Chapter Text
New Message, Roy Kunt: Are you busy?
Jamie scrambles to unlock his phone. He can tell that Roy thinks he’s being subtle, but he’s been slowly distancing himself from Jamie. It’s been weeks since they’ve gotten to spend any extra time together and he misses the dusty, old cunt. He even resorted to cornering Roy in the boot room a few days ago and ask what he did wrong so he could be accountable and fix it.
Roy assured him he didn’t do anything wrong and he isn’t mad, he’s just busier than he thought he’d be as their season comes to a close. Jamie can accept that. He doesn’t like it, but he can accept it. He told Roy as much and then made him promise to do something – just the two of them – on their next off day.
Their March international break has just begun, and even though Jamie was called up for England's Euro qualifiers he doesn’t leave for the training ground until tomorrow. So he figurers this must be Roy cashing in on said promise. He has to reply with a cheeky line so that he doesn’t let on how excited he is.
Jamie: y?
Jamie: 🍆💦🍑?
Roy Kunt: This isn’t a hookup.
Jamie: 😜suit urself
Roy Kunt: I take it back.
Jamie: so this IS a hookup???
Roy Kunt: TARTT!
Jamie: wat
Roy Kunt: Fucking answer the question!
Jamie: fuck fine granddad dont hafta yell
Jamie: im not doin nothin
Roy Kunt: You’re coming over.
Jamie: o am i? 😏
Roy Kunt: Stop that. I need your help.
Jamie tries not to deflate at the fact that Roy needs his help. He’d rather the man want to spend time with him just to spend time with him, but any time with Roy is time well spent.
Jamie: i am good in a crisis
Roy Kunt: I know.
Jamie: 🥰 im blushin coach
Roy Kunt: You’re a fucking dweeb.
Jamie: u luv it
Roy Kunt: Just get over here.
Jamie: thats not a no!
Jamie cackles to himself as he pockets his phone, imagining Roy growling at every word.
A younger version of Jamie dreamed of meeting football legend Roy Kent. He would show off his talents and Roy would be so impressed that he would beg Chelsea to recruit Jamie. Kent & Tartt would become an unstoppable duo on the pitch – like Keane & Scholes – and off of it they’d be best friends. It’d be fucking aces. Too bad life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes you meet your heroes and they turn out to be nasty pricks who are so busy being mad at the world that they can’t see the fucking gift you are.
But never let it be said that Jamie is a quitter. He kept pushing and pushing until Roy agreed to coach him (like it wasn’t already his job to be doing that). Then, between a lot of maturing on Jamie’s part and a fair bit on Roy’s as well, they became best friends. It might be his proudest moment – and he’s scored a hattrick in the Champions League so that’s saying something.
Now they’re practically inseparable. Or, at least, they were until Roy suddenly stopped asking him over after training, stopped offering to cook for him, stopped telling him that Phoebe wanted to see him (which Jamie suspects might have always been a thinly veiled cover of his own desires). He can fill his empty hours with phone calls to his mum or video games with his friends or watching trashy television programmes or runs through his neighbourhood. He doesn’t need to spend time with Roy. He simply wants to spend time with Roy. All of his time. But he’ll take what he can get, so whatever Roy needs his help with, then Jamie shall help.
As quickly as the predictably terrible traffic will allow, Jamie makes his way to Roy’s. He jogs up the front steps and knocks, listening for the clunky footsteps of his best friend. There’s a clever quip already on his tongue but he stops short at the sight before him: Roy, hair disheveled, beard scraggly, clothes stained with mysterious goo, eyes puffy and tired, cradling a tiny baby to his chest.
“Roy, that’s a baby.”
“I know.”
“Why do you have a baby?”
“Because it’s mine.”
“WHAT?!”
“Just get in here!”
Roy yanks him in by the arm, still carefully holding the wee babe in his other. Once inside, Jamie takes in the state of Roy’s house. It’s typically tidy and organised but now it’s in just as disheveled a state as the man himself, with soiled bodysuits, muslins, bottles, and nappies on every surface. In all the times he’s been over, Jamie’s never seen it look like this. Is that what Roy needed help with? Cleaning his house? Certainly his housekeeper could handle it – Jamie’s own has dealt with much worse after some rowdy nights with the lads – and at the very least a hefty tip often goes a long way.
A whingy cry draws his attention back to the bigger mystery at hand. “Now, when you say this is your baby…”
Roy growls, but it’s soft as though not to scare the little one. “She is.”
“Immaculate conception, then?”
“She was conceived the normal way.”
