe B-Komachi struggling to get back to their feet might attract attention? It’s fabricated, so there’s less trouble compared to if we were going down for real.”

Ai didn’t believe it, but Ichigo-san put a hand on her shoulder.

“If you’re with us, we don’t have anything to worry about. Plus, it’s starting to get cold. We need to pivot for the season.” Ichigo-san nodded to himself, making Ai cringe a bit as she remembered the last Christmas suit she’d been forced to use. The fabric had bothered her to no end, and her back felt itchy for days on end due to the weird way the hair-like ends of the neck and wrists caressed her skin.

“Gotta prepare for that…” She nodded to herself, glad to have something else bothering her.

“Come to think of it. Tomorrow we’re dropping the twins off, and we’re grabbing a bite.” Ichigo-san turned around, closing the laptop to put it away and get ready to leave. “Think where you want to have breakfast. Okay?”

“Okay?” Ai looked at him with skepticism. The things that Miyako-san told her coming back to her mind quickly enough.

“We’ll discuss what happened today then. Right now, I’m tired and I need a shower.”

“Ah, I’m glad you noticed.” He didn’t have to mention it, Ai could tell since she entered the living room.

“Tsk. This girl, really…” Ichigo-san shook his head, seeing his wife emerge from the kitchen sipping from a glass of water.

Ai couldn’t tear her eyes away from Miyako-san’s lips, making her lick her own. Trying to find a taste that wasn’t there.

“We could go check more warm clothes for the twins too.” Ichigo-san slung his bag pack on his right shoulder, sounding ready to leave the apartment. “It’s not cold enough yet, but it’ll start snowing soon enough. Can’t have it catching them unprepared. They’re growing fast.”

Sounded like a day to spend just walking around, eating out. Visiting stores with the kids when they finished the school day…

Ai smiled a bit.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Ichigo-san nodded, looking at Miyako-san when she left the glass on the coffee table. Ai was so not cleaning that off tonight.

“Then, rest well.” Ichigo-san put a hand on her shoulder again. “Please be awake when we arrive.”

Ai chuckled at that.

“No promises.”

The man scanned her face, taking his time to really look at the way Ai couldn’t quite keep her smile up. In spite of doing her best to lift up the barrier, keep the shield covering her cowering form.

His left arm extended around her small shoulders, pulling her in and forcibly subjecting her to his body odor in a one-handed hug. It took her a bit by surprise, making her freeze. But, because she had no eyes on her, she let the shield down. Surrounding his lower back with her own arms.

She was shaking.

“Good grief, what am I going to do with you…?” Ichigo-san whispered, covering Ai’s back with his other hand. “And to think I was gonna invite you to your first beer the night after the concert…”

“Beer sucks.” Ai whimpered. “It’s so nasty…”

“Hey, how would you know?”

“I had a taste before.”

“Sounds like you were around people with shit taste.” Ichigo-san chuckled. “I’ll show you what good quality is. Let’s just find a peaceful evening, okay?”

“But it sucks…”

“Hey, a second opinion doesn’t hurt.” Ichigo-san pulled back. Making Ai shy away and look down so her hair could help her cover her face before she was ready to be seen. Ichigo-san pulled her chin up, revealing the starless eyes that she’d been trying to hide. He didn’t seem to mind when he gave her a knowing smile. “Besides, when has listening to me ever been a bad decision?”

Ai took a moment to think about it.

“…You can say 'never' now.” Ichigo-san frowned after a few seconds passed in silence.

“Eh…”

Ichigo-san clicked his tongue.

“Fine, be that way.” He released her, patting her back before Ai noticed that they were heading out. “Put on the lock, okay? We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ai didn’t know what expression she had when Miyako-san gave her a demure wave.

“Rest well, Ai.”

“Yeah…” Ai sighed. “It’s been a long day.”

Too many things happened, too many things to process. So, even when she went to bed, she couldn’t close her eyes. Her mind was a mess, she didn’t what to think or do. She couldn’t even adapt to it, because she couldn’t pinpoint at a single thing she needed to put her all into.

Ichigo-san was right. She needed prep time, things wouldn’t be perfect otherwise. And all that work and effort always paid off. Even if it looked like it was hard and it’d lead nowhere.

She put her fingers on her lips before she bit into the lower one. Trying to replicate the sensation that turned her brain to mush. That threw all her worries out of the window.

That connection, that click, it was real. It had to be, because people don’t just let others invade their mouths like Ai did… Right? Yeah, that makes sense. All the lessons about acting demure, about being cute… It had to come from somewhere.

Ai’s eyes sharpened. She didn’t get it. It felt like it was the same as always: Like someone she wanted to get close to pushed her away. Like she was undesirable.

But… That’s not the whole picture, is it? Their fates are still tied. She will still see him.

She brought up her phone, looking at the message she’d been neglecting thus far.

[Please tell me when you get home. I’ll wait.]

If she could look at herself, Ai would’ve noticed how bitter her smile was.

[home]

She put the device away, staring at the ceiling without being able to think about anything.

She licked her lips once more.

Right. When had listening to Ichigo-san been a bad idea? Backstage planning, hard work… right.

Ai had wanted to learn. It hadn’t mattered how at first, but now it was a bit more complicated. Different. Her heart was a mess, she had no idea what went wrong, and she felt like her face would shatter into a thousand million pieces… But hadn’t that been the case at the beginning? Dancing, singing… If her teacher is good, if there’s patience, then Ai should… Maybe she could do this.

“Can’t throw in the towel on the first failure…” Ai turned in bed, licking her lips again. At least it didn’t taste of alcohol anymore.

Ai could do it. Ichigo-san might’ve given her the chance, but she was the one that led everyone to success. It was by her own hand that things worked. Her efforts, her time, her talent. Even if she met things that she didn’t understand, especially when it came to these sorts of matters, she’d simply do her best and succeed. Easy enough.

“Hehehe… Cute little sweaters.” Ai’s smile came up more readily. Small, still broken, but present. The warmth that thinking of her children gave her was real. Available. And she’d need it to weather the incoming storm.

It’d start snowing soon enough, after all. They all needed cute new outfits for it, after all. Be found ready and presentable.

Someone started whimpering. How strange, there was no one but Ai in that room. What could that be…?

Chapter Text

He started seeing her everywhere. In the ads that he couldn’t block while browsing the internet, in commercials and the magazines some girls read on the way to college, and even in the radio when he went through “young people” zones that aimed to create a relaxed atmosphere so that people would buy more things.

It's not like he hadn’t dealt with having a girl stuck in his mind before. Hachiman would be a liar if he said that he’d never gone through that sort of pain, of being unable to move on from the icy-cold stare engraved on the back of his mind. On the delicate and vibrant long black hair, on the memories…

This was something different. Insidious, yes, but particularly maddening in how oppressive it felt. Given that the algorithm started thinking he wanted more B-Komachi content. And all of their music, memes, pictures, and videos were for and by the one and only Ai-chan. Excepting the personal streams of each member, and some random compilations made by hardcore fans that wanted to go against the flow.

And… Honestly? Hachiman silently rooted for them. He went as far as leaving a comment or a like in those whenever he didn’t feel defeated by finding yet another B-Komachi post. Because those guys were the real ones. They were the real heroes for planting their feet on the ground and showing the rest of the world how much their favorite is worth…

Anyways. Back to his girl-obsessed phase.

It’s not like Hachiman was entirely blameless either. He’d searched her a couple of times in the incoming days, scrambling to get any piece of information he could. Any random fragment of the larger puzzle that he’d found himself surrounded by. All sides tainted bright pink, yellow, and purple. All sides surrounded by eyes of stars that promised nothing but his own damnation. And that didn’t help his perception of the world outside the internet, because he couldn’t help being hyperaware of it. Of noticing the star-struck eyes in a t-shirt or bag pack, of recognizing her voice in a song in the distance.

He could smell her in his clothes. Komachi had mentioned it while Hiratsuka drove them home and the idea had stuck to him. At this point, it was an impossibility. Just a trick of his mind. But it still felt true. It still felt like he could wrap his arms in front of him and he’d be tracing the space she’d filled when she embraced him, feel her fingers behind his head playing with his hair. She’d been so small; he’d have thought that she’d feel fragile between his arms. Yet the intensity of her actions spoke volumes of the contrary. She’d been full of something that Hachiman had a hard time describing, a spark, a flame. So vivid, so full of life. It’d been magnetic. Maybe even a bit intoxicating and—

…

Ummm… He even considered hiding the little souvenir thing he bought at the concert entirely, have it out of sight so his eyes didn’t wander to the signature. To the little message that he’d ignored thus far, fueled by negative emotions. Now, it felt just as damning. But in a completely different way.

At least she had the decency to tell him she wouldn’t send any texts for a couple of days. Saitou was the one to do it, though. A long-winded apology that felt a bit too corporative for Hachiman’s taste. So he didn’t bother reading past the first sentence. He wasn’t in the mood for it, and he simply re-sent the link to Strawberry Pro’s page to the others to check out what the company was about.

He did owe Saika something for not being put up to speed immediately, so that’d have to do for now. If the cinnamon roll wanted to act or show up somewhere in the big or small screen, Hachiman would be more than glad to help him out by showing him the way.

The strategy was simple: Show up with the “gang”, have the Saitou cope and seethe about it. Because there’s no damn way that Hachiman could let them both mess with his sister, and allow their star child mess up his mind… Like she did… Confuse him so much that it felt like he was starting to grow obsessed.

He understood it intellectually, but the fact didn’t really help his nerves. He knew that they’d crossed a threshold that Hachiman hadn’t even noticed, that something had fundamentally changed to the point that he couldn’t afford not to think about it. About her. Whenever a video or an interview shone a small piece of context in his direction, the resulting piece of the puzzle made him even more anxious.

A life filled with tale-like ups and downs, huh. If Hachiman didn’t know any better, he’d have called her out on yet another half-truth she’d said. Where are the ups in all of this? Who lies about that? Why would someone do that?

The answers came readily, whispered by a young Hachiman that he’d thought had gained peace a long time ago. That should’ve been satisfied a long time ago.

There are no ups, only downs. I do. I don’t want to be pitied.

Damn it, damn it, damn it…! It’d be one thing to have someone try to seduce him, to mistakenly find him attractive, or have some other reason for it. That’d be stressful, yes. But at least Hachiman would be able to keep his head cool. Take enough hints to realize that he’s being played. Hoshino though? Hoshino…

Damn it, Hoshino!

“Uwahh… Hikigaya has that expression again…” Ebina’s voice reminded him of where he was, of what he’d been doing. It made Hachiman put down his phone and caress his eyes with his right hand, using the left one to hold his weight against the table that the two and Miura were sitting at. “Are you sure you don’t need glasses? You look like you’re in pain.”

“Reading all the time on that screen can mess with your eyesight.” Miura agreed, although she didn’t lift her gaze from the notes she was taking. Her voice was smaller than usual too, and that made Hachiman remember that they weren’t in a place where they could raise their voice. Ebina had almost had them kicked out of this very library at least a couple of times. Now they took the rule of being quiet more seriously. “C’mon, Hikio. You should be studying.”

“I’m taking a break.” Hachiman grumbled while sweeping the app he was using into being closed. “I can’t concentrate for that long.”

“News to me.” Miura replied without much interest before lifting her eyes like she’d remembered something. “…It’s not like you don’t have other problems to keep you busy either.”

Hachiman nodded, letting the first comment slide when the blonde realized she was just being an ass. It wouldn’t be the first time, of course. But at least she didn’t need to be reminded that he’d gone through actual harm to get where he was. That was nice of her, totally worth a peace prize or whatever it’s called.

Hmmm… That didn’t sound as smart a retort as he’d have liked. He was really running on an empty tank, huh.

Hachiman sighed, intertwining his fingers together as he rested his elbows on the table. Looking more toward the ceiling than anywhere particular in the library. He’d rather keep his mind empty, not do anything else. But the thoughts that harassed him felt no need to rest, gave him no respite as the artificial lights made him close his eyes. Blink Hoshino’s image into his mind in that moment where his eyelids shielded him from the world outside.

This is not normal. He’d have crushes before; they didn’t feel like this. He’d hated people before; they didn’t fill him with this much anguish. He barely knew this girl, had seen more of the product than the person behind it. And yet… There was something in there that prevented Hachiman from looking away. Pulled him in.

Was this how her fans felt? Blinded by the beauty of a lie well-crafted, knowingly and willingly looking away from the hidden hand that did the actual magic behind every trick, behind every illusion. Magicians did this all the time, making a show of doing something while the actual work happened behind the scenes, right under people’s noses. Simple practiced movements and steps crafted into something that appeared unbelievable, but which only clockwork precision and understanding made them work.

She wasn’t a person as much as she was a series of steps, a series of motions and habits that made to look like someone alive. A puppet with its strings coiled around, pulled from the inside. And yet, she moved with the same willpower as anyone else. She walked as though she didn’t have a heavy armor perpetually constricting her every movement. Like she wasn’t trapped in a penance armor of her own making.

What even is this girl?

“Hikio, I’ll punch you. Come back to us.”

“I’m here.” Hachiman replied immediately, feeling a cold shiver in spite of having a table separating him from the blonde gorilla. “I’m just… Tired, that’s all.”

“You’ve been tired for quite a while.” Miura shook her head. “If you’re so stressed out about the whole meeting thing, then maybe you should cancel it.”

“Eh?” Hachiman’s eyes opened a bit more, hearing about this for the first time since he sent them the link to the company’s site.

“We were talking with Yumi-chan about it, and I think it’d be for the best.” Ebina elaborated, making circles in her own notebook where she’d done nothing but doodle while Miura and Hachiman were doing something more important. “At least in my case, I don’t really feel like being interviewed or meet up with those guys.”

“I thought you and Zaimokuza were excited?” The guy had, for the most part, seen it as a chance to meet with the people behind his idols. Maybe do something related to his true passion, however uninspired some of his narratives could be. And had been the first person to back up Hachiman’s idea. Ebina had hyped it up too, so Hachiman assumed she wanted to do something similar. Although, in retrospect, maybe she was simply excited for Zaimokuza and not about the idea itself.

“Well, I mean. Yoshi-dono has a goal and nothing to lose but some time.” Ebina shrugged, staring at her notebook with some dissatisfaction. “I help draw, we watch anime and brainstorm ideas that don’t always wind up on paper… But that’s about it. I don’t actually see myself going to work seriously on any of this. It’s a hobby, wouldn’t monetizing it make it lose its charm?”

“I don’t get it.” Miura interjected. “It’s like… If you enjoy it, why not get some money out of it? But I wouldn’t like depending on someone that has a record of having us as collateral damage.”

“That too.” Ebina nodded. “It’s like… Do we really want to play with these powers? Isn’t it fine to pull back?”

Hachiman opened his hands, releasing his fingers, and held his jaw line with them. Paying as much attention as he could. The feeling of Hoshino’s shoulders tricked him for a moment, pushing him into that night. Breaking his line of thought for a moment.

Pull back, huh. If it were that easy…

“I don’t think it’s an option for me.” Hachiman mumbled.

“You’re always so serious! Well, it might be the case. But I still feel like there are other options.” Ebina tilted her head with a small smile. “Y’know. I don’t actually gain much even if things work out.”

“I… Think Zaimokuza’s plan to pivot into the manga industry has a lot of holes.” He’d followed Hachiman into college, aiming for a more or less stable-sounding career to sustain himself while he tried his best to draw or write. And now that the opportunity came up, he’d been the most excited for it. As Hachiman understood, even if he winded up doing voice acting, he still had no idea how Zaimokuza would fall into being a mangaka. “Still, it’s worth a try. Do you really not feel the same way?”

Ebina gave him a confused smile, narrowing her eyes like she was wondering what Hachiman was talking about.

“What about you? Do you see yourself doing something in entertainment? Acting? Voice acting? Modeling?”

Hachiman scoffed.

“Of course not.”

“Then why is so surprising that I feel the same way?” Ebina took off her glasses and held them against the lamp above them. Seeing if it was dirty enough to bother cleaning them. “Yumi-chan, Saki-Saki, or even Saika-kun, or others are better suited to appear on a magazine or commercial. And they’d benefit from it too, because their goals align with the exposure or simply because it’s money… I don’t know how much, but money is good.”

She put on the glasses again, and resumed making circles on her notebook.

“Thing is, I don’t need money. And even if I did, I don’t want to do something as demanding as any of the things those guys offer. I want something quiet, easy. Enough to mess around for a bit longer.”

“Low expectations, small goals.” Hachiman murmured.

“Are you disappointed?” Ebina gave him a knowing smile now.

Hachiman scoffed again.

“Not at all.” Having lofty goals and bigger-than-life plans was good and all, but even Hachiman had long ago realized that those things were simple dreams that people had to comfort themselves. Thinking that, given the opportunity, they alone could rise to the top and change the world. Even though life had never shown anyone to be so kind. Success was tied to the throw of the dice, to the whims of chance and conditions that no one controlled but those that already had power, fortune, and fame.

People that yearned for success seldom found it, people that wanted to be seen seldom reached the light, and people that wanted to be loved for real seldom found the right people. Hachiman knew how unfair life could be. Stepping out of his shoes for a bit, in what fair world was someone like Hiratsuka Shizuka not married and with kids? In what kind world was not someone like Totsuka Saika given the spotlight in every magazine and publicity board there is? Are these not proof enough that the world does not care about true beauty? True kindness and purity? It’s not that Hachiman was being a pessimist anymore. But he had concrete and verifiable proof that the world simply did not care. No one could look him in the eye anymore and say that he was wrong, unless they didn’t know who Saika was or had been threatened and/or actually harmed by Hiratsuka…

…

Well, so what? People are entitled to their opinion. For those who are proven right, there will always be those who were wrong at the end of it all.

That's just how the world works.

“You said your sister wanted to try it out?” Miura interjected when the other two fell silent.

“Mhm.”

“Sounds fun.” Miura looked away, calculating. “Opportunities like this one don’t come around often.”

Hachiman pursed his lips seeing Miura puff her chest with pride.

“Bragging rights sound so nice…”

“I see. So we’re on the same bench, if on different ends of it.” He didn’t know if he should be disappointed, or even surprised, that Miura saw this whole thing as a way to boost her ego. Not a life-changing decision or something that’d become the main goal in her life.

Still, it sure took guts. And self-esteem, a lot of it, if she thought that she just needed an opportunity to become a celebrity. For however long she planned to do it.

It’d be one thing if she was as cute as Komachi, but… Well, she wasn’t plain at all. She had a good figure, a lot of personality, and no shortage of people crushing on her. So it's not like he couldn’t see it working out in the end.

Still, her boldness was commendable enough that Hachiman couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Earth calling to Miura. It’s not guaranteed to work, y’know.”

“Ah~, Yumi-chan is already on a red carpet in her mind~” Ebina grinned, making the blonde glare at her with blood flowing to her face. She did look cute while embarrassed, so maybe Hachiman shouldn’t be that surprised. “Kyaaa~ You’re so cool, Yumi-chan~!”

“Quit it.” Miura closed her eyes and smacked Ebina on the head, softly as to not knock her out right there. But her embarrassment was quickly turning into annoyance, so Ebina complied before she could be hit for real. “I wouldn’t mind being famous, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Ah, well, if you do get some spare change, you can always treat me to something nice!”

“I knew it. You just want to mooch off our success.” Miura clicked her tongue. “Get your own money to fuel your addictions.”

“No way~ that’s so much work…” Ebina let herself slide off her seat a bit, her head reaching the backrest of the chair before she stopped. “Hikigaya~ tell her to share her success. Or share a bit of your own when the time is right. I know you’ll just look for a position to stay close to Komachi-chan anyway. You don’t need the money either.”

Hachiman couldn’t help mimicking Miura in her disappointment.

“No way. That’d be the fruit of my own labor.” After all, keeping unwanted attention out of his sister’s way was already a commitment of time and effort. And he’d finally get paid to do it, so what gives? That’s honest and well-earned money!

“Nah, imagine if she became an idol. She can probably get away with supporting you. So please~”

“She’s not becoming an idol.” Hachiman growled. “Having boys away from her sounds good, but you’d be insane if you think I’ll let those assholes submit Komachi to whatever they do to their victims.”

“Uwaaa… He’s on full siscon mode…” Ebina looked a bit grossed out, like they didn’t routinely have her display her own gross behavior in public. “But I guess it makes sense. Boys would be off-limits. But what about girls? She’d be around them aplenty.”

Hachiman stared at her for a moment, seeing the mischief in her face. Knowing that she was messing with him.

Then, just as suddenly, he remembered how close Komachi’s friends were. Hugs, pet names, one-on-one hangouts…

“…Pests. All of them…”

“Great. You just made it worse.” Miura furrowed her brows when she saw Hachiman’s expression turn into one of anger.

“Girls’ love might not be as rotten as boys’ love, but it has its own appeal…”

“You’re not helping!” Miura insisted. “And you, stop. Please don’t make this any weirder. Like, literally don’t say a single thing about this anymore.”

Hachiman clicked his tongue, looking away while crossing his arms.

“You two are so annoying…”

“Yumi-chan just doesn’t understand Hikigaya’s position. Always surrounded by pretty girls, always having to defend his body.” Ebina straightened her back, sitting properly before hugging herself and moving her shoulders like she wanted to mimic a worm moving. “Ah… He has to save himself up for the right prince to turn into a brute when…!”

“I can’t do this.” Hachiman closed the book he had in front of him, groaning with the pain of someone being embarrassed in public and feeling eyes on his back. Silently judging him from afar. “Couldn’t you just hit her harder?”

“I once gave her a concussion though…” Miura looked troubled while her friend released small noises, deep in her own hallucinations. Making the blonde seriously consider Hachiman’s question, weighing the consequences against the short-term victory that it’d give them.

“That explains some things, huh.”

“C’mon, Hina. You’re actually gonna get us kicked out this time.” Miura shook the girl while looking around, now looking more embarrassed than mad. “People are staring.”

Hachiman covered his face with both hands, shaking his head and letting Miura deal with that. He was never good with embarrassment, so he couldn’t help wonder why he even bothered with Ebina sometimes.

What had Yui seen in this girl anyway…?

“…”

“Hmmm? Hikigaya?” Ebina stopped her absurd behavior all of a sudden, blinking at Hachiman with some worry in her voice.

Right. Even though he’d been thinking about Hoshino, it’s not like Hachiman would arrive at a satisfactory reasoning. At a way to solve a puzzle that had no prize for being solved. It’s not like Hachiman was actually capable of fixing the broken things in front of him. Had he ever actually done so? Had he actually achieved anything at all?

“Hikio? Are you alright?”

It made him feel even worse. Thinking about a girl’s wellbeing while he shut the closet with all his might, keeping the skeletons tightly locked and out of sight. Like he could turn a page and continue on like nothing had happened. Like the girls in front of him didn’t know how slothful, how sloppy he actually was.

“Hey, hey.” Ebina tapped the table twice. Bringing Hachiman out of his thoughts. He didn’t realize when his hands had turned into fists. “You okay there, my dude?”

It’s not like Hachiman had actually helped anyone successfully.

“No.” Hachiman tried to soften his features, but he didn’t manage to. “I… I have too many things in my head.”

“See? This is why I don’t wanna get involved.” Ebina crossed her arms, pursing her lips and balancing her pen on them. “It’s too much trouble for little gain.”

Miura didn’t immediately respond, looking at Hachiman as he schooled his features. Pushing back against the thoughts that haunted him.

“Y’know, I was wondering if something happened that you didn’t tell us about…” Miura spoke slowly, unjudging. Weighing if she should say it or not for Hachiman’s benefit. “…But I guess asking would just become another mess, huh.”

Hachiman scoffed.

“I see. Welp…” Miura sighed, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe Hachiman’s behavior. “At least tell us if it’s something actually dangerous, or maybe it’s something only you would worry about?”

Hachiman’s thoughts stopped for a moment to let him glare at the blonde.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you have a bad habit of wasting time thinking about pointless stuff.” Miura shrugged. “Things like ‘should I do this?’ or ‘maybe it’d be better if I don’t’. Things like that. You’re awfully good at it too. So there’s that.”

Hachiman opened his mouth, keeping it like that for a moment before closing it.

“I mean, you always find ways to feel bad about yourself. It’s been like this since the beginning.” She put her elbow on the table, resting her cheek against her hand to give Hachiman a bored look. “Isn’t that why you’re here? To clear your thoughts?”

Hachiman wanted to growl, but he instead just glared at the blonde.

“I can’t just stop thinking, Miura. It might be easy for you. But that’s not my case.”

“Hikigaya…” Ebina looked worried now, but her blonde friend just scoffed.

“Fine. But it’s so weird to see you this engrossed in your own thoughts nowadays.” Miura motioned to the table, and turned to regard the rest of the library. “C’mon, give everything its time and place.”

Again, Hachiman opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. Not immediately, at least.

“Its time and place, huh…”

Ebina gave her blonde friend a look, seeing Miura’s smugness grow a bit. It seemed to give Ebina enough relief to sigh. To school her features enough to return to her neutral expression.

“I guess what Yumi-chan is trying to say is that it’s rare to you see you so worked up about something.” Ebina scratched her cheek, meekly looking away from the two other people. “It feels like you’re more… Alive, although not in the way we’d like to see.”

…Alive? Well, certainly, he didn’t feel as empty as before. He had things to worry about, puzzles to piece out, people he had to take into account…

Their gazes felt heavy even though they weren’t directed at him. They exchanged a silent agreement; it usually came to this. When things got rough, these two were usually on different sides of the board. Except in topics like this one, except when it came to Hachiman’s relationships. Like they agreed to treat him with a kids’ gloves. Like they were careful to sidestep this particular problem all the time.

Hoshino’s pace was relentless, showed no restraint. This much was true.

But, on the other side, Hachiman had been sedentary. Almost static for a good chunk of his college life. Things rarely changed, and in talking about this he could tell that the girls had been paying attention to his mood. The compassion they’d shown him when he couldn’t give them much more in the wake of Yukino’s absence.

He knew where that compassion came from, had tried to shrug them off because of it in the beginning.

“…Guess I’m worrying about the wrong things.” Hachiman smiled with renewed bitterness, remembering the exchange he had with Ebina after the concert.

Hoshino’s situation had truly swept the rug from under him, forced him into a reactive position. And in doing so, he’d more or less woken up from a slumber he’d not noticed he had fallen into.

Problems, more problems, and more problems. It was always like this. Ever since he attended high school. Even his relationship with Yukino didn’t go anywhere without them.

Had he always depended on having something to do, something to solve, to be able to do anything? To feel like trying new things was worth something?

“Well.” Miura looked a bit embarrassed, looking away while she spoke. “I think you’re at your best when you’re worried about others.”

Hachiman didn’t know what to say.

No. He knew exactly what he should say, he simply didn’t have the guts to say it.

“Are you saying that as my friend…” He spoke slowly, voice small. “…or as Yui’s friend?”

Miura was startled by the mention of that name, but only for a split second. A momentary reaction that might as well have been an illusion. Like Hachiman didn’t avoid mentioning her like his life depended on it.

“I don’t know.” She lifted her chin, managing to pull off a haughty expression with just that one change. “What do you think?”

Hachiman pressed his lips together.

“I hope it is as hers.” Hachiman put his hands on his lap, balling his fists until his nails dug into his skin. “Because… That way, you’d be biased in her favor.”

Miura tilted her head, still looking down on Hachiman.

“Y’know, there was a point where I honestly hated you. You’re slow, crude, and I was pretty sure Yui pulled back from everyone because of you.” Miura looked at Ebina, giving her the same haughty look that she was using for Hachiman. “And then, she asks us to look out for you? What gives? That totally doesn’t make sense. It looked to me like you were taking advantage of her kindness.”

Hachiman nodded along, feeling Miura’s words dig into his psyche in just the right way. Making him feel worse, but validating him all the same.

“But then, I saw you and… Damn, you really are something else.”

Hachiman frowned and lifted his eyes.

“You didn’t sink. You tried, however half-assed or weak the effort, but you still tried. I think Yui knew this. And that’s why you were the one to be left alone. With all the questions and worries.” Miura’s tone became less judgmental, but she didn’t pity him. “So we tagged along, did as we were asked. And… Guess what? We’re still here. Not out of a strange request to actually take care of you, but because you tried. Because, as slow as you are, you didn’t sink. You’ve been trying to swim up all this time… And I think that’s what’s important.”

“For what it’s worth, we’d love for you two to meet again, talk, make amends.” Ebina added, with her tone becoming sweet in a way that Hachiman hadn’t heard before.

“…You must think I’m pathetic.”

“Eh… A pathetic man doesn’t bag an idol or saves her life by accident.” Ebina moved her hands like they were weights, balancing out Hachiman’s words to her own with the same seriousness she’d weigh what kind of soda she wanted to drink. “Unless that’s what she’s into? I don’t know.”

Hachiman didn’t need to hear that. It only made his already confused feelings even harder to pull apart.

“Are you two actually a thing? Like, I don’t mean to question your feelings but…” Miura looked away, clearly making her statement to be judgmental. “I don’t know, it feels like you’re cheating on a nice girl’s honesty.”

“I-err-ugh…” Hachiman physically recoiled from the accusation, feeling it change the context of what they’d been through while at Hiratsuka’s house.

What could he possibly describe their relationship as? Acquaintances? A fling? Even without taking into account the wound that was being poked at, it still felt wrong describing his relationship with Hoshino as that. They barely knew each other, barely did anything together. It’s not like they went all-out either. Or like he’d even imply that they’d done anything but talk that night.

…And he was walking directly into her domain, huh.

He could almost feel her fingers tracing lines in his hair. It gave him goosebumps.

“Ah… Don’t let me hear you say anything else.” Ebina put her hands out, waving them from side to side to stop the conversation. “I don’t wanna know. I’m satisfied with your progress. Let’s leave it at that.”

Progress, huh…

“No. We’re not dating or anything.” Hachiman finally said, mulling over this conversation to counter the mixed feelings he had.

“Is… Is Yui alright?” Hachiman frowned again, deeper than usual that is. It felt as though calling out her name made his chest hurt but, at the same time, each time it became easier. More natural.

“…” Miura and Ebina exchanged a look.

“What?”

“Well, of course she’s fine.” Ebina looked at him like he was crazy. “If she wasn’t, do you think we’d be here? Spelling things out to you?”

“You’re lucky she’s fine.” Miura frowned at him.

“Ah… Well… Right.” Of course. What else was he expecting? They were her friends before his. It’d be hypocritical to expect preferential treatment over her. “You would not forgive me if that wasn’t the case.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.” Miura stated.

“I don’t think you can actually do anything to hurt her as things stand.” Ebina pointed out.

“Ah… I see…”

“So… Y’know.” Ebina let herself push onto the backrest of her chair, shrugging. “Take your time.”

Why should I keep waiting?

Hachiman closed his eyes for a moment, hearing Hoshino’s defeated tone with a very uncomfortable clearness.

“Take my time, huh.” What had he told her? Something that he’d told himself too many times.

You have to live with your choices.

Hadn’t that always been the case? When he had his first relationship, when Yui’s dad lost his job, when he died soon after. All the things he didn’t say, all the things that he’d rather have kept to himself. All the choices he made, all the choices that allowed others to make for him.

Haruno had called him sloppy, a coward. Hiratsuka had told him to take one step at a time, to let the wounds heal; even if she hadn’t specified whose.

The people that remained didn’t call him anything. They just… Waited. Let him take his time, make his own choices.

Even though things don’t happen as he’d like.

He picked up his phone and placed it right in the middle of the table. Miura lifted an eyebrow in confusion and looked at him, questioning without actually speaking.

Perhaps this was one of the reasons why Hoshino’s real face had stuck with him so much.

“I’m scared.” He confessed. “I… I can’t do this alone.”

“Ummm, this isn’t how it works.” Miura frowned even deeper.

“It’s close enough!” Ebina snatched the device away, earning a glare from her friend. “What? We’re here to help. That’s what friends do.”

Miura didn’t look very convinced.

“I guess…”

That’s right. Hoshino’s situation helped see things in a new perspective, do things that he’d be otherwise too scared to even confess.

If he can’t do it alone, then he’d ask for help. If he was too weak on his own, then he’d rely on others. Just the same way as he’d help them. He’d struggle, argue, obsess over every detail, and negotiate every step of the way. And he’d see other struggle, argue, obsess over things, and negotiate with him in return. He wasn’t Haruno to pretend that he could tackle everything on his own. He didn’t have the skill or the resolve, he didn’t have the attitude. The one thing he could do was to think, to understand. To see things in the way only he could. And give it his all while asking others to do the same. He’d take the hands offered to him, and extend his own to those willing to take it. For a long time, he’d been alone.

Right now? Or even while everything was going to hell? That hadn’t been it. He hadn’t had to deal with everything alone. He hadn’t been allowed to do it alone.

This is it, the thing that he was looking for. The one thing that Hoshino didn’t seem to understand, that she’d turned her back to in her own pursuit for that special something that she obsessed over. And something to keep in mind for the next time they met.

This is it. Hachiman’s answer to the dark, to the pain, to the trauma and memories that he couldn’t forget. To the story that followed him, to the promises that he couldn’t keep but wished to; to the best of those that left, and the worst of those who chose to remain.

This is it; this is something genuine.

Chapter Text

Normally, silence in a coffee shop would be well-received. People would be glad to enjoy a cup of whatever hot drink they desired in peace, to be able to gather their thoughts and maybe listen to the music selection of the workers. Let themselves drift off into memories or thoughts, or converse in a small voice as to not bother the other patrons and have the conversations stay private. Maybe, even, it helped their voices. Since there is little to no noise, people would not have to strain themselves and shout. And so, a silent coffee shop would be ideal for most people.

Not so much in places where they offered private booths, and the people that had gathered there stretched the silence into awkwardness. More or less avoiding looking at each other while they all tried to distract themselves from the weight of not interacting with each other.

“Ah, Ai-chan.” The voice that entered the booth made Ai lift her sight from her phone, ignoring the girl that sat to her left as she had to consciously had to make a voice-to-face translation of who had arrived. “I almost didn’t recognize you. Taka-chan! You’re here.”

Well, of course. Ai was using a short hair wig. And a bit of makeup to create a couple of beauty marks. Just so she could use more normal clothes instead of going full incognito like hadn’t been doing recently. It’s not so much that she minded, but something in her said that she shouldn’t lose the habit of wearing pretty clothes. She shouldn’t go back to baggy sweaters and jeans, let her clothes wear down as much as she did before.

“Ah, Kyun! Glad you could make it.” Ai clapped her hands together, motioning with her hand to the circular couch-like seat she was sharing with the other B-Komachi member that had arrived. Letting the girl feel welcomed. “It’s kind of late, I wonder if something happened…”

Aside from Nino spilling the beans, because Ai knew that she would. How much would she have told them? Did they know about the Hikigaya siblings? Would Ai need to beware the moment where they joined Strawberry Productions? Would the girls see what Ai saw then? What he refused to give her? Would they get it somehow? If it’s because Ai lacks something, then…

“Err, your messages were a little sudden. I didn’t have time to prepare.” Kyun laughed it off, facing her fellow idols while she sat on the opposite side of the seat. Having their third member sandwiched between herself and Ai. “Did you wait long?”

“Just a bit.” Takamine laughed awkwardly, her face visibly charged with relief when Kyun finally showed up. Making her voice a bit more lighthearted as well.

Ai pretended not to notice the small talk that flowed between the two as Kyun sat down, when Takamine hadn’t made any with Ai when she got there. Instead focusing on breathing while pretending to look out in case a waiter walked by.

“So… What’s up? I thought the president gave us some free time?” Kyun leaned forward a bit to be able to regard Ai directly, getting the menu on her hands but not looking at it just yet. “You said it has to do with Nino-chan but…”

“That’s exactly what this is about.” Ai lifted her chin, giving the girls a self-satisfied smirk. Or as close to one as she could manage at the moment. “Ichigo-san has to look out for the whole company, so it’s only right that we look out for B-Komachi ourselves. I think we can skew the choice in favor of keeping Nino with us, if we’re smart about it.”

“Really…” Takamine didn’t look very convinced, but Ai didn’t let them know she’d noticed.

“Yes, really! We’ve been through it all together, after all. Nino-chan has dedicated her life to this group, and it’s only fair to help her out when the fault of all of this isn’t wholly on her.” Ai was used to thinking like this, accepting that people did strange things. That they lashed out in Ai’s presence. But it seemed to be a bit harder to acknowledge in front of her fellow idols, compared to with Ichigo-san, the director, or even…

Ai blinked it off, bringing her mind back into her surroundings. Keeping herself anchored into the current task.

The other two idols exchanged a look, making Ai look away. Check her phone. Keeping things flowing, letting them have their little connection in plain sight in spite of it not including Ai.

“But… How strange. I wonder if the others were also caught unprepared…” Or were they trying to sniff Ai’s business on their own? Take from her however little they could scavenge. Ai didn’t have much. If pressed, she’d protect her children. But the one that got away would…

“Well, I mean. It was a bit out of the blue, haha…” Kyun tried to chuckle it off. But Takamine followed suit a bit too late. Basically confirming what Ai already knew: that the others wouldn’t show up at all.

“Well, we’re three now. So that’s basically half of our members, right?” Ai put the phone down, scratching her chin while making a point of looking pensive. Trying not to actually think. “It should be ‘good enough’ for now.”

“What do you mean?” Takamine looked a bit relieved that Ai just kept going, but her nervousness didn’t diminish that much.

“We’ve worked together for this long. Surely, if we put our minds together, we can point out at the things only Nino-chan can do.” Ai closed her right eye, bringing a finger up to make a point. She felt a slight tremble on the opposite eye. “Use our knowledge and experience, maybe use some less well-known songs… Oh, we could even use ours!”

“Eh?” Kyun flinched when Ai regarded her directly.

“We made one together, that could work.” Ai nodded to herself, letting the ideas flow now that the topic was one that she had years focusing on. “It’s not that popular, but it makes sense to use it during auditions… I don’t remember how much Nino-chan sings in that one though…”

“I mean. Okay?” Kyun didn’t look very pleased with being reminded of that one song. It didn’t make sense to Ai either. It had been proof of their partnership, after all. And the fact that it wasn’t one of their main hits was useful. What was there to be dissatisfied with? “But… Can’t you just…? Y’know. Talk with the man on the chair and do a bit of magic…?”

Ah… So that’s how it is.

Ai put her hands on the table, making her smile smaller. She put her fingertips together, making a small physical barrier between herself and the other two.

“Regardless of what Nino-chan might’ve told you, she still fought someone. There’s probably video recording of it too. So…” Ai shrugged, trying to find a way to sidestep the conversation as much as possible. “No matter what, Ichigo-san has to look out for the entire company. That’s why I said it’s on us to look out for B-Komachi instead. Or, I guess I should’ve said its members?”

“I heard that she was beaten up.” Takamine interjected, making Ai chuckle.

“That’s what you’d understand, sure. But the context matters in this one.” Ai let out a sigh, looking at her hands and lowering her voice. “If pressed, the girl will just bring the ball back to us. It all comes back to me, to what happened when I didn’t die.”

The silence that came to the booth gave Ai some respite, as she didn’t really feel like answering questions at the moment. She’d rather have the girls understand what the goal should be.

“And that’s messy on its own. I… It’s complicated as-is.” Ai nodded to herself.

“Even without ‘that guy’ being involved?” Kyun wondered out loud.

A thousand ideas rushed through Ai’s mind. The only thing keeping her sitting was that she heeded none of them.

“It’s another life that we’d have under our belt.” Ai replied with the efficiency of someone expecting the question.

“That’s… Right.”

“I’ve been thinking about what you were talking about the other day, about our careers being over sooner rather than later.” Ai lifted her chin, staring at the ceiling like someone deep in thought. Although she was trying really hard to keep her mind empty. “And, well, is it too much to ask for things to end when they have to, instead of sooner? I’d rather have all of us make it, cross the finish line. Instead of having to say goodbye prematurely.”

“We were talking about it.” Takamine corrected her, making Ai give her an amused smile.

“Right. We were talking about it.” Because Ai had been so active in that conversation, right? Even if she didn’t fully remember it, Ai was pretty sure she had mostly listened to the others. It’d always been like that.

“Told you she needed to deal with it.” Takamine mumbled to Kyun, who gave her a confused look when the first elbowed her.

“Ummm, well. B-Komachi has given me quite some cash.” Kyun coughed on her fist, bringing her attention back to Ai. “Sure, it’d be nice to have a little more of what Ai-chan has but…”

Ai narrowed her eyes a little, not fully grasping how Kyun could want anything from the most miserable girl in the booth.

“Sure. It’d be great if we all make it in the end.” She gave Ai an awkward smile, putting her hand out a little in place of fully reaching for Ai across the table. “Sorry, could’ve worded it better.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. You don’t have to measure your words so much.” Ai put up a brave smile again. “I can take this much. It’s all for our dream, right?”

Takamine pursed her lips, deep in thought. Ai didn’t know why she was hesitating, but at least she hadn’t asked for further information about the situation.

That would have to be enough for now. Or at least, that’s what Ai tried to tell herself while making circles with her thumbs. Thinking about how to stretch the conversation now that she’d told them her part.

What did people usually talk about in situations like these again? She couldn't tell them she'd spend some time with the Saitou couple, that might bring them back to the things Ai didn't want to talk about.

Chapter Text

How long has it been? Years, yes. But how many? Time feels like something of a shackle nowadays; always running, always dragging everything along. Things happen sooner rather than later, every time all the time. The day always starts too early, and it’s easy to miss breakfast because there’s just not enough time to prepare something filling most of the time. Her mom helps, if she has time, but that just proves the point further.

Even on days where mostly nothing happens, and it feels like minutes drag into hours, life still feels like it escapes her grasp. Like it rushes onwards and leaves nothing for the slowpokes that just noticed that the next break is due. And then, sometimes, you remember you packed nothing for lunch. And you’ll have to go back to work like that.

How much time, then? How many years? Well, how old is she now? Uh… Sometimes even that escapes her mind. Work has a way to grind away personal traits like that. Likes, dislikes, experience, hopes, dreams… There’s always something to do. Always someone to attend to. And when you least expect it, you already missed dinner time. So you have to go to sleep on an empty stomach, hoping to get enough hours of sleep in between studying and worrying just to start the next day on time.

There’s always something to do, something to worry about. It’s work, work, work, study, work, eat, pay, cook, clean, work, work, work…

…

How long has it been? Is it payday already? Who paid for the internet last time? Did they eat the leftovers from the last take out or was the broth making the fridge smell bad already? Did she get her work uniform in the washing machine last night? What time is it? She’s not getting late, is she?

…

Sable is barking. Someone is knocking at the door.

“Bueh…?” Yuigahama Yui’s goosebump startles her awake. Making her lift up her face, left eye only barely open, while her senses try to perform as well as they can instead of the physical and mental exhaustion. She realizes, although not immediately, that she fell asleep directly on the floor and not her futon. That happens sometimes, although the chilly weather will make it so it’s easier to catch a cold. She has to be careful, or she’ll get in trouble. “Sable?”

Cold… She fell asleep in a pair of red hotpants and a white t-shirt, the kind that usually go below the uniform. No logos, no nothing. Just a plain white piece that covered her up completely. Not something for the cold, mind you. But that’s what a t-shirt meant to be used under a blouse looks like…

The dog keeps barking, the fact confuses Yui a little.

What was it? Oh, right the door. She has to go get the door…

“Whu… What time is it?” She slowly pushes herself off the floor, feeling her muscles ache a bit as she pats her surroundings for her phone. She fell asleep in front of a small table, one that the two Yuigahama women will cover with a thick blanket for the really chilly days eventually. But which only had her notes and a plate with crumbs of a bread on top.

She fell asleep trying to study again, huh.

She looks at her phone. It’s still noon, on her free day. But she still fell victim to the exertion of the week. She never fully recharges her battery, but it’s better to be only somewhat tired than completely exhausted. So she doesn’t blame herself.

Her eyes sharpen while looking at the missed calls. She silenced the phone so she could rest, but now the messages and the calls made her snap into alertness. She looks around, snapping her attention back to the door. The knocking comes back, and Yui scrambles to her feet and almost trips on her way to answer.

