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Chapter Text

The infinitely vast reaches of the omniverse, a place of infinite wonder, infinite beauty, and infinite weirdness and only one planet Earth being the constant. An oasis in the very world we call home. But it's also plagued by infinite evil, such as bad guys and the occasional alien invader, usually blowing stuff up and causing mayhem and chaos, robbing the banks, or aliens from distant planets and galaxies getting in on the action of wrecking Earth's shit up.

So, who could protect us from all of the things that threaten our fair world? Who will confront the forces from other worlds and different dimensions that seek to enslave us? Who will be the defenders of the universe?

But then one alien monster was blasted through the chest, as everyone turned around to see the X-Squad casually walking up to them, bored as hell or eager for a fight.

Why, the X-Squad! That's who!

A newspaper shows the squad battling the villains and aliens attacking the city.

The X-Squad... No one knows what can stop them because they're scared to find out. Drakus Hydrax and his group, Lincoln Loud and his family, and their many friends. With numbers alone it's already no wonder they're practically unstoppable! But they also have the most cutting edge technology the OmniVerse Defense Force is willing to give them...

The squad was using highly advanced cutting edge technology from thousands and hundreds of years into the future. Archibald in particular was riding an advanced Mecha-Drill and was spinning like a madman, Lynn holding on for dear life.

The rather unfairly advanced magitek research that unites science and mysticism......

Lisa and various OVDF scientists were working together on an alchemical process in the lab with all kinds of chemicals and machines, some of the scientists and wizards even ducking down when one of the chemicals came to life to try and feast on their flesh.

The vast funding of Nadohs, leader of the OVDF...

A literal realm was shown, made of gold and jewels as Nadohs sat on a literal golden throne.

And their superhuman powers so strong and varied that if they had delusions of even more grandeur than they already genuinely have they'd go as far as to call them "omnipotent", the X-Squad are the guys you hope come when no one else can.......

The X-Squad were seen battling all kinds of monsters that were terrorizing the areas around people, tearing bad guys apart and throwing them in jail or kicking them to Tartarus.

There is no rest for the wicked. It's time for reckless tomfoolery!

Drakus stood victorious yet battle-damaged as a bunch of villains fell to his feet after a hard-fought battle, just after he landed the final blow to knock out the strongest of them.

It's time for possible justice!

Lincoln blasted a bunch of bad guys with a lightning gun and electrocuted them, bones showing like a cartoon.

It's time for many stupid adventures!

The squad went to all kinds of distant planets in galaxies in a standard OVDF ship, trying not to crash into asteroids.

The X-Squad! Many of them may not be of sound mind, but they are ready to take on the whole fucking world!

The squad unleashed bullet hell on a monster and blew it to pieces.

The X-Squad! They fear nothing and are your very lethal defenders!

Drakus: Watch out, world! Justice has a new name!

The X-Squad stood on a building as a dragon formed behind them.

The Loud House Revamped! Rise of the X-Squad!

THE GREATEST AND PROBABLY MOST ILLEGAL ADVENTURE HAS JUST BEGUN!

Chapter Text

One normal day in Michigan. An insect climbed out to eat some feces, when it was run over by two speeding vehicles. As one vehicle rushed on, we meet our heroes: Drakus Hydrax, Zerinax Hydrax, Class Black, Julie Hinikawa, Zap, Roman Torchwick, Neo Politan, Mystletainn 'Mystle' Treesea, Hibiki and Kanade Otonokoji, Furina de Fontaine, Vertin, Marco 'Sonath' Blackspine, Sherry 'Walcreek' Bobbleberry, Mitsuko 'Wintero' Fuyuganoko, Lillian 'Litlred' Redwood, Laharl, Etna, Flonne, Sylvia 'Banshreik' McDougal, Kasey 'Hurricane' Nimbus, Alejandro 'Brickhouse' de La Cruz, Lune, Sora Harewataru, Garie Tūmān, Micha Jawkan, Zinnia Ramirez-Hydrax, Ken the Butcher, Mud, Breadhead, and Melancholy Hill. Together, they make up the X-Squad, a band of misfits, Analogs, Zerinax' crack team of misfits, and the Smiling Dead, a local crime family.

The driver of the vehicle they're chasing screamed in terror as he looked back out the window to see them in pursuit of him. Ken sped maniacally as he rams cars off the bridge until he is stopped behind two large trucks. He angrily smacked his head on the steering wheel, making it honk a couple times.

Ken: Breadhead! Alejandro! Papa needs a favor. Heave left in three... two... one!

Drakus: Okay, first on the list once we handle Jack is to check out the neighborhood, so everyone stick together and try not to give off any red flags.

Breadhead and Alejandro tilted the car on its side as it sped between the two trucks. It lands back on all fours as the trucks steered off-road and crashed, terrifying their targeted driver. Mud popped out of the car's roof with a sniper rifle, spat out a bullet, and fired, hitting the left rear-view mirror. Mud fired again, this time hitting the driver in the back of the head so badly, the bullet flies between his eyes, leaving a gaping hole in his head.

Mud: Scum! (A large explosion occured behind their car.) Dirty, bloody, pulpy, purple scum! (He cackled madly) Wait. (He ducked back down into the car.) Why are we huntin' Jack? I like Jack.

Breadhead: If we get paid, who cares why we do it?

Melancholy: I'll give you five scarab to turn Mud inside-out.

Sherry: I'll give him ten.

Mud: (Grumbled) I'd kill you degenerates for free! (Cackled)

Meanwhile, our other driver, Jack the Rat, lost control of his car.

Melancholy: Hey, Dad! Check this out!

Her, Drakus, Sherry and Sylvia climbed on top of the car.

Ken: (Sighs and turns to face Breadhead) Breadhead, since you were just a bun in the oven, you've been nothing but good.

Breadhead: Ah...

Ken: (Sighs again) But your sister... (He pokes his head out the window.) Get back in here, you little brats!

Melancholy responds by barking at him, thus making him angrier.

Mud: Worse comes to worst, she loses a leg. Just sew on a new one when we get-

Ken: Shut it! (Ken punched Mud's head off and it got caught by Marco.)

Jack then drove onto the Smiling Dead's car, knocking it off-road. Jack attempted to regain control when he hears thumping on the roof. He heard chuckling as he pulled out his revolver.

Melancholy: So, Jack. (As she speaks, he fires at her, but misses every time.) As I was saying before you BOLTED on us... my blood, it's purple. Right?

Jack: You can't silence me, black blood!

Sherry snatched the revolver.

Sherry: Bzzt! Wrong! All you needed to do was answer correctly, (She pointed the revolver at his head.) and Mr. Butcher would have shown some mercy!

Jack: What happens to Mud and Breadhead when they learn you're the human? Will "Papa" be able to protect you when the whole island pieces together what you are?!

Sylvia put her knife against Jack's throat.

Sylvia: We're gonna make sure they don't.

The rest of the group chuckled at they approach Jack's car and Ken tore the door off. Jack pulled out two revolvers and fired like mad, only for the bullets to be ineffective. He eventually ran out of bullets. He panicked.

Ken: (Chuckling) Jack! Oh, it kills me to do this to one of my own. So, I won't. Breadhead will do it for me.

Breadhead snatched the screaming Jack.

Jack: Breadhead, please! L-Listen to me!

Breadhead crushed Jack in his hand......and tossed him back onto the road.

Breadhead: Whoops!

Jack: (Straining while pointing to Melancholy) She's human... Mud... Breadhead... Ken deceives us all...

Mud: The shop won't be the same without you, buddy.

Mud pulled out a lighter and lights up a cigar in Jack's mouth.

Ken: (Sighs) Cement him. (He walks away as Mud and Breadhead grab Jack.)

Jack has now been cemented and thrown into a nearby lake as visions of the squad sings about his fate.

Cement! Cement! Cement!

Make sure to hold your breath!

Once you reach the bottom, a fate way worse than death!

Cement! Cement! Cement!

Jack sank to the bottom, screaming as numerous pairs of creepy, glowing red eyes emerged form the dark depths.

As the group checked out the neighborhood, they walked along Franklin Avenue and found one house that was rather......chaotic, dubbed 1216 Franklin Avenue.

Otoya: Well, at least we know what house to stay away from.

Then, Haru accidentally bumped into someone, a boy with white hair named Lincoln.

Haru: Oof! Oh my gosh! I'm very sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going!

Lincoln: It's okay. It happens to me too. Oh you must be new here. I'm Lincoln Loud.

Drakus shook his hand.

Drakus: It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Devon Holmes. Sorry for my..........cousin. Hayley here usually spaces out. Me and my........family, over here, just moved here from Bluefield, West Virginia. We live in that mansion southwest of here.

Drakus pointed behind himself to the mansion.

Lincoln: Wow! Hey, how about you let me introduce you to my family?

Roman: Um.....sure, okay then.

Lincoln took the group inside his house, which was generally large.

Lincoln: Welcome to Casa de Loud. Let me show you around.

In the kitchen, Lincoln introduced the group to his parents.

Lincoln: Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Devon Holmes. He just moved here from Bluefield, West Virginia.

Lynn Sr.: It's a pleasure to meet you Devon. I'm Lynn Loud Sr. and This is my lovely wife Rita.

Roman: (chuckling as he shook their hands) Pleasure to meet you both. I'm.....uh.......Roman Holmes, the patriarch of the family. Yeah.....

Internally, Roman was freaking out because the squad has to hide that they're interdimensional super agents.

Rita: So how do you like it here in Royal Woods?

Roman: It's.... pretty cool.....so far.......

Lynn Sr.: Well, welcome to the neighborhood.

Drakus: Thank you.

Lincoln: Come on, let me show you our pets.

Roman: Okay. It's nice to meet you both

Lynn Sr.: Pleasure is ours.

Lincoln showed the group the family's pets: a dog, a cat, a canary and a hamster.

Lincoln: These are our pets. The dog is Charles, the cat is Cliff, the canary is Walt and the hamster is Geo.

Furina's eyes lit up, and she squealed adorably.

Furina: Oh my gosh, they're so cute!

Lincoln: I know. Let me show you my room.

Lincoln took the group upstairs to his room, where they saw it was surprisingly small.

Lincoln: This is my room.

Mystle: Are we sure this is your room, or is it a linen closet and you can't find room somewhere else.

Lincoln: Yeah, it's a converted linen closet, but then again, I'm happy with it.

Drakus: Well, whatever works out.

Lincoln: Thanks. And here's the thing, I have 10 sisters.

Zinnia: (Shocked) 10 Sisters!? Holy-!

Drakus slammed his hand on Zinnia's mouth, desperate to keep her from swearing.

Lincoln: I know. Would you like to meet them?

Mystle: Well, not much of a choice.

Lincoln took me into another room and he introduced the group to the youngest sister.

Lincoln: This is the youngest: Lily. She's 15 months old.

Mystle's eyes lit up.

Mystle: Aw! She's so cute.

Lily was about to cry.

Drakus: Oh crud, Roman, blanket needed, stat!

Roman handed Lily a small lavender blanket.

Lincoln: Hey, you're great with babies.

Roman: When you're forced to raise a band of adopted children with your little sister, you get some experience.

Mystle lifted her up.

Mystle: (Baby Talk) You want to see some silly faces?

Mystle made a lot of funny faces and Lily laughed.

Lincoln: Wow, you are great with that.

Mystle put Lily into her crib and the second youngest sibling came in.

Lisa: Greetings elder brother. Who are these strange people you have with you?

Lincoln: This is my friend Devon Holmes and his family. Everyone, this is Lisa.

Garie: A pleasure to meet you Lisa.

Lincoln: Lisa is the genius of us. She's 4 years old, has a PhD and won a Junior Nobel Prize.

Everyone's jaws dropped in shock.

Zinnia: Okay then. I've seen all sorts of high-technology equipment before during our travels into other dimen.......I mean when we came in here. Lisa, are you trying to figure out new ways to get humanity a leg up or cure every disease?

The group breathed a sigh of relief. That was close.

Lisa: Either or. I've recently came up with a cure for Escherichia Coli, street name: E-coli.

Mystle: Excuse me, what?!

Then a voice screamed.

Lola: LAAANAA! STOP IT!

Lana: Make me!

Lincoln facepalmed.

Lincoln: We got another twin fight.

Drakus: Twin sisters, huh? Mood.

Lincoln took the group into the twins room, where the twins were in a cloud brawling.

Kanade: Does this happen a lot?

Lincoln: Unfortunately, yes.

Lincoln broke up the fight.

Lincoln: Guys, I'd like you to meet my friend, Devon. His family just moved here.

Vertin: It's a.....pleasure.... to meet you both. Hey, Lincoln, what's there to know about them.

Lincoln: The pink one is Lola Loud. She likes tea parties, the color pink, and photo shoots.

Lola: I also compete in beauty pageants.

Garie: I can see that. You have a lot of pageant crowns and trophies, guess that takes quite the talent.

Lola: Why, thank you.

Lincoln: The one in blue's Lana Loud. She likes mud, animals, and is a handyman.

Lana hands Drakus a business card.

Lana: I do toilets, sinks, showers and automobiles.

Drakus: Alrighty then.

A frog leapt onto Micha's shoulder.

Lana: This is my friend Hops.

Micha: Hi, Hops!

Hops high-fived Micha with his tongue.

Lincoln: Lana & Lola are both 6 years old, and as you saw, they have different traits.

The 4th youngest came in.

Laney: Lincoln, can I ask you a quick question?

Lincoln: Sure, but first, let me introduce you to someone. This is my friend Devon Holmes. His family just moved here from Colorado. J.D. This is Laney Loud. She is 7 years old and our artist.

Laney: It's a pleasure to meet you.

Vertin: Likewise.

Lincoln: Oh, sorry, must've miscounted. I have 11 sisters.

Hibiki: That's alright. It happens to some of us too. So what kind of pictures do you paint?

Laney showed the group her paintings and it turns out, she has a lot of talent.

Otoya: Laney, your pictures are..... oddly beautiful.

Laney: Thank you.

Lincoln: So what did you want to ask me?

Laney: I forgot. I'm sorry.

Sheina: That happens to the best of us too.

The 5th youngest appeared out of nowhere and scared Lincoln, Lola, Lana and Laney as a pipe organ plays, as the group looked confused.

Lucy: Hey, Lincoln.

Lincoln: Hey Lucy. This is my friend Drakus.

Drakus: It's a pleasure to meet you, Lucy. I take it you're into the dark side of life?

Lucy: That's right.

Drakus: I'm a fan of the band Within Temptation, but Ice Nine Kills is the embodiment of rule of cool.

Lucy: Interesting. I'm into poetry and I have my own funeral service.

Lucy handed Garie a business card.

Micha: Lucy's Lament. Guess we'll have to call you when one of our tar........I mean, when someone kicks the bucket, so to speak.

Garie breathed a sigh of relief, knowing her girlfriend almost revealed their secret, but quickly backpedaled before she said something.

Lucy: Thank you. I need a word that rhymes with "rain".

Garie: Hey, there's pain, gain, drain, train, brain, or chain?

Lucy: Thank you.

Lucy walked off.

Drakus: Lucy is pretty cool.

Lincoln: Yeah, but she can be pretty spooky.

Drakus: Well, that's also not wrong.

Lynn Jr.: (Offscreen) Heads up!

A football flew in and Micha grabbed it

Lincoln: Wow! You got quick reflexes.

Micha: Uh, it comes with playing.......football........yeah.

The 5th oldest came in.

Lynn Jr.: You caught my football? Cool.

Lincoln: Lynn this is my friend Devon and his family. Devon, this is Lynn. She's 13 years old and she's the sports fanatic and athlete.

Drakus: It's a pleasure to meet you.

Lynn Jr.: Same here.

She shook Vertin's hand and she has a strong grip.

Vertin: Well, you're tough at least. What sports do you play?

Lynn Jr.: Basketball, baseball, soccer, football, hockey, you name it.

Garie: Well, uh, I watch a lot of football and baseball on TV, but I mostly watch......crime documentaries.......yeah, definitely that, and definitely not movies that aren't in this world.

Garie's grin when she said that was unsettling, as if she was trying to cover up something.

Lynn Jr.: (Creeped out) Uh huh.

Lincoln: We still have more sisters to meet.

As the group was about to enter Luna and Luan's room, Lincoln pulled out an umbrella as a bucket of water dumped on them, and nobody was soaked.

Drakus: The old water bucket over the door trick. A classic.

Luan: Come on Lincoln. I thought we were PAILS.

A rimshot was heard as Luan laughed

Hibiki was laughing as well.

Hibiki: (Laughing) Good one!

Lincoln: (Groans) Everyone, this is Luan. She's 14 years old and she is the jokester.

Drakus: It's a pleasure, I can tell you have quite the sense of humor.

Luan: Thank you. You could even say I have a...........

Luan shook Garie's hand and zapped her, as Garie's skeleton was shown for brief seconds like an old cartoon.

Luan: SHOCKING personality. (Luan laughed) Get it?

Garie: (Groaning from the electricity) The table's saying naughty words again, mama.......

Luan revealed a joy buzzer.

Luan: Guess I know what BUZZES you.

Drakus laughed.

Drakus: Lincoln, Luan is HILARIOUS!

Lincoln: Devon and his family just moved here from West Virginia, Luan.

Luan: Wow. I've heard it's beautiful there.

Garie: (Shaking off the dizziness) Well, you ain't wrong, the mountains there are rather......beautiful.

Electric guitar music played and the group saw the 3rd eldest, Luna, playing.

Drakus: Rock on!

Luna: Thanks, dude!

Luna stops playing.

Lincoln: Luna, this is Devon Holmes and his family. They just moved here from West Virginia. Luna is 15 years old.

Drakus: Pleasure to meet you, Luna.

Luna: Likewise, dude.

Garie: So, you're the rockstar of the family?

Luna: Yep. Mick Swagger is my inspiration, and it's rockin! (Guitar Strum) Yeah!

Drakus: Rock on!

We went to the last room and out came the 2nd eldest.

Leni: Oh hello there. Are you Elvis?

Everyone facepalmed.

Drakus: No, I'm not. But a lot of people say that I look like Elvis brought back from the dead.

Lincoln: Leni, this is Devon Holmes. He just moved here. Everyone, this is Leni. She's 16 years old.

Roman: It's a pleasure.

Leni: Same here.

Drakus: You sure are pretty, Leni.

Leni: (Blushing and giggling) Oh, why thank you, Draky.

She left and we met the eldest sister.

Lincoln: Hey, Lori.

Lori: Whatever it is, I'm busy.

Drakus: You must be the eldest of the Loud sisters. I'm Devon. My family just moved here from West Virginia.

Lori: Oh. It's a pleasure. I was just texting Bobby when you got here.

Mystle: I take it he's your boyfriend?

Lori: (Blushes deeply) What?! No! We're just friends, nothing more!

Lincoln: Lori is 17 years old, and she's the.........bossy one.

Drakus: I see.

Lori: So, how beautiful is it?

Micha: The mountains were cool. But I think I'm going to love Royal Woods even more. Better get home and finish moving in to the house.

Everyone came out and were amazed and started bombarding me with questions.

Roman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! One at a time, people!

Lola: How did you get a mansion?

Drakus: Well, we.....uh......won the lottery........and now we're filthy rich.......yeah........

Lori: Can you show us?

Drakus: Sure.

The group led the Loud family to the mansion and they were in awe.

Drakus: Welcome to the humble abode.

Lori: You live in the old Morbucks estate?!

Garie: Yeah, wait, were they the previous owners of this mansion?

Lola: Yeah, Princess Morbucks was the most spoiled rotten child ever known here. Went to Royal Woods Elementary, though after she went on several crime sprees, she became homeless.

Lisa: All their assets were seized and they were evicted and forced to live on the streets.

Garie: My guess is she got what she deserved?

Inside, the mansion is busting with activity as customers enjoy their meals and drinks while Breadhead plays the piano.

Ken: Welcome... to the Sinner's Lane.

He kissed Rita's hand, making her giggle while also grossing out Melancholy. She serves customers their meal.

Customer: Excellent!

She continues serving meals and places a bottle in Breadhead's head.

Melancholy: There you go.

Breadhead: Thank you, Mel.

Meanwhile, Mud looks around suspiciously and pulls out Jack's wallet, and proceeded to eat all the coins inside of it, before eating the whole wallet.

Mud: Say, pipsqueak! (Slams his chest to spit a coin out) Impressive stuff out there for your first job. How about you come work for me instead? I'll pay you triple whatever Kenny-boy is givin' ya.

He used his tongue to flick a coin into Garie's hand.

Garie: Triple of nothing is still nothing.

Breadhead: Yeah... Ken and Nadohs pay us in valuable life experiences.

Breadhead puts another bottle on his head, despite already having three on there. Ken walks over and punches Mud so hard, all the coins he swallowed are vomited back out and into the cash register.

Ken: Back to work, ya ungrateful little stains.

Inside, the group showed the Louds around, showing off numerous rooms, discreetly avoiding the more unnatural rooms. The Louds were amazed. And after the Louds went back to their house, the group finished unpacking their stuff and got into bed.

Drakus: Just hope we don't get attached to those Loud folk, they might accidentally find what they shouldn't have seen.

Chapter Text

Hunter Spector: Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector; Spectre Hunter, Leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters or ARGGH! as I descend into the scariest place in any home: THE BASEMENT! Sunday night at 8:00 PM. Don't miss it or you'll be left in the dark. ARGGH!

The group was over at Lincoln's house and Furina was just bursting with excitement, as Lincoln marked today on his calendar.

Lincoln: It's finally here! The live season finale of the GREATEST, SHOW, EVER! ARGGH!

Furina: Um, what?

Lincoln: Alright, everyone, I know you're probably thinking, 'Lincoln, with 11 sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' And you'd be right. Every sunday at 8, it's the same thing.

Roman: I bet it's like going into a lion's den.

Lincoln: Yep. But tonight, I have a plan.

Lincoln pulls out a walkie-talkie and calls someone.

Lincoln: Cadet Lincoln calling Cadet Clyde, do you read me?

Clyde: (on the Walkie-talkie) This is Cadet Clyde, I read you loud and clear! I'm so excited! We finally get to watch ARGGH together. And by together, I mean you at your house and me at mine, right?

Lincoln: (to the group) For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us if we watched it separately. Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister, Lori.

Drakus: Excuse me, whaaaaat?

Lincoln: Yep. It gets awkward.

Clyde: (Looking dreamily at a drawing of Lori) Hubba Hubba.

Lincoln: Clyde? Clyde? Do you read me?

Clyde: Uh, You better hurry, Lincoln. It's almost 8:00!

Lincoln: It's time to put Operation: Distract My Sisters So That I Can Get to the TV First and Watch the Special Live Season Finale of ARGGH and Think of a Shorter Name For This Operation into action.

Drakus: Why not just the ARRGH Protocol?

Lincoln: That's perfect.

Roman: How are we gonna pull this off? 

Lincoln hands Roman two frogs.

Roman: Why do I feel like we're up to some crazy stuff?

Lincoln: Follow me.

The group follow him over to the twins room.

Lola & Lana came out of their room.

Lola & Lana: Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!

Lincoln: Did someone say tea party? (reveals a tea pot and a box of cookies)

Lola: Eeeee! Thank you Lincoln! (Takes the items and goes back into her room)

Drakus: (in his head) Well, this'll work.

Lana: Hey, I don't want to be part of some dumb old tea party, I want to watch TV!

Roman: Not even if these guys are invited?

Roman held out two frogs as one croaked.

Lana: Eeeee! Thanks, Mr. Holmes! (takes the frogs and goes back to her room)

Lincoln: Hey, Luan!

Luan: I was just heading downstairs to watch TV.

Lincoln: You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again.

Lola & Lana are fighting.

Luan: This is totally going to go viral! (goes in to record the brawl) Thanks, Linc.

Garie: Hey, Luan. Why couldn't the 11 year old get into the Pirate Movie?

Luan: Why?

Garie: It was rated ARR!

Garie closed one eye, as she closed her fist.

Luan: (Laughs) Good one!

Garie: No offense, Lincoln.

Lincoln: None taken, but that.....was an admittedly good one.

Garie: Thank you.

Laney came out of her room with a book in her hands.

Lincoln: Oh! Hey, Laney!

Laney began to float up in the air.

Lincoln: What the?!

Ken: Shoot! Who gave her flight?!

Lincoln: What happened?

Laney: Well, I ran into one of the other rooms Devon led us past to see what's in there. Then I slipped on something, and, next thing I knew, I got superpowers!

Drakus: (Internally) Ooooh, I think Garie forgot to clean that spill of Zestorim......

Ken: Okay then, honest mistake. Not much we can do about that.

Lincoln: Okay, what kind of superpowers?

Laney: Mostly flight...

Laney then casually picks up Roman

Roman: Whoa! Put me down! Watch the suit, and the hat!

Laney: And super strength.

Drakus: Incredible!

Lincoln: How is this possible?!

Laney: You're asking me? Whatever Devon's family's hiding......it ain't normal.

Drakus: Laney, you'd better stay with us so we can help you. I'd be more than happy to teach you.

Laney: Um, I was just going to the living room to read my book in peace. Sides, I can't focus with Lola and Lana fighting next door.

Drakus: No problem

He pulled out some earmuffs and placed them onto Laney's head.

Laney: Gee, thanks.

Laney went back into her room and Lisa and Lily came out and Garie grabbed Lily.

Lincoln: Hey Lisa, I saved you a trip downstairs and got that stuff you needed.

Lisa: The lactose, triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals, sucrose and galus galus ovum.

Mystle: Milk, flour, salt, sugar and eggs?

Lincoln held out said ingredients.

Lisa: You say tomato I say solanum lycopersicum. Thank you. 

Lisa took the ingredients and went back into her room.

Lynn: Yeah! Two minutes to game time! Whoo!

Lincoln: Hey Lynn, check it out.

Lincoln pulled out a football that started floating.

Lincoln: I filled it with helium for the extreme player who demands more.

Lynn: I demand more!

Leni comes out

Drakus: Kobe!

Drakus tossed the ball into Lynn's room. Lynn struggles to get the ball.

Lynn: Get over here you!

Lincoln: Oh my gosh! Leni!

Leni: What, is there a spider on me?

Leni frantically rubbed her head.

Leni: Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

Drakus: I have some awesome clothes you can make. Here.

Drakus pulled pull out a piece of paper with fashion designs on it, unfolded it and gave it to Leni.

Leni: Oh these are totes adorbs! I'll go make them right now.

Leni went back into her room.

Luna comes out.

Luna: Hey bros! TV tonight is gonna be rockin'!

Luna strummed her guitar, laughing.

Drakus: Rock on, Luna!

Lincoln: Or you can have your very own flashlight rock show in your bedroom.

Neo held out a colorful flashlight and Luna took it.

Luna: That is sweet! Thanks Linc!

Luna went back into her room.

Lori came out.

Lori: Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live-tweet my show!

Drakus takes out the phone and pressed some buttons on it.

Drakus: I got this.

He ran over to Lori and give the phone to her.

Drakus: Yo, Lori! Got your phone, it was in the bathroom, you probably left it there.

Lori: Oh. Thank you. So, how are you it liking here?

Micha: It's pretty sweet!

Lori's phone rang.

Lori: Hello? Oh, hi Bobby. (Laughs) No, I didn't text you to call me. But I'm glad you did. (to Drakus) Thanks for finding my phone.

Drakus: No problem Lori.

The group saw Lily sleeping.

Drakus: Aww, she's tired. Watch this, Lincoln.

Drakus held his hand out, and Lily's blanket flew over to Drakus and he wrapped her in it.

Lincoln was amazed

Lincoln: How did you do that?

Drakus: I have some strange powers. I'll go put Lily in her crib and meet you in the living room.

Lincoln: That was awesome!

Drakus put Lily to bed and the crew ran downstairs.

Drakus: Are we on time?

Lincoln: Yep.

Furina: I have this feeling we forgot something.

Lincoln: Like I said, I might not be the fastest, and I might not be the strongest, but to get all of my sisters out of the way, it pays to have a plan.

Lucy: You forgot me.

Lincoln got scared and, as a pipe organ played, he fell to the ground.

Lincoln: Lucy! I always forget about Lucy.

Lucy: Story of my life.

Drakus: Hey, Lucy. You need some words for a poem?

Lucy: Not this time. It's the season premiere of my favorite show, "Vampires of Melancholia". How're you liking it here in Royal Woods?

Drakus: It's pretty nice, Lucy. Thank you for asking.

Lucy: You're welcome.

Lincoln: This is the episode of ARGGH that everyone is going to be talking about at school tomorrow! Please let us watch it? Pretty please with a black cherry on top?

Drakus: I would've chosen a black rose.

Lucy: Those are my favorite flowers, but I'm sorry guys but you know the rule. I was here (in slow motion) First.

Lincoln: NOOOOOO! (Looks at the remote and licks it) Ha!

Drakus: Dude, that's sus.

Lucy held up another remote.

Lucy: That's the old remote that Lily threw in the toilet.

Lincoln gagged, rubs his tongue, and spits out the germs. He then weeps and I console him.

Lucy: Sorry Lincoln. I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold, tormented and mysterious. Sigh. If only he wasn't from another century.

Lincoln: Another century!

He whispered something to Furina and she smiled, winked and gave him the thumbs up.

Lincoln: That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll go watch my show on dad's crummy, old black-and-white TV.

This got her attention.

Lucy: Black and white are my favorite colors.

Furina: Yeah, It'll make watching the show a little more spooky!

Lucy: Spooky is also my favorite color.

Lincoln: Well, enjoy your vampires.

Lucy: Wait! I'll take the old TV.

In Lucy's room, Drakus carried in the old TV and put it on Lucy's bed.

Lincoln: Wow. Devon, you're pretty strong.

Drakus: It's not that heavy. I helped dad around the yard a lot.

Lincoln: Now to plug it in.

Drakus noticed the plug is all dented, bent and had electrical wires exposed.

Drakus: Well, hope this works.

He plugged it in and the power goes out.

Drakus: Oh sunuva-!

The Loud kids were murmuring in confusion about why the power was out.

Lori: All right! All right! Everybody just calm down!

Leni: Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!

Lori: No you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?

Lincoln: Me and Devon were just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out.

Lori: Of course it was your fault, Lincoln.

All the other sisters began complaining about what their brother did.

Laney: Girls, please! I'm sure Lincoln didn't mean to cause a blackout.

Lincoln: Yeah! All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!

Drakus: (coming to Lincoln's defense) Yeah, we weren't trying to make the lights go out!

Luan: Hey! I know the reason why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! (The X-Squad and her laugh as her siblings sigh) Get it? Get it?

Drakus: (Laughing) Yeah, good one, Luan.

Lisa: That one was so good it deserved a cookie.

Lisa handed Luan a small cookie.

Luan: Oh thanks. (eats it) So anyway, what did one light bulb say to the other light bulb? (suddenly starts glowing)

The rest of the siblings gasp as Drakus facepalmed.

Furina: Whoaaaa.

Lincoln: You're glowing.

Luan: Oh. I already told you that one.

Luna: No dude. YOU are glowing.

Drakus: You look like a human light stick.

Luan: Hey, wow!

Lori: Everyone back away from Luan. (The siblings stepped back) Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore.

Leni: Yeah! Not after what you did to me!

Leni was experiencing side effects from Lisa's experiment, her face being extremely swollen and covered in blemish like substances.

Leni: My face feels funny.

Garie: So that's where the Puffer Serum went, guess you thought it could get rid of acne, huh?

Lisa: Affirmative. All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA of the Aequorea victoria jellyfish into a cookie. I call them Gloweos. Besides, now we can see.

Drakus: How illuminating. (Luan and the group laughed and the others sigh) Lisa, your experiment worked wonders.

Lisa: Indeed.

Lori: Okay, Everyone huddle around Luan. 

The group began shuffling together.

Luan: I always knew I was the light of your life.

Luan and the group laughed as the rest of her siblings sigh.

Lincoln: Okay. So, how about we get the power back on?

Lori: Hey. When mom and dad are out, I'm in charge. So first we need to get a head count to make sure we're all here.

Drakus: Everybody's all present and accounted for, except for Lucy.

Lucy appeared and scared Lincoln.

Lucy: That's right.

Kanade helped Lincoln up.

Lincoln: Can I go flip the circuit breaker before Lucy gives me a heart attack?

Lori: Again, in charge. I'll do it. Where's this circuit breaker thingy?

Drakus: It's usually down in the basement.

The group all arrived at the basement and Lori's shadow peered over the darkness of the basement.

Lori: Why am I the one who has to do this?

Drakus and everyone else: Because you're in charge!

Mystle: You even said so yourself.

Lori: All right, all right! Come on, Luan. Light the way.

Luan: That's the brightest idea you've had all day!

Drakus and Luan laughed, Lori pulled her away from her siblings. After doing so, Luan's glow goes away. The rest of them gasp.

Luan: Oooh. I thought I was staying in tonight, but I guess I'm going out.

Luan and Drakus laugh while the rest of her siblings sighed.

Laney: No! Please don't go out! I don't wanna go down there! (Starts shaking Luan)

Lori: Lisa, give her another one of those cookies. We won't tell.

Lisa: (On her clipboard) Negative. That was the only one. Prototype.

Drakus: Oh come on! I wanted to try one of those.

Lori: Just great... (hears a wooden creak and it scares her) There's something in the basement! I'm not going down there!

Lynn: (taunts) Ooh! you're scared of the dark!

Lori: I am not! You're the one who's scared.

Lynn: I'm not afraid of anything.

Lucy: Boo!

Lynn: AAH!

While most of the girls started arguing, the twins start to tremble with fear.

Lola & Lana: THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BASEMENT! (sobbing)

Lincoln: Guys! I'm running out of time! It's really important that I...I...I...

Drakus: Lincoln, Your sisters are in terror. We have to do something.

Lincoln: (sighs in realization) You're right. I need to fix this. OKAY, QUIET! (The girls soon stopped) Come here you two. It's okay. There's nothing to be afraid of. (Hugs the twins to comfort them)

Drakus: It's okay Laney. I will make sure nothing happens to anyone. (hugs her)

Lincoln: Your big brother and best friends will protect you. If fact... we will protect all of you! For I am Cadet Lincoln! Highly trained student of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters or A.R.R.G.H.!

Drakus: And I'll protect all of you too for I am actually Captain Drakus Hydrax! Prince of Drakonia! Leader of the X-Squad! The top Black Ops specialist team of the OmniVerse Defense Force or O.V.D.F.! (Lightning strikes in the background)

Drakus' eyes glowed silver and Lincoln puts on his night goggles and busts out his walkie-talkie.

Lincoln: Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln. Forget the plan. I'm going to need backup.

Clyde literally ran to the house.

Clyde: Cadet Clyde reporting for duty. (Notices Lori and gets aroused) L-L-L-Lori? (Starts acting like a malfunctioning robot) RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD.

Drakus groaned, snapped his fingers, and Clyde snapped out of it.

Clyde: Thanks.

Drakus: No problem, Clyde. Is that what you meant by awkward Lincoln?

Lincoln: Yep. (prepares to enter the basement) I will now descend into the scariest place in the house: the basement. But fear not, with my official ARRGH! branded night vision goggles, I can see in the dark.

Lincoln began to head down but slipped down the stairs and lost his walker-talkie. Drakus ran to the door.

Drakus: Cadet Lincoln, are you okay?

Lincoln: The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy and do not really see in the dark! The good news is they cushioned my face from the hard basement floor.

Luan: Hey, I think my video camera has a night vision setting.

Lincoln: (rushed back up) Sweet! (He took it) It's just like the cameras they use on ARRGH! I'm going in.

Drakus: No! Let's all go, together.

The basement, Lincoln was leading the way with Luan's camera as his guide.

Lincoln: You may want to stay close. There's no telling what could be lurking down here in the dark.

Luan: There's nothing funny about this situation. Although, I do like dark humor.

Leni: Is someone touching my hand?

Lynn: You're touching your own hand

Krell: We've trained for this. Everything is gonna be okay.

Lori: I hate basements.

An eerie sound comes.

Lori: (Gasps) What's that moaning?

The girls all gasp and Lincoln, Drakus, Krell and Clyde turn to the source

Krell: Don't freak out. It's the pipes settling

Another scary sound.

Leni: What's that scratching?

The girls gasp again and Drakus turned to the source.

Drakus: It's alright, gents. It's Cliff.

Cliff was using a scratching post and meowed.

Lynn: (plugs up her nose) What is that smell?

The girls gasp again and Clyde sees the source.

Clyde: It's just Lily with a full diaper.

Luna is holding Lily and understandably grossed out by her baby sister

Lily: (giggles) Poo-poo!

Lune: One of you, change her later.

Another ominous noise occured.

Drakus: What is it?!

?: Mud............

Mud: JOSHUA?! (Pulls out his shotgun and loads it) How long has it been? 5,000 years?

Lincoln and Clyde: (Terrified) IT'S THE GHOST!

The Loud children and Clyde start running around and screaming. Except for Lucy.

Lincoln: (Bravely) I'LL SAVE YOU, SISTERS! (Charges at the ghost)

Mud aims his shotgun and blasts a window. Before grabbing a chair.

The lights come back on and it turns out Lincoln and Mud were attacking the laundry basket.

Lincoln: Hi-yah! Take that evil spirit!

Mud: I HATE YA! I ALWAYS HATE YA! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

Zerinax: (after finding the circuit breaker and turning the lights back on) If you're done playing in the laundry, we have light now.

Lincoln and Mud emerged from the laundry; it also turns out that the sound was coming from his walkie-talkie. It was from Lincoln's friend Liam.

Liam: (Southern Accent) Lincoln, Clyde, Everything okay at that there house? All your lights were gone.

Lincoln: Liam? Yeah we're alright. All the power's back on.

Leni: (with her eyes closed)

Lisa: Open your eyes.

Leni: (opens her eyes) IT'S A MIRACLE!

Lori: First one to the TV is couch commando.

Lincoln: I can still get there first! Come on Clyde, Drakus!

Lincoln hurried to the couch dragging Drakus and Clyde along with him so they can be the first ones and raced and passed all his sisters; the group managed to get there first and Lincoln grabbed the remote and turns on the TV only to find out that the show is now over

Hunter: WOW! Wasn't that by far the best episode of ARRGH! ever. I'd hate to be you if you missed it!

Lincoln and Clyde gasped as Drakus facepalmed.

Lincoln and Clyde: (shocked) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Drakus: (Exasperated) Fuck! And I didn't even get to see it.

Lincoln: (lamenting): I can't believe I missed my show.

Lincoln and Clyde started to break into tears and Lincoln's sisters saw how miserable they are and feel pretty bad for them.

Lori: (hands us some popcorn) Sorry you missed your show guys.

Luan: But you just lived it. Check it out. (plugs her camera into the TV and shows us what Lincoln filmed. They all watched and enjoyed the little adventure on film and Drakus, Lincoln and Clyde are happy to have actually lived the show instead of just watching it.)

Drakus: I guess we did live it, didn't we?

Lisa: Yes indeed.

Lincoln: (to the Viewers) You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes it's about being there together. All of us.

Drakus: You said it.

Lucy: You forgot me.

Lincoln, Clyde and the girls get startled by her appearance.

Drakus: Oh yeah, You too Lucy. (Drakus checked the time) Oh, look at the time! Well, you guys, this has been fun. I can already tell we're going to be the best of friends.

Lincoln: I think so too.

Lori: It's literally been nice having you here.

Luna: You're one rockin dude.

Drakus: (makes Rock on fingers) Rockin!

Lynn: I'll admit. You're alright.

Lucy: Yeah you are pretty cool. For a mortal man.

Lola: Because I enjoy your company so much, you're welcome to all of my tea parties. But you better not be late to all of them or I'll-!

Lana pushed Lola aside.

Lana: What Lola meant to say was, we look forward to having you here more.

Lisa: Affirmative. We could really use another male unit in this household.

Luan: Yeah. Anyone who laughs at my jokes is A-OK in my book.

Lily: Draky! (laughs)

Leni: You're really sweet.

Zinnia: (Grins) Thanks Leni. I think you're all sweet too.

Lincoln: Come on guys. Group Hug!

The group all hugged, Krell being confused and feeling awkward, as the group started returning the hug.

Drakus: Well, gotta go. See you guys tomorrow.

Loud kids: Bye, Drakus.

The group started walking home.

Drakus: Yeah, we're really gonna like it here in Michigan.

Chapter Text

It starts at Royal Woods Elementary, as Lincoln opened up his locker, but someone pantsed him.

Lincoln: (to someone off-screen) Really?

The other kids laugh at and take photos of his expense; after class; Lincoln gets out of his desk, but the same kid tied his shoelaces together and he trips.

Lincoln: (sarcastically) Oh, real original!

The other kids laugh and photograph this, too; at lunch, Lincoln sits down in his favorite lunch seat only to make a fart noise and find he sat on a whoopee cushion.

Lincoln: (sarcastically) That's real mature!

The other kids laugh and photograph again; the bell rings and he checks his locker only for a pile of garbage to fall onto him; the kids do what they did before again, as Drakus walked up to them.

Drakus: (calmly) Don't you have anything better to do, or do I have to steal your livers?

They all run off

Lincoln: (opens up a door from the trash; not taking it anymore) All right! That's it! Thanks for sticking up for me, Drakus.

Drakus: No problem buddy. That's what friends do.

Lincoln, Drakus and Clyde are walking home from school.

Clyde: So, you really confronted that bully?

Lincoln: That's right. I said to meet me at 3:30 in front of my house, and we're gonna settle this.

Clyde: (worried for his friend) Whoa! You're gonna fight?!

Lincoln: I'm not an animal, Clyde. I'm going to deliver a strongly worded speech...as soon as I write it.

Drakus: I would've preferred we settle this with violence, that usually settles things on Drakonia.

Clyde: (noticing something) Looks like that bully left you a note of their own.

Lincoln: Huh? (sees a sticky note on his head, pulls it off, and reads it.) Lame-O (There's also a piece of gum in Lincoln's hair.)

Clyde sniffs the gum.

Clyde: Ooh! Watermelon lime!

Drakus: Oh, I see, she's wanting to be your mate.

Lincoln: Better not let my sisters see this, 'cause then they'll want to get involved and make things worse, the way they always do.

Clyde: I don't know. Maybe they'd be helpful. Your sister Lori gives great advice. She told me to never be myself. I love that woman. (looks lovesick)

Lincoln: Aw, Clyde. Sweet, innocent Clyde.

Lincoln turns to Drakus.

Lincoln: He has no idea what it's like to have ten meddling sisters.

Drakus: It can't be that bad, right?

Drakus touches Lincoln's head, and sees what he was talking about.

One time, Lincoln was sick and his sisters sought to aid him; Lori puts a thermometer in his mouth and checks his temperature; Lisa comes in with an X-Ray machine and takes his X-rays, leaving him with glowing radiation; Luan dressed as a doctor with a clown nose and Luna bandaged him up real tight; Lincoln muffled and Luan removes the bandages covering his mouth so he can breathe.

Lincoln: Phew.

Leni: (carrying a bowl of piping hot soup) Here comes the airplane! (spills it all over Lincoln's crotch) Oopsie.

Lincoln: (agonized) AAAHHH! IT BURNS! (as Leni walked off, embarrassed, Luna and Luan bandage up his crotch.

Lincoln: (holding up a finger with a bandage wrapped around it) And that was just a paper cut!

Drakus: Okay, I stand corrected. Also, I may have injected Drakonian hormones when I touched your head, so if you ever feel the urge to........fornicate.......with your sisters........you know why, and use lube if possible.

Zerinax: Use condoms if you can, don't wanna inbreed.

Lincoln blushed at this.

Lincoln: Why?!

Drakus: Oh, you sweet summer child, you'd be surprised to know how many universes are one where you do the deed with your siblings.

Clyde: Well, then, you'd better get that gum out. You wanna look intimidating for that bully.

Lincoln: I was born intimidating..(tries to pull it out, but it's too grody to touch for him.) Ew, ew! Gross!

Clyde: You know, peanut butter will get that gum out.

Lincoln: Should I use chunky or smooth?

Clyde: Well, if you use chunky, you're gonna have to use smooth to get the chunks out.

Lincoln: Good point. Thanks, pal.

Lincoln goes into his house and looks around to see if any of his sisters are lurking; the coast is clear and he steps in and puts his backpack on the floor; just then, a news broadcast weather board appears next to him with his face in the sun.

LHN 6 LIVE
WEATHER REPORT: CLEAR SKIES
LINGERING BUTT-INS
KEEP UMBRELLA HANDY

Lincoln: The National Weather Service reports clear skies with only a 20% chance of meddling sisters. But we advise keeping your umbrella handy.

Drakus: Good thinking.

Lily is playing with some of her toys and notices Lincoln coming in.

Lincoln: Shh...

He steps on a squeaky toy and lifts his foot up with some squeaking aftershocks from said toy.

Lily: Shh...

Drakus: Shh...

Lincoln: Shh... (sneaks off)

Laney: Why are we shushing? (Lincoln jumped)

Lincoln: (Nervously) Uh, Laney! What are you doing here?

Laney: I always read my book in the living room. And why do you have gum stuck in y-

Lincoln covered her mouth before she could say anything else

Lincoln: Shhh! (whispers) Please don't tell the others! I got bullied at school and I don't want anyone else to know! You know how my sisters can be when it comes to these problems.

Laney: (whispers) Oh I do. One time they found out I was being bullied at my school and they tried to help me stand up to him. And their meddling was so critical, it almost gave me whiplash!

Drakus: (whispers) Just a forewarning Laney, If Lincoln asks if you want to try some more......lewd.......things in those books with him, be sure to stock up on lube.

Laney: (blushing and whispers) Ummmm..... Thank you for telling me.

Drakus: (whispers) You're welcome.

Lincoln: (whispers) So you won't tell?

Laney: (whispers) Not a soul.

Zerinax: (whispers) Good answer, Laney.

Lincoln: (whispers) Great! Now where can I find some peanut butter?

Laney: (whispers) In the fridge.

Drakus: (whispers) Thank you, Laney.

Lori: (from the other room) Hold it right there!

Lincoln thought Lori has spotted him, but she was really talking to a friend of hers on her phone.

Lori: He wore cargo shorts on your date? That is literally the worst thing I have ever heard.

Me: That was close.

Lincoln: Phew. (sneaks into the kitchen and gets to the fridge and looks for the peanut butter.) Peanut butter, peanut butter...where's the peanut butter?

Me: (Hears Luna singing) (Whispers) Luna's Coming!

Luna came in, humming a tune and Lincoln hides the gum by sticking his head in one of the crisper drawers.

Luna: Hey, bros.

Drakus: Hey Luna.

Lincoln: Hey, Luna. What's the haps?

Luna: (seeing Lincoln's position) Rad way to chill out, bro.

Lincoln: Right. Totally rad.

Luna: Hey, hook me up with some pudding.

Drakus: Let me get it for you. [feels around for a pudding cup and touches a piece of broccoli.] Hmm, Broccoli [Takes a piece of broccoli, finds a pudding cup and hands it to Luna.]

Luna: Thanks. Stay cool. [leaves]

Drakus: Rock on, dudette! (Makes rock on hand sign) 

Drakus ate the broccoli as Lincoln gets his head out of the crisper drawer with a head of cabbage on the gum and shakes it off; he finds the peanut butter jar.

Lincoln: Peanut butter! [opens the jar and discovers that it's empty; frustrated.] Ah! Why do people put empty jars back in the fridge?! [puts it back in despite what he just ranted about]

Drakus: It's a bad habit, my friend.

Drakus took the empty peanut butter jar and tossed it in the trash.

Lincoln: I need a Plan B.

Lori: [still on the phone] Socks and sandals? Cut it out!

Lincoln: 'Cut it out.' That's it! [sneaks past Lori] Hey, Laney, where do we keep the scissors?

Laney: In mom and dad's room.

Lori: Now that is literally the worst thing I have ever heard.

Lincoln sneaks into his parents' room and grabs a pair of scissors to cut the gum out with; as he makes his way to the staircase, Luan is coming down

Drakus: [whispers] Luan's coming!

[Lincoln sticks the gum to the wall to hide it.]

Lincoln: Hey, Luan.

Luan: Hey, Lincoln. Hey, Drakus. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!"

Lincoln: [puzzled] I don't get it.

Drakus: Are you high?!

Luan: Oh. Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup.

Drakus: You'll think of it sometime. And that reminds me, what do you call 2 Bananas?

Luan: I don't know. What?

