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Summer feels longer than usual this year.
Eddie’s not sure if it’s the loss of Christopher or the presence of Captain Gerrard, but either way, it’s been a rough two months.
He’d known having Gerrard around as captain was going to be awful, but in reality it’s been so much worse. They’re all focussing on the fact that Bobby will be back as soon as he finishes out his mandatory twelve weeks of therapy, but his return really can’t come soon enough. The station’s an entirely different place without Bobby as captain.
Or, more accurately, it’s an entirely different place with Captain Gerrard.
There’s no more family dinners, which kind of fits considering it’s really not much of a family atmosphere anymore with Gerrard around to bring them all down.
There’s no more general joy around the station.
And there’s no more downtime either. Instead, they’re constantly expected to clean and run themselves into the ground every minute of every single shift. It leaves them tired when it comes to going out on calls, but Gerrard doesn’t seem to care.
Eddie supposes the one upside to the lack of downtime is that he doesn’t have time to sit around being miserable about Christopher going to Texas.
It’d taken a month before Buck convinced Chris to speak to him again, but now they at least have a weekly call set up to talk and work through things. He thinks it’s been going well. They’re definitely nowhere near close to fully resolving things, but progress is progress.
And it’s all thanks to Buck.
Eddie knows Buck’s been talking to Chris every night—both Buck and Chris have told him about it—and he’s just so grateful. Grateful that Chris has Buck, someone he can trust and rely on in the absence of his father, someone Eddie knows always wants the best for him.
Eddie’s grateful he has Buck too.
He’s found himself leaning on Buck more than he thought he would over the last two months, but Buck doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, Buck always seems happy to drop everything when Eddie needs him, and Eddie honestly doesn’t know what he’d do without him.
*
“How was your call with Chris last night?” Buck asks Eddie after they’ve been dismissed from Gerrard’s morning rant. “Did he tell you about the fish he caught on the weekend?”
Eddie grins. “Yeah, he was really excited about it. I think he forgot to be mad at me for a minute there, because it was the first thing out of his mouth when Mom put him on the phone.”
“That’s—”
“Diaz, Buckley,” Gerrard calls out as they’re about to collect everything they need to start inventory. “How’s about the two of you find someone else to partner up with.”
Clearly not a suggestion, based on Gerrard’s tone.
“For inventory?” Buck asks, a confused look on his face. “But Eddie and I always do inventory together.”
From the look on Captain Gerrard’s face, Eddie knows immediately that the captain doesn’t mean they should find someone new to partner up with just for inventory.
“I mean in general,” Gerrard states, and yeah that’s kind of exactly what Eddie was expecting. “Buckley, you’re with Wilson. Diaz, you’re with Cinderella from now on.”
Chim’s eyes harden as he leans the mop against the wall, “Cinderella? Really?”
“Problem?” Gerrard asks, raising an antagonistic eyebrow in Chim’s direction. Hen steps in front of Chim to cut off his direct view of Gerrard, and luckily Chim only frowns at Hen before shaking his head and picking up the mop again. “That’s what I thought.”
Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but Buck places a hand on his arm and shakes his head. Eddie closes his mouth, but he still feels like someone ought to say something.
“Buck,” Hen calls out. “I’ll meet you by the trucks.”
Buck nods, and squeezes Eddie’s arm before he heads off to grab a clipboard.
And that leaves Eddie alone, staring at Captain Gerrard in some kind of strange stand-off. Gerrard’s clearly waiting for him to argue, but Eddie’s not going to give him the satisfaction if Buck doesn’t want him to.
He sometimes thinks Gerrard believes there’s something going on between him and Buck, and he’s not sure how to correct the man without bringing it up unnecessarily. Because if he’s wrong, then it’ll just bring it to Gerrard’s attention and give him something else to use to torture them all. And if he’s right, he’s worried it might just make things worse.
So Eddie bites his tongue for today at least and instead grabs another mop and joins Chim in an effort to distract himself.
*
“That was bullshit today,” Eddie says later in the evening as he and Buck eat dinner on his couch. “I don’t know how that man still has a job.”
“He’s a piece of work, that’s for sure,” Buck replies. “Back when Gerrard first showed up, Tommy said we should just try to keep our heads down and avoid antagonising him. Doesn’t really seem to be working though, he seems to hate us no matter what we do.”