“Y-Yes…?” She doesn’t want to look through the small hole in it, fearing what she might see. But she can’t let the person on the other side keep bothering everyone that might be resting. Where’s her mom? Still at work? Likely, they don’t share a free day.

“…Yui-san?” The voice that answers her is dry, hesitant. Yui flinches upon hearing it, and her heart races so much that her pains and aches seem to vanish in the brink of an eye. The slight puncture-like pain behind her left eye ceases, her muscles are no longer cramped by the position she fell asleep in. And Yuigahama Yui feels fully awake for the first time in…

Who knows? How long has it been? Did she even have lunch?

Yui opens the door, letting the sunlight in and hurting her eyes a little. Flinching at the outside world greeting her when she has been locked inside for the whole day. The dog runs out, but Yui hears a girl catching him.

A young man greets her vision when her eyes adjust to the brightness. It’s a face she only thinks she recognizes.

“Y-Yui-san…” His eyes are sunken a little. They make him look older, tired. He hasn’t kept himself in optimal shape, but he doesn’t look bad per se. Just… Unattended. His hair is a bit longer, but that might be because he hasn’t cut it yet. His features are sharper now, more mature. Even though his expression shows nothing but shock and pain.

It takes Yui a moment to put things together, realizing that she rushed to the door without fully comprehending her own thoughts. And the fact that she’s very much not wearing something decent to meet someone in.

“H-Hikki…?” Yui looks around, Hina and Yumi are there. Hina holds Sable, giving a wide grin to Yui. Yumi looks shocked, then Hina’s expression starts falling too.

Oh. Her clothes. She’s not even wearing a…

“Wuah?!” Yui slams the door shut as she retreats back inside.

When Yui didn’t answer, Ebina took matters more seriously. She knew her friend well, had stayed when Hachiman had been too weak to do the same. And this fact became more and more evident by the time they arrived at Yui’s current neighborhood. A place with those very small apartments that only have one or two rooms besides the living room-slash-kitchen. With space for, like, a tatami mat and little else.

His heart didn’t know whether to pound violently or drop altogether as he saw the passage of time reflected on the railing, stairs, and even some of the walls. He knew she’d kept struggling with money. Logic dictated it. But seeing it firsthand? It made Hachiman feel even worse, it made him want to turn around and run away. Because he couldn’t bear to understand how much Yui might’ve needed him, and how much he failed her by not showing up.

Miura kept him in place, kept him moving. She only released him when they got to Yui’s door, but she had one girl on each side. So it wasn’t like he could escape anyway.

The girl that greeted him, aside from the way she was dressed, could only be described as part of the Yuigahama Yui that Hachiman knew.

Her hair remained short, perhaps a little shorter now. And she clearly didn’t sleep enough, or eat well enough. She didn’t look sickly thin, but rather like she didn’t eat things that were nutritious enough. But that thought didn’t hold for long.

“W-Wait there! I’ll change! I’ll…!” The door made her hasty retreat harder to hear, with only the sound of her feet hitting the floor as the only indication of someone being behind the door. Hachiman blinked a couple of times, unable to say or even think about anything at all.

Still, even through the door and walls, that voice was unmistakably Yuigahama Yui’s.

“She’s… Ummm…” Ebina still held Sable, with the dog showing his tongue at Hachiman while waging his tail. Seemingly unaware of the fact that he’d been left out of his own house. He looked older, but still very lively. So Hachiman did the first thing that came to mind and placed a hand on his head. “She’s very healthy, huh.”

“I’m going to punch you.” Miura glared at the girl with glasses.

“It’s been a while since I saw her that scantily dressed…” Ebina insisted.

Hachiman thought about nothing, just letting himself feel glad.

Honestly? This is fine. He had braced himself for the worst. For a girl clearly in need of food, more hurt by time, maybe… Who knows? His mind played tricks and he heeded them. So seeing Yui there, panicking over her clothes, capable of running and showing emotions… It warmed his heart.

The hurried steps came back, and the sound of someone bumping into something made the three young adults turn back to stare at the door at the same time as Yui’s pained groan reached their ears.

Hachiman put his hand over his mouth, pretending to scratch his lips while trying to control the shakes of his shoulders.

“Pffft…” Miura wasn’t so considerate however. Her laughter added to Hachiman’s light-headedness. It made his brain feel funny, like it tingled a bit.

All of his worries, all of his fears and doubts, vanished in an instant. And what was left could only be described as… Euphoria. Momentary, fragile, but an emotion so pure and concentrated that it actually scared Hachiman a bit.

He licked his lips, almost expecting to feel someone else’s tongue there. The sensation of exhilaration was more emotional than physical here, but there’s only so many different emotions that the brain can experience before they start getting mixed up. At the very least, that’s what Hachiman wanted to believe when he noticed where his mind was wandering to.

He closed his eyes, letting his twisted smirk linger, but trying to get those start-struck eyes out of his head by reminding himself what he was doing… What he was trying to do. These many mixed emotions… Yes. They were overwhelming, but not to the point that he couldn’t do anything. He’d worked through them when Hoshino unraveled in front of him, and before that he’d had time to work his own emotions after Yui and Yukino left his life.

Right now? Right now, it felt manageable.

“You think she had lunch yet?” Ebina spoke up after a moment of letting Miura compose herself. It might’ve felt like he took more time to reign in his own emotions, but Yui couldn’t have retreated into her home for more than a minute.

“I hope so.” Miura scowled like she hadn’t broken into laughter moments prior. “You got any cash? If needed, I can go fetch something to prepare while these two talk.”

“Eh?” Hachiman turned to the blonde, who crossed her arms in response.

“What? You expect her to let us in and invite us something to eat? C’mon, Hikio. Look at this place.”

“No, I mean… There’s no need, right? Let’s just order something out.” Hachiman felt like he was missing something, but he couldn’t quite form the proper thoughts just yet. So he went with the first thing that came to mind, trying to explain the surprise that he himself didn’t understand.

“Don’t be ridiculous. She probably won’t let us pay for her food.” Miura’s mood got a bit darker. “Besides, this way we can leave stuff for her to eat for later.”

Hachiman’s good mood dropped immediately.

“That bad?”

“Not really.” The blonde shrugged, arms still crossed. “But it’s the best we can do right now.”

“Eh, I mean.” Ebina shook Sable from side to side, seeing if the tiny guy looked uncomfortable. “We could totally buy some food for—”

“I’m here!” Yui rushed out, slamming the door open with so much force that the three people outside flinched. With Hachiman almost jumping back in fear that it’d slam on his face. “This is…!”

She wore some jeans and a sweater, better for the cold and more appropriate in general. Although Hachiman didn’t fully register her clothing, and instead had his gaze looked into the pink haired girl’s own.

The girl grew shy all of a sudden.

“Hikki…”

Hachiman’s expression contorted. Several thoughts rushed through his head, messing even more with it. Obstructed by the girl that had been occupying that spot as of late. But he still pushed onward, gave Yui his best smile. Which is to say, he gave her an awkward sidewise grin that twitched slightly because of how uncomfortable it felt.

“H-Hey…” Their eyes hadn’t lost their connection, and Hachiman saw her own start watering. Which, for all his denseness and short-sightedness, gave him enough of a clue to take a breath and continue. “Sorry to make you wait.”

“Hikki!” Yui threw her body at him, making his lower half hit the railing as she coiled her arms around him. Pressing herself against Hachiman’s chest while shaking her head and messing a little with his own clothes, while the panic of feeling his back touch nothing as he tipped back made him flail like a wish out of water. “Hikki, Hikki, Hikki…!”

Miura caught his arm and pulled him, probably saving him from falling off the first floor with Yui on him. Hachiman needed a moment to catch his breath and look around to make absolutely sure that he still had his feet on the ground and wasn’t seeing his life flash in front of his eyes.

The only thing waiting for him, was the teary expression that Yui showed him when she lifted her face a bit.

Hachiman returned the hug, feeling Yui shift a bit to stand to her full height. Hiding her face again on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” Hachiman whispered. He’d tried to avoid having his voice crack, but even like this he failed at it. “I’m sorry for taking this long.”

“It’s… No. I’m sorry.” Yui buried her face on his clothes again. “Because of me, Yukinon is…”

Her words felt like nails being struck in his heart, leaving him breathless for every syllable that reached his ears. Grating, twisting existing wounds that had been ready to bleed ever since he’d mentalized himself to come to this place.

He hated himself so much right now, embracing this girl that felt like she’d done something wrong. He knew better now, knew that things had simply gone wrong. That life had been unfair to her, and she’d reacted in the most human way she could have. Chance and circumstances stacked against her, driving her further down…

It’s a way of life Hachiman knew very well, one that made him care so much for her. Because she’d been there when he’d learned to leave such a dark place. Back in that room where only three high school students passed their days.

He could no longer see, something wet and blurry covered his eyes now.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He hugged her more tightly, fearing that she would disappear if he stopped. Like he would die if he couldn’t convey the thing he needed to say.

“You didn’t do anything though.”

But that’s the problem.

“I shouldn’t have left you.” When she needed him the most.

“You had your own problems to deal with.”

Which he himself caused.

“It’s not fair.” His insistence was more for his own sake than hers, to be honest. He’d spent days and nights thinking, rehearsing the events that led to Yukino leaving. Turning in bed, wonder what he could’ve done different. How he could’ve done better. “I’m sorry… I…”

Sable’s bark took him out of the moment, startling him into paying attention to his surroundings again.

Ebina looked elated, still holding the dog but paying little attention to it. Whereas Miura had tried to slip past them and enter the house, freezing in place as Hachiman locked eyes with her. Clearly uncomfortable with what was going on.

“Sorry, I didn’t know the corridor was private property too.” The blonde stretched her back, getting Yui to separate from Hachiman and start cleaning her face. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

“Ah, Yumi-chan! Sorry…!” Yui tried to laugh it off, but her voice broke enough times that it felt as though she had become a teenager again. Still growing into her final form. “Hi, hey. I’m… Ummm…”

“You were sleeping, right?” Ebina interrupted, taking the opportunity to move closer to Miura. Into the house. “Did you eat something yet?”

“Hina-chan! I…” Yui furrowed her brows, like she was trying to see something that her eyes couldn’t quite catch. That expression broke Hachiman’s heart a bit. “I don’t remember? I don’t think so, no.”

“Well, good thing Hikigaya here will go to the convenience store, right?” Ebina gave him a very unsubtle wink. “Why don’t you tag along? Don’t let us bother you.”

“Eh? Don’t worry about it! I can eat something when…”

“No, no! I insist!” Ebina took a step back when Yui tried to approach her, slotting herself to Miura’s side. Blocking Yui out of her own house with their combined bodies. “It’s a special occasion, after all~”

Yui turned to Hachiman, looking more helpless than she had when she first opened the door.

He knew he should say something sarcastic, funny in his own way.

He didn’t, because the only thing that he could think about was either running away or silently thanking Ebina for the opportunity.

 “It’s better to eat with people, right?” Hachiman looked away, scratching the back of his head to hold back the awkwardness.

Yui’s eyes fell to the ground, moving around like she was looking for something while her fingers intertwined in front of her.

The more the silence stretched, the more Hachiman wanted to just straight up be swallowed by the ground. Have lightning strike him down.

“…I guess I do need to buy stuff anyway.” Yui tilted her head slowly. Not really conceding, but rather thinking about something else entirely.

Hachiman pursed his lips.

Was this the price to pay for denying Hoshino her wish?

Chapter Text

Once upon a time, Hachiman’s world had ended.

“We should focus on Yui-san’s well-being first.” Yukino had said one evening after some rather awkward days together. They hadn’t talked much; they hadn’t even done a lot when the three were together. So Hachiman had arrived with a lot of nervousness and no small amount of paranoia.

This, however, had exceeded his expectations. He feared Yukino would get sick, that something would happen to her family, to his own. Yui’s problems were far too real for him to rationalize. Too physical to even see them in the way other problems had plagued his life. Loss was real, struggling for money was real. And seeing the two most important girls in his life slowly whither away from stress had already taken a toll in him.

“I know.” Hachiman had tried to delay the things that he knew Yukino wanted to say. The inevitable conclusion that his tormented mind could come up with.

To her credit, to say she looked troubled would be an understatement. They’d gone through enough together that Hachiman knew that the struggle in her face was real. He understood that these things were difficult for Yukino, that she had a lot of trouble dealing with problems that directly affected her. That, for all the airs of being strong and decisive in her actions… Yukinoshita Yukino was quite the frail girl.

Don’t say it.

“It might be for the best to take some time off, do things as just friends. For Yui-san’s sake.” She had intertwined her fingers in front of her. Whether she wanted to look all business-like or whatever, it didn’t matter. All that it helped for was to better engrave this moment in Hachiman’s mind. “I… I don’t want to, but…”

Stop.

The resolve in her eyes was weak, so she refused to meet Hachiman’s eyes. He knew that if he pushed a little, she’d back down. That he had a real chance of making a difference.

His own resolve wasn’t faring much better.

“But if we can ease up Yui-san’s burden, I think… I think a small time out would do us well. All of us.” She didn’t believe it herself, or at least that’s what Hachiman thought he understood from reading between the lines. From the way she was talking, the way she behaved.

He thought back at the desperate move that Yui had made on him, the pain in her eyes… He had to concede that something needed to change. They couldn’t just pretend that she wasn’t beyond hurting at this point.

“…What do you even define as a ‘time off’?” Hachiman had deadpanned, falling back on old habits. Desperately trying to salvage what little he could from this revelation. From the feeling of things just getting worse by the second.

“W-Well, I thought about an itemized list of things we do as a couple…” Yukino had looked glad, almost like she’d been praying that Hachiman would lead the conversation into a more light-hearted territory. “But I’m just thinking about stopping seeing each other without Yui-san. Just put her between us, metaphorically speaking. So that it doesn’t become uncomfortable. So that we can show our support to her.”

In other words… Go back to the way the Service Club had been.

Hadn’t they been on the brink of breaking apart back then?

“How does that help though?” Hachiman insisted, letting his guard a bit down because the worst hadn’t come to pass. Making that mistake in front of a girl that was growing restless, desperate to cope with things she hadn’t had to cope before.

Yukino had given him a sad smile.

“We share the burden; we don’t let one of us fall alone.” The wording had felt damning. It felt like Yukino was worried about Hachiman pulling off a move that would only make things worse.

He’d felt ashamed back then. In retrospect, he’d known that nothing he could do would change Yui’s situation. Her problems weren’t as simple as simply shifting people’s opinions, as making someone hate him to bring a better result.

“Just for a while. Just until Yui-san gets her bearings back.” She’d promised him, reminded him a few times. And, to her credit, she kept her word… For a while. It had been awkward; he’d felt terrible for wanting to do couple things with Yukino while they helped Yui however they could.

Then one day… She was gone.

The birds turned their heads with their eyes trained on them. Judging. It made Hachiman hide his hands in his pockets, nervously scratching at the bumps left behind by the pecks he’d suffered through. It only helped to stave off the awkwardness for a moment, reminding Hachiman of something painful in a physical sense instead of the emotional one. But not enough that Hachiman didn’t almost immediately set his attention back to Yui, giving her a side-glance as the girl’s pace slowed down as the silence stretched between them. Making him nervous once more.

“You know… One of those assholes pecked me in the hands.” Hachiman said the first thing that came to mind.

“…Eh?” Yui lifted her chin, seemingly coming back from wherever her mind had wandered off to. And increased her pace once more to match Hachiman’s. Fully present in mind once more. “Ah… I think Hina-chan mentioned you got into an accident, yes.”

Hachiman’s eyes narrowed.

“That’s… Probably not what she was referring to.”

“But she said you were fine.” Yui tilted her head, visibly trying to get the information right in her head. “Ah, did you need stitches or something?”

Hachiman stopped walking, and Yui took a second too long to realize she’d walked past him. Turning around with some laziness to regard him fully.

It felt like she had trouble centering herself.

Hachiman showed her his hands, letting her inspect them while seeing her mind spin its wheel. Work with the information given, come to her own conclusions.

“This doesn’t feel like on the level Hina-chan mentioned…” Yui mumbled after a few seconds and lifted her gaze to meet Hachiman’s eyes. “You look fine to me too.”

“I…” Hachiman stopped himself, realizing that this wasn’t the way to get Yui to fully pay attention. For whatever reason, she wasn’t wholly with him. And although it pained him, he didn’t want to just break the news to her like this. “I am.”

The smile that Yui offered him felt wrong, incomplete. It reminded him more of the way she tried to be reassuring, back when they’d constantly asking if she was doing alright. Like she hadn’t gone through her mourning properly.

“I see. That’s enough, then. You… You have a way to get in trouble, huh.” Yui chuckled awkwardly, placing her hands behind her body while trying to sound easy-going. “You sure are hopeless, Hikki.”

Hachiman forgot how he would react for a moment, before settling for an awkward smile.

“You have no idea.” He resumed walking, a bit slower now, so that they wouldn’t get too side tracked. Worrying about Yui wasn’t just about how she’d react, what she thought. But about the very real problem of her having yet to eat, and what she’d been eating thus far. “I actually went to the hospital.”

“…Eh?” That seemed to bring Yui more closely to fully awake. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t be wandering around if I wasn’t.” Hachiman looked away, kicking himself mentally for slipping so easily when he just thought that he should be tactful about this.

“Well, I guess that checks out…” Yui gave him a troubled look. Trying to discern what about his appearance didn’t look right. “But gosh! If I had known…!”

She tilted her head, averting her eyes as her words died out. Looking like shame was replacing the worry she’d displayed before.

“…Guess I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”

“I wouldn’t want you to lose sleep over it anyway.” Hachiman tried to shrug like it didn’t matter.

“That’s even worse!” Yui crossed her arms in front of her face. Fired up for once. “You were planning to hide that from me?!”

“I mean, I’m telling you now. First thing after seeing you in…” Hachiman cut himself off, cringing both physically and mentally. “Well, it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?” Yui’s expression wasn’t one he could read.

“No. Because I’m here now.” Hachiman hurried to elaborate before he could hurt the pink-haired girl any more. “And I don’t intend to hide from you again.”

He waited for a couple of seconds, letting Yui’s tired mind catch up with the very roundabout way he spoke. Letting her show some confusion.

“‘Hide’ from me? What are you talking about?” Yui laughed nervously, looking more troubled by the second.

“I… I should’ve stayed. I should’ve kept helping.” Hachiman balled his fists, stopping in his tracks once more.

The pink-haired girl didn’t immediately respond.

“Let’s… Let’s go to the store, Hikki.” She didn’t sound disappointed or in pain. Just… Tired. Like she had to hold back a sigh of resignation.

He probably deserved that kind of cold shoulder.

“Sorry.” His steps were awkward because he felt so light-headed. It was as if he had grown weak. Like he’d fall over because his legs could no longer carry all of his weight.

“Don’t be. We’re all dealing with stuff of our own.” Yui shook her head with a sigh. “Didn’t you say that now you’re here? I’m really happy about this, honest.”

“But…”

“You don’t have to say anything if it’s too much.” Yui’s expression became gentle, although it didn’t completely override the way her eyes had sunken a little, or the clear lines that traced from her eyes to her cheeks. Not quite eye bags, but not quite expression lines either. “You’ll spoil the lunch.”

Hachiman looked at the sky.

…Guess it’s still lunch time, but it wouldn’t be in a couple more hours.

“It needs to be said.” He insisted.

“Doesn’t it feel like you’re trying to close a cycle?” Yui’s reply made him fall silent again, thinking. Wondering if he was, indeed, coming too strong on her. “Like you’ll just say your piece and disappear again.”

“That’s not what I want.” Hachiman stated immediately.

“I know, I know…” Yui sighed again, not really sounding convinced. “I just… Y’know, it’s been a while. Do we really need to do this right now?”

“We can’t ignore what I did… What I didn’t do for you.”

“Hikki… You didn’t do anything wrong.” Yui replied, now sounding a little exasperated.

“I didn’t do anything right either. And that’s just as bad.”

“You couldn’t have done anything. Even if you started working, if Yukinon asked for money, all you’d have done was to shift our problems around. Make us dependent on your charity.” Yui scratched the back of her neck, nervously straightening the short hair that ran from her scalp. “And Hina-chan, and Yumi-chan were with me. I really just wanted you to be alright. It’s not like… It’s not like I expected Yukinon to just… Leave.”

The street was a little more crowded now, but Yui didn’t seem to realize it. She didn’t lower her tone or try to change the topic. It felt like she was more aware of things now, but not precisely in the physical realm. But more like, she was thinking more. Faster.

“You were devastated.”

“It’s not comparable to your own loss.” Hachiman insisted.

“Gosh, Hikki. You make me sound like I’m some helpless little critter that needs to be taken care of with the most delicate touch.” Yui turned to him, looking very disappointed. “Can’t you see that I’m fine? Things worked out in the end. It’s fine. Thank you for the sentiment. But, again, it’s not like you could’ve done anything.”

Hachiman stopped walking again.

“I could’ve…”

“Even if you could.” Yui interrupted him. “You were too hurt to do things right. That… That might’ve been my fault, actually.”

She laughed nervously, turning around to face him while straightening her hair. Stalling for ideas to say this right.

“So I gave you the space you needed. Yukinon and you were there for me in the worst days of my life, so it was only fair that I didn’t burden you with my problems. At least that’s what I wanted to think.” She looked at the floor, at the space between their feet. “I wanted to think you’d find it in you to forgive me, to look back and think that it was for the best. As long as you were not alone, I knew you’d bounce back. You’re strong like that.”

Hachiman couldn’t help scoffing before motioning to himself, beckoning Yui to give him a good look.

“That’s certainly not what happened.”

Yui chuckled bitterly a moment later.

“Sorry, I’m not precisely the smartest of the bunch.” Then, she looked away. Like something physically hurt her. “I’m always just… Dragging you down, huh.”

“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go?” Hachiman moved again, feeling like he’d actually fall to his knees if he didn’t. “To care for someone is to become vulnerable, to let them in and show them easy ways to hurt you. And you know that it’ll happen, and you’ll learn to forgive them all the same.”

Yui didn’t immediately follow him. So Hachiman was forced to slow down his walk to a crawl.

“You always make it sound so negative…” Or so Yui said, but she resumed walking all the same.

“This is just the kind of person I am.” Hachiman eyed up, seeing a bird land on a rooftop, setting its beady eyes on them. It made him feel unsafe.

“I guess…” Yui chuckled, looking at the floor while she walked by his side.

“That’s why your company is so important, I think. You’ve always been…” Hachiman’s words got choked in his throat, unable to go through as his feelings got in the way. He pushed through. “…the heart of the group.”

Yui scoffed, blushing a bit while intertwining her fingers in front of her.

“Thanks.”

Thanks? Hachiman was trying to bare his heart and that was all she could say?

“…It’s been tough, huh.” Hachiman sighed, looking around just to make sure they hadn’t gotten lost.

“Kind of.” Yui replied after a moment. She didn’t seem to realize where they were going. “You sorta get used to the pace. Forget everything else…”

Seeing her like this? He could believe it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” Yui lifted her gaze, grabbing Hachiman’s sleeve with a pitifully small smile. “I don’t have much free time, but I’m doing well. Really. No matter what Hina-chan or Yumiko would say.”

That was no way to address the topic.

“Y’know. We’re going to visit an entertainment company soon.” He put his hand on his shoulder, pretending to make circles with it like he was stressed out. He wasn’t. “Maybe you should tag along, get a better job.”

He was beyond that point now.

“…Eh?” Yui blinked a few times, fully in the here and now… Now. “Entertainment? You and who…?”

“Err, whoever I can convince. Really.”

Yui’s eyes narrowed, full of suspicion now.

“You?” She insisted.

“Yes, me.”

“Why?”

“They owe me a favor.”

Yui looked even more confused now.

“I feel like… You know how you watch this or that show, and it has episodes that link to each other in an order? And then you miss a whole season, and you come back and have absolutely no idea of what’s going on?” Yui’s voice became more energetic, more filled with actual emotions instead of exhaustion.

It made Hachiman glad enough that he entertained her thoughts seriously.

“I don’t think that has happened to me.”

“Well, that. That’s how it feels now.” She scanned his face for any trace of guilt, any clue that she could get. “Hikki? What is going on?”

Hachiman cringed while thinking of a way to put things bluntly. He looked around to check for how many people were walking the street, and beckoned Yui to get close so he could whisper in her ear. Like a conspiration freak sharing a secret with a new recruit.

Yui’s expression went from confusion to realization, from sorrow to undiluted fear.

“YOU WHAT?!” She screeched right in his face. Making Hachiman pull back as Yui did the same. “Whu…?! How?! When?! That’s not an accident!”

“I’m fine.” Hachiman insisted, hearing a small buzz behind his ear while he covered it with a pained expression.

“I don’t believe you!” Yui jabbed a finger in his direction and started shaking it up and down while panicking. “You! Why do you always get in trouble?! This isn’t the first time you almost die either!”

“Yui-san, Yui-san.” Hachiman reached to her, looking around when the people passing by turned to look at the panicked pink girl. “Calm down, you’re making a scene.”

“You mean to tell me this conversation might as well not have happened?! That I’d have to make peace with a cold stone again?!” Tears streamed down her eyes, her breathing becoming erratic as she struggled to stay put. Forcing Hachiman to hold her down by the shoulders while she released all the nervous energy that had been created by the news. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Hachiman smiled at her bitterly.

“I didn’t think I had the right.”

Yui looked at him with incredulity.

Then, she punched him right in the face.

“Idiot! Cretin! Jerk!” The first hit hurt like a bitch; the next ones were just packed with enough strength that he had to push his weight right to avoid tripping. “You…! You…!”

 Hachiman cradled his nose while Yui’s breathing slowed down.

“I’m back.” He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didn’t quite land.

“You’re unbelievable.” Yui sounded like she could pass out at any moment. “Why do you risk your life like that?”

“In my defense…” Hachiman pushed his nose a bit with his fingers. Testing if it had broken. It hadn’t. “I was left unattended.”

Yui stared at him like he’d grown a second head.

“So, how does that sound? Do you want a better job or not?”

“You make it sound like you got gutted for my sake.” Yui growled at him. “Don’t do that.”

“Sorry.”

“I… I…” Yui cradled her head. “I’m too hungry and tired for this, let’s just get something to eat. Let me deal with one thing at a time.”

Hachiman pressed his lips into a thin line.

“Yes, ma’am. At your service.” The joke didn’t land again, it just made Yui even more mad at him.

Chapter Text

Sleeping most of the day felt good and all, but there was only so much energy one could recharge before it stopped working. This is why Ai didn’t particularly enjoy slow days: once or twice is fine, but three or more days in a row made her realize that she had nothing to do. Her children still went to school, so she was alone with her thoughts, and exercise only worked as long as she was disciplined and she had the energy. Which might sound like a good combination with her habit of resting whenever she didn’t have anything important to do but… Well, repeating this cycle over and over made it a chore, and chores are boring.

That’s why, when the director suggested that Ichigo-san should bring the twins to appear in a commercial, Ai jumped at the opportunity to tag along and leave the apartment. It also didn’t hurt that she’d get to see one of her children in action, which might just be the thing her life was missing since she unraveled her feelings for them. It painted a brighter picture of the days she spent with them, of the time and preparation she put herself through for the delivery. And yet… Maybe this would be different? Maybe knowing that she loved them would make this experience better. Who knows? Not Ai, but she was more than excited to figure it out.

At least this learning process involved no pain whatsoever.

“Ah, you’re here too. This day is full of surprises.” Director Gotanda approached Ai while she stood in one of the corners of the room, sort of letting the adults talk around her. Busy trying to spot her kid among the children running around and being herded by the staff. “Miyako-san couldn’t come?”

Ai chuckled at the odd greeting, but she didn’t particularly mind. Any interaction kept her distracted, and at least the director knew her enough to not feel the need to go through the usual pleasantries.

“She’s taking some free time for herself; these past weeks have been tough for her.” Ai shrugged, moving away a step to make a bit of room for the director in her empty corner of the room. “What are you doing here? I thought this was a commercial.”

“I’m friends with the guy in charge. I recommended Aqua, just in case the kid would like to grow his credentials.” The director imitated her, shrugging while placing his back against the wall with his arms crossed. “I didn’t expect the girl to join in.”

Ai took a moment before answering, reviewing the words that would come out of her mouth as simple precaution in case her instinct was to say something about her children.

“Aqua doesn’t strike me as the kind of kid that would dance and cry out in happiness.” Ai used an awkward chuckle here, narrowing her eyes like she was talking about something complicated. “In that regard…”

“Ruby’s far too eager.” The director concluded. “Her hair alone stands out a bit too much. It might be the same problem you know about.”

Ai’s eyes narrowed a bit, fully understanding what the problem was with standing out too much. Ruby indeed shared her blood, huh. Except, Ai wouldn’t let anyone push her little girl down just because she was special. She wouldn’t let the world try to make her fit a ridiculous mold like the rest. Ruby would be Ruby, be whoever she chose to be. And she’d grow her talent to its maximum potential. Whether people liked it or not.

“Maybe a hat would help?” Ai tilted her head toward the director, still screening the hall for Ruby. Trying to ignore the people setting up the set even though they sometimes blocked her sight with wood and furniture. “Or a cap?”

“The people in charge will sort it out.” The director shrugged again. “It’s a commercial with a lot of people on screen. Unless she’s a meddlesome kid like some I’ve worked with, there should be no problem at all.”

“I see, I see…” Ai smiled a bit more at the reassurance. But that expression fell off when the director moved his arm into the pocket of his hoodie and retrieved a thin box from it. “This is…?”

“You know, ‘that’.” The director pushed it onto Ai’s hands, confusing her for a moment until the weight and sound coming from within made it click in her mind.

She looked around, seeing only adults adulating themselves by bragging about their children, or ordering the staff around like they were in charge. No one had paid attention to Ai, no one bothered look at her even when she couldn’t fully hide the recoil.

“Why are you giving me this?” Ai asked breathlessly, momentarily thinking about her outfit. Neither the hat nor the dress had any place to carry the box.

What to do? Ai hadn’t expected to be confronted like this. It felt as though her actions had a nasty habit of coming back to her nowadays.

“It feels right.” The director sighed. “I haven’t looked at what you recorded, of course. But, given the circumstances, I thought you might want some stuff added to it… Or deleted.”

Ai looked at the cardboard box like she was holding a ticking timebomb.

She really, really hadn’t expected to have to think about these things during Ruby’s first time appearing on television. It felt like a long time ago since she could simply look forward and continue, sure in the path that she’d traced.

She didn’t like the new dynamic of having to second guess her choices. To have to look back to figure out what had gone wrong. And specially not about this. Because it mixed up several topics that Ai had been turning her back to for quite a while now.

“Can you hold onto it for a bit longer?” Ai turned to the director, not giving the box back. But only asking first.

“Is that right? If it was important enough to entrust it to me…”

“I just don’t have anywhere to hide it.” Ai chuckled, now holding the box with both hands. “I can only destroy it right now.”

Director Gotanda narrowed his eyes while studying Ai’s crestfallen expression.

“It’s yours. There’s nothing wrong with something obsolete being disposed of.” He stretched his back, lifting his arms and earning a few looks because of it. Although no adult approached him all the same. They just… Looked. Like they were weighing their options.

Ai did not like the way he worded his point. And it didn’t help very much to have something negative so clear in her mind. She couldn’t quite toughen up like before the incident with Ryosuke, not so easily at least.

“Talking from experience?” Ai gave him the best smile she could provide. But that only served to start an awkward silence between them. With the man giving Ai a bit of a disappointed look, but without shaking his head or expressing anything else.

He just… Stared at her.

“Sorry. Shouldn’t have joked like that with an old man.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?” The director clicked his tongue. Annoyed enough that even Ai could tell at a glance.

“Of course. I am a star, after all~”

“I suppose.” The director replied in a calmer tone. “Still, it’s your choice. If you want me to keep it, I’ll comply.”

Ai handed it back to him, earning herself a weird look.

“What? You just said you’d do it.”

“It’s not that.” He took the thing and pocked it away. Not tearing his gaze away from Ai for a single moment. “I’m just thinking that this works for me too.”

Ai’s smile became more like her usual one.

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I’m getting some real experience with dealing with how you are.” He returned his gaze to the set, now having Ai being the one looking at him. “It makes things easier.”

“For the documentary?” She suggested, trying to move the topic away from herself.

“Ah, Ichigo-san thinks that’s a bad idea.” The director frowned.

Ai’s smile fell.

“What do you mean?”

“He wants to cancel it now.” He gave Ai a knowing look. “Y’know. The reason is kind of obvious.”

“Well… Wouldn’t it just make it a longer movie?” Ai didn’t want that. She’d been the one to suggest the idea, she wanted it like she wanted to see Ruby and Aqua succeed in their own paths. She didn’t want to drop this part of the dream she shared with Ichigo-san.

“That’s… Not the case, no.” The director looked around them. Just a quick glance that Ai could’ve missed if she didn’t have her attention on him. “Speaking strictly from a professional point of view, it’d be a shift in tone and themes too big to handle the way you want the movie handled. To be expected, given the topic at hand, but I’d rather scrape the whole thing and start anew.”

Ai didn’t quite understand. The man was being a bit too vague for her, so she reflected it in the way she was looking at him.

“There are things that are unresolved too, problems being dragged to the light if I understood Ichigo-san’s vague wording right. The average viewer would look at the finished product and feel cheated on the ending, if you get me.”

“I really don’t.” Ai responded.

The director looked like he expected it, but he still looked disappointed.

“If you compared your group now, and maybe three months back… Would you still recognize them as the same thing?”

Ai took a moment to digest his words.

“Yes.”

“Oh.” The man opened his eyes a bit more. “Oh, that’s a problem.”

“It is?” Ai pursed her lips. “I don’t think so. I’ve spent a lot of time with these girls, after all.”

“You sound way less pleased with the fact now, compared to three months back.” The director pointed out.

Ai didn’t have a reply ready for that.

“And that’s not what the camera wants to see.” She looked away, now no longer looking for Ruby with that much intensity.

“Weren’t you the one that asked me to record the real you?” The director hummed. “Sounds to me like you had a change of heart.”

“I…” Could she say yes or no and know where in the scale of things her answer laid? Could she pinpoint the answer as either a truth or a lie? Or would it be a half-truth, like Hikigaya mentioned?

She had thought that going with the flow was alright, that not knowing whether she meant half of the things she said or not didn’t matter. As long as things carried on in the way they were meant to, everything was fine.

Unsightly things should be tucked away, hidden from view. Let the beautiful lies get the spotlight for the fans, so that they would not be disappointed from the ugliness that their perfect, undefeatable beloved carried.

“I did.” That much was obvious. The past would not change just because Ai didn’t know if she regretted it or not. It would remain even as she left this world, whether people knew or not. Whether her story was told or not.

She eyed the director’s pocket now.

“See, that’s where the problem lies: Whether Ichigo-san understands it or not, it’d be easy to come to some undesirable conclusions if we carry on. Because no matter what me mean to convey, or how hard we try, most people will simply interpret our actions to their own convenience. Shape them into something that fits their worldviews. Which is why it is so difficult to make deep and thoughtful movies.” The director chuckled. Shaking his head like he’d remembered a joke from the past.

Ai thought back about the way the girls had behaved since Ai came back from almost getting stabbed. The way they pushed, pulled, and just made things a lot more difficult overall without actually crossing Ai directly.

Like they were scared.

“You think that I’d be painted as the villain.” Ai summarized with a sigh. Unable to call for her idol glow entirely.

That was also happening a lot nowadays.

“I think many people would be confused by your actions, and wouldn’t get the intent and context behind them. This is a documentary about B-Komachi, after all. The whole group, even without counting the girls that changed, is still made out of seven members with their own story to tell.” The director scratched his head. “And the recurring theme seems to be…”

“That there’s only Ai-chan.” Ai closed her eyes. “That it has always been my show.”

“…Ummm, yeah. Of course.” The director coughed on his fist. “Just don’t say it like that. Even if it’s the truth, it just paints you in a negative light from the get-go.”

Ai simply chuckled, denying him a reply.

“It’s okay to brag from time to time. But no one likes a vainglorious person succeeding.” The director lifted a finger like he was giving her a lesson. “Because success is weighed in relation to the overwhelming majority that do not get it, it’s a delicate topic. And thus, the ‘loser’ side is often the one that the public roots for. If you’re not a hack and give both sides good characterization, screen time, and…”

“You’re losing me.” Ai interrupted him.

The director chose to face the ceiling.

“These sorts of movies are still movies. Sure, they follow events from the real world. But the way they’re pieced together is still narratively satisfying. Or they aim to be, because otherwise they’ll just flop. You need to tell the story of someone important, or someone that lived things that resonate with the viewers. And in either of those cases, the story still needs to feel like a proper one.” The director scratched his head, deep in thought. “The ‘lenses’ can’t be objective. Not only because of this limiting factor, but because everyone involved would naturally see things in different ways. And depending on who recorded, narrated, or otherwise picked up the story and weaved it…”

“…They’re cut in a certain way. And then, it gets cut again for the viewer’s consumption.” Ai licked her lips, not knowing whether her chest felt warm or hurt when the words came to her as naturally as her own lies. “It has to be cut into half-truths, it has to be cut into an effective, convenient, and therefore deliberate form to trick them into thinking a certain way.”

The director looked a little surprised.

“That’s a rather bleak way to see things. I’d rather think of it as helping people see the truth by twisting it a little. Make the details more obvious so the bigger picture stays the same.”

“But would that be the truth?” Ai scoffed. “What if I really am the problem?”

“By your own willing action?” The director lifted an eyebrow when he looked back at her.

Ai fell silent for a moment.

“Because that’s a completely different message from the success story that your idea was meant to be. It’s one thing if a group of people work together in spite of their difference to succeed, and it’s an entirely different if this success belongs to no one at all. That’d be unsatisfying.”

“Making it to the Tokyo dome is a success no matter how you look at it.” Ai protested.

The director smiled bitterly.

“If I made up a country, gave you an important landmark, and I told you that the Emperor is crowned there… Would you find a scene of a child being crowned emotional?”

Ai furrowed her brows.

“Crowning people is still a thing?”

The director tilted his head.

“…Not the reaction I wanted, but it still gets my point across.”

“I don’t get it.” Ai complained.

“It’s nothing.” The director shrugged. “It means nothing to the audience. It’s just a name. Some of them might even have gone there… As spectators. There’s no possible way to convey how hard it is to get to the goal in a reasonable timeframe, not even in a series with multiple episodes.”

That… Made her stomach feel empty.

“It means nothing…?”

Then why even bother with anything?

“We can’t shoot a B-Komachi movie telling the story of how Ai came to success… And I get the feeling that we can’t shoot a film narrating the way Ai came to success and spin it as covering B-Komachi as a group.” The director shook his head. “Not as things stand anyway.”

There are just… Too many secrets, huh.

“I’ve always stood out from my peers.” Ai chuckled, but the sound came a lot more nervous than she intended. “Always too much. Always… For reasons I don’t understand.”

“You drag people’s attention to yourself. Never mind that some might resent the fact, it means that ‘you’ are more easily defined.” The director patted her shoulder twice. “Not because of who you are, but how the majority perceives you.”

And the majority of people can’t know who the real Hoshino Ai is.

“And most people will never care about who you really are. Just what you bring to the table.”

Her voice disappeared altogether. So, even if she could put up her best smile, she’d be unable to use her charisma to move away from this conversation.

It doesn’t help that her mind went back to things she didn’t want to think about. The way people around her behaved. Not those that’d harm her, although there had never been a shortage of those, but of those that had something to gain from her. Starting from the newest B-Komachi recruits every time a girl left, the staff, the people that ran the programs she’d been to, Hikaru…

Her own ‘adoptive father’. Both of the first and the real one.

“I still want the real me filmed.” Ai stated after a moment. Her voice filled with too little warmth to be called Ai-chan’s voice. “Even if I’m the villain, surely, I can…”

“For what is worth…” The director interrupted her, giving his voice a warmth that she hadn’t heard from him before. “…Villains are cool. And sometimes easier to root for than heroes. But I don’t want to give you strange ideas.”

“…”

“For now, things are ‘on hold’. Right? I’d say, if you can spin this story around, give it a satisfying ending…” The director shrugged again. “You’d make me eat my words.”

Ai grinned. It was an expression only people like her, Hikaru, or that woman that Hikigaya seemed to hate could make.

“That’s more like it. Love the idea.”

The director now looked worried.

“Please don’t do anything you’ll regret later. Not alone, at least.”

Alone? Right. Safety in numbers, in having a different opinion. That had been sort of the point with trying to get closer to Hikigaya, right? Try to see things from his perspective, understand how to twist her truth into something that resembled his own more closely.

Changing the lenses of her life, so to speak. Make the picture focus on love properly.

“Hey, will you be around when we make the auditions for ‘those people’? Ah, Ichigo-san might not have told you, but…”

“He did.” The director interrupted her. “I understand the situation, sort of. And it has nothing to do with me.”

This time, Ai was able to hold her expression firmly. Not letting it break.

“With that said, if you ask me directly… I guess I can’t refuse.” The director nodded to himself. “At the very least, I want to see for myself what kind of person made someone like you ask someone like me to scry your compatibility.”

Ai chuckled.

“I just asked for some direction, see if you could help me understand his personality.”

The director scoffed while shaking his head.

“Sure. Let’s call it that.”

The two of them returned their attention to the kids. They were more orderly now, so things were probably about to start.

Come to think of it, where was Aqua? Was he convinced by the double effort of Ruby and Ichigo-san to give this commercial a go? Ai would have to celebrate even more if that was the case. Because that’d make her immensely happy.

This much love wasn’t enough, but that couldn’t be a reason to not be thankful for it. She just… Wished she could share it so there was more of it.

Ah… Not good. She needed to focus, give her children her attention like they deserved. They were wholly hers, after all. She’d let nothing get in the way…

Not even…

“Gotanda-san.” The darkness crept its way back into her eyes. It had been so easy; she hadn’t even managed to put up any resistance. Hadn’t even realized where her thoughts were heading until she physically needed to act on them.

“Yeah?”

“Give me back the thing.”

The director scoffed while reaching out to hand the box back.

“It’s nothing of my business, but I’m glad there’s still things you want to—”

Ai took one corner with each hand and twisted with all her might, breaking the contents within before tossing it aside.

“…” The director looked like he’d seen her murder someone.

Ai closed her eyes, re-focusing her attention on her children.

Nothing happened there. She had no thoughts at all about the box, about whatever was inside, about whatever she thought she knew.

Ai smiled again.

“Thanks for agreeing to tag along. It makes me feel at ease.” Ai continued the conversation from the point they left it off, as nothing had happened while the silence stretched. And was therefore appropriate to continue talking.

“…Sure.” The director looked away from Ai’s bottomless darkness.

Later. Everyone told her to deal with one thing at a time nowadays, so they couldn’t judge her in this. Couldn’t tell her not to deal with the elephant in the room at her own convenience.

Later. For now… Just gather your strength, center yourself. Prepare.

Ai looked at the place where the box had landed, unable to maintain that lie.

“I’ll go dispose of it properly before the filming starts.” Ai murmured.

The director watched while Ai moved to pick it up.

“It’s your call.”

“Yeah… Thanks.” Ai gave him a bright smile. “I’m just… Not ready to face this yet.”

The director looked a little surprised, although he schooled his features quickly enough.

“That’s how life goes.”

That was oddly reassuring, if only because it made Ai feel like she might not be the most miserable person in the room for once.

On her way to find a bin, she broke the DVD even more by pressing her thumbs against the box.

What if he was the one responsible in the end? Could she actually fault him? Would she be able to forgive him?

Did it not feel like she’d do the same in his spot?

“Man, what a pickle~” Ai murmured once she’d thrown the box away, slowly slipping back into the most reliable habits she had. Brightening up with the slowness, but certainty, of a consummate liar. Even she’d been weakened in this regard… Ai wouldn’t have made it half as far as she did if a bit of emotional damage could hurt her persona for long.

One thing at a time. Children, meeting Hikigaya again, and…

Hmmm.

Oh, right. The B-Komachi auditions. How could she ever forget?