Drakus: You call them a pair of..... Slippers! (Rimshot) (Luan and Drakus Laugh)

Luan: (Laughs) Good one, Drak. That one had lots of AP-PEAL! (Rimshot) (Drakus and Luan Laugh some More)

Lynn Sr.: (Offscreen) [Laughs] Good ones you two!

Zerinax: Thank you, Mr. Lynn.

Luan walks away and the group runs up the stairs and make it to the door to Lincoln's room, but his mother calls Lincoln.

Rita: [off-screen] Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!

Lincoln: Okay, Mom! Five minutes!

Rita: Not five minutes! Now!

Lincoln: I will! Just give me three minutes!

Lynn Sr.: Lincoln, listen to your mother!

Drakus: I'll take it out for you, Lincoln.

Lincoln: Thanks.

Drakus literally yeeted the trash can out to the backyard, as a trash can lid falls on his head. Then, Leni comes out.

Drakus: Hey Leni.

Leni: Hey, Drakus. Is my desk lamp in there? I can't find it anywhere.

Drakus: [Opens the trash can and doesn't see it] Ummmm, nope. Have you tried looking on your desk in your room?

Leni: So smart! [sees the lid on Drakus' head] What's up with that hat?

Drakus: Oh, this? [striking a few poses] I'm simply trying a new style.... Garbage Chic.

Leni: [inspired] Hmm...

Drakus rushed up to Lincoln's room and find him talking to Lisa.

Lisa: Greetings, human. There's Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area.

Lincoln: A what in my who now?

Drakus: She means you've got gum in your hair Lincoln. Yo, Lisa. You need some help with any experiments today? The morgue in the mansion's got fresh supplies!

Lisa: Unfortunately no, but thank you. Now back to Lincoln.

Lincoln: Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just-

Lisa: I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you.

Lincoln: Lisa, please! You can't tell! I don't want everyone getting involved.

Lisa: Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery. [walks away]

Lincoln: Phew.

Once the group was in his room, Lincoln takes out the scissors and snips the gum out.

Drakus: And now the other shoe's boutta drop.... 3...2...

But just as Lincoln's about to dispose of the gum, Lynn kicks the door open with every sister there.

Lynn: You're being picked on.

Laney: I didn't tell them Lincoln. I swear!

Lori: Wait! You knew about this?!

Lincoln: [irritated] Lisa, I thought you weren't going to say anything.

Lisa: No. What I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain apparently has ample room.

Lynn: Thanks. [beat] Hey!

Drakus: No, Lynn, she didn't mean that as an insult. After all, knowledge is power......somewhat.

Lisa: Precisely.

Lynn: Oh. Thank you.

Drakus: You're welcome.

Luan: Now back to Lincoln

Luna: So, you are being picked on.

Leni: I bet it was the same jerk who bullied Laney!

Lincoln: [nervous] Of course not!

Drakus: (Smirking) If it was, you'd see his name in a Twitter bio.

Every Loud sibling looked at Drakus terrified at him casually saying he'd kill the kid that bullied Laney.

Zerinax: See, Laney? That's psychopath energy, you should try it, it'll get you many girlfriends if you decide to not fuck your brother.

Laney: I see what you are talking about, and I'm kinda scared.

Lana: That is cool!

Luan: Back to Lincoln. [points to the gum] Then what's that in your hand?

Lincoln: That's just my gum. [chews it trying to cover it up but obviously disgusted by it.] Mmm...watermelon lime. AND HAIR! [Lincoln coughs it out]

Drakus: Think the kid would let me try one?

[The girls start demanding him to let them help him.]

Laney: Please girls! Don't help Lincoln! This'll only cause problems!

Lincoln: [begging them] Please stay out of this! You'll only make it worse!

Lori: If by worse you mean better, I agree.

Lola: You should go straight to the school principal!

Drakus: That's surprisingly a mature choice, Lola. And I think we should've done that before we came home though.

Lola: Oh. Well, it's too late now, you're welcome.

Lori: Forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all his friends.

Luan: Write an insult comedy routine, leave him in tears!

Lynn: [flips at Lincoln] HOO-WAH! [Drakus parries a kick meant for Lincoln] Good defense, Drak. Basic stealth ninja kick. That's how you're gonna take him down.

Drakus: Thanks, Lynnsy. But, Lincoln isn't gonna fight.

Laney: I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-... [Smoke begins puffing out of her ears; her eyes started spinning around]

[Lincoln gives us an update on the weather of his life with storm clouds coming in over his face.]

SISTERNADO WARNING: CATEGORY 1 BUTTING IN
PRIMARY RISK: Making things worse for me
Damaging childhood
Bad advice
BREAKING NEWS: FIRST ALERT SEVERE SISTWISTER THREAT

Lincoln: Well, folks, the National Weather Service has just released a Category 1 Sisternado Watch. We advise boarding up your windows and preparing your emergency supplies.

Lynn suddenly grabs Garie and has her in a hold.

Lynn: That's the camel clutch. Another good option for ya.

Garie: [Grabs Lynn and reverse twists and pins her to the floor] Not bad Lynn. But I'm tougher. I'm impressed though.

Lynn: Thanks.

Luan: We'll start with some basic dumb jokes. Like, "You're so dumb you locked yourself inside your car." That kind of thing.

Laney: [Stammers Gibberish]

Lola: Ooh I know! I'll invite him to a tea party and make him use the chipped cup! [has a sinister smile with a sinister sting to accompany it] I'm so evil, sometimes I scare even me.

Garie: You're gonna have to do better than that, Lola. [She notices Lynn standing in a strange pose.] What are you doing?

Lynn: [pulls Garie's dress over her face] SURPRISE MIME ATTACK! I invented that one myself.

Drakus: Nice. Classic Drakonian sneak attack!

Lincoln: Lynn, I'm not going to fight. I-

Lynn: Ugh! Fine! I'll take care of this myself. [walks off]

Luna: You should do this! [The group covers their ears as Luna slams a pair of cymbals right in Lincoln's ears] His ears'll be ringing for days!

Luan: Ugly jokes are always good, too. Like, "You're so ugly, you trick-or-treat over the phone!"

Lincoln: [his ears still ringing] WHAT?!

Laney: [continues to stammer gibberish]

[Lynn returns with a boy and is carrying him by the seat of his pants.]

Lynn: Look! I found him! [The girls surround him and are not very happy with him.]

Lori: How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that.

Drakus: Gut him and leave his corpse on display! It'll make an example of his kin not to face your family!

Lana: [spits the gum right into Lincoln's hand] Smoosh your watermelon lime gum in his hair, Lincoln! [sees Lincoln is too hesitant to do it] Fine. I'll do it.

Lincoln: Wait! Stop! This guy isn't my enemy! Although, thanks to you, he probably will be now. [The boy growls at him for what he's been put through.]

Zerinax looks right into his eyes with a demented grin, bearing her now sharpened teeth in a chipper manner.

Zerinax: [Serenely calm, and pats the boy on the head] Apologies for the dumb shit my brother and Lincoln's sisters did, they're defensive of kin......

The boy was so terrified that he peed his pants.

Lynn: Whoa! That was awesome.

Zerinax: Thanks, Lynn.

Lynn: [tosses the boy out onto the grass] Why are you still here?

Lana: I can't believe I almost wasted perfectly good gum on him. [takes gum back and chews it]

Lynn: I'll go get another boy. [proceeds to do so]

Lincoln: No! Lynn, stop! IT'S NOT EVEN A BOY! [Lynn suddenly stops surprised at that fact and the others are perplexed.]

Leni: Is it a dog?

Lincoln: [sighs] It's a girl...

The girls are flabbergasted and gasp to hear the news, but then, all of them except Lisa start squealing with delight. All Laney did was faint.

Lisa: Normally, I don't care for inane human emotions, but... [squeals just as delighted.]

Drakus: Okay why is everyone squealing like a bunch of giddy fangirls seeing Arzak Ziezur?

Zerinax: Really? Jiji Sovax has crazier fans.

Drakus: At least Jiji's hair didn't sell for $50000 vaka and had a bodyguard protecting it in case of assassins or crazy fans!

Zerinax: Well, unless they're planning to clone him.

Drakus: No, that's even worse! Why would anyone want more than one of that musical abomination roaming the galaxy!?

Lincoln: [perplexed] What?

Zerinax: Arzak's basically Justin Bieber but a Drakonian.

Drakus: And Skrava forbid! I mean, it's just a kid, singing auto-tuned songs, saying "love" and "shiny" over and over again!

Zerinax: His premature fame has prompted a vast line of merchandise, ranging from lunch boxes, squiggly straws, T-Shirts, and a perfume line that is shaped like.....well.....

Drakus: A vagina.

Luna: Lincoln! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?

Lola: She sounds so pretty.

Lincoln: [suffocating] What is happening?

They all release Lincoln from their hug.

Lori: When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you~.

The girls all squeal again and Lincoln is just dumbfounded at this explanation.

Drakus: I for one believe that is nothing more than a fairy tale, I even learned her name is Ronnie Anne Santiago.

Lori gasped when she heard that name.

Lori: Bobby's little sister likes Lincoln?

Lincoln: (to Lori) You think your boyfriend's little sister likes me?

Lori: That's right.

Lincoln: [Disbelieving] That's ridiculous! She shoved a sandwich down my pants! I was picking sesame seeds out of my butt for days!

Micha: What?!

Drakus: Where did she learn Huvosian courting habits?! That seems a bit suspect!

The girls swoon over such a prank.

Leni: So romantic...

Lori: That's a classic.

Lincoln: You guys are nuts! She hates me! I'm gonna meet her today and give her a piece of my mind!

Lori: You need to give her a piece of your heart instead.

Drakus: Preferably the skull of a great beast, that always works on my planet.

Lincoln: [scared] WHAT?!

Zerinax: Hey, that's how we get our mates, and if you can get it, you'll get many people asking for your hand in marriage.

Leni: I think he needs to kiss her.

Lily makes kissy faces in agreement.

Lincoln: [petrified] WHAT?!

Drakus: (Terrified) Oh zarsnap!

Sisters minus Laney: KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!

At that moment, as the girls continue chanting Lincoln to kiss his bully, they all start forming miniature tornadoes around them and merge together to create the Sisternado; a weather warning pops up with the tornados taking over Lincoln's space.

SISTERNADO RED ALERT
BREAKING NEWS
S.O.S./TAKE COVER/#AAAHH!

Lincoln: This just in from the National Weather Service! The Sisternado watch has been upgraded to a Sisternado warning. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY!

Sisternado: KISS HER! KISS HER! [traps Lincoln inside] KISS HER! KISS HER!

Lincoln escaped, as Sherry grabbed Laney.

Sherry: Run for it!

The group runs into the bathroom to seek shelter.

Kanade: What's wrong with Laney, Lincoln?

Lincoln: She's having an episode.

Drakus: I've seen this before. This is confusion overload.

Drakus grabs a cup of water and throws it in her face, and she's cured.

Laney: What happened?

Drakus: You were having a confusion attack because of your sister's overprotective meddling. I know you did your best to look out for Lincoln, Laney. The girls became a sisternado and I brought you here in the bathroom for shelter.

Laney: Thank you, Drakus. You're a true, if unconventional, friend. But I'm so embarrassed! I do that every time I get confused. I wanted to help back there, but I didn't know what to do. And... and I-I...

Drakus puts his hand on her shoulder.

Drakus: I'd do anything for my friends or unwarranted allies, and it's alright. I know it can be hard live in a big family and there will be times where you don't have the solution to everything. But we will always be there for you and we will never give up on you. Because siblings and friends.....sometimes....... know the right thing to say.

Laney hugs Drakus.

Laney: Thank you.

Drakus: Anything for a......friend.

Lincoln: [picks up his radio.] MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Clyde, do you copy?

Clyde: Roger. I mean, this is Clyde, not Roger. But yeah. Roger, it's Clyde.

Laney: What's Lincoln calling Clyde for?

Drakus: My guess is advice. The girl that's bullying Lincoln is Ronnie Anne Santiago, Lori's friend's young sister and your sisters think that she's picking on Lincoln because she likes him.

Laney: I thought that was a fairy tale.

Drakus: Exactly! I don't know where she got Huvosian courting habits, but I'm pretty sure that she skipped a few steps.

Lincoln: [panicking] My sisters have lost their minds! They think the bully likes me! They want me to kiss her!

Clyde: I don't know. Maybe they're right, Lincoln.

Lincoln: My sisters are never right! All they do is meddle.

Clyde: They're girls, Lincoln. They know more about these things than we do. It's a scientific fact.

Lincoln: Yeah, but there's no way that- [suddenly starts considering the possibility] Wow. Me? You really think she might like me? How would I know?

Clyde: There's only one way to find out.

Drakus: Oh boy. I have a feeling that this is not gonna bode well for his dick.

Laney: Let's go with him to support him.

Drakus: You read my mind. But if it bodes well and he gains a potential mate, we will need to sage the place for the potential spirits to come grant blessings.

Lincoln goes out to confront the Sisternado.

Sisternado: KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!

Lincoln: Hold it!

The Sisternado comes to a stop and the sisters turn back to normal.

Lincoln: So am I going to kiss this girl or what? [smirks]

The Sisternado comes to a stop and the sisters turn back to normal, and the girls sans Lisa squeal again.

Lisa: Again... [squeals again]

3:30

Lincoln: It's 3:30. Lola, lip balm. [Lola applies it] Lana, breath mint. [Lana puts it in his mouth] Let's do this. [heads on out to meet the girl of his dreams.]

Lynn: Go get her, Romeo.

Lori: You so got this, little bro.

Lola: Aw, our little Lincoln.

Lana: All grown up.

Lola hands Lana a tissue for her to blow her nose.

Leni: [wearing the trash lid on her head having been inspired by Drakus.] All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Lincoln's wedding. These are all the rage right now.

Lincoln, Drakus and Laney step outside, Lincoln marches up to Ronnie Anne, and gives her a kiss.

Sisters: [sweetly] Aww...

The bully, however, responds to this romantic gesture by trying to punch Lincoln in the face and Drakus grabs Ronnie Anne's arm

Drakus: Ronnie Anne, please don't try and pummel your future mate before the official wedding, sides, you're too young to do that yet, and hear us out. This was something that was not supposed to happen. Lincoln's sisters, minus Laney here, were overprotective of Lincoln and Laney and they were doing everything in their power to protect him and her.

Laney: You see, Ronnie Anne, we have a big family. Lincoln's our only brother. 1 boy, 11 girls, me included, it gets really overpowering.

Drakus: Also, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln's sisters, minus Laney, of course, thought that you were picking on him because you have a crush on him. That's not how it works. Unless you have Huvosian ancestry, those guys, those guys are a strange case.

Just then, tears started welling up in Ronnie Anne's eyes, and she bursted out crying and embraced Lincoln in a tearful hug.

Inside the Loud House, Ronnie Anne explained why she bullied Lincoln.

Ronnie Anne: You see, ever since Bobby started getting friendly with Lori, whenever Bobby's not busy, he spends practically all his free time texting and fooling around with Lori, and barely spends time with me. So I figured, if I pick on Lincoln, then Lori will be upset about it and leave my brother.

Rita: I understand, but this is not the way to go about it. Talk to Bobby and ask him to find some special time with you.

Lori: Mom's right. I understand, Bobby needs some free time with you.

Ronnie Anne: I'm sorry, Mrs. Loud. I didn't mean any harm to Lincoln. I was just so fed up with Bobby spending more time with Lori than me.

Lincoln: It's alright Ronnie Anne. I forgive you. But I'm concerned that if anyone saw us together, they would make fun of me.

Drakus: Eh, let them try. If they end up getting strewn about your yard as a way of intimidation, that's their problem, not mine.

Ronnie Anne: Lame-O, your brother figure scares me.

Zerinax: He's like that almost all the time. Vazarka, I get like that sometimes 

Chapter Text

The Loud Family was driving in Vanzilla on their way to Grand Venture State Park.

Lana: Dad, are we there yet?

Lynn Sr.: Not yet, kiddo. A few more hours.

Lana: Oh, okay. [beat] Are we there yet?

Lincoln was looking at a guidebook of the place the family's visiting.

Lincoln: (looking at the group) Today, we're going to Grand Venture State Park, and it's gonna be awesome! We're gonna hike, and fish, and check out the caves...

Ken: Thank you for letting us come with you to Grand Venture State Park, Mr. Loud.

Lynn Sr.: You're welcome, Mr. Hill. You are going to love this place.

Drakus: I heard it's Michigan's version of Yosemite National Park in California.

Leni: And I can't wait to see Pop-Pop!

Everyone looked at her confused.

Leni: The guidebook said there was an old geezer in the park.

Lincoln: Geyser, not geezer. See? Here it is.

He showed her the actual geyser in the guidebook.

Luna: I hope we get to see it blow. That would be rockin'!

Drakus: That would be really cool!

Lisa: I wouldn't hold my breath. It's been inactive for years.

Leni: So, it is like Pop-Pop.

Lana: Now are we there yet?

Lynn Sr.: Lana, stop asking.

Lana: Well, Hops is asking, not me!

Rita: Why don't you guys play some car games?

Laney: How about we play I Spy? I'll go first, I spy with my little eye, something that is red.

Drakus: Your scarf.

Laney: You got it!

Drakus: I'm sorry Lori, Lynn, and Lola can't come on this trip, but I guess they had someone they needed to do. I could tell that they've been looking forward to this.

Lynn Sr: I know but they'll be fine..

Lucy: I have a new deck of fortune telling cards. I could give everybody readings. (shuffles the cards)

Her siblings agree to that and want their fortunes told. She puts on a turban as the background changes to a spacial setting.

Lucy's Siblings: Me first!/Over here, Lucy!

Lucy: It's Madame Lucy.

Lucy's Siblings: Ooh!

The cards are dealt. The first shows a heart floating towards an angel

Lucy: Drakus, love will find you in the Park today.

Drakus: Um, context?

The next card shows a knight on his steed facing strong winds.

Lucy: Luan, you will soon be blown away.

Luan: How fortunate! (laughs as her siblings groan at her joke)

Lynn Sr.: (laughing) Good one!

Drakus: Sorry guys. I got nothing.

Luan: You'll think of something, dude.

The next card shows a twinkling star.

Lucy: Laney, you will encounter something in the park that will change your life forever.

Lisa: (disbelieving) Poppycock. Could these predictions be anymore non-specific?

The next card shows a wizard with a crystal ball.

Lucy: Lisa, you will make an amazing discovery before entering the park today. Is that specific enough for you?

Lisa: Specific, yes. Plausible, no. As a woman of science, I cannot take any of this seriously.

Lucy: Well, the cards don't lie. (tells the rest of the sisters' fortunes before finally telling Lincoln's.) Last but not least: Lincoln. (draws the card and gasps at what she sees.)

Drakus: Well, that's gonna suck.

Lincoln: (concerned) What? What does it say?

Lucy: (changing the subject) So, uh, who wants to play I Spy? (grins casually)

Lincoln: (desperate) Lucy, come on! Tell me!

Lucy: Fine. Your day at the park will end in... (reveals the card to show the grim reaper.) ...tragedy.

A suspenseful music sting plays for the card as Lynn Sr. is looking through the radio.

Lynn Sr.: Ooh, a radio station of music stings! Neato-burrito!

Drakus: Sweet! The Grim Reaper Card. Lincoln's not gonna die, is he?

Lucy: No, he is not.

Lincoln and Drakus sigh in relief.

The music sting plays again as Lincoln worried about his fortune.

The family stops at Ed's Gas & Snack.

Lynn Sr.: Okay, kids, ten minutes for bathroom and snacks. If you miss the cut-off, I can't promise I'll still be here.

Lincoln's sisters and the squad get out of the car, but he closed the door, much to Lisa's disbelief.

Lisa: Aren't you coming?

Lincoln: Nope. I'm staying right here.

Lisa: Oh, you're not worried about Lucy's silly predictions, are you?

Drakus: Lincoln, it's alright. As long as you're with me, you'll be safe.......hopefully.

Lincoln: Thanks.

Drakus: No problem buddy.

Laney: Here, Lincoln. You can hold my hand.

Lincoln: Thanks, Laney.

Lincoln gets out and Drakus, Lincoln and Laney hear Luan giggling.

Luan: Let me know if you get tired, Dad.

Drakus laughed with Luan.

Drakus: Good one!

Lynn Sr.: Good one, honey. That's why you're my heir. (hits Luan with a jet of air that sends her flying into a bunch of tires.)

Neo rushed over to Luan.

Drakus: Are you alright, Luan?

Luan is having trouble getting out of the tires.

Luan: Yeah. I'm okay.

Drakus and Lynn Sr. help Luan out.

Lynn Sr.: Oh, sorry, sweetie. Your dad's just an air-head.

Drakus, Lynn Sr. and Luan laugh as the other kids look on apathetically.

Lucy: (appearing next to them and startling them.) Fortune number two: "You will soon be blown away". (All except Lisa gasp in astonishment. The rest of the girls except Lisa head into the mini-mart.)

Lisa: More like coincidence number two.

Lucy: We will see.

(As the rest head in, a charming man named Mr. Universe opens the door for us.)

Drakus: Good day to you, Mr. Universe. One sec. May I take a picture with you?

Mr. Universe: (Russian Accent) Certainly, my friend.

Drakus: Hey Luna, can you snap one of us?

Luna: You got it man.

Drakus handed Luna a phone and she snaps a photo of him and Mr. Universe doing the rock on hand sign and smiling.

Drakus: Thanks Luna, and thank you, Mr. Universe.

Mr. Universe: No problem.

Mr. Universe left.

Lucy: That was supposed to be Lola's fortune.

Drakus: I wanted to give Lola a good photo as a souvenir. It's the least I can do for her.

Lincoln: She'll love it. You're a good friend, Drakus.

Inside the store, there's a long line for the ladies' room.

Leni: (holding a pair of pink boots with bows.) OMG! These boots are totes adorbs!

Roman: Those are strangely perfect, Leni.

Leni: Thank you!

Lana: (comes out of restroom) Ha! I found a dollar in the toilet!

Drakus: Lucky you, Lana!

Lucy: Just like I predicted. (reveals the next card which shows arrows piercing a heart.) Leni, you will fall in love. (reveals the next card showing a bunch of coins.) Lana, you will become filthy rich.

The two gasp in shock.

Lucy: What can I say? The cards don't lie.

Lisa: (points to Leni) That's hyperbole. (points to Lana) And that's gross exaggeration. (puts on rubber glove and takes the dollar from Lana.) Filthy, yes. Rich, no.

Lana: (Takes back dollar) Ugh. It's about quality, not quantity!

Luna: Oh yeah! The vending machine gave me an extra bag of chips! The best things in life are free, bros! (pops open a bag and wolfs down some chips.)

Kanade: Rock on, Luna!

Lucy: (shows a card with two people holding chalices.) You will be rewarded double.

The group was back in the van and arrived at Grand Venture State Park.

Lynn Sr.: Alright, kiddos, welcome to Grand Venture State Park!

We all get out and wait by the gate for Lisa.

Drakus: Are you coming, Lisa?

Lisa: Sorry. I had to finish that chapter.

Just then, a giant egg drops right between them and hatches.

Lisa: (gasps) Sweet mother of scientific discoveries! It's an owl with deer antlers!

Laney: Wow, It's so cute.

Drakus: How did a Perytonian end up here, and already grew such majestic ears despite not being a juvenile yet?

Lisa: Lucy, I concede that your psychic predictions are uncannily accurate. And now, I'm off to show this fascinating creature to the park ranger. See you later, Lincoln!

The family heads toward the caves.

Lynn Sr.: All right, gang. First stop is the Grand Stalactite Caverns.

Lucy: Ooh. If it's dark, I'm in.

Hibiki: You ready, Lincoln?

Lincoln: Yeah. Let's go.

The group all entered the cave and it was truly a magnificent spectacle.

Laney saw a mysterious light coming from another room and goes to check it out. In the room she finds it completely covered in plants and a green diamond, floating on a pedestal was in the middle of the room.

Laney: Ooh! Beautiful.

She touched the diamond, and leaves flew around her in a tornado, as a snake rushed at her.

Moments later Laney finds herself outside the cave entrance.

Laney: (Groans) What? How did I get back outside? Whoa. I feel really strange.

She then touched the ground and got up and discovered an ivy vine growing out of the ground and following her hand.

Laney: (Gasps) How did I do this?!

???: Because of me.....

Laney turned around, and saw a giant snake monster made of plants looking down at her.

Korhan: I am Korhan, a Dark Spectre, I was a mighty warrior in another world, but I was blessed too much by the gods, and became what you could call a 'Danger Beast', sent to another world before your own. I was slain by a worthy opponent, a worthy end for a follower of the Blood God, Khorne, though I was not allowed to ascend to Valhalla for revelry and preparation for Ragnarok, or to Khorne's realm for eternal battle, I was trapped body and soul in this gemstone, an odd fate for a mighty warrior to become one with a gem; I have chosen you to bare my might and destroy your foes in battle, Bishop Blackvine, my previous owner, proved a worthy warrior, though he was struck down in battle, I hope you prove just as worthy of my might as he was, now go forth, and forge your destiny in blood and thorns! Blood for the Blood God and Skulls for the Skull Throne!

Korhan disappeared as Laney caused a blackberry bush to grow by her feet. She grew a strawberry bush too.

Laney: (Gasps) I... I have plant powers! Lucy's fortune, it came true!

The rest of the group then came outside and we found Laney.

Krell: Laney, how did you get outside?

Laney: Guys, you are not going to believe this! Watch.

Laney then turned a little blade of grass into a full fledged apple tree. They all gasped in sheer astonishment.

Lincoln: Laney, how did you do that!?

Laney: I somehow got plant powers thanks to some Korhan guy!

Drakus: Laney, how did you get these powers?

Laney: Well. I saw a mysterious light coming from another room in the cave and I went to check it out. I saw a room covered in plants and in the middle of the room was a green diamond. I touched it and leaves swirled around me, a snake attacked, and everything went black afterwards.

Zerinax: Green diamond? Let me check here.

She get her phone out of his backpack and scrolled through it and found a shocking discovery.

Zerinax: (Gasps) Laney, you have no idea how lucky you are. You've somehow made a bond with a Dark Spectre. According to the OVDF database, it says that whoever makes a bond with a Dark Spectre will be granted untold power, in your case, you got plant powers and the ability to talk to animals.

Lincoln: Laney, this is amazing!

Laney: I know and it's my fortune. Right, Lucy?

Lucy: It is.

Lisa is showing this new species of owl to the park ranger.

Lisa: I call it the Dowl.

Park Ranger: Remarkable. I'll arrange a press conference immediately. Lucky for us, I always carry bunting. (holds up the bunting)

The family was swimming at the lake.

Lynn Sr.: Ah, Grand Sparkling Lake.

Lana: Come on in, Lincoln! We got the whole lake to ourselves!

Lincoln: Here I come!

Lincoln dived into the water and everyone is having fun. But then Drakus sensed something in the lake.

Lincoln: What is it, Drakus?

Drakus: Well, I sense someone's hurt.

Laney: Huh, where?

Drakus: Here in this lake.

Lana: You can sense people?

Zerinax: Yeah. All Drakonians have it. We call it the Zero Eye.

Drakus touched both of his temples to feel the presence and then a giant fountain of water erupted out of the lake and he saw a figure falling from the sky and it crashed on him. It was a girl with jet black hair, beautiful red eyes, with pink blood on her head and jet black angel wings, clad in a white blouse with a long-point collar, a black jacket that included white ribbon lacing down the sleeves, fastened by a simple white ribbon across her chest to reveal her red tie, consisting of a butterfly pattern layered on top of various spears with skulls attached to it, and a many-tiered skirt with white lace, all of which were stained in pink. Drakus spread his blue dragon wings as he caught her.

Lincoln: Drakus, is that an angel?!?!

Drakus immediately facepalmed.

Drakus: Well, duh, we all saw her wings.

Lincoln then hugged him and he was very happy.

Luna: Dude, you are more awesome than ever.

Drakus smiled and make the rock on hand sign.

Angel: What the....?

Drakus: Well, cutie, name's Drakus Hydrax. What's your name?

Angel: I do not think we have been introduced. I am Celestia Ludenberg—actually, no...Taeko Yasuhiro is fine.

Drakus held out his hand and she placed her hand on his.

Me: Well, Taeko, will you come with me back to Royal Woods?

Taeko: Well, I would be honored.

Drakus: (In his head) Lucy, your fortune has come... somewhat true for me.

Lincoln was in tears of happiness, Laney was happy for him, Lana was smiling, Luan was in tears of happiness, Leni was so happy, Luna was in tears of happiness and Rita and Lynn were in a happy state for me.

Lucy: That's fortune Number 1.

Taeko quickly hid her wings and they walked back to shore.

Now they're visiting a gorge.

Lynn Sr.: Presenting Grand Vista Gorge. The most beautiful view north of the Rio Grande.

Luan: Beautiful? Don't you mean GORGE-ous? [laughs]

Drakus and Lynn Sr. laugh, as Taeko groaned.

Drakus: Good one Luan.

Laney: Wow, this is wonderful.

Lynn Sr.: Next stop, Grand Current River.

The family is fishing. While everyone has their lines in the river, Leni has hers in the bush.

Luna: (to Zap) Hey, dude, hook me up with another worm!

Zap: (eating the worms with Lana) Sorry. All out.

The family is having a picnic.

Lana: (patting her belly) Ugh. I wish I hadn't filled up on worms.

Taeko: Good food, Ms. Rita.

Drakus: Very good.

Rita: Oh, why thank you, Taeko.

Lincoln: You said it, Drakus. (High-Five)

Lynn Sr.: Ah, what a day. Grand Venture State Park, you always know how to show us a grand time.

Drakus: You said it, Mr. Lynn. This was awesome!

Lynn Sr.: Come on guys lets head to Lisa's press conference!

Lisa: (at podium) Members of the press, I have made a discovery that will forever alter our understanding of the animal kingdom. I give you... (reveals Dowl) ...the Dowl! Or Aegolius Lisa, if you prefer.

The rest of her family and the press are amazed while Lincoln flinches and screams at the flash of the cameras.

Lisa: As you can see, the antlers of the Dowl are...

Suddenly, the little bird shook off the antlers and Lisa makes another discovery, one not so scientific.

Lisa: ...Made in China? But there's still smaller antlers on the.....oh, it is a Dowl, but it's simply a newborn?

Laney: What?

Drakus: Oh, the Perytonian is but a baby, Lisa, you did find what can be considered a Dowl!

The park ranger does a spit take.

Park Ranger: Excuse me. I just remembered I, uh...left the iron on in the park ranger station. Forest fires are no joke. (proceeds to leave)

Zerinax: (stopping him) Hold it right there, bud! You kidnapped a baby Perytonian from its family?!

Park Ranger: (sighs) Okay. I concocted the whole thing. I bought the antlers at a yard sale and glued them on the owl, I didn't know it's some sorta alien deer-owl baby!

Lisa: (livid) You think science is some sort of a joke?

Park Ranger: No. It's just that ever since the geyser stopped erupting, not many people come to the park anymore. I thought a little publicity would bring people back.

Lisa goes back to the podium.

Lisa: My apologies to you all. Obviously, the Dowl is a fake....somewhat, it's still a Dowl, but it isn't of this planet.

Lincoln: A fake?

Drakus: Oh, I'm sorry, Lisa.

Lisa: It's alright, Drakus.

Lincoln: [gasps] So Lucy's prediction for you wasn't true!

Lisa: That is a logical conclusion.

Lincoln: Which means mine wasn't true either!

Lisa: Second logical conclusion.

The family's getting ready to go home.

Lynn Sr.: Okay, kids, you have five minutes to get in the car. And if you miss the cut-off, no guarantees.

Before he heads to the car, the ground starts shaking and there's a rumbling sound. Drakus, the squad, Lincoln, Taeko and Laney rush over and sees something amazing.

Lincoln: It's the geyser! Whoa!

Laney: It's erupting! And... it's beautiful!

Tarko: What the?!

Drakus: Told ya we'd see a magnificent sight, though it ain't as magnificent as sharing it with you, Taeko.

The two kissed, as Taeko blushed deeply as Drakus grinned like the gremlin he was.

The group looked on to see the geyser's majestic eruption in awe. Zap took some pictures. All of a sudden, the car's horn honks and the rest were leaving without them.

Drakus: He really is leaving us behind.

Laney: What, you think he was kidding?

Lincoln: Sheesh. I always thought that was an empty threat. (chases after them) GUYS! WAIT!

The car stops and the four get in.

Lincoln: (jubilant) Guys! Guys! You won't believe what happened! I just saw the geyser go off!

His sisters are getting some sleep after a fun day.

Leni: (groggily) Ugh. Lincoln, you told me Pop-Pop wasn't gonna be here.

Lincoln: Leni, it's not...never mind. This turned out to be the best day ever! (goes to sleep for the ride home.)

Drakus: You said it buddy. Sleep well everyone. You've all had a long day.

Lynn Sr.: Not as big as yours and Laney's, Drakus.

Laney: Lucy, your cards really worked. You are gonna make a great fortune teller one day. Lisa, I got plant powers because of Lucy's fortune. Watch.

Laney grew a blue rose from her hand.

Lisa: (Gasp) So you do! But I thought superpowers to be a 100% scientific impossibility.

Drakus: It's true Lisa. Laney got plant powers because of bonding with a Dark Spectre.

He shows Lisa the diamond in the OVDF database .

Lisa: (Reads the database) Hmm. Fascinating.

Taeko: Well, I didn't know Laney can do that.

Drakus: Laney is very lucky.

Lucy: You really think I'm a great fortune teller, Laney?

Laney: Of course Lucy. You already are a great fortune teller.

Lucy: Thanks Laney. That really means a lot to me.

Lucy and Laney hug.

The Van drives down the road into the sunset.

EPILOGUE:

11:30 PM

The Van arrived back at the Loud House and the crew all got out.

Drakus: Well, that was a great trip. Well, we got to get back home and get Taeko settled in. See you guys, tomorrow.

Louds: Bye!

The group and Taeko arrived at the mansion and Furina knock on the door, as someone answered. his low-heeled leather shoes clicking ominously on the floor as he did so. His intricately embroidered red jacket billowed, and his hair was covered by a red top hat.

Butler: Ah. Lord Hydrax and the X-Squad. Welcome back. How was your trip, sir?

Furina: It was glorious, Archibald. We'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Archibald: I shall wait to hear it. Who is your friend?

Drakus: Oh I'm sorry. Taeko, this is Archibald Snatcher. He's our butler, legally considered our handler, and good friend. Archie, meet Taeko Yasuhiro.

Taeko: Pleasure to meet you.

Archibald: Likewise, Ms. Yasuhiro.

Drakus: She's new here, so we're gonna show her around.

Archibald: I understand.

Drakus and Taeko go up to their room and he pulled out the extra bed for her from a secret compartment.

Taeko: [Whispering] Drakus, this house is fantastic!

Drakus: [Whispering] Yep. It's a magnificent house.

Drakus and Taeko get under the covers and hit the sack.

The next morning at 9:30 AM, Taeko and Drakus were telling Archibald about the trip. Drakus even invited the Loud Family over, along with Clyde and his dads, Howard and Harold McBride, Bobby and Ronnie Anne were with them. Along with Zach, Liam and Rusty.

Drakus: And then me, Taeko, Laney, Lincoln and the others saw the geyser blow and after we got in the van, we came home.

Everyone was amazed.

Lynn: Boy. You've had an amazing time! Lanes, this must be a really big shock for you to suddenly have plant magic.

Laney: It's a really big change for me. I was given a great gift and with great power comes great responsibility.

Howard: I'll say. You be careful with your powers Laney.

Laney: I will Mr. McBride.

Harold: Well, it sounds like you've had quite an adventure.

Drakus: Indeed, we have, Mr. McBride. But the best part of this whole trip was me and Taeko meeting and coming together.

Drakus kissed Taeko, as she blushed deeply.

Everyone: AWW!

Bobby: Boy, you two are perfect for each other. Right babe?

Lori: I can tell Boo-Boo Bear.

Howard: I can agree on that one.

Ronnie Anne: Boy, I wish I could've gone with.

Liam: (Southern Accent) Yeah. That there park sounded like a perfect paradise.

Clyde: Our therapist, Dr. Lopez, says "A vacation is a perfect time to unwind and relax."

Drakus: Amen to that, Clyde.

Lola: I'm literally jealous you got to have a photo taken with Mr. Universe. But, thanks for this amazing picture.

Drakus: You're welcome Lola. Look on the back.

Lola looked on the back and there was a note.

Drakus: (Voiceover) Dear Lola, I'm sorry you couldn't go with us on our trip, I hope this picture makes up for the loss of the trip. I got a picture with Mr. Universe, and I was thinking about you when this came. Love, Drakus. P.S. Make your friends and family proud.

Lola was touched and she came and hugged me.

Lola: Thank you Drakus.

Drakus hugged her back.

Drakus: You're welcome, Lola.

Drakus: And the best part was I got to share it with all my best friends.

The Loud kids, Clyde, Rusty, Liam, Zach, the X-Squad and Taeko group hugged.

The Iris closed in.

THE END.

Chapter Text

Drakus, Sherry, Neo, Lincoln and Laney are sitting on the sofa in Drakus' room. Drakus, Sherry and Lincoln are playing video games and Neo and Laney are reading books.

Laney suddenly got a strange thought.

Laney: Hey guys, I've been thinking.

Lincoln paused the game.

Drakus: What's up, Lanes?

Laney: Well, I got my plant powers from that Korhan guy, and I have a very strong feeling that other 'Dark Spectres' are out there. I'm beginning to wonder what it would be like if my entire family was given superpowers.

Neo: (Signing) That's a big thought, guess there's a very strong feeling that you're right Laney.

Lincoln: That is a possibility and that would be very cool.

11:00 PM

Lori was waiting to fall asleep in her room and a nasty wind storm was going on outside. The winds were blowing at 45 miles per hour. When suddenly, a surge of ice smashed through her bedroom window and something flew towards her.

Lynn Sr., Rita and Lori's siblings came in and they saw Lori in a tornado made of ice.

Laney: This is exactly what happened to me when I found Korhan!

When the tornado disappeared, Lori was laying on the floor in her room, shivering.

Lori: W-w-when I g-g-get my h-h-hands on w-w-whoever did that, I'm g-g-going to grind t-t-them into dust.

Lori then felt a bad pain on her back and everyone saw an incredible sight.

Lori saw a falcon made of ice standing on her back and inadvertently fired a blast of ice from her hand and it froze a part of the wall.

Laney: Lori, you have ice magic!

Lori regained her composure and gasped.

Lori: I-I-I d-d-d-do?

She fired another blast of ice out the window and it froze the leaves off a tree in the front yard.

Lori: I-I-I d-d-d-do! But w-w-why d-d-does my b-b-back feel so h-h-heavy?

Lana: A falcon's on your back.

Lola: Yeah! You're like Laney!

Lori saw the falcon and screamed in horror.

Da-Zo: Calm down, young Loud, I am Da-Zo, a Dark Spectre like my brother Korhan, I bless those who wield me with ice magic and flight. Though, I sense you have a frozen heart, why is that?

Lori: The r-r-reason I was so m-m-mean to you guys is b-b-because F-F-Flip made m-m-me work like a s-s-slave.

Lincoln: Lori, how can you stand working for that jerk?

Laney: Yeah, he's a total cheapskate.

Korhan: Who is this Flip you're speaking off?

Lana: He owns a gas station down the road and he only cares about himself, and hardly even pays his employees anything.

Lynn: He works his employees into the ground without a break. Not even for lunch.

Lincoln: Drakus saw how he treats his employees too. He's a total taskmaster. And let's just say, Drakus' putting a word in for the Better Business Bureau to 'have words' with him.

Lynn Sr.: So you were taking your frustration out on everyone because of your job, Lori?

Lori: [Sneezes] Yeah. I'm s-s-sorry guys. I hate my j-j-job and...

Lori broke down crying and Lynn comforted her.

Lynn Sr.: We'll continue talking about this later, Lori.

Lincoln: Hang on Lori, I'll call Drakus.

X-Squad base at 11:13 PM.

Drakus' cell phone rang, he woke up and answered.

Drakus: Y'ello?

Lincoln: Drakus, something happened to Lori!

Furina: What happened, Lincoln?

Lincoln: Lori has ice powers and a falcon's on her back!

Drakus: (Eyes widened) We're on our way! (Hangs up) Gentlemen, we got a Code Kazin!

The group woke up and went over to the Loud House, arriving in 2 minutes, as Lori told them every last detail.

Lori: I was about to go to sleep when something smashed through my window and then I was in a tornado and then I blacked out and the next thing I knew I have ice powers and a falcon's on me!

Drakus: Hmm.

Drakus pulled out his phone and find an interesting discovery.

Drakus: Lori, you got Bonded.

Laney: What does being Bonded mean?

Korhan: Well, young Laney, think of Dark Spectres as a sort of spirit, as we've been around even before the first universe formed, some born naturally, others reincarnated from other realms, and slowly but surely, we've inspired you mortals to write tales of us, I was personally considered to be the World Serpent vikings told tales of, while Da-Zo was considered to be the Simurgh of the lore of Persia, as for Bonding, well, it is essentially getting a spirit as a partner, but what you humans would consider 'cooler' and with the arcane arts that even the Imperium of Man would fear more than usual. We have interacted with many over the millennia, though Da-Zo was always partial to the more spiritually inclined, like the tribes of the Iroquois.

Lisa: The Iroquois Indians in New York?

Da-Zo: Yes. Once every 200 years, I sought a soul with which to Bond and bind my magic to. I'm not picky, but I saw that those that are part of or descended from the Iroquois Tribes can amplify my powers to heights only spoken of in myths. So, does this family of yours have any ties to the Iroquois by blood?

Lynn Sr.: Well, I am part Iroquois. But I not really sure what the rest of our family heritage is.

Taeko: Okay, now we have to check. Lisa, can you get a sample of everyone's spit for DNA testing and country ties?

Lisa: I can do that.

Lisa came back with 12 Petri dishes.

Lisa: Please provide saliva samples here.

Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn Jr., Lincoln, Lucy, Laney, Lana & Lola, Lisa, Lily Lynn Sr. and Rita all put spit in each dish. 1 dish for each member of the family.

Lisa: I'll have the results for you first thing in the morning.

Lincoln: Thank you for telling us this, Drakus.

Drakus: No problem, Lincoln. Let's get some sleep.

The next morning, Lisa called everyone into the kitchen for the results of the Heritage test.

Lisa: Here are the results. We are 25% Iroquois, 22% British, 35% Transylvanian, 5% German, 7% Asian, and 6% Scottish.

The Louds were shocked.

Lori: I had no idea our heritage was tied to so many cultures.

Drakus: You guys have a big heritage. But seems like Transylvanian is the strongest culture you have, with Iroquois taking second place.

Korhan: Ah, we have the descendants of Dracula as partners, Vlad Tepes would be proud.

Taeko: Guess you have quite an ancestry.

Rita: But I had no idea we had Iroquois in our blood.

Lynn Sr.: I actually moved here from Harlem, New York, 30 years ago.

Drakus: I've heard a lot of things about Harlem, some not as good as others.

Lynn: I love the Harlem Globetrotters!

She spun a basketball on her finger and did all sorts of tricks.

Furina: Well, aren't you a show off.

Lynn Sr.: You go Jr.!

Taeko: Lori, this may be a huge shocker to have powers like Laney.

Lori: Yeah. What will Bobby think?

Drakus: I'm sure he will accept this. He and Ronnie Anne accepted that Laney has a ghost linked to her.

Lincoln: That's true, Lori.

Drakus: You've been given a great gift, Lori and with great power comes great responsibility, probably.

Lori: You're right, guys. Thank you. But I don't think I can control my powers well.

Da-Zo: I can answer that for you. Willpower or love is the key to controlling your powers. Your love for this Bobby of yours is as strong as your will to fight for what you care for. It's worked for Korhan's partner because of her love for family and friends.........somehow.

Lori: You're right. I love all of you and...........I may be a bossy brat sometimes, but I still love all of you.

Lincoln: Let's get Bobby and Ronnie Anne over here. They have to know.

10:35 AM

Bobby and Ronnie Anne arrived and Bobby knocked on the door.

Lori answered it.

Bobby: Hey babe.

Lori: Hey, Bobby Boo-Boo-Bear. Come on in.

They came in.

Ronnie Anne: [To Drakus] Hey, Drakus.

Drakus: Good morrow, Ronnie Anne. Now, the reason we called you here is because a lot of things have happened over the last 12 hours. But it primarily affected Lori the most.

Bobby: What happened, Babe?

Lori sighed and Da-Zo flew over to her, perching on her shoulder, and she formed a flurry of snow in her hand.

Bobby and Ronnie Anne were shocked.

Bobby: Babe, You're practicing falconry and became a real-life Elsa?!

Ronnie Anne: [Excited] Lori, you tamed a falcon and got ice magic?! Cool!

Lori: Well, kinda.

Kanade: She, well, Bonded with Da-Zo over here, and now she's an ice mage.

Bobby: What even is Da-Zo?

Drakus: Well, you know the Alebrijes? Well, they're real, and they're actually called Dark Spectres. This one gave Lori the powers of ice and flight.

Lincoln: We also found out that we're descended from Vlad the Impaler, and also the Iroquois.

Taeko: Mr. Lynn moved here from Harlem 30 years ago.

Luna: It threw us all for a loop dude.

Ronnie Anne: Lincoln, I had no idea that you are part Transylvanian.

Lincoln: Neither did me or my sisters.

Laney: I was shocked too.

Bobby: Babe. You are even more amazing with these powers.

He hugged Lori.

Kanade: Well, this'll be different from here on out.

Drakus: Also, Lori, if I may make a suggestion. How about you work at Gus's Games and Grub? I'm sure Gus would be more than happy to let you work there.

Lori: Okay. I'll see if I can apply for it.

Over the next week, Flip was reported to the Michigan Department of Labor and the Michigan BBB and was arrested. Flip's was shut down for good.

Flip was ordered to pay Lori $250,000 in restitution for his unfair treatment to her. He was sentenced to 10 to 20 years of hard labor.

Chapter Text

The X-Squad and their allies are heading over to the Loud House and saw Lincoln getting today's mail.

Lincoln: Hey, guys.

Roman: Hey, Linc, Getting the mail?

Lincoln: Yep.

Lincoln got the mail and skimmed through it until he discovers something in it.

Lincoln: [gasps and runs inside] Emergency sibling meeting! I call an emergency sibling meeting!

Drakus: Whoa! Wait for us!

The group ran inside with him.

The sisters arrive in Lori and Leni's room slightly annoyed

Luan: Come on! I was working on a joke.

Lori lifts up her shoe and bangs it, as the X-Squad sat on the floor.

Lori: I hereby call this meeting to order. Lisa, can you read the minutes from the last meeting?

Lisa: [reading] Item 1: It was resolved that in the matter of Lily's diaper pail-

Lincoln: [takes the previous meeting's minutes and crumples it up] Forget that! We need to discuss... [takes out what he found in the mail] ...this! It's a love letter, and it's addressed to L. Loud.

[The sisters gasp]

Lana: [coughs] Oh, dang it. I just swallowed my gum.

Lori takes the letter out and starts reading it.

Lori: Dear L. Loud, Day after day, I hope and I pine, I'm too shy to come forward, but I wish you were mine. Signed, your secret admirer?

Lynn: W-w-wait! Who's it for? L. Loud could be any one of us.

Drakus: Just to tell you all, I did not write that letter.

Taeko: I know you didn't, besides, you'd be more blunt.

Lori: Clearly, the letter's for me, and it's from Bobby. I mean, duh, right?

Luan: No, not duh! That letter could be for any of us!

Lincoln: I know it's not from Ronnie Anne. She gives me hugs in person.