“Now, when you say normal way…”
“Jamie, please,” Roy sighs heavily. “I can’t do this. I haven’t slept in days. Ruth is working and Rebecca does enough as is. I even phone Higgins but he and Julie are busy today so I’m desparate! Do you mind sitting with her for a bit? I promise to tell you the whole story afterwards.”
Jamie wants to help, but he doesn’t know the first thing about babies. (And he’s starting to freak out over the onslaught of new information.) “What if she needs something?”
“She just took a bottle and her nappy is dry. There’s not much else babies need.”
“What if she cries?”
“Of course she’s going to cry. What do you… Jamie, have you ever been around a baby before?”
“No! Roy, I am the first in several generations of my family to make it to my twenties without already being a parent. I’m an only child and have no cousins. Why would you think I’m good with babies??”
“You’re good with Phoebe.”
“She’s ten!”
“Fuck!” Roy starts to pace angrily, shushing his daughter (!!!!) as she starts to fuss. “Sorry. She gets fucking agitated when I yell.”
Jamie looks on in wonder. He’s seen many sides of Roy over the years, from grumpy team captain to grumpy sports pundit to grumpy assistant coach to grumpy personal coach to grumpy manager. Grumpy dad is definitely a new one, and not one Jamie ever thought he’d witness. Though he can’t say he hates it.
Despite his haggard appearance, Roy looks like a natural with a baby on his chest. He’s grumbling like he always does, but it’s softer and laced with such care like he’d do anything for his little girl. And even though Jamie didn’t even know she existed until a few minutes ago, he finds himself wanting to do anything for her as well because she’s an extension of Roy.
“What’s she called then?”
“Ruby.”
Jamie has so many more questions, but Roy truly does look like he’s about to pass out where he stands which wouldn’t be good for either him or Ruby.
“Okay.”
Roy’s eyes snap to his and they’re filled with such hope that Jamie feels his breath catch in his chest. He wishes Roy would look at him like that all the time.
“You’re sure?”
“Show me what to do and I’ll do it. Coach me, yeah?”
Roy grabs his shoulder with his unoccupied hand and squeezes. “You’re a fucking life saver.”
“I know.”
Jamie sticks his tongue out and winks – his signature way to tease Roy – and gets his hair ruffled in retaliation. Normally this would quickly devolve into a childish slap fight, but he figures it’s not really the time or place for that and lets the act go without any retaliation of his own.
“Alright then… infant crash course. Hold out your arms. Not straight out in front, you idiot. Crook them at the elbow. No. At the elbow. Your elbow. Bend your fucking elbow! Jamie, are you fucking with me right now??”
“I’m not fucking with you! I told you I ain’t used to babies!”
Roy manhandles Jamie into the correct position, just like he would if they were trying out a new set piece during training and he needed him a specific way. It feels a bit awkward, with his arms stretched out in front of him, elbow crooked and elevated, but Roy must be satisfied with the result because he steps back with a pleased almost-smile.
Jamie’s too lost in that almost-smile to realise that Roy is already placing Ruby into the space between his arm and his torso. And then the small addition of her weight is there and Roy is taking another step back and oh my god he’s holding Roy’s baby.
“Roy!” Jamie hisses, eyes pleading. “What if I drop her??”
“Don’t fucking drop her.”
“But-”
“You’re doing fine. Just make sure to support her head. Babies are born with fucked necks and they can’t do it themselves for a bit.”
“What?!”
“She doesn’t like to be set down so it’s not much of an issue, but if your arm starts to tire and you need to situate her to your other side or your chest remember to keep a hand behind her neck and head.”
Roy doesn’t wait for any sort of response, instead opting to pile various baby things into Jamie’s free arm. “You’ll need a muslin or two. If she gets too fussy, here’s a dummy. You can check her nappy but, like I said, she’s in a fresh one. She should fall asleep soon.”
Jamie looks down at Ruby to find her nearly there already. “Where do I put her?”
“You can try to set her in her basket? But she tends to wake right up when I do that. It’s why I’m so fucking knackered. When nothing else works I walk around the house with her. She fucking loves that.”
“So I… hold her? For how long?”
“Until I fucking wake up.”
“But-” Roy goes to interrupt him again but Jamie doesn’t let him this time. “No, Roy, I’m genuinely worried! What if something bad happens?”
“Then you wake up me, you muppet. I need sleep but not so badly that I’m going to ignore you if there is a problem.” He rests both of his hands on Jamie’s shoulders and looks him in the eye. “I know I fucking owe you an explanation – many explanations – but I trust you.”
“I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
“Until three weeks ago I didn’t either.”
