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Ten hours of schedules, four hours in the studio, and countless other hours and minutes in-between. Sometimes, Hongjoong feels as though he is pushing the limits of a twenty-four hour day, hoping he could maybe convince it to give another hour or two to him. But, sometimes, when he looks up at the clock in his studio and realizes it is nearly two in the morning, he thinks he can maybe, finally stop.
That’s what he’s doing now, anyways. Locking his door behind him, telling everybody that’s still there goodnight. He knows everybody like the back of his hand by now, but it surprises him when he sees somebody he recognizes even more than that.
“I thought you’re usually asleep by now?” Hongjoong says as he sees Mingi by the exit. It’s not really a question, because he knows Mingi usually would be by now. Mingi is extremely hardworking too, of course, he just values his rest a lot more than Hongjoong does. It’s probably — definitely — healthier anyways. But Mingi looks at him like he’s surprised to see him there, even though everybody knows what time he usually leaves the studio at.
“Yeah, usually,” Mingi says, not quite making eye contact. He pauses. “I just couldn’t sleep.”
Hongjoong hums. “And you came all the way here?” He jokes, a small smile on his face. Mingi huffs, but his lips quirk upwards just for the briefest of moments.
“Well, I could get work done.” He shrugs. “Better than being alone.”
Hongjoong stills, just a bit. “I see.” The air shifts between them. Mingi is always so honest, even if he loves to tell meaningless lies. When it comes down to what’s important, he always says it as it is. Hongjoong is not as good at that. So instead, he says, “want to come back with me, then?”
“But we don’t live together anymore,” Mingi says, blankly. “I would have to-“
“Obviously you would stay in my room,” Hongjoong says. “Or on the couch.” Hongjoong doesn’t offer this to just anyone, though, and Mingi probably knows that. Hongjoong hopes he somehow doesn’t, or at the very least, he doesn’t point it out.
“If you’re sure,” Mingi says uncertainly, like he’s afraid Hongjoong will revoke the offer at any given moment. But Hongjoong just nods. If he had a feeling he would change his mind, he wouldn’t have offered it at all.
“Then let’s go. I’ve been in this building long enough, anyways.”
He hears Mingi chuckle as he exits the building. “I can agree on that.”
ooo
Usually, Hongjoong comes home to an empty, quiet house, alone with nothing but his thoughts. Some nights that’s good, some nights that’s really, really bad. Still, though, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat awkward as he let Mingi in, almost like he was sneaking somebody over, hoping they wouldn’t be caught.
He guesses he didn’t really want to be caught, but for totally different reasons.
After they took their shoes and jackets off, he guided Mingi to his room. Even after moving dorms, it’s not like the interior of his room had changed much, besides getting somewhat bigger and having no roommate. Mingi still eyed the room like it was brand new, even though he had already seen it before.
“No need to be so formal,” Hongjoong says, smiling. At least Mingi is the same as ever. “You can sit wherever. Even my bed. I don’t care.”
“I’ll probably fall asleep on your bed at this point,” Mingi says, although he still sits on top of Hongjoong’s bedsheets. Hongjoong wouldn’t really mind if he slept there, even if they had to share — not an honor given out lightly — but Hongjoong sits at his desk anyways.
“You probably barely fit my bed, so if you do fall asleep, don’t fall off.”
“Wow, thanks,” Mingi says, a sour look on his face. But he doesn’t take long for him to fall backwards and make himself comfortable, worming his way under Hongjoong’s sheets, and the look melts off his face as easily as it came. “Your bed is comfortable.”
“Thanks,” Hongjoong says, but he’s not really sure whether to be happy about that or not, so he says it flatly. Well, even if Mingi takes up his entire bed, the couch is comfortable, and it’s not like Hongjoong was opposed to sleeping on it, anyways. But… He wouldn’t really mind sharing. But it would be awkward now to bring that up, or move from his chair to the bed, so he looks away.
He just. Really, really hates the thought of being alone right now. It’s a feeling so foreign to him that it chokes him, making him unable to voice it even to the ever accepting Mingi.
Neither of them talk for a long while. Hongjoong figures maybe Mingi fell asleep, but then.
“Hey,” Mingi says suddenly, eyes trained straight onto the ceiling. “Do you ever feel too independent? Like, too different from everybody else? Or something like that.”
Hongjoong stares for a moment, thinking through his response. Wondering for a split second if Mingi could read his mind, but he knows that’s not the case. It’s just that Mingi is braver than him. Mingi asks the most personal questions, brings up the elephant in the room without shame. Gets people to say their true thoughts.
Really, he asks the questions Hongjoong is too afraid to ask, but the ones that need to be asked anyways.
“Yes,” he says, carefully, guarded. He can be honest for Mingi. “That’s why you’re here.”
“I figured,” Mingi replies, not dismissively, not bored, but in a way Hongjoong can only describe as Mingi-like. He looks over at Hongjoong and unsubtly smooths over the empty space next to him. “You let me in for a reason, right?”
“Yeah,” Hongjoong says, but doesn’t move. He hadn’t been expecting it to be this easy. But he should’ve expected it — Mingi never makes things hard on Hongjoong. Maybe, subconsciously, that’s the reason he sought him out. He stands up, tentatively walking towards the bed. “I did.”
He lays down next to Mingi, much more carefully than Mingi’s unrefined flop earlier. But Mingi, again, makes it easy for him, giving Hongjoong the space he needs, then, once Hongjoong is finished, closing that space the way Hongjoong didn’t know he needed. Mingi puts his arm around Hongjoong’s shoulder, resting his hand on him.
“I’ve wanted to do this with for you a while,” Mingi says, sighing softly. Hongjoong hums.
“Why didn’t you ask, then?”
Mingi hums back. “You usually aren’t into this sort of thing.”
It’s true. But. “Sometimes, I like something softer.”
Still, Hongjoong can’t help but feel vulnerable. Sure, everybody is different off camera. But if their fans could see him now, what would they think? He can’t help but think he’s unrecognizable now, finally giving into the need to be with someone else, finally admitting his secret loneliness. But it isn’t the full truth, and, Mingi especially deserves the full truth.
“It’s different with you,” Hongjoong says, finally fully relaxing. It’s always been different with Mingi. He’s just like him, yet not like him at all. Their styles are the same, but their personalities couldn’t be more different. But he can be so open with Mingi. He can tell Mingi his producing issues and be fully understood. He can discuss lyrics and joke about things with Mingi no one else would understand. Mingi makes him feel safe, accepted, and Hongjoong wants to protect Mingi from anything that would hurt him.
Maybe that’s a little too different than anything he has felt about another person in his life. Something about these specific feelings feels bigger than most. But he doesn’t have the time nor the energy to analyze it now. For once, all he wants to do is feel.
“I’m glad,” Mingi says simply. Hongjoong can tell, though, that he’s trying not to sound too happy. Mingi loves compliments and feeling special, and if he wants that, Hongjoong would give it to him happily. Just maybe not too much to make sure he doesn’t get a big head (and to make sure every compliment from Hongjoong remains special).
“Thanks for doing this,” Hongjoong says, genuine in his response. This means a lot, and a lot of it still feels too vulnerable to vocalize. But Mingi seems to understand without explanation and doesn’t push him for one, instead simply squeezing his shoulder.
“You don’t have to thank me. I wanted this.” Before Hongjoong can add anything else, Mingi yawns. “Too much talking. I’m going to sleep.”
“Goodnight,” Hongjoong says, but Mingi either ignores him or really did fall asleep that fast. Hongjoong smiles anyways.
Thanks for being by my side.