Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s hot. It’s not supposed to be hot in January. In fact, she was kind of banking on it being cold enough to mask some of her exertion at having to move all her items essentially on her own because Hailey Upton is sweating right now.

And maybe saying it’s hot is an exaggeration but it definitely feels like it as she hauls another box out the van and onto the little front porch. Her front porch. She should have caved and just paid a removal company but she thought she’d save the cash for something else.

She’s been at it for about forty minutes already moving the smaller furniture and the boxes inside. She feels like she’s getting nowhere. This was supposed to be a good day and right now she just feels exhausted. She reminds herself that Vanessa will come to help when she finishes up her shift. She takes a moment and blows the hair from out of her face.

‘Hello.’

She turns at the sound of the voice and sees a woman in her sixties standing on the path. She has a warm smile and somehow seems remarkably put together for someone in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

‘I’m Caroline. Caroline Halstead. I live right next door with my husband.’

Right, Hailey thinks. This is what it’s like when you move to a neighbourhood like this. Neighbours actually speak to one another.

‘I’m Hailey,’ she says with a smile. ‘Nice to meet you.’

‘You too, sweetheart.’

And she’d normally bristle at being called such a thing, but it seems natural for this woman. Hailey’s pretty good at getting a read on people and this woman screams caregiver.

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ Caroline offers.

Hailey sizes her up and the other woman laughs before she speaks once more. ‘You’re hardly a football player yourself.’

A laugh escapes Hailey before she can stop herself and she finds herself accepting the other woman’s help. Within minutes Caroline has the radio on and is busy setting up Hailey’s kitchen for her and somehow Hailey already feels better about the whole thing.

What’s more surprising is that she gets her to talk. Hailey explains that it’s just her and her son, Luke, moving in and Caroline immediately asks to see photos gushing over her five-year-old and telling Hailey that he looks just like her.

She shares that he’s with her friend Vanessa right now hanging out at the sandwich shop where they both work and that they’ll both come and help when Vanessa finishes up. Or Vanessa will. Luke will cause sweet chaos.

Caroline is polite enough not to ask how she can afford the house as a single mom on a sandwich shop wage. Truth is, Crumbs is hers now and she’s damn proud of that fact, but it’s still not enough for a house like this. It’s the smallest on the street but it’s in a good neighbourhood. There’s a front and back yard for Luke. Space for him to ride his bike on the sidewalk.

No, the money comes from inheritance, and she’d seriously considered just giving all the money away given her childhood but then she considered what was best for Luke and here they are.

There’s a knock on the open front door around an hour later and Hailey turns to see an older man flanked by a tall man chewing on what looks like a matchstick and another with a riot of red hair atop his head.

‘Oh good, you’re here,’ Caroline beams clapping her hands together.

Hailey is a little baffled when Caroline then proceeds to introduce her husband Pat, her eldest son Will and a family friend, Kevin. Even more so when they tell her they’re here to help and then promptly get stuck in hauling her couch from out the van.

Both Pat and Kevin are wearing navy polo shirts with ‘Halstead Construction’ embroidered on them but she notices Will isn’t and given the way he loudly jokes that he’s not cut out for heavy lifting, she guesses he doesn’t work in what she assumes is the family business.

She could almost cry as their new home starts to take shape. She blames the stupidly warm January day but feels a gentle hand come to rest on her shoulder and Caroline gives it a squeeze before turning back to the kitchen.

‘Thank you,’ she says turning to the other woman whose unexpected kindness has turned today around.

She means it and when Luke and Vanessa turn up a while later and she sees the smile on her son’s face, she knows it’s all worth it.

--------

‘Mom?’

She looks up from where she’s making them breakfast to see Luke’s face appear around the screen door to the back yard.

‘Yeah, kid.’

‘That cat is in the back yard again. Can it come in?’

‘No, Luke,’ she laughs as he pouts adorably. ‘It has a collar and a home and you know this. Cats just like to roam.’

‘But it seems to like our yard better than its own.’

‘Probably because you’re always there to fuss it,’ she grins. ‘Come on in now and wash your hands for breakfast.’

She laughs as Luke toes off his crocs about three feet apart from one another. It’s definitely a trait he gets from her. It wasn’t until she had him, that she got better at being tidy. They can only cope with one tornado in the family.

The two of them sit at the little breakfast counter eating together and she listens to Luke talking about how he’s excited for his next soccer practice when he clocks sight of Pat heading for his truck parked in the driveway. Like he does every morning, he looks up into their window and throws a salute Luke’s way making her boy beam.

She really lucked out having Caroline and Pat as neighbours. In the five months she and Luke have now lived here, the kindness they’d shown that first day hasn’t faltered. They’re good people. Kind, consistent. The kind of parents she wishes hers had been more like if she’s honest.

They both adore Luke and eventually had worn Hailey down and they’ve attended a few family dinners at the Halstead’s place and they’ve been kind enough to watch Luke a few times too. Will has a boy of his own who’s only a year younger than Luke and they get on like a house on fire and she’s found a new friend in his wife, Natalie.

Kevin is often round the house too and always makes an effort to fist bump Luke and calls him, ‘little dude’ which Luke laps up.

It feels nice. To have people in her corner.

She’s yet to meet Caroline and Pat’s youngest son. From what she knows, he’s a couple of years younger than Will, in the army and overseas somewhere right now. There are photos of him everywhere in the house though. Several of him in his uniform and Hailey imagines he must be good at his job given the number of pins and medals on his chest.

Caroline had caught her staring one day and hummed with a smile on her face. ‘He’s certainly handsome, my boy.’

Hailey had felt herself blush and apologised.

‘Nonsense, they’re up to be looked at. We’re so proud of him but it doesn’t mean we don’t miss him like crazy when he’s away. Or worry. He’s definitely responsible for some of these grey hairs. Most of them actually.’

Hailey had laughed then. Could imagine a day sometime in the future where she’d be saying the same about Luke.

But there was something about the photo that had pulled her back for another look before following Caroline into the kitchen. He and Will don’t particularly look alike yet somehow both look like a perfect combination of their parents.

She can see a lot of Pat in there but his colouring he gets from Caroline. Dark hair cropped close to his head and eyes that seem unfairly green when paired against his dress uniform. He’s handsome, certainly, but Hailey doesn’t dwell on it for long.

She imagines he either has a sweetheart back here waiting on him or he’s a man married to his work and besides, she doesn’t date herself either.

It’s messy and complicated at the best of times and that’s without a five-year-old. She learned the hard way with Luke’s father.

Things are simpler on her own.

--------

‘Do you think Mrs Halstead will like it?’

She pokes her other earring though her ear and smiles at Luke in the mirror where he holds up the card he’s made.

‘She’ll love it,’ Hailey tells him turning around to press a kiss to his dirty blonde hair.

‘I love birthdays,’ he carries on. ‘Do you think they’ll be cake?’

‘When isn’t there cake at the Halstead’s kid?’

Luke grins.

They’re having a family barbeque in honour of Caroline’s birthday and had been kind enough to invite them over.

It’s a great night, as always. Luke and Owen play in the backyard whilst the rest of them sit out at the table on the deck. She’d offered to help Caroline in the kitchen but both she and Natalie were shooed away outside. Pat has the BBQ set up in the corner, so the light breeze carries the smoke in the opposite direction to them.

‘Hey, Hailey. How are things going at Crumbs?’ Will asks. ‘Mom mentioned you guys want to expand one day?’

‘That’s the plan. We’re pretty busy these days which is great. It’s not something for now but maybe one day.’

‘That’s because the coffee is amazing and those breakfast sandwiches you make are to die for,’ Natalie chips in. ‘Kind of wish you guys were closer to the hospital.’

‘You and me both,’ Will says easily throwing an arm around his wife’s shoulder and pressing a kiss to her temple.

Hailey smiles at the sight of them both. They’re a good fit and sometimes she lets herself wonder what it would be like to have something like it for herself. To have a partner. Someone to share the load with.

‘Is there room for one more?’

A voice from behind them captures their attention, and she turns to her left to see a man rounding the corner of the back yard with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. She doesn’t need the army fatigues he’s wearing to tell her who he is.

The collective cries of the people around her tell who exactly who it is.

Chairs scrape back in a flurry and Will is the first to reach him vaulting over the rail on the deck to land beside his brother pulling him into a hug before punching him on the shoulder.

‘What the hell, man?’ Will grins. ‘You’re not supposed to be home for another two weeks.’

‘Came to surprise mom,’ Jay says setting down his bag before pulling Natalie off her feet and then hugging his dad tight.

The screen door goes and Hailey glances up to see Caroline come out. Dishtowel flung over her shoulder.

‘What is all the fuss abou-‘

She freezes in place as her eyes go wide and her hand goes to her heart at the sight of her son.

‘Jay?’

‘Hey, Mom,’ he grins at her.

‘Oh my god, get up here,’ Caroline says through her tears and Hailey feels a little emotional herself as Jay strides up the steps to his mom and pulls her in for a hug.

She can hear Caroline’s words muffled against his chest. That she can’t believe he’s here. That it’s the best birthday present. That he’s a sneaky little rogue.

‘I missed you too, Mom,’ Jay says as they pull apart.

Hailey suddenly feels wildly out of place. They’d convinced her that she and Luke weren’t imposing at a family birthday but now it’s a surprise homecoming for their son too.

She rises from her seat setting her glass down on the table thinking she’ll go and retrieve Luke from the little treehouse where he and Owen are currently hiding out.

But Caroline seems to misinterpret her standing.

‘Oh, Jay honey,’ she says wiping away happy tears. ‘This is Hailey. She and her son Luke moved in next door back at the start of the year and they’re the best neighbours we’ve ever had.’

Green eyes settle on hers as his mom speaks and she can’t look away.

Neither of them say anything and she wishes some words – any words – would come but then she’s saved by a four-year-old at top speed.

‘Uncle Jay!’

Owen comes barrelling up the steps and into Jay’s legs and she watches as Jay crouches down and pulls the little boy into a hug ruffling his hair. ‘You need a haircut kiddo. You trying out the mop look like your dad?’

Owen giggles and Luke too behind him which catches Jay’s attention.

‘Hi,’ Luke says confidently.

Jay glances quickly at Hailey before he answers. ‘Hi. I’m Jay.’

‘I’m Luke. Are you Will’s brother?’

Jay answers with a smile that he is and she watches as her boy adorably puts out his hand for Jay to shake and her heart clenches in her chest. He’s kind, her boy. Has great manners. She’s doing something right.

‘Tag,’ Owen says tapping Luke on the shoulder and she watches as Luke tears off after him around the back Pat’s shed.

Jay pushes himself to stand back up and Hailey remains standing where she is a little awkwardly.

‘Hi. Hailey, right?’

‘That’s me.’

‘Jay. Good to meet you.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she says quietly though Pat has already returned to manning the grill and Caroline is in excited conversation with Natalie and Will. All with gleeful smiles on their faces. ‘If I had any idea you were going to be coming home, Luke and I wouldn’t have come. I don’t want to spoil your family evening.’

Her tilts his head at her. Easy smile on his face. ‘You gonna cause a scene? Flip the table or something?’

‘No.’

‘You gonna eat all my mom’s chicken? Because I’ve pretty much dreamed about it for the last eight months.’

And she can’t fight off her own smile now. ‘Wasn’t planning on it.’

‘Then you’re good. Don’t feel you have to leave on my behalf,’ he says kindly. ‘Really. I wanted to surprise my mom, but I don’t much like being the centre of attention.’

It puzzles her a little. It’s a family dinner and they haven’t seen him in nearly nine months. Of course he’s going to be the centre of attention.

‘Stay,’ he says. ‘Or at least don’t leave on my behalf. My mom would kill me.’

He nods to her and heads inside to set his bag down and she assumes to get changed since when he comes back out about ten minutes later, he’s dressed in a pair of light wash jeans and a white t-shirt that makes his tan seem frankly unfair.

He accepts the beer his brother passes to him as Natalie ushers Owen and Luke inside to wash their hands.

It’s a casual affair - self-serve - but Caroline can’t seem to help herself by piling Jay’s plate high for him.

‘Geez, mom. They did feed me over there,’ he laughs.

Regardless, he eats every last thing on his plate.

There are a few questions about his unit during dinner. They all ask after someone who inexplicably seems to be called Mouse, but they don’t ask much beyond that. Judging from the photographs she’s seen in the house of when she assumed he’d first signed up, he’s been at this a long time and his family seem to read him well. To know when to back off.

He’s polite and warm. Remarkably good at changing the subject when he wants to despite it being evident they all want to hear from him.

Painfully attractive too. She’d gathered he was handsome from the photographs around his parents’ home but in person, it’s the kind of handsome that almost makes her uncomfortable because it’s hard to not look at him and she’s not sure she’s ever felt like that about someone based solely on their appearance.

Luke and Owen bound back over for a drink having both inhaled their food in record time in favour of playing with the bubble machine and whilst Owen looks tired out, she knows her boy. He gulps down the glass of water she pours for him and then starts his inquisition of Jay.

How tall is he? Does he have to wear army uniform all the time? Has he been in a tank? Has he jumped out of a plane?

Hailey widens her eyes a little at the easy way in which Jay nods to the last one like he does it regularly but it kind of fits she thinks. He’s fit. Young. Healthy. Seems like he’d be the kind of person you’d want to come and save you. Exudes a sense of safety. He’s a protector just like the rest of his family are in their own ways.

‘What’s the coolest thing you know how to do?’

‘You mean at work?’ Jays asks adjusting his cap.

‘Yeah’

Hailey tenses. Wonders what words might come out of Jay’s mouth. She can only imagine the things he sees. Is trained to do.

‘So, I can base jump. If that’s cool?’

‘What’s that?’ Luke asks swinging back and forth on the porch railing.

‘It’s like jumping from things that don’t move rather than a plane.’

‘And you like land and do a roll? Like this?’

‘Oh god,’ Hailey says hiding her head in her hands when Luke proceeds to gambol across the yard in demonstration making all the adults laugh.

‘So that’s pretty cool,’ Jay says kindly, ‘but with base jumping you jump from things that are really high, so you need a parachute.’

‘Whoah.’

‘And if you did a roll with that on, you’d get all tangled up.’

She sees her boy’s eyes widen in awe. Not surprised her own little action man is impressed by Jay’s words.

‘Hey,’ Jay says quietly beside her. ‘You mind if I show him how to roll safely? I don’t want him to hurt his neck and he seems like he might do that kind of thing a lot.’

His neck? Why hadn’t she noticed something? Not that she has any idea what she’d even be looking for.

‘Oh, yeah. Of course, but don’t feel you have to. You must be exhausted, and I can look it up if he’s doing something wrong. I don’t want him to get hurt so if you just tell me, I can sort it.’

‘I know that,’ Jay says and something in his tone reassures her that he’s not passing judgement when his eyes settle on hers. ‘Just thought it might save you a job.’

‘Oh, okay then,’ she nods and distracts herself by taking a large gulp of her drink.

She shifts in her seat watching the two of them talk. Luke hanging on every word Jay says. Jay who disappears into the double garage at the end of the Halstead’s driveway and comes back with something that looks like a camping mat laying it out on the grass. He seemingly coaches Luke through some steps before letting him roll again.

It does look better. More controlled somehow and she watches her son take Jay by surprise when he high fives him.

He does it a few times and then Jay’s voice carries telling him that’s enough for tonight since they’ll both end up throwing up their dinners only for Luke to seemingly persuade Jay to start kicking a soccer ball between them instead.

As the air starts to get a little cooler, Owen curls up in his mom’s lap and Hailey helps Caroline start to carry the plates inside as Will is instructed to clean up the grill. ‘This is what I get for not being gone for nine months,’ he huffs good-naturedly. ‘One of us gets given jobs and one of us gets to play.’

‘You must be so thrilled to have him home,’ Hailey says to Caroline as they put covers on the remaining food.

Caroline clasps a hand over her heart. Eyes falling on her youngest son outside the window. It’s a feeling Hailey understands. No matter how old Luke gets, he’ll always be her boy. She’ll never not worry or be endlessly proud.

‘Maybe I’m bias but he is just the best. I’m so proud of him and everything he does and how hard he works to stay connected with us all whilst he’s gone. It would be so easy to lose himself in it all.’

‘I’ll go get Luke in a minute. Give him a break.’

‘Nonsense, sweetheart. Look at their faces. It’s doing them good.’

And when Hailey looks, she sees it. The joy on both their faces as Luke gets the hang of some soccer trick Jay’s been teaching him.

Five more minutes she thinks.

She pads across the lawn in her sandals to where Luke and Jay now sit. Luke perched on the ball and Jay sat on the grass.

‘Are you married?’ she hears Luke ask him.

‘No. Are you?’

‘I’m five.’ Luke laughs. ‘And girls are no fun.’

Jay’s eyes rise to meet hers and she sees the laughter in them.

‘Maybe say that a little quieter around your mom, huh?’

Luke throws his head back to grin at her. ‘She’s fun. She doesn’t count.’

‘Good to know,’ Jay hums and she ignores the way it makes her stomach flip-flop.

‘Hey, bud. Time to go.’

‘Okay, Mom. Can I show you what Jay’s taught me?’

‘Really quickly.’

She watches him do some sort of move where he seems to cross his legs over the ball each way before he starts to dribble it. It’s definitely not something she’s seen him do before.

‘I’m impressed, kiddo.’ She leans down to press a kiss to the crown of his head. ‘Go say goodbye to everyone please and thank Mr and Mrs Halstead for having us.’

Jay pushes himself to stand brushing the grass from his jeans.

‘Thank you for spending time with him. He’s loved it. He’s soccer mad.’

‘So was I growing up. I get it. You just need a ball and a bit of space and you’re away. He’s really pretty good you know. Does he play?’

She wraps her arms around herself. ‘Yeah, he does. There’s an under 6s team based over at the park a few blocks over. The coach wants him to play for the older team, but I don’t want him to get knocked around too much.’

‘I get that. He really is good though. I think he’d hold his own if you do go down that route.’

‘Thank you.’

‘It was nice to meet you both,’ Jay says and if she doesn’t imagine it, his eyes drift to her lips before he straightens up. Pushes his shoulders back and his expression is masked once more.

‘You too, Jay. You’ve made a lot of people really happy tonight.’

Luke appears once more by her side tucking himself into her legs.

‘Say goodnight to Jay.’

Jay holds up a hand to high five him and thanks Luke for playing with him and her boy beams. Doesn’t shut up about Jay whilst he gets ready for bed that night or how ‘cool’ he is.

She was definitely right. Jay Halstead has made a lot of people happy tonight.

--------

It’s the following night when she sees him again. She and sleep have a complicated relationship and she wakes a little before two feeling restless.

Decides to pad downstairs after checking that Luke is sound asleep and makes herself a tea. She leaves the bag in and opens the screen door as quietly as she can though the damn thing is half off its hinges.

She settles into one of the chairs when she notices the garage door open next door and the light is on. She can hear the occasional clink of tools and wonders if Pat is getting an incredibly early start on a job.

Only it’s not Pat. She sees Jay appear a moment later with some kind of tool in his hand and when she shifts in her seat, she can see he’s working on the motorcycle that’s in there.

He must sense her despite her being sat in the dark as suddenly his head turns and his gaze lands on hers. He steps out from under the garage and takes a few steps towards her.

‘Sorry, did I wake you out here?’ He asks gesturing towards the open windows on the back of her house.

‘No, it’s okay. I don’t always sleep well.’

‘I get that,’ he answers simply and she imagines he does. He’s out here doing maintenance on a bike in the middle of the night after all.

‘So you ride the bike? I couldn’t see your dad on it somehow.’

He laughs and throws the rag he was using the wipe his hands back into the garage.

‘He takes good care of it whilst I’m gone.’

‘He does. I see him polishing that thing up all the time.’

She watches him reach up to rub the back of his neck and she wonders if it’s embarrassment that his dad cares so much or that he cares so much about the motorcycle. She’s not sure.

‘Does it help?’ She asks gesturing to the wrench in his hands.

‘Clears my head. Does the tea?’

‘A little. Think it’s more the stars if I’m honest.’

‘And then I ruined it by having the garage light on.’

‘I can still see ‘em.’

Regardless off her response, he steps back into the garage and turns the light off.

‘Thank you.’

‘I’m gonna turn in for the night anyway,’ he says. ‘You’re staying on your porch, right?’

She pulls the cardigan she’s wearing a little tighter around her at his question. ‘Of course. My son is inside.’

She regrets her words immediately from the way in which his face falls.

‘No, of course,’ he says awkwardly. ‘I didn’t mean…’

‘I know,’ she says dragging a hand through her hair. ‘I’m just tired and grouchy. Ignore me.’

He looks at her quietly for a few moments and even in the dark he seems to read her too well but then he nods his head at her. Takes her at her word.

‘Night, Hailey.’

‘Night, Jay.’

————

‘What flavour is it?’ he asks her three nights later when he finds her once again sat out on the porch and promptly turns the garage light off for her.

She’s worked out that he seems to stay above the double garage when he’s home. Wonders what it’s like up there. Whether it shows Caroline’s hand and is light and airy like the rest of the house or whether it’s more Jay. She imagines blues and dark woods, a leather couch and then shakes the thoughts from her head. What’s it to her?

‘Chamomile.’

She holds her cup out towards him and he hesitates like she’s offering him something far more intimidating than a cup of tea.

He steps up onto the little porch and takes it from her taking a slow sip out the opposite side of her cup. Pulls a face that is frankly adorable. Particularly so coming from someone who is all muscle.

‘It grows on you,’ she grins in response.

‘You sure about that? Tastes like sweet flowers.’

‘Because you eat those on the regular?’

He tilts a smile her way. ‘MREs aren’t exactly the greatest.’

‘Thanks again for spending some time with Luke again earlier. You didn’t need to do that.’

Luke had been in the back yard when he’d clocked Jay and Pat sanding down Pat’s shed when he’d ‘pulled a Luke’ as Hailey likes to think of it and wandered over with a curious smile only to love helping the two men for the next hour or so. Or pretending to help. She’s not sure how much use he actually was but he came back with a smile and a glow to his cheeks. Happy.

‘He’s a good kid.’

She doesn’t think there will ever be a time where she doesn’t smile when someone compliments her son. ‘Yeah, he is.’

Jay leans back against the railing opposite her. ‘My parents are so smitten with him. They’d literally have him over there every day.

‘He has that effect.’

‘Wonder where he gets that from.’

And she’s grateful for the dark at Jay’s quietly spoken words. Hides as much of her face as possible behind her mug.

Jay too seems to realise what he’s said and clears his throat.

Bids her goodnight and slips away into the dark.

———-

‘So Luke seems to like your new neighbour,’ Vanessa says when the two of them are unloading the latest delivery later in the week. ‘He was very chatty about the mysterious Jay when I picked him up from school yesterday.’

‘He’s not mysterious,’ Hailey says rolling her eyes. ‘He’s just home from deployment.’

‘Luke likes him though?’

‘Yeah, he’s a Halstead. You’ve met them. They’re kind of hard not to like.’

‘True,’ Vanessa says opening one of the boxes with more vigour than was probably necessary but she’s definitely more of an act first and think later kind of person.

Quiet settles over them as they work until they both take a break to grab a glass of water.

‘Do you like him?’

‘Excuse me?’ Hailey asks not quite following.

‘The new Halstead. Jay.’

‘He seems like a nice guy, yeah,’ she says simply. It’s not a lie but she definitely wishes she were wearing her hair down right now to hide her face a little because she knows Vanessa. Knows this isn’t the end of it.

‘Is he hot?’

‘Vanessa!’

‘What?’ she shrugs. ‘It’s just a question.’

‘Yeah, and we’re not sixteen.’

‘And I’m still waiting on an answer.’

She clears her throat and then inexplicably a nervous sound, something akin to a strangled chuckle, escapes her.

‘Oh god, is he injured or something from his job? Is that why he’s home? I didn’t mean to be rude,’ Vanessa says hand flying over her mouth as if she could somehow take the question back.

‘No, he’s good,’ Hailey admits biting her lip. ‘He’s kind of insanely attractive. Like a proper action man. It’s a little ridiculous actually.’

‘Hmm,’ Vanessa grins.

‘No, not hmmm. He’s my neighbour’s son,’ she tells her as the two of them make their way out to the front of the shop. ‘It’s not happening and he’s leaving again. He leaves. I’m not having a fling.’

It’s hitting the lunch rush and the rest of the inventory can wait. They’ll help Lexi out for a while as needed.

‘Why not?’

‘Because I have a son,’ she says distractedly and then blind panic sets in when she sees who’s approaching the front doors.

Vanessa, of course, is oblivious.

‘Definitely doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a good f-‘

‘Stop talking!’ she hisses. ‘Just shut up.’

Vanessa looks a little taken aback by the wild look in her eyes and then turns to follow her gaze grinning wolfishly at the sight of the two men coming through the door wearing Halstead construction polos.

‘Ladies, good to see you both,’ Kevin grins as they make their way over to the counter.

‘Hi Kevin,’ Vanessa beams looking like Christmas came early. ‘And you must be Jay.’

Jay’s eyes skitter to Hailey at the slightly manic look in Vanessa’s eyes before introducing himself to her friend who may be losing that title if she carries on embarrassing her right now.

‘Luke didn’t shut up about you when he was in here yesterday,’ Vanessa says and Hailey wishes the ground would swallow her up.

‘He’s a great kid,’ Jay says easily and she feels him glance her way once more but pretends to busy herself rearranging some of the sandwiches.

‘What brings you down here?’ Vanessa asks. ‘You come to see Hailey?’

If she’s not mistaken, she can hear the smile in Jay’s voice when he responds. ‘Just here to grab some lunch actually. You know since you’re a sandwich shop and all. We’re working a few blocks down and Kev said your coffee is pretty great.’

‘Kev is a smart guy.’

‘I couldn’t agree more,’ Kevin jokes and Hailey steps aside to serve another customer whilst Vanessa chats to them and takes their orders.

She feels Jay move down the counter towards her. ‘So my dad said to get his usual order from here like I have any idea what that is.’

She lets out a breath and tells herself to stop being ridiculous. Vanessa might be being an ass, but Jay isn’t. He’s handled Vanessa just fine. She looks up and sees the understanding smile on his face.

Hailey reaches for Pat’s usual and passes it over to him to add to their order.

‘Thanks,’ Jay says quietly. ‘You good?’

She nods. ‘Yeah, I’m good. Vanessa is just…’

‘Oh, she seems like a riot,’ Jay grins. ‘I get it.’

The nerve-wracking thing is, she thinks he probably does. He’s decent and smart and kind of quietly takes everything in. Susses people out. He leaves her be as a few more customers come in and he and Kev both call out their goodbyes as they head out.

Vanessa joins her at the coffee machine. ‘Okay, your man is hot. I will literally watch Luke for you anytime you ask.’

‘That’s the last comment you get to make,’ Hailey says wielding a carton of milk at her. ‘He’s not ‘my man’ and you just embarrassed the crap out of me.’

‘Okay, okay. I hear you,’ Vanessa says holding up her hands. ‘But he blushes pretty easily too. It’s kind of cute.’

Lexi sidles up beside her and whispers quietly enough for Vanessa not to hear. ‘She’s not wrong, Hailey. How he looks at you when you’re not looking…well, I wish someone looked at me like that.’

She offers a hesitant smile to Lexi who lets it be and fires up the coffee machine.

--------

There’s a knock on her door on Sunday afternoon. When she pulls open the door, she finds Jay on the porch. Toolbox in hand.

‘My dad said he’d promised to fix your screen door. Said he might as well put me to use,’ he says by way of explanation.

‘Oh. Thank you. Yeah, that’d be great if you don’t mind.’

He makes his ways inside scraping his boots off on the mat by the door and heads on through to the kitchen.

‘Thank you,’ she says leaning against the kitchen counter as he crouches down to inspect the lower hinges. She hasn’t seen him since he and Kevin came into the coffee shop the other day but he doesn’t seem phased by Vanessa’s lack of subtlety. ‘You want a drink?’

‘Yeah, just a water please.’

‘Hey, Jay!’ Luke says coming round the corner. A stuffed dinosaur under his arm.

‘Hey, Luke. You okay?’

‘Whatcha doin?’ he asks coming over to look as Jay sets some tools down on a mat.

‘Fixing the screen door for you and your mom.’

‘Mom said it’s a piece of crap.’

‘Luke!’ she cries.

Her son fixes her with a stubborn look that is all her and she only has herself to blame for that. ‘You did. I heard you say it on the phone to Auntie Vanessa.’

She buries her face in her hands. ‘Oh, god.’

Jay clears his throat and changes the subject but he doesn’t manage to keep his amusement out of his voice. ‘You wanna help me fix it?’

‘Can I?’

‘Yeah, come here.’

She tops up a couple of glasses with ice and water and sets them down beside them both on the counter.

Watches as her son mirrors Jay’s crouched position on the floor and listens as he explains what they need to do.

Luke hangs on his every word and is completely focussed. She settles down with her own drink at the table with her laptop and looks through a few things for work but she can’t help but keep glancing at the two of them and the sight they make.

Jay takes the door off its hinges and the two of them head out onto their little back porch to set the door down. They talk quietly so she can’t quite make out what they’re saying but Luke says something that makes Jay laugh and he looks up through the open door. Smile on his face as his eyes meet hers.

And yeah, she has no idea what to do about the man next door who makes her stomach somersault.

--------

He leaves and she kind of misses him being around but it’s also a relief. She’s not sure what to call it when you’re twenty-eight and you get distracted by your very handsome neighbour. Crush kind of seems ridiculous but she thinks it might fit. She enjoys his company and his face and he makes her nervous and relaxed at the same time.

Maybe Vanessa’s right. Maybe she just needs to get some.

Only it can’t be with Jay.

She won’t sully those waters. Not when she thinks too highly of her neighbours. When she appreciates their support and their care so much. They’ve been nothing but welcoming to her and Luke since they moved in.

Caroline and Pat were kind enough to embrace them both with open arms. Kind enough to watch Luke from time to time. Kind enough to answer his endless stream of questions and to include him when they take Owen on days out.

She won’t mess with that.

And he’s not gone, gone. Six weeks’ worth of training down in Georgia so Caroline explained. She doesn’t know training for what but apparently her boy does.

She shouldn’t be surprised. Inquisitions are his speciality, and she thinks it possibly comes as a result of spending so much time around Vanessa.

‘It’s cool, isn’t it?’ he says to her one night when they’re curled up together on the couch.

‘What’s that?’

‘That Jay trains people to be a sniper. Do you know he’s a sergeant first class? I don’t really know what that means but I think he’s like an avenger.’

She’s not sure how she feels about her boy knowing the term ‘sniper’ but he does know it. It’s so damn hard to shield kids from things these days and she knows he’s picked it up from the comic book cartoons he likes so much.

She had no idea that’s what Jay does. No idea he held a rank that sounds so important. A sniper. The thought of it is kind of terrifying and she finds it hard to reconcile with the man he is. Warm, solid, endlessly good to her boy.

Then he goes to war and kills people with precision.

It unsettles her a little but she has endless respect for him too. For what he does.

‘I asked him ‘cause Owen told me that’s what he does and Jay said it’s an important job that people have to do and his job is to train people to do the job right ‘cause otherwise the wrong people get hurt and that’s not okay.’

Luke shifts in her arms and looks up at her and she nods at him. Swallows hard. She’s not sure she could have given her son a better answer to his questions herself.

‘I think Jay’s right, sweetheart. He does an important grown-up job.’

‘I’m looking forward to when he comes back,’ Luke says and then turns back to the TV. ‘I miss him.’

She thinks she might be too.

--------

Luke’s sixth birthday rolls around on a beautiful summer’s day. He’s been at a local sports summer camp most of the week but she keeps him off from it for the day and takes off work herself and the two of them go to Navy Pier together and battling the crowds is so worth it for the smile on his face.

They go for lunch together at a local burger joint and his giggles fill the diner when she manages to get sauce down her top.

When they get home, he checks the mailbox – a job that he loves - as they climb out the car and grins when he says there’s something for him.

When he rips open the envelope as they get through the door, he holds a folded note out to her.

‘This is for you, Mom.’

She frowns as the piece of paper with her name on the front in writing she doesn’t recognise. She’d assumed, hoped for her boy’s sake, that the card might be from his dad, but she’d recognise his handwriting and it’s not from him.

‘It’s from Jay, Mom!’ Luke says holding the card up to show her and practically bouncing up and down on his feet. ‘He remembered. That’s so cool.’

She watches as he goes to set it down with his other cards on the windowsill. Takes note of the way he moves another card towards the back and replaces it with Jay’s so it stands at the front alongside hers and Vanessa’s and the one Owen made for him.

She opens the note and looks down. His handwriting is some sort of bizarre mishmash of upper and lowercase letters but somehow it’s still neat.

Hi Hailey,

I hope it’s okay I sent Luke a card for his birthday. He kept telling me how excited he was when I was back home.

If you send him over to my parents’ place, there’s something for him there. Don’t freak out. It cost like $15 and I got it before I left to come down here.

Hope you’re alright,

Jay

God, he remembered. He remembered her son’s birthday and planned ahead to get him something. She’s touched by his care and she knows it’s a Halstead thing, they’re good people, but he didn’t have to do this and he has.

‘Hey Luke, if you go and use your manners I think there might be something for you next door from Jay.’

‘Really?’ he beams.

It’s a soccer ball. She should have guessed. It’s simple and thoughtful and it has him occupied for the rest of the afternoon until the Halstead clan and Vanessa and Kevin come over to sing him a happy birthday and have some cake.

She looks around at their full home and smiles to herself. Moving here might just be one of the best decisions she ever made.

Vanessa gets everyone crowded round and snaps a few group selfies on Hailey’s phone for her. Luke front and centre with a party hat on his head and his toothy smile shining through.

She looks through the photos as people dig into their cake and Caroline comes to have a look at them too gushing over them and asking her to send them over to her but when the elder woman’s eyes settle on hers and there’s a knowing smile on her face, Hailey thinks she knows the thought that’s just run through Hailey’s head.

There’s someone missing.

———-

It ends up being eight weeks rather than six and he comes home as summer fades into fall. It’s nice having him back around the place again.

She likes his company and it’s not that his looks get less appealing, but she gets more attuned to being around him. He puts her at ease.

He starts up helping out his father and Kevin once more with the business and she’s busy with Crumbs but he’s only a stone’s throw away and though it might sound daft, she can feel that he’s there.

That he’s in her corner.

--------

He’d caved. Caved and asked his dad a while back about Luke’s dad.

It was just the two of them in the truck driving home one night and his dad had brought up Hailey and Luke in the conversation and it had given him the in he’d been looking for.

‘What’s the deal with his dad?’ he’d asked readjusting the cap on his head.

His dad had barked out a laugh and Jay had shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

‘Asking for any particular reason, son?’

‘Just asking. They deserve good things.’

His words had softened his dad’s teasing. ‘They do. Look, the snooping is more your mother’s department but I get why you haven’t asked her and I’m glad you didn’t because I’m the one who’d hear about it twenty-four seven when she gets her hopes up.’

His father had been quiet for another minute or so.

‘All I really know is he’s not around. Luke never seems to go spend any time with him or anything like that, but he exists. Guy phoned when we were all round there on his birthday but Luke spent about thirty seconds on the phone to him and Hailey looked less than impressed.’

‘Right,’ he’d said feeling his jaw clench as he looked down at his hands in his lap.

They deserve so much better.

‘Son, you’re a good man.’

He’d whipped his head back up as his father had pulled the truck up in the driveway but made no move to get out.

‘You are but you sometimes get in your own head. I know you carry things from your deployments. I know you’ve been to hell and back but you’re a good man and Hailey and Luke deserve good things. Some things really are that simple.’

And with that his father had clapped him on the back and disappeared inside leaving him sat in the truck with his heart pounding in his chest.

He’s been enamoured by Hailey since the start. From that very first night when those blue eyes of hers had landed on his. She’s beautiful and kind and the best mom. She has no idea how much simply being around her and Luke makes him feel better. Lighter.

The load which he carries - what he’s seen and what he’s done - feels easier to shoulder in their company. Has from the start but he hadn’t quite let himself quite contemplate what that meant until that moment.

He likes her. He likes her in a way that feels real and when there’s a little tap on the window to the truck a few minutes later and he opens the door to see Luke smiling up at him with ice cream around his mouth, he also knows it feels right.

Vanessa seems to have read his realisation on his face when he sees her. She’s always teased them both something rotten the handful of times he’s seen her but the next couple of times he pulls into Crumbs, she’s practically giddy when she looks at his face and suspiciously quiet.

Almost as if she’s waiting for him to say something but he wouldn’t know what to say. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything he can say. He heard his father’s words about him being a good man and he thinks most of the time that might be true but he’s not a man who’s here.

He leaves.

He leaves and there’s always a chance he might not return, and he can’t ask that of anyone.

To wait.

Let alone when there’s a child involved.

A child he loves. There’s no sense denying it. That kid has had him by the jugular from the first night when he gambolled across the lawn. He’d do anything for Luke.

(Hailey too.)

He’d worried about them both when he was down in Georgia. Not because Hailey isn’t more than capable but because he cares. So much.

Because despite the joy they both bring to everyone around them, he can see the pain Hailey carries and he’ll help her carry it if she lets him.

He wants to take care of them both.

He’s been back a few weeks but they have a few days break in between jobs and he’s not long got back from being out for a ride on his motorcycle when his mom calls out to him from the front door.

‘Jay, you got a friend at the door.’

He frowns. He’s not all that sure who’d be knocking on his parents’ front door for him and he slides off his stool with a frown on his face but when he steps into the hallway his mom is grinning from ear to ear before she widens the door open further.

He’s not sure who he was expecting but a six-year-old calling for him wasn’t really it.

‘Luke? You okay?’

The boy is smiling too so he assumes there’s nothing wrong, but he still wonders where Hailey is right now. If she’s okay.

‘Hi, Jay. You wanna come to the park with me? I’m gonna take my soccer ball.’

‘Your mom know you’re over here?’

He flashes Jay that damn dimpled smile of Hailey’s that makes his heart clench in his chest. ‘She said I could ask a friend.’

His mom barely contains her laughter behind him as he crouches down to be closer to Luke’s height.

‘I think she probably meant someone your age.’

‘But they’re no good,’ he sighs.

Now it’s Jay’s turn to bite back a laugh. The boy takes his soccer seriously.

‘Where is your mom?’

‘In the yard on the phone.’

‘So she doesn’t know you left the house?’

‘I walked over the lawn. I didn’t even go on the sidewalk.’

‘Still. You gotta stay at home if that’s where your mom is expecting you to be. Imagine how worried she’d be if she realises you weren’t there.’

Luke’s shoulders slump. ‘Are you gonna tell her? ‘Cause I already think she’s sad.’

That gives him pause but he can’t ask her kid why she’s sad.

‘Promise me not to walk off from your mom again?’

‘Promise.’

And he looks so solemn that Jay, rightly or wrongly, takes him at his word.

‘Okay then. Come on.’

He pulls the door closed behind him on his mom’s gleeful face then reaches out a hand to grab Luke’s shoulder as he goes to take a shortcut through the roses. ‘Kid, my mom adores you, but you don’t wanna trample her flower bed. Been there and done that.’

He pulls a face at the memory that makes Luke laugh.

Luke let’s himself through the side gate into his own yard and Jay hesitates before he follows.

Hailey is pacing from side to side down the far end of the yard like she’s trying to be sure Luke wouldn’t hear her phone conversation from in the house but her voice carries.

‘I just, this can’t be happening.’

Jay ruffles Luke’s hair. ‘Hey, why don’t you go put some sneakers on rather than your crocs, okay?’

Luke nods and scampers off into the house.

‘Why is he doing this?’ Hailey says into her phone. She listens to whoever is on the other end of the line and then drags a hand through her hair before she speaks again.

‘No, I know. I don’t need this. Luke doesn’t need this.’

He assumes the ‘he’ in question must be Luke’s father. Feels himself straighten up. Whatever is going on has Hailey rattled.

The screen door slams shut once more as Luke comes back outside and Hailey turns to spot the two of them in the yard. Paints a smile on her face.

‘Okay. Yeah, talk to you tomorrow. Thank you.’

‘Hey, Mom,’ Luke says when she shoves her phone back in the pocket of her jacket. ‘Jay said he can come to the park with us.’

‘I, what? I thought you wanted to bring a –,’ she tails off as realisation hits and folds her arms over her chest. ‘You totally conned Jay into coming to play soccer with you, didn’t you?’

‘No, I asked him.’

‘Luke, sweetheart.’

‘Mom, he said yes and he’s so much better than the other kids in my class. And you.’

‘Charming,’ she huffs but her own dimple shows giving her away.

‘Go get your jacket then,’ she says to Luke before turning to address Jay. ‘You really don’t need to come.’

He frowns at her words. At the anxiety creasing her brow. ‘I won’t if it makes you uncomfortable.’

‘No, it’s not you. Just, not the greatest news.’

He finds himself stepping closer. Reaching out to place a hand on her forearm. They never touch and she looks down at where his hand rests on her arm before looking up into his face.

‘I’m ready!’

Luke’s excited voice has them both stepping back. The moment broken.

But he keeps an eye on her the whole walk to the park. She glances across at him a couple of times and offers him a smile, but it doesn’t quite meet her eyes and he knows something is wrong.

---------

God, he just worships Jay and she doesn’t know what to do about it.

Jay had turned his cap backwards so Luke had. Jay had moved out the way on the path to give a woman with a stroller more room, so Luke had the next time one came by.

It makes her stomach do somersaults because she doesn’t know what to do. She told herself she doesn’t want her boy getting too attached but he already is. He was after a half hour in Jay’s company.

And it pains her, angers her somewhat too, because she knows she’s a good mom, or the best she can be at the very least, but she’s not been able to give him this. Something he’s so clearly been craving: a man to look up to.

And Jay is decent and kind. He’s a little haunted too. She sees it in his gaze at times. Sees it in the way his shoulders tense when someone thanks him for his service.

She can’t imagine what he’s seen. Done.

But he’s a good guy. A good man raised by good parents and she swears moving in next door to the Halsteads was the best stroke of luck she’s had in a long time.

But she knows her boy and she knows his heart. Knows it’s attached to the man currently walking towards her with her kid’s soccer ball tucked under his arm. The one, funnily enough, that Jay bought him for his birthday.

‘He okay to go on the playground for a bit?’

‘Yeah, of course,’ she answers. She’s got a good view of him from here.

‘He’s getting good.’

‘He is. Thank you for coming. I know he’s hard to say no to, but I do appreciate it.’

‘No worries,’ he says lifting his cap off to run a hand through his hair. He tilts his head to look at her. ‘Are you okay?’

‘You heard that before then, huh?’

He shoots her an apologetic smile and she pulls the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands.

She’s never really had to explain this to anyone. Vanessa knows because she was there and there’s never been anyone else she’s wanted to share it with but she feels she can with Jay. Feels he won’t look at her differently afterwards.

‘His dad isn’t really on the scene. I’m sure you’ve worked that out. We were young and finding out I was pregnant was a total shock. We’d been together a few months and he didn’t handle it well. Told me he thought we should…you know, look at options.’

She sees Jay’s jaw clench beside her, but he says nothing. Just sits in quiet support and lets her get it out.

‘But I just couldn’t. It was a few months before my twenty-third birthday and I was scared out of my damn mind but I knew. I knew for me that there was only one choice and anyway, he freaked out. Left.’

‘And it’s been you and Luke since?’ he asks quietly.

‘Nope.’ Can’t help the slightly bitter edge to her voice. ‘His dad reappeared when Luke was about fifteen months old, and I was stupid enough to think his words about making a mistake were genuine so we gave it a shot.’

She looks down at her hands. Wrings them together in her lap until Jay reaches across and takes one in his. His hand dwarves hers but the comfort it brings is undeniable.

He only keeps it there for a moment or two but it’s enough. It steadies her.

‘That doesn’t make you stupid. Just means you wanted the best for Luke.’

‘Well, it wasn’t the best.’ She leans back against the bench. Pulls one leg up beneath her. ‘It’s ironic really. His dad has money - plenty of money - but I was the one who took care of everything. The bills, the cooking, Luke for the most part. We argued. He would stay out later and later. When he came home he was cross and then I was cross with him. I don’t know why we even tried. It’s not the life he wanted – being a parent. Never has been.’

And god, that makes her think of the letter she’d gotten in the mail today. It’s clearly the life he never wants to have. She got that message loud and clear. Angry tears spring to her eyes.

‘God, I’m sorry. Today, this morning, I got a letter in the mail from his lawyers.’

She sees Jay’s face pale and she knows he thinks it’s about custody or something but it’s not. That would involve him wanting to spend time with his son.

‘It’s not that,’ she explains. ‘The letter is contesting paternity. He’s trying to claim he’s not his father and I just – how could he do that? How could he not want him?’

She sees Jay glance over to the playground to check on Luke and then he shifts to fully face her on the bench covering her hands in his once more. ‘I have no idea,’ he says. ‘You have a brilliant boy. A boy you raised to be good and kind and so damn smart. Funny too.’

‘Eugh,’ she says swiping at a tear.

‘And that’s all you, Hailey. I’m sorry his dad doesn’t see what everyone else can see but Luke is lucky. He wants for nothing.’

She nods at his words. They’re everything she thinks she probably needs to hear but she wants the world for Luke and that included a father who wasn’t trying to deny his existence.

‘Was it your lawyer on the phone then earlier?’

‘Erm, no,’ she says letting out a breath that he thinks she might have a lawyer at her disposal. ‘An old friend of Vanessa’s is doing pre-law. She was just giving me some advice.’

Jay clears his throat and nods. ‘Right, okay.’

She dries her tears as Luke calls out to them both to show them how quickly he can get across the little traverse wall.

And Jay spends the rest of the afternoon with them. Takes them both for lunch at a local diner and then they walk around the neighbourhood. She knows what he’s doing. Keeping an eye on her. He offers to watch Luke for a while if she wants to go and see Vanessa and her heart lurches in her chest at his kindness.

‘It’s okay. Thank you. She’s coming over later with food but thank you.’

And when Luke hugs Jay goodbye and thanks him for playing soccer with him, she digs her nails into the palm of her hand to stop herself from getting emotional.

How could someone not want him?

Chapter Text

‘You should buy it.’

A laugh escapes her. Natalie is definitely an enabler and has basically told her to buy everything she’s tried on today, but she does need a new coat and she likes this one.

‘You’re relentless.’

‘What?’ Natalie laughs. ‘Sometimes I just need some girl time. I love my boys but every now and then I just need a little less testosterone in my life.’

Hailey laughs and flips the price tag over once more on the coat. She so rarely treats herself and she’s tempted. Things are going well at Crumbs.

‘Speaking of the boys, Will just sent through some photos. Looks like they’re having a great time.’

‘I’m sure the three of them are having a great day. Luke was so excited this morning.’

Natalie had phoned her in the week saying she was in need of a shopping trip this weekend and that Will had offered to take Luke out for the day with he and Owen.

‘Four of them,’ Natalie corrects.

‘Four?’

‘Jay’s with them too.’

She nods. She shouldn’t be that surprised. She’s avoided him a little since the other day which she knows is daft on her behalf but she’s trying to stay strong about the whole paternity thing and she’s not sure she’ll manage it around him.

Luke will come home full of it after getting to spend a day with him though.

‘Hey,’ Natalie says as they make their way out the store. Hailey with her new coat swinging in a bag on her hand. ‘Look, Jay mentioned the phone call you had.’

She stops in her tracks. Feels herself bristle.

