Archive of Our Own

I Want to Live

Kazuha had never done especially bad in school, but he was never one of the brighter students. It was better to just… exist. It had always been that way, ever since he was young. Perhaps that was the way he was raised. Maybe if he had torn himself away from the ideals of his family and the ‘perfect’ child they all wanted him to be, he would have discovered himself sooner.

Or maybe there was nothing to discover. Maybe he was just as colorless and lifeless as the hair he hid under red dyes. The strands were as bright and red as his eyes, the only allowance his father had made when he was forced to hide a part of him he never understood why he had to conceal.

It didn’t matter much, at first. When he was younger he found the dyes fun and the changing hair color a way to experiment with his look, as one would with styles. It wasn't often someone as young as he was, was allowed to have dyed hair.

It wasn’t until he started to age that he realized that his father didn’t like how he looked. That having pale hair and red eyes was a sign of weakness to him, and that it was to be kept a secret from the world.

Too early his father departed, leaving him little to call his own and only a few words of acceptance once he was gone. Kazuha had, by then, already come to believe that it didn’t matter if he had his natural hair color or not. There were parts of him he shouldn’t and couldn’t show others. Weakness wasn’t a trait that was well liked. He had to be kind, be calm, be ‘perfect.’ It was the only way to get by.

It was hard, the first few years without friends or family. Kazuha dropped out of the police force, unable to live with the shame that had come with the fabrications the police had draped over his shoulders.

His father wasn’t guilty of the crimes they convicted him of. It was hard, seeing all that they’d had, that formed their little home, be taken away by those that coveted lies and enforced a falsehood. It left such a bitter taste in his mouth that Kazuha found it hard to trust any institution after that, so much so that he was left without the chance at a job or a place to live.

It was lonely.

He couldn't think of anyone he could consider a friend, despite how he always tried to be thoughtful and smiled often. He'd followed the rules and had done just as his father had taught, trying his best to live a life as he should and lead a good example for those around him.

What bullshit.

No. No, those were bad thoughts. Kazuha wasn’t a cynical person by nature. He couldn’t help but hate those people that hurt him, but that didn’t mean he had to hate life in general. If he had no friends, no family left to turn to, no place to stay… then he’d make the world his home.

It was hard. Life wasn’t easy. At nineteen, it was a struggle to find a place to call one’s own without a roof or money.

Beidou, a woman only a handful of years older than him, was the first to reach out her hand.

“Piss off, loser.”

Kazuha was shoved, a gang of thugs throwing him against a wall. They had abused him from time to time, claiming he was ‘dirtying’ up their streets. It wasn’t as if he had a place to go, and they were hardly ones to talk, what with their actions and the things he noticed them doing on the darkened nights.

Though he could and had fought back, it never ended well. The beatings were worse if he harmed them, so, instead, Kazuha left himself vulnerable as one of the men grabbed the front of his shirt. A few strikes left him dazed and both their clothing spotted with blood. A shove and he was on the floor, covering his head as he was kicked, tired and hungry and just trying to survive.

“Hey, fuckfaces! Go find some other pastime than beating on a kid or I’m going to rearrange your faces!”

“Pft. It’s that bitch again.”

Kazuha was allowed a reprieve, one of his eyes swollen already as he curled up further on himself, wanting everything around him to stop.

There was shouting and the sound of more violence. It seemed to go on forever.

Eventually, someone tugged at his sleeve, moving his hand.

“You’re conscious, right kid? Looks like they busted that eye of yours pretty good. I don’t have any clean spare pieces of cloth but there’s a fountain nearby if you’re up to walking. Think you can make it?”

Kazuha hadn’t seen this woman before, her dark hair a messy curtain of black that fell between them and her clothes far too slight for the weather.

“Yes, I can manage.” He was fine. The wounds were light. He’d had it rougher in basic training, so some people off the street wouldn’t be enough to kill him. That was, if they were trying to kill him. Those men had no such bloodlust, only anger.

Kazuha slowly stood with her help, being led over to a nearby park whose fountain he used to clean off his eye and a rather bad scrap he had on his arm before taking a drink.

“I’ve seen you around. I wasn’t sure if you’d be staying in the area, but it looks like you are. Hi, the name’s Beidou.” The woman patted him lightly on the shoulder. “Me and a few others have been banding together. We watch each other’s backs. You should hang out with us. We can help keep you safe from assholes like those.”

Kazuha didn’t know what to say or how much to trust her. He hadn’t trusted anyone, really. Even with his father there had been a fine line of reverence and accountability, but he wasn’t sure if there had ever been trust.

