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Night dawns in brilliant hues all over Paris. The darkness of the sky intermingles with the brilliant white lights that dot it, as blue and purple bleed into the canvas. The moon, the center of the show, reflects the color of the deep sea, and the eyes of a young man staring up at the sight on the roof.
Vanitas is silent as he basks in the dim light. His long, raven hair, overgrown coat, and loosely tied bandages flutter along the nightly breeze that graces Paris. His injured arm rests against his propped-up knee, the cold tickling the bandaged skin on his chest as his pajamas remain unbuttoned. He doesn’t mind. The sensation and the wind’s calm whispers keep his mind from wandering too much. Vanitas likes his silence, but he can’t help but feel like he’s being deafened by his own thoughts if there’s nothing but just a stream of static. Still, memories of what transpired today flow through his mind like a steady trickle of a faucet…before it rapidly morphs into a raging waterfall.
“Big Brother!”
A voice of innocence, as silver eyes turned bright blue meets his own, framed by messily cut white hair. Vanitas grits his teeth at the memory. He thought Mikhail…
“Misha,” the voice at the back of his head betrays him for referring to the young boy in his mind with a nickname that feels dead to him.
…was no longer alive. Gone. He’ll forever be a footprint in the sand, faded by the salty waters of the sea–a faint grain in the beach that made up Vanitas’ tumultuous past. A face he’ll only come to meet again when his life is cut and he has to face the weight of his sins before the court of heaven. But…life has always had a knack for throwing a wrench in his plans.
“I hate pain.”
Mikhail says with a tiny squint in his eyes.
“I hate cold.”
Vanitas keeps his silence as the Vampire of the Blue Moon, the original Vanitas, sits on the edge of his bed. Kind smile framed by long, wavy silver locks as she reaches to ruffle Mikhail’s hair.
“I like everything that’s gentle and warm,” The boy sing-songs, smiling both at him and their caregiver.
“I want the three of us to be together forever. Forever forever forever forever forever—”
“That’s not possible,” Vanitas whispers to himself, not bothering with the fact that the gauze on his cheek is starting to peel off. “That was never a possibility.”
“I’ll be that. I’ll be your Kin, Father. If I do, then we’ll be able to stay together always, won’t we!? All three of us!!”
Vanitas balls his right hand into a fist, not caring that the tiny knives beneath his glove are digging into his already reddened skin. Becoming kin to the Blue Moon was a necessity–a means for him to survive the blood of Vanitas that was forced into his veins. And…he ended up putting an hourglass to how much of his humanity he could retain as a result.
He turns to the grimoire chained to his side…the book of his “caregiver” with a wistful look in his eyes.
“The more we use the Book of Vanitas. The more we alter the World’s Formula…the more we lose the right to our humanity…”
Perhaps…it is only right that someone like him is met with such a fate.
With a tired sigh, he looks over at the open window just a little to his right. A soft flicker of candlelight illuminates the glass-- a lone source of brightness in the dead of night…
It’s from his and Noé’s room.
He raises an eyebrow at that. Is that blundering fool still awake?
Truth be told, Noé is a strange one. A vampire who doesn’t hold as much contempt for Vanitas’s kind the same way the rest of vampire society does. He doesn’t understand how those purple eyes of his could look upon the Book of Vanitas, the shimmering Blue Moon that hovers over Altus…at him with so much intrigue. Fear never crosses his thoughts once. Disgust(well, outside of how Vanitas treats women so callously) never graces his features.
At the start of their partnership, the moment Noé jumped after him as he fell off of La Baleine, that look of pure awe and determination as the man caught his ankle as they both plummeted to the ground… Silver hair whipped over the vampire’s face as his white suit fluttered along his black coat in the air. His tan skin beautifully blended along with the hues of the night…
He caught the mesmerized look Noé had as the moon came into full view, and his own eyes widened, not by potential death, but by the man who held on to his foot. Vanitas never thought that a person like him just… exists.
Noé is childishly optimistic and gets easily enamored by the people and objects around him. Vanitas can’t believe how much he plays as a babysitter for the blundering buffoon. For heaven’s sake! The man is a year older than him! How had he lived his whole life being so… himself?
And why…is it so captivating for Vanitas?
As much as he will never admit this to anyone’s face, that first meeting…remains the fondest memory he’s had in a while.
“I’m not helping you. You’re helping me!”