‘Only to me,’ Nat says quickly holding her hands up to assuage her worry. ‘I promise. I haven’t even told Will. It’s your business and Jay knows that. He only told me because he cares and because I happen to be friends with one of the richest men in Chicago.’

‘You are?’

Natalie’s little admission takes her by surprise and momentarily dulls the frustration she feels with Jay.

‘It’s a long story but here.’

Hailey looks down at the business card Nat puts in the palm of her hand. ‘This is the name of one of his family’s lawyers. A great lawyer. If you need it. That’s all.’

‘This, I don’t need a lawyer right now. He just wants out but he’s his dad. That’s all a paternity test will say.’

Natalie’s eyes widen a little before she regroups.

‘Then maybe you don’t need it, but it’s there if you do.’

‘Thanks.’

Natalie announces that she’s starving and moves the subject on, but Hailey feels the weight of the card burning a hole in her pocket all day.

———-

She’s not shocked when she can’t sleep that night. She’s annoyed with Jay. Annoyed that he did this. Annoyed by the whole situation.

When she steps out onto her back porch, she’s not all that surprised he’s in the garage. The light is on, but he doesn’t seem to be working on anything tonight. Just waiting for her. She contemplates going back inside but she knows she needs to talk to him.

He comes over and takes a seat on the top step beside her. Concern on his face as he rests his forearms on his knees and turns to face her. Clears his throat before he speaks.

‘Natalie said she spoke to you today. I’m sorry, Hailey if I overstepped. I just wanted to do something.’

‘It’s not your problem to solve, Jay,’ she bites out. ‘That’s not why I told you. I told you because I trusted you.’

‘You can trust me. I promise you can. I didn’t tell her what was going on, only that you might need some advice regarding Luke’s dad. Really.’

And the surprise on Natalie’s face this morning when she’d mentioned paternity now makes a little more sense.

He hadn’t broken her trust and that helps, helps a lot, but she still feels hurt. A little blindsided even if it was well-intentioned.

‘I know it’s your life Hailey,’ he says quietly when she doesn’t respond. Voice full of conviction. ‘I just wanted you to have options.’

She sits with his words. They’re genuine and she doesn’t want to push him away. He might have misjudged today but that doesn’t change the fact that she wants him in her life. Luke’s too.

‘It’s not like I can use it anyway.’

‘Why?’ he asks, and she can see the hope flicker in his eyes that she’s keeping the conversation going. That she’s not shutting him out.

‘Jay, come on,’ she scoffs. ‘Natalie said her friend was one of the richest men in Chicago. I cannot afford legal advice from one of his family’s lawyers.’

‘It’s free,’ he says quickly.

‘Excuse me?’

‘The advice - if you need it. Connor has been friends with Natalie for a long time so just call if you need to’

He changes the subject then. Tells her some story about Luke and Owen from today that has her smiling despite everything else going on and she feels herself finally relax sat outside on her porch steps beneath the stars. Beside him.

--------

‘Hey, Jay?’ Luke asks from where he’s stood icing cupcakes with his mom at her kitchen counter.

His mom had mentioned that she’d invited Hailey over for coffee since she had the day off and he might have found himself wandering over from the garage to see them both.

And his mom, of course.

‘Yeah, bud.’

‘Can I send you pictures and stuff?’

‘How’d you mean?’

‘When you go again? Like you sent me my birthday card. Can I send you stuff?’

He glances across the table at Hailey whose coffee cup has stilled part way to her mouth as surprised as he seemingly is by Luke’s request, but she nods her head in response to his silent question.

Even so, he finds himself having to clear his throat before he speaks.

‘Course you can if that’s okay with your mom. I’d love getting a picture from you. I can put it up by my bunk.’

‘Where all the soldiers can see?’ Luke gasps like it might be the coolest thing in the world.

‘Well I normally have my own space now but yeah, people will see it.’

‘Awesome.’

His mom catches his eye and he sees the twinkle there. She’s not half as subtle as she thinks she is.

And honestly, he’s not looking forward to deployment and a lot of the reasons are in this very room. Six months.

And he knows his mom will worry less this time around. It’s a posting in Germany at one of the garrisons. Predominantly running training or participating in it himself. Knows they’ve given him the posting with a view to him developing in other areas. They’ve made it clear he’ll be in line for another promotion soon enough. And it’s not direct danger and he’s grateful for that but it will also afford him more time to miss people back home.

To miss Hailey.

Luke.

And he hates that he’s leaving too when things lie unresolved with Luke’s dad. He feels he made the wrong move getting in touch with Connor’s lawyers, but he did it for the right reasons. He’s a man of action. He just wanted to do something to help her and he couldn’t track the asshole down himself because Hailey, he notes, is always careful enough to not say his name.

He hated seeing her cry that day at the park. Knows she’s cried since too from the way her eyes are sometimes red-rimmed when he finds her awake at night.

He’d not been able to settle at all that day after Nat had told him that Hailey had seemed hurt when she’d handed the card over to her. And they’re good, they talked, but he doesn’t want her to go at this alone. He knows Vanessa is fiercely protective over the Uptons and Natalie is exactly the kind of intuitive person who will read between the lines and offer support, but that support won’t be from him.

He'll be an ocean away. From both of them. It’s not a thought he relishes.

‘You don’t need to do that,’ she says quietly to him when Luke and Caroline turn their focus back to their baking.

She does it a lot. Offers him an out from any kind of commitment he might make to either of them. Understands it a little better now he knows about the background with Luke’s dad, but he wishes she’d see that he’ll never see them being in his life or spending time with them as a hardship.

‘I know I don’t, but it’d be nice to hear from him. Kid makes me smile.’

She turns and glances in Luke’s direction at where he stands covered in icing with a wide smile on his face as he tells Caroline that her icing looks way better than his but they’ll both taste good.

‘Yeah, he’s pretty good at that.’

He wants to say he’d love to hear from her too, but he can’t ask that. Not when she already has so much going on.

Not when she deserves the world and he’ll be half a world away.

--------

The damn tap won’t stop leaking. She’s googled, she has. Watched a YouTube video too but they lost her at washers and valve taps.

It’s not bad. It’s not like it’s causing a flood, but it won’t stop dripping and there’s a small amount of water running from the back of it that she damn well can’t afford to turn into a large amount.

Pat and Caroline are out of town visiting friends for the weekend, but she figures she can ask Jay if he doesn’t mind taking a look when he gets home from work today.

She’s worked from home this afternoon catching up on some admin for Crumbs and she has another hour until she needs to pick Luke up from a friend’s house that he went to after school.

She hears the truck roll up on the drive and moves to stand to ask Jay for his help when she freezes. Through the window she sees a woman get out of the truck alongside Jay. She’s well bundled up against the cold. Beanie hat pulled down over her dark hair but her laughter travels.

She’s beautiful.

She watches as Jay opens the back door of the truck to grab grocery bags and he throws his keys over the top of the truck to her. Hailey watches the easy way in which she unlocks the front door to the Halstead’s house as Jay comes to join her on the steps. They’re both all smiles and there’s an ease between them that’s earned over time.

Her heart sinks. She wishes it didn’t. Wishes she was a better person. Wishes she could just feel happy for him.

She sits back down. Suddenly feeling irrationally annoyed by the spreadsheet in front of her and the dripping tap that she swears has become louder in the last two minutes.

(She decides she can live with the tap until Pat gets back.)

Though when she comes back from having picked Luke up, it seems to be worse and she caves. Picks up her phone and dials.

‘Hailey, what can I do for you?’

Kevin has the kind of voice it’s hard not to smile at the sound of.

She explains about her tap issue and asks if there’s any chance he might be able to help. There’s a pause before he speaks. She knows what the pause means.

Why isn’t she asking Jay?

But then he’s his usual positive self. Tells her he was heading over that way and will be with them in the hour.

Luke is buzzing that Kevin is here and that he gets to help. She says the term loosely. Whilst he focusses when he’s helping Jay with stuff like this, he mainly just seems to talk Kevin’s ear off.

‘There you go,’ Kev says standing back to test out his handiwork. ‘All fixed.’

‘Thank you so much, Kev. I really appreciate it.  Let me know what I owe you.’

‘Hailey, give over,’ he says fixing her with a look as he packs away his tools. ‘You know I’m not taking your money.’

‘I take your money at Crumbs.’

Kev laughs loudly and shakes his head at her before he goes to say bye to Luke.

‘You sure you’re good?’ he asks quietly before he heads out and she knows he’s seen the truck in the driveway next door.

‘Yeah,’ she says forcing her smile a little wider. ‘All good.’

Needless to say, she doesn’t sleep great that night.

--------

He hasn’t really seen them all weekend. Hailey’s car’s been gone most of the time and so he figures they’ve just gone for a couple of days out or she’s working and has taken Luke with her though she tends not to work the whole day at the weekends.

It feels odd not seeing them. Makes him restless and so he finds himself taking his bike out and heading to Will’s place for dinner.

And maybe he could just knock the door and say hi, but something stops him.

He and Kev are working on a pretty easy kitchen refurb in Kevin’s neighbourhood come Monday when Kevin takes him by surprise asking if everything is all good with Hailey.

‘How’d you mean?’

He sets down the hammer in his hand and wipes his brow with his shirt.

‘Dunno,’ Kev says. ‘Just figured it was odd that she asked me to come fix the tap for them.’

He straightens up. ‘When?’

‘Friday after work. All sorted now – easy fix. Just seemed odd that she called me when you were home.’

He doesn’t know what to say and Kevin must see it on his face too. Makes light of it as he’s so good at.

‘I mean, can’t blame a girl for wanting to start her weekend off by seeing my handsome face.’

Jay laughs in response but even to his own ears it doesn’t sound right, and he definitely yanks the next cabinet off the wall with more gusto than was needed.

He grabs dinner with his parents that night as they fill him in on their weekend away and they ask after Hailey and Luke because of course they do. They love them. The Uptons are hard not to love.

‘Haven’t really seen much of them over the weekend. Kev caught up with them though. Said they were good.’

He hopes his tone seems breezy, but his mom isn’t buying it and he’s fairly certain he’s about to be grilled until his dad, thankfully, shifts the conversation on.

It weighs on his mind though and he only lasts another hour until he’s calling it a night. Only he doesn’t head back to the annexe above the garage. Finds himself at Hailey’s front door.

He knocks quietly, imagining Luke is fast asleep in bed by this point.

Hailey seems a little surprised to see him there. It’s rare he knocks. Not because he lets himself in, but they always just seem to find one another.

But this. This feels like she’s been avoiding him.

She opens the door to him in an oversized sweatshirt that’s half falling off her shoulders. Her hair is piled on top of her head in some sort of messy knot. She’s beautiful. Now and always.

And he doesn’t think she has any idea.

‘Jay? Everything okay?’

‘You got a min?’ he says quietly.

‘Sure.’

He follows her inside and he declines when she offers him a drink. She shifts her weight between her feet, and it’s been a long time since she’s felt ill at ease in his company and he hates it.

‘Are you okay?’ he asks.

‘What?’

‘Are you okay? ‘Cause I’ve barely seen you these last few days and Kev said you called him to come and fix your tap on Friday night when I was right next door. Have I done something, Hailey?’

He watches her lower lip fall open a little at him asking her so outright but the last thing he wants is distance between them.

‘I’ve just been busy, Jay. I’m sorry. Don’t worry about it.’

‘You don’t need to apologise for being busy. I get that,’ he says softly. ‘I just don’t get why you didn’t ask for my help when I was right there. I’ll always help you. I thought you knew that.’

She looks down at the floor before looking back up at him. Eyes impossibly blue.

‘I do know that.’

‘Then what is it?’ he urges.

Her voice is quiet when she speaks again. ‘You had company and I didn’t want to intrude.’

He had company? Oh.

He feels his heart lift a little. Thinks he might understand now and he hates the misunderstanding but he’s also glad. Maybe that’s selfish of him but it gives him hope.

(Though he still doesn’t rightly feel he can act on anything.)

He takes a half step closer to her. ‘Hailey, I did have company, but I would have come to help. Anytime. Always. Regardless of who I’m with.’

She nods and looks away.

‘Her name is Kim and she’s our office manager at Halstead Construction though she prefers the title of, ‘Fixer of Everything.’ My mom bought her a mug to that effect which has done absolutely nothing to quell her ego.’

He sees a blush appear on the highpoints of Hailey’s cheeks.

‘She and her fiancée came over for dinner on Friday night. I picked her up from the office and brought her back here with me. Adam came over later to meet us once he’d finished up at work. He’s a police officer across town.’

The silence in the kitchen feels a little heavy and he can tell she’s embarrassed. He doesn’t want to push her but he also needs her to know that there’s no one else. There won’t be anyone else even if he can’t be with her.

‘Mom!’

Luke’s cry from upstairs startles them both and Hailey immediately shoots from the room. He hesitates at the bottom of the stairs and then toes his boots off and heads on up after her. Luke sounded scared and the kid is fearless.

‘Hey, kiddo. Don’t worry, I’m here. I’m here. What’s up?’ he hears Hailey soothe though Jay can hear the panic underneath it.

‘Don’t feel good,’ Luke mumbles.

‘Okay, let’s see. Yeah, your temperature feels a little high.’

He doesn’t know if he’s overstepping but he hates the thought of Luke being in pain. Decides not to intrude and heads downstairs to get Luke some water and opens a couple of cupboards until he finds some kids’ medicine. Reads the back to check it’s suitable for a high temperature.

He hears footsteps on the stairs and sees Hailey appear with Luke clinging to her front.

Jay holds up the medicine box and she nods to him and heads for the couch in the lounge to settle Luke down.

He can hear her speaking quietly to him in the next room and then she reappears in the kitchen.

‘Is he okay?’ he asks feeling a little helpless.

‘Bit of a fever. Says his stomach hurts a bit but I don’t think he’s too bad. Think he must have just picked up a bug from somewhere.’

‘You want me to call Will? Nat?’

She smiles then. Grateful. ‘No, he’s okay. Kids get bugs, Jay. I’ll just keep an eye on his temperature. The medicine should help it come down.’

He holds the box out to her and the glass of water he’d grabbed. ‘Is there anything else I can do to help?’

She hesitates for a second. ‘He has a blanket he likes that’s on the end of his bed if you don’t mind grabbing it.’

He also grabs one of his stuffed dinosaurs for good measure when he’s upstairs and comes back down with them. He’s not sure if Hailey was intending for Luke to know he was here but she already seems settled down on the couch beside him. Luke curled into her side. Some animated film quietly playing in the background.

‘Here you go, bud,’ he says gently, and Luke lifts his head at the sound of his voice as Jay hands the blanket to Hailey and the stuffed dinosaur to Luke.

‘Hi, Jay.’

‘Hey. Hear you’re not feeling too good.’

‘My tummy feels weird.’

‘The medicine will help with that,’ Jay tells him though he’s not rightly sure if that’s true but Luke believes him. Cracks a little half smile at his words.

‘You guys need anything else?’ he asks Hailey who pulls her eyes from Luke.

‘We’re okay. Thanks, Jay.’

‘Can you stay?’

Luke’s question throws him. He doesn’t really want to leave when he’s asking him to stay. He’d do anything for the kid on a good day let alone when he’s sick.

Only Hailey had been avoiding him up until about twenty minutes ago and he doesn’t quite know where they’re at but she nods at him and then towards the empty spot at the other end of the couch and he settles himself down.

‘What are we watching?’ he asks Luke and listens as the boy explains. Half of the words that come out of his mouth, Jay doesn’t understand but it seems to distract Luke from feeling so rubbish for a few minutes at least.

He keeps glancing over at Luke snuggled into Hailey’s side with his blanket draped loosely over his legs. Checking that he’s okay but he knows he is because of Hailey. Hailey who seems far more relaxed than him and he realises that she’s got far more experience at this than he does.

About forty minutes in, Luke seems to drop off. He watches Hailey drop a loving kiss to his hair and rest the back of her hand on his forehead checking his temperature and then she smiles over at Jay.

‘Medicine’s kicking in.’

‘That’s good.’

‘Thank you for staying. I know crappy cartoons aren’t probably how you imagined your evening going.'

‘I don’t mind.’

He’d stay up all night with that kid any day of the week.

She eases herself out from beneath him and Luke remains fast asleep.

‘I can carry him up for you,’ he offers.

Though Luke is pretty little still, Hailey is tiny and when he’s asleep like this he’ll be a dead weight.

‘I, yeah, okay. Is that okay? Kid’s kinda heavy these days,’ she adds with a sheepish smile.

He nods and scoops Luke up, holding him close against his chest. Hailey following up the stairs behind them.

Jay heads towards the room he now knows is Luke’s, but she quietly asks him to put Luke in her room for the night. He sets him down gently on top of the covers not really feeling like he should be messing with Hailey’s bedding. Steps back and lets Hailey sort him out. Leans against the doorframe watching them both and Hailey almost seems surprised he’s still there when she turns back around.

‘You two gonna be okay?’ he says to her when they’re back downstairs.

‘We’ll be good. Thank you.’

‘Just phone if you need anything. Even if you need me to run out and get something.’

That faint blush from earlier stains her cheeks again and he wonders when the last time someone offered to do this stuff for her was.

‘Thank you. Night, Jay.’

‘Night, Hailey.’

--------

She feels like she embarrassed herself. Embarrassed herself by jumping to conclusions when she saw Jay with Kim but he didn’t press. Didn’t push her as to why she’d retreated. He’s too kind for that.

And it feels more and more like maybe they might just be on the edge of something. She thinks she sees it sometimes in his gaze and not just with her, but with Luke too, and for a few moments she lets herself imagine it. What it might be like if he was theirs and they were his.

Only there still feels like there’s too much at stake and he never makes a move. Sure, he’s respectful, but he also seems like a man who’s sure of himself. A man who goes after what he wants in life and she assumes he must be single through choice. Any woman would be lucky to have him in her life, but his job isn’t a normal job. His life isn’t a normal life.

She gets it.

She can make her peace with that.

Doesn’t mean her heart hadn’t sped up at the sight of him carrying Luke in his arms or at the way in which he’d searched her cupboards for medicine that might help her boy. The way in which he was ready to get his brother and sister-in-law straight over here.

And he must have spoken to his mom because Caroline turned up mid-morning the following day with homemade soup and bread to boot. A bottle of nice wine that she puts in the fridge for Hailey.

Luke’s temperature seems to have come down today and he’s not been sick but she’s kept him home for the day to keep an eye on him and he perks up further under Caroline’s fuss.

Manages most of the soup and some of the bread when she tells him that she used to make it for Will and Jay when they were younger and feeling unwell and Luke giggles when she tells him she still makes it for Pat when he has a cold because, in her words, he’s a total wimp about it.

‘There’s plenty of soup for you too, Hailey. I made more than enough!’ Caroline calls out to her. ‘Luke and I are going to watch this for a bit so do what you need to do.’

What does she do with these Halsteads, she thinks, because she does have things to do. She needs to change Luke’s bed and her bed and clean up a little. She’d felt the prickle of tears last night after Jay had left. It’s always a worry when your child is unwell, but she knew Luke would be fine.

But it had just been the first time in a long time that someone had been there to help. Sure, she’s always had Vanessa at the other end of the phone, but she would never have asked for help in moments like that and then there was Jay last night showing up for them. Staying. His mom here today fussing over Luke like she would Owen.

It’s a hell of a thing.

--------

‘So that’s it?’

Hailey waits for the whir of the espresso machine to die down before she answers Vanessa.

‘Well, I would think so. It kind of puts to bed his stupid idea that he might not be Luke’s father.’

She’d had confirmation from the lab arrive in the mail that unsurprisingly Luke and his dad were a DNA match. Knows that the same information has gone to him. To his lawyers.

‘He’s such an asshole,’ Vanessa seethes.

Hailey’s not about the disagree.

‘The little man back to full power again now?’

‘Yep, he’s all good. Back to bouncing around all over the place.’

She finishes up serving the customer and takes another order for a couple of sandwiches.

In the next lull, Vanessa mentions that she hasn’t seen the Halstead Construction gang this week. At least one of them normally makes an appearance to pick up lunch a couple of days.

‘They’re working on an extension job across town so we’re not exactly on their route at the moment.’

‘Shame.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Nothing.’

Hailey narrows her eyes at her.

‘Does Jay have a date yet?’

She busies herself prepping some extra ingredients to distract herself.

‘Yeah, looks like it’ll be the end of next week.’

God, she’d not enjoyed breaking that news to Luke who had rather succinctly said, ‘That sucks,’ before disappearing into their back yard for half an hour kicking his soccer ball against the wall.

She gets it.

No-one is looking forward to him going but Germany seems safer at least. Though she’d had to google what a garrison was and quite why American soldiers might be there in the first place.

Vanessa remains quiet and Hailey almost wishes she’d said something teasing because the quiet understanding of Hailey’s feelings right now might just be worse.

--------

In true Halstead fashion, Caroline and Pat host a farewell dinner for Jay. There’s so much food she thinks the whole neighbourhood could come and collect leftovers, but she understands where Caroline is coming from. She’s mothering as best she can because she’s not going to be able to do it for six months.

Kevin stops by for an hour along with Kim and Adam who are both lovely and it only makes Hailey for worse about how she’d misjudged the situation at the end of last month. Kim tells her she hears loads about her and Luke from the guys and mentions hanging out sometime and of course Jay appears at that moment offering her a knowing smile like he’s pleased she has another good person in her life.

She had a feeling getting Luke to leave was going to be hard but she also feels that the two of them ought to head out and leave some time for the Halstead clan to be together before Jay takes his leave. He’s heading out early in the morning and apparently, it’s become tradition over time that Will be the one to take him to the airport.

She’d gotten Luke to draw Jay a picture to take with him this afternoon that she hopes will help Luke to feel a little better about saying goodbye.

(She’s not sure who she was trying to convince.)

‘Hey kiddo,’ she says heading over to where he and Owen are sprawled across a rug trying, and failing, to make a card tower. ‘You wanna grab your picture for Jay? We can wish him good luck before we leave.’

Luke frowns but nods at her and mumbles a goodbye to Owen. She watches him walk to where his jacket hangs by the door and pulls out a folded piece of paper. He wouldn’t show it to her earlier and she’s not about to ask.

When he comes to stand by her, he hangs his head and she pulls him into her side. Bends to press a kiss to his head. ‘Love you, Luke.’

Jay seems to sense they’re getting ready to head out and appears in the doorway from the kitchen as Hailey looks up. His shoulders rise and fall under a deep breath and then he makes his way towards them.

‘Hey you two.’

‘Hi, Jay,’ Luke says and turns his face into Hailey’s side.

‘Let me walk you two back,’ Jay says and though they live next door, Hailey appreciates it. She doesn’t quite know how Luke is going to deal with this.

She sticks her head round the kitchen door and says a quick goodbye to everyone saying she’s going to get Luke home and is met with a series of sympathetic smiles. They know Luke’s going to be crushed. He missed Jay last time around but her boy’s heart has only grown more attached.

When she heads back to the front door, Jay seems to have performed some sort of miracle in the last thirty seconds. Luke is now laughing wearing one of Jay’s caps that keeps falling down over his face.

‘I just don’t get it,’ Jay says. ‘Why is your head so small?’

Luke giggles. ‘Because I’m six and Vanessa says mom has a pea head so maybe I have one too.’

‘Hey, I heard that!’ she says pretending to be outraged. Hands on her hips.

Luke goes to hand Jay his cap back, but Jay puts it back on her son’s head. ‘You can keep it, bud. Look after it for me until I get back. That sound okay?’

‘Cool. I promise I’ll look after it.’

‘I know you will,’ Jay smiles.

The three of them walk over to their front porch. (Not taking Luke’s shortcut through the rose bush.)

Jay catches her eye and shoots her a sad smile before he crouches down before Luke outside their door.

‘I’m going to miss you so much, buddy but I’ll be home as soon as I can. Just got a few jobs to do first, okay?’

‘I know,’ Luke says quietly. ‘Mom said they’re important jobs and that we need to wish you good luck and tell you that you’ll help loads of people.’

‘Your mom is pretty wise,’ she hears Jay say and though she can’t see his face where he’s crouched down facing Luke, she can picture it when he adds. ‘Maybe don’t tell her that, though.’

‘I think she can hear you,’ Luke giggles looking up at her and then back at Jay.

Luke thrusts his folded picture into Jay’s hands and tells him he drew him something to take with him. From where she stands behind Jay, she watches as he unfolds it and her heart swells in her chest.

He’s drawn a picture of the two of them – he and Jay - playing soccer, both wearing caps with enormous smiles on their faces, and written across the top underneath the stripe of blue sky -

Thanks for teaching me soccer and how to fix stuff. I love you. Luke xxx

She swallows down the lump in her throat and Jay too seems at a loss for words for a moment before he pulls her boy in for a hug. Luke’s head coming to rest on his shoulder.

‘This drawing is so good,’ Jay tells him. ‘I love it and I love you too, bud. I’ll put it up in my room in Germany.’

She watches as Luke cups his hands over Jay’s ears and whispers to him. Only her boy is six and a six-year-old’s version of whispering is rarely that and so she hears every word he says to Jay. 

‘Promise you won’t forget me.’

And god, his words break her. Tears overspill and she lifts the cuff of her sweatshirt to catch them. She hates his father for having done this to him. For making her son, their son, feel like he’s forgettable in any way.

And she hates too in the moment that circumstances mean that the good man crouched down on her porch before her, the man her son adores and looks up to, is having to leave to be half a world away.

Through her tears, she sees Jay squeeze Luke a little tighter and then pull back and gently brush his hair from his face. ‘Kid, I could never forget you. I promise. I’ll put all your pictures up and I’ll write back to you. Might even draw you a couple of pictures myself.’

‘Are you good at drawing?’

‘Oh, terrible,’ Jay laughs and so Luke laughs too. ‘Really bad, ask Will, but I’ll still send ‘em.’

‘Cool.’

And just like that her boy is smiling. Because he, like her, takes Jay at his word. He’s leaving but he’s not disappearing.

She persuades Luke to go put Jay’s cap somewhere safe inside and he gives Jay another hug before he heads inside.

Jay pushes himself to stand and looks down at the drawing in his hands and then up at her and the look on his face makes another tear fall. He’s a good man. So good to Luke. To her.

‘Geez, sorry,’ she says swiping it away. ‘That kid.’

‘I’m not gonna forget him, Hailey,’ Jay says quietly. ‘Really I’m not.’

‘I know.’

‘Good.’

She doesn’t really know what to do with herself. Wraps her arms around her front. Luke’s not the only Upton finding this hard. ‘You’ll be safe?’

‘Yeah,’ he nods. ‘I’ll be safe. There’ll be some risk but it’s not like my last deployment. I’ll be able to keep in contact more.’

She smiles a little at that. At the meaning behind his words. ‘Good.’

Those eyes of his sparkle even in the darkness and she knows she doesn’t want to say goodbye, but she needs to before she makes a fool of herself. Needs to go and check on Luke. Tells him as such.

‘Of course. Be safe, okay,’ he tells her like she’s the one who’s being deployed. ‘If you guys need anything, please ask my family. They’d do anything for you guys.’

She nods to him not trusting herself to speak in the moment and rises up onto her tiptoes pressing a kiss to his cheek. She keeps it quick, but it still makes her feel more than a kiss on the cheek ought to and then she disappears inside after shooting him one last smile.

She doesn’t sleep all that well, but she doesn’t head outside. Trying to say goodbye to him once was hard enough.

When she wakes early, she checks on Luke to see him sprawled across the bed like a starfish. Still fast asleep. Heads downstairs and fires up the coffee machine before taking it outside to sit on the back porch. Only there are two gift bags on the floor outside the screen door.

She looks at the tag on the first bag and sees Luke’s name.

For the best artist I know, Love Jay x

And when she peeks inside, she sees a new set of colouring pencils and felt tips. A new drawing pad too.

She’d thought she’d heard the sound of a motorbike late last night but told herself she was likely imagining it but now she thinks he may have gone out specifically to get these things for Luke knowing it would help him, even if only in a little way, to come to terms with him leaving.

The second bag takes her entirely by surprise when it’s her name on the tag.

Thought you might want to try something that doesn’t taste like flowers x

She reaches inside and sees boxes and boxes of flavoured teas.

Leans her head back against the screen door and closes her eyes. Her coffee long forgotten.

She’s absolutely screwed.

Jay Halstead has her heart.

Chapter Text

Pat swings by Crumbs every single day that week under the rouse of buying lunch or a pastry or coffees for he and Kev. Sometimes Kim too is he’s having a day in the office.

Hailey’s touched by his care. He’s a good man, solid and reliable with a cutting sense of humour when he decides to show it, but he’s not a man who’s necessarily forthcoming with words. This is how he shows he cares.

The bell jingles above the door and he makes his appearance again today.

She hears Lexi greet him and take his order and then he makes his way down the counter to her whilst he waits for their order.

‘How’s your day going?’ he asks her.

‘Not too bad, thanks. Quietened down a bit now after the lunch rush.’

He nods. ‘Good that you’re busy though. So there’s a couple of odd jobs that need doing around the house over the weekend. Wondered if Luke might want to help me out?’

‘Yeah? He’d love that if you don’t mind.’

He absolutely will love it.

‘Course I don’t mind. It’s why I said.’

She laughs at Pat’s phrasing and lo and behold, Luke ends up spending most of the afternoon over there come Saturday and Hailey uses the time to run out to the store. To clean the kitchen and sweep the back deck.

When her boy barrels back through the door before dinner, he’s all smiles. ‘Mom, I did all this really cool stuff with Mr Halstead.’

As per usual, his sneakers end up tossed this way and that as he charges over to her and tucks himself into her side.

‘That sounds awesome,’ she says brushing his hair from off his face and leaning down to kiss his cheek. ‘Wanna help with me dinner?’

‘Yep,’ he grins and washes his hands and as she starts the pasta he tells her about what he’s been up to with Pat.

‘And,’ he grins, ‘the best bit was I got to talk to Jay.’

‘You did?’

Luke takes advantage of her momentary distraction and steals a couple of cubes of cheese grinning sweetly at her when she catches him. He offers one to her with that little innocent look of his and she caves and eats one too.

‘He called Mrs Halstead before he was going to sleep ‘cause of the…what did you say it was called?’

‘Time zones.’

‘Time zones and then she put him on loudspeaker so I could say hi.’

‘That’s great, kiddo.’

He’s practically vibrating with happiness right now and she doesn’t think it’s due to the sneaky cheese consumption.

‘He said he’s been doing loads of running and meetings and stuff and then he’s training people from next week but not sniper things. Other army things.’

Other army things. She, like Luke, has no idea quite what his job entails but she’s glad he sounds like he’s doing okay.

‘I asked him if he had my drawing still and he said he has it up in his room. I’m gonna do him another one after dinner.’

‘He’ll love it, Luke.’

She’s confident in her answer and it’s a pretty foreign feeling to not be doubting someone.

‘Yeah,’ Luke grins. ‘I think he will.’

He sets himself up with his art set at the coffee table after dinner and brings several sheets of paper over to her asking her to pinch the corners together so he can squeeze the fold down flat.

‘Where’d you learn that?’ she asks him.

‘Miss Rosen showed us at school so we could make our own story books. Do we have a stapler?’

‘Not here but I’ll bring one back from work with me tomorrow.’

Luke nods and sits back down and Hailey puts one of the Saturday night family shows on the tv in the background.

‘What did you do your story about?’

‘Heroes,’ Luke says easily. His head down over his drawing. Tongue poking out in concentration.

And she loves her son something rotten but she’ll take advantage of his quiet. Fixes herself a coffee and manages to read a couple of chapters of her book whilst he works.

And when he drifts off upstairs after a couple of bedtime stories, she takes a peek at what he’s done. He’d been adamant it wasn’t finished yet and when she picks it up she can see that there are still a couple of blank pages at the back.

The front bares the title ‘JAY’ in bold letters and there’s a drawing underneath of a guy in army uniform and her heart clenches when he sees he’s written ‘by Luke Upton’ at the bottom.

The first two pages are of dinosaurs and it makes her smile because he’s six and understandably struggles with the spelling of lots of words but absurd dinosaur names he seems to have no trouble with. She smiles when she reads, ‘cool dinosaurs’ at the bottom of the page.

She turns the page over and sees a message trailing down across it in the absence of a line to write on. ‘If you miss peepul.’

And god as she thumbs through the pages of his little book she sees he’s drawn all Jay’s favourite people and Luke’s labelled everyone in case Jay couldn’t guess. There’s a page with Jay and Will standing by what she thinks is supposed to be a BBQ. One with Owen and Luke in the Halstead’s treehouse.

One of Natalie with a huge smile and her stethoscope round her neck. She turns the pages and finds pages for Kevin and his mom and dad.

One of he and Luke with lots of tools floating around them and another of the three of them at the park.

His drawings are really pretty good. Neat too though his colouring is pure Luke. Bold. Colourful. Definitely fast and loose with staying in the lines.

And every page is just filled with so much love from her little boy but her heart feels a little better knowing that it will mean the world to Jay. That he’ll make Luke feel like it’s the best book he’s ever read when he receives it in the mail.

And when he does finish it off after school one night in the week, she lets him copy out Jay’s address on the front of the envelope thinking she can always print it out again underneath for the mailman but he’s painstaking with it. Does a great job and she tells him as such.

She sneaks a look at the last couple of pages and almost wishes she hadn’t. They’re of the three of them in what she thinks is their backyard and he’s decorated around them all with a border of crudely drawn hearts. Love Luke xxx proudly displayed at the bottom.

God, she knows what her boy wants in his heart for their future.

(She just hopes she can find a way to give it to him.)

It feels different this time around. Feels different that he’s gone. She feels Jay’s absence more. They both do but there’s something else sitting beneath those feelings.

The knowledge that he’ll come back. That he’ll keep his word.

That he might be gone but he’s not absent.

--------

‘He’s an asshole. Like the very definition of the word.’

Luke’s at soccer practise and she and Vanessa are taking a walk around the park whilst he trains.

The asshole in question is Luke’s father. The latest claim is the validity of the paternity test. Essentially, he’s contesting that it’s accurate because the sample she provided may not have come from Luke because no one was there to verify it.

The whole thing is insane.

She doesn’t know what he wants out of this. He’s barely ever provided anything financially and she hasn’t asked for it. He’s all but absent these days from Luke’s life too and that’s his choice. She wouldn’t keep him from Luke. She wonders if he’s wanting to start a family of his own with someone and just try and sweep the fact that he has another son out there under the carpet. Wonders if Vanessa is right and he’s simply just an asshole.

She didn’t want this to become a thing - a messy thing with lawyers and sides. She just wants the best for Luke, but he deserves better than this.

She thinks of the words he’d whispered to Jay - promise you won’t forget me - and they break her heart and fuel her anger.

And when her shift finishes, she pulls the business card from her wallet for an Amelia Miller and hits call.

--------

He sends a letter back to Luke and she’s not surprised. Not when it’s him. Just grateful. So grateful he’s so good to her boy. There’s a note tucked inside for her that makes her heart race a little quicker. Like he knows exactly what she needs to hear.

I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to forget him, Hailey. I couldn’t do that if I tried.

Hope you’re okay,

Jay

And when he and Luke write back and forth trading pictures and postcards and, bizarrely, jokes more often than not there’s a note in there for her. Normally nothing that needs a response but when she reads today’s she finds herself itching to write back to him.

Hi Hailey,

So the stars are actually pretty amazing over here. We don’t get to see them a lot because there’s usually loads of lights on at the garrison but when we were out on training the last couple of weeks we could see them perfectly. You would have loved it.

I know you said they help you when you can’t sleep but I never asked you if you like astronomy. I realised looking up at the stars the other night that I’m thirty-one and have no clue about them.

Luke seems really excited about his soccer starting up again soon. I’m sorry I’ll miss it.

Hope you’re okay,

  Jay

--------

She writes back. She writes back to him and he feels like he’s fifteen talking to a girl he finds pretty for the first time.

He saves reading it until he’s back in his room on his own later that night. He’s seen her handwriting before on shopping lists stuck to her fridge door, in cards round at his parents’ house but this feels different when he knows she’s written to him.

Jay,

Well I’m twenty-nine and I have no idea either if that helps. I didn’t have the greatest time of things growing up but the stars were always there. Just felt like I could breathe a little more when I’d sit out and look at them, you know? Maybe that’s daft.

I’m glad you got to see them out there though. I’ve never seen them from a different continent.

Yeah, he’s been loving his soccer. I did put him in with the age group above and he’s taken it in his stride, though you’ll be pleased to know he still says they’re not as good as you. They won their first game and he fleeced your parents for ice cream afterwards. He wanted me to send you a photo. I hope that’s okay. I know your mom has text you some when he’s been round the house doing jobs with your dad.

I let him pick in case you couldn’t tell…apparently this is how you celebrate winning a soccer game when you’re six.

Hope you’re okay,

Hailey

He turns over the enclosed photo and laughs out loud. Luke’s head is tipped back to rest on the  back of the booth they’re sat in and he’s wearing that familiar grin of his as he looks up at the ceiling. The one that’s full of mischief. He’s obviously chosen gummy bears to go with his ice cream but has stacked several of them up on his cheekbone.

Luke looks carefree and happy and Jay misses him a little more than usual in that moment.

He can make out his own mom’s arm in the edge of the photo. And he loves that his parents went to support him. Wishes he could have been there himself, but he’ll get to other games. He promises himself that.

He tacks the photo up beside Luke’s drawing and smiles at the sight of it as he grabs a pen.

Hailey,

Of course it’s okay. It’s a great photo. Kind of perfectly sums the kid up.

Thank you.

Jay x

--------

He misses home.

It’s not a foreign feeling, of course it’s not, but the reason he’s missing home is a little different this time around because when he says home, he means the Uptons.

They’re the ones he thinks about more times a day than he should. Happy memories of times spent with them skitter across his mind and he finds himself looking at his watch, working out the time difference and wondering what they might be doing back home in Chicago more often than he should.

He told himself time and time again, that he can’t ask that of Hailey. That she deserves more than what he can give. He’s worked hard to be a good man, a steady man, and he loves his job, but it steals pieces of your soul. War is a part of him. God, the thought of her ever realising how many people he’s killed on missions…the thought of the look on her face if she ever discovered what he actually does when he’s on deployment, nearly cripples him.

And he could talk his way out of telling her how he feels. He has talked himself out of it on more than one occasion now, but he thinks she feels it too. Sometimes, when it’s just the two of them, and she looks over at him and then looks away, he thinks he knows. Sometimes when it’s the three of them and she meets his eyes and smiles when Luke does something hilarious, he thinks he knows.

But what if he’s wrong? What if he’s wrong and he ruins it all. He doesn’t want to know what life is like without them in it now he knows the light the two of them bring. The sense of rightness.

He ends up running a half-marathon that night and a couple of the guys he’s gotten to know pretty well over here shoot him sympathetic looks like they get it. Like they know the feeling sometimes when missing home gnaws at you from inside.

It’s nearing midnight when he’s showered but he’s made up his mind somewhere in amongst the miles. He logs on to the system and looks when he can take his leave and fly home.

--------

It ends up being weeks of pain. Getting to the bottom of it all with Luke’s father. Getting to the end of things with him.

And she’s so relieved it’s resolved in some way but she hates it too because how can someone feel they can just resolve a matter and draw a line under it when that matter is their child? Their own flesh and blood. When it’s someone as incredible as Luke is.

Money really can open doors it seems because the Rhodes family lawyer whose card Nat gave her (one of many they keep on retainer she gathers), completely annihilated his claims about paternity. She’d ensured a second paternity wasn’t conducted and what’s more she convinced Hailey to let her fight for him to pay child support. Convinced her to put it aside for Luke to have access to one day since Hailey doesn’t want to use his money to support her in raising Luke.

And today was the day. The day they’d sit down and agree to terms. It all felt so clinical and cold. The absolute opposite to what she once hoped they might be.

She’d looked him in the eye and told him she would never stop him from seeing Luke if he decided to commit to being in his life but to not come back if he wasn’t going to be consistent. He’d swallowed hard, looked guilty, but she knew from his body language that he was tapping out. She and Luke don’t fit into the life he wants for himself these days.

Vanessa had done some snooping, because of course she had, and Hailey’s gut had been right. He’s engaged. It seems he wants a fresh start and that cuts her to the core. She’s furious and hurt but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t give Luke the world. The best damn start in life that she can.

‘Thank you,’ she says to Amelia who has been kind enough to walk her downstairs from the boardroom.

Hailey likes her. She’s polished and fiercely intelligent and when she’s not in lawyer mode, she’s real. Absurdly level-headed. She read Hailey far too easily. Knew where her head was at with all of this and knew the path to take.

‘I know you didn’t have to do this and give up your time,’ Hailey tells her as they approach the exit, ‘but you don’t know what it means to me.’

Amelia frowns a little at her. ‘Give up my time?’

‘You know - acting for free. You don’t even know me, and I just so appreciate it. I just want the best for my son.’

‘Miss Upton, may I speak honestly?’ she asks and Hailey nods. She’s not sure it would stop her if she said no anyway.

‘I haven’t worked for free. I wouldn’t normally take a case like this, but the Rhodes family are my clients so when Connor asked me to sit down with a friend of a friend of his, I accepted, and truthfully I’m glad I did. It was a nice change of pace and I’m glad to have been able to help you.’

Hailey feels her heart lurch in her chest. She shakes her head checking she’s heard correctly. ‘Sit down with? Who exactly did you sit down with?’

‘A Sergeant Jay Halstead. He explained your situation and how he wasn’t quite sure how it would unfold whilst he was away, but he provided his details to be charged for any services given.’

She’s left feeling more than a little dumbstruck by the other woman’s words.

‘Best of luck to you and your son, Hailey,’ Amelia says to her.

She manages a polite thank you in response but she can barely remember her journey home. Her mind all over the place.

He did this and she doesn’t know what to make of it.

But one thing she does know - he lied. He told her it was free and he lied, and she feels like a fool.

————

Vanessa tries to get it out of her all week and she finally cracks. It has Vanessa closing the shop a half hour early as the two of them sit in the back and Hailey spills her guts.

Hates the fact that she sheds a few tears. For Luke, for her.

‘Hailey, you’ve had an awful week. I get it,’ Vanessa says, ‘but have you really thought about why you’re upset.’

‘I’m pretty sure I just told you that,’ she says taking the tissue Vanessa hands her.

‘Look, Luke’s dad – you knew it was coming. It’s awful and it’s shitty and sad but that’s not what’s thrown you off kilter.’

She knows her friend is right. Luke’s father has been slowly receding from his life for the last couple of years. Her heart broke over it a long time ago.

‘He lied to me,’ she admits.

‘He did. He did lie. For a good reason. Jay’s not a liar, Hailey. You know that.’

She lets out a heavy breath. It sounds so simple when Vanessa says it like that. Only it’s not. Not for her.

‘It’s the money thing, isn’t it?’ Vanessa asks knowing her friend all too well.

It is. The lie hurts but it’s the money. It’s what money has represented in her life. Control and power. Memories of her dad trying to buy her silence as a child, memories of Luke’s father always telling her that his money wasn’t her money like she was some sort of gold digger.

‘Money just…’

How can she put it into words? She’s fought so damn hard to give Luke everything but she couldn’t give him this. Not without help and that makes her feel unsettled.

She’s grown so accustomed to going it alone.

‘I’m just not comfortable accepting someone else’s money to solve my problems, V and I hate that I wasn’t able to do this for Luke on my own. I should be able to. I’m his mom.’

She lets out a shaky breath. All she’s ever wanted is to be good enough for her boy.

Vanessa reaches out and squeezes her hand. ‘You should talk to him. About all of it. He’ll listen to you when you’re ready. You know he would. Hear him out. That’s all I’m saying.’

There are a hundred reasons why that’s a bad idea when he’s away working on another continent. And if their conversation goes wrong, she won’t risk jeopardising him writing back to Luke.

She’ll talk to him when he’s home and until then, she’ll try and figure out what to do about her head and her heart feeling two different things.

--------

His parents knew, Will too, that he was hopeful he would get his leave but he hadn’t wanted to let on to anyone else. He’s been at this too long and he knows how often R+R leave can get cancelled at the last minute.

And also – he’s going to tell her.

He’s missed them. So much. He talks to Luke most weeks at some point when the kid’s round at his parents’ house. May or may not try to call over the weekend when he thinks he might be over there and he has a host of drawings from him in the mail and that damn book he made him that he’s looked at far too many times.

Hailey though. He wasn’t too sure how much to contact her. She’d started to write him back when he’d put notes in with his letters to Luke. He’d just wanted to try and let her know that he was thinking of her. That the promise he made wasn’t just for Luke. There’s no way he could ever forget either of them.

He feels nervous. Her car’s not home when his mom pulls into the drive and Caroline must read his expression. ‘She should be home soon.’

He couldn’t deny it if he tried. Shoots a sheepish smile his mom’s way. ‘They’ve missed you too, sweetheart. I promise.’

His mom rallies the troops for that evening saying they’ll get takeout from his favourite place. There had been a little tap on the door to the annexe late in the afternoon and he’d opened it to find Luke beaming at him before he’d flung himself at Jay’s legs. It’s been almost three months since he’s seen him and he’d felt so much love for that kid when he’d knelt down to give him a proper hug.

He’d looked around for her only to find her standing a little way down the driveway. She’d raised a hand and a smile in greeting but made no move to come closer.

‘Can we play soccer? I want to show you how good I’ve gotten. How long are you home for?’ Luke asks him in quick succession.

He explained to Luke he’s just home for a few days on leave but that he’d love to see his soccer skills. Hailey remained standing in the driveway and he’d frowned. ‘Everything okay?’ he’d called down to her.

She’d nodded. ‘All good. I just need to make a phone call real quick.’

‘Of course,’ he’d smiled softly at her. His hand coming to rest on Luke’s head who’d tilted his head back to grin up at him. ‘Luke can stay with me.’

She disappeared back inside leaving him confused at his door.

It wasn’t how he’d imagined seeing her again going at all.

--------

Something is wrong. Something is wrong with Hailey. He’d thought it this afternoon and he knows it now. She’s barely looking at him and if he’s not mistaken, she seems on the verge of tears. He’s itching to just hold her close and tell her he’s here, that he’s got her, but something in his gut tells him it is him. Him being home. That he’s what’s hurting her and the thought of it is killing him.

Maybe she found someone. Maybe him coming home is making it hard when he just wanted to come home and make things better.

He finds her off to one side in the kitchen keeping an eye on Luke and Owen up in the tree house outside.

‘You okay?’ he asks quietly as he comes to stand beside her.  ‘You don’t seem yourself.’

‘I’m fine,’ she says painting a sad smile on her face that only makes him worry more. Her words are quiet when she speaks and she keeps her gaze out the window. ‘Everyone’s really happy you’re home, Jay. Look I, I have a headache, I think we’ll head back now he’s seen you.’

He can feel his concern growing by the second. ‘Do you need anything?’

‘No,’ she says and the oddly flat tone in her voice scares him. ‘I don’t need anything else from you.’

Luke protests when she calls him over and tries to tell him they’re leaving.

‘We just got here, Mom.’

He’s a good kid though. He follows his mom across the decking regardless, throwing a glance over his shoulder Jay’s way.

‘Is everything alright?’ Pat asks coming outside and taking in the scene before him.

‘I just, it’s fine. I’m sorry,’ she apologises.

‘You don’t need to apologise,’ he hears his dad say to her as Jay stands by helplessly. ‘I’m asking if you’re alright.’

‘I’m good. Just, just a headache. Really,’ she insists.