“I can manage on my own, but I appreciate the gesture.”

“I know you can manage. I’m not calling you weak or anything.” Beidou raised an eyebrow and, when she did, Kazuha noticed for the first time that one of her eyes was hazier than the other, like there was something wrong with it. Maybe she was blind…"But you don't have to if you don't want to – personally, I think people were put on this earth alone.

“That said, you don't have to fight all your battles on your own just to get stronger. If there are people that want to help and can, then who’s the real idiot? The one who hurts himself struggling and taking a hell of a longer time to get to the end, or the one that asks for help and gets where he’s going in the shortest time with less struggle? Don't be an idiot.”

Waving over her shoulder, the woman walked off. There was something about the confident smirk on her face that, at the time, Kazuha should have read better. Now, he was glad he had not understood and had run after her so quickly.

The way he was back then, he might have taken it as a challenge instead of an invitation.

Years on the street taught him how to live, and live as himself in a way that he never had before. Kazuha could keep his hair white, though he enjoyed the fact that there was always a part that he dyed red – in remembrance of his father. Though they never saw eye to eye, his father was the man that first taught him the world and had held his hand as his first hesitant steps touched its land.

There were others, all of different natures. Most were kind, though there were a few out there whose anger, in turn, had revealed his own on his bad days, when he remembered what happened to his father and himself. The injustice that Inazuma placed on them was unforgivable, and the fact that others shared these same injustices left Kazuha even more disenchanted with any kind of official job or person who held a position in a government agency.

Beidou was the reason he discovered himself in a variety of ways. She often forced him into contact he didn’t want to be in, seeing people he didn’t want to see, going places he didn’t want to go.

At first, Kazuha hated it. It felt like work he didn’t have to do, when he could just lie around and survive, finding food or making money through begging.

But no, there were ways to work for it as well. Day labor and advertising odd jobs provided him enough to do more than have a little bread or something to go with the water in the park.

If it weren’t for Beidou constantly checking up on him and the others in their small group, Kazuha didn’t think he would have ever left the small safe havens of isolation he found for himself, and the contented lifestyle where he did nothing more than live day to day. For him, there wasn’t much to strive for.

..

“Kazuha, you lazy ass. What are you still doing sleeping? When was the last time you got up?” She’d look around the area, cleaning up any garbage he left around, and checked him for a fever.

It wasn’t the first or the last time he’d made himself sick, letting the weather take its toll on him and neither having nor being willing to get the proper necessities to fight off the rain or chill.

“Forgive me. I’m getting up.”

“Sick again? You’ll keep getting sick if you don’t get yourself out of the rain, you dumbass. Your clothes are even damp still. Do I have to come get you like I do a child? You’re not an idiot, Kazu. Start treating yourself better. I have enough actual children to look after as it is.”

It was a sad fact that a few of the members of their little group were in their teenage years, half a dozen or so years younger than he was, and had reasons for not being able to find warm and loving homes of their own.

Even so, being at the side of a woman like her wasn’t a bad thing. The others all found a family within the group, even if they had lost the one they’d been born into. He had found a place among them as well – needed to… if he wanted to admit to it. Kazuha wasn’t sure what he had to offer them in return. He wasn’t motivated and there was nothing in his life he felt much worth striving for.

“Here, new clothes.”

If not for Beidou’s constant mothering, which she insisted she didn’t need to do for him, he doubted he ever would have gotten himself up, dressed, and found any joy in life. As it was, the unexpected thrills of friendship and new discoveries, as well as the soft, unspoken bond between him and the others left him with little want to leave this life and yet… something was missing.

That ‘something’ started to form one night while he was warming himself at the club.

It was one of the many places that took a few of them in on cold nights, either unaware, uncaring, or unable to kick them out due to their living situation. If he had to choose, he preferred the library, but there were too many eyes there and he was scolded if he accidentally fell asleep.

He had met a few people who were kind and had given him drinks, maybe too many. Kazuha wasn’t one to do more than have a glass of water and socialize. The club didn’t mind designated drivers and he could get away with claiming to be one if he ran into a few of those he met.

Beidou was, unfortunately, in jail. She found herself there either from trespassing or, on occasion, stealing. Kazuha had helped her a few times but her ‘modern day Robin Hood’ antics were not much to his tastes. They provided them money and food when they needed it, but the risks were high. It was from the luck of the gods that she only was caught on minor charges so far and no one had yet to discover who the monster-hunting mistress of the night was, stealing from the heads of corporate companies with her impressive pickpocketing skills.

