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Minho watches Felix talking to a camera and joking around with Jeongin and Hyunjin, filming for a Talker. They have a concert and the company never misses a chance to film content. Usually, Minho would be in on the joke, loving to create entertainment for Stay, but he’s too worried about Felix today.
Felix looks tense, probably nervous for their performance later. It isn’t uncommon for him to get stage fright, sometimes to the point of having a stomachache or feeling sick, but he’ll be fine when they get on stage. That doesn’t stop Minho from wanting to fix it, he hates seeing Felix uncomfortable in any way.
Minho is killing time on his phone, sneakily watching Felix while waiting for his turn to change into his stage outfit. The backstage area here is kind of small, so they can only go one or two at a time in the changing room. Once Seungmin and Jisung come out, it will be the next pair’s turn. He will get Minho to go with him so he can ask how he’s feeling, just to be sure that it’s only nerves.
After a few minutes, the door to the changing room opens, Seungmin and Jisung coming out in their stage outfits, so Minho gets up and goes over to where Felix is sitting. He stays behind the camera and makes a wordless motion to the now open door to show Felix that they have to go. Felix looks a little reluctant at first, but then he eases himself up, slowly as if he’s in pain while Minho looks at him with concern.
Felix puts on a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and walks with Minho over to the changing room. He wonders what could cause Felix to be so uncomfortable. Are the nerves that bad or is he sick? Hurt? Is it his back again?
Minho enters the room before Felix, leaving the door open for Felix to close behind them. “Hey, what’s…?” Minho trails off when he sees Felix. He’s standing just inside the door with his eyes closed, looking very pale. Felix opens his eyes when he feels Minho look at him, smiling tightly and reaching for his stage clothes.
“I’ll be okay.” He says, his hands shaking as he pulls off his sweatshirt. Minho wants to question him about it, but Felix seems so fragile sometimes, he’s scared that he’ll push too far. If Felix needs to pretend that he’s okay, he probably has a good reason.
“Okay.” Minho says hesitantly, but he keeps eyeing Felix while they change. He’s clumsy and his hands tremble when he tries to button his shirt, so Minho wordlessly replaces his fingers with his own and does it for him. Felix closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to calm himself.
“It’s okay to be nervous, Yongbokkah.” Minho says, keeping his voice soft. He’s always so careful with Felix, in a way none of the other members are able to pull out of him. Felix looks at him with those big, fearful eyes and Minho feels his heart break a little for the guy. It is unfair that he has to feel this way when they both know that he will have so much fun once they’re on stage.
“I should be used to performing by now.” Felix says with frustration. It is true that they’ve done this for years at this point, but there is no right or wrong way to feel. It would be great if Felix didn’t have to be so nervous, but he shouldn’t be mat at himself for having emotions.
“Does judging yourself help you feel any better?” Minho asks, buttoning the last button and smoothing out the shirt. Felix looks at him for a long moment while chewing on the inside of his lip, thinking.
“No.” Felix admits, looking down. He reaches for the piece of his outfit that goes over his shirt, shakily pulling it on. Felix is so confident and powerful on stage, it’s almost disorienting to see him in his stage outfit like this, so small and insecure.
“What you feel is normal. It just means you want to do a good job, and I know that you will be amazing.” Minho says, risking saying too much. He doesn’t want to overdo it and be shut out, but he can’t say nothing when every instinct in his body tells him that Felix needs his help.
“Thanks, hyung.” Felix’s lip twitches in a smile, then he goes in for a hug and Minho pretends to fight it for a moment before he gives in, wrapping his arms around him. He feels Felix relax in his arms, a sigh leaving him, and feels proud that he is able to help.
They return to the rest of the group and Felix goes back to pretending that he’s okay, smiling and joking around. He sits down beside Hyunjin leans into his side, seeking his comfort. Minho smiles at them, knowing that no one calms Felix down like Hyunjin.
<}—{>
They are only a few songs into the concert when Minho notices that something is wrong with Felix. His nerves normally dissipate the moment they step on stage. Minho can always see his stress evaporate as he relaxes, but that didn’t happen this time.
Felix is not fully doing the choreography; his movements are clipped, for lack of better words. He doesn’t reach as far or move as quickly or stand as tall. In their five years of being a group, Minho has only seen Felix reluctant to do their choreography when his back hurts, but that looks different.