Pat seems to size up her words before he speaks again.

‘Leave him here for a bit then - Luke. We can watch him. Go get some rest and we’ll bring him back in a bit.

Jay watches her look down at Luke’s hopeful face at the idea of staying and then she nods to his dad. ‘I, okay. Thank you, Pat. I know Luke would appreciate it.’

She kisses Luke and tells him to be good and then disappears across the driveway letting herself out the back gate.

His family give him a wide berth for the next half an hour despite him being home for the first time in months and he knows he looks miserable. He feels it too.

‘Jay, sweetheart, will you take a plate across to Hailey?’ his mom says to him covering a plate of food over for her in plastic wrap. ‘It can go in her fridge if she’s not up to it.’

‘I, uhm. Maybe Nat should take it.’

‘Maybe you should face up to whatever you did,’ his dad says appearing in the kitchen to fill up the boys’ drinks. ‘Headache my ass.’

‘Patrick!’

‘What?’ he says closing the fridge door and turning round to face Jay. ‘That girl has been fine all week. What happened, son?’

He shifts his weight between his feet and drags a hand down his face before glancing over towards her house. It’s only the three of them in the kitchen right now. He has no excuse to not answer them.

‘I’m not sure but I think I know. I should have been honest with her about something and I wasn’t. I think she must have found out.’

‘Like a woman,’ Pat says crossing his arms over his chest.

His eyes widen.

‘No. God, no. Dad, come on.’

‘Good.’

This whole conversation is making him feel awkward. He’s never been one to talk about his feelings in that sense but the way both his parents are looking at him makes it pretty clear that they know exactly how he feels about their neighbour.

‘Dad, I -.’

He breaks off and reaches up to rub behind his neck.

‘There’s just so much that I can’t… I’m never here,’ he says desperately. ‘And I think she deserves more than that.’

‘Stop getting in your own way,’ Pat says levelling him with a pointed stare. ‘She deserves to make her own mind up about that I would think.’

His mom sets down the food dishes she’s putting into Tupperware. Moves towards him and cups his cheek in the palm of her hand. Calm. Reassuring. ‘Sometimes, your father is actually right but sort whatever this is out first, sweetheart.’

And then she hands him the plate and arches a brow at him. Knows him too well to know he won’t rest until he’s seen her. He clears his throat.

‘You guys good keeping an eye on Luke for a few?’

His mom waves him out of there and he doesn’t see the knowing glance exchanged between his parents as he exits through the screen door.

He peeks through her front window and sees her curled up on the couch. She’s facing the cushions but she’s perfectly still so he assumes she’s asleep. He hesitates on the porch for a moment with the plate in his hand. He doesn’t want to overstep but she hadn’t eaten before she left. She needs to eat and if she’s really not feeling well, he doesn’t want her to have to cook anything.

He eases the door open knowing she will have left it that way for Luke and heads straight down to the kitchen. He’s just found a spot for it in the fridge when he hears his name called.

Whips around to see Hailey staring at him looking completely baffled as to why he’s in her house right now.

‘I’m sorry. I just brought you some food over, but I could see you through the window and I thought you were sleeping but I didn’t want you to be hungry.’

He’s rambling. What’s wrong with him?

‘Little weird but okay.’

‘I’m sorry. I nearly took it back with me but I know my mom would have just marched over here herself and barged in to leave it for you anyway.’

‘True,’ Hailey says huffing out something resembling a laugh. ‘She probably would.’

For the first time, her eyes really land on his for anything longer than a fleeting moment. They look sad and he hates it.

‘Hailey, you’re not okay,’ he says and he knows he’s not keeping the emotion from his own voice all that well. ‘I know you’re not. If I’ve done something to upset you, I wanna make it right. Please.’

She’s quiet for a moment and the way she’s looking at him turns him inside out. Like she’s searching for reasons to not trust him. To turn him away right now.

‘You really don’t know why I’d be annoyed?’

He knows for certain then. Knows what it is.

‘The money.’

‘Yeah, Jay. The money.’

She wraps her arms around herself in that all too familiar way of hers. Shielding herself.

‘Hailey,’ he says stepping towards her. ‘I didn’t mean to -‘

‘To what? Overstep? Lie to me?’

He never meant to lie to her. Never meant to cause the hurt on her face right now.

‘I didn’t-‘

‘You did, Jay. You told me it was free.’

‘I’m sorry.’

The words seem too simple when they fall from his lips. Insufficient, but he never meant to hurt her. Only to help.

‘Why’d you do it?’

He desperately needs her to understand that he was only trying to help. He just got it wrong. He should have told her. And he knows there’s more to it. More to her hurt right now but she doesn’t owe him an explanation. He’s the one who needs to do that.

‘Because you never would have accepted my help,’ he says simply and he hopes like hell she knows he’s not criticising her right now. ‘And you and Luke…look maybe I don’t get to have an opinion on all this, maybe it’s not my place, but you deserve better than the crappy way in which his dad was treating the two of you. He doesn’t deserve to have such an amazing kid but he has one and the least he can do, the absolute bare minimum, is to pay support and acknowledge the fact that he has a son. I couldn’t do anything about him not being there for Luke, but I thought I could do something about this.’

It’s quiet in the kitchen. The ticking of the clock seems uncomfortably loud as he waits for her to say something. Anything. Her voice is quiet when she speaks again and he hears the disbelief in her voice that someone might have done something like this for them even if she’s mad about it.

‘Jay, that lawyer must have cost so much. I never asked you to.’

‘You’re right. You didn’t. You absolutely didn’t and you never would. I wanted to be here to help you with it all if you wanted me to, but I knew I was deploying and I felt helpless,’ he admits. ‘So I did the one thing I thought I could do to help you. I know how capable you are, how amazing you are, but you don’t have to do everything alone.’

‘But I do, Jay!’ she says dragging a hand through her hair. ‘I have. I have done everything alone for as long as I can remember because I have had to. I had no choice. So you don’t get to swoop in here trying to be some hero and take that choice away. I don’t need saving.’

Her words hit him like a punch to the gut.

‘I wasn’t trying to be a hero, Hailey. I wasn’t trying to save you. I -‘

He nearly says it then. The words nearly fly out of his mouth.

Only he can’t say them like this. Not now.

‘I just wanted to help but I’m sorry. Really, I am. I should have been honest about it but I -‘

‘What?’

‘You’ve raised such a good kid, Hailey.’ He takes a breath before he lifts his gaze to hers once more. ‘I didn’t just tell him that I love him because he said it to me and he’s six and he deserves to hear it said back to him. I said it because I meant it. I mean it and I just wanted him and you to not have to worry. At least about that one thing.’

He sees tears well in her eyes and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop himself if they overspill. Circumstances be damned.

‘How much?’ she whispers.

‘Hailey, I –‘

‘No, Jay. I get why you did it but how much? I’ll pay you back.’

‘I don’t want you to pay me back,’ he says carefully. ‘Really, I don’t. Hailey, I signed on straight out of high school. I’m good at my job. I’ve spent years overseas on active duty and I stay above my parents’ garage when I’m back in Chicago. I have more money saved up than I know what to do with right now.’

‘But it’s your money, Jay.’

‘It is and I don’t regret spending it on helping you to get the absolute minimum that Luke deserves from his father.’

‘Jay –‘

And he moves as the tear falls. Closes the distance between them and cradles her cheek in his palm. Hears the soft gasp of surprise leave her as he brushes away the single tear with his thumb.

‘I’m sorry I went about it the wrong way, Hailey. I should have told you. I just wanted to help.’

God, he hates to see her cry. Feels emotional himself at the sight of her watery eyes.

‘I know that. I guess I’m just not used to it and it made me feel like I couldn’t take care of it myself.’

‘Hailey, you’re an incredible mom. You are. That little boy over there is so lucky to have you as a mom. The way he looks at you…Luke knows how good he has it having you as his mom.’

‘Thank you,’ she breathes and leans into his touch as she wipes at another tear and makes a frustrated noise with herself.

‘Headache?’ he offers.

She gives him a watery laugh but there’s a smile there. A real one even if it’s tentative. ‘Yeah.’

And now he’s not quite so god damn worried, he can see how tired she looks. The dark smudges beneath her eyes. The exhaustion clinging to her shoulders.

‘I’ll bring Luke back in a bit, if that’s okay,’ he tells her. ‘Have some more time to relax. Unless you’d rather someone else brought him over.’

‘No, you can bring him. Of course you can.  He’s so happy you’re home. He missed you,’ she says before those eyes of hers search his and his stomach somersaults. ‘A lot of people missed you.’

He dips his head to press a lingering kiss to her cheek. ‘I missed a lot of people too.’

--------

She finds him sitting on the top step outside his door that night when she pads out onto the porch.

‘I made you a tea,’ she says and though she speaks quietly her voice carries in the quiet of the night. ‘Promise it’s not chamomile.’

She hears the soft hum of laughter that leaves him as he stands and his makes his way down the stairs and into her backyard joining her on the porch.

‘It’s one of yours,’ she says as he eases the mug from her hands.

‘Oh yeah?’

And god it’s the simplest thing, the little hopeful smile on his face. The light in his eyes at the mere thought of her using arguably the sweetest gift anyone has ever thought to buy her.

She’s fallen for him and his generous heart and she thinks, hopes, she might be ready to lean into it. To take a risk and go after something for herself. Something that might be good and right and lasting.

They haven’t even kissed. Hugged. And yet it feels like more than anything else she’s known in a relationship.

Only tonight isn’t the right time. She believes him when he tells her he was only trying to help with the money. By not telling her. Believes that he did it out of love, genuine love, for her son.

But she still feels a little raw from it. Her worries are soothed but they’re not yet healed, and she can see the way his own concern pinches between his brows still. If they do this now, they’ll both be doubting where the other one is at.

‘Mmm hmmm, been working my way through them,’ she tells him. The two of them alone beneath the crowd of stars in the sky. ‘What has you up so late - jet lag?’

‘A little,’ he answers but the boyishness to his smile only confirms that he wanted to check on her too. Check they were really okay.

She tells him. Elaborates on their conversation from earlier that evening, or yesterday depending on how you want to look at it. Explains why money is such a complicated subject for her. Explains why feeling dependent on people makes her feel vulnerable after the way she grew up.

‘I didn’t do it because you owe me anything. I would never do that, Hailey and I hope you know that.’

‘I know that.’

She does know that.

‘I just, it felt like a lot and I panicked a bit but I feel better after talking to you and I really am grateful. I don’t think I said that enough earlier. Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before - for us.’ She pauses and gives herself a moment, blowing on her tea. She really doesn’t want to cry again tonight. ‘God, Jay your whole family are just kind of insane in how good they’ve been to us.’

He shifts to better face her. Dips his head until she meets his gaze. ‘But you’re as good to them back, Hailey. They love having you in their lives. You and Luke. He and Owen are keeping them young.’

‘Oh, I’m not sure they’d appreciate you saying that,’ she laughs.

‘You gonna rat me out?’

‘Maybe not this time.’

And she thinks another night, another time, she would ask him how he might bargain for her silence. Imagines the slow smile that might spread across his face as he leans in and tells her he has a few ideas before his lips slide across hers.

But tonight, tonight she’s content to sit out with him enjoying his company. They need this.

‘We’re good, Jay,’ she tells him. As much for her as it is for him.

His eyes shine even in the dark.

‘Yeah?’

She swallows hard.

‘Yeah, we’re always gonna be good.’

Chapter Text

She’d not seen all that much of him on Friday. She’d been working all day and then she’d agreed to have a friend of Luke’s come over for a couple of hours after school had finished up. The two of them causing sweet, happy chaos out in her backyard.

But he’d found her again that night. The two of them sitting out together beneath the stars. Talking. Getting to know one another better. He leaves again in a couple of days but their time together feels more and more like a promise of what’s to come.

When Saturday rolls around, she and Luke set off for Crumbs to work the morning shift. She rarely works a weekend but it’s Lexi’s birthday and so she’d given her the day off.

She sets Luke up at one of the tables near the counter. He’s come armed with a pocketful of toy dinosaurs and his art set. He’s such a good kid. Happily sits slurping away at his juice and sweet-talking Vanessa into giving him cookies but he doesn’t make a fuss. Keeps himself (and plenty of other customers) entertained until she pops out for a half hour to drop him at soccer practise.

And it’s then that Vanessa pounces at her. Eyes practically bugging out of her head after Luke had shared how Jay was back. If temporarily.

She finds herself giving her friends the cliff notes of their conversation the other night. How they’ve talked. How they’re good.

‘Hailey, I love you, but oh my god,’ Vanessa says in exasperation and then lowers her voice when she realises, she’s pulled the attention of a couple of customers.

Hailey shifts her weight awkwardly between her feet. She’s been on the end of a Vanessa rant more than once.

‘You know that I love you – and Luke - and I get life has been unkind to you and that having something good must seem overwhelming but he’s a catch, Hailey. Yeah, roll your eyes at the phrase but he is.’

Hailey feels heat rush to her cheeks but she can’t help but huff out a laugh. Even more so when Vanessa continues.

‘Hell, I think that man could get someone to marry him based on those biceps of his alone, but he doesn’t want anyone else. He wants the two of you. He did this for the two of you because he wasn’t going to be here to help in any other way. You don’t do what he did merely because you’re a good person. You do it because you love them.’

Vanessa’s words knock all the air out of her leaving her feeling lightheaded and truthfully, she thinks she does know how he feels. He shows it to both her and Luke in all his actions. All his careful spoken words and the ones he doesn’t speak held in his gaze.

She’s hoped. She hopes. She feels the terrifying hum of hope within her chest every day that Jay might just be the right person for her. That she might get to find that kind of happy.

And she loves him. Of course she does. He’s everything that Vanessa said and more and how she feels for him is wonderful and terrifying at the same time.

She wants him so desperately. Wants what they could be but it’s not that simple. She has Luke. She’s never really dated anyone but his father since he was born.

And he’s leaving again in a matter of days. Two to be precise. Where would she even begin?

And when she looks up and meets Vanessa’s stare, she knows her friend sees right through her.

‘I can’t tell him before he leaves again,’ she admits quietly to her friend.

‘I think you can but if you can’t, then show him. Show him that you’re all in Hailey. He’ll be home in fourteen weeks and you two have been simmering away for long enough to get through that.’

‘Simmering?’

‘Mmm hmmmm. Ultimate slow burn.’

And now she really does roll her eyes. ‘For god’s sake.’

‘And that worry in your mind, that nagging worry about Luke getting hurt if you do this - stop listening to it. Say you and I fell out. Really fell out. Would you expect me to disappear on Luke?’

‘No.’

‘No, because you trust that I love him and I would put him first. So in this hypothetical world of madness where you think that you and Jay will get together and it not work out, do you seriously believe Jay is the type of man to dip out on a child? On a child he loves like he loves Luke?’

She doesn’t even need to think about her answer.

‘No.’

‘I rest my case.’

‘I didn’t realise I was on trial.’

Vanessa holds in her response whilst Hailey serves a customer.

‘You’re not but Hailey people search forever for what you two have and you’re not even together yet. Trust that this is right. That he’s the right guy for you and Luke.’

And god hearing her friend say it out loud like that brings a smile to her face.

‘You really like him, huh?’ she says jokingly.

‘He’s fun to tease and not hard to look at and he makes you both so stupidly happy. Of course I like him. I trust him, Hailey.’

And then she reaches out to squeeze Hailey’s arm. The softer side to Vanessa she keeps tucked away a lot of the time.

‘I trust him with the both of you.’

And with that, Vanessa turns away to fire up the coffee machine.

‘Thank you,’ Hailey tells her. Though she’s not sure the words do her friend’s support or vote of confidence enough justice.

‘You can always thank me with a raise.’

--------

There’s a tap at his door. An all too familiar tap to him now and it has him smiling before he’s even opened it.

‘Hi Luke,’ he smiles as he opens the door to see Hailey’s boy standing on his top step with a beanie hat pulled down tight over his head.

‘Hi,’ he grins. ‘Can I come in please?’

‘Your mom know you’re here?’

‘Mmmm hmmm,’ he nods. ‘You told me I couldn’t leave the yard without telling her, so I did. She said it was okay as long as I didn’t bug you too much.’

This kid. Jay doesn’t know what to do with him and the way he feels himself falling a little further under his spell every day.

‘Okay. Come on in then.’

He’s never actually been up here before. To his door, many times, but not inside and he smiles leaning against the counter watching Luke wander about in his curious way until he seems to realise he still has his sneakers on and toes them off randomly in the middle of the room near Jay’s couch.

‘It’s cool up here. I like your motorbike picture.’

‘Thanks. Did you wanna hang out for a bit?’

‘I wanted your help.’

His chest tightens with concern.

‘Help? What’s up?’

‘Well last week I was practising my soccer in the yard and I kicked the ball, like, so hard, Jay but mom came out to get me to come in and the ball knocked her mug out her hands and it broke. The pieces went everywhere,’ he explains and spreads his arms wide to emphasise the fact.

‘That must have been a pretty hard kick,’ Jay says holding back a smile at the pride Luke tries to dampen for quite how hard his strike had been.

‘It was. It broke into loads of pieces and mom said it was okay and it was an accident but I think it was her favourite.’

‘The mug?’

Luke nods and Jay knows the one he means. More often than not it’s the one he sees her with on her back porch but she hasn’t been using it these last couple of nights.

‘I was gonna ask Auntie Vanessa to help but you’re here now.’

‘What do you want help with? You want me to get her a new one for you?’

‘Can I come and pick one with you?’ And for good measure, he flashes that Upton smile of his. Dimples and all.

‘Of course you can. If your mom is happy with that.’

‘Can it be a surprise though? Like when you surprised your mom when you came home?’

‘Yeah, we don’t have to tell her why we’re heading out.’

Luke beams back at him and honestly, he just enjoys spending time with the kid but he also feels kind of proud of the young man in front of him for how thoughtful he’s being right now. For his care.

‘Let’s check my parents don’t need the truck for a bit.’

He stands back and smiles as he watches Luke politely ask his mom and dad if ‘they’ can borrow the truck and explains why.

‘Oh, your mom will love that,’ his own mom says rising to stand and squeeze Luke’s cheeks making him giggle. ‘You think the two of you can pick up a couple of things for me whilst you’re out if I do you a list?’

‘Yep! I’m good at lists,’ Luke answers for them both.

When his mom hands the list over to Luke she makes her way over to Jay and tells him she’s put the name of a great local place that makes their own ceramics and pottery that they should check out and he smiles gratefully. He was absolutely going to head to Target.

Hailey raises her brow at him when Luke asks if he can go out with Jay for a bit on a secret mission.

There goes the surprise, Jay thinks, but when her eyes meet his over Luke’s head, he smiles at her and nods, silently telling her it’s okay. That Luke’s all good.

She tells Luke to go get his warm coat and makes her way over to Jay in search of answers.

‘Kid wants to do something nice for you, that’s all. He just needs a chauffeur.’

She laughs then at his choice of words. ‘You don’t have to drive him around.’

‘I want to. We’ll have fun. There’s a car seat in the truck Owen uses that’ll fit him. You want us to pick anything up whilst we’re out?’

‘I’m good. Thank you. You need some money?’

‘Put your money away, Hailey,’ he says gently. ‘You don’t get to pay when it’s a secret mission for you.’

‘Okay. Fair enough.’

Luke comes back with his coat on and he watches as Hailey crouches down and zips it up a little higher telling him to be good and to listen to what Jay tells him to do.

‘I know, Mom. I’ll be good.’

She kisses him on the head as she stands and Jay tells her they won’t be too long and that he’s got his phone.

Luke chews his ear off as he drives towards the place his mom had jotted down and he’s really missed this kid. He makes him laugh so much and he’s good company. Always full of questions but he genuinely listens to the answers. Wants to know things.

He manages to pull up not far from the store front and when they get outside, he realises he’s taking an energetic six-year-old who’s into everything into a shop entirely full of breakable things.

‘Hey, Luke. We need to walk really sensibly in here okay ‘cause everything can break like your mom’s mug did and the people who work here took care making it all.’

Luke nods, determined, and puts his hand in Jay’s making something warm shift in his chest.

They walk around for five minutes or so and one of the workers comes over to ask if they’re okay. Jay explains they’re here to pick out a new mug for Luke’s mom and Luke earns himself another fan when he retells what happened and that they’re surprising her.

The woman crouches down and tells Luke that she knows his mom will love it and to come and ask her if he needs any help.

Jay let’s him lead the way as Luke studies the different options with care.

‘I think she’d like that one,’ he says pointing to one of the mugs on a higher shelf.

‘This one,’ Jay says fetching it down. It’s nothing like the mug Luke broke but he thinks the kid is right. It seems Hailey somehow. Warm, earthy tones. Solid and soft at the same time.

‘Do you think she’ll like it?’ Luke asks looking at it in Jay’s hands.

She’ll love anything Luke gets her, but he knows that’s a cop out answer Luke doesn’t want to hear.

‘You picked the best one in the shop for her,’ he tells him. ‘She’ll love it. I can see her using it all the time.’

Luke grins and walks carefully with it to the counter chatting to the woman as she wraps it up for him.

‘He has such lovely manners,’ she tells Jay as Luke slips his hand back into his. ‘You and his mom are doing a great job.’

He clears his throat suddenly feeling awkward, but Luke squeezes his hand in his and Jay turns to look down at his dimpled smile.

Changes his mind on correcting her and merely settles on saying thank you instead. Nobody but Hailey can take credit for the kind of kid Luke is, but he’s not sure the boy needs to hear an awkward conversation about his dad right now either.

The two of them pop to the store to get what his mom asked for and Luke scampers along in front of him trying to convince Jay to put extra things in the basket.

‘Oooh, my mom likes these,’ Luke says pointing to the bear claws on display in the bakery section.

‘She does?’

‘They’re her favourite.’

‘Do you like ‘em?’ Jay asks and Luke nods. Eyes wide at the thought of sugar.

And maybe a bag of them winds up in the basket.

He shoots a text to Hailey saying Luke is good and they’ve completed their mission. Asks if it’s okay if he takes him somewhere to grab a drink before they head home.

He pulls in at a juice bar not that far from their neighbourhood that he knows do cool juices for kids that Owen likes when he’s over at his grandparents and Luke’s eyes light up when he sees the juices swirling around in the machines.

‘Can I pick the flavour, Jay?’

‘Course you can.’

Jay orders himself a coffee and the two of them find a seat in the back corner. He seats himself so he can keep an eye on the rest of the place. It’s a bad habit from years in the military but it feels even more important when he has Luke with him.

‘Thank you, Jay,’ Luke tells him as he slurps at his drink.

‘You’re welcome. Is it nice?’

‘So nice. You wanna try some?’

He has to admit - it is pretty good.

‘Can I try your coffee?’

‘Does your mom let you?’

Luke bites his lip. ‘No.’

‘Then don’t ask me, kid,’ he laughs and the little irritated flush to Luke’s cheeks in that moment is pure Hailey.

‘What about when I’m seven?’

‘Teen. Seventeen. Then you can ask me.’

It takes him a moment to figure out why Luke’s grin nearly splits his face in half, but the kid isn’t daft. Far from it. He knows Jay’s as good as told him he’ll still be around then.

‘Okay,’ Luke says. ‘I’ll ask you then.’

And there’s something so damn stubborn about this kid that Jay thinks he probably will.

--------

‘Do I shout surprise or something?’ Luke asks as they climb the steps to the Upton’s porch.

‘You can if you want,’ Jay chuckles. ‘I don’t think your mom would mind but what if she’s holding something else and she drops that too if you make her jump.’

‘That would be crazy!’ Luke says and settles on reaching for the door handle instead.

Jay watches as Luke rushes over to his mom and hands her the gift bag. Explains that he got her a new favourite mug since ‘the soccer ball’ broke the last one.

She laughs at how he evades the blame but there’s a light in her eyes at the gesture that Jay, well, he loves.

And Luke turns and gives Jay a thumbs up when she thanks him for the takeout coffee he’d picked up for her before they’d left the juice bar and decants it into her new mug declaring it perfect.

‘Jay bought you some bear claws ‘cause I said they were your favourite.’

He moves at Luke’s words and sets the paper bag from the bakery down on their counter.

‘Thank you,’ she says. Her smile soft. Gaze equally so. It gives him hope. Plenty of it.

Luke continues on as he shakes his arm out the sleeve of his coat.

‘I know that ‘cause you tell Auntie Vanessa they’re the way to your heart.’

Jay pauses where he stands. This damn kid.

‘Go wash your hands before you have one please?’ Hailey says before grabbing down some plates. She glances back at Jay over her shoulder.

‘He didn’t tell you that part, did he?’

Instinctively, he reaches up to rub the back of his neck. ‘He left that bit out.’

Hailey laughs and he loves the sound of it, and it spurs him into action.

‘I still would have bought them.’

Her smile widens and she slides a plate over to him with a bear claw sat on top of it.

He’s not about to tell her he’s not sure he likes them. That he’s never even tried one.

Not when this feels like a moment.

-------

‘You two want a drink?’

She’s stood in the doorway out onto the back porch. Luke had asked Jay to come play soccer with him for a little bit that has turned into close to an hour the following afternoon. They both seem to be having fun though, just like they had that first night next door. The same smiles on their faces. The same bursts of laughter escaping from her son.

Luke nods in response to her question but Jay declines and says he’s heading out.

‘Whatcha doing?’ Luke asks.

‘I’m going to look at cars.’

‘Like at a show?’

‘No, I’m going to have a look so I can buy one when I get back home.’

‘You should get a red one like Lightning McQueen.’

‘I’ll have to keep my eye out.’

She didn’t know he was looking for a car. He and his dad take the truck to work with them, but he seemingly loves his motorcycle.

‘Can I come with you?’ she hears Luke ask. ‘I could help you look.’

She’s about to tell Luke to let Jay have some time to himself when he beats her to the punch explaining to her son why he can’t go in a way that Luke immediately accepts. He’s so good with him. A natural in speaking Luke.

‘Sorry, bud. Maybe another time but I’m going on my motorbike but I’ll show you some photos later of any that I like.’

‘Cool.’

Jay tilts the brim of his cap up and smiles at Hailey telling her he’ll catch them later before he disappears out the back gate.

‘Hey, Mom,’ Luke says about five minutes later watching Jay peel out the driveway on his bike. ‘How old do you need to be to have a motorcycle?’

‘Older than six, kiddo,’ she laughs. ‘Nice try.’

And when she does get a moment to ask Jay about it later in a snatched moment of quiet over at his parents’ house, his eyes meet hers and her heart stutters in her chest when she sees the way he reaches up to rub the back of his neck once more before he answers.

‘Yeah, just feels like it’s time, you know. Sometimes my bike isn’t always practical.’

He’s not even left yet and she can’t wait for him to be home again.

--------

‘Stay safe,’ she tells him and he nods to her stood on the Upton’s porch. He’s already said goodbye to his parents and Will is sat in the driveway waiting for him, but he just wanted another moment with these two to tide him over.

‘You guys too.’

‘Love you, Jay,’ Luke says and throws his arms around Jay’s legs. ‘See you soon.’

He wraps his arms around Luke’s back and ruffles his hair.

‘Love you too, Luke.’

He lifts his gaze to Hailey. Luke still wrapped around his legs and he nods to her. Something has shifted between them these last few days he’s been home. He can feel it. He sees the way her eyes sparkle, and he reaches out a hand to caress her cheek softly before he dips his head to kiss her cheek. Luke still latched onto him.

‘I really gotta go,’ he says and tickles Luke to make him laugh and let go. ‘I’ll be home soon, bud. Keep working on those free kicks and you can show me when I get home.’

‘We’ll be here, Jay,’ Hailey says to him and his heart slams against his chest. ‘Both of us.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay. I really have to go.’

He lifts Luke’s cap from his head and Luke laughs jumping to get it back from him only for Jay to set it back down on his head back to front.

He glances back once more as he goes to get into Will’s car.

‘Jay kissed your cheek, mom,’ Luke grins and Jay feels his own smile spread across his face when Hailey then dives down to press an array of kisses to Luke’s own cheek as he giggles and squirms to get out of her hold.

‘Bye guys,’ he calls out.

‘Bye, Jay!’ Luke calls out in between gasps of laughter as Hailey tickles him for all she’s worth. Knows he’ll remember this image of the two of them and their Upton smiles on the front porch.

‘You two good after the other night?’ his brother asks him when he settles into the passenger seat.

‘Yeah, all good. Thanks.’

‘You paid for that lawyer of Connor’s, right? That’s what that was about?’

‘Yeah. I did. I should have told her. I just wanted to help. They deserve the best you know.’

He glances out the window at the two of them waving him off.

‘I know. I’m glad you’re good though. Looking forward to being home already?’ Will asks him but the smile on his face is knowing.

‘Yeah,’ Jay smiles. ‘Something like that.’

--------

————

It’s different this time. Their text conversations sprawl across the days often with hours in between replies due to the time difference but his replies never fail to make her smile. Vanessa teases her incessantly about it but she can’t find it in her to care.

————

————

--------

Luke appears and tucks himself sweetly into her side.

Vanessa had organised a little surprise get together for her at Crumbs after the shop had closed. The Halstead gang are here and Kev. Kim too and Lexi. It’s been nice. Good cake and good company complete with ridiculous little party hats that Luke had insisted they all wear. She discarded hers a while ago, but Luke’s is still parked firmly on top of his head.

She feels spoiled. Showered with care and more gifts than she’s used to. Caroline and Pat have bought her a spa day for her Nat, and Vanessa and promised to take Luke out for the day. Natalie and Will had gotten her a jacket from the same brand she’d bought the coat from when she was shopping with Natalie all those months ago.

They care. They really care and she’s getting used to accepting it.

‘What did Jay get you, mom?’ Luke asks looking up at her.

‘Oh, nothing kiddo. I don’t think he knows it’s my birthday.’

‘Why didn’t you tell him? I tell my friends it’s my birthday. Birthdays are cool.’

She ruffles his hair. Loves how he takes life in his stride. How uncomplicated he makes things. ‘Must have just forgotten.’

‘You forgot your birthday?’ Luke gasps. Eyes wide. ‘That’s crazy!’

She chuckles at her son’s outrage.

‘He would have gotten you something good. I love my soccer ball and my shirt.’

‘I know you do.’

And when she looks up, she sees Caroline smiling softly at the two of them.

--------

When she and Luke get home a few days later after picking him up from practice, Caroline greets them in the driveway.

‘Hailey, honey, I have a parcel for you here that was delivered whilst you were out. I’ll bring it over.’

‘Sure, thank you. I’ll leave the door.’

‘Actually, Luke, there’re two boxes. Reckon you could get one for me?’

‘Yep,’ her son says and scampers away to follow Caroline making Hailey smiles. Since they moved in next door to the Halsteads, he’s become of lover of doing things to help people. He’s always been a brilliant kid with a big heart, but he’s learned that from them. It’s their family’s way.

When the two of them come through her front door, Luke has a bakery box in his arms and Caroline a large box.

‘You okay with that?’ Hailey asks rushing over to her, but the other woman waves her away and sets it down on the floor.

She grabs some scissors to cut open the box and finds a gorgeous succulent plant inside in a pot that somehow matches the mug Luke had bought her. There’s a card tacked to the delivery note and she thumbs it open. Luke hovering nearby as Caroline inspects the plant saying how gorgeous it is.

She spies the now familiar handwriting when she opens it and feels herself smile.

Happy birthday, Hailey.

I’m sorry I missed it, but you were sneaky and didn’t tell me. You have a few plants around your house so I figured you like them and it’s something you can keep. Hope this one is okay.

And you know why I bought you the bear claws. Don’t let my mom bully you into telling you why if you don’t want to but you can. She’s good at wheedling things out of people.

Miss you both.

See you soon,

Jay x

‘Who’s it from, Mom?’ Luke asks her.

‘They’re from Jay,’ she smiles down at him and then at Caroline who looks very pleased with herself. Knows his mom is the reason he knows he missed her birthday.

‘You want a coffee? Best not let these bear claws go to waste.’

Caroline nods and slips onto one of the barstools. Luke clambering up beside her.

‘Bear claws, huh?’ she asks as Hailey opens the box for the three of them telling Luke he can have half now and half after his dinner. The kid’s eyes light up regardless.

‘They’re the way to mom’s heart,’ Luke says easily as he scans the box looking for the biggest one he can ask her to cut in half.

Hailey clears her throat then can’t help but laugh when Caroline adds. ‘Well, I just looked up Monstera plants, funnily enough, and you know what they symbolise?’

Hailey busies herself pouring their drinks.

‘Respect and longevity.’

‘What does longevity mean?’ Luke asks her.

‘It means something that lasts,’ Caroline explains to him and when Hailey slides her coffee over to her and Luke his juice, she sees that familiar twinkle in Jay’s mom’s eye.

She sends him a photo of the plant set up in her lounge and one she took earlier of Luke and his mom sat smiling over the box of bear claws.

--------

It turns out, Jay’s birthday is only a few weeks after her own. Caroline had shared the date with her before she left that night Jay’s gift to her had arrived and she’s had it marked on the calendar since.

She wasn’t all too sure what she could send overseas to him but she and Luke had sent him a card. Luke had made his but Hailey had spent far longer than was probably necessary looking in a card shop on her lunch break last week to find him the right one.

They’re all round next door. Jay might not be there, but it hasn’t stopped his mom from wanting to celebrate by having them over at the house for dinner in his honour and he’s due to phone on a video call in the next five minutes or so.

‘Will, dear, will you check I’ve done this right?’ Caroline asks him as she fusses over the laptop on the table.

‘Mom, you know you’ve done it right. You’ve done this a hundred times.’

‘I know,’ she says swatting at her eldest. ‘It will just be nice for us all to be together.’

Hailey swallows hard that they include she and Luke in that. This is family time but they’re here. They want them here.

When the ring tone sounds out, Owen cheers and they all gather round calling out a chorus of happy birthdays to him an ocean away. He looks good. Cap pulled down over his head. That little half smile of his tugging at the corner of his lips.

‘Thanks guys. You all okay?’

Owen fights his way to the front and Natalie and Will settle in behind him. Everyone else shuffling back to give them some space.

After a few minutes, they swap out with his parents and though she’s not really listening to their conversation, it’s nice to hear he and his dad laughing together through the screen.

She and Luke head into the lounge after the others and then Pat appears. ‘Your turn,’ he says and Luke leaps up from the floor making Pat laugh as Hailey trails after him.

Caroline rises from her seat in front of the laptop and Hailey slides onto it. Luke clambering to kneel on the one beside her and leaning forwards to grin at the screen to say hi to Jay.

‘Hey, Luke,’ she hears Jay say though she can’t see him right now thanks to the mop of her son’s hair blocking her view. ‘I love you bud, but I wouldn’t mind seeing your mom too.’

And god it’s just the straightforward way in which he says it in conversation as if loving Luke is the easiest thing in the world.

Luke laughs, because of course he does, and settles back in his seat a little.

‘Do you have cake, Jay? We’re having a cake for you. Your mom baked it, but she let me and Owen help with the cupcakes.’

‘I bet they’re good,’ Jay says to him through the screen. ‘Why don’t you go grab one to show me?’

‘Hey,’ Hailey says when it’s just the two of them. Smiles at him through the screen. He looks good. Looks happy right now.

‘Hey. You guys good?’

‘We’re good. Happy birthday, Jay.’

‘Thank you. I got your card. Made me smile.’

‘You don’t have to lie.’

His grin widens. ‘Oh, I said it made me smile. Not that I’m drinking it.’

She shakes her head at him but she’s smiling. The kind that can make your cheeks hurt. ‘Liar.’

‘Maybe. Might save it for a night I need it.’

She’d taped a chamomile teabag into his card. Plans to get him a real gift for when he comes home.

She pulls her gaze from him as Luke reappears holding up a cupcake to the camera for Jay to see.

‘Look, I got one. I did it the same colours as the soccer shirt you got me.’

And damn it if Jay’s eyes don’t light up at that one simple fact just like her son’s do.

‘You’ll have to let me know how they taste.’

Luke takes an enormous mouthful and gets frosting on his nose. ‘They’re good,’ he manages to get out. Voice muffled by the cake in his mouth.

‘Oh my god, kid,’ she laughs and wipes at the frosting with her thumb. ‘We’re having pizza in like five minutes.’

‘But it’s Jay’s birthday.’

‘Yeah, Hailey, it’s my birthday and he was just taking one bite for me, right Luke? You’re gonna save the rest for after dinner.’

‘Yep,’ Luke says. The cupcake already halfway to his mouth for another bite but he then promptly sets it down on the table and smiles sweetly up at Hailey.

‘I’m not having you two gang up on me,’ she says pointing her finger at Luke and then at Jay through the screen. ‘This isn’t a thing.’

Luke, of course, looks elated at the thought of being in any kind of gang with Jay and truth be told, Hailey doesn’t mind the thought at all. Not one bit.

‘Come on. Let’s say bye to Jay so he can talk to his mom and dad again real quick before he has to go. It’s pretty late there for him. ‘Happy birthday again, Jay,’ she says softly and then Luke reiterates her words at a much louder volume but with his customary cheeky grin.

They say their goodbyes and when Hailey turns, she sees Caroline standing in the doorframe looking oddly emotional. Wonders how much of their conversation she just heard. ‘I’ll send Pat back in,’ Hailey tells her as she and Luke head down the hallway but not before she hears the start of Caroline and Jay’s conversation.

‘Mom, why do you look about to cry? Are you on the wine?’

‘I am not ‘on the wine’. You’re as bad as your brother. You know damn well what these tears are about, son.’

‘Mom.’

‘No, not ‘Mom.’ Jay, I just want to see you that happy all the time. Don’t let something you want slip through your fingers. Promise me that.’

Hailey slips away before she can hear anymore. Namely because she can hear the blood rushing through her ears at Caroline’s words and she thinks if she listens to anymore she might need to hit the wine herself.

Natalie catches her eye as she heads back down the others and seems to read her mind. Pours her a large glass of red.

--------

‘Mom! Mom! I’ve got mail.’

‘You do?’

And she knows who it will be from before she’s even really looked up.

He’s been so good. So consistent at writing back to her boy.

And though she and Jay talk all the time now, every couple of letters, there’s a note tucked inside for her.

She’s kept them all. Kept that little piece of him.

Hailey,

Hope you’re okay.

I’ve got my date to come home. Thought I’d leave it up to you as to whether you share it with Luke or not. He’s mentioned a few times about when I came home to surprise my mom and I thought he might like it if I surprised him.

Maybe that’s arrogant of me anyway.

Anyway, let me know. I’ll send you the details next week. Can’t wait to see you both.

Miss you guys,

Jay x

———-

It’s Father’s Day. It’s Father’s Day and she knows it’s going to be tough for her boy.

The two of them spend the day together. They go to catch an early showing of a movie and then to one of the parks nearby with the climbing equipment that he loves before they camp out for the night in the lounge and she knows Will, Nat and Owen are round next door. Knows Caroline had invited them over but she kind of feels like it might be hard for Luke to see Owen with Will. Will with Pat. She’s just not sure. He’s so switched on. He knows what he’s missing today.

There’s a tap on the door and she smiles when she finds Nat the other side of it.

‘I don’t know how he’s doing today,’ she says quietly so Luke won’t overhear. ‘Owen is desperate to ask him to come and play but I didn’t want to do the wrong thing.’

‘Thanks, Nat. I don’t really know what’s for the best if I’m honest.’

‘You’re what’s best, Hailey.’

‘Thank you. We’ve had a nice day. It’s just, his dad would usually come over for a bit. We’d go get lunch on Father’s Day and then he bailed last year. Said he’d got a stomach bug, but he called and talked to Luke on the phone for a bit and I thought I’d take him at his word.’ She trails off and pulls a hand through her hair. ‘Eugh.’

‘And this year?’

‘Nothing,’ she whispers.

‘Oh, Hailey.’

She wraps her arms around herself. ‘I just, I actually think he’s better off if this is how he’s going to act but I hate that for him.’

‘I get that,’ Nat says reaching out to squeeze her arm, ‘and I can’t imagine what that feels like but I do know that Luke is an amazing kid, Hailey. Seriously, he’s so great and like has a ridiculous amount of energy.’

‘Tell me about it.’

‘And that’s all because of his mom. He’ll grow up knowing that.’

‘Thank you. Come on, we can ask him what he wants to do.’

She leans against the doorframe watching Nat say hi to Luke. ‘Whatcha got there?’

‘Just drawing a picture.’

‘That’s pretty good. Hey, Owen is next door and wanted to know if you wanted to come play. Caroline has made cake too and it’s so good.’

‘Is my mom coming too?’

And it tugs at her heart that her confident boy isn’t feeling so confident today.

‘I’m going if you’re going kid,’ she tells him and he shoots her a smile.

‘Then, yeah. What’s he playing?’ he asks Nat as he goes to pull on his crocs. The thought of playing with Owen seemingly helping to lift his mood a little.

Jay phones his dad after they’ve been there for about an hour. His face swimming into view on Pat’s phone screen.

‘Wait, what time is it over there?’ Will asks. ‘Cause I’m pretty sure it’s the ass crack of dawn or the middle of the night depending on how you want to look at it.’

‘William!’ Caroline chides.

‘I’m just a good son,’ comes Jay’s reply.

Will’s answer comes quick making Jay laugh through the phone.

‘Lies.’

‘No, we’d been on a training exercise for a few days. Not long got back.’

Hailey feels her eyes widen. His job and what it entails seems so foreign to her, but Jay says it all with ease.

She sits back and hears them talk and catch up with him. He speaks quietly but sounds awake. Owen comes wondering over calling out to his Uncle Jay and Will hoists him up to say hi.

‘Hey, Owen. You making your dad turn grey on Father’s Day like we agreed?’

She feels herself smile listening to the four Halstead men talk through the phone and then she turns to see Luke approach her and fold himself into her side.

‘You wanna go home now, kiddo?’ she asks him running a hand through his hair.

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay. Let’s just wait to say bye.’

She presses a kiss to his cheek but he keeps his arms wrapped around her. She looks up sensing eyes on her and sees Pat’s gaze on them both. Sees him take in the sad expression on Luke’s face as he scuffs his crocs back and forth on the deck.

‘Hey, son,’ Pat says turning back to his phone. ‘There’s someone else here for you to say hi to as well.’

Will lifts Owen up above his head and sets him on his shoulders making his son laugh and takes him down onto the grass out the way as Pat comes and hands his phone over to Hailey. The weight of it feels heavy in her palm. Heavier still as to what it might mean as Pat nods to her and leaves them be.

Jay’s soft smile stares back at her through the phone but it’s a little sad around the edges. Like he’s knows what’s going on despite being an ocean away.

He nods to Hailey, a silent I’ve got this, and it makes her chest tighten.

‘Hey, Luke. You there, bud?’

Luke looks to Hailey and then slides onto her lap so he can see Jay on the screen and Hailey pulls her boy back against her chest keeping him close. Loving him a little harder today.

‘I was hoping you were there too,’ Jay smiles.

‘You were?’ Luke asks quietly.

‘Of course I was. I always want to talk to you and I wanted to talk soccer to you today,’ Jay says and Hailey doesn’t miss the way her boy shuffles on her lap sitting up a little straighter.

‘Yeah?’

‘So I’m thinking I might try and go and watch a game over here whilst I can.’

‘In the Bundesliga?’

God he’d come back desperately trying to get those syllables in the right order a couple of weekends ago after Jay had called and talked to him about it whilst he was helping Pat out in the garage.

‘Yeah. The major owes me a favour and I think he’ll let me have a couple of days soon so I thought that I’d see if I could watch a game’

‘That would be so cool!’ Luke smiles. ‘What did you do to get the favour?’

She smirks. Her boy is too smart for his own good.

Jay shakes his head and lets out a chuckle. ‘Can’t tell you. Secret mission.’

Luke’s mouth falls open. ‘Whoah! Mom,’ he says turning to face her. ‘A real secret mission!’

‘Yeah, I heard kid. That’s pretty cool, huh?’

‘So cool,’ he grins and turns back to Jay and this time he plucks the phone from her hands so he can take over the conversation.

She listens to Jay talk to her son with such care asking about his last soccer game and how school is going and if he’s heard his dad accidentally swear when he’s been helping him with jobs.

Luke giggles at the last one. ‘No, but he told me if he does that he’ll take me out for ice cream if I don’t tell Mrs Halstead.’

Jay’s warm laughter echoes through the phone. ‘He used to do the same trick with me and Will. Make sure he lets you get a double scoop, Luke.’

‘I will! And sprinkles.’

‘And sprinkles.’

Jay says he’s gotta go get some sleep and she expects Luke to deflate again but he doesn’t.

‘Okay, night Jay. I love you,’ he says easily.

Her heart thunders in her chest and she knows Jay’s response before he says it because it’s been in every second of this call.

‘Love you too, bud. Talk to you soon.’

‘Hey, why don’t you go give Mr Halstead his phone back for a minute so he can say bye to Jay please.’

Luke grins and says no problem and scampers away with Pat’s phone leaving Hailey sat on the chair out on the deck feeling all at sea. Her emotions all over the place.

Luke comes back over to her smiling and says he’s ready to go home now but her son is brighter than he’s been all day.

And when she tidies up a little after he’s gone to bed, she sees the picture he’d been drawing before they went next door.

It’s of her and Luke at the park today judging from their outfits, and he’s written Mom is the best underneath it.

It makes tears spill from her eyes and when she climbs into bed, she realises there’s someone else who is also the best in her son’s life these days.

His response comes in the middle of the night for her and she doesn’t see it until morning.

--------

‘How was Luke this morning?’ Pat asks her when he and Kev call in for a morning caffeine fix the following day.

‘Yeah, he’s doing okay thanks. School will be a good distraction today. Yesterday was just…’

Pat holds up a hand. ‘You don’t need to explain.’

‘Thank you for what you did last night with uhm,’ she trails off. Not sure how to put it into words. Thank you for letting my son speak to your son on Father’s Day because his own dad is a knob and your son is his hero in every way.

‘Hailey, there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for your boy and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for mine. They both needed it.’

Pat’s words hit her in the gut and he continues whilst Hailey stands there in silence.

‘I said something similar to Jay once, but life is tricky. I know you know that but sometimes life can also be simple. Life can be good.’

‘It’s on the house,’ she tells him when he reaches for his wallet. It’s the least she can do.

‘See you later.’

She doesn’t in fact see Pat later, but she does mull his words over and over in her mind that night sat out on the porch well bundled up against the cooling evening air.

Life can be good.

They have a good life.

But she can’t deny it’s been better since she moved here and met the Halsteads. Jay.

Can’t deny that she doesn’t let herself dream of a life with him. A life where the three of them are a team. A family.

--------

He’s home today. Home for the foreseeable. He’s coming home and he wants to surprise her boy.

They’ve planned it out so that he’ll show up at his soccer game and she just knows Luke will lose it when he sees Jay there. There for him.

And Hailey’s fallen a little harder for the man next door. He’s been so excited about this.

Caroline and Pat are coming with her to the game later. They’ve been to a few of them now and Will and Owen showed up last weekend too.

But she knows the person he really wants to see on the sidelines is Jay.

Seems the feeling is mutual.

She can feel herself getting more nervous during the morning. Anticipatory butterflies running amok in her stomach because she and Jay have only become closer these last couple of months. They’ve been less guarded in their affection and their words though neither of them have quite given word to it but she knows he feels the same.

Her phone lights up on the counter as she and Luke finish up their breakfast.

She can feel his disappointment but there will be other soccer games.