We begin a series of flashback to various times Lori's siblings have come across someone they happened to like. First, Luan was practicing her pantomime at school when a goth girl bumped into her box she's trapped in and giggled at it. Next, Lana was working in a repair garage with a rat girl mechanic. Lana looked in her toolbox for a wrench, but can't find one, so the rat girl gives her a wrench. Them, Leni was at the mall trying to decide between two matching sweaters, one pink and one purple, and having trouble choosing, a punk girl with a scorpion tail cleared her throat to get her attention and shown her the sweater with purple and pink stripes, which Leni loved, next, Lola was performing a baton twirling routine in a pageant. One judge gave it a 9, another gave it an 8, and another gave it another 9. One wolf girl about Lola's age gives it a 10. Lola blushed and smiled, next, Lucy was attending EmbalmCon and looking at the booth for R.I. Pete's Coffins & Urns. Lucy sees and gasps at the sight of such an amazingly crafted coffin. A rather odd bat girl admires it with her. Meanwhile, in Ms. Shrinivas's class, Lisa was mixing chemicals which explode. A zombie girl genius her age squeegeed her lenses clean, much to her gratitude. Next, at the baseball field, Lynn's team and another team are giving their regards for a good game. She stopped to see one shark girl on the opposing team spit in her hand. She spat in her hand and the two of them shook. Now, Luna was rocking out in the cafeteria in school and turns to another guitarist along with a friend of his. Luna's friends threw up the goats as she rocked on. Finally, Lily was taking a nap in her crib when her teddy bear falls on her, and she gave it a hug.

Laney: (Twirls her hair and smiles) You guys are so lucky to have someone special.

Lola: You should know, Laney. (nudges her) Huh? Remember that cute snake girl you're talking about? What was her name, Zolie?

Drakus: Oh, the Medusian that caught Laney's eye! Also, Laney, of you ever decide to date, please show her to Lincoln if you ever want her to join in on your....fun times....with Lincoln.

We flash back to Laney in art class with Zolie. She dropped her paintbrush and went to pick it up. But Zolie picked it up for her with her tail. Laney smiled at the snake girl and she cheekily smiled back, her fangs subtle but rather noticable if one looked close enough.

Laney: (Blushes) What?! No! We're... just friends.

Lana: But we saw you confess that you like her.

Laney: I said like, not love. Those are two relationship sensed words!

Lori: Needless to say. We all want the letter to be for us. How do we figure out who it's really for?

Micha: We could walk all over town and pray we see who wrote it!

Garie: Micha, baby, love of my life and the reason why I bothered getting up this morning, that would take too long. So there better be another way.

Drakus: By the way, Lori, how are you in controlling your magic?

Lori: I don't have them fully mastered yet, turns out ice storms are tougher than I thought, but Laney's advice does help, somewhat.

Laney: You're welcome, Lori. Now how do we figure it out?

Lucy: Simple. Since the writer is clearly shy, we each need to send a signal to the person we think who wrote it, letting them know we're interested. Then they'll probably send a second letter, giving us more information.

Drakus: That's oddly smart, Lucy.

Lori: [confused] Um...how do you know all this?

Lucy: [holds up a book called "Immortal Secrets"] Vampires send a lot of secret admirer letters. They may be passionate, but they're also painfully insecure.

Garie: I get the reasoning, but trust me, Luce, I've seen vampires have less social anxiety than that.

Drakus: They may be dead, yes, but they still have feelings, and shyness isn't particularly one of those.

Lori: Sending a signal it is!

Laney: [Thoughts] Could Zolie really feel the same way I do? Only one way to be sure...

At the cemetery at night, the bat girl Lucy met is sitting on the stone wall

Reiko: Sigh.

Lucy suddenly appears right next to her and she slips and falls upon her appearance.

Lucy: Ah, the futility of life. Am I right, Reiko?

Reiko groaned in agreement. Cut to the mall where Jackie was putting mannequins in the display window. Leni is acting like a mannequin till Jackie comes to put her on display.

Leni: Hi.

Jackie flails and crashes into the mannequins. Leni winks at her. Switch to Ms. Shrinivas's classroom where all the kids are taking their naps. A shadow looms over the girl Lisa likes, and it happens to be Lisa.

Lisa: Based upon the fluttering of your gorgeous eyelids, you must have had quite a REM cycle.

The girl rolled out of her cot in a fright and Lisa winks at her. At Lynn's next game, she throws the ball at the girl she likes who is batting right into his arm and winks at him.

Meanwhile, in Lily's room, Lily crawls up to her teddy bear, winks at and hugs it.

The next next day at school.

Laney went over to her art class where she meets up with Zolie. Laney was determined to go to the next level with the Medusian.

Laney: [thoughts] Okay, Laney. Remember what Lori said. You got to be subtle. [clears throat]

Laney: [To Zolie] So, Zolie... uh... Read any good books lately?

Zolie: Uh. No. Not lately?

Laney: Well, I've read a great romance novel call "Love Letters". Where the two lovers express their feelings with letters.

Zolie: Well, That sounds like a great read.

Laney: Yeah, I'm really fond of the ending. [Got close to Zolie] Where the couple finally found each other and kissed.

Zolie: [Confused] Huh... [Laney winks in her left eye]

Laney: [whispers] You can't tell but I'm winking. [Zolie looks to the viewers confused and then quickly slithered away] Was I too subtle?

The next meeting

Lori: Meeting called to order.

Lisa: I'll begin with the minutes from the last meeting. [reads them] Item 1: No one would let me read the minutes from the previous meeting, so-

Lola: [snatches the minutes] And we still won't! [crumples them up and tosses them aside] Now, did everyone send their signals?

Luan: Yep! I toot-ally sent mine to Maggie.

We flash back to Luan and Maggie rehearsing for a school play. She slips a whoopee cushion onto her throne which she sits on. She blushes and gave Luan an embarrassed grin and she gives her a wink.

Drakus laughed at Luan's joke, as Taeko groaned.

Lola: I let Wilma know the score.

We flash back to the playground where Wilma went down the slide, but botched the dismount. Lola gives her a 10 nonetheless and winks to her.

Lana: [wiping her hands] And I let Skil know I'm game by souping up her ride.

We flash back to Skil riding her bike which now has turbo engines on it down a hill while holding on for dear life. Lana winks as she goes by.

Drakus: D-D-N-No, wait, wait, wait, wait! You put turbo jet engines on a Rodentian bike? Lana, that's skipping at least 300 other steps in courting a Rodentian!

Laney: I don't think that was much of a signal. More like a restraining order waiting to happen.

Drakus: No, but the girl would think you're extremely forward.

Lori: Laney? Any luck with Zolie?

Laney: I don't know. Was I too clingy when I mentioned romance novels?

Zerinax: You weren't clingy, just looked crazy.

Lori: Good work, everyone. Now, we just have to wait for-

Luna walked into the room with the next letter.

Luna: Dudes! The second letter! You called it, Luce Change!

Lucy shrugs off what Luna called her. Lori opens it up and finds a rose falling out of it in slow motion. Her siblings gasp

Lana: [coughs] Dang it, I swallowed my gum again!

Lori: Okay. [reads the letter] Roses are red, they brighten our town, like your sweet smile, and your hair, which is... [beat; surprised] ...brown?

[The brunettes are surprised while the others are confused]

Laney: The romance novels worked!

Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lana: Huh?

Lily: [just as confused] Ah?

Lori: Whatta heck?

Da-Zo: I worry for your sanity and my own when we find who's getting these possible pipe bombs or anthrax.

Drakus: No sweat, y'all, there's still plenty of other fish in the sea. Metaphorically speaking of course. Unless we're talking about aquatic species, in which case, that's definitely literal.

Taeko: I don't even know know what you mean, and I still got it.

Lincoln: So, the secret admirer contest is down to Luna, Luan, Lynn, and Lisa.

Luan, Lynn and Lisa cheer, but Luna doesn't.

Leni: Luna, why aren't you cheering?

Luan: Yeah. And come to think of it, you never told us the signal you gave Sam.

Luna: [insecure] That's 'cause I didn't give one. The more I thought about it, the more I realized...Sam's way out of my league, dudes.

The others disagree and encourage her.

Lincoln: No way. That's not true.

Lori: Yeah, Luna, you are totes still in this. Okay, Lucy, what's the next step?

Lucy consults her book.

Lucy: Well, since the secret admirer sent a rose as a token of their affection, we need to deliver a token in return. Then there should be a third and final love letter requesting a rendezvous.

The brunettes start cheering

Luna: Rockin'!

Luan: This is so exciting!

Lynn: I hope it's me!

Lisa: Me too!

Lola: [wearing a large brunette wig] Me three!

Lana: [takes Lola's wig off her] Nice try, Blondie.

Lola concedes

Drakus: Got to give her an "A" for effort though.

The next day at school...

Zolie was walking by until he saw Laney leaning on the lockers.

Zolie: Oh hello, Laney.

Laney: Hey, Zolie! I have a surprise for you!

Zolie: Really? What is- [Laney grabs Zolie's hand and they run through the halls] And we're going! [They stop in the cafeteria in front of something hidden under a tarp]

Laney: To commemorate our friendship, I have made you this lovely piece just for you. Behold! [She pulls out the tarp and reveals it to be a sculpture of Zolie made out of mashed potatoes]

Zolie: Wait, Laney. You made all of this?

Laney: Yep. Out of all the mashed potatoes in the cafeteria.

Zolie: Oh...

Laney: Is something wrong?

Zolie: No, no. It's fine, it's just that... I didn't know you could mash up potatoes. It's literally my first time on Earth.

Laney: What? Ah! I should've known! [smacks herself in the head three times] Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Lunch Lady: [off screen] Hey! [Pans to the lunch lady who's angry at Laney] What are you doing with my mashed potatoes, you creep?! [Throws a ladle at Laney]

But then, Drakus quickly showed up and grabbed the ladle out of the air.

Drakus: Do we need to have words with the principal, madam, or do I need to do what Dark Stanley did to the children?

He turned the lunch lady over to Principal Huggins.

Lisa gave the girl she's crushing on a box with a note.

Lisa: For you.

The girl takes it and reads the note.

Casey: Your flowers and poem were a decent start, my token for you is a beating heart. [opens the box to see that there really is a beating heart in there]

Lisa: It's from a pig in the biology lab.

Casey looks at the heart, confused, before she started nibbling on it.

Lisa: Eh, guess she's more of a chemistry girl.

Meanwhile at middle school, Lynn is getting ready to show her affection to her crush.

Lynn: Because I think you really rock, I give to you my lucky jock. [fires her jock at the shark girl, which lands on her face and blinds her] She shoots, she scores! [sees her fall into a trash can] Oops. Flag on the play. [laughs nervously]

Meanwhile, in the auditorium, Luan walks up to Maggie who's working on the set for the play

Luan: It's true that I do a whole lot of jokin', but I have feelings too, and this pie is a token. [takes out pie and hits Maggie with it]

[Maggie, blinded by the pie's cream, stumbles into the stage backdrop and gets buried under it]

Luan: [getting a confused glare from Maggie] I guess you really fell hard for me! [laughs] Get it? Ooh! [serious] Stop it, Luan. We're trying to find love here!

[Meanwhile, at the high school, Luna is waiting for Sam on the bus]

Luna: [sighs and practices] Roses are red, Mick Swagger is sick, my token for you is my favorite pick.

Sam and the other music lovers pass by Luna who was too shy to give Sam her pick.

Luna: [sighs] Dream on, Lunes. You're the owner of a lonely heart.

In the living room, another meeting is being held.

Lori: Okay, brown-haired Louds, did everybody deliver their tokens?

Lynn: Check!

Luan: You betcha!

Lisa: Affirmative!

Laney: [despondent] Yeah.

Lincoln: What's wrong, Laney?

Laney: I'll tell you what's wrong! I messed up! Both figuratively and literally! How was I supposed to know Zolie doesn't know what mashed potatoes are? [sighs] I was nearly assaulted by the lunch lady. Drakus defended me and the lunch lady may or may not have been turned into pizza. (shrugs with a smile) But hey, at least the pizza tasted good, or maybe that's my newfound taste for blood talking and I'm subtly craving more.

Everyone gasped.

Lincoln: You killed our lunch lady?!

Drakus: What she did was attempted assault on a minor, and I may be screwed up in the head and let lots of things slide if the perpetrator has a reason for it, well, except assault of the.....sexual.....variety, because Uncle Ozzie taught me that consent should be involved, but I would not stand idle when a child is endangered. So, I simply made an example of her.

Taeko: We returned the mashed potatoes, and Drakus used some 'Edible-beam' thing to make them fresh again.

Laney: Thanks for that guys, but now I'm not sure that Zolie doesn't feel the same way I do.

The other sisters disagree.

Lori: Don't say that. We all do crazy things for love. Luna, how about you? We're you successful with your token?

Luna: I didn't give a token. I bailed, dudes. I'm telling you, there's no way Sam digs me.

Lola: [grabs Luna's shirt collar] Some of us blondes would kill to still be in the running! [Luna looks scared] Don't you quit now!

[Leni screams in surprise]

Leni: O-M-Gosh, you guys! The secret admirer is the mailman! [takes out another love letter] He just handed me this letter! I don't feel the same way about him, so I let him down gently.

Everyone looks at Leni dumbfounded for a second. Lori takes the next letter and opens it.

Lori: [reading] Dear L. Loud, Here's a third letter, 'cause I'm still feeling skittish, I dig your sweet sounds, and love of all things British.

[Everyone gasps at the sound of it, especially Luna]

Lincoln: Luna! It's definitely you!

Lori: Guys, Lucy was right about what happens next! Listen! [continues reading] I think it's time we put love on the menu. [pauses] Aw. [continues] Meet me tonight at Banger's & Mosh, the British eatery and rock venue.

Luna: [surprised] Whoa! This is really happening! What do I wear?

[Her siblings cheer and carry her upstairs except Leni]

Leni: I'll be right there! I-I just wanna make sure the mailman is okay.

[At Banger's & Mosh, the X-Squad and the kids are looking around for Sam]

Luna: Guys, I don't see Sam anywhere.

Lana: Maybe Sam's hidden behind that dork in the big British hat.

Lynn: Whoa! That dork is sitting with Mom!

Laney: That's dad.

Lynn: [realizes] Oh.

Drakus: Well, at least we know Mr. Lynn looks good in a Royal Guard hat.

The kids and the X-Squad approach their parents

Lynn Sr.: Kids? Drakus? What're you guys doing here?

Lincoln: Luna got a secret admirer letter from Sam telling her to meet here.

Lana: We're here for moral support.

Lola: And dessert.

Drakus: I'm here in case Sam's the child of a demon lord and wants Luna's soul in exchange for marriage. Also, you look good in that Royal Guard hat, Mr. Lynn.

Lynn Sr.: Thank you.

Rita: [to Luna] Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. There's been a mix-up. That letter was meant for your father.

Leni: Wait. Sam likes Dad?

Drakus winced.

Drakus: That's an extremely sus thing you said, Leni, and I'm scared.

Rita: No, sweetie. I sent the letter.

Lynn Sr.: Secret admirer letters are kind of our thing. It's how we met.

Rita: Back in the day, I had a wicked crush on your father.

Flashback to the day Rita and Lynn Sr. first met

Rita: [narrating] Every morning, at my crossing guard job, I'd listen for his melodious voice. [British accent] And when he talked to me in that cute accent- [normal voice] -he picked up from his semester in England, I'd swoon.

Young Lynn Sr.: [British accent] 'Ello, love! Pip-pip! Mind the gap!

[Young Rita sighed with admiration. Just then, some cars come by wanting to cross and Rita quickly picks up her stop sign she dropped from admiring her future husband]

Rita: But I was too afraid to speak to him because I thought he was out of my league. So, I started slipping notes in his pocket as he passed by.

[Young Rita puts a note in his pocket as he plays the cowbell]

Lynn Sr.: [playing and unaware of the note; scats] Crossing.

[Young Rita swoons. Cut to Banger's & Mosh]

Rita: By my third note, I got up the nerve to ask him to meet me here.

[Young Lynn Sr. arrives with the note and Young Rita holds up her stop sign and flips it over with a "signal" saying "Go". Lynn Sr. sits down with his new love. End flashback with the two of them in the same position from the past]

Rita: And my boldness paid off, because here we are, celebrating the 20th anniversary of that first date.

Lynn Sr.: [British Accent] Best day of my life, love.

[Rita swoons and giggles hearing that accent; her husband kisses her on the cheek]

Drakus: I always wondered how you two met.

Lynn Sr.: Thank you, Drakus.

Rita: Luna, I'm sorry that letter wasn't for you. I hope you're not too disappointed.

Luna: Well...I was at first, but now that I've heard your story, I'm totally inspired. If you took a risk with Dad, why can't I take a risk with Sam? [turns to her siblings] Why are we sitting around waiting for them to come to us? We should go to them!

[Her siblings cheer in agreement]

Drakus and the X-Squad smile.

Lynn Sr.: This is cause for celebration! MEAT PIES FOR EVERYONE!

[The other restaurant attendants cheer, thinking he's buying for all]

Lynn Sr.: Uh, I-I meant just for my family.

[The attendants groan in disappointment]

Lynn Sr.: Oh, come on! There's 48 of us!

Drakus: Hey, no sweat everyone. [Holds up a credit card] Dinner's on me, now let's get drunk and so dizzy that we have to spend the night here!

The attendents cheer.

Cue a montage of the kids sneaking love notes to their crushes. Lynn sneaks one under Finnia's helmet. Skil gets one in her toolbox. Lana smiles with her finger near her mouth because it was from her. Maggie finds one on the stage floor and tries to pick it up, but it gets pulled, as she gleefully chases after it, it's revealed to be from Luan who's using a fishing rod to tease her. Lisa lures herself down on grappling wires and sneaks one under Casey's microscope, which she discovers to her joy. Jackie finds one in a pair of jeans for sale and Leni smiles disguised as a mannequin again. Lucy slips one in a coffin that Reiko is resting in. Reiko rises out of the coffin and smiles. Wilma finds one in the sandbox and admires it. Lola looks dreamily at his response. Lily gives to her teddy bear a drawing of the two of them and hugs it again. At the high school, Luna takes a deep breath and slips her note into Sam's locker and bolts. The musicians pass by and, surprisingly, Sam happens to be a girl stopping at the same locker while her friends walk off.

Female Musician: See you later, Sam.

Sam: Okay, see ya!

Sam opens her locker and the note falls out. She picks it up, reads it, and smiles contently at it. Luna, hiding in the corner and having seen it all, smiles, too, knowing that she may have a chance with Sam after all.

At Laney's art class, Laney slipped a note into Zolie's hoodie pocket. Once the class ended, Zolie reached into his pocket to find the note inside and he reads it. As Laney went up to her locker, Zolie slithered to her.

Zolie: Laney. Did you write this?

Laney: Yeah. What do you think? [Zolie looks at the note and smiled]

Zolie: I think it's lovely. Just like you are. [Leaves; Laney smiles]

The notes we sent worked. The Louds have started hanging out with their crushes more. A few days later, the X-Squad, Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lucy, Laney, Lola & Lana and Lisa are hanging out in the living room with their respective crushes, except for Luna. Lincoln and Ronnie Anne are playing video games, Lori is taking Bobby on a fly around the city, Leni and Jackie are in Leni's room trying on different clothes, Drakus and Taeko, Otoya and Vertin, Nio, Tokaku and Haru, Sumireko and Mahiru, Garie and Micha, Neo and Furina, Suzu and Kouko and Hitsugi and Chitaru are snuggling on the couch, Luna is strumming her guitar, Luan and Maggie are going over lines for their play, Lynn and Finnia are playing football in the front yard, Lisa and Casey are doing experiments in her room, Lucy and Reiko are reading a vampire novel in the fireplace, Laney and Zolie are reading books on the greatest paintings in the world, Lana and Skil are playing with toy trucks and Lola and Wilma are playing with dolls.

Drakus: [to Luna] Boy, you guys all had crushes all across the intergalactic board.

Luna: Yeah, we sure did, dude.

Garie: Hey, Luna, where's Sam? I'm eager to meet this person.

Lincoln: Yeah, you said, Sam would be here.

Luna: Don't worry dudes, she'll be here in a few minutes. [The doorbell rings] Oh, that must be her now.

X-Squad: Her?

Drakus: I see what's going on.

Luna opens the door to see Sam, with deep blue demon wings and cute black demon horns. They hug.

Luna: Dudes, this is Sam. Sam, these are my siblings and my best friend, Drakus, his fiance Taeko, and their friend group, the X-Squad.

Sam: Hi, I'm Sam, heir of the Sharp bloodline from the Lust Ring.

Drakus walked up to her.

Drakus: It's a pleasure to meet you, Sam.

Sam: Same here. I've heard so many good things about you.

Drakus: Well, they aren't even wrong and I'll be blunt here, I approve of your relationship with Luna, young demon, but if anyone hurts you or tries to bully you for being different than them, give the word, and the X-Squad will hunt them for sport like Zaroff would do.

To emphasize this, he brought out a futuristic shotgun, and cocked a shell in.

Sam: (Terrified and Confused) Um, I thank you, Drakus. But, is that even necessary?

Luna: I'm impressed you even know The Hounds of Zaroff, dude.

The Louds cheered for Drakus' support of gay rights. Luna introduces Sam to everyone.

Chapter Text

It starts with the X-Squad walking over to the Loud House for a sleepover, having their night stuff on hand. Taeko go up and knock on the door and Rita comes and opens it.

Rita: Oh, Drakus and family! You're here! Quick! Come in!

She pulls them all in.

Krell: Thank you, Mrs. Loud.

The group went upstairs only to see the sisters who are all looking like they're going into a war.

Drakus: Hey, girls. What's up? You heading to the Jungle of Nool to fight back the Sodor empire, or maybe to liberate Equestria and Fraggle Rock? If so, bring potatoes to fight the trains with their own supply.

Lynn: Drakus! What are you doing here?! Go, before it's too late!

Roman: Haven't you guys forgotten? We're sleeping over with you guys for the weekend. Hey, where's Luan?

Lola: Oh no! Is she coming?!

Taeko: Literally no one here knows, that's why we're asking you.

The sisters all go back to preparing. We shrug and then go to Lincoln's Room, but we find out that the door is locked and I knock on the door.

Me: Lincoln, it's me and the others.

Lincoln opens the door.

Lincoln: Oh hey there, come on in.

The group walked in and Lincoln shut the door.

Garie: What's going on Lincoln? Everyone looks scared, almost like they're going into a warzone.

Lincoln: (sighs) I forgot to tell you.

Drakus: Tell us what?

Lincoln: [marks April 1st on his calendar] Tomorrow is April Fools' Day.

Drakus: Yeah, so?

Lincoln: Every year my sister Luan creates a prank apocalypse, and no one is spared!

Varie: You mean like whoopie cushions, squirting flowers and stuff like that?

Lincoln: Oh no. It's way worse than that. I present to you Luan Loud's April Fools' Highlight Reel. [He begins showing us a montage of Luan's April Fools' Day pranks on the Loud Family. First, the siblings are looking at their furniture, which is tacked upside down to the ceiling.]

Luan: I'd say this prank's a little over your head! [laughs] [Now they open the door to find the room full of chickens]

Luan: Seems to be your clucky day! [laughs]

[Now the kids are looking at their house all wrapped up in wrapping paper.]

Luan: [rips through a window] I guess that's a wrap! [laughs]

[Now the siblings are trapped in a humongous gelatin.]

Luan: Aww, look at the Loud Family gettin' jiggly with it! [laughs]

[The pets' fur and Walt's feathers got shaved off.]

Luan: [holding a buzz shaver] I shaved the best for last! [laughs]

The video ends and the X-Squad was surprised.

Drakus: I'm not even horrified, just amazed Luan did all of that by herself!

Lincoln: See what I mean? Nobody's safe from that evil pranking genius. But this year's gonna be different. Luan is not gonna prank me! Because I've got an April Fool proof plan.

Drakus: (Laughs) Good one Lincoln.

Lincoln: Thank you. [Looks towards his door] You're not the only one who can make a pun, Luan! [opens his door to reveal Lily wearing a watermelon helmet and diaper, Lynn putting on padding, Lola coating herself and Lana in bubble-wrap.]

Lana: Bubble-wrap me next!

Lucy: [enters with her head inside a gargoyle head.] I need more armor.

Laney: [Searches in her backpack] Okay, helmets: Check. Cleaning supplies: Check. Protective padding: check.

Lynn: [as Lisa enters in army gear] Where's my helmet!?

Lori: [talking on her smartphone] Bobby, we have to cancel all our plans in April. [Bobby asks why] Because Luan might shave my eyebrows off again! And it takes a month for them to grow back.

Luna: [following Lisa] C'mon Lisa! Let me hunker in your bunker!

Lisa: You should've been more prepared. We'd known this storm was coming for 364 days.

Luna: [dropping to her knees and begging] PLEASE! GIVE ME SHELTER!

[The X-Squad and Lincoln walk by whistling when Lola dashes out in front of us.]

Lola: Arms up! Your turn for bubble-wrap.

Lincoln: [puts his hand in front of Lola.] Not this year, Lola. I'm not getting pranked.

Garie: And we might be able to figure out what's causing Luan's pranking spree.

[Loud girls chatter]

Lola: It's never been done!

Lynn: Are you crazy?

Laney: Don't be a fool! No one is safe from Luan's pranks!

Lincoln: Ladies! Ladies! I got a plan! Me and the X-Squad are simply gonna lock ourselves in my room till the day's over. I've got snacks, video games and a hose to pee in, which I call the Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.

Lori, Leni, Luna, Laney, Lynn, Lucy, Lola and Lily: Ew!

Lana: Cool!

Drakus: That's suspect.

Lincoln: [points to his window] It goes out the window!

Mystle: But what if we have to go #2?

Lincoln: Well, We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. The point is, We'll never have to leave my room so Luan will never get us.

Laney: But what if she pranks you guys from in your room?

Tokaku: How can she do that?

Laney: Never question Luan's dark arts of practical jokes.

[The kids are frightened by the sound of a sausage hitting the stair rails]

Laney: She's here...

[The siblings look frightened as Luan comes upstairs while holding a sausage.]

Luan: Ooh! It's Pranksmas Eve...and I'm just bubbling with excitement. [pops a piece of Lola's bubble wrap and walks away.]

Kanade: Well, who knew Luan could be that scary?

Drakus: I'm not scared of her. Because DAMNIT! Why does she have to look so friggin' awesome with a sausage and popping bubble wrap?!

Lola: I'm gonna need more bubble wrap! And a fresh pair of undies.

Lincoln: Thanks for the lumber, Lana! I'll return it on April 2nd. [walks away with lumber.]

Lana: Mahogany was a good choice. That'll hold nicely.

The X-Squad follow Lincoln into his room. Lincoln closes his door, uses a nail gun to pound the nails and Mahogany on it, then puts a chair by the doorknob.

Lincoln: [takes out his radio] Clyde, wanna hang out tomorrow? I built us a fortress with snacks, games and a Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.

Clyde: On Pranksgiving? No way! Not after what happened last year.

We flash back to what happened during the past April Fool's Day where Clyde steps on a rope as one of Luan's prank traps. Water sprays on his face and he is covered in hay. Luan's laughing can be heard. Then, a flock of crows come to attack him as he screams.

Lincoln: But nothing's gonna happen this year. I've got an April Foolproof plan. [ringtone sounds] Hang on Clyde, Ronnie Anne just texted me. [checks his phone] She said she's coming over tomorrow with a present for me. [gasps]

Taeko: Okay, not good.

Lincoln: She can't come over tomorrow! She'll get nailed by Luan's pranks and then pulverize me!

Clyde: Just tell her to come over another day.

Lincoln: I can't do that! That will definitely get me pulverized!

Clyde: You gotta get Luan to call off Prankapalooza. Appeal to her humanity. Beg if you have to!

Lincoln: Good idea! Just as soon as I get the Mahogany off the door!

[The X-Squad and Lincoln pull off the wood and go in Luna and Luan's room, as Luan turns around in a Jester chair to face Lincoln while she has Cliff on her lap.]

Drakus: Well, Luan. You look like Blofeld or Dr. Evil himself.

Luan: Thank you.

Lincoln: That is pretty cool, but seriously, Luan! You gotta call off Prankageddon! Please! Ronnie Anne is coming over tomorrow and I can't let her get pranked!

Drakus: Yeah. She'll get nailed by your pranks and then pulverize his pelvis!

Luan: Okay.

Lincoln: Really! Wow, that was easier than I...

Luan: APRIL FOOLS PRAC-

Drakus suddenly grabbed Luan, as he shook her, a pitch black aura covered Luan and it came out of her as a blob of sludge and took the form of a jester with silver skin clad in white and yellow as the jester took a theatrical bow.

BGM: Infinite Theme (Sonic Forces)

Lincoln: [To the jester] Who....Who are you?!

Jester: You may call me.....Solarius of the Shining Patience, in the brief moments that remain of your life, I am the source of all the terror, all the fear, all the woe, all the pain that Luan caused to you all every April Fools Day.

Lincoln: [Angry] So you're the cause of Luan's pranks!

Taeko: What the heck?! Luan was possessed?!

Solarius: Yes. I was able to take control when Luan was being bullied, all the way back in middle school.

Solarius pushed Luan off the chair and sat on the chair, petting a concerned Cliff all the while.

The group gasped in shock.

Taeko: You took over Luan, because she was being bullied back then?

Solarius: Yes. They made fun of her because of, of all things, her braces and what not. I was able to possess her as a result, and thanks to me, Luan got into comedy and the art of pranks. But I would take full control on April Fools Day to test the greatest of them all, on all of you.

Lincoln: You would take control of Luan and do all those pranks?

Drakus: That's insane!

Solarius: Lincoln, you know the April Fools Rules. Anyone who sets foot on this property is fair game for the jokes. Speaking of which, is that McBride child coming over? 'Cause I'd love to just say HAY! [laughs maniacally]

END BGM

[The group fled back to Lincoln's room, dragging Luan along, put the Mahogany back on his door and Lincoln called Clyde.]

Lincoln: Clyde! Pleading with Luan did not work! Turns out, she's been possessed by a clown ever since middle school! [hears a cat noise] What was that?

Clyde: Oh, that's Cleopawtra. She's been feisty lately so we put her in a timeout crate.

Lincoln: Timeout crate. That's it!

Mystle: Well, that's an option; cage him up, and he won't be able to horrifically scar us.

Lincoln: [runs away to brainstorm his idea and tries to pull the Mahogany off the door.] Why did I choose Mahogany?

[At the basement, Lincoln flicks the lamp on.]

Lincoln: [to the X-Squad and his sisters] Okay, we're all here?

Drakus: Wait. Let me do a headcount.

Drakus counted heads.

Drakus: Okay. We're all present.

Lola: Shh! That clown's probably got ears everywhere! [turns on the washing machine] I saw this in a mob movie once. He won't hear us over the noise.

Taeko: Good thinking, Lola.

Lincoln: We all know tomorrow is going to be worse than normal. But it doesn't have to be. If we combine forces, we can prevent Solarius from setting up any pranks in the first place.

Lynn: Uhhh, how exactly are we gonna do that against the clown that hijacked Luan every April Fool's?

Lincoln: Laney, you have prepared for every prank Luan can think of every year right? Do you have anything for containment?

Laney is seen rummaging through her supplies

Laney: Sure. I think it's next to the insect repellant.

Lincoln: Great! Now let me tell you all my plan.

Lisa: Better make it snappy. We're almost done with the spin cycle.

[Later that night in Luna and Luan's room, Solarius is planning his attack in the closet. Luna then gets up and gives a bird-like call to signal that Solarius is unaware. The group then entered the room. Solarius then springs his attack as they all tie him down, trap him in a cage, and keep his fingers together with Chinese finger traps.]

Solarius: [enraged] LET ME [starts screaming his words] OUT OF HERE!

Lincoln: Okay.

Solarius: Really? Huh, that was easier than I...

Lincoln: APRIL FOOLS! We aren't letting you out until April 2nd! [The X-Squad and the sisters begin to cheer.]

Lynn: That was a crate plan, Lincoln!

Lori: I've been crating for this moment all my life!

Lana: Well, better crate than never! [We laugh again.]

Laney: That was off the chain!

Luan: You've been sent into the Crate Beyond!

Drakus: More like the Crate Unknown!

Leni: You're in a crate! [The other siblings don't seem to get it.] Get it?

Lincoln: Maybe we should just go to bed.

[The next day, Luna is heard screaming. The cage is now broken, meaning that Solarius escaped, much to the horror of everyone.]

Lola: [panicked] We're doomed! The clown escaped, and now he's gonna be mad!

Lincoln: How could this have happened?!

Luna: This is a black magic clown we're talking about, dude!

Drakus: [holds up a loose chain] You gotta get money back for these.

[As he pulls the chain, it sets up a bucket full of honey that's about to spill on him but Krell uses the Force and send the honey splattering into the wall. Feathers followed and Kanade quickly grabbed an empty pillow case and filled it with the feathers]

Laney: The end times begin.

Lisa: Peace out. I'll be in my bunker. [dashes off]

Lincoln: Everyone else to my room! We'll be safe there. [As we all run towards Lincoln's room, the parents show up by the stairs. Rita is wearing a padded gear while Lynn Sr. is wearing bubble wrap.]

Lynn Sr.: What's all this ruckus about?

Lori: Clown's on the loose! TAKE COVER!

Rita: But we thought you locked Luan up!

Hibiki: She was possessed, and the thing possessing her busted out!

Drakus: Run for the hills, you two!

Lynn Sr.: Plan B! RETREAT! RETREAT! [He and Rita run back downstairs.]

Lincoln: [ringtone sounds as he checks his phone.] Oh no! Ronnie Anne's on her way? Could this day get any worse? [He bangs his head on the wall. A rope on the wall is attached to the vacuum cleaner that's taped on the ceiling and its bag opens up. Kanade grabbed a trash can from Lola & Lana's room and the dust fell into it]

Lincoln: Whew! Thanks, Drakus.

Drakus: No problem, kid.

Lincoln: But on the plus side, that's one less prank Ronnie Anne could suffer. [gets an idea] That's it! If I set off all the pranks in the house, there won't be any left for her.

Micha: Great idea. It's a risk, but we've done dumber!

Lynn: Lincoln, guys, It's not safe out there!

Lincoln: Save yourselves! I got a job to do.

Lucy: Don't worry, Lincoln, I'll plan your funeral.

Krell: Solarius has terrorized this house for far too long, we'll have to put an end to it before it gets worse.

Laney: Wait! [All eyes were on Laney] I'm coming with you.

Luan: Laney! I can't believe I'm saying this but don't be a fool! You won't stand a chance out there!

Laney: Yes I will! Because I have prepared for every last practical joke you concocted for this day, and if Solarius possessed you, than he might use the same tricks. I have the wits to protect Lincoln, and do what we should've done years ago and stop this mad clown's reign of terror!

The X-Squad clapped for her.

Lola: (touched) Laney, you're a brave soul. I'm gonna miss you.

Lucy: I'll plan all of your funerals.

[The sisters close Lincoln's bedroom door and puts Mahogany on it. Lincoln puts on a helmet and takes out the house map and circles kitchen.]

Lincoln: We'll start by de-pranking the kitchen.

[We go downstairs and look at a sign that says "Kitchen this way" while it points the open front door.]

Lincoln: Kitchen this way? Ha! Does he think I'm dumb enough to fall for that?

Laney: No, but he knows who is.

Krell used his lightsabers and cut the sign down.

Krell: That takes care of that.

[The group took the original route and went into the kitchen and find grease on the floor.]

Hibiki: Really, he slicked the floor with grease?

Drakus saw something on the ceiling next to the doorway.

Drakus: There's a boot contraption!

Drakus yanked it out of the ceiling.

Laney: Good thinking.

Lincoln: Well, here goes nothing.

Taeko: Be careful, Lincoln.

Lincoln cautiously walks on the grease. But he slips and slides into the fridge. But before a box could fall onto his head, Kanade grabbed it. As Lincoln got up, he slips on the grease, opens the fridge door, and is socked right in the face by a boxing glove on a spring.

Mystle: Ooh, that's gotta sting.

[The force of the impact propels him into the stove.]

Lincoln: OW!

[His helmet breaks apart, and a bunch of vicious badgers made of pure light pop out of the stove and attack Lincoln as he screams in pain.]

Solarius: [popping in from the other room.] I made that dish from scratch! [laughs]

Laney: [Whistles, attracting the attention of the hyenas] Come and get it! [holds out a steak and lures the hyenas out of the house. The X-Squad and Lincoln give her the thumbs up]

[In the backyard, the Loud siblings' parents are at Lisa's shelter.]

Rita: [As Lynn Sr. knocks on the shelter.] Lisa Marie Loud! Let us in!

Lisa: I'll need some of your assurances in return! One, I will never again be punished for the explosions in or around the house!

Solarius: [with a pile of diapers laden with dynamite.] Happy April Stools! [He prepares to aim one with a slingshot towards the parents.]

Rita: Are those diapers? He wouldn't!

Lynn Sr. [frantically pounds the shelter.] Whatever you want! Just let us in!

Lisa: [opens the shelter while holding a contract.] Sign here, here and initials here.

[After the parents sign their names, they hide while Solarius shoots explosive diapers at them and Zap appears and fired a big wave of lighting from his mouth, hitting Solarius head on and getting him covered in Lily's diapers]

Zap: Now that is a stinky defeat! [rimshot]

The X-Squad, Lincoln and Laney were heading towards the bathroom.

Lincoln: [looks at the map and finds a flying flour in the bathroom and screams.] Ha!

Drakus: This flour bag is rigged to explode!

He cut the rope with his sword and tossed the flour down the hall and it explodes by Lincoln's door. They then checked the faucet and found that Solarius clogged it with toilet paper. Kanade unscrewed the faucet nozzle and cleaned it out.

Taeko: Nice try.

Krell sensed raccoons nearby and fired Force Lightning at a towel rack and they scampered away.

Laney: Force Lightning? Awesome!

They then head to the next room.

Solarius: Don't give up. No one likes a critter. [chuckles]

Laney: I'm not giving up ever! [Laney follows the X-Squad and Lincoln into the Living Room]

Lori: I think if we ration the food, we should be okay.

Lana: What does "ration" mean? [eats a bag of chips and drinks apple juice. The others glare at her.]

Lola: [scoffs] Typical. Now someone has to go into the kitchen for more supplies.

[Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, and Lucy all talk at once]

Lana: [gasps] Let's draw straws!

Leni: [sighs] I'll just go. I know I'm gonna lose. I'm a terrible artist.

Lucy: Actually, that's not what-

Lola: [covers Lucy's mouth] Good luck, Leni! [She and the other girls shove Leni out of Lincoln's room and put the Mahogany back on the door.]

Leni goes into the kitchen.

Lincoln: [looks at map] Okay. Living room. So far, so good. [then a red line comes when Lincoln crosses it and a projector is switched on, showing an embarrassing video of Lincoln kissing a balloon with a face on it while Clyde is beside him.]

Lincoln: I think this is how you ki-

Drakus used his lightning magic and short out the video projector system.

Taeko: That was close. If Ronnie Anne saw that she would destroy your pelvis, Lincoln.

Lincoln: Yeah. No kidding.

Lincoln then goes to the couch.

Laney: Lincoln, No! [But the couch has a spring and Lincoln goes up the ceiling and gets stuck by sticky flypapers. He falls down to the couch and goes back up.]

Solarius: Looks like SPRING is in the air. [chuckles]

Laney: Get out of here!

Zap splashes the fly paper with water and it falls off the ceiling.

Drakus: These pranks are brutal!

Lincoln: [looks at the map] Just got to finish the bedrooms! Laney, you take downstairs.

Laney: Right!

Lincoln: Drakus, you and your pals take the attic!

Drakus: Right!

[the house's exterior is shown as the X-Squad, Lincoln and Laney get attacked by Luan's pranks. Afterwards, they all were tired, beat up and dirty as Lincoln gets a call from Clyde.]

Clyde: Lincoln! What's happening? Lucy just invited me to your funeral.

Lincoln: [takes a mouse trap out of his eye and screams.] OW! I've been setting off all the pranks in the house so Ronnie Anne doesn't get hit. Laney, Drakus and his pals have been helping me. [Lifts his shoe as sand pours out.] I've gone through every room except Leni and Lori's. [Clyde hangs up] Clyde? Hello!?

[the doorbell rings as Lincoln goes downstairs to open the door.]

Clyde: I volunteer to clear Lori's room.

Taeko: Go get them, tiger!

[Clyde goes to Lori and Leni's room offscreen as he gets attacked by Luan's pranks.] It was worth it. Lori's room smells like apple cinnamon.

Lincoln: That might be the pie. [points to the pie on his head]

Clyde: Wait, what about Laney? Did she make it out okay?

Laney: What do you think? [Laney is shown completely covered in garbage and food, one eye blackened with a badger affectionately gnawing on her shin]

Drakus: What the?!

Lincoln: Man! You've had it worse than me!

Laney: It was worth it. I survived April Fools Day. And call me crazy, but I found going through these pranks were kinda invigorating.

Clyde and Lincoln: You're crazy.

Laney: Buddy, my sanity went out the moment I bonded with Korhan.

Lincoln: Well, that's aside. The Loud House is prank free. [They high-fived as Clyde walks away and faints. Ronnie Anne arrives and is surprised when Clyde faints, before looking annoyed.]

Solarius: [clapping his hands, chuckling as Ronnie Anne arrived] Fuck no! I win! Suck it, Louds! You thought you'd outsmart me, but you got the worst pranking I've ever devised!

Laney: Give it up, knockoff Pennywise! We've cleared this house of all of your deadly jokes. You're finished!

Drakus: You wanted a prank battle, you got one, and we won.

Lincoln: Yeah! We only set off those pranks because Ronnie Anne was coming over. [Ronnie Anne looks rather touched at hearing her crush say this.]

Solarius: Yeah! Well, who do you think invited her over, boyo? [Ronnie Anne's expression turns to a confused look.]

Laney: No...

Drakus: We got bamboozled!

Taeko: You conniving little-!

Solarius: I knew I had to lure you out of your room, so once I took control, I called Ronnie Anne, and told her how much you loved April Fools' Day. And here she is, to deliver the GRAND FINALE. [Lincoln turns to Ronnie Anne, who pulls out a pie, with a villainous-looking smile on her face. Lincoln braces for impact, and a splat is heard... but he isn't hit.]

Lincoln: Huh? [As Lincoln opens his eyes, he finds out that she instead threw the pie in Solarius' face, as the jester was coughing.] But why'd you do that?

Ronnie Anne: You took all those pranks for me. It's the least I could do. Come on, let's draw some eyebrows on you and go get a milkshake.

Taeko: Ronnie Anne, I guess we owe you one.

Ronnie Anne: It's the least I can do for setting me straight, Drakus. Bobby says "Hi" to Lori by the way.

Drakus: I'll make sure she gets the message.

Ronnie Anne: Thank you, and we're even.

Drakus smiled and gave her the thumbs up.

Suddenly, Solarius got up, grabbed Lincoln and Ronnie Anne by their throats, and lifted them up.

Solarius: I'll admit, you're tough, but not enough to beat ME!

Solarius was tapped on the shoulder and he saw Luan glowing in rainbow light and she squirted hot sauce in his eyes, as he let Lincoln and Ronnie Anne go as he was blinded.

Luan: Get away from them, you bitch!

Drakus: Look at Luan! She's glowing in rainbow light.

Lincoln: This isn't another one of Lisa's Gloweos is it?

Krell: No, I wish it was, but unfortunately it is not.

Luan then shocked everyone by summoning a pterodactyl made of glass and pure light and it squawked and picked up Solarius and dragged him outside. Luan followed suit and fired a beam of blue light from her hand and it burned Solarius. The light pterodactyl went high into the air and dropped Solarius from a huge height and Luan leapt into the air, punched Solarius in the mouth, knocking out some of her teeth. Luan fired a beam of green light and it went through Solarius' left leg and burned it off, as Solarius finally hit the ground with a tremendous thud.

Solarius: (groaning) I-Impossible........you're Bonded?! But who.....?

???: She bonded with me!

The light pterodactyl flew down, and kicked Solarius into the air, before kicking him down.

Solarius: I'll have your throat, Dactylux!

Solarius' lapel fired a high pressure beam of water at Dactylux, as a drop of glowing blue water from his squirting flower, morphed into a small shark, and landed on Lily's head and she glowed a neon aqua blue and was in a tornado made of pure water. Lily started to change. She became a beautiful little lady. She looked like she was 10-years-old and had lavender and black clothes. She landed on the floor.

Lily: Wha? What happened? [Gasp] I can talk!

Lily fled to a mirror and looks at herself.

Lily: I... I'm a kid like Lincoln. Whoa. I feel weird. Wait.

Lily then raised her hand and fired a blast of glowing blue water, at Solarius.

Lily: [Gasps] I have water powers!

???: Exactly, young one, now, go help your family free themselves from the Stellar Clown.

Lily then leapt out the window, landed on a pillow and fired a huge jet of high pressure water at Solarius.

Drakus: [Gasp] Lily? Is that you?

Lily: It is me. I don't know how this happened, but I'm now almost at Lincoln's age.

Solarius: There's two new Bonded Ones?! Well, no matter! I'll just turn you both into nothing but specks in the wind!

Then, a wolf made of wind and a tiger made of fire came in and they flew into the house. The wolf landed on Lana, the tiger landed on Lola and they both glowed. Lana was in a tornado made of wind and Lola was in a tornado of pure fire.

Leni: What's going on?!

Lucy: I don't know.

The tornadoes died down and Lana got up first.

Lana: Whoa. What happened? I feel weird.

Lana then threw a blast of wind and the door broke.

Lana: Wha? I have wind magic!? Awesome!

Lola got up next.

Lola: What hit me?

Lola touched the floor and they saw smoke coming from her hand.

Lana: [gasp] Lola, you're burning the carpet!

Lola saw this and she saw a black burned handprint on the floor.

Lola: What's happened!?

???: Don't worry about that, help your sisters defeat the Stellar Clown, and we'll help you learn the rest!

Lana and Lola ran outside, and started blasting wind and fire at random, as finally Dactylux rushed up to him, and kicked him hard, sending him flying into a straightjacket and a paddy wagon headed towards the Kalamazoo Regional Psychiatric Hospital in Northville, Michigan.

Solarius: I'll return, Dactylux, just you wait! I'll have the last laugh, you'll see!

Solarius soon laughed maniacally as he was sent far away from Royal Woods, as Luan shakily stood up.

Luan: That girl's a keeper! But, what did she mean by "we're even?"

Drakus: You know how we set her straight with when she was picking on Lincoln?

Luan: Yeah.

Drakus: Well, we took all of that clown's deadly jokes to protect her from getting hit by them. So we're even.

Luan: You're a true friend, Drakus.

Drakus: All clear, everyone!

The family come out of their hidings and are relieved that the prankfest is over.

Lynn Sr.: I think it's over!

[The other sisters agreed]

Rita: Boy, you all took a major beating!

Drakus: Me, the X-Squad, Laney and Lincoln took all of Solarius' pranks head on because the clown invited Ronnie Anne over to prank Lincoln by having a Banana Cream Pie thrown into his face. Lincoln was afraid Ronnie Anne would get hit and she would pulverize his pelvis into oblivion. So, we all did the dumbest thing you can think, and took the burnt of it to avoid having Ronnie Anne get hurt.

Lynn Sr.: Wow! You guys did all that for Ronnie Anne and us?

Taeko: It's what we had to do. Also I found this in Vanzilla.

Taeko pulled out a blue paint bomb.

Varie: It's a blue paint bomb. I found it attached to the ignition switch. It was to go off when the van started.

Rita: Good thinking. Where's Lincoln now?

Laney: He's getting a milkshake with Ronnie Anne and getting patched up.

Luan: I don't know how this happened but somehow it did.

Drakus: Let me check here.

He pulled out his phone and make a surprising discovery

Drakus: Luan, you were given light magic because of Dactylux bonding with you, and she was considered to be the Wanderlights. Now, you can use light magic!

Luan: Wow. That's incredible.

Drakus: Lily bonded with Aquaris, a shark Dark Spectre who's considered Dakuwanqa of Fijian Mythology. Once every 50 years, he bestows his magic onto a worthy soul descended from Ireland. He chooses babies mostly, they become 10-years-old because of it.

Lynn Sr.: Whoa!

Laney: Yeah. Lily, this must truly be a huge change for you.

Lily: Yeah. It is. But I have a lot to learn now that I'm a 10-year-old.

Drakus: We'll help you get through it, Lily. Anyways, Lana got ice magic because of bonding with Froskhi, a wolf Dark Spectre that's considered the Waheela. Once every 500 years, he seeks a worthy soul chosen by the will of their hearts.

Lana: Neat!

Drakus: And Lola bonded with Infertigre, a tiger Dark Spectre that's considered to be the White Tiger of China myths. It says that once every 750 years, a person that has intense passion and a massive fire inside their heart will be chosen and be imbued with the powers of fire.