There are certain moves that hurt his back more, and he has learned how to let someone know that he’s feeling it without having to say anything. Now, he is hesitating at every move, the same was he does when he can’t remember the choreography. He skips certain moves and makes other ones smaller, and it is so uncharacteristic of him that Minho knows this isn’t just nerves anymore.
The most concerning part is that he doesn’t even glance in Minho’s direction. He only avoids him if he’s hiding something, simply because Minho knows him so well that he sees right through him. Minho tries not to overthink it, but if Felix’s can’t even hide it, he can’t be feeling well at all.
When they finally get a small break between two songs, Minho catches Hyunjin’s attention, tilting his head toward Felix as if to ask if he knows anything. They’ve all gotten pretty good at silent communication when they’re on stage, so he knows that Hyunjin will understand him.
Hyunjin shrugs a little, looking as concerned as Minho feels. Knowing that he isn’t the only one who has noticed that something is wrong isn’t reassuring, it just confirms that he has reason to worry.
The next song starts before he gets an opportunity to ask Felix about it. The beginning of the show is so intense, the choreographies are endless, never giving them a moment to talk. All he can do is send Felix concerned looks that the younger doesn’t return.
Minho keeps an eye on him as best as he can without stumbling through the choreo too. As they go through song after song, Felix gets increasingly careful when dancing. He keeps cutting moves short and making them softer like it is too uncomfortable. At this point, he either really downplayed how he felt earlier, or it has gotten much worse since then.
When the beginning of the show is finally over and they move into some slower songs, Minho expects Felix to feel a little better, but he doesn’t seem to. He’s limping a little, face strained and beads of sweat collecting on his temples even though they aren’t dancing anymore. Being on stage is warm, but he doesn’t usually sweat this much.
It is so clear that something is wrong, and Minho isn’t the only one who has caught on by now. All of the members are exchanging worried glances that Felix pretends not to see. He has gone white as a sheet under his makeup, and he looks like he’s about to collapse, only held up by stubbornness.
It almost scares Minho that he is acting this way. He never gives any less than his all while preforming, and if this is all he can give, something has to be very wrong. He is great at working though pain and illness, even more than everyone else because of his back, but Minho is getting worried that he won’t make it through the entire show this time.
They’re in the middle of Lonely St. when Minho finally ventures over to Felix to talk to him. Felix smiles at him, but there’s clear pain in his eyes. He almost looks grey around the edges and he flinches when the crowd gets louder at seeing them together.
“I know you’re in pain.” Minho yells into his ear, trying to be heard over the music and cheers.
“It’s fine.” Felix is good at sounding convincing, but Minho sees right through it.
“No, it’s not.” He says. He can’t take his sweet time gently nudging Felix until he opens up this time, he has to be harsh. Open communication is the only way to go when they can’t stand around chatting for as long as they want.
“It’s not that bad, I can handle it.” Felix insists, as if they all haven’t watched him struggle more and more over the last hour. At least he admits that something is wrong, but he doesn’t say what.
“Then why are you not dancing properly?” Minho points out. He might believe that it wasn’t that bad if Felix wasn’t hesitant to move. They’ve all pushed through a lot when they’re on stage, they’re experts at leaving their problems backstage, but Felix has taken his on stage today and there has to be a reason.
“It just pulls at my stomach, I don’t know. I swear it’s fine now that I’m just standing here.” Felix says. He looks a tiny bit more relaxed, but he’ll probably be very relieved when they get to sit down for B Me.
“I don’t know if I believe you.” Minho squints at him. Knowing that it’s his stomach worries Minho even more. There are some things that can’t be pushed through as easily as a cold or back pain.
“Would I lie?” Felix asks, leaning against his mic stand and bending slightly at the waist. His hand twitches at his side like he wants to touch his stomach. He’s been doing that this whole time, but Minho tried not to worry about now. However, he knows now that Felix probably presses his hand into his bellybutton because it gives him some relief from whatever he’s feeling.
“Yes, definitely.” Minho says. He doesn’t believe him, but he has to let it go to go back to his spot and sing his part.
Over the next couple of song, Felix seems to decline a lot. They don’t have a lot of choreo for the calm songs, but he’s struggling with singing now too. His voice is thicker, like he’s about to cry, and he can’t get at deep as he needs to. When he’s done singing, he turns away from the mic and coughs, keeping his hand by his mouth for longer than necessary.