Pat shoots her a reassuring smile when they all load into his truck a couple of hours later. Jay’s not going to make the game, but he should be home not long after it.

Luke’s team play brilliantly, and he beams when he hears Caroline and Pat cheering him on. She’s so glad she let him play in the age group above. He’s thrived on the challenge and made new friends and Jay was right – he holds his own no problem.

Hailey feels her own heartrate quicken as they pull into their street and when he hears the car pull into the driveway, she sees Jay appear from his parents’ front door. Army fatigues still on. He must have only just gotten home.

‘Luke, look who’s here,’ Pat says as he sets the truck in park and she watches with wide eyes at the way her son’s mouth falls open.

Luke looks to her – beaming - and then he’s scrambling to release his seatbelt and open the car door. He runs around the side of the truck and straight at Jay calling his name as Hailey steps out the truck herself.

‘Jay!’ he cries.

He runs full speed and Jay crouches down and scoops him up into a hug pulling him off his feet. Luke’s arms wrapped tightly around his neck and his legs around his torso. Hailey feels tears prick in the corner of her eyes. Hears a sniffle to her right and sees Caroline dabbing at her own as she tells Pat to take a photo.

‘God, kid. You’re so big,’ Jay says cradling a hand to the back of Luke’s head.

‘I know! I had to get new shoes ‘cause mom said I’m growing so much.’

Jay laughs and shakes his head like he can’t believe he’s home. Like he can’t believe he gets to see her son once more in the flesh and it makes her knees weak.

‘You’re home,’ Luke beams at him. His face inches from Jay’s.

‘Wanted to surprise you.’

‘What?’ she hears her son gasp. ‘You came back to surprise me?’

‘Course I did,’ Jay says easily. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’

Luke’s dimples are out in full force at the thought that he might just be Jay’s priority.

‘Your uniform is really cool,’ he says fingering at the dog tags that lay around Jay’s neck.

‘Thanks. So’s your shirt. Sorry I couldn’t get back in time for your game, but I can come to your next one.’

‘Awesome! We won and I didn’t score but I saved a goal from off the line.’

‘Well that is pretty awesome. You can tell me all about it.’

‘Hey, Luke,’ Caroline says glancing over at Hailey. ‘Why don’t you come inside and help me cut the cake I made for Jay?’

‘There’s cake?’

And Hailey chokes out a laugh at Luke’s response as he wriggles free from Jay’s arms.

‘Of course,’ Caroline beams. ‘Jay’s favourite.’

‘That’s my favourite too.’

He hasn’t even heard what it is yet and it makes Pat laugh beside her. She watches as Caroline and then Pat pull their son in for a hug. Pat whispers something to Jay that has him dipping his head and nodding to him before he follows after Caroline and Luke closing the front door behind them.

God, he really does look painfully attractive in his army gear. She’s not sure she could handle seeing him in his full dress gear.

‘You’ve made his year, you know?’ she says as Jay crosses over to her.

‘I don’t know about that,’ he smiles.

‘I do. Thank you for being so generous with your time whilst you’ve been gone and for doing this for him.’

‘Of course. Are you okay?’ he asks her and steps closer to her. The simple action making her heart race.

‘Me? I’m not the one whose been off overseas for the last eight months.’

‘Still wanna know if you’re okay. Luke wasn’t the only one I missed. You know that.’

She does but she still feels the heat rise in her cheeks all the same. ‘I’m good, Jay. It’s really good to have you home.’

‘Good to be back,’ he says shooting her the sweetest smile.

There’s a moment where they both just stand staring at one another and then she thinks about the fact that his parents have very clearly just given them a moment alone together and she’s wasting it after all this time.

Jay must have the same idea as he closes the little space between them and wraps her up in his arms. ‘Come here.’

She goes all too willingly and she feels him exhale when her arms wrap around his middle holding him just as close. Breathing him in.

She’s wanted this. Wanted so badly to be held like this by him. She buries her head in his shoulder and feels his arms tighten around her a little more.

He’s really home.

————

It’s just the five of them for cake at the Halsteads. Luke gives Jay the rundown on his game as he gets crumbs everywhere and his dad asks him about his journey back home.

It feels right that he’s home in a way she’s not sure she can put into words. When she finishes her coffee, he wordlessly grabs her mug and gets her a refill from the pot.

They stay longer than she thought they might. End up staying for dinner too and whether it’s the excitement of Jay being home or that he’s worn out from his game, Luke pretty much conks out at the dining room table.

‘I’ve got him,’ Jay says. ‘He weighs less than my backpack.’

And she’s seen Jay carry Luke to bed before but the sleepy way in which her boy opens his eyes and smiles when he sees it’s Jay setting him down in his room, melts her heart.

‘Come on, kiddo. Quick shower and then PJs and bed.’

Luke nods blearily and Jay turns to head from the room.

‘You okay to wait?’ she says to him and he nods at her. Smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

When she heads back downstairs a half hour or so later, she finds Jay sat at her kitchen counter looking thoroughly exhausted from his journey back across the Atlantic. It’s sometime in the middle of the night there now.

‘He go to sleep okay?’

‘Yeah,’ she nods coming to lean against the counter. ‘Out like a light. You must be shattered now.’

He runs a hand through his hair mussing it up in a way that’s sexier than it should be.

‘Yeah, I’m pretty beat now,’ he says rising to stand then blowing out a breath. ‘Listen, Hailey. Can I take you out in the next couple of days? For your birthday?’

She’s thirty. Her stomach shouldn’t somersault at the simple request, but it does. ‘My birthday was months ago.’

‘And I missed it. I don’t want to miss your birthdays. I’d like to take you to dinner to celebrate if you’re alright with that?’

She needs to be sure of what he’s asking. That this is it. The start for them.

‘Just me and you?’

‘Yeah. My parents will happily watch Luke.’

‘Won’t that seem -‘

‘Hailey,’ he laughs. ‘They raised me. They know me. They know how I - Hell, my dad told me whilst we were getting more drinks tonight that I should have kissed you in their driveway earlier.’

‘Oh god,’ she breathes, lifting a hand to her face.

He reaches out and gently pulls her hand away holding it in his.

‘Just to be clear in case it wasn’t - I would really like to kiss you, but I didn’t want our first kiss to be with an audience.’

‘Jay.’

First kiss. He said first.

‘Will you have dinner with me, Hailey?’ he asks again quietly. Earnestly. ‘I’ve thought about it for months.’

‘Dinner sounds perfect.’

His smile matches her own before he kisses her cheek. ‘Goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

They’re on the same page. They’re finally doing this. And god, the realisation that he’s really here hits her. That he’s home and in her house telling her he’s wanted to take her out for months now really hits her. He’s back and he wants her – wants them – and she couldn’t stop herself if she tried.

He makes it to the door when she calls his name and he turns in time to see her striding towards him. She presses up onto her toes, wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss.

His arms loop around her waist holding her close as he kisses her back with the same fervour. Like he needs nothing but her. She feels his tongue slide against hers and it makes a part of her awaken that she thought she’d left behind a long time ago. When they both part, breathless, he keeps his hands on her waist holding her close. His thumb brushing softly back and forth against her hip bone. His mouth still inches from her own. That adorable smile of his on his face.

‘I’ve thought about that for months too,’ he whispers.

Chapter Text

She kissed him. Hailey Upton kissed him and it felt like a kiss that lasted forever and ended too soon.

And now he finds himself awake lying on top of the covers of his bed staring up at the ceiling with a smile on his face that just won’t seem to go.

It’s not a moment he thinks he’s going to forget anytime soon. Ever really. The way her dimple had popped when he’d whispered that he’s thought of kissing her for months now. Longer really, if he’s honest with himself. The way she’d looked down and heat had flushed her cheeks pink.

He’d traced the indentation in her cheek with his thumb before kissing her once more. Trying to show her all that she’s come to mean to him.

He’s been so scared of messing this up, of crossing a line they can’t undo that he’d forgotten that crossing that line might just get him everything he wants because he knows she’s it for him.

They’re it for him.

And now everything he wants might just be within his grasp.

He shuffles on his bed. Smile still firmly in place.

It’s good to be home.

--------

She kissed him.

She kissed him and he’d kissed her right back. Kissed her like he’s been waiting a long time for a chance to do it and then he’d gone and told her as much and her heart had fluttered wildly in her chest.

‘Mom, is that okay?’

She looks up at the sound of her son’s voice jolting her from her wandering mind.

‘Sorry, kiddo. What was that?’

‘Can I go say hi to Jay before school?’

And she is absolutely smiling at the mere mention of his name. ‘Yeah, of course you can. Five minutes whilst I clean up from breakfast, okay.’

Luke grins and is up and out of his seat within seconds pulling on his sneakers and heading out the back door.

She’s just closed the door to the dishwasher when she hears voices filter in from on the decking and she turns to see Jay and Luke laughing together about something as they walk into the house.

‘Good morning,’ Jay says to her when his eyes land on hers and she knows it’s not really possible but somehow they seem greener today. Lighter.

‘Good morning.’

And there it is again. That undeniable flutter in her chest. Is this what it’s going to be like now?

‘You want a coffee?’ she says to him.

‘Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.’

She tells Luke to go grab his backpack and his hat as she hands Jay a mug.

‘You sleep okay?’ he asks her quietly stepping closer to her in the kitchen and she finds herself swaying into his space as she hums out an answer telling him that she did.

‘Did you?’

‘Eventually,’ he says simply taking a sip of his drink.

‘Jet lag?’

He smiles at her over the rim of his mug. ‘That and I couldn’t get you out of my head.’

Her stomach swoops and she knows her gaze drops to his lips. This man.

‘I’m ready,’ Luke says sliding to a stop around the corner into the kitchen.

‘Right,’ she says setting down her own mug. ‘Come on then, kiddo. Let’s get you to school.’

Jay tips away the coffee he hadn’t finished and sets it down next to hers.

‘Have a good day, you two,’ he tells them heading for the back door. ‘Luke, you wanna come lock me out the back door for your mom?’ He catches her eyes and smiles at her. ‘I’ll see you both later.’

When she pulls out the driveway, she sees Luke’s smiling face in the rearview mirror.

‘You’re pretty happy Jay’s home, huh?’

He nods enthusiastically beneath the brim of his cap. ‘Yeah. Do you really think he’ll come to one of my soccer games now he’s back?’

‘I definitely do. He really wanted to get there in time yesterday.’

She glances behind her again when she slows at the junction. Sees Luke quietly smiling to himself.

‘I’m gonna tell Clarke at recess that he came home to surprise me. His cousin is in the army like Jay.’

Clarke is one of the boys on his soccer team who’s in the grade above him at school and the two of them seem to get along like a house on fire.

‘Maybe Clarke’s cousin might surprise him one day too.’

‘Maybe, Luke,’ she says choosing her words carefully. The last thing she wants is for him to get another little boy’s hopes up if Clarke looks up to his cousin in any way that resembles how Luke does with Jay, ‘but Clarke’s cousin might not be able to do surprises for when he comes home. Jay’s done his job for a long time now so he gets a little more say sometimes.’

‘Okay,’ Luke says taking in her words. ‘And you save surprises for your favourite people, right?’

She feels a smile tug at the corner of her mouth.

‘Yeah, you do.’

Luke’s smile in her mirror is blinding.

--------

She’s not sure she even makes it five minutes into her day at Crumbs until Vanessa corners her as she’s getting extra ingredients from the fridge.

‘So, you’re smiling a lot today,’ her friend hums looking like the cat that got the cream.

‘I am?’

She is. She absolutely knows she is.

Jay had text her and said he might swing by with his mom at some point in the day.

‘You are and you know it,’ Vanessa says nudging her hip against hers. ‘Luke like his surprise then?’

‘Loved it.’

‘And you? You loved it too, right?’

She finishes wrapping the sandwiches she’s been working on and when she turns to face her friend, she knows there’s no sense in denying it.

‘Yeah, I did. You should have seen his face, V.’

‘Whose - Luke’s or Jay’s?’

‘Both,’ she admits with a smile. Both of them had been so ridiculously happy to see the other.

‘And the two of you…’ Vanessa says leaving her words open as she so often does when she asks about the two them.

‘He asked me out to dinner.’

‘He what?’ Vanessa gasps.

‘And we kissed.’

The lettuce in Vanessa’s hand drops to the floor.

--------

He’s taking the week before starting up on work again with his dad. Knows his dad would be happy if he took longer but he’s not good at doing nothing. His mind dwells on too many of the things he’s seen and honestly, he enjoys the work. He’s better when he keeps busy.

When he’d watched Hailey pull out the driveway this morning, he’d pretty much immediately gone to ask his mom if she wanted to go out and grab lunch at some point in the day which she’d been all too happy to agree to.

‘And do you have anywhere in mind, sweetheart?’

God, he’s missed his mom and her overexcited meddling when it comes to her family.

‘Maybe Crumbs,’ he said running a hand through his hair.

His mom had clapped her hands together and crossed the kitchen to where he was sat leaning down to press a kiss to his hair.

‘Crumbs it is,’ she’d grinned.

--------

It’s been a busy day. Mondays tend to be heavy on the coffee and the breakfast rush and then it often quietens down come lunch, but they’ve had more customers than usual today.

Only there’s one customer she keeps glancing towards the door for every time the bell jingles and this time when she looks up in hope, it actually is him.

Perfectly handsome in a simple t-shirt and jeans.

She watches him hold the door open for Caroline as his mom laughs at something he says and lovingly smacks a palm against his chest.

‘Halsteads,’ she hears Vanessa grin welcoming them both. ‘Glad to have you home, Jay.’

He readjusts the cap on his head a little and thanks Vanessa. Tells her it’s good to be back.

‘I’ll bet,’ Vanessa scoffs.

‘Hi, Hailey honey,’ Caroline calls down the counter waving to her as Hailey tops off a cappuccino she’s making for one of their regulars.

Jay sidles down towards her and yep, there are those butterflies in her stomach again at the mere sight of him.

‘We just gonna leave those two in one another’s company? You think that’s safe?’ she asks him. Eyes shooting down to the far end of the counter to where Vanessa and Jay’s mom have fallen into conversation.

‘I think it lets me spend a minute or two alone with you so yeah, I’m good with it.’

She bites her lip to try and hide her smile. ‘That was craftily sweet.’

‘Like one of those muffins you’re gonna throw in for free.’

‘For your mom? Of course. You – not so much. You can pay.’

His laughter warms her. ‘Noted, Hailey Upton. I see how it is. You name sandwiches after my dad, give my mom free baked goods…’

‘They’re good people,’ she shrugs with a smile.

‘I’m wounded over here,’ he says leaning across the counter towards her.

‘You’re really not.’

‘No,’ he smiles. It might her favourite smile of his. Quiet. Full of promises. Just for her. ‘I’m actually pretty great.’

She knows what he means.

He plays soccer in the backyard with Luke for a half hour when they get home later before disappearing to go get dinner with Will, but he finds her out on her back porch that night. Sits himself down beside her on the step.

Asks her if Friday will be okay to take her out and she smiles and tells him yes despite part of her wanting to say it seems too far away but then he goes and follows it up by explaining that he thought it might seem less strange for Luke than it being on a school night, and she reaches over to tangle her fingers with his.

‘Thank you.’

‘Of course,’ he says earnestly. 

‘Do you mind if we keep this between us - just for now. Just whilst we’re figuring things out. It’s just Luke will lose his mind.’

And she’s not really dated before either. Not since becoming a mom. His dad doesn’t count and bar a couple of dates here and there that Vanessa had forced her on these past few years, she’s a little worried she’s forgotten how to do it all. 

There’s certainly been nobody she would even consider bringing around Luke and she knows her son will be happy about this. Ecstatic really but his mind will go into overdrive, and he’ll ask a hundred beautifully random and possibly awkward questions.

Questions she knows that the man beside her can handle but it still seems a lot. There’s a lot on the line.

‘Yeah, I get it.’

She searches his face under the light of the stars. Sees no trace of unease.

‘You sure? I don’t want you to think that I don’t want this. Or you.’

‘I don’t think that.’

‘Okay,’ she says and feels her shoulders relax a little. ‘Okay good.’

He reaches across and tilts her chin up towards his. ‘Can I kiss you goodnight now? Are you done worrying?’

A breathy laugh escapes her. ‘For now.’

His lips capture her bottom lip between his and he kisses her softly. A kiss to reassure. To calm. His mouth moves against hers once, twice more before his fingers thread into her hair and he tilts his head. Her mouth opening up beneath him as she shifts closer to him across the decking.

When they part, she feels a little breathless.

‘I really love kissing you,’ he mumbles against her lips.

It’s a sentiment she understands all too well.

--------

It’s a week of stolen kisses on her back porch once Luke is in bed. Of tangled fingers and quiet, shared laughter beneath the stars.

He and Luke are both sat on the floor around the coffee table in the lounge working on one of his latest Lego creations when she asks if Jay wants to stay for dinner. That she’s making Mexican. He tells her that would be good and then pushes himself to stand trailing after her into the kitchen. Asks her if she needs any help with dinner and she tells him she’s all good.

He reaches over briefly to squeeze her hand in his before he tops up Luke’s water and then heads back for the lounge. She glances up from time to time when she’s preparing the ingredients and can’t help but smile at the sight.

At how much happiness the two of them get from just spending time with one another. How patient Jay is with her son. How generous he is with his time. How readily he makes her son’s laughter ring out across their home.

It’s not anything she’s dared to hope for in recent years, but it feels within her grasp now - a life like this.

A life where she might have a partner to walk beside her. Where Luke might have someone else in his life whom he can count on.

And when she’s closing up Crumbs for the night the following day and Luke is sat at one of the tables folding a series of paper airplanes that he’d patiently waited to fire across the shop until she’d turned over the closed sign, he asks a question that makes her think her boy might be picking up on how good it feels for the three of them to get to be together again. That he’s noticed how much more time Jay is now spending with them.

‘I liked Jay coming for dinner,’ he says, and she glances up to see him with his tongue poking out in concentration as he tries to perfect a fold.

‘Me too, kiddo.’

‘Do you think he’ll come for dinner today?’

‘I was thinking we could maybe stop and get some food on the way home actually.’

‘Cool! Can I get a hot dog?’

‘I reckon we can manage that.’

‘What about tomorrow?’

‘What about tomorrow?’

Luke’s chair scrapes back against the floor as he pulls back his arm and fires off his latest creation that turns in the air and makes a beeline for Hailey making him giggle as she wags her finger at him.

‘Can Jay come for dinner tomorrow?’

She rounds the counter and comes to press a kiss to the top of his head.

‘You liked him staying for dinner, huh?’

Luke nods with so much gusto that the waves in his hair shake and she brushes it out of his eyes. She needs to book him a haircut.

‘I love Jay. He’s the best.’

Her heart thunders in her chest. She doesn’t disagree with her son’s words.

‘We can ask him to come to dinner if he’s free.’

Luke beams as he scoops up his planes and stuffs them into his backpack.

‘Do you think he likes mac and cheese?’

She scoffs at his question as they make their way outside and she locks up and pulls down the shutters for the night. ‘That’s a sneaky way of asking for it for dinner. I’m onto you, kid.’

Luke’s dimples pop and she marvels at how lucky she got with her boy who is smart and kind and absolutely full of mischief.

--------

He’s a little nervous.

He’s spent years of his life at war but he’s standing before the mirror in his annexe apartment with his heart thumping in his chest at the thought of taking Hailey out tonight. He pulls at the bottom of his shirt once more though it didn’t need straightening in the first place and picks up the bag on the counter before heading over next door.

When he knocks, he only has to wait a few moments before the door is pulled open and he feels his mouth fall open as he takes her in before him.

She’s stunning in a long summery dress that skims down past her knees and he can’t help but smile at the pair of sneakers on her feet.

‘Wow,’ he says realising he’s just been stood staring. ‘You’re beautiful.’

‘You too,’ she says smoothing a hand through her hair. It’s down in her usual waves but they look different tonight though he couldn’t say what she’s done. ‘The wow I mean.’

‘Yeah?’

He’s not a stranger to getting compliments on his appearance but it feels entirely different when they come from her.

‘Mmm hmmm,’ she grins and it’s the smile that makes him lose his resolve.

That has him stepping forwards and backing them up through her doorway so he can kiss her hello.

The bag in his hand crinkles between them as she pushes closer, and it makes them both laugh. A silent question in her eyes.

‘So I was gonna bring you flowers,’ he says passing it over to her, ‘but…’

‘You bought me bear claws,’ she breathes peeking inside the bag.

‘Well your mini-me once told me they were the way to your heart.’

Her eyes widen a little but he loves the way the blue in them brightens a little further. ‘You didn’t need the bear claws, Jay.’

‘Well I’m gonna bring them to you anyway,’ he hums and steals another kiss because he’s waited so long to kiss her and honestly, he thinks he’s a little addicted to her kisses already.

‘Are you sure the sneakers are okay? I know you said to wear something comfy.’

‘They’re perfect. You really do look amazing, Hailey.’

‘Thank you,’ she smiles gifting him a glimpse of her dimple and he reaches for her hand as they head to the truck. His parents have gone out with Luke walking a few blocks to a local restaurant that do good burgers and he’s grateful to them for allowing he and Hailey a little privacy.

He opens the door for her and steals another kiss when she’s sat in the passenger seat making her laugh.

‘I’m not sure this much kissing is supposed to happen before a first date has even really started,’ she teases as he settles into the driver’s seat.

‘We’re making our own rules,’ he says throwing a wink her way. ‘And the kissing thing is entirely your fault.’

‘Excuse me?’ she says eyes wide and mock outrage on her face.

‘I told you I’d waited a long time to be able to kiss you and I can’t help it when you smile at me like that.’

--------

She’d felt nervous before he’d shown up at her door and she’d told herself it was just Jay. That she’s spent countless hours in his company. That he’s seen her without makeup on when she can’t sleep in the middle of the night, that he’s seen her cry and be vulnerable and he’s helped her take care of her son when he was sick.

But it’s also Jay. The man she’s completely head over heels for and so she’d felt that flutter within her chest waiting for him to show up at her door.

And then he’d brought her bear claws.

She’d told him he doesn’t need them.

(He already has her heart. Has for the longest time.)

And tonight has been perfect.

He’d taken her to a Greek restaurant up on North Wells and she’d frowned a little that he’d known she was a fan. That it reminds her of one of the few good things about her family history.

He’d reached up to scratch behind his ear when he’d admitted his mom had in fact suggested that Greek food might be a nice touch and it had warmed her heart. Both his lowkey embarrassment that his mom had a hand in their evening and that his family seem invested in the two of them becoming a them.

Caroline had quietly told her she hoped they had a wonderful evening when she’d come to collect Luke earlier in the evening and if Hailey wasn’t mistaken, she’d held herself back from saying more as she’d stood and smiled at Hailey nodding to herself before they’d taken their leave.

The food was delicious and she’d felt more of the walls she’s put up fall away when he’d quietly clinked his wine glass against hers and wished her a happy belated birthday. Truth be told though, she would have been happy had he have taken her a street vendor. She’s just happy being in his company. It’s Jay she wants. She doesn’t need fancy but she does appreciate the care.

They’d driven further north until he’d parked up and the reason behind the comfy shoes becomes clear.

‘I thought we could take a walk along the beach,’ he says. ‘I’ve got a sweatshirt in the back in case you’re cold.’

The evening air is cooling but it’s still warm and she tells him she’s good with her denim jacket. The two of them set off strolling along the lakefront trail at Oak Street Beach and he reaches for her hand intertwining their fingers together as they walk.

She can’t remember the last time she held hands with someone in a romantic sense but the warmth of his palm in hers feels right.

They laugh and share stories as they walk along and talking about Luke comes naturally into the conversation too. To both of them.

They need this time together. Time alone. And she wants it but if they’re doing this then Luke is a part of it all too. Luke is a part of the deal and she knows that the man beside her understands that.

‘This is nice.’

The words leave her mouth before she realises she’s really said them aloud.

He squeezes her hand beneath his. Teasing smile on his face. ‘Nice?’

‘Well more than nice. I should have said something better. I just meant –‘

‘I know what you meant. It is nice,’ he says understandingly.

He lifts their joined hands and wraps his arm around her shoulder pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her temple as they walk.

It is nice. It‘s that maddening dance of butterflies in her stomach and a safety net at the same time. It’s him.

And it feels a little like home being tucked into his side.

-------

He already knew he never wanted another first date with anyone else before he’d even knocked on her door this evening, but everything about tonight has only confirmed it.

She’s amazing and he doesn’t know what the hell he’s done in life to deserve her. To have her look at him as she has done tonight. To get to walk along with his arm around her shoulder holding her close for all to see.

It gives him hope that he can have the kind of life he’s barely let himself dream of having and that hope has him laying it all on the line on her front porch.

He swallows hard as he takes both her hands in his.

‘Hailey, I want this. I want us. I know I’m not the best prospect, but I promise I will do all I can to be good enough for you. For Luke.’

‘Jay,’ she breathes as his name falls from her lips. ‘You’re the best thing that could happen to us. Why on earth would you think you’re not good enough?’

‘My job. The baggage that comes with,’ he admits quietly giving voice to the part of him that knows he’s not a whole man these days let alone one who’s in the country. ‘I know I’m not always present. I know I leave. I get it if you don’t want that for you and Luke, but I can’t not take my shot. Not when it’s you.’

He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and traces her dimple taking her in when she’s this close. His shoulders rise and fall quickly knowing what he needs to say.

‘I’m saying if it’s not worth the risk for you – this, us - then I’ll understand. I’m not gonna check out of Luke’s life. Or yours. I couldn’t if I tried.’

Her eyes are impossibly blue as they dart between his and then she grips the front of his shirt in her palms and kisses him. Her tongue seeking out his and he wraps an arm around her waist needing her closer.

‘You’re enough, Jay,’ she whispers against his lips. ‘Just as you are.’

And then he kisses her once more. Heart soaring in his chest. He backs them up until they’re at her door and he forces himself to pull back a little until she can reach for her keys.

‘Come on, I want five minutes to kiss you and then we can go get Luke,’ he says peppering kisses to her neck as she turns the key in the lock.

And they make the most of their five minutes. He lifts her up onto her little kitchen island and steps in between her legs. Legs that wrap themselves around his back and make him nearly forget himself as her dress slides up over her thighs.

When they finally slow their kiss down again until they’re just breathing one another in stealing soft kisses, he tells her that he’s had the best night.

‘Why haven’t we been doing that before?’ he murmurs in regards to their current set up and he’s rewarded with the sound of her laughter.

He always wants to make her laugh like that.

‘As much as I want to continue this, I also wanna do this right,’ he says sliding his palm down her thigh and lowering her dress. ‘So let’s go get Luke before I forget about being a gentleman on the first date.’

She nods.  A little breathless. ‘Give me a minute.’

He quirks a brow at her as she hops down off the counter.

‘Jay, I’m sure I have beard burn right now and I’m not doing some pseudo version of the walk of shame into your parents’ house when they’ve looked after my son.’

He laughs because she’s not wrong. Her chin is pretty red right now. ‘Fair enough but they’ll be nothing but happy.’

‘And I still don’t want them finding out by seeing my face all red from your stubble.’

She comes back downstairs a couple of minutes later and she narrows her eyes at what he knows is a dopey smile on his face.

‘What?’

‘I just like that there’s something to find out is all.’

‘Me too,’ she tells him and reaches for his hand.

He eases open his parents’ front door and the two of them step inside the hallway only to be met by his dad coming out of the kitchen with a steaming mug in hand which Jay knows will be for his mom. Hailey’s converted her to tea in an evening.

‘Hey, has he been okay?’ Hailey asks quietly.

‘Golden,’ Pat says easily, and it makes Jay smile as the two of them follow his dad into the den.

‘Thank you so much for watching him tonight.’

His mom smiles when she sees them both and rises to stand from the couch where Luke is tucked into the corner of the sectional sound asleep.

‘Anytime. We love having him. You two have a nice time?’ his mom asks happily. That familiar twinkle in her eye. 

‘Yes, thank you,’ Hailey says beside him. ‘Really good.’

‘He paid for everything, right? I don’t need to cuff him round the ear?’ Pat jokes.

‘Perfect gentleman,’ she confirms beside him though he thinks he wasn’t entirely gentlemanly with her about ten minutes ago.

She moves towards the couch to wake Luke, but Jay reaches out to squeeze her hand.

‘It’s okay, I got him.’

He crouches down to scoop him up into his arms and knows he’s genuinely asleep when his head lolls backwards making his parents smile as Jay shifts to rest Luke’s head against his shoulder.

‘Are we locking up behind you son?’ Pat asks as they see them to the door and Jay doesn’t know whether to laugh or throttle his father right now who is enjoying this whole scenario far too much.

‘I’ll be back in five minutes,’ he says without turning back as he and Hailey walk down the path. ‘To the annexe so you’d be locking your own door anyway, old man.’ He adds and he hears his father’s gruff laugh of amusement as they shut their front door.

‘Oh my god, he didn’t just say that,’ Hailey says burying her face in her hands.

‘He did,’ Jay says as they take the steps to Hailey’s front porch. ‘He absolutely did. Now imagine trying to date when I was a teenager.’

She giggles and he knows he’s more than happy for that sound to become the soundtrack to his days.

--------

‘What are you doin’?’

‘Hey, Luke.’

He looks up and sees Luke in his crocs standing in the doorway to open garage. Cap on backwards as he swings one leg back and forth.

‘I’m just making sure my bike is safe to ride.’

‘What’s that?’ Luke asks pointing to where Jay is currently working.

‘I’m replacing the coolant because I haven’t done it since before I went to Germany.’

‘Does that keep your bike cool?’ Luke asks coming closer and crouching down beside him.

‘Yeah, and from time to time it helps to drain the liquid out, flush it out with water and replace it.’

‘Does that help to keep it safe?’

‘It does and then I’m gonna put a new radiator cap on too. You can help me with that if you want?’

Luke listens carefully when they get there and Jay smiles when he watches the boy’s tongue poke out as he concentrates and follows the instructions Jay gives him.

‘Mom says I’m not old enough to ride a bike,’ Luke says as they finish up and Jay gives him something to wipe his hands clean on that isn’t the front of his shirt.

‘Your mom’s right. I didn’t get a bike until I was twenty after I’d saved up.’

‘That’s like a million years away,’ Luke pouts making Jay laugh at his exaggeration. ‘Can I sit on it at least?’ Luke asks eyeing Jay’s motorcycle up for size. ‘Would that be okay?’

‘Go ask your mom but whatever she says is the right answer, okay?’

Luke nods and takes off at top speed pushing open the back gate and disappearing up into the house.

He continues to clear away a little in the garage until he hears footsteps again behind him.

‘She said yes! Mom said yes.’

Jay turns to find both the Uptons standing in the opening to the garage. Soft smile on Hailey’s face.

‘Well okay then,’ Jay says. ‘Let me bring it out onto the drive for you then.’

He wheels his bike out before flicking down the kickstand so it’s secure.

Luke’s eyes widen as he walks around the bike and Jay’s not sure Hailey will thank him for this in ten years’ time given the way the boy’s eyes light up but he lifts Luke from below his shoulders and up and onto his bike.

‘Whoah,’ Luke breathes and Jay can’t help but smile. He looks adorable on there. His little legs straddling the bike and sticking out into the air as he reaches for the handlebars. ‘Mom, do I look really cool?’

Jay lifts his gaze to Hailey and she’s shaking her head smiling at the awe on her son’s face before she fishes her phone from her pocket to snap a few photos of Luke. Jay steps to the side before Hailey tells him to get back in the photo and he leans in close to Luke and smiles at her as she takes a few photos of the two of them together.

Knows he’ll want her to send him the photos.

‘Hey, Luke!’

They all turn at the sound of his mom’s voice from her back door.

‘Looking pretty cool on there, mister. You want some cake?’

‘Yes, please!’ he calls out and then realises he can’t get down on his own.

‘Jay?’ he asks.

‘I think I’m gonna leave you on there,’ Jay grins. ‘Go and eat your slice of cake for myself instead.’

‘What? No!’ Luke giggles. ‘Mom – help!’

‘I heard there was cake,’ Hailey shrugs and pretends to walk away.

‘Mom! Jay!’ Luke laughs. ‘Come on!’

‘I’ll get you down if you help me do something nice and make dinner for your mom later?’ Jay says and Luke nods eagerly as Jay lifts him up and sets him back down on his feet before he scampers off.

‘You’re making me dinner?’ Hailey murmurs swaying into his space.

‘If that’s okay with you?’

‘It is.’

She glances up at the house and then presses a quick kiss to his lips before disappearing after Luke leaving Jay stood grinning in the driveway.

---------

‘So, you and Hailey. You’re finally doing this?’

‘Real subtle, bro.’

Will dunks a few more of his fries coating them in ketchup before eating them. The two of them grabbing a quick lunch together since Will isn’t on shift today.

‘Wasn’t aiming for subtlety and I’m still waiting for you to answer my question.’

‘Yeah,’ he nods then finds himself grinning. ‘Yeah, we are.’

He watches his brother lean back in his seat and smile right back at him. ‘I’m so happy for you, Jay. You deserve to be happy and Hailey and Luke are great.’

‘They make me happy.’

‘I know. We’ve all known. Pretty much since day one.’

His laughter mingles with his brother’s. Guess he’s never been too subtle where the Uptons are concerned.

‘So things went well when you took her out last week?’

‘Yeah, it was…’ He can’t say perfect in front of his brother, but it would be true. ‘Great. It was great.’

‘Where’d you guys go?’

He gives his brother a brief rundown of their night.

‘God, I bet Luke is on cloud nine,’ Will says. ‘You’re that boy’s hero.’

‘He doesn’t actually know yet.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘I think Hailey is just trying to figure out how to go about it all with him and I respect that.’

‘Yeah, of course,’ Will says understandingly. ‘So if you picked up Luke when you guys got home, you two didn’t get chance to…’

He sets his own burger down. ‘Will, come on.’

His brother holds up his hands placatingly. ‘No, I’m not being a dick. I’m just asking because I happen to have a five- year-old who would love to have his buddy Luke for a sleepover this weekend so you two could maybe have some alone time.’

This is definitely not a conversation he was expecting to have over lunch and he’s not entirely sure what to say. ‘I mean, that’s up to Hailey but thanks man.’

‘No sweat, bro. After that, you’re gonna have to figure out how to be quiet on your own.’

‘Geez,’ Jay says and drags a hand through his hair before he looks up at the grin on his brother’s face.

‘Welcome to having a kid, little brother.’

--------

Natalie’s phone call one afternoon that week had taken her a little by surprise when she’d offered for Luke to have a sleepover at their place on Saturday night. She’d hesitated a little and Natalie had picked up on it.

‘Look, Hailey you get to be you too now. Not just Luke’s mom. We’d love to have him and look, if it makes you feel better, maybe you and Jay can repay the favour sometime.’

And so she bundles Luke off on Saturday afternoon pressing enough kisses to his cheeks to make him giggle and squirm. Her little boy thrilled at the prospect of sleeping in the fort Will’s promised to build them both.

She heads up the steps to Jay’s place above the garage a few hours later and it’s only when he swings the door open that she realises she’s never actually been up here.

‘Hey, dinner’s nearly ready,’ he says stealing a kiss. ‘Do you want to open the wine?’

She takes in the place as she uncorks the bottle. It’s him. Tidy, varying shades of blue and a tan leather couch. A bed against the far wall that looks ridiculously comfy. The whole place is somehow so him and it helps to settle the nerves she’s feeling. She wants this. Wants him desperately but it’s not stopped her from feeling jittery since Luke left.

It’s not until she hears him call her name that she realises her mind had drifted.

‘What, sorry?’

‘I asked if Luke had gotten off okay? He excited? Owen was stoked about the idea when I saw him yesterday.’

‘Yeah, he seemed really excited.’

‘Hey,’ Jay says turning down the burners and making his way towards her sensing she’s a little on edge. ‘What’s up?’

She closes her eyes and lets the feel of his hands on her waist steady her.

‘Talk to me,’ he urges softly.

She wills herself to look up and meet his gaze. ‘It’s just been a while for me. That’s all. I guess I’m just overthinking it.’

One of his hands slides up to cradle her head. His fingers grazing through her hair. ‘It’s been a while for me too.’

‘It has?’

‘Hailey,’ he says gently. Eyes impossibly green, ‘there’s been no one since I met you.’

Her heart skips a beat. ‘What?

He shakes his head at her. Gaze full of something that steals her breath away.

‘Hailey, how could I look at anyone else?’

She feels tears spring to her eyes. ‘Jay.’

‘I mean it. I was so taken with you from that first night. Both of you.’

‘Me too.’

‘You were?’ he asks and god, she’s fallen so hard for him. For this man who has no idea how good he is. Who doesn’t see himself like the rest of the world does.

‘Yeah, I actually felt kind of embarrassed by how attractive I found you. I didn’t really know where to look.’

And he blushes. The handsome 6ft soldier before her who’s told her he’s only had eyes for her since they met. Who’s proven that to her in all of his actions.

‘Jay,’ she says winding her arms around his neck. ‘Will dinner keep?’

He steals a kiss and then another. ‘Dinner will absolutely keep.’

And then he scoops her up into his arms and carries her to his bed.

--------

He’s been awake for a while now but waking with Hailey in his arms means he’s in no rush to move. She’s turned on her side facing him. One hand laying gently on his chest. Her blonde hair fanned out around her.

She’s beautiful. Now. Always.

He can’t resist leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead and it has her stirring awake. A happy smile on her face.

‘Good morning,’ he says shuffling closer and pulling her into his arms.

‘Morning,’ she smiles.

‘Sleep okay?’

‘Slept perfectly.’

Him too. Neither of them are great sleepers. Their regular conversations sat on her back porch are testament to that but he’d slept soundly with her beside him and he thinks it’s only a little to do with what they’d gotten up to last night.

More so to do with them being right where they’re supposed to be.

He eases himself from her embrace to make them both a coffee and he can’t help but keep glancing over to where she’s now sat up in bed with sleep mussed hair and the sheets wrapped around her on her phone.

‘You checking in on Luke?’ he asks as he climbs back into bed beside her, and she thanks him for the coffee with a kiss.

‘Yeah, Nat says he’s all good. They’re still fast asleep bless them. They said they’ll drop him back in an hour on their way to Owen’s swim lesson.’

She shows him a photo Nat had sent through of the two boys asleep in the blanket fort Will had made for them. Owen is curled up under the blankets but Luke has kicked them off and is sprawled out on the floor like a starfish. God, he loves that kid.

‘An hour huh?’ he says grinning at her around his coffee cup.

‘You got any ideas how we could pass the time?’ she says setting her mug down on the nightstand.

He reaches over and lifts her up so she’s sat on top of him straddling his hips. ‘I can think of a few ways to say good morning properly.’

And after when she’s tying her hair into some sort of effortlessly messy braid over her shoulder she makes him laugh saying at least her walk of shame home is pretty short.

‘Hailey,’ he smiles reaching for her. ‘That doesn’t count when we’re in a relationship.’

They both pause. Shared smiles on their faces. It’s the first time either of them have called it that despite it being exactly what it is.

‘Last night was incredible,’ he tells her.

She bites her lip in that way of hers that does him in. ‘Yeah, it really was.’ She presses up onto her toes to kiss him. ‘I’ll see you in a bit.’

He nods and watches her go feeling in a bit of a daze from how the last twelve hours have left him feeling. He’s so in love with her.

And it had been on the tip of his tongue so many times last night, but he didn’t want to say it whilst they were naked in case she thought for a single second that he was saying it because of that reason. That it would be something he’d said in the heat of the moment when really it’s something he feels in every moment.

So he’d tried to show her instead with every kiss and every touch. In the way that the two of them came together and how he made her fall apart again and again.

There’s a knock on his door that pulls him from his thoughts, and he opens it to find Hailey there on the other side. Eyes wide.

‘You okay?’

‘Come with me,’ she says breathing the words out in a rush.

‘Okay,’ he says not quite following. ‘Where?’

‘Come with me and Luke to get breakfast this morning. We’ll go out and get some food and just, come with us.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ she nods. ‘Like you said, we’re in a relationship now and I want this to work so badly, Jay. Luke needs to get used to the three of us being together like that so get ready and come over to the house and then when he gets back the three of us can go out. Together.’

Together. He likes the sound of that.

--------

Jay’s only eaten half of his breakfast sandwich when Luke just does a Luke and says what’s on his mind.

‘Are you two dating?’ he asks eyes darting between his mom sitting next to him and Jay sitting across from them in the booth. ‘Like kissing and stuff?’

Jay nearly chokes on his orange juice.

‘What makes you say that, dude?’ Hailey says taking it in her stride and turning to brush the hair back from Luke’s forehead.

‘Jay eats with us a lot now. You both smile all the time and Jay looks at you like Mr Halstead looks at Mrs Halstead.’

He and Hailey’s eyes meet across the table and he can’t help but let out a chuckle at Luke’s words. Nothing gets past this kid.

Hailey shifts in the booth so she can better face Luke and Jay feels his chest tighten at her next words. ‘How would you feel if we were dating?’

‘And kissing and stuff?’ Luke asks slurping down the last of his drink.

God, this kid.

Hailey makes a slightly strangled noise at the back of her throat and nods and it’s enough confirmation for Luke.

His grin nearly splits his face in half as he looks across at Jay and then kneels up in the booth and throws his arms around his mom essentially hugging her neck as she catches him.

‘Yes! I’d be really happy. Jay’s awesome.’

He feels relief flood through him. They’d both thought Luke would be happy about it but still, seeing his happiness is something else entirely and it hits him hard.

‘I really am awesome,’ he jokes and he hears Luke's laugh muffled against his mom's neck.

Hailey catches his eye and he can see she’s a little emotional right now. It has him reaching a hand across the table to squeeze hers before Luke releases her and turns his attention to Jay.

‘Can we practise soccer in the yard later? Does that mean we can go camping? Mom doesn’t like it. Will you take me?’

‘If it’s okay with your mom, then yeah, we can go sometime.’

Truthfully, he’d love to take him camping. Wants them to be his family. Wants Luke to know and feel exactly how much he loves him. Loves spending time with him.

And he’s so glad Luke seems to just be taking this in his stride.

‘Awesome. Can I fill up my drink please, mom?’

‘Sure, kid. Stay where I can see you.’

Hailey gets out the booth and slides into Jay’s side so she can still see Luke as he goes to fill up his drink from the soda station. Jay smiles when he has to stand on his tiptoes to reach and he throws his arm around Hailey pulling her into his side.

‘I’m awesome.’

‘Yeah,’ she says looking up at him, ‘you kinda are. Though should I be worried that he always follows kissing up with ‘and stuff’? I mean, where the hell did he get that from?’

He laughs and tilts her chin up kissing her softly and he feels her melt into the kiss.

‘Gross.’

They pull apart and turn to see Luke climbing back into his seat and Jay’s not entirely sure how gross the kid finds it when he’s smiling at them both so hard that his dimples are out in full force.

Jay gives Hailey’s shoulder a light squeeze before he speaks again.

‘Sorry Luke but I’m gonna kiss your mom a lot because she’s amazing and beautiful and smart.’

‘And she’s fun,’ Luke adds.

‘That too.’

‘Okay then,’ Luke says.

Blue eyes, so like his mom’s, meet Jay’s and he smiles.

Chapter Text

‘Luke,’ she calls out pushing the back door open, ‘come in and take a break, buddy.’

He’s been out there for nearing a half hour now working tirelessly dribbling a ball in between a set of cones and then striking it into the goalposts at the far end of their yard.

It’s hot out. She can see the way his hair is sticking to his forehead, and he has a game in just over an hour’s time.

‘I’m practising,’ he says stubbornly.

‘Yeah and you will have worn out your kicking leg before the starting whistle.’

‘Nobody says kicking leg, mom.’

‘And yet you know exactly what I mean. You got two minutes Luke Upton and then you need to be in here for a snack and a drink.’

She turns and leaves him to it knowing the full name treatment will get him inside and lo and behold the door swings open a couple of minutes later revealing her boy standing toeing his shoe into the ground looking down at the floor.

‘Sorry, mom.’

‘Thank you,’ she says and holds out a juice towards him which he comes and takes from her gulping most of it down before he leans against her legs burying his face against her.

She knows him. Knows to wait him out.

‘What if I play bad?’ he says so quietly she almost misses it.

She gently eases his face back so he can see her when she speaks. Sees the worry there as she pushes his sweaty hair back.

‘Luke? What do you mean? As long as you try your best, that’s all that matters. You know that. That’s what coach says to you all every game and he means it. I mean it.’

‘I want Jay to be proud of me,’ he mumbles. ‘I want to be good.’

Her heart twists in her chest. That explains the incessant practise this morning then. Jay is coming to his game this weekend for the first time and they’d both seemed so excited about it yesterday – Jay and her boy – but today nerves seem to have hit Luke.

‘Whoah, hey,’ she says crouching down in front of him. ‘Luke, he’s so proud of you. All the time. He’s proud of you for a hundred different reasons and he’s going to love coming to see you do something you love today and get to cheer you on but how proud he is of you won’t change because of how you play today.’

‘Yeah?’ Luke says eyes widening in hope.

There’s no hesitation on Hailey’s behalf. ‘Absolutely.’

She tells Luke to go wash his hands and then he can eat his snack and when he comes back to the kitchen, he clambers up onto one of the bar stools and starts tucking into his food though he remains quiet. Decidedly un-Luke like.

‘Hey.’

She turns to see Jay standing at the screen door, smile on his face and she waves him in. He toes off his sneakers and lifts off his cap setting it on the side as he dips down to press a kiss to her cheek.

‘Hey, Luke,’ he says and Luke waves a hand at him before taking another bite of his sandwich.

Jay frowns beside her at Luke’s reaction.  ‘What did I miss?’ he says quietly enough for only her to here.

‘Actually Jay, can I borrow you for a second? The flush is playing up in the downstairs bathroom,’ she tells him and grabs his wrist to lead him away. ‘Luke, stay there. I’ll be back in a sec,’ she calls over her shoulder.

They round the corner but she stops short of going into the bathroom.

‘The flush is playing up?’ Jay says. Lips quirking into a smile.

She loves his smile so much and it momentarily distracts her.

‘It was the first thing that came into my head.’

His hand comes to rest on her cheek. ‘What’s up?’

As she explains, she sees her words hit home for Jay. How his eyebrows crinkle in hurt and frustration that Luke might be feeling like that. Jay won’t say it but they both know where it’s coming from.

Yes, he wants to impress Jay. Soccer is one of the first things the two of them bonded over and Luke loves him so it’s natural he’ll want to show off a little but the worry about him not being proud – that’s absolutely a reaction caused by his father’s decisions and she hates it. Hates that her son might feel the need to try and prove to himself that he’s worth someone’s time and love.

‘You happy if I talk to him?’ Jay says and she nods. Knows her words have only gotten them so far but maybe Jay can get through to him on this one.

She tells herself she’s not snooping but she probably is as she leans against the bottom of the stairs and watches the two of them. Jay slides onto the bar stool beside Luke and steals a couple of the cucumber slices from his plate knowing full well they’re Luke’s least favourite item on the plate and that he’s helping the kid out.

‘Mom told you?’ Luke says turning his face to look up at Jay.

‘Yeah, she did bud. Luke, I love you,’ Jay says and she can feel it in his words. Knows her son will too. ‘I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of you every day for so many things. I’m proud of you for how focussed you are with your soccer and your effort and those things won’t change whether it’s a good game or a bad one.’

Luke worries his bottom lip between his teeth. ‘That’s what mom said.’

‘I keep telling you she’s wise. Way smarter than me.’