His own were subpar. The most he could do was offer himself as a rather talented distraction with his conversational skills. It was embarrassing and hard for him to manage. She didn’t ask for his assistance much and he appreciated it.

Kazuha wished she was there right now. The empty glass in his hand felt heavy as he set it down and the room was dancing more than the people.

“Woah, you okay there?” Warm arms went around him as Kazuha found himself molding into the embarrassment of a stranger, his head falling against the other man’s chest. Kazuha was shorter, almost embarrassingly so, the man’s blond hair brushing at his own in his delirious state, making him giggle.

“I dunno… I think so. I don’t feel like I’m not okay. I feel very happy… I think. And very sad… It’s a lovely, burning, horrible feeling.” Kazuha didn’t know why he said this but he did, grinning to himself.

“I think you’ve had a little too much there, my charming friend.” Kazuha’s hair was brushed aside and a wave of cool air met his warm cheeks as he looked up into the violet eyes and the soft smile of the man who was making sure he didn’t lose his bout with gravity.

Such beautiful eyes…

“You’re pretty,” Kazuha spoke, his vocal cords not having consorted with his mind beforehand and a more complex vocabulary out of his reach. “And yet you smell like sweat and liquor. It’s a terrible combination for you. Whatever you have worn is so faint it must have worn off. Forgive me, I must smell even more dreadful myself. You don’t have to hold me if you don’t like to, though this is very comforting.”

The stranger chuckled. “Come with me. I’ll get you some water and you can rest while you tell me all about how much we both stink up the place, alright?” The man’s arm never left his side as Kazuha was led over to one of the seats. “What’s your name?”

“Kazuha… and yours?” Kazuha wasn’t sure he should be asking. The man acted as if he worked here and handing out his own name felt like he was signing a contract that may bar him from entering this place again for his actions. He wasn’t sure what actions they were but anything could be a reason to kick him out. His smell alone could do it. For some reason, that thought brought tears to his eyes that refused to fall. “I’m sorry if I’ve done you wrong.”

The man held him closer, more a hug than a guiding gesture, as they both sat down. The longer, slender fingers traveled from his side up to his hair, helping him relax against the stranger’s collarbone. If he had his senses about him, Kazuha might have found it in himself to be more shy about the contact. They had just met and already he could feel the skin against his face, his flushed cheeks warming even more as he breathed against the opening where the man’s collared shirt didn’t button all the way.

“You haven’t done any wrong. Stop talking so formally to me, Kazuha. My name is Tomo and it’s a pleasure to meet you. It sounds as if you’re having a rough time of things right now. Do you want to talk about it?”

Why was this stranger talking to him, and why did he want to hear about his life? There was nothing special there. And if he spoke, would that only make his situation worse?

It was hard to think when the man, Tomo, started pawing at his hair, fingers brushing through rough strands, pulling at the tie that kept the longer white locks in place so that it flowed down his shoulders. Kazuha hadn’t brushed his hair in months, perhaps longer, and it had been weeks since he had half washed it in the cold water. The texture was likely unpleasant, but the man didn’t stop and the gesture was so calming.

“Mmm thank you… that feels very wonderful.” Kazuha wished he could think straight but he didn’t mind the haze. If he were never allowed in this place of lights and music again, so be it. This would be a pleasurable last day. “There are a lot of things plaguing my thoughts, though burdening my friends with them is the last thing I would want…”

“Then burden me. I’m a stranger, not a friend yet, so please feel free to share them with me and rest for a while. I promise I don’t bite unless you ask.”

Kazuha felt a laugh escape him as he let himself relax, the muscles that were still straining to keep him from all but sleeping against this newly found stranger finally giving up the battle. “Alright, if you don’t mind a long and somewhat sad story. All I ask is that you don’t pity me. If you do so, I promise you I’ll walk away and never wish to see you again.”

“Pity you? You’re obviously putting up with a lot and it seems like you could use some rest and a little weight off your shoulders. I just met you and I can already tell you’re probably stronger than I’ll ever be. The most I’ve had to deal with is fighting with a lawyer on a case right now, trying to win a suit against the company I work for because I’ve been mistreated. I’m probably not going to win. They have more money and better lawyers. I just came here for a drink. I’ll survive. You look like the world is falling apart in those eyes of yours, and yet you don’t cry. So, Kazuha, that’s my story. I don’t and won’t pity you. If anything, I envy your strength.”