Lola: This is so weird. So, how will I explain this to everyone?

Laney: We'll think of something.

Drakus: Luan, you can tell us what's bothering you. We are always here to help you.

Luan: I know. I'm sorry. The bullying was really bad, I decided to hide my pain and tell funny jokes and make my own business as a result. This bully would always make fun of me because of my braces. Her name was Abigail Sanchez. I'm......pretty sure she has a crush on me. But seriously, I didn't mean to hurt all of you! It's just that because of Abigail I vented my frustration on you through pranks! I'm so sorry!.

Kanade comforted Luan.

Kanade: Luan, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were going through all that.

She soon smirked.

Kanade: Although, you think Maggie would be willing to share?

Drakus: Seriously, Kanade? Well, you aren't wrong though, Luan, seriously, ask her out and see where it goes.

Lynn Sr. called Abigail and revealed everything that happened to her parents and the police are called and they arrested Abigail for assault and battery.

Luan testified against her at her trial and Abigail got sentenced to 18 months of mandated therapy and 300 hours of community service (8 hours a day = 12.5 days). Abigail was also ordered to pay $500.00 in restitution to Luan.

At dinner the next week, the X-Squad and Louds all sat at the table eating spaghetti, with Abigail being forced to come over.

Luan: Guys, I can't thank you enough for giving me the courage to stand up to Abigail.

Drakus: No problem Luan. That's what friends and siblings do.

Laney: So Luan, how does it feel to have powers?

Luan: It feels awesome. But this is really ENLIGHTENING! [Rimshot and laughs]

We all laugh.

Drakus: [Laughs] Good one.

Maggie: [Chuckles] Oh Luan, I love you.

Luan: I love you too, Maggie.

Abigail: (Groans) Get a room, lovebirds!

The group all saw Abigail was blushing and had her head on Luan's shoulder.

Drakus: You got to remember Luan. With Great Power comes Great Responsibility, and also potential dates.

Luan: I know.

Kanade: The boss has some books on light magic that you can borrow, be sure to bring them back.

Luan: Thanks.

Roman: Anytime.

The group had a great dinner and went into the living room to watch The Dream Boat.

Chapter Text

The X-Squad and the Loud Kids are firing dart blasters at Lynn Sr. and Rita in the backyard.

Me: We're gonna get you guys!

The group was hiding behind a barrier made of bramble vines from Laney's magic, and were firing a hail of rubber darts.

Lynn Sr.: Oh you missed me!

Drakus: Lori, Lola, Lana, Lily, go above and rain hell upon them!

Lily: Yes, sir.

Lori: Got it.

Lori and Lily leapt above Lynn Sr. and Rita and fired darts at them.

Lynn Sr.: Hey, that's not fair!

Drakus: Tell it to yo mama, Mr. Lynn! [Fires more darts]

Kanade: There are no rules in war. [Fires Darts]

Then, the games was interrupted by the sounds of someone snoring.

Drakus: Do you guys hear that?

Mystle: Sounds like someone's....... sleeping.

Rita: It's coming from the front yard.

Lincoln: Lets go check it out.

They went to the front yard and saw an unusual sight.

It was a bipedal woodpecker napping on the sidewalk.

Drakus: (Gasp) It's Woody Woodpecker!? Hey, Mr. Woody, What are you doing all the way out here?

Woody: (Wakes up with a yelp) Oh, y'know, I was just made homeless 2 months ago because of Wally Walrus and Ms. Meanie.

Lincoln: You were kicked out of your own house!? Why would they do that?

Woody: They said I was a so-called 'menace' to them and... [Groaning as he stretched] They teamed up and kicked me out of my home and my town, but then again, I've been planning on moving out, seeing the world, all that jazz, they just gave a little.....incidental nudge, shall we say.

Lola: Those dirtbags!

Lana: We watch your show all the time and they threw you out like garbage?! That is completely disgraceful!

Kanade: You watched his show? Considering you're a bunch of millennials, that's hard to believe.

Drakus: Okay Woody, I'll be blunt, that is definitely an oddly generous move on their part, they just gave you the go-ahead to literally live somewhere else and not bother them.

Taeko: I agree.

Drakus: We're gonna get you a new home, if that's all right with all of you guys.

Lynn Sr.: Well, we did buy a bird house, but I don't see why not.

Rita: Of course you can live here, Woody.

Drakus: By the way we never introduced ourselves. I'm Drakus Hydrax, Prince of Drakonia. And this is the X-Squad, the best black ops you'll ever meet.

Taeko: I'm Taeko Yasuhiro, his fiance, don't ask why.

Lynn Sr.: I'm Lynn Loud Sr. and this is my lovely wife Rita.

Rita: Hello.

Lynn Sr.: These are all our lovely and wonderful children.

Lori: I'm Lori, The eldest. I'm 17 years old.

Leni: I'm Leni. I'm 16 years old.

Luna: I'm Luna. I'm 15 years old. It's a Rockin' honor to meet you dude.

Luan: I'm Luan. I'm 14 years old.

Lynn: I'm Lynn Jr., just call me Lynn. I'm 13 Years old.

Lincoln: I'm Lincoln. I'm 11 years old and I'm the only son.

Lucy: I'm Lucy. I'm 8 years old.

Laney: I'm Laney. I'm 7 years old.

Lana: I'm Lana. I'm 6 years old.

Lola: I'm Lola. I'm 6 years old.

Drakus: They're twins.

Lisa: I'm Lisa. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm 4 years old.

Lily: And I'm Lily. Biologically I'm 15 months old but I look like I'm 10 years old because of.... circumstances.

Woody: Well it's a pleasure to meet you all. Thank you for taking me in.

Drakus: No problem.

The squad got to work and built an exact duplicate of Woody's old house in where he used to live, with a bunch of added features. Lana has finished setting up all the internal and external plumbing.

Lana: There you go Woody. Plumbing's all set. But go easy on her first. No heavy meals. Kitchen sink and dishwasher is all set too.

Woody: Thanks, Lana. You're quite the handyman.

Lana: Thanks!

Drakus: What do you say we call Wally and Meanie and tell them the good life you're living?

Woody: Count me in.

Kanade set up the laptop computer in the living room and video called Wally.

At Wally Walrus's house in Indianapolis, Indiana, he heard the telephone ring and he picked it up.

Wally: (Swedish Accent) Hello?

But he saw a video call coming in.

Wally: Oh It's a video call. I've never got one of these before.

He answered it and It was the X-Squad and the Loud Kids on the screen.

Drakus: Hey, Wally Walrus. I've heard a lot about you.

Wally: Well, Devon Holmes. I've heard a bit about you. Your family won the jackpot in the lottery, Ja?

Drakus: Nice to know that news of our.......wealth has traveled across the country. But we didn't call you to tell you that. It's not my style, Wally.

Wally: Well, what did you call me for?

Kanade: It's about a certain neighbor of yours that use to live next door to you and Ms. Meanie. I suspect that you didn't know the full details of Woody being kicked out, huh? Well, it turns out Meanie was after the large treasure trove underneath his home.

Ms. Meanie then appeared into the room with Wally, as Wally glared at her, shocked and appalled.

Wally: YOU KICKED OUT WOODPECKER ALL FOR GOLD!? So that's why he hasn't be responding to my calls!

Ms. Meanie: Well, I'm just glad he's gone and won't be back in our lives ever, and I'll be living on easy street from now on!

Drakus: Try telling that to his face, cranky pants.

Woody comes in and sits in between Lana and Lola.

Woody: Hiya Wally, Meanie!

Woody does his trademark laugh.

The Loud Kids all do the eyelid pull taunt at Meanie, as Wally immediately started packing his bags for the trip to Michigan.

Ms. Meanie: WOODPECKER! We will find you and pulverize you!

Wally Walrus: Well, Meanie, pack your bags, we're heading to Michigan.

Ms. Meanie: WALLY! You're supposed to be on my side!

Wally Walrus: I'd rather be matching wits with Woody than having nothing to challenge me.

Wally hang up the call, packed his and Meanie's luggage, dragged Meanie with him, got in his car and sped off to Royal Woods.

Drakus: Huh. If they want him, they're really eager to get us too.

Taeko: And it won't be easy.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Wally and Meanie walked inside and flopped on the couch.

Drakus: Huh, guess they did find us, and is apparently moving in.

Wally Walrus: I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a beautiful life.

Chapter Text

Drakus, Hibiki, Lincoln and Lily were playing video games in the living room, Meanie was downing a carton of apple juice, and Wally and Laney were reading books when the door flew open and in came Lori, crying her eyes out, as Lincoln and Lily grow concerned.

Drakus: Lori, what's up?

Lincoln: Lori, are you alright?

Lori: No, I'm not alright! Just leave me alone!

She runs up to her room crying hard.

Wally: I wonder what happened.

Woody Woodpecker came in.

Woody: Wally, I saw Lori running home as she was crying. What has her so upset?

Drakus: I don't know, Woody. But we gotta find out.

The group went upstairs and found Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana & Lola and Lisa standing in the hallway.

Drakus: What's going on girls?

Luna: Lori and Carol had a nasty fight and Lori got hurt bad.

Drakus: Okay, what is wrong with that girl?!

Wally: Who's Carol?

Taeko: Her name is Carol Pingrey and she and Lori apparently have been trying to outdo each other for a while now.

Lola: Lori and Carol used to be best friends a while back.

Lana: But they started showing a fierce rivalry about 2 years ago.

Drakus: I have been trying to go to school with Lori and Carol, and I've seen them both fight, and it got really fierce. Something about Carol being better than Lori at everything.

Woody: That seems pretty standard for a rivalry.

Wally: That's not a rivalry, Woodpecker. That's a feud.

Leni: Yeah. But Lori looks like shes been mugged.

Drakus: Better go talk to her.

Drakus, Taeko, Wally, Lincoln, Laney, Lily and Woody open the door to Lori and Leni's room.

Wally: Miss Lori? Are you alright.

Lori was still crying.

Lincoln: We were told everything and you can't let this go.

Drakus: Kid, you can't let Carol get away with something like this.

Lori: [Crying] No matter what I do, Carol will always be better than me at everything!

Drakus, Taeko and Lincoln sit with her on her bed and Woody, Laney and Lily sit on the floor.

Taeko: Lori, you know that's not true.

Lincoln: Yeah, Lori. You're great at lots of things.

They saw that Lori has some bruises and cuts and a black eye.

Drakus: These injuries are bad. I can't believe Carol did all this to you.

Drakus started wrapping Lori's injuries in bandages.

Lily: I think she went from rival to sociopath.

Lincoln: What's a sociopath?

Drakus: It's someone that can't feel empathy, remorse or guilt. Kinda like me, only I think Carol's unable to find talk therapy or even someone to help her.

Lincoln: That's terrible.

Taeko: Lori, there's 5 things you have that Carol never had.

Lori: [Calms Down] Like what?

Lincoln: 1) You've got 10 sisters and 1 brother that are always here for you.

Drakus: Carol doesn't have any siblings, which, in hindsight, is probably why she's like this.

Taeko: 2) You've got a lot of best friends.

Lincoln: Bobby is like my big brother too.

Drakus: Carol only has popularity and that doesn't give you true friendship, which is also probably why she's jealous of you.

Laney: 3) You also have magic like me, Lily, Lana, Lola and Drakus.

Woody: Whoa! I didn't know you have magic.

Lily: It's a long story.

Drakus: Carol doesn't even know what Lori is really capable of with superpowers.

Lily: 4) You have the love and support of everyone who cares about you.

Drakus: Carol probably didn't experience what true love is all about. So, maybe trying taking her out on a date, see where it goes.

Taeko: And a true friend never hurts another friend. And by the extent of these injuries I can tell that this was personal, or maybe accidental.

Drakus: My money's on she didn't do this on purpose. And the most powerful thing she'll never have is the drive and determination to protect everyone who they feel is precious to them.

Laney: That's right. A Heart of Darkness can never understand true love, friendship, compassion or remorse.

Drakus: Actually it can, I've seen it happen before, several times in fact.

Lori feels better and decides that enough was enough.

Lori: You're right guys. I've been so worried about what I could be best at that I stopped believing in myself. Now I want to show Carol that I am good enough. And maybe take her on a date.

Drakus: That's the spirit, Lori!

Laney: Show her what you're made of!

Lincoln: We're with you all the way!

Taeko: Maybe take her somewhere nice if possible!

Lori then had eyes of determination.

Lori: Let's show that viper what for.

In the park the next day, Carol was sitting on a park bench quite proud of herself for how she thrashed Lori. When she heard Lori call out to her.

Lori: Carol!

Carol saw Lori and she was ready to fight.

Carol: Well, well. Hello. Haven't had enough I see....... Da-Zo.

Lori: Wait, what?

Da-Zo: Hello, Phoenoz. Seems you've taken to hijacking an innocent girl for your plan to kill me and my fellow Dark Spectres. Fitting, since you Light Spectres are unwilling to grow out of Adam's programming to kill us, all because he's jealous that we were made first instead of him and his 'Original Dick'.

Phoenoz contorted Carol's body in strange and unusual ways, as the Light Spectre flew out of Carol's body, revealing itself as a phoenix dressed as a cowboy, as Carol quickly hid under a bench, away from the crossfire.

Phoenoz: I've been in Carol for some time now, killed her father, terrified her mother and sister, and it's all come down to this. You've humiliated me for the last time, you darn Dark Spectre varmint. Now, you face your superior in strength and magic........Phoenoz of the Flaming Diligence!

Da-Zo: You may have but we have something that you don't.

Phoenoz: Oh yeah? What?

Da-Zo: This.

Da-Zo flew into Lori, covering her in armor resembling a jester mixed with Aztec warrior with hawk motifs, with snow flakes flying around her.

Carol: [Gasp] Lori, what happened to you?

Lori: Let's just say I've been given a gift, and I have another thing you'll never have, bird brain.

Phoenoz: What?!

The X-Squad, Laney, Lincoln, Lily, Woody, Wally and Meanie arrive.

Drakus: You never had friendship.

Taeko: Or love.

Lincoln: Or family.

Laney: Or true compassion.

Laney then floats in the air and vines grow from her hand and become a baton.

Lily: Or the drive to protect everyone you love.

Water spirals around her arms, forming into demonic gauntlets.

Korhan: All you Light Spectres care about is no one but yourselves and your genocidal agenda to murder all Dark Spectres in the name of your pathetic manchild of a creator, that is the sign of a real waste of life.

Lori: Get ready, Phoenoz. It's payback time.

BGM: Stronger than You (Maven)

Phoenoz was enraged and he flew at Lori, intending to kill her and Da-Zo. But, Lori and Meanie punched him in the face, and Lori threw a ball of ice at him, launching him into a nearby tree, and, as he got up, Laney called a bunch of squirrels, chipmunks, and rabbits and they threw nuts and rocks at Phoenoz. Laney then called a round of robins and they went after Phoenoz like a bunch of dive bombers and pecked him. Laney quickly called a bunch of skunks and they sprayed Phoenoz and he screeched so loud that it could be heard all across the galaxy. It went back to the fight. Phoenoz was drenched in skunk oil and was shooting the animals with bullets made of fire, hitting some of the skunks.

Zap: Here, Let me clean you up.

Zap then fired a torrent of water that smelled like raw sewage and it drenched Phoenoz, and extinguished his guns. Laney entangled Phoenoz in some poison ivy vines and Phoenoz was itching like crazy. Chrysanthemum flowers grew on the vines and Phoenoz saw them.

Phoenoz: What in Heaven's-?! [Sneezing uncontrollably]

Laney let go and Lori fired a blast of ice at Phoenoz and Lily and Garie fired a torrent of water and it froze Phoenoz in a big block of glowing blue ice.

Wally: Now that is getting the cold shoulder. [Rimshot]

Lori, Drakus, the X-Squad, Lincoln, Laney, Lily and Woody laughed.

Lincoln: Boy, we showed him.

Micha: I doubt he's gonna get up soon.

Woody and Micha pecked the ice block and cracked it open, and freed Phoenoz, who was shivering.

Phoenoz: I HATE YOU DARN VARMINTS!

Lori: Love is stronger than hate, bird brain.

Lincoln: You've brought all this on yourself, Phoenoz.

Da-Zo: You've had this coming for a long time. You'll never more superior to me.

Taeko: Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Lori: Good-bye, Phoenoz. Never come near me, Carol, or my family, ever again.

Phoenoz snarled, fire surging from his wings.

Phoenoz: You aren't worth my time anyway! But you will regret this......

Phoenoz summoned a horse made of fire and rode off into the forest, as a woman then came to the site of the fight, it was Drakus' teacher, Mrs. Harrington.

Drakus: Mrs. Harrington. Small world huh.

Mrs. Harrington: Indeed, Drakus, I saw and heard everything. You all were fantastic. Lori, I'm very sorry. Carol cheated in the ranks for homecoming queen under the influence of that.....cowboy bird......and I hereby name you Homecoming Queen.

Lori: Thank you Mrs. Harrington.

Mrs. Harrington: You're welcome. As for you, Carol. You are going to need a lot of therapy when school starts next monday. Go to the counselor's office at the start of school.

Carol: [Remorseful] Yes, Mrs. Harrington.

Mrs. Harrington: I'll see you next week Drakus, Taeko and Lori.

Drakus: Okay, Mrs. Harrington. Test 1st thing tomorrow, right?

Mrs. Harrington: You got it. But Lori, how did you get magic?

Laney: Lori got them because of Da-Zo here.

Lincoln: Me and my family are 25% Iroquois in our ancestry.

Da-Zo: Hello, Miss Harrington, apologies for the trouble this Light Spectre caused.

Mrs. Harrington gasped.

Mrs. Harrington: So the legend is real. I've heard of the Dark Spectres and Light Spectres from members of my tribe.

Taeko: I didn't know you're an Iroquois, Mrs. Harrington.

Drakus: Me neither.

Mrs. Harrington: Yes. My people have lots of history. Lori, you have been given a great gift and you must nurture it, lest it drive you into insanity.

Lori: Thanks, Mrs. Harrington. See you next week.

Taeko: Same here, Mrs. Harrington.

Drakus, the X-Squad, Lori, Lincoln, Laney, Lana, Lily, Wally, Meanie and Woody left the park and went back home.

As they sat down at dinner, and Lori explained what happened with Carol.

Lori: And then Carol got sent to the counselor's office first thing on Monday and Mrs. Harrington knew about the legend of the Dark Spectres and Light Spectres and gave me the blessings of the Iroquois.

Lynn Sr.: Well, it sounds like the thing hijacking Carol got what's coming to him.

Drakus: Yeah. Lynn, you've heard of that saying "Cheaters Never Prosper", right?

Lynn: I've known that saying for a long time. I may love sports, but I'd never cheat.

Taeko: Good.

Lori: Drakus, Taeko, Lincoln, Laney, Lily, Wally, Meanie, Woody, I can't thank you enough for everything you did for me.

Drakus: It's no problem, Lori. That's what friends and siblings do, look out for each other.

Laney: You would've done the same for us, Lori.

Woody: Friends are always there when you need them.

Lily: You said it, Woody.

Rita: It sound's like you've all had quite an inspirational day.

Drakus: You ain't wrong, Miss Rita.

The screen irised In.

Carol Pingrey was in desperate need of therapy after being trapped in her own body by Phoenoz, and sought therapy for her troubles.

Soon, Drakus, Lincoln, Aquaris, Lily are playing video games and Taeko, Garie and Laney are reading books.

Drakus: Yeesh, it sure is coming down out there.

Thunder rumbles.

Lincoln: Yeah. It sure is.

Lily: The rain just keeps on pouring.

A scream was heard and it came from Lucy's room.

Laney: That sounds like Lucy.

Taeko: She sounds like she's in trouble, or jilling off.

Drakus: Let's go!

The group rushed up to Lucy's crypt room and we see a strange sight. Lucy had her eyes showing and they were red like blood, her hair was deep black and her skin was scaly.

Lucy: (DEMONIC VOICE) Hello, won't you join me?

Drakus: That ain't Lucy talking.

Her head turned around all the way and it snapped off and the Loud Kids screamed.

Lucy: Oh dear. Can one of you guys give me a hand?

At midnight Drakus, the X-Squad, Lynn Sr., Rita, Lincoln and his sisters minus Lucy are in Lori's room for a meeting.

Lori: Guys, something is seriously wrong with Lucy. That is not her.

Drakus: No shit, Sherlock. I've seen this before. We have a case of demonic possession on our hands.

[Low moaning comes from Lucy's crypt room]

Rita: Demonic Possession?

Taeko: Yep, have any of you seen the movie "The Exorcist"?

Rita: I have, that was a scary one.

Drakus: We'll need to figure out what's running Lucy's body.

Luna: How do we do that dude?

Drakus: I know a few ways, Kendrick Lamar cologne, hey, that guy made unisex cologne, and it worked in A Haunted House, and hoping we don't die. X-Squad, Lincoln, Laney, you come with me. The rest of you stand ready should the demon try to attack us.

Lori: Right.

Lynn: I just hope you know what to do.

Drakus: Don't worry, Lucy will be fine.

The X-Squad, Lincoln and Laney go into Lucy's room and we approach her.

Demon: Lincoln. Come here. [Lincoln comes closer] Closer. [Lincoln comes closer] I need something for my new... latest...poem....YOUR BLOOD!

The Demon pulled back the covers and revealed Lucy's poetry book in it's lap and Lincoln screamed like Courage the Cowardly Dog.

Lincoln: What have you done with Lucy!?

Demon: She's in here with me.

Lucy temporarily regained control.

Lucy: Help me!

The Demon took over again.

Demon: Whoops. That one slipped out.

Laney: Let her go, Demon!

Demon: Never! She's mine.

Drakus shrugged.

Drakus: Welp, you heard them, she's theirs.

Laney: Drakus, this is serious!

Drakus: I am taking this seriously, they said Lucy's theirs now, they were pretty emphatic.

Lincoln: You won't get away with this, demon!

Demon: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?

Lincoln: Well, this! 

Exorcizamus te, omnis immunde spiritus, omni satanica potestas, omnis incursio

infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomini et

virtute Domini nostri Jesu Christi, eradicare et effugare a Dei Ecclesia, ab animabus

ad imaginem Dei conditis ac pretioso divini Agni sanguini redemptis.

Amen!

Drakus threw the Kendrick Lamar cologne onto her and it burned the Demon. Then, a black lightning bolt hit Lucy and the Demon was expelled from her and Lucy was in a tornado of pure darkness.

Korhan: Another Bonding.

Da-Zo: Is this truly our time of renaissance?

The demon revealed itself, and it was really a young girl with scaly skin, clad in a black dress and bat wings, with disheveled black hair.

Drakus: Pazuzu?!

Korhan: Hello, Pazux.

Pazux: That's right. I'm back and here to get my revenge on you bitches!

Dactylux: Don't make me bring out the cologne again, kid.

Pazux started whimpering, flinching in fear.

Pazux: Okay, sorry, sister.

Lucy: So that was the freak that was possessing me. I feel weird. Gasp. Have I been given powers too?

Lucy then held out her hand and a bolt of black lightning fired from her hand and it hit the wall beside Pazux, making her wince at what she bonded with.

Laney: Lucy, you have dark magic!

Lucy: I do?

Lucy then felt a weight on her back and saw Pazux on her back, making her feel squeamish as this thing literally possessed her.

Lucy: Thank you guys for saving me.

Drakus: It was our pleasure. You got dark magic now.

Lucy: I know. It feels great.

Drakus looked it up in the OVDF database and discovered something interesting.

Drakus: You've been bonded with Pazux, who's considered to be Pazuzu of Mesopotamian myth. She bestows the magic of darkness to anyone worthy. But they can only be given to someone who can liberate themselves of her possession.

Lucy: That's unusual, then again, I was possessed by that demon.

Laney: That was Pazuzu. The demon from the movie The Exorcist.

Pazux scoffed at this.

Pazux: They may have used my image, but they were way off on the other parts.

Lucy: That's weird. But this is a blessing for me.

Taeko: Y'know, with Pazux on your back, you kinda look like a true angel of darkness with those wings.

Lucy: Thanks, Taeko.

The group then explained what went down and everyone was shocked and we then went to sleep at 3:30 AM.

Chapter Text

It starts out at Royal Woods Elementary School in the Cafeteria.

Drakus, Taeko, Woody, Zap, Neo, Roman, Mystle, Sora, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, Lucy, Laney, Lana & Lola, Lisa and Lily were having Lunch when a boom box starts playing. Into the Cafeteria comes none other than Chandler McCann; Lincoln's arch nemesis.

Drakus: [surprised] So, that's this Chandler dude you talked about?

Lincoln: Unfortunately, yes.

Laney: Oh no.

Chandler walks up to them.

Chandler: Hey Drakys.

Drakus: It's Drakus, for your information.

Chandler: I see you have Larry and scarfy with you.

Lincoln: My name is Lincoln.

Drakus noticed something involving Laney and Chandler.

We flash back to when Lincoln's sisters came in to his room when he was being harassed by Ronnie Anne.

Leni: I bet it was the same jerk who bullied Laney!

Drakus: So you're the one that's been bullying Laney?!

Chandler: [non-chalant] So what if I am? This vessel's serving his purpose well.....

Chandler, or rather, the being possessing Chandler covered his mouth, then shocked everyone by summoning vines out of the ground, thirsty for blood, with spit dripping from their mouths melting the tiles.

Chandler?: I shouldn't have said that. Oh well, Chandler McCann isn't here currently. You speak to the most beautiful of the Light Spectres, Carnivora of the Divine Flora! (Evil Laughter)

Korhan: You just bought yourself a one way ticket to PAIN, Light Spectre!

Lola: You've been hijacking a kid to hurt Laney?!

Lana: You filthy little parasite!

Lucy, Lola & Lana, Lisa and Lily pounced on him and pulverized him.

Drakus: Laney, how would you like to get your revenge on Poison Ivy's knockoff?

Laney: I'm not going to fight him.

Taeko: Laney, he's tormented you a lot. You're not gonna take that lying down, are you?

Laney has flashbacks of all the torment she had to endure at the hands of the thing possessing Chandler and her body was shrouded in armor resembling a samurai with a plant motif.

Laney: [Furious] Fuck it, someone's throat's getting ripped out!

Laney walked around the table and Lucy, Lana & Lola, Lisa and Lily stopped fighting.

Laney: I've had it with you, Carnivora. You've tormented me for the last time and I'm getting my due!

Lincoln: Go get him, Laney!

Everyone in the lunchroom gathered around them and chanted "FIGHT"

Laney took her scarf off, revealing her scar on her neck and she tied the scarf around her waist.

Laney: It's payback time.

BGM: Toxic (Lauren Babic)

Carnivora got up, Chandler's eyes becoming silvery and his skin becoming a sickly green, almost poisonous.

Carnivora: So you've finally decided to face me like a tough girl. Well then, I wager you can't land the first punch.

Laney punched Carnivora in the face and kicked him in the stomach, punched him in the mouth and knocked out some of his teeth, Laney bit his fingers, kicked him where the sun doesn't shine and punched him right in the nose.

Laney: That was all for me....and also Chandler... somewhat. You've tormented my life and also probably psychologically scarred Chandler for the last time. I'm not afraid of you anymore. You used my brother for your own selfish purposes, used and manipulated people into doing your bidding all for your own sick ways, you nearly got a lot of kids poisoned at the sewer plant, the list goes on.

Carnivora got up and then he started laughing psychotically.

Carnivora: And I'm glad I did all that. Relationships with mortals are meaningless. All that was too much fun. It was all part of my plan to get rid of this worthless school once and for all.

Me: What do you mean by that?

Carnivora: I am so sick of playing the same old role all the time, I needed some excitement. Everything was going smoothly until you came, Hydrax.

Me: How am I part of your insane scheme?

Carnivora: I decided to hold Chandler's little birthday at the sewage plant, because I sought to poison as many kids as possible, thereby leaving the Dark Spectres with little option but to face my kind by themselves.

Everyone gasped.

Lincoln: Thank goodness me and Clyde didn't go.

Lola: You tried to poison some of our friends!?

Carnivora: Yes. When that blew up in my face. I decided to have a little.......celebration at the nuclear power plant. But you stopped it, Loud!

Laney: That would've caused radiation poisoning!

Carnivora: My grand master plan was nearing completion until now. I was to trick that Professor Thompson into doing it as a scapegoat, but you were on to me, I was just about to burn down this whole school and frame Lincoln for the crime.

Everyone gasped.

Korhan: You're a monster, Carnivora! People like you belong in a mental hospital.

Principal Wilbur Huggins then came in, holding a cross and wearing priestly robes.

Principal Huggins: I agree with you on that. I heard everything. In the Name of our Lord, it is He who commands you! It is he who flung you from the gates of Heaven to the depths of Hell!

Carnivora: No, you can't do this to me!

Principal Huggins: Be gone...

Carnivora: Stop this madness, I'm doing the Lord's work, ridding this realm of the unholy!

Principal Huggins: ...from this creature of God! Be gone! In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit! I adjure you, fallen angel...to depart from this child, whom almighty God has made in His image! Yield, therefore, yield not to my own person but to the minister of Christ! For it is the power of Christ that compels you!

Everyone cheered and picked the X-Squad, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln and his sisters up, as they were treated like heroes.

Carnivora was writhing in agony as he was purged from Chandler's body, becoming a demonic cobra made of dead or dying plants, and was put in a straitjacket, placed on a gurney in restraints and headed for the Kalamazoo Regional Psychiatric Hospital in Northville, Michigan.

The X-Squad, Woody, Bobby, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln and his sisters, Lynn Sr., Rita and Maria were watching the news on TV.

News reporter: In other news, Chandler McCann, local student of Royal Woods Elementary, was exorcized of an angelic being called a 'Light Spectre', and said being, Carnivora 'of the Divine Flora', was arrested, somehow, for attempted arson, attempted 1st Degree Murder, 1st Class Conspiracy and attempted Terrorism, and was sent to the Kalamazoo Regional Psychiatric Hospital, where he'll remain for the rest of his immortal life. Local residents Devon 'Drakus Hydrax' Holmes, Taeko 'Celestia Ludenberg' Yasuhiro, Woody Woodpecker, Ronnie Anne Santiago, Clyde McBride, Lincoln Loud and his little sisters Lucy, Laney, Lana, Lola, Lisa and Lily Loud are being hailed as heroes for their brave and courageous actions and saving a local school from a terroristic plot. Principal Wilbur Huggins tells us that Carnivora and his fellow Light Spectres are a mockery of God's creations and a complete danger to everyone around them and themselves and all Light Spectres are now declared violent psychopaths and extremely dangerous and only to be fended off by those bonded with demonic 'Dark Spectres', considered by Huggins to be the good counterpart to the Light Spectres, to the shock of many local Christians.

Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan and Lynn cheered.

Lynn Sr.: Wow! Way to go guys.

Drakus: Thanks, Mr. Lynn. But the real hero is Laney. She finally got the courage to stand up to Chandler, and put an end to Carnivora's insane plans and free the poor boy. Heard Chandler had to get therapy afterwards, something about his mother cursing him to have Carnivora inside him to try and remove all opposition to her political agenda, well, his mom can enjoy her new life now......behind bars that is.

Laney: I had a little help. Thank you, Drakus, I owe you one.

Taeko: No problem, Laney.

Lori: How did you all know the school and kids were in danger?

Drakus: We didn't. Lucky guess, I suppose.

Taeko: I guess we'll figure some things out as we go along.

Laney: We're lucky we figured it out before lots of people got hurt.

Rita: That's good. I can't believe that kid.

Da-Zo: I personally hope Carnivora has a nice long life locked away from society.

Carnivora was locked in the same Supermaximum Security Padded Cell as Solarius and Phoenoz, who was caught after he fled from Lori's high school, sealed in by demonic imagery on the front of their door. The cell was to be kept under constant guard 24/7 because the Light Spectres are too extremely dangerous to be let out among the other patients. Carnivora was laughing, ranting and raving like a complete and total homicidal maniac.

Carnivora: [Psychotic Laughter] I will return, Laney and Korhan, and when I do, I will make sure you and this whole city will die in the most fabulous way!!

Guard 1: How did we go from containing normal, if crazy, people, to having to lock up literal angels, beings from God himself, that plan to kill us all because Adam, who's apparently a huge manchild, wasn't made first, Bob?

Guard 2: I dunno, Aiden, the universe works in strange ways, and this apparently happened for a reason we can't fully comprehend.

Chapter Text

It starts with Drakus and Taeko at the Loud House watching movies in the living room with Lincoln, Laney and Lily. Laney is reading a book.

Some of the siblings then laughed at a funny moment.

Drakus: Okay, how much longer till the blood shed, huh?!

Lincoln: Yeah, that shark's carrying the movie, not the humans!

A whooshing sound was heard and we saw a strange light appear on the ceiling.

Taeko: What is that?

The light became a strange portal and out came a girl with white hair like Lincoln's with a hair clip in it and she was dressed in an orange summer shirt and a denim skirt and she landed on the rug in front of the TV.

Drakus: [Gasp] Lincoln! That girl looks like a female version of you, now neither of you will be virgins!

Lincoln: Yeah she sure does.

?: Where am I?

Drakus: You're in Hell, more specifically, the Loud House.

She sees Lincoln and screamed in shock.

?: You look like me!

The X-Squad and the girls ran downstairs.

Roman: What's all the ruckus about?

Lori: Who is that?

Lola: And why does she look like a female Lincoln?

Drakus: That's what me and Lincoln were wondering.

?: Oh, sorry. My name is Linka Loud.

Drakus: It's a pleasure to meet you, Linka. I'm Drakus.

Taeko: I'm Taeko Yasuhiro, Drakus' fiance, somehow.

Drakus: And the misfits behind us are the X-Squad.

Linka: It's a pleasure. You all look like female versions of my 11 brothers.

We were shocked to here that.

Laney: 11 brothers!?

Drakus: Holy crap, you're from a gender swap alt-verse. Oh sorry, essentially, alt-verse is shorthand for alternative universe.

Linka: I guess so.

Lori: It's a pleasure to meet you Linka. I'm Lori Loud. Who's your brother version of me?

Linka: His name is Loki and he's the oldest.

Drakus: He's named after the trickster God of the Norse!

Linka: Yes. That's right.

Leni: I'm Leni Loud. It's totes a pleasure. Who's my brother?

Linka: His name is Loni.

Luna: I'm Luna Loud. Pleasure dudette. Who's my brother?

Linka: His name is Luke, and has a mohawk hair style.

Luan: I'm Luan Loud. Who's my brother?

Linka: His name is Lane. And he's a jokester too.

Lynn: I'm Lynn Loud Jr. and I guess we share the same name.

Linka: Yep, and the love of sports.

Lucy: My name is Lucy Loud: Is your brother version of me a goth too?

Linka: Yeah, but his name is Lars.

Laney: My name's Laney Loud. Who is my Male version?

Linka: His name is Larry, quiet and shy too.

Lana: My name is Lana Loud. Who's my brother version?

Linka: His name is Leif, and he likes to get dirty.

Lola: My name is Lola Loud. Who's my male side?

Linka: His name is Lexx, well, he likes to play rough and be clean. Plus he has a camouflage car.

Lisa: I'm Lisa Loud and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Who is my male counterpart?

Linka: His name is Levi, he's a scientist too.

Lily: My name is Lily Loud. Biologically I'm 15 months old but because of special circumstances, which involved a clown angel, apparently bonding with a demon, and April Fool's, I look like I'm 10-years-old. Who is my counterpart?

Linka: His name is Leon, well, he's a baby.

Lincoln: My name is Lincoln Loud and I'm the only son. I guess you and I are both very similar.

Linka: Yes we are, Lincoln. I am the only daughter, my best friend is Claudia.

Zap: Sorry to interrupt, but is that a female version of Clyde?

Linka: Yeah, she is. I like reading comics, playing video games, and peace and quiet.

Drakus: You and Lincoln have a lot of things in common. And, I'll be blunt, I'm an alien.

Linka: That's interesting.

Taeko: If I may ask, how did you get thrown into that portal?

Linka: My brothers all were having a fight over a baseball card.

Taeko: A baseball card?

Laney: Why something so petty like that?

Linka: It started with Loki and Loni getting the same card. It was a 1954 Ted Williams.

Drakus: That goes up to $222.50 if we're going by today's average value!

Lola: Wow! All that money on one baseball card!?

Drakus: Yeah.

Lynn: None taken by the way  I don't collect baseball cards anyway. I play the sports.

Linka: Yeah. But the fight exploded into Erupting Volcano and, well, it kinda, sorta, resulted in me accidentally getting shoved through a portal.

Laney came and comforted her.

Lori: They had Sister Fight Protocol too?

Drakus: Or in Linka's case, Brother Fight Protocol. And that is far worse than whatever Erupting Volcano is. I call that Jonestown, DEFCON 0.

Lincoln: What's DEFCON 0?

Drakus: Basically, it means that there is no defensive readiness and everything in that alt-verse has to be destroyed for the stability of the omniverse.

Lisa: Technically, it's not an actual DEFCON level.....but that is the correct way to put it.

Taeko: We got to help Linka.

Zerinax: I know. But, like most cases of alt-verse travels, it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Drakus: Linka is now stuck here. But don't worry Linka, we'll do everything we can to help you.

Linka: You will?

Drakus: Sure. That's what friends, or in this case, people trying to be civil to their alt-verse self, are for.

Linka came over to me and hugged me.

Linka: Thank you.

Drakus: You're..... welcome.

Lynn Sr. and Rita came in through the door.

Lynn Sr.: Hey guys. We're home.

Drakus: Welcome home Mr. Lynn. We have a rather interesting development for you. You have a 12th daughter.

Drakus, Taeko and Linka explained everything to them and Lynn Sr. and Rita were shocked.

Lynn Sr.: Welp, might as well adopt a kid.

Linka: Hey, I feel like I'm happier here than I was at home.

Drakus: Let's see what's going on. Watch. [Chants an incantation] Zinbo, Zanbo, Kibidi Zay, let us see an alt-verse right away!

Blue fire formed a dimensional viewing window into Linka's dimension and we saw Lynn Sr. and Rita's counterparts crying as the older boys were taken away in police cars and the younger boys minus Larry and Leon were taken away by Child Protection Services.

Linka: My brothers minus Larry and Leon are being taken away?

Laney: Whoa. That is rough.

Drakus: This is why we should get rid of that Sister Fight Protocol. From the looks of things, we should just let the Pruners get rid of this, it'll be good for all parties involved.

Lola: You're right, Drakus. That protocol did only make things worse.

Lisa: And not just for us, but for the entire neighborhood and our friends and relatives.

Lynn Sr.: And this version of you guys were fighting over a baseball card?

Drakus: Not just any baseball card Mr. Loud. It was a 1954 Ted Williams. That's worth $222.50 in today's average value. It's small change in omniverse standards, but in alt-verses where the currency is trash, and I don't mean that as bad, it'll get quite a nifty penny.

Rita: That's a lot of money for one little card.

Zerinax: There's a difference between Loki & Loni and Lori & Leni. Lori and Leni were fighting because they had the same kind of dress. Loki and Loni were fighting because they both had 1954 Ted Williams Cards. That's enough to buy a couple Ferraris if we head to an alt-verse where garbage is the currency.

Laney: That is a lot of money. But just to be safe, better get rid of the Sister Fight Protocol.

Lily: Agreed.

Everyone agreed and Drakus closed the window.

Lucy: By the way, Drakus, could they see or hear us through that window?

Drakus: No they could not, Lucy. It was a simple viewing window, nothing too crazy, sides, the Pruners would be coming for that alt-verse soon.

Lucy: Oh, I see.

Linka was now a member of the Loud Family in the prime dimension, and she and Lincoln now share the same room.

Chapter Text

It starts in another dimension.

The Teen Titans were fighting their nemesis, Slade Wilson, also known as Deathstroke. He was proving to be a challenge.

Robin: It's over, Slade. Your terror on the city is over.

Slade: It's just beginning, young Robin.

Starfire punched Slade in the face and fired lasers from her eyes and burned his back, as Slade grunted in pain. Robin, Beast Boy, Raven, Cyborg and Terra, as well as Jinx and Kid Flash combined their abilities and sent him flying away. Then without warning, Jinx was hit by a bolt of lightning from out of nowhere and in a vortex opened up and she was sucked into it and was gone.

Kid Flash: JINX!

Beast Boy: Dude. Where'd she go?

Cyborg: That vortex lead to another dimension. Maybe we can find out where she's been taken to.

Drakus, Taeko, the X-Squad, Woody, and Wally were over at the Loud House as a thunderstorm was going on outside. It was raining a lot.

Garie: Rainy days are beautiful, huh?

Taeko: Yeah. But what can you do?

Laney: Hey, look over there.

They all saw lightning bolts coming out of one spot in the storm. This was totally unheard of.

Drakus: I don't think I've ever seen lightning come out of a localized spot in a storm before.

Lori: Me neither.

Roman: That was unexpected.

Drakus sensed something coming.

Drakus: [Gasp] EVERYONE, GET YOUR ASSES DOWN!

Something made of lightning struck through the window and hit Lincoln and; Linka head on.

It vanished 2 seconds later and everyone saw that Lincoln and Linka are unharmed, but on top of them was a draconic being made of lightning.

Drakus: Lincoln, Linka, are you two alright?

Linka: Yeah. I'm alright.

Lincoln: Me too, but I feel strange.

Laney: That's weird. There's no tornado. Usually whenever one of us gets magic, a tornado envelopes us. I was in a tornado of leaves.

Lana: Mine was wind.

Lola: Mine was fire.

Lori: Mine was ice.

Lucy: Mine was darkness.

Lily: Mine was water.

Drakus: Lincoln, Linka, can you see if you can do anything?

Lincoln: We'll try.

Lincoln and Linka held out their hands and they fired a bolt of lightning that hit 2 chairs and reduced them to splinters.

Micha: Cool!

Garie: Whoa!

We were all amazed.

Drakus: Lincoln, Linka, you both have lightning magic!

Lincoln: We do?

Linka: Yeah, we do!

Lincoln: How is this possible!?

Laney: That lightning dragon did it.

Drakus: Let me check. 

Drakus checked his phone and found a rather peculiar discovery, as the dragon soon laughed, his voice booming and bombastic.

Thundarus: Lincoln and Linka of the Loud clan, be honored by this, you two have lightning magic because of being graced by me, Thundarus, the most powerful of the Dark Spectres and revered as the Jersey Devil! I will grant two worthy people my lightning magic when a hole in the fabric of the omniverse is opened up during a thunderstorm. You will also gain flight and the ability to travel through any electrical current, and will give lightning magic to anyone struck by lightning on the other side of wherever the hole either leads to or is coming from!

Lincoln: That's incredible!

Linka: No kidding!

Luan: This is truly a SHOCKING development! [Rimshot and Laughs] Get it?

Drakus: [Laughs] Good one, Luan.

Taeko: But where will this hole come from?

Drakus: Guess we'll have to go and find out.

The X-Squad, Wally, Woody, Meanie, the Loud Kids, Bobby and Ronnie Anne went to the spot where the hole appeared over and we saw an amazing sight. It was actually a wormhole from another dimension leading into their dimension. Lightning was lining the spinning walls of the wormhole and putting on an incredible display. They also could see right into it. It was an extremely long tunnel that leads from another dimension to theirs.

Furina: Wow. What a sight! It's like a white hole!

Lisa: That is a good identification.

Drakus: Oh come on, a wormhole?! Okay, who looked the Shadow People directly in the eyes?!

Taeko: I can't see anything on the other end!

Lincoln: This is amazing! I thought these weren't real!

Linka: Me too!

Lynn: Wow! What a sight!

Lori: Boo-Boo-Bear, this is incredible!

Bobby: I know babe!

Drakus: Before we go any further, we'll have to 

They soon heard screaming coming from the wormhole.

Neo: Something's coming through!

Drakus squinted and saw a figure coming through.

Drakus: I see someone!

It came closer and Drakus recognized her immediately as the wormhole closed up as Drakus caught her.

Drakus: [Gasp] That's Jinx of the Teen Titans!

Lori: Lets take them back to the house.

Drakus: Right.

The group took her back to the house and laid her on the floor and she start waking up.

Me: Are you okay?

Jinx: Yeah, I kinda am. Where am I?

Drakus: You're in Hell, more specifically, the Loud Residence in Michigan.

Jinx: Michigan? How did I wind up here?

Drakus: You were taken from your dimension because apparently, someone decided to mess with what they couldn't understand and made a wormhole to our dimension.

Jinx: [gasp] I remember. I got sucked in through that wormhole after I got hit by that pink lightning.

Lori: Pink Lightning?

Drakus: I don't know how that happened.

Jinx: I should probably introduce myself. My name is Lilith Blackwind. I come from the planet Nadir.

Drakus: I've heard a lot about Nadir. It's a beautiful planet in the Zenku System.

Jinx: Yes. My real name is Z'akel, the Princess of Nadir.

Taeko: A princess, huh? That's cool.

Jinx: It is.

Lucy: I like your style, Jinx. You like dark and mysterious things like I do.

Jinx: Thank you.

Drakus: Well, we should introduce ourselves. My name is Drakus Hydrax, prince of Drakonia.

Jinx: Interesting.

Taeko: My name is Taeko Yasuhiro. Drakus is my fiance.

Jinx: Congratulations, you two.

Drakus: Thanks.

Woody: My name is Woody Woodpecker. I don't have any powers. But I can peck through hard wood and solid concrete. Wally over here has super strength, and Meanie's a smarty-pants.

Jinx: Whoa! That's tough stuff.

Lori: My name is Lori Loud. I'm the eldest child of my family. I have flight and ice magic.

Lori formed small blizzards in both her hands.

Jinx: What?! How did you get your powers?

Lori: I was blessed by Da-Zo here, a Dark Spectre who gives ice magic to those he seems worthy.

Laney: Turns out we have Iroquois in our heritage and are apparently descendants of Dracula.

Leni: My name is Leni Loud. I'm the 2nd child. I make great fashions.

Drakus: Leni doesn't have any powers but her fashion designs are awesome.

Jinx: I'll have to see them.

Luna: My name is Luna Loud. I'm the 3rd Child. I don't have any powers. But I like to play rock and roll.

Jinx: Wicked!

Luan: My name is Luan Loud. I'm the 4th Child and I'm the jokester and have light magic thanks to Dactylux.

Lynn: My name is Lynn Loud Jr. I am the sports master.

Jinx: You like playing sports?

Lynn: Yeah, it is Awesome!

Jinx: What sports do you play?

Lynn: Basketball, Baseball, Hockey, and more.

Lincoln: My name is Lincoln Loud and she's Linka Loud. We became twins.

Linka: We have lightning magic, flight and the ability to travel through electrical currents thanks to Thundarus here.

Jinx: That's interesting.

Lucy: My name is Lucy Loud. I have dark magic because of Pazux.

Jinx: You're good, but I'm better! Watch this!

Jinx shot a beam of pink energy at a plant pot, and it shattered to nothing.

Lucy: Wicked. Maybe you can help me learn some more magic, Jinx.

Jinx: I'd be happy to teach you, Lucy.

Laney: My name is Laney Loud and I have plant magic, thanks to Korhan. Watch.

Laney grew vines from her arm and they became a sword.

Jinx: That is neat.

Lana: My name is Lana Loud. I have wind powers because of Froskhi.

Lana made gauntlets of snow in her hands.

Lola: My name is Lola Loud. I have fire magic because of Infertigre.

Lola set her hands on fire.

Drakus: Lola and Lana are twins.

Lisa: My name is Lisa Loud. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I have no powers, unfortunately. But I am a scientist.

Jinx: Interesting.

Lily: And my name is Lily Loud. Biologically I'm 15 months old, but I bonded with Aquaris and he transformed me into a 10-year-old.

Jinx: Wha-?

Lily made the plant pot Jinx shattered turn into water.

Jinx: That's cool.

Bobby: It's a pleasure to meet you all. My name is Bobby Santiago, and this is my mom Maria and my little sister Ronnie Anne.

Jinx: Pleasure.

Drakus: So what were you doing in your dimension before you arrived here?

Jinx: Well, I was fighting Slade.

Drakus: Slade Wilson AKA Deathstroke?

Jinx: That's him. He was out to destroy the city and, well, you know how the story went.

Lincoln: Well that's good. I'm glad he's gone forever.

Drakus: Dude, he's a good dad, and he at least has honor.

Jinx: You're not wrong!