And just like that, just as he always manages, Jay works his magic to pull a laugh out of Luke.

‘And hey, look I’m not just gonna come to this one game, okay,’ Jay tells him. ‘I’m gonna come to your games when I’m home and not working just like your mom does so whatever happens today, happens, okay? Some games are good and some games are not so good and that’s fine. I promise.’

Luke’s quiet for a moment weighing up Jay’s words before he nods and smiles a little in response. ‘Okay.’

Jay’s hand squeezes Luke’s shoulder. ‘And you don’t need to try and impress me. I’m not going anywhere.’

Hailey swallows hard hearing Jay’s words. The promise behind them.

He’s been so careful. Always so careful with his actions and his words, Even more so since they told Luke, or rather Luke called them out on the fact that they’re dating.

She hears it. Every time they talk about going home, he carefully words it as her house. ‘Yours’ he says meaning her and Luke’s and he’s not wrong. It is hers.

Only it feels more like home when he’s around now. She can’t deny it.

He’s been the same with Luke too. He’s so good with him. Has been from the start. Her boy hangs on every word Jay says and, as he’s just proven once more, it’s not something he takes lightly.

She sees it in the way he pauses sometimes and considers his words before he answers Luke when Luke asks him the most random questions ranging from the absurd to the important. How he never talks down to him and always includes him. Always gets down to his level.

It’s completely overwhelming in the best possible way.

And he’s so respectful of her relationship with Luke too. Always deferring to her. Always nudging Luke to accept her decisions off the bat. He consistently makes a point of thanking her for things and telling her he appreciates her and she doesn’t know if it’s a Jay thing. Whether this is the product of being raised by Caroline and Pat or if he’s just quietly showing Luke the way.

But she knows if her son turns out to be anything like Jay then she can feel she’s done right by him.

Luke seems to have perked up by the time they pile into her car as they head over to his game. It’s only a few blocks but he still manages to cover several topics in that time: soccer, helicopters, which type of jelly they think is best on a PB&J.

Luke plays beautifully because of course he does. He really is good and she’s starting to see that more and more. The other side are top of their little league and Luke’s team do well to draw the game.

She’s kept glancing to her left during the game where they’re standing one the sidelines and marvelling at how engrossed Jay is in watching the game. How he beams every time Luke gets the ball and how he keeps telling her how his movement off the ball is excellent. She has no idea about any of that, but she loves that the two of them have this bond.

And afterwards when Luke comes barrelling over, sweaty and happy with one of his socks falling down to his ankle, her heart trips in her chest when Jay high fives her boy and the first thing he congratulates him for was how hard he worked and how he helped one of the players up from the other side when they took a tumble.

Jay Halstead is one of the good ones.

————

It’s not that she’s avoided her, but she’s definitely avoided putting herself in a situation where she and Caroline have been alone together these past few weeks. She and Luke have been over to the house and they’d all gotten together for Owen’s birthday but it had become something of a habit for her and Caroline to catch up over coffee and Hailey has managed to dodge the prospect since she and Jay have become a them.

And truthfully, she thinks she’s done a pretty good job of it. She has been busy with work and the end of the school year madness for Luke. Only Caroline had appeared on the drive as Hailey pulled in from the grocery store earlier and told her she was putting the coffee on and would see her in twenty minutes disappearing back into her house before Hailey could think of any kind of excuse that wouldn’t seem rude.

She doesn’t want to seem rude either. She adores Caroline.

‘Are you done avoiding me now, sweetheart?’ the other woman says as she sits down opposite her at the Halstead’s kitchen table and slides a coffee and  homemade cookie across the table towards Hailey.

Hailey chokes on thin air before regaining her composure. ‘Sorry,’ she winces.

‘That’s okay. I’m only marginally offended.’

And there’s amusement in the other woman’s tone but Hailey truly does want to apologise. If there’s any chance she may have upset her beneath her good humour, she’ll hate herself for it.

‘No, I really am sorry. You just, I wouldn’t have any of this without you,’ Hailey does her best to explain gesturing with her hands. ‘You showed up on that first day and showed me such kindness, and Luke, and I have this amazing life now because of that.’

‘Well, you also have that life because of you. I may have come over to be polite that day you moved in but I would have been in and out in twenty minutes if you’d have been a bad egg. I’m still not sure why you’ve avoided me though.’

‘Avoided sounds awful.’

Caroline tilts her head from side to side.  A gesture that pulls a smile from Hailey for being something Jay also does. ‘Skirted around seeing me then. Does that sound better?’

Hailey twists the coffee mug around on the coaster before her. Decides to just go for honesty. ‘I know how much you love Jay. How much you want the best for him.’

‘And in what world would I ever think that’s not you?’ Caroline says kindly.

Because nobody ever has.

She doesn’t say as much but Caroline’s expression softens in understanding anyway.

‘Hailey, my sons are my biggest achievement in this world and I know you understand that sentiment. I can confidently say they are both good men but Jay has had to deal with a lot in his adult life.’

Hailey knows this. Knows some from joining the dots from conversations with Caroline since they met. Knows a little more now she and Jay continue to grow closer and closer. She knows he carries a lot, has seen and done a lot that makes it hard to stay in the light sometimes. It’s hard for her to try and comprehend his lived experiences but she’ll try as best as she can for him. Always.

‘He chose a selfless job and one at which he excels but he’s inherently decent and he has a big heart. He carries what he sees and what he does and the hardest part for his father and I is that we’ll never really understand it. His life experiences are so wildly different from our own.’

Hailey smiles a little in sad understanding. Jay’s mom echoing her own thoughts.

‘He’s had to work hard to be the man he is now,’ Caroline continues. ‘You know I read something a few years ago that really stuck with me - just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean the load isn’t heavy.’

Hailey nods at the sentiment. The words resonate with her too.

‘They’re words that apply to many of us but especially to my son, I think. I told you before that he works hard to be present with us. Works hard to live the life he does when he’s home but Hailey, in all my years I have never seen him so genuinely happy and at peace as when he’s with you and Luke. The three of you, it’s right, and I could never wish anyone better for my boy so please don’t ever think that.’

She really had no intention of being emotional but Caroline’s words bring tears to her eyes and the sight has Caroline reaching for her hand across the table whilst Hailey dabs at her eyes with the cuff of her shirt.

‘And,’ Caroline says patting her hand for good measure. Her own eyes a little misty. ‘I consider you one of mine now. I have for quite some time - you and that gorgeous little Luke - so you should know I’m going to mother you a little from time to time because that’s what I do but you can tell me where to go if I get a little much. I’m not easily offended after having had William and his special brand of sarcasm for a son.’

Hailey chokes out a watery laugh as the front door goes and she hears footsteps approach. Luke calling out a hi and making a beeline for the cookies.

‘Luke, save those for after lunch, kid,’ Jay says barely concealing his laughter at Luke’s enthusiasm for a sugar hit but he listens and reluctantly pulls his hand away. ‘You can pick the one you want now though, and we can put it aside.’

Luke turns back to the task at hand, his fingers dancing over the plate of cookies trying to decide which one to slide out. She knows him, he won’t be looking for the biggest but the one with the most chocolate chips and Hailey’s grateful for his distraction as it gives her another minute or so to pull herself together.

‘We figured you were over here,’ Jay says leaning down to kiss her cheek and she feels the warmth of his skin from their time at the park and then hears the change in his tone when he takes in her watery eyes and nose pinkened from tears. ‘What? Mom, what did you do?’

Hailey laughs at his line of questioning and Caroline stands swatting at her youngest son before hugging him from the side.

Jay looks between the two of them more that a little lost but he sees the smile on both their faces.

‘I’m gonna take Luke and go pick up some lunch if you both want some?’ he says. Puzzlement still knitting his brows together. ‘You sure you’re good?’ he asks her once more squeezing her shoulder comfortingly.

‘Yep.’

‘Tell her if she’s too much,’ he says cocking his head in his mom’s direction and scooping Luke back up on their way out the door.

She’s not too much, Hailey thinks. Caroline Halstead is exactly what she needs.

--------

‘So, Luke’s starting at camp today?’

She and Vanessa are catching their breath after the lunch rush. Kevin stopped in to pick up some drinks for he and the guys and she adores Kev. Hopes he didn’t read too much into he disappointment on her face that it wasn’t Jay stopping by.

School is out for the summer and she’d signed Luke up to a sports camp for the next three weeks. They do a whole range of sports each day and there’s a planned water fight and a foam party next week. It sounded right up his street.

The summer is always a juggle and she hates how often Luke ends up having to come to work with her but there’s little she can do about it.

‘Yeah, he seemed pretty excited about it when I dropped him off this morning so hopefully he gets on okay.’

‘Argh, I’m sure he will. You know how that boy is, the camp leaders will love him and he’ll be making friends left and right.’

Vanessa’s words pull a smile from her. Her boy is certainly a sociable soul and she has no idea where it came from. She’s never felt all that comfortable in a crowd. Luke’s father was always more comfortable around large groups though she thinks a lot of that was for show whereas Luke’s seems to come from more from curiosity.

It’s been a long time now with no contact from him. Luke doesn’t ask about him and she doesn’t know what to make of it. Whether he doesn’t miss someone who was already absent as much as she’d feared or is her boy subconsciously bottling things up that no child should ever have to.

She knows what it’s like to be let down by a parent – parents in her case – and she hates that history seems to have repeated itself for Luke. Wishes she could change it and take away any pain Luke feels.

‘I am looking forward to my best little dude hanging out here though over the summer too. Hey, you know I’ll take him for some of my days off too, right?’ Vanessa tells her.

‘And I so appreciate that but I’m not making you give up your days off, V.’

Vanessa scoffs beside her. ‘I hope you’re not this stubborn with Jay.’

‘Excuse me?’ Hailey says popping a hand on her hip and raising her brows at her friend and colleague.

‘Well he will have offered to help too over the summer, right? There’s no way that man hasn’t offered. I’m saying I hope your stubborn ass will at least accept help from him.’

And damn it if Vanessa isn’t on to something. He’d offered last night when she’d been talking through what the next few weeks will look like with Luke over dinner.

Had cornered her in the kitchen and told her that he’s here to help if she’s okay with it – drop offs, pickups, having Luke when he isn’t on a job with the family business.

She’d pressed a soft kiss to his lips feeling herself fall harder for him but she’d told him thank you, that she’d got it, but she’d keep it in mind. He spends a lot of time with Luke already but having him do the school run so to speak, having him use whole days to take care of him feels like a big ask.

‘I don’t want him to feel obliged,’ she admits to Vanessa. ‘I’ve done this on my own for so long.’

‘Gee, thanks,’ Vanessa hums but there’s not bite in her tone.

‘You know what I mean,’ Hailey tells her. ‘I so appreciate your help and Caroline and Pat too since we moved in next door but I still don’t know how good I am at letting people in with stuff like that.’

‘Because you haven’t had that option,’ Vanessa says encouragingly, ‘and now you do. You have a man who adores you and little Luke, a man who wants to help and be a part of it all so let him. And me.’

And maybe Vanessa has a point. Maybe it’s okay to lean on Jay a little more. These past few weeks have been so amazing and she’s happy. She’s so ridiculously happy and maybe if it were anyone else she could carry on convincing herself that it’s too soon but it’s not someone else, it’s Jay and she already trusts him wholeheartedly.

And when she asks him later that night if he might be able to pick Luke up after camp the following day and his face lights up, she knows she’s made the right call.

--------

There’s something about the trucks that keep pulling him back in. In theory, he doesn’t need a truck. His dad has the Halstead Construction work truck and Kevin the van so between the two of them they have most of the heavy lifting of tools and equipment covered and realistically, whatever car he gets will sit unused for large parts of the year when he’s away for work. He’d be fine getting a smaller SUV and he likes some of the Jeep models, but he keeps being drawn back in by a forest green truck.

‘You looking at cars again?’

He feels Hailey’s fingertips grazing through his hair at the back of his neck as she comes to stand behind him where he’s sat on her couch.

‘Yeah, Luke go to sleep okay?’

She nods, asks him if he wants a drink as she’s going to get herself a tea but he tells her he’s all good. He loves Luke something rotten but he also loves this time they get together after he’s gone to sleep. He stays over most nights but sets an alarm for early in the morning so he’s gone before Luke wakes. He normally makes the most out of his early start and heads for a run or to the gym and he understands why Hailey hasn’t wanted to change too much too soon for Luke. He’ll happily set an alarm for however long he needs.

He just loves getting to be a part of all of this. Getting to be by Hailey’s side. Feeling like he might just have found where he belongs.

She reappears and sets her tea on the coffee table folding her legs up beneath her as she likes to do in an evening when she unwinds.

‘You like the trucks, huh?’ she smiles nodding at his open laptop screen.

He reaches up to rub the back of his neck. ‘Yeah, but I don’t really need one.’

‘Jay, you should get what you want,’ she tells him. ‘You’re in a position to and you told me yourself that you don’t spend your money on anything.’

He mulls over her words. Truthfully, it will be the first car he’s ever owned for himself. When he passed his test, he went on his parents’ insurance for their cars and then signed on to the army, bought his bike when he was home in between deployments and that’s done him just fine.

Until now. Until now when he doesn’t want to have to ask his parents to borrow a car to take Hailey out. Take Luke out. He needs to be more responsible than that though he’s not said that much to anyone. Wants to show Hailey how committed he is to putting her and Luke first as they deserve.

‘Not sure my parents will thank me for parking another massive truck up on the drive.’

‘Then park it on my side,’ she says easily.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ she nods. ‘If that’s what you really want and it does what you need, then I say go and look at it.’

‘The safety ratings on this model are really good,’ he says pulling up one of the review tables from its testing results tilting his laptop towards her so she can see.

‘You’ve been looking at the safety ratings?’ she asks him scrolling through the site.

Of course he has.

‘It’s the updated model of my dad’s which is already pretty damn safe and it’s gotten some really good scores. I checked that the model of car seat you use for Luke is compatible too and I can easily fit a step bar for him if the models they have in stock don’t come with them. Might be useful for you too,’ he jokes making her roll her eyes at him. ‘I dunno, maybe I’ll go and have a look after work tomorrow.’

Hailey takes the laptop from his hands and sets it down beside her tea. Her hands come to hold his cheeks beneath her palms and she pulls him in for a kiss. A hell of a kiss. She nips at his bottom lip seeking entry with her tongue as it drags across his and god he’s so far gone for her. Kissing her makes his head spin.

When they part, he feels a little breathless but his hands on her hips keep her in his orbit.

‘Not that I’m complaining,’ he breathes, ‘but what was that for?’

Her eyes are brilliant blue when they’re this close. She’s gorgeous. Pupils blown wide and pink staining her cheeks.

‘Because I love you.’

His heart skips a beat and then starts at a maddening pace. He blinks. Blinks again and can’t find any words. She smiles nervously and bites her lip.

‘You love me?’ he whispers and tenderly tucks her hair behind her ear.

‘Yeah, I love you a hell of a lot, Jay.’

His heart soars in his chest. Feels like he’s just won the lottery that the woman before him, the woman he’s completely enamoured with loves him. 

‘I love you too.’

He watches his words hit home for her. Sees it wash over her and her hesitant smile widen.

‘Yeah?’

‘So much. I’ve loved you for a long time, Hailey and I’m going to love you for a really long time to come.’

Forever, he thinks. He’ll love her forever.

‘Me too,’ she whispers and then he scoops her legs out from under her until she’s lying beneath him on the couch and he kisses her senseless whispering against her lips and her neck how much he loves her.

God it’s kind of dizzying being able to tell her as well as show her. He hopes she’s felt his love all these months.

And later when they’re finally spent and curled up together between her sheets, she presses a kiss to his chest and tells him to turn off his alarm.

--------

‘Hey, you have this weekend off, right?’

She finds Jay already dressed in his gear for work studying the calendar that hangs on her fridge door when she comes downstairs that morning after her shower. Sees Luke sat in his PJs eating some cereal at the counter. His hair a riot from sleep.

‘Morning, kiddo,’ she says moving round to press a kiss to the side of his head. ‘You sleep okay?’

He nods as he shovels in another mouthful of cereal.

‘Yeah, I’m off this weekend.’

‘You got a game, Luke?’

‘Nope.’

She watches Jay smile to himself. ‘Okay then, we’re going out for the day.’

‘We are?’ she says as Luke lets out a whoop.

‘If that’s okay?’ he says coming to reach for her and plant a sweet kiss to her lips.

She nods against his smile. ‘You gonna tell us where we’re going?’

‘Nope, it’s a surprise.’

‘You do the best surprises,’ Luke beams after draining the milk from the bottom of his bowl wiping away the milky smile it leaves behind.

‘No pressure,’ Jay hums quietly beside her making her laugh.

And god, she loves moments like this. These quiet moments where it’s just the three of them at home. Mornings spent getting ready for the day together. Luke adores Jay being around and Jay seems to adore it just as much.

And now she gets to tell him how much she loves him too. She hadn’t even meant to say it to him last week but the words had tumbled from her lips. Bubbling up inside her until she couldn’t hold them back anymore. She pours herself a coffee from the pot and watches him now as he sits chatting to her boy. He must sense her eyes on him and lifts his head up to meet her gaze. Smile softening on her as he huffs out a laugh at whatever Luke’s saying to him.

She’s not sure what she did to get so lucky in life to have a son as amazing as Luke and now to have found Jay. A man who loves them both in a way she’d never really let herself imagine.

--------

‘Okay, so I thought I could pull off this whole surprise thing,’ he says flopping down onto the bed beside her, ‘but I’m pretty new to all this and I think I need your help.’

She runs a hand through his hair, still damp from the shower he’s just taken. He rolls over and reaches for his phone pulling up his notes app.

‘I made a list of things I thought I might need to pack for you and Luke, but I probably have it all wrong and I’d rather have you tell me what I need than have my mom pinching my cheeks and telling me she’s just so happy whilst she helps me with it.’

She takes his phone from him and scrolls through the list and the evident care and thought he’s put into this. ‘Jay, are we going to the beach?’

‘That okay?’ he asks. ‘I found this place about a ninety-minute drive from here that looks kind of great. Nice town to walk around. Figured we could spend a few hours on the beach. Grab some food. We could take Luke’s bike up if you think he’ll get bored.’

‘Jay,’ she breathes. ‘I think he’ll love it. No way in hell he’ll be bored.’

A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. Hopeful. ‘Yeah?’

‘Thank you,’ she tells him.

‘What for?’

She shrugs. ‘All of this. Wanting to do these kind of things for him. For us.’

He shifts on the bed beside her until his face is close to hers. ‘I’m always gonna want to do these things with you two.’

--------

Luke is practically giddy in the backseat. The backseat of Jay’s new truck. He did get the one he was looking at. Snuck out early this morning to go and pick it up before heading on their day trip and Luke had clambered in and out of every door proclaiming everything to be so cool.

Pat had wandered outside to come and inspect it and he and Jay had fallen into easy conversation about the car standing back whilst she kept an eye on Luke to make sure he wasn’t getting shoe marks everywhere. Smiles to herself as she watches him climb through the gap into the driver’s seat.

‘Mom, this is such a cool surprise!’

‘I’ll say, but this isn’t the surprise, kiddo. Jay’s planned a whole day for you.’

Luke settles into the driver’s seat and pretends to move the wheel. She doubts he can even see out the front window, but he looks pretty damn adorable right now.

‘I really love Jay, Mom,’ Luke says. His little voice turning serious as he turns to look at her.

She shifts the coffee into her other hand and reaches out to sweep the hair falling down onto Luke’s forehead.

‘I know you do.’

‘You love him too, right?’

‘Yeah,’ she smiles. ‘I love him a lot, Luke.’

She watches her son nod to himself and he slides his legs round so he’s facing her and pulls her into a hug.

They’re on the road a little over an hour later heading for New Buffalo. Luke completely stoked that he’s going to be in three different states in one day. They have a good drive over there and she can tell Jay is enjoying driving his new truck. It’s fancy. He’s obviously bought one of the top range specs and she’s got to say, it’s pretty damn nice and so’s the smile on his face. Can just imagine him tinkering with its upkeep for hours like he does with his bike. He and his dad out on the driveway with their tools whilst Luke hovers around them helping in his own sweet way.

‘Wait! Are we going to the beach?’ Luke asks from the backseat as they pull into the coastal town.

‘We are,’ Jay says grinning in his rearview mirror.

‘Yes! We haven’t been to the beach in ages. Can I go swimming? Can I dig a really big hole? Will you help me, Jay? I could make one so big with your help.’

Jay laughs beside her as he follows the signs for parking. ‘Yeah, I can help you bud.’

They find a decent spot and set up camp for the day. It’s a beautiful day, hot, but there’s a welcome breeze and the sky and lake are endlessly blue. The golden sand warm beneath their toes.

She’d slathered Jay in as much sunscreen as she had Luke and when he’d protested, she’d told him that he didn’t want to face his mom’s wrath for getting himself burnt and that he needed to set a good example for Luke who constantly complains about how slimy it feels and Jay had promptly stopped putting up a fight.

Luke’s first order of the day is, unsurprisingly for her son, to dig the biggest hole that he can and she sits back to read her book as he and Jay get to work. She makes it through two chapters before she gets thoroughly distracted by Jay taking his shirt off dropping it onto her face making her laugh before he turns back to his mission with Luke.

He really is gorgeous. She knew that from the start. Only now she gets to call him hers. Now she gets to see those abs of his up close each day. Gets to know what it feels like to be held in his arms.

She calls Luke over to come take a break in the shade for ten minutes and grab a drink and Jay drops himself down beside her taking the water she holds out to him.

‘I can feel you checking me out,’ he tells her. Quiet enough for Luke not to hear.

And he’s got her there. She can’t really deny it. ‘Can you blame me?’ she says gesturing at his chest. ‘Any anyway, I think me and half the beach have been checking you out.’

He’s definitely caught the eye of plenty of people as they’ve walked past who aren’t half as subtle as they think they are behind their sunglasses.

His cheeks flush red beneath his cap and it’s not from the sun. ‘You want me to put my shirt back on?’

‘No,’ she says and reaches her hand up to cradle the back of his neck. ‘But I might just make it clear that you’re mine.’

He huffs out a little laugh as she leans in to kiss him softly.

‘Feel free to keep the kisses coming.’ He winks at her as Luke comes over and flops down asking if they have any snacks.

She’s got to admit, the two of them do dig a pretty sizeable hole that Luke then lines the edge of with wonky sandcastles but he looks so damn proud of his achievement and his smile in the photos she takes of him sat in his masterpiece make her heart clench in her chest at their sweetness.

When Luke asks if they can go paddling, she fully expects Jay to take him but he tells her he’ll stay with their stuff and that she should go and enjoy it with him. She shimmies out of her shorts and heads down to the water glancing back over her shoulder to see Jay’s gaze locked on her.

The water is a little cool despite the warmth of the day and they both tip toe in and out of the water giggling until she takes his hand and they wade out until it’s up to Luke’s stomach as the two of them jump over the waves.

‘Mom!’ he shrieks happily. ‘This is a really big one coming.’ He grips her hand tighter but she knows her boy well enough to know it’s in excitement and not fear and his laughter as they both sway with the movement of the water is priceless.

She wouldn’t trade a single second of all the hardship she’s gone through. Not when it’s brought her here. She bends down and scoops him up holding him to her and she wades out a little further into the water with him keeping him safe held against her as the water ebbs and flow around them.

‘Look, I can still see Jay,’ Luke says from over her shoulder and she turns them slightly so she can see where he’s pointing before he starts to wave.

Jay waves back, phone in hand, and she gets it. Glad he’s capturing this moment. This feels like a day to remember.

Once Luke and Jay have played soccer for a bit on the beach, they shower off and she gets Luke dry and changed so they can head in search of some food. The town of New Buffalo is gorgeous and they find a nice Italian place to grab lunch. Luke happily sitting drawing whilst they wait for their food and he beams when they put up his artwork on the pinboard in the entryway as they leave before wondering round the town in search of the ice cream she and Luke are so desperate for.

They walk along the beachfront after finishing off their cones. Luke scampering along in front of them and her hand in Jay’s.

She’s had the best day and suddenly the thought makes her feel a little emotional. A family day out. That’s what it’s felt like.

She and Luke’s dad had never really gotten it right when they were together. They’d tried it a couple of times but the days felt tense. It had never felt like this.

Right.

And it’s not lost on her that he’s brought the three of them to the beach when he’d taken her to one on their first date too. She’s learning that Jay is far more sentimental than his army tough guy persona lets on.

Luke conks out on the drive back to the city. The combination of excitement and the sunshine and digging his hole wearing him out but he wakes as they near their neighbourhood and his sleep seems to have revived him.

Wakes up and asks if they can watch a movie together before he has to go to bed and she glances at Jay wondering if he needs a break but he just reaches over to squeeze her hand and asks Luke what movie he’s thinking of.

Luke only makes it about forty minutes into the film before he crashes out curled against her side on the couch and Jay carries him upstairs for her dropping a kiss to his head before he leaves Hailey to sort him out for bed.

When she comes back down, she sees Jay has cleared away their dishes from breakfast and made her a cup of tea that she gratefully accepts.

‘You know, if you ever need a break or anything. Want some space from all this,’ she tells him gesturing to the house and its occupants, ‘then that’s fine,’ she tells him. ‘I would totally understand.’

He tilts his head at her. ‘I’m good.’

‘Jay.’

‘Hailey, I really am good but if you need space all you gotta do is say. This is a big change for you too.’

‘I’m good too,’ she tells him. She is. She’s happy with where they’re at.

He comes to stand before her and eases the mug from her hands. Curls his arms around her back and holds her close.

‘It’s just, I know it’s a lot. All of this,’ she says. ‘You’re used to your own space and your time being your own and Luke is -‘

‘Amazing.’

‘Well, yeah he absolutely is but he’s also full on.’

Her boy is many wonderful things but he is definitely high energy and talkative as hell.

‘Hey,’ Jay says and pushes her hair back from her face tilting her chin up towards him. ‘Hailey, I love spending time with him. I don’t see it as a chore or something I have to do. I loved spending time with him before we were even together - you know that.’

‘I do.’

‘And I’m actually not that used to spending time on my own either. Sure, it’s just me in the annexe when I’m home but I spend half the time at my parents’ and when I’m away with work I’m surrounded by people for like eighteen hours out the day. Twenty-four hours until I managed to work my way up and get my own room to sleep in. And those guys, they’re my squad and I’d do anything for them but I don’t want to be with them all the time. You and Luke though,’ he pauses and his thumb traces over her cheek, ‘I do. I do wanna be with you guys. You two, you feel like home Hailey.’

She hears the gasp that leaves her. She’s felt it but hearing him say it is something else entirely and it’s him and this whole day and him planning surprises for her son and buying a car so he can take them all out together.

‘God,’ she says on a shaky breath and swipes in frustration at the tears welling in her eyes. She’s not a crier but Jay just gets to her in the best kind of way.

‘Too much?’ he asks sweetly. A little nervously.

‘No. You feel like home too. Sometimes I think I just feel like I need to pinch myself. Not only did I find this great guy but you’re a great guy to Luke too.’

‘You guys make it easy. You know that, right?’

‘You do too though. I was worried how this would feel, you know. I knew I wanted this but it’s a huge adjustment having someone else around to share the load with. Vanessa has been great over the years but great as a friend not someone to…’

She breaks off. Stops herself before she says it because surely it’s too soon.

‘You can say it. Hailey,’ Jay says quietly. His hand flexing on her hip in encouragement.  ‘I, I want you to say it if that’s what you want too.’

‘To parent with.’

‘Yeah?’

And it’s that smile on his face at the thought that solidifies it for her. He wants this. Just as much as she does. As much as Luke does. She knows he’s not Luke’s father, that’s not what she’s saying and she knows Jay knows that too, but he’s the man Luke looks up to more than any other. Has since he’s known him. He’s the man who she can see helping her in years to come to raise her son. To love him and cherish the damn hell out of that boy just as he deserves.

‘Yeah, Jay. That’s… you’re great with him. That’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re taking care of him, helping me, loving him and showing him the way and part of me just keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.’

‘I’m not gonna let any shoes drop, Hailey,’ he says and lifts her up onto the kitchen island standing between her legs. ‘Sneakers, boots, Luke’s crocs - shoes are gonna be where they’re supposed to be.’

She laughs at his words. So sneakily sweet beneath the humour.

‘I’m not gonna mess this up,’ he promises her, ‘and when things are hard we’re gonna figure it out. I promise.’

‘I…me too. I promise too.’

His lips find hers in a slow kiss that quickly turns more desperate at the promises just exchanged between them. She shifts closer to the edge of the counter so she can wind her legs around his back and tug him in closer. Leaves a trail of kisses along his jaw.

‘How quiet do you reckon you can be?’ he mumbles as he shifts his hips against hers.

‘I think that depends on you,’ she teases.

Chapter Text

They make it another month before Jay caves and takes Luke camping.

He’d checked and rechecked that Hailey was okay with him taking Luke for the night and she’d assured him that she was. He’d offered to camp in the backyard with Luke instead if she’d felt uncomfortable about Luke being away from her but she’d leaned into his space and pressed a kiss to his lips whispering the words he’d needed to hear without knowing how to ask them.

‘I trust you with him, Jay and so does Luke. Go camping.’

It’s just the two of them. If Luke enjoys it, he thinks it could maybe become a thing. That they could invite Will and Owen along. His dad too. His dad would love it. The five of them all together.

But this time, he’d kind of just wanted the time with Luke. It feels like a huge responsibility it just being the two of them, but he loves spending time with him and he wants them to have this time together. He doesn’t take either of the Upton’s faith in him for granted.

He’d picked a little campsite ground near the water so he could teach Luke how to fish. Made sure it’s one which allows small campfires too since Luke seemed super excited about the idea of toasting marshmallows and Jay hasn’t the heart to tell him that they’re often a bit of a letdown.

Fishing had been an absolute hoot. Luke had beamed the whole time and talked in excited whispers once Jay told him that they’d scare away all the fish otherwise. They’d been sat for an hour and only caught an empty can, but Luke had doubled over in laughter when he’d reeled it in with Jay’s help and the photo Jay had taken and sent to Hailey might already be one of his favourites.

And he shouldn’t have been surprised by Luke’s perseverance. He’s so like his mom in that sense though he’s not sure Hailey would ever admit to that. Jay had told him they could call it a day but the kid had been damn determined they’d catch something and catch something they did. Jay had felt the tug on his line and called Luke over getting him to duck in between his arms as they reeled it in together. Luke had crouched down over the fish with genuine wonder on his face and Jay had felt pride swell in his chest before his face had split into a grin when Luke had named the fish ‘Peter Parker’ and tossed him back into the water.

God, he just finds himself smiling so damn much around this kid.

They spent the afternoon playing soccer together before going for a walk through the little woodland area and Jay, well he loves it. He wasn’t ever sure he’d have this kind of life. Wasn’t sure he might have something one day that felt like he had his own family. A child.

He’s well aware that Luke isn’t biologically his but he’s not sure he could love him anymore if he were and being around he and Hailey makes Jay wants all kinds of things for his future that he once thought were simply not for him.

The two of them are sat around their little makeshift campfire now. Flames crackling in the growing darkness. Luke’s face glows with happiness when Jay hands him a skewer with a marshmallow on the end telling him how to hold it out over the flames. They keep them there until they crisp up on the edges turning sugary sweet and Jay reminds him that he can’t eat it yet as it’s too hot.

Luke pouts but accepts Jay’s reasoning and giggles to himself watching a dad chase his kids round the campsite pretending to be a monster, scooping them up and dangling them upside down.

‘Jay?’

‘Yeah.’

‘My dad isn’t that nice, is he? I don’t think he was nice to mom.’

Jay feels his breath catch in his throat. Whatever he might have been expecting Luke to say, it wasn’t that. He looks into the flames for a moment and then chooses his words with care, setting his own skewer down so he can focus on Luke. The six-year-old beside him who is far too astute. Who’s asking questions an adult in his life should never have made him ask.

‘I wasn’t around back then but I think your mom is super smart and she would do everything in her power to make sure you were happy and make good choices for you.’

‘So, he wasn’t?’ Luke asks. A frown pulled tight between his little brows as he looks up at Jay.

And the kid’s too damn smart by half because yeah, Jay absolutely didn’t answer his question.

‘I’m sorry, Luke,’ he says honestly. ‘I don’t know your dad, but you know what I do know?’

‘What?’

He squeezes Luke’s shoulder beneath the palm of his hand. ‘That you and your mom deserve the best.’

Luke tilts his head at him and smiles as he looks up at Jay. ‘That’s okay then ‘cause we have it now.’

His heart pounds in his chest at the kind of approval Luke has just given him, at the trust and the faith he has in him, but Hailey’s boy beside him just smiles, flashing his mom’s dimples at him, before asking if he can eat his marshmallow. No idea that he’s just left Jay more than a little speechless.

--------

Her phone vibrates on the arm of the couch beside her and she smiles at the incoming FaceTime call.

‘Hey, Luke,’ she says and holds up her phone to show who’s calling and it has him scrambling up off the floor abandoning his toy dinosaurs to come and sit beside her as she presses accept.

‘Hey, there you both are.’

Jay’s voice is warm through the phone and Hailey can see what she now knows to be his room whilst he’s down there in the background.

He’s been gone for a week and he’ll be back in another and he’s phoned every day without fail. He’s down in Georgia at Fort Benning for some training. Some that he’s partaking in and some that he’s running.

She misses him, of course she does, but he’s still present. Text message conversations that sprawl the days and FaceTimes and phone calls.

‘Hi, Jay,’ Luke says beside her and she tugs him into her side so they both fit on her screen.

‘How’s your day been?’

‘Good. I went to Crumbs with mom this morning and then I went to the park with Owen.’

‘Natalie came by and picked him up,’ Hailey offers.

‘That’s cool. Hope you two didn’t cause too much trouble for Nat,’ Jay smiles.

‘Nope,’ Luke says giving a firm shake of his head. ‘We musta been good ‘cause she took us to get ice cream and told me I can go for another sleepover when you’re home.’

Jay laughs as Hailey feels herself blush. Luke’s words news to her too.

She listens as Jay and Luke chat to one another. Trails a hand through Luke’s hair. Her gaze soft on Jay through the screen. She’s looking forward to him coming home. Home to the two of them. Home to their bed. He doesn’t sleep in the annexe anymore. He goes back there to shower and to get clothes and they’ve had a couple of movie nights up there at Luke’s request but his place is here with them and him being gone only solidifies that.

When he comes back through the door a week later with flowers tucked under his arm and a Georgia cap in his holdall for Luke, she wonders if it’s too soon to ask. To just ask him to just stay here with them. Call their home his.

The three of them go out for dinner in Jay’s truck heading to a local restaurant she likes, and Luke practically sits on Jay’s lap for half the meal. Not that she can really blame him.

Jay catches her eye across the table and smiles at her. Happy and free. It’s great to have him home.

--------

The next school year rolls back around and she can’t believe how grown up Luke looks when she snaps his photo that first morning. The backpacks that once seemed too big on him, he’s now grown into.

Her sociable and curious boy is happy to be back at school. Loves his new teacher whom he claims does the funniest accents during storytime.

It’s a couple of weeks in when she picks him up one afternoon and he’s filling her in on his day from the back seat as usual. His shirt is decorated in what is frankly a ridiculous amount of stickers he got from school today and she asks him what he’d earned them all for.

‘Amaya kept crying today. She looked really sad, you know, like when people’s lips do that wobbly thing. Mrs Casey looked after her when we were in class, but I played tag with her at recess and I let her tag me even though she’s not that fast.’

She glances in the rearview mirror at her boy and shoots him a smile. ‘That was super kind of you. I’m sure Amaya appreciated it, bud.’

‘She said her dad left.’

Hailey looks behind her when they hit traffic at the lights, but Luke looks more puzzled than upset.

‘Did she mean left like my dad left or like Jay leaves?’ he asks meeting her eyes in the mirror as he kicks his legs back and forth.

‘What do you mean, sweetheart?’

‘Like my dad left and didn’t come back but Jay always comes back.’

Her heart swoops in her chest. Tightening and relaxing all at once.  She’s so grateful for the man Jay is. For the fact that her six-year-old recognises his goodness and his loyalty. That he’s someone who won’t let him down. Won’t let them down.

It’s been a hell of a notion to try and wrap her head around too, but he puts them first. Has since they met and continues to do so now that they’re building something right and real together. Something that will last.

‘Mom,’ Luke says waiting for her to respond.

‘I don’t know what Amaya’s dad does Luke so I’m not too sure.’

‘Okay,’ Luke hums and does that thing of his where his mouth scrunches to one side. According to Jay, it’s a mannerism of hers.

‘That was really nice of you to play tag with her though.’

‘That’s what Mrs Casey said too. She even gave me this spiderman sticker – look!’

She smiles then at her boy’s enthusiasm, and he might love his stickers but she knows that’s not why he looked out for that little girl today. It’s because he’s good and kind and he watches how the people around him treat other people.

‘What do you say we pull in and get a milkshake on the way home, huh?’

The cheer from the backseat will forever be her favourite sound.

————

It’s another two months before he gets a phone call.

He’s at Adam and Kim’s place helping Adam with some simple plumbing work in their bathroom and being repaid in beer and pizza when his phone lights up and he feels himself straightening up.

He excuses himself and steps out into their little yard at their new place that’s only about a ten minute drive or so from the office.  And he can’t explain it but he feels like he knows where it’s going before he even hits accept.

‘This is Halstead.’

‘Halstead, it’s McCormack.’

‘Sir,’ Jay says by way of response. It’s not that he doesn’t have anything to do with the sergeant major, in fact in recent years as Jay’s risen up the ranks, he’d even go so far as to say the two of them are friendly if not friends. But a phone call from him is rare.

His heart sinks as he listens to McCormack explain he reason behind is call.

‘We need you for this, Halstead.’

He knows his answer, though it’s not really a request, only it’s not that simple now. He has Hailey and Luke to consider and he tells the sergeant major as such. That he needs to speak to the people in his life who rely on him. That he’ll call him back within the next two hours and they can finalise details.

When he hangs up, he leans heavily against the back of their house. He’s worried for the men who’ve been taken, some of them he’d call friends, worried too about leaving Hailey and Luke behind. Worried about how quickly all this will happen. Worried about the necessary lack of contact with a mission like this.

Kim and Adam both know something is up when he heads back inside. Adam walks him out but says nothing bar squeezing him on the shoulder.

‘You know we’re both here for you man – and them,’ he offers as Jay unlocks his truck but all he can do is nod as he drives home, home to Hailey, with a pit in his stomach.

He taps on the back door and lets himself in as has become a habit. He can make her out curled up on the couch in the lounge and she tips her head back to smile at him but it falters when she takes in his face.

‘Jay? What is it?’ she asks and he wishes he had anything in him to calm her fears right now. Wishes he had different news.

She crosses over to him and reaches her hand up to cradle his cheek. 

‘Talk to me,’ she whispers and he does. Or he shares what he can. The nature of an assignment like this is strictly confidential. A need-to-know basis.

She cries. She fights damn hard to not let them fall and that only makes it worse because she’s trying to be strong for him. For them. For the little boy asleep upstairs who he would move mountains for.

‘This is dangerous, right?’ she says pulling in a steadying breath and then another.

She won’t come to him and that’s worrying him. Her hand had fallen from his cheek when he’d told her he’d have to fly out tomorrow and she’d paced back and forth before fetching herself a glass of water that’s sat untouched on the kitchen counter she now leans back against. Arms crossed over her stomach.

‘Yeah.’ He won’t lie to her. ‘Yeah it is. I can’t say more. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This isn’t me trying to protect you from something. I know you could handle it, but I can’t. I can’t but I need to do this.’ He has to pause and swallow hard as tears rise in his own eyes. ‘They’d do it for me. You’d want them to do it for me, Hailey. I know most of these guys and I can’t just…’

He watches her turn away as she leans heavily on the counter. Sees her shoulders slump and he’d been trying to respect her need for space, but he can’t manage it when he sees her shoulders hitch.

He rests his hands on her waist. Presses a kiss to the crown of her head. ‘Hailey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I have to do this.’

‘I don’t need you to apologise,’ she whispers before turning back around in his arms as a tear slides down her cheek. ‘This is your job. It’s your job and I am so proud of you but I love you and so I’m just freaking out a little right now.’

‘I love you too. So much.’

She bites her lip. Pulls the sleeves of her shirt down over her hands. ‘Me too. I’m just scared by all of this but I don’t need you to be sorry. I get it. This is part of you. This is part of loving you and I wouldn’t change that, Jay.’

‘Thank God,’ he says closing the distance between them and crashing his lips into hers. ‘I’m so in love with you, Hailey. Both of you. I promise I’ll come home to you as soon as I can.’

‘We love you too,’ she gasps against his lips. ‘I just need you to be as safe as you can.’

‘We can do this, right? I know I’m asking a lot.’

She shakes her head. The kind of smile on her face that somehow tilts down at the corners. ‘You’re not asking too much. Not when it’s you. We can do this.’

‘I love you.’

He has phone calls to make. He needs to pack but he also needs this. He threads his fingers through hers and leads her upstairs.

————

Hailey keeps Luke off school the following day. The three of them have a late breakfast together after he comes back from breaking the news to his parents.

They’re familiar with him leaving. Leaving to head into danger but they also know this kind of situation is different and he hates how he’s worrying all the people he loves in his life but his mom pulls him in close and kisses his cheek and tells him she’s proud of him. That he’d better be back to sit at her table for Thanksgiving.

His dad has to clear his throat a few times before he can get his words out and it hits Jay hard. His father loves fiercely but quietly. An ‘actions speak louder than words’ kind of guy.

‘Son, we’ve got them – Hailey and Luke. We’ve got them whilst you’re gone, okay. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for them, so you just focus on getting your job done and getting home.’

He knew that already in his heart. Knows his mom and dad have seen the Uptons as family for quite some time. Long before they finally admitted how they felt about one another.

He and Hailey had talked late into the night about what to tell Luke.  What to say, what to do but it still didn’t really prepare Jay for the way in which Luke had curled up on his mom’s lap and cried into her neck.

He did that to him, and it breaks his heart.

Hailey had rubbed her boy’s back whispering quietly to him until he’d calmed and then passed him over to Jay. His little arms tight around his neck until he’d pulled back and put his hands on either side of Jay’s face. Eyes a little red-rimmed from tears.

‘You gotta get the bad guys?’

‘Yeah, I do, bud.’

‘You’ll get them,’ he’d said confidently. ‘Cause you’re the best good guy.’

‘Whoah,’ Jay said bringing a smile to his face for Luke. ‘Are you telling me I’m cooler than Spiderman?’

‘Maybe like a tie.’

‘I’ll give you a tie,’ he’d said and started to tickle Luke until his infectious giggles filled the air and Jay’s no fool. He knows he can’t take the boys worries away that easily, but he’ll try everything he can.

His flight to Georgia now leaves in a couple of hours and Will had swapped shifts with Natalie in order to come by and pick him up. A tradition they fell into long ago and not one either Halstead brother is keen to break.

He sets his holdall down by the front door and crouches down before Luke handing him another one of his caps to take care of whilst he’s gone.

‘I’ll take care of mom,’ Luke says quietly to him though Hailey is standing close enough to hear and Jay lifts his eyes to meet hers. Sees his own shock reflected back at him.

‘What?’

‘That’s what they always say in the movies. The dad asks the kid to look after the mom.’

Jay swallows down the lump in his throat at the implication of what Luke’s just said. That in this scenario, he’s the dad. Sees Hailey swiping at her eyes.

‘Hey, those movies,’ he says placing a hand on Luke’s shoulder, ‘they don’t have that right. You’re a kid, a damn fantastic one and I’m so proud of you but your mom is kind of badass.’

A laugh escapes from Luke. ‘I don’t think you’re supposed to say badass to me. I’m six.’

Jay makes a show of looking chastised before he speaks once more. ‘All your mom and I need you to do is keep being you. We don’t need you to take care of her because you do that all the time anyway.’

‘I do?’

‘Yeah, you do. You always make her smile and you help her with the cooking and cleaning up your toys and stuff and you’re always amazing when you have to go and hang out at work with her so just keep doing that, okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘Though there is one thing you can do for me,’ Jay says feeling a smile tug at his lips.

‘Yeah?’

He cups his hand over Luke’s ears and whispers words that have Luke giggling.

‘Okay,’ Luke smiles turning to look at his mom.

‘Thanks buddy. I love you, okay -  so much - and I’ve got your photo in my pocket to look at every day. I’ll come home as soon as I can. Just have a few important jobs to do first but none of them are as important as coming back here to you and your mom.’

He wraps his arms around Luke and stands with him in his arms. The boy’s whispered words of ‘I love you’ pressed against his neck as he reaches for Hailey and folds her into him. The two of them having said all there is to say last night.

She nods to him. Her smile a little wobbly but it’s there.

They can do this. He won’t have it any other way.

--------

She closes her bedroom door and stifles the sob that escapes her with the back of her hand.

Her boy is hurting and so is she. She’s terrified. Terrified because of how quickly this has all happened. How dangerous she knows whatever Jay’s going to do is. More dangerous than usual.

Terrified because she doesn’t want to know what life is like without him now she knows what it’s like to have him. To love him. To feel his love.

She heads downstairs after Luke has finally seemed to fall asleep and grips the kitchen counter before her. Tries to pull in enough air to steady herself but she can feel herself coming undone at the edges.

She can’t lose him. They can’t.

There’s a tap on her front door. So quiet she thinks she might have imagined it until she hears her name called quietly.

She knows she looks a mess right now but he she heads for the door and unlocks it.

‘Come here,’ he says taking one look at her before he opens his arms and pulls her into him.

He might not be the Halstead she needs right now but she welcomes his embrace. Feels a few more tears fall at the familiar way in which he’d said, come here.

So like his brother.

She doesn’t know how long she stands on her front porch quietly sobbing into Will’s shirt but he holds her close. Squeezes her tight.

‘God, I’m sorry,’ she says when she pulls away and sees the mess she’s made of his shirt.

And through her tear-stained vision, she can see that Will’s own eyes look a little red.

This one is hitting them all hard.

‘I get it, Hailey,’ he says quietly. ‘You don’t have to go through this alone. I get you need to be strong around Luke but I’m here if you ever need to fall apart. When the worry gets too much.’

‘Thanks, Will. I just, I’ll be okay.’

‘Of course you will be,’ he says and his easy belief in her is such a Halstead thing. She knows how lucky she is to have them all.

‘I just love him, you know. So much,’ she shrugs as another tear slides down her cheeks.

She’s never really been one to talk about her feelings so openly. Growing up the way she had taught her to play her cards close to her chest but her defences are down right now and she absolutely knows that Will already knows how she feels about his brother.

‘And he loves you both just as much. There’s no way he’s not going to do everything in his power to come home to you guys as quickly as he can. He’ll be walking back through that door with that stupid smitten smile of his that he wears when he sees you.’

That pulls a watery laugh from her. ‘I do love that smile.’

‘Now, come on,’ Will says looping an arm around her shoulder. ‘Apparently I’m under instructions to get you a chamomile tea.’

‘You are?’

‘Yeah, he told me it tastes like crap. Honestly, the guy might be action man but he’s such a wimp sometimes.’

Will stays for another half hour or so and when he goes to take his leave, she feels tiredness wash over her. Exhausted from the emotions of the last twenty-four hours.

‘You call me or Nat, okay. Anytime. You need to rant or cry or you just need a minute, we’re here.’

‘Thanks, Will.’