Kazuha hadn’t cried since he was a young child. Whatever age it was and for whatever reason was lost to his memories. He was crying now and he wasn’t sure what the source of it was. “I’m not someone to look up to. I lost my home, my family, all because I was weak. My father was taken from me and he was the last one I had. They told horrible, awful things to the world about him. They were all untrue and then they tried to blame me and I have done nothing wrong. I’ve done nothing wrong… I did nothing wrong…”

Before he knew it he was sobbing, clutching onto the light jacket Tomo was wearing as if he would save him from his desperate grieving. His father was gone, dead, and Kazuha had never had time to get over his loss. There was no chance to do so with the case hanging over his head and the loss of everything… His world had fallen apart. It was either be strong or fall with it. There had been no chance, no choice.

Tomo didn’t quiet him, only carding his fingers through the strands of his hair, holding him tighter as he tried to get himself together again. It was hard, his composure shattered as thoroughly as he was.

“Kazuha, that sounds horrible. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m not sure what the details are, but if you need to be upset, be upset.”

It wasn’t long that he cried, but it was dirty and awful and Kazuha wiped his nose on his sleeve. His stomach was upset and he didn’t want to be sick. Head hurting and mind foggy, he stayed where he was, feeling like the world really had beat the hell out of him.

“Kazuha… are you alright?”

Kazuha shook his head. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where to go… I don’t see a future. If the present is all I have… I don’t know… I just don’t know…”

They stayed like that for a long while, the music playing and the people around them all talking and living their own lives in random bubbles, some of them briefly interacting with others before spreading apart and then forming other, separate bubbles of people. It was all chatty, noisy, indescribable chaos that turned into a white noise, allowing Kazuha a respite that he so desperately needed without knowing he was in need of it.

Sleep came without him knowing and he wasn’t sure when he woke up, but he knew there were fragments in his memory where he heard those he knew – Kokomi, the kind woman who liked to make sure he was given water and some snacks whenever she spotted him, and Gorou, the ever elusive shadow in the club, who danced when no one was watching and was more of a guard than the guards. They should pay him for protecting the more vulnerable patrons of the establishment if Kazuha had any right to speak…

When Kazuha regained consciousness, his lips were dry and he was feeling somewhat closer to himself. Stomach still upset, he glanced up to see those purple, forget-me-not eyes, still watching him with a patient kindness.

Leaning over slightly, Kazuha was handed a glass of water, Tomo never releasing it so that when Kazuha’s hands shook the glass didn’t spill. “Drink slowly. You’ve had enough to loosen your tongue but not your stomach, thankfully. So, did you come here with anyone?”

That sounded like a question he should lie to. Though Kazuha had come alone, it was better to say there were people waiting for him somewhere. Still… “No, I did not. Thank you.”

“I’m not sure how much of what you said was coherent or not. Do you have somewhere to go? I can drive you home.”

Kazuha slowly drank the water, grateful for it. It took all his strength not to gulp down the much-needed refreshment. He spoke only when the glass was empty, realizing he had no reason to lie. “There is no need to trouble yourself. I have nowhere to go. Thank you for the water. I should be leaving before I inconvenience you further.”

“You’re no inconvenience. Jeesh, shut the hell up. Sorry, I was trying to be nice about it but, seriously, shut up.” Tomo’s hand moved to his shoulder, gripping it. “Do you need any help? I have some cash on me but not much. I didn’t come here expecting to need more than enough for a few drinks and a ride home.”

“I’ll be fine.” Kazuha got up, brushing off his arm and offering the kindest smile he could muster with how ill he still felt. “Thank you for your assistance. I really must be going now.”

“Hey, wait–”

But Kazuha didn’t wait, flowing through the crowd with trained ease before he was out the door, hands in his pockets to keep him warm and fight off the unexpected weather shift that he had forgotten about in his haste.

Finding somewhere insulated and a blanket would need to come first. Without Beidou, some of the others might need help as well. Kazuha didn’t mind looking for a place they could all stay – maybe a nearby park with a restroom or a dense forest. He had a little money on him still. It should last a few days, if he didn’t squander it.

Where the others went in the day would be up to them. It was hard enough for Kazuha to take care of himself, let alone a bunch of children and adults that were more experienced than he was, that had lived on the streets for almost all their lives.

They’d figure things out. Either they’d live or they’d die on this journey in the end. It wasn’t his job to do anything, though he’d do his best to help them as he was helped. It felt only right.

