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It had been 6 weeks since Richarlysons passing
Mike didn’t know what to feel.He felt grief,that was obvious. But he also felt confused and shocked.An odd emptiness filled his heart,everything felt different now. It reminded him of how he used to feel at the orphanage with Pac,a sense of difference that you just can’t seem to wrap your head around. He had grown so used to his son being with him everyday that the absence of him made everything feel uncomfortable and senseless.
It took him a while to even grasp that his son was really dead.He would wake up some mornings and have to ask if anyone had seen Richarlyson,only to be reminded by the others that he was gone.
Mike woke up one morning,rubbing his eyes while yawning as he slipped on his slippers and made his way down the hall.He knocked on Richarlyson’s door 7 times like he always did before he opened it,the absence of a body in the bed accompanied by snoring and the visible poofy brown curly hair that would poke out from under his blankets is what reminded Mike that ‘right,he’s gone.’
Breakfasts also became that of an upsetting reminder.
Mike was once making breakfast the same as he always did,the morning brain fog turned his body to autopilot.He instinctively poured some milk in a small green cup with faded graphics of super hero’s on it.Mike snapped out of his brain fog when he noticed that no one had come up to him to take him.No tug of the shirt,no faint murmuring of childish nonsense,nothing—just silence.
Mike looked around as if he was going to find anyone,maybe someone hiding behind one of the chairs or behind the couch,maybe he just hadn’t woken up yet and was trying to sleep in. He tried to tell himself that ‘No one was hiding behind the chairs or couch,he’s gone,Mike’
So he just stood there,waiting just incase someone did finally come out from hiding or finally woke up so they could come sit down for breakfast.But no one came
Mike would often sit at Richas’s grave for hours,his headstone draped with his iconic yellow and green jersey.Mike would visit his grave daily,trying to finally come to terms with his death.He would usually just sit and lean against Richarlysons headstone while talking about everything that’s happened since he left.
Sometimes he would talk for hours and would lose track of himself in his words,only being reminded to go home when the crickets chirped at the moonlight.And sometimes he wouldn’t speak at all,just sit there in comfortable silence as he thought.But always no matter what he would come with roses and daisies,placing them on the drying soil that covered his son’s body.
A few times,as Mike sat against Richarlysons headstone,he’d find it hard to move.All he would want to do was to stay there with him.
A few times he tried to join his son in the after life.Wether it was by trying to let himself fall from a cliff or by shoving a sword through his chest,he’d never be able to do it.Other islanders would somehow find him before the welcoming arms of death could take him.
Sometimes they were able to talk sense into him,but other times Mike would just nod his head until they stopped talking.He would let himself be taken away from the edge before he could jump,let the sword be taken from him before he could pierce his heart.
But Mike found it hard to even get to his grave every morning,to wake up and not force himself to go back to bed while constantly ignoring his alarm for hours until he inevitably gave into the increasingly annoying sound of the alarm clock.
He often neglected taking care of himself and the house now,not showering or brushing his teeth for weeks and abandoning various house hold chores.Dishes were left in the sink to pile up until they overflowed the counters,failing to take out the trash even when it flooded the bin and fell onto the floor around it. Multiple messed around the house were left uncleaned which slowly built up over time,leaving the home in utter chaos and filth.
Maybe if Mike was able to find the motivation to care,the house wouldn’t be so bad,but he just couldn’t.He couldn’t find it in him to care anymore,he couldn’t find anything inside him anymore. The happiness that once resided in him,the motivation to keep going each day was slowly dwindling with each passing hour.
But still,Mike thought he was handling Richarlysons passing well. At least ‘better’ than the other Brazilians.
Cellbit hadn’t left him home since the funeral,last time Mike saw Felps he told him that he was just trying to sleep through it all,maybe see if he could try to sleep forever.Bagi had become overly paranoid,constantly helicoptering over Empenada making sure she couldn’t get hurt no matter what.
Pac though. Pac probably took it the worst out of everyone else. After Richarlyson died Pac changed,Mike barely even recognized him anymore. He still looked like Pac,sounded like Pac,but he wasn’t the same.
Mike wouldn’t see Pac for hours,sometimes not even seeing him for days in a row.Pac was never home,maybe it was because home reminded him too much of Richas.The absence of his son’s constant childish giggles made him feel like he was being stripped of air,suffocating on his own grief and regret.The persistent reminder that his son was gone becoming too much to bear.
