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Rey’s senses are tingling as soon as she sets foot on the base. There’s something wrong here.
It’s like a dark presence clouding her mind, playing with her feelings. It feels wrong, uncomfortable, and for a second she is reminded of Kylo Ren – of the darkness within him – and she worries that there is a Sith on base, spying on the Resistance.
Then, her eyes settle on Finn, who is running towards her, and she gets it. It’s not about a Sith – it’s just coming from Finn. He’s miserable, she can smell it on him.
In fact, there is so much negativity and sadness coming off of him that she’s starting to feel a bit bad herself.
Luke told her that it would happen when she had started her training – that she would start picking up variations in the Force and strong emotions around her, that she had to learn how to control it – but she’s never felt anything that bad before. She’d have to talk to him about it, but for now her head is starting to kill her, she feels a little bit like she’s about to cry for no reason and – this isn’t going to work at all.
She needs to help Finn get over whatever-it-is or the break that Luke has kindly accepted to let her take will turn into a real nightmare.
She still manages a smile when Finn hugs her tightly.
“Wow, Rey, you look good”, he says, throwing an arm over her shoulders. “Being a Jedi in training really agrees with you!”
“You think so? You look much better too, Finn. I’m really glad you’re okay”, she replies, looking deep into his eyes when she says that last part.
Finn looks a bit uncomfortable at first, but then he just offers her a little smile and starts telling her about everything he’s done since he woke up, and Rey is just so happy to see him that she doesn’t want to interrupt – but she definitely will, later, if he doesn’t just start spilling everything on his own.
***
Poe bites his tongue when he sees Finn and Rey hug. He leaves the hangar when the jealousy becomes unbearable – when he hears Finn compliment the girl – and he hates himself for it.
He’s a grown man, he should be able to deal with his feelings better than a teenage girl.
And yet... He knows that he really isn’t.
The first time Poe and Finn hugged, adrenaline coursing through their veins, it was exhilarating and Poe felt it shake his core. It was warm, and also a little bit arousing because Finn looked amazingly handsome in his jacket and they were both alive, and had this been any other day - any other warm body against his own - he probably would have made a pass at the guy right there and then.
He squashed the feeling – and the idea – as soon as he noticed it.
That wasn’t what they were here for, and he wasn’t going to be the creepy guy drooling over his younger friend. Finn didn’t need that – he needed a friend. So Poe decided to be just that.
Oh, how that has backfired on him, he thinks now as he throws himself on his bed, desperately trying to sort his thoughts out.
At first, he tried to behave exactly the same way with Finn. The second time they hugged – and every time after that – Finn was the one to initiate, and Poe was just too stupid to realise that it was making things worse each time.
When Finn woke up from his coma, he felt a huge wave of relief crash over him, but as they shared their second hug – so close to each other that Poe felt like he could hear both his heartbeat and Finn’s – he noticed something else under the relief, something that made his skin prickle and his cheeks burn just a little.
He shrugged it off, told himself that it was just his hormones messing with his brain.
But after sharing many meals and sleepless nights talking about anything that came to their mind, after getting to really know the man, somehow every touch seemed to get more significant and... he was forced to consider that maybe he liked the former Trooper a bit too much.
And Finn kept coming to him after each mission, circling him with his arms. He never had a friend before and Poe was more than happy to oblige, but each time made it more difficult for him to stop himself from shifting slightly and pressing a kiss to the corner of Finn’s mouth.
He decided that he wouldn’t do anything about it. He had to be Finn’s friend – just his friend.
He had to show him what friendship could be like without any confusion or complication. He had to be the bigger man here, and not let himself fall head over heels for a guy who was decidedly too young and innocent for him.
After he made his decision, the hugs stopped – Poe subtly tried to maneuver Finn away from his chest and gradually turn the physical contact into something more socially acceptable between two grown men. A little pat on the back, clasping each other’s shoulders, more pats on the back…
And, yeah, Poe has to admit that it was dull and definitely a step down – but it was the right thing to do.
When the frequency of the touches decreased as well, he just thought that Finn had had his fill of physical contact. But still, the sheer joy of having Finn around, of spending time with him between missions didn’t help at all with his feelings problems.
Finn was always cheerful, and somehow, his happiness and excitement kept drawing Poe in and making him want.
They were seeing each other far too much. Not that Poe complained, he loved having Finn around. It’s just that he couldn’t escape the feeling that it wasn’t… Healthy? Reasonable? He was Finn’s first friend, he gave him a name and it just didn’t feel right to think that he was also his only source of real human interaction on the base.
Plus, seeing Finn less often would be the perfect way to get rid of his embarrassing crush, he reasoned. So, he started introducing Finn to everyone, making sure that he was spending as much time as possible with other members of the Resistance. And… just like that, they started seeing each other less and less – and of course, Poe felt more and more miserable and heartbroken.