Jinx then felt a pain in her back and she suddenly sprouted pink bat wings, and everyone but the X-Squad and Dark Specters gasped.

Thundarus: It's an effect of my magic dragging you here, young one.

The squad later sit down in the living room and had a nice chat and dinner. Jinx now lives in the Loud House, and Drakus called up the OVDF Home Flippers to make the Loud House into an apartment complex.

Chapter Text

The X-Squad walked into the Loud Complex and saw that Lynn's siblings, Jinx and Clyde were trying to help Lynn, and saw her leg was broken.

Lynn: This stinks! I can't play sports for 8 to 10 weeks! That stupid Betsy! I will destroy her for this!

Lincoln: Why would Betsy break your leg like this, Lynn?

Lynn: She's jealous of me, that's why.

Jinx: Maybe break her shin right back, eye for eye and all that jazz!

Drakus: I can't argue with that, Jinx. Sometimes, the best solution is....to pay it back.

Lynn looked at Drakus and Jinx with shock.

Drakus: Well, can you blame us? This Betsy brat deprived Lynn the use of her leg and dishonored the family, and I will not let her get away with this. Sports are Lynn's life, and I'm simply getting it back in blood.

Archibald: Lord Hydrax, wait! She may have henchmen with her, so we'll go with you.

Linka: Yeah! We'll be Lynn's avenging angels, so to speak.

Drakus: No, no, we're gonna be her avenging devils.

Drakus picked up the phone, dialed Betsy's number, and she answered it.

Betsy: Hello?

Drakus: Hello, is this Betsy Davis?

Betsy: Yeah, why?

Drakus: Hello Betsy. My name is Drakus, you could say I'm a friend of Lynn Loud. The girl whose leg you broke.

Betsy: Oh. Called to congratulate me on breaking that loser's leg?

Drakus: No. I called because I challenge you to Kazarnikosa. Well, unless of course you're an honorless chicken. [Clucks like a chicken]

Betsy gets enraged.

Betsy: [Infuriated] Oh, It is on! Name the place and I will be there!

Drakus: Royal Woods Park, 20 minutes. And bring some friends. [Hangs up]

Drakus: Gentlemen, move out!

20 minutes later, the X-Squad, The Loud kids, Jinx and Clyde, with Lynn in a wheelchair, were at the park and saw Betsy coming and had 10 friends with her, all delinquent thugs.

Drakus: So you all came, good, and we see that you know a street gang, pretty cool.

Betsy: Yes. Now, we will destroy you. I see Lynn is with you. Is she here to play this dumb game too?

Drakus: No. She's gonna sit back and enjoy the show while I regain her honor. Now, we must prepare ourselves.

Drakus pulled out a sword-like hammer, and threw Betsy another sword-like hammer.

Drakus: Here, a traditional kosa mallet, so that we may be equally matched in this fight for honor.

Taeko: Luna, Leni, Luan, Lisa, Clyde, everyone else, you guys stay back and watch Lynn. Lincoln, Linka, Roman, Neo, Lucy, Lori, Taeko, Jinx, Garie, Lana, Lola, here's some hammers, come with me. This is gonna be rough.

Luna: Kick their butts, dudes!

Drakus: We intend to. I'll face Betsy. The rest of you, take the rest.

Archibald: But of course, Lord Hydrax.

Betsy: GET THEM!

They both charged and the fight erupts into a full scale duel of honor.

Battle 1: Roman and Neo VS Max

Roman delivered a slam from his cane to Max's face, a kick to his crotch and stomach and a haymaker to his back and an uppercut to Max's chin.

Max went in for a right jab, but Neo used her Semblance, leaving behind an illusion that shattered as the fist collided. As the illusion faded, Roman appears and used Melodic Cudgel to fire a round at Max, knocking him off his feet.

Max tried to fight back but Roman blocked all his strikes with no problems. Max then pulled out a Jackal Dagger and tried to slash him, hitting his cheek, but he hit his hand with his cane and knocked it out of his hand, then dragged him down with his cane, and kicked him in the back and sent him into the air and he landed on the ground with a big thud.

Max was dazed and confused, and Roman took his knife and kept it as a trophy.

Roman: Finder's fee, kid, learn it sometime.

Lynn: Whoa. I don't think I've ever seen Roman fight like that!

Battle 2: Lori VS Megan

Lori punched Megan in the nose and used her wind magic and blew her into a tree. Megan got up and charged and Lori dealt multiple kicks to her face, soon, Megan was weak and tired, and Lori head-butted Megan and knocked her down.

Lori: Wow! That felt good.

Leni: Lori is amazing.

Lynn: No kidding. She pulverized her.

Battle 3: Lincoln and Linka VS Tori and Kori

Lincoln: You guys are twins too?

Tori: Eh. It's a living.

Kori: We make the best out of it. Now, let's see what you got.

Linka: With pleasure.

Lincoln and Linka worked together and punched them in the face, kicked them in the stomach, uppercut their chins, kicked their arms, and electrocuted them with their lightning powers. Knocking them out.

Luna: Right on, bro and sis!

Lynn was proud of her little brother and sister.

Battle 4: Lucy VS Zaz

Lucy: So, you're a goth girl too.

Zaz: Uh, no duh, and I will end you.

Lucy: Bring it.

Lucy leapt up, punched Zaz in the mouth, which knocked out her teeth, and fired a blast of darkness at her and it burned a hole in her clothes and Lucy saw bruises and more.

Lucy: Gasp! The gang has been abusing you haven't they?

Zaz: What? No! Those weren't from them. How did you know I got bruises?!

Lucy: I can tell because of the bruises on your back. These are bad. I can also sense pain in you.

Zaz: How would you know!? You've never had your parents bleed to death in front of you! You've never had to be stuck on the streets!

Lucy: Okay, what you've been through was bad. You're right, I didn't experience what you went through, but I can tell that you've had it worse than most people.

Luna came over.

Luna: That is awful what you went through, dude. Zaz, I am so sorry for what happened to your parents. Lets go sit down and you can tell us what happened.

Zaz: Okay.....

As Lisa was looking Zaz over, she explained her background.

Zaz: It was just supposed to be a normal trip to the store......only problem was we were in the Chicago projects.

Luan: I've heard about the Chicago Projects. Living there is a death sentence.

Zaz: Well for me, it was a nightmare. My father and my mother were mowed down in a gang war, collateral, the news called it. I tried to call for help, and they said it'd only take 27 minutes. [Tearing up] I waited 27 minutes and no one came. No one. Do you know what that's like?! Huh?! To be powerless?!

Luan came and hugged and comforted her.

Luan: That is just awful. I'm sorry that happened to you, Zaz.

Zaz: My real name is Shannon Deluthe.

Lynn: I'm so sorry, Shannon. We'll do everything we can to help you. What happened to your parents was a tragedy. Mistakes were made.

Shannon grabbed Lynn by the neck of her shirt.

Shannon/Zaz: No! No. It wasn't a mistake. And it wasn't an accident. The system worked exactly like it was built to. Mom and dad did everything right, and they still let them die in the street.

Micha: Shannon, that wasn't exactly fair for you, but, hey, we can help end the nightmares.

Shannon let out all her pain and sadness and was starting to feel better.

Battle 5: Laney VS Yuvi (a girl that looks like Tenchi Universe's Yuki)

Laney was fighting Yuvi and she head-butted her in the nose and punched her in the mouth. Laney kicked her in the stomach, punched her in the back and roundhouse kicked her in the leg. Laney used her plant powers and made a whip of poison ivy and lashed her across the back and poisoned her with the chemical in poison ivy. Yuvi was itching like crazy. Laney then knocked her out with a spinning axe kick to her face.

Laney: How's that for girl power?

Lynn: Wow. That was awesome. Laney got her good.

Battle 6: Lana & Lola VS Donny, Brock and Rutch (Essentially copies of the Rowdyruff Boys)

Lana & Lola fought the three boys and pulverized all three of them and blasted them with their fire and ice powers until they were knocked out.

Battle 7: Taeko and Garie VS Tone

Taeko was facing Tone, and she punched him in the mouth and knocked out some of his teeth, then Garie kneed him in the chin and grabbed him and threw him into a tree, knocking him out.

Taeko: That's for me, just for making us tired.

Final Battle: Drakus VS Betsy

Drakus whacked Betsy in the nose with the mallet, as Betsy whacked Drakus right on his back, as Drakus kicked her in the leg and sweeped her and kicked her in the back. Betsy went into the air and landed on the ground with a big thud.

Taeko: That must've hurt.

Without warning, a massive earthquake rattled the park.

Drakus: An earthquake!

He checked his phone and saw that the epicenter is right on top of where Lynn is and it measured at 9.5 on the richter scale.

A tornado of dirt, rocks and dust swirled around Lynn, as a giant badger made of stones, dirt, lava and other minerals dug up from the dirt.

Laney: Another bonding!

When the tornado died down, Lynn was totally healed up.

Lynn: What happened? I feel weird. Wait a second!

Lynn held out her hand and caused a pillar of rock to form out of the ground.

Drakus: Lynn, You have earth magic!

Lynn: I do. Now it's time for some fun.

Lynn then had a bunch of rocks float around her, then threw them at Betsy and they all hit her and she was knocked out.

Drakus: Karzana! Victory belongs to us!

We all start cheering as the cops arrived.

Officer Khan: Nice work guys. We've been after this street gang for years.

Drakus: Thanks, Officer Khan.

Officer Khan: I can't argue with that. Are you guys okay after that earthquake?

Me: Yep, we're all fine. Betsy called on that street gang and we, well, challenged them and Betsy to a traditional Drakonian honor duel. Betsy broke Lynn's leg, and, well, I reacted accordingly.

Officer Khan: Okay then, well, let's get this gang to the doctor, apparently something's wrong with Betsy, and she really needs to get some therapy.

Betsy: You will pay for this, Lynn. I'll get even,  I'll be back!

Drakus had his hand at her face.

Drakus: Talk to the hand. But seriously, you fought well, and maybe Lynn could be interested in bringing you to that diner she goes to soon.

The cops all drove off.

Back at the Loud House, Drakus was explaining what went down at the park.

Lynn Sr: So you guys all fought and took down the Black Daffodils....in an honor duel?

Drakus: Is that the gang we fought?

Taeko: Black Daffodils? These guys sound funny.

Rita: They caused a number of problems over the last 5 years and they terrorized Detroit.

Drakus: Oh, those, yeah, they were good at fighting.

Taeko: Drakus, babe, love of my life, you had no idea we were fighting a vicious gang?

Garie: Lynn, I had no idea Betsy was about that thug life.

Lynn: I had no idea, either.

Drakus: None of us did.

Micha: That's good. But how did Lynn get earth magic like Leiur?

Drakus: Let me check here.

Drakus looked at the OVDF database and discovered a very strange occurrence, as the badger spoke as if he had wisdom from beyond time itself.

Aval: Young Lynn was blessed by me, Aval, the Dark Spectre that most consider to be the Slide-Rock Bolter. Once every 100 years, I grant anyone worthy my magic, with me, one can shape mountains, volcanoes, islands and hills as well as the crystals, rocks and minerals deep inside, and possess enhanced strength and durability. But, it can only happen 2 days after such soul has been injured.

Garie: Wait, Lynn got injured 2 days ago.

Lynn: Yeah.

Jinx: I had no idea there were still Dark Spectres, and most of these are how some of you guys got your powers?

Lori: It literally surprised us, Jinx. Laney was the first of us to get powers.

Korhan: This family has been blessed by our master in more ways than one.

Taeko: Earth is a very destructive and powerful force.

Lynn: Yeah. Aval, do you think you can teach me how to learn more of my powers?

Aval: I'd be more than happy to.

There was a knock at the door and I answered it. It was the police Chief Douglas Molonex.

Lynn Sr.: Chief Molonex. What can we do for you?

Chief Molonex: The mayor has called you and everyone in this household to a special award ceremony at city hall.

Drakus: We're on our way.

At Detroit City Hall, The mayor had the X-Squad and Louds there as he made his speech.

Mayor Mortimer Bendro: It is with great pride in the city of Detroit that I give The Key to The City to you X-Squad and Louds, for outstanding heroism in the apprehension of the Black Daffodil Gang.

He hands the squad each a Key to The City and everyone applauded for us.

Drakus: Thank you, Mr. Bendro. It's truly a great honor. In all honesty we had no idea that we fought a gang that's been terrorizing the city, we were just avenging Lynn's honor.

Mortimer Bendro: It happens to the best of us most of the time.

The members of the Black Daffodils were found guilty of numerous crimes including assault and battery, armed robbery, several weapons violations and numerous counts of theft. They were all sentenced to 34 months of mandated therapy and community service. Betsy Davis was found guilty of assault and battery and 1st class conspiracy. She was sentenced to 6 months in juvie hall and ordered to pay the Loud House $300.00 in restitution. Shannon Deluthe had the gang that killed her former parents arrested and she testified against them. They were found guilty of 40 counts of 1st Degree Murder and were sentenced to 40 consecutive life terms for Murder, Drug Possession, and more. Shannon was adopted into the Loud House and was in a new good home.

Chapter Text

Inside the Loud Complex, thanks to Drakus asking Maria's family and relatives to move in to be the first tenants, Garie was helping the grandpa, Hector, with taking decorations from apartment 2A to apartment 2B with a toddler, Carlitos, mimicking them. His wife, Rosa, came out of 2B with a pot and Carlitos started mimicking her.

Rosa: Hector, you were supposed to put up all the decorations this morning!

Hector: I was helping customers.

Garie: I saw you, you were gossiping with the customers.

Hector: I do not gossip! By the way, did you hear Vito Filliponio whitens his teeth?

Rosa: Ugh.

As they take care of business, the pet parrot, Sergio, comes out of 2B with a bone.

Sergio: [squawks] Too slow!

A big dog, Lalo, chases after the bird, with Micha rushing after them.

Micha: Sergio! Gimme back the bone!

Enter the only daughter, Carlota, with her hair all frizzy.

Carlota: Carl! Did you use all my hair product again?!

Enter the self-proclaimed stud, Carl.

Carl: This kind of handsome doesn't happen on its own.

Mystle: Well, I've been lacking in decent hair lately. Come here!

Mystle grabbed Carl and starts rubbing his hair against hers.

Carl: STOP IT! YOU'RE SMOOSHING THE FLAIR!

Their mother, Frida, takes a picture of Carl and Mystle fighting, as Carlota started taking bets from the squad to see if one of them was right about the new hairdo Mystle will have.

Frida: [overjoyed] I love seeing my babies play so sweetly. [gets tears in her eyes and cries into the next apartment with Carlitos following and mimicking her.]

Carl and Carlota fix their hair and go their separate ways. Enter one more kid named CJ, wearing a cape.

CJ: I'm Super CJ! [makes whooshing noises and pretends to fly with Carlitos mimicking that.]

Enter the father, Carlos, reading a book.

Carlos: Okay, Super CJ, just watch where you're going. [walks into a wall] Oof! Huh, whoopsie. [clears throat and reads his book.] Ooh! Did you know that sea anemones glow when they're scared.

Carlota: Dad, it's the weekend. You're not supposed to be doing professor stuff.

Carlos: Oh, this isn't for work. It's just for fun.

Sergio: [squawks] Nerd alert!

Rosa: [hands Carlos a casserole dish] Carlos, put this on the table for me, please.

While Carlos is too busy reading his book, Lalo eats up the casserole which Carlitos imitates. CJ continues playing his superhero game.

Frida: [with a curtain] Where should we put this?

[Everyone starts arguing about the arrangements.]

Casagrandes: No no no!/Right here!/Why did we wait so long to do this?/They're gonna be here any second!

CJ: [seeing someone] Bobby!

The rest of the family gasps and CJ whooshes into Bobby's arms.

Bobby: CJ! [catches CJ] Oof! How ya doing, buddy? You grow anymore, and you're gonna have to carry me!

The rest of the Casagrandes take the Santiagos luggage while Ronnie Anne is with Rosa.

Rosa: [pushes Ronnie Anne into her bosom.] Oh, mija, I'm so happy I get to have you here with us!

Soon, Lisa called for a meeting.

Lisa: My friends and fellow siblings, I have gathered you all here for a special unveiling.

She leads us all into a unique room.

Lisa: Behold, my dimension portal, or, as Drakus calls it, the Psyche Zone. With this, we can use our powers and abilities in any kind of dimension, on any difficulty, and in any time, planet, world, city, or environment.

Drakus: And she brought us all in here, so we can give it a field test.

Lisa: Precisely. But one of you will be testing it today and if it works we will be using it more often.

Carl: Awesome!

Lisa: So, who wants to try it out?

Drakus: How about we let Lynn give it a test drive? She recently acquired her powers, and just finished her training.

They all agree, but then Drakus' phone started ringing.

Drakus: Sorry. [Answers the phone] This is Drakus, speaking.

???: Good afternoon, Mr. Hydrax, the OVDF has another target for you and your team, Sir Rothbart, an enchanter who assassinated King William and was responsible for kidnapping and changing his daughter, Princess Odette, into a swan in a bid to marry her and become king of Britain legally. Your mission is to eliminate Sir Rothbart. The only problems are simple. For one; he can turn into a great chimera called the Great Animal, and two; the possiblity of Odette being in the crossfire. This is quite the political powder keg, so be careful. The fate of a kingdom is at stake. I will leave you to prepare, Hydrax.

Drakus: Thanks, Diana, guess 47's coming along?

Diana: Yes, he's been contracted by a source that wishes to remain anonymous.

Lisa: Excellent scenario, setting and danger.

Lisa punched in the settings and activated the room.

Soon, Lynn and 47 were in the final battle of 1994's The Swan Princess where Prince Derek was about to fight the evil sorcerer Rothbart.

Lynn: Cool. I'm in the Swan Princess! It feels so realistic.

Agent 47: We're eliminating a sorcerer, huh?

47 soon got out a literal assault rifle.

Outside the portal in the control room.

Lisa: Excellent choices, the Swan Princess is one of my favorite musical animation movies.

Drakus: I'm glad. I wanted to give your simulator a test run with this scene.

Lynn saw Prince Derek about to confront Rothbart.

Derek: Don't let her die!

Rothbart: Is that a threat?

Derek: Don't you dare let her die!

Rothbart: Oooh! It is a threat!

Derek: You're the only one with the power. Now do it!

Rothbart pushed him to the ground, and Lynn and Agent 47 came out and faced him.

Lynn: You're time has come, Rothbart! You will pay for your crimes!

Agent 47: Nothing personal, the contract called for your death, now, please revive Odette.

Rothbart: Only if you defeat... me!

Lynn: With pleasure.

Rothbart then transformed into the Great Animal, a horrific demonic animal that's a fusion of a wolf, a bat, an eagle and a lizard. It had a wolf's head, bat wings, an eagle's talons, and a lizard's tail and it's eyes were red like blood.

Derek: The Great Animal!

Lynn: Okay, furball, let's dance!

Agent 47: Really? You know I have a gun, right?

Lynn flew up and punched him in the mouth and knocked out a tooth. Rothbart flew into the air, and Lynn chased him, as 47 shot at him, as the bullets went through his wings, as Rothbart fell to the ground. He crashed through a tree and landed with a big thud.

Lynn landed and her, Agent 47 and Derek decided to team up and the Great Animal was a challenge.

Lynn fired a beam of lava through its left arm and it jumped and slashed Lynn's face over her right eye.

Lynn: Ow! My face!

Unfortunately, her eye was cut.

Outside the simulator.

Drakus: Ooh! That's gonna hurt.

Taeko: You can get seriously hurt in this thing.

Mystle: No kidding.

Hector: This machine works really well.

Lisa: So far, yes.

Lori: Let's wait for Lynn to finish.

Lynn: No more Ms. Nice Girl!

She flew and grabbed Rothbart and took him over the lake and fired a beam of lava that went through his black heart, as 47 shot him through the skull, as he fell and hit the lake and exploded.

Diana: At the risk of seeming flippant, the sorcerer has expired, and the money has been wired. Exit 47 and Lynn, stage left.

Lynn saw Derek and Odette and she was revived.

The simulation ended and Lynn and Agent 47 came in and we cheered for them.

Drakus: Well, Lisa. Your new portal is a 100% success!

Lisa: Indeed. Thank you all for testing it.

Agent 47: It was our pleasure.

Roman: I have a feeling that we can use this thing more often.

Chapter Text

Drakus, Lincoln & Linka were in the Psyche Zone for a special exercise

Drakus: A special history report at school in 2 days, huh? I think I know where to go......

Lincoln: [To the Viewers] Our history report is about the people in Dante Alighieri's Inferno.

Drakus: To Uncle Lucifer's home, gentlemen!

Taeko, Lisa, Lily, Lola & Lana and Laney were in the control room.

The exercise activated

The 1st Circle Of The Inferno - Pride.

Drakus, Lincoln and Linka were walking through a bustling city, with the sky appearing to be red in shading.

Lincoln: What is this place?

Drakus: This is the 1st Circle of Hell - Pride. Most forsaken live here too.

In the nearby citadel of Hell, they saw numerous famous people.

Linka: Who are all these people?

Drakus: These are the great rulers and philosophers of the Golden Ages that call this ring home. Hector here was the Chief of the Trojan Army and the greatest fighter for Troy in the Trojan War. Orpheus over there was a musician that went into Hell to bring his dear wife, Eurydice, back from the dead. Pontius Pilate here was the man that ordered Jesus Christ to be nailed to the cross. Electra over there was the Princess of Argos that killed her mother Clytemnestra and stepfather Aegisthus for the murder of her dad/lover. Julius Caesar is the former emperor of Rome. King Latinus was the Trojan Hero and king of Latium. Plato, Socrates and Aristotle were all famous Greek philosophers.

Drakus, Lincoln and Linka walked down a hall and saw another soul.

Lincoln: Who is this?

Drakus: This here is Saladin, Sultan of Syria and Egypt. In 1193 AD during the Crusades, he took over the holy city of Jerusalem in Israel, he's a very famous figure in Arabic lore.

Lincoln: I didn't know that.

As they pressed on they saw numerous souls of the forsaken, and then arrived at a luminescent humanoid with a translucent body shows a clear view of the circulatory system, as well as a hole for a face and serpents warping around the arm..

Linka: What is that?

Drakus: That's King Minos. He was once the king of Crete before Daedalus cooked him in his own bath. Now, the big lug forever judges the forsaken and sends them to one of the 8 circles below.

King Minos: Who comes into my House of Pain?

Drakus: You know me, Minos, Drakus, Lucifer's nephew, these are my friends Lincoln & Linka Loud. They're here to do a school report for Lincoln & Linka's school, we need Uncle Lucifer here now.

King Minos: Hmm. I understand, Lord Hydrax.

Soon, the door opened, as the shortest man Lincoln and Linka ever saw was at it.

Lucifer: Draaaaaakyyyyy!

Drakus: Hey, Uncle-

Drakus didn't even get to finish because Lucifer hugged him really tight, kinda like a bear.

Lucifer: [hugs Drakus] Oh, it's so good to see you. Haha!

Drakus: *strained* It's uh, good to see you, too, Uncle Lucifer.

Lucifer let go of Drakus to give him a breather.

Lincoln: Wow, for the guy who literally rules hell. You are much shorter in real life.

The group proceeded on to the next circle.

The 2nd Circle of the Inferno - Lust

As they descended into the 2nd Circle, storm clouds raged on and rain and strong wind blew around as they saw a large city with many neon signs attached and have sexual motifs. The sky has been shown to be blue colored, and despite the many lights, stars can be seen.

Lincoln: What is this place?

Lucifer: This is the 2nd Circle of Hell - Lust. To this circle are condemned those that are total freaks in sex.

Linka: I think I get it.

They walked on a tall bridge heading to a tower and see lots of souls here.

Drakus: See her? That's Helen of Troy, queen of Troy. Was a big deal during the Trojan War. There's Semiramis, queen of Assyria, Francesca da Polenta and Paolo Malatesta, There's Paris, king of Priam, There's Marc Antony, a Roman politician that fell in love with Cleopatra VII.

?: That's right.

Out came Cleopatra VII herself, as a hot snake woman that had both Linka and Lincoln blushing.

Drakus: And this is Cleopatra VII, the last of the pharaohs and one of the greatest rulers of Egypt.

Cleopatra: That's correct. I have lived a glorious life, until I was bitten by an asp in 30 BC.

Linka: I've read about that. Your legacy still lives on and you have numerous amounts of inspiration in books, art, literature and entertainment.

Lincoln: What was it like to be a ruler in Egypt?

Cleopatra: It was glorious, young one. All the power and royalty. It was amazing, but I let my lust control me.

Lincoln: You're also one of my favorite pharaohs. You made Egypt great.

Cleopatra: Yes. I did.

Drakus: Until the Battle of Actium wrecked everything you worked hard for.

Linka: The Battle of Actium?

Lucifer: It was a total fiasco, destroyed the rule of the pharaohs back in 31 BC.

Cleopatra: Yes. I lost everything back then. And now here I sit, in this tower.

Lucifer: Bitch, you're helping Ozzie run the Lust Ring! Everything here has sexy energy.

Cleopatra: You're not wrong.

Linka: Thanks for sharing your time with us.

Cleopatra: You're welcome.

They pressed on.

The 3rd Circle of the Inferno - Gluttony

They were walking through a revolting landscape.

Lincoln: Ugh! This place reeks.

Linka: It's like I'm walking through my own intestines.

???: Turn back, now. The information here is NOT for your kind. Turn back, or you will be crossing the will of GOD!

What flew over to the group was an angel, whose armor is primarily white and gold. His armor included golden pauldrons, gauntlets that extended to his shoulders, and greaves that reached up to his thighs. His breastplate was gold and white, likewise are his tassets and helmet. The sides of his breastplate had dangling tassels. His helmet visor was primarily white and contained a golden cross and breathing holes on the face of it. A golden ornate band was present on the back and sides of his helmet. Two sheathes were present on his right hips, and had golden text written on them, one of them saying "Justice is Splendor", and the other saying "Splendor is Justice."

Lucifer: Oh, hey, big bro!

Gabriel: Hello, brother. Seems the choice is made. As the righteous hand of the Father, I will assist in your journey. But you are foolish to approach a servant of God such as myself, humans. I am the Archangel Gabriel, the sword of divine justice, the right hand of the Lord's will, the Judge of Hell!

Lucifer: Yeah. This is the 3rd Circle of Hell, Gluttony.

They then ran into the legendary Cerberus - the 3-headed dog of Greek Myth.

Lincoln: What is that!?

Lucifer: That fuzzball is Cerberus. The 3-headed dog that keeps this circle safe whenever something tries to crawl it's way outta here.

Drakus, Lincoln and Linka saw him eat numerous souls at a savage level.

Lincoln: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Drakus: I know it's unpleasant, but keep your noses sealed tight. The true Circle of Gluttony is inside of Cerberus.

Linka: Oh man. Well, let's head in.

Cerberus opened up and they went inside him.

Inside was an oddly pleasant place that had uniquely shaped buildings within a large, lush green forest with a constant green fog moving throughout. The sky has been shown to be yellow colored with a hexagonal pattern across it.

The most common trees of the forest had blue bark and red eyes, but there are also more tropical looking trees producing red goop from the leaves. Many of the buildings had a wavy-shaped structure while the roads have a hexagonal pattern across them.

Drakus: If you think outside was surreal, than you can't comprehend the kinds of punishments these people have to endure for eternity.

Lincoln: No kidding.

?: Young Hydrax, I heard about everything you've done.

The group saw a man dressed in rags, stuck under a pile of cotton candy.

Drakus: This guy's Ciacco. A citizen from Florence, Italy.

Ciacco: That's right. Gluttony was my offense and here I remain...mere skin and bones.

Drakus: Hey, let me try something.

Drakus walked up to him and placed his hand on his head and a blinding white light enveloped him and he returns to life in his clothes from the 13th Century.

Drakus: Blammo! You've been brought back to life!

Ciacco: I have! [hugs Drakus] Thank you, kind sir. You gave me a second chance at life.

Drakus: You're welcome, Ciacco.

The forsaken screamed as the ground started shaking.

A black shadowy figure with glowing blue eyes appeared, a Light Spectre clad in darkness, as it pointed a silver claw at Drakus, revealing itself to be a female humanoid clad in blue and silver armor, with draconic wings and a wolf tail.

Light Spectre: How dare you free the fallen!? They deserve torment for wasting their worthless lives!

Gabriel: So the little abominations Adam made are still alive? Fluxall, you have strayed too far, even by Lucifer's standards......

Fluxall: You?! Judging me, Fluxall of the Frozen Perfection?! You're the most hated being in all of creation!

Lucifer: Well, his first wife didn't seem to hate what I had to offer... or the second.

Gabriel sighed.

Gabriel: Must you brag about stealing both Lilith and Eve, brother?

Lucifer: Hey, not my fault they liked me better!

Drakus: These people don't deserve this kind of pain. It's not fair.

Fluxall: These sinners blew their shot and earned damnation, so they boil in the pot.

Lucifer: Well, pops didn't want humanity to be perfect. That invites stagnation. And yeah, people have waged wars. Some pops even sanctioned himself. We've all waged wars, and we've all committed crimes. Need I go on about your mistakes?

Fluxall: Those made by holy hands don't make mistakes.

Lincoln: You really think that?

Fluxall: I know that. I've never made a mistake in my life!

Drakus: I don't believe you. People waged wars and committed crimes since life was created. We always seem to find reason to. But we also find reason to stop fighting, create laws to mitigate crimes, even improve weapons to shorten wars. We learn and grow as the centuries pass. And that is the crux of all this... That mankind learns and creates. That is how they are made in gramps' image. Let me ask you, Fluxall... What have the Light Spectres created in the last few billion years?

Fluxall sputtered, offended that Drakus asked such a question.

Fluxall: I...well.........shut up, you hellspawn!

Drakus: Oh, I guess I see the truth of this. You do not truly believe mankind deserves to be damned. You're trying to kill mankind....out of jealousy. Because despite being made by the First Man, you created nothing, and were only made to govern that which has already existed. And while gramps accepted this that he might enjoy a rest, it was with the expectation that Adam and Sera would improve upon that which he had already created. Yet, Sera's been doing most of the work, while Adam simply committed demon genocide until Charlie and pals....well......you figured that out already, didn't you? You have sat in stagnation for eons. Meanwhile, what has mankind and even the Dark Spectres done? They've explored the entirety of the planet gramps first gave them, and are on their way to exploring the whole universe, hell, maybe even exploring the omniverse. They produce scientific advancements that bring them closer to the lifespan of the gods.

Lincoln: Yeah. The Light Spectres caused enough problems and we will put an end to you, someday!

Drakus: You better get ready for a war, Fluxall, because that is exactly what you are gonna get.

Linka: We won't let you ruin our home any longer.

Fluxall: I'd love to see you try, filth.

She vanished.

They pressed onward, with Ciacco coming with them.

The 4th Circle of the Inferno - Greed

They landed in some kind of rundown factory-city with rampant criminal and gang activity. The sky was green colored. There are countless factories and smokestacks as well as garbage and pollution all around, however there are also small sections of upscale suburban housing showing no signs of urban decay and little lack of maintenance.

Lincoln: Wow. There's a lot of gold here.

Linka: No kidding.

Ciacco: What is this place?

Lucifer: This is the 4th Circle, Greed.

They saw countless souls being melted in molten gold, crushed and mutilated in a factory and buried in huge piles of gold coins.

Drakus: Well, people do say that the love of money is the root of all evil, it's just not the only root.

Drakus walkes over to a pile of coins and casually picked up an ancient Florence Crown coin that fell off a pile.

Drakus: These are Crown Coins. We haven't used these in a long time.

A hand reached out and he jumped away.

?: That's my gold!

Lucifer: Gessius Florus, now, this guy was a procurator known for his insatiable greed, was the main reason for the Great Jewish Revolt back in the 1st Century.

Gessius: That's right, unfortunately.

Lucifer then shoved him back into the pile, and pushed said pile into the abyss below.

Lincoln: Boy, that guy was evil.

Linka: No kidding.

Gabriel: That is the truth, children. Some people care more about themselves than they care about others.

Lincoln: Yeah.

They pressed onward.

The 5th Circle of the Inferno - Wrath

They were in some kind of dark swamp with an old western style and home to many hellish beasts. The sky was orange colored. There were many volcanoes with orbs of lava floating above them, as well as old mine shafts and railroad tracks.

Lincoln: This place is bad.

Drakus: We are in the 5th Circle, Wrath. This place is for the wrathful and sullen, and the place that feeds the citizens of Hell.

A thunderous stomp echoes in the room to show the legs of the second highest authority of Hell and the second in command of the Seven Deadly Sins: Satan.

Satan: What is it?

Linka: I can feel the rage that's flowing in here.

Ciacco: Me too.

Drakus: Don't let it get to you, it's part of the charm. Hell, Uncle Satan makes sure there's some degree of law in Hell.....even if he tries to say he ran things before Uncle Lucifer fell.

Satan gulped. Lincoln, Linka and Ciacco were confused from what Drakus had said and they started to whisper as they looked at Drakus and Satan. Satan shifted his eyes around.

Satan: (stammering) Well, I, uh-

Drakus: Uncle Satan, have you been spreading out lies about being the first ruler of Hell before Uncle Lucifer again?

Satan: Well I uhh…may have told a little white lie about it. But it’s only to a few people.

Lincoln: (skeptical) A little white lie?

Lucifer rolled his eyes.

Lucifer: Believe me, he does it all the time.

Satan was dismayed.

Satan: Oh come on, Lucifer! I’ve been picking up your slack for years ever since you went AWOL!

Lucifer: Well, Satanas, I've been getting better, mostly thanks to Charlie's hotel.

Satan: Then why didn't you come when the trial started? Don’t I deserve to be praised and make legends of my own?

Drakus: You tried to put three imps and a hellhound's heads on pikes, and rushed that trial.

Satan: It was almost lunchtime!

Drakus groaned, bridging his nose.

Drakus: Ugh, you’re impossible!

Linka: So lunch is more important than a person's life?!

Satan grew annoyed.

Satan: They’re imps! There’s over ten million of them and counting! They reproduce more than bunnies in the human world!

They walk on and find Tarpeia, the daughter of Spurius Tarpeius who betrayed Rome to the Sabines and was crushed to death in a double crossing act, then Hecuba, the queen of Troy and we get to the dock of the River Styx - the River of Hate.

Drakus formed a force field bubble and we float across.

They then see another familiar face.

?: Who are you that comes here before your time!?

Satan: Filippo Argenti, 13th century politician known for having a nasty temper. This man opposed the return of Dante Alighieri, and as such, exiled him.

Filippo: That's right! Come here, and face an enemy of Florence!

Drakus: I don't think so.

They pressed on.

The 6th Circle of the Inferno - Heresy

They were walking through the 6th Circle of the Inferno - Heresy. Everywhere, they saw numerous tombs and countless heretics burning in fire.

Lincoln: Wow. This place is hot.

Lucifer: Yeah. It's the Tombs of Heresy.

Ciacco: It's times like these that I'm glad I didn't do that.

Drakus: Good, this is essentially Ohio on steroids, and people wonder why Ohio's home to the freaky shit, it's cause the tombs usually leak, and hellish beings slither out to terrorize the population.

Along the way, they encountered Emperor Frederick II, the king who had a neverending thirst for war, and also encountered Cavalcante de Cavalcanti, who was denounced as a heretic for his atheist beliefs.

?: Oh brave people who walk through this place so decorously, know that I am Farinata.

Gabriel: Farinata degli Uberti, a member of one of many Epicurus cults.

Farinata: Know this: the fallen can foresee the future but can never know the present. Your future, young Louds, is filled with death and destruction. Lucifer will reign supreme over the world, and you will join us forever.

Lucifer: I wouldn't count on it, coot's bad at future-telling.

The ground suddenly started shaking violently, while Lucifer and Drakus looked perfectly calm.

Lincoln: What's happening?

Drakus: It's a Harrowing. Jesus Christ's death forever quakes this circle. Let's go before they sell us linen.

The 7th Circle of the Inferno - Violence

They have arrived in the 7th Circle.

Lincoln: Whoa. That river looks fierce.

Lucifer: Yes, this is the 7th Circle - Violence. This circle is divided into 2 parts. The first part, which we're at, is called 'Maiming Rapids'. If you hurt others, you get to forever boil in the blood you have shed. Usually for those that have done murder and all that jazz.

Linka: Boy, this is really scary.

Ciacco: Incredible.

Drakus formed a force field bubble and they crossed the Phlegethon River, and in it, they saw lots of people, like Alexander the Great the greatest conqueror whoever lived, Dionysius I of Syracuse, a Sicilian Tyrant, Attila the Hun, Scourge of the Earth, Timothy McVeigh, known for the Oklahoma City Bombing in 1995, Napoleon Bonaparte, the 19th Century Conqueror, Countess Elizabeth Bathory, the Blood Countess, Peter the Great, the first Emperor of all Russia, Ivan the Terrible, the 1st Tsar of Russia and Vlad III of Walachia.

They arrived at a desert with lots of ancient ruins and fire raining from the sky.

Lincoln: Are we still in the 7th Circle?

Lucifer: Yes. This is the 2nd part, Abominable Sands. It's here that the fallen committed violence against pops.

A small earthquake was felt, and they all saw multiple Crusaders from over 1,000 years ago rise out of the sand.

Drakus: It's the Crusaders from 1,000 years ago.

Linka: But why are they being punished?

Drakus: All I can say is that some of the Crusades weren't actually done in the name of God.

A blast of sand exploded out of the ground and a figure started coming into view.

?: The bishop lied. Did he not, Hydrax?

Drakus: Francesco Portinari, I presume?

Francesco: God never condones violence of any kind. There was no holy war. Don't you understand? The priests lied.

Drakus: I've known that for years, Francesco. But what lead you to be down here?

Francesco: It was you! You did this to me!

Drakus: Hey, I wasn't even here a thousand years ago!

But Francesco didn't believe it.

Francesco: You don't deserve the life given to you. You don't deserve anything. And now you will join us here forever, where you belong!

Francesco unsheathed his sword and he came at Drakus.

A white light shines down on me and a sword appeared in front of Drakus.

?: Here, you need it.

Drakus took the sword, as a huge golden yellow light erupted out of him, and when it faded, he was his normal self, except there was a platinum highlight flowing through his hair.

Drakus: Uh, huh.

Lincoln: Drak, what happened to you?

Drakus: I don't know, Lincoln.

Soon, Drakus and Francesco clashed and Drakus' sword broke through his, and slashed his head off.

Drakus: Whoa.

Francesco and the Crusaders disintegrated into the sand.

Lucifer: Well, that was something.

Drakus reverted back to normal and got tired, as Lincoln and Linka came to him.

Lincoln: Are you alright?

Drakus: Yeah, I'm okay.

They pressed onward.

The 8th Circle of the Inferno - Fraud

They were now in the 8th Circle, Fraud.

Lincoln: What is this circle?

Gabriel: This is the Circle of Fraud.

Lincoln: Fraud?

Drakus: It means you lied and cheated in order to get what you want.

Linka: Boy. This circle looks really bad.

Lucifer: Yeah. This circle has 10 parts. Everyone stay with me.

They walked over each part of the circle.

The Parts are as follows:

1) Panderers and Seducers - This is where people that gratify distasteful desires or habits to such a person go.

2) Flatterers - People that give insincere praise are stewed in filth.

3) Simonists - People that sell pardons or benefices are buried upside-down with their feet sticking up and lit on fire.

4) Diviners - False fortune tellers walk with their heads twisted backwards.

5) Grafters - Crooked politicians are boiled in black tar.

6) Hypocrites - People that claim to have moral standards to which one's own behavior does not conform wear heavy lead cloaks and walk around the 6th part.

7) Thieves - Thieves are constantly attacked by snakes.

8) Evil Counselors - They are engulfed in flames and can only speak in fire.

9) Sowers of Discord - They walk around bearing horrible, disfiguring wounds on them inflicted by a demon with a sword.

10) True Falsifiers - They endure different punishments and use disease.

They made it out of the 8th Circle.

The 9th Circle of the Inferno - Treachery

We are now in the 9th Circle

Lincoln: Why is it so cold?

Lucifer: We are in the 9th Circle of Hell - Treachery. This is home to the Traitors. The ice is my tears for when I got tossed out of Heaven, great ice rink too. This circle has 4 parts.

Linka: Whoa. This place is scary.

Lincoln: It's gonna be okay, Linka.

Ciacco: We won't let anything happen to you.

Drakus: Let's go.

They walked through the 1st part of the 9th Circle, Caina. Named after Cain, who killed his brother Abel. Here are those that have betrayed their families. They saw many souls up to their faces in ice.

They walked through the 2nd part, Antenora. Named after the Trojan General Antenor, who betrayed Troy to the Greeks even after they had ransomed him from the Greek army. Here are those who betrayed their homelands. They saw the frozen giants of legend. Nimrod, the builder of the Tower of Babel, Ephialtes of Trachis, who betrayed Greece in hopes of receiving a reward from the Persians. And Antaeus, the invincible son of Mother Earth.

They walked through the 3rd part, Ptolomea. Named after Ptolomy, son of Abubis who invited Simon Maccabaeus and his sons to a banquet and then killed them. Here are those who betrayed their guests.

They got through the 4th part, Judecca. Named after Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Jesus Christ. Here are those who betrayed lords, masters and benefactors.

They soon arrived at the center pit of the 9th Circle and came across Fluxall!

Fluxall: Welcome, Hydrax. Welcome to your final resting place: The Circle of Traitors!

Drakus: We'll see about that.

He unsheathed BlueBlaze and the mysterious sword and flew up to her and slashed her in half.

Fluxall: Ouch.

Fluxall fell down and everyone thought that Drakus won. But, Fluxall regenerated, her body mending, as her face was revealed, with sickly pale skin, deep red eyes and jet black hair.

Drakus: So, this is your true form.

Fluxall: That's right. Thank you for that, I am very impressed. Many have tried to free me, and many have failed me. Carnivora, Phoenoz, Solarius, truly, you are the greatest of all my minions.

Drakus: Sorry, but I don't serve you.

Fluxall: You freed me from my eternal torment.

Lincoln: This was originally supposed to be stuff for a school report.

Lucifer: Oh, that. Knowledge is important.

Fluxall: But it was you I wanted all along. Don't you see? I was bound by the Adversary over there to this frozen pit. Only my shadow self was allowed to roam free. It took a mortal to release me. And that was you.

Drakus: So you lured us here? Hmm. Impressive. But like I said before. I'm going to make you pay for causing so much chaos and destruction to the very planet Yahweh gave mankind. See, you messed with my family, and now, I am going to FUCK you!

Everyone stared at Drakus confused or flustered.

Linka: (whispering) It's fuck you up, Drakus.

Lucifer: ...Wait, what did my nephew say?

Fluxall: (trying desperately to compose herself) Destroy the first creation of Adam? You arrogant gnat!

Fluxall formed a whip made of ice

Fluxall: Such vanity. Such pride. I could've slain you the moment you first came here.

Drakus slashed the whip and slashed Fluxall's right leg and kicked her in the face, as she crashed into the ice wall.

Lucifer saw the sword Drakus held.

Gabriel: How did he get the Sword of Michael?!

Lincoln: Is that what this sword is?

Lucifer: No shit! It's the most powerful weapon created by pops!

Drakus: Now I know. Uncle Michael is the leader of the Angel Army.

Drakus slashed Fluxall in the left arm and slashed her left eye out and stabbed her right in her wing, and sent her flying through a portal.

Drakus: That's for everything you've done!

Lincoln, Linka, Gabriel, Lucifer, and Ciacco cheered wildly for Drakus.

Drakus powered down and it was over.

Drakus: Come on guys. Lets go home. Don't forget to tell Charlie we said hi, Uncle Lucifer!

A vortex appears and sucked Drakus, Lincoln, Gabriel, Linka and Ciacco in, and the exercise was over.

2 days later, Lincoln & Linka come home and they got A+ on their reports. Ciacco and Gabriel now lived in the Loud Complex.

Chapter Text

Lola, clad in red armor resembling a samurai mixed with a harlequin with flame decals and a tiger motif, Micha, Garie and Zap were in the Simulator for an exercise.

Drakus, Taeko, Lana and Lisa were in the control room

As the portal activated, the group found themselves in the World of Codename Kids Next Door.

Lola: Wow. So this is Sector V from Kids Next Door. I had no idea that they live in huge treehouses.

Zap: You'd be surprised by what we know.

A figure flew by them and it was the Principal.

Principal: Parent Teacher Organization Of Eradicating Youngsters, attack!

Lola flew after him and threw a ball of fire at him and sent him spiraling into a dumpster.

Micha: Now to help out.

She flew into the treehouse and saw five kids fighting Adult Villains.

Mad Dad: Mad Dad MAD! You get bad report card again!

Micha: Joke's on you, Mitch, I don't go to school, so that's not my report card!

Numbuh 4 hit him with a S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. and Micha kicked Mad Dad in the back and fired a fireball at him and burned him bad and swatted him into a dumpster with her flame staff.

Numbuh 4: Hey, thanks.

Micha: No problem.

Lola flew out and saw the Terrible Tutor.

Terrible Tutor: You cannot defeat the Terrible Tutor.

Garie: You're in for a rude awakening, Tyrone.

He fired books at the treehouse and Garie kicked them away and threw a blast of water at him and it sent him into a dumpster.

The Heliteacher came flying in and Lola flew up to her.

Infertigre: Back to the nursing home with you, grandma!

Zap: Actually, her name's Hannah.

Lola fired a stream of fire and sent her tumbling into a landfill.

Midwestern Mom slammed onto the floor.

Midwestern Mom: Naughty children make Midwestern Mom ANGRY!

Zap lifted her up with no problems.

Zap: Mildred Mudsworth, also known as Midwestern Mom, make Zap wonder why Midwestern Mom exists!

He threw her into a nearby dumpster.

They cheered for Zap, Garie, Micha and Lola.

Numbuh 1: Thanks a lot. We owe you one.

Lola: No problem. My name is Lola Loud. The rest are Zap, Micha Jawkan and Garie Tuman.

Numbuh 1: It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Nigel Uno, please, call me Numbuh 1. I'm the leader of Sector V of the Kids Next Door.

Numbuh 2: I'm Hoagie P. Gilligan, call me Numbuh 2. I'm the 2x4 technology officer.

Numbuh 3: I'm Kuki Sanban. Call me Numbuh 3. I'm the divisionary tactics expert, medics specialist and hamster caretaker.

Numbuh 4: I'm Wallabee Beatles, Numbuh 4, hand to hand combat expert.

Numbuh 5: And I'm Abigail Lincoln, Numbuh 5, second in command.

Lola: It's a pleasure.

Numbuh 1: So, Lola, how did you get those powers of yours?

Garie: Let's just say, the Dark Spectres are back in full force, and Lola's a lucky gal that got bonded with the White Tiger of China.

Numbuh 3: That sounds cool.

Lola: It is. My favorite color is pink, but today, I decided to see what the Synchronized form is for a Dark Specter.

Numbuh 2: How old are you, Lola?

Lola: 6 years Old.

Zap: Legally, I'm 11. Garie and Micha are both 7 by human years.

Numbuh 4: Whoa. You kicked some tail.

Numbuh 2: More like made them into roast turkey.

Garie: [Laughs] You're funny, Numbuh 2.

Numbuh 2: Thank you. Finally, some appreciation for my jokes!

Lola: My big sister, Luan, is the jokester in my family. She'd love your jokes.

Numbuh 2: I'm sure she would.

Lola: So, what does the Kids Next Door Organization do?

Zap: They essentially try to maintain a balance in the world for both kids and parents, by fighting adult tyranny. These Adult Villains, as they are called by the KND, we just call them Tyrants, want to either destroy the world, or ruin the day of any children they come across.

Numbuh 1: That's right. Without kids, humanity has no future.

Lola: Who is the leader of the Tyrants?

Numbuh 1: Follow me.

They went into the archive room and Numbuh 1 pulled up a file of their most dangerous enemy: Father.

Numbuh 1: This is Father.

Lola: He looks wicked.

Numbuh 5: He is beyond wicked. Those fire powers of his are dangerous beyond all known comprehension.

Lola: He has fire powers like me?

Numbuh 1: Yes. And your fire powers are just as strong as his. Maybe stronger.

Lola: I got some special training.

Numbuh 2: We faced Father before, that guy is a dangerous man.

Lola: That is terrible. We got to destroy him.