Eddie finishes chewing before he responds. “Have you been talking to him about it all? Tommy, I mean. How has he not tried to storm down to the station and defend your honour?”
Buck looks a little cagey. “Uh, he definitely won’t be doing any storming.”
Eddie pauses at that, because it kind of seems like Buck is trying to avoid talking about Tommy. And come to think of it, Eddie can’t remember the last time Buck brought Tommy up at all.
“Everything okay with you two?” Eddie asks, and watches carefully as Buck freezes with his fork halfway to his mouth. “Because you’re acting suspicious as hell right now.”
Buck eats a bite of the chicken off of his fork, and Eddie can practically see the gears in his mind turning.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Eddie eventually asks when Buck takes too long chewing. “Is everything not okay with you and Tommy?”
Buck sighs.
“We broke up.” Buck quickly takes another bite of chicken and Eddie rolls his eyes.
“Are you seriously using chicken as an avoidance tactic?” Eddie laughs. “What the hell happened? And when did it happen?”
Eddie’s trying to think back to when something might have happened. He couldn’t have missed Buck telling him, could he?
“Uh,” Buck looks like he’s about to stab another piece of chicken with his fork, but Eddie gives him a pointed look and he puts the fork down. “Jesus, fine. Look, I was going to tell you. I really was. But everything with Chris was so fresh and you guys were nowhere near being in a state of rebuilding your relationship and you hadn’t even started seeing Frank—”
“I hadn’t started seeing Frank?” Eddie asks incredulously. “I started seeing Frank again a week after Chris went to Texas. Are you telling me you broke up with Tommy almost two months ago and didn’t tell me?”
“It wasn’t a big deal,” Buck insists. “It was a few days after Bobby got out of the hospital.”
Eddie thinks back and remembers how much of a mess he was back then, and yeah, okay, maybe he understands where Buck was coming from.
“I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could talk to me about it,” Eddie says, feeling a little guilty. “Do you want to tell me what happened now?”
Buck looks at him, a little surprised, and Eddie wonders if he’s refraining from commenting on his therapy working after all.
“I broke up with him because of something he said,” Buck starts, and Eddie frowns. “We were having dinner together after Bobby woke up, and I was really relieved, you know?”
Eddie nods, “Yeah, of course. Bobby’s like a father to you, it was an emotional time.”
“Right, you get it,” Buck says, a curious look on his face for a moment that Eddie can’t quite read. “So—and I’m paraphrasing, because it’s been a while and I can’t remember it word for word—I was talking about how Bobby’s like the father I never had, and Tommy says something about my dad being alive, though?”
Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it again immediately. He’s pretty sure Buck’s not done.
“Then, we keep talking a bit, about how our actual dads are shit, and I think I said something about us both having daddy issues? And Tommy was all ‘I don’t’ and—”
“Was he kidding?” Eddie can’t help but ask. “Because seriously…”
“Eds, that isn’t even the worst part,” Buck insists, reaching out for his drink and taking a sip before he continues. “I remember he had this stupid look on his face when he said it, and so I was like ‘but you think I do?’ and you will not believe what he said to me.”
Eddie gestures with his hands for Buck to get on with it, for some reason completely desperate to know what made Buck break up with Tommy.
“He said ‘God, I hope so,’ and I had to pretend to be really interested in the salad because I had no idea what to say to that.” Buck looks like he still can’t believe it happened, and Eddie can’t blame him.
“What the fuck,” Eddie says maybe a little louder than he intends to. He knows he probably looks astounded, but seriously, what the fuck.
“Yeah, that about sums it up.” Buck laughs, and adds, “After that I was pretty sure he was gonna ask me to call him daddy at some point—and that’s just not my thing personally—so I ended things and figured I’d maybe hold off on dating for a while. Kinda glad, since I realised any attempt at a relationship right now probably wouldn’t end up going anywhere.”
There’s something about the way Buck says the last part that has Eddie staring at him, trying to figure him out. There’s a moment where he thinks it looks like Buck thinks he might have said too much, but he can’t be sure.
Surely it’s not because of him?
He dreads asking, but he needs to know.
“It’s not because of everything with me and Chris is it?” he asks nervously. “I know how much we’re both leaning on you to try and fix things between us, but if it was too much you’d say something, right?”
Buck looks more and more horrified the more he talks.
“Hey, no,” Buck insists. “It’s completely to do with me, I promise. I just—I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last few months and I wanna sit with things for a while before I go rushing into anything new.”