‘You’re family, Hailey,’ he tells her squeezing her arm. ‘You and that gorgeous little whirlwind of yours upstairs. We’ve got you.’

————-

Day 6

‘Hey, mom?’

‘Yeah’

‘Can we do something for Jay for when he gets back?’ Luke says without looking up from the colouring book open on the kitchen island in amongst a sea of coloured marker pens.

‘Of course we can. Why don’t you start a list on the fridge pad of ideas and then we can pick the best one we come up with.’

She takes down the magnetic pad and watches as her boy pokes his tongue out in concentration as he writes cake and then motorbikes underneath.

She daren’t ask what her boy is planning with the second item but she won’t question it for now. Not when he seems quietly reassured by the fact that Jay will be coming home to them.

————

Day 17

‘Mom, mom. Come quick! You gotta see this.’

Luke bursts in through the back door and really his words could refer to many things. You never know with her boy.

Has he perfected some soccer trick to show off - likely. Is it that he’s going to appear round the door with some stray animal he’s found that he wants to rehome - possible.

But he scampers over to her kicking off his crocks and hands her a small stack of photographs.

‘Mrs Halstead gave them to me. Look, it’s Jay when he was my age.’

Hailey sifts through the photographs he hands to her feeling her heart twist in her chest with a feeling she can’t quite name. She traces a fingertip over a picture of him smiling at the camera with ice cream on his chin. The smile hasn’t really changed, nor the freckles, but she smiles at how light his hair used to be despite having seen it before in photos up around the Catherine and Pat’s place.

‘This one is the best,’ Luke says pointing her attention to the one of Jay with a soccer ball tucked under his arm.

‘Mrs Halstead said I can keep it.’

‘Are you sure?’ Hailey asks him.

‘I promise that’s what she said, Mom. I’ll take the others back but she thought you’d like to see. I’m gonna go put this one in my room,’ Luke says and tears up the stairs. Feet thundering on each step.

She looks down at the remaining photos in her hands and feels her chest inflate like a balloon when she realises quite what it is that she feels when she looks at them.

--------

Day 20

Hailey lies on his bed in the annexe. Stares up at the ceiling. She didn’t really know what she was doing when she came up here and let herself in. Only that her mind had drifted from the business spreadsheets she’d been sat poring over. Only that she’d wanted to feel close to him.

Twenty days

Twenty days of not hearing from him and the no contact is hard. She worries. At night her mind runs away with her and she tries not to think the worst, really she does, but it’s hard.

And they’re doing okay. They are.

Luke seems to be doing good. He talks about Jay a lot but he seems confident that he’s coming back and for that she’s forever grateful. The last thing she wanted in all of this was for her son to feel left behind once more.

He takes great pride in pressing a kiss to her cheek each night before bed and telling her it’s from Jay. That apparently was what Jay had whispered to her boy before he left that had made him giggle so much but it’s also made Luke feel important, made him feel that connection with Jay, and reminds him each night that the three of them are a team.

She misses him. Misses the man that he is but she can do this. She glances at the clock on the bedside table and sees she has about twenty minutes before Vanessa will arrive with Luke. She dusts herself off and heads back for the house.

————

25 days

‘Yo, yo, yo. Uptons! You home?’

Kev’s voice filters through their house early on Sunday morning and she nods at the silent question on Luke’s smiling face telling him he can go open the front door.

‘Kev!’ he cries reaching out to fist bump the man standing on the other side of the door.

‘There’s my little dude. How you doing, my man?’

‘I’m good,’ Luke tells him. ‘I got new sneakers. You wanna see?’

‘Do I wanna see?’ Kev says holding his hands over his heart. ‘Hell, yeah.’

Luke dashes off in search of his new Vans to show him.

‘Good to see you, Kev,’ Hailey tells him before Luke barrels back to the front door holding up his shoes that Kevin declares are too cool for school.

‘Well I’m heading over to Kim and Adam’s for a little brunch. Wondering if you two want to come with?’

‘What kind of food is brunch?’ Luke asks.

‘Oh, all the best kinds. Kim goes all out - pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon.’

‘Mom?’ Luke says turning to her with wide eyes at the thought of pancakes.

‘Yeah, yeah we can come if you’re sure that’s okay?’

She sends Luke to finish tidying up and Kev takes the opportunity to check in with her.

‘How you doin’ girl?’

‘I’m good, Kev.’

‘Now how are you really doin?’ he asks in that charmingly genuine way of his.

‘Okay. It’s part of the deal, right?’

This is part of loving Jay. Him being gone. Him being in danger. She’s trying to find a way for it to feel normal.

‘Yeah, it is but the whole no contact thing has gotta be tough on you both. I’ve known him long enough to know that ain’t part of the usual deal.’

‘Yeah, it sucks.’

‘You know, I’ve known Jay a long time now. Guy is one of the best dudes I’ve ever met but I don’t think I really realised I’d never seen him truly happy until you pair came into his life. He lights up like a damn Christmas parade around you both.’

She laughs but the sound that comes out is a little watery. Kevin’s warmth and his words catching her off guard bringing tears to her eyes.

‘Oh well, shit. Tears are no good. Come get a Kev hug.’

Before she knows it, she’s wrapped up in a bear hug. Finds herself reaching her arms around his back or at least as far around his back as she can get them.

‘Thanks, Kev.’

————

Day 31

She wonders at what point him telling her that the assignment will likely take ‘a few weeks’ turns into a few days too long.

It’s been a month – technically a few weeks like he said – and she hopes like hell they all hear from him soon.

Work is busy which is good and Luke is the most perfect distraction from where her mind drifts from time to time but her boy is missing Jay too.

And it’s not lost on her how lucky she is to now have his amazing support system around her – Vanessa, Kevin, Kim and Adam, the whole Halstead gang. It’s not lost on her how they’ve all stepped up and stepped in in a way that somehow hasn’t left her feeling suffocated and one which has left her boy feeling special.

She smiles to herself when she looks up to see Pat at her front door late one afternoon and she welcomes him in.

‘Tell an old guy where to go but I’m popping out to the store and wondered if Luke wanted to come. I hear he scored a great goal this morning. Thought I could take him to get one of those juices he and Owen like so much.’

‘You’re not old,’ Hailey tells him fondly.

‘Say that loudly around William will you please?’

She laughs at his response and takes in Jay’s dad standing before her. He’s always involved Luke in things from the start. In part, because her boy is naturally curious and would wander over asking Pat a hundred questions when he was doing work in the yard or in the garage but she can’t help but notice that he’s been wanting to spend even more time with Luke recently.

‘If you two have plans, then it’s no problem at all,’ Pat says holding his hand out as if he’s overstepped.

‘Pat, wait,’ she says halting him in his tracks as he goes to turn away. ‘He loves you. Luke, I mean. He loves spending time with you and how you care for him - that’s not something I’ll ever take for granted.’

‘Nor me,’ Pat says and then clears his throat. Looks down at the floor and then back up at her. ‘He does things that are a little like him now. Mannerisms and things. I don’t know if you’ve noticed.’

So she’s not the only one who’s noticed.

‘Yeah,’ she says. A smile winding its way onto her face, ‘he does.’

‘Helps when I’m worrying about him is all,’ Pat says and his words mean a hell of a lot. He’s a good man but he’s not free with his words all the time. At least not ones from the heart though he’s quick with a teasing one liner at his sons’ expenses.

‘The cap thing,’ Hailey supplies and it has Pat smiling.

‘Yes, he lifts it up at the front like him, doesn’t he?

It’s quiet between them for a moment or two before Pat continues. Offers up another slice of comfort to Hailey and lets a little more of his own feelings show.

‘When Luke’s helping me with something in the garage, he always gets one of the rags out to keep our hands clean. Jay is a stickler for it. Always making me clean up as I go when it’s never been my style.’

‘Hey, Mr Halstead!’ Luke says swinging around the bottom of the stairs. His voice making the two adults turn to face him only to find Luke dressed in a spiderman costume. Complete with the mask.

Pat huffs out a brusque laugh. ‘So that he doesn’t get from Jay.’

And all Hailey can do is laugh.

Day 37

‘Mom, do you think Mr Halstead would come to this?’

‘Come to what?’ Hailey asks whilst she cleans up a little after their lunch.

Luke attempts to flatten out the screwed up flyer in his hand that he sets down on the counter.

‘Is this from soccer?’ she asks reading the information about a family fun soccer session.

‘Yep,’ Luke nods. Curls falling down over his forehead. ‘I didn’t know if you would want to play.’

‘Of course I would play. I might be pretty terrible,’ she grins, ‘but I would play. You want Pat to play though, huh?’

‘I wanted Jay to play ‘cause we would win by like twelve goals but he’s not here and I think most people’s dads are playing but Mr Halstead is Jay’s dad and I thought…’

She watches as her boy breaks off and shrugs.

And god, she works hard to swallow down the lump in her throat. He wants Pat to play because Jay isn’t here and he wanted Jay to play because everyone’s dad is playing and she’s about thirty seconds away from crying into the cutlery drawer.

‘I think he would love to be asked, kiddo and if he and Caroline have plans or something that weekend then you and me can get practising in the yard. I don’t know if I can manage twelve goals, but we’ll see what we can do. Maybe I could get thirteen.’

Luke throws his head back laughing like she’s lost the plot.

‘Can I go ask him now?’ Luke says as Pat pulls up on the driveway.

‘Yeah but be careful on the driveway. Make sure he’s seen you and don’t walk behind the truck if he’s still in it.’

She watches out the kitchen window until she can see Luke has followed her instructions and is now chatting to Pat holding out the flyer to him.

‘He said yes, mom,’ Luke announces when he flies back through the door a couple of minutes later. Pat standing behind him.

Hailey mouths a thank you to the elder Halstead but she sees the way Pat’s eyes shine at being asked. Hears him clear his throat as he gazes fondly down at Luke.

‘You two are coming for dinner later,’ he announces. ‘I’ll do us all some burgers.’

Day 42

She can’t sleep. Bad dreams used to plague her growing up. Her cruel reality used to play even crueler tricks on her in her dreams and so she’s not unaccustomed to waking in a cold sweat. Waking in fear.

Such dreams had resurfaced in the first year after Luke had been born too. How she’d wake in a blind panic that her boy who has quickly become her whole world, was somehow not okay.

Tonight, it feels like an itching beneath her skin. A swelling anxiety. A nagging feeling that something is up. She pulls on one of his sweatshirts and tugs on her boots before sitting out in the cold night air. Her breath curls before her as she looks up at the stars hoping that he’s okay.

Desperately hoping that her gut is wrong.

Day 43

‘Hailey, it’s for you.’

Hailey looks up from where she’s wiping down the counters to see Vanessa holding the phone in the back out towards her.

She frowns and wipes her hands on her apron.

‘Luke’s school,’ Vanessa mouths handing her the phone.

Hailey takes the phone from her.

‘Hello.’

‘Hi, it’s Mrs Mayhew from school. Is that Luke’s Mom?’

‘It is. Is he okay?’

‘He’s okay. Please don’t panic. He’s currently charmed half the admin corridor, but he has taken a tumble during recess and our school nurse thinks his arm needs an X-ray.’

‘Oh god, okay. No problem. I can be with you in about twenty minutes or so.’

She’s already planning how quickly she can get out of there and over to see him.

‘Of course. If you give consent now, we can give him some pain relief if you then sign the waiver when you get down here.’

‘Yes. Of course. He doesn’t have any allergies.’

‘No problem. We’ll get that sorted for you and we’ll see you soon, Miss Upton.’

She hangs up and sees Vanessa’s anxious face.

‘They think he’s broken his arm’

‘Ouch, poor Luke. Go, go. I got things covered here. I can stay.’

‘You’re a lifesaver, V. Thank you.’

When she pulls up at the school, she’s quickly ushered inside and finds Luke sitting swinging his legs back and forth on a chair in one of the offices in the admin corridor whilst he waits for her. She crouches down before him and runs a hand down his cheeks. Eyes glancing over him to check he’s not hurt elsewhere.

‘Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?’

‘It hurts but I’m okay. If it’s broken, Miss Malone said I’ll get to pick the colour cast. I’m gonna get the colours for Chicago Fire.’

He might be in a sling, might be in pain, but if he can still focus on getting a cast in the colour of the city’s soccer team, then she thinks he’s probably going to be just fine.

‘We don’t even know if it’s broken yet, sweetheart.’

And only her boy could look a little disheartened at that fact. She thanks the team at the school for looking after him. Learns he’d been running backwards to catch a ball and tripped over another kid who’d crouched down to tie their shoe.

Just one of those things she guesses and part of her wonders of this was what the feeling had been last night. The anxiety that had crept into her bones. And she hates that Luke’s hurt right now. For all his potential cast excitement, she can see the sheen to his brow from the pain and she knows he’ll be crushed when he realises, he won’t be able to play soccer for a while if that’s the case.

But it could have been worse. He’s alright. Busy asking her from the backseat if Will and Natalie are working today.

When she signs in at the desk at Med, she smiles as her boy asks the nurse if Doctor Halstead is working.

The nurse smiles down at him. ‘And who might I say is asking for him?’

‘Tell him Luke’s here,’ her son grins. ‘Won’t that be cool, mom if Will can do my X-ray and stuff?’

‘Yeah, it would be pretty cool.’

Lo and behold Will appears through the screen doors about twenty minutes later to find her and Luke sat in a couple of the ED waiting chairs. Luke slurping away at his soda.

He might have broken a bone, so she wasn’t about to say no when he’d smiled sweetly at her and asked for a lemonade.

Will crouches down in front of them both catching Hailey’s eye as he takes in the makeshift sling school have put him in.

‘Luke, my man. What have you been doing?’

‘Tripped over a girl at school who was tying her shoelace and hurt my arm. The nurse thinks it might be broken. I tried to do a roll like Jay taught me, but I fell backwards and it didn’t work.’

‘Ouch. Yeah, those backwards rolls are tricky. Jay’s pretty terrible at them too.’

Luke turns to look at her and laughs at Will’s words and it has her leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

‘Well why don’t you come on back so I can get a proper look at it, huh?’

Will helps Luke to his feet as Hailey holds his soda for him and she’s so grateful to Will who chats away to Luke the whole time keeping him distracted and explaining everything that he’s doing.

They barely have to wait to get up to X-ray and she knows she has Will to thank for it.

Natalie also makes an appearance smuggling Hailey some of the good coffee from the doctor’s lounge. ‘I heard you guys were down here. How’s he doing?’

‘He seems okay. Will said he thinks there’s a break but he’s just getting his X-ray to confirm it.’

‘And you?’

She runs a hand through her hair. ‘I’m okay, Nat. Worried, of course, but he seems okay. Honestly, given how he charges into everything at 100km per hour, it’s a miracle he’s gotten to six without this happening.’

Nat gives her arm a squeeze in support. ‘I gotta get back downstairs but I’ll stick my head in and say hi to him. Let us know if you guys need anything.’

Luke does in fact get his Chicago Fire cast colours and they leave the hospital with his arm needing to stay in the cast for the next six weeks. Will said it’s a greenstick fracture which is apparently good. That it will heal quickly and on its own once immobilised.

And she wishes through it all that she could tell Jay. They’re a team now and she hates that she can’t talk to him about this. That he doesn’t know that his favourite little guy is sporting a cast on his arm. She can do all this alone but she doesn’t want to anymore.

It’s sucks but they’re okay. Luke’s okay. She stays home with him for the rest of the day and sits catching up on some admin on her laptop whilst he tucks into a bowl of ice cream and the latest Pixar movie.

And he beams when he gets visitors in the shape of Pat and Caroline later on in the day coming to fuss over him and bringing dinner. Caroline tells him how Jay dislocated his shoulder growing up trying to do a wheelie down a ramp with some of the older boys on the block that has Luke’s dimples showing.

And she realises as the four of them sit down to eat that it hasn’t occurred to her or Luke to try and contact his dad. Her son is hurt and was in pain and he doesn’t ask for him and it tugs at the hole in her heart that will always be there on that front.

He deserved so much more from him.

‘Mom, do you think Jay will come home soon?’ Luke asks her as she tucks him into bed that night propping his arm up on an extra pillow.

‘He’ll be home as soon he can, Luke. He’ll be missing you like crazy.’

‘I miss him,’ he mumbles and she finds herself climbing onto his bed and pulling him in for a hug. Holding him close.

‘Me too, sweetheart. I miss him too.’

Chapter Text

She stays like that until Luke drifts off. Holding her boy in her arms. Both of them needing the comfort and when she finally slips out to head downstairs and starts the kettle to make herself a drink, she checks her phone.

Her heart flips in her chest.

Jay

There’s a missed call from him and an answer phone and the adrenaline that surges through her has her hands shaking a little as she taps to press play holding her phone close to her ear as if it will make her feel closer to him.

‘Hey, it’s me. I’m okay. We’re done. We did it.’

Her free hand comes to where her heart rests at hearing is voice. At him telling her he’s okay.

‘I’ve got like a hundred hours of debriefs and reports ahead of me, but we got them. I’m okay. Little roughed up but nothing that won’t heal up - I promise.’

And she files away her worries for now about what his version of ‘a little banged up’ might entail. Keeps listening to his voice.

‘I love you both. I miss you. It’ll probably be tomorrow when I can try again now. Hailey, I can’t wait to hear your voice. Can you let my folks know I’m alright for me? Okay, I should go. I love you.’

The tears fall then. Tumbling down her cheeks and into her smile.

He’s coming home.

She hits play once more.

————

She does manage to keep her tears at bay when she finally gets to speak to him the following day.

When she hears that now familiar warmth in his voice when he breathes her name through the phone.

‘God, it’s so good to hear your voice.’

‘Yeah, yours too.’

She’s not sure why she’s whispering. Only that the moment feels so precious.

He tells her he has a flight scheduled for Thursday. Two days’ time.

God, two days’ time and she gets to see him. To just have access to that slow smile of his. To feel his warmth when he wraps his arms around her. Feel the warmth he fills their home with.

‘Hailey, you still there?’ he asks.

‘Yeah. I’m here. Sorry, I just…’

‘Yeah, me too.’

She asks what a little banged up means and, well, she’s not entirely surprised his meaning of the phrase doesn’t quite match the rest of the population's.

Listens as he tells her he dislocated his shoulder. That there’s some ligament damage that will heal with physio. That he’s got plenty of scratches and stitches in his leg.

‘From what?’

He’s quiet for a beat before he answers.

‘Shrapnel.’

Shrapnel means explosives.

She swallows hard. Reminds herself that he’s coming home to them. That he’s okay.

That he’s alive and well on the other end of the line telling her how much he’s missed her and Luke. Joking about how he hasn’t missed stepping on Luke’s Legos even though she knows he really has.

She doesn’t tell him about Luke’s arm. She doesn’t want him to worry or beat himself up about not being there because she thinks he just might.

She tells him about Luke’s parent-teacher conference instead, about how he’s thriving at school and how he’s been practising the soccer drills he and Jay had been working on. Tells him how his own dad is now the talk of Luke’s soccer team after accidentally (though Pat claims otherwise) scoring from a corner kick during the family day.

His laughter warms her when he chuckles at the last one and she’s so damn grateful that it’s still there. That he’s still Jay.

But it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to see that fact for herself with her own two eyes.

This time counting days feels different.

Two days.

--------

She gets to the airport early. Of course she does. She’s always been on time, but today, she feels like she needs to be here, to stand still and breathe through the anticipation. She watches the arrivals board like it might change something, like she can will his flight to get here earlier, and she keeps shifting on her feet, scanning the crowd for him.

And then she sees him.

‘Jay’

The word slips out of her before she even realizes it, and suddenly she’s in motion. She doesn’t remember closing the distance between them, but then his arm, the one that isn’t in a sling, comes around her, and she hears his heartbeat through his shirt. Tears spill over, unstoppable, as she buries her face into his chest.

‘I’m here,’ he whispers, his voice low and soothing. ‘I’m here.’

She nods against him, unable to form words. When she tilts her head up to kiss him, it’s a little desperate, a little needy, pouring all the fear and longing of the past few weeks into it.

‘God, I missed you. I really missed you,’ she says, voice trembling. ‘I was so worried.’

‘I know. I know. I’m sorry I worried you.’

She shakes her head. ‘It’s only because I love you. We both love you so much.’

‘I love you guys too.’

She pulls back slightly, her eyes searching his face. ‘And you’re good? You’re okay?’

‘Yeah, I am.’

Her fingers trace over the steri-strips on his face, lingering on each scrape, each mark that tells a story she doesn’t know and likely never will. ‘I’m so proud of you, Jay. I know you can’t tell me what you’ve been doing, but I know you made a difference. I know they were lucky to have you.’

He exhales softly, leaning into her touch, and she knows he’s holding things back. She also knows she has to be patient.

On the drive home, he shifts in his seat. ‘Hey, do you mind if we pull in somewhere? Wouldn't mind it just being us for a little longer. I don’t really feel up for the fuss quite yet.’

And she wonders if this is why he often finds his way home from the airport after deployment under his own steam. If he normally makes a pit stop and takes a little time to adjust.

‘Of course.’

She pulls into a fast-food place, finding a spot to park given the number of cars waiting for the drive-thru.

‘Actually, could you go in? Do you mind?’ he asks. ‘I just... need a minute.’

She understands. He's handsome enough to turn heads on a regular day. Let alone when he's in his fatigues and injured. He’d certainly draw attention she knows the man beside her doesn’t court. Orders a burger for him, fries to share, and the biggest milkshake they sell. When she gets back to the car, he wrinkles his nose at her drink.

‘God, that smells sweet. What even is that?’

‘Salted caramel,’ she grins, taking a long slurp through the straw that pulls a loving smile from him.

They sit in the quiet, munching fries, and she tells him about Luke's arm. Watches his face crumble at the thought of Luke being hurt. It’s a father's expression, she realises, and it makes her heart ache.

‘You know Luke's gonna lose his mind when he sees you're both injured,’ she jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

She's pre-warned Luke that Jay is a little hurt. That they'll need to be careful. She contemplated pulling him out of school to come to the airport knowing what it would mean to both her boy and Jay but truthfully, she'd wanted to check how bad of a shape Jay was in for herself in case Luke might need more prep before seeing him.

Jay smiles, but there’s a weight behind it. ‘True, but I don’t want you to lose yours. I can still help out. My shoulder will heal up just fine.'

She fixes him a look. ‘Jay, you're going to do exactly what the medics told you. I can handle you two being accident-prone as long as you both get better, so no overexerting yourself, okay?'

He cocks a brow her way. 'I mean, a little over exertion might be nice...'

She throws a fry at him which he infuriatingly (charmingly) catches in his mouth.

‘You doing okay?’

‘Yeah, I am,' he tells her. She reaches for his hand, tangling her fingers with his. ‘That was hard. The mission was... tough. Complicated. But that's the job. No contact with you guys? That honestly felt harder.’

Her heart stutters.

‘I'm sorry I put you through that, Hailey.’

She shakes her head. ‘No. No apologies. I love you. There aren’t conditions to that.’

He breathes out, like a weight's been lifted. ‘I love you.’

She smiles. She knows he does. There hasn’t been much she’s been certain of in her life, but she’s certain of Jay.

‘And just so you know, if you ever need me and you to sit in a parking lot somewhere, or out on our back porch, and just breathe for a second, you just say the word.’

He kisses the inside of her wrist. Tender and sweet. ‘I know. Can we go home now?’

The reunion with Luke is everything she’d imagined. She’d picked him up an hour early calling ahead to let his school know why though she imagines Luke has talked about little else for the past two days.

She stands back and watches when she parks up on the driveway. Jay waiting eagerly out on the front porch. Luke bounds up the steps as Jay crouches down, wrapping Luke into a one-armed embrace.

‘You're home,’ Luke grins into Jay's neck.

‘I am now,’ Jay says softly, squeezing Luke tighter. ‘I missed you.’

‘I missed you too. Like, loads.’

Jay pulls back slightly, taking in Luke's face, like he’s memorising every detail. ‘How have you grown this much while I was gone?’

Luke beams proudly before launching into questions he’s clearly been saving for Jay. ‘I know. And I broke my arm. Will my bones still grow even though it’s broken? Will I have one arm that’s longer than the other?’

Jay laughs, the sound light and warm, wrapping around Hailey like a blanket. ‘I have no clue. We can ask Nat.’

‘Or Will,’ Luke suggests.

Jay scoffs. ‘We’re not asking Will. He'll tell you you'll end up with one super-long arm that works like an elephant's trunk.’

Luke erupts into laughter, and Hailey feels her heart swell, watching them together.

Jay gently brushes his fingers over Luke's cast. ‘Is your arm okay, bud? Your mom said you were so brave.’

‘Mmm-hmm. It really hurt, but my cast is cool. Will you sign it? Mom said people could sign it, but I wanted you to be the first person to do it.’

She had a feeling that might be the reason his cast was still pristine. 

‘Of course I will. I love the colours.’

‘Chicago Fire,’ they say at the same time, and Jay grins wide.

She watches Jay push himself to stand, wincing slightly, and turn toward Hailey. She looks at them - her boys. Both a little broken right now in their own ways, but their smiles could light up the whole city.

--------

It’s been a great night. One full of laughter and food. So much food in true Caroline Halstead style. Will came to join them when he got off shift. Nat staying home with Owen who’d managed to pick up some sickness bug from school.

Luke has remained glued to Jay for the rest of the day, and she can’t blame her boy.

He asks for Jay to read him his bedtime story and Hailey potters around downstairs sorting Luke’s lunch for the following day because she thinks maybe they all head out for dinner tomorrow night to the Italian place Jay likes in the West Loop.

When she heads upstairs with the laundry basket under her arm, she hears them talking together in Luke’s room. Stands by the ajar door. The soft glow of his nightlight spilling into the hallway. Jay's voice drifts out, low and soothing, and she leans against the doorframe, listening.

‘Do they hurt?’ Luke asks, his voice small in the quiet.

‘Does what hurt, bud?’

‘All the cuts. Mom said your leg is hurt too.’

Jay hums softly. ‘Yeah, it is. My leg hurts a bit and will for a little while, I think. But the others are fine. My shoulder feels better every day.’

There’s a long pause before Luke whispers, ‘Were you scared when you got hurt?’

Jay breathes out slowly. ‘I was. I was scared for my friends. My friends were hurt, and that's how I got a little hurt when I helped them.’

Luke considers that for a moment. ‘That’s a good reason to get hurt, I think.’

Jay hums softly. ‘Me too. But I knew I would be okay because I knew I needed to come home to you and your mom.’

‘Yeah?’ Luke asks, his voice hopeful.

‘Yeah. No way I’m leaving you two behind.’

There’s a shift of blankets, the sound of Luke snuggling down under the covers. Hailey swipes at her eyes, biting her lip to keep herself steady. She hears Jay's voice again, quieter now.

‘You think you’re good for some sleep now?’

‘Can you stay with me a bit longer?’

‘Yeah, I can.’

She peeks through the crack in the door just as Jay climbs onto the bed, careful of his shoulder, settling in next to Luke. The sight nearly undoes her. Jay's arm is wrapped around Luke, holding him close, his fingers absently tracing patterns along the edge of the blanket.

She steps into the room softly, her heart full.

‘You two okay in here?’ she whispers.

‘Hey, Mom,’ Luke mumbles sleepily.

Jay glances up, offering her a tired but contented smile. ‘We got space for one more.’

‘Do you?’ she asks, but she’s already crossing the room.

‘Absolutely.’

She climbs onto the bed, Jay shifting to make room. He pulls her into his side, lifting Luke so he’s nestled against his chest, and she melts into the warmth of them both. Jay presses a soft kiss to her temple, their hands tangling together on top of the blankets.

‘Are you comfy?’ she asks Jay quietly. Three of them in a single bed isn’t an easy fit on a good day, let alone when Jay’s shoulder is in a sling and Luke is still in his cast.

He shoots her that half smile of his she’s missed so much. ‘Right where I want to be.’

--------

He’s always loved his job.

It’s given him purpose. Given him a different kind of family. Given him more strength than he knew he possessed.

It feels different now.

Now he has more to lose. Now he feels like he’s missing out on his life at home in a way he never did before.

He’s come home with new scars, new visions to torment him at night and though he’d come home quickly, relatively speaking, he’s not sure it feels like enough.

For the first time in a long time, he considers getting out.

Getting out and living a life on the other side of this.

His life. A life with Hailey and Luke.

It’s partly the reason he’s tinkering about in the garage at 1am. Not that he can really do much with one arm still in a sling.

He turns at the sound of the back door going on his parents’ deck. He’s not surprised at the fact, but he is surprised it’s his mom and not his dad.

‘I caught him putting his slippers on and convinced him to let me come and say hi. Unless you’d rather be alone.’

‘Of course not, Mom.’

‘Good,’ she says, ‘because I have the tea kettle on. I’ll be right back.’

He can’t help but smile a little at her words. Knows Hailey is the one who has gotten her into tea.

He can’t say he’s really a fan, but he’ll drink whatever she brings back out to humour her.

When his mom does come back out with two steaming mugs in hand, she’s shrugged a jacket of Pat’s on over the top of her pyjamas, and it makes him smile.

‘That’s a look, Mom.’

‘I pull it off quite nicely, thank you,’ she says and pops the collar on the jacket for good measure.

‘Cocoa?’ he asks when he sees what she’s made for him.

She waves his question away. ‘I’m not going to bring you tea and watch you grimace whilst you pretend to like it to appease me. Give your mother a little more credit.’

He shakes his head at her on a smile and takes a welcome sip of his drink. Cocoa was always what his mom made he or Will when they needed a little TLC growing up.

‘Jet lag?’ she asks him pretending to be fascinated by the contents of his father’s garage.

‘A little.’

‘And the other part?’

He drags a hand through his hair.

‘Honestly?’

‘Well I’m not out here in my pyjamas for a half- truth, sweetheart but if you’re not ready to talk that’s a different thing entirely.’

Damn did he get lucky having a mom like Caroline Halstead.

‘My mind is still a little full I guess and I don’t want to,’ he pauses but from the look in his mom’s eyes she knows the end of the sentence anyway. He huffs out a breath. ‘I don’t want to scare Luke if I wake up yelling or something.’

Or Hailey for that matter.

‘Sweetheart,’ his mom says rounding the work desk and coming to stand in front of him. ‘What’s your plan then?’

‘My plan?’

‘Your plan because you need to sleep. You can’t linger in the garage every night and you sure as hell deserve to sleep beside the woman you love, and she deserves that too.’

‘I know she does, Mom.’

‘Do you need to talk to someone? I know how good you are at dealing with it all but this wasn’t a regular deployment and your life is different now, son.’

‘I think I’m okay,’ he answers honestly. ‘It’s just fresh right now and Luke…’ He trails off and runs the hand on his good arm down his face.

‘Jay, that boy loves you. You’re his hero.’

Something in his expression must give him away because his mom’s face softens in understanding.

‘And you don’t need to be infallible to be his hero, Jay. In fact, I’d say children seeing their parents process the hard things in a healthy way sets them up well for life.’

She has a point because of course she does. She always does.

It’s not lost on him that she just referred to him as Luke’s parent either.

‘And I know the hard things you have to deal with are not typical. That they’re not things a boy Luke’s age needs to know, but that doesn’t mean he’ll see you any differently for knowing that you’re prepared to deal with the things you find hard.’

And what can he say to that because she’s right.

Luke looking up to him as he does is a privilege and an honour and it’s not a gift he intends to squander. He’ll do all he can to be the role model Luke deserves to have in his life alongside Hailey.

And the truth - it would crush him if Luke were to look at him differently. His mom sees him being out here for what it is.

‘Talk to her, son,’ his mom says squeezing his forearm and glancing behind him before heading back towards her house.

He turns to where his mom had looked - towards Hailey’s house, his home - and sees her standing on the back porch with an oversized cardigan wrapped around her shoulders. Bare legs standing out in the moonlight.

She’s beautiful. Effortless.

He flicks off the garage light and presses the button for the door crossing over to her and climbing the steps.

‘I didn’t want to interrupt,’ she says softly, love in her eyes and it has him wrapping her up and holding her close.

‘You’re never interrupting,’ he whispers against her hair.

He tells her. Tells her the worries clouding his mind because it’s Hailey and she’s been his person since they met. They’ve talked about anything and everything sat out on these steps in the early hours and he plans on doing it for a long time to come.

And when her hands cradle his cheeks and she tells him to come back to bed, that they’ve got this, that they’ll figure it all out, he believes her.

--------

‘What’s this?’ he asks thumbing the crumpled paper held on the fridge with a magnet.

He looks at the list sloping down the page and smiles at how he can tell Luke’s mood for each item from his handwriting. Sometimes the letters are printed in his best handwriting, and Jay can picture him with his tongue poking out when he’s focussed. Others are scrawled hastily as if he’s tried to write it quickly before he forgets. It makes him smile and then he takes note of what’s actually on the list and it makes him pause.

He glances up and Hailey nods at him.

‘He made this list for me?’

He hadn’t noticed it yesterday.

‘He sure did and that might be the reason he wants your mom to get him from school today so they can work on a few of them.’

God, that kid is something else.

He glances back down at it as he eases it off the fridge and looks through the items.

cake

motorbike

fort

soccer in the park

banners

a dog

day out

‘A dog?’

Hailey laughs. He’s missed that sound.

‘Sneaky kid definitely added that one on for himself.’

‘I mean…’

‘No,’ she grins pointing a finger at him. ‘We’re not getting a dog right now.’

‘Not right now isn’t a no,’ he says matching her own smile.

‘You want a dog?’

Honestly, he’d do anything to make Luke smile.

‘Oh, you soft touch,’ Hailey says reading his thoughts.

‘What? This is your fault. The kid has your dimples and smile. Do not let him ask me in person because I’ll cave.’ He looks back at the list. ‘Seriously, this is…he’s such a good kid.’

‘He is, isn’t he,’ Hailey smiles to herself. ‘Think it helped him to focus on the idea of you coming back and he now loves surprises. Wonder who we have to blame for that?’

He tries and fails to fight his smile. ‘You say that like it’s a bad thing.’

He sets down the list and curls his hand around her waist. Grateful Vanessa had forced Hailey to take another day off from work.

‘It’s not,’ she answers honestly.

He dips down as she rises up onto her toes. Their mouths meeting in a kiss that turns needier as he backs her up against the kitchen counter. Blood pounding in his ears when his name falls from her lips. Wanting. Just as he is.

‘Let’s go upstairs,’ he murmurs punctuating each word with a kiss. ‘I don’t much feel like giving my mom an accidental show.’

The giggle that leaves Hailey is one of his favourite sounds.

‘Are you okay to, you know?’ she asks him. Fingers taking through his hair. Her nails scratching against his scalp in the best kind of way.

‘We can ‘you know,’’ he smirks. ‘Just might need to be a little creative until I get the all clear for my shoulder.’

‘I think we can do that,’ she tells him and he comes a little undone at the way she subconsciously licks her lips.

He tugs on her belt loops and they head for the stairs.

--------

‘I just love watching them all together.’

Hailey smiles at Caroline’s words. She does too. Jay, Luke and Owen are sprawled out across the floor in the Halstead’s den playing Jenga.

Will is cheering on the boys and making them laugh by trying to throw Jay off his game.

She thanks Caroline for helping Luke put together his ‘surprise’ for Jay. He’s checked plenty of items off his list today. There’s a handmade banner strung across the kitchen windows that says, ‘Welcome home’ followed by a pretty cool drawing of a TRex and Jay in his army gear and she’s not quite sure of the link bar Luke loving both things.

There are cupcakes, or what’s left of them, on the side, with adorably terrible attempts at motorbikes drawn on the top with icing pens and she knows Jay well enough to know he’ll help Luke to make the other items on his list come true.

Probably including the dog at some point in their future.

‘Thank you for helping Luke with all this,’ Hailey says.

Caroline waves her away. ‘No thanks necessary. You know, I’d be more than happy to pick him up from school sometimes for you. I enjoyed it today and I get Owen once a week. It really would be my pleasure.’

She gets Owen once a week, so she wants to get Luke. She wants to get Luke because she thinks him as another grandchild and though they’ve always treated Luke like part of the family, it still hits her - how lucky they were to move in next door.

Letting people help has never been her strong suit after years of being let down growing up and then again by Luke’s dad as an adult but she’s getting better at it. Largely because of this family.

And when she tells Caroline that she thinks Luke would love that, the other woman’s smile makes her know it was the right choice to lean into the love they show Luke.

‘So he tells me a dog is on this list for Jay,’ Caroline says with mirth in her eyes.

Hailey laughs and rolls her eyes. ‘I’m raising a scam artist.’

‘You have to admit though,’ Caroline says looking back into the den from the doorway , ‘he’s the cutest little scam artist.’

The Jenga tower falls to an outcry from Jay pointing his finger at his brother in protest and when Luke rolls over on the rug clutching his stomach with laughter, Hailey thinks Caroline is absolutely right.

--------

Her phone buzzes in her hand, and she already knows what it is before she looks. Jay’s been sending her photos all afternoon - Luke’s first soccer game, a night she knows their boy will never forget.

Jay had been eager to take him since he’d arrived back home, but they’d had to wait a few more weeks until he’d had the all clear to stop wearing this sling so he could drive. He’s healing well but she knows him well enough to know there’s something on his mind. Something more than him needing to head down to Georgia for a couple of weeks at the end of next month.

She smiles as she swipes through them. The first is exactly what she expected: Jay and Luke, both beaming at the camera, faces flushed with excitement, and she knows the image will be finding its way into a frame somewhere around the house. The next makes her chest tighten. A candid shot of Luke gazing out at the pitch, his expression pure awe. He must be having the best time. She loves that Jay has taken him, that they’re getting to share this moment together.

She’s already looking forward to hearing all about it when they get home. The way Luke will bounce on his feet, rattling off every detail, his hands flying as he talks.

Which is why she’s surprised - more than surprised - when Jay’s truck pulls into the driveway before the game has even finished.

Frowning, she sets her phone down and steps out onto the porch. Something is wrong. The worry twists in her stomach even before Jay gets out of the truck. One look at his face confirms it. The usual warmth in his gaze is gone, replaced by something crestfallen.

She moves quickly, meeting him at Luke’s door. Through the tinted window she can see her boy sitting still, his hands turning over and over in his lap. He’s anxious.

Her pulse kicks up. ‘What happened?’ she asks, her voice barely above a breath. She tries to keep herself calm because this is Jay. Jay, who loves Luke more than anything. Jay, who wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

‘I have no idea.’ He says. Voice thick with emotion. ‘He was loving it. And then we got to halftime, and he needed the bathroom. I took him up near the boxes.’

She nods. Kim’s cousin works security up there and had mentioned that Jay and Luke could skip the lines and use the restrooms up there.

‘He went in, came out, thanked Kim’s cousin, and then…,’ Jay shakes his head, his jaw tight. ‘He just froze. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was fine, but when we got back to our seats, he was holding back tears and then he started to cry. I asked him if he wanted to come back home and he said yes.’

Hailey’s heart twists painfully.

‘Hailey, I swear he was safe. I went in with him. I waited outside the stall. I - ’

‘Hey,’ she interrupts gently, reaching out to rest her hand on his forearm. His muscles are tense beneath her palm. ‘I know.’

Jay exhales sharply, his hand dragging over his face before yanking his cap off. ‘He hasn’t said anything. I didn’t want to push him, so I told him he could wait to talk to you if he wanted.’

She nods and reaches for the car door, pulling it open. Luke doesn’t move, his head bowed, a single tear slipping down his cheek.

‘Come here, baby,’ she murmurs, undoing his seatbelt and lifting him out. He doesn’t resist. Just clings to her, his little fingers curling into her sweater. Her brave boy.

She presses a kiss to his temple as she carries him inside. ‘Do you want to lay down for a bit?’

A small nod against her neck. She catches Jay’s eye over Luke’s head, offering what little reassurance she can before heading upstairs.

When they settle on his bed, she trails a hand through his hair, waiting until his breathing evens out.

‘Are you hurt, Luke?’

‘No.’

‘But something upset you at the game?’

He nods. Tucks his head deeper against her.

‘I saw him.’

Her heart plummets.

‘Who, kiddo?’ she asks, though she already knows the answer.

‘Dad.’

Her throat tightens, but she keeps her voice steady. ‘Where did you see him?’

Luke hesitates, then whispers, ‘Up by the fancy seats. He was wearing a suit. He had his arm around some lady.’

Hailey swallows, forcing down the sharp, bitter thoughts that threaten to rise.

‘Did he see you?’

Luke’s fingers curl into the fabric of her sleeve. ‘Maybe. He didn’t say hi, so… I don’t think he saw me.’

She exhales slowly. She’s not sure that he would’ve said hi if he had seen him. It’s been a long time now.

‘I don’t want him to be my dad,’ Luke says suddenly, his voice small but firm. ‘He’s no good.’

She closes her eyes for a brief second, aching for him. Because he’s right. Because his father is selfish, because he doesn’t deserve Luke.

She wants to tell him she’s sorry. That she wishes things were different.

Instead, she settles for the greatest truth she knows.

‘I love you so much, Luke. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’

He stays quiet for a moment before whispering, ‘Is Jay still here?’

‘Of course. He’s downstairs. I think he’d really like to see you. But if you just want to stay up here, that’s okay too.’

‘I think I want Jay. Is that okay? He won’t be mad? I ruined it.’

Hailey brushes his hair back, tilting his chin so he’ll meet her eyes. ‘He won’t be mad, baby. He loves you. He just didn’t know why you were upset, so he’s been worried.’

Luke nods.

‘I do think we should tell him, though. Do you think that would be okay?’

A beat of silence. Then, another nod.

Hand in hand, they head downstairs. Jay is sitting in the lounge, elbows on his knees, eyes distant. The worry is carved into every line of his face.

As soon as he hears them, he’s up, eyes locking on Luke, then shifting to Hailey.

Before she can even try to reassure him, Luke lets go of her hand and runs straight into Jay’s arms.

‘I’m sorry I ruined the game,’ he mumbles against Jay’s chest.

Jay’s arms tighten around him instantly. ‘You didn’t ruin anything, buddy. I promise.’

Luke squeezes him harder, and Jay dips down, scooping him up easily. He meets Hailey’s gaze over Luke’s shoulder, his eyes full of questions.

She swallows and says softly, ‘Luke saw his dad at the game today.’

Jay stills. His mouth parts, his eyes widening slightly before flicking back down to Luke, still wrapped around him.

‘I didn’t know, Luke,’ Jay says, his voice quiet, apologetic, though he has nothing to apologize for.

‘I didn’t want to see him,’ Luke whispers. ‘I wanted to watch the game with you.’

Jay exhales, his grip firm but gentle. ‘Well,’ he says, forcing some lightness into his tone, ‘I bet we can find the highlights. Maybe even the whole game. If we don’t check the score, we can keep it a surprise.’

Luke leans back just enough to look at him. ‘Yeah?’

Jay smiles. ‘Yeah.’

--------

The room is quiet, the kind of stillness that comes only at the end of a long day. The house is settled, Luke is asleep, and the only light in their bedroom comes from the dim glow of the bedside lamp. Hailey lies facing Jay, their bodies close, the warmth of him a comfort beside her.

His voice is soft in the hush of the night. ‘Are you okay?’

She is. Mostly. Of course, her heart aches for Luke - how could it not? But he’d gone off to bed with ease tonight, no small part thanks to the man beside her. Jay, who had built a fort out of every pillow in the house, then sprawled out on the floor with Luke, watching and cheering at the game highlights as if they were still there in the stands. A draw for Chicago Fire, but, as her boys had told her, a good result against the top of the league.

She should just leave it at that. Let herself settle into the comfort of the moment. But the weight of it still lingers, heavy in her chest.

‘It’s just…’ She exhales, struggling to put it into words. ‘Still, after all this time, it’s like his dad just can’t see it - that there’s a difference between an accident and a mistake. And I hate that somewhere inside Luke, in his own way, he recognises that.’

She hadn’t meant to let that fear slip, but it’s there now, out in the open, and when a tear escapes despite her best efforts, she swipes at it quickly.

Jay reaches for her before she can pull away. His touch is steady, grounding. He cradles her cheek in his palm, his thumb brushing gently beneath her eye.

‘Loving him shouldn’t be work, you know,’ she murmurs.

But then Jay smiles, soft and sure, like there isn’t a doubt in his mind.

‘It’s not,’ he says simply. ‘Believe me. It’s effortless.’

And it’s that - the wonderful weight of his love for her boy - that finally lets her breathe.

--------

The late afternoon sun casts a golden glow over the streets as Hailey drives, one hand steady on the wheel, the other drumming idly against her thigh. Luke is in the back seat, legs swinging where they don’t quite reach the floor, humming softly to himself between bites of the cookie Vanessa had sent him home with.

They’re barely a few blocks from Crumbs when his voice pipes up from behind her.

‘Auntie Vanessa isn’t really my auntie, is she?’

Hailey glances at him in the rearview mirror, his face scrunched in curiosity rather than concern.

‘How so?’ she asks.

‘Cami and Logan were talking at lunch,’ he says, kicking his feet a little. ‘And Cami said your aunt is your mom or dad’s sister. But Auntie V isn’t your sister, is she?’

Hailey smiles. ‘So that’s absolutely one way to be an auntie or an uncle.’

‘Like Jay is Owen’s uncle? ’Cause he’s Will’s brother?’

‘Yeah, like that.’ She nods. ‘But you can make your own family too. Vanessa is your auntie because she loves you, and she’s always gonna be there for you and me.’

Luke thinks about that for a second. Then he grins. ‘That’s cool. I like that.’

Silence settles in the car, save for the hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of the paper bag in Luke’s hands.

Then, quieter this time, ‘So sometimes you can pick? Like… pick your family?’

Hailey glances at him again, her heart softening. ‘Yep. Sometimes you get to choose.’

Luke nods, satisfied. ‘Cool.’

---------

The temperature cools as the evening air draws in. Hailey coming back from their house with a jacket on telling Luke she’s bought one across for him too if he wants it before setting it down on the railing. They’re next door, using his parents’ grill while Pat and Caroline are out of town for the weekend. It’s just the three of them out on the Halstead deck, laughter weaving through the easy quiet.

Luke sits on the wooden boards engrossed in steering his dumper truck, which is currently hauling a ragtag assortment of dinosaurs, across the deck.

Jay stands at the grill, tongs in hand, when Hailey smirks at him from where she leans against the railing beside him. ‘Are you sure Pat’s not gonna come home and ban you from the grill forever?’

Jay levels the tongs at her like a sword. ‘I’ll have you know, I’m doing just fine.’

Hailey hums, unconvinced, and Luke, without even looking up, chimes in, ‘Mr Halstead does make really good burgers.’

‘See,’ Hailey teases. ‘I’m just stating facts.’

Luke grins but stays focused on his truck.

Jay narrows his eyes at Hailey, an idea sparking. ‘Hey, Luke, think your truck’s big enough to carry your mom? Because I think you can haul her off next for doubting my cooking skills.’

Before Hailey can react, Jay steps forward, arms wrapping around her waist as he lifts her off the ground. She yelps, smacking at his shoulder, laughing as he makes a show of trying to sit her down on the back of Luke’s foot-long truck.

Luke loses it. Falls back on the deck, laughing so hard he can barely breathe.

Then, just as Jay sets Hailey back on her feet and presses a kiss to her cheek, Luke says it.

‘I pick you.’

Hailey stills in his arms, and Jay loosens his hold on her, turning to look at Luke, brow furrowing.

‘You pick me? For what, bud?’

Luke hesitates, shifting where he sits, suddenly looking a little shy. ‘Can I whisper it?’