Deep inside, he also felt a sort of pride that Finn made new friends, that he was becoming his own man. So it wasn’t all bad, right?
Poe buries his head under his pillow. Thinking about all of it isn’t making things any better.
And yeah, he’s feeling a lot worse now than before, but what else is he supposed to do? Confess?
He huffs. He can see the scene perfectly. Him, offering his heart to Finn who, out of politeness and because he wouldn’t know any better, would accept whatever it was he was offering. It’s ridiculous, and wrong, and it hurts, but Poe is willing to face all of that if it means not hurting Finn – purposely or otherwise.
***
“…and then this giant… fish was jumping out of the tank, and I’m not joking, it almost fell on my head!” Finn laughs a little. “Snap tried to make me believe it was good luck, but I didn’t fall for it.”
He finishes and waits for Rey to react. She looks a bit tired but she is still smiling and Finn suddenly feels bad – he hasn’t stopped talking since she arrived, and maybe she was just too polite to cut him off.
“Sorry, Rey, I’m just so happy to see you that I can’t stop talking…”
Rey shakes her head. “And I’m happy to hear all of it. Just remind me… who’s Snap again?”
“He’s one of the X-Wing pilots, a really nice guy. He and Jessika, another pilot, are teaching me a little bit about flying…”
He can’t help but grimace a little and he immediately regrets being so transparent. Of course, Rey’s looking at him with a weird expression, and he knows he’s in trouble.
“Wait a minute”, she says, “why isn’t Poe Dameron teaching you about that stuff? I thought you two were best buddies?”
Again, Finn knows that his wince gives him away immediately, but he can’t really help it – he hasn’t been planning on lying to Rey anyway. However, he wasn’t expecting that conversation to happen so soon.
“I don’t think Poe wants to hang out with me anymore”, he just says, shrugging.
“What? Why?”
Finn shrugs again. “I dunno. He’s got better things to do than babysit me, I guess?”
He knows he’s raising his voice, and he can just feel his cheeks warming up. There’s no way Rey hasn’t noticed and yet he feels himself hoping that she won’t push it. She raises an eyebrow but – thankfully – accepts his answer.
He quickly changes the subject to her training and they talk for a few more hours before Finn goes back to his room. He’s not really tired, but he can feel that Rey is, so he decides to let her rest.
Finn regrets his decision as soon as he steps into his room. He suddenly feels very lonely, and of course his mind takes the opportunity to wander to the one subject he’s been trying to avoid.
Even if he’d wanted to give an honest answer to Rey, he couldn’t have.
He still doesn’t fully understand why Poe stopped hanging out with him. They still talk to each other, at least sometimes, but… it’s not like before. They’re never alone together and there’s an uncomfortable distance between them that wasn’t there before.
When Finn first noticed that Poe was behaving differently, he felt so stupid. After all, he had noticed that only couples seemed to touch each other as much as they did, and although the discovery had shocked him at first, he had just decided to accept that he liked Poe in that way and kept going. However, it made sense that Poe didn’t feel the same and had just been too polite to say anything.
Still, spending time with Poe without being able to feel the warmth of his chest or let his nose brush up lightly against his hair… Well, it was better than nothing, and Finn tried to find comfort in the fact that at least, Poe still wanted to be his friend. That’s why it hurt even more when Poe started spending less time with him, passing him off to his – real – friends.
Finn found out that he couldn’t take it. Whatever Poe might have thought, he wasn’t a child. He didn’t need constant attention, and if Poe didn’t want to spend time with him, he could have just said so. The humiliation of understanding that Poe only ever felt pity for him was just too much.
So, Finn started spending more time with Poe’s friends – who, he has to admit, are really nice – and almost no time at all with Poe. He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone – especially not Poe – and if Poe didn’t want him as a boyfriend, or as a friend… Well, he could take a hint.
Of course, he feels miserable now, but that’s beside the point. He did what he had to do.
Finn rolls around in his bed, trying to finally get to sleep, but the thoughts won’t leave him alone. An hour later, he’s ready to just get up and read a book when he hears someone knock on his door.
He hates himself for hoping that it’s Poe.
***
‘Okay, that’s it’, Rey thinks as her headache gets worse and worse.
It was okay when she was talking to Finn, but as soon as he left the room she started feeling it again. She tried meditating, but to no avail.
A vein is pulsating on her temple, and she greets her teeth – she’s had enough of Finn projecting his misery on her.
She starts walking towards Finn room, and of course she has to cross path with Dameron at that exact time. They greet each other politely, but she can see the curious, almost suspicious look in his eyes – as if he’s wondering why she’s rushing towards Finn’s room in the middle of the night. Frankly, she can’t really blame him.