Pac would busy himself with completing bounties for money he had no use for.Continually exploring caves and fighting mobs,maybe he would find Fit in one of the caves.
Maybe Pac silently wished that with every cave he cleared,with every monster he killed,Fit would be hiding somewhere in one of them.
Maybe all Pac wanted was to fall into Fit’s arms and cry into his chest,cry about how he missed him,about how he missed Richarlyson,about how he wants them back.
About how much he wishes he could have done something different so it didn’t come to this,how he could have had a happy family,how he could still have his son and his boyfriend with him,how they could have been living happily right now if Pac had done something
Maybe Pac had already given up on that.
The few days Mike was able to catch Pac would only be after he had come home from distracting himself all day,if he came home at all.Most of the time he would spend the night at Bagi’s house or in the empty shitshack Fit left behind with a spare key he was given.
Pac would never admit it but after Richarlyson’s passing,Pac made it a habit to visit Fit’s house daily.Checking on Ramón in his deep sleep to make sure he was sleeping peacefully,to make sure he was still breathing.
He’d sleep in Fit’s bed,as weird as it must have been to be sleeping in your missing boyfriends bed,when he wrapped himself in the others blankets he could almost still feel a slight warmth.Something he couldn’t feel from his house anymore,not with his son gone.
Mike had barely even been able to speak to Pac,the most he was able to say to him before Pac would leave for the day was about how he “left you some breakfast on the table if you want any”. It was only answered with a dismissive “okay” before Pac shut the door leaving Mike sitting alone at the table.
Mike sat there,looking at the now two empty chairs infront of him with a plate of un-touched eggs.He picked at his own food with his fork as he sighed,the words he wanted to say being lost in his head.
Maybe if Pac had stayed,Mike would have been able to finally talk to him,maybe try to see if the two of them could work together to try and work through the passing of their son.
It was what Mike was planning on,finally having a sit down conversation with his best friend about how they could finally come to terms with Richarlysons death and learn to cope with each others help,help each other get better,but Mike had already lost his appetite.
He sat there at the table while staring at the pattern of the grain in the wood.
There was a third plate,in between Mike and Pac’s place at the table.There was no food on it,registering the plate and its utensils useless.Mike didn’t know why he was still sitting down at the table,he didn’t know what he was waiting for.Maybe he was waiting for someone to come and sit down,maybe that person could take Pac’s uneaten eggs.
But that person was gone,Mike had just grown so used to waiting for that last person to come and sit down for breakfast that it was just second nature for him now.Mike knew no one was coming,but he still waited for a few moments more,maybe he was trying to see if he was wrong.But as the minutes ticked he proved himself right.
Mike rubbed his wrist against his eyes,wiping away some tears that had formed.He grabbed the plates and tossed the food in the garbage,leaving the one empty plate right in its place.
It felt wrong to move it now.
-
The moon gleamed down on the cliff,the lake beneath it shimmering with the moons reflection waving in the water.The warm breeze now cooled as the sun dipped below the ocean and rose the moon in its place.Wind blowing against the cliff’s soft grass as small waves pushed and pulled away from the mountains bottom.
Pac sat with his knees to his chest,his arms resting atop his legs as he stared at the seemingly endless water that stretched out to the moon.His clothes were littered with new nicks and dried splotches of mud from whatever tasks he had done that day to try and occupy his mind,whatever he could do so his mind wouldn’t wonder.
Pac took a deep breath in through his nose,dropping down to lay on his back as he exhaled.He stared at the stars above,connecting random constellations and making shapes out of nothing the same way he would as a kid when he would look at clouds.His arms and legs hurt,stung,ached even though all he was doing was laying there.
Pac counted the stars as the waves of pain slowly drug across his limbs.
1 star,
3 stars,
7 stars,
14 cuts,
18 cuts,
23,26,31,37…
He knew the pain he brought himself wouldn’t fix anything,it wouldn’t wake up Ramón,it wouldn’t bring Fit back,it wouldn’t revive Richarlyson,nothing he could do would fix anything.But he still felt like he deserved it,Fit could be going through so much right now and Pac didn’t go with him,Richas lying in his arms as his breathing faded and Pac could only hold him close.
Pac couldn’t do anything,he couldn’t help them,he couldn’t save him…it should have been him that had left,it should be him in the ground right now.They are all in so much pain and Pac couldn’t…didn’t do anything,the blood that dripped from his arms and legs wouldn’t do anything now.