Protecting Nino-chan was super important, after all. It’s simply the right thing to do. She had to sort out the “house” first, deal with what is “outside” later.

She just had to avoid falling behind, being distracted from the goal.

She just had to…

“…!” Ai’s world brightened again when she came back, spotting her twins with the same ease that she could spot herself in the mirror. Ruby’s eagerness, Aqua’s held back reluctance…

Problems? What problems? Her children were the absolute cutest. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

She’d lie for them as long as she needed, as much as it was required…

Ah… Is that how it was? Was that what he meant when he said he couldn’t bring himself to be the reason for harm coming her way…?

It might not be what she had pictured before but… Is that not also “love”?

Chapter Text

Combing Ruby’s hair felt therapeutic, it helped Ai center herself thanks to it being an easy enough task but needing some control of the hand to avoid hurting the girl. Plus, seeing Ruby’s elated expression through the mirror filled Ai’s heart with warmth and sunlight. It filled her with a form of happiness that she knew for certain was real, and that made it all the more special. She didn’t want to compare it to the feeling of a job well done after a concert, or any appearance on TV, but… Well. This? This is real. What else is there to be said?

“Can we really not come with you?” The little girl’s expression fell, making Ai chuckle as she drank in the fact that her child wanted to be with her so much. Fighting the ugly coldness that Ai had within with the purity of Ruby’s feelings.

“I’m sorry~ but it’s really impossible.” Even if Ai wanted for it to not be the case, she had a duty to fulfill. She couldn’t just put them at risk, even if she didn’t really think that Hikigaya would try to hurt her precious babies.

She’d had that thought about someone else before, after all. And that had turned out… Badly.

“Ichigo-san and Miyako-san don’t want ‘that guy’ to get too involved.” Ai continued to talk like nothing had happened, scoffing and rolling her eyes to show the little girl that she didn’t fully think like the Saitou couple.

That seemed to make Ruby’s mood deteriorate even more.

“It’s fine if you want to hang out with him, but please make a little time for me. Okay?”

“Awww~!” Ai couldn’t help embracing the child from behind, pulling her in with more tightness than the rules for giving a good hug demanded. “Of course I’ll have time for you! You’re my sweet, talented, and brilliant baby!”

Ah… It feels so good…! Seeing Ruby’s teary-eyed expression through the mirror calm down thanks to Ai’s presence. Feel her tiny hands coil around her own hands… Ai breathed in her daughter’s scent, let her brain be intoxicated by the kid’s neediness. Had Aqua been there, she would’ve buried her face between their heads. She would’ve clogged her brain with the feeling of having them in her arms, made it so it was impossible to think about anything but them. Her lovely children…

“Besides, it’ll be kinda boring. We better do something fun together, right?” Ai pushed Ruby back into place so she could keep combing the kid’s hair. “We can dance, watch TV, do anything you want."

"I guess…”

“We’re taking things easy, so I have more time for you!” Ai shook the little girl from the shoulders.

“Hmmm… True!” Ruby cheered up almost immediately. “Okay! I’ll wait for you, mama.”

“That’s my girl.” Ai gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Ehehehe…”

Ah, truly the best. No worries, no problems. This day started out rather good. Ai hadn’t slept that well, thinking about some pretty heavy stuff. But hopefully, this reunion would start clearing up some of the problems that had been harassing her as of late. The fact that Hikigaya rescheduled out of nowhere threw a wrench into Ai’s plans; so, hopefully, she’d regain the tools and presence of mind to deal with the… Heavier… Stuff.

Ai placed her hands on Ruby’s shoulders when she was done.

“Wow, you’re always a cutie pie. But now you’re something else!” She resisted the need to pinch the kid’s cheeks, because that might start a play fight and all the combing would be rendered pointless.

“It’s because I have mama’s genes!”

That’s… Yes. True enough. Those are her genes, alright. Mhm.

“You’re so smart too!” That was also probably because she was Ai’s daughter.

“Hmmm~ You think it’s really impossible to convince Ichigo-san to let us tag along?” Ruby pouted as cutely as she could, balling her hands and putting them close to her chin. Performing the textbook description of a kid using puppy eyes to get away with something.

Ai found it adorable, but she still knew it wasn’t her choice.

“Only one way to find out!” Still, it didn’t mean that she wouldn’t help Ruby out. She’d love to have them close by, after all.

It might turn out to be a tricky day, after all.

“Ah…! I have to call Kyun…!” Personally, it’d be better to keep things private. But the girls were already on edge, and Ichigo-san considered that it would be worse if they got wind of some nebulous backstage agreements going on because of what Nino did.

It’d probably not keep them in line. But, well, Ai hoped that they’d see at least some reason when they see their boss being forced to bow down due to their stupidity.

…

Ai couldn’t even lie to herself and say that it was a sound idea. But what could be done now? It’s not like any meeting with Hikigaya had ever been easy. So she even made preparations and recharged as much of her energy as she could, ready to present her very best for what might as well be a terrible day.

There is tension in the air. A form of pregnant silence that Yui doesn’t like. Her friends might’ve greeted her with enthusiasm, some even shed tears when they see Yui outside of her work uniform. But that moment is in the past now. It didn’t last, because approaching the headquarters of Strawberry Production makes everyone somber.

The office they’re led to is big enough to accommodate all of them. Filled with posters of models, children and adults alike, some other famous people that Yui doesn’t recognize, and a great deal of B-Komachi merchandise. Like they want to make sure everyone knows what this company is all about. It still makes her feel like there isn’t enough air in it. They all gravitate toward the two couches in the center, separated by a small coffee table like they’re two opposing teams in a sports match. Like in the one Yumiko plays. With the net and rackets.

Ah… She knows the name, she really does. It simply… Escapes her mind at the moment. And it’s not important anyway, not here. Not now. Not with so many emotions packed so close to her.

At boutiques and mall center stores in general, it’s not hard to see the worker’s dynamics when you’ve been there for a bit. People have a tendency to put up a kinder front with people that they don’t know, and an even kinder one when they don’t like them. Because, being forced together for long periods of time, it’s easier to keep things civil than to affront their differences. Knowing that whatever problem detonates an argument wouldn’t be solved easily. And having to deal with that for more than eight hours a day can drain anyone of their sanity.

This is what the girls standing around behind Saitou Ichigo remind Yui of. There is a dark-green haired girl dressed in a demure dress with a light sweater over her shoulder, which reminds Yui a bit of Yukinon’s fashion sense. She looks bothered, she doesn’t want to be there. And she stands a little bit too far from the other two girls. Brunettes with a difference in how light the brown is and how long their hair has grown. The lighter brunette is looking at her phone, but she strikes Yui as the energetic type. Maybe more like herself or her mom, while the darker brunette gives off the vibe of a teaser, although she’s just looking over her friend’s (?) shoulder while she scrolls down.

Saitou Ichigo sits in front of them, in the middle of his couch. The sunglasses he wears look off inside the office, but Yui can tell that he’s quickly scanning her side of the room. Checking the kind of people that arrived at his company while his wife pours tea for him and the man sitting to his left; a man who Yui could only describe as an “adult Hikki” with growing brown hair and the hint of a beard he hadn’t bothered shaving.

This unknown man has his eyes trained on Hikki, giving the same expression that her friend gives when he’s pretending to not be interested in what’s happening but is actually locked in on something he thinks it’s important.

Yui would smile if the tension afforded her the time, but she doesn’t want the attention on her. She knows, and felt when they looked at her, where that attention goes first. And… The tension is high enough as-is to add her own problems to it.

Her side of the room seems to agree, even if implicitly.

She sits to the far right, with Komachi-chan to her left, then Hikki to his sister’s left, and then Shizuka-san on the opposite edge of the couch. She looks way more comfortable than the rest, even crossing her legs and stretching her arm on the backrest. Even though they have less space for themselves.

Komachi-chan sits with her back straight, arms crossed. Contrary to her brother, who is hunching and letting his arms hang uselessly between his thighs. Yumiko has a similar dissatisfied expression to Komachi-chan, standing behind Yui with her arms crossed like some sort of bodyguard. Yoshi-kun is doing the same, but he’s trying to go for a cooler vibe. Legs spread a bit farther than necessary, while Sai-chan is awkwardly trying to get his eyes somewhere that won’t bother anyone.

Too many people, too many mixed emotions. Normally, Yui would read all that as a single “mood” created and shared by everyone. But her mind can’t keep so many tabs present anymore. It feels like she’s being weakened in real time by having so many people ooze their feelings into the room, choking Yui until all she can do is hug the folder she brought with her close to her chest. Trying to cover her own insecurities with a physical barrier.

“Here you go.” Saitou Miyako got the last cup in front of her husband, placing the disk-thing she used to hold the tea cups on the table itself and sitting to Saitou Ichigo’s right. As close to the edge as she could, putting enough space between them that a small child could fit there. “Sorry for the wait. Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

Aren’t they married? Why the distance? Ugh… So many things happening at once!

“We’re good, thanks.” Shizuka-san replies carefreely, but that’s as far as cordiality goes. Everyone else seems to bring their attention to the Saitou couple, tensing up a little more. “Shall we carry on with the presentations?”

“I… Suppose that’s for the best.” Saitou Miyako replies as she gives Yui’s friends a look over. “Never mind that there’s so many of you, I don’t think we’ve exchanged formalities.”

Formalities, huh. It’s always so awkward… So much so, that Yui’s brain just tries to oppose the idea. And…

Hmmm.

In summary, the dark green-haired girl is Ari, the lighter brunette is Kyun, the darker brunette is Watanabe. All of which gave no further names or identification features, to no surprise. They really don’t want to be there, huh. Especially Ari, who was waiting for one of the other members and obviously took a hit to the mood when the girl didn’t show up.

Director Gotanda’s presence was a bit of a mystery, as he just said he’d been called by Saitou Ichigo. And then, it was everyone else’s turn.

Yoshi-kun, Sai-chan, Komachi-chan, Yumiko, Shizuka-san, Hikki, and Yui herself. More people than on Strawberry Pro’s side, but just as unwilling to breach the topic. They just… Said their names, with little to no friendliness. Not even Sai-chan, who still looked sort of awkward.

Seems like the silence would stretch again and…

“Say, Hikigaya.” Saitou Ichigo’s voice prevented that from happening, however. He doesn’t seem very bothered by the coldness of the people present, and Yui can see it in the way he lets himself rest on the couch while stretching his back against it. “Quite the selection of people you have going on, huh.”

What a strange way to start a conversation! Yes, there are many girls here. But not really! Most friend groups Yui knows have both boys and girls, after all. Like, okay. Hina and Saki-Saki aren’t here. But even discounting that, Shizuka-san and Komachi-chan do not count. Even with more girls than boys, this should be a very normal group. Unless Yui missed something.

“These are the least pain in the ass people I could find.” Hikki scoffs. It felt to Yui like he took offense on the comment, but not enough to acknowledge it.

He sits back, kind of mimicking Saitou Ichigo’s motion. But a lot stiffer. Still uncomfortable.

The idols react oddly. Of course, they don’t know that Hikki’s joking. Neither do the older people sitting, but they don’t seem to care enough to react too much to the comment. At least not the men. Saitou Miyako looks away, sort of trying to hide her expression. But it feels to Yui like she’s simply putting herself out of the picture. Letting the ones engaged in conversation continue.

“Said like a real pain in the ass.” Shizuka-san scoffs.

“Says the main pain in the ass.” Yumiko did the same with only a second of difference.

“See what I mean?” Hikki rolls his eyes but doesn’t take offense, since it doesn’t seem like he wants to defend himself. It makes Yui chuckle, feeling like this is a scene she has seen before.

“Yeah. Sometimes people just don’t appreciate what you do for them.” Saitou Ichigo shakes his head, earning himself a glare from his wife. “Still, I’d have appreciated it if you told us more people would be coming beforehand.”

“Would you have agreed?” Hikki asks while turning his head to the left a little. It does feel like it’s unclear whether that’d be the case or not. But given the head of the company is here… Maybe it goes without saying?

“You don’t think we’d give you this much leeway? I thought Miyako said you were a smart kid.”

“It’s precisely because I’m smart that I doubt that’s the case.”

“Well, you have us in a bit of a pickle. I think this much is fine, since they probably already know what’s going on.” The man turns his gaze to Shizuka-san, narrowing his eyes a bit when the teacher holds the stare with uncaring ease.

“Sup.” The woman lifts her chin a bit, and that brings Saitou Ichigo out of his mental space enough that he has to look back at Hikki to concentrate.

Hehehehe… Seems like the guesswork Shizuka-san and Hikki made is true. Behaving like they’re just playing around does bother someone trying to salvage their life’s work… Not like Yui agrees to that sort of bullying; but seeing a boss having to scramble to keep the flow in his favor is… Very, very nice.

“That’s… More upfront than I expected.” Komachi-chan inters the conversation. As the most involved person here, she probably expected a lot more resistance. But, well. That doesn’t seem to be the case.

“I did promise you’d be compensated for letting us deal with the fallout to our own discretion.” Saitou Miyako also chimes in as the weight of her remorse makes her tilt her head down a bit. “Although we don’t guarantee success in whatever you want to try, we will give you the tools to do so.”

“And these girls?” Hikki, you can’t just point at girls like that! They’re not eyesores, they’re probably here for a reason!

“They deserve to know what’s going on behind closed door.” Saitou Ichigo responds like it’s the most evident thing in the world.

“Right. Of course you think that.” Hikki comments.

“You think that now.” Komachi-chan adds.

The idols seem confused for a moment. But it feels like it’s starting to dawn on them that Hikki’s basically harmless here. Or at least, they direct their distrust toward their boss instead.

Probably for the best in the long run. Bosses always look out for their own interests first, after all.

Still, that’s probably not conductive to a normal conversation…

“Ummm, so that’s it?” Yui lifts her hand, not letting anyone make things worse. Hikki promised her an interview, after all. But it seems like Yui would have to do the heavy lifting for herself. Fair, of course. But she still would resent Hikki for blowing it off before she could do anything. “So I don’t need this?”

“What is that?” Saitou Miyako narrows her eyes as she sees what Yui is holding.

“It’s, ummm. My resume.” Yui stands up and reaches for the table, placing the folder on top. “I’ve only worked at stores and stuff, but that’s still my work experience.”

The Saitou couple look extremely confused now.

“Yui’s looking for a job.” Yumiko speaks up, probably puffing her chest a bit behind Yui. Using her natural aura to make everyone listen in spite of not really shouting or speaking too loudly. “Not a joke gig like the ones you offer; but an actual, stable job. You can provide her one, right?”

“You think we’re playing around here, lassie?” Saitou Ichigo’s reaction changes the idols’ own. They might’ve taken offense by Yumiko’s comment. Yet, once more, it read to Yui like they had something going on that changed their mood when their boss also took it badly.

“I know this is a fundamentally unserious company.” Yumiko scoffs while Saitou Miyako reaches out for Yui’s resume.

“That’s why the public is the public, and producers are the ones making money.” The boss-man shrugs.

The director has to hide a chuckle as to not make his side look too bad. That’s… Probably a poor defense, right? At least Yui understands that no one on her side of the room really cares for the money or the fame, not in the way he implies it’s important.

“Oh, dear. Minimum wage jobs…” Saitou Miyako looks like she’s about to cry as she opens the folder. “I see, I understand.”

“Anything you can give her is probably better. But I trust that you can do more than just ‘better’.” Hikki immediately interjects. Talking calmly, but his eyelids narrowed enough that it feels like he’s physically aiming with an invisible projectile. Centering his concentration on the woman completely. “At the very least, something that lets her start the day at a reasonable time, and go back home at a reasonable hour.”

“Is that it? This is an entertainment company; I think we can do a lot more for your friend here.” Saitou Ichigo looks a little offended. But Hikki doesn’t pay any attention to him, so the man turns to Yui instead. “You don’t have any aspirations of trying something like that out?”

“Err… Well, when I was little, I wanted to be an idol. Hehehe…” Yui scratches the back of her head, but even without looking she can tell the girls behind the boss tensed up as soon as she said that. “But that’s in the past. I’d rather have a real job to pay the bills.”

“Being an idol is a real job.” Ari seems offended by the comment, but Yui hadn’t meant to do that. How troublesome, what should she say now? “Though it takes a lot of skill, dedication, and passion.”

“It can’t take that much skill.” Yumiko scoffs, making Ari frown at her.

“Part of the charm is making that happen.” Yoshi-kun chimes in. Yui hadn’t noticed, but since he recognized these girls, he had been positively vibrating with barely contained excitement. Probably why he chose that cool-looking position to stay still.

Is this what “I’m holding my real power here!” means?! That’s kind of cool…

“Yes, thank you.” Ari smiles at the guy with that demure expression that Yui would often associate with Yukinon being cutely serious or seriously cute. “I see some people understand these things.”

“Sorry, I’m an athlete. Not really too into these things.” Yumiko scoffs.

The room is starting to heat up but no one does anything to stop them. It looks like the adults are a little amused by the exchange, even.

“Of course. It’s not like you look like idol material anyway.” An unexpected jab! Why did the serious lady-like girls always use that method to attack?!

“I don’t want to hear that from a backup dancer.” Yumiko lets out a grin, utilizing information she’d probably heard from the girl that attacked Komachi-chan before.

“You…”

“Hey, catty girls.” Shizuka-san interrupts now. Getting into her serious teacher mode. “Calm down. Aren’t you a little too old to be clawing at each other like that?”

“Compared to who?” Yumiko?! Are you insane?! You can’t…!

“Huh?! You wanna go outside, punk?!” Shizuka-san gets to her feet in a single motion! She’s lifting her fist and basically oozing bloodlust now! “C’mon. I’ll throw hands with a kid. I don’t give a damn…!”

The door to the office opens up, making everyone freeze in place as two new people enter.

“…And it’s like… so…” A kind-faced man enters, giving the whole room a good look as his words die out in his mouth. A girl follows him close by, but she doesn’t seem to pay attention to anything but him. “Ummm. Are we interrupting something?”

Normally, a question like that would get a quick response. A calm “no, that’s fine” that would settle the dispute without anything going wrong. But that’s not what happened.

Instead, it felt like the whole room changed when the girl kept walking into the side of Strawberry Pro. Heedless of the dangerous mood permeating everything.

Had her hair been darker, Yui would’ve thought that this is what a Haruno-san-like Yukinon would look like, or maybe a Yukinon-like Haruno-san. Carefreeness mixed in with an aura of being different from everyone else, being affected by anything in her physical proximity, moving at her own rhythm.

“Sorry for the wait!” The girl’s brightness almost fooled Yui into thinking that people hadn’t been arguing before she arrived. Even so, the other idols’ movements grounded Yui. Making her realize that the girl’s very presence pushed them away, opening a spot for her to reside between Ari and Kyun. Making Watanabe take the other edge.

She needed no introductions, and so no one moved to do that. Nor did she try to introduce herself.

The Hikigaya siblings visibly tensed up when Ai-chan stopped in her tracks, getting to her spot, and giving them all a cheerful smile in place of a greeting.

“Ah, there you are.” Saitou Ichigo shakes his head, turning almost completely to give Ai-chan a look before addressing the other man entering the room. “Did you get lost or something?”

“We were just catching up.” The man laughs it off, seemingly not minding the silence that had stretched out. Giving Shizuka-san time to sit back. “It’s been a while since I saw Ai-kun.”

“Oh, Kaburagi-san~” Ai-chan places her hands on her cheeks, moving from side to side like she feels embarrassed. But it doesn’t quite hit. “I’m an adult now, please don’t say weird stuff like that!”

It clicks when she regards everyone, though. Making Yui’s mind go “aha!” when their eyes meet.

She’s not looking at them. It’s like… Yes, Ai-chan is looking in their direction. But she’s not focusing on them like people do when scanning a room. Her gaze doesn’t change when it lands on anyone, she just… Carries on like there’s nothing there. It’s the same stare that can be seen in magazines and on the stage. The brain doesn’t find it weird, because people naturally understand that the image on the first is not alive. While the people at a concert are usually too far away and are too many for a single singer’s focus to land on anyone in particular.

Like that. Ai-chan’s stare is like that. A wide-lensed sort of stare. Like the room is a still picture to her, and she doesn’t expect actual human interaction from regarding anyone.

It’s like Yui has started a staring contest with a wax statue. Unilateral, and even a bit creepy.

“Fashionably late, I see.” Saitou Miyako scoffs. Making Ai-chan’s creepy gaze change direction. Yui almost sighed in relief. It felt like those high-tension scenes where something or someone is looking for the heroes with a flashlight, and the heroes narrowly avoid being detected; only for the wardens or whatever to hear a noise or continue looking elsewhere. “At least tell me you didn’t sneak any modifications to the schedule this time.”

Hikki had weirdly inexpressive and small eyes, yes. But… Who knows? Maybe Yui just grew too fond of them to really be creeped out anymore.

“Don’t worry, Miyako-san. I’m taking things easy.” Ai-chan closes her eyes in a kind smile. But it feels a little too wide now, a little forceful. “Eh? What is that?”

“It’s this girl’s resume.” Saitou Miyako motions toward Yui, making Ai-chan actually regard her in full and…

There’s surprise in Ai-chan’s face.

Yui lowers her head, feeling heat spread there. She doesn’t need any comment to know where Ai-chan is looking.

“Ummm. Just so you know, we don’t do any gravure idols in the company.” Ai-chan makes the mistake of trying to be obtuse with her thoughts regarding Yui’s body.

“Ai-chan?!”

“Ai…!”

“Huh?!” Yumiko punches the backrest of the couch, close to Yui’s shoulders. “The hell did you say?!”

“What even…?” Komachi-chan whispers, and Yui doesn’t need to look to know that even Hikki is doing the equivalent of a cat ruffling the hair of its back as it gets pissed off.

“Ah! Haha…! That’s… That’s good to know! I guess!” Yui waves her hands while trying to get the attention back to her, feeling her face burn as she realizes that Ai-chan is still siphoning all the attention to herself.

“Take that back!” Now, Yumiko’s voice is loud. “Apologize to Yui right now!”

“Eh? But it’s the truth…” Ai-chan pouts, looking troubled but not actually confused. More like, not knowing what to do now that people are pissed off.

“What Ai is trying to say,” Saitou Ichigo jumps in, standing up and placing a hand facing Ai-chan and the other to Yumiko. Like he was willing them to be pushed back. “Is that you should rest assured and trust our suggestions. I’ve been trying to show that we’re willing to meet you halfway, whatever you choose to do. So, in return, we’d like a bit of trust if or when we make suggestions to help you. We’re not the kind of people that will take advantage of young and beautiful girls.”

“Well, I mean…” Watanabe looks away with a grin, shrugging. The little shit seems to be more comfortable thanks to Saitou Ichigo.

“You’re not helping here…” The man hisses.

“Tell your center to stop being dumb then~” The girl hisses back.

“But…”

“Apologize!” Yumiko cuts Ai-chan off, angrier now.

“Yumiko-san…” Sai-chan looks a bit scared now, and Yoshi-kun places himself in such a way that Yumiko would have to sidestep him if she wants to approach the idol.

Shizuka-san looks ready to stand up too, eyeing the blonde girl with more seriousness than before. Even Hikki looks ready to stop her, but his attention is split between her and Ai-chan in such a way that makes Yui think he won’t be on time if Yumiko jumps.

She won’t, but he’d fail all the same.

“But…”

“Okay. Ai, they’re civilians. Some people think that working as a gravure idol is more than a perfectly standard job, like any modeling business.” Saitou Ichigo snaps his fingers, bringing Ai-chan’s attention back to him. “Some people might take offense on that. Just apologize, will you? Or did you mean to offend the girl here.”

“Eh? Of course not!” Ai-chan bounces back into disregarding the mood she herself set, bending forward into a 90 degrees apology stance. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to imply anything! I truly, honestly thought it was worth mentioning.”

Saitou Miyako had also bent down. But because she was still sitting down, it looked like someone had folded her, and she was waiting to be picked up like a bag. With her hands firmly on her face, or so it looked from Yui’s position.

“It’s… It’s fine, hehehe…” Yui accepts the apology as soon as she can, preventing anyone from making it more of a problem than it already is. “It is reassuring! Kind of… I guess…”

The silence that stretched from that point could’ve muffled a gunshot from how deafening it was.

“So…” Hikki spoke up this time, barely containing his feelings as he regarded the still bent Miyako. “About Yui-san’s job…”

“Right!” The woman lifted herself up, brightening as Hikki gave her a way to carry the conversation again. “If it’s a normal job, we should hold an interview. See how we can accommodate her. How does that sound?”

Oh~! Accommodations sound like less time wasted coming and going from home to work and vice versa!

“That’d be lovely!” Yui cheers up instantly, clasping her hands together dreamily.

“Uh huh. Then, I guess you can come with me.” Saitou Miyako stands up, clearly wanting to leave the room behind as soon as possible. “Ah, Hiratsuka-san…”

“Yes, my bribe.” Their former teacher makes a money sign with her hand. Not as happy and unbothered as before.

“Your compensation.” Saitou Miyako corrects her without much energy. “And… Anyone else that isn’t looking to enter the industry itself?”

Hikki perks up at the question.

“I’m looking more at following Komachi close by. I don’t know where that fits.”

Saitou Miyako frowns a little.

“I… Guess we can talk it out?” She then looks at her husband, still frowning. “Guess you can take care of the rest?”

“Yeah.” Saitou Ichigo sighs. “Guess I’ll also interview everyone, see where they stand. Gotanda-san and Kaburagi-san are two close associates of ours. Any promising new talents we find should go to them, in case you want to try your way into theater, or the big or small screen.”

He then turned to the girls behind him, giving them a stern look.

“That also goes for you, girls. Although you should talk to them directly while I interview these girls and guy.”

“Guys.” Ai-chan interjects almost instantly. “There’s two guys here.”

“Eh?” Saitou Ichigo turns around, regarding the group of friends again.

Ai-chan points at Sai-chan.

“He’s a guy.”

“…I am.” Sai-chan looks uncomfortable with the attention.

“Ah… My bad.” Saitou Ichigo scratches the back of his head. “Man, this meeting sucks. Tell you what. We have prepared sandwiches, cookies, stuff like that. Let’s grab something to eat and we start again with the interviews, how does that sound?”

No one wanted to answer, so most of the team looked at Hikki for a decision.

Hikki already looks like he aged ten thousand million years in the span of ten seconds.

“Fine.”

Phew. So glad he chose the right answer! It feels like the whole room thinks that while Ichigo-san motions toward the door leading to the main corridor.

Chapter Text

To their credit, the lunch break was… Alright. Hachiman didn’t have much of an appetite, but the general consensus seemed to be that food, indeed, made things a little more tolerable. Or at least that’s what it looked like, given how the barriers between the two “sides” from back in the meeting room apparently blurred as people started chatting and passing napkins and stuff.

“Yeah, Hiratsuka-san taught me a bit of self-defense. You never know, nowadays.” He heard Komachi speak, surrounded by two of the idols that had been with Hoshino until she took a spot close to her dad.

Hachiman’s sister had been a little concerned at first, but the girls apparently learned from Hoshino’s mistake and actually asked a question without trying to imply anything bad about Komachi. They did kind of surround her a bit, but Hachiman waited to see if his sister needed help, rather than going straight to her defense.

“Especially after onii-chan’s ‘accident’. You feel me?”

“A-Ah…”

“Of course, haha… I’d have freaked out too…”

Hmp. These two at least took the hint and didn’t push too much. Perhaps after meeting Hoshino and the Nino girl, Hachiman’s expectations of the group had become weird. Or perhaps they were bidding their time, waiting for him to lower his guard to strike again. Who knew? Not Hachiman. All he could do was observe, bide his time. And, of course, see if he could… Wait. Where’s the other one?

“It’s really good?! What’s with this?” Yui startled him a bit, cheering all of a sudden when she’d been standing by his side. Giving him her back while holding some sort of pastry with dark jelly stuffed inside, and being surrounded by Miura, Saika, Zaimokuza and…

Wait. When did this idol get in the group?!

“Right? This particular brand of coffee is Miyako-san’s favorite, I think. And it goes so well with the jelly. But we kind of can’t eat it all the time, but we’re not practicing or doing rehearsals so…” The girl… Kyun? She’d somehow wormed her way into the semi-circle that the group traced and chatted away like nothing happened, using the table with pastries as crutch the regard everyone and keep them engaged.

“Hmmm. Of course.” Miura was checking on the drink like some sort of scientist, weighing whether she should give in or not. “This’ll probably dehydrate you a bit if you drink before dance classes.”

“Is that the case? I thought the caffeine did something to the skin or the like.” The idol replied without paying too much attention to the blonde, eating away like these things didn’t apply to her.

“It’s the caffeine, yes.” Miura deadpanned but took a sip all the same.

“Miura-san, we have this conversation every time we eat out. Just try it.” Zaimokuza shook his head with some disappointment.

“Yoshiteru-kun is right! A little break from the strict diet won’t hurt~” Saika beamed with light, life, and love. Making Hachiman’s heart flutter a little when he gave his objectively correct opinion.

“I am serious about the things I do, though.” Miura tried to defend herself; but given that Yui chuckled at her comment, she wasn’t doing a very good job at all.

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Kyun cheered along, slipping another pastry into her mouth. “Ish fiin tha ta ish ishee shommtims.”

Miura looked in Hachiman’s direction.

“Hikio’s not eating anything.”

“I’m not hungry.” Hachiman put a hand out like he could stop Miura with the force of his mind. “We have this conversation every time we buy alcohol too. And you always end up plastered. So stop being a tsundere and just eat, you know you want to.”

“Oh, that’s so not true.” The Fire Queen hissed, blushing when the other two guys nodded sagely at Hachiman’s words. “Hina…”

“Hina-chan told me some things~” Yui interjected with a bit of a teasing tone, enough to make Miura speechless.

“Oh~ drinking stories. Those are fun.” The idol in the middle of the group downed what she had in her mouth with a big sip of her cup.

“You guys go out often?” Yui turned to her, letting Miura have some slack before she could get too embarrassed in front of the few strangers still around.

“Eh… Not really.” Kyun took a nervous sip this time, stalling for a bit of time. “We have an image to maintain, and some of us became of drinking age recently so…”

“I’ve never heard of a scandal of this kind.” Zaimokuza pointed out.

“Nah, nah. For all that’s happened, Saitou-san knows how to keep things in the down low.” The girl nodded to herself. “Gosh, I was almost fired like twice last year for blunders!”

That comment made everyone stop in their tracks.

“What… What did you do?” Saika graced the idol with his curiosity.

“Err… Nothing too important. Arriving late, forgetting important dates. Stuff like that.” Kyun looked back to the table, reaching for a pastry and bringing it close to Hachiman. “Here!”

“I’m not hungry.” He repeated himself, crossing his arms to make a point of not accepting it.

“Oh, c’mon! It’s really good.”

“Yeah, Hikki. You have to try it out.” Damn. This girl already had Yui on her side. As expected of an idol, Hachiman supposed. Even after all that awkwardness, she’d wormed her way into the group.

Now, granted. It’s Yui. Yui likes everyone. But still.

“I’m fine.”

“C’mon, don’t make me feed you.” Yui pouted, looking faux angry with him in a way that made her look more like the Yuigahama Yui that he knew from before. Instead of the tired ex-member of the Service Club he’d found days before.

It broke his defenses enough that he dropped his arms.

“Gee, fine.” He accepted the pastry offered and took a bite, feeling the sweetness activate the nerves inside his mouth until he had to stop chewing because of how strong the flavor was.

This thing would make MAX coffee taste bland…

“Well?” Kyun asked with an expectant smile.

“’s alright, I guess.”

“Whaaa…?”

“Leave him alone, he’s like that.” Miura scoffed, having regained her bearings already.

“It means he liked it~” Yui offered them a chuckle, and the group seemed to agree with her.

“It’s just alright.” Hachiman defended himself after swallowing, taking a moment to look at them before turning around and getting closer to his sister. “Komachi, try this.”

“And I… Eh?” Komachi turned around and opened her mouth without seeing what Hachiman was offering, looking sidewise to the other idols to avoid breaking eye contact as she almost bit his fingers. “Sweet! Too sweet! What is this? I’m getting diabetes in real time!”

“Ah, I could never eat those.” The dark green-haired idol shook her head slowly. “I don’t know why Kyun likes them so much.”

“Yeah, you kind of look like you like black coffee and stuff.” Komachi finished chewing and spoke before turning to Hachiman. “Where did you get it?”

Hachiman stepped aside so she could see what the table offered closer to the rest of the group.

“Black coffee is… Alright. Meimei likes it better.” The idol pressed her lips together like she was holding back a comment. Then, her attention landed on Hachiman. “Don’t let Kyun feed you too many of those, your stomach will resent it.”

“Hmmm…” Hachiman looked at his sister scavenging for something sweet to eat. “That might be a problem.”

“Eh, you could stand to gain some weight.” The other idol chimed in, scanning Hachiman with the same clinical judgment that Miura did from time to time.

“I was at the hospital recently.” He reminded her, furrowing his eyebrows.

“So? Doesn’t change anything.”

This girl…

“Hmm, I guess.” He just chose to ignore her. Giving the others his attention as the commented one thing or another while eating.

“I thought you’d go chat Ai-chan up.” The brunette added, making Hachiman glare at her when he had to give her his attention again.

“And that’s why you’re paid for dancing, not for thinking.”

“Don’t make an ass of yourself, Hikigaya.” Saitou approached them, looking every bit as tired as Yui had when Hachiman arrived at her tiny apartment, and lazily took a couple of pastries for herself in a plate. “These are high-spec girls you’re dealing with.”

“Hmhm…” The brunette looked at him smugly from behind Saitou.

Hachiman looked from her to Saitou, and then back to the girl. He chose to take it easy, given that the tired woman was the one that would give Yui a decent job.

“Bait used to be believable…”

“Well, given that you have some friends I think it’s hardly difficult to believe we’re…”

“You’re using too many words here.” Hachiman interrupted the green-haired idol. “Waste of breath, already got bored. Insult me in a more concise way or don’t.”

“I really don’t envy Hiratsuka’s job.” Saitou sighed, looking at both the idol and Hachiman with a disappointed look. “Just go to another room and finish your business there.”

“Miyako-san!” The green-haired idol’s face quickly became red as she gritted her teeth, more angry than embarrassed.

“Shouldn’t you be with your husband or something?” Hachiman growled, looking at the place where the men, Hiratsuka, and Hoshino had been.

Eh? When did they leave?

“I don’t smoke.” Saitou scoffed. “The office smells of cigarettes enough with just Ichigo. The complaining wouldn’t stop if I got the habit too.”

“I can’t see Ai-chan complaining about anything.” The brunette on his side commented.

Hachiman stayed silent, observing.

“Complaining might be a strong word, but her nose is weird like that.” Oh, so it was about Hoshino after all? Well, as expected of her mom. She probably knew what Hoshino’s complaints, or her version of them, would look like.

Her nose, huh.

“Is that why you stopped using that perfume?” Kyun asked from the group’s side, moving to the side so that Yui wouldn’t get in the way. Making the girl take a step back. “What was the name? Something European?”

“That’s neither a country or a language.” Hachiman pointed out.

“Whatever. Is that why?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Saitou nodded slowly.

“It smelled nice.” The green-haired girl commented.

“It was a bit strong.” The girl beside her added.

Wait. If that’s the case, then…?

“What about…?” He stopped to look at the brunette idol, but chose to ignore her. Hachiman wouldn’t let some random girl prevent him from asking what he wanted to ask or do things he didn’t want to do. “What about…?”

“Ai?” Saitou interjected when she realized that Hachiman was having trouble calling out for her. “I don’t know.”

“She’s like that. She talks little, leaves when we’re not looking.” The brunette scoffed.

“Not like we’ll get much out of her.” The green-haired girl added.

Saitou made a very obvious effort to ignore the two.

Wise. Because when they didn’t get anything from her, they turned their eyes toward Hachiman. And, no matter what his friends said, he was no pushover with things like these.

“What?” He let Saitou retreat, head toward the exist while he took care of this. It felt like she didn’t care too much about the idols she was leaving behind, alone with his group without supervision. But he couldn’t fault her either. They were grown-ups, in theory.

If they can’t take care of themselves, that’d just make them failures as people.

“They’re taken aback by your dashing looks, onii-chan.” Komachi deadpanned while elbowing him, chewing on her food while looking as unimpressed as she sounded.

“You don’t have to tease him that badly.” The green-haired idol chuckled. “At least say something a little believable.”

“I’ll have you know my brother can pull real baddies if he wants.” Komachi puffed her chest, raising her voice a little and interrupting the conversation on the other side.

“Hey, Komachi…”

“Ah, it’s easy to forget she’s as much of a brocon as he is a siscon…” Miura sounded disappointed, having her natural apex predator instincts kick in when she heard someone trying to be menacing in her territory (?). So she took a step in their direction and gave the other group her back.

The idols’ expression fell a little.

“Oh, she was serious…?”

“Ahem.” Hachiman coughed on his fist, bringing everyone’s attention back to him. “Komachi, please don’t embarrass me in front of the otaku-bait.”

“I’ll call security on you.” The green-haired idol glared at him.

Hachiman scoffed.

“Saitou-san~! Your girls are harassing me~!”

Saitou was shy of closing the door behind her when she stopped and turned to glare at him, then at the idols.

“Is this going to be a reoccurring thing…?” Kyun sounded either disappointed or defeated, but Hachiman didn’t pay more attention to her.

“Can I leave any of you alone for five minutes? Please?” Saitou growled from her spot, not bothering to go back in.

Hachiman just shrugged.

“I promise that he’s very nice once you get to know him.” Yui chuckled awkwardly.

“I just don’t bother extending courtesy to those that don’t deserve it.” Hachiman shrugged.

Even Komachi looked disappointed now.

“Ha-Hachiman-san. Why don’t we look around?” Saika came in to the rescue, moving out of the formation to get closer to Hachiman.

“Oh, no.” Now that? That made Saitou go back in. “Please don’t go wandering around, I really can’t deal with two people snooping around and making a mess somewhere I can’t see.”

“Is that really the way to treat guests?” Hachiman lifted an eyebrow, disappointed that Saitou would think someone as angelic as Saika would do anything wrong at all.

“Please, make my job easier.” Saitou released a tired sigh.

He did feel a little bad for her…

“Can I at least know where the restrooms are?”

“Really?” Saitou glared at Hachiman.

“Hey, I’m only human.”

“Fine. I’ll show you.” Then, she turned her gaze to Yui. “And, Yuigahama? We can have that interview right now, if it’s alright with you.”

“Eh? Ah! Yes!” Yui took another pastry from the table and quickly approached the woman.

“Don’t take too long.” Komachi warned her brother before he could get too far away.

“I know.” There was no way that Hoshino just straight up left without saying a word to her co-workers. Let alone greeting anyone, or even caring about seeing how things developed. She wasn’t stupid. That’d hurt her image, even if just in the eyes of a handful of people.

Like, Zaimokuza had been doing his best to hold back his excitement. Hoshino had to know, had to see. And her persona felt like the kind that wouldn’t leave someone like Zaimokuza hanging.

Or maybe Hachiman was overthinking it, again. It happened quite a lot when it came to Hoshino nowadays.

“And you.” Saitou glared at the girls again. “Please… Just be people.”

The idols exchanged a quick glance. They looked like they wanted to say something, but the idea died in their mouth as Saitou held their glance instead of walking away after saying her piece.

The girl that was talking with Hachiman’s friends gave Saitou a double thumbs up.

“Fine.” Said the brunette.

The green-haired girl did not respond.

“Hiratsuka said you’re very good at seeing things.” Saitou commented once they were out of the room.

“That’s a rather backwards way to comment on my eyes.” Hachiman replied, making Saitou roll her eyes.

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t think that’s the kind of expertise you’re looking for.” Yui commented, following from behind. “Hikki can find problems, yes. But…”

“I just make them worse.” Hachiman scoffed.

Saitou remained silent until she pointed at the restrooms.

Hachiman did not move.

“What is it?”

“Can you wait here for a moment?”

“Aren’t you a little old to need help?” Saitou glared at him now.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just…”

“What? Are you scared?”

“Can you honestly say that I can be left alone here and nothing will happen?” Hachiman glared back.

“Err…”

“Look. This place is perfectly safe. The staff knows you guys are here, the girls won’t try anything. It’s fine.” Saitou interrupted Yui with a huff. “Now, we’re gonna talk to your friend here. We’re getting her a sweet deal, and Ichigo and the director will go back to the room. And nothing will happen. Okay?”

“I don’t think so.”

Saitou’s face looked pained.

“Why?”

“I just don’t trust you.”

“Okay, want me to stay? Saitou-san can go ahead.” Yui interjected. Placing herself between them.

Uh, no. What would Yui be able to do if Hoshino appeared? Hachiman would rather deal with her alone than expose Yui to her without anyone else backing him up.

“…You’ll not live this one down.” Hachiman warned Saitou and entered the men’s restroom.

He did his business, he got out.

…

“Huh.” Indeed, nothing happened.

He frowned, looking around the hallway. Bothered.

How come? He fully expected someone sidetracking him. An unexpected encounter, something weird happening. So what gives?

He felt phantom pains in his hands, but he just shook them to tear his mind out of it.

Hoshino was standing outside the room where everyone had been eating, sort of resting her back against the wall and staring into nothing. Like a standby robot waiting to be turned on.

Okay. Not what he expected, but still within what felt reasonable. At least no one tried to attack him or started insulting him right when he left the toilet.

Hachiman sighed in preparation.

“What are you doing out here?” He didn’t growl, but his voice didn’t sound pleased either. It made Hoshino ‘wake up’ and regard him with a poker face. Fixing the dark-colored casual dress she wore before speaking.

“Ah, you’re here.” It felt odd to hear the usual cheer lacking in her voice. But he supposed she wouldn’t bother given that they were alone. “Where did you go?”

“Bathroom break.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah. Why did you leave, though?” Hachiman approached until they were at arms’ length. He didn’t want to, but he couldn’t let it show either. It’d make him more self-conscious. And he really didn’t want to think about the possibility of Hoshino wanting more physical contact like before and…

Hachiman closed his eyes for a moment. Damned hormones.

“Idol secret.”

“Really?” He tilted his head, a little bothered by the odd answer.

“Ai-chan secret.” She corrected, placing a finger in front of her sealed lips. That looked cute.

“You have a lot of those.”

“That’s me, alright.” She shrugged. The usual cheer still was nowhere to be seen, at least not with the strength that Hachiman had seen her employ. She waited a little, but Hachiman refused to ask about it. And it felt like she noticed too, because she simply chuckled before speaking again with upturned eyes. “I thought you went out looking for me.”

Hachiman looked away, embarrassed.

“…People would’ve noticed.”

“Who exactly?” She took a step forward. But Hachiman didn’t know if she noticed herself.

“Everyone.”

“Your friends?”

Hachiman stared at her again.

“Everyone.” He insisted. “Like, even if I took my time, you leave then I do the same? What do you think people will think?”

“That’s… Fair, I guess.” Hoshino looked away, scratching her chin in a faux pondering motion. “Not like they are in any position to start rumors or anything. Kyun has had boyfriends before, and I think I heard Ari is in a relationship? I don’t know about the other one.”

What did she mean by “the other one”? If she didn’t remember, why would Hachiman do it?

“Do you really think people will look at themselves before doing these kinds of things?” Not like he meant to sound accusatory, but his words made Hoshino take a moment to think about it.

Would she think that Hachiman was referring to her? He did tell her to slow down that night…

Ugh. No. Concentrate.

No. Wait. Actually…

“Did you stop to think about what you were saying to Yui-san before?”

Something in her expression changed, became more plastic as the corner of her lips stretched upward.

“Ah, I apologized. Didn’t I? It’s really not what you think.” Hoshino didn’t sound cheerful. But instead showed an affable front like she would with some of the most serious topics that she had covered on the TV. Back when there was nothing to watch during Hachiman’s hospital stay but stuff about her.

“I’m asking more about your intentions.” Hachiman crossed his arms, lifting his chin a bit while trying to keep his tone serious. “Because we both know that people can apologize without meaning it.”