The next few times Kazuha went to the club, it wasn’t only Kokomi and Gorou that were there, but Tomo as well.

Taking a better look at him while not inebriated, the man had long dirty blond hair tied back in a tail and was taller than most of the people around him. He stood out like a burning candle among the field of grains.

“Kazuha, you look a little more pale than the last time I saw you. Are you thin? Heh. It can’t hide the fact that you’re adorably cute. Hey, can we talk?”

Blushing at his words instead of the drink in him, Kazuha at first denied Tomo, shrugging him off and trying to enjoy the club’s atmosphere as he had before. The music and dancing were calming, in an odd way. Perhaps he grew accustomed to them and associated them with safety now.

Tomo, ever persistent, didn’t give up. He was there every time Kazuha arrived, questioning him and getting under his skin in a way that wasn’t unpleasant, but left him feeling exposed in a way Kazuha had never felt before. Tomo became a friend quickly, but the bond was formed far differently than when he spoke with Beidou or any of the others.

This man was… amazing. He was starlight and wishes. Tomo was a future that Kazuha was starting to see, a break in the darkness around him. It was a pleasure, a gift, to hold his hand and speak with him, lean into him, be protected and lead into this new horizon with him.

“Hey, Kazuha. I know this is a little forward of me, but I like you. Move in with me? We don’t have to rush things! Please don’t take that the wrong way. I just want to give you a place to stay, somewhere to call your home. I know it’s been a long time.”

It had, and the invitation meant so much that it hurt. “Tomo, we’ve known each other only a few months, and only through a couple visits when we happen to be here at the same time. While I’m greatly appreciative of the offer, and I do… I do think I like you, it’s so much. I’m not sure how I’ll ever repay you.”

Warm, sweet, slender fingers found their way to his jaw, tilting his head upward. Then Tomo was kissing him.

His soft lips were just as delicate as the rest of his skin, just as kind and wanted. It made Kazuha melt, his mouth falling slack as he attempted to kiss him back, shocked by the action and his air stolen.

They kissed at the table of the club for what had to be minutes before a key was placed in Kazuha’s hand. “I don’t have much, I wish I could give you more, but a home is a home and I want you there, Kazuha.”

This was rushed, sudden. Too much. Kazuha refused on instinct. He didn’t have it in him to accept such a substantial favor. Was it a favor? A gift? What did people consider someone offering a home to them? “That’s too much.”

“You’re beautiful, Kazuha. Has anyone ever told you that?” Tomo brushed his hair aside, revealing more of his face than Kazuha wished to at that moment. There was a flush there and he knew it. It had been months now that Tomo had first broken the tie that had kept his hair away from his eyes and he hadn’t found something suitable to replace it. “And I don’t mean on just the outside, because I’ll be honest, you could use a shower and a nice place to sleep. I want to give that to you. It’s just a little, crappy apartment. I work six days a week and, when I’m not working, I’m busy. I take time to come here because I’ve wanted to talk to you. You’re so elusive and it kills me inside. You’re like a wild bird with no place to land. This is a perch, not a cage, and I’m a bird too. I’m not looking for you to owe me, you know.”

No one had ever expressed an interest in him, not since a few girls back when he was in middle school and he had taken it as teasing as opposed to flirting. What anyone could see in him when he was dirty and likely smelled of the outdoors, he didn’t know. Yet Tomo was here, had been here, just like his other friends were. And he was offering him a home and love…

It felt so nice to be wanted, and Tomo was kind. Kazuha felt drawn to him as he leaned into the taller man, happy to have somewhere to relax for once. He didn’t notice how the years had started to take their toll on him or how much pressure he had on his shoulders to survive.

“I can’t thank you enough.”

“Then don’t thank me. Just.. start out living with me, that’s all. We’ll be roommates and, if you’re comfortable with that, something more.” A delicate kiss was placed on top of his head. “Relax. Find yourself balance before you rush into anything. I won’t force you to live how I want you to. Not you.”

Kazuha didn’t understand his words back then, not all of them, but he took them to heart and started to fall in love with the gallant stranger from the club. It was so easy to do and felt so right, his life falling in line as his emotions did.

Jobs were no easier to come by but, once he was able to live with Tomo and had access to the computer there, the world opened up to him. He was able to read, write, do things he hadn’t done in far too long.

And those were talents that others found more useful in him than any day job could afford him.

Being a ghost writer for newspapers and helping out with a few non-fiction books that had to do with criminology and other studies that he had picked up on in either school or through his life were decent money, but he found most of his love in writing through fiction. It was romance and things that were spurred on by similar situations to his own life that he found were written the best, flowing almost like poetry when he released his final drafts.