She knocks on Finn’s door softly, confident that he’s not asleep. She’s pretty positive that he is still awake, and furiously moping.
“Rey? What’s wrong?”
She doesn’t answer and walks into his room. Without a word, she sits on the bed and taps the space next to her. He sits down.
“Right, are you going to tell me what’s happening now?” Finns asks, his voice a little worried.
She puts a finger on his chest. “I know you’re hurting right now, but whatever happened between you and Poe… It will get better. I know it’s difficult, but you’re strong, you’ll recover.”
Actually, Rey doesn’t know that it’s difficult, or that he will recover – she’s never been heartbroken before – but it seems like the right thing to say.
“Wh-what? “ Finn looks completely shocked, and it looks so convincing that Rey almost gets fooled.
She recovers quickly. “Seriously, Poe is an idiot for rejecting you. You’re an amazing guy, Finn.”
She feels a little bit guilty when Finn seems to deflate completely next to her. Maybe she should have started with something else...
“Yeah, well… You can’t force someone to be your friend, I guess…” he finally says.
Rey puts a hand on his shoulder. “Or boyfriend”, she adds.
“….Or boyfriend, yeah…” Finn repeats, his voice defeated. “I just thought… we seemed to be getting along, you know?”
“I know”, she says softly. “It helps to talk about it, you know.”
And then, because Finn is silent and she can’t help herself, she adds, “I assume that, uh, you told him you liked him and he reacted badly?”
The look of utter shock and confusion on Finn’s face looks even more convincing this time.
“What? No, that… It’s nothing like that!” he shouts, and she has to believe him.
“Oh. Okay...” She continues, “So, did you… try to kiss him?”
She feels a bit bad when he almost chokes on his own spit. “Sorry, sorry! I know I’m being nosy, but… I just want to help. And you know you can tell me anything, right?”
He clears his throat. “Yeah, I know, it’s just that… Nothing like this happened.”
Rey just blinks at him, confused.
“I didn’t tell Poe anything, and I certainly didn’t try to kiss him”, Finn continues, his voice a bit defensive now.
“So, uh, did you see him with someone else?” Rey asks. She’s willing to believe him, but… all the signs are clear, she knows that this is about Poe – about Finn’s feelings for Poe.
“What? No!” Finn shouts, shaking his head. “You’re reading too much into this, it’s… it’s much simpler than that.”
Rey nods, encouraging him to continue.
“It’s just… clear that Poe doesn’t want me around anymore.”
“Clear how?” Rey asks, already fearing the worst – that Finn has just been a complete idiot about all of this.
***
When Rey walks out of his room that night, Finn feels giddy and knows he’s not going to sleep. He paces around the room for a while before deciding to take a walk around the base.
Rey made a good point – an excellent point, in fact – and now, he has hope. He knows hope is a very dangerous thing, and generally, he wouldn’t want to play with his feelings like that, but… He feels happier and more confident than he’s had for a long time, and his mind races with the possibility that maybe he misunderstood – with the possibility of something, anything, with Poe.
He smiles to himself and can’t help but jump around a little bit when he turns a corner.
“Ow, sorry!” he quickly says when he bumps into someone.
***
“Don’t worry about it”, Poe replies, smoothing the fabric of his flight suit.
He’d been lying in his bed for ages when he decided to just go out for a little flight around the base.
It didn’t help that much, but it was nice to fly around in the night sky, with only the stars for company.
Of course, the relative peace he found in his X-Wing vanishes as soon as he realizes who he’s bumped into.
“Hey, Finn”, he says, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
Finn is smiling. With a pang of jealousy, he can’t help but remember the way Rey had been walking towards his room.
“What are you doing here so late?” Finn asks as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. As if it’s not the first words they’ve exchanged in days.
“Just couldn’t sleep”, Poe replies with a half-shrug. “I assume you had a nice time with Rey”, he adds before he can stop himself.
Finn beams at him. “Yeah, she’s amazing.”
Poe hopes that he manages to hide his grimace behind a ridiculous fake smile. “Good, good… I’m happy for you, buddy.”
“I’m sure you would like her”, Finn continues, seemingly oblivious to his discomfort. He pauses then – his whole body freezes – and when he meets Poe’s eyes again, there is something in his expression that Poe can’t quite place.
“Actually, we talked about you, you know”, he says, and Poe hadn’t been expecting that. He doesn’t reply.
“I was telling her that I missed spending time with you”, Finn says softly, and Poe can feel his heart breaking just a little bit more. He’s not sure he can trust his own voice, but he has to say something.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he finally asks.
Finn laughs. “That’s what Rey said!” He shakes his head. “I don’t know, I just thought that you didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. You told me to stay with the other pilots…”
Poe isn’t sure he completely understands what’s happening, but he knows one thing – he’s been stupid. His heart is racing now. He feels too warm all of a sudden and he knows that he has to make this right, somehow.