“But if I want to keep things friendly, isn’t that acceptable enough?” Hoshino pursed her lips while placing a finger on her cheek. “Whether I feel like I want to be forgiven or not should be irrelevant, right?”

“Of course not.” He growled, taking a step forward without meaning to.

Hoshino did not flinch or make more distance. Instead, her smile became plainer.

“Your intentions change everything. Yui-san would forgive you, obviously. But it’s not that simple.”

“No one would agree with you.” Hoshino scoffed.

“I don’t care about what people think.”

“But you were worried about the others before?” Hoshino chuckled. “Which one is it, Hachiman-san?”

Instead of answering, he placed a hand on the girl’s shoulders. Kind of resetting her expression into as close to a neutral one as she could get.

“Hoshino. You see how these things are different, right? The matter with Yui-san is about how people treat her. The matter with you is that your life might be at risk.” Hachiman shook his head. “Those are two orders of magnitude that can’t be compared with one another. Don’t confuse my relationships with the way your life is threading.”

“I am one of your relationships, Hachiman-san.” Hoshino shrugged his hands off while sighing. “We share something special. You hold my whole life in your hands. In more ways that you understand.”

The words that Hachiman wanted to say died in his throat, making him feel cold as Hoshino took his hands between hers and drove them to her left cheek. Cradling them like she was holding a puppy, or a baby.

“I…” Her skin felt so delicate to the touch, so smooth. Hachiman couldn’t help coiling his fingers to brush her palms, feel the human connection that only the skin-to-skin contact could give him.

“You care about me, right? You said you wouldn’t let me ruin my life. So help me out a bit.” Hoshino opened her eyes, looking away from him but still holding his hands close. “I’m sorry about being caught off guard by your friend’s boobies but…”

A strange noise came out from Hachiman’s throat, making Hoshino stop talking and lift her head to look at him.

He pulled his hands back.

“Sorry.”

“Did you just… Laugh at me?”

“I’m sorry.” Hachiman repeated, feeling his face heat up.

“I’m trying to tell you something important.” To her credit, Hoshino really looked taken aback by Hachiman’s reaction. Not entirely angry or sad, but disappointed all the same. “This is very hard for me, y’know.”

“Ah, I see. I understand.” Hachiman cleared his throat. “I use irreverence to make myself more comfortable sometimes too.”

“What?” Hoshino looked shocked now. “No. I’m completely serious.”

“Okay, first.” Hachiman closed his eyes, ordering his thoughts. “It’s really rude to talk about people’s bodies like that. Second, please don’t call Yui-san’s Yui-sans ‘boobies’.”

Hoshino opened her mouth to protest, but closed it when Hachiman tried to be funny about what he was saying.

“Why? What’s wrong with saying ‘boobies’? I know she’s quite big, but boobies are boobies.” Hoshino scoffed like Hachiman was the one being nonsensical.

“What are you? A literal kid? Who says ‘boobies’ in their twenties?”

“Now you’re just being pedantic! What does it matter if I call tiddies ‘boobies’?”

“That’s even worse. It’s just so childish I didn’t think you were serious.” Hachiman would’ve laughed if Hoshino wasn’t visibly getting more uncomfortable. It just… Wasn’t a topic he had touched with anyone before, much less with a girl who he had… Hugged and kissed, in inappropriate ways, before.

Ugh…

“That’s…” Hoshino’s whole body froze, like something had clicked in her mind and she didn’t quite know how to deal with it. Blinking after a couple of seconds, her whole body language being more guarded. More idol-like. “I’m supposed to be wholesome and stuff.”

Hachiman narrowed his eyes. Not because he didn’t believe her, but because he knew how… Aggressive… She could be when she looked for… Physical contact…

“But you’re avoiding the point! I don’t want us to be in bad terms.”

“What about Yui-san?” Hachiman insisted.

Hoshino moved her eyes to the left, then to the right.

“What about her?”

“See? This is why I’m telling you that your intentions matter.” Hachiman motioned to point at the ground with both hands.

“No, no, no. This is between you and I. I don’t care about anyone else.” Hoshino insisted. “You don’t even text me anymore after saying you won’t abandon me.”

“Didn’t you say you’d take some days off? Vacation days are supposed to be all for yourself. I thought you wanted all the time without being bothered.” Hachiman didn’t really understand that point. He needed to recharge his social battery often, after all.

“What? You’re not a bother. Why would you think that?” Hoshino’s expression broke into that of a sad smile, the light in her eyes seeming to flicker as she tried to keep up with the conversation. “I need you present. As much as possible.”

“That can’t be true.” Hachiman couldn’t help denying her words out of principle.

“Why not?!”

“I’m not that important, I can’t be.”

“Hachiman-san, when I think of you, I think about your blood. The cuts, your motionless body.” Hoshino’s expression became hollow altogether. The hands that took his own a second time were now cold. “I feel like, if I take my eyes off of you, I’ll be back at that door. And you’re not waking up ever again. I need you to be with me; I need to feel your heat, hear your voice. Please, help me think of you as a life that has become better thanks to meeting me instead of one that was exchanged for my own.”

“…”

“If you leave me, there’s no one else to take your place. I cannot thank anyone else, feel like I matter as much to anyone else. No one will do so much for me without knowing who I am. Such a person does not exist in my world.” Hoshino took his cheeks between her hands, making Hachiman shake them off.

“Someone will see you.”

“There’s less staff than usual, and Ichigo-san made sure they’re all busy and out of the way.” Hoshino looked at him like he was being a pain in the ass. “We can do whatever we want.”

Damn it. He knew something like this would end up happening. He should’ve led her back inside. Say his piece and just make her talk one on one with Yui to make things right. Make it so his friends wouldn’t feel like he wasn’t as worried about her as they were.

The thought had crossed his mind only for a moment, however. Right now, he could only regret not making that call.

“I just want you to clear things up with Yui-san.” He stated with a strangled tone, having trouble speaking. “She’s the kindest person I know. If given the chance…”

“She’ll probably be around from now on anyway.” Hoshino sounded like she resented the fact. “I can think about that later.”

“I want you to think about it now.” Hachiman insisted.

Hoshino smiled solemnly in return.

“Then give me a kiss.”

“That’s not how it works. That’s extortion.” Hachiman looked away. “And I’m pretty sure I made my position clear.”

“So it’s not that you don’t want to? It’s just that you think it’s not right?”

Hachiman closed his eyes, struggling to keep his breathing even.

“Is that it?” Hoshino insisted.

“…Something like that.”

“Hmmm~”

Hachiman opened his eyes again.

“And you’re being a terrible person right now.”

“I am pretty selfish.” Hoshino nodded to herself. “I want the things I want, and I don’t care about anything else. And you? You’re the opposite. Which confuses me so much that I feel like I’ll die just thinking about it.”

She took two steps back, shaking her head with some sadness in her scoff.

“Ah… It’s impossible. I can’t be more like you; I can’t make the lie that I’m a nice girl into a reality. I’m sorry, it’s just out of my league.” She chuckled while shaking her head, getting her hands behind her back like she was confessing something to a camera. “I don’t have it in me, so… Give me something in return. I’ll pretend to be nice, which is the closest thing I can give. Let me think I’m getting what I want. And maybe I’ll learn.”

She looked at the floor now, her smile something distant. An afterthought.

“Sucking at something is the first step to get good at it, after all.”

Hachiman stared at her. She looked smaller now, even though she’d never been tall to begin with. It just felt… Like she didn’t have a thick armor around her. The “bulk” of her mannerisms had been stripped off. So what was actually beneath looked small by comparison.

“I’m not as kind as you think.”

“I’m not sure about that, given how little you’ve taken from us.” Hoshino pointed out.

“What if I’m just patient? Taking my time to take what I want?” Hachiman insisted.

“Hmmm… There’s little you can take away from me that you couldn’t since the start.” Hoshino looked up, again placing a finger on her cheek. “Like… I only have my body right now. But, alas, I didn’t bring protection today. So that’s off-limits.”

Hachiman let out a choked noise as Hoshino continued.

“If you’re trying to sell a story out of me… You could’ve gone to the news at any time. Hell, with Nino-chan you’d have gotten quite some sweet deals…” She smiled awkwardly at him now. “I’m sorry! I just can’t see you being that bad.”

She looked away; her smile cold now.

“You’re not like me, after all. That is why I feel safe trusting you.”

“Not like you, huh…” His words didn’t come out right. He could’ve said more articulate things. Make a better point. But Hoshino’s line of thought caught him like a rope. Tightening around his neck and wrists, keeping him pined and at her mercy in spite of having no more physical contact.

“The opposite, really.” Her eyes were brilliant again, like she was cradling the idea with some fondness. “That’s why I told you before: If someone like you can join hands with someone like me… Are we not basically complete? Who can defeat a pair like that? Covering all angles, all routes and chances…”

Hoshino made a small heart symbol with her hands.

“If it’s with you, I can be truly invincible. I can even challenge ‘death’ with a smile on my face.”

Ah… Isn’t that the most damning thing to be said? Having someone say “I need you” so desperately… How could Hachiman ever say no to that?

His approach was thoughtless, but with no less intent than any of the decisions he’d taken for himself.

Hoshino closed her eyes, expectant. Letting Hachiman take her cheeks between his hands and placing her own on his wrist.

Hachiman leaned down and placed his lips on the top of her head.

“…Eh?” Hoshino opened her eyes with a shiver, pulling back to look at Hachiman with confusion written all over her face.

“I did say I wouldn’t leave you.” He murmured. “Just… I’m sorry. I didn’t understand why you were so insistent on me. I just can’t see why anyone would bother that much.”

Hoshino’s confusion grew, but Hachiman hid her face on his chest when he enveloped her small body with his arms.

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to kiss her, or that he wasn’t mad at her for the comment on Yui. It was just that, at this point, the baggage that Hoshino carried was clear enough in his mind that he could afford to be lenient with her a bit.

The idol shook a little in his arms, coiling her own around his back while sobbing slightly.

If there is a thing he learned from his time with the Service Club, it was that the truth without kindness was not worth having. That the part of understanding didn’t just mean tearing someone’s intentions apart. It meant acknowledging their humanity, that there might be little to no options to be seen from their position.

So… Even if he hated the way Hoshino lied through this whole conversation, he didn’t get on her case about it. Not with her, she needed a more delicate touch. Because, like Hoshino herself pointed out, she was one of Hachiman’s relationships now. Weird, complicated, but the connection existed. And so, he’d give her the same chances he gave to everyone that life had coming his way.

Hachiman woke up that day like any other. And, just like with any other, he’d choose to try to understand.

Chapter Text

“Can we stay like this forever?”

“…Huh?”

Hoshino’s question made Hachiman flinch, made him clench his muscles in spite of the seemingly innocent tone she used. Reminding him of a kid, rather than a young woman, but the way she’d calmed down and stayed perfectly still for a moment before speaking… It felt wrong, for some reason.

“Sorry.” Hoshino released him, wiping her face with her hands with enough pressure to pull her skin a little. She struggled to breathe for a moment; Hachiman could hear her wheeze before she got her bearings. And moved her nose while inhaling loudly, all of this in the span of a couple of seconds. “That’s probably a strange thing to say.”

Like one of those toys that become undone by pressing a button beneath their base, kept together by strings, and that come back when the button stops being pressed. Just like that, she pulled herself back together.

Hachiman stared dumbly at her for a moment, mind frozen for a bit before he could figure out what to do or say.

Trying to be brave was good and all that, but it didn’t sit well with Hachiman how she hadn’t looked ready. How it felt like she was pushing herself too much.

“Are you okay?” He couldn’t help asking, because he didn’t know her enough to make an educated guess about her state. Maybe she was indeed just that resilient and he was just overthinking it, or maybe she didn’t want to show weakness in front of him. He’d understand, but he wanted to think that he could catch the hint of either if he asked.

“Yeah… Yeah!” Hoshino offered him her trademark smile, stretching her arms to either side. “You’re really good at hugging! Thanks.”

“Umm… Sure.” Hachiman didn’t buy it, not fully. But not because her mask had any faults. Instead, it simply read to him like she had avoided the question altogether. “If… If you want, I can…”

Hoshino blinked a couple of times, waiting for him to finish talking.

He couldn’t. It felt wrong if he put it into words, felt like he shouldn’t be offering it or that it was pointless to do so. Either way, Hoshino had gone back to her façade already. He wouldn’t be able to do anything, he didn’t have the right to intervene.

Her words resonated in his mind all the same. That moment of weakness, however awkward, had been real. And Hachiman had to give it the proper importance, show Hoshino that he had heard her. That he cared.

He lifted his arms again, looking away while he waited for her to take the hint. It felt utterly humiliating, like he was a little kid asking for his mom’s attention. And each second that ticked down felt like Hachiman would die of embarrassment even harder. Tempting him to abandon his endeavor.

He flinched when Hoshino’s arms curled around him, but he managed to get a grip and lower his hands around the girl’s shoulders when she rested the left side of her face against his chest.

The smile didn’t disappear, but the way she clung to him felt… Warm. Like being hugged by his little sister, being relied on by someone that trusted him… Or maybe he was just projecting. Maybe he just wanted to think that Hoshino’s need for reassurance meant more than it actually did.

He was still a little stunned when she lifted her gaze, staring like she was waiting for something. Bidding her time.

Hachiman only realized what was happening when their foreheads bumped, making him turn his neck and place his cheek on her forehead. Cutting off the eye contact and making her chuckle.

“You’re not giving up, are you?” He murmured while Hoshino rested her face on his chest again.

“Never.”

Hachiman released a pained sigh.

“It’s not worth it.”

“Liar.”

The accusation annoyed him a bit, so he did the most reasonable thing he could come up with and squished the idol with his arms by pulling them suddenly toward him.

“Eek!” The small protest satisfied him. It really felt like hugging Komachi, like fooling around with his little sister after patching up a disagreement. It felt… Right.

“Alright, let’s go back.” Hachiman scratched the back of her head with his index finger. Running it down a couple of times to follow the way her hair naturally grew. “People will grow curious, and that spells a pain in the ass.”

“Agreed.” Hoshino sighed, surprisingly Hachiman a little; because he didn’t expect her to say it like it was something obvious.

He thought he’d defend her idol-mates, even if only a bit.

“Then… Release me.” Hachiman deadpanned all the same. Because her actions still did not follow her words.

“Call me a good girl.”

“Excuse me?” Huh?!

“Nothing, nothing.” Hoshino released him. Smiling at him like she hadn’t said something outrageous. “I’ll go wash my face, go ahead.”

“…” He narrowed his eyes, analyzing her expression and the way she seemingly looked innocent. Like she didn’t have anything to hide.

Lies, lies, lies… Hachiman didn’t know what to think. But he was growing used to the feeling, for better or worse.

“…Fine.” In the end, Hoshino looked like that was as far as she’d let him go. She wouldn’t give any more terrain, and trying to force her would only make things worse. And it’d waste time too. Time that he didn’t have, as he knew Komachi would eventually grow suspicious and would go out to look for him. And what if she found him with Hoshino?

And not even doing anything weird like… Like…

…

Okay, Hachiman. Could you please get your mind out of the gutter?

“Okay~ see you in a moment.” Hoshino’s steps were light enough, which made Hachiman have to stare. Try to see when she started walking normally, slower. But that didn’t happen before she had to take a corner.

He sighed. Knowing that the attention he gave Hoshino made him look worse, made him look a little too interested. But he couldn’t help it, this girl was really good at hiding herself behind her expression. And it’d drive him insane if he didn’t learn to tell her hints quickly enough.

He just knew that the suspicion would eat him away sooner rather than later, make him wonder about every single one of her movements… It’d quickly devolve into an obsession, an illness.

He pushed himself to enter the room again, feeling more tired than before in spite of doing nothing but walk around. Making him less willing to engage with everyone, now that Hoshino had given him another look at her damaged inner self.

“Oh, took you long enough.” Komachi greeted him by turning her head around but not facing him completely. “Did you get stuck or something?”

“It’s very rude to judge how long people take to go to the toilet.” Hachiman clicked his tongue, hiding his hands in his pockets as he approached the group of people that had finally merged into a single circle.

“Oh, you’re back.” The green-haired idol gave Hachiman a side glance while she held out her phone, like she was taking a vertical picture of the group. But Hachiman could see movement on the screen, so they were probably watching something. “You didn’t see Ai-chan around?”

“On the way to the toilet?” Hachiman scoffed.

“Oh, right. If you did, don’t say anything.” The girl returned her gaze to the screen.

“We do have ‘idol meetings’ from time to time.” Kyun added, standing between Saika and her fellow idol, also looking at the screen. “Don’t let Ari bother you about it.”

“Do you mind?” The brunette idol glared at Kyun before huffing. “Have some shame at least in front of people!”

“I didn’t know idols had robot parts instead of bladders.” Miura scoffed.

“It’s statistically proven that talking about the restroom and stuff can really ruin the fans’ perception of us, actually.” The brunette stated while looking away.

Miura frowned and turned her gaze to the girl.

“Really?”

“The idol business is pretty brutal.” The girl shrugged.

Huh…

“Does that have anything to do with what you’re watching?” Hachiman chimed in, ready to move on from the toilet talk.

“We’re watching one of their shows.” Komachi explained with a huff.

“Why?”

Saika smiled awkwardly at him.

Hachiman looked at the cutest angel alive, then at the cutest little sister in the entire world. Then, he looked at Miura.

“Did Miura start a competition of some kind?”

“Hah?! Why do you think this is on me?!” The blonde snapped her face toward Hachiman, already entirely red.

“Hahaha!” The brunette idol’s cackle made the others take a step away from her, pushed by how loud she’d been. “Your friends know you really well, sports girl!”

“She did.” Saika chuckled awkwardly.

“I didn’t!”

“Look. All we’re saying is that we can probably outperform you any day, any time.” Kyun shrugged with so much smugness that it almost felt like she had somehow become a little telepathic girl for a moment. “We’re national idols, our routines require a lot of effort.”

“Umm, I think they’re different…” Saika tried to chime in, but Miura didn’t listen.

“That can’t be true. Let’s test it out.”

“How? We can only dance, and it’d be incredibly easy to floor you.” The green-haired girl gave Miura a sidewise smirk. A lot tamer, but still smug enough that Komachi took a step back while Saika put himself between the idols and Miura.

“Let them be. It’s not like they can hurt anyone but themselves.” Hachiman jumped in, dragging the poor soul away from those meddlesome women. Lest they could hurt him or worse, use him in their petty discussion and then hurt him.

“Our oshis gloating their superiority is a treat not many can enjoy anyway…” Zaimokuza murmured, making Hachiman slowly turn to look at the guy. He had his focus on his phone, moving his fingers so quickly that Hachiman doubted the guy was actually typing something meaningful.

He was only half right, however. Ebina’s chat was filled with half-formed thoughts and a whole lot of fangirling while Zaimokuza tried to explain what was happening here, while the girl he was talking to spammed stickers and more half-made ideas. With the only indication that Zaimokuza was half as excited being that his hands trembled a little.

“…” Hachiman’s eye twitched, but when he noticed that Zaimokuza was staring back at him. He put up the best smile he could, read: a very awkward one, and placed his hand on the fan’s shoulder. “You’re doing great.”

Know what? As long as he remained put, that was fine. Hachiman would pretend not to see. He’d let the guy have his fun.

“Thank you, Hachiman-sama. It’s taking all my willpower not to gush all over these girls.” Zaimokuza whispered like he was doing some sort of great physical effort.

Hachiman’s smile broke even more.

“Never again say those words in that order in front of me.”

“…Sorry.” To his credit, Zaimokuza looked genuinely embarrassed. “Talking to Hina-dono does that.”

Uh-huh, okay. Great, fantastic. Yet another thing that Hachiman didn’t need to know.

He returned his gaze to the group of people, who had moved on from the video and were talking about Saika’s development in sports now. Which was great, absolutely brilliant. Hachiman hoped to jump into that conversation, as nothing wrong would ever come out of talking about Saika’s good points.

The green-haired idol was looking at Hachiman and Zaimokuza.

“I, huh…” Damn it! Did she hear? Why couldn’t he just talk about Saika with everyone else?! “Sorry about him.”

“It’s normal, really.” The girl shrugged, genuinely looking unbothered. “Comes with the territory.”

Hachiman and Zaimokuza exchanged a glance. The glasses-wearing guy started shaking a little harder.

“Right…”

“He’s been the nicest person in this place, save for the cutie over here.” The meddlesome cat pointed at Saika with her chin.

“I’ll destroy you.” Hachiman glared at her.

“Huh…?” The idol looked at him like he had grown a third eye.

“Sorry, force of habit.” Hachiman looked away, remembering that idols weren’t supposed to enter relationships.

“Habit of what…? Never mind, I probably don’t want to know.” The girl huffed, frowning at nothing while crossing her arms. “Ah… Before I forget, sorry about Ai-chan and your friend back there.”

“Hmm?”

“Management will make us apologize anyway, so I might as well put that out right now.” The green-haired idol lowered her head a little, regarding Hachiman completely before continuing to talk. “So… Sorry about that.”

“I’d rather have… Ai-san apologize to Yui-san herself.” Hachiman narrowed his eyes. “You guys didn’t do anything.”

The idol lifted her face, confusion spreading through it.

“’Ai-san’?”

“What?”

“No, nothing. It’s just…”

“It doesn’t roll off the tongue that well.” The idol that had been friendlier to everyone, Kyun, added while taking her eyes off of the group’s angelic Saika for a moment. “I thought you’d be closer.”

“We don’t really know each other.” Hachiman shrugged a little. It’d be a lie to say he understood, or really knew, what Hoshino was all about. So, although he was probably dodging the main topic, he still wasn’t lying.

“Is that how it is…?”

“Do I look like a people person?” Hachiman retorted.

Miura shook her head.

“Don’t give them ammo to make fun of you for free, dude.”

“And you’re the one saying that it’s ammo to tease me.” Hachiman growled.

“Sometimes I do think onii-chan has a thing for being talked down on…” Komachi interjected. “So please, help me dispel that idea. My opinion on you might depend on it.”

“Komachi-chan? Why is my cute little sister mad at me now?” Hachiman frowned at the young girl looking at him in disappointment.

“I’m not mad.”

“You are.” Hachiman insisted.

Komachi looked away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well…” His words died in his mouth when the door opened behind them, revealing the director leaving the door open for Hiratsuka to enter.

“Ah, there you are.” The woman looked kind of amused, which made Hachiman a little nervous. A little guilty. “We saw ‘the girl’ back there, I thought you’d be with her.”

Hachiman felt the stares on his back as his former teacher damned him with those words.

“I went to the restroom.”

“So what? There’s plenty of excuses to sneak out.” The director didn’t look as amused, but there was a hint of a teasing tone there all the same. “In this age filled with technology and information, is it too difficult to come up with something to go behind adults’ backs? Kids these days…”

Hachiman covered Komachi’s ears without a second thought.

“Please don’t impart weird knowledge to my little sister.”

“I’m already an adult, though.” The younger Hikigaya shook her brother’s hands off.

“Of course you are.” Hachiman put his hand on the girl’s head, ruffling her hair a bit before regarding the teacher and the director again.

“Hmm~ I see, I see.” The director turned his gaze to Hiratsuka while jabbing a thumb in Hachiman’s direction. “He’s completely helpless, huh.”

“What can I say?” Hiratsuka shrugged. “There’s a reason why they’ve stuck with me.”

“Please don’t talk like you’re our mom.” Miura frowned while looking away. “It’s embarrassing.”

“And improper.” Hachiman coughed on his hand. “You’ll give these people the wrong impression. Especially about me.”

“Nah, I think I’m getting the right picture.” The director did that thing where someone makes a square with their fingers and fits the people in front of them within, like they were setting some sort of camera on them. “Pretty colorful group, I wonder if there’s a story in here.”

Hachiman exchanged looks with his little sister, then realized that everyone was looking at each other. As much a confession of guilt as having said it out loud.

“No.” Hachiman stated.

“Bah! You’re no fun.” The director scoffed. “C’mon, what’s the problem? I won’t tell anyone if you tell me something embarrassing.”

“The fact that you’d feel the need to say that out loud fills me with more dread.” Hachiman retorted.

“It’s obvious, but sometimes you gotta start there. Make everyone be on the same page.” The director approached the remaining pastries on the table, taking one that had already been bitten and getting a piece in his mouth thoughtlessly. “You never know what idiot will get the wrong idea from omitting it.”

Hachiman clicked his tongue, looking toward his former teacher. She looked rather amused, but didn’t say or make any indication of wanting to make fun of him. So he used her as a crutch to move on from the topic.

“You shouldn’t be smoking that often.”

“Oh, please. Get off my case, Hikigaya. I know what I’m doing.” Hiratsuka rolled her eyes.

“Oh, you were quitting? Sorry about that.” The director looked a bit surprised.

“I’m controlling how much I smoke. Totally different.” Hiratsuka smiled cheekily.

“I give her five years tops.” Miura murmured.

“Make it ten.” Hachiman replied.

“You people really are assholes, huh.” The brunette idol chimed in.

“Is that really something that should be coming out of an idol’s mouth?” Hachiman retorted.

“I’m on a break day, sue me.”

“Okay, okay.” The director clapped his hands a couple of times, making everyone stand to attention. “Let’s move on, make things easier for the Saitous. Who’s interested in cinema?”

Hachiman eyed everyone else, wondering why the question had even come up.

“…Seriously?” The director’s shoulders dropped a bit as everyone was as confused as Hachiman.

“I explicitly came here for a modeling gig.” Komachi lifted her hand a bit.

“I don’t really know…” Saika of course had to consider his options super well, because his talent couldn’t be wasted with some two-bit movie director.

“The camera can’t handle me.” Zaimokuza smirked, but then his energy was drained all of a sudden. “And… And, well, it’s kind of embarrassing so…”

“You’re very shady.” Miura stated.

The director pointed at Hachiman with an arched brow.

…?

“We’ve known each other for a while.” Miura replied.

Seriously, what?

“Oh, I don’t like that attitude either.” Komachi growled, her idiot hair standing to attention like a cat’s hair would bristle when disturbed.

“Okay, okay. I’d still like to scout for surprise talents, so… B-Komachi girls?”

“Eh?” The green-haired idol blinked. “Wait, for real?”

“Are you calling your boss a liar?” The director tilted his head.

“Yeah.” The idol replied.

“Ouch. But, well, it wasn’t a lie.” The director looked a bit amused by the reaction. “So why not give it a spin?”

“I don’t know, I can’t act.” Kyun looked to the other two idols, a little too close to Saika’s field of wholesomeness for Hachiman’s comfort.

“That’s fine, I don’t expect you to be pros at it.” The director put his back on his shoulder, trying to relax a bit while he explained. “The idea is to gauge how well we can work together, do a couple of very basic exercises. See if we can do something for you. It’s a completely different business from idol work, so it’s not a big deal as long as you do your best.”

“Did Ai-chan get this sort of treatment too?” The brunette idol asked, narrowing her eyes a bit.

“Eh? No. She sucks at acting.” The director waved her off.

“O-Oh…”

“I thought you said it was ‘alright’?” Hiratsuka chimed in.

“That might as well be the most damning thing someone can say.” The director sighed. “Bad actors are one thing, but plain ones? Good enough to work but not to warrant the time and effort put? That’s always hell, y’know. It might be different from idols or models, but being midway is the worst possible place to be given that that’s where the majority of people are.”

Damn, he didn’t have to talk shit about Hoshino like that behind her back…

“So if we’re bad, that’s an instant disqualification. And if we’re not good enough, it’s the same thing?” Miura pursed her lips, looking at the director like he was stupid.

“For a beginner, it shouldn’t be that much of a concern.” The director didn’t seem to mind. “As long as we can find a way for you guys to put in the effort, to like it, the result should be evident in time.”

“But what if we’re not cut for it?” Saika asked with a hand close to his heart, making Hachiman forget about the whole point of being here for a moment.

The director clicked his tongue.

“That’s why I am here. Don’t give up before starting the race, I’ll see what we can do.”

The guy blinked a couple of times, considering.

“…I’d like to try.”

“Really?” Miura turned to him; eyes wide open.

“Yeah. Sounds fun.”

“It will be.” The director nodded. “Anyone else?”

The room’s mood had changed a bit.

“Okay.” Kyun nodded.

“If it’s trying out new stuff…” The brunette, Watanabe, nodded to herself softly.

“Cool. Tell me if anyone changes their mind. Let’s borrow another room…” The director stared at Hachiman, pointing at the door with his thumb. “Hikigaya siblings?”

“Yeah?” Komachi replied first.

“To Ichigo-san’s office.”

Hachiman let his chin down, almost touching his collarbone with it.

Of course.

Chapter Text

The siblings didn’t falter in their walk to the office they’d been given directions to, but they did take their time getting there. Walking slowly enough that they could look around the mostly plain corridors. Seeing how desolate they felt in spite of sounding like there were people doing something behind the closed doors.

“Feels like we’re walking to a funeral.” Komachi murmured before the first worker that they’d seen since they left the meeting room appeared, holding some papers with designs of colorful dresses and some irritation on the face. He nodded at the siblings when they pulled apart to give him room to walk through, but didn’t say much else. Not even bothering to close the door by himself, which slammed shut on its own moments later.

The Hikigaya siblings looked at each other, silently asking themselves if they really wanted to be there at all.

“No matter how we look at it, this is still a business.” Hachiman murmured back. “Can’t really avoid the corporate environment.”

“At least the pastries were tasty.” Komachi replied, earning her another meaningful look from her brother. Which made them share the unsaid sentiment for a moment.

The free food made them agree to keep going.

It wasn’t like the corridor was that long either. They just really didn’t want to go. At some point, Hachiman wondered if any of the other rooms had Yui in them, so he listened in to try and discern her voice, to no avail. Komachi also helped, but neither of the siblings could find Yui; and knocking and entering random rooms would be a little too much. So, without anything else to do, they finally faced Saitou Ichigo’s office like two kids that had been summoned to the principal’s office for pulling on the hair of said principal’s daughter during lunch break.

Tch. If only they had actually done something nasty…

“Is it just me, or this is incredibly ominous?” Komachi tilted her head to the side close to her brother, whispering while looking straight at the door.

“This happened in one of the series I read. The thing behind the door was trauma, and it started a rampage through Tokyo by a literal eldritch abomination.” Hachiman replied in his usual monotone tone.

“Not very reassuring.” Komachi crossed her arms and closed her eyes like she was processing the information that her brother gave her. “What if we go back and pretend we weren’t told to come here?”

His thoughts arrived at the face of the idol that had told him to go ahead, but that hadn’t actually appeared before the siblings were summoned to this room.

“…That’d probably just delay the inevitable.” His words made his little sister stare at him with some suspicion. But in the end, she had to sigh.

“Guess there’s no way around this.” Komachi reached out, making a fist to knock on the door.

Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!

“…Was it really necessary to do it like that?” Hachiman chose to furrow his brows instead of chuckling as an annoyed voice came from the other side of the door.

“It’s not about it being necessary.” Komachi lifted her chin with some smugness before twisting the knob to open the door. “It’s about sending a message.”

The room reeked of smoke, but Hachiman only had eyes for the girl sitting behind the desk; on the big boss chair.

Hoshino sat there, holding a long sandwich and eating peacefully while her boss-slash-dad sat on the desk itself, close to one of the corners and in front of her from Hachiman’s point of view.

She looked… Normal. While eating like that while her boss looked rather stressed out was odd, there was nothing extraordinary about Hoshino while she chewed on her food. Absentmindedly looking at nothing before slowly regarding the siblings when Saitou stood from his spot.

“Does being a pain in the ass run in the family?” Saitou growled while holding his forehead, sunglasses covering part of his expression by way of hiding his eyes from view.

“Eh, fifty-fifty it’s learned behavior.” Komachi replied while letting herself in.

The man clicked his tongue while looking away.

“Another one of those, huh. Well, at least I know how to deal with girls that think they’re too clever for their own good.” Saitou turned around to regard Hoshino, make sure she knew he was talking about her. But his expression died when he saw that Hoshino had something in her mouth. And so, he looked down at the plate on his desk.

The sigh that he released was so tired that Hachiman had to blink the wave of sleepiness that was transmitted to him away.

“I told you that you could take a bite, not that you could eat the whole damn thing.” The man growled, lifting the plate to let Hoshino put the food on it.

“It’s really good, though.” She didn’t, of course. And simply took another bite without a care in the world.

“I didn’t have breakfast today. That’s mine.” Saitou insisted, moving the plate a bit to put some pressure on Hoshino.

“Should we…?”

Hachiman put a hand in front of Komachi, cutting her off while staring at the two that had started a staring contest for the fate of that one sandwich.

“I want to see where this goes.”

“We’re not some circus performers to be used as cheap entertainment.” Saitou returned his attention to the Hikigaya siblings before forcefully taking the food out of Hoshino’s hands and giving it a bite himself.

Hoshino furrowed her brows but kept chewing without saying anything about it.

Interesting…

“I wouldn’t pay for this comedy bit anyway.” Hachiman shrugged, taking a step forward to go to the chairs facing the desk. Dragging them back a bit before offering one to his little sister. The boss of Strawberry Pro kept eating until Hachiman was finally seated. “So? Why are we here?”

“Tch. Everyone’s a critic nowadays…” Saitou rolled his eyes. Or, it looked like that. Hachiman couldn’t tell for sure because of the sunglasses.

Why was he still wearing them indoors? Did he think it looked cool?

“Real charming.” Komachi said in the dryest tone she could muster.

“Thanks!” Hoshino spoke before completely shutting off again. Not even regarding the siblings and instead staring at her boss, but with the same lack of interest that a student would give a boring teacher during a lecture.

Okay…?

“You’re not helping.” Saitou glared at the idol for a moment, before regarding the siblings again. “Okay. Putting aside the matter of my food…”

“You could’ve called us once you were done.” Komachi pointed out.

“Oh, is it a problem? Did you eat before coming here?” The man didn’t seem to mind the interruption, and pivoted into the question so naturally that Hachiman almost forgot that they were being little shits to him a moment before.

“We had breakfast.” Hachiman assured the man without thinking too much about it.

“Yeah, we’re good.” Komachi nodded, toning her mood down a bit.

“You sure? We can order something if needed be.”

“Eh? Then what’s the problem with eating this?” Hoshino chimed in again.

“That I’m hungry right now!”

“Eh…”

“Umm, no need.” Hachiman interrupted them, feeling his little sister get annoyed at the antics.

“Feels like we’re now in the VIP side of the business, right?” Komachi looked away, sounding a little tired.

“Eh… I mean.” Saitou shrugged. “We started out on the wrong foot, I’d say. I just want to play nice.”

“A little late for that, don’t you think?” The younger Hikigaya glared at him.

Hachiman didn’t say anything, because he shared the sentiment. Even if he didn’t want to express it.

“…Yeah, probably.” Saitou scratched the back of his head, a little embarrassed.

“It’s never too late to make amends!” Hoshino lifted a finger, closing her left eye while speaking. “If we try, we can all be friends. Right?”

Komachi didn’t look very convinced.

“Under different circumstances, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Hachiman stated, taking the lead before Komachi could say something outrageous. Hoshino’s smile became sharper, more fake. “…But neither of us need that reminder.”

“And that’s why I think we should have it.” Saitou clapped his hands once, breaking the contact between Hachiman and Hoshino when they were both distracted by the sound. “I think we’re all very thankful that things have turned out this way, given the circumstances.”

“Given the circumstances…?” Komachi frowned even more.

Saitou’s expression became serene. Like he was bracing himself for what he was about to say.

“I never wanted this. It goes without saying, but Ai’s life is precious to me… And I’m glad your brother is here with us too.”

Komachi looked down.

“All things considered, we’ve all been pretty lucky.” Saitou sighed before taking another bite from his sandwich. It took some of the vibe off the conversation. But Hachiman was a little thankful for the break in such a heavy topic. “And I’d like to show my gratefulness.”

“That’s good and all, but what’s the reason to put us apart? Is it because of Nino?” Hachiman closed his eyes, trying to keep himself calm.

“In a way. I want us all to be on the same page, Nino is one of the topics to cover. As promised, we sent her home for now. Auditions will begin soon enough too.” Saitou looked a little more serious when he fixed his glasses. “Now, just for clarity’s sake, is it true that none of you is interested in Nino’s spot in B-Komachi?”

Hoshino didn’t look at Hachiman like he thought she would. Instead, she regarded the back of her boss when he asked the question. Not like she was mad or anything. But simply chose to rest her sight on him.

Hachiman didn’t know what to make of it.

“No.” He stated while putting aside those thoughts.

“We’ve seen what happens in that little group. I don’t think anyone is impressed.” Komachi looked away again.

“That’s… Fair. Alright, then.” In spite of saying that, Saitou still sounded glad. Like he was hoping that’d be the answer.

Irresponsible. That was Hachiman’s first thought about the man’s reaction.

The man took out his phone, looking for something while Hachiman and Komachi exchanged a glance.

“Y’know, I talked to Yukinoshita-san a while back.” Saitou spoke while looking at his phone.

The change of topic made Hachiman incredibly uncomfortable. Much more since Hoshino now shifted her gaze back to the siblings. Like some sort of warden seeing that her inmates behaved.

“Is… Is that so?” Hachiman didn’t know what that had to do with anything, and Komachi looked equally as confused. So his mind raced to the absolute worst possible outcome, making him a little pale while Saitou kept looking at his phone.

“Yeah. Clever lass. A little weird, but that’s how it goes with people that were born into old money.” The man spoke way too carefreely for Hachiman’s heart. He wanted to punch Saitou, to be honest. But the dread building up kept him pinned in place. Kept him listening. “Is it true that you were looking for someone on the day that you met Ai?”

Hachiman didn’t think that using the word “meeting” could really describe what happened back at her apartment. It felt wrong, a violation of the weight behind what they went through.

Hachiman hardened his features; Hoshino exaggerated her smile.

“Yes.” Elaborating would do him no good. There were things better left unsaid, band aids left un-lifted. Some injuries required time to heal, and Hachiman was in no hurry to look at the scar left behind by that particular series of events.

He had enough of that on his stomach for a lifetime, to be quite honest.

“I see… Can I pry?” The man was looking straight at Hachiman. The younger dude could feel it even through the sunglasses.

“No.” Hachiman didn’t bother looking at Hoshino. He deserved this much. There was no room for complaints or bringing it up later. He’d not allow it, not after being told to his face that he couldn’t know this or that before.

He deserved to keep his privacy; even though he suspected that Haruno would’ve made sure to tell her side of the story in excruciating detail if she could get away with it.

“I see.” Saitou finished chewing and kept eating. Like he was trying to give Hachiman a moment before continuing.

He didn’t think that Saitou was that kind.

“Well… I guess I’ll have to trust your word.” The man swallowed before looking around the desk for something, before clicking his tongue and regarding his daughter again. “Ai, did you take my drink too?”

“Eh? No.” Hoshino lifted her gaze to look back at Saitou, expression neutral before doing like he did moments before and looked around for the thing on the desk. “I don’t think you brought anything else into the room.”

“Damn…”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Hachiman interrupted, a little too stressed out to let them continue delaying the topic now.

“Right. I just wanted to make sure I have the right info. It was a concern before, knowing where the hell you came from.” Saitou waved his phone around, like he was a teacher a topic he only loosely cared about. “Talking with Haruno-san and Shizuka-san gave me a better picture. And Miyako talked to your mom, but I wanted to make sure.”

“Sounds like you had enough info already.” Komachi pointed out.

“And that’s why you’re not in charge of looking after this cutie-pie over here.” Saitou jabbed his thumb at the girl at his back.

Hoshino waved at them like she was at a meet and greet again.

It annoyed Hachiman a bit, given how the last one went.

“Careful not to be too overprotective.” Komachi looked around the room. “Shouldn’t she be with the others? I think I remember part of the problem being how different you treat her compared to the rest.”

“We were discussing a very important topic; we couldn’t just talk about it with everyone present.” Hoshino interjected. Sounding perfectly alright with being the subject of the current discussion. “Not even with Gotanda-sensei or Kaburagi-san.”

Hmmm…

“I thought you went to smoke with Hiratsuka-san and the director?” Hachiman regarded the man again.

“Hmm? Yeah. Ai just crashed here a few minutes ago.” Saitou glared at the girl that was still occupying his seat through this whole affair. “Just because it’s important, it doesn’t mean that we have to talk about it at length.”

The man returned his attention to the Hikigaya siblings.

“Okay?” Komachi didn’t look very certain of what was going on, but she didn’t look at Hachiman for help either.

“Yes. Now, then. Regarding your newly acquired career in the entertainment industry…”

“I just want to appear in a couple of magazines, gloat to my friends, and call it a day.” Komachi huffed.

“See, that feels like such a missed opportunity. You have Strawberry Pro here. Surely, we can do more for you.” Saitou clapped his hands again, letting them drop on his lap while he got more comfortable on the edge of the desk. “If nothing else, why not give it a try? I don’t think you’ll regret it.”

“That’s for me to decide.” Komachi frowned at him.

“Ichigo-san has a good eye for people.” Hoshino placed her elbows on the desk, pointing at herself while talking. “He scouted me, after all. And even I didn’t have faith in him at first.”

“Hey…”

“So, what I’m saying is…” Hoshino kept going in spite of her boss’ protest. “Have some faith in him. It’ll be worth it, I hope.”

“Nah.” Komachi shook her head.

“So quick!” Hoshino laughed it off. “You don’t think I’m right?”

“I don’t have a reason to trust you.” Komachi stated simply.

Hoshino changed tactics and looked at Hachiman instead.

He himself regarded Saitou before speaking. This was a topic that he’d covered with Komachi at home.

“Your attempt to appeal to us is dully noted, but not really enough.” Hachiman sighed. “Every step of the way, I’d been bitten in the butt by giving my help to you. The whole thing with Nino happened because you didn’t do anything on your end.”

“That’s…”

“I played fair, I told Miyako-san that much.” Hachiman interrupted the man, glaring at him to let him know that he didn’t have a say in this until Hachiman was done. “I was willing to let you do whatever you wanted as long as I wasn’t involved anymore. What do I care that some random girls think I’m some evil pervert ogling their lead? Nothing… As long as I don’t have to see them myself.”

“I don’t think that’s the image they got of you in their head.” Hoshino pointed out.

“It’s a metaphor. Or a saying… An example.” Komachi looked angrier, more like her brother in how she glared at Hoshino like he would other people. “It’s not literal.”

“Ah…” Hoshino looked at Hachiman, who just nodded while the idol moved her eyes back to his little sister. “I didn’t catch that.”

“Obviously.”

“In any case.” Hachiman continued before his little sister could get angrier. “The point is… I feel like this is you trying to prey on my little sister, now that I’ve exhausted my usefulness.”

“Look, I know it was bad.” Saitou lifted his hands like he wanted to placate the siblings. “But it was nothing personal, it was just practical. The easiest solution.”

“It was personal to me.” Hachiman bristled, unable to hold back now.

Saitou fell silent, not even putting up any resistance.

“I understand.”

“If it was made public, a random asshole could’ve easily pulled up and done something nasty to Komachi. All because you appeal to weirdos and freaks that get no outlet to their emotions than the parasocial relationship they get to the idea of your little group of cute girls.” Hachiman waved a hand, looking at Hoshino with a glare now that he’d started speaking. Unable to hold back his feelings.

“Idols are more than that, Hikigaya.” Saitou jumped to Hoshino’s defense immediately. “You make it sound worse than it is.”

“What do you mean worse? Nothing about idol culture is normal.” Hachiman growled, grabbing the armrests of his seat to keep his hands busy. “What the hell, Saitou? I’ve been called a weirdo all of my life. But I’d never be even close to doing a fraction of what idol fans get up to.”

“How would you know?” The man frowned, visibly holding back his own anger.

“Look at the internet! Look at all the scandals! Hell, Hoshino herself was in danger because she had a boyfriend? What the absolute fuck?” Hachiman tried to keep his voice level, but it was increasingly hard the more he spoke. “Like, that’s straight up seinen-rated stuff. And don’t you dare saying that it’s ‘just how things are’ because there’s no version of this world where that’s anywhere near an acceptable excuse.”