“She’s only three weeks old?!” At least that explains why she’s so tiny.
"Remember when I was out with the flu? Meet the flu." He leans down, kisses Ruby on the forehead, and says, “Sleep good for Jamie.”
And with that, he’s gone. Leaving Jamie alone with Ruby.
He hardly feels safe moving with her in his arms, so he stands in place until her eyes flutter shut and her little chest rises and falls with deep, sleepy breaths. Jamie’s still uncertain about moving but it’s only a few steps to the sofa. He slowly bends his knees to lower his centre of gravity and then takes the smallest, smoothest steps he’s ever taken in his life. It’s more a low, slow slide than anything. He’s sure he looks ridiculous but he will not be responsible for dropping Roy’s baby.
He reaches the sofa and gently lowers himself down onto it. Only, as soon as his arse touches the cushions, Ruby’s face scrunches up and she starts to twist around. She’s making little grunty sounds and even Jamie with his limited experience with babies knows those grunts will soon be full on cries if he can’t find a way to calm her down. He wraps his other arm around her body to hold her more steadily and then quickly shoots back up to his feet. Ruby settles the moment he’s standing again, though her face is still all scrunched up.
Roy said he walks around the house with her, but Jamie’s not comfortable enough yet to do that. He opts instead for standing in place is swaying. It only takes a minute or so for Ruby to fully relax again.
“Fucking hell,” he whispers so as not to wake her. “What have you gotten yourself into?”
Eventually, Jamie gets bored standing in one place so he takes a couple of brave steps away from the sofa. Ruby doesn’t so much as flinch and that gives him the courage to take a few more. Soon enough he’s slowly walking around, bobbing this way and that to keep Ruby in a peaceful slumber.
With his mind no longer fully consumed by the fear of holding and subsequently dropping Ruby, Jamie lets himself process everything that’s happened since he arrived here. He thought they might go out somewhere to eat or get a few drinks, maybe watch a film. He never imagined Roy revealing that he has a baby, but ROY HAS A FUCKING BABY.
Jamie thinks – no, he knows – that they have gotten close over the last year (too close, if his teammates are to be believed). He tells Roy everything and he always assumed Roy was doing the same for him. Roy told him about his doubt in his ability to manage the Greyhounds after only a year and a half of being an assistant coach. Roy told him about his jealousy over Jamie and Georgie and how he longed for a close relationship like that with his own parents. Roy told him about shitting his pants on a bus because he ate too much ice cream at John Terry’s birthday party.
So why didn’t Roy tell him about Ruby? Having a baby is a fairly fucking huge secret to keep from your best friend. He never even told Jamie that he was seeing someone, casually or otherwise. Maybe Ruby is adopted, but then why didn’t Roy tell him about that?
Jamie’s head swims at all the unanswered questions. His arm also hurts from holding Ruby in one position for so long. He isn’t sure how to shift her from one side to the other, but he remembers Roy’s insistence that her head be supported so he does that with his free hand and slowly slides her from the left arm to the right.
After successfully moving her and only getting a small huff in return, Jamie lets out at huge (albeit quiet) sigh of relief. Then he takes the time to really look at the babe in his arms. Ruby is fucking adorable with her round nose and round cheeks, fuzzy dark whisps of hair, and deep grey eyes.
Her eyes are open! Jamie starts to panic when he realises that means she’s awake. Did she sleep for long enough? It feels like Roy left him not that long ago, but it’s hard to tell how much time has really passed. Ruby doesn’t seem to be fussing, though. She’s just looking up at him.
“Hullo, Miss Ruby,” Jamie coos at her.
Her arms fling out to the side erratically and Jamie has to quickly throw his other hand around her.
“Woah, needed to stretch it out, did ya?”
Then Ruby yawns big and smacks her lips before settling back in with a neutral face. Jamie can’t help but take a picture of her. He sends it to his mum with the caption ‘my mates baby ruby’ which is just vague enough to make sure she doesn’t ask follow-ups.
New Message, Mummy: She’s lovely!
“Seems like you got yourself a fan already.”
Ruby must disagree because she starts to grunt and stick her tongue out. Jamie moves as quickly as he thinks he can manage to retrieve her dummy. He places it in her mouth but then Ruby spits it out straight away. He tries again only to get the same result. And then Ruby’s grunts turn into cries. Oh no, oh no.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, Ruby. You’re okay.”
Jamie turns her towards his body and pats her back but that only seems to make her cry more, as well as smash her face down on his shoulder. Thank god she doesn’t have teeth to bite him! But she doesn’t need teeth to cry, and cry she does. They’re pitiful wails and Jamie has no idea what to do or how to help.