Vanitas snorts quietly at the memory of when he and Noé both agreed to this unconventional partnership of theirs. He’s naive, blindly following his teacher’s command for a quest after his grimoire. He thought he had Vanitas backed against the corner. And honestly, Vanitas took absolute delight in running around with someone who wasn’t trying to kill him or steal something out of him outright.
“But whether you ‘can’ or not and whether you ‘did’ or not are completely different issues! Even if the Book of Vanitas truly was made in order to destroy Vampires, it’s an undeniable fact that you saved Mademoiselle Amelia back then! To me… that sight was something overwhelmingly ‘right’!”
Noé…
Vanitas bites his bottom lip at the memory. He’s gone for so long hearing all the things he did wrong. To hear someone believing he did the right thing, and for him to boldly declare it right to his face…he doesn’t know. What do you call that warmth that envelopes your chest again? The kind that doesn’t hurt? In fact…it feels infinitely nice…
“I don’t understand… Vanitas… What is ‘salvation’?”
It’s what he wants to find and figure out himself…
“Why should I have to listen to anything you say? I think you’ve got the wrong idea here. I don’t like you! That means I don’t plan to obey your orders… and I have absolutely no intention of helping you with anything.”
Vanitas smiles ever-so-slightly. *Then why does your bark lack any bite, mon ami?*
“Despite all that… You interest me as a person. This thing you’re attempting… I want to see it through to the end!”
*Why? Why would you look at me like that? With so much determination and patience and…kindness? You naive fool…what do you see in me…that makes you think I deserve to be gazed upon the way you gaze at me?*
“Vanitas. I have a question.”
Noé asks as he and Vanitas share a dance. Their hands intertwine as their feet follow the rhythm of the music set.
Vanitas nods. “Well? Out with it.”
The next few words leave him utterly dumbstruck, as his partner gazes at him seriously.
“What on earth is love?”
*Stupid Noé…* Vanitas thinks quietly to himself. *You think that I would know? Hah!*
“I would not truly understand… the meaning of the stirring I felt in my heart… until quite sometime later.”
*What for Dominique? If it was for her, then… why are you looking at me as you said that? Noé, I don’t understand that simpleton mind of yours.*
“I have no intention of following you. I’m going with you.”
Again, with that determination of his. Vanitas doesn’t know how he puts up that face, no matter how much he pisses Noé off. Just…why does he stick with him?
“Vanitas,” Noé calls out to him. His eyes are gentle as the end of their time in Gevaudan nears. “What are you?”
Vanitas’ eyes widen. That question, which would normally hold the connotations of an insult, drips with a flicker of concern and genuine curiosity from the man.
“Why are you here right now, even though you had to go through so much pain to get here?”
Because he’s still searching…maybe…or this is just his twisted and lopsided way of trying to atone. His pain means nothing to him, after all.
But…why did Noé care?
That look in his eyes…the slightly upturned lips as he awaits Vanitas’s answer…
He was willing to stand right there, amidst the cold, never budging, just to hear what he had to say…
“Idiot…” Vanitas whispers under his breath, though the insult doesn’t hold any malice at all.
“That day, on La Baleine…” Noé starts as his hair flutters in the wind that blows through the Bell Tower. He turns to Vanitas, his kindness ever-present. “I’m glad the man I met called himself a Vampire specialist, not a Chasseur.”
To the ears of those who know nothing, perhaps Noé is just expressing gratitude to not be met with a persecutor of the church. But to Vanitas, who was conditioned to identify as one and ultimately abandoned that path… he feels like someone sees him for once. And for the first time…he isn’t entirely uncomfortable with it.”
“Of course… I still don’t like you or anything,” Noé adds with a comically deadpan face.
“But even so… “ Noé looks on towards the sunset, as the light graces the rooftops in brilliant splendor. Vanitas faces the front as well, taking in the sight in front of him.
“I’m glad you’re the person you are now.”
The younger man slowly turns his head towards his partner in disbelief. Did…did he hear that right?
“I know it’s really arbitrary…” Noé continues and slowly, he turns to offer Vanitas a stupid(charming) smile. “...but I wanted to make sure I told you.”
*You’re kind…Noé…* Vanitas thinks to himself as he watches the light in their shared room slowly fade. *Too kind…*
A sequence of recent events flashes before his eyes, when Mikhail rises from the pit of his past and into his life once more. He has left so much pain and regret in that boy’s hands, and a part of him feels a twinge of regret for taking away the littlest joys they shared. But, a bigger part of himself feels justified.