Saitou’s expression remained rocky, but he didn’t get angrier. He didn’t yell or had Hachiman stop talking. He simply… Took it. Hearing Hachiman while he tried to keep his voice as level as possible, breathing roughly once he said his part. Analyzing.

“And you think that’s our fault?” He asked after a moment of pondering.

“It’s not…!” Damn it. Why did people insist on asking stupid things? Why did it matter whose fault it was, when the problem was exactly that: the fact that they were preying on an existing problem? “I know you’re just the owner of a company. I know how it works: demand and supply. I know the problem lies elsewhere. I’m just judging the way you use those problems for monetary gain.”

 Saitou chuckled. He freaking…!

“You’re not going to save the world, Hikigaya. You learn that rather quickly while growing up.” Saitou sighed after a moment, shaking his head while crossing his arms. Stretching his legs… He was unwinding. “Yes, society is fundamentally broken. Which has led us all to this… But that’s beside the point.”

“It really isn’t.” Hachiman frowned even more.

“It is. B-Komachi started as a dream; my dream.” Saitou placed a hand on Hoshino’s head, startling the girl for a moment before her expression became a complete poker face when the man’s hand started petting her. “Ai made that dream true. And, to me, that’s all there is to it. That’s all that matters.”

“And look at where that led us.” Hachiman tilted his head, trying to glare even harder at Saitou.

“Yeah.” He man sighed. “Yeah…”

“It wasn’t because of I had a boyfriend.” Hoshino spoke up when Saitou remained quiet for too long. “Not exactly.”

Hachiman huffed.

“Details.”

“Those matter.” Hoshino looked away.

Hachiman mulled over her words for a moment.

“Is that so?” He gave a quick look to his little sister, and she had her eyes trained squarely on Hoshino. Defenses up, ready.

Hoshino stared at her dad.

Saitou didn’t even look back at her.

“Go.”

Hoshino had a complicated expression when she stood up, saying nothing more and calmly walking out of the room. Getting Saitou to walk behind her and close the door for her, letting out another sigh while the Hikigaya siblings turned themselves to look at him. Avoid giving him their back.

“Sorry about that.” The man took off his sunglasses, cleaning his eyes with the back of his hand as he pocketed the pair away with the other. Breathing slowly as he got back his bearings. “I… I’d really like to come out clean with you. It’s the least I can do, and Ai deserves that much trust put on her. I… I don’t know if that’s what I lacked, but…”

“You’re lucky onii-chan was there.” Komachi murmured.

“I know.” Saitou nodded, face down.

“All of this is because of you.” The younger Hikigaya added.

“I know that too.” The man’s voice became strange. Hachiman saw his shoulders shake as he covered his face, struggled to keep his expression straight. “But I couldn’t let you walk all over me with her here. I have my pride to maintain.”

Saitou Ichigo let his legs bend, smashing his knees against the floor loudly enough that Hachiman hissed at the second-hand pain he felt just by witnessing it. But the man didn’t seem to care. He kept his hands up, hiding the mess beneath but being unable to contain himself any further.

“I know it’s all because of me. Ai, Nino… I know my selfishness created this mess. I know that your life was in danger because of me too. I… I wanted to think I was doing enough, that I was doing her right, that we shared a single view and goal. If I… If I had been more attentive… Or more quick-witted, or more empathetic… If I had seen the writing on the wall. If I had been faster, stronger… Better…” Saitou let his hands drop to the floor, breathing so rough that his pants were accompanied by saliva. Like he was dry heaving instead of struggling to breathe. “I should’ve known better. I was the adult; I should’ve been there. I should’ve known not to take things for granted. I should’ve seen Ai for what she was: a kid. I know that I used her, I know I neglected to make sure she was fine. It doesn’t matter how strict the industry is, or what idols are supposed to represent… I was the adult… And I failed. I was her only parental figure, and I was found lacking… I should’ve known better!”

Ichigo made a fist and hit the ground. Once, twice, thrice… It felt so out of the blue that Hachiman felt dizzy seeing the man just… Break. Seeing the vaguely threatening CEO become so human all of a sudden. Like a puppet falling when its strings were cut.

“And I know, I know what I thought. When I heard about it, I know I thought ‘oh, thank God. Better a random pedestrian than Ai’. I know I didn’t care about you. I’m still not sure I do. But… Nothing has changed. And Ai still won’t open her heart to anyone. I was given a chance to make things right… And I’m nowhere close to figuring out how.”

The man’s tremors slowed down; his breathing became a little more regular. And he stopped hitting the floor.

Slowly, painfully so, Saitou got back his bearings. He used his suit to clean his face, got to his knees and worked his way up from there. Still trying to regulate his breathing through sheer force of will alone.

“That’s why… That’s why I’m begging you to trust me. Let me repay you, Hikigaya. I can do this much; I am good in this particular way. I’d give anything to see Ai smile for real, now while I still have the chance.” Saitou put the sunglasses back on, keeping a weirdly pained expression on his face while he breathed roughly. “Let’s make Komachi-chan a star, what do you say? I can get you in the payroll to be her manager, have others help out as much as they can so it’s easy for you. Miyako, even. If you can trust her a little more than some random worker of the company.”

Hachiman didn’t have anything ready to say.

“You’re not going to earn forgiveness this way.” Komachi did, however.

“I know. I’m doing this to clear my conscience. I know I’m doing this for my own selfish reasons, and the company wins if you succeed anyway.”

“…So it’s in your best interest to push for it.” Hachiman snapped out of his stupor.

“You’re clever enough.” Saitou gave him a weird smirk. “I can see why Shizuka-san likes you so much.”

“Don’t bring her up to buy cookie points.” Hachiman growled. “Your confession was fine and all. But it’s precisely because you said the truth that I can’t trust you. You’re right, you’re a pretty shitty person. I don’t think I want my sister more involved with you, the root cause of all of this, than strictly necessary.”

“And I don’t want to be put under the same conditions as the girls at B-Komachi.” A-Komachi added with a frown. “Because it sounds to me like you still don’t care about them.”

“I do. It’s just that making amends with them is harder, because most of our problems have to do with Ai’s secrets.” Saitou sighed.

“I don’t think any secrets are worth using innocent girls as cannon fodder, Saitou.” Hachiman spoke with conviction, forgetting how much the world didn’t like him.

That’s why he blamed his own mouth when Hoshino came back the moment he finished his sentence, twin babies on her arms.

Chapter Text

“Are we ready or are we ready?” Ai clapped her hands together. Asking for her own benefit as much as for her children’s. A way to hype everyone up to things that probably no one wanted to do.

Four years was a lot to keep a secret. Enough to make even Ai want to think about it, make sure she wasn’t screwing up big time. Because, no matter what people said, she had always taken the safety of the twins seriously. She had always followed the idea that everything of and by “Ai” should be kept from the public eye. Away, when it couldn’t hurt anyone.

Hikaru had been the exception, from the very beginning. Even if Ai wanted to deny or downplay it. He had always been… A risk she was willing to take.

…

“Are you sure?” Aqua asked while his mother got her thoughts in order, looking at the door behind Ai a thoughtful expression. “There’s no one else around to see us, right?”

“Don’t worry. Ichigo-san has made this place our fortress, a place where I can be.” Even Ai could hear a bit of darkness in her voice while she assured the boy, but it still conveyed the main idea. No matter how heartwarming it sounded, Ai couldn’t help hearing the implicit need for her to be surrounded on all fronts.

Dressed in a pretty dress under the lights of the stage. No other Ai existed in anyone’s mind.

And yet… What was she doing? For someone that had denied time and again that very same “Ai”? What did she pretend to obtain from some guy that she didn’t have anything in common with? Pity? No. That couldn’t be. She wasn’t that minuscule under all the makeup and star glitter. She might be a born-liar, but she didn’t consider herself a born-loser.

It wasn’t about needing. Children need their parents, people need food. Ai could survive without Hikigaya.

And yet…

“Sure…” Ruby didn’t look very convinced. She slowly walked up to Ai to be picked up. But the way she clung to her mom was more needy than usual, more scared.

Ai closed her eyes, feeling her daughter’s small body. Usually, she’d gush over how cute the little girl was. How precious these small moments were. And yet, now, all Ai could feel was the need for protection coming out of the child. The implicit cry for comfort.

Had Hikigaya felt the exact same thing when he embraced Ai? Had he looked down on her? Had he found it cute, or even precious?

Ai didn’t pick up Aqua immediately. Instead, she used both hands to embrace Ruby back. Run a finger over her head like Ai herself could still feel if she concentrated in the memories of minutes ago. Trying to put into practice whatever new knowledge she could scrape, trying to be loving in the way she had been shown.

Comfort. Not in the way a bed gives after a day of hard work, or the way thick clothes give during the winter. But in the way human warmth does, in the way a whispered “it’s okay” makes you feel.

“Ready?” Ai whispered. She didn’t want to insist, but she couldn’t guarantee that things wouldn’t change if they took too long either. This was a calculated risk, one she had thought about for a bit, but one that needed to be taken with caution all the same.

She wouldn’t want to ruin the twins’ lives, just like she didn’t want to leave them orphaned.

“Mhm…” Ruby still didn’t sound convinced, but she didn’t feel as resistant to the idea either. It must be extremely scary for a child who had been taught to hide all of her life, Ai could relate. In a way. Because she had been taught time and again that there were horrible, scary things that people could do to her. Way before she met Ichigo-san.

“I’m here with you.” Ai assured the girl before turning to Aqua. The boy exchanged a look with his mother, and Ai reached out to him.

“Remember to not display me in full.” Aqua murmured as he was picked up. “The trauma won’t disappear, he’ll still panic. But, with Ruby here, it should be okay…ish.”

“Mhm. Thank you, Aqua-sensei.” Ai kisses over the boy’s head, startling him a bit. “I won’t forget it.”

Ai turned to face the door, eyeing it like a runner in a straight-lined track would look at the finishing line. Feeling something ugly creep from her stomach into her chest.

She took the first step before she could think about it, before her more logical thoughts could make her stop.

It wasn’t about logic; it was about desire.

She was strong enough to have it all, and she wouldn’t let herself be too weak to take it.

Ai turned to the side, making Aqua the twin that was covered by her hair and body when she entered Ichigo-san’s office. Half-squeezing through the open door, and half just doing it for the sake of the plan. Giving the Hikigaya siblings time to really see what was happening, and for Ai herself to look out for the Hikigaya brother’s reaction.

She kicked the door behind herself, breaking the silence and stillness that her entrance created.

“Hey, hey, hey!” The younger Hikigaya kicked her seat away and rushed to her brother’s side. Covering him with her body before he could start hyperventilating. A snarl in her voice when she crouched to be in a similar level to him. “Look at me! Look at me.”

“Hah…!” The older Hikigaya grabbed his sister’s shoulders, visibly shaking and sliding off the seat he’d been in moments before.

“O-Oh… Is he…?” Ichigo-san tried to reach out to the siblings, but the girl ignored him in favor of keeping her attention on her brother.

“C’mon, onii-chan. Stay with me.”

“Step back.” Aqua murmured while holding Ai’s shoulder tighter.

Ah… She’d unwittingly tried to approach, go to Hikigaya’s side without realizing.

“But…”

“Step back or drop me.” Aqua insisted. “It’s me, you can’t do anything with me here.”

Ai almost released the boy in that moment, but her motherly instincts stopped her just in time.

What was she thinking…? She couldn’t do that to her little boy. But she didn’t want to keep Hikigaya waiting. She needed to do something, anything… Well, not anything. Because it sounded like things could get even messier if things turned out like that one time. Like in front of the door to her apartment.

With all the blood… The way the color drained from his face…

The way his eyes lost focus, slowly closing… Threatening to never open again…

“Ichigo-san.” Ai called out for the man that was still struggling to know what to do. He turned to Ai in a moment’s notice, probably wanting to have any input that would give him direction. A clear answer to the problem in front of him. “Hold them, please.”

“Eh? What are you—?” His words died out as Ai almost pushed them on him. Her hands were trembling now, and she couldn’t feel the expression in her face. She only knew that she felt… Light. Like she could jump all the way to the ceiling and beyond.

She fell down just as easily. Barely taking a couple of steps before having to move on her knees, almost slide to meet Hikigaya.

“I’m here.” Her voice trembled, but Ai didn’t wholly register the fact. She couldn’t have done anything about it either way, feeling her nose clogged with the metallic stench of a bleeding injury that was no longer there. One that did not exist anymore. “I’m here. Just… Just breathe.”

Ai forced the other Hikigaya away, almost elbowing her on the face so that she could hug the young man herself. Bury him in an embrace and partially hiding his face with her chest, like he’d done with her before.

“Just breathe. You’re fine, I’m here…” Ai couldn’t do anything else. Still, she kept whispering against his ear. Kept holding on with her cheek on the top of his head, trying to take in as much of his warmth as she could.

It wasn’t disappearing, the office had no blood on its floor or walls. They were at Strawberry Pro’s headquarters, not in that hallway, in front of that apartment. It wasn’t a lie or an attempt to look away; Ai knew that they had moved on. That they had both made it. Her mind just hadn’t caught up, tried to trap her in that moment. And him with her.

Except, they were there for each other. Ai wasn’t smelling real blood, and Hikigaya wasn’t dying for real. He hadn’t met her then, they met afterward. He should be able to make the connection, know that she was there. And, therefore, he wasn’t back in that dark place. That he had made it.

“I’m here, you’re here. We’re not there. Just breathe…”

“That’s…” The younger Hikigaya didn’t know what to do either. She sounded very lost, but Ai had no business paying attention to her. She held on, waiting, talking. “Just… Just breathe slow…”

“No. Just breathe.” Ai snapped, moving one of her arms in the younger Hikigaya’s direction to hopefully have her shut up or hit her so she did exactly that. “Slow, quick. Doesn’t matter. Just breathe, stay with me.”

Ai’s heart was beating so fast it hurt, her lungs burned a bit too. But none of that mattered, none of that fully registered in her mind. She wouldn’t let her body get in the way of the feelings, however confused they were. She had to go through with this, make it happen. Have it work out in the end.

She did feel when their breathings started matching, however. And she felt like it was the small push that she needed to continue what she was doing.

“Did… Did this happen to someone before?” The younger Hikigaya sounded so lost, so scared, that Ai actually had to regard the girl. Hikigaya’s sister looked on the verge of crying, moving her hands like she wanted to take her brother with her, but hesitating or stopping herself midmotion. Looping between reaching out and pulling her hands to her mouth.

“No.” Ai returned her face to the top of Hikigaya’s head, noticing how hard it had been to discern the other girl’s features. She hadn’t realized, but Ai’s vision had been blurred by something wet and salty. “This is just… The things I wanted to say back then. The things I wanted to not be lies no matter what.”

Her right hand found its way to the back of Hikigaya’s head and slowly caressed it with slow downward motions. Helped them both slow down, compose their breathing.

Hikigaya was still trembling when he finally released a sigh, but Ai didn’t feel completely in charge of her body either. That was fine, that should be enough.

“There. You did well.” Ai made her voice sweet. Sweeter, in spite of how small her voice was. Basically whispering only for him to hear. “You’re so strong, Hachiman-san.”

His hands found her shoulders, but he didn’t push her away. Not immediately.

Ai enjoyed the moment for a bit more, before she felt the beginning of his attempt to move.

She released him in the same moment, cutting off the connection while Hikigaya panted a little.

Some of his hairs looked glued to his face, for he had started sweating when all of this happened. Ai herself was sweating buckets, and her eyes burn a little from not cleaning it off before she drops reached them. But she just rubbed them a bit with her thumb. Making sure to keep her eyes on the young man without fail.

He was still looking at the ground, but Ai chose to give him time. Give him the space he needed. Lest he unwittingly looked up to where Aqua was and this episode started anew.

“Ho…Hoshino…” He looked up, and his vision fell squarely on her. No doubt about it.

“I’m here. We’re here.” Ai tried to give him a reassuring smile, but she couldn’t quite tell if she succeeded. She couldn’t feel her own face that well, and his eyes didn’t really reflect her form well enough. They were too small. “This is Strawberry Pro. Okay?”

He opened his mouth for a moment, expression twisting into some kind of defensive emotion. But it died down almost as quickly as it appeared.

“…Okay.” Ah, he understood her. How amazing was that? When had it become that easy? Was it because what they were sharing was pain?

Had it been like this with Hikaru? What a strange sensation. She felt… Empty. But not in a bad way. Serene… No, that wasn’t quite the word. The pain had left, and it left an empty space behind. But… But she was able to appreciate that nothing was there anymore. Like someone that enjoys spicy food letting out a sigh of relief when their mouth is no longer on fire.

She wanted to kiss him so badly that it made her feel even more light-headed. She kept herself grounded however, kept herself in place.

“…Onii-chan?” The younger Hikigaya tried to approach but hesitated, looking at Ai with a newfound wariness that hadn’t been there before.

“I... I’m fine.” Hikigaya screwed his eyes shut, covering them with his right hand. Physically coping with all the things in his mind. Slowly but consciously. “Sorry. I… I didn’t want to show you something so unsightly.”

“…” The younger Hikigaya smiled bitterly, holding back a hiccup that only showed up as a slight trembling of her shoulders. “Idiot. You scared me.”

Hikigaya looked back at the floor. He now looked rather tired. And, to be honest, Ai didn’t feel that strong herself anymore.

“Sorry.” He repeated, with a smaller voice this time.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Aqua spoke up from his position on Ichigo-san’s arm. It startled Hikigaya, making him clench his shoulder muscles, and glue his gaze on the floor. Now hyperaware of his surroundings again. “You’re the reason Ai’s here with us, after all. There’s nothing but gratefulness for you in our hearts.”

Ai narrowed her eyes, slowly turning her gaze toward Aqua.

The little boy flinched when they locked gazes.

Ah… That was completely unfair, right? Aqua was trying so hard to keep things from spiraling back into panic and pain, and yet Ai was…

She lowered her gaze, tracing the floor with her eyes to return to look at Hikigaya. See how he tried to keep himself in check.

“You’re the baby that was there.” The young man spoke up. His voice sounded dry, like he couldn’t quite get it out without his throat hurting. “You kept me alive.”

“I’m four. So I’m technically more of a toddler.” Aqua retorted.

“Details.” Hikigaya huffed.

“…Yeah. It was me.” Aqua replied after a moment.

“I see…” Hikigaya closed his eyes, sitting better against the desk and placing his head between his knees. Almost like retreating into a fetal position. “Thanks.”

“Nothing to be grateful for. I was just doing my job.”

“Is… Are things better now?” Ichigo-san asked uselessly. Almost making Ai try to put up a smile, even though she didn’t quite have the strength to do it at the moment.

“Give them time.” Aqua replied cooly. “Let them come back to their senses on their own.”

“I’m… I’m fine.” Hikigaya took a lungful of air but kept refusing to look up.

“Take your time.” Aqua insisted. “You’re doing amazing already. No need to push yourself.”

“You… You’re pretty smart, huh.” The younger Hikigaya still didn’t know what to do. So she gave Aqua her full attention. Trying to do something… Just anything, really. “Pretty knowledgeable.”

“I am something of a child genius, yes.” Aqua lifted his chin, expression still blank.

“…Right.” The worry almost drained entirely off of the girl’s face as she deadpanned.

That was… Good, right? At least someone was visibly doing better now.

“I… Didn’t know this would happen.” Ichigo-san’s voice came out calmer too. But he was still visibly nervous about this whole thing. “I suspected he’d have seen Aqua, given what happened, but—”

The younger Hikigaya frowned at Ichigo-san.

“’Aqua’?”

The little boy looked away.

“It’s a good name.” Ai replied without thinking.

“It’s… Aquamarine, actually.” Ichigo-san sighed. Less nervous and more embarrassed now.

The girl looked around, like she expected someone to tell her if Ai was being serious or not. She chose to look back at her brother, sit beside him bumping shoulders like she hadn’t just heard anything at all.

Then, she gave Ichigo-san a better look.

“Please don’t tell me you’re the father.” Komachi said.

“Huh?!” Ichigo-san was outraged, of course he would be. The twins also recoiled from the accusation. And Ai…

Ai grabbed the girl by the collar, or tried to.

Hikigaya reacted before she did, seemingly coming to life as Ai’s arms shoot forward. Blocking them with his own body, a glare on his face and his lips tightly pressed together. An expression that Ai mimicked to hold back the tide of mixed feelings that she couldn’t decipher. Focusing on him instead of the idiotic girl that would even think for a moment that…

“Hoshino.” He growled. His voice was rough but clear, nowhere near the waver he’d had moments before. He would not relent on this.

“Take that back.” Ai turned her gaze to Komachi. Whose eyes did reflect Ai, unlike his brother’s.

She did not recognize herself in the small reflection.

“You could just say ‘no’.” Komachi glared at her.

“Take that back.” Ai repeated herself, moving forward a bit. Forcing Hikigaya to block her even further. “Don’t make stupid jokes like that. Take it back.”

Komachi slowly glanced at the man and the kids.

“I was honestly wondering.”

“Adults that take advantage of kids deserve to die.” Ai stated while closing her eyes, swallowing the cocktail of emotions that threatened to spill out from the mouth of her stomach. She could even feel herself salivating as she lifted the corner of her lips a bit. “Don’t say such ridiculous things, please. Ichigo-san is shady, but he’s not that shady.”

“Point taken.” Hikigaya interject.

Ai regarded him again. Neither of them backed down.

“You’re hurting me.” He added.

Oh. Ai’s knuckles were turning white, like the ghost of a person unworthy of being remembered.

Ai slowly opened her grip.

Hikigaya slowly went back to his sitting position, leaving his sister exposed again.

Why did they have to fight? Why couldn’t things just be easy? Was this the price to pay for needing someone so unlike herself? For being so irredeemably inhuman? What had Ai done to deserve being born so different that she could only destroy her relationships no matter how many times she tried?

Was kissing still on the table? Probably not.

“Ahahaha…” Ai shook her head, trying to clear her mind again. “Let’s tackle one thing at a time, shall we? Just… Really let things flow.”

“That’s not for you to decide.” Hikigaya spoke up before his sister, even though she did look like she wanted to say something as well.

“Of course not. That’s why I want to know: Are you feeling better?” Ai tilted her head a bit, not really trusting her sight to make an educated guess here. “Do you feel calm enough to go on?”

“Do you?” Hikigaya asked back after a moment of hesitation.

“Ahahaha… Sorry for overreacting. I guess I was sensitive because I didn’t expect you to fall down, get so pale, struggling to breathe…” Ai looked away. Even though they were her own words, they still felt rough to hear. Even though it was her own voice, she still wanted the memories that it invoked to stop.

“That’s…”

“Not your fault at all! I’m just not as strong as I look, okay?” Ai lifted her hands like she wanted to placate the young man. He had visibly calmed down, however. Which helped Ai to get her bearings as well. Really drink in enough air to not feel like she was drowning.

“…Neither am I.” Hikigaya looked down again, like he’d been defeated in an epic battle.

…

That was a lie, right? There was no way. He was human, yes. But this was the guy that put his life on the line for Ai’s. There was absolutely no way that a simple revelation would scare him out of his compassion, right? It wouldn’t clear his mind to the point that he’d give his back to her, right?

“Ah… Haha…” Ai scratched the side of her forehead. Putting a bit too much strength behind the motion, feeling her skin resent it from the first moment of friction. “Haha… That’s…”

“…Mama?” Ruby’s small voice came from the ground, she was standing on her own feet.

Ai stopped. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Like the clock had stopped, she froze in place for a moment. Quickly turning to regard the little girl she had birthed with the most neutral smile she could muster.

Ruby was scared.

“…”

Ai looked at the floor for a moment, unsure as to what to say. How to react.

So she did the most natural she could do: She opened her arms, inviting the girl closer. Ruby hesitated for a moment, breaking Ai’s half-pieced together heart in such a way that her eyes stung a bit, made her position worsen a bit, topple slightly.

Like a hit to the stomach.

Ruby accepted her all the same, quickly crossing the distance and hiding against Ai’s shoulder. Trembling a little.

Ai still couldn’t think, still couldn’t say anything. But her daughter’s hug was special. It had mystical healing properties that quickly mended the damage in Ai’s heart. Not entirely, their lives wouldn’t have taken such an awful nosedive if it was that easy. But it still filled Ai with enough strength to bring herself back to her braver self. Show Ruby the strong woman she had come to know as her mama.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.” Ai kissed the little girl’s head, trying to be as reassuring as her wavering voice allowed her. “We’re not okay but… We will be. We just need a moment.”

“Dying is scary, isn’t it?” Ruby sounded so sure, so clear in this, that Ai almost felt like she was the one being reassured about her feelings; instead of having a little girl wonder about a part of life she had just gotten in contact with.

How badly was she messing up really? Would Ai ever understand the damage she had already inflicted with her choice?

An exception was an exception but… How far was Ai willing to go to keep one intact. How many rules could she honestly break before it stopped being worth it?

“It is.” This was the truth no matter how much Ai spun it in her head. Death was scary, murder was scary. Seeing someone dying in front of her was terrifying. It was a constant that left no room for lies, to place to hide away from it.

Ai was feeling fear, no two ways about it. She had felt fear back in that apartment, no point in denying it.

And she could not keep on living the way she had been doing so far after experiencing that.

“It really, really is.”

Chapter Text

“I don’t know about this.” The little girl had her doubts, didn’t want to follow her twin’s idea of where things headed. She didn’t want to think about her mama being away from her. She had already been rejected once. And, for someone like Hoshino Ruby… Nay, for Tendouji Sarina, the idea that she’d be left behind by her mom again was…

She’d rather just drop dead again, honestly.

“There’s not much we can do as we are.” Aqua continued with his musings, none the wiser about his twin’s thoughts. Being slapped by their mama hadn’t affected him as much as it had Ruby. He’d changed, yes. Had become more reserved around Ai-chan. But, aside from the way he called her, the only important difference was how often he mused about her loneliness. “Think about it. We can’t even go outside on our own yet. It’s for the best.”

“I don’t know if I want to meet that guy.” Ruby insisted, kicking her small legs while sitting on the edge of her bed. Staring at the floor while the clock ticked close to midnight.

“He saved Ai’s life.” Aqua pointed out like that automatically gave them all the answers. “And that’s important to her.”

“But is it, actually?” Ruby pouted, getting more angy the more Aqua talked about it.

“It is.” The dryness with which he replied made Ruby stop and look at her twin. His expression was hollow. “It makes all the difference between life and death. Between us seeing her every day and only remembering her.”

Ruby didn’t have an answer ready for that.

“Ichigo-san will probably oppose it.” Aqua continued after a pause. He sounded calmer now, but there was still an edge in his voice all the same. “But that’s why I think we should help her come clean with him. Let us get in contact with Hikigaya.”

“There’s not much we can do.” Ruby mumbled, feeling a little cold from what Aqua had said.

“No. But that’s why we should be able to get in contact with as many people that can as possible.” Aqua crossed his arms, deep in thought. “Ai will only listen to us insofar as she doesn’t think things don’t concern us, so if we can also influence Hikigaya, then we can probably help a little more in keeping things controlled. Ai’s smart, she won’t make another mistake like… This one. But I’d feel calmer if we could talk and help even if it’s by dropping hints or steering things whenever necessary.”

“That’s… I guess that makes sense.” Ruby let out a wary sigh. “He’s gonna show up with his sister, right?”

“That’s why I doubt Ichigo-san will let Ai reveal us.” Aqua scratched his chin. “But, if push comes to shove, that’d probably create another path for us to act.”

“What if she hates little kids?”

“That’s…” Aqua frowned, giving it some thought for a few seconds. “Well, kids can be really annoying. That’s also another form of manipulation.”

“’Manipulation’…” Ruby caressed the word in her mouth. “Right. This is…”

“For Ai’s sake.” Aqua nodded. “We don’t have to like it. Ai’s life is at risk, so let’s not hesitate to do everything in our power to protect her.”

“Until we can do things by ourselves…”

“Exactly.”

Ruby stared at her twin, worry drawn all over her face while the boy hardened his own features.

They were both dealing with all of this in their own way, huh.

“And if he’s no-good?”

Aqua clicked his tongue.

“Ichigo-san and Miyako-san will have to see reason, then.” He sighed, sounding far too tired for his four years-old body. “But I don’t think it’ll come to that. I was there. I have a hunch that he’ll make at least a decent enough crutch for now.”

Right. Aqua had seen it all happen…

“Hey.”

“Hmmm?”

“Are you alright?” Ruby felt a little dumb asking, but it also felt like the right thing to do.

Aqua took a little too long to answer.

“Of course.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” Now, he took too little time. “But that doesn’t matter. What matters here is Ai. So… Can I count on you?”

“For mama’s sake?” Ruby huffed. “Always.”

“Good.” Aqua looked away, his stare far beyond the physical confines of their shared room. “Good…”

There were quite a few things that Ruby wanted to say, but they didn’t sound right in her own mind. So she stayed quiet.

“And what if he comes with more people?”

That got Aqua to snap out of his thoughts.

“No way. The invitation was only for him and his sister.” He sounded so sure that Ruby almost believed him. But she knew that wanting things to be one way rarely translated into them actually happening like that. “Why would he bring more people along?”

No matter how cute or heartwarming it was, the mother-daughter moment couldn’t last forever. Eventually, everyone had to go back to the harsh realities that surrounded them. They couldn’t run away from their problems forever, not from these particular ones.

“But we’re alive.” Ai patted her daughter twice on her small back, signaling that she’d release the little girl from her embrace soon. “We’re alive and well, and dealing, and here. Which is what matters.”

She eyed the young Hikigaya with the most serene expression she could muster. Letting the girl know that her animosity would have no effect on Ai, not with Ichigo-san and the twins here.

“It’s the least we can ask for.” The girl replied, unwilling to back down.

“Sometimes it’s the most we can ask for.” Ai finally pushed the little girl away, caressing the blonde head with as much care and sweetness as she could muster. With as much as her love as she could pour in that small motion while the kid stared up at her. “Sometimes it’s all I could ask for.”

“I’m hard-pressed to believe that.” The girl didn’t sound surprised or moved by Ai’s words, which made the idol smile a little.

“I wasn’t always the star-child of Strawberry Pro, A-chan.” Ai huffed like she had been told something ridiculous. Even though digging for memories before Ichigo-san found her diminished her strength.

“I told you not to call me—”

“It’s hard as a kid on your own. You don’t have money, you don’t know how things work, and everyone else simply knows things. And they use it to their full advantage all the time.” Ai kissed Ruby’s forehead, making a show of taking her time with the kid before pushing her a little and reaching out for her twin. Willing them to swap.

Hikigaya.

Would he be alright with that?

Ai got up to her feet and moved toward Aqua instead of the opposite, crouching and placing her body in such a way that Hikigaya wouldn’t have a direct line of sight of the kid.

“It’s hard when people hate you, when you can’t understand what you’re doing wrong.” Ai ran her finger between the boy’s eyes, breaking his poker face with her touch. Seeing him feel her actions, react and change by the power of Ai’s love. “When you do your absolute best, yet can’t stop failing to get anywhere. When you don’t get what people want, when all you can ask yourself is ‘why? Why? Why?’ but never get anywhere… It’s hard to make an omelet without cracking a few eggs.”

“The other idols.” Hikigaya still didn’t sound fully himself. But when Ai gave him a side glance, she found him struggling to stand up. Go back to his feet and rest his weight against Ichigo-san’s desk.

“…Not what I was talking about.” Ai looked away. Regarding Ichigo-san for a moment before letting her sight stray again. “Catching up to everyone was hard, finding my passion was hard. Having things I wanted to try out, seeing the pile of things that needed doing so I could get to them… All the impositions and exceptions I had to accept…”

She hugged the boy, letting him rest his face on her chest. He flinched and felt like he wanted to pull away for a moment. But after a couple of seconds, he let her embrace him and returned the hug.

“All for the children.” The girl stated. But Ai had expected that angle already.

“All of this before my babies!” Ai chuckled humorlessly. She reached out, beckoning Ruby to approach again. And turned around so that the Hikigaya siblings could see her face now. “Of course, they’re the cutest and brightest children in existence. Everything I do for them is no burden at all, no problem at all. And Ichigo-san thinks the same.”

“We supported Ai’s decision to have them since the beginning.” Ichigo-san interjected, sounding a bit troubled about it. Ai knew he had always had his doubts about Ai’s choices. “We’ve tried to give the twins everything they could possibly need. They’re very smart, and make us very happy. I’d like for this to be very clear.”

Hikigaya rested himself on the edge of the desk, getting a worried look from his sister when she stood up too. She looked ready to catch him, but Hikigaya was looking better. Pale, but better. More firm, so to speak.

His gaze was somewhere that Ai couldn’t follow. Deep in his own brain, safe from her scrutiny.  

“What… What is the point of this?” He asked like he was talking to himself. Like he was trying to piece things on his own, willing his brain to connect the dots by speaking out loud instead of acknowledging the rest of the room.

“Didn’t I tell you already? I don’t want to lie to you.” Ai gave him her best approximation of an embarrassed smile that she could muster. “Hopefully, this will clear things out between us.”

“This only gives me more questions.” Hikigaya shook his head. Sounding more annoyed than weak.

“Yes, they’re mine-mine.” Ai looked at him with upturned eyes. Blinking a couple of times to magnify her cuteness.

“What?”

“I birthed them.” Ai blinked a couple more times, grasping her hands in front of herself. “They came out of me.”

“…Ai?” Ichigo-san sounded weirded out, so Ai had to look at the man to know what was up with him. He looked like she had said something outrageous.

The twins were also looking at her like they expected better from her.

“That’s… Yes. I don’t doubt that part.” Hikigaya himself looked like he wanted to let out an ‘uwwwwaaaahhhh…’ noise. Like he was disappointed in her. “Otherwise, things would be wildly different.”

Would they? Well, they wouldn’t have to hide the kids if they weren’t Ai’s. They’d probably do more things, and Ai would probably be unable to love them.

“True…”

“We’re just that similar.” Ruby murmured. Still being heard because of how silent the office was otherwise.

“That’s… That’s the case, yes.” The younger Hikigaya looked between Ruby and Ai. So the idol tried to mimic her little girl’s expression, to little avail. “I didn’t think anything about it when we saw the boy back at the concert, but the girl? I can see the resemblance.”

“You saw Aqua back then?” Ichigo-san didn’t sound surprised, but he still seemed to want confirmation. “Makes sense. This little guy doesn’t usually act up without reason…”

That’d get him and Ai in trouble later, probably.

“…Don’t call him that.” The younger Hikigaya sounded disappointed.

“It’s his name.” Ai defended the kid, furrowing her brows at the girl with little actual anger behind the expression. “I chose it.”

“Yes, I can tell.” Hikigaya Komachi stated.

“Really? Could’ve fooled me.” Hikigaya Hachiman murmured at the same time.

Ai pressed her lips into a fine line, looking at Ichigo-san for backup.

The man couldn’t hold her gaze and looked at the wall to his left.

“Everyone’s a critic nowadays…”

“Do you even know how to write it?” The girl lifted an eyebrow at Ai.

Her brother didn’t react at all. She would have thought he’d join in, given that he threw his own jab at Aqua’s name himself. But he just… Wasn’t present.

Ai felt her stomach clench a little. She didn’t know what he was thinking about, and she couldn’t know. Not when he was pulling back from the conversation like that.

“Yeah, of course.” Ai still couldn’t leave the flow, couldn’t just power through. If it was about her, it’d have been fine. She was used to the jokes, to the not-quite-harmless quips. To the rumors, the ill-intended comments. She’d thought that Hikigaya was the same, Gotanda-san said no one perpetually looked that defeated without having to go through their own set of rejections; but now? When it was about her children? “Don’t you? Looking as smart as you do?”

Unacceptable. Just like with Hikigaya’s sister, Ai couldn’t help being unreasonable here.

The girl put out her tongue and placed a finger on it. Ai didn’t know what that was about, not even when she pointed down and waved her hand in a ‘so-so’ way.

“What?”

“It’s lukewarm.” Hikigaya’s sister said. “Not hot or cold. Just… Lukewarm.”

Ai chose to interpret it as an insult as well.

“Well…”

“Can you…?” Ruby spoke up, shyly putting up an angry expression toward Hikigaya’s sister. And for a moment, Ai’s whole body clenched. Ready to face the man that had almost died for her sake if it meant protecting Ruby. It was a bitter feeling. “Can you please leave mama alone? Please?”

Hikigaya looked at his sister, who had her own gaze squarely on Ruby.

Ai relaxed a fraction, pretending that she hadn’t felt threatened for a moment.

“…Guess Saitou-san has helped you a whole lot here, huh.” The girl finally mumbled.

“Mom’s fulfilling her role well-enough.” Aqua perked up instantly, glaring at the younger Hikigaya before Ai could even understand what she had been told. “She’s our mom and we love her.”

Ai felt smugness creep into her features when the younger Hikigaya could do nothing but pull back from continuing to get in the way.

“He’s really smart.” Hikigaya muttered, glaring at Aqua now. “Are you sure you’re a kid?”

“Are you sure you’re a man?” Aqua held his ground, no longer shying away from being seen by Hikigaya.

There were slight tremors in his hands, but he puffed his chest a bit and didn’t look away from Aqua. Locked into a staring contest with the boy while he put his hands on Ruby, while Hikigaya rested an elbow on the shoulder of his own sister.

…Cute. These two looked like cats hissing at each other like in those silly videos on the internet.

Oyoyoyoyoyo…

“You should be asking that to the guy behind you.” Hikigaya finally figured out what to say. Sounding incredibly restrained, almost physically clenching his own body to keep himself in place… Or keep himself from actually insulting Aqua.

“…” Huh. How strange. Why didn’t Ichigo-san defend himself?

“That’s…” Even Aqua looked a little taken aback, looking at the most adult of the adults present in the room.

“Leave Ichigo-san alone. He’s done his best.” Ai came to the rescue. Because someone had to.

“I could’ve done better.” Ichigo-san gritted his teeth, making Ai look at him with furrowed brows.

What’s with that? That regretful expression didn’t suit him.

“Could you have, actually?” Ai titled her head, staring at him with as much intensity as she could without changing her expression.

His gaze wandered to the twins, then to the Hikigaya siblings.

He stayed quiet.

“Even if you could have…” Ai swallowed, pushing the ugly feelings into the deepest corners of her body. Not wanting to think about a world without the twins. “We’ve done things together for so long I’m having a hard time blaming you for anything. I’m here thanks to you.”

“We’re here because of him too.” The younger Hikigaya interrupted. “Which… I guess it brings us back to the point, right?”

Right. Ai would let it slide just because her words didn’t force her into the matter of the twin’s birth.

“What now, right?” Ai smiled at them. A little more comfortable with the topic now.

“We can’t exactly walk away knowing what we know…” Hikigaya looked away, still deep in thought. It kept bothering Ai, but she couldn’t breach the topic without making things messier. Without inviting more unwanted topics to the table.

Hikigaya’s sister looked at him with some worry.

“I think we’re perfectly capable of walking away.” She turned her face to Ai and Ichigo-san, ignoring the kids for a moment. “We deserve this much; we’ve proven to be trustworthy.”

“Please don’t.” Ichigo-san sighed. “We meant to show you as a display of trust, so we could start working together. I think we can make this work.”

“There’s nothing here, though.” The girl frowned only at Ichigo-san now. “We gain nothing except more trouble. Being ‘in the know’ just makes things more difficult for us.”

“Does it? You have a very strong card to play now, something of a board-leveling move.” Ichigo-san retorted. “I’d think it’s worth at least considering our offer, now that the field is level.”

“This isn’t the cold war, Saitou.” The older Hikigaya interjected with his arms crossed. “You don’t just assure the other that fighting will destroy both sides and expect a compromise. It really doesn’t work that way.”

“I’m afraid I must insist all the same.”

“But why?” Hikigaya looked even more troubled now.

“I told you already.”

“I want to make your life better.” Ai added.

“Yeah, very…” The younger Hikigaya stopped herself with a sigh. “That’s not the point.”

“It is, though.” Ai pulled her children closer to her. Placing a hand on their shoulders. One for each kid. “Isn’t this enough? Enough fighting? Enough trouble?”

“We can avoid trouble on our own.” The girl stated.

But I don’t want that.

“But then…”

“…Nothing is resolved.” Hikigaya spoke up, still not looking at anyone in the room. “And we keep dancing around, waiting for the other side to make their move.”

…What? Okay. Yeah, sure. Ai could roll with that.

“Exactly.” She nodded with a smile on her face.

“Onii-chan…” The younger Hikigaya looked very lost, like her brother was betraying her. “There’s no need to dig ourselves deeper into this.”

“I…” Hikigaya tilted his head, eyes looking at nothing in particular. “I gave Hoshino my word that I’d be here for her.”

Ai had to hold back her expression, fight against the overwhelming sense of victory threatening to show her ugly side in front of her children and Hikigaya’s sister.

“…” The younger Hikigaya snapped her face away. “You’re being taken advantage of again.”

“If he’s with you, shouldn’t that be fine?” Ichigo-san cut through that conversation before the younger Hikigaya could play her angle of being disappointed in her brother. “Do things at your own discretion. We don’t want you to be targeted as another link close to Ai either. That’d be disastrous.”

That… Didn’t sit well with Ai. But, hey, she could make it work.

“Your friend will be around too.” She spoke up, remembering how insistent the guy had been about the big boobed girl’s feelings. “You wouldn’t want her to ‘fall in our clutches’, right?”

“Heh.” Hikigaya shook his head, his lips twisted up into a weird expression. “I guess not.”

…What kind of reaction was that?

“Okay?”

Hikigaya stared at Ai with eyes filled with a strange mixture of feelings.

“Her well-being is a priority, after all.”

Those words… Ai looked away.

Hikigaya chuckled.

“Onii-chan?”

“Nothing.” The older Hikigaya placed a hand on top of his sister’s head. “It’s just that we’ve come to an understanding.”

“Really now…”

“Ugh…” Ai hugged her children on their head.

“Mama?”

“Must be something they discussed elsewhere.” Aqua elaborated, sounding pretty calm for the way things were heading into a strange topic.

“That’s… I don’t like that.” Ruby replied.

“Me neither.” Ichigo-san placed a hand on Ai’s shoulder.

It felt weird. Like… Did he have to do it in front of Hikigaya?

“I’d like for things to be clear going forward, open up communication more.” He elaborated, and it felt like he was talking solely to Ai here.

“Which reminds me.” Hikigaya screwed his eyes shut. “What do you want Komachi for, again?”

Ichigo-san gave them a crooked smile.

“I think I can make her famous. I just don’t know how yet…”

“I’ll not sign anything that doesn’t let me walk away whenever I want.” A-chan stated solemnly.

“…Right.” Ichigo-san deflated a bit.

“And…” She pointed at Ai now, looking at her like she was a minor inconvenience. “No calling onii-chan here without me.”

“Why are you pointing at me, though?” Ai couldn’t help asking.

“Because I’m saying this because of you.” The girl clicked her tongue. “Wait. Are we gonna babysit? Is this what this will be about? We end up as glorified babysitters?”

Even Ai cringed a bit when Ichigo-san didn’t answer immediately.

“Well…”

“Unbelievable…” The girl shook her head.

“We’re not some pest in need of dealing with.” Aqua frowned at the girl.

“And we don’t want to be around you either.” Ruby added.

The girl had no choice but to take those words, because otherwise she’d be an adult fighting two four years-old kids.

“…That.” Ichigo-san sighed. “I don’t think it’d be good to separate them from Ai too much either.”

The younger Hikigaya looked super uncomfortable, like she’d turn everything down if it was up to her.

She could only sigh in resignation when her brother didn’t say anything.

“…I understand.”

“Great.” Ichigo-san grinned. “Pleasure to come to an agreement.”

“You’re so lucky onii-chan is a pushover when it comes down to problematic girls.” The younger Hikigaya growled.

Ai and Hikigaya eyed the girl at the same time.

“Excuse me?” Ai asked with the most expressionless tone she’d used since… Forever?

“Stop making me sound like a freak in front of literal children.” Hikigaya sighed. Sounding only barely concerned about the things his sister was saying.

“Mama’s not problematic!” Ruby slammed her little foot on the ground.

The younger Hikigaya looked at her with some pity.