‘Sure you can.’

He turns down the grill and crouches so Luke can reach his ear as he scrambles to his feet.

And it’s impossible not to think about the first time the kid had whispered to him. How he had begged Jay not to forget him.

As if Jay ever could.

The Uptons are his whole world.

Luke cups his little hand over Jay’s ear and whispers something so softly, so full of quiet hope, that it steals the breath straight from Jay’s lungs.

‘I pick you to be my dad.’

His dad.

Luke wants him to be his dad.

For a moment, all Jay can do is stare at the deck. And God he knows he needs to do something. Say something but he feels like his organs are rearranging themselves in his chest. His heart seems to have doubled in size and his lungs don’t seem to be working.

His dad. He’s picking him. This amazing boy who stole his heart that first night when he gambolled across the yard and asked Jay to play soccer with him.

Luke shifts beside him, tugging lightly at his sleeve. ‘Jay?’ He whispers again. ‘Is that okay? Can you be my dad?’

Jay’s eyes snap up to Hailey’s, and he sees the tears brimming there. Somehow, she knows what Luke just said, despite the shock on her face.

She knows, and she nods to him, a tear slipping free.

That’s all the permission he needs.

Jay exhales shakily, eases Luke back just a little so he can brush his hair from his face. But before he can even get the words out, Luke’s eyes go wide. ‘You’re crying.’

Jay blinks, startled, and when he lifts a hand to his face, sure enough, his fingertips come away damp. He springs into action the second Luke’s bottom lip starts to wobble.

‘Hey, no.’ He shakes his head quickly, pulling Luke closer to rest his hands on his shoulders. ‘I’m crying because you just made me the happiest person on the planet.’

Luke’s eyes, so like his mom’s, search his face. ‘I did?’

Jay huffs a watery laugh. ‘Of course you did. I didn’t say anything right away because you blew my mind.’ He mimes his head exploding, and Luke giggles, doing the same.

‘You have no idea what you picking me to be your dad means to me,’ Jay continues, voice steady now. ‘I’m so lucky.’

Luke’s grin is wide, a little bashful. ‘Yeah?’

Jay nods, serious. ‘Absolutely. I love you so much, and I’m always gonna love you. I’m always gonna be here for you.’ He swallows hard. ‘And I pick you too, Luke. I will always choose you.’

Luke doesn’t hesitate. He throws his arms around Jay’s neck, squeezing tight, and Jay closes his eyes for a second, grounding himself in it. The weight of it, the rightness of it.

His eyes find Hailey’s over Luke’s shoulder, and the next words are for her, just as much as they are for the boy in his arms.

‘I promise.’

Then he pushes himself to his feet, Luke still clinging to him, and extends an arm out to Hailey. She closes the little distance between them, wrapping herself around them both.

And Jay knows that these two are all he’ll ever need.

--------

‘Did you know?’

The house is quiet. The two of them wrapped up in one another beneath the covers. She lifts her head from where it’s been resting against his chest meeting his gaze in the dim light.

‘He asked me a couple of days ago about family,’ she murmurs. ‘About the family you’re born with and the family you choose. We talked about Vanessa being his aunt even though she’s not my sister by blood.’ She pauses, fingers tracing idle patterns against his chest. ‘I had a feeling I knew why he was asking, but I had no idea he was going to ask you that tonight.’

Jay shifts beside her, his arm tightening around her waist.  ‘And you’re sure you’re okay with it all? With him pulling a Luke and just coming right out and saying it?’ His voice is careful, searching. ‘This is a big change for you too. I know he has a dad, I don’t want to make things more complicated, but Hailey, I love Luke like he’s my own and I swear to you that won’t ever change.’

Her heart clenches, a soft ache blooming in her chest. ‘He has a biological father,’ she says quietly. ‘But he’s never had a dad. Not really.’ She rests her palm over his heart, feeling the steady beat beneath her fingertips. ‘You’re the only man who’s ever put him first. Loved him. Loved spending time with him. The way you love him isn’t complicated. The role you have in his life isn’t complicated. You are his dad, Jay in every way that matters.’

His breath catches, and she sees the emotion flicker across his face as he catches a tear slipping down her cheek, wiping it away with gentle fingers.

‘You said this is a big change,’ she whispers, ‘but it’s not. Not really. You’ve been exactly what a dad should be to him for so long now.’

Jay presses his forehead to hers. ‘And I promise that’s what I’ll always be. I’m not going anywhere, Hailey.’

He kisses her, slow and deep, pouring every unspoken word into the soft press of his lips. When they finally part, she lets out a soft laugh, breathless and light.

‘God,’ she says, shaking her head in wonder, ‘he knew before we did.’

Jay smiles, thumb brushing across her cheek. ‘Knew what?’

She leans into him, tucking her head beneath his chin, heart swelling. ‘That you were the missing piece.’

Chapter Text

She hears voices in her back yard and isn’t all that surprised to see Pat and Caroline when she opens the screen door.

Luke is busy showing them the hoops Jay has attached to the two top corners of the mini goalpost set she’d bought him for his last birthday and the two target splats attached to the bottom corners.

‘So, I aim for the hoops to improve my free kicks and the low ones are for penalty kicks.’

‘Looks very impressive, Luke. Just don’t ask me to try,’ Caroline tells him on a smile though Hailey knows she’d do it if he asks her.

She’d heard their car pull up from their weekend away and Luke has obviously accosted them from the yard before they’ve even gotten through their front door. Not that she thinks either of them would ever mind.

‘I might not get it on my first go but that’s okay,’ Luke says lining up the three soccer balls that are a permanent feature in their yard.

Hailey smiles at the way she sees his tongue poke out in concentration before he takes three steps back and takes his first attempt which flies into the net just missing the top left hoop.

Pat and Caroline praise him and he goes again. This time hitting the crossbar.

And on the third attempt it sails straight through the hoop.

He really is good and he loves it. That’s the thing that’s more important to Hailey. He’s already been out here for about forty minutes practising only stopping to come inside with wide eyes and a grin to tell her about how Cami at school has a new puppy.

He’s persistent. She’ll give him that.

The Halstead’s whoop and holler at Luke’s success and he grins going to high five them both.

‘I’m impressed,’ Pat tells him. ‘When did you put the hoops in? You’re doing great already.’

‘Yesterday. Dad did it with me.’

Hailey’s heart skips a beat and she wonders quite how long it will be until she doesn’t feel damn near on the verge of tears every time she hears Luke say it.

She’d nearly lost it when Luke had padded into their room yesterday morning in his Captain America pjs complete with adorably wild bedhead and said, Morning, Mom. Morning, Dad like it was the most normal thing in the world.

She’d squeezed Jay’s hand so tightly beneath the blankets she’s surprised she hadn’t left a mark.

She just didn’t think this kind of life was on the cards for them. Didn’t think Luke would get to have what he’s found in Jay so sue her, she’s a little emotional right now.

Caroline glances her way at Luke’s comment about his dad with concern on her face and she sees the way Pat’s tensed up. Both protective at the mention of Luke’s father. They don’t know it all, but they know enough. Know Luke deserves better.

Pat clears his throat. Chooses his words with care. ‘That’s good then. That you got to spend some time with your dad.’

‘What do you mean?’ Luke says going to fetch the balls. He tucks one under his good arm and then kicks the other two back to where he wants them.

‘That you and your dad got to hang out.’

Luke’s face scrunches up. ‘But we always hang out. He practises with me all the time.’

Pat opens his mouth to respond but he’s stopped by Caroline clutching his forearm, her eyes wide and she looks over to Hailey who nods at her.

Caroline’s free hand comes to rest over her heart, and she must squeeze Pat’s arm harder because he turns to her in confusion.

‘What’s the matter?’

Before Caroline can respond the rumble of Jay’s motorbike disturbs the quiet and he appears through the side gate a moment later with his motorcycle helmet tucked under his arm running a hand through his hair with the other.

It’s definitely a look that works for him despite her worrying about him every time he’s out on the thing.

‘Hey,’ he grins at the sight of his parents. ‘How was your trip?’

Neither Caroline nor Pat can answer him before Luke bounces up to Jay.

‘I did it! Actually, I did it like six times now, Dad. Come watch me’

Jay’s face splits into a grin and her heart melts a little at how happy her boys make one another. He sets his helmet down beside him and crouches down pointing over Luke’s head.

‘You know how I told you that you blew my mind?’

Even from here she can see Luke’s nod.

‘Turn around, bud because I think you just did the same to my parents.’

Luke spins around and he giggles happily. Hailey can’t see Pat and Caroline’s expressions from where she’s standing but she feels like she knows them well enough to take a fair guess.

‘Jay’s my dad now,’ Luke says proudly.

Pat recovers quickest and she imagines Caroline might be crying.

‘Well of course he is,’ Pat says matter of factly but his voice is tight with emotion that he rarely shows.

And just like that Luke sets down the ball under his arm and dribbles it back across the yard.

‘Hey, does that mean I get to call you Grandpa and Grandma now like Owen does?’

And Hailey was absolutely right - Caroline Halstead is sobbing.

--------

‘They’re pretty cute over there, you know.’

Hailey doesn’t need telling twice. She looks up from where she’s busy reorganising their stock on display.

Jay had fetched Luke from school and she’d been pleasantly surprised when they’d come into Crumbs to hang out. The two of them sat at a table talking away. Luke busy drawing whilst they chat.

‘Though you might wanna go stake your claim on your man,’ Vanessa continues. ‘Those college girls have been eyeing Jay up since they came in.’

She rolls her eyes at Vanessa but she’s not wrong. The girls aren’t exactly being subtle.

Jay’s wearing a Halstead construction polo and a pair of jeans that fit him far too well. Desert boots on his feet. His hair is grown out a touch more as she’s realising he tends to do when he’s home. She likes it and she knows if she tells him that, that he’ll always wear his hair that way.

He’s been helping Kim out in the office and meeting potential new clients for his dad these past couple of weeks so his polo is pristine. Though she doesn’t doubt they’d be eyeing him up all the same if he was a little dusty after a hard day of grafting.

He’s out of his sling now though he still has another week of physio and despite Jay insisting that he was fine to help out his dad at work, Pat Halstead can be as stubborn as they come and hasn’t let Jay near a tool.

‘Has it sunk in yet?’ Vanessa asks her after serving a couple of tourists grabbing their drinks to go.

‘Sorry,’ Hailey says pulling herself from her thoughts. ‘Has what sunk in?’

‘Luke calling him dad.’

Where does she start?

‘Yes and no. It feels right,’ she says feeling a smile tug at her lips. ‘Hearing Luke say it feels right. And then sometimes I still can’t quite believe this is how things have worked out for us.’

Vanessa squeezes her arm in understanding. The two of them have known each other for long enough to not need any more words. ‘You said he goes again next week?’

‘He has a flight out on Sunday. It’s only a couple of weeks down in Georgia. He said he might try and catch a flight home at the weekend in between if he can.’

Vanessa presses her hands over her heart. ‘Swoon,’ she says teasingly.

Hailey swats at her but Vanessa sidesteps her with a smile and goes over to welcome a couple of customers who breeze through the door.

She looks back over to the table where they’re sat to see Jay taking a sip of his drink and smiling at whatever Luke’s saying.

And yes, the girls are absolutely checking him out right now.

Screw it.

‘I’m going to collect some empties,’ she tells Vanessa who smirks at her in response.

She’s proud of the fact that she does in fact clear a few of the tables and when she walks near their table, Jay snakes an arm out to curl around her hip stopping her in her tracks.

‘Hey, Mom,’ Luke smiles before getting back to his drawing. She tilts her head to try and work out what it is from upside down.

‘An excavator,’ Jay explains.

She smiles. She has the Halstead men and Kevin to thank for her boy’s latest interest - construction.

‘The lemon cake is great,’ he tells her. Thumb brushing back and forth through the belt loop in her jeans.

‘That what you stopped me for?’

‘The cookie’s good too,’ Luke chimes in.

‘Thanks, kiddo.’

‘Might have stopped you for this,’ he murmurs before tugging her down to him to kiss her.

‘Gross.’

She laughs against Jay’s lips at Luke’s remark but when she glances at him, her boy, their boy, is beaming. And she’d never thought about it really before when it was just the two of them, but she’s so pleased they can give him this. That he can see what a relationship should be like – loving and loyal and good.

And kisses. Plenty of kisses.

And maybe it’s petty and it’s certainly completely unnecessary but she makes a point of stopping by the college girls’ table next with a saccharine smile to check if they want anything else and she can hear Vanessa’s bark of laughter from across the room.

--------

Things are good. They’re so good and sometimes, a lot of the time, he feels like he needs to pinch himself.

A lot of the time he wonders what the hell he’s doing too because this, this life the three of them are carving out, feels like everything. Beyond anything he could have ever hoped for and yet he’s had to leave them behind. Again.

It’s only a fortnight down in Georgia. He won’t be giving the people in his life cause to worry but he’ll still be gone. Against all odds given the life he’s lived for over a decade, he likes the day to day.

He likes grocery shopping for three. Likes taking Luke out after dinner for either a quick scoot or bike ride around the neighbourhood to burn off some energy and give Hailey twenty minutes to herself. Likes the three of them sitting on the floor in the lounge playing one of Luke’s card games. Loves waking up beside her, her hair splayed over his chest.

He doesn’t want to miss it now that he’s found it. Found what he didn’t know he needed. Found what makes him happier than anything he’s ever known.

They come first. They come first and he’s not sure how he reconciles his career with that fact.

He was hoping to fly home over the weekend but it doesn’t quite pan out. He’s missing another one of Luke’s games. His first back in the starting team after getting his cast off. And Luke seems as chirpy as ever when he chats to him on FaceTime later that night. He’s delighted that Owen came to watch him and tells Jay how he scored from a freekick. Hailey telling him that Will caught it on video and that she’s sure he’ll be sending it over to him.

He can’t help but feel like a video isn’t enough. And he knows he’ll miss things, all parents do, but he doesn’t think he can miss more than he’s there for.

He’s talked to one of the guys in his unit who has kids. And Lopez is a great father. He and plenty of other guys Jay’s worked with over the years are. He knows it’s possible, to do both, but he’s just not sure it’s for him.

‘Look,’ Lopez had said after the two of them had talked for an hour sat in one of the quieter bars on this side of town, ‘at the end of the day, all kids need happy parents. Then you’re the best parent you can be and if you’re in a relationship, then they need to see that you treat one another right. I’ve known you a long time Sarge and I sure as shit know you’ll be doing the second but I can’t tell you what will make you happy. Only you know that. For me, this job still gives me purpose. It still feels like what I’m meant to be doing but the moment it doesn’t, I’m gone.’

‘They’re ready for you now Sergeant Halstead.’

He’s jolted from his wandering thoughts by the young officer before him.

Jay stands from the chair he’s been sat in and nods his thanks before knocking on the door to his left.

‘Major Osborne,’ Jay says once he’s beckoned inside. He nods his greeting to the captains also in attendance.

‘Take a seat, Sergeant.’

--------

She does take Luke with her this time when she heads to pick Jay up from the airport and it’s only been two weeks but Luke’s never even been to an airport before and he’s giddy. Giddy enough for Hailey to justify the exorbitant parking fee she knows she’ll have by getting their early to let Luke look around all that they can take in without having an actual ticket.

She clocks him taking in the fact that a couple of other people have signs in their hands when they get to where arriving passengers flood through in regular intervals and she knows they won’t turn up emptyhanded again no matter how long or short Jay’s been away.

And at some point, she’s sure she won’t have to keep wiping stray tears from her cheeks when she hears Luke call Jay Dad but when Jay appears round the corner with his army duffle slung over his shoulder and Luke cries out ‘Dad’ before hurtling towards him and into Jay’s open arms, bag discarded beside him, she thinks a tear is justified. It’s been two weeks and her boy’s been missed. It’s in Jay’s hug and the smile on his face, the way his eyes crinkle at whatever Luke mutters into his neck as Jay rises to stand with Luke still wrapped around him.

His eyes meet hers and he reaches out a hand to her tugging her into him. Mouthing a silent ‘I love you’ to her that his gaze was already telling her as Luke continues to chatter.

But there’s something else in his gaze too that she can’t quite read though it suddenly seems unimportant when the three of them are curled up on the couch that night, catching up like they’ve been apart for months instead of days.

Luke’s perched between them, feet tucked up under him, talking to Jay about school and spelling words and what he’s learned at school today.

‘Can you speak German?’ Luke asks, wide-eyed, turning toward Jay. ‘We were talking about languages in school. Mrs. Casey speaks three languages!’

Jay smiles. ‘I can speak a little, yeah.’

‘You can?’ Luke sounds astonished, as if Jay’s just revealed he can fly and Hailey’s a little surprised herself. She didn’t know either.

‘I mean, not a tonne and not very well,’ Jay chuckles, running a hand through Luke’s messy hair. ‘But yeah. I’ve been stationed there twice, so I’ve spent about a year of my life there. Seemed kind of ignorant not to learn a little.’

Luke’s brow furrows. ‘What’s ignorant mean?’

‘Like... a little rude,’ Jay explains. ‘Not respectful of other people and what they might need.’

Luke thinks hard for a moment, then says, without malice but with that same honest, gut-punching clarity he always has, ‘Like my other dad. Was he ignorant, Mom?’

The water Hailey’s sipping goes down the wrong way and she coughs, trying to catch her breath. Luke, bless his heart, leans over and pats her back. Her wide, startled eyes meet Jay’s over Luke’s head and he’s biting back a smile, trying not to laugh at how fast the conversation spiralled and how Luke is unfailingly honest in speaking his mind.

‘Want to hear me speak some German?’ he asks Luke trying to shift the conversation on.

Luke’s answer is an immediate yes.

Jay leans closer and says, in a smooth, playful tone, ‘Guten abend, Luke. Du hast die beste Mama und stinkende füße.’

Luke grins looking to her to see if Hailey is equally as excited as he is. ‘What did you say?’

‘I said, good evening, Luke. You have the best mom... and smelly feet.’

‘I do not have smelly feet!’ Luke protests, laughing as Jay swoops him up into his arms and dramatically sniffs his socks, making gagging sounds.

‘Dad - put me down! Mom!’ Luke gasps through his laughter.

Grinning, Hailey stands and steps closer sniffing one of Luke’s feet too and wrinkling her nose. ‘Sheesh,’ she teases. ‘Smells like bathtime to me.’

‘Nooooo!’ Luke protests but he's giggling too hard to sound convincing.

Jay sets him back on the ground with a laugh and Hailey points toward the stairs. ‘Go grab your towel, kiddo. I’ll meet you upstairs.’

As Luke races off, his voice floats back toward them. ‘Will you teach me some?’

‘Of course,’ Jay calls back, his voice warm with love.

Hailey steps closer, hands finding the V of Jay’s shirt, fingers idly playing with the fabric. Her smile is slow and coy.

‘Will you teach me some?’ she hums.

His arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close until there’s no space left between them. ‘And here I thought French was the language of love,’ he murmurs against her temple.

‘Do you know any French?’ she asks, tipping her head up to meet his gaze.

Jay laughs, soft and easy. ‘Not a word.’

‘Then the German will work,’ she breathes, standing on her toes to brush her lips against his.

The kiss is easy, familiar, but full of the same spark that’s always been between them. God, she missed him these past couple of weeks.

And if the way his hands roam a little lower is any indication, he missed her just as much.

Jay’s mouth moves against hers, slow and sure, and Hailey feels herself melt into him. His hands span her waist, slipping lower to anchor her closer, and she sighs into the kiss, fingers fisting in the fabric of his shirt.

It’s only been two weeks, but it feels like forever.

‘Missed you,’ she whispers against his lips, voice catching.

‘Missed you more,’ Jay murmurs back, nipping gently at her bottom lip before he deepens the kiss, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of her neck. It’s easy to lose herself in him. Always has been.

She feels him smile into the kiss just as the sound of thundering footsteps echoes down the staircase.

They break apart with matching grins, and Jay drops his forehead to hers for a beat before stepping back.

Luke barrels into the room in just his shorts. Towel draped over his head like a cape. ‘I’m ready!’ he declares, striking a superhero pose.

‘Geez, you’re something else, kid,’ Jay says on a smile and Hailey laughs reaching out to squeeze Jay’s hand before she moves to shoo Luke back up the stairs.

She throws a look over her shoulder at Jay, catching the way he watches her with that warm gaze. A promise tucked away in in that later, when Luke’s tucked into bed and the house is quiet, they’ll pick up right where they left off.

(And she can’t wait.)

--------

He leans back against the worn booth, nursing his beer. It’s one of the quieter bars a couple of blocks over. The kind of place where the music playing is just a soft hum in the background. People come here to talk over a drink though he can’t say he’s done all that much talking so far. At least not about what he actually came here to say. They’ve talked plenty about sports. Bikes.  Their usual.

But his dad sits across from him, arms folded, beer in hand, waiting like he knows something’s coming.

Jay draws a breath. There’s no sense dancing around it really. Doesn’t know why he has been. ‘I’m seriously thinking about not signing back on,’ he starts. ‘I’ve already talked to my superiors about it.’

His dad doesn’t look all that surprised at the admission. Instead, he nods once, like he’s been expecting it.

‘I wondered if that might be what it was,’ Pat says. He shifts, resting his forearms on the table. ‘Your mother will try to say she put the idea in my head, but it was already there.’

Jay smiles at that before his dad continues.  

‘I get it, son.’

‘Yeah?’

Pat’s gaze is steady. ‘Course. I’d do anything I could to try and make sure your mom and you two boys were always happy. That you had what you needed. Might not have always succeeded,’ he says, voice roughening slightly, ‘but doesn’t mean you don’t try. And that you keep trying every day.’

Jay feels his throat tighten. He lifts his beer, taking a sip, buying himself a second to get it together. He wasn’t really expecting such an admission from his dad. ‘You did a good job, Dad. Better than good.’

Pat smiles faintly. ‘Well, picking the right person to do it alongside makes a hell of a difference. And your mother... she's the best of the best.’

Jay huffs a laugh. He won’t disagree. His parents fit. They fit so well. They complement one another perfectly.  ‘Yeah,’ he says quietly. ‘Hailey’s that for me.’

Pat nods, no hesitation. ‘She gets it?’

And at the question Jay rubs the back of his neck. His fingers tangle briefly in the collar of his shirt. ‘I’ll talk to her about it all. Of course I will. I just... I wanted to have some options to run by her, you know? 'Cause I know her. She’ll tell me not to give something up for them. That I don’t need to. I just want to show her that I’ve thought this through. That this isn’t just an emotional response to missing them.’

Pat points at him with the neck of his beer. ‘She’d have a point, son. You don’t need to give anything up to keep them.’

‘I know. It’s not about that.’ Jay leans forward, elbows braced on the table. ‘But I can’t spend half my life being away from them, Dad. I don’t want to.’

Pat’s eyes twinkle with something close to mischief. ‘You had no problem spending it away from us.’

Jay barks out a laugh at his father’s dry sense of humour. ‘You bet.’

They both laugh, easy and familiar.

Pat taps his hand against the table once. ‘Alright then. Let’s talk business.’

Jay leans in, heart lighter than it’s been in months. Appreciates that his dad is accepting of his decision. ‘Okay, so here’s what I was thinking.’

--------

He comes downstairs after putting Luke to bed, and when she glances up from her phone, she smiles. She loves this version of him. This soft version of him in his socks and sweatpants. Hair a little dishevelled from running a hand through it.

He catches sight of her screen as he comes to sit beside her and quirks a brow her way.

‘Is that for here or Crumbs?’ he asks, nodding toward the Pinterest board full of sleek countertops and inky blue cabinets.

‘Here,’ she says, smiling softly before closing the tab on a shrug. ‘Maybe one day.’

He doesn’t say anything else, just lifts her legs and slides onto the couch beside her, resting them in his lap. His hands start rubbing slow circles over her feet, and she groans in relief, tilting her head back.

He chuckles. ‘That good, huh?’

‘You have no idea,’ she sighs. She knows its not the same as other jobs where you’re on your feet all day. She’s not comparing what she does to Will and Natalie but it doesn’t stop her feet from aching the same at the end of the day.

They sit in comfortable silence until she peeks at him over the top of her phone.

‘You ever gonna tell me what’s been on your mind this past week?’ she asks. ‘Because I’ve got an idea, but I’d rather you talk to me about it.’

Jay smiles softly, like he was expecting her question, but he hesitates just a beat all the same.

‘I’m thinking of getting out.’

The air leaves her lungs. She sets her phone down, shifts her legs so she’s sitting up, facing him fully. ‘Just so I’m sure we’re on the same page - you mean out of the military, right?’

He nods.

‘Jay…’

She scoots closer, pulling her legs beneath her, instinctively reaching for him.

‘You don’t need to do this for me. For us.’

‘I know,’ he says immediately. ‘I knew you’d say that, and I know you mean it. But, Hailey, I don’t wanna miss this. I don’t want to miss our life together. I don’t wanna come home and see that Luke’s grown another inch or he’s learned something new and I’ve just…missed it.’

She doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know if she has the words to tell him how good he is. How good his love is.

He exhales, running a hand through his hair. ‘He deserves a dad who stays, Hailey,’ he says quietly. ‘Who’s here for him.’

‘You are, Jay. I promise you that you are. You can be a good dad and still do the job you love.’

She desperately needs him to understand that he’s beyond anything she could have hoped for as a partner and as a father to Luke.

‘I have loved it, you’re right. And I still do, in a way. But I’m tired, Hailey. I’m tired of leaving. I’m tired of missing you two.’

He looks at her with a sad smile.

‘You know I’ve been gone for over a year since we met? I’ve missed a whole year of seeing Luke grow up already.’

This man.

Her eyes burn with tears, because she can hear it in his voice – that he’s made up his mind. That not only is he going to do this but that he wants to do it.

‘I don’t wanna miss any more than I have to,’ he continues, then pauses, swallows hard. His fingers tighten around hers. ‘And if -’ he clears his throat, his voice quieter now. ‘I know we haven’t really talked about it, but if we wanted more kids, I would want to be here every step of the way.’

He’s right. They haven’t really talked about this but the thought of doing it all again with Jay has her heart racing in her chest.

He links his fingers with hers, lacing them together like an anchor. ‘I’d want to do it all with you. And what kind of message would that send to Luke if I got out then? That he wasn’t enough to make me stay, but a new baby would be?’

She watches him shake his head, as if the thought alone makes him sick.

She reaches up to cradle his face in her hands, her thumbs brushing against his jaw. ‘I love you.’

His eyes soften. ‘I love you too.’

‘You’ve been thinking about this for a while?’

He nods. ‘Since I got back from the last mission. It’s crossed my mind before, but not in a way that’s had me making plans.’

‘What plans?’

‘I talked to my superiors down at Benning.’

Her brows lift. A soft gasp escaping her at how much thought he’s already put into this. ‘You did?’

‘Yeah. They… well, they’re keen to keep me. Told me I’m due for another promotion.’ He clears his throat. ‘That I’m getting an award for the last mission.’

Her heart swells with pride. ‘Jay, I’m so proud of you.’

‘They offered me a role at Benning with no active duty, if that would make me stay.’

Her stomach clenches.

A move. Georgia.

She’d hate to leave what they’ve built here, the roots she’s been putting down for Luke. The family they’ve found. But the three of them - she knows - could make it work anywhere. Moving to Georgia, but having Jay come home each night, would be worth it. Crumbs could get a second branch.

‘We could -’

He shakes his head before she can finish. ‘Chicago’s home.’

Relief floods through her, but before she can say anything, he continues, ‘And look, I’ve talked to my dad about permanently working with him when I’m done. He’s always told me the business would be there waiting for me. And though he’d never say it, I think it’s always been his hope that one day, I’d want to take it on. To run things when he retires.’

She searches his face. ‘And is that what you want? Would you be happy?’

‘I think so,’ he answers and she appreciates his honesty so much in that moment. That he’s not trying to convince her it will all be sunshine and roses.  ‘It would be a huge change, but one that would be worth it.’

They’re both quiet for a beat. Hailey trying to process all this would mean for them.

Then Jay asks, almost nervously, ‘What do you think?’

She exhales slowly. ‘I think you’re the best man I know. I think you’re the best father to Luke. And I think you need to know - really know - that you have my support no matter what you decide. I told you before that loving you doesn’t come with conditions and the military is a huge part of who you are. I would never ask you to give that up.’

His fingers squeeze around hers. ‘You’re not asking. I know that. This - you, me, Luke - that’s what I want in life. I want to come home to you guys every night. That’s what I need now.’

Tears prick at her eyes again, but this time, she lets them fall as she leans in to kiss him and whispers against his lips. ‘Then that’s what you’ll do.’

--------

Jay wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead with the back of his arm, surveying the progress they’ve made on the house they’re working on. A full refurb. The place is finally starting to resemble a home rather than just a construction site. His dad and Kevin are still going at it. Kev sanding down a doorframe in the hallway, Pat inspecting the cabinets they installed earlier in the week. The late afternoon sun filters through the half-finished windows, casting long shadows across the floors.

The sound of a car door shutting out front makes him glance up. A moment later, Vanessa strides in, hands stuffed into the pockets of her jacket and Jay almost laughs at how quickly Kevin downs tools to say hi to her, the two of them talking near the front door with smiles shier than either of them are by nature.

‘Hey, Halstead,’ she greets, her usual smirk back in place as she heads towards him.

‘Hey, what brings you here?’

She stops in front of him, studying him for a beat. Then, without warning, she steps forward and pulls him into a hug. It takes him a second to catch up, but then his arms come up, wrapping around her.

‘Thank you,’ she murmurs against his shoulder.

And he knows then exactly what she’s thanking him for. That Hailey must have talked to her about his decision to not sign back on. He pulls back slightly, looking down at her. ‘You good?’

‘Yeah.’ She blinks a few times, clearing her throat. ‘Just the wind, you know.’

Jay raises an eyebrow. Gives her an out. ‘We do live in the Windy City.’

‘Exactly.’

He tilts his head, giving her a knowing look. ‘You want me to send Kev back over here? Will that help?’

Vanessa narrows her eyes. ‘Why would that help?’

 ‘Yeah, I got eyes, Vanessa. All that teasing you used to give me about Hailey when I came by Crumbs - it can go both ways.’

Her jaw drops slightly before she quickly schools her expression. ‘I’m rescinding that hug.’

‘No, you’re not.’

She exhales sharply. ‘I’m not,’ she admits, then squares her shoulders. ‘But I am leaving now.’

‘Bye, Vanessa.’

‘Later, Halstead.’ She turns in the doorway, calling out over her shoulder, ‘Bye, Pat. Bye, Kev.’

But before she steps out, she pauses, glancing back at Pat.

‘Sorry, Pat,’ she says.

‘For what?’ his dad asks, confused.

‘This.’ She lifts her hand and flips Jay off, her face deadpan.

Jay bursts out laughing at the gesture and it has Kevin chuckling too despite not knowing the context. His dad just shakes his head, muttering something about ‘damn kids’ under his breath.

--------

The auditorium is packed. Filled with familiar faces in uniform and the hum of quiet conversation. Jay walks in, the weight of his dress uniform settling heavily on his shoulders - not from nerves, but from the significance of today. His last commendation. His last formal Army event before he’s done for good in a couple of month’s time.

But right now, all of that fades because Hailey’s fingers are threaded through his, and Luke is scampering ahead of them, firing off question after question about the base.

‘Dad, how many planes do they have here? Do you get to fly in them? Where’s your room? Did you have a cool bed?’

Jay chuckles, glancing down at Hailey, who just shakes her head in amusement. She looks stunning. Her dress finishing just above her knees, her hair in loose waves that make him want to reach out and tangle his fingers in it. He tugs her hand to his lips, pressing a quick kiss against her knuckles, and she smiles at him, squeezing his hand in return.

Luke had already made the trip down an adventure from the start. His first flight, and the kid had charmed the whole damn staff onboard. The flight attendants had given him extra snacks, the pilots had let him peek into the cockpit, and by the time they landed, Jay was pretty sure half the crew was ready to adopt him.

But now, as they approach the seating area, the weight of the moment settles in. Hailey leans in close. ‘You okay?’

He exhales. Nods. ‘Yeah. Just… glad you’re here.’

‘Wouldn’t be anywhere else.’

Luke turns around, grinning. ‘Where do we sit?’

He gestures toward a row toward the front. ‘Right over there, buddy. You stay with Mom, okay? I gotta go find my unit.’

Luke nods solemnly, as if given an important mission, and Hailey leans in, pressing a kiss to Jay’s cheek. ‘We’ll be right here.’

With one last glance at them, he makes his way toward the familiar cluster of soldiers.

The calls start immediately.

‘Sarge!’

‘There he is - Halstead!’

He grins, clasping hands, exchanging quick pats on the back with his team and then another voice cuts through the others.

‘Look who finally showed up.’

Jay turns just in time to see Mouse grinning at him, and he barely has time to react before Mouse pulls him into a tight hug, slapping his back.

‘Good to see you, man,’ Jay says, pulling away.

Mouse smirks. ‘Is it okay to say I’m a little disappointed that face of yours still looks like that after all those cuts?’

Jay snorts. ‘Screw you, man.’

Mouse just laughs. ‘That little family of yours out there?’

Jay glances over his shoulder. From here, he can just barely make out Hailey and Luke, Luke bouncing excitedly in his seat. He nods. ‘Yeah, man. They are.’

Mouse grins. ‘I can’t wait to meet them.’

‘Yeah, Luke’s excited too. Wants to know why I don’t have a ‘cool’ animal nickname.’

Mouse’s smirk grows. ‘Want me to tell him your nickname in the unit?’

Jay levels him with a look. ‘No. He’s seven. That’s not something he needs to hear.’

God help him, because Luke would have about twenty-five follow-up questions, and he does not need to be explaining that nickname to his kid.

Mouse wiggles his eyebrows. ‘But if it slips out around Hailey…’

Jay exhales, shaking his head. ‘She’ll enjoy ribbing me about it for a long time to come.’

Mouse claps a hand on his shoulder. ‘Knew I liked her.’

Jay chuckles. ‘Yeah, yeah. But you’re not sullying my boy’s mind, okay?’

Mouse grins, but then his expression softens just a little. ‘Your boy,’ he repeats. ‘I’m happy for you, man.’

Something in Jay’s chest tightens, but he just nods. ‘Thanks, brother.’

Mouse slaps his back one more time. ‘C’mon, let’s go find our seats. Let’s get you your damn medal.’

--------

The sun is warm on her skin, a perfect Georgia afternoon stretching out around them. The ceremony is over, but they’re still milling around, catching up with Jay’s unit, meeting people who clearly mean a lot to him.

Hailey watches as Luke, perched on Mouse’s shoulders, soaks up the attention like a sponge. He’s grinning wide, his little checkered shirt slightly rumpled now from all the excitement. Mouse carries him easily, tossing him up slightly now and then just to make him laugh. She likes Mouse. He’s a little awkward, but in a way that’s endearing - genuine. The kind of smart that people don’t always know what to do with. And more than anything, it’s obvious how much he cares for Jay. They all do. His whole unit.

They’ve come over, one by one, to introduce themselves. To make her and Luke feel welcome, like they’re part of this world Jay is leaving behind.

She knew Jay was good at his job. Knows the kind of man he is, has seen the ribbons and medals on his uniform in old photos. But she didn’t know, until today, that he was the only one receiving a medal. His whole unit received a commendation, but he’d made it sound like the whole unit was being recognised in the same way.

They weren’t. Jay had received an additional medal.

Listening to the sergeant major talk about him, about what he did or rather what they could share of what he’d done, had brought tears to her eyes. And watching Luke beam beside her, practically vibrating with pride, had nearly undone her completely.

‘I knew Dad was the best one,’ Luke had whispered to her, grinning up at her with so much certainty. She’d smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head, her heart too full for words.

Jay appears at her side now, pressing a cool drink into her hand. He leans down, his lips brushing her cheek in a casual, familiar way that still sends warmth spreading through her chest.

Before she can say anything, a voice interrupts.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt.’

Hailey turns, and the first thing she notices is how stunning the woman is. Impossibly shiny dark hair and a kind of effortless grace about her.

‘Sara,’ Jay says, his tone instantly softer. But before anything else can be said, the woman steps forward and throws her arms around him.

Hailey hears the quiet, emotion-thick words she murmurs against his chest. ‘Thank you. Thank you for saving him.’

Jay holds her gently. ‘Of course.’

They stand like that for a long moment, until another man in uniform appears. Jay glances up, nods in acknowledgment before gently easing Sara away, turning her into the embrace of who Hailey assumes is her husband.

Sara wipes at her eyes, then turns to Hailey. ‘I’m sorry, that’s not the best way to introduce myself.’ She smiles, a little watery but warm. ‘You must be Jay’s wife.’

Hailey feels her cheeks flush. ‘Oh, I -’

Jay reaches for her hand, squeezing it, and in the moment neither bother correcting the other woman.

Sara smacks Jay’s arm. ‘She’s beautiful, Jay. And that gorgeous little boy over there must be yours,’ she says to Hailey. ‘He’s your double.’

Hailey smiles. ‘Thank you.’

Sara’s husband chuckles. ‘You know, Sarge, you shouldn’t leave your kid with Mouse too long. He’ll be giving away all your secrets.’

Jay groans. ‘Such a stupid nickname,’ he mutters, handing Hailey his drink before heading toward Luke.

Hailey watches him go, returning with Luke and Mouse a few moments later.

‘What’s this I hear about a nickname?’ she asks Mouse. Her intrigue piqued.

Mouse grins, and beside him, Luke’s eyes light up. ‘A nickname?’ he asks eagerly. ‘Can I guess?’

Jay exhales but nods though Hailey can tell from his face that he’d rather say no. ‘Course you can, buddy.’

Hailey crosses her arms, watching as Luke throws out increasingly ridiculous guesses. ‘Jay Jay? Bruce Banner? Cheesecake?’

Mouse shoots Hailey a look, amusement dancing in his eyes.

‘Oh, this is gonna be good,’ she murmurs, as she waits to see how he’ll talk his way out of this one.

Jay groans quietly and shakes his head. ‘Not even close, buddy.’

Hailey raises an eyebrow, sipping from the drink he gave her. ‘Come on, Mouse. You look like you're bursting.’

Mouse smirks.

‘Alright, but don’t hate me, Halstead.’ He turns to Luke, crouching slightly like he’s about to deliver a state secret. ‘Your dad’s nickname was…,’ he pauses for dramatic effect, ‘…Combat Ken.’

Luke blinks. ‘Like the Barbie guy?’

Mouse grins. ‘Exactly like the Barbie guy. Hair always perfect. Uniform always pressed. Distinct lack of chest hair. Real action figure vibes.’

Hailey snorts her drink. ‘Oh my God.’

Jay groans and rubs a hand down his face. ‘It was one mission. One. I packed hair gel. Big mistake.’

Luke is cackling now. ‘Combat Ken!’

‘You’re never letting this go, are you?’ Jay asks, eyes flicking between Luke and Hailey. Her boy equally as delighted with this nickname as she is.

‘Nope,’ Hailey says, grinning wickedly. ‘Think of all the Ken merchandise we could get for you.’

Mouse claps Jay on the back. ‘I’ve done what I came here to do.’

Jay sighs dramatically. ‘I get a medal and this is what I’m remembered for.’

Hailey threads her fingers through his, smiling as she leans into his shoulder. ‘You’ll be remembered for a lot more than that,’ she says softly. ‘But Combat Ken might end up on a coffee mug.’

Jay laughs and the two of them watch on as Luke starts to play a game of tag with a couple of the other kids in attendance. And in another life, Hailey thinks they could have done this. She understands how people do now having been in attendance today. How much camaraderie and a sense of family there is between the guys.

‘So the nickname is pretty funny and kind of embarrassing but there’s gotta be a real reason behind you not wanting Luke to know,’ she says turning to look up at Jay.

‘You caught that, huh?’

‘The moment of panic on your face when Mouse started to speak – yeah I caught that.’

He drags a hand down his face. ‘The hair gel thing is true, and the rest of it.’

She smiles and presses a kiss to his jaw before he continues.

‘Now you’ve gotta remember, I was like twenty-two when this happened,’ he starts, ‘but this older woman was coming on to me in a bar.’

‘Oh, I see how it is,’ Hailey hums.

‘And twenty-two year old me is pretty stoked about this fact. She’s pretty and knows how to flirt. Anyway, one thing led to another and we’re kind of making out in the back of the bar.’

She laughs to herself at how he’s trying to downplay this. How can you kind of make out with someone?

‘Aaaand then I’m literally pulled off her by the scruff of my shirt collar by this like man-mountain of a guy who takes a swing at me -clocked me pretty good actually - and says, ‘Get the hell off my wife. Who do you think you are – Combat Ken?’

‘She was married? Jay!’ she says whacking him on the arm.

‘I had no idea. She wasn’t wearing a ring. Apparently she’d done this thing a few times. The older guys in the unit knew exactly what was going to happen and let me walk into it anyway. God, I was so embarrassed. I talked a good game, but I had like one girlfriend in high school.’

She shakes her head at him on a smile. ‘And Combat Ken stuck.’

‘Of course it did. They had a field day with it. Wasn’t really dropped until a few years ago when I first made sergeant.’

‘Well I’m glad I know about your scandalous past,’ she teases. ‘But we will definitely be leaving it as the hair gel thing with Luke.’

‘Yes please,’ Jay pleads burying his head into her shoulder. ‘And you have to still love me even though I come with a crappy nickname.’

‘Only if you let me put it on a mug.’

He groans then mumbles ‘Deal’ against her neck.

--------

She leans against the counter, sipping her glass of wine, watching through the screen door.

Out in the Halstead’s backyard, the boys are up in the treehouse. she can hear Luke’s voice from here, punctuated by Owen’s giggles and she dreads to think what the two of them are up to. Jay’s stationed below, leaning one shoulder against the tree, one hand tucked into his jeans pocket, while Natalie sits close by on a patio chair, her head tilted up toward him as they talk.

Will slips up beside her with a beer in hand, nudging her gently with his elbow. ‘You know,’ he says, glancing out the window, ‘I still get such a kick out of hearing him call me Uncle Will.’

Hailey smiles. She thinks of the moment a few weeks ago that caught them all off guard. Luke had said it - Uncle Will - with all the confidence in the world, as though it had always been true. Natalie had blinked, taken off guard, and then teared up almost immediately and that was before Luke had even gotten around to calling her Auntie Nat.

‘Never gotten to be someone’s Uncle before,’ Will says with a smile. ‘That little brother of mine has been slacking for too long. I was born to be the cool uncle.’

She rolls her eyes affectionately at him. ‘Luke was trying to explain to Owen before that they were cousins now, and Owen just kind of  frowned and said, ‘What were we before then?’’ She laughs.

Will chuckles before his smile turns mischievous. He tips his beer bottle toward her. ‘You know what else? I’m kind of looking forward to when you get to call me brother-in-law, too.’

She blushes, not knowing quite what to say but Will just winks at her and steps outside, calling through the yard to round everyone in for dinner.

Dinner is, unsurprisingly, lovely and she’s definitely eaten more than she should but Caroline is one hell of a cook and she lets herself enjoy these nights in a different way now. There’s always been no pressure here. No pretences. But she lets herself feel it now. The warmth that comes from family dinners and sometimes it still catches her off guard that this isn’t borrowed, or temporary. They’re not guests anymore.

They belong.

As dessert winds down, Will leans toward Owen, who’s squirming a little beside him.

‘Hey, kiddo, you look a little warm. Why don’t you take your jacket off?’

Owen shrugs and tugs at the zipper, letting it fall from his shoulders and Hailey thinks she might be the first to notice.

A small, involuntary gasp escapes her lips.

Sees the words printed boldly across Owen’s shirt in bright letters: Best Big Brother.

Her eyes fly to Natalie, who is beaming, eyes shining as she nods once, slow and sure.

Then a spoon clatters against the table.

‘Well, I’ll be damned,’ Pat says, his voice full of startled joy. He pushes back his chair and wraps Natalie up in a quiet, heartfelt hug. ‘I’m so happy for you, sweetheart.’

Caroline gasps next, her hand flying to her chest before she’s across the table in an instant, arms around them both, eyes bright with tears. Jay is grinning from ear to ear, rising from his chair as laughter and congratulations fill the room.

Hailey feels Luke tug at her sleeve.

‘Mom?’ he whispers, ‘What’s going on?’

She pulls his chair closer to hers, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. ‘Hey, buddy. Can you look at Owen’s shirt? What does it say?’

Luke peers over, reading carefully. ‘Best big… brother?’ He blinks. Then his whole face lights up. ‘Whoah! Auntie Nat, are you having a baby?!’

Natalie grins and reaches across the table. ‘I sure am, buddy. And your new cousin’s looking forward to meeting you.’

And it’s well past bedtime by the time they get home and Hailey is infinitely grateful that they only have to walk across the front lawn but not through Grandma’s flowerbed as Luke had solemnly reminded them. She and Jay tuck him into bed together, and when she finally curls into the couch, her legs instantly pulled across Jay’s lap, she exhales deeply.

‘We’re lucky he was tuckered out,’ she says, resting her head back against the cushion.

‘Oh yeah?’ Jay asks, gently rubbing her calves.

She nods. ‘Yeah. He’s just gonna have a tonne of questions.’

Jay doesn’t need her to explain. He sits up a little straighter, the corners of his mouth twitching. ‘Yeah, I reckon he probably will.’

There’s a pause. A loaded one. Her cheeks flush, even though they’re well past the stage of pretending with each other. She’s already a mom. She loves this man more than she ever thought she could love anyone. But still - this conversation feels new. Vulnerable.

‘I guess we haven’t really talked about it all that much,’ Jay says carefully. His green eyes fixed on hers. ‘But I’d love to grow our family one day. If that’s something you’d want to do. But I’m also more than happy with just the three of us, if that’s what feels right.’

She leans forward, cupping the back of his neck, pressing her mouth to his in a kiss that lingers. Her fingers drift through the soft hair at the nape of his neck

‘Yes.’

He pulls back, searching her face. ‘Yes?’

She nods fighting her own smile. ‘I never thought I’d want to do it all again. But with you? Yeah, I want that. Whenever we’re ready. I know it hasn’t been that long…’

‘Not sure how much that matters when it’s right,’ he says softly.

And her heart softens at his words. How can it not?

‘So maybe,’ he adds, his voice low and warm, ‘once I’m out, we just… see what happens when we’re ready. No pressure.’

A smile tugs at her lips, slow and teasing. ‘Yeah, that sounds good to me. And you know what else does?’ She swings her legs over his, straddling his lap with a grin. ‘Some practice.’

He laughs into her mouth as he kisses her, arms wrapping around her waist like they’ve always belonged there.

--------

The smell of coffee fills the kitchen, mingling with the faint scent of maple syrup from the pancakes sizzling on the griddle. Hailey stands barefoot at the stove, hair still a little messy from sleep, as Jay presses a kiss to her temple and reaches down three glasses for them. It’s quiet. Cozy. The kind of easy Saturday morning he never really knew he needed.

Luke comes round the corner from the lounge still clad in his spiderman pyjamas. One slipper on.

‘Okay, so,’ he begins, clambering up onto one of the stools with the intense seriousness of a kid about to interrogate a witness, ‘if Owen’s gonna be a big brother, does that mean I get to be one too soon?’

Jay doesn’t even have time to glance at Hailey before Luke ploughs on.

‘Because I think I’d be a really good one. I’d teach them stuff, like not to put things up their nose, and how to climb the tree in the backyard but not all the way to the top ‘cause then Mom says no -’

Jay coughs into his coffee, already grinning.