“You lasted longer than I thought you would,” Roy says as he walks into the room and takes Ruby from him.
Jamie is so relieved he drops into the nearest chair as soon as his arms are free. “I’m sorry, Roy! I tried!”
“Nothing to be sorry for, Jamie, she’s hungry.” He’s already busying himself with putting together another bottle.
“Thought you said she already had one.”
“She did. Babies eat a little at a time several times a day.”
“How do you know all this??”
“Ruth,” he answers as he leans against the kitchen counter and feeds Ruby her bottle. “She wouldn’t let me around Phoebe until I cleaned up and took some courses.”
“Cleaned up?”
“You were a fan boy.” Roy has to cut off Jamie’s squawks of complaint. “I know you were! And because of that, I know you read what the tabs wrote about me with the drugs and the parties.”
“That was all true?”
“Most of it.”
“How do you not already have a gaggle of illegitimate kids running around?”
Roy laughs so hard he startles the bottle right out of Ruby’s mouth. With a murmured apology he rights the bottle and she continues eating like nothing happened.
“I was extremely fucking careful.”
“What changed with this one?” Jamie regrets saying it the moment the words leave his mouth. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”
Roy shakes his head. “No, I told you I’d explain everything. It was when…” he swallows thickly, as though the truth is choking him. “It was when you and Keeley left for Brazil. After I dropped you two off at the airport I never even made it back here. I was so fucking sad and alone and I couldn’t go back to my empty house and think about you and Keeley.”
“We didn’t hook up, I swear.”
“I know. You’ve told me and I believe you. But at the time I didn’t fucking trust you or her or anyone, and that made it worse because you’re my best friend and what a piece of shit am I if I don’t even trust my best fucking friend?” Roy stops to place Ruby up on his shoulder and pat her back.
“You’re not a piece of shit.”
“I was that night.” Ruby lets out a series of burps and Roy nods approvingly. Then he hands her Jamie before he can protest and moves about cleaning up her empty bottle (as well as several others littering his kitchen).
Jamie knows the answer before he even asks, “Is that when Ruby was made?”
“Yeah,” Roy admits quietly. “I went out to a one of those stupid, posh clubs Isaac is always taking the team to and I smoked the first thing someone was willing to sell me and I danced with the first girl who would let me and when she offered to blow me in the toilet I offered to fuck her instead.”
The lads talk about their sex lives all the time in the dressing room, but listening to Roy talk so frankly about his own makes Jamie’s insides twist around. It’s not that he ever thought the man to be celibate – he dated Keeley, for christ sake – but it’s different for him to tell Jamie about it.
“So are you dating this girl now? Or co-parenting?”
“Neither. She tracked me down at the club and told me she was pregnant. She didn’t want a baby. She was going to put her up for adoption, so I expedited the process by taking on sole parental rights. Ruby is my daughter and mine alone.”
“Were you ever gonna tell me?”
“I tried so many times. There was always something more important. And I’m a fucking coward.”
Jamie wants to be upset, but as he looks down at Ruby who is once again curled up sleeping in his arms all he feels is love for this little girl he just met. No wonder Roy couldn’t stand the thought of losing her. “Okay. I’ll help you.”
“What?”
“Look around you, Roy. You can’t do this alone. Quite frankly, I don’t know how you’ve made it a week at this rate. Who even watches her during the day when we have training?”
“Rebecca. I pop into her office every chance I can get. And I’m doing just fine.”
“No, you’re not. You had me come over so you could sleep for 45 minutes.”
“Fuck you! I slept for 50 minutes.”
“That’s not better!”
“You’re off to St.George’s Park tomorrow.”
In all the excitement, it seems Jamie had forgotten about that bit. “When I come back, then. I’m coming straight here.”
“Jamie…”
“Roy…”
Jamie refuses to back down, but it’s a testament to Roy’s exhaustion that he hardly even puts up a fight.
“Fine. But you have to go home now. I won’t have you losing your starting spot because you’re too tired to train.”
“Yes, coach.”
Jamie insists on helping clean up quickly before he goes and Roy happily accepts his baby back in exchange for the free labour. He cleans the remaining used bottles and sets them to dry, he gathers all the soiled bodysuits and muslins and starts them in the washing machine, and he even assists Roy in changing Ruby’s nappy (which is beyond disgusting – baby poo is a crime against humanity). Then Roy has her swaddled and ready for the next attempt at sleeping in her basket so Jamie decides to take his leave so he won’t disturb her.
The drive home is quiet but Jamie’s mind is anything but.