“How old are you, sweetie?”

“Four! Why?!”

A-chan looked at Ai now, smugness radiating so much from her whole body that she didn’t even bother asking Ai the same question.

“…Twenty.”

The girl nodded sagely.

“I see…”

She then turned her face to her brother, shrugging with the same finality as someone who had seen a car be thrown into the air by a tornado and seeing that natural disaster approach them in their lonesome.

“How does he do it, ladies and gentlemen~?” The girl murmured before regarding Ichigo-san directly. “I want to take the contract you make home, we’ll come back to sign it at a later date.”

Ichigo-san deflated again.

“And you?” He looked at Hikigaya, maybe hoping that he’d back him up a bit.

Hikigaya stared holes at Ichigo-san in return.

“I want some cash, actually.” He smiled solemnly at the man. Like he’d reached enlightment in this conversation. “And to see Yui-san’s contract as well, see that you’re being fair to her.”

Ichigo-san covered half of his face with his right hand, frowning so hard that Ai could see the expression lines that he’d get when he got old.

Older.

“Right. Go to Miyako, then.”

“Pretty funny how everything is figured out by her.” Hikigaya shook his head. “Then, we’ll take our leave.”

“Eh? No way.” Ai separated a bit from the twins. “That’s it?”

“There’s not much else for us to talk about.” Hikigaya shrugged, looking away from Aqua. “My priority right now is Yui-san.”

Ai didn’t like the sound of those words said in that order.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Hikigaya stared back like he’d seen something mildly disgusting in front of him.

They’d gone through this back when they first met, but Ai really didn’t like being subjected to that stare. She liked it better when he was flustered or irritated, when his features were softer and wholly centered on her.

“I thought this was a big deal.” Ai motioned to her kids, trying to not make a huge deal out of stopping him. “…We even dragged your sister and stuff.”

“Ah, well…” Hikigaya looked away. “I guess I still need time to process all of this. Make sense of things.”

That… Okay, yeah. He felt like a very slow person, yes.

“I see…”

“Besides…” Hikigaya regarded the twins again, his gaze less wavering now. “They’re just kids.”

…Just kids?

“Right…” A-chan sighed. “Whatever was said here…”

“Mhm.” Hikigaya agreed even tough his sister hadn’t completed her thoughts. “It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Hmmm…” The younger Hikigaya looked away.

“…I don’t get it.” Ai had no choice but to acknowledge the fact. Because her main mission was understanding Hikigaya, understanding the way he felt and thought.

“They’re not at fault here.” Hikigaya stated after a moment. “They’re just… Here. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect them.”

“I don’t doubt the results.” His sister added. “But I question the methods.”

The older Hikigaya took the first step. Walking so close to Ai that she expected him to do something, touch her in some way. Acknowledge her importance.

He didn’t. Instead, he just nodded in her general direction and opened the door for his sister before leaving the office himself.

Ai found her feet turning to give chase.

“Wait!”

She crossed the threshold, making both siblings stop and frown at her.

“What is it?” Hikigaya asked, voice controlled. His sister was still glaring.

“…” Ai didn’t really know what to say. “See you around?”

A-chan scoffed.

“Of course.” Hikigaya nodded, expression filled with seriousness.

Ai smiled a bit. Feeling oddly reassured by the way he replied.

“Ah. Come to think of it.” He rubbed the back of his head, changing his whole-body language to one of awkwardness. “I didn’t want to mention it because of ‘them’, but… What about the father?”

Ai felt cold inside.

“…What about him?” She replied with practiced ease, holding Hikigaya’s inquisitive stare without giving any ground.

“I see…”

“What? But I didn’t answer the…”

“Does Ichigo-san know him?” Hikigaya interrupted her, looking serious again.

Ai looked away.

“…Goodbye, Ai-san.” Hikigaya turned around. Preventing Ai from reading his expression any longer. “Please stay safe.”

“…I’ll try.” Ai’s shoulders dropped as she saw him go. She exchanged a look with A-chan, who had stayed behind for a moment. Studying Ai’s reaction.

She looked a little sad when she left.

Ai would have preferred if the girl looked smug or satisfied.

Chapter Text

6:00 pm [Made it back home safely. Please thank Saitou again for giving Yui-san this opportunity.]

6:00 pm [sure]

6:01 pm [u wont regret this decision. promise]

6:23 pm [I sure hope I don’t, especially because I didn’t want to get Komachi too involved with any of this. But, well, I guess you’ve managed to get this far for a reason. So please lend me your strength for this.]

6:24 pm [im good at what I do dw]

6:25 pm [I’m told you’re the best at what you do.]

6:29 pm [facts!]

6:30 pm [im always doin my best after all. On the stage, at home, and every other job!]

6:30 pm [I can see that, yes. You’re well-liked, they care about you a lot.]

6:40 pm [surprised?]

6:52 pm [It’s all too new to me. I still don’t know what to think. But I’d say yes. It was a pleasant surprise, all things considered.]

6:53 pm [im just that powerful]

6:53 pm [also spend as much time as I can with them. Never know when things wont go as planned]

6:54 pm [just today we bought some take out for everyone. It was kind of hard getting them out of the office, but I managed]

6:55 pm [Even with the other idols around? I can’t imagine how that worked out.]

7:28 pm [nah wtnb and ari left early]

7:28 pm [bet theyl report what happened today]

7:29 pm [whos miura btw]

7:54 pm [Blonde with drills, mean girl kind of vibes.]

7: 59 pm [no idea]

8:03 pm [It’s okay. You didn’t interact much. What do you mean report, though? Were they randomly selected to participate without being told what they were getting themselves into?]

9:01 pm [nah they prolly just dunno whats up with u nd they want to know]

9:12 pm [Right. Communication is still lacking in that company.]

9:13 pm [everyones stressed out]

9:13 pm [Can’t blame them. Even I feel like there’s too much on my plate, so I can’t imagine how you three have fared thus far. Because it looked to me like your boss is kind of a pushover.]

9:14 pm [Ichigo-san is very good at what he does but little else yknow]

9:14 pm [like, that’s why Miyako-san does everything else lol]

9:14 pm [don’t tell him I said that tho]

9:15 pm [Your secret is safe with me, of course.]

9:15 pm [im counting on u~]

9:16 pm [I’ll do my best. Also, sorry about Komachi’s mood. She’s great, the best even. It’s just that, just like Saitou, I’m no good in a lot of ways and she feels the need to protect me.]

9:20 pm [whats with that???]

9:21 pm [It’s just how it is.]

9:29 pm [I don’t get it]

9:29 pm [It’s fine if you don’t, that’s just how siblings are sometimes.]

9:30 pm [wouldn’t be the first time a girl has talked down on me for reasons I don’t understand]

9:33 pm [Again, really sorry. This was all too soon and too much for us.]

9:35 pm [ic]

9:35 pm [maybe I should’ve thought bout it a bit more or smth]

9:36 pm [Maybe.]

9:36 pm [gee thnx for the moral support]

9:37 pm [Sorry, I’m reviewing what I’m going to tell mom about Ichigo-san’s offer. I’m pretty sure she won’t be thrilled, and I don’t exactly want to reveal everything that happened.]

9:37 pm [ah! Do u wanna talk about it? Im free rn]

9:40 pm [Don’t worry about it, I texted Miyako-san before. I know what is “recommended” to omit. I’m just thinking about how to word it so it doesn’t sound like we went ahead and poked the wasp nest we were supposed to leave alone.]

9:43 pm [oh]

9:43 pm [well then that’s fine I guess]

9:44 pm [good luck tho]

9:45 pm [I’ll need all my eloquence for this one. This woman knows me way too well, and I’m afraid even Komachi’s cuteness won’t deter her this time.]

9:50 pm [SUPER GOOD LUCK]

9:50 pm [tell me how it goes?]

9:51 pm [Will do. I’ll cook something good to lighten the mood now. Stay safe.]

9:59 pm [thnx u 2]

11:41 pm [I got disinherited about 3 times. I’ve also never seen dad this livid before. I don’t wanna talk about it.]

9:30 am [rip]

12:02 pm [was it that bad actually]

3:11 pm [It was awkward, difficult, and long-winded. Like all things with parents. Not their fault, really. But still something I’d rather not go through again.]

4:22 pm [guess that’s what parents do, alright]

4:30 pm [They know better, have been working for a lot longer. And I think the old man has a bit of a backwards idea of what modeling is.]

4:49 pm [well ive worked with Ichigo-san for a while so I also know a thing or 2 about it]

4:50 pm [u guys don’t need permission rite?]

4:50 pm [ur both adults already]

5:02 pm [We still live under their roof. It’s not like we can really fight them or we can get kicked out. Well, I can get kicked out. I don’t think they’d actually do that to Komachi.]

5:02 pm [eeeehhhh sounds tough]

5:03 pm [if it comes down to it tell me]

5:03 pm [we can figure smth out]

5:10 pm [Thanks, but I don’t think it’ll be necessary. We can come to an agreement here.]

5:44 pm [is this a normal thing? Like arguing over these things with ur parents?]

5:45 pm [I guess it is. They have an idea of how the world works, and we’re just figuring out how we want things to work. Arguments with them, at least with my parents, aren’t usually on equal terms.]

6:21 pm [sounds like ur used to it]

6:21 pm [I understand better now, that’s all. Comes with the experience of having lived with them. It simply keeps happening, so it’s more experience.]

7:36 pm [fighting?]

8:04 pm [Living with them.]

10:00 am [kyun asked bout u guys]

10:00 am [yall not coming back anytime soon rite?]

1:11 pm [I don’t think you’ll be seeing the others that much, no. No one is doing idol work, after all.]

2:11 pm [Unless your team goes to the director. The guy with long hair. I’ll try to go with Saika though.]

4:11 pm [oh cool]

4:12 pm [i took acting classes at some point]

4:13 pm [and it’s Gotanda-san]

4:13 pm [the guy talking to ur sensei]

4:14 pm [Was he? I don’t remember that.]

4:21 pm [dw hes bad with women]

4:21 pm [I don’t see how that’d be a concern of mine. If nothing else, I’d be worried that Hiratsuka-san scares the poor man away.]

4:32 pm [u wud know?]

4:33 pm [You can ask any of the group how often she complains about her love life, it’s not just me. If that’s what you’re implying.]

4:34 pm [idk what ur talkin bout tbh]

4:36 pm [oh rite ill tell kyun u guys aint coming back soon then]

4:44 pm [Kyun is the one that likes the super sweet pastries, right?]

5:18 pm [maybe?]

5:34 pm [What do you mean “maybe”? Don’t you spend a lot of time with all of them?]

5:40 pm [whenever possible I go meet other people]

5:41 pm [Oh, of course. I still don’t know how that works, but I guess you’d rather spend time elsewhere.]

7:08 pm [still thinking bout it?]

7:09 pm [Indeed. I don’t even know where to begin, so my mind is kind of a mess.]

7:10 pm [as long as ur thinking bout me]

9:54 pm [I am. I think about you first and foremost, as you’re the one I know the most.]

10:01 am [haha whats with that]

10:02 am [I’m saying you are weird, even for me.]

10:03 am [that I am]

10:03 am [do u hate it?]

10:03 am [No. And even if I did, that’d be wholly on me. Your circumstances are not for me to judge.]

10:10 am [but u do find it annoyin]

10:11 am [Very.]

5:23 pm [I was watching one of your interviews, and something curious happened. You mentioned a kid actor? And it strikes me as funny, because seems like Saitou has a tendency to recruit young, innocent people now.]

5:23 pm [did I? when?]

5:24 pm [Not too long ago, it was about a horror movie I think.]

5:24 pm [rite ye]

5:25 pm [Ichigo-san can see people potential I think]

5:25 pm [so the younger he meets them the better]

5:26 pm [gotta build that career]

5:26 pm [were you watching stuff about me]

5:27 pm [Yes. I remembered a couple of things, and I wanted to see if you left crumbs and details behind. You’re very good at keeping your secrets. But it’s funny because that happened to you too, right?]

5:28 pm [thnx]

5:28 pm [wanst that young tho]

5:30 pm [woulda saved me some trouble tbh]

5:30 pm [More problems?]

5:40 pm [more]

5:41 pm [I see. No wonder you defend him so much.]

5:42 pm [gotta build that raport yaknow]

5:43 pm [Do you even know what “rapport” means?]

5:43 pm [i can look it up]

5:45 pm [i looked it up]

5:45 pm [i used it right]

5:45 pm [Congratulations.]

8:08 am [Did you see Yui-san? She mentioned she’d be working as staff, but didn’t tell me which talents she’d be around.]

9:10 pm [who?]

4:33 pm […which brings up back the main point: I still don’t know what this will be all about.]

4:44 pm [its nothin like that]

4:45 pm [to begin with Miyako-san will prolly do most of the actual work]

4:45 pm [u just gotta pay attention to what she does and learn]

4:46 pm [A-chan will prolly have to take some coaching. Modelin aint just striking poses and lookin pretty]

4:46 pm [So… Just babysitting? I’d have to do babysitting and taking notes?]

4:47 pm [ye]

4:47 pm [u should prolly ask Miyako-san bout it in detail tho]

4:48 pm [I thought you’d know, as you’ve done modeling as well.]

4:49 pm [idk I just strike a pose and look pretty]

4:49 pm [diet exercise and the other stuff I have to do them for idol stuff already]

4:50 pm [Right. My bad.]

4:51 pm [itll be the same whatever route u take btw]

4:51 pm [showbiz already has tested and true models]

4:52 pm [people know what works and how already]

4:52 pm [So… Originality is dead, and you just have to fit the mold or get out?]

4:53 pm [sometimes there are geniuses but ye most of the time its like that]

4:53 pm [dont even mean like me I mean the people that work behind the scenes]

4:54 pm [sometimes someone takes a look at the state of the game and thinks]

4:54 pm [holup]

4:55 pm [sometimes stuff we really put our soul into would get sidelined by someone with a good idea or better timing]

4:55 pm [its annoying but what can u do]

4:56 pm [I see. I can’t help notice that you’d still call yourself a genius, however.]

4:57 pm [duh]

11:48 am [sea sand is fish poo????]

11:50 am […Elaborate?]

11:55 am [so theres this documentary about the sea right and it says that theres a kind of fish called a parrotfish which shits out the sand that is on beaches and stuff]

11:56 am [and I mean]

11:56 am [its a documentary its not lying to me is it]

11:57 am [Why are you watching a documentary on… Parrotfish?]

11:58 am [its about the sea]

12:00 pm [Right. So, sand is mineral powder basically. It’s rock, I don’t think a fish can produce rocks.]

12:01 pm [has to do with its diet]

12:02 pm [Right.]

12:03 pm [swear im not making this up]

12:21 pm [hello?]

1:02 pm [So I looked it up and yes, part of white sand beaches are the droppings of parrotfish. But it’s not like ALL sand is parrotfish droppings. It is made out of minerals, after all. Even with the insane amounts a single fish can produce. And it does so because of the stuff it ingests while scrapping for its food.]

1:03 pm [eeewwwww]

1:07 pm [The sea floor isn’t the same as what we have on land. The ecosystem works different, so even the droppings of the creatures living there are different. Like in an aquarium, that’s why some tanks have snails or these cleaner fish around. They keep the rocks and sand from getting contaminated and disabling the creatures from reefs and stuff from getting nutrients and/or being literally poisoned.]

1:08 pm [like the sea cucumber]

1:09 pm [a wiggly fellow]

1:10 pm [I guess? It’s definitely more complicated and weirder, but that’s that. In the case of the sea cucumber, it just cleans everything that goes into its body and expels it as-is as far as I know.]

1:11 pm [oooohhh]

1:12 pm [cool and cute huh]

1:12 pm [I wouldn’t call sea cucumbers either “cool” or “cute” myself.]

1:13 pm [idk it has a weird appeal]

1:13 pm [It’s literally a tube, a living esophagus.]

1:14 pm [cant help it when it was born looking like that]

1:14 pm [still strangely endearing]

1:20 pm [It’s a mouth and an anus. Just that.]

1:21 pm [it wiggles so funny tho!]

1:30 pm [It's literally a living pipe. A fleshy living pipe, yes, but just that.]

1:31 pm [wonder if i can get one]

2:00 pm [They live in the bottom of the ocean.]

2:01 pm [so they cant be pets]

2:02 pm [I don’t know. Why don’t you get in there and try to catch one?]

2:21 pm [never been to the ocean]

2:22 pm [sounds fun tho]

2:22 pm [isnt it all dark and stuff?]

2:30 pm [You’re thinking about the abyssal zone. Humans can’t go there or they’d be crushed by the pressure.]

2:31 pm [eeeehhhh]

2:31 pm [but what if I get like an astronaut suit]

2:32 pm [It’s completely different. Imagine you lift up all the water in the ocean and put it under you. That’s basically what happens but in all direction. Space has no “weight” because it’s empty.]

2:33 pm [right right]

2:33 pm [so no sea cucumbers]

2:34 pm [I don’t think there are sea cucumbers in the abyssal zone. There ARE a lot of bottom feeders, however. The landscape is completely different, even from the rest of the oceans. Literally having organic matter snowing down, getting carcasses of whales and stuff.]

2:35 pm [sounds scary]

2:35 pm [theres no light there right]

2:36 pm [Just like in real life.]

2:37 pm [what]

9:30 am [ur friend is actually showing up]

9:50 am [No way. Damn it, and here I thought Saitou wouldn’t pull these sorts of things.]

10:06 am [who is she anyway]

10:06 am [A friend from high school. Some stuff happened and we lost contact, but she really needed a better job.]

10:07 am [Please, tell me she’s not going to get bullied or anything. I’d lose my mind.]

10:28 am [dw ill check on her]

10:29 am [Doesn’t fill me with comfort, no offense.]

10:46 am [rude]

10:47 am [ill have you know my presence alone can change the mood of a whole room]

10:51 am [I can believe it.]

10:52 am [have some faith in us]

10:53 am [I have none left.]

11:00 am [rude]

11:01 am [trust the small part of my heart i can give okay]

11:01 am [What is that supposed to mean?]

3:01 pm [Fine, be that way. I hope you know what you’re doing.]

3:01 pm [im the best at what I do]

3:01 pm [So I’ve heard.]

3:02 pm [hehehehehehe]

Chapter Text

The pink-haired girl stood out even in the regular clothes that the rest of the staff wore. Not because she had a distinctive style, or she did anything other than what she was asked. But, well, there was a reason why even Ari and Meimei stole glances at the girl whenever she entered the room to leave or pick something. Which at least meant that Ai wasn’t the only one that hadn’t managed to stop doing it after a bit.

“Didn’t they have a bigger fit for her?” Ai murmured after walking closer to the two idols that were staring, snapping them out of their focus and outright startling Ari as she became red and covered the lower half of her face with her hand.

“Ai-chan! I didn’t see you there.” Ari looked away, toward Meimei’s feet. Making Ai chuckle, given that people did that to take some tension off an awkward conversation sometimes.

“I’m here~” Ai replied before stealing a glance at the pink-haired girl on the other side of the room. “What do you think about our new staff member?”

“Yeah, Ari. What do you think about her?” Meimei’s voice might’ve sounded teasing, but her expression was a little more on the annoyed side instead.

“Ah, well… We talked a bit the other day. She seems nice.” Ari looked like she’d rather be anywhere but having this conversation. Something that Ai didn’t really understand, but it wasn’t like she understood her co-idols that much. Still, maybe she could help a bit?

“That’s right. You did come the other day.” Ai turned to Meimei, her smile unblemished as she did so. “Have you talked to her, Meimei?”

“What? No way. We’re all busy.” The girl looked away, smiling like she was being asked something obvious.

“Well, I guess so…” Ai saw the girl in question leave the room, letting Ai give the other idols her whole attention now. “There will probably be more opportunities to know her, right?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Meimei nodded vigorously, but she didn’t sound very interested in the topic.

“Have you talked to her, Ai-chan?” Ari sounded calmer now. And regarded Ai with cautious curiosity rather than any normal interest.

“Eh? Not really.” Ai shrugged.

“Yeah, figured as much.” Ari nodded to herself.

“Why is she here, though?” Meimei looked away, still a little irritated. “Would’ve thought if one of those people came here, they’d be looking for Nino-chan’s spot.”

Ai opened her eyes a little more, keeping her smile in place while Meimei spoke.

Would it annoy her more if she didn’t reply, or if she told her that they’d found no one that was interested in working with them?

“It’s honest work?” Ai suggested, tilting her head and placing a finger on her chin in wonderment.

“She worked retail before.” Ari sighed, visibly shivering for a moment like she had remembered something scary. “She’d probably take anything to get out of there.”

“Ah… Understandable.” Meimei looked at the closed door, sounding a bit guilty now.

“Yeah. Life’s really hard when you don’t have enough money, huh.” Ai nodded to herself. She had experienced that, after all. So at least she understood this much. Not everyone could get scouted into an idol group, after all. And even Ai herself had weighed her options back then. Wondering if it was something she wanted to risk attempting.

And the rest is history, of course.

“Yeah…”

“Sounds about right.” Meimei shook her head, disengaging from the conversation by taking a couple of steps away. “Well, good for her!”

“Did something happen with Yuigahama?” Ari asked once Meimei had moved away, looking for the other idols while Ai was left without knowing what else to say.

“Eh?”

“Just wondering.” Ari crossed her arms, but it didn’t feel like she was getting on Ai’s case or anything. More like, she was getting relaxed? It was a strange position, but one that didn’t feel accusatory.

Ai knew very well what that looked like.

“Nope.” Ai had to will herself to open her mouth again, going against old habits which would’ve cut the conversation short. “I didn’t really see her when Hachiman-san’s friends came, she didn’t participate with you guys and Gotanda-san?”

“She watched us when Miyako-san was done with her.” Ari scratched her shoulder while tilting her head a bit. “She’s nice.”

“She looks nice.”

“Those guys were alright enough too.” Ari looked at the ground, furrowing her brows for a moment. “Guess I overreacted a bit.”

“Hmm?” Ai blinked and narrowed her own eyes, trying (and failing) to follow Ari’s train of thought. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just…” Ari sighed, now looking a bit uncomfortable. Not wanting to look straight in Ai’s direction. “I imagined things would turn out… Uglier, I guess.”

“Ah… Uh-huh.” Ai still didn’t get it, but the way Ari talked felt… Nice. Good, even. Like Ai could relax a bit more around her green-haired co-star. “That’s pretty lucky.”

“I guess…” Ari sighed before regarding Ai. “You were, at least. Genuinely, honestly lucky this time around.”

“Hmmm… Yeah.” Ai didn’t like the somber tone that her co-star had adopted, but she couldn’t deny that they shared the sentiment. Not in this particular instance of luck, at least. “I hope my fortune hasn’t run out.”

“You’ll be fine.” Ari scoffed, sounding more normal now. “Just, y’know, be careful.”

“Right!”

“Hmm? Where are you going?” Normally, the girls didn’t ask such things. So it actually took Ai by surprise when Ari did. Making her stop in her tracks and looking at the green-haired idol with some confusion.

“I’ll go talk to the new girl?”

“Oh, okay.” Ari didn’t look like her question had been answered either. “Is everything okay?”

“No.” Ai gave Ari the benefit of a serious look now. “One of her friends took a knife for me.”

“Right, sorry.” Ari’s mood dropped immediately. “Shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s not like anyone would want to think about it.” Ai pointed out.

“True…”

Having said her piece, Ai spun around and walked out of the room. Waving at Kyun before leaving and looking around for the tell-tale sign of the pink-haired girl. Careful to not get in the way of the people coming and going because of Strawberry Pro’s other projects. Most people noticed her before getting too close, but not all of them were in a position to move to give her room. And she was still dressed up in costume, so she’d rather not cause an accident.

Now then, pink-hair and big boobies. Pink-hair and big boobies, pink-hair…

“Ah, there you are!” Ai strode to the girl’s side as soon as she found her. Startling the her into standing straight, making Ai realize that she, just like Hikigaya, was actually taller than Ai herself.

“Gah! Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you approach…” The girl chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of her head while Ai positioned herself a step back so she wouldn’t have to look up too much to look at the girl’s face.

Oh, no. She’s actually big in more ways than one!

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to spook you.”

“It’s fine! I just thought a supervisor would yell at me for slacking or something for a moment!”

“Uuuuhhh…” Ai scratched the spot to the right of her nose with her left hand. “Tough bosses, huh.”

“Yeah, yeah.” The pink-haired girl chuckled awkwardly while scratching the back of her head. “Sometimes you just gotta catch a breath before going back to giving it your 100%, y’know.”

“Right! People that aren’t on-site often forget that.” Well, at least Ai could understand that. Be it in dancing, singing, or, apparently, in more mundane jobs, having a rhythm and moments to let your body relax to go back to doing effort was mandatory. And something that Ai understood very well by her own experience. “Don’t worry, it’s your first day. Right? I don’t think people will be too mean about it. You’ll grow into your role just fine.”

Not that she knew what the girl did or anything. These were simply words that she had heard when a new member of B-Komachi joined in. Learning to fall in line in choreographies, accounting for the rest of the group, and even knowing when to ignore the lyrics a bit to be able to play lip service to the crowd… They all required practice. It was just that Ai didn’t really know what to say to this girl, working a normal job, but it felt like she had to at least make an effort of saying something.

“Miyako-san said the same.” The pink-haired girl chuckled, less awkwardly this time. And looked a bit surprised after a moment of silence, when Ai thought that the conversation would halt into an awkward stare contest. “Ah! I’m Yui, by the way. It’s so cool to meet you in person, Ai-chan-san!”

“Thanks! You’re as cool as Hachiman-san said!”

“Ehehehehe… Hikki didn’t say that.”

“…”

“But thanks! Did he actually tell you about me?”

“Yeah, a little.” Ai’s voice wavered slightly, but she got back her bearings before she could start doubting her own words. “High school friends, right?”

“Yeah! Clubmates, that’s where we met.” The girl let out a satisfied sigh, probably remembering the moment with fondness. Leaving Ai to remember her own first meeting with Hikigaya.

She wasn’t jealous. Not at all.

“Sounds nice.” Ai murmured with gritted teeth.

“Eh… Not really, haha…” The girl tilted her head awkwardly. “Hikki was… A very different person back then.”

“Oh, is that how it is?”

“Yeah. But, y’know, we were teenagers.” The pink-haired girl waved Ai off. “It was kind of fun, all things considered. Although there were, like, a ton of problems we had to deal with.”

“Eh…”

The girl relaxed and started walking, still looking at Ai while doing so. Which made the idol unwittingly take a step forward alongside the girl. Like she’d been pulled from an invisible string while the big boobed girl kept talking.

“Yeah! We were in this small club that was meant to get the students some help with stuff. So it was really about hanging out and sometimes helping out.” She explained while eyeing her surroundings from time to time, making sure to be heading in the right direction. “And sometimes there were tough spots, and… Well, we argued.”

“Isn’t that normal? That usually happens pretty much with all the people we know.” Or at least that was Ai’s understanding of relationships. Especially given how often the people around her tried to argue. She knew this wasn’t normal, not everyone was surrounded with critics and people that didn’t like them. But, well, Ai wanted to think this didn’t mean that she was the only one.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just…” The girl’s smile was sad, like she had found something precious but lost. Only to realize that it didn’t work anymore. Perhaps an old watch, or a toy. “We really haven’t grown up that much.”

“Hmmm…” Ai pouted a little. Even though the girl wasn’t looking at her, it felt like the right expression to make. “Didn’t you say that Hachiman-san was completely different back then?”

“Hmm, I guess…”

“Then, you’ve grown up. Isn’t that good?”

“I guess?” The girl scratched the lower side of her chin. “It’s just… It all gets fuzzy the more I think about it.”

Fuzzy?

“What do you mean?”

“Like… I don’t know.” The girl chuckled with a tiredness that hadn’t been there before. “Like, if I focus my gaze into it, it’ll just… Disappear.”

Ai didn’t know what to say when the girl stared at her feet while still walking.

“I guess I’ve stopped thinking about what’s important.”

“Really?” Ai asked more to let the girl know that she was listening than because she was interested.

“Yeah. Too many urgent things, so little time…” The pink-haired girl released a defeat sigh. “I’m so tired…”

“Ah…” Ai could understand that sentiment a little better. “As I said, take it easy. You’re just starting out.”

“Yeah… Yeah!” The girl corrected her posture, tapping her own cheeks repeatedly to fully wake up. “It’s so much better I… I quit my last job before payday!”

“Errr…” Ai now didn’t understand the sentiment at all. “I mean, good for you?”

“They won’t pay me the days I worked…” The girl frowned for a moment, shaking her head and going back to her determined look. Bumping a fist up when she was fully hyped. “But that doesn’t matter! Got a month in advance here, I’ll just get 1/3rd less for the first three months… And it’s still more than I made before!”

“Money is important, yes.” At this point, it felt like it didn’t matter what Ai said in return. As long as she did say something.

“I’ll do my best!”

For some reason, that made Ai smile.

“Girls like us just need a chance to show everyone that we’re made of sterner stuff, huh.”

“Yes!” The girl spun on her heel, startling Ai, and hugging the idol with so much force that Ai felt the girl’s boobies being squeezed against her chin and neck. “We’re gonna make it!”

“Y-Yeah…!” Ai didn’t know where to place her hands, so she just let the girl hug her while she tried holding onto her balance by tip-toeing.

“Thanks, Ai-chan-san!” The pink-haired girl released Ai and basically bounced in place. Completely fired up in spite of the small circles under her eyes. “You’re right! I’m strong, and cool, and I just need to hang on a bit more!”

“Right!” This time, it was easier to get her bearings back.

“Okay, so now I’ll go to storage.” The girl pointed sidewise with both index fingers. “I’ll stop taking your time now.”

“Oh, don’t worry. We’re on break.” Ai made an ‘okay’ sign with her left hand. “That’s why I can look for you.”

“Oh, of course! Hehe…”

“And, well… Sorry about the other day. I just…” Ai motioned with both hands, trying to look cute while she scrambled her brain for something to say.

“Oh, it’s fine! I’m… I’m used to it, haha…” The girl tried to make an expression, a negative one, but it died out just as fast as Ai noticed it. “And I get it! Miyako-san explained the whole deal of gravure idols and stuff. It’s my bad for misunderstanding.”

“No, no! Really, I should’ve known better.” Ai waved her off, hoping that none of the other idols would randomly come out and see the newbie apologizing to Ai. That’d probably sink her image even further… Probably. “It’s my bad, really.”

“Well, if you say so…”

“Yeah! Hachiman-san scolded me about it too.”

“Hikki did look incredibly pissed off, yes.” The girl tilted her head to the side, like she was wondering if that was the reason why he’d looked like that.

It was in Ai’s best interest to let her think that was the case.

“Yes… Maybe take a picture with me? Show him we’re good?”

“Ah… Is that fine? You often charge for these sorts of things, right?”

“Don’t mind it~ it’s for someone important, after all.”

“I…” The girl smiled softly at Ai. “Yeah, that happens.”

“What does?”

Instead of answering, the pink-haired girl got out her phone. Quickly turning it around with her thumb to get it in a selfie position. Kicking Ai’s training into place as she got close and made a double peace sign, the ‘demurest’ of her default poses. At least the one that came to mind.

The device had seen better days. The screen was cracked, probably from being dropped sidewise, and the case had lost most of its color. Leaving only the shapes and some scraps and random pigmentations here and there, transforming what probably had once been a cheerful and trendy decoration into a plastic shell that barely had any identity beyond protecting the phone itself.

Sometimes, looking at fans’ phones was the only way to spend time while pictures were taken. She’d heard the girls talk about that before, comparing some. Being surprised. Ai didn’t know what to think of this particular one, nor did she have someone to share said thoughts. So she just… Stared. Avoiding looking at herself while the girl took the picture.

Ai bumped onto the side of the girl’s chest with her shoulder while musing these things.

“There! Thanks a lot!” The girl turned around, giving Ai only a moment before she smiled cleanly at the idol. “I hope this makes him relax.”

“I think the same.” Ai nodded. “Don’t be afraid to come to me if you need something, okay? I’ll help.”

“Ah, you don’t have to…”

“It’s fine. I want to make things right, after all.”

“’Make things right’?”

“Ah, y’know…” Ai made circles in the air with her fingers. “Help clean up my mess and stuff.”

“Clean up your…? Ah, well…” The girl looked away, visibly unable to say what was on her mind. “Y’know, it’s okay.”

“Is it? I thought you and Hachiman-san were friends?”

“I mean, it’s not like it’s your fault or anything.” The pink-haired girl waved her hands nervously. “How could I possibly tell you I wish Hikki wasn’t there for you?!”

“I’d… Think you’d care more about him than you do me.”

“Well, yeah! Of course! If it was up to me, I’d hope it never happened!” The girl looked surprised, like Ai was the one saying something outrageous. “But that goes for you as well. I hate that it happened to Hikki but… I don’t think that it’s okay that it happened to you.”

“But if you could save one of us…”

“What’s with that? Instead of choosing to remove you or Hikki, why not think that it’s better if the attacker was removed? You didn’t do anything to deserve that.”

“…”

“Gosh! It’s… Haha…” The girl fixed her hair a bit, looking away while gather her thoughts. “It’s a very heavy subject, huh. But… Yeah. The bad guy is… Well, the bad guy. And that’s that.”

“I see…” Ai looked away, her cheerful expression softening while she thought about how little the girl in front of her knew. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it! It’s… It’s alright. I know how heavy these sorts of things are.” The girl placed her fingertips together, holding her hand in front of her stomach. “Take your time. It’s the best you can do, let things find their place.”

“That’s… What I’m doing, really.” Ai’s thought came to Hikigaya, to Nino. “I’m distracting myself, trying not to think too much about it.”

“Well, yeah. Can’t stop living our lives.” The girl nodded while placing a hand on Ai’s shoulder. “Miyako-san said that security is tighter now, so you can rest assured that everyone’s looking out for your well-being.”

Ai nodded. She wasn’t being told anything that she didn’t already know, but the way this girl said it did make Ai believe it a little more.

“Thanks. You’re… Pretty nice.”

“I’m trying!” The girl cheered but released Ai’s shoulder. “You never know who needs some kind words in their day.”

Ai’s smile became easier to hold for a moment. Thinking about how Hikigaya had insisted that Ai should give this girl… Yui? A chance.

“Yeah.” She shook her head while chuckling a bit. “You never know.”

Chapter Text

Willful ignorance.

More often than not, the problems that Hachiman had encountered throughout his life had to do with people ignoring certain things that were too uncomfortable to bear. Thinking “it’s okay if I avert my eyes here” or “it’s such a small thing, better just ignore it” every time the truth is in front of their eyes, people build complacency. They would end up fixed in place as they desperately try to avoid the uncomfortable truth, thinking that it’d be better if “someone else” dealt with it. If they weren’t the ones stuck in that situation.

Call them out, and the annoyance and negativity will turn to the person doing so. Even now, with people busy running around to prepare the set and the girls that would be exposed to the camera, the little annoyances made it so the mood was uncomfortable at best. Making Hachiman stick close to the women that he’d come with.

“Why is she here?” Komachi hissed under her breath, leaning close to avoid clueing the Hikigaya matriarch that something was amiss. It made Hachiman a bit more stressed; because he knew exactly what Komachi was referring to. And so, he glared at the people on the farther wall of the room. Locking eyes with the girl that should not be there for any reason.

The stupid brunette idol that attacked Komachi stared back at him. She didn’t look ready to change out of her civilian clothes, nor did she make any attempt to follow the instructions of the people talking to the other models. She just… Stared. Sitting on one of the folding chairs and looking like she’d gone through another round of battle with Komachi.

They hadn’t, for the record. That was just hyperbole on Hachiman’s part.

“Don’t worry.” Hachiman hissed back, touching the side of Komachi’s head with his own. “I’ll protect you with my life.”

“Awwww~ onii-chan!”

“What are you two muttering about?” The Hikigaya matriarch fixed her square glasses, looking at her children with a frown like she’d just noticed that they weren’t taking things seriously. “Shouldn’t Komachi be going to change now?”

“It’s fine, it’ll take a bit more time.” Komachi gave their mom a thumbs up, looking alright enough to avoid any suspicion. But Hachiman didn’t have the same amount of control over his features, so he could only avoid looking in Nino’s general direction.

“I just hope they don’t leave her for last.” Hachiman muttered with the bitterness he was collecting for the brunette idol.

“We should probably ask, now that you mention it.” His mom tilted her head a bit, seriously considering the possibility. “Ideally, we would get out of here early enough to avoid needing to eat out.”

“Eh~? We’re not celebrating my first gig once we’re done?!” Komachi pushed the topic further away from the idol, physically moving to block the direct line of sight of their mom. Using her youngest child card to keep the woman’s attention squarely on her.

“…I didn’t say that.” It was super effective! Even mama Hikigaya can’t do anything against Komachi’s look of disappointment!

“Eh~?”

“C’mon, Komachi. Don’t be like that.” Their mother sighed, letting out more tiredness than she appeared to hold within. “This is a serious, big step. Let’s approach this with a cold head.”

“That’s why we should celebrate it!” Komachi puffed her chest with pride. “Mom, I’ll be famous!”

“…Of course.” The woman gave Hachiman a worried glance, probably looking out for some support on this.

Hachiman sighed.

“That just sounds like a bad idea.”

“Onii-chan!”

“And it might not happen.” Their mother looked a bit more relieved. Whether it was because Hachiman had redirected Komachi’s strongest attack (?) to himself or because she shared the sentiment, he didn’t know. But at least the mood was slightly less tense now. “Let’s keep a cold head for this.”

“You’re not fun!” Komachi pouted and huffed in faux frustration, giving both her mom and brother a dirty look before defaulting to the cold shoulder. The two older Hikigaya sort of stared at each other without knowing what to do next; so they just stood there. Awkwardly seeing the younger Hikigaya wait for them to apologize or do something else.

It spoke a lot about the situation that their mom hadn’t given in after that. Even if the topic was supposed to be just food. In reality, no one was thinking about that. And instead, were counting the minutes until Komachi “debuted” as a model. Even though she hadn’t even changed out of the cute clothes she’d arrived with.

“Oh, good. You’re already arguing with someone. Terrific.” Saitou (Ichigo) arrived with one of the B-Komachi idols in tow, fixing his sunglasses while regarding the Hikigaya matriarch with more seriousness than when he looked at Hachiman. “Thanks for coming, ma’am.”

“Thanks for having us.” The woman fixed her own glasses with deference, scanning Strawberry Pro’s CEO with her lips pursed into a thin line.

“Heyo, Hikigayas~” The idol waved energetically, somehow including their mom in that greeting without sounding disrespectful.

“Kyun-san. You’re here today as well?” Komachi sounded positively surprised, which helped Hachiman calm his own nerves a bit more. Feeling safe in his sister initiating the reglementary casual talk for him.

“Yeah, Ichigo-san is giving us stuff to do while we’re on downtime. Y’know, keeping relevancy and all that.” The girl pointed at her boss with her thumb, but quickly leaned closer while covering one side of her mouth. “He’s getting so considerate nowadays, maybe you joined at the best of times.”

“Working with me has always been a net gain.” The man complained, placing his hands on his hips with disappointment in his whole-body language. “It’s just, y’know, there was stuff in the way so far. But we’re getting there. You girls will enjoy all the benefits of this company.”

“Right, right.” Kyun shook her head while releasing some air through her nose, looking very smug about this whole thing.

“I sure hope nothing of the sort will happen now.” The Hikigaya matriarch narrowed her eyes; not quite glaring at Saitou but making sure that her hangups were evident all the same.

“No, ma’am. We’re doing our best to give our talents all the opportunities they need.” Saitou nodded to himself, keeping some form of professionalism in spite of the idol’s amused expression. “Even Komachi-chan here. So, for that purpose, shall I walk you through how these things go?”

“Is it that complex?”

“Not at all. We already went through it with your children, but it won’t hurt to have it in mind. Right?” Eh… For all the things he’d done, it seemed like Saitou was indeed a competent person. His whole vibe had changed, and it almost made Hachiman forget how far things had gone because this same man hadn’t done his job properly before.

He still eyed the idol on the farther wall, making sure that she was indeed still there.

“We mostly have to wait around, keep an eye on Komachi.” Hachiman added, looking at his mom first and to Saitou second for a confirmatory nod. “And we’re doing that already. I don’t think they’ll let us go into the changing room with her.”

“No, of course not.” His mom scoffed while crossing her arms. Did she perhaps think that’d be an option? “I get that much.”

Did she?

“This really isn’t as exciting as it might seem at first.” Kyun added, shrugging while looking at some of the staff members still hard at work. “The actual photoshoot is way shorter than all the preparations and stuff.”

“Shouldn’t Komachi be getting caked in makeup right now, then?” Hachiman couldn’t help asking. It might’ve been his nerves, but the idol’s words only reinforced the idea that the production was neglecting Komachi a bit.

“Eh, I dunno. Probably?” Kyun tilted her head, which made Hachiman have to hold back a biting retort. Because she hadn’t done anything but explain things.

Saitou, on the other hand.

“Busy schedule, not enough hands.” Saitou shook his head. “As soon as someone finishes, it’ll be Komachi-chan’s turn. I was checking that before.”

“I see…”

“Don’t give me that face. It’s not like we make clothes, shoes, or anything like that. We can only bargain with people in need of our talents. Actively finding work for them places the ability to choose on the lap of brands, executives, and owners of the products being advertised.” Saitou crossed his arms while huffing in annoyance. “If we’re approached first, sure. We can get picky. But this is not the case.”

Hachiman sighed, hating that he couldn’t come up with something smart to say.

“Right, that kind of makes sense.” He stole another glance at the idol on the farther wall, wanting to ask about her the more he locked eyes with her.

Wait, no. Nino wasn’t looking at him. She was glaring at Komachi instead. And Komachi had her eyes locked on her as well.

“Something wrong?” Their mom snapped Komachi out of her staring contest, earning her a stare from both her and Saitou while Hachiman himself tried to pretend that he wasn’t aware of what Komachi was doing.

“I’m kinda nervous.” Komachi rolled her shoulders back, tilter her head and pursing her lips with some stress. She didn’t look cute while doing it, which worried Hachiman a bit. It seemed like the situation was way more important than it appeared at first glance.

“Don’t worry! You’ll be fine.” Kyun nodded to herself, smacking the side of Komachi’s shoulder slightly. “You know what’ll help? A snack.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Saitou interjected, furrowing his brows.

“Fine. Gum?” The idol pivoted and checked her pocket, frowning as she realized she had nothing on her person. “Ah… Maybe I can get some somewhere.”

“It’s okay…” Komachi huffed, waving her hands up and down to hype herself up. “Got any tips?”

“Eh, well… If the photographer isn’t a complete hack, they’ll lead you.” Kyun rolled her eyes. “They should go easy on you, there’s a lot of newbies here. And try to see what the good points of whatever you’re wearing are. Otherwise… I would start looking at the mirror right now.”

“Eh… There’s a reason for that? I thought that doing that was some sort of vanity thing.” Hachiman interjected, trying to soften the mood a bit.

“Ha-ha. Well, our perspective of ourselves doesn’t always help. There’s a bias, and the mirror is slightly distorted compared to a camera’s lenses…” Kyun pursed her lips while looking at the floor, focusing on something she was thinking. “Eh… I don’t exactly remember how, sorry. It’s just something I heard somewhere. It’s better for her to get used to the camera and focus on her good points.”

“My good points… I’m pretty cute.” Komachi nodded to herself sagely.

“She means your most notable traits.” Saitou clarified. “Like, your nose from one angle or another, your smile, your ears…”

“That’s kind of specific.”

“You have to look good in the clothes you’re given.” Saitou spoke seriously, like he was giving out a lesson. “Scratch that, you have to look good enough in the clothes that it’ll make people think they’ll look good in them too.”

“That’s…”

“Sounds difficult? It’s fine. As Kyun said, the camera crew should be able to lead you.” Saitou scoffed, looking down on Komachi a bit while he spoke. “Just remember: You have to know what the goal with each shot is. There’s no slacking in that department.”

“That’s not very encouraging.” Komachi deadpanned.

The man scoffed.

“What’s the point of winter clothes?”