But he still felt like he owed something,this pain was deserved,it was his fault Fit is by himself right now,his fault his son was dead,pain was all he deserved now.Maybe if he bled enough for them,he’d be able to see them again.If he jumped off this cliff,if he plunged a sword into his heart,if he hung from a rope, if he just bled a little more.
Pac looked around into the dark sky,there’s the big dipper,Orions belt,Ursa Major…
“What are you doing all the way out here,moço?” Pac asked,still looking up at the sky rather nonchalantly.Mike appeared out of the unlit darkness a few feet away,chuckling under his breath as he stopped infront of Pac and looked down at him.Pac’s eyes faltered as his vision was obstructed by Mike.
“You blocked our link and your location is off.I thought something happened to you” Mike’s head crooked to the side with a witty yet concerned tone.
“O que está errado? The last time you acted like this was when Cell ate your leg in prison.” Pac just looked back up at Mike with an empty expression,tensing up ever so slightly at the mention of Cellbit and his leg.
Mike sighed and sat down next to Pac,leaning back on his hands as his fingers spread to feel the grass in between them.He tilted his head back so he could look at the sky with Pac,the water at the bottom of the cliff silently crashed against the rocks as the breeze blew threw his hair gently.
“I miss him too, Pac, everyday. Everyone misses him” Mike finally spoke again,eyes still fixed on the stars above.
Pac tilted his head to the side to look at him,already bitting the inside of his cheek as he waited for the inevitable conversation to follow and force Pac back to reality.
The two sat in silence for a few minutes,Pac tried his hardest to keep his mental block up. He didn’t want Mike to try and pry around his mind to find thoughts he can use against him.And he thought he was doing an okay job seeing as Mike hadn’t said anything else yet. But just as Pac was about to say something,anything to stop Mike from starting a conversation he wanted no part in,Mike spoke.
“None of this is your fault.You know that right? That it’s not your fault?”
Pac’s eyes widened,Mike looked down at him again.It didn’t sound like a rhetorical question or even a question that has no right or wrong answer,just a genuine question.Did Pac know that it wasn’t his fault?
Pac stayed silent for a few seconds,he wanted to tell him no,that of course he knew it wasn’t his fault,it wasn’t anyone’s fault! But he couldn’t say anything,he just stared at Mike.Pac thought his mental block was up well enough…was it not? Was he not strong enough?
Pac stayed perfectly still,his bones unallowing of him to move.Mike continued to look at the stars,counting them in his head.
Pac wanted to leave,he wanted to go home.He wanted to go back home to Richarlyson,but that home was dead now.He still had a home with Mike,but it was… different ..now.
But that’s when Mike grabbed his backpack,when did he bring that?
“Y’know,this might not be the best way to cope..” Mike paused,his searching in his backpack slowing for a moment.He didn’t say anything,he didn’t need to,Pac knew Mike knew.They knew they were way past healthy coping if the pain in his arms was any indication of that.Mike shook his head slightly before going back to searching for whatever it was he was looking for.
“But it might work for right now,for tonight.”
Pac tilted his head a bit as the other spoke,before Mike pulled out two large bottles of Cachaça.Pac sat there for a moment before bursting into a fit of giggles.Mike was taken aback for a moment,his breath hitching in his throat as he watched Pac bubble with laughter.It had been a while since he’s seen Pac genuinely laugh,and Mike couldn’t help but smile at him.
Pac took one of the bottles and opened it with Mike,the two drinking as they sat at the edge of the cliff.The two sat in silence for a bit,listening to the wind howl as it carried the scent of the sea along with it.The alcohol offered a temporary respite, quieting the cacophony of thoughts in their minds. It dulled their senses and softened the edges of the pain they felt. It provided them a much needed escape,even though they knew it wouldn’t last long.
Mike had barely drank a quarter of the bottle,the taste just wasn’t exactly worth the lack of pain it took away.
He didn’t know if Pac didn’t think the same about the taste as he did,or if he just didn’t care since he had practically already downed over half the bottle.
Maybe the fleeting relief it brought Mike was much less fleeting for Pac,he was already well beyond drunk—if the way the tilted from side to side as he tried to find his center of balance was any indication of that,the way the bottle in his looked as if it could fall out of his loose grip any second and down into the water that sat below them…maybe he should stop him.