Minho’s worry deepens more every time he does it, getting a sneaking suspicion that this isn’t just a stomachache. That’s what it sounded like earlier, but the small coughs, careful movements and shallow breaths are all signs that he’s nauseous. If that gets bad enough for him to throw up, there’s no way to push through or hide it.
When they move into songs with higher intensity and choreographies again, Minho can’t keep staring at Felix. He only catches a glimpse whenever the choreo allows it, and Felix looks like he’s struggling just as much, if not more than before. He looks scared to move too much, which makes sense if he feels like he’s going to be sick.
Minho wishes that he could do something to help, but he’s powerless. There’s no way to get out of the show, he can’t even go lie down for a moment to feel better. They have to keep going, and moving around so much can’t be helping at all.
They go through a few more songs before Felix suddenly isn’t singing his part. Jisung jumps in right away, taking over his part like he knew he would have to. Minho looks around in confusion, not seeing Felix anywhere, and a bad feeling pulls at him. He can only think of one reason why Felix would suddenly disappear.
During a part in the song, Minho is beside Hyunjin, so he looks at him with a questioning look, figuring that he might know. Hyunjin tilts his head toward the backstage area, knowing what he’s asking. If Minho squints, he can see the outline of who he presumes is Felix. He’s crouched down on the floor, but it’s too dark to see what he’s doing.
When the song is over, the members start talking to the crowd. Hyunjin signals for Minho to go, and he doesn’t have to be told twice. He walks as casually as he can toward the backstage area, not wanting to alarm Stays. They must already be concerned from seeing Felix disappear so suddenly, so he has to act calm.
Minho quickly realizes what’s happening when he’s close enough. Felix is leaned over a plastic bag, his whole body moving with retches as he throws up. The person sitting next to him has a medic vest on, and they’re probably the only reason why Felix isn’t hurling on the floor.
Once Minho is out of sight of the crowd, he rushes to Felix’s side, bending down beside him and rubbing a hand along his back. It twists under his hand as Felix painfully heaves, so intensely that Minho almost feels a little sick too. Felix looks like he’s trying to swallow it back between heaves, but he doesn’t stand a chance against the nausea.
“Let it out, Yongbokkah, we have time.” Minho tries to reassure him. He can hear the members talking to the crowd, stalling for as long as needed. They never struggle to talk; they could go on for hours.
A few more minutes pass before Felix stops bringing anything up, and then he calms down, just leaved over the plastic bag. Minho continues rubbing his back until Felix leans back, laying down on the floor as he catches his breath. The medic hands Minho a tissue and he uses it to carefully wipe Felix’s mouth and chin, not caring about how gross it is.
“I’m sorry.” Felix says after a while. His voice is scratchy, it will probably be painful to sing now.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Minho says, saving the scolding for later. Felix should have told them how he felt, but that doesn’t matter right now.
“I think I’m okay now.” Felix says, holding up a hand. Minho grabs it and pulls him to his feet. He’s gentle, but Felix still needs a moment to swallow back the nausea once he’s vertical. Minho has no idea how they’re going to get through the rest of the concert. It doesn’t seem like Felix feels much better, and it’s only a matter of time before he throws up again.
“Are you sure?” Minho asks. He knows that he can’t do anything, but he would fight to get Felix somewhere to lie down if Felix asked him to. Felix nods and takes a few deep breaths, his demeanor changing as he prepares to face the crowd again.
They go back on stage and Felix apologizes to the crowd, blaming an issue with his mic. It probably looks believable to anyone who doesn’t know what just happened. Felix is still ghostly pale, but the stage lights always wash them out, and he’s good at hiding the tremble in his hands from years of battling stage fright.
<}—{>
They get through another hour before Felix shows signs of struggling again. He looks hesitant to move, like his body is instinctually trying to stay still and he keeps covering his mic to let out small coughs after singing. All of the members know how he feels by now, and they all exchange worried looks, just hoping that he can get through the last songs before the next break.
If he can make it until then, he’ll be able to lie down for a few minutes after changing his outfit, and hopefully that will help. If nothing else, he’ll have more privacy if he gets sick again. It is kind of a lot to ask, and Minho quickly realizes that they aren’t that lucky.