“To be warm and cozy?”

“And a summer dress?”

“To not be too warm, and to be comfortable.”

“There you go.” Saitou nodded. “Just, y’know, look for ways to convey that in a picture.”

“Ah, got it.” Komachi nodded, even though she didn’t look fully convinced.

“Relax, you’ll figure out the ins and outs pretty easily.” Saitou stopped for a moment, regarding the Hikigaya matriarch before continuing. “…If you decide to keep going, that is.”

“Right.” Komachi replied in the same way she had before.

“For sure.” Her mom nodded along, being content to let things happen without interference. For now.

“Being on set is one of the least demanding parts of the job, honest.” Kyun scoffed, looking away like she wanted to look smug but remembered something bad midway. “Keeping up with social media, fishing for jobs, and overall, everything but modelling itself is what’s difficult.”

“And you don’t even manage most of those things.” Saitou glared at the girl for a moment.

“I do! Partially!”

“You manage her social media?” Komachi sounded a bit spooked, but still kept the question somewhat civil.

Hachiman’s mom glared a bit as well.

“Not me directly, no. But we do have full access to our talents’ accounts. Managing that part is basically yet another full-time job.” Saitou explained, sounding oddly calm about the whole affair. “The owner manages the account, mostly. But we do get the last say in what can be uploaded and shared, and what can’t. There’s a whole bunch of people scouring the internet to know what’s new, what might come as insensitive, and another whole lot of baggage that each talent simply can’t prioritize because they have to do their job.”

“So you do control that aspect as well.” Hachiman’s mom interjected.

“Eh, ‘control’ is a strong word. But, in short: Yes.” Saitou nodded. “When a famous person does an oopsie on social media, it’s very common for someone to get fired because it slipped their notice. Instead of being attributed to the talent themselves within the business. Again, it’s a full-time job. Glorified babysitting it might be, but talent groups don’t always enjoy the benefit of working with smart individuals.”

“Too much.” Kyun furrowed her brows. “You said too much.”

“Well, it’s the truth.” Saitou huffed. “And recent events prove it.”

“That’s… You’re being a real ass right now.” The idol insisted.

Hachiman scoffed.

“Leave it to a businessman to put the blame of everything on the people working below him.”

“Oh, you’d have experience with that?” Saitou didn’t look ashamed at all.

Hmmm, so he was only weak to Hoshino’s jabs? Good to know.

“No need to be so defensive.” Hachiman scoffed. “We’re ‘joking’. In ‘good faith’. Right?”

“Right, right.” The idol nodded vigorously.

“That’s…”

“Furthermore, shouldn’t you check if the makeup team has a spot for Komachi now?” Hachiman interrupted the man, feeling a little better with himself with this small victory. “Go on, show that you’re legit.”

“…” Saitou glared at him through the sunglasses, but a defeat sigh made Hachiman smirk weirdly even more. “Sure. Komachi-chan? Let’s go.”

“That’s…”

“Let’s go.” The Hikigaya matriarch placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, reassuring her in the way only a mother’s presence could.

Hachiman looked around, being reminded of another person he’d recently found out to have such a role. He shouldn’t, but he didn’t even notice when the three people left him behind with the idol.

“She’s probably with Nino-chan.” Kyun spoke up after a prolonged silence, watching Hachiman look around the set.

He snapped his gaze toward the idiot idol. She wasn’t there.

“Where is she?”

“Probably getting ready.” Kyun placed a finger on her chin. “The only one skipping the waiting line is Ai-chan. But, like Ichigo-san said… Recent events show why that’s the case.”

That’s…

“Weren’t you telling him he was out of line just now?” After all, he insulted them. If only indirectly. It counted; it definitely did.

“Yeah. But that’s one thing, Ai-chan’s life is another.” Kyun replied. “You should know better than anyone.”

“…”

“Besides. This much change feels completely different. It’s not ideal, but it seriously feels different.” Kyun crossed her arms and nodded her head. “Won’t change the level of fame we get compared to Ai-chan anytime soon. But… At least working together doesn’t feel as off anymore.”

Hachiman gave the short girl a good look, studying her face.

A younger version of him would’ve criticized how she was holding back her opinion. How her “it feels different” didn’t sound like it was enough for her, like it wasn’t as good as she made it out to be. He would’ve pointed out the hypocrisy, and how she was trying to move the topic away from Nino. Perhaps from a misguided sense of camaraderie borne from being put on the same basket against Hoshino.

He didn’t. This whole business was larger than him, way too deep for him to give his opinion and expect to be somewhat sure that he was right. It’d be like trying to argue against a specialist. Even if he wished for nothing to be heard, reality showed that things were far more complex than necessary.

“Is that so…” Hachiman could guess why Nino would be around, then. Saitou (Miyako) had mentioned that their focus was on running damage control, keep the public from making too many waves. It made sense, then, that they’d keep the girl around. If only to fool people into thinking that she was still active.

It wasn’t like this job would pay a whole lot, at least not compared to what she could make as an idol. So…

“E-Even if you hate me, at least try to dissimulate that we haven’t met before.” Nino appeared from behind Hachiman, startling the hell out of him even though her face was downcast and self-pitying.

She’d have looked pathetic if Hachiman couldn’t remember his own youth. Which made him even angrier, because it felt like she was trying to sell a sob story instead of showing remorse for attacking his cute little sister.

“Then don’t come here yourself.” Hachiman growled, glaring even harder at the girl now that they were at arms’ length. “Don’t be stupid at least once.”

“You’re in the way.” She hissed, motioning to the grey and black dress she now wore. “I have to go there and do something important. Not like you, just standing around being…”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Kyun placed herself between the two young adults. Pushing them apart with her hands to make sure that they couldn’t claw at each other. “Time out, time out! Why don’t you listen to yourselves and just don’t cause a scene?”

Hachiman obeyed and let himself be pushed back, Nino didn’t.

“Nino-chan?” The girl asked, looking at her co-star with a serious expression. “C’mon, girl. Work with me here.”

“You should just go.” Hachiman added, trying to sound calm.

Nino looked away, resentment growing by the second until something caught her eyes. Making her whole expression change.

Hachiman had rarely seen such an extreme change. He’d seen people with crushes, rivalries, and even apathy. But he couldn’t quite put his finger on what this girl was feeling. Her feelings were too raw, too mixed, too genuine. It felt like Hachiman’s own mind cut the flow of information to protect him, left a hole where he couldn’t perceive and read between the lines that well.

He chanced a look, seeing Hoshino lead his little sister by pushing her further onto the set. Seemingly ignoring the way, the little Hikigaya held her arms close to her chest, apprehension written all over her face.

Hachiman moved forward.

“Well, that’s new.” Kyun’s voice didn’t stop him, but her small hand did. Somehow weighing on him more than if she’d tried to stop him with more force. “Hold on, I wanna see where this is going.”

“That’s my sister.” Hachiman hissed, unable to tear his eyes away from the girls getting closer to the cameras.

“And that’s our Ai-chan.” Kyun spoke back, also not looking away from those two. “Even though this is the last thing I’d think she’d do.”

“Push someone against their will?”

“Let herself be close enough to touch them.”

It did look kind of strange. Although Hoshino projected a cheery and friendly persona, Hachiman would be hard-pressed to say he’d ever seen her close to anyone. Be it in presentations, pictures, or videos. If the group wasn’t paying lip service to the fans, Hoshino didn’t approach the other girls the same way they did with each other.

One might say that he was reading too much into it, that he was overanalyzing things over the internet. And, thus, was really making something bigger out of nothing. But, well, he couldn’t not try to scrape for every bit of information he could. Hoshino hadn’t stopped being a really freaking weird person, no matter how many revelations they’d gone through. It felt like she always had a deeper layer to her, and if it had driven Hachiman a bit mad at first, now it felt like he lacked oxygen and couldn’t surface while diving.

He needed to breathe, to know he was safe. That he wouldn’t drown in whatever darkness Hoshino hid. Even if nothing she had told him thus far winded up being true. As long as he figured things out, it’d be okay. As long as he unraveled what her small stature and cheeky expression hid, he wouldn’t regret it. Even if he never again touched her lips, he would—

“Hikigaya?” Kyun’s voice and hand made him crash back into reality, had his gaze re-focus on what he was supposed to be looking at.

“…Eh?”

“Oh, you’re here-here.” The girl scoffed. “I thought you’d topple forward and fall for a moment.”

“I’m here.” He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling his face become hot. “I’m just holding myself back. First, she insulted Yui-san. And now, she bullies my little sister?”

Honestly, what a troublesome woman. Always doing whatever she wanted, paying no mind to what others thought about it, always with that attitude that fooled people into thinking everything was fine…

And who was the mother of twins, with an unknown man vaguely in the picture.

…

“Why is it her?” Nino’s mumbling reached his ears, but Hachiman didn’t really register them fully. Instead, he kept his focus trained on what Hoshino was doing.

Slowly, she got the attention of the crew moving around the lights. She signaled them and made them change the setting a bit, hushing Komachi to get into position while she looked around. Trying to see Komachi’s position from different angles.

“That’s probably gonna get Ichigo-san in trouble.” Kyun murmured more as a matter of fact than to show worry.

She worked meticulously, ordering the people around before her last command had been fully heeded. And only when she was satisfied, did she signal Komachi to make the first pose.

Komachi was wearing some sort of trendy dress that looked too formal for casual wear, but too casual for formal occasions. It was one of those pieces advertised in magazines as extra illustrations in the girls’ section, alongside a personality quiz or something related to teenage advice. Still, she looked out of her depth enough that the first camera flash didn’t capture her in any position but that awkward semi-hunched stance that Hachiman attributed to nervousness.

Hoshino lifted her hand, beckoning Komachi to look at her. And positioned herself like the camera was trained on her.

The other models glared at Hoshino as she waved her hand for the camera man, saying something that Hachiman still couldn’t hear. But which made the shooting still for a moment, giving Komachi time to mimic Hoshino as much as she could.

Hachiman could do nothing but see at Hoshino’s work, slowly bringing Komachi into proper modeling stances by showing her how she should stand, and motioning with her hands for the young Hikigaya to make small corrections to her face and expression. Slowly bringing out Komachi’s charm by way of helping her feel comfortable with what she was doing.

“Wait, did she get her makeup done so soon?” Hachiman murmured, earning himself a puzzled look from Kyun.

“No? No way they did it so fast. She’s probably…” The idol frowned, narrowing her eyes at the scene. “She’s not wearing makeup, is she? Ai-chan probably moved the lighting to cover for that.”

“You can do that?”

“She’s always involved in this part of production too.” Saitou arrived with Hachiman’s mother in tow, eyes fixed on his daughter while crossing his arms. “Since the beginning, she’s been like this. It’s not going to be perfect, but digital editing can do the rest.”

“Is she gonna get in trouble?” Kyun asked, nodding at Saitou’s words like they made perfect sense.

“Depends on how badly the production team yells at me.”

“Why not stop her, then?” Hachiman couldn’t help asking. Still engrossed in seeing his little sister start blossoming in front of the camera by virtue of being led by a national-level idol.

“This is the one thing she knows how to do.” Saitou replied. “All the backstage planning, the process of putting everything together… It’s all Ai knows. If nothing else, I’d like to think she can take the reins of projects when our dream comes to an end.”

“Nepotism…”

“If she was any worse at it, I’d be glad to admit it.” Saitou shrugged. “But, well, look at her.”

Hachiman didn’t reply, he couldn’t reply. His senses didn’t fully belong to him at the moment; and the mixture of anxiety, proudness, and the vortex that Hoshino had carved into his mind kept Hachiman in place. Kept him trying to take in as much of her as he could with every sense at his disposal.

He could almost taste her now, but he didn’t have enough presence of mind to wonder where that sensation was coming from. He could only lick his lips absentmindedly, keep taking in what was happening on the set.

“She’s pretty good.” Kyun broke the silence, seeing Hoshino motion for Komachi to get off the set. Cheering when they were done.

“…She got used to the camera really fast.” Nino commented with a dry voice. Still looking like a kicked puppy.

“Told you.” Saitou turned away from the girls, regarding the Hikigaya matriarch. “I have a good eye for these things.”

Hachiman’s mom didn’t reply. Instead, she kept her eyes on her daughter, following her until she reached their position and crashed between the woman’s waiting arms.

“Whaaaaa~! That was scary~!”

“You did absolutely fantastic.” The woman’s voice was sweet while petting her daughter’s head. Smiling like she was enjoying the young woman’s antics.

“Don’t get that dress dirty. They’ll charge you for it.” Saitou cleared his throat, cutting the emotional moment short. “I’ll… I’ll go see if Ai didn’t piss off someone important now. Talk to you later.”

That’s right, run away. See what happens when you mess around with Komachi’s need for emotional support.

“Ah, Hikigaya.” Saitou turned around, seemingly having remembered something.

“Hmm?” Hachiman was still not wholly present. He felt warm in his chest, yes. And he wanted to go give Komachi a hug himself too. But… Well, his body felt cold when literally nothing else happened. Like it had prepared for something else, for someone else, to appear and take part of his attention.

Saitou was looking at the set, where Hoshino finished wrapping up before disappearing between the small group of models.

“Nothing. She has us covered.” Saitou stared at the idols and clapped twice, changing mental gears as he did. “Come on, girls. Get ready.”

“Yes~” Kyun looked satisfied, and so she snapped her fingers on her left hand and drew a semicircle above her head. Almost like she could project a rainbow as a farewell.

“R-Right.”

Hachiman glared at Nino for a moment before Saitou got in his field of vision.

“Listen, let me give her something to do. Do you know how much we’d be leaving her to her fate if we just cut her off entirely?”

Hachiman looked away.

“Not like I actually thought you’d keep your promise.”

“Ugh, this guy…” Saitou followed Hachiman’s line of sight before turning to see if his idols were actually gone. “She’s not coming here, y’know.”

“Don’t change the subject.” Hachiman growled, glaring at Saitou from the corner of his eyes.

“She’s a pro, after all.”

“As I said…”

“Right.” Saitou seemingly gave up on his endeavor, and sighed before giving Hachiman a stern look. “I think there’s something wrong going on.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Not like you should care, but Miyako felt something off when she dropped Nino at home so…” Saitou shrugged. “I don’t want to just release her into the wild. I gotta take responsibility, y’know.”

Responsibility, was it?

“You’re playing with fire and I really doubt you’re smart enough to pull it off.” Hachiman looked back at his family, seeing Komachi start rambling about these handful of minutes away from them while their mother listened intently. “I told you I wanted her gone.”

“From B-Komachi.”

“Saitou…”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t yield in this.” The man lowered his head a bit. As much a bow as he could manage in public. “It’s not right.”

Hachiman’s thoughts wandered back to the day he was told about Hoshino’s children.

“Home problems, huh.”

“Is it that rare?”

“It’s convenient.”

“Please don’t be like that.” Saitou scoffed. “I got your sister the best opportunity here, that’s why you two met today. It won’t happen again.”

“Of course not, because Komachi’s not continuing.” Hachiman smiled at the man with some pity.

“That’s for her to decide.” He pointed out.

“Of course.”

“You really don’t have any faith in your sister?”

“I don’t have faith in you.” Hachiman sighed. “You haven’t given me a single reason to.”

“Your friend?”

Hachiman scoffed.

“We’ll see when it’s payday.”

“Right, right.” Saitou shook his head. “Trust the process, Hikigaya. Things will change. I’ll make sure of it.”

Hachiman ignored Saitou now, having said his piece without starting another argument.

She was really not coming? That was…

“Onii-chan!” Komachi threw herself at Hachiman, making him groan in surprise. But his instinct had him catch her all the same. “Did you see me? Did it look cool?”

Hachiman smiled.

“You were perfect.” She had imitated Hoshino really well indeed, made the best of the situation in spite of her spike of nervousness. “Did you like it?”

“It was absolutely terrible! Everyone was moving so fast! And the guy hadn’t even begun cleaning off my face when someone came around and told me to change! And then…!” Komachi hid her face on Hachiman’s collarbone, her voice muffled a bit since she hadn’t stopped talking. “And then they told be to be ready in a minute! What’s with that?! I had to get the makeup after changing?! But somehow the dress had to be perfectly clean! Who does that?!”

“Eh… It really sucked, huh.”

“It did!”

Hachiman placed his hand on top of Komachi’s head, letting her vent a little more while he stole a glance back to the set.

She didn’t come, indeed. And Hachiman didn’t know what to do with the pit that formed in the place where her head had rested when they last met.

Chapter Text

[I cannot overstate how much it meant that you managed to get Komachi out of an otherwise awful situation. Thank you.]

[ufufufufu u can start praising me now]

[Right. Seems like all the talks about your prowess as a superstar isn’t just empty talk. I really underestimated your abilities here.]

[cant u try a little harder?]

[Wow, incredible~ you really are a national-level idol. Exclamation mark.]

[uuuu]

[Was that enough?]

[not nearly enough! whats with the written exclamation mark????]

[I was trying as hard as I realistically could. Wasn’t that enough?]

[no waayyyy u r the worst!]

[I’ve been told that before.]

[eeehhh well i didnt mean it]

[its a lie ok]

[Yeah, yeah. I get it. It’s just an expression.]

[ye]

[u still didnt praise me tho]

[I did.]

[not enough]

[this requires a punishment!]

[Don’t you think you’re getting a bit too far ahead of yourself?]

[u said it meant a lot]

[prove it]

[I mean, okay. Fair enough, but I don’t feel obligated to listen. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll tell you if it can be done.]

[booooooring]

[u were supposed to say yes!]

[Right, so it won’t be anything then.]

[Please stop trying to call me. I get it, just tell me already. I was joking.]

His heart beat so fast that he thought he’d pass out, his hands sweated enough that it didn’t feel like the chilly air made him shiver and need a jacket to be outside. Still, having agreed to this, Hachiman had to push himself into being more or less okay with what was happening. Letting his body get used to the feeling of having eyes stare at him everywhere, to the sensation of holding onto the hand of the small boy that had saved his life.

“You’re doing great.” The blue-eyed boy murmured as they got off the public transport and joined the rest of the pedestrians on the street. He held onto Hachiman with his left hand, and held his twin sister with the right. Creating a small chain where both ends were trying really hard not to lean in each other’s directions. Making it a little difficult to walk. “See?”

Hachiman wasn’t sure who the little boy was talking to, but he just nodded while slowly releasing the air in his lungs to calm his nerves. He hated the feeling, and hated it more that he knew that he shouldn’t feel this way. At least not then and there, when all he was doing was to take the kids out.

The problematic part came later. Or, rather, they headed toward that same problem on their own volition.

Damn it, Hoshino. Damn it, Saitou. And damn it, Hachiman. Why did you accept? Just to keep the idol happy? Stop messing around!

Well… That, and the fact that he agreed with Saitou (Miyako) in this. He had to move on, put what had happened in the apartment behind him. He didn’t want to have a panic attack every time he saw Aqua, and would hate it if a random little child or a hoodie-wearing guy triggered it as well. He was doing this for himself, as much as he did it to thank Hoshino. It just so happened that agreeing to circumstances that he didn’t initiate put him in a frame of mind of “let’s get over with this”, instead of “I can avoid doing it”. Which… He didn’t know if he helped him or not, but hey. Progress is progress.

“Do you want to sit down for a moment?” The boy asked after crossing another block, tightening his hold on Hachiman’s hand for a moment to let him know he was being talked to.

“I’m fine.” Hachiman replied, rougher than he intended. “We’ll sit around at the movies anyway.”

“If you say so. Feel free to let me know if you need a moment.” The kid replied with that strangely mature wording of his. Hachiman had heard him talk for a bit while they were at Saitou’s place, so it was starting to dawn on Hachiman that the boy was simply like that all the time. And he didn’t know what to make of that.

No one in the Hoshino family was remotely normal, it looked like. Because even if the twin girl had mostly stayed quiet for most of the way…

“Are you sure that mama’s gonna be there when we arrive? Like, she’s not gonna be late, or will get lost, or something urgent will come up and she’s not gonna show up?”

…It looked like she had developed a HUGE mother complex. Enough for the two kids, at least.

Not that Hachiman could blame her, given the time they realistically had to spend with her and the absence of a father. It just felt like he was seeing something he shouldn’t have.

“Yes, she’ll be there. Miyako-san called him when they were wrapping up.” The blond boy pointed at Hachiman with his chin, patiently answering his twin’s question while she pouted and lagged behind a bit. Only keeping up because she still held hands with her brother. “She’ll get there faster than us.”

“Ogei…”

Hmmm, well. She could be forgiven thanks to her cuteness. But it looked to Hachiman like that dependance on her mom would have to be checked on, sooner or later.

“Kaw!” The screech and the sound of flapping wings made Hachiman flinch, pull the boy a little closer to him as his face snapped in the direction of one of the buildings on the other side of the road. Where a black bird landed and made the others have to shift to give it room.

The birds watched him. Not all of them, not all the time; but they were watching him.

“What? Are you scared of crows?” The blue-eyed little boy asked, using the same deadpan as before. That is, until he rubbed Hachiman’s hand with two of his fingers. Getting a little surprised in turn. “What are these scars? Are they related?”

“Scars?” The red-eyed twin turned to look at Hachiman, but he just grunted in return.

The little boy pulled Hachiman’s hand a little to the front, letting his twin see.

“Pecking scars.”

“How would you know?” Hachiman growled, trying to control his breathing and the embarrassment of getting scared by a bird of all things.

“Internet.” The boy replied without missing a beat.

“What… What kind of stuff does your mom let you watch?”

The boy took a moment to consider the question.

“She’s usually busy with something, even when we tag along and watch her manage one talent or another personally. So as far as she’s concerned, I’m watching ‘educational’ animal videos.”

Damn, that was the most scripted response that Hachiman had ever heard. Anyone else would’ve taken his words for granted, and thus wouldn’t feel the need to ask any further about the topic.

People would think ‘oh, Saitou Miyako’ because of the boy’s little hint, and would go on with their day. Perhaps wondering how this little guy was so eloquent, but if asked about it…

“You sure are a smart one, huh.”

“I am something of a child prodigy, yes.”

…That’d be the answer they get.

“You didn’t answer the question.” The little girl now looked at Hachiman. Which might’ve been considered progress if her voice hadn’t been accusatory. “Are you scared of crows?”

Hachiman looked away.

“Those birds don’t like me very much.” He stated while glancing at the roofs again, seeing a few of the birds move to not be left behind.

They’d been appearing since before he met Yui again, but talking about them made Hachiman feel a little paranoid about a possible attack. Especially since they apparently didn’t like Haruno very much either.

Which, okay. Fair enough. But why rope Hachiman in the same category as her? What did he do to make it to their shit list?

It didn’t help that he’d apparently met the children’s father because of the attack on his hands. Which was yet another can of worms the lid of which he’d been keeping tightly shut. Only peeking inside for a bit at a time, trying to figuring things out on his own.

“Is that so…” The little girl sounded a bit amused when she looked away. “Maybe God hates you.”

The idea made Hachiman still in his thoughts, but it was something that he’d contemplated enough that he didn’t actually flinch from the accusation.

“I know.” He sighed without thinking, tightening his stomach and screwing his eyes shut for a moment. Reigning his feelings in; in spite of the knot in his throat. “I know that very well.”

The birds remained silent, merely observing. There was no celestial revelation, no fateful hint or a portion of providence manifesting. Only the cruel silence of a world that did not care.

“Ummm…” The little boy didn’t know what to say, even when Hachiman chanced a glance that made his heartbeat quicker. It seemed like the twins were exchanging a look, with Ruby looking either worried or mad. Hachiman couldn’t really tell.

Well, too much pessimism for two growing children. Way to go, Hachiman.

“Listen, that’s… Simply how life goes.” He sighed, really wishing that Yui would be with him then and there to be able to smooth the edges. Soften the blow he unwittingly inflicted in these poor kids’ innocence. “Things go wrong, the world spins. It’s simply… What did that novel call it? Right. The path of least resistance.”

“Uh…”

“Ah, well, don’t tell your mom I said that.” Hachiman sighed, choosing to stop digging himself into a bigger mess while he still could. “That’s just my opinion, of course.”

An opinion founded on first-hand evidence, founded on data collected year after year of his life. After recounting the events that always led him to square one.

In other words, and in spite of how heavy it felt to make that joke…

Source: Me.

“Right.” The little boy said. “You must have your reasons.”

“Yeah…”

He didn’t know what was worse: The fact that the kids fell silent instead of asking more questions, or the fact that he’d feel like they’d be judging him if they were a little older to understand what he was saying… Scratch that, Hachiman already felt judged enough! If they were more mature, Hachiman would probably be too bothered by the sensation to keep going. So maybe he should be grateful they were just kids?

He looked at the birds again, but they still didn’t reveal anything to him. So he was forced to put up with it until they got to the cinema. Where the next challenge appeared: Cutting through the silence that had stretched for a bit too long for comfort.

“Huh… Do you guys want anything?” Hachiman awkwardly pointed at the popcorn with his thumb, hoping that they wouldn’t suddenly get back their child-curiosity to resume the previous conversation.

“Where is mama?” Ruby asked, looking around the place with more energy than Hachiman had seen her have since they left the apartment.

“We’ll meet her when we get to the movie, the tickets were already bought.” Hachiman explained, looking at her twin to try again for a reaction.

It still made him incredibly uncomfortable, but the shock therapy seemed to work well enough to let him at least glance at the boy.

“I’m fine.”

Hachiman nodded, moving his gaze away from him as soon as he got confirmation. Too bad, really. Given that this was Saitou’s money, and he’d have liked to have an excuse to mooch off of her a bit.

“Are you sure?” Ruby insisted, and that got her twin to react.

“Yes. She’ll be there.”

“What if he leaves us there and they go somewhere else?” Ruby looked at the floor, looking sad rather than angry now.

“Why would they do that?” Her twin looked confused.

Hachiman opened his mouth but chose not to say anything. That was probably a conversation that two four-years old did not need to hear just yet.

And they didn’t need to know what he thought about her in those terms either. Saying it out loud would’ve been telling, would give them the wrong idea.

“I… I don’t know…” See? Perfectly innocent. Damn, Hachiman. You almost screwed yourself even more.

“Then why do you think that’d happen?” The boy insisted, patiently letting his sister arrive to the obvious conclusion that her worries were unfounded.

“…Maybe mama thinks the movie’s boring?”

“But she chose it with you?”

“Maybe she didn’t want to tell me!”

Ok, now her insistence was becoming worrying. It made Hachiman go down to a knee in front of the little girl.

“There’s absolutely no reason for that to be the case, I wouldn’t have been called. And I definitely don’t think your mom is the kind to do that. Do you?” Maybe he was just talking out of his ass. But, from how impactful revealing them to him had been, Hachiman wanted to believe that Hoshino at least cared about her children a lot.

If risking her whole career for them was worth it, he wanted to believe that the little girl was simply confused. Or scared of being with him, given that they’d probably had very few opportunities to be around people other than Hoshino or Saitou.

“He’s right, y’know. Ai’s not like that.” The boy added, and Hachiman turned toward him with his eyebrows furrowed. Making the little kid visibly nervous. “Mom isn’t, I mean.”

“That’s true…” The little girl nodded, still looking ready to cry. But with her voice less strained.

Hachiman really wished to have more context here, to know more about the young woman that brought them up. That cared enough to ask for this kind of favor of him, when even a single link could send her back to a life-threatening situation.

Leave alone a career-shattering one, that’d be kindness by comparison.

“Look, this is what’s gonna happen: We’re getting in, the lights will turn off. Then, your mom will be there and you’ll be able to sit on her lap. Okay?” Hachiman wished to be able to place his hands on the kid’s shoulders, but he didn’t feel like she trusted him enough. They’d only ever seen each other once, after all. He wouldn’t, in her place.

“Hmmm…”

“Guess we can buy some popcorn, just in case Ruby’s still dissatisfied.” The boy chimed in, deadpanning so hard that it made his twin frown.

“Being with mama is good enough!”

“Sure. Because you know restraint so well.” The boy crossed his arms. “Look, you’re causing a scene.”

The little girl looked around, figuring out when people were pretending not to look at them. Perhaps due to their weird appearance, but also because seeing a little girl wanting to cry always picked up people’s attention.

“…Fine.” The girl took a deep breath and held it for a moment, seemingly trying to calm herself like that while pouting and puffing her chest.

“Incredible, you’re indeed smart kids.” Hachiman chuckled, more to Ruby than her brother. And stood while cleaning his knee from dirt. “So… Popcorn?”

“Yes, please.”

“…Fine.”

Welp, one-word responses were better than a crying baby… Toddler. Whatever. It made things easier, because people at least left them alone and didn’t call the police. Because, knowing his luck, Hachiman could believe that someone would get the wrong idea and would call him out on trying to kidnap two kids.

Ah, he could already see the headlines. It’d be an ironic end, given why he got to meet the kids in the first place. But, well, what else could he do? His eyes weren’t going anywhere, and it wasn’t like people would believe he was babysitting. Hopefully, at least his sentence would be a short one when Saitou interfered…

Wait. Who decided he’d get guilty already? Ugh. Admitting that was a little too depressing. So he silently cashed in some big popcorn to himself while he bought a medium-size for the kids. At least this way, he’d have something to do while going to a kid’s movie.

…

Come to think of it, Ruby did bring out a good point. Looking at them as they took their seats, Hachiman had an idea. Couldn’t he just leave? Go back when the movie was finishing, bring them back to Saitou while Hoshino got there on her own? What if…?

His thoughts were silenced when a girl with short red hair and glasses smiled at him. Sitting right next to Hachiman’s and the kids’ seats, the purple eyes that the glasses hid showed enough glitter that, when Hachiman passed by her, he felt a strange sense of apprehension that made his heart race.

A wig, of course. This girl was crafty, but her disguise still couldn’t fully hide the longing that she showed while her kids took their positions.

Hachiman sat between Aqua and Ruby.

“That’s…”

“Yeah.” Hachiman murmured before Ruby could make more noise.

“I wanna sit next to her…”

“Let your brother do that, you’ll go to sit on her lap when the lights turn off. Remember?” Hachiman replied in a hushed tone, getting to see the little girl brighten up a lot more than even before.

“…Right!”

Oh, thank god. This was working out, after all.

“Popcorn.” He gave the smaller ones to the boy, while keeping an eye on his sister. Who was now kicking her feet with excitement. Probably waiting for the exact moment that he’d promised to spring off her seat.

Hoshino didn’t say anything, she didn’t even turn to face them. She simply stole quick glances in their direction, furtively seeing what was happening while keeping to herself. A bit too comfortable in her spot, maybe. But still a perfectly unassuming stranger coming to watch the same movie as them.

Hachiman was reminded of how she’d avoided him at Komachi’s debut. It felt weird saying it like that but, given the circumstances, that was the closest way he could describe it. Avoiding talking or even looking in his direction while in public, keeping to herself, staying in her line of work. It felt even more evident as the lights slowly dimed and Hoshino Ai slowly turned to face him. Like a doll in a haunted house, or maybe like a creature given life by being unseen and unbothered by her mask.

Her smile, dimly shown by the light of the screen in front of them, was beautiful as her daughter crept off her own seat and glued herself to her. Making Hoshino lift her up and place her where she belonged.

Hachiman placed his left elbow on the armrest and pretended not to notice.

“Is there something for me in there?” Hoshino whispered, making Hachiman eye her and look at where she was looking at. The popcorn.

“Sure.” He wordlessly gave them to her, seeing Ruby reach out to grab some of her own. She was hugging Hoshino so tightly that she could’ve licked her mother’s collarbone without trouble.

“Thanks.”

“That’s my line.” Hachiman whispered back. “For what you did back there, really.”

“I don’t understand why people get so nervous in front of a camera, but I’ve seen it happen before.” Hoshino chuckled lightly.

“I see.”

“Sshhh… It’s about to start.” Ruby waved her hand, bright enough that Hachiman could see the likeliness with her mother now.

Right. Better comply with the little tyrant or the big one would react.

“How’s my baby-boy doing…?” Hoshino surrounded her son with her arm, pulling him closer even though there was an armrest between them.

He didn’t seem to mind.

She was so different when she was with them. More wholesome, more… Alive. Like they gave her energy to keep going, to keep facing the world in that rotten way she did.

It felt like he was prying somewhere he didn’t belong.

“Well, I’ll come back when the movie’s done.” He informed her while trying to stand up. No reason to be the third (fourth?) wheel and keep struggling against the tightening on his heart.

A hand found his own, locking him mid-motion as he looked at the gaze still filled with longing that was waiting for him.

“Stay.” Hoshino whispered. There was no imperative or question in it. She’d simply said it like any other word, with any meaning that he could’ve imagined.

Hachiman sat back down, enthralled by the gaze that she gave him.

God damn it, Hoshino. Why did she have to make things more complicated?

“Okay.”

Her hand didn’t leave him, and it felt like an anchor that kept him pinned in place. Kept his mind from giving him anything but the feedback of her smooth fingers over his own. She didn’t bring it back to hug her son, but instead used the back of her elbow to pull him closer instead.

Hachiman had to get out, pull back while he still could. Her children didn’t like him very much, this whole thing had been a favor which Saitou enabled, and he still could go out and pretend that nothing was happening while distracting himself with his phone. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate in the movie anyway, he wouldn’t know what it was about. So he should quit while he was still ahead.

He didn’t.

Chapter Text

He didn’t know what happened through the movie. He couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t actually bring himself to care about the family-friendly adventures displayed on the screen. His whole mind was overtaken by a hurricane of feelings and half-remembered moments.

Glimpses of a past that might not be entirely true anymore, degraded by emotion and time both. Leaving them as dim images that spoke more about Hachiman for remembering them, and how he remembered them, than for having happened at all. If, indeed, they happened in the way he thought they did.

Regret did that to people, it was a challenge most would go through at some point in their lives. But it didn’t mean that it was all bad. Hachiman was simply slower in healing than most.

“…” Hoshino looked as overwhelmed as Hachiman felt, when he stole a glance at her to distract himself. Her eyes slowly narrowed more and more as the movie went on, finally closing at some point while her breathing remained labored. Her fingers curling around his hand as much as they could. Pulling on Hachiman’s hand a little due to the seat separating them.

“Ummm…” The little boy that had his head resting against Hoshino’s side sat properly, startling Hachiman a little. The way it forcefully pulled him out of his thought was dizzying, so he didn’t even register embarrassment or worry about the boy witnessing the moment that Hachiman shared with Hoshino. Instead, he just sort of looked on as the blue-eyed boy pulled his mom a bit to let her hear him whispering.

Hoshino lifted her gaze and then quickly turned around, earning her daughter’s curiosity when she placed the kid down and the boy also left his spot to let the idol quickly swap with him.

Her smile was cheeky, like a little girl being seen being a troublemaker. But not by an authority figure. And it became even more innocent when she got her daughter back on her lap, and her hand back to the place where Hachiman had his own.

How could she manage to look so innocent on a whim?

Hachiman didn’t have it in him to move, all of this had happened before he even resuming breathing; so he continued to endure. He’d become good at it while growing up. Counting the seconds against the storm, holding his grown against the current. He didn’t want to think about the things that assaulted his mind, so he turned his attention outward. Felt his eyes burn a bit when he ceased blinking a little too long, felt the same when he finally closed them. He turned his hand around, letting his palm rest upward. Startling Hoshino for a moment, or so he thought when she pulled back against the sudden movement.

“Sorry.” Hachiman whispered, facing to the front but glancing at the idol while her daughter seemingly was just getting her mind to re-focus on the movie.

“It’s fine.” She drew her hand on top of his again, tracing his palm with her fingers first. Like she was testing for how welcome the action was.

It made Hachiman shiver a bit.

“…Are you not going to eat popcorn?” The little boy mumbled, seemingly still keeping some of his attention on Hachiman. In spite of being on the other side of the seat.

Wha…! He was sharing it with his mother! Were they both really that small? Ruby sat right in the middle of Hoshino’s lap, so Hachiman had assumed that they were using the whole seat. But it seemed like Aqua still managed to squeeze in there.

He didn’t fully face Hachiman, but instead leaned forward to give Hachiman a quick glance before retreating back into the cover of his mother. Which made Hachiman a lot more conscious about the fact that he was holding the hand of said mom.

“Y-Yeah.” Hachiman quickly disengaged, making a point of showing his hands extending to grab the container, making even the little girl’s attention get dragged into his actions.

The things he ate didn’t taste of anything, his mind only registered how he chewed and swallowed. Barely feeling the salt left behind in his mouth while he sheepishly gave the container back.

Hoshino’s hand was waiting for him on the armrest. She stared at him with a “neutral” smile, if there was ever something like that. A little spooky, if he had to be honest. But an expression that wasn’t wholly fabricated.

It felt like a challenge, instead of an invitation. Or perhaps the whole experience had activated his fight or flight instincts and he was overthinking it…

“Hmp.”

But Hachiman wasn’t the same silly high school student from before. He didn’t shy away from people like he used to, nor did he feel the need to put up an angry mug to stop them from getting close because he’d get his tongue twisted otherwise. So instead of doing what she wanted, he scrubbed his fingers off of the salt and butter left by the popcorn he’d grabbed onto her hand. Making Hoshino’s expression change into one of confusion before she lifted her hand and stared at it while rubbing her fingers together.

She then proceeded to lock her eyes into his own and licked herself clean. Casually asserting dominance with a pleasant enough smile still on her face.

Hachiman might or might not have shrunk a little in his seat.

O-Oh… Okay then…

When Hoshino asked for his hand once more, Hachiman got the right answer and simply gave it to her.

There was no point in trying to fight back if she’d just stop holding back whenever he did.

It was embarrassing, and really weird. Considering that her children were glued to her, watching the movie. It felt like Hachiman was doing something he shouldn’t.

Which he was, of course. That only made things worse but…

Hoshino folded her fingers. Holding onto Hachiman’s hand, but not really doing what many would consider proper handholding. So, when he got his head out of the gutter, Hachiman had no choice but to look back at her. See her watching the movie in the comfort of her children’s embrace.

It felt that, just like how Ruby and Aqua had their heads resting on their mother’s body, so too did Hoshino try to place some of her weight off. Rest herself against Hachiman’s body, if only in a more metaphorical way. As she was forbidden from doing so physically.

Hachiman leaned down, trying to move her hand as little as possible to avoid changing the way she half-hugged her son, and held her hand against his cheek.

Hoshino’s hold on him tightened a bit.

Hachiman almost didn’t know what to do when the credits rolled up and Hoshino put her daughter back down, pushing her to go back to her seat and slowly went back to distancing herself from the twins and Hachiman. Not physically, but her whole vibe changed when she disengaged. Stopped paying attention to them and retrieved her hand from between Hachiman’s fingers.

He unwittingly coiled them into a fist, feeling like he needed to cover the empty space she left behind. That is, until he recovered his logic and helped the little girl climb back to her seat. Sharing her disappointment in silence, even though his expression remained impassive.

Leaving the theater was a lesson in effort; his mind didn’t fully cooperate. Refusing to let him remember what he was supposed to do next, where he was supposed to go. Until the little kids pointed out that they weren’t going in the right direction to the apartment of the Saitou couple.

“You, huh… Did you enjoy the movie?” The little girl’s question was awkward, filled with nervousness, and carrying so much apprehension that anyone listening would’ve thought that Hachiman led them around the city against their will. So much so that he himself wondered if maybe they’d gotten the wrong idea from his absentminded walk.

“It’s a kids’ movie.” Hachiman replied neutrally. “It’s for you to enjoy.”

“Kids’ movies are actually family movies. Therefore, it should have something for everyone.” The little boy didn’t help with his explanation, almost making Hachiman glare at him. But the young man thought better before he could make himself shake from seeing the little guy.

The prolonged exposure to Hoshino’s silent yearning that, effectively, “rest” Hachiman’s mind. And so, he really hated the idea of looking at the little guy more than he needed to.

Something he’d have to get over soon enough, but baby steps were required with these things.

“That might’ve been so before, but nowadays it feels like movies like these have been dumbed down a lot.” Fortunately, the elder of the Hikigaya siblings had an explanation ready. This little boy shouldn’t underestimate Hachiman’s ability to be pedantic, born-genius or not! “It feels like these productions suck even more as time goes on.”

“That’s…” The little boy took a moment to weigh his options, something that should probably be beyond his ability at such young age. “I guess that you’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Hachiman scoffed.

“So did you like it or not?” The little girl insisted, more annoyed now. “Feels like you were very ‘happy’ while watching.”

Was that her way of saying that she’d seen what her mom got up to? Like, that’d make sense. But Hachiman felt like accepting that children understood the world around them that well was more a part of his paranoia than anything.

But, well, Hachiman was someone who’d rather err on the side of caution in these cases.

“I… Felt validated, I guess.” Strictly true, if only for a moment. Seeing Hoshino’s reaction to being messed with had given him a bit of confidence back… If only just so that the idol could reap the fruit of his efforts and savor the increased sweetness with that devilish tongue of hers…

Damn, no! Why couldn’t he stop that?!

“Validated?”

“I already knew it’d suck.” Hachiman hurried to reply.

“Eh… And you let us go watch it in spite of it?” It sounded like this little girl was only looking for trouble, so she’d find one fault or another in his words no matter what he said.

“You should experience the world for yourself.” Hachiman stated shrugging to let the little kid that he was the bigger person, and that he did not care for her little games.

“That’s…” The little girl furrowed her brows. “But then why did you look like you were getting away with something?”

…

What was that wording?

Hachiman chanced a glance at the boy, but he was busy looking forward. Letting his sister do as she pleased.

Eh… It seemed that, even if it didn’t benefit Hachiman, the blue-eyed boy had his priorities straight. Guess Hachiman had no choice but to respect that.

“Thinking negatively is the ultimate form of winning in life: If you’re right, then you can be smug about it. If you’re wrong, then you’ll always be pleasantly surprised.” Hachiman smiled in that way of his that everyone called creepy or weird. No matter how much he grew up, some things didn’t change. So could he do? At least he hoped it wouldn’t take away from the life lesson he was trying to give.

“What kind of nonsense are you trying to teach Ruby?” The little boy was activated, glaring at Hachiman as he made his child voice a little deeper. Trying to sound older, probably.

Hachiman pressed his lips tightly and looked away.

“It’s not nonsense.” Talking to these two was really strange. It felt like he could’ve explained himself, made his point and expect them to at least understand enough to come to their own conclusions. But, well, they were four years old. There was no way that was the case, no matter how weird they were.

The silence that befell them was a bit uncomfortable, making Hachiman nervous because he didn’t expect such things from little kids. He’d have expected more talk, one of them running off or getting distracted. But no such a thing happened.

“They really do like watching you, huh.” Was all Ruby said from that point until they arrived at the apartment, looking around at the roofs while Hachiman lowered his head a bit.

The birds hadn’t left, not even when they entered the apartment complex. It made Hachiman look out through the window, seek out whatever it was that kept the animals around. But he couldn’t find anything.

What the hell…

“Do you think someone followed you?” Saitou (Miyako) asked while carrying Ruby and sitting down on the living room’s sofa. Giving her back to the huge glass windows that surrounded her.

“No.” Hachiman stated, staring at one of the birds in the distance. It felt as though the animal had noticed and was returning the gaze.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Hachiman sighed, putting away his apprehension and walking away from the window.

Nothing had happened, so he shouldn’t be so negative about things. His hands stung a little, but that was just the phantom pains left behind by seeing those beaks turning in his direction.

His hands felt a little dumber, with less dexterity than usual.

“Then what’s with that face?”

“This is just my regular expression.” Hachiman replied without thinking.

“Very funny.” The woman deadpanned. “I’m serious. Is something wrong? This could be important, you see.”

Yes, he understood well enough. So he gave the question some thinking.

“I don’t like going to movies very much.” His words caught the little girl’s attention, even though she tried to pretend they hadn’t. So he should probably weigh what he said more carefully. “Lots of… Stuff that happened.”

Lots of half-buried memories of a better time, of not so-much-better-times too. Mixed in together, creating a blend of nostalgia and bittersweetness that didn’t help his mood at all.

“Really, now.” Ok, so he couldn’t be sarcastic but Saitou was allowed to? That was hardly fair. “I’d have guessed you were a bundle of joy.”