‘ - and I’d share my LEGOs,’ Luke continues, ‘except for the ones that take forever to build, because those are really hard and I wouldn’t want them to mess it up by accident, you know?’

Hailey turns from the stove, spatula in hand, trying not to laugh. ‘Did you get any sleep last night, kiddo or were you cooking up these plans?’

Luke just grins at her ‘So?’

Jay moves over to ruffle his hair. ‘What exactly are you asking?’

‘Are you gonna have a baby too? Like Auntie Nat?’

He’s not trying to be subtle. He’s just earnest, heart wide open, with an orange juice moustache for good measure.

Jay glances toward Hailey, and she shrugs with a small, amused smile. He nods back, like alright, we’re doing this.

‘Well,’ Jay says carefully, sliding into the seat beside him. ‘That’s something your mom and I have talked about. And maybe one day, yeah, we’d like to grow our family.’

Luke squints. ‘So not yet?’

‘Not yet,’ Hailey confirms, setting a plate in front of him. ‘But maybe sometime in the future.’

Luke looks thoughtful, chewing a bite of pancake. ‘Can I help pick their name?’

Jay chuckles. This kid. ‘Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.’

‘Okay. But I already have some ideas. Also,’ he says around a mouthful of pancake, ‘how do babies get in there?’

Jay coughs again, harder this time.

Hailey snorts and turns away under the guise of refilling the syrup.

‘Uh -’ Jay flounders. He knows he is but in that moment he’s got nothing.

‘Magic,’ Hailey says quickly, handing Jay a glass of juice and patting him once on the shoulder with a sly smile.

Luke frowns turning to Jay for confirmation. ‘Is that a grown-up word for something else?’

Laughter bursts out of Hailey. ‘He’s your son now, too. Enjoy.’

Luke eyes them both with suspicion when neither of them answer him, then shrugs and digs into his pancakes again. ‘Okay. But I want bunk beds if it’s a boy. But only if he’s cool.’

‘Duly noted,’ Jay murmurs, laughing into his mug.

Jay looks up at Hailey leaning against the counter, coy smile on her face and he feels his heart swell.

He has family of his own now. The woman before him who had made good on her promise to buy him a ridiculous Ken doll mug and the little firecracker of a boy beside him.

 And one day, if he’s lucky, maybe an even bigger one.

But for now, this - this morning, this moment – it feels pretty perfect.

Chapter Text

It’s a long five months. There’s a seemingly endless stream of paperwork to navigate prior to his leaving and his superiors obviously made the decision to try and get all they could from him before he leaves and so he’s spent much of that time in Georgia.

It’s not home but it’s only a relatively flight away when he can grab a couple of days to get back to see them and he’s only one hour ahead of them so communication is easy enough. Luke’s FaceTimes always leave him with a huge smile on his face, but they often leave him feeling a little nauseous toos as the kid bounces the phone around whilst he talks. Or plays soccer. Or tries to show Jay his latest LEGO models complete with terribly out of focus close ups.

It’s not home but he also thinks he needs it. Needs this time to close this chapter of his life. It’s been all he’s known since he was eighteen years old and he can’t help but think how much he’s changed since then. How this job has both broken him and made him stronger than he ever thought possible. Made him more decisive. Made him kinder. More self-assured. Given him friends for life.

But it’s time for a new chapter and God does he want it.

He hops on a flight to snatch the weekend at home with Hailey and Luke. His mom comes to pick him up from the airport since Hailey’s at work and he teases her about her choice in music on the drive home.

‘I would clip you round the ears if I wasn’t driving.’

‘No you wouldn’t, Mom. You’ve missed me too much.’

‘I have,’ she says and something about her tone makes him shift in his seat to face her a little more.

He asks her if she’s good and she takes a moment to compose herself a little before she answers but he still hears the emotion waver in her voice.

‘You know we’re endlessly proud of you, right?’

Jay looks at her, surprised but not really. He nods slowly. ‘Yeah. I know.’

‘But God,’ she says with a small exhale, ‘your job has aged me, Jay.’

‘I know,’ he says again, this time softer. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘No. None of that.’ She waves one hand as she merges back into traffic. ‘You don’t ever need to apologise for serving. For being the man that you are. I just -’ Her voice catches for a second. ‘I’m your mother. I worry. That’s my job.’

He swallows hard. He can’t really imagine what it’s been like for them over the years. Particularly after his second tour when he came back home a complete mess. Remembers how his father had enlisted him in building the annexe over the garage after a month or so of Jay drowning on dry land and he’d slowly began to put himself back together as the annexe took shape. Little did he know, their plan was for it to be his. That he’d needed that rather than the crappy apartment he’d rented across town because he was embarrassed by the state he was in.

He didn’t know it but they did and yet they didn’t push. Didn’t push despite his mom’s instincts to hold her family close, she’d given him space until he was ready. Despite his father’s urge to grab the bull by the horns, he’d been patient.

‘I’m just so grateful,’ she goes on, glancing over at him with a small smile, ‘that you’ve been able to walk away on your terms. Not anyone else’s. And for such a good reason.’

Jay’s quiet for a beat, but the image comes to him unbidden - Hailey at the back door in a messy bun, coffee in hand. Luke curled up next to him on the couch with a comic book. Their laughter in the kitchen. The life the three of them are building together.

‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘They’re worth everything.’

‘They are.’ Caroline nods, blinking back emotion. ‘And I thank the stars above every day that they moved in next door. That she – they - make you so happy.’

‘They do,’ he says simply.

‘I know they do, sweetheart. It’s written all over your face when you’re with them. And hers. And his.’ She gives a light, breathy laugh. ‘Oh, I could watch the three of you together for hours.’

He turns to her with a smirk. ‘This your way of telling me you’ve been spying on us from next door? Peeping through the windows?’

‘You little rogue!’ she says, swatting at him with one hand while keeping the other firmly on the wheel. ‘Don’t make me turn this car around.’

Jay laughs. ‘Okay, okay.’

There’s a moment of calm. The city drifts by the windows. Home growing closer with every mile.

Then she glances over again, this time with purpose.

‘You are going to officially make her my daughter-in-law, aren’t you?’

He doesn’t hesitate. Not for a second.

‘Yeah, Mom. I am.’

--------

‘So then he shoved him and it was really hard. His head hit the climbing frame.’

He’s walking around the neighbourhood with Luke after dinner. Or Luke was scooting but he’s been thoroughly distracted by the hopscotch someone’s drawn in chalk on the sidewalk. He’s busy hopping back and forth regaling Jay with some fight he saw a couple of the kids in the grade above him get into on the schoolyard.

‘Was he okay?’

‘He cried. Like a lot. So I think it really hurt.’

He watches Luke come to a stop. Face scrunched in concentration. ‘Why do you think he hurt him? You had to hurt people in the army, right?’

He tilts the brim of his cap up and leans against the wall. Luke coming to lean beside him.

He knows he needs to choose his words carefully, but Luke also sees through lies and half-truths with alarming accuracy for a kid his age.

‘I did, yes but I think that’s probably really different to what happened at school.’

‘How come?’

‘Well for one, they’re kids and soldiers are adults doing a job.’

Luke nods.

‘But I think more importantly, how did the kid seem when he hurt him?’

‘Angry,’ Luke says. ‘His face was all red, but he looked kind of sad too. I think he was crying.’

‘So he was feeling a lot and he hurt someone out of anger. That’s not okay but he’s a kid, he’s just learning and I’m sure your teachers at school will help him to see that, but in the army you don’t make decisions based on how you’re feeling because that makes things more dangerous. You have to be really focused, or the wrong people get hurt.’

Luke’s quiet beside him and Jay watches him as he chews his lip a little and God he hopes he’s getting this conversation right. He loves Luke’s honesty and his curiosity but damn it if it doesn’t test him sometimes in the best way. Tries to work out how to explain the world to him when sometimes the world doesn’t really make sense.

‘Okay,’ Luke says. ‘I think I get it. I don’t think I want to be a soldier though.’

Jay’s heart soars hearing that. He didn’t know it was a worry for him until just now. He knows how much Luke looks up to him and he’d hate for him to think he needed to follow in his footsteps to make him proud. Of course, if it’s what he really wanted, it would be different, but he can’t say he’s no relieved to hear that it isn’t.

And he thinks he really does need to treat his parents to a weekend away to say thank you for their endless support over the years.

‘What are you thinking?’

‘Soccer player,’ Luke says like it was a stupid question, ‘and then I’ll help you build stuff when I’m not playing or training like you did with your dad.’

‘Deal,’ Jay says on a smile.

There are many years for him to change his mind but if there’s one thing to be sure of about Luke Upton it’s that he’s damn determined when he wants to be.

‘Thanks Dad,’ Luke says going to take the scooter back from him.

‘Whoah, hey,’ Jay says keeping his grip tight on the handles. ‘I thought we were taking it in turns.’ He kicks off and starts scooting away. Luke’s laughter following him down the sidewalk as he chases after him.

--------

She sees it on his face through her own tears when Luke launches himself into his arms at the airport. The sign he’d made saying, Welcome home, Dad! clutched in his hand still.

Sees the relief. The knowledge that this is it. He’s home.

For good.

He sets Luke down and she watches as Luke shows him his sign explaining why he’d picked certain colours.

‘I love it, bud. Maybe we can put it on the fridge when we get home.’

He turns to face her then and lets out a heavy exhale shaking his head on a smile. ‘Come here you.’

She goes all too willingly and she’s swept off her feet and spun around before he eases her back down onto her tiptoes.

‘People are staring at you,’ Luke says. Eyes wide at the way people are taking in the scene. Some are trying to be subtle and others simply aren’t. Their gazes obvious.

‘Well, I’m about to kiss your mom so they might stare some more,’ Jay grins. He reaches down a hand to pluck Luke’s cap from his head and puts it over his face before he leans in to kiss her to the soundtrack of Luke’s laughter.

‘Hi,’ he breathes keeping in her space. Face mere centimetres from her own.

‘Hi’

‘You’re beautiful.’

Even now she feels the heat rush to her cheeks. ‘This is new,’ she says raising a brow in question at the sight of the cut trailing along his jaw that she traces with her fingertips. She frowns. He wasn’t supposed to be in any danger on the base.

‘Long story. I’m good,’ he tells her and kisses the inside of palm.

A hand collides into them, and they look down to see Luke pretending to stumble back and forth with the cap still over his face.

‘Who turned the lights out?’ he says holding his arms out in front of him like a zombie.

‘You glad you’re home?’ Hailey laughs shaking her head at Luke’s antics.

Jay’s smile is wide. The type that has his eyes crinkling with affection. ‘You have no idea. Luke, you hungry?’

Luke whips the cap off his head and puts it on, tipping the brim up as is Jay’s habit. ‘Starving! Grandma is making her chicken for you ‘cause she says you will have missed it, but we could have like a little slice of pizza.’

Jay nods to the little pizza place opposite them. ‘You’d better ask if little slices are on the menu then.’

‘Okay.’ Luke says and scampers ahead of them and she knows Jay had meant it as a joke but lo and behold Luke does politely ask if they have little slices so his grandma won’t be sad that they can’t eat her dinner and just like that, her boy has more people falling in love with him.

———-

His father tells him to take a month.

A month sounds like an absurd amount of time.

Sure, when he’s home for months at a time on leave, he wasn’t doing his military role, but he was working with his dad. History has told him that he doesn’t do so well when he’s not busy. And he’s in a different place in his life now but still, the thought of a month-long break from, well, everything doesn’t fill him with the same joy he thinks it would most people.

He tells his dad as such only to be met with a chuckle at his expense.

‘Son, you have a family now. If you think you won’t be busy, you got another thing coming.’

And it turns out, his dad has a point. He runs. Goes to the gym. Heads out on his bike. He takes Luke swimming a couple of times a week so Hailey can curl up with her book at home or go out with Vanessa. He cooks. He can cook. His mom made sure both her boys know their way around the kitchen, but he finds more satisfaction in cooking now he’s doing it for three and not just meal prepping for one. And Hailey spends all day preparing food for other people. She deserves to have someone take care of her for once.

It's that thought that has him doing a little light recon on her iPad to find the images she’d been pinning for her ‘maybe one day’ kitchen and he starts to draw up some plans. She loves cooking. Loves baking. Loves to involve Luke in it too and if he can give her a kitchen she loves, then he’s gonna do it.

He checks his plans with Vanessa. Shows her the cabinets and the counter tops and the fixtures and fittings he’s been looking at. The general layout of the kitchen works just fine which will make the job a lot easier and a lot quicker. Should allow him to get it done in a day if he’s got everything prepped ahead of time in the garage.

His dad leaves Kev and some of the other guys working a job a few blocks over and comes by to help him in the afternoon telling Jay he’s already made good headway before his dad gets stuck in with the countertops whilst Jay puts the finishing touches to the plumbing.

His mom goes to fetch Luke from school for him and fills him in on the surprise. Jay has kept aside a couple of jobs he can help with knowing that Luke will want to be a part of it all

Luke is already in his pyjamas ready for bed by the time Hailey gets home having had to stay late on the night they stay open later to cover for a staff member with a sickness bug. And he might be in pyjamas but he’s practically bouncing on his heels in excitement scooting back and forth on the kitchen floor in his Chicago Fire socks.

‘Mom will love it,’ he grins.

‘I hope so,’ Jay tells him because with his professional eye on, it all looks great. He’s really happy with how it’s turned out but none of that will matter if it’s not what she’d imagined.

Or if somehow this has been a massive overstep on his behalf. His home is with them, but technically it’s Hailey’s house and he’s just changed a pretty big part of it. Before he can overthink it anymore, he hears her key turn in the lock.

‘Hey, guys!’ Hailey calls from the front door, her voice warm but tired.

‘We’re in the kitchen,’ Jay says.

‘Sorry I’m a bit later than I thought I - ’

She rounds the corner.

Stops.

Gasps.

Jay sees the exact second it hits her - the warm lighting washing over new cabinet doors, soft oak countertops, brushed gold fixtures. The framed photo of the three of them on the wall to the left of the sink.

Her hand flies to her mouth, eyes wide. ‘Oh my god…’

Jay’s heart beats a little faster, watching her take it all in.

‘Do you like it, Mom?’ Luke blurts out, voice high with excitement.

Hailey’s eyes flick to her son, then to Jay, then back to the kitchen as she takes a shaky step forward. ‘Do I like it? Luke, I love it.’

Jay can see her blinking fast, eyes glassy. She turns slowly, taking in the backsplash, the new barstools Vanessa had picked out as her fingertips trace over the countertop on the little island.

‘You - you did all this?’ she asks, looking at him. ‘When? How?’

He nods. ‘A lot of prep and then it kind of worked out well that you needed to work late. Had a little help from Vanessa with the planning then my dad came to help this afternoon, and Luke did after school too.’

‘I did all these four handles,’ Luke adds proudly pointing on the drawers he’d helped to put the pulls on.

Hailey smiles, stepping forward and crouching to pull him into a hug. ‘You did an amazing job.’

Jay crosses the room and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Surprise,’ he says softly.

She stands and leans into him, wrapping her arms around his waist, forehead pressed to his chest. ‘Jay…I don’t know what to say.’

 ‘You deserve to be spoiled a little, Hailey.’

She pulls back just enough to meet his eyes. ‘It’s perfect. You’re perfect.’

Luke tugs at her hand. ‘Come see the little lights down here. They’re so cool, Mom.’

Jay smiles as Hailey lets herself be pulled gently across the kitchen, laughter in her voice again as Luke has her crouching down to look at the lights installed in the toe kicks.

And standing there, watching the woman he loves looking at this space like it’s magic, Jay feels himself relax a little. It wasn’t an overstep. It’s wanted. Appreciated.

She’s not a materialistic person and she rarely treats herself so he thinks that job might fall to him and she deserves it. Deserves to be cherished. He doesn’t think she’s had that in her life before.

And when Luke’s crashed for the night and the two of them come back downstairs, she tells him once more how much she loves it. That she can’t believe he did all that for her.

He tells her she deserves it – the home she dreams of.

‘You know it’s your home too, right? Maybe I should have made that clearer to you, but your home is with us, Jay. This is your home too.’

And so over the next couple of weeks, the rest of his things slowly begin to find their way over to the house. A lot of his day-to-day things were already there, but it does feel good making it official. His name going on the paperwork. Changing his address, though it would hardly be far to collect his mail if it went astray.

Hailey’s helping to find some space for his things around the house as they finish off unpacking the last few boxes. Not that he has that much. A lifetime in the military has made him a minimalist.

‘What’s in this one?’ she asks. ‘You want it in the bottom of the closet or –‘

He looks up when Hailey pauses and he sees the box she’s just taken the lid off.

He’d contemplated leaving it under the bed up in the annexe if he’s honest.

‘You can look. I don’t mind.’

‘Come sit with me,’ she says. and he does.

He sits beside her as she carefully goes through the contents of the box and he didn’t know he needed to share this with her until he sees her fingers lovingly tracing over the photos. Asking questions about the documents and the commendations. Threading her fingers through his when she recognises Mouse in an old group photo and asks if she met any of the other guys down in Georgia and he finds himself telling her that they’re the only two left.

She squeezes tight and tells him she loves him in the featherlight kiss she places on his temple.

When she slides out the contents of an envelope, Jay had almost forgotten what was in there himself. The box stays closed under the bed.

She turns to him. Eyes wide.

‘What’s that look for?’ he asks. Of all the things tucked in this box, he’s not sure what it is about this in particular that has her eyes wide.

‘Luke’

He tilts his head in silent question and watches her hand trace over his full name printed on the documents.

‘It’s just, Luke’s name - it’s Luke Alexander Upton.’

‘What?’ he says feeling more than a little stunned that the two of them share a middle name. ‘You’re kidding me?’

‘Nope.’

He huffs out a laugh. ‘That’s kind of a thing, huh?’

‘He’ll lose his mind over it.’

‘I could see that.’

‘There’s no way he’s being told that within in three-hour window of trying to get to sleep.’

He laughs and pulls her onto his lap where they’ve been perched on the bed.

‘It’s a great name. Luke’s, I mean. How’d you pick it?’

And just like that they settle into easy, familiar conversation as she tells him the story of how she’d chosen his name.

‘Nobody’s ever asked me that before,’ she tells him.

‘I’ve never let anyone look through this before either,’ he says gesturing to the box. It always felt too heavy. Even the good parts contained within it.

‘Well thank you for sharing it with me,’ she says. Her hand cupping his cheek. ‘And we can put it under the bed if you want but don’t feel you ever have to hide these things. You can share anything you want to. Put some of the photos up or the medals. Whatever you want.’

He’s a lucky man.

And as it turns out, she was right to not tell Luke within a three-hour window of bedtime.

--------

It still catches her off guard sometimes - how different the house feels now. Now that it’s officially home for the three of them. How different Jay looks walking through the front door in the evenings without the anxiety of him leaving hanging over their heads again. Just that easy, soft smile she’d fallen hard for that first night, the one that now tells her he’s exactly where he wants to be.

She hadn’t expected to feel nervous once the date was set, but she had. Not about them, but about the shift. About what it meant for someone like Jay to walk away from something that had shaped him for so long. Something that he excelled at. It’s a huge adjustment, even if he’d seemed sure.

But he’s steady. At ease. More than she’s ever seen him.

Now he works at Halstead Construction fulltime. No longer for his dad but with him. He comes home smelling like wood shavings most nights. He runs. He tinkers with his bike. Has endless patience and enthusiasm when playing with Luke until their boy collapses in laughter.

He rubs her feet when they finally settle down to rest for an hour on the couch at night. Watches whatever bizarre documentary she picks out without complaint so long as she humours his love of sports on game nights.

He loves her. Really loves her. He’s shown her a kind of love she hadn’t really believed existed until him.

And he starts to share a little more about his time in the army. Seems he finds it easier to talk about now that he’s out. Offers more pieces of himself to her like they don’t feel as sharp anymore.

They sit together out on their deck under the stars on the anniversary of the Humvee attack and he’s honest when he says it’s weird not being with Mouse for it. They’d normally be deployed together, or they’d meet up if they were stateside, but this year Mouse is away on assignment and Jay is here. At home. She rests her head on his shoulder and just lets him know that she’s there. That she’ll always be there.

They sit out on the deck on the good nights too. This deck has become their quiet place. Has been from the start really. And tonight her legs are stretched across his lap, his hand warm on her shin where he traces idle patterns as they fill one another in on their days. The two of them stealing kisses just because.

‘Hey, one of you lovebirds want to make me a drink?’ Pat’s voice carries through the night air from the Halstead’s garage and Jay’s chuckle is warm against her temple.

‘Sure thing, Pat,’ Hailey calls back, smiling as she eases off Jay’s lap.

By the time she returns, she finds Jay exactly where she expects - at his dad’s side in the garage, the two of them bent over something on the worktable. They’re playfully bickering about whatever part is on the table. Truthfully, she couldn’t name the part they’re arguing about if her life depended on it, but she knows from the look on Jay’s face that she’s lost him to the project for the night.

She steps close and presses a kiss to his cheek. ‘Love you.’

He reaches out, squeezes her hand gently as she moves to walk away. ‘I’ll be up in a bit.’

She changes into a soft tee that absolutely belongs to Jay after showering and climbs into bed. Their bed. Smiles at the sight of his things on the nightstand on his side.

And she’s half-asleep when she feels the dip of the mattress, his arms sliding around her waist, pulling her close sometime later.

‘You smell incredible,’ he mumbles, voice low and warm against her skin.

She hums. ‘Used your shower gel.’

‘Oh. Well, I sound like an ass now. It obviously smells better on you.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Mmhmm. Best do a thorough check.’

She barely has time to laugh before he lifts the covers and disappears under them and her giggle breaks into a gasp, soft and breathless.

--------

He stands out on the deck, stands back and fusses with the collar of his button-down shirt as the string lights flickers to life along the railing. He steps back to take it all in. The glow from the lights, the quiet night air, the bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket on the table, two glasses beside it, and a box of her favourite tea just in case she’s not in the mood for alcohol.

His heart isn’t pounding exactly - it’s steadier than that. This isn’t panic. It’s weight. Anticipation. If he were explaining it to Luke, he’d say it was like waiting for a goal to land after it’s already left your foot and you know it’s heading straight for the net. That moment in between where what you’ve been wishing for is about to happen.

Vanessa had messaged to say they were leaving the restaurant about twenty minutes ago.

Any minute now.

He paces across the deck, then hears a tapping sound from above and to the left. When he turns, he sees him. Luke, in his pyjamas, pressed to the window of Jay’s old bedroom next door. Pat’s arm looped around his middle, holding him steady, and his mom stands beside them, her hand lightly braced on the windowsill.

Jay lifts his hand to wave. Luke grins and throws up two exaggerated thumbs-up. He was ecstatic when Jay had told him his plan when he’d picked him up from school today. He was only too happy to be part of Secret Mission Marry as he’d dubbed it.

He’d asked his parents to take him for the night, but he’d asked if they could wake him up to watch. It feels right that he’s a part of this too and he and Hailey have talked about marriage. Though the moment feels huge, he knows her answer. Knows that Luke being a part of this is right.

That little boy, who’s becoming less little every day, is part of this. Maybe the heart of it. This moment is for he and Hailey but also for him. For the boy who, without even meaning to, made Jay believe he could be someone better. Someone worth saying yes to.

His fingers brush the ring box in his pocket, and he exhales. God, he’d trawled around more jewellers in the city than he’d care to admit. Everything traditional felt wrong. She’s not a diamond-on-display kind of woman. He’d found the one tucked away in a case he nearly walked past - simple, unique, a pale stone set in gold with a band shaped like two tiny branches twisting together. He’s not even sure it’s supposed to be an engagement ring, but he knows it’s right. It felt like her. Like them. And since it came back from being resized last week, it’s been burning a hole in his pocket. Or rather in the drawer of the desk in his parents’ study.

His mom had cried when he’d showed her and she’s since admitted she’s taken a little sneak peek at it a few times since too. His dad too had been a little emotional pulling him in for a hug and telling him he’s so happy Hailey came into his life.

When he told Vanessa what he was planning, she’d smirked and said, ‘You wanted to run kitchen cabinet handles past me but not the ring?’ He’d laughed. But she’s not wrong. He was sure about this. He’s never been more sure.

Then he hears it. Vanessa’s car pulling up out front. Muffled voices. The click of the lock as Hailey lets herself in, thinking Luke’s already fast asleep upstairs.

Footsteps. Then the screen door creaks open.

She steps out.

‘Hey, you -’ she starts, then stops cold. Her eyes take in the lights, the chilled champagne, the soft music humming from the speaker on the windowsill.

Jay sees the moment it hits her. The flicker of recognition in her eyes. The stunned stillness. The way her breath catches.

‘What’s all this?’ she asks. Quiet. Like she doesn’t want to break the spell.

He grins, can’t stop himself. ‘You look beautiful.’

He’d told her that earlier, before she left with Vanessa but it’s still true. Her hair is down around her shoulders. Loose waves framing her face. A jumpsuit that shows off her figure and his hands itch to reach for her.

‘Jay…’ she breathes, and the way his name leaves her lips tells him that she knows.

He steps forward. Tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and takes her hands in his.

‘Hailey, I love you,’ he starts, voice steady even as everything inside him swells. ‘So much that I’m not sure I’ll ever find the words to do it justice. But I will spend the rest of my life trying. I fell in love with you here, on this deck. All those nights sitting out under the stars, just talking. Getting to know one another. Watching you with Luke. Playing soccer in the yard while you watched us from up here with that smile on your face - the one that made me feel like the luckiest guy in the world just to have you even look my way.’

Her eyes brim with unspent tears and he can see her bottom lip tremble. It makes him have to swallow down the lump in his own throat. Seeing her cry, even for the best reasons, always brings him to his knees.

‘It only seemed right I ask you to be my wife here, too.’

‘Jay…’ she whispers, and the way she says his name is everything. Their whole story captured in that one word.

He lowers to one knee.

Her hands fly to her mouth.

‘I’m so in love with you,’ he says, pulling the ring box from his pocket. ‘You mean everything to me, and I can’t wait to spend forever with you.’

He looks up into her eyes. No nerves now. Just truth. He opens the ring box.

‘Hailey … will you marry me?’

A sound leaves her - part sob, part laugh - and she drops to her knees in front of him, throwing her arms around his neck. The kiss is immediate, messy, perfect.

‘Yes,’ she whispers against his lips. ‘It’s always been a yes.’

They kiss again, longer this time, until she draws back at a sudden noise - a thud, then something like a muffled whoop.

She tilts her head. ‘What was that?’

Jay laughs and glances upward. ‘You might wanna take a look.’

She follows his gaze - and there he is. Luke, in the windowsill of his parents’ house, doing some kind of wild, half-silent dance. His parents grinning on either side of him.

She waves up at her boy and his dad pops the window open so they can all call out their congratulations as Jay slides the ring onto her finger.

‘Do you like it?’

‘I love it. It’s beautiful, Jay. Thank you for including him,’ she tells him looking down in awe at the ring before stealing another kiss. And then another.

Jay’s phone buzzes on the table beside the champagne.

He picks it up, reads the message from his mom, and shows it to Hailey.

Hailey laughs and leans into him, her head tucked against his shoulder.

‘Sounds perfect to me.’

‘The dog part or…,’ Jay teases and she playfully shoves him before he wraps his arms around her and sweeps her off her feet.

---------

‘Will your new name be Luke Halstead?’

She freezes with her spoon halfway to her mouth at Owen’s question. She and Nat have brought the boys to get ice cream after Luke’s soccer match today. Natalie and Owen had come to cheer him on with her since Jay had flown out to Maryland this morning to visit a member of his old team who’s been hurt. It only serves as a reminder to Hailey of how lucky they’ve been that Jay is here all the time now. That he’s healthy and uninjured.

‘What do you mean?’ Luke garbles. His mouth half full of caramel ice cream.

Hailey’s eyes meet Nat’s where her soon to be siter-in-law is sitting across from her.

‘People get new names when they get married, don’t they?’ Owen says popping a gummy bear in his mouth. ‘Mom used to have a different name. What was it, Mom? Manstead?’

‘Manning, sweetheart,’ Natalie laughs, ‘and you are coming with me to get some more napkins,’ she says ushering her son out of his seat.

Hailey shoots a grateful smile her way and takes in her boy. Cheeks still happily flushed from a great performance in his game today. He keeps getting better and better and his enjoyment of it doesn’t seem to be fading one bit. Truthfully, he looks torn between asking his mom questions and ice cream.

‘You can keep eating,’ she tells him and chuckles when he looks relieved.

‘Is that true?’ he asks licking the spoon. ‘That I can pick a new last name?’

‘Well, in this situation, yes but only between Upton and Halstead. You can’t suddenly be Luke Spider-Man.’

He laughs and it makes his nose crinkle like hers does and she wonders, not for the first time, how many similarities there might be between Luke and any future siblings he may have.

‘Parker, Mom. He’s not called Peter Spider-Man.’

‘Oh, my mistake. We were going to talk to you about it when Jay gets back from helping his friend, but we can talk now.’

‘Do you pick too?’ Luke asks.

‘Well, I’m going to choose the same as you,’ she says which is the truth. If Luke wants to stay an Upton, she’s staying one too. Jay had told her that Luke comes first in all this and that they’re his whole world either way.

‘Hailey Spider-man,’ Luke grins looking far too proud of himself.

She laughs. Loudly. He’s funny. She got so lucky to have this smart and curious little boy who makes people laugh. She shakes her head and covers her eyes with her hands. Can’t wait to tell Jay that one later over the phone.

‘Mom?’

‘Yeah, kiddo,’ she says setting her hands back down in her lap.

‘I wanna be a Halstead. Do you?’

‘Yeah,’ she smiles. ‘I’d like that.’

‘Owen!’ Luke turns and calls over to his cousin who by this point is holding about twenty napkins from the dispenser. ‘I’m gonna be a Halstead!’

Owen drops the napkins. Natalie does a terrible job of stifling a sob and Hailey just sits back and smiles.

‘Hey, Luke. Go give Auntie Nat a hug, kiddo.’

--------

They do get married in The Halstead’s yard. Just like Luke suggested, just like she promised she’d want.

She hasn’t caved on the dog. Yet.

Because she hadn’t been joking when she said it was perfect. They may have fallen in love in pieces out here on the back porch, on their front porch too when Jay promised her boy that he wouldn’t forget him, that he loved him and then proved it too him over and over again.

But something about that first night, the night they met, when Jay came home to surprise his mom and ended up kicking a ball around with her kid and teaching him how to gambol across the yard, has always stayed with her. That connection between the three of them had been immediate. Natural. Terrifying and wonderful like finding something you hadn’t even known you wanted. Needed.

Now, today, their wedding day the yard is transformed. It’s always pretty beautiful. Kind of puts her own yard to shame but Caroline and Pat have worked their magic with soft lanterns strung from trees and wildflowers bursting in pale blushes and greens. Jay and his dad built the arbour themselves - smooth wood, sanded and stained and draped with vines. It’s beautiful and she absolutely wants to keep it though she’s not sure how she manages to persuade Luke that it’s not another set of goalposts.

She thought she’d be nervous but she’s not. She can’t wait to be Jay’s wife. Vanessa and Natalie help her to get ready. Or Vanessa does and Nat keeps them company whilst the newest addition to the Halstead clan sleeps in her arms. She kind of loves her dress. It sits off her shoulders and is fitted to her torso before it lightly flares to the ground. A slit up to her thigh on one side. She knows Jay will love it.

She turns away from the mirror. Vanessa and Nat having left a few moments ago. Now it’s just her and her boy in his little suit matching Jay’s so perfectly that she knows she’ll be framing more than one photograph of the two of them together today.

Luke smiles at her. Wide and free. ‘You look super pretty, Mom. Like in the movies.’

She’s not sure about that but she pulls her boy in for a hug. She doesn’t care about creases, and she knows Jay won’t either. ‘I love you, kiddo. You look very handsome in your suit. What do you say? You ready to become a Halstead?’

Luke nods so vigorously she has to smooth his hair back and he slides his hands into hers. Because they both get to become a Halstead today. The paperwork for Luke’s change of name won’t officially go through until next week but this is as big a moment for him as it is for her and Jay.

The two of them walk hand in hand to where Jay stands before the arbour and he’s always handsome, but he might just steal her breath away a little today.

When they reach him, he crouches down and whispers something to Luke that makes him giggle and then he reaches for her. Hand cradling her cheeks as he kisses her hello.

‘I think you’re supposed to wait until after the vows.’

‘Not sure that’s possible when you look like that.’ He glances over at Luke who’s now stood beside Will and then back at her. ‘I’m the luckiest man.’

The ceremony is short. Sweet. Exactly what they wanted - no big crowd, no fuss. Just family. Their family now. And the people who’ve walked beside them, who’ve earned the right to witness this moment.

They cheer when Jay leans in to kiss her for the second time and inexplicably some kind of confetti cannon goes off that she’s not sure whether to blame Will or Mouse for or a combination of the two but there’s laughter, so much laughter, as it rains down on them.

And later, as the sun dips low and golden light spills across the yard, Hailey stands off to the side just taking a moment. Taking it all in. She watches Luke and Owen chasing one another round the yard. Their ties now worn on their heads and that was most definitely curtesy of Uncle Will. She thinks Luke might have cake in his hair for good measure.

Jay peels away from a group of his military buddies when he feels her gaze land on him and walks toward her, hand in his pocket, shirt sleeves rolled, his own tie long forgotten. His smile -soft and warm and entirely for her - melts her all over again.

He leans in, kisses her slow. ‘Hi, you.’

‘Hi,’ she murmurs, her hand finding the front of his shirt.

‘You good?’ he asks, eyes searching hers.

‘Of course,’ she hums. ‘I got to marry this pretty amazing guy today. Maybe you know him?’

He shakes his head at her teasing before he presses another kiss to her lips. But there’s something in his expression - still checking in. Still making sure.

He knows her too well.

‘I’m good,’ she reassures, her fingers finding his ring and turning it round on his finger. ‘Better than good. Just thinking that when I moved in next door, I was hoping to give Luke a better life…or at least a better neighbourhood. A house with a backyard for his soccer obsession and instead, we got all this.’

Her hand waves lightly at the yard, at the laughter and the lights and memories being made in real time and tears spring to her eyes before she can stop them.

‘It’s just… beyond anything I could’ve hoped for.’

Jay reaches up, thumb catching a tear before it falls.

‘I get it,’ he says, voice thick with feeling. ‘It’s everything.’

And just as the silence settles between them, Luke barrels over at full speed, cheeks flushed pink.

‘Hey!’ he grins, skidding to a stop in front of them. ‘Owen and I wanna know if it’s like a rule that you have to kiss loads on your wedding day ‘cause Grandpa says you two haven’t stopped.’

Hailey snorts a laugh, and Jay grins, already crouching down and tugging on the end of Luke’s tie dangling from his forehead. ‘It’s absolutely a rule if you’re a Halstead.’

Luke pulls a face at the thought of kissing a girl but then seems to make his peace with it if it means he’s a Halstead.

Jay scoops him up onto his hip and rubs at the frosting in his hair. ‘Geez, bud. Were you saving this for later? Your mom and I not feeding you enough?’

Hailey leans in and kisses Luke’s cheek as he giggles and she thinks that today her heart somehow seems impossibly bigger than before.

‘Oh, stay right there you three,’ his mom says hurrying over with a camera in hand. ‘Smile.’

None of them need any encouragement. She never will when she’s with her boys. They’re exactly where they’re meant to be.

Chapter Text

‘Dad,’ comes a whisper-shout from the top of the stairs.

Jay’s head turns from where he’s been half watching some old classic game reruns on the TV at the sound of Luke’s voice floating down the stairs. He’s a good sleeper. Kid wears himself out every day so it’s rare that he’s up but today had been a pretty exciting day.

‘Luke, you okay, bud?’ he asks when he goes to meet him at the bottom of the staircase.

‘I can’t get back to sleep.’

‘You wanna come down for a bit or you want me to come up?’

‘I’ll come down. Mom was asleep but I didn’t want to wake her.’

Jay smiles to himself. The kid’s gentleness beneath the energy always gets him. ‘That’s kind. She’ll appreciate that.’

He watches Luke descend, pyjamas askew and bleary-eyed. Bare feet padding softly against the stairs.

‘What are you watching?’ Luke asks as he reaches the bottom.

Jay looks toward the screen. ‘Just some old hockey highlights before I came up to bed.’

Luke climbs onto the couch taking the spot Jay was previously in. He curls his legs up beneath him just like his mom does.

‘You have a good day today?’ Jay asks him.

‘Mmm hmm,’ Luke hums happily. ‘It was a tonne of fun.’

The remains of the party still decorate the room despite Jay having cleaned a lot of it up already tonight. Balloons bob near the ceiling, and he’s left a couple of the birthday banners up. A pile of opened gifts stacked up in the corner.

He’s eight now. Jay’s known him for three of those years, and sometimes he struggles to remember what life looked like before this little, fierce-hearted boy came into it.

Though he guesses he’s not really that little anymore.

‘I’m glad,’ Jay says.

Luke glances over at the gifts and then back to Jay. ‘Thanks for all my gifts. They’re so cool and my new bike is awesome. I’m gonna put some stickers on it tomorrow.’

‘Sounds good to me and you’re welcome. We love you, and we’re so proud of you.’

There’s a pause, a beat of mischief in Luke’s eyes. ‘That mean I can have some cake now to help me get back to sleep?’

Jay chuckles. ‘Nice try. If you’re hungry, I can get you something. Just not cake.’

‘I’m okay then.’

Jay gets up anyway, grabs them both a glass of water. When he closes the fridge, his gaze lingers, as it always does these days, on the sonogram pinned to the door. Grainy and small but impossibly important.

Twelve more weeks.

Twelve more weeks and he’ll be a dad again. A father of two.

They’ve decided to wait on finding out the gender. Surprises are kind of their thing by this point.

Luke’s rooting for a brother, but Jay knows he’ll be happy either way. He already talks to the baby sometimes about his day or what he’ll teach them to do. He’ll be a good big brother. The best.

‘Thanks, Dad,’ Luke says, sipping at his drink.

‘Still can’t believe you’re eight.’

‘It’s cool, right?’

‘Very,’ Jay smiles. ‘And kind of scary too.’

‘Why?’

‘You’re just growing up so quickly. You’ll be a teenager before we know it.’

Luke grins. ‘And then I can get a job and start saving for my motorbike.’

Jay laughs. Ruffles the boy’s blonde waves that flop down over his forehead. ‘Maybe don’t tell your mom that plan until after the baby’s here, okay?’

They sit there for a while longer, conversation ebbing into comfortable silence. Jay watches as Luke begins to fade, rubbing at his eyes, his head drooping a little closer to Jay’s shoulder.

‘Come on, kid,’ Jay says gently, rising. ‘I reckon you’ll be falling asleep on me in five.’

Luke nods, barely protesting, and they head up the stairs together and Jay tucks him back in.

‘Night, Dad.’

‘Love you, Luke.’

‘Love you too.’

Jay steps into his and Hailey’s bedroom, easing the door open. The room is dark but he can make out Hailey lying on her side, curled into herself beneath the blanket. He hovers for a moment, resisting the urge to reach for her. He doesn’t want to wake her, not if she’s finally comfortable. Pregnancy, he’s learned, isn’t kind at night. Her bump is still pretty small given that she’s now in the third trimester, but it makes sleep an ordeal. And she hates that damn pregnancy pillow. Has heard her curse more at that thing than he has the entire time he’s known her.

‘Come here,’ she murmurs as he slips under the covers on his side.

He hesitates. ‘You sure?’

‘Jay, come here. Please.’

He shuffles over into the middle of the bed. Loops his arm over her waist until his hand comes to rest on her stomach. The baby responds, a firm little thump against his palm. A kick. Or an elbow. Or maybe a headbutt – it’s hard to tell.

‘They keeping you up?’ he whispers.

‘Only a little.’

‘They’re active at night, huh?’

‘Bodes well,’ Hailey says cynically but he hears the smile in her voice all the same.

‘Luke okay? I heard him up.’

Jay nods against her shoulder. ‘Yeah, fast asleep now. Kid tried to fleece some cake out of me.’

She laughs softly and there’s a moment of quiet before she speaks again and it has Jay fighting back a grin.

‘Cake?’

He lifts his head slightly. ‘You wanna secretly eat a slice of your kid’s birthday cake at midnight?’

‘The baby does.’

‘Oh,’ Jay smiles throwing back the covers. ‘Completely different then. I’ll be right back.’

————

The soccer ball’s already tucked under Luke’s arm as he waits by the front door, whilst Jay grabs his phone and keys from off the kitchen counter. Scrawls a quick note for Hailey to tell them where they’ve gone.

‘Does Carter want to come?’ Luke asks as Jay locks up.

‘You wanna go ask him?’ Jay says, nodding toward the stairs that lead up to the annexe.

And typical of Luke, he’s gone before he finishes the sentence.

He’d arrived a few days ago and bar heading out to work each morning with Jay and politely saying hello to Hailey and his parents the night he rolled in, he’s kept to himself. Jay still remembers the call - injury, discharge, nothing else lined up. A guy stuck between who he was and who he’s supposed to be now. Jay knows that feeling better than most and he might not be able to help the kid as his sergeant anymore but he’ll still try to help him if he can. He’s a good guy and at twenty-four has a tonne of life left to live.

He doesn’t really know if coming to Chicago will help, but he’d opened up enough to tell Jay he was struggling back home. That he felt suffocated and so he’d offered Carter a place. A way forward even if it’s temporary.

Luke knocks on the door. Confident as always.

‘Hi, I don’t know if I met you before when I came to Georgia. I’m Luke.’

Jay listens from below, smile tugging at his mouth.

‘Hey, Luke. I’m Carter.’

‘I know that. My dad used to live here.’

Jay watches as Luke cranes his neck to look past Carter and into the annexe.

‘And I know that,’ Carter replies dryly and Jay hears them both laugh. It’s a good sound.

‘Can you play soccer?’

‘I can.’

‘Are you as good as my dad?’

‘Oh, I’m better.’

‘He’s lying, Luke,’ Jay calls up.

Luke carries on, unfazed. ‘You wanna come to the park? If you’re no good, you can still play, but you can go in goal.’

More laughter.

Carter shakes his head but the smile on his face is one Jay recognises. ‘Halstead, your kid has way too much sass.’

‘Maybe you just can’t handle it,’ Jay calls back.

‘You coming?’ Luke prompts again. Eager to get going.

‘Yeah,’ Carter says, voice lighter than it’s been in days. ‘I’ll come play with you.’

The park’s just a few blocks away from their house. One that Jay and Will used to frequent too growing up and he knows both he and his brother get a kick out of seeing the two boys play together here now. Imagines a time not too far in the future where Kit and their own new little one will be joining in the fun.

Luke scoots alongside them, narrating how his soccer team did last season to Carter. Jay’s not sure Carter had even asked but he’s getting the full rundown anyway.

Within ten minutes, Jay sees it. Carter starting to loosen up. Some of the tension in his shoulders uncoils. His laughter comes easier. He rolls his shirt sleeves up as he tries to take the ball off Luke, who, Jay’s gotta admit, pulls off a pretty great nutmeg, slipping the ball right between Carter’s feet with a triumphant ‘Gotcha!’

They keep playing, rotating positions, kicking up little clouds of dust in the grass. Then one of Luke’s school friends comes over to say hi with a golden retriever in tow. Luke instantly breaks from the game, petting the dog, deep in conversation with his classmate and their mom, completely absorbed.

Jay’s already bracing for the full report later - name, breed, favourite toy. The dog’s damn star sign probably.

Carter jogs up beside him, catching his breath.

‘Geez,’ he says, eyes still on Luke. ‘He’s actually good. Like, really good.’

Jay nods. ‘He loves it. Practices for hours.’

‘He’s a good kid, Sarge. He told me I could come round for dinner at your place tonight. Said, ‘in case I was lonely.’’

Jay looks at him. Seems as good a way in as any. ‘Are you?’

Carter pauses. Uses the bottom of his shirt to wipe his brow and Jay gets a glimpse of the scarring across his torso. ‘Feel less lonely here than I did back home. And that’s... weird. Doesn’t make any sense. I literally only know you in this whole city.’

Jay shrugs. ‘It is what it is. Sometimes you just need some time to clear your head without people hovering. One day you’ll feel ready to go back. Or you won’t. Either way, the annexe is yours for as long as you want it.’

Carter nods, quiet. ‘I appreciate it, Sarge. You know I do.’

He’s told him time and time again he can just call him Jay, but it doesn’t seem to be sticking.

‘And yeah,’ Jay adds, ‘you should come for dinner. But just know he’ll con you into it having whatever he wants. He’ll tell us, ‘Carter really likes lasagne, so I think we should have that.’’

Carter laughs beside him. ‘He already asked me if I like Spaghetti Bolognese.’

Jay smirks. ‘There it is.’

‘Man, your family... they’re something else. I tried to get your mom’s info to pay for utilities and she wrote down the details but she also wrote on the bottom that I need to come to theirs for dinner Thursday nights. Said she’d charge me more if I didn’t.’

Jay chuckles. ‘Nothing about that surprises me.’

Across the field, Luke yells, ‘Dad, look how cool this dog is? He can spin! Watch!’

Jay watches his son, arms wide as the dog performs the trick.

‘I think,’ Carter says beside him, ‘that your kid’s got his eye on a different con right now.’

-------

The lunch rush has passed, and the quiet lull afterward is always Hailey’s favourite part of the day. She’s behind the counter, readjusting their signage for what they have left in stock today whilst Lexi cleans up. Vanessa busy getting a fresh batch of pastries out the oven out back.

Pat and Carter just left with lunch orders for the guys. Carter offering a polite thanks and a shy smile that Hailey’s pretty sure is still rare for him. She watches them walk down the sidewalk through the front window and can’t help but notice that Carter’s walk looks lighter than it did a couple of weeks back when he arrived.

Jay’s doing a good thing. A very Halstead thing to do. Carter’s lucky to have her husband on his side. Her husband and all the Halsteads that come with it. This is what they do.

‘At the risk of sounding like Vanessa right now,’ Hailey says, glancing at Lexi, ‘the only other person I’ve seen Carter smile at like that is my son.’

Lexi raises an eyebrow. ‘You do sound like Vanessa.’

‘Eh, she’s not so bad, I guess.’

‘I heard that!’ comes the shout from the back room, followed by the clatter of a tray being shelved a little too emphatically.

‘For what it’s worth,’ Hailey adds. ‘He seems like a good guy. Jay wouldn’t have him stay if he wasn’t.’

Lexi nods, but Hailey catches the subtle tilt of Lexi’s smile. It’s soft, thoughtful and Hailey stores that away for later.

The bell over the door jingles and Hailey looks up, wiping her hands on her apron.

Caroline and Natalie walk in with smiles on their faces. Natalie’s pushing Kit in the stroller.

‘Oh good, they’re here!’ Vanessa announces, breezing out from the back.

‘What’s going on?’ she asks, eyes narrowing.

‘We’re coming to get lunch,’ Caroline says cheerfully. ‘We just saw Pat and Carter leaving. Lexi, dear, he’s very handsome. And he has lovely manners.’

‘Oh my god,’ Lexi mutters, face going red, hand flying up to cover it.

‘And also,’ Caroline continues breezily, ‘Vanessa asked us to come down.’

‘To talk about what you might want for your shower,’ Natalie adds with a warm smile, eyes bright and kind if a little tired around the edges.