“Oh, buddy, I didn’t mean... I just wanted you to make new friends! Shit, of course I still want to hang out with you!”
Finn smiles and Poe feels himself melt a little. Seeing the warmth on Finn’s face, seeing what he’s been missing all this time – it makes him want to say or do something stupid, something he promised himself he wouldn’t do.
It feels like Finn is getting closer to him, his smile still lighting up Poe’s world, and with each passing second he can feel his resolve getting weaker. He’s about to take a deep breath and say something incredibly sappy when Finn starts talking again.
“Rey was right again!” he exclaims. “She’s going to be insufferable about this…”
Despite his jealousy, Poe can’t help but feel grateful towards the girl. It seems like without her, Finn wouldn’t have told him any of this. He smiles, and again, he’s ready to say something when a shift in Finn’s expression makes him reconsider. He’s still smiling, but there’s a hint of self-consciousness on his face. Poe doesn’t know why, but he’s definitely curious.
He waits, and finally, Finn sighs – actually, it’s more of a shy, breathy laugh than a sigh – and says, “Wanna know what else she said?”
He nods, and the next second, Finn is standing even closer to him, and Poe suddenly becomes aware of how bad he must smell in his flight suit, covered with splotches of motor oil. He’s also more than aware of how much he missed having Finn in his personal space, and it takes all of his self control not to pull him into the biggest and tightest hug ever.
“She said...” Finn starts before biting his lip and Poe’s hand itches to just reach and brush his finger across his mouth. He doesn’t, because he can still control himself that much – but mostly he’s just very curious now about what Finn’s trying to say. Curious, and very hopeful.
“She said that... it was a shame that we weren’t talking to each other just because I was too scared to tell you how I felt about you”, Finn says in one quick breath.
Poe finds himself nodding before it hits him.
“W-what did you say?” he can only manage to reply. His heart is beating wildly now, and he knows he’s furiously blushing, but-
Did Finn just say that? Is it really possible?
“Don’t make me repeat myself, I know you heard me”, Finn says, and he sounds so embarrassed and cute that Poe can’t stand it anymore.
He’s had to take risks before, in his missions, and yet, nothing feels as terrifying as this first step – getting closer to Finn, taking his hands and staring straight into his deep brown eyes – even though at this point, he’s sure that the hardest part has already been done for him.
All his fears and doubts vanish when Finn starts smiling brightly again, when he squeezes Poe’s hands in his own.
“Rey was right again”, Poe whispers, “it is a shame, especially because I was scared of the same thing.” He knows he is blushing uncontrollably now, but he doesn’t really care. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, everything just feels so right.
When Finn chuckles, he feels it against his chest and the sensation just draws him closer to his friend – soon to be boyfriend? – until their breaths are mingling.
“That was also one of Rey’s guesses”, he says while moving one of his hands to Poe’s back, slightly pressing him even closer.
“Man, Rey seems pretty amazing”, he replies, a bit breathless already – and they haven’t even kissed yet.
“Told you you’d like her.”
Poe manages a laugh, but his brain is fixated on the fact that this is it – they are going to kiss, he knows it, he wants it and... Why isn’t it happening already? He almost points it out to Finn – almost asks him why they’re discussing Rey’s amazing perceptiveness instead of making out.
Instead, he just takes the step he should have taken weeks ago and leans in to press his lips against Finn’s, closing his eyes along the way. The last thing he sees is Finn mirroring his action, eyelids slowly closing and then they are kissing, finally.
It feels amazing, and if Poe whines a little, he is not overly embarrassed about it. Finn is making all sorts of delicious noises against his mouth, and his hands are moving all over Poe’s back to end up tangled in his hair. Poe wants to touch every part of his body, but he reigns himself in – no matter how sure he is about this and no matter how sure Finn seems to be, they still need to discuss this, to-
Poe moans when he feels a hand grasping at the back pocket of his flight suit and taking things slow was going to be more difficult than anticipated, he thinks just as they break apart for air.
“Finn...”, he murmurs against his neck, “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to do this sooner, but I was so scared.”He takes a step back to really look at Finn. “Are you...sure you-“
“Poe, if you dare ask me if I’m sure I want this, I’ll just have to go back to Rey and tell her you’re even dumber than she thought. Now, can we go back to making out? My room’s just around the corner, by the way”, Finn says, smirking.
And Poe’s already lost, and he knows it, but they’re kissing again and nothing else matters – not even the loud beeps and boops of BB-8 who chooses this moment to drop in on them, not even the shocked gasps of a few Resistance members who open their doors and start gawking at them, disturbed in their sleep by the little droid.
They still need to talk about this, Poe thinks, but as their kiss deepens and Finn’s hands start moving against his body with urgency, curiously, he can’t bring himself to protest anymore.