“You don’t end up with someone like me if that was the case.” His self-deprecation wasn’t a tool he commonly used at this point. Both because it had started hurting more, and because his friends got even more worried. But it felt appropriate here. Even though he should probably not do it in front of the kids.

Case in point, Saitou’s only reaction was to scoff.

“Right, I’m-so-lonely-and-sad-san. Be my guest.”

Hachiman pursed his lips together a bit, not answering immediately.

“That… Was a joke, by the way.” Saitou narrowed her eyes after she noticed the silence.

“Of course it was.”

“…” The woman averted her gaze, looking a bit embarrassed. “Sorry, I won’t pry anymore.”

“Thanks.” He didn’t feel grateful at all, but he had to give her something to let her know he’d heard. “I’ll take my leave, then.”

Saitou gave him a strange look.

“You aren’t waiting for Ai to get back?”

“That wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Didn’t I tell you we’d order something to eat?” Saitou lifted an eyebrow.

“You did, yes.”

“Wasn’t it implicit that you could have lunch with us if you wanted?”

“Code word: If I wanted.” Hachiman tilted his head to the side while placing his hand behind his neck. “It’s not right.”

“Nothing wrong will come out of spending a bit of time indoors.” Saitou pointed out.

The kids were pretending to do their own thing, but Hachiman could tell their attention was elsewhere. Probably in the conversation.

“There’s a small margin of error here, Saitou.” Hachiman replied, trying to sound reasonable. “I wouldn’t usually say no to free food but…”

“I’m back!” Hoshino burst through the door, almost actually slamming it against the wall. But being tactful enough to hold it with her hand, narrowly missing the painting hung against it. “Are my babies here?!”

The kids didn’t react as strongly as she thought they would, which made the idol scan the room while taking off her wig and glasses. Her expression brightened up when she took them all in. Her children, her mom…

Hachiman himself.

That smile was different from the one on the stage, it felt like that to him. Unreasonably so. It made him feel funny, for one. And beside…

“…Her safety is my number one priority, Saitou.”

He wanted her to keep smiling like that, less in the way she did on stage. And that’d only be possible if she stayed alive.

Saitou scoffed once more.

“Is something wrong?” Hoshino walked slowly into the living room, taking the kids between her arms before crouching completely and lifting them up by pushing herself to her full height. Not a lot, but it still made Hachiman stop in his thought for a moment.

She could do that? Just like that? No hum or grunt involved? It felt like she was a little too strong for how fun-sized she was.

“This guy doesn’t want to eat with us.” Saitou placed a hand on her cheek, making a point of looking faux-worried about it.

“Wah!” Hoshino played along and looked overly surprised. “Why not?!”

“Because he’s bad!” The little girl spoke up, showing Hachiman her tongue to make a point. “He’s old, and gloomy, and silly, and…”

She furrowed her eyebrows, making her twin separate a bit from his mom to look at her.

Hachiman exchanged a look with Saitou, who did the same and just shook her head slightly at his unsaid question.

It looked like she didn’t understand either.

“Huh.” Ruby simply hugged her mom tighter, refusing to elaborate while looking away from Hachiman.

What an odd kid…

“Ummm…” Even Hoshino wasn’t too sure about what that had been about, so she simply tightened her hold on the kid and smiled awkwardly. “So, is there a problem? Does Hachiman-san have other business or…?”

“I just don’t think it’s fair.” Hachiman lowered his head a bit.

“Why not~? Think about it as repaying you for a favor.” Hoshino smiled smugly at him, like she’d expected a bigger form of resistance.

“But I was just repaying for one.” Hachiman replied, a little lost on Hoshino’s logic. “Wouldn’t that just make it so I owe you again?”

Her smile widened while walking toward him, kids still held.

“Well, isn’t that how our relationship started?” Hoshino tilted her head to the side, looking at her boy before kissing him on the forehead. Only to repeat the same on her little girl. “I don’t think there’s actually a way to repay you. But, if you see it that way, then I’m okay with us continuing to dance like this.”

“Exchanging favors?”

“Doing something nice for the other in order to not feel indebted.” Hoshino walked up to him, but didn’t close the distance fully. Instead, she basically walked in reverse to go toward Saitou and place her children on the sofa.

Like she’d wanted to fake Hachiman out.

He quickly brought a hand to his chin and the other to his stomach, scratching both awkwardly.

Why did he lift them when Hoshino got so close with her kids?

“That’s… Unnecessary.” Hachiman managed to get that out more or less as a single sentence, which was probably the most he could as of his brain at the moment.

“You think so? I think it’s cute.” Hoshino spun on her heel, reaching out to the ceiling with a hand. “You try to do something nice for me, I try to do something nice for you. And we both spin around into this spiral of niceness, and fluff, and good intentions. Isn’t that right?”

Hachiman completely, totally, didn’t think of the part of his life when he and two other girls ran around in circles, trying to stop each other from messing their miniature world any more than they had.

Saitou didn’t say anything. She simply looked on as her daughter spewed out nonsense.

“Wouldn’t that turn this into a matter of obligation?” Hachiman pointed out.

“Not if everyone involved cares.”

That’s…

“But think about it. Eventually, someone will get something they don’t particularly care about. It could be in a day, a week, a year. But that’d be the start of something that isn’t comfortable. People get complacent, default to the minimum effort possible. Eventually, it’d become something that people grow to resent. Locked into the cycle of their own making.” Hachiman shook his head. “It’s neither cute or wholesome. It’s a damnation sentence wrapped in good intentions.”

Hoshino did not look surprised at all.

“I didn’t think you’d be this gloomy.”

Then she hadn’t looked at Hachiman at all.

“It’s the way that life has made sense to me.” He replied, putting aside his previous thought to get this conversation out of the way.

“I think you just don’t think people want to get along with each other deep down.” Hoshino shrugged.

“That doesn’t matter. What we ‘want’ and what we ‘manage to do’ are two separate things entirely.” Hachiman pursed his lips, unsure of how to say what he tried to convey for a moment. “If you wrap your intentions around social conventions, then all you’re doing is disabling the human aspect of a one-on-one link that comes with intimacy. Restrain the way both parties can realistically express themselves. And that can grow to fester.”

Hoshino’s expression became neutral.

“To become ugly.” Hachiman finished, still looking at the idol for her reaction.

Then, as soon as her expression was about to shift… She disappeared from his ‘sight’. Being replaced by the idol.

“Well, I just don’t know what that has to do with food!”

Hachiman closed his eyes. He felt like he’d been blocked from something he really wanted.

“…It means that you don’t have to bother with all this politeness nonsense.”

“But I want to be polite?”

“…” Hachiman looked at Saitou. She was already ordering the food, ignoring him entirely. “I guess I can take a little advantage of that.”

That did the trick, if Hoshino’s expression brightening up was any indication.

Hachiman turned toward the biggest mom in the room.

“I’ll take a glass of water.” He told the woman on the phone; who turned to him and lifted her index finger, moving it up and down to green light his intentions.

Hachiman quickly retreated from the living room, hearing steps following him closely.

“Are you mad?” Hoshino whispered once they were out of sight and earshot, before Hachiman could turn around to regard her.

It felt like she was centimeters away from hiding her face on his back.

“Not at all.” Hachiman murmured while looking for what he asked, rolling his eyes as a way to cope with the awkwardness of having to stop his train of thought in favor of keeping Hoshino’s mask from actually pissing him off.

That detestable way to show bravery… What was the point of trying to be condescending when all they showed was sorrow?

“Are you sure?”

Hachiman turned around to give Hoshino a pointed look.

She didn’t look confused or worried. Far from it. The difference between his expectations and reality was jarring enough that it made him flinch. Made him regard Hoshino a bit more carefully.

It felt like she was prodding him. More with curiosity than empathy.

That was… Telling. Was she always like this? One step separated from emotions?

Hachiman lifted a finger and hit Hoshino’s forehead with it, making her flinch.

“If I said it’s fine, then it’s fine.” Hachiman stated, expression as neutral as his features allowed. “That’s why people say I’m gloomy and lame.”

“Making so much trouble because of some food is a bit…”

“Problematic?”

“Bad-mannered.”

Hachiman chuckled while turning around.

“Yeah, that’d be me. Alright.”

“It doesn’t suit you.” Hoshino stated like she wanted to frown, but she didn’t.

“That’s who I am.” Hachiman shrugged while opening drawers. “I was a loner most of my life, before I met people that were worth anything at all. I suppose that makes my vision of the world a little skewed. I’ve never been very agreeable.”

He stole a glance at the idol as she ruminated his words.

“Does the world really suck that much to you?”

“Oh, it does. It’s ugly, cold, awkward. A horrible, terrible place to be.” Hachiman spoke from the heart while getting the water he wanted, not sparing Hoshino a glance because these words were something that he knew very well. And he knew that not many would want to hear. But, well, he’d grown up like this. He knew how to fix it, more or less. “And that’s why we should avoid the ugly things as much as possible. Try to find those small mercies and be grateful for them.”

Hoshino didn’t visibly react. Her expression remained neutral, listening. It felt like Hachiman was a teacher, and he was talking to his star student.

“If life is ugly and short, then we should probably stop lying to ourselves. Do the things we’ll regret the least.” He took a sip, studying Hoshino’s expression while at it. Because she’d gone completely non-verbal at this point.

She lifted her chin to regard him properly.

“I don’t regret showing you the dirty side of me that night.” Hoshino spoke with conviction.

Hachiman closed his eyes for a moment, screaming on the inside from having shot himself on the foot like that.

“I’m glad.” Hachiman replied neutrally. “You’re on the right path.”

“I want you to see me like that.” Hoshino insisted.

“Finding people that won’t judge you is indeed hard. But I’d advice more carefulness.” Hachiman placed the glass on the counter, pushing it farther away from him. Just in case someone did something that would make it topple and fall to the floor. “You never know what kind of people are out there.”

“Would you hurt me, then?”

“Not willingly, but…”

“Our intentions and their outcomes are different things?” Hoshino suggested.

Hachiman looked away.

“You’re worrying about something.” Hoshino spoke up again.

“I’m worried about you.” Hachiman sighed. “You’re too…”

“Wrong?”

“Naïve.” Hachiman scoffed at Hoshino’s idea.

“Rude.”

“That’s also me.” Hachiman nodded.

“So you won’t give me what I want?”

“I’ll give you what I want to give you.” Hachiman lifted his index and pushed onto Hoshino’s collarbone with it for a moment. “And what I want for you is a plentiful, long life. I want your safety above all else.”

Hoshino furrowed her brows.

“You’re so annoying.”

Hachiman smirked.

“That’s also me.”

Hoshino thought about it for a moment, before poking Hachiman on the chest with a finger. Annoyed.

“Well, I guess I have no choice but to make you want to give me everything.” She smiled cheekily again, repeating the motion with her finger when Hachiman cringed against the sensation. “You think I’m naïve? That only tells me that you’re easy prey.”

Wow, okay. That… That was super scary.

“An idol should be able to hide the ugliness in her heart as easily as she breathes.” Hoshino looked a little eviler, stretching her smirk like she was doing. “Statistically speaking, people tend to dislike fawning over people that are visibly smarter than themselves.”

That… Alright. Hachiman had to admit, that sounded like something he’d have heard someone else say. It was cold, calculating. If cheeky and cute at the same time.

Hachiman stretched his arm and fetched the glass he’d put away.

“And what makes you think I want you to hide that from me?” He asked while pretending to drink.

Hoshino didn’t know what to say to that.

He scoffed.

“That’s not how this works.” She frowned, half-confused and half-worried.

“Well, getting to know people involves letting them in.” Hachiman pointed out.

Hoshino nodded but didn’t take the invitation to open up.

Maybe she needed a straightforward approach, like she did with her own desires. But that was simply not his way of doing things. Instead, he offered her a small smile.

“See? Everything at its own time.”

Hoshino furrowed her brows, closing her eyes and finally letting out a sigh of actual relief.

“So that’s how it is…” She smiled at him again, but this felt a little more like an actual symbol of happiness.  “I… Think I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I… Are there things that you don’t want to tell me?”

It wasn’t an accusation, it couldn’t be. It still felt like Hoshino carried more curiosity than actual feelings. But Hachiman still felt a bit of pressure when she asked.

“…Yes.”

Hoshino nodded, almost like Hachiman had rolled a high enough charisma save to get away with the half-baked way he replied.

“But… Do you wish you were able to tell me?”

Hachiman blinked at the question, studying the way she stared holes into his very soul.

His first instinct was to lie, to call her words off. Change the topic with irreverence or a joke. But those eyes of stars kept him silent, kept him from avoiding the weight that her questions had.

If she was always like this, always one step separated from her feelings, and Hachiman wanted to protect her, he… He’d have to bite the bullet.

“I…” He tried to scramble his brain for the correct answer. But Hoshino was always tied into a web of lies and shields. He didn’t have enough information about her, even now. Even with her biggest secret on the other room, waiting for her. “I don’t know.”

He narrowed his eyes, expecting the idol to be disappointed or mad.

It took her a moment, but her eyes widened a little. And her features relaxed a fraction.

“I see…” She looked down, with the wonder of a little girl. “So it’s not just me…”

Ah… Of course.

“Things will always be difficult.” Hachiman stated. “There’s no shame in needing time to untie all the ugliness.”

Hoshino lifted her gaze and smiled at him.

“I see, so that’s how it is!” Hoshino nodded to herself. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Please do.” Hachiman nodded back.

Hoshino winked at him before leaving. That had been surprisingly… Tame.

He didn’t hate it, all things considered. How could he hate someone so cute?

Chapter Text

“Hachiman-san, please move the table toward me.” Hoshino unfurled a white tablecloth she’d brought out from one of the rooms. Looking every bit as homely as anyone would in their own house.

Hachiman almost didn’t think about it. After all, the apartment was owned by her parents. Foster ones, maybe, but her parents all the same. Except, the compulsory need to be a proper guest instead of a nuisance kicked in when he realized that Hoshino probably didn’t live there. Given the reason why they were going to use the coffee table in the living room to eat.

“Is that alright?” He asked Saitou, who was busy texting while the kids moved around the house. Again, like they were used to being there. But there were no toys or picture books, or anything for them really. So it made sense if they, like Hachiman, were guests.

“Eh? Ah, yeah. The twins are too big for their chairs now. We can eat here.” Saitou only gave him a quick glance in his direction, then to Hoshino’s, barely paying attention to what was going on.

Hoshino looked a bit disappointed that he hadn’t listened to her from the get go, but Hachiman’s mom didn’t raise a guy that’d make trouble while being invited to people’s houses… Not that he ever got invited over, until fairly recently, but still!

He put away the decorations onto the other small stands beside the sofa and lifted the small piece of furniture. Moving it away from said sofa to give more room for people to sit on the floor. Which… Okay, yeah. This was a very improvised solution. But, if he had to guess, they didn’t want to have the kids use adult seats or mess with the furniture by eating on the couch. The tablecloth was probably to keep the coffee table tidy too, so he didn’t say anything about it. And instead, reached out to help Hoshino extend the cloth and put it down on the table in one motion.

“Aww, thanks!”

“It’s easier this way.”

“Still, thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Hachiman lifted an eyebrow.

“But it’s how it’s done?”

“Eh?” Hoshino was about to turn around to do something else, but stopped to look at Hachiman.

“At least that’s how we do it with Komachi.”

“Ah. Of course, you don’t actually live alone.” Hoshino snapped her fingers in some sort of ‘eureka!’ moment. “Makes sense.”

Huh… Was it really that big of a deal? Hachiman had never lived alone, not really. So he couldn’t tell.

Maybe the way his sister was there for him, and he for her, was what was a big deal instead? What a mysterious thought.

“Anything else needed?” He spoke up before Hoshino vanished into the kitchen, and watched over the kids once he realized that neither Saitou nor their mom were actually paying attention to them. Just in case.

“No, no! We’ll just wait for the food.” Hoshino came back with two bottles under her armpit. With the glass that he’d left back in the kitchen in one hand. “Can I offer you anything? This is what Ichigo-san and Miyako-san drink, so—”

“Ai, don’t hold them like that!” Saitou almost bounced off the sofa and rushed to hold the two bottles by herself, throwing her phone away in the middle of her stupor. Heedless of the flinch that she earned herself from Hoshino. “These things are expensive! And you can get hurt!”

“I think you should at least have said that in the opposite order.” Hachiman pointed out.

“But they’re not heavy?” Hoshino let her mom fetch the bottles while she placed Hachiman’s glass on the coffee table. “And I made sure they were both closed, nothing would’ve spilled.”

“You could’ve dropped them.” Saitou admonished the idol.

“They weren’t heavy.” Hoshino repeated with a cute faux-frown.

“Still, please don’t do that.” Saitou shook her head, quickly retreating back into the kitchen.

“Wait! I was offering—”

“It’s fine.” Hachiman interrupted her, grateful that he didn’t have to go through turning Hoshino down. “I don’t drink.”

Her frown became more real than when she gave it to Saitou.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not true.”

“I don’t usually drink.” Hachiman corrected himself, trying to sound as natural as possible. “Much less with lunch. It’s more of a sporadic thing.”

“Miyako-san sometimes gets wine at random times.” Hoshino tilted her head, moving toward the sofa to sit down. Seemingly getting her children’s curiosity, as they slowly approached Hoshino’s general vicinity.

Huh. Like a hivemind.

“It’s not at random.” Saitou looked a little mad when she got back. “It’s when work is too heavy and I need to smooth the edges a bit, get a bit of respite to keep working.”

“Don’t quote me on this, but that’s probably what any alcoholic says before falling deep into the addiction.” Hachiman looked away from Saitou. As in, actively looked in the opposite direction of the woman.

“I don’t have time to become an alcoholic, Hikigaya.” She took it like a champ and huffed, crossing her legs when she sat beside Hoshino. Leaving the idol sandwiched between herself and Hachiman. “There’s always stuff to do, things to deal with. Do you think this whole business sorts itself out?”

“Aren’t you, like, super successful and stuff?” Hachiman eyed the woman, seeing Hoshino pay attention to her children on the corner of his vision. But otherwise keeping his own on Saitou.

“Huh, mostly because of B-Komachi.” Saitou shook her head. “We’d be way smaller without them doing the heavy lifting.”

“Yup!” Hoshino cheered, making a peace sign toward Hachiman before resuming playing with her daughter.

“I see.” Hachiman nodded. He hadn’t really expected that sort of transparency, but given what little he’d seen from Hoshino’s performance…

He could easily believe it. She simply shone that brightly.

“Like, sure. The connections and good business practices we’ve gained through the years are still there, but none of our talents have either the reach or impact that the girls have.” Saitou turned her hand around from her wrist, motioning in the air like she was showing an imaginary board while talking. “We won’t go broke—”

“Not anymore!” Hoshino interrupted.

“…But we’d still suffer a major blow.” Saitou finished with some disappointment in her voice.

It really struck him as odd, how Saitou couldn’t even refute Hoshino. Nor did she seem inclined to ask the idol not to remind her. But, well. Family. Of course Hoshino would get away with being a brat from time to time.

“Eh… Sounds complicated.” Hachiman said without really thinking about it. He didn’t have the knowledge or the inclination to ask Saitou to elaborate. He was just a guy that was in the right place at the right time. Even if she explained, most things would probably fly over his head anyway.

“What about you, depresso espresso-san?” Saitou stretched her back a bit, popping her back while trying to silence a little groan. “Hah… What’s up with you? Ready to enter the world of dealing with man-children and cosmetics?”

“Yeah, no thanks. I’m just a college student.” Hachiman waved her off. “If push comes to shove, I’ll just leave it to you.”

“Really? What happened to ‘I’ll support my little sister’? You looked fairly convinced.” Saitou gave him an amused look.

Hachiman couldn’t help looking again.

“W-Well… If Komachi insists, and I mean only if she really insists…” He didn’t see it happening. Not with the way she’d been hesitant to praise Hoshino too much even after the photoshoot. And Hachiman knew better than most how a single good experience wasn’t enough to change someone’s mind most of the time; so, he’d felt it was okay to start thinking like it wasn’t going to happen. “I’ll do my best, of course.”

“A dutiful older brother.” Saito nodded to herself.

“It comes with the territory.” Hachiman sighed. “I’m older, I have more experience. I should be the one helping her along.”

“Eh… How cute.” Saitou looked at her phone, speaking absentmindedly before standing up. “Alright, seems like it’s here.”

“Eh? What about your husband?” Hachiman furrowed his brows as the woman left the living room.

“No time to come just to eat food we ordered!” Saitou yelled from the hall leading to the door, making Hachiman turn to Hoshino for confirmation.

“He doesn’t look like it, but he’s very competent.” She nodded to herself, like she had answered his question.

“Does this happen often?”

“When it happens, we usually eat something at the office. All of us, I mean.” Hoshino shrugged.

“I see…” Eh… How surprisingly wholesome. Definitely something Hachiman didn’t expect getting fuzzy feelings from.

“Sometimes without us.” Ruby added, lifting her eyes from the phone she had at hand for a moment.

That… Was that alright to be used by a kid?

“Well, I mean. They’re all busy working hard.” Hachiman didn’t really need to defend Hoshino, not from her own daughter. But he still felt like he should say something.

“I know.”

“Of course!” Hoshino ran a finger through her daughter’s hair. “I mean, being an idol pays way less than you’d expect. Sometimes, even I’m surprised.”

“I did read an article about something like that.” Hachiman looked away. “Must be hard, especially since it consumes a lot of time.”

“Well, yes. I’m pretty sure none of your friends could pull it off.” Hoshino nodded to herself. “Or if they could, they’d have to drop out of college. It’s very much a lifetime commitment thing.”

“And you’ve been at it since puberty.” Hachiman sighed. “How did you manage with high school?”

Hoshino tilted her head, her smile becoming confused while Saitou returned with her hands full.

“What do you mean high school?”

“That’s…”

“Okay, everyone. Sit down.” Saitou interrupted Hachiman’s idea. Setting the bags on the table before sitting down herself. “Who’s hungry?”

“Me!” Ruby put down the phone and quickly sat between Saitou and Hoshino. While the little boy sat to Hoshino’s left.

Hachiman chose to sit on the opposite side of the idol, just so he didn’t have to face any of the kids completely.

Hoshino’s comment remained in his mind while Saitou got everything out of the bag, willfully ignorant of the things occupying Hachiman’s thoughts.

That is, until the crunchy pieces of fried chicken that Saitou ordered entered his taste buds.

“…!” He’d forgotten in the middle of the unrelenting waves that he called his thoughts; but food really did wonders for people’s mood. Sulking was always difficult with something tasty in your mouth, just like something bland or ill-flavored would ruin the mood.

Disappointingly, his life had had a lot of sulking. Of mulling over things that didn’t happen, that happened in ways he’d have liked to avoid, or simply where he sat idly and let them unfold in front of his eyes. Hachiman had needed a lot of good food in his life, and people to share that time with. Hiratsuka, for all her violent outbursts, had been a splendid eating partner since the beginning. And even his other friends had, at some point, taken Hachiman to check a burger out, or try ice cream, or stuff his face with some foreigner food.

And even before, back when things were easier, he had gained good eating partners. It felt as though every time he had something good to taste, there was someone incredible to share with. When Hachiman thought about good food, he couldn’t help thinking about someone being there with him. And, conversely, he had barely any memories of eating out before high school.

He unmistakably had to go back to the times that had been easier, where he’d been okay.

“…” He’d not let it show in his face. He couldn’t, wouldn’t. He just had a conversation with Hoshino about the things in life that were too tough to express. And he didn’t need the attention, nor did he feel well showing weakness in front of Saitou.

Come to think of it. Was the sauce that the chicken came with too spicy for Yukino to eat?

“You like spicy food, Hoshino?” Hachiman asked while he dipped his food in the sauce. Keeping his eyes trained on it to avoid dropping the chicken into the thing and have to deal with the mess.

“Eh? I don’t know… In moderation?” Hoshino had some trouble handling her chopsticks, or at least it looked like that to Hachiman. Even though her hold didn’t tremble or anything. “I was once made to try some really spicy stuff in a program. It was… I think it made my tastebuds weird.”

“Right, the one with the comedic videos section.” Saitou nodded to herself while eating. “The one with the… The damn zapping thing.”

“The taser hidden in the hand?” The little boy perked up a bit. “I thought that was fake?”

“Ichigo made damn sure that it was fake for Ai’s appearance.” Saitou stabbed the air with her chopsticks and growled a bit. “They let the host pretend to use it, only to fake Ai out. But the guy opted out not to do it at all, the bastard.”

What the hell?

“Ichigo-san did explain how that’d work.” Hoshino put down her chopsticks and showed everyone her open palm. Only to scratch it with her other hand as she frowned. “Being pocked with something pointy when you do a handshake is kind of annoying.”

“That’s allowed?”

“When you have the ratings.” Saitou shrugged.

“…This is why I don’t watch TV.” Hachiman sighed.

“Good for you. It’ll rot your brain.” Saitou nodded. “Instead, watch streamers. We have a few of those too.”

“I do it from time to time.” Hoshino framed her face with her hands, blinking playfully to invite Hachiman to watch her. If only through her expression alone.

“I thought you didn’t know much about these things?” Hachiman more or less remembered having a conversation of that nature with Hoshino, at the very beginning like… Not that long ago, actually.

“Eh, well. Everything’s prepared for me.” Hoshino shrugged. “I don’t know a whole lot about how it all works. I’m pretty sure the girls know how it works better than I.”

“Watanabe uploads game footage, Ari does ASMR and sometimes does voice lines with Meimei according to donations…” Saitou shook her head. “Not like you asked.”

“No. No, I didn’t.” Hachiman confirmed. It wasn’t like he didn’t care about the other members of B-Komachi. Thinking about them as unimportant seemed to be part of the problem plaguing the group, after all. Hachiman simply didn’t know them that well, and he didn’t want to be told these things.

If he ought to, it’d be nice to talk to them directly. He didn’t need to have them on display like things for sale. Not at the moment, at least.

“Well, I didn’t know this.” Hoshino interjected before resuming eating. “Or rather, I didn’t remember that. What do the others do?”

“Sing, mostly. Only those two have tried to carve a niche for themselves, seems like they understand the meta a little better than the rest.” Hearing Saitou say ‘meta’ like that made Hachiman feel a little weird inside. Like, not to be judgmental but she didn’t look like the kind, or in the age range, to use videogame terms like that.

“You mentioned three people.” Hachiman pointed out.

“Meimei sticks with Ari a lot.” Saitou explained. “Like, I don’t know why Ichigo always separates them in official appearances. But they’re often together in reality.”

Heh… You’d think a closer bond would be highlighted in such a group. Or perhaps they wanted to keep them homogeneous? As one, instead of a more complex dynamic that 7 people would naturally have?

Sounded easier to market, at least.

…

What kind of thought was that?

“What about Nino?”

“What about her?” Saitou asked reflexively, making Hachiman press his lips together.

“Never mind, then.” He didn’t feel like arguing at the moment, so she could be as defensive as she wanted. It wasn’t like it mattered much to him. Even with the thing that Saitou (Ichigo) had mentioned.

“Suit yourself.” Saitou might’ve been disappointed, but Hachiman couldn’t really tell. Too many things clouding his mind at the moment to make educated guesses. But at least, she looked fine enough to turn to the children. “So, how was the movie?”

“It was okay.” The boy replied before his sister sent Hachiman a weird look.

“I’m not sure, couldn’t concentrate.”

He wouldn’t let a kid try to look down on him, however. So he just shook his head.

“It’s because it wasn’t good.” He shrugged.

“Maybe it was too deep for you!” Ruby pointed her chopsticks at him with a lot of annoyance.

Hoshino stared at her child.

“Deep? Because it was the ocean?”

“The protagonist builds himself a tatami-sized raft to explore the sea.” The little boy said, sighing while putting his own chopsticks away. Like he expected it to be a while. “But the sea creatures that find out think it’s a ‘new world’ so they try to get onto it. Not knowing it’s only big enough for the guy and the salt water processing machine.”

“Reverse colonialism.” Hachiman nodded. “Except it doesn’t work, because the guy is the only one capable of traversing both the deep sea and the lands above.”

“That’s…” The little boy started but thought better about it. “Okay yes. Even with the excuse of only having the snorkel, the machine means that he could’ve easily brought along equipment to dive and stuff. The means were always there.”

“Exactly.”

“And because of that, even when the raft is destroyed it’s like… But this could’ve been easily prevented.” The little boy nodded.

“And the fish being unable to see properly above land is also a blatant excuse to make them attack the protagonist.” Hachiman shook his head. “That’s probably not how it works, and certainly bad vision doesn’t make you see people with four arms and sharp teeth, and stuff.”

“Or maybe it’s about a guy leaving home to live adventures at the sea, and how dumb that idea is.” Ruby spoke up, looking at her twin with equal annoyance as she’d looked at Hachiman with. “If the movie ended with the guy returning home, isn’t the point that nothing beats that? That adventure isn’t worth the risk and loneliness of abandoning everything you know?”

Hachiman opened his mouth and, like the fish above the raft, closed it only to repeat the process a couple of times.

The little boy also didn’t have an answer ready.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Ruby continued to eat with a scoff.

Saitou covered her mouth with her fist, chopsticks still in hand, trying not to spit the food she had already chewed while her shoulders shook in silent laughter.

“Hmmm… I guess I’m with Ruby in this one.” Hoshino poked her lower lip with her chopsticks while thinking.

“What did you think it was about?” Saitou asked after swallowing.

“About trying new things.” Hoshino stated.

“Eh…” Her daughter tilted her head, scratching her cheek.

“New things?” The little boy frowned.

“Well, the sea is scary and huge. The raft is related to inexperience, I think.” Hoshino slammed her chopstick into a weird-looking chicken piece. Piercing it at the center instead of grabbing it normally. “Everyone tells him he’s awfully unprepared for the trip, but are also surprised that the raft floats. He borrows the salt-filtering machine is an opportunity straight up…”

“But wouldn’t that just make it a downer story?” Hachiman interjected. “The moral of the story would be not to try new things.”

“Not necessarily.” Hoshino shook her head while chewing. “It’s not that it was ‘impossible’; it’s just that people were unwilling to help the guy’s dream come true. And, even if he failed, he proved that it could be done. And that in his attempt, he discovered pretty amazing things. Even if they went wrong due to his inexperience.”

“Hmmm…”

“Wasn’t he studying sea life when the movie ended? Surely, that means that he was thinking of a next time.” Hoshino nodded to herself with finality.

“That… Has nothing to do with Ruby’s idea.” Hachiman replied with a deadpan.

“Eh? Ah, well…” Hoshino laughed it off, placing her hand on top of her daughter’s head. “That’s what family movies are for, right? They have something for everyone, let them think and make their own thoughts!”

“I guess…” Hachiman frowned, not wanting to insist that the movie had sucked.

Not like he cared about it. The whole time he’d been in there, his mind had been filled with memories and Hoshino’s presence. His interpretation of it had been tainted by bittersweet thoughts.

Yukino would’ve scolded him, only to later shyly propose to go watch it again. He would’ve put up a token effort to turn her down, but in return she’d give up and get mad at him. Only for Hachiman to give in to her demands.

At that moment, it felt like yesterday. Like it hadn’t been that long ago since he’d been in good terms with her, with Yui. Since before his current group was so united. But, come to think of it, was it that long ago?

Hachiman blinked for a moment, trying to get those thoughts out of his head. And when he looked at the room properly… Hoshino was there.

“Eh…?”

“Hmmm?” The idol lifted her gaze and looked at him. “Something wrong?”

Hachiman blinked again, looking at the girl properly. At her children, at her mom.

“No… Nothing.” Hachiman took out his phone and looked at the time, at the date.

What had he done the day before? The day before that? The week before even that?

How long had Hachiman allowed time to just… Flow.

“Saitou… Did Yui-san already get her first-month payment?”

“Eh? Of course not. It hasn’t been a month yet.” The woman looked confused, a little annoyed too. Hachiman would’ve made a comment about how easily her mood changed when it came to work, but he was too busy taking everything in.

How long had Hachiman been an adult anyway? When was the last time that he allowed himself to remember the Service Club as it had been, not as it had ended up?

Where did his youth go? When did he start accepting drinks? Spending most of his time doing nothing instead of studying, or going outside to just walk and try to put away the memories that harassed him?

“Are you really okay?” The little boy asked, looking a little concerned.

“…Yeah.” Hachiman let out a deep sigh. “I just…”

Hachiman lifted his gaze again, seeing Hoshino silently wonder why she was being looked at.

“Yes?”

“Nothing.” Hachiman sighed, and the next inhalation filled his lungs with the freshest air he’d taken in for a long time. He felt… Alive. “I just remembered where I hid something I thought I lost.”

“Ah… Great!” Hoshino didn’t get it. Of course she didn’t. She had things she didn’t share with him, just like Hachiman had things he hadn’t shared with her either.

The evening was pleasant after that. Even when Saitou insisted to be the one to see him off of the building. Even with the birds waiting for him outside.

He felt a little better in their company too. At least for now.

Chapter Text

[followed the instructions]

[it still broke]

[You probably cut too much of the bread and moving it made the weight of the eggs tear it apart. Don’t just leave the literal brown edge, it has to hold the eggs while it cooks.]

[eh]

[it looks aight]

[ish]

[As long as it’s not over or undercooked, it should be alright for a first attempt.]

[ye not too shabby]

[might wanna try again tho]

[Don’t just waste ingredients trying to get it right. It’s really just scrambled eggs inside a slice of bread, it might look fancy but that’s all. As long as it tastes good, it should do even if it didn’t stay intact.]

[fine]

[what about the bacon?]

[Wrap the ham in napkins and cover them with something. Get it on the microwave and give it about a minute and a half. If it isn’t cooked properly, give it 10 more seconds. Repeat until it’s done.]

[dunno]

[dont think itll be the same]

[If you have bacon, then do that instead. The microwave will make it sweat the grease either way, except ham has a lot less and the napkin shouldn’t stick to it too much.]

[u sure?]

[I mean, it tastes the same to me. But if you really want to, use bacon. The process is the same and you won’t have to fight your oven or make a mess of your kitchen. The microwave might need some cleaning afterward though. And there’s a high likelihood of it being crunchy as hell.]

[hhhmmmmm]

[worth a shot i guess]

[You’ll have to see how you prefer it, but you should be able to get away with microwaving different pieces to see the results.]

[ye thats what i was thinkin]

[Don’t worry too much about it, bacon is good no matter how you make it. Unless you don’t like it to begin with, or it’s completely burnt. It’ll be fine.]

[guess so]

[when can i try ur cooking]

[I’m not that good in the kitchen. I do alright, but that’s about it. You’d probably be disappointed.]

[thats for me to decide]

[so?]

[Eh… So it’s decided already that it’ll happen?]

[ye]

[Well, not soon. That’s for sure. I’ll burn a permission for Yui-san’s party, after all.]

[arent u like 40 or smth]

[Living with my parents isn’t all fun and games. They’d usually be less of a pain in the ass whenever I go out. But, well, things changed a bit a few months back.]

[oh]

[srry]

[It’s okay, it’s not your fault. As in, please don’t take the blame for the things that others do. Their problems are not something that you should be responsible for, especially when they’re clearly in the wrong.]

[thats not rlly what i wanted to hear]

[It’s always hard, considering how much one can impact people’s lives. And I have the feeling that being famous makes it thrice as true. But, in the end, everyone is responsible for their own lives. Thinking things like “what did I do wrong?” or “why is this happening to me?” only really apply in a day-to-day context. If someone comes at you with the clear intention to harm you, you should defend yourself.]

[what if idid smth bad to them tho]

[what then]

[I mean, I understand things are tough at work. But even then, your co-stars are not starving. They have work, each other, and I don’t think you’re bullying them or pressuring them into anything. And, even THEN, there’s such a thing as being too extreme. Please understand scale matters here.]

[what]

[Sorry, I was using your group’s problems as an example. It’s not like I know what happens behind closed doors or anything, but if they did something to you that might put some perspective on what I’m trying to say.]

[they dont]

[not for a while at least]

[I see, I’m glad. But it gives you a sense of scale, doesn’t it?]

[guess so…]

[Regardless, that’s how things are. Kind of surprised you didn’t know we’d have a party for Yui-san. I’d have thought she’d have made friends with everyone at this point.]

[eh dont rlly talk that much cuz we have less time in the office than before]

[shes not with us most of the time either]

[I see, makes sense.]

[wont u invite me?]

[Not my call to make, sorry. It was a group decision to celebrate Yui-san’s freedom from retail. Which I’m thankful for, don’t get me wrong. But it’s still not my place.]

[no its ok i get it]

[I’ll make time for you, ok? It simply doesn’t work out well this one time.]

[just u n me?]

[Sure, if that’s what you want.]

[yes!]

[enjoy ur party!]

[Thanks, I’ll try.]

[dont miss me 2 much~]

[I’ll also try.]

Making sure he had the right place made Hachiman a little dumb, given there were not that many places of this kind around. But he still did, giving his messages one last look just to make sure no one needed his attention at the moment.

It wouldn’t do to reply in front of everyone. It’d bring up questions, no doubt. And, considering the kind of company he had, he’d rather avoid that at all cost.

Being around so many girls might’ve been daunting once upon a time. Or maybe it was more accurate to say that not too long ago, Hachiman would’ve found the idea of being surrounded by so many people (let alone most of them being girls, really) would’ve felt like a daunting prospect. Even when he’d gone to Hoshino’s concert, Hachiman still felt a tiny pang in his stomach going out and meeting with the group and finding them already talking among themselves.

He had to remind himself that he belonged there and, most importantly, he was expected to be present. The people already present wanted him to attend. A life spent as a loner was something that hardly would be shaken off in a handful of years, considering how long Hachiman spent all by himself. So he didn’t feel ashamed to hesitate for a moment, take a deep breath, and put up an uninterested façade when he approached them enough to be noticed.

“Ah, Hikigaya-sama!” Ebina waved at him, breaking the conversation that Miura and Yui were having. “You finally made it!”

“Hey.” Hachiman nodded to her, quickly checking the table to see what to expect of them. There were juices, a couple of beers, and some snacks. With no waiters in sight even though the bar wasn’t that crowded yet.

He wasn’t that late, apparently.

“Hey yourself.” Kawasaki, whom Hachiman was actually surprised to see, pushed her chair back and tapped Zaimokuza on the shoulder to do the same. Making some room for Hachiman while he brought a chair for himself. “You actually showed up.”

Come to think of it, was she the only one that hadn’t met Hoshino yet? Huh.

“That’s my line.” Hachiman sat down while making a point of showing a bit of surprise on his face. Moving away from his thoughts. “You didn’t get fired, did you?”

Kawasaki rolled her eyes.

“I got permission. I’m very professional, unlike someone I know.” Her tone was deferential, almost friendly. And she was apparently more focused on examining Hachiman than in trying to get under his skin, so it felt safe to treat it as friendly banter.

“That’s why I don’t have a job.” Hachiman shrugged, giving his attention to the rest of the table. Contrary to what Hoshino might think, he really wasn’t cut for willingly submitting himself to labor that he didn’t need to go through. “Sorry for the wait.”

“Do not worry, my partner! I’m sure the matters you had to attend to were of utmost importance!” Zaimokuza nodded to himself once he repositioned; sitting closer to Saika. Seat that Hachiman would fight the guy for, but knew better than to bring it up. As that’d upset Saika himself, and Hachiman would rather be seen with disgust by the whole table than that.

“Everything alright?” The angel asked shyly, making Hachiman’s heart skip a beat. Forcing him to physically restrain himself from going into a tirade to reassure him.

“Yeah, just had to do something with Komachi.” He turned his face toward the girl sitting opposite to him, toward Yui who had her attention on him while he procured a small box wrapped in a ribbon. “Here.”

“Eh…? Really?” The pink-haired girl watched with curiosity as Hachiman passed it to Kawasaki, then she to Ebina, then to Miura, and finally to Yui herself.

“Oho?” Zaimokuza fixed his glasses while Saika gave Hachiman a pleasantly surprised expression, mouth agape and eyes shining. Which almost made him miss Yui’s own silent surprise while she got out a small cupcake.

“I didn’t know what to get you, so Komachi suggested something tasty.” Hachiman scratched the back of his head, trying to remember the things he wanted to say. But finding his mind completely blank while Kawasaki nodded approvingly and Miura shook her head with a smug grin. “So, huh. Congrats on your ‘promotion’, I guess.”

“Thanks! I think we can’t bring food inside though!” Yui quickly looked around, watching out for any waiter before stuffing her face with the thing. Making Miura cry out a bit as she moved aside while Yui ate. “Tasty!”

“You could’ve put it away!” Miura protested, trying to get her phone in position to take a picture. “Gah! Hikio! You should’ve told me!”

Hmm, she kind of looked like a mom trying to capture her child doing cute things…

“Get her, get her!” Ebina cheered, lifting her beer while Saika chuckled.

Kawasaki elbowed him in her attempt to also take a picture, to no avail.

“Ahaha… She got away with it!” Saika put his hands together when Yui lifted her face, showing a bit of confectionary cream on her nose and chewing like she was a small rodent.

“Shhh gut…” She gave him both thumbs up, making Hachiman smile silently. “Sanks, Hikki! You didn’t have to!”

“If you hadn’t mentioned Komachi-chan, I’d even have called this smooth.” Kawasaki commented, nodding to herself while Saika offered Yui a napkin.

“Nah, little sis deserves her share of credit.” Ebina smirked, sharing a complicit look with Zaimokuza.

“Indeed, indeed. She’s not coming?”

“She has her own friends.” Hachiman shrugged.

“Yes, it’d be a bit weird if she was surrounded by us.” Kawasaki nodded.

“Talking from experience?” Hachiman gave her a look.

“Not really, I’ve been busy. I don’t think I’ve seen any of my siblings’ friends in a while.”

“Sounds tough.” Hachiman pressed his lips together. “If you—”

“Spare me the pity, Hikigaya. I’m good.” Kawasaki looked at him with enough seriousness that he backed off, not even bothering to make a joke about how scary she looked.

“Alright then.” Not like he wanted to be indebted to the Saitou couple anyway. Not even indirectly, through trying his luck with asking Hoshino.

That’d actually be a dick move, huh. Asking for favor in another girl’s stead…

“You, however, have been through the grinder I’ve heard.” She moved her fingers, making Hachiman look at his hands and the small bumps that the birds’ pecks had left behind.

“Yeah…” Hachiman didn’t really know what to say. His thoughts weren’t helping, and he honestly did not remember how much Kawasaki knew at this point.

“Honesty… What are we gonna do with you?” She shook her head like a disappointed older sister. Which she was, just not his sister. Thankfully, he didn’t want to share blood with that little pest she called a little brother.

“That’s what we’ve been saying.” Miura joined in while Yui lowered herself to hide a bit under the table when a waiter walked by. “This guy has, like, zero self-preservation instincts.”

Hey, what the hell? They should’ve seen what he had been trying to do all this time. If they really thought he was reckless, then they didn’t even know what an actually reckless person looked like.

“I’m not a flightless bird in danger of going extinct.” Hachiman growled. “It’s been a rough life recently, that’s it.”

“Sure, whatever.” Miura scoffed before calling for a waiter and pointing at Hachiman.

He didn’t even bother looking at the menu.

“Give me what she’s having.” He told the guy, giving Miura a look.

“Oh? You’re not drinking?”

“Only if you drink.” He mimicked the way she often talked when asked this question. And Ebina hung her head back with a cackle.

“I don’t, I’m an athlete actually.” She used the very same tone. Making the group shift and try to hide their reactions. Knowing full well she’d ended up completely plastered almost every single time she’d said that.

“Then there we go; I’ll follow you one on one.” Like hell he would. But he still said that to continue being annoying.

“Eh… I don’t know about that one, chief.” Ebina chimed in while the waiter took the hint that they’d not order anything else. “Sounds like you won’t go back home if you do.”

“Oh, please!” Miura’s reaction made Hachiman grin.

“This is… Ummm, very cozy.” Yui commented, making the others refrain from adding fuel to the fire. But not really creating an awkward moment.

The silence felt pleasant, like the warmth left behind by a hot drink during a very cold night.