Luna, the original Vanitas, had to die. He doesn’t expect Mikhail to understand why, but…when his scheme involves Noé…he feels like he should’ve knocked some more sense into that boy’s head. And maybe he should’ve knocked his skull against the pavement too…
“You’re always like that!!” Noé yells at him, gripping his bloodied arm as he and Vanitas stand on opposite sides. His face contorts in genuine frustration as the amusement park crumbles around them. At this point, Vanitas looks at his partner with empty eyes. Hate is easier for him to accept and believe anyway…
“You always act as if you, and only you, know everything… and yet… you never tell me anything!! It all makes me sick!!!”
It’s easier…
“The way you treated people who are important to me with contempt!! The way you wouldn’t listen to a word I said!!”
Much easier…
“And the way you dismissed all of that… all of it! As if it had never happened!!!”
But…
“Don’t you have anything to say Vanitas? Say something!!!!”
Why does his heart feel like it’s being torn to shreds…when Noé’s the one saying it?
Vanitas sighs. Bright blue eyes trail along the constellations that hover over his head. Purple blends beautifully, streaking across the darkness and wrapping around the moon. Both royal colors spread across the pitch-black, complimenting the diamonds that glitter above. Truth be told, none would believe this sight to be real unless the eyes personally bear witness to it. This evening has no right to be as mesmerizing as it is now.
A tiny comet streaks across the view. Vanitas can’t help but think that the sky is trying to tell him something…
He scoffs.
That’s hogwash. Blue and purple overpower each other too much, looking psychedelic together rather than aesthetically pleasing. In more ways than one, he’ll lose himself in the swirls, and…he hates the thought of that. It can’t work. At least, that’s what he tells himself.
“Vanitas?”
His heart stops at the sound of that voice, laced with concern and curiosity. Slowly, he turns to face him.
“Noé…”
Vanitas whispers the name like it’s a prayer as he sees his partner standing at a safe distance. Noe’s hair is a tousled mess. Maybe he had just rolled out of bed, what with his habit of constantly falling off the mattress. His eyes are still droopy, and a slight yawn escapes him. Noé only has a knitted cardigan over his shoulder. This fool…
“You should go back inside,” Vanitas says plainly, looking away. “You’ll get cold going out in just your pajamas and a single sweater…”
Noé tilts his head at that, with one eyebrow raised in skepticism. “So will you. And worst since your shirt is unbuttoned.”
Vanitas smirks slightly. “Why? Are you worried, mon ami ?”
“Of course I am!” To his surprise, Noé marches over to him and kneels by his side, his eyes almost asking for permission. Frankly, Vanitas doesn’t know what to make of it. A second…a minute where he just meets Noé’s gaze with his own, as if analyzing the depth of the other's resolve–to find any faults to justify denying his partner from getting any closer. But, he finds nothing. Nothing but the sincerity that both suffocates him…and brings him new air to breathe.
Silently, he gives a curt nod as he turns away, not wanting to face him. Not after he almost killed the only person who genuinely believes he could be better.
“Did you come up here to stargaze?” Noé asks, fixing the lopsided gauze that stuck to his cheek. “Mademoiselle Amelia said that the sky is particularly breathtaking this evening.”
Vanitas doesn’t answer. He keeps his gaze focused upwards.
“And it seems she was right!” Noé stretches his arms, lying down on the roof beside him. Vanitas glances at him briefly, that goofy, relaxed smile gracing the vampire’s lips as he stares with wide-eyed wonder at the heavenly canvas hovering above them. “The moon is really pretty tonight too.”
He says nothing as he cranes his neck up. Honestly, Vanitas wishes he could see what Noé sees in this broken world. His lens seems so colorful. He himself curses the Blue Moon, despite being a member of its clan. He despises the sight of that glowing sphere in the sky. But Noé…
“Why do you seem so infatuated with it?” Vanitas asks as the winds continue to billow, enveloping both of them.
“Honestly…I have no idea!” Noé hums, much to the other’s irritation and disbelief. “It’s just beautiful and fascinating to look at, I suppose.”
Of course. Vanitas almost forgets…Noé is a simpleton. He chuckles half-heartedly at the comment. “...You’re an idiot…”
Noé raises an eyebrow at that, gently nudging Vanitas’s side with his knee. “Well, so are you?”
“What a weak comeback, mon ami. ” He rolls his eyes. “And keep your knees to yourself!”