Felix gives everything he has in the chorus of the song and the crowd goes wild, but he seems to immediately regret it. Minho sees him swallowing thickly, the confident look on his face dropping for a moment. It is tempting to grab him and leave the stage, he looks so ill, but Minho’s part is coming up.
His worry deepens as he watches Felix struggle, hiccupping slightly and barely doing the choreo. It comes to no one’s surprise when Felix is rushing away from the group. Minho can only watch him go, the rest of them has to finish the song.
This time, Hyunjin goes backstage to help Felix. Minho stays with the other members, trying to distract the crowd, but there’s a strange tension in the air. It might be in Minho’s head, he hopes that it is. Just because he’s worried out of his mind doesn’t mean that Stay should be too, but he doubts that Felix hid it as well this time.
Felix doesn’t look any better when he comes back with Hyunjin. He stays off to the side while Changbin and Chan finish their conversation, his hand never leaving his stomach. He still looks like he’s about to puke, anyone can see that he doesn’t feel well.
Luckily, he just has to push through one more song and then they’re all walking off stage. Hyunjin keeps a hand at the small of Felix’s back, helping him walk in the right direction until they reach the dressing room. Minho stays closely behind, ready to catch him if the need arises.
They don’t have a lot of time, so everyone starts changing the moment they step inside, but Felix looks like he’s moments from collapsing or bursting into tears, so Minho grabs Felix’s new outfit along with his own and guides him to the small changing room to give them privacy. He changes his own outfit first, giving Felix a moment to lean back against the wall and collect himself.
“How do you feel?” Minho asks, coming over to help Felix change. His skin is hot to the touch, but not bad enough to be a fever. It probably isn’t a bug then. He should’ve stopped Felix from eating the leftovers he grabbed from the fridge this morning, but he didn’t want to be overbearing, so he didn’t say anything.
“I can’t do this.” Felix’s small voice makes Minho stop in his quest to wrestle Felix’s skintight jeans off and look up at him. There are tears in his eyes, clinging to his eyelashes. He looks so pitiful that Minho doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug. Felix clings onto him, breathing shakily against his shoulder. “Please.” He adds, pleading.
Felix has never asked to not perform before, so Minho believes him. If he doesn’t think he can do it, then he can’t. He has reached his limit, and no one can blame him. Minho is proud that he pushed himself this far, but no one wants to see him faint or puke on stage in front of everyone.
“I’ll go talk to Channie hyung, you just sit down or something.” Minho says, giving the smaller boy one last squeeze before pulling back and leaving the changing room. He easily locates Chan, and his hyung mirrors his concern.
“Hyung, Yongbok just asked to sit out the rest of the show.” Minho says, knowing that Chan will understand the implications of that statement. Before Chan can answer, Felix is rushing through the room, bending over a trash can and retching. Minho starts moving, but Hyunjin reaches him first, rubbing his back and wrapping and arm around his chest to hold him up, probably worried about him collapsing.
“He can’t go back out.” Chan decides, flinching at Felix’s retches, it sounds painful. Minho thanks him and he leaves the room. Once Chan has decided, no one can change his mind, so Minho knows that he’ll convince whoever he has to in order for Felix to lie down backstage while they finish the show. Minho goes over to Hyunjin, gesturing for him to hand Felix over.
“Can you get him something comfortable to change into?” Minho asks, and Hyunjin easily agrees. There seems to be an agreement between all of them that Felix is done; no one has to say it out loud. They can push through a lot, but at some point they can’t, and they all know when that line has been crossed.
“Breathe, Yongbokkah.” Minho says when Felix goes over to dry heaving, sounding like he’s tearing up his throat. Felix listens to him, swallowing back the gags and dragging in stuttered breaths until it becomes a little easier to fill his lungs. Minho helps him straighten up and walks him over to a couch. Felix all but collapses onto it, curling up on his side and wrapping his arms around his middle.
“Think I ate something bad.” Felix mumbles, voice scratchy, and Minho can’t help but chuckle.
“You think?” He says playfully, earning the tiniest smile. Hyunjin comes over with a change for Felix, and they both help him, doing all the work for him so he doesn’t have to move.
When Chan comes back into the room, he nods, and Minho knows that he managed his mission. He hates having to leave Felix alone here, but the rest of them are already late getting back on stage, so he hesitantly follows the group back to where the crowd is waiting.