And Eddie can understand that, as well as respect it. It’s a really smart thing to do, and he kind of wishes that’s what he’d done himself many times in his past.
“That’s really mature, Buck,” Eddie says, and he watches as Buck smiles. “Maybe I should take a page out of your book and try the whole think-before-doing thing, huh?”
Buck chuckles. “Maybe not a bad idea for you, no.”
*
Eddie wakes the next day excited for his weekly conversation with Chris. He takes the time to shower and make and eat breakfast before he lets himself call his son’s phone.
It rings, and rings, and rings some more before finally the call connects.
“Chris?”
“Good morning, Eddie. Chris is still asleep,” Ramon answers, and Eddie certainly wasn’t expecting his father today. “I’d offer to wake him, but he had a big day at the lake yesterday and could probably use the rest.”
“Right, of course,” Eddie says, and he gets it, he does. He was just really looking forward to talking to Chris. “I suppose I’ll just call back later, or he can call me? Whatever’s—”
“How have you been doing?” Ramon interrupts.
Eddie pauses, and has to decide quickly whether it’s better if he lies or tells the truth.
“I’m getting there,” he eventually says, going for honesty. “I’ve been seeing Frank, my therapist, again. I think you already knew that, though. We’ve been discussing Shannon and Kim and some of my other relationships. Other things too of course, but that’s—I think we’re getting somewhere, you know?”
“That’s good to hear,” Ramon says. “I think it’s wonderful that you’re seeking help to understand your relationships and find guidance in other aspects of your life as well.”
“You mean understanding why I keep ruining my relationships in general?” Eddie snorts. “It’s okay, we’re all aware at this point how much of a mess I’ve made. We’ve talked about the relationships themselves, where things went wrong, that kind of thing. But I keep coming back to the fact that I don’t seem to be capable of commitment when it comes to—”
“I don’t know about that,” Ramon interrupts. “You don’t seem to have a problem committing to a relationship with your son. Or to your…” Ramon seems to be searching for the right word. Eventually he speaks and unknowingly sends Eddie’s mind into a tailspin when he says, “Buck.”
“My Buck?” Eddie repeats. “Why'd you say it like that? You can’t just say he’s my friend?”
“Is that all he is?” Ramon asks, his voice kinder than Eddie’s heard in a long time. “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I often wondered if there was something more going on between the two of you.”
“Between me and Buck?” Eddie clarifies, feeling a little defensive even though he’s not entirely sure why. “You think there’s something going on between me and Buck? Did Chris tell you about Buck coming out? Is that where this is coming from? You think just because my best friend is into guys and I ruin every relationship with the women I date that I must be—”
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Ramon interrupts. “I was only trying to show support. The way Christopher talks about the two of you, it led us to believe we had perhaps missed some things over the years. When your mother and I came to collect Chris, Buck was there because you asked him to be. You looked to him for guidance and support, we both saw it. I—I saw the way he held you after we left, through the window. I’ve watched your Abuelo hold your Abuela the same way many times in my life. It’s the same way I’ve held your mother also. But if you say you and Buck are just friends, I’ll respect that and I’ll believe you. But maybe you should think about it a little more.”
Eddie thinks back to the moment the door had shut behind Christopher and his parents, and he remembers Buck’s hand on his shoulder and how easy it had been to turn and hold onto Buck in an effort not to fall apart entirely. He remembers Buck’s arms wrapping around him and pulling him in even closer, the way he’d buried his face in Buck’s neck and let all his emotions escape finally because he knew Buck would be there.
He thinks about how safe and loved Buck had made him feel at one the worst moments of his life, and how he’d known even then that things would eventually work out.
Because he has Buck.
And Buck always has him in return.
Because they’re best friends.
That’s all.
Right?
“Buck and I aren’t the same as you and Mom or Abuela and Abuelo,” Eddie insists weakly, and his father’s silence is deafening. “It’s not—it’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?” Ramon says eventually. “Christopher sees Buck as a parental figure. Even you see him as a co-parent, whether you’ve admitted it to yourself or not. Not to mention, you’ve relied on each other for years, for many different things, the way I see and hear about it.”
And Eddie hates that his father isn’t entirely wrong. Hell, he’s not wrong at all.
Buck’s everything.