Zap: Don't worry your little head, Lola, he's Numbuh 1's uncle, and on an omniversal scale, Benedict's small fry, sides, I've seen him try and fight an Exorcist, he got his shit ran so bad, he still gets called Skidmark by most OVDF agents.

Numbuh 1: But we have a feeling that you can face him Lola.

Lola: I have a feeling I can too.

They walk back to the rec room and in came another enemy: GRANDMA STUFFUM!

Grandma Stuffum: [German Accent] Oh look at all the skinny childrens. You need to eat!

Grandma Stuffum pulled out a pot and made some disgusting food creatures.

Lola: Who is she?

Garie: Giselle Stuffum, aka Grandma Stuffum, she's obsessed with fattening up kids by force-feeding her food to them, due to thinking that kids can't get into trouble if they're too fat to move.

Lola: That is disgusting, but I could use a little snack.

Lola had fire in her hands.

Grandma Stuffum: Attack!

Lola toasted and fried all her food, and Micha ate a deep fried boar.

Micha: Take it from me, Lola, she can make really good food.

Grandma Stuffum: Why thank you, dearie.

Numbuh 2: I'll say. [Eating some fried food]

Lola: But we've had enough.

Lola punches Grandma Stuffum in the face and it sent her flying into the Loud Complex.

Garie: Yay! Free snacks forever!

The KND cheered for Lola.

Numbuh 5: Lola, you are amazing.

Lola: She makes good food, but her habits are gross. Whose house is that over there?

Lola pointed to the Delightful Mansion.

Numbuh 1: That's the Delightful Mansion. That's where Father and the Delightful Children From Down The Lane live.

Lola: Who are the Delightful Children?

Garie: Oh, just one of the more dangerous here. They were originally Sector Z's operatives until they.... vanished, so to speak.

Numbuh 1: I found out why. Father kidnapped them and used the Delightfulization Chamber on them. Something went wrong and enhanced the effects eleventy-billion-fold and created the Delightful Children.

Lola: So the Delightful Children are Kids Next Door operatives turned evil?

Garie: Yep. That's how the Tyrants know how KND work.

Lola: Father turned them into traitors.

Numbuh 1: They were made this way against their will, Lola. Father was too strong for them, and Sector Z was the elite sector in the Organization.

Lola: Wow.

In the kitchen, they were having a nice snack when another voice was heard.

???: Kids Next Door! Prepare to be flushed by the mighty TOILETNATOR!

Lola: Toiletnator? That's a stupid name for a villain.

Zap: Yeah. Not all Tyrants here pose that much of a major threat, we just usually drop Lou over here off at the Crackden Villain Rehab Center.

The Toiletnater fired toilet paper at a branch in the room and climbed up and Lola grabbed the paper and yanked it off as he was near the window. She then flew off and carried him out.

Toiletnator: Hey. Who are you? I've never seen you before.

Lola: A friend of the KND and someone who doesn't want to waste fire on you. Have a nice fall!

Lola let him go and he fell from 50 feet and landed in the Crackden with a big thud.

Toiletnator: Not again.

Mr. Zarkus: Welcome back, Louis. We're serving mocha today.

Toiletnator: Oh, thank you.

Numbuh 3: That's showing him Lola!

Numbuh 2: Good jokes by the way.

Lola: Thank you. If you ask me, that guy lost his brain somewhere in a dumpster far away from here.

They all laugh.

The alarm sounded and they go the briefing room.

Numbuh 1: We have just received word that our enemy, renowned virologist Charles Worthington, also known as the Common Cold, is trying to make kids sick again. He's at a playground in our sector. Let's go!

Lola, Zap, Garie, Micha and Sector V went to the playground and fired decongestant and Orange Juice at him.

The Common Cold was firing snot blasts at them.

Lola was firing fireballs at him.

Common Cold: [Nasally] Surrender, Kids Next Door! There's no cure for The Common C.. C.. KYA! I'm the Common Cold. (Sneezes)

Zap: Seriously, Charles, this shouldn't be this hard, just let us help you with this stupid flu and you can finally get back to normal!

Common Cold: Never! Charles is out sick, there's only Common Cold!

Lola: Oh yeah? Well, chew on fireballs!

Lola threw a bunch of fireballs at the Common Cold.

Common Cold was dodging them like crazy.

Common Cold: Whoa! You really shouldn't play with fire.

Lola: And you are one gross bucket of vomit!

Lola fired another fireball and it hit him and exploded.

Lola: Luckily, I just got over the flu.

The Common Cold fell to the ground.

Lola fired another fireball and it hit his jet pack and exploded.

The Common Cold was sent flying and he hit a tree head on and crashed through it. He crashed into a street light and bent it badly, as Zap finally dragged him through a portal, and walked out.

Back at the treehouse, they were celebrating their victory, but then a big drill machine appeared inside and opened up, and in a glass dome on top, was the Delightful Children From Down The Lane.

DCFDTL: [All in Monotone] Well hello, Kids Next Doomed.

Lola: So, you five are the Delightful Children.

Zap: Yep, there's Ash, Bruce, Davie, Lenny and Constance, biggest morons this side of Gallagher.

DCFDTL: That is....unfortunately correct, and you are?

Lola: My name is Lola Loud, I helped take down some adults.

DCFDTL: So it was you that put the PTOOEY Squad out of commission, and beat Grandma Stuffum and the Common Cold.

Lola: That's right. Now it's your turn.

Lola fired a stream of fire and it broke through the dome and hit them and they changed back to the Sector Z operatives, who were dazed and confused.

Ash: The members of Sector Z, thank you.

Numbuh 2, 3, 4, and 5 were shocked.

Numbuh 5: I don't believe it! They really were Sector Z!

Numbuh 4: Unbelievable!

Numbuh 3: Will someone please explain what's going on here!?

Bruce: Father kidnapped us and Delightfulized us with that.....Chamber.

Numbuh 1: How did you break their Delightfulization, Lola?

Lola: Fire is a cleansing and renewing force, as well as a destructive and dangerous force.

Micha: If we're being honest, she just fried the delightfulization programming out of them.

Davie: We owe you our thanks, Lola.

Lenny: You got us out from under Father's thumb.

Lola: How long were you guys Delightfulized?

Constance: 13 months.

Zap: Trust me, time with Lenny revealed some things about them.

Lola: A year and a month? Now, that's terrifying.

Without warning, gum wads busted in through the walls.

Numbuh 5: Stickybeard's at it again.

Zap: Really, Roland needs to get into rehab, or we're all go insane from his bullshit.

Lola saw the treehouse being fired at by a pirate ship called the Sweet Revenge.

Lola boarded the ship, formed a sword of fire and started slashing all the pirates.

?: You clobbered me entire crew, little lassie.

Lola saw the nefarious candy pirate, Captain Roland Stickybeard!

Lola: So you're Captain Stickybeard.

Stickybeard: That be right, little lassie. What be yer name?

Lola: My name is Lola Loud. I'm helping the Kids Next Door take down the Tyrants before they destroy the entire world.

Stickybeard was shocked.

Stickybeard: What? That's what Father is planning on doing?

Zap: Uh, no, he's not insane.

Lola: How about doing it the other way around. Steal it from the bad guys and give it to the children and keep some for yourself.

Stickybeard: Okay then..... we'll see how this goes. Men, we're off!

The candy pirates left, under a new oath.

At Gallagher Elementary School, Lola, Micha, Garie and Zap were having lunch with Sectors V and Z, when a charge horn sounded and in came a bunch of men, stealing all the food for kids. But Lola, Sector Z, Micha, Garie and Zap were fighting them all, and protecting their lunch, including Numbuh 1's Lunch, with Rachel McKenzie, also known as Numbuh 362, the Supreme Leader of the Kids Next Door.

Numbuh 362: Wow. Lola's quite a fighter.

Numbuh 1: I told you she's good.

?: Yo-Ho!

Lola saw the leader of the men - ROBIN FOOD!

Lola: Robin Hood?! What are you doing here?

Robin Food: Ah, alas my dear, I am not Robin Hood. I am Robin Food.

Garie: Seriously, Zachary, this is the thirteenth time this week, you need an intervention before someone, namely you, gets brain damage!

Lola: Is he stealing food from the rich and giving it to the poor?

Numbuh 362: It's the opposite. He steals lunch food from the kids here and gives it to the elderly at Sure Wood Forest Senior Center.

Numbuh 2: My grandma goes there, too. Well, she doesn't exactly like this guy, but he's harmless!

Lola: I can tell. But does he really have to impersonate one of my favorite folk tales.

Robin Food: No, little lady. Robin Hood is my hero, nay, inspiration to do right by others!

Lola: Let's dance, then.

Lola formed a bo staff of pure fire.

Robin Food: Yo Ho!

Robin Food charged and he and Lola clashed and more and the fire staff burned his bo staff, and Lola kicked him in the face with extreme force and knocked out his teeth.

His men, the Hungry Men, grabbed him and retreated.

Lola: Yeah, you better run!

Numbuh 362: Wow. Lola, you're incredible.

Lola: Thank you Numbuh 362.

Numbuh 362: I think we just found a way to get rid of Father once and for all.

Lola: I'd be more that happy to take him down.

That night, as Sector V was getting ready for the fight against Father, a dark swirl of darkness came in. It was the spank happy vampire - COUNT VLADIMIR SPANKULOT!

Count Spankulot: (Transylvanian Accent) Those who fight at schools and hurt numerous people must be punished. Prepare to feel the stingy wrath of Count Spankulot!

Lola: I don't think so!

Zap: Seriously, Vlad, can you not right now, we're preparing for an intervention here!

Lola then enveloped herself in a ball of fire and became a blinding white mini sun.

Sectors V and Z shielded their eyes because of the intense brightness, as Count Spankulot flew away.

A hole in the roof was punched in and in came THE PROPER PATROL!

Numbuh 2: It's the Proper Patrol!

Zap: Sergei, Molly, not now, this is seriously getting annoying.

Sergeant Sensible and Major Mrs. Manners were coming and Lola fired two streams of fire and they hit their jet packs and exploded and they both crashed through the floor and onto the ground.

Numbuh 1: How is it that you are not exhausted Lola?

Lola: I have fire magic from a demon, which means my power never runs out.

Infertigre: Exactly, thank the Morningstar for that.

David: That is neat.

Lola: Let's go get Father.

At the Delightful Mansion, Father was enjoying some peace and quiet when an explosion blasted through the ceiling of the living room.

In came Sectors V and Z, Zap, Garie, Micha and Lola.

Father: Kids Next Door, what an unpleasant surprise.

Numbuh 1: We aim to please.

Zap: Skidmark, we're gonna need to have words.

Father, surprising Lola, facepalmed.

Father: I know I promised I was done with this life after the whole Grandfather fiasco, but the kids were driving me insane, and everything felt so...wrong! What was I supposed to do, seek therapy?

Garie: It's a start.

He saw that Sector Z had been restored and he facepalmed again, as an aura of fire roared out of him.

Father: [Angered] Okay, who broke the Delightfulization?!

Zap: See, that? That is not okay, you might be charged on pyromania.

Ash: Thanks to Lola here, we're now free from you.

Father got dunked into water by Lenny.

Father: Okay fine, fine, I'll get help! There, you happy?!

Garie: Well, at least it can't get stupider.

Out of the blue came a bunch of ninjas. It was actually the teen ninjas, as Garie chuckled sheepishly as everyone glared at her.

Garie: Of course, I could be wrong.

Lola: Who are all these guys?

One of them revealed themselves and it was Cree Lincoln, Numbuh 5's older sister.

Cree: We are the Teen Ninjas, and we're here to stop you from killing Father.

Father: I'm fine, you dolts!

Lola: He's getting help, and the terror of the Tyrants is over.

The Teen Ninjas charged and Lola fought all of them to an incredible degree. Lola punched a black haired boy in the mouth, punched and kicked a girl in the head and stomach, axe kicked another boy in the back, threw another girl into another girl with devastating force, dealt a spinning axe kick and uppercut punch to a blond hair boy and used several fighting techniques and more.

The Teen Ninjas fired lasers at her but Lola's flame hands deflected the blasts back at them and hit them.

The fight was extremely intense. All the Teen Ninjas were defeated. One of them, Maurice, former KND Operative Numbuh 9 was part of a top secret program to plant spys into the Teen Ninjas and he was fighting the remaining Teen Ninjas.

After the battle, Lola was in the KND Moonbase for a special award ceremony.

Numbuh 362: Lola Loud, Garie Tūmān, Micha Jawkān, Zap, On behalf of the entire Kids Next Door Organization, I present you with our organizations highest honor, The Kids Next Door Medal of Supreme Valor. Including the title "Heroes of the Kids Next Door."

Lola, Garie, Zap and Micha were awarded a 24 karat gold medal with the Kids Next Door Emblem on it and it was placed around their necks, as everyone cheered.

Numbuh 362: This has never before been given to a person who isn't in the Kids Next Door, in fact, it's the first time ever.

Lola: I am truly honored Numbuh 362. I'm glad I was able to help out.

Numbuh 362: You saved not only the Kids Next Door but also the entire human race from extinction. We are all forever grateful to you.

Drakus, Taeko, Lana and Lisa cheered wildly for them when the four came back.

But a big surprise came when they saw all the Kids Next Door Tree Houses from all around the world in different spots across all of Royal Woods. The Moonbase was there too.

This was going to be an epic and awkward series of adventures with the Kids Next Door.

Chapter Text

Drakus, Taeko, Neo, Zap, Garie, Nio, Tokaku, Otoya, Shiena, Isuke, Haruki, Hitsugi, Kouko, Suzu, Sumireko, Mahiru, Chitaru, Haru, Lincoln, Laney, Micha and Roman were in the Psyche Zone, while Vertin, Archibald, Lana & Lola were in the control room.

The Simulator activated and the group was in the Leaf village on the day Naruto tries for a 3rd time to become a genin.

The squad was in the academy waiting for Iruka-Sensei to show up.

Drakus: Everyone, this is the Leaf Ninja Academy.

Garie: This is where most had to start in order to become a shinobi. In order to become a shinobi, you have to take a test to see if you can legally qualify to become a Genin.

Lincoln: This is totally new for me. So you'll have to walk us through it.

Laney: Me too.

Drakus: Fuck it, I'll teach you.

The kids started walking in and started getting settled in.

In came Sasuke Uchiha himself, and looked at Drakus and he had a look of pure confusion, overconfidence, arrogance and surprise directed at Drakus, but Drakus ignored him, while Naruto waved at him.

Naruto: [Whispers] So, new guy, that's Sasuke, he's.....kinda cocky.

Drakus: [Whispers] Oh, thanks for the heads up.

Lincoln: [Whispers] Sasuke must be extremely evil.

Laney: [Whispers] Yeah. I can feel it.

Garie: [Whispers] It's all right, guys. Sasuke's just.... really socially awkward.

Micha: [Whispers] You'll see the real him in just a matter of time.

Soon, Iruka and Mizuki came in.

Drakus looked at Mizuki.

Drakus: [In his head] I think he's gonna con Naruto into stealing the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing.

Iruka: All right class. Today is the genin exam.

They start with the Written Test. On it was a series of questions.

Drakus: [whispering] Okay, just start guessing and praying.

Drakus went through them 1 at a time and answered them all right, and noticed a chakra signal on Naruto's paper. Naruto could tell there was a genjutsu on his test and he got rid of it and he looked at Drakus and gave him the thumbs up.

Lincoln and Laney figured it all out.

Garie, Micha, Roman Neo, the Class Black girls, Sasuke and Sakura got all the answers right.

Drakus: Mr. Umino, I'm done.

Naruto: Me too.

We finished ten minutes in.

Iruka: That was quick. Take a break and wait while everyone else finishes.

Drakus and Naruto pulled out some books, Drakus was reading a book on the Dark Spectres and Naruto was reading a book on Sealing Jutsu.

As Drakus was reading, he saw Mizuki come in and he handed Sasuke a pre-written test with all the correct answers on it, as Sasuke facepalmed and took it, exasperated.

Drakus: [In his head] Well, at least Sasuke knows how to ninja.

20 minutes later, the Written Test was done and we were now in the Weapons Test.

Iruka: All right. Time for Shuriken and Kunai. First up, Drakus Hydrax.

Tokaku walked up and grabbed the weapons, and threw them all at the training post, and hit their mark on the head, arms, legs, chest, feet, throat, lungs, and even the crotch and buttocks.

Tokaku: Take notes, everyone, there's more points to hit than just the heart. The key is to immobilize your opponent so they can't attack or get away. Hit the legs, they can't run, hit the hands, they can't use jutsu. If they have visual jutsu, go for the eyes, if they need to speak it, go for the throat. An immobile and sightless shinobi is a dead one.

Iruka was floored.

Iruka: That's...rather true. Well done, Tokaku. You get a perfect score and bonus points for identifying other key points to hit.

Tokaku bowed and Naruto is up, as Drakus saw something attached to the kunai and shuriken Naruto has, little chakra strings attached to them, being controlled by Mizuki.

Drakus: [In his head] Not so fast.

Drakus cut the strings with a flick of the wrist, and Naruto threw the shuriken and kunai and hit them all in the same spots as Tokaku.

Drakus: [In my head] I'm watching you, Mizuki. You're not hurting a good man on my watch.

Sakura, Sasuke, Garie, Micha, Neo, Roman, Lincoln and Laney got the same scores, with different techniques.

Everyone elses scores varied.

In the Taijutsu part, Iruka had the class divided by Boys VS Boys and Girls VS Girls. The civilians were in more like a catfight than a real fight.

Sakura won against Ino.

Neo, Taeko, Laney, Micha and Garie each won against a random fangirl.

Drakus and Naruto were facing Sasuke.

Sasuke: You both should give up and quit. There's no way you can beat me, an Uchiha. We are the elite, the best there is.

Drakus: Are you gonna back it up with action?

Drakus vanished from sight and reappear in front of Sasuke and punched him in the face with powerful force, but Sasuke kicked him in the chest and punched him in the mouth, Drakus dealt him a huge number of punches and kicks to his face and body and then kicked him in the stomach, and sent him flying toward a training post.

Naruto kicked him in the back of the head and Sasuke kicked him in the gut in retaliation.

Iruka: This is incredible. Their teamwork is amazing and they're equal with Sasuke.

Drakus and Naruto did a combined punch and punched him in the face, Sasuke went flying and he crashed into a wall, dazed and confused.

Iruka: Winners, Drakus and Naruto.

Everyone but Sasuke's unwarranted fanclub cheered, Sasuke's fanclub just screamed bloody murder.

Lincoln and Zap faced Kiba and won with ease.

In the Jutsu part, the squad demonstrated some of the jutsu they know.

Drakus: This one is a little destructive so you may want to hold on to something.

Drakus focused on a training post and aimed his claw at it.

Drakus: DRAKONIA TECHNIQUE: STORM OF JUDASINAX THE TRICKSTER!

Drakus shot a dragon-shaped beam of energy from his wrist at the training post, it hit it and caused a huge explosion.

When the smoke cleared all that was left of the training post was a small black charred crater. Everyone was floored.

Iruka: What was that?!

Drakus: That was the Storm of Judasinax the Trickster. A blast of chi.

Iruka was flabbergasted.

Iruka: Chi!? That's impossible! No ninja alive has ever been able to utilize the physical component of chakra!

Drakus: Not until now. You can use chi if you hone it enough. And you can use spirit energy as well. Although, chi is far more destructive than chakra and possesses enough power to destroy an entire planet. I have another technique.

Drakus held out his left hand and formed a sword made of green fire.

Drakus: MALEFICENT'S BLADE!

Drakus slashed another training post into a thousand pieces and they were incinerated in seconds.

Drakus: This is one of my spirit energy techniques, Maleficent's Blade. It forms a sword made of pure fire from Hell, hotter than the surface of the Sun. Anything it cuts through will be incinerated in an instant.

Iruka and the class were flabbergasted.

Iruka: That's insane. I never even knew you were capable of all that.

Drakus: Lincoln and Laney have the ability to do so too. Here's another one.

Drakus enveloped himself in an aura of Lightning and channeled it into his hand as it made the sound of birds chirping.

Drakus: LIGHTNING STYLE: CHIDORI MISSILE!

Drakus fired a beam of lightning from his hand and it pierces through the last training post and it exploded with incredible power, and it was reduced to nothing but toothpicks.

Iruka: Wow! You invented a variation of Kakashi's Chidori?

Drakus: Yes. It's called Lightning Style: Chidori Missile. The Chidori, when you use it, relies on extreme speed, and causes a tunnel vision effect on the user. So I got around that by turning it into a ranged jutsu.

Iruka: That's incredible. You earned extra credit for this great demonstration.

Naruto decided to demonstrate a jutsu.

Naruto channeled Chakra into his right hand and it spiraled around very fast and Naruto channeled Lightning and Wind Chakra into it and it became a pitch black Rasengan crackling with thunder and Lightning.

Naruto: STORM STYLE: RASENGAN!

Naruto slammed it into the ground and it became a huge thunderstorm crackling with lightning and really loud thunder that shattered all the windows near the academy.

Iruka and the class were covering their ears.

When it died down, Naruto came back.

Iruka: [Shocked] Naruto, you know the 4th Hokage's Jutsu?!

Naruto: I do, Iruka-Sensei, and completed it. It's a Triple S-Rank secret.

Iruka: I understand.

Micha demonstrated her fire magic, Garie used her water magic, Lincoln demonstrated his lightning magic and Laney demonstrated her plant magic.

In the Ninjutsu test, the group did the 3 Ninjutsus: Transformation, Substitution and Clone.

Iruka: Okay, Drakus. First, do the Transformation Jutsu.

Drakus: Okay. Let me see here. Ooh! I know.

Drakus turned into a Lagiacrus.

Iruka: Great job, Drakus. Bonus points for no handsigns. Now do the Substitution.

Drakus: Okay. Ready, Sasuke? Sasuke's gonna help me with this one, is that okay?

Iruka: That's fine, just as long as it's part of the test.

Sasuke: Excuse me, wha-?

Drakus yeeted a paper bomb with the kanji for dragon's breath on it and Sasuke, thinking quickly, substituted with Mizuki and the paper bomb exploded and purple fire flew onto Mizuki's face and into his eyes.

Mizuki: [In pain] AAAHHH! It burns!

The entire class was laughing at him.

Iruka saw Sasuke on the desk.

Iruka: What was that?

Sasuke: You think I know?!

Drakus: My patent pending Dragon's Breath paper bomb. Let's just say, I have lots of different paper bombs that do different things.

Drakus pulled out lots of different paper bombs and they have different Kanji on each of them.

Drakus: There's one for Acid, Lava, Garbage, Hot Sauce, Goblin Blood, Toxic Waste, the list goes on.

Iruka: You thought of everything, and that scares me. Now do the Clone Jutsu.

Drakus: Okay. DRAKONIA TECHNIQUE: CLONES OF KARKANOR THE SHAPESHIFTER!

A bunch of blue flames appeared and became copies of Drakus.

Iruka popped one and they exploded into a huge pillar of blue fire.

Iruka: These are like Shadow Clones!

Drakus: Whenever they pop, they explode with the power of 27 pounds of Napalm.

Iruka: That's deadly. But you pass.

Everyone cheered for Drakus as he took a headband and put it on his arm.

Naruto transformed into his dad, and Drakus threw a bear trap Paper Bomb at him and Naruto substituted with Mizuki again and it exploded and a bear trap snapped onto Mizuki's ass, as he screamed in huge pain.

Everyone laughed at him and Iruka took the trap off.

Naruto used Shadow Clone and passed.

Sakura, Sasuke, Micha, Garie, Neo, Roman, Zap, Lincoln and Laney pass too.

The simulator fast forwarded to the day of team placements.

Drakus, Naruto, Sakura, Taeko, Neo, Roman, Garie, Zap, Micha, Lincoln and Laney walked into the Academy classroom and see Sasuke looking at them with extreme confusion and confidence.

Iruka came in.

Iruka: All right. Today is the day you are placed on teams. Before I announce Team Placements, let's announce this years Rookie Shinobi and Kunoichi of the year. First us is Rookie Kunoichi of the Year. We have a tie. This years Rookie Kunoichi are Hinata Hyuga, Sakura Haruno, Ino Yamanaka, Taeko Yasuhiro, Neo Politan, Micha Jawkān, Tokaku Azuma, Haru Ichinose, Otoya Takechi, Shiena Kenmochi, Suzu Shuto, Haruki Sagae, Hitsugi Kirigaya, Kouko Kaminaga, Isuke Inukai, Mahiru Banba, Sumireko Hanabusa, Chitaru Namatame, Nio Hashiri, Garie Tūmān, and Laney Loud.

Everyone cheered for them.

Naruto: Way to go!

Sakura: Thanks, Naruto.

Ino: Thank you, Naruto.

Drakus: Way to go, buds!

Garie took a bow, Neo silently chuckled and Micha laughed happily.

Laney: Thanks, Drakus.

Lincoln: Way to go, sis!

Laney: Thanks Lincoln.

Iruka: Now then lets move on to who earned the Rookie Shinobi of the Year.

Sasuke's fangirls squealed, believing that Sasuke had the Rookie Shinobi in the bag.

Naruto: [Whispers to Drakus, Roman, Zap, Lincoln, Kiba, Choji, and Shino] Guys, I don't know who will actually take the award but I did manage to get wind of who wasn't going to get it.

Drakus: [Whispers] I have a feeling I know who it is too.

Iruka: This years Rookie Shinobi are... Well, we have another tie. They are Lincoln Loud, Drakus Hydrax, Roman Torchwick, Zap, Sasuke Uchiha, and Naruto Uzumaki.

The squad, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, Naruto, Lincoln, and Laney cheered but Sasuke's fangirls were cheering the loudest, as Sasuke slammed his head into the desk in exasperation.

Sasuke: Why is Kami doing this to me?

Drakus, Roman, Zap, Naruto, Sasuke and Lincoln accepted the award and went back to their seats.

Sasuke: You better have a good explanation how that deadbeat is Rookie of the Year beside me!

Iruka had enough of Sasuke.

Iruka: You literally helped bring down Mizuki, at this point, I'm pretty sure that I need a drink after the madness.

Sasuke froze in contemplation as Drakus hugged him.

Drakus: And that's the power of trying not to be braindead last, kid!

Iruka: [Laughs] That was pretty funny. Now onto teams.

Teams 1 - 6 are not important.

Iruka: Team 7 will be Drakus Hydrax, Taeko Yasuhiro, Zap, Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, Garie Tūmān, Micha Jawkān, Tokaku Azuma, Haru Ichinose, Otoya Takechi, Shiena Kenmochi, Suzu Shuto, Haruki Sagae, Hitsugi Kirigaya, Kouko Kaminaga, Isuke Inukai, Mahiru Banba, Sumireko Hanabusa, Chitaru Namatame, Nio Hashiri, Roman Torchwick, Neo Politan, Lincoln Loud, Laney Loud and Sasuke Uchiha.

Drakus: Sweet!

Iruka: Your sensei will be Kakashi Hatake. Team 8 will be Hinata Hyuga, Shino Aburame and Kiba Inuzuka. Your sensei will be Kurenai Yūhi. Team 9 with Might Guy is still in circulation. Team 10 will be Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara and Choji Akimichi. Your sensei will be Asuma Sarutobi. Your senseis will pick you up after lunch. Take care.

After lunch, all the other senseis and teams have left but Team 7, who were waiting for Kakashi to arrive.

Lincoln: When is Kakashi-Sensei gonna get here?

Laney: Yeah, it's been over an hour and a half.

Garie: [Sighs] It's something you're gonna have to put up with. Kakashi-Sensei has an extremely annoying habit of showing up late to everything, by 2 hours.

Drakus: Luckily, I have a bargaining chip should it arise.

Sasuke: If it will help me in getting ultimate power, than so be it. So, for the life of me, please SHUT UP!

Drakus: That implies that there's an off switch on me, and last time I checked, there ain't.

The door opened and in came Kakashi Hatake.

Kakashi: Are you all Team 7?

Garie: Last time I checked, we are.

Kakashi: My first impression is that you're all slow and insane.

Drakus: Sticks and stones sensei.

Naruto: You're late, sensei.

Kakashi: Sorry, I got lost on the road of life.

Drakus: I know what you mean. That road's got a lot of twists and turns, makes it very easy to get lost.

Kakashi: I know. Meet me on the roof in 5 minutes.

Kakashi vanished and the squad ran up to the roof.

They got there in 30 seconds, with Drakus carrying Sasuke to the top.

Kakashi: You guys are fast.

Drakus: Speed is an important part. Also, Sasuke the Turtle Duck here is a menace, and I love him for it.

Sasuke: Shut up, no I'm not!

Drakus: Whatever you say, Sparky Boy.

Kakashi: Why do you say that?

Drakus: I have a very strong feeling that Sasuke will go rogue in the next couple of months for probably justifiable reasons.

Kakashi: What is the chance?

Drakus: 98.5%

Kakashi: That much, huh?

Sasuke's eyes shrunk in shock, as he made a mental note to not go rogue.

Kakashi: Okay that's enough. Let's start by introducing ourselves. I want you to tell us your name, likes, dislikes, hobbies if any and goals for the future.

Lincoln: How does it go?

Kakashi: My name is Kakashi Hatake. My likes... My dislikes... My hobbies are personal. Goals for the future...

Drakus: Sheesh. Some resumé. All right. My name is Drakus Hydrax. I like my friends, my family, and hanging out with my friends and family. I don't like bullies, rapists, murderers, corruption, and all that jazz. My hobbies are training, playing games, reading, watching YouTube and more. My dream is to become the greatest warrior in the Omniverse. Here's the list for my friends, their likes, dislikes, hobbies and goals for the future.

Kakashi: You definitely have what it takes.

Kakashi takes the list and looks over it, becoming more and more spiritually shook.

Naruto: My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I like ramen, my dad, my mom, my friends, Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata, my tenant, learning new techniques, swordfighting, gardening, reading, writing, quilting, archery and dancing. I HATE murderers, thieves, traitors, rapists, corruption and oppression! My hobbies are trying new ramen, playing games, pranks, hanging out with my friends, and well, that's it. My dream is to become Hokage in honor of my father, Minato Namikaze.

Kakashi was floored.

Kakashi: [In his head] He knows who his parents are along with his Jinchuriki status?! I'm gonna have to have a talk with the Hokage about this.

Sasuke: There's no way you're the son of the 4th Hokage, Naruto! You can't be!

Drakus: Be quiet, Sasuke, it's not your turn yet.

Sakura: My name is Sakura Haruno. I like Naruto, gardening, reading, writing, my mom, quilting, and cooking. I HATE traitors, murderers, thieves, rapists and corruption! My hobbies are training, archery, swordfighting, playing games and hanging out with my friends. My dream is to be able to protect Naruto and Sasuke.

Lincoln: My name is Lincoln Loud. I like my 12 sisters, my friends, comics, games, some sports and flying. I don't like sibling fights, and I agree with Drakus, Naruto and Sakura's dislikes. My hobbies are collecting comics and playing video games. I don't know what my dreams for the future hold.

Laney: You'll think of something big brother. My name is Laney Loud. I'm one of Lincoln's little sisters. I like reading, writing, my sisters and brother, gardening and all of nature. I don't like murderers, bullies and perverts. My hobbies are gardening and making things grow. I don't know what I want to do for the future.

Drakus: You guys will think of something. There's plenty of stuff to do out there.

Lincoln: That's true.

Kakashi: Wow. You two have a very big family.

Sasuke: My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I hate myself and I don't like anything at all....except for Naruto and Sakura, as well as the idiots I'm stuck with. My only hobby is getting power, training, and growing pink flowers. What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality. I'm going to restore my clan and find my brother, Itachi.

Drakus: He's trying here.

Kakashi: [In his head] I've got an interesting group. A powerful dragon alien, a gambler, Sensei's son, a flower princess, a ballerina, a pyromaniac, a crime lord, a killer, a water dragon, 13 assassins, a hobbyist, a gardener and Mr. Edgy. [Out loud] All right now we will have our first mission. Survival exercise.

Drakus: Oh, I know what you're trying to do, sensei.

Kakashi: And what might that be?

Drakus: You're going to give us a true Genin Test. The Academy was to see if we had what it takes to qualify as Genin. Your test will see if we are worthy to be Genin. 66% failure rate and only 9 of us will pass.

Kakashi: How did you know all that?

Drakus: Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure you out Kakashi-Sensei. Also...

Drakus pulled out a Make Out Paradise book from his jacket.

Drakus: You have excellent taste.

Kakashi looked in his tool pouch and saw that his book wasn't there.

Kakashi: That's mine! How did you get that?

Drakus: That's my little secret. Now....

Drakus snapped his fingers and his claw has a little flame on it like a match.

Drakus: Give us our test today or the book gets it.

Kakashi was scared.

Kakashi: Okay, okay, okay! Meet me at training ground 7 in 10 minutes! Just don't hurt my book!

Drakus: Thank you. Don't be late.

Drakus handed the book back to him and they all leave for the training ground.

Drakus, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Nio, Otoya, Chitaru, Hitsugi, Sumireko, Isuke, Tokaku, Haru, Shiena, Kouko, Suzu, Mahiru, Haruki, Taeko, Zap, Garie, Micha, Neo, Roman, Lincoln and Laney arrive.

Shiena: Was that your bargaining chip you told us about?

Drakus: Yep.

Kakashi arrived another 5 minutes later and he looked dead inside.

Kakashi: Now for your test. You have until 6:00 PM to get these bells from me. If you don't, you fail and you'll be sent back to the academy. Ready? Begin!

Naruto, Sakura, Taeko, Nio, Otoya, Chitaru, Hitsugi, Sumireko, Isuke, Tokaku, Haru, Shiena, Kouko, Suzu, Mahiru, Haruki, Roman, Neo, Zap, Garie, Micha, Lincoln, Laney and Sasuke hid while Drakus faced Kakashi.

Kakashi: You know you're supposed to hide right?

Drakus: I know. But I want to show you what I'm capable of. Just a forewarning, I won't be holding back.

Kakashi: Well, in that case.....neither will I.

Kakashi lifted up his headband and revealed that he has a Sharingan in his left eye

Drakus: So that's the Copy Wheel Eye. Now I've got something to show you.

Drakus started charging up his power and the aura flared up and turned black, as Drakus laughed maniacally.

Drakus transformed and his wings are spread, his hair is a rainbow, and the black aura was active.

Drakus: I didn't know it was gonna be that kind of fight.

Kakashi was floored.

Kakashi: [In his head] What even is he? I've never seen this kind of transformation. The level of chakra I'm sensing off of him is mindboggling! He makes even Kaguya Ōtsutsuki look like a joke.

Drakus: I can tell by your reaction, Sensei. This is my ultimate transformation. I unlocked this somehow when I was fighting in the Netherworld. I call it Super Dragon.

Kakashi: Incredible.

Sasuke was seething with extreme shock.

Sasuke: [In his head] How does he have more power than even Madara!? That's not human! There must be a secret to this technique, but what?

Drakus: Sasuke, you know you can train to get this level, right?

Sasuke was floored.

Sasuke: Did you just read my mind!?

Drakus: Yep, kinda comes with being a Drakonian.

Kakashi: That's incredible. Let's continue on.

Drakus: Sorry.

Drakus dashed toward Kakashi and punched him in the face and he went flying and skidded and Drakus soon sweep kicked him and kicked him high into the air and teleported up to him, and then Drakus axe kicked him in the stomach. It sent him crashing into the ground.

Kakashi got up and Naruto grabbed him and threw him into the air and Sakura punched him in the stomach and face.

Sasuke, Zap, Taeko, Garie and Micha punched Kakashi in the stomach and crotch and threw him into the ground.

Laney used her plant magic and swung Kakashi around at Mach 1 and it made him sick and he threw up in his mask.

Lincoln fired some lightning at Kakashi and it electrocuted him and Roman and Neo threw him into the ground.

Kakashi was knocked out cold, and Drakus took the bells and they passed.

The simulator ended and Drakus powered down and the group turned in for the night.

Chapter Text

The Louds were in their living room when Drakus sat beside them, getting a call from Lucifer.

Drakus: You don't say? Huh? Really? That guy's back, and he's bringing a flock with him? Okay then, I'll be right over, and yes, I'll bring Kittonius.

Drakus hung up.

Drakus: Well, Adam's back, gents, and this time he's hitting Uncle Lucifer right at my cousin's hotel. Time to hit Fluxall where it hurts right back. Come on, lads. Better get some friends of mine before we do. First of all....

A portal opened, and a four-armed frog man walked out.

Drakus: Master Pong Krell, meet the Loud children and allies.

Krell: Ah, so the locals here have proven to be more resourceful than we anticipated.

He then ignited two dual-bladed lightsabers.

Lisa: (gasp) Are those real lightsabers?

Roman: Uh, duh.

Lynn: Cool. Can I touch it?

Lynn's hand was near one of the blue blades of light and Krell stopped her.

Krell: Don't touch the blade, young Loud. It's a blade of pure energy, powerful enough to cut through anything except other lightsabers. Don't worry, as I am careful with it.

Soon after getting Kittonius and the Adeptus Custodes, the squad and the Louds walked to a palace in Hell, and there, they saw Lucifer.

Archibald: Ah, Mr. Morningstar, how do you do?

Lucifer: Hey, Draky, great to see you here again. So, you're here to about that call, right?

Krell: Indeed, but I can tell there's something else that is on your mind: the threat of the Extermination, and Adam is coming here. What's say we take him down and end him for good, and end the Extermination?

Lucifer: That's just what I was about to say. Let's go.

The squad, the Louds and Lucifer then teleported to the Hazbin Hotel where everyone was just about to get ready for battle. Then, the last grain of sand in the hourglass finally fell in, and then, the portal to Heaven opened, and Adam, along with his lieutenant, Lute, and the Exorcists came through to commence the Extermination, and he was coming for the hotel, as Drakus began to laugh, as Adam accidentally booped Gabriel's helmet with a coin.

Drakus: So, you came back, Adam. Well, allow me to deliver unto you your punishment, courtesy of Hell itself.

Gabriel: ...Did he just...FLICK A COIN AT ME...!? DRAKUS, BASH HIS BRAINS IN FOR ME!!!

Suddenly, Drakus' eyes turned neon blue and his arm was surrounded by a black, blue and blood red energy aura with blood red nebulae, sharks, and dragons surrounding it, as he started walking.

Drakus: For eons, you've gotten away with slaughtering the demons with the Exterminations, and on top of that, you are far from a heavenly figure, you are just as wicked as the devils and demons here. This is unforgivable, and now, it's time for you to receive your punishment: eons of pain and suffering you've dealt unto others, so consider this, a little game for the fate of Hell. I challenge you to a game, a game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip-Poker!

Shield-Captain "Little Kitten" Kittonius of the Adeptus Custodes: I am scared for everyone in the vicinity.

Suddenly, Drakus' arm revealed itself, having a blue and red Yu-Gi-Oh deck shaped like a dragon's tooth strapped to it.

Alastor: Oh dear, looks like the game of chance's about to begin.

Just then, Carmilla Carmine and Zestial appeared as well.

Carmilla Carmine: So, this is it: Sparda's wrath within the prince is about to be unleashed.

Zestial: T'was a long time coming for Adam, soon, he will face the twilight wrath of Heaven and Hell.

When Adam and Lute saw it, they charged at Drakus and Adam fired beams of light to kill him, but Drakus summoned glowing dragons that deflected the beams of light, as he fired a massive barrage of lightning at them, but Adam dodged them, but they zapped Lute and knocked her out of the sky, as Drakus chained her up with energy chains, and dragged her to his side.

Drakus: Okay, Adam, If YOU win, I will let this shit slide for now, you can even fly back to Heaven, just don't kill anyone on the way back. But if I win, I'll banish you to the realm of Ultramar for all time!

Everyone froze as Ultra-chanting played in their heads. Vaggie growled and shot daggers at Drakus with her eye. As did most, if not all, of the people at the Hazbin Hotel. Drakus covered his face, and actually whimpered a bit.

Adam: Hold on, wait, what the fuck?! I don't even know how to play paradox-billiards...whatever shit you just said!

Drakus: Okay, someone, please get a Tech-priest to give Adam the knowledge instantly with the POWER OF SCIENCE!

A Tech-priest suddenly appeared and smacked Adam, along with all the Exorcists and Louds in rapid succession, on the head with a metal mallet.

Kittonius: Well fuck. Can someone get him the gear to at least have a chance?

A Tech-priest strapped a white and yellow Yu-Gi-Oh deck onto Adam's arm.

Adam: What is this and why is it necessary?

Drakus: YOU ALREADY KNOW, BE QUIET, YOU OVERSIZED CHICKEN! Your deck has already been assembled based upon neural activity in your cerebrum. As well as total typecasting.

Lute: Deck??? What? What is this even?!

Drakus: I just had all game-rules implanted directly into your mind, you already know fucking everything! Now, STOP WHINGING AND LET US PLAY, ADAM! REMEMBER THE STAKES!

Suddenly, the Fabstodes make an entrance through the portal to Heaven, complete with noose and whip sound effects, as everyone looked confused.

Lucifer: OH, what in the unholy hell is that?!

Drakus: Before you ask, this definitely wasn't Kitten's idea, and yes, they're still getting used to wearing the armor again.

Custodian Karius Dolman: Oh my my MY! ~ If Adam loses this duel, which no doubt WILL happen... He will be sent away to Ultramar for a loooong time...

Custodian Disistan Flavius: Mmmmfinally, the chance Heaven's been waiting for.

Custodian Whamusus Balik: WOOPWOOP! Beat his ass, Emperor!

Drakus: Now, to raise the stakes, cause THIS IS NOW AN ULTRA SHADOW GAME!!!

BGM: Sinner (North of Never)

Suddenly, everyone was sent into a galaxy enveloped in black holes, floating around, as dramatic music started playing out of nowhere.

Lori: Holy moly!

Lincoln: Where are we? What happened to all the.... everything!?

Whamusus: BLUE'S STILL A STRANGE COLOR!

Adam: (Groans) Fiiiiiine, I'll try to play I guess... As long as everyone looks away when the whole 'strip' part of this fuck fest happens.

Whamusus: NO PROMISES ARE MADE!

Drakus: Alrighty, Adam, you start things off. Draw your five cards!

Adam: Okay, here goes...you know, I'm looking at these cards right now and..., I'm not sure if this is billiard, chess, whatever the fuck hypercube is, strip poker, russian roulette, nor a combination of the five. This is just Yu-Gi-Oh.

Drakus: By Zarzoka's beard, I will SHOOT YOU OUT FROM A FUCKING CANNON unless you start playing!

Adam groaned and picked a card.

Adam: (Thinking) 'I should probably start easy and defensive. [Adam picks up Man-Eater Bug] This creepy bug-dude'll do the trick! If he gets attacked, he'll get rid of whatever is attacked by him!

Adam: I'll place this facedown and end my turn.

Drakus soon began laughing, as his eyes turned neon red.

Drakus-Emperor: Wow! YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST! It's almost like you do not know who you are fuckin' with. My turn!

A sixth card appears in Drakus-Emperor's deck.

Drakus-Emperor: The effect of the Golden Ladybug activates, giving me 500 extra Life Points.

Flavius: Lord Emperor is already in the lead! And he's barely begun his turn... Adam's doomed!

Lincoln: Is no one going to question the sixth card?! 

Everyone realized what Drakus' response would be.

Drakus: No, no one's going to question it. Anyways, I activate Pot of Greed and Sanguinius' Charity, [Drakus activates Pot of Greed and Graceful Charity] allowing me to draw 5 new cards IN TOTAL!

5 new cards appear – causing more confusion from everyone.

Drakus: However, due to such charity, I shall put 2 of the cards in Florida, and my chosen sacrifices shall be the Golden Ladybug, AND Broww, Huntsman of Dark World, Wisconsin!

Golden Ladybug and Broww, Huntsman of Dark World get discarded.

Drakus: And fortunately, throwing Broww in Florida gives me an EXTRA CARD! As such, it is 6 new ones in total, baby!

Lute: I'm sorry but isn't that super cheap? I mean, why WOULD you have those cards in your deck? There's no reason not to.

Drakus: I have THE LITERAL EMPEROR OF MANKIND in my head, and he allows me to wield the very best cards humanity has ever created.

Lincoln: Including broken ones?

Garie: Yu-Gi-Oh metas are not exactly merciful, sunshine.

Drakus: Next up, I'll use Card Destruction to instantly annihilate and replace both our hands.

Adam: Wait, what the fuck?!

New cards are drawn

Drakus: Hmmm…Yeah, okay. Very good. I will be setting this as well, and then, I shall be using Pot of Avarice, which allows me to put 5 thrown away cards back into my deck, and then draw two new ones!

Adam: That's just a better version of the damn Pot of Greed card!

Drakus: Also, we're destroying cards again.

Kittonius (with cat face): Again?

Drakus: Again!

The cards literally blow up in Adam's face.

Adam: GwaUGHFUCK!

Drakus: Now, I activate all three OBEDIENCE SCHOOLEDS, which allows me to bring forth 9 different beasts from my deck and summon them to this realm, as such, I choose Happy Snake, Abomination Doge, Horsebirdy, Ronald McDonald, a Snowboi, Sex E. Rocket, Dracula's grandson, the Ebol Wizard and Tech Support Dragon!

The Fabled Nozoochee, Fabled Cerburrel, Fabled Peggulsus, Ronald McDonald, Snowman Eater, Dildo Rocket Man, Ghostrick Dracul, an Ugandan Knuckles dressed as the Dark Magician and Malefic Cyber End Dragon were summoned in Attack Mode.

Drakus: And, as a boon, they're ALL an infinite amount more tasteful in choice of attire compared to Angel Dust over there.

Angel Dust: He ain't even wrong!

Karius: By the Emperor's beard! Our glorious overlord has 9 servants out on the field already!

Flavius: And they're all lusting after Adam's life points!

Adam: That is certainly bad news for me. My turn?

Drakus: Oh, did I say I was done?! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! I am FAR FROM DONE serving this DEATH SANDWICH! For you see, I fuse ALL 9 OF MY BEASTS into MUCH GREATER servants!

Suddenly, 3 lights billowed out as the 9 beasts were merged together.

Lincoln: It's so bright!

Garie: Is Drakus really gonna show it off NOW?!

Whamusus: THIS LIGHT REFLECTING UPON MY GLISTENING ARMOR IS BLINDING ME!

Drakus: WITNESS THE DAWN OF....

The Winged Dragon of Ra, Slifer the Sky Dragon and Obelisk the Tormentor appeared.

Drakus: OBELISK THE TORMENTOR, SLIFER THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, AND MEGA ULTRA CHICKEN!

Karius: The chicken's even goldier than I had thought.

Flavius: How is Adam ever going to win NOW?!

Gabriel: 'Mega Ultra Chicken' looks more like a dragon than it does a chicken to be fair.

Drakus: Now, the chicken's effect allows me to pay all but 100 of my Life Points to increase every monster's attack to ludicrous amounts. Obelisk allows me to send two more monsters to Florida to wipe your monster off the map, and since I have around 7 more cards, Slifer gets 7000 ATK and DEF points

Drakus sacrifices all but 100 of his 8500 HP, and Obelisk the Tormentor and Mega Ultra Chicken get 8400 ATK each, while Slifer the Executive Producer gets 15400 ATK and DEF points.

Lincoln: 8400 and 15400 attack points?!

Flavius: Adam's doomed! DOOMED, I TELL YOU!!!

Adam: No... you're not getting away with this BULLSHIT! I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man, and you're just some fucking clown or something. I started everything on Earth! All of mankind came from these fucking nuts! You all should be worshipping me, you ungrateful, disgusting, fucking LOSERS!

Drakus: NOT DONE YET, BITCH!

Lute: How much longer are you doing this?!

Drakus: I now set a card, and activate The Temple Of The Kings [Drakus shows off two cards, the first being The Temple of the Kings.] And since I AM technically a king, I am allowed access to the activation of trap cards the turn i have set them, as such, I activate the card DNA Surgery!

Emperor: And now, through the power of science, Obelisk, Slifer and the Chicken fuse together and get experimented on as my great Astartes children are so they can attain their true divine form. Witness the bringer of the end, Silfeliskra, the Overlord of Terra.

The Winged Dragon of Ra, Obelisk and Slifer complete their transformation into Silfeliskra, a draconic being in golden armor with Obelisk's face on it.

Lisa: Well, he's still reptilian... But he still seems exactly the same in all other accounts.