“I wasn’t trying to throw it back. I’m just stating my truth,” Noé replies honestly with a serene look. Vanitas slowly pries his gaze away from the sky and directs it onto his partner. His hands lie on his bandaged abdomen, tan skin shimmering under the moonlight, and messy hair sweeping across his face. Eyes closed, Noé smiles good-naturedly, knowing that he has Vanitas’s full attention now. “You’re an idiot in ways that are different from me.”
The younger man stares, as a small smile cracks in the corner of his lips. This idiot really knows how to shut him down, despite his attitude not matching the ability. “Maybe. People can do the stupidest things when so much is on the line.”
“Which is why…” Noé sits up, eyes downcast and his voice infinitely softer. “I came here to apologize.”
… What?
“I’m sorry I lost it,” Noé continues, picking at his bandages. “It’s just, Mikhail had Domi in a trance and, well, she’s family…but I was wrong for trying to pry into your memories.”
Vanitas clenches his jaw. Why is HE the one apologizing? He doesn’t deserve Noé’s apology. He knows what kind of personal stakes Noé had in that fight. It’s natural for people to protect the ones they hold dear. That’s probably why the pit in Vanitas’ stomach never settles. He killed what little care was offered to him.
He killed Luna.
Heck! He tried to kill Noé!
Noé !
Of all people, in an attempt to protect his past, he has pointed a dagger at the neck of the person who believes in him the most, has dragged the name of those he holds dear in the mud, and stomped down on it. Sure, he can’t bring himself to care much about Dominique(She and him were too similar for his taste. It’s revolting!), but is he really that heartless that he hadn’t thought of the implications his apathy would have on Noé?
Wordlessly, he leans against the taller man’s shoulder, much to the other’s surprise. “I’m…” He gulps a little. “I’m sorry…”
Noé’s eyes widen in shock. There are very few moments where Vanitas allows himself to be openly vulnerable. Few enough that it’s all counted on the fingers of a single hand. As of now, Noé is the safest haven he has–an ear that will listen, with no trace of it ever betraying him. “...for treating the people you care about like trash.”
“Vanitas…” The vampire whispers as the younger man grabs his arm and begins tying loose knots that fray around the edges. It’s the least he can do…he did this to his partner, after all.
“...for not saying anything.”
His fingers trace the bandages on Noé’s arm, feeling the hard muscle underneath as he tucks the frill ends in. He can feel Noé’s gaze boring into him. Vanitas bites the inside of his cheek, dropping his partner’s hand. He looks away, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Noé deserves better. Better than the partnership he offers him. “I’m sorry…”
For a moment, a somber silence falls upon them. The breeze and the flutter of their clothes are the only things that fill it. Vanitas can feel himself growing antsy. It is unbearably awkward. Did he say anything wrong in that blasted apology? Just great! The one time he manages to muster a lick of courage, he–
“It’s okay…”
Vanitas freezes as he feels a hand gently patting his head. He looks up, only to see Noé’s kind, goofy smile. The younger man opens his mouth to say something, anything at all…but not a word comes out. Wordlessly, Noé takes his hand in his, the one he dug his nails into as blood trickles out of the wound, and rips a portion of his sleeve.
Blue eyes watch as the vampire wraps the cloth around his self-inflicted wound. Pink dusts his cheeks as he does. Vanitas smirks knowingly with the knowledge of how enamored his partner is with the scent of his blood, and the restraint Noé is showing makes his chest feel so much lighter. Maybe, he’ll let him indulge in it. Just this once.
“Noé, wait…” Noé watches as Vanitas loosens the wrap and pulls off his glove, revealing the tiny streams of blood dripping from the minor wound. His partner gives him a questioning stare, and all he can do in response is chuckle. “You won’t see anything if I let you lick the blood that’s already outside of me, will you?”
Vanitas watches in amusement as stars begin to swirl in those purple hues. Noé leans towards him, faces inches apart as anticipation graces his countenance.
“Seriously, Vanitas?” Noé asks, star-struck. “You’d let me?”
“Don’t let it get to your head, mon ami .” Vanitas reaches over to flick his forehead lightly. “This is a one-time opportunity, only if you promise that you won’t see my memories.”
Noé pouts a little, rubbing his forehead. “Well, I won’t be able to see your memories, but…I’ll still be able to feel what you’re feeling.” He anxiously rubs the back of his neck. “Are you going to be fine with that?”
The Blue Moon smiles. This overly polite dolt…He offers his hand to him. “That’s fine. I owe you this much, after all.”