Buck’s so innately ingrained in both his and Chris’ lives that he can’t even imagine what their world would look like without him. The relief he’d felt hearing Buck broke up with Tommy suddenly makes so much sense. And—
“Eddie? Eddie?” Ramon repeats himself, and Eddie shakes his head and pulls himself out of his thoughts.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, dragging a hand down his face. “I just—”
“Christopher's awake,” Ramon says, and Eddie realises he can hear Chris in the background talking to someone. “I’m going to pass him the phone in a moment, but think on what I said, alright? We all just want you to be happy, son.”
“Right,” Eddie nods even though Ramon can’t see it. “Thanks, Dad. You’ve given me a lot to think about later.”
“Of course.” Ramon pauses and then calls out, “Christopher, your father is on the phone. He’s very excited to talk to you.” Ramon says a little quieter, “Good luck, Eddie. We’re proud of how far you’ve come in just a few months. Let me know how things go.”
And before Eddie can say anything in response, Chris is taking the phone off of Ramon and diving into a detailed explanation of what he did at the lake yesterday.
Eddie can’t help the smile that overtakes his entire face.
He can think more about the fact that he’s apparently in love with his best friend later. For now, he’s got his kid to talk to, and that trumps everything else.
*
After a whirlwind weekend filled with entirely too many feelings realisations, Captain Gerrard seems to be on yet another mission to cause Eddie stress and misery. That’s the only conclusion he can possibly reach when he and Buck are pulled aside for no reason by their interim captain while they’re quietly and efficiently re-rolling fire hoses.
“Should the two of you even be working at the same station?” Gerrard says, a calculating look on his face as Eddie and Buck shove one of the rolled hoses back up onto the truck. “I’m pretty sure it’s up to the captain of a firehouse whether you can still work together if you’re… together.”
“What?” Buck queries, and it takes him about two seconds less time than it takes Eddie to figure out what Gerrard’s getting at. “You think Eddie and I are together? Like, in a relationship?”
“You’re pretty obvious, kid,” Gerrard states. “Did you really think nobody would figure you out?”
“We’re not!” Buck exclaims, looking over at Eddie with an apologetic look on his face that Eddie can’t figure out. What does Buck have to be sorry about? “Why would you even think—”
“You’re not seriously trying to tell me you’re not,” Gerrard interrupts, and Eddie hates the ugly look in his eyes when he focuses on Buck. “You’re definitely one of those—”
“You better watch your goddamn mouth.”
And Eddie’s not entirely aware he’s the one who said it until Gerrard’s attention snaps over to him. Gerrard looks like he’s finally gotten the confirmation he needed and Eddie feels his hand curling into a fist, somehow resisting the urge to connect it with Gerrard’s stupid face.
“What the hell did you just say to me?” Gerrard’s voice is low, almost threatening.
Eddie straightens himself up to his full height, and doesn’t back down.
“You heard me,” Eddie says threateningly. “You better watch your goddamn mouth when you speak to Buck. Everyone else here may be too afraid to say anything, but I’m done with standing by and letting you walk all over us.”
And Eddie’s vaguely aware they’re drawing a bit of attention as a crowd gathers around. He briefly takes them in and realises not a single person in the entire firehouse is actually going to be on Captain Gerrard’s side.
“Look around you, sir,” Eddie says pointedly, gesturing at their coworkers. He enjoys the pinched look on Gerrard’s face as he realises the situation he’s gotten himself into. “You’ve been terrorising us for months, and everyone’s sick of it. You owe us some respect. Not just because we’re human beings—although that should be enough of a reason in and of itself—but because if you don’t, I’m going to report your ass to whoever the hell I have to report you to to get something done about your misbehaviour.”
“You really think—”
“I’m not done,” Eddie states bluntly, cutting Gerrard off before he can spout any more bullshit. “These people are my family. I love them fiercely, and I’m gonna have their backs the same way I know they’ve always got mine.”
If he looks at Buck after he says that, well, he doesn’t really have an excuse. And when he sees Buck looking straight at him with pride all over his face he can’t deny it makes him feel brave enough to go on.
“That’s how I know I can stand here and talk to you like this,” Eddie continues. “Because if you decide you want to say one more homophobic or sexist or racist comment to any one of us, they’re going to back me up when I make that report I just mentioned. You’ll lose your job, and your pension, and I won’t feel bad for a single second. Because it’s what you deserve.” Eddie pauses for a moment and stares Gerrard down. “Have I made myself clear, Captain?”