Drakus, That is because I am not done yet, Lisa!

Charlie: Should have figured...

Drakus: I now hook him up with the Ghetto Drip of Destiny. [Spell card Noble Arms of Destiny activated.] Since he is now a warrior with what COUNTS as hands and a brain larger than a walnut, he is allowed to carry weapons legally! ESPECIALLY marvelous weapons such as these that deny all witches that try to surpass us. That is to say, it makes him like Sundowner, FUCKING INVINCIBLE!

Micha: Oh, that's definitely nasty.

Karius: That means Adam can't possibly hope to destroy it!

Flavius: ADAM'S GÖGN TOURHG GERT BÖÖNERGHHGHGHG!

Drakus: AND NOW, FOR THE FINAL TOUCH!

Several Exorcists sigh out of relief.

Emperor: By throwing away a useless card, we also equip Silfeliskra with the Twin Swords of Flashing Light. It reduces his already ludicrous attack strength by 500.

Drakus: With the boon of being ALLOWED to attack 2 times in a fucking row, BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!

Kittonius: Why do you never give me any toys?

Lily: Two times in a row?! Does that mean?

Flavius: HÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖRGH! (No one watching bothered to comment on him sounding like he really needs medical attention.)

Drakus-Emperor: Now, Silfeliskra, for all the shit the First Man has done, annihilate his face-down, and turn Adam....... (DEMONIC VOICE) DOWNFACE!

Adam: WAIT, WAIT, WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!

Silfeliskra flew at Adam and stabbed him hard in the chest with his Twin Swords of Flashing Light, taking away all his life points, and soon kicked him multiple times in the chest, which caused Adam to be sent flying to Ultramar, where he was chained to its very core, unable to leave, as the Ultramarines trampled Adam, as the realm soon turned back to normal.

Vaggie: Whoa!

Gabriel: That's my nephew!

END BGM

Lute went mad and ran to the portal Adam was quite literally kicked through, but she couldn't go through the portal as she watched Adam be flattened by the horde of chanting Ultramarines.

Lute: ADAM!

Charlie: It's over, Lute.

Drakus: Shall we say it together?

Lucifer: Gladly.

Drakus and Lucifer loomed over Lute, who was still horrified by what happened to Adam.

Drakus-Emperor and Lucifer: Take your shit and (DEMONIC VOICES) GET ON OUTTA HERE!

Suddenly, two angels descended, Sera and Emily.

Sera: Actually, there is no need for that one, Hydrax. Lute, because of what we've witnessed from Drakus' duel, and because I don't wanna know what he'll bring upon me, you are no longer allowed in Heaven for the time being, and the Exterminations are now hereby over.

Lute: YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

Drakus: Actually, she can, y'know, due to being a Seraphim Angel and all that jazz, her word is final. Now, to make sure you don't do any sort of damage.

Drakus hoisted Lute over his shoulder, as the now fallen angel flailed in his grip.

Emily: I did say that help would come, Charlie.

Charlie: It arrived earlier thanks to Cousin Drak.

Sera and Emily went back to Heaven.

Vaggie: We stopped Adam for good, but thanks to him, the hotel's in ruins.

Lucifer: Not for long.

Lucifer used his magic to repair the place, and everyone got to work and repaired the entire hotel and undid the damage, and the hotel became even more amazing than ever, and as an added surprise, Lucifer brought the Hazbin Hotel to Earth as the squad came back home with Lucifer and the others.

Drakus: Welcome to Casa de Loud, Uncle, glad to have you as a resident.

Lucifer: So, this is where we're staying on Earth, huh?

Charlie: You don't mind, Dad?

Lucifer hugged Charlie.

Lucifer: Not at all, Charlie. You changed my mind and saw the good in the souls of those gone bad. Sooo....(sighs) Anyone up for pancakes?

And now, the lives of the Louds got a lot more weirder and demonic.

Chapter Text

In a special ice cream van that Lisa and Micha built in the garage, the squad was heading over to Tremorton, the town that was home to the famous robot superhero, XJ-9 A.K.A. Jenny Wakeman, as Lute was holding onto her seat.

Lincoln: This is gonna be awesome going to the town of Tremorton.

Drakus: I mean, to be fair, Tremorton has a history. But it also has a hero. Her name is Jenny Wakeman, XJ-9 as the OVDF calls her.

Laney: I've heard a lot about her. She is an awesome robot.

Lisa: And was created by one of the greatest of professors, Nora Wakeman.

Lute: The hell are we going over there for, anyway?!

Drakus soon frowned.

Drakus: Well, word on the street is that a certain Uxitian escaped prison.

Lute: (Confused) The hell's an Uxitian?!

Drakus: They're from the planet Uxi VII, in the Cartwheel Galaxy, normally they feed on energy peacefully, not taking so much as to let the ones they're sucking energy from die, but the one we're after is a serial killer of a strange variety, he drains the energy from others to the point where they die from energy loss, all to make himself more powerful. Goes by the name Gigawatt. Wanted in 5 multiverse sectors for mass murder, theft of energy, resisting arrest, arson, and reports of mass genocide due to draining planets made of energy.

They soon parked outside a restaurant and got out.

Drakus: Tremorton, Pennsylvania.

Micha: I've never been here before. Wonder how strong the people here are?

They soon saw Jenny. But then, a man yelled at Jenny.

Man: YOU FILTHY MECHANIZED NUISSANCE! GET OUT!

Jenny: Hey! You can't kick me out!

Man: OH YES I CAN! WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE [pushes cans away] TO ROBOTS! They're dangerous, they can't be trusted and they stink too. NO ROBOTS ALLOWED!

Drakus: Hey!

Drakus and Lute walked up to the man, and Drakus grabbed him by his shirt and braced him up against the wall.

Drakus: Who the fuck do you think you are!?

Man: I'm the owner of this restaurant!

Lute: The only reason you're still alive is because you're not worthy of dying by an exorcist blade,  you xenophobic scum. How does that feel, to know how little you truly matter?

Man: Who are you!?

Lute: People you should not fuck around with.

Drakus: We're the X-Squad, and if we had it our way, this whole town would, and it shall, be burnt to the ground for not giving the one who defends you her proper dues.........and we came here to help Jenny.

Man: Why!? She's a robot!

Lute: For your information, prune, Jenny Wakeman is more than just a robot. She is just as human as everyone else! Nora Wakeman built her to protect you guys, but honestly, apart from a few select people, this whole town don't deserve her help, let alone being allowed to go to Heaven.

Man: Really?

Drakus: Really. Now, this will be your last day alive.

Drakus pulled out BlueBlaze, and sliced the man's head clean off, as he wiped his blade with a wet cloth, and then erased the rule banning robots from the restaurant.

Drakus: (groaned) Fucking bastards, the lot of this town......

Jenny: Thanks for that, but did you really have to kill him? I mean, he was as human as you.

Lute: We are not the same. That man had his chance and he chose damnation.

Drakus: Sorry 'bout Lute, Jenny, she's new to the group, and she's just getting her bearings. But it's such a pleasure to meet you in person.

Jenny: Same here. Look, I know you guys want to help me with my school life and the whole Skyway Patrol thing. But I really don't mind what bullies and the Skyway Patrol think of me. As long as I keep fighting bad guys, that's all that matters. (smiles) That's what a hero does, right?

Drakus: Well it's more than just that Jenny. People say a true hero has to fight and risk their neck for those that they care about and do everything they can to protect everyone. But honestly, some people, they don't deserve help, there's a line between being a Good Samaritan and being a damn doormat. And this town treats you like dirt, and dad told me something when I was a hatchling. If they don't respect you after all you've done to help; respect yourself and leave them to rot.

Jenny: Wow. I never thought about that.

Taeko: That's right, Jenny. Sure, heroes have had to go through some hard times to get to where they are at, but sometimes, there's people that shouldn't be saved.

Lincoln: That's right. It's tough but that's life for you.

Jenny: Wow.

Later, they went to Jenny's school and saw a lot of people.

Jenny: These are our classmates.

Laney: Some of them look nice.

Lana: Yeah, but some of them don't look nice at all, Lanes.

Lute: Who exactly are the pricks in your school anyway?

We saw two bullies picking on a boy named Sheldon.

Drakus: Time to test my speed factor!

Drakus flew over and spin kicked them in the face, sending them crashing into a classroom door, as they groaned stupidly as they had their teeth missing and bones popping out of places they shouldn't.

?: (British Accent) Well if it isn't the loser patrol.

Jenny: Hi Brit. Hi Tiff.

Tiff: You guys are nothing but losers.

Drakus: You remind me of really young prostitutes. Listen here, I know you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror... because all you both see are spoiled, weak-minded little children who can't do anything on their own who gradually grew up into becoming whores who're nothing without a pretty face and daddy's money to protect them. That's the reason why you go out of your way to find victims to pick on, in order to both gratify your swollen egos and to avoid the inevitable realization that once high school is over, there'll be nothing left for you two but memories and several STD's and all you'll end up becoming is little more than some scumbag's concubines whose sole survival skills will consist of nothing but these 5 words: "Daddy, I need another loan"... Am I in the ballpark?

Everyone gasped.

Tiff: HEY! You can't talk to us like that!

Drakus: Says the brats that set the whole school on fire.

Everyone gasped again.

Then the principal came.

Principal: So, you two set the school on fire back then?

Drakus: Exactly, dude.

Brit: You have no proof.

Jenny: Oh really. Need I remind you that you used me and nearly got me in trouble more times than anyone else can count? Or the fact that apparently, you're both apparently without a mom and you lash out to get your dad to pay attention to you

Principal: I think I get the point. Tiff and Brit Crust, you two seriously need therapy!

Brit and Tiff were literally dragged to the closest therapist.

Drakus: Hope they learn to get outta that toxic family. And seriously, you need to leave this place, it ain't worth saving.

Jenny: You said it.

Suddenly, a power outage happened and everything went black.

Drakus: Uh oh. The power's out!

Jenny: I know who's behind this. GIGAWATT! Follow me!

The X-Squad went off to the city and saw Gigawatt draining the entirety of Tremorton's power, as he soon started draining the life energy of everyone but the X-Squad, Jenny, Nora, Brad, and even the Crust Twins.

Gigawatt: (Transylvanian Accent) So, Wakeman wants another fight, and the famous dogs of the OVDF is here.

Roman: You really picked a bad day to kill people, Gigawatt.

Drakus: Face it, dude. There's no way out. Do you really want go to all the trouble of fighting us off?

Numbuh One: I know you're not looking forward to what happens next. But I give you my word as a KND operative, if you surrender, I'll make sure this is quick and painless.

Lute: Forget that. I want to see this one to get his cunt mouth ripped out the ass!

Drakus: Would you just-ju-chill, Lute. Holy fuck.

Jenny: I'm with Lute. I've been waiting for this moment!

Vertin: (to Gigawatt) Just submit. I can see you're about to pass out. This is only going to end badly for you.

Tokaku: Vertin's right. Why put yourself through one last struggle.

Gigawatt: (smirks) I still have plenty of fight left! ARMAGEDDON EMP!

Gigawatt charged up a huge blast of electricity at Jenny. As the squad, runs through a portal and the sheer power destroys everything in Tremorton, as some of the people that didn't die were dragged through portals by OVDF agents, as Gigawatt flew off to Royal Woods to get more power.

At a electronics store in Royal Woods, Mordecai - an anthropomorphic blue jay and Rigby - an anthropomorphic raccoon, were telling Benson - an anthropomorphic gumball machine about the incident at Tremorton.

Benson: Oh, man. This is so bad!

Muscle Man: What's the big deal, bro? This ain't that bad, is it?

Benson: You don't understand! Whatever happened to Tremorton,  the thing that caused it might come here, and we're all dead if it's as bad as the news makes it out to be! (gets an idea) Muscle Man, you know someone that might handle this type of thing?

Just then, the X-Squad ran between Benson and Muscle Man, as the TV started sparking and Gigawatt crawled out, cackling maniacally.

Gigawatt: End of the line, Wakeman. Dieeeeeeee!

Drakus: Everyone, get down!

Gigawatt opened his mouth and started draining the energy out of the electronics, and draining the life out of members of the Ancient Order of VHS that were attacking the store.

SP: (Has his ears covered) No, no! Cover your ears!

LP: (In a trance) So.....much.....sample rates! (His head is suddenly blown off by a blast of energy)

The Order continues to shoot at the Uxitian with no success. Gigawatt soon grinned and spat an electrical ray that zapped into the eyes of SP and the rest of the Order, draining their energy. Soon, another man suddenly entered.

Timmy: Dude, Muscle Man. My boss heard me making fun of you last week, and he totally fired me. Is it cool if I hang out with you guys- (His eyes got blasted as well, his life energy being drained into Gigawatt.)

Suddenly, Gigawatt laughed as he was surrounded by a massive vortex of black and blood red lightning, and inside the vortex is a blood red vulture made of sparking electricity. As he took a more human-like shape,  that being a 35-year old man with deep silver hair, a lean and muscular body, a red and white cape covering his blood red and electric blue suit, and black shoes.

Gigawatt: Now, time for Royal Woods to become a feast fit for a king!

BGM: Bad Man (Disturbed)

The fight began when he snapped the couch in half, causing the others to run, Skips remained standing, ready to fight, but he gets knocked over easily to the side onto the wall.

Mordecai and Rigby: Skips!!

Skips spat out a tooth after being knocked over and roared as he tried a shoulder charge. One by one, they all try to combat him, but he created a ball of energy, ready to aim it at them.

Roman: That doesn't look good...

Jenny: What's he doing?!

Skips: Everybody get down!

They all proceed to take over cover and unexpectedly Muscle Man's friend, Jimmy, comes into the house.

Jimmy: Yo, Muscle Man, my boss found out that I gave you guys that TV and he fired me. Is it cool if I crash at your place for a couple da—what the--?

He was is blasted away by the energy ball Gigawatt launched while screaming, and which killed him instantly by explosion.

Skips: How are we supposed to hurt him?

Gigawatt soon chuckled as he floated above them.

Gigawatt: I think it's safe to say that you fools underestimated me! What makes you think I''ll be easy to kill? I'm an energy being. And we all know that you can't destroy energy!

Lily: Let's get him!

Lily and Zap fired a massive blast of water and lightning, and he was shorting out all over the place.

Mordecai turned on the sprinklers and drenched him, soon he was shorting all over.

Rigby: This is gonna be awesome! Let me see here. RACCOON BLITZ!

Rigby fired a powerful ball of dark energy at the Hammer and it hit him and exploded into a powerful black hole that sucked in objects and they slammed into him with incredible force.

Drakus: Holy shit! That was awesome! Quick, lads, get your squirter guns and start blasting!

Soon, the X-Squad and the Park crew were spraying Gigawatt with enough water to drown a normal man.

Mordecai: That was cool! Let me see here. BLUE JAY BOMB!

Mordecai fired a powerful blast of rainbow light and it slammed into Gigawatt and exploded into a massive blast of white light and turned him back to normal, draining him of his power.

Gigawatt: I HOPE YOU ALL CHOKE ON ME!

Drakus: Nah, we ain't cannibals.

Gigawatt soon growled, as he slithered into a TV, glaring at Jenny all the while.

Drakus: Well, now we know, a lightning bolt can't kill us.

Meanwhile, Gigawatt was slithering through a dilapidated junkyard.

Gigawatt: Damn that Wakeman brat! If it weren't for those X-Squad and those...those MISFITS, I would've finished her off!

?: Now that's good television......wouldn't you agree?

In that instant, Gigawatt's fury vanished and was now fully alert. He looked around to locate the source of the voice when Vox, the Overlord of Television, appeared in front of him from a broken TV, with a smug grin.

Vox: Wait… Gigawatt, you lost to Nora's robokid, again?!

Gigawatt soon growled.

Gigawatt: Watch it, TV head, I still got rid of Tremorton, only because I put too much power in the Armageddon EMP......

Vox soon grinned.

Vox: Wait a sec.....you blew up Tremorton?! That's.....That's admittedly badass! And here I thought Miss Kiko was on some bad LSD when she said you could handle something as simple as blowing up a town! Well, no matter.....

The sharks in the shark tank beside him swam up to his shoulders, Vox' right-hypnotic eye gleaming with a sinister grin.

Vox: I have other plans to get even with the smiling freak, the X-Shitheels and Little Miss Bleeding Heart..........

Chapter Text

It was time for a traditional Drakonian holiday, called Scalaphan, which, coincidentally, was on June 19th. And Drakus and Zerinax were wearing draconic robes, and tossing snowflakes into the air.

Drakus and Zerinax: HAPPY SCALAPHAN EVERYONE!

Roman: A special day today, huh? Who knew?

Lola: Also, Drak, Zeri, Luna and Sam have something to show you!

The squad went down to the street and saw the Pride Parade, as Lute hid behind Drakus in a bit of shyness, not used to so much gay pride.

Mystle: Wow!

Drakus: The Pride Parade.

Ken: Is it a statue?

Lana: You'll see. And here it comes now.

They saw Zerinax, Mitsuko, Lillian, Nio, Otoya, Chitaru, Hitsugi, Sumireko, Isuke, Tokaku, Haru, Shiena, Kouko, Suzu, Mahiru, Haruki, Sherry, Luna and Sam's float, Stellar Adventure. It was a float with them floating in a bubble in the colors of the lesbian flag that made it look like they were in space, and the stars were all rainbow color and the planets were being made by them. And driving it was Archibald, wearing a hat with the colors of the gay flag.

Neo: Wow! That float is so cool!

Lana: Yep. I helped them build it. It was an awesome project for them.

Lincoln: Happy Pride Month to you all!

Sam: What do you think of our float?

Drakus: Awesome!

Mystle: Hey, Lincoln, is that Clyde and his dads?

Lincoln: Yep.

They saw Clyde and his dads on a float with a bunch of other guys. It was called Tropical World.

Mel: Awesome!

Harold McBride: Happy Pride Month, guys!

Me: You too Mr. McBride!

Then Fizzarolli leapt out of a limo and greeted the fans as they cheered him on.

Fizzarolli: Hup- hup- Hey!

Asmodeus teleported out in his lowkey form, and walked down the red carpet, while Blitzo brushed himself off, and catches up with them, pulling a gun out.

Crowd: We love you, Fizz! Yeah, baby, yeah!

But then, Drakus' wrist computer beeped.

Drakus: Uh oh.

He looked it up and it showed that the Quest Team jet was down in Northern Siberia.

Drakus: The Quest Team is in trouble!

Mystle: Where?

Drakus: Siberia, in Russia.

Lute: They'll freeze to death! We got to get over there!

Drakus: And quick.

Just then, Anubis appeared.

Anubis: I'm afraid you aren't gonna like this. Grigori Vostok has escaped from prison and is out for revenge.

Drakus: Oh man!

Lute: Who the fuck's Vostok?

Drakus: A hard-line Siberian army general and former KGB agent who resented the former Soviet Union's abandonment of Communism, and sought any means to bring it back. Me and the squad stopped him years ago when he used a golem to try and take over Prague.

Anubis: And unfortunately, he isn't working alone, he's colluding with Andrealphus and Stella of the Goetia to kidnap Octavia, daughter of Prince Stolas, to try and kill him. What's worse was that Andrealphus was stuck in an Alicorn submarine for around 3 years......and he only had anime for company.....which means he's now obsessed with VTubers, in particular Houshou Marine. And now he occasionally slips into pirate talk.

Mud: Ooh! What's the take if we stop him? (He steals a coin from out of Luna's ear.) Better be enough to get me one of them cozy mattresses.

(Cut to a flashback of Mud in the meat freezer, freezing.)

Mud: Sick of sleepin' on that meat hook.

Mel: (Steals the coin back) No, no, no, Mud. this has nothing to do with scarab. More like... (Whispers in Pig Latin) ice-way errorism-tay.

(Breadhead slams down on the piano.)

Mud: (Frightened) We're hunting terrorists?!

Melancholy: (Chuckles) I did some digging and figured out where he's hiding. The Alicorn sub. (Ken growled.) We sneak our way in, shut the machine down, bust out Via, then SMASH Vostok and Andre to bits!

Ken: Mel... This is in SIBERIA. Haven't I ever told you what bein' there is like?

(Everything goes dark. Ken starts to imagine what the Inferno was; a frozen wasteland with Rotlings iced within the realm.)

Ken: Imagine... bein' subjected to a never-ending blizzard! You become frozen and numb (An icicle fell and landed in someone's eye.), but yet... you can't focus on any of it... as the excruciating pain of pullin' out an ingrown toenail-!!!

Breadhead: (takes the pic from Ken) Smash bad people? (Ken snaps out of it.) Seems pretty easy to me.

Mud: (Pretending to be a judge) Those in favor of a mutiny and fighting Vostok, point and say... "GO TO HELL!"

Mel, Mud and Breadhead: (pointing at Ken) "GO TO HELL!"

Soon, the group was in Russia, and saw some people walking along the cold.

Drakus: Wait, look.

They then saw that it was Jonny Quest and Bandit, as well as Prince Stolas.

Lincoln: It's Jonny Quest and Bandit!

Drakus: Uncle Stolas!

Mud: You okay?

Jonny Quest: Yes we are. But that creep Vostok has my dad, Jessie, Race and Hadji.

Stolas: And my Starfire!

Zerinax: And we'll save them. Drakus, me and Vostok have an old score to settle.

Mystle: Jonny, how did you wind up all the way out here?

Jonny: We were on our way to visit Professor Erikson, and then we were shot down by a Bifrost Effect Bomb.

Breadhead: What's that?

Drakus: Flashfreeze.

Jonny: But it's up to us now. They're going due north. Any ideas?

Gabriel: To question God is heresy, human. But for your information, my idea involves driving the Corpse of King Minos like a fucking Mazda.

Soon, King Minos' corpse was making its way to Vostok's submarine. A robot was guarding the gate with his guards when the corpse pulled up. It went up to the driver's window, which the driver, revealed to be Mud and Lute, dressed in Russian disguises, lowered.

Mud: Привет, officer! Uh, I-I believe everything should be in order.

He handed the robot a clipboard showing the deliveries, which got approved. The back opened and two guards entered to inspect. As the bot moved around, the squad was hidden in crates.

Guard: All clear!

Robot: We are pleased. You may come in, comrade.

The lock opened and fell off, squishing a guard. The gates opened and the truck entered, as the squad was shivering in the crates.

Bandit: [whimpering]

Jonny: I know, boy. I'm cold too.

Sherry: We all are! But you don't hear me complaining!

Guards opened the back up, only to get pulled in by the squad and beaten up. The squad quickly got to putting on the guards' uniforms.

Melancholy: All right, here's the plan...

(She lays out the map.)

Melancholy: (Voiceover) Breadhead, Lute, Isuke, Furina, you're on angel duty.

Breadhead, Furina, Isuke, and Lute snuck into the garden, where Furina spotted a crow sleeping. Breadhead cut his own head off and hopped towards it as it woke up.

Breadhead: Pretty bird love yummy, yummy bread.

The crow flew down as Breadhead opened his mouth. The crow peeked inside and nibbled on Breadhead's tongue. Breadhead, in pain, slammed his mouth shut, killing the crow and awakening the other crows in the area.

Melancholy: Mud, Hibiki, Kanade, Neo, secure the cameras and get the guards to focus on our little distraction.

Mud, Kanade, Hibiki, and Neo entered the security room. Mud snuck behind a sleeping guard when he suddenly wakes up.

Joshua: MUD?!

Mud: JOSHUA?!

Joshua hugged Mud.

Mud: (Pulls out his shotgun and loads it) How long has it been? 5,000 years?

Joshua: Actually, 5,245 years. But who's counting? How's my Muddy Buddy?

Hibiki hit a high note and blasted Joshua's brains out.

Hibiki: Handled him.

Mud: THAT WAS FOR SAN DIEGO, YOU ASSWIPE!

Back in the garden, Isuke gets Breadhead's head as the crows became a storm, as the squad make their way down a corridor.

Zerinax: Three, two, one.

The crows are seen flying over the glass ceiling as an alarm blared.

Kanade: (Over speakers) All guards report to the front! An angel storm is forming! Stop it before it rips this place apart!

The guards make their way to the garden as the squad continue down the corridor as if nothing is happening, as Drakus picked up the keys for the cell Hadji, Race and Jessie Bannon were in.

Hadji: These cuffs would challenge Houdini himself.

Jessie Bannon: I'm not giving up.

Then, Melancholy opened the door.

Ken: Guess who's helpin' you out?

Jonny: Hey, guys. Did you miss us?

Bandit: Woof woof.

Race: Hey, nice work, guys.

Jessie Bannon: What are you?

Drakus: A local band of misfits!

Drakus chopped the cuffs off.

Roman: Now lets go find the doc and then stop Vostok.

Mystle: Also, I think Vostok has prisoners here. We got to get them too.

In the lab, Dr. Quest was working.

Colonel: (Russian Accent) What is it you're doing now, doctor?

Dr. Quest: Making a few final adjustments.

Colonel: You must think me a fool! I'm not about to give you a chance to use this.

Dr. Quest: There's one problem. That's just the decoy.

He took a flashlight and fired a flashfreeze ray, then he smashed the launcher through the ice and sent the guards falling through the floor. Then he froze the door off and smashed the guards on it.

Hadji: I believe we have found Dr. Quest.

They went up to him.

Dr. Quest: Everyone! Good to see you.

Race: Glad you're all right, doc.

Dr. Quest: Yes. But Jonny, I thought you went for help?

Jonny: And let someone else have all the fun? No way!

Zerinax: How did you get out?

He showed them a flashlight.

Mel: A flashlight?

Dr. Quest: A flashfreeze one.

Mystle: Let's go see what we can use.

Otoya: I found some unopened food!

Drakus: Now is not the time to eat. We got to stop Andrealphus and Vostok.

Lola found some papers on a desk.

Lola: I found all of Professor Erikson's research!

Zerinax: Great work, smokey!

Lana: And also more freeze bombs too.

Mystle: Amazing that Vostok is using all this. What's it for?

Dr. Quest: Vostok wanted to use the Bifrost Effect as a weapon of destruction, this was originally meant for peaceful means......

Drakus: Damn, that's the mindset of a lunatic, doc.

Hitsugi: Sweet! I found a stack of money! (starts counting it)

Vertin: That must be their funding.

Hitsugi counted up $14,391,034,457,78,491,136.00 in Rubles or 82,748,278,498,292,323,942 Rubles.

Mystle: Wow! That's a lot of money.

Laney: They must've stolen the entire Russian Treasury.

Mud came back.

Mud: Found the prisoners!

Stolas saw that it was his friend, Captain Rossanov!

Stolas: Captain Rossanov!

Captain Rossanov: (Russian Accent) Comrade Stolas! You came just in time.

Mystle: Just doing our jobs!

Isuke: And I found Professor Erikson. He's hurt.

Hitsugi looked him over and he was knocked out with a powerful heavy sedative.

Hitsugi: He's all right. He took a massive dose of morphine.

Drakus: Shit, he'll be feeling the love for a while.

Stolas, Drakus, and Jonny, as well as the squad and their allies, once Rossanov got the prisoners out of the fort, approached the control room, where Octavia was bound and gagged to a chair, as the ground was covered with patches of ice. As Dr. Quest ascended to the control panel, the ice covered the ground, and rose into a wall, blocking the path and sending him sliding back to the ground.

Stolas: Ugh, fucking Ice Queen. How extra can you get?

Andrealphus: Ahoy me maties, it be me, Cap'n Andrealphus, and I'm here to tell ye that ye can prevent like 99% of all wars by turning hell into a winter wonderland. I learned about ye mortal knowledge while stuck under the sea for 1095 days while only being able to watch Virtual YouTuber content, and I'm as sane as any ol' scurvy dog on the ship! Yar har har, it's MY mental illness, I get to choose the coping mechanism!

Dr. Quest frowned as Andrealphus and Vostok stood behind him. Stolas turned to face the two.

Stolas: Let my daughter go, this instant......

Andrealphus chuckled vindictively as he passed by the squad, taking the opportunity to gloat. Stolas and Quest followed Andrealphus' movements with hatred in their eyes.

Andrealphus: I imagine this is rather hard for ye, Stolas. At least you've got ye lovely, lil' daughter with ye...... But, unfortunately, I'm not planning on usurping ye......I'm after something far greater......

Vostok: (Russian Accent) Well this is a new sight. Who are the other comrades?

Drakus: Been a long time, Vostok.

Vostok: Who are you, my friend?

Drakus: You don't remember? I'm hurt. Let me jog your memory then. In 2013, me and the squad went on vacation in the Czech Republic, and stopped you from using the Golem to overthrow the Czech Government.

Vostok: WHAT!?

He then saw a flashback and compared it to now.

Vostok: You're the X-Squad!?

Drakus: Yep! It's been nine years since you got sent to the Black Dolphin Prison!

Vostok: You've changed a lot, young Hydrax, what happened to you?

Drakus: Many things. Now you and I, we have some catching up to do as well as an old score to settle.

Drakus punched him in the face, and then Vostok kicked Drakus in the face, as he wiped the blood off his face.

Drakus: I have a question for you? What lead to....all this?

Andrealphus chuckled, as he put his hands on an ice statue of a person, as the squad realized one thing: He killed people, just to test out the Bifrost Effect's power, as Drakus quickly switched on a wire he had in his jacket.

Andrealphus: Well it was not an easy task. But I had to fight tooth and nail to claw my way to the top of Hell. Over the years, after the spending habits of my aggressively attractive sister rendered the family unable to fund our lifestyle, me and Stella had to embezzle money from Hell's treasury to continue living lavishly, but once we almost drained Hell dry of money, we snuck into the human world, and stole from banks all across the globe. We had to deceive, and make some deals with some of the most powerful figures in the world, mostly Russia, to help certain people get into power, in exchange for some of the cut.

Me: So you're saying that you meddled in certain world elections?

Vostok: Well, yes.....but you won't live to tell the tale, you foolish men.

Stolas: I don't hate you, Andy. I just think you've went quite insane!

Andrealphus laughed dryly.

Andrealphus: "Insane". Well, there you go again, Stolas. Insulting me, hurting my feelings, just like all the rest. Only this time, I'm ready. [looking at the panel] You're still a pathetic excuse of a prince and a disgrace to the Ars Goetia. I tried to have you killed in order to keep my family's reputation and prestige safe from your vile romance with that imp. But yet, all those years, no matter how big I got, no matter how successful, I always thought about my ranking......

The room starts to get frozen due to Andrealphus' increasing anger as he stomped towards the squad, flaring up his feathers, and freezing half the room in the process.

Andrealphus: How the other Marquis boast about how they're better than me! Simply because I'm ranked 13, the unlucky number, and they're not! But everyone, even Stella's 'friends', loves you because you cared about the ones beneath us and you're always so nice and caring, and once I found a way to usurp your power and go from Marquis to Prince to gain even a modicum of respect, Volteus exposed my plans and caused me and Stella to become the laughing stock of Hell, while you gained even more love and support, in spite of being exposed as a deviant piece of SHIT, simply because the imp you're fucking is now part of Volteus' court, and also, suprise suprise, you helped Volteus bring down Starfleet! WHY?! WHY DOES SOME SPINELESS WENCH LIKE YOU GET ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT, WHILE I GET NOTHING BUT SCRAPS?!

Drakus: Wait, you're mad because you can't handle losing? You colluded with Mr. KGB here, kidnapped a princess, as well as kidnapped some scientists and children, and turned what was supposed to be a way to stop global warming into a weapon of mass destruction? Because you're jealous of Stolas because he's a Prince and you're not. You could have all the power in the world but it can't cover up the truth of how you're a scared, lonely peacock....alone......broken......full of self hate.

Mystle: I think someone has daddy issues.

Andrealphus: I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES! I AM PAPA'S SPECIAL FUCKING BOY!

Melancholy: [aside, to Stolas] That part's creeping me out.

Stolas: Shh!

Andrealphus snapped, glaring at Drakus.

Andrealphus: How DARE you?! Who are you to have the right to insult and judge me, you filthy lizard?! You don't know what it's like to be the unlucky Marquis, I will not be talked down by some lunatic whose daddy is friends with the idiotic king of hell, and whose cousin is nothing but a naive and idiotic fool, wasting her time with that hotel of hers, trying to redeem worthless sinners that deserve nothing! And let's not forget your sister, the Ghost Rider! She thinks she can just waltz around like she's the law, armed with powers that she never earned in the first place! And let's not forget King Asmodeus and Queen Beelzbub's romance with a crippled imp and a mongrel hellhound!

Zerinax facepalmed.

Zerinax: And you wonder why no one loves you? Maybe try not being a bitch.

Andrealphus: But this time, I'm gonna humiliate them. This time, I'm gonna prove to Hell that I am BETTER than you! And what better way than to get rid of the Seven Sins themselves, and SEIZE CONTROL OF HELL?!

Drakus: [enraged] You....YOU PSYCHOPATHTIC BITCH!

Andrealphus: "Bitch". Eh, you try to get revenge for becoming the joke of Hell, and some people think you're crazy.

Stolas: It'll never work, Andrealphus.....

Andrealphus: Well, actually, that's where you're wrong.

he pressed a red button on the panel and a holographic globe and moon rise up from the floor, as he used his ice magic to conjure a platform to let him slide around them.

Andrealphus: You see, all I have to do is expand the range of this niffty little machine......and the Earth becomes wreathed in winter. Move the range down......and the Pride Ring suddenly becomes ice-cold. Hell and Earth, as we know it, will become a thing of the past. The Sins die...

He pressed the button, and the globe diagram grew icicles; and Stolas, Dr. Quest, Hadji, Jessie, Race, and the squad gasped in horror.

Andrealphus: Then I'll be the king of Hell.

Drakys: Excuse me, sir, you're just in time for the event.

Andrealphus was confused by this.

Andrealphus: What event?

Drakus: [drawing back a fist] Weiner Compression Day.

Andrealphus: The fuck—

Drakus suddenly punched Andrealphus right in his face. Andrealphus is stunned by the action and has started to bleed. Ken then tackled Andrealphus to the ground and starts pummeling him with more punches followed by a few stomps from his feet as the Marquis shrieked and groaned with pain. After a moment, Stolas picked up a large ice sculpture of Andrealphus and hit him with it, causing it to break. Drakus was about to punch him again but Andrealphus raised his hand and stopped him. The squad got pushed away by the icy winds. Andrealphus' crown flied up from the ground and landed back on his head as he levitated and flared his tail feathers, then transformed them into icicle blades and reach out to grab ahold of each of Stolas' limbs, raising him up and pulling him closer to him. The remaining feathers turned into icicle spears, aimed directly at him.

Andrealphus: Okay, you're all dead!

Stolas: *unwavered* Do it... Pussy.

[Andrealphus' icicle spears inched closer to Stolas' face.]

Andrealphus: I will enjoy this.

Just then, the doors opened and Vassago, along with the Reapers, came in.

As a few people run, another man's head exploded up from a blast of ice while a hooded Shigaraki watched. As another civilian desperately ran away toward Shigaraki, he also turns into chunks of gore before a bolt of yellow light streaks across the screen as Shigaraki's Danger Sense Quirk activated, allowing him to react by generating a hand to shield his face from his demise at an invisible hand while the Quirk's Vestige disappeared.

As he got knocked back, Shigaraki uses his Search Quirk to find the one responsible for the deaths: Andrealphus.

Shigaraki: I'd heard of a powerful villain stalking these parts. My organization is going to tear this putrid world down around us. We could use a freak of your talents.

Andrealphus: Me? King of the social rejects? How about I bring them your head instead, you crusty creep?!

Shigaraki: Fine by me. Let's call this... your audition.

Shigaraki pulled out his phone and snapped his fingers, causing two portals to show up behind the Marquis, who's face changed to that of confusion.

Shigaraki: Sic 'em!

BGM: Never Ending Winter (ONLAP)

Two Nomus rushed through the portals, one letting out a loud roar as they attacked Andrealphus out of instinct. After dodging one of the Nomus' punches, Andrealphus tossed the other over his head and toward Shigaraki, who slightly and nonchalantly dodged his head out of the way as he continued staring at his screen.

As the Nomu landed, they circle back and lunged at Andrealphus, who dodged again as he sent out an icicle blade. He then uses his blades to slash at the two Nomus with ease, even outmaneuvering one of them before making another slash and dodging a slam from the other.

Afterward, the Nomu turns around and throws another punch at Andrealphus, who ducked, revealing the other Nomu was also throwing a punch at him before their punches hit the other's head. Andrealphus then fired a Bifrost beam at Shigaraki, who noticed and defended himself with his Quirk Singularity as he charged up his next attack.

Shigaraki: Game over.

Shigaraki fired out his Heavy Payload Quirk, ending the beam clash as Andrealphus lets out a shriek upon being engulfed by it. As the smoke cleared, Shigaraki let out a laugh as Andrealphus got up....

Reaper #1: Andrealphus Goetia, you're hereby under arrest for breaking demon law, attempted planetary genocide, embezzlement of Hell's treasury, mass murder, and conspiring against the Sins, surrender peacefully, or we shall use force!

Reaper #2: YOU ARE IN DEEP SHIT, SNOWFLAKE! PLEASE COME QUIETLY! WE'VE GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED!

Reaper #3: There's nowhere to run, you little shit!

Vassago: Come now, no need for harsh words, you two. Andrealphus! Please stand down so that we may properly put you in custody. We don't wanna hurt you!

Andrealphus: What's going on here!?

Drakus: The end of your ambition!

Blitzo: Hey! Elsa!

Andrealphus turned his attention to the sound and is hit in the face with a snowball. I.M.P has arrived.

Blitzo: Get your icy hands off my bottom, bitch!

Andrealphus: *laughs* The imp? [He grinned, amused by this] The imp is challenging me-

Blitzo throws another snowball, hitting Andrealphus in the face, which made Andrealphus confused.

Vassago: And you'll have to like, hand over all your anime, and the Bifrost gun.

Everything went silent.

Blitzo: The what?

Stolas: The freeze ray, Blitzo, what else would he be talking about-

Andrealphus: D-D-No no no no no, wait, what's the other thing?

Vassago: The anime?

Everyone was worried.

Drakus: ...Dude, you have to hand that shit over, it's like a hazard.

Andrealphus was no longer amused, he was pissed.

Andrealphus: (with Joker makeup on) WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY! IF I CAN'T WATCH MARINE CH. ON YOUTUBE, THEN NO ONE ELSE WILL!

Blitzo: Scatter!

He fired the frost gun......and missed, freezing Stella, and most of Vostok's men, solid.

Andrealphus: FUCK, I MISSED!! KILL THE IMPS, STOLAS AND THOSE MISFITS 𝗡𝗢𝗪!!!

The crew split off into different directions. Loona tries to leap up and grab Andrealphus, but he moved away from her reach. Moxxie grabbed Millie by both hands, flipped over and launched her into the air. Millie flew toward Andrealphus, but before she can strike, Andrealphus had her swatted down by an icicle blade.

Moxxie: Millie!

Moxxie runs toward Millie as she falls toward the palace.

Blitzo: Someone! Launch me!

Shigaraki ran over, picked up Blitzo and leapt into the air. Blitzo screamed, then grabs onto the ice.

Blitzo: Ahhh, ha-ha!

Blitzo and Shigaraki rushed up the icicles toward Stolas. Andrealphus took notice and used his powers to thicken the ice, sending it up and toward Stolas. The thickened ice made it slightly easier for Blitzo and Race to run on, but just before they reached Stolas, Blitzo and Shigaraki fell back down, getting caught in Andrealphus' grasp. Loona saw her father in danger and began a new transformation. She growled as her limbs grow bigger with more fur and reveals a new set of small eyes.

Andrealphus: You little insects really think you can do anything to me? The new king of Hell? You are delusional! One's a lower class scum, the other's just a scared little boy whose daddy was an arse... and made it everyone else's problem!

Blitzo: Eeehhh! Try again, bitch! I've been called so much worse!

Shigaraki: Do you know how many freaks I faced? Hell, you're barely getting into the top 20.

Andrealphus: *Censored Profanity* !#@%

Blitzo and Shigaraki were stunned by that insult.

Andrealphus: I'LL FLOOD THE BACK OF THIS SUBMARINE TO GIVE THE GUN THE ELEVATION IT NEEDS TO TURN ALL OF YOU TO POPSICLES!

As he said this, Breadhead sniffed yeast, which made him strong enough to punch the control panel to bits, inadvertently causing Stella to fall into the crow storm below...and into the Reapers hands, as they cuffed her and threw her into a prison van.

Andrealphus heard a howl from above. He looked up and saw Loona, in her full demonic form, heading toward him. Loona bit Andrealphus by the neck, causing him to drop Blitzo and Race to focus on his bleeding. As Blitzo and Race fell, Loona dropped down close enough for Blitzo to grab onto her fur. She landed safely onto the ground on all fours. Loona and Blitzo watched as Andrealphus tossed Stolas aside to make a giant ice dragon out of the Bifrost, and the dragon roared at the two of them.

Blitzo: Oh, fuck me.

Blitzo rode Loona away from the dragon.

Millie: Ugh, eugh... Oh.

Millie rubbed her head in pain, then looked around. She has conveniently landed in the armory room.

Millie: Fuck yes!

Moxxie arrives at the open wall and finds Millie, having loaded up on weaponry and carrying Stolas' flag.

Millie: Catch baby!

Millie tosses Moxxie a sword. Moxxie catches it eagerly, posing like a legendary warrior.

Moxxie: You are so fucking hot right now.

Millie: *grabs a machine gun* I think I'm gonna give the firepower a try this time!

Millie gave Moxxie a kiss on the cheek as Ken ran beside them.

Ken: Big weapon, stat!

Millie threw a spear to Ken and he raced off to combat. The dragon turned to face him, and exhaled smoke onto them. When the smoke cleared, Blitzo looked up just as the dragon lowered its head toward them with its mouth open. Loona landed directly under the dragon and looks over to find Blitzo dangling over the dragon's throat, having used the spear as a makeshift pole. Loona avoids the dragon's feet as she runs out from under it.

Blitzo: *humming Flight of the Valkyries, badly* Da da duh dun dun!

Blitzo tried to kick the dragon's teeth but he can't reach it. The dragon is hit with missiles fired by Mel as she and Moxxie charged toward them.

Mel: This is fun!

Loona raced beside Moxxie. Moxxie climbed onto her.

Moxxie: Alright, sweetie. Cover me. *kissed Millie's cheek* The prince's knight needs his sword!

Millie stopped and fired another round of missiles at the dragon. While the dragon is distracted, Loona climbs up the icy body of the dragon to reach the top of its nose.

Blitzo: Eugh, disgusting!

Moxxie: Blitzo!

Blitzo looked up and saw Moxxie hanging just outside of the dragon's mouth, holding the sword.

Blitzo: Whoo! Impressive, Moxxie.

Moxxie: *tosses sword* Catch!

Blitzo: *catches sword* Yeah, Moxxie! High five--

Blitzo high fived Moxxie, before realizing that he let go of the spear. Blitzo screamed as he fell into the dragon's mouth.

Blitzo: Oh, whoa! Shit!

The dragon closed its mouth as Moxxie slides off of its head. Andrealphus squawks victoriously as the dragon roars with Loona on its nose and Moxxie holding onto its jaw. The dragon suddenly stopped and was decapitated. Blitzo sliced the dragon by the neck, freeing himself, while running towards Stolas.

Stolas: You've just risked your life to save me, again....

Blitzo: Well... So did you.

While smiling, Stolas leaned forward, initiating a kiss between the two, which Blitzo melted into and returned. Millie ran toward the severed dragon's head and saw that Loona and Moxxie are okay. However the fight was not over yet. As Andrealphus growled, the ice dragon grew three heads, with one cornering Loona and the squad, another surrounding Millie and Moxxie, as well as the Smiling Dead, and the third primed toward Shigaraki, Blitzo and Stolas. Blitzo raised the sword for a fight.

Andrealphus: FORGET ONE MILLION LIVES, I'LL BE TAKING 80 BILLION LIVES!! YOU SHOULD'VE JUST LET ME KEEP MY ANIME, YOU FUCKING SKUNKS!

Andrealphus grabbed Shigaraki, only to find himself in Shigaraki's Mental World, where he looked up to see Volteus sitting on a throne, displeased with his actions.

Volteus: Hands off my children, you dickless coward.......

The Vestige fired a blast at Andrealphus, stripping him of his ice magic as Shigaraki used Decay to destroy the panel it was standing on, as Mel rushed to grab Octavia, causing an explosion, as the dragon fell to its doom. After the smoke cleared, Shigaraki is done playing games as he glared at Andrealphus.

The third dragon head lunged toward the trio. A dark purple beam then sped past the two and forms a barrier which blocked the dragon. Octavia pushed herself forward while forcing the barrier to hold the attack, until she was standing in front of Blitzo and Stolas.

Andrealphus: Stand down, girl! This doesn't concern you.

Octavia: *grunting* ENOUGH! Stop it!

Octavia didn't listen. Instead, she enforced the barrier again and pushed it into the dragon, destroying it entirely. The force also pushed Andrealphus back from the balcony.

Octavia: You will not. Hurt. My. Dad.

Shigaraki: Also, I felt your soul. You only wanna take over Hell because you couldn't accept there's consequences for what you did. Totally pathetic. I hate your type for a reason.

After he said this, Shigaraki used Decay on the whole fortress, as Andrealphus looked on in fear before he made a run for it. The resulting crumbling caused Andrealphus to plummet into the snow below. Ultimately, a terrified Andrealphus and Stella were caught by a hand before being pulled up to Drakus, Octavia and Shigaraki's smirking faces, as the Reapers cuffed Andrealphus.

Drakus: Andrealphus and Stella Goetia, for hiring an assassin to kill one of the Ars Goetia, terrorism, embezzlement, tax fraud, undocumented exploits in the mortal realm, robbery, attempted conspiracy against the Sins, and rigging elections, I hereby sentence you, and your sister, to be stripped of your title, status, power, and money indefinitely, and they'll be granted to Via when she becomes of age. Once you two are finished with your sentence, you both will have to live amongst the citizens of Hell and revel in your errors for committing such horrible acts.

Stella: W-What?!

Andrealphus: (Terrified) NO NO NO NO NO!!! WAIT!!! WAIT!!! WAIT!!! HAVE MERCY!!!

From out of nowhere, chains grabbed Andrealphus and Stella as they are both pulled into the middle of the room. With a snap of his finger, Drakus raised a ancient set of golden rings with demonic hieroglyphs dating back to when Lucifer fell. Crimson lightning crackled from the rings as they surrounded Andrealphus and Stella. Drakus used his magic to strike them both with the lightning, and then lifted them up as the lightning took away everything from the two peacocks. Crimson lightning struck Andrealphus and Stella from the eyes, stripping them of their own royal status. When the process was done, the lightning ceased, and the siblings fell down on the floor.

Octavia: Hey, uncle, mom, have a great life.....better get used to making license plates.

Shigaraki: And do yourselves a favor. Grow! Up!

Stella: No, Via! Please! Please!! Help me!!! I WON'T SURVIVE HARD TIME!!!!!

Andrealphus: Wait, Stolas! Help! I can't go to jail! THEY'LL DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS TO US!!!!

Vassago: After you two have paid back all the vexes you stole from Hell, and paid for your crimes here, then we can talk about mercy. Take these malditos hijos de puta away!

Reaper #1: Yes, Vassago!

Vassago dragged Andrealphus to a prison van, and threw him and Vostok in, as it sped off, as Andrealphus and Stella's whines and blubbering faded off into the snow.

Octavia: So, that happened......and, dad, real talk, that was......VERY fucking cathartic!

Drakus: Well, it's safe to say that Stella and Andre better get used to wearing stripes, and besides that, this was a good Scalaphan!

Octavia: Party at your place?

Zerinax: Fuck yeah!

Soon, the group got back in time for Scalaphan, and they celebrated with fine wine, dancing, traditional Drakonian songs, and many a celebration, before everyone flopped onto the floor, blackout drunk.

Andrealphus and Stella, as well as Vostok, were found guilty of their crimes and sentenced to 20 Life terms plus 10,742 years without parole in the Black Dolphin, and Andrealphus and Stella were ordered to pay Octavia and Stolas $928,827,826,829,637,846,589,293,978.00 in restitution. Most of that money went back to Hell's treasury.

And how did those three spend the rest of the day? Cleaning up the bathrooms in the prison, now forced to do part time jobs until they've made enough money to bring Hell's treasury back to its former glory.