“Vanitas…” Noé takes his hand into his own and brings it close to his face. “Alright then.”
Vanitas flinches slightly as gentle licks prick softly against his skin. Light pink dusts his face as he watches his partner, who is evidently being a lot more careful with his approach. Noé makes sure to avoid the open wound, focusing only on the tiny drips that streak down to his wrist. Honestly, it’s amusing and somewhat irritating to see him be this cautious of his feelings.
Noé’s long lashes flutter as he closes his eyes and Vanitas can’t help but admire how beautiful the man is, bathed under the moonlight. His soft features become visible to the Blue Moon–pure and angelic. Gentle licks morph into a sweet long kiss planted beside his wound, and shock crosses Vanitas’s face as he bears witness to the gesture.
“Why…did you do that?” he asks in disbelief.
“Why?” Noé tilts his head as he thinks the question over. A pure, bright grin forms on his lips. “Am I not allowed to?”
Vanitas finds himself at a loss of words. Bright blue stares deeply into those determined purple colors. This very moment…reminds him of why Noé intrigues him so much. How could anyone be this kind towards someone like him? To not fear him? To not be completely and utterly disgusted by his existence? How…
He gulps as Noé carefully wraps the cloth around his hand, treating him with so much consideration despite all he had put him through.
…How can he smile at him like that?
“Why do you stubbornly stick with me?” Vanitas mutters under his breath, but enough for Noé to hear.
“Because I promised, didn’t I?” his partner responds with a hopeful tone. Noé gingerly lets go, propping both his knees up to his chest to rest the side of his head. His eyes focus solely on Vanitas. “What you call being “free”...really, it’s just being lonely. I don’t get you…”
The younger man grits his teeth, annoyed and irritated. “Then don’t try–”
“But I want to.”
He blinks rapidly, staring at Noé’s determined look, his eyes reflecting all the good he sees. He doesn’t understand why he sees himself in them.
“...Why?” Vanitas asks, rendered almost speechless.
“Because like I said…” Noé smiles as he offers his hand. The younger man raises his eyebrow, wondering where he’s getting at with this. But he accepts the gesture nonetheless.
To his surprise, Noé stands up on his feet, his free hand spread out in grandeur, and a kind smile remains plastered on his face. He looks ethereal as every celestial above shines down upon his head. “I want to see how high you fly.”
Noé…
Vanitas turns away, pink still lightly coloring his cheeks. “Well, you’ll be sorely disappointed when I fall.”
“Then I’ll catch you,” Noé counters. Vanitas doesn’t know how he should react to that. How could he offer to be his safety net? His support? It doesn’t make any sense! Little by little, this man standing in radiance before him, starts to pull him up to his feet, following rhythmic steps–the same steps they remember when they both danced together for the very first time. “If you can tell me, even once, where you plan to fly to, so I can be there if you fall.”
The guilt eats at Vanitas’s core, refusing to meet his partner’s gaze.
“My name is Noé!!! I am not ‘that vampire’!!!!”
Vanitas knows. He’s sorry for making it seem like he’s entirely meaningless to him.
“Listen to me, Vanitas. I refuse to be what you want me to be.”
Neither does he…
“I will never set you ‘free’!!!”
What a way to say “I’ll never let you be alone!” in words that could reach his twisted heart–in a way only Noé knows how…
“I don’t deserve this…especially not from you, Noé,” Vanitas whispers as he decides to play along, bandaged hand wrapping around the vampire’s waist.
“And still, I want to give it to you,” Noé replies as his grip on Vanitas’s shoulder tightens.
“If you can do whatever you want, then so can I. And what I want…” Again, with that smile of his, where he displays nothing but optimistic curiosity and loving kindness. “...is to share this moment with you, Vanitas.”
“If you’re willing to stay, that is.” He finishes with that soft twinkle of anticipation in his eyes–again, his polite, naive self, being considerate of what he feels.
It baffles Vanitas to no end, how insanely lucky he is to have found this idiot of his. He grins weakly in response. “Alright. You’re one persuasive buffoon, mon ami .”
Their hands intertwine even more as Vanitas leans closer, a small smirk cracks on the corners of his mouth. “I’ll stay…”
Noé smiles sweetly at that. Here, on a cold night in Paris, these two men have lost themselves, and have found each other again. Footsteps make light pitter-patters against the roof, intertwining in melodious synchrony as the heavens bear witness to a partnership that transcends both the limited time in this life…and the eternity that follows death.