He had been rereading one of his latest copies, the author having taken liberties and changed around a few of his scenes, when Tomo said he was heading out again. He did that often, either for trips or work. It was fine. Tomo came and went like the wind and, while it was lonely, Kazuha never doubted that he loved him.

Tama was there to keep him company. While Tomo and he had a relationship that he liked to a field of flowers, touching, kissing, brushing – there, and beautiful and sweet – he had done nothing more than exist with him in the same space and created a wonderful place there. Kazuha somehow knew Tomo was waiting for him to say something before deepening their bond.

That week was when he almost died – when the apartment was broken into and he was faced with something out of a fantasy book itself.

Scarlet blood smeared across the lips of an unknown man who had woken him, telling him things out of a nightmare.

Maybe he dreamt it all because it couldn’t be real.

“Tomo. For your crimes I am under no illusion that I am not the one that is allowed to punish you. There is no one better suited at this time though, and you are unlucky. Do not resist.”

None of those words made sense and Kazuha realized someone was on top of him, that this creature, this person, was harming him as he had been sleeping on the couch. On impulse he had tried shoving him off but it was in vain. He was weak, hurt, and now confused. The only thing he could think of besides how wrong everything about that statement was, was the obvious.

“Tomo?... I’m… I’m Kazu….Kazuha.”

Deep red hair and green eyes. Kazuha could make them out as the man on him backed up, his weight pressed into him still where he had been sitting and had fallen asleep reading at… whatever hour of the early morning it had to be. Kazuha couldn’t see the early morning sunlight yet, just the eye-burning glow of the fluorescent light beside him.

In its haze, the young man looked… surprisingly cute for someone who was trying to kill him. When Kazuha thought of a killer, he didn’t imagine someone with rose-colored hair and a sweater that looked like he just stepped out of a high school, clashing hard with what was obviously a less juvenile look to his expression that canceled out any thoughts of a school kid being his attempted murderer.

So many confusing things happened at that moment and in the ones that followed. The wind almost knocked over the lamp beside him, a fact which startled his would-be killer – a vampire – from his task. And the intruder…

Heizou – a police officer of all things, an occupation that came with a badge and a curse that he detested over the years for their lies and the easy way they used people to their advantage – broke his world apart in seconds with a truth that was far too hard to hear.

The man he had just started to love and trust after all this time, when he had finally started opening up again, was nothing but another controlling force in his life. It didn’t matter that Tomo was a gentle hand instead a heavy one, seeking to protect him from the actions he was taking.

If what Heizou was accusing Tomo of was true… They were wrong and that was enough. That wasn't the kind of life Kazuha had started to see for himself.

He would have broken right then and there if he hadn’t realized something in those moments.

Heizou gave him a new motivation.

He wanted to live.

That egocentric, lone-wolf of a vampire – the impossibility in his life that Kazuha had never seen coming – gave him something new and wonderful that he not only wanted to reach for, but wanted to race towards.

Kazuha wanted to save himself, for once in his life. And he wanted to save the others who could be in danger as well, all through his ignorance, whether it be because he was trusting a new and very dangerous ally or because he had trusted and opened his heart so willingly to a dear friend who'd turned out to be too good to be true.

When he passed out after all the conversations that followed and woke up in a strange bed in a strange house, taking a few moments to realize the police officer had humored his request to be taken in and be kept safe from the person that the predator was after, he knew he had a choice.

Kazuha would either fall apart forever and never be put back together this time around, or he’d break down once more, pick up the pieces, and find a way to keep on living.

With a steady look of determination, Kazuha got himself up.

There was no turning back now. He was going to see this through to the end. His first steps towards overcoming all of this grief and finding the answers was going back to the source of his pain. The officer, vampire, whatever he was, was at the police station.

Whatever danger Tomo posed, whatever lies one of the sides were telling him, he’d have to have a real conversation and come up with a solution that involved taking action because sitting back and doing nothing wasn’t going to work anymore. It wouldn’t work. This wasn’t his fault but a part of him felt responsible.

No, not responsible. A part of him wanted to be proven wrong. Kazuha wanted Tomo to prove his innocence to him. As much as it made sense, as truthful as Heizou’s words sounded to him… no more lies, no more trusting someone else’s words.

No more blindly following others. Kazuha wanted to see the truth with his own eyes.

He was going to live his own life, and to do that, he’d need to walk into that damn police station.