Chapter Text
Logan woke up slowly one morning. It’s been getting harder and harder for him to wake up every morning, which concerns Logan more than a little.
He feels like that’s how he’s felt about everything recently. Things have been… tense in the mindscape. Logan had not seen any of the others out of their rooms for days, and the atmosphere seems gloomy and empty.
Logan sighed and rolled out of bed. Just because things are weird right now, doesn’t mean he can’t keep to his schedule.
He gets up, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. It’s empty.
Usually, Patton is cooking and listening to music quietly, and Roman and Remus are arguing about something, with Remus making grotesque comments about… whatever it is he talks about. Maybe Logan should pay more attention. Virgil’s scrolling through Tumblr or some other social media platform that, more often than not, makes him even more anxious, and Janus is reading a book and pretending to ignore everyone else.
Like Logan used to do…
Logan shakes his head. overthinking on his past mistakes with the others won’t do anyone any good.
He immediately goes to the coffee machine starting it up.
It looks like it’s been used recently…
He’s been, quite frankly, exhausted recently. Thomas isn’t listening to him, so everytime he tries to talk with Thomas, he just waves Logan off like he doesn’t exist.
Logan is tired of being ignored.
He’s tired of being pushed to the sidelines.
He’s tired of the others not taking him seriously.
He’s tired .
He’s just… tired.
The coffee machine beeps, signaling it’s done with his coffee. Logan flinches and then regains his composure.
It’s just the coffee machine Logan, no need to get worked up.
He sighs and takes his drink to the table.
Usually, he would take it up to his room so he could try and get some work done, that work being research on why Thomas is acting like he is, but today he’s sitting at the table.
He doesn’t really know why he feels the need to sit at the table. Maybe it’s because he needs a break from the dark loneliness of his room, maybe it’s because he has a tiny sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, one of the others will trek out of their rooms, and come downstairs because goddamn he misses them.
He may not want to admit it, but he has grown quite attached to the other sides. He gets that he lives with them, but this is different than how you would love your family. This was something much different. He wants to do some of the things Remus describes with the others, and that confuses the fuck out of him.
What are these feelings? Why does he need their company? Why does every time Virgil smiles, Patton hugs him, Roman compliments him, Janus reads with him, or Remus asks him a weird, gorey question and then listens to the answer, why does that make his stomach do figurative flips? Why do they all look so–
No, don't say that that’s something Remus would say.
But he kind of likes it when Remus says that stuff.
He groans and lays his head on the table. He doesn’t understand these feelings. And he hates not understanding things.
He doesn’t understand anything that’s been happening, and it’s driving him insane. He can’t not know! He’s logic! If he doesn’t know, then what’s the point of him being around?!
Woah, where did that thought come from?
Logan’s head shoots up. He looks around.
Did he hear something?
He looks to the kitchen. It’s empty.
That’s strange… he could have sworn he’d heard something.
He shakes his head.
“I must be more tired than I thought…” He mumbled to himself.
He finishes his coffee and goes to the kitchen to wash his cup. He spots the knives on the other end of the counter.
He could just cut his arm wide open right now… So easily…
Logan jumps back from the sink. What the fuck is happening?? Why is he thinking these thoughts??
His breathing quickens.
No, not now, absolutely not. He is not going to have a panic attack.
He does Virgil’s breathing exercise a couple times, trying to calm himself down before he has a full blown panic attack. That would not be ideal for him in this moment. He is alone.
While he is still trying– and ultimately failing– to calm himself down, he sees another figure walk in.
Logan feels a hand on his shoulder, and he hears someone talking to him in a soothing voice, though he can’t quite catch what they’re saying.
He feels the person tapping out the breathing pattern on his arm. He tries his best to follow it. After a few rounds, he can finally breathe again.
He looks up at the figure to find Janus.
“You feeling better, Logic?” Janus’ voice is cold, but strangely soft compared to his usual harsh demeanor.
He stares at Janus for a second before clearing his throat, “Yes, apologies.”
“Good. Now, get up and do your job. We wouldn’t want what little logic Thomas has left to be ‘Thrown out the window’” Janus’ tone was back to its former rudeness, the comforting elements completely gone once again.
Logan blinks at him for a second, “How could Thomas throw me out a window? I am an aspect of his personality.”
Janus just sighs and pinches his temple; conveying annoyance, Logan notes. “It’s a figure of speech, Dumbass. And look at yourself, those bags under your eyes are deeper than the Mariana Trench, you should get some sleep.”
“Oh,” Logan feels under his eyes. They are more than slightly swollen, “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Honestly, those might be as bad as mine. Though, I don't know how they could be; I've been working nonstop…” Janus reaches up to feel his own, most likely subconsciously. “Ju-Just go do your work, or get some sleep!” he quickly changes the subject.
Logan eyes Janus suspiciously, “Janus… are you okay?” He now notices how dark Janus’ eye bags are, and how utterly exhausted he looks.
“I’m fine.” Janus’ tone is stern, and Logan can almost hear a faint hiss coming from his throat, “It’s not like I’m here day and night trying to keep Thomas alive!”
“That may be true, but that doesn’t mean you are not working just as hard, if not harder, than I am,” Logan realizes Janus regulates lies. Thomas has been lying to his friends a lot recently. Do the lies overwhelm him? Is Janus struggling more than he is letting on? “You can talk to me, Janus, I am always here. I do care about you.”
“Look. I’m just here to keep you on your feet for Thomas. This is all about him, and until this all clears up, we need to stick to our jobs. You as Thomas’ logic, and me as his self-preservation. Just stay in your line, Logic.” Janus fully hisses now, his forked tongue rapidly flicking.
“Just because you are Thomas’ self-preservation does not mean you shouldn’t take care of yourself too. You need to be well,” Logan looks at Janus square in the eye, “And you can call me by my name. There is no need for formality.” I like it when you say my name.
“I am taking care of myself. This is all I’ve ever done, and I’ve been fine so far. The only thing that’s keeping us from being our regular selves, is Virg- Anxiety’s fog. And if you want me to call you by your real name, do something to earn it. Go find Patton or something! Then you’ll have earned my trust.” Janus hisses angrily, and turns around, walking out of the kitchen and into the hallway towards their rooms.
Well, that could have gone better.
Logan sighs, and stands up. What did Janus mean by Virgil’s fog?
Well, I guess I’ll go do what Jan– Deceit said.
Logan heads up the stairs toward Patton’s room.