Prison Guard: Get comfortable, you three, still got a ways to go.....

Stella: Andy, money doesn't bring happiness. [starts to cry] No happiness at all!

Andrealphus: [also crying while agreeing] It's not fair! It's not fair! I deserved Stolas' power! Not Octavia! It was supposed to be ME!

Andrealphus and Stella both started crying as they kept scrubbing the walls, as Vostok tuned out their cries, focusing on mopping the floors.

Vostok: Be quiet, you two, we have more work to do until we've paid back every last cent you stole!

Chapter Text

The squad were looking through Goosebump books after Anubis told them that this mission deals with one of the anomalies that R.L. Stine chronicled.

Drakus: Hmm. What if it's this one? The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena.

Sherry: Nah, Utah's too cold and too far from California. How about The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight?

Drakus: It prefers October, we'll deal with it then.

Then, Drakus saw one that caught his eye.

Drakus: How about this one? Calling All Creeps?

Zerinax: That was a strange one. And it fits all the criteria for it to be the one we're after.

Lucy Loud: What monsters are those, Drakus?

Zerinax: They're creatures that look like the monsters from the 1959 movie "The Alligator People."

Drakus: That guy was half human half alligator. Like a mutant gone wrong. Bro looked he could control what he dreams about!

Zerinax: Exactly like it. It was a scientist that fused him with an alligator that made him that way. Really fucked up. But these creeps were made by seeds that were in their food.

Linka: What a horrible thing.

Lincoln: No kidding. I can't believe that these Creeps are that dangerous. In the end of the book, the Creeps had won and enslaved the whole town.

Drakus: I know. And I remember that Ricky in this book decided to just....let it happen. Real talk, that's a weird move on his part.

Lincoln: This kid sounds like he has a lot of problems.

Laney: No kidding. He practically destroyed the whole town and robbed it of its humanity.

Lincoln: We're gonna kill the Creeps and cure the whole town and kill Ricky. He sold out the whole town and destroyed it.

Lynn: I'm gonna rip that kid's head off!

Lori: I'll literally turn that kid into a human pretzel!

Zerinax: No. That'd potentially spark a war humanity can't win. We gotta figure out WHY the Creeps wanted to take over. Nothing wants to just take over a town and leave it at that. There's something else going on...... Let's go see what it is.

The group set off to Oldstone, Utah.

The squad arrived in the mountains of Utah and saw the town of Oldstone, 100 miles south of Salt Lake City. It was out in the mountains far away from a major town or city. It was then the squad saw a strange sight. All the kids were now turned into Creeps and they were being made to mine for strange blue crystals resembling cubes.

Uzi pulled out some advanced binoculars and they saw that all the adults being forced to mine were wearing electric harnesses.

Uzi: What's Ricky planning with those things?

Suddenly, they saw a girl escaping from the town. Uzi handed Zerinax the binoculars and she recognized her.

Zerinax: That's Iris Candler, Ricky's best friend. Maybe she can help us.

Drakus: Where is she heading?

Sherry did an analysis and it showed that there were traps all over the outside of the town!

Sherry: There's traps!

The squad got to one of the traps and saw Iris was in a snare trap.

Iris: Who are you?!

Drakus: We'll get you down in a sec.

Drakus took his sword and cut the rope.

Iris: Thanks. But you have to help, Ricky's worried about something, and is having people mine crystals for......who knows what!

Lincoln: We'll save the town and we're gonna kill the Creeps and throw Ricky in jail. We're gonna cure everyone turned into Creeps.

Zerinax bonked Lincoln on the head, groaning as Lincoln flopped down.

Zerinax: Sorry, you'll have to excuse Linc and his siblings, they don't understand that some things shouldn't be smashed because they did something they didn't like. Like Quahog, South Park or Springfield. We'll see what they want.

Soon, the group were meeting with Ricky, as he seemed worried, as Jared, Brenda and Wart were pacing, as if they're worried about something.

Ricky Beamer: Ok, production's going down, and we're not getting enough crystals. So, what do we do?

Jared: Tell Brenda to get her part of the mining force t' work harder?

Brenda: Me? You're the one who keeps getting your group to go outside!

Jared: Because I've been checking on the troops!

Ricky: Quiet!

Drakus: You are one ugly motherfucker.

Ricky: Hey, I at least make ugly look good!

Lincoln: You're nothing but a backstabbing fuckpot that gets a sick thrill out of causing pain!

Zerinax bonked Lincoln on the head, dazing the kid.

Zerinax: Sorry 'bout Lincoln, Mr. Beamer. He seems to think reality works like a poorly written fanfic where he gets all the chicks and destroys every villain with OP powers.

Ricky: Whoa, and I'm the bad guy here? At least I'm not a deranged psycho!

Lincoln: Excuse me?

Ricky: All the people you tried to murder, just to make sure people are safe, that's good and all, can't let someone like the Joker or Medusa Gorgon walking the streets. But you still try to kill people that aren't as bad, for the most flimsy reasons! You don't even care if people got hurt in the process. Say what you will about me letting the town become Creeps, at least I own my sins. You? You're too deluded to accept that maybe, just maybe, stuff like Quahog, Springfield, and South Park work just fine how they are!

Drakus: Hey, the debate on morality and if we should destroy mean-spirited shows is fine and all, but what's with the crystals?

Wart: There's a reason we came here......our home was destroyed in a war between Starfleet and the Chitauri, and we needed somewhere to hide and rebuild our home.

Jared: We're known as Kreepars, or Creeps in your tongue, and this place? It was the best we could start. Once we met Beamer here, we figured out a way to rebuild. With the cookies and bake sale, we could finally have a home again, somewhere we could belong without having to be something we aren't. Unfortunately for some people, they kinda don't like lizard people popping outta nowhere and turning their kids into lizards to find Kreparium.

Lincoln and his siblings were confused, trying to rationalize what the fuck they just learned with what they read about them.

Lori: And here I thought you were gonna turn us all into Creeps, or slaves.........

Brenda: Wait, you thought we were here to take over the world?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

Lincoln: Hey! It's not everyday you learn that the monsters from a book were just here because their home was destroyed and thought Utah's a good place to start!

Wart: Fair, fair.......wanna hang out sometime?

Lynn: Sure.

Lucy: But what's with the shock harnesses?

Jared: Y' ever seen someone get turned into lightning due to not wearing a safe harness? There's a reason they need the harnesses.

Drakus: See that, Lincoln? That's the power of thinking before speaking and not assuming they're bad based on what someone said!

The Loud siblings got a new perspective on the Goosebumps monsters, and the Kreepars expanded operations by moving some of their kin to Royal Woods.

Chapter Text

JD and his gaggle of boneheads stumbled onto the grounds of a temple worshipping Nadohsdjiaowotetxh (Just Nadohs to people who don't speak eldritch tongue) that was bathed in artificial moonlight, as Drakus, Zerinax and the squad, along with their new recruits, Uzi Doorman, Norin Elliot, Vera Elliot and Jerika Elliot, were quite dizzy from the entrance the boneheads did.

JD: Is that a temple?

Lincoln (Double): I think so.

Varie: My senses tell me that there is an eldritch force emanating from the temple and its an evil one.

Meanwhile, Drossel von Flugel was sitting beside Drakus

Drossel: Cardinal? Where are you, Cardinal? The dragon needs assistance.

Gedächtnis: I’m right here my lady. May i remind you that my name is Gedächtnis?

Drossel: Heraklion, why didn’t you tell me we had guests coming over? 

Gedächtnis: Oh, my sincerest apologies. But they just appeared out of nowhere.....

Gedächtnis soon saw the gaggle of boneheads on the temple grounds.

Gedächtnis: What are you doing here? My lady is not prepared to seek an audience yet.

Gedächtnis soon revealed 82mm rocket launcher from his sides and takes aim at the interlopers, as Drakus shook off the dizziness as he aimed BlueBlaze at them, same as Uzi with her railgun.

Uzi: Hey, I don't know what you are, but you better move along.... preferably while your limbs are still attached!

Drakus: I'm giving you a few second to get the fuck away from the temple before me and my spider mech homie send you to Nadohs.... personally.

Gabriel: You've heard Drakus, turn back, now. This placs is NOT for your kind. Turn back, or you will be crossing the will of GOD.

JD: Wait, you realize Nadohs is an evil deity and believing in him is wrong. Also, you should let us into your temple, we can make you a member of the squad.

Drakus: Shut the hell up!

Drossel: No, no, hold on, I’m ready to meet them, I never met humans like these before, so this will be a good learning experience and an opportunity to make new friends. 

Gedächtnis: Most certainly, my lady.

He turned to look at the group.

Gedächtnis: Alright, introduce yourselves....

JD: I’m James Knudson but call me JD.

Varie: I’m Varie, J.D’s fiancee, but the marriage won’t be official until we're 20.

Drakus: I knew it! They're Mary Sues! We gotta kill them before the disease spreads!

Gabriel: As the righteous hand of the Father, I will rend you limb from limb. And you will become INANIMATE once more, Sues! You are foolish to approach a servant of God such as myself, human. I am the Archangel Gabriel, the sword of divine justice, the right hand of the Lord's will, the Judge of—

Lincoln (Double): I’m Lincoln Loud, I’m 11 years old and I’m-

Drossel: Mazda, get them out of here, I’m already bored with these humans.

Drossel flopped onto Drakus.

Gedächtnis: As you wish.

He turned to the family.

Gedächtnis: You heard my lady, get out, all of you, or I’ll have to use force.

Drakus: I vote we feed them to Nadohs.

Julie: Wait, why-?

Drakus: They hit us with a vortex of the five food groups!

Mel: I want in on this too!

Zerinax: Yeah, Gedächtnis, you should let Drakus and Mel handle this.

Gedächtnis: Why? I was just about to fire at them.

Ken: Before you complain, Mel has dibs. Also I haven't seen that look in her eyes before, and that scares me, so it's wise to not get in her way.

Zerinax: Agreed, Drakus has dibs. Also, I haven't seen him have that glint in his eyes since 1776, so that means we should probably stay out of the fire zone and help when we can.

Mel chuckled as she took out a pillowcase, as everyone looked worried.

Mel: What? I'm just gonna use a pillow-

JD: What is she gonna do with a pillow?

Mel hoisted the pillowcase over her head, and swung at the group and most dodged, except the double of Lincoln, who caught the case with his torso.

BLAMMO!!!!!!!!!

The Lincoln Double was sent flying into a wall, bleeding out.

Varie: Oh no!

JD: Lincoln!

JD turns to face Mel.

JD: You monster! How could you do that?!

Drakus: You should have listened to me when we told you to fuck off.

Gabriel: I SHALL TEAR APART EVERY WORTHLESS BONE IN YOUR WRETCHED SKELETON, AND I SHALL RELISH EVERY SECOND OF IT!!!

Mel: I was gonna say pillowcase, full of theta-eldricite! Have you ever heard of up dog?!

Mel swung the case, sending the rest of the boneheads flying into the temple, as JD and Varie transformed into their super angel whatever the fuck its called in an overly glorified manner that I am not listing out for my sanity. While that was going on, Gedächtnis loaded his AS VAL with a 20-round magazine full of 9×39mm theta-eldricite rounds and began to track them down. Varie then rushed to the Lincoln Double and pulled a revive spell from her ass.

Varie: [Insert fake Latin here]

Lincoln (Double): Guess who's ba-

The Lincoln Double was cut off with Uzi kicking Lincoln in the head, knocking his lights out, as the drone jumped back and struck a pose.

Uzi: Whoa, and they said pirating all that anime was useless...

Varie: You monster!

Drakus: Shut the fuck up.

Drakus then opened fire upon Varie and put three theta-eldricite rounds in her chest. The eldricite outright ripped away her angel/sue powers and caused her to rapidly bleed out. Drakus also did the same to the Lincoln Double, killing him instantly.

Varie: JD, HELP ME!!!

JD soon heard Varie's scream as he spun his Magisword bracelet.

Magisword Announcer: WAD OF GUM MAGISWORD!

The sword fired multiple wads of pre-chewed gum and all missed as Gedächtnis used a gravity pulse to knock the wads aside.

JD: What? No fair!

Gabriel remained silent as he flew up to face JD. JD soon began to charge up a Kamehameha blast to try and kill Gabriel.

JD: KAAAAAA...MEEEEEE...HAAAAA...MEEEEEEEE...HAAAAAAAAA!!!

JD fires his Kamehameha but Gabriel dodged, the heat almost singing him.

Gabriel: WHAT UNHOLY FLAME WAS THAT?!

JD: Guess you could say you got caught in the heat of battle!

Drakus: THAT JOKE WAS CRINGE, PHOENIX BOY!

Drakus and JD soon engaged in a battle of fisticuffs. The battle slowly wearing down Drakus as he and the sue traded blows, most of Drakus' attacks were blocked by JD but some began to leak through. Gedächtnis then went all in and used a psionically boosted kick to the groin, causing JD to scream in pain and lose control. Drakus then went in with multiple punches, sending the Mary Sue straight into the ground.

Drakus: ANY MORE BULLSHIT?!

Drakus then approached the fallen JD, looked up at the Drakonian.

JD: You will never defeat me! I'm the hero! We've been called to handle some murderous cultists that serve an evil god, and ensure you never hurt anyone else anymore! I would've lead your world down a golden path!

Drakus snarled, stomping the basterd's torso hard enough to crack it, before cracking into a sadistic grin as JD screamed in pain as he put more pressure on his foot.

Drakus: I'm sorry to disappoint you, Knudson, but I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You haven't been called here by the individual you assume, although you have indeed been called. Is Nadohs a shady prick who could drive someone to madness with a look if he so chooses to? Yes. But is he evil? NO! He was an AI made by an outer god that wanted it to learn, to rescue people, to understand and teach humanity. He came to me in my darkest moment, when I was almost dying from wounds from a great battle, and saved me from death. The death, the pain, the sorrow… it made me what I am. It gave me the strength to look beyond the lies of scum like you, and see you for what you truly are. But you, Knudson? You're just a rotten Sue that just destroys everything in its path simply because you believe that's what a hero does, and who's golden path is laid over a trail of dead bodies, destroyed worlds and cities, ruined lives, and blood! You and your minions have all been called here into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You didn't even realize that you're trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles chasing the laughs of villains in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach. But you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And thanks to Drossel and Gedächtnis, my brave volunteers, who somehow found this job listing not intended for them, but stayed anyways. Although there was a way out planned for them, I have a feeling that's not what they wanted. I have a feeling that they're right where they want to be, to make sure you stay dead. I'm remaining as well, to ensure you die. This place will not be remembered and the memory of everything that you caused your multiverse can finally begin to fade away, as the agony of every tragedy should. And to the Masters of Evil, trapped in the corridors, slowly burning alive, be still, and give up. You don't have to belong to Knudson and TLPS or fear their wrath, anymore. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more, waiting for you after the smoke clears. But you and your minions deserve nothing for every bit of pain and suffering you inflicted on others, Knudson. Nothing but an excruciating time in the darkest pits of Hell, and it's open to swallow you and your cult whole, so don't keep Uncle Satan waiting, he hates that. To Mister Mind, Airachnid, Floyd Lawton, Goche Ru Medou, Giselle Razor, Baron Nero of the Shadow Line, Chameleon, Orm Marius, Eobard Thawne, Kirk Langstrom, SaberLeomon, Omar Desante, Tommy Junto, John Corben, Bangray Memoir, Night Master Eradicus, Harvey Dent, Johnathan Crane, Samuel Manfred, Slade Wilson of the TTG universe, Eyezor, Eriedrone of Jark Matter, Chur of Kybar's Teeth, Maurice McSovon, Gigano Dragon, and Prometheus Black, stalking these halls to hunt down TLPS and the MOE, if you can hear me, I knew you would come as well should things not go as your plan intended, to hunt them down and slaughter them. For some of you, it's not usually in your nature to protect the innocent, but you decided to risk blowing up the Earth with nuclear missiles anyway, simply to ensure Knudson wouldn't hurt anyone, anymore. I'm sorry that on that day, the days each of you were wronged by this insane Sue, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way Mr. Mind lifted others into his. And then, what became of you, I should have known none of you wouldn't be content to disappear. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. Mr. Mind, it's time for you to rest, same goes for those you have brought together to make Knudson pay for what he's done. It's time the reign of James Knudson the Mad and his cult ends.

Drakus then promptly mag-dumped the rest of the theta-eldricite rounds into JD's torso, rendering his powers useless.

Uzi: One more dumb insult and I'll do it!

JD: You... Cruel... Lying... Meanie......

Drakus: Shut up with the childish insults, Smokey. Save your breath for telling Uncle Satan I said hi when you get sent down to Hell......

Uzi pulled the trigger. In the end of it all, JD's entire top half has been obliterated. Uzi spat on the corpse (what's left of it) to show who's the baddest, as Drakus flipped off the corpse. Drakus then walked off, as the squad fled as it burned down, as they saw 27 souls flew into the heavens, lead by one shaped like a worm, as numerous souls, including one resembling a phoenix, were dragged of to hell, the squad almost hearing the screams of JD and his minions as they were dragged off to Hell, squealing like the pigs they were.

Gedächtnis: All I want now.....is some cherry Charleston chews, a stiff drink, and rest.

Drakus: Wanna hang out?

Drossel: Very well, kind sir.....is your sister up for a date?

Zerinax blushed deeply as Gedächtnis sighed, going to find the nearest wine, as Norin roasted marshmallows by the fire.

Chapter Text

In an abandoned movie studio, Vox was meeting with the other Shadow Hunters, the enforcers of Klaus von Steinhaur's crime syndicate, Deadlight, and liaisons to other criminal groups.

Vox: We have a problem. Hydrax is getting close to little princess Morningstar and Alastor, so our main concern now is ensuring that no deal is ever struck between Lucifer's BRAT, the smiling freak, and that lizard freak and his team....

Birch Small, also known as the 'Riverwood High Slasher', was doodling in her book, smiling as she drew her latest kills.

Birch: Well, how exactly are we supposed to stop it?

Kain Atrix, also known as the deranged space pirate known as Kronos, was putting so much glue on his new revolver to decorate with glitter and marbles, as he aimed at a dart board with Drakus' face on it.

Kronos: Put something inside them? That's how Saimin gets people to behave.

Vox: Well, maybe someone on the inside isn't such a bad idea. Yo, Megafin, you think we have a contact who's up for the gig?

Maximilian Finsworth, better known as Doctor Megafin, deranged marine biologist and cannibal, chuckled as he was planning something with a syringe.

Megafin: I'd get Andrealphus...but that lanky prick and his sister are still doing janitor duty in prison, and I ain't risking a lab rat to get them back.

Vox sighed as he got up and started pacing around.

Vox: Well, we still need someone who that Loud family wouldn't expect.

Birch: Someone... capable, eager to destroy something, and has no direct ties to us?

Callie Plightsworth, also known as Calamity Plight, part of the Plightsworth family of Death Eaters, was looking through her contacts.

Calamity: One problem, Steinhaur found there's no one in Royal Woods who'd wanna associate with us. Who do we know that can handle the job?

Vox put a finger on his chin, before looking at a barbell, and realizing there is one man capable enough to potentially get rid of the X-Squad, but can also not be traced back to them......a certain Decepticon who'd eagerly do the job.....

Vox: Hey, I think, I know... JUST the one......

As Vox slowly turned around, the sharks in the shark tank swam up to his shoulders, his right-hypnotic eye gleaming with a sinister grin for a plan he had in store.

Lynn Sr. was driving Drakus, Taeko, the X-Squad, Analogs, along with Zerinax and Drakus' sibling, Vaglax, their girlfriend, Gunko, and their Mecha academy roommates, Nikki Blackwell, Adelina Astalart, Tomas Greer, Liara Nox, and Sirius Dieke, Kakashi, Naruto, Hinata, Sakura, Sasuke, and the Loud Siblings in a modified and larger Vanzilla, called Vanzilla 2.0. Woody was driving in his car and his nephew and niece Knothead and Splinter were with him. The Santiagos and Casagrandes were driving in their purple minivan and Clyde and his dads were driving in their van, same as Lucifer, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, Sir Pentious, Emily, Alastor, Husk, Cherri Bomb and Niffty.

Drakus: Thank you for taking us to see your friend in Detroit, Mr. Lynn!

Lynn Sr.: No problem, Drakus, You are going to love it.

Zerinax: I have a feeling we are. That place is the motor capital of America!

Lisa: That is the exact term to describe it. Like you said. Everyone needs to have some fun in a while.

Leni: Totes! I'm gonna have some F-O-N, Fun.

Lute: I've never been there before.

Laney: You'll love it, Lute!

The group arrived in Detroit, Michigan.

Drakus: Here we are guys. Detroit!

They then saw a bunch of villains they never met, Nino Sexton A.K.A. Nanosec, Samantha Lomow A.K.A. Slo Mo, Aaron A. Archer A.K.A. Angry Archer, Professor Penelope Sutton A.K.A. Professor Princess, and Henry Masterson, the Headmaster.

Drakus walked up to Nanosec, slowly turning into his Prime armor, granted when he found an AllSpark fragment. And Nanosec leapt back, shocked by the new kid.

Nanosec: Hey, Prime. You been working out or something?

Drakus chuckled, spreading his wings.

Drakus: I'll go with "Or something". Sorry to intrude like this, but you were interrupting our day. Put a sock in it, or I'll do it for you, Speedy!

Nanosec tried to punch Drakus, who grabbed his fist.

Drakus: Lads, you may want to stand back.

Everyone got out of the way, and Drakus slammed Nanosec into the floor on both sides of him, then tied him into a ball.

Drakus: Watch this, Drakus Hydrax for a perfect game! [To the viewers] What can I say? Sometimes, I just love to show off!

Drakus rolled Nanosec down the street and he hit Professor Princess, Slo Mo, Angry Archer and Headmaster with incredible force and knocked them all down, and the CRASH onomatopoeia appeared as he crashed and the people cheered for Drakus.

Drakus: Thank you, thank you! I know, I'm cool!

But then the Animated Transformers came!

Drakus: Oh crap, the fuzz!

Lincoln: Transformers is real?!

Laney: Apparently, bro.

Optimus: Excuse me. I know you're probably a busy guy, but it's an honor to meet someone who likes to dress as me.

Bumblebee: Drop the act, Shockwave. We know you're pretending to be a new version of Prime.

Drakus started sweating, worried he might get jumped.

Drakus: Would you believe me if I said it's your friend, Drakus, and I got this from an AllSpark fragment?

Sari: And it looks like you brainwashed some people too.

Roman: You got any proof to back up what you're saying?

Ratchet: Of course! No one would work with Decepticons willingly!

Bulkhead: Yeah! They're the scum of the unvierse!

Drakus looked at his armor and then at the Autobots.

Drakus: What's wrong with my drip, dude?! That hurt, seriously!

Jazz: Not as much as this will!

Jazz punched Drakus, knocking him into a building.

Drakus: Okay, that stung......

Optimus: Sari, try to knock the civilians out of the mind control. The rest of us will handle the copy cat!

Zerinax: Okay, STOP!

Zerinax formed a freeze spell and stopped the fight before it got worse.

Zerinax: (To Optimus) Optimus, that isn't Shockwave, that really was my bro, Drakus. He truly did get an AllSpark fragment into his body, and now he's got a Prime form. Please don't wreck our shit. If you want, I can bring Prowl back!

Animated Bumblebee: Say what now?

Zerinax snapped her fingers, and Prowl flopped out of a portal, BACK FROM THE DEAD, but with him came Starscream.

Optimus: Prowl!

They went over to him and he was coming back to consciousness.

Prowl: What?

Zerinax: Is that convincing enough?

Prowl: Am I... in the Well of the All Sparks?

Drakus: No. You're in Detroit!

Prowl: (to Optimus) Now I know how you must've felt when Sari revived you with her key.

Optimus: You said it. But it's great to have you back, Prowl. But how did Starscream come back?

Starscream woke up, dusting himself off.

Starscream: You Autobots must be truly desperate to come to me for help.

Zerinax: Hey, don't forget that I revived you two!

Drakus: Yeah, yeah, save the pleasantries, now, heard Megatron broke out, and is trying to wreck shit, probably trying to drop Kaon onto Detroit.

Optimus: How do you know this?

Drakus looked up, as the sky parted to show a burning Kaon heading for Earth.

Drakus: Had a feeling.

Unknown to the group, Blackarachnia and Lockdown were watching from the rooftop.

Blackarachnia: Great! Here I am trying to find a cure for myself, and I find more Autobots and Kaon falling from the sky!

Lockdown: Maybe we shouldn't make a move just yet. Let's head back to my ship.

Blackarachnia: You know what? Nevermind that! I'm getting myself cured of my organic half, no matter what it takes!

She leapt down from the rooftop, getting the group's attention.

Blackarachnia: Well, well, well. Looks like you've clone yourself, Optimus. Good. I wonder if he can feel pain like you can!

Lockdown leapt down from the rooftop as well.

Lockdown: If we die here, don't say I didn't warn you.

Drakus: Blackarachnia and Lockdown!

Blackarachnia: (to Optimus) Don't think your clones can distract me from your just desserts, Optimus! I trusted you! And you abandoned me! Left me to become this....this freak!

Lockdown: I would like to say that this was her idea.

Drakus: Blackarachnia, Optimus did nothing to you!

Optimus: That's right, it was not my doing that made you this way!

Lockdown: I think you all owe me an explanation onto what's going on here. Because you seem to be focused on the fact Megatron's trying to squish us than the fact that Drakus has new friends. And what's with the new Autobots with you?

Liara: Those are our mechs, and yes, we can see Kaon.

Drakus looked closer, and gasped.

Drakus: Megatron loaded the tip with nukes! He isn't just crushing Detroit, he's gonna nuke all of Illinois!

Starscream's eyes widened, realizing he's in the crossfire of Megatron's improvised Kaon nuke.

Starscream: Oh scrap, he's gone insane!

He looked at Optimus with a forced grin.

Starscream: So, Prime, How about we work together again, if only so we don't die in what can only amount to an irradiated inferno?

Optimus nodded.

Optimus: Very well, I may not trust you at all, but that doesn’t mean we don't have the same cause to fight for.

Starscream gulped.

Starscream: Well, I suppose I have a plan......

Starscream led them to a base where the group found Blitzwing and Lugnut!

Optimus: Alright, Blitzwing. How did you get out of your cell?

Blitzwing: (Icy face) Honestly, I'm not so sure myself. Someone seems to have unlocked it from the outside. (switches to Hothead face) Leave before I crush you Autobots into nothing! (switches to Random face) Or we can settle this with a game! How about Hopscotch?

Lugnut: Enough talking! I will gladly crush these Autobots for the glorious Decepticon cause!

Drakus: Dude, we're all gonna die if Megatron drops the Kaon nuke on us! No need for ideological causes, bro became Torres but even more unhinged!

The squad kept on running.

Then we saw Jetfire, Jetstorm and Sentinel Prime

Jetfire: (Australian Accent) It is an honor to meet you again, Drakus.

Jetstorm: Same here!

Zerinax giggled.

Zerinax: The pleasure's all ours!

Sentinel glared at the group.

Sentinel: Just don't get in the way, stupid organics!

Lincoln was about to punch Sentinel but Drakus put a hand on his shoulder.

Drakus: Easy, Lincoln. Don't wreck someone's shit because they're an asshole.

Lincoln: But....but....

Drakus: NO! He may be an ass, but he's still a good man.....just a bit traumatized by Blackarachnia here almost dying.

Lincoln was glaring at Sentinel, seething that he wasn't able to throttle him.

Drakus: I know, bro. I wanted to punch him, too. But now he's trying to help.

Soon after the group were teleported onto Kaon, the group rushed into the control panel of Kaon, and scrambled to try and find a self-destruct button.

Sentinel soon saw something and gasped.

Sentinel: Optimus, look out!

Sentinel pushed Optimus out of the way of a laser blast and fell to the ground with a hole in his chest. The shot came from Megatron, who stepped out of the shadows with a grin.

Megatron: Your part in this is over, Prime.

Optimus: Megatron?! What are you doing?!

Megatron: I'm doing what's best for Cybertron.

Ratchet: You mean what's best for you?! We knew you were rotten, but we never thought you'd do something like this!

Megatron: Oh, it was easy. After making it possible for you lot to get here.

Neo: Wait. You lured us here?!

Megatron: Of course I was. I figured that if I let all of you try and get rid of my former pawms, I would emerge the victor....

Blackarachnia: Why?!

Sentinel: Why?! I'll tell you why! Cybertronians deserve to be the strongest species. Not the organics, and especially not with Autobots at the helm! I'm doing Cybertron a favor and wiping you all out. And then, I'll be the one who leads Cybertron to the New Age!

Starscream: You will pay for this, you sorry excuse for a leader!

Megatron gawked as he saw Starscream alive.

Megatron: Starscream! You're alive?

Starscream chuckled as he stood beside Optimus.

Starscream: What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost. Well, maybe you have!

Megatron started laughing maniacally, showing that he's fully snapped.

Megatron: Is this the best you could do Starscream? And to think you actually believed you could take over as leader of the Decepticons. You couldn't lead a parade!

Megatron walked over to the window.

Megatron: Today's a good day, Optimus.

Optimus: Good?! People are dying, Megatron!

Megatron: You've got much more too worry then that, Prime. I'm gonna use the Allspark to go back in time and claim the AllSpark before you and your team of repair bots can find it. That way, I'm sure to become the ruler of Cybertron, like I deserve. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna watch the destruction.

Megatron ran off.

The group went over to Sentinel.

Ratchet: Sentinel, hang on! I'll get you patched up!

Sentinel coughed weakly.

Sentinel: No, Ratchet. It's better this way. At least, I can die knowing I saved my buddy. (to Optimus) It was an honor, Optimus, Elita.

Optimus: (sadly) Till all are one, my friend.

Sentinel: Till all....are.....one......

Sentinel closed his eyes for good.

Drakus: Come on guys. Let's get that rust bucket!

Drakus' eyes glowed blue.

Drakus: He fucked around with the wrong people!

Later, inside the base, Vox and the Shadow Hunters were meeting with Megatron.

Vox: Hello there, Megatron! How are you this hellish morning?

Megatron: Oh, cut it, Vox. You know what I want!

Vox looked at one of his screens as he got his coffee cup and drank from it.

Vox: Whatever could that be, my dear?

Megatron: I know what your technology can do!

He handed Diligence, a fallen Virtueborg and security expert in Deadlight, a clipboard showing the purchase of the deliveries, which got approved. The back doors opened and two guards entered to inspect. As Diligence moved around, the squad was hiding behind some crates. Mel was ready to sneeze from the dust being stomped into her face, but Lincoln blocked her nose and mouth before she could do so. It appeared to be too late, though, as Diligence had gotten suspicious. Before it could react...

Fanglar: All clear!

Diligence grabbed the guard and tossed him out of the truck, the guard crashing into a dumpster.

Deadlight Footsoldiers: Holy shit!

The guards all formed a staircase for Diligence to descend, hurting their backs as it does so, not helped by the fact that it was wearing spike heels. One guard gave a thumbs up as Diligence approached Megatron.

Diligence: We are pleased with your work, my friend......

Kronos chuckled.

Kronos: Okay, Meg! We at Deadlight have always been at the forefront of innovation in crime. And now, with this new gig, we are pleased to announce one thing.....

Birch pulled out a briefcase with the Deadlight logo, flipping it open to reveal 4 high tech nuclear devices resembling lances.

Vox: The new DeadTek Nuke Lances! Packed with the latest Eldricite-point energy modules and a abyssal-focus emitter! Good for unlimited continuous fire at 65 terrawatts! And if that's not enough, it can be put on any device to suit your destruction needs, and comes with compatibility with any network too! Is that good? You tell me. All you have to do is trust us, with YOUR intentions!

Zerinax looked at the deal from behind a crate, worried.

Zerinax: Those lances are level 10 tech! Planet Earth has only level 2!

Drakus: Awesome. We have the evidence, now let's move in.

The squad put OVDF standard plasmaproof vests on and has their weapons ready.

Drakus: (whispering) Here we go. 3...2...1...

BANG!

The squad leapt out of the van, aiming at the Shadow Hunters and the Nukem Duke.

Megatron: What the?!

Vox: Wait, is that the X-Squad, Analogs and D.I.G.I.T.A.L?! It hasn't even been....a day!

Megatron: You just won't quit, will you, Hydrax?

Drakus: What can I say? It's part of our charm.

Lisa went up to Megatron.

Lisa Loud: This ends right now for you, overgrown mechanical fiend.

Gears and lightning swirled and spiraled around her.

Lisa Loud: What you have done was really poked a really cranky bear, my friend.

Suddenly, a wolf made of gears appeared out of nowhere and pounced towards Lisa, and soon, she was in a tornado of gears, sprockets and springs.

Laney: We got another Bonding in progress!

When the tornado vanished, Lisa was on the ground and we saw that she had been cloaked in armor resembling wolves made of small gears. She got up.

Lisa: What just happened? I feel very strange and heavy.

Lisa saw the armor and gasped. 

Lisa: I have armor now?!

Technopine: Lisa! You've been given powers by me, Technopine, the one referred to as the Waheela! Once every 3,500 years, I grant powers over all things buildable and more. But there's a catch, I can only grant these powers to someone who has an IQ greater than or equal to 180.

Lincoln: Lisa, that's incredible!

Lisa: Indeed dear brother. This is quite an astounding change for me. I'll have to learn how to control my powers like all of you have.

Megatron's eye twitched.

Megatron: Am I now invisible?!

Drakus unfurled BlueBlaze.

Megatron: What is that?!

Drakus: (mockingly) Oh, nothing. Just my sword, BlueBlaze. I take it you don't have one here.

Vox pulled out a smoke bomb, and Sirius fired a laser blast at it and blew it out of his hands.

Nikki: You aren't going anywhere. Now we do this the hard way! We fight!

Drakus: It's time to tango!

Diligence: Fanglars, Feargulls, Clurkrahnas, Virtue Guards, get the machine running! We'll take care of the intruders!

The room gets merged into Bowser's amusement park-styled castle, where Bowser prepared to fulfill his dream of marrying Princess Peach. The audience consisted of the entire Koopa Troop, including Goomboss, King Bob-omb, a bored and uninterested King Boo, the Koopa General, and Kamek peeking out from behind the pew chairs. Bowser himself, wearing his white tuxedo and top hat, lookedhappily at his bride-to-be as the marriage officiate is about to give his sermon.

However, this was suddenly revealed to be a ruse, as "Peach" falls over to reveal that she was actually a wooden cutout while the marriage officiate reveals themself to be Orbot and Cubot in disguise, throwing up their cloak.

Bowser: Huh?!

Orbot: Hahahaha!

The message "OPERATION CATFISH WAS SUCCESSFUL" is momentarily flashed at the top of the screen before it disappears and Orbot's eyes then projected a holographic video of Doctor Eggman.

Eggman: I've come to make an announcement! This territory is now the base for my upcoming Eggmanland 2.

Bowser, understandably angry about this absurd declaration, tore off his wedding outfit as Orbot and Cubot run away from Bowser Jr., who charged at them with his paintbrush, then stands alongside his annoyed father.

Bowser: What a joke.

Bowser Jr.: Hmph!

Eggman simply chuckled manically at his adversary's frustration, the projection of him vanishing as his fleet quickly arrives with a sonic boom that part the clouds, looming imposingly over the battlefield, along with a suspicious-looking moon as Eggman confidently makes another announcement over a broadcast speaker, assuring his dominance.

Eggman: I am Doctor Eggman, your new genius overlord.

Many of his troops then start landing down and onto the battlefield, along with Eggman himself piloting the Egg Dragoon......only for Megatron to blast the Dragoon.

Megatron: If I cannot have Cybertron, at least I will have the satisfaction of destroying you and Optimus Prime, Drakus Hydrax!

Drakus: Wouldn't have it any other way...

BGM: M.O.N.S.T.E.R. (Escape the Fate)

The two armies stand off against each other until Bowser angrily ordered his troops to charge at the enemy, with Megatron and the robots charging as well in response. With the war properly underway, Bowser dropkicks an Egg Hammer before throwing dark red balls of energy (the first of which destroys a trio of background Buzz Bombers that were attacking a group of Koopa Troopas who retreated into their shells for protection) and firing three flaming meteors at three of Eggman's robots, destroying them. Megatron then flew down and fires a volley of bullets as Bowser charged at him, annoyed at his maniacal laughter as he dodges each blast before withdrawing into his shell and spinning towards the Egg Dragoon while the bullets do nothing.

Bowser: Shut up, nerd!

Bowser, still in his shell, launched himself against Megatron. In response, the Decepticon fired drill missiles at Bowser and electrocuted him, but Bowser managed to jump off and catch another drill to throw it back at the Decepticon, who dodged. Then, Bowser stomped on the ground, causing earthly spikes to pierce Megatron's arm. Bowser effortlessly took out an Egg Fighter that attempts to ambush him from behind in the process.

Bowser: You call these toys an “invasion force”? I've seen Toads do better.

Megatron: I can improvise.... Shockwave, now!

Shockwave then warped onto the battlefield in front of Bowser mid-air.

Shockwave: This power is without peer. It is the ULTIMATE strength!

Using the Phantom Ruby's power, Shockwave increased the surrounding area's gravity, making quick work of some of the Koopa Troop — notably the Koopa General, Goomboss, and King Bob-omb — while Bowser used his magic to protect other members in barriers (though one unfortunate Goomba got knocked out of his by a Moto Bug, who he gave a glare to right before succumbing to the illusion) as he fought off the increased gravity himself.

However, being a ghost and well-versed in illusions himself, King Boo was immune to the abilities and laughed at the others' predicament before stepping in. Taking advantage of the increased gravity, he looked at Shockwave, who was launching other illusionary projectiles across the field at the squad, and while he's distracted, used his crown and summoned a Thwomp above the jackal.

Thwomp: URGH!

Before Shockwave notices it, the increased gravity caused the Thwomp to fall too quickly for him to react, promptly crushing him from above and causing the Phantom Ruby to fly off of his now-flattened body. With the Phantom Ruby now vulnerable, both armies take notice and fight for it; a Goomba and a Buzz Bomber were the first to reach it, though their inability to pick it up left a Chargin' Chuck to grab it as he charged through a Moto Bug. However, Orbot and Cubot suddenly appeared behind him, with Orbot distracting him while Cubot snatched the ruby from his hand without him noticing before the Elite Trio — Corporal Paraplonk, Private Goomp, and Sergeant Guy — bombard the duo, creating a cartoonish dustcloud. As they fight to get the Phantom Ruby, the gem was launched into the air, where Metal Sonic sped in and quickly snatched it.

Noticing this, Bowser called upon purple lightning to strike him down, but Metal Sonic easily avoided them, as well as a Koopa Paratroopa's thrown spear, a Hammer Bro's hammer, and a nearby Bullet Bill. Bowser then yeeted Broggy at Metal Sonic before Kamek teleported next to his leader/son with an idea, using his magic to call upon three slots above the two.

Meanwhile, Metal Sonic continued to evade a majority of the Koopa Troop, grabbing a Chain Chomp by its chain and throwing it at Broggy to knock him away in the process. Then, as King Boo shot three fireballs from his crown, Metal Sonic swiftly avoided them and rushed at King Boo, flicking his crown off with his finger, leaving the ghost too shy to keep fighting as he bashfully covered his face. As rain started to drizzle on the battlefield, Metal Sonic landed on the ground and begins charging himself with the Phantom Ruby, but before he can actually use it... he noticed something up above.

⇀

CHANCE

TIME!

↽

The Phantom Ruby suddenly disappeared from Metal Sonic's hand. Shocked, Metal Sonic frantically looked for it, even rotating his head a full 360 degrees in his search before realizing it was now in the possession of a laughing Starscream. Understandably upset at this (much like the average player in Mario Party), he summons the Green Chaos Emerald to his hand, transforms into Neo Metal Sonic, and slowly walks toward the Decepticon.

Neo Metal Sonic: It's too late!

As Neo charged straight at him at massive speeds, Starscream crushed the Phantom Ruby, but he got caught off guard and thereafter kicked by the robotic hedgehog with enough force to pierce through his chest, leaving him screaming and sending him flying face-first into the ground, knocked out, as Neo Metal Sonic flew away. Afterward, a nearby Bowser Jr. looked in fear at the Decepticon's condition before black goop manifested on his paintbrush. Bowser Jr. takes note of this fact before coming up with a idea.

Meanwhile, the real Eggman arrived on the battlefield in the Death Egg Robot alongside Sage, catching the attention of a Paragoomba and Slicer about to engage in their own battle and a few background Koopa Troopas running with their comrades as the rain begins to pour.

Eggman: All according to plan!

Sage: You've lost the battle before it has begun.

Neo Metal Sonic flies next to his master's mech.

Eggman: Excellent work as always, Metal!

Neo Metal Sonic gave Eggman a nonchalant thumbs up as the Death Egg Robot turned to Sage.

Neo Metal Sonic: Hmph.

Eggman: Ready to wrap this up, Sage?

Sage: As you command.

Eggman: You know what they say: "The more the merrier!"

As Eggman let out a laugh, Bowser Jr. yeeted the black paint at his father, splashing Bowser with the black goop, completely covering him in it and letting Bowser sink down into a black vortex-like void as Jr. followed suit. Within the dark vortex, Bowser's eyes reopened with fury as his eyebrows light on fire, left with only one thing to say:

Fury Bowser: Showtime!

Arising from the dark void as Fury Bowser, he threw a big punch at the Death Egg Robot, but Neo Metal Sonic kicks it out of the way and takes the blow for it with his Black Shield, which is subsequently shattered by the punch as Metal gets launched away as a result. Sage teleports away from their clash as Bowser rushes towards the Death Egg Robot, which takes a step back as the two make their stance against each other. Both go to throw a punch at the other, lightning striking between the two as the war rages on, but Bowser is quicker to connect his and breaks off a chunk of the giant mech's face, causing its arm to twitch.

Following this, Bowser jumps high in the air and tucks into his shell to launch projectile spikes down on Eggman before Sage protects her father with an above-head force field. Bowser then launches himself downward for a full force collision through his spikes onto Sage's force field to destroy it, but he is suddenly stopped from crushing her and Eggman by a shimmering gold light.

Eggman: Huh?

Perplexed, a braced Eggman looks up to see the humongous Fury Bowser held up by a returning Neo Metal Sonic, who has used all seven Chaos Emeralds to transform into his super form.

Super Neo Metal Sonic: I'll crush you!

Metal Sonic launches Bowser into the air, dealing heavy blows that keep him spinning before knocking him down to the ground, though Bowser quickly recovers from the assault and lands on his feet. Sage then grabs a horde of Eggman's robots with her telekinesis and throws them all at Bowser, but Kamek reappears in front of him and uses his magic to summon elongating Warp Pipes, forming a massive wall that destroys the swarm and prevents them from reaching Bowser. Metal Sonic, however, instantly breaks through the pipes and throws a salt-fueled punch at a shocked Kamek — seemingly taking out his frustration for losing the Phantom Ruby to Chance Time — blasting him off into the horizon as Bowser takes notice before Metal Sonic rushes toward his opponent.

Fury Bowser braces himself as he returns his attention to Metal, preparing to defend against the incoming attack, only to show surprise as Shadow Mario jumps in the way and create an X-shaped paint shield. Rolling into a concussive ball, Super Neo Metal Sonic easily breaks through it and knocks Shadow Mario to the ground with a Homing Attack, much to Fury Bowser's concern.

Fury Bowser: Huh?

Shadow Mario then falls to the ground and explodes in dark blue paint to reveal Bowser Jr., whose transformation was undone by the attack. Seeing his motionless son on the ground, Fury Bowser goes completely berserk, swatting Metal away like a fly right as the robot rushes towards him.

Fury Bowser: How dare you! Keep YOUR hands OFF... MY... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!

As he shouts this, Bowser summons the power of a Grand Star, becoming surrounded in a rainbow-colored aura as he channels its energy and uses it in combination with his fire breath to unleash a multicolored Fury Blast at Metal Sonic, who copies Fury Bowser's bio-data instantaneously and fires a yellow Fury Blast of his own in retaliation. However, the attack immediately proves futile; the Chaos Emeralds get overpowered, forcing them out of his body and leaving a depowered Neo Metal Sonic to watch in terror before he gets blown apart and blasted away by the beam.

Sage: No!

The Chaos Emeralds surround a distraught Sage as Bowser's blast destroys the Egg Fleet and the impact creates a black hole behind her and her father, sucking in a majority of the Eggman Empire's troops and heavily damaging the Death Egg Robot, knocking off its arm and head piece. As the mech uses its jets and its remaining arm to avoid getting sucked in as well, Eggman orders Sage to unleash his last resort.

Eggman: Sage! The Death Egg! MAX POWER!!!

Nodding at her father's command, Sage warps away with the Chaos Emeralds as the black hole vanishes into air as the camera pans up to the "moon", revealing it's identity as the Death Egg by moving it out of the way of the real Moon after the gemstones flash around it. She then uses the Emeralds to charge its Final Egg Blaster, which fires not at Bowser, but at the Koopa Troop. As it approaches the Earth's surface, both armies watch in fear as a kneeling Koopa prays to himself over his impending doom and Eggman's remaining robots attempt to flee except for Orbot and Cubot, who are still fighting the Elite Trio and also watch in fear of the attack.

Bowser, on the other hand, looks at the oncoming laser and, as Eggman leaves in his Egg Mobile in maniacal laughter, leaps bravely in front of the Koopa Troop to protect them as he attempts to catch the blast with his bare hands. However, he quickly gets overwhelmed by it and is left screaming in agony as he gets reduced to a skeleton that gets blasted into pieces shortly afterward.

As the smoke clears, a large crater is seen with Eggman and his damaged Egg Mobile inside, having made it out safely. After catching his breath, he goes to his vehicle, thinking the battle is finally over...

...only for someone off-screen to fire a beam of magic at the Egg Mobile, turning it into stone. Startled, Eggman turns around to see that the beam was fired by a now conscious and tranquil but enraged Bowser Jr. holding Kamek's magic wand, having sustained minor wounds and his bandana partially ruined, who glares angrily at Eggman as Bowser — now as Dry Bowser due to the Death Egg's prior attack — reconnects his head to the rest of his skeleton body and some remaining Koopa Troop members gather behind them. Junior then fires another beam from the wand, which Eggman easily dodges.

Eggman: Curses! Sage! Fire it agai— Wuh-huh?

Turning around, Eggman realizes with shock that Junior's beam was aimed not at him, but at the Death Egg, which gets transmuted into a giant Question Mark Block by the attack, much to Eggman's horror and concern for Sage.

Eggman: Wait...!

Suddenly, Eggman starts getting sucked into Bowser's Vacuum Breath as he gives the last laugh to his opponent. Eggman attempts to escape the suction with his jetpack and even by running once the jetpack immediately gets sucked in, but when even that does not work, he pulls out his ray gun to shoot Bowser as the gap is closed. However, Bowser Jr. fires another beam at the weapon to turn it into a wooden cutout of itself as ironic karma for the Peach cutout that started the war in the first place, much to Eggman's surprise. With no remaining options left to save him from his rapidly impending fate, Eggman can only watch in horror as he gets sucked closer to Dry Bowser.

Megatron: Optimus... all I ever wanted... was the survival of our race... You must see why I had to risk the death of my soldiers!

Lugnut: You didn't betray me, my lord. You betrayed yourself.

Sari: Your golden path was laid over a trail of bodies and blood! You don't deserve a damn thing except an excruciating death! Luckily, I'm here to deliver.

Megatron: NO! SOMEONE! HELP!!!!!!

Drakus: Finally....see you in Hell, Megatron!

Dry Bowser: Gah-hah-hah-HAH! So long, Meg!

With all their might concentrated, Dry Bowser, Sari, Drakus and Lugnut threw a devastating punch into Megatron's chest, causing sparks, crushing the Decepticon's spine and ribcage, and launching him far into orbit towards Kaon and the Question Mark Block, leaving Megatron screaming at his own demise.

Megatron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a moment, his body collided with Kaon and the block, blowing the three up in a massively magnificent golden and green explosion as Dry Bowser laughed triumphantly. Kamek and the rest of the surviving Koopa Troop regroup with their leader to join in the celebration as Orbot and Cubot look at the camera sheepishly over their creator's death and coins rain from the sky, supplying the victorious army with numerous extra lives with which to bring back their fallen soldiers.