Eddie watches Gerrard as he looks around again briefly before locking eyes back on Eddie. Eddie tenses as Gerrard opens his mouth.
“Crystal.”
Funny how bullies tend to back down when someone finally stands up to them.
“Good,” Eddie says firmly. “Then I hope we won’t have to have this conversation again.”
With that, he turns his back on Gerrard and heads back to work. He’s wasted enough time on that asshole.
*
“I thought you were gonna punch Gerrard today,” Buck says jokingly later that evening when he walks through Eddie’s front door.
And he can’t exactly argue and say that Buck’s wrong, because it was a near thing.
“I was tempted,” Eddie admits, maybe a little embarrassed at how he’d almost lost control. “Pretty sure you were the only reason I didn’t.”
“Huh.” Buck joins Eddie on the couch. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t hit him.”
“Let me guess,” Eddie laughs. “You didn’t want me getting fired?”
“Got it in one.” Buck laughs along with him, and Eddie hates that he can’t seem to stop staring.
It turns out when you figure out you have feelings for your best friend, you end up kind of distracted when you have to spend time with them afterwards.
“You okay?” Buck asks, and Eddie's head tilts to the side as he continues to stare.
It seems crazy that Buck doesn’t know. That Buck’s just sitting on the couch opposite him and he doesn’t know that—
“I’m in love with you.”
Buck freezes, and Eddie’s eyes widen.
Shit, did he really just say that out loud?
He feels like he should say something, but what the hell is he supposed to say?
Sorry, I didn’t mean it? That would be a lie.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it out loud? Better, because it’s the truth at least, but still embarrassing.
In the end it’s Buck who takes the choice out of his hands when he says, “Finally figured it out, huh?”
And that’s just.
What?
“You knew?” Eddie asks, his mouth feeling extraordinarily dry. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“You had to get there on your own,” Buck says gently, and Eddie nods because yeah, fair. He’s not expecting Buck to say, “I love you too, by the way.”
But that’s what Buck does.
And then it’s Eddie’s turn to freeze, because for some reason it had never really crossed his mind that Buck loving him back was a possibility.
“You love me?” Eddie checks, the disbelief clear in his voice. “You’re sure? I’m kind of a mess, Buck. I—”
“I know what I’m getting myself into,” Buck says confidently, reaching out to take Eddie’s hand. “I’ve been here the whole time, haven’t I? I’ve seen you at your best and I’ve seen you at your worst, and I still love you. I’m still here.”
Eddie finally brings himself to look Buck in the eyes again.
“You’re here.” Eddie can’t believe it. It’s really that simple.
Buck’s here, and he’s going to stay.
Buck loves him.
Buck wants to be with him even though he’s a mess.
Eddie wants to thank him and he wants to promise him the world and he wants to hold him and kiss him and—
Eddie wants to love him forever.
And so, his voice soft and barely above a whisper, Eddie asks, “Buck, will you kiss me? It’s kind of all I can think about right now.”
Eddie doesn’t fully realise he’s said it at first, but then Buck’s smiling and shifting closer and guiding Eddie’s hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to his fingers before urging him to move in closer and fitting their lips together in a brief kiss. It’s sweet and soft and altogether kind of perfect.
Eddie thinks it feels like the start of good things to come.
*
In the end, time fixes all things.
Captain Gerrard’s summer of suffering is over the moment Bobby finishes his final therapy session and gets his official return to work documentation signed off. Eddie and the rest of A-Shift aren’t present for Gerrard’s final day, so they luckily avoid any moments where they might have had to pretend to politely wish him well in his next venture.
Eddie’s the first one to lay eyes on Bobby when he makes his way into the firehouse on his first day back.
“Welcome back, Cap,” Eddie calls out, drawing everyone’s attention.
He’s pretty sure he’s never seen Buck move as fast as he does when he runs to pull Bobby into a hug in the middle of the firehouse.
For some reason, seeing Buck hugging Bobby makes him believe everything just might turn out okay after all. Because Eddie knows, much like Bobby, he’ll do whatever it takes to get his family back.
He has Buck, his wonderful, kind, amazing loving boyfriend, standing by his side through life.
He has Chris, his perfect, brilliant, generous son, who’s said he’s starting to forgive him.
Eddie figures he’s about halfway there.
And so, Eddie watches on with a smile on his face and hope in his heart.
He’s exactly where he’s supposed to be, and while it may not be perfect, it still feels pretty good.