Mike looked back at the bottle in his own hands,the liquid inside sloshing around in its glass confinements.He could hear Pac stir to life besides him,talking about what and what not,even giggling as he slurred his words together but all Mike just couldn’t listen to him.
The drink was helping Pac,so why couldn’t it help him? His relief was only short-lived and fleeting,but the other had already escaped his pain,even if it was just for the night.Why wouldn’t Mike feel like him? Why was Pac allowed to forget and not him? Mike wanted to forget,to escape.
Even if it was just for the night.
He wanted the same relief,
the same comfort,
the same consolation,
the same liberating feeling of just forgetting.
Even if it was just for tonight.
Hell—Mike even felt a twinge of jealousy knowing that he couldn’t let go the same way Pac could when he was given the chance.But after finally turning to see Pac happy again,to see him giggle uncontrollably,even if it was from the alcohol,he couldn’t help but smile.He missed seeing Pac laugh.
Mike pushed his jealousy down and took a swig from the bottle.The amber liquid searing his throat as its burning remnants laid dormant on his tongue.The taste of it was unwelcomed at best,not something Mike would actively search for on a day to day basis.Yet the more he drank the more his throat grew use to it,his tongue inviting the remnants of the caramel and woodsy flavor that the liquor brought with each sip.
Mike’s mind began to slow as his muscles relaxed,his chest felt lighter as his shoulders rolled back for the first time in what felt like forever.He looked out into the vastness of the glittering sea and his mind felt serene and placid,he felt like a soothing balm was placed over his pain and grief.Yet just as quick as the feeling came,it vanished.But even if it was just for a second— he forgot.
Mike chased the feeling again,and again.Slugging down the liquor,hopelessly chasing after the need to forget about everything .
Soon enough,after the bottle laid empty,left forgotten in the grass next to him,was he able to forget again.
Fleeting moments turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours.Hours of drunken stupor and laughter,nothing mattered to them right now.Nothing mattered anymore really.
Mike sat there laughing with Pac as they recounted random stupid situations the two had gotten themselves into,on the island and off it.Time was a foreign concept for the two as they snickered and giggled away with their stupid little back and fourth recounts of situations they had gotten themselves into.
“Remember the time…that Foolish arrested us?”
“Then your namoradinho had to come save us?” Mike quipped,earning himself a friendly shove from Pac
“sue babaca! He was just helping us out! Would you not have done the same?”
Mike clicked his tongue as he tilted his head back,pretending to think before chuckled again
“Hmm..I dunno,Irmão.I probably would have just left you in there..”
Mike definitely slurred some of his words together,his tongue betraying him as it fell slack in his mouth as he tried to speak.But it got his point across,Pac throwing a dramatic hand over his eyes and fell backwards onto the grass as he choked out a fake sob.
“Aye Mikey,I thought we were brothers! And you are just going to leave me to die!”
Mike just rolled his eyes as he snickered at Pac’s dramatic display.
He doesn’t remeber how much he drank,but he could not sit straight for the life of him.Maybe laying on the grass was the way to go because Mike couldn’t find his center of balance whatsoever.Tilting one way and swaying another way,his head felt heavy on his shoulder as his surroundings blurred themselves together.His fingers felt of static as they drug against the dirt beneath him.
They needed something to fidget with,the feeling of dirt underneath his nails was slowly beginning to irritate him.
Mike reached into his coat pockets;he rummaging around the pens,paper clips,sticky notes,and other things of the sort.
Pac looked over,tilting his head in curiosity.
“What are you looking for,moço?” He asked,his voice already growing a bit hoarse from the amount of giggling and laughing he had been doing that night.
Mike didn’t answer,rather staying quiet as he continued feeling around all the things in his pockets;the amount of pens he had to pull out serving as a reminder to clean out his coat pockets when he got the chance. After a few moments of digging through the endless amount of junk,his fingers finally felt what he was looking for.
Mike pulled out a small white box with a red top;he flipped it open and pulled out a thin,white roll.
Oh
Pac thought.
It’s a cigarette
“Pacey,do you have a lighter?” Mike asked,placing the end of the cigarette in his mouth without a second thought.
Pac didn’t answer,he couldn’t.He stayed quiet for a few seconds before Mike asked again a little louder.
“Pac? Lighter? Do you have one?”
“Oh,uh yeah.Here.” Pac stumbled around his pocket for his lighter and tossed his over to Mike.
It barely worked anymore,it was blue with his iconic pac-man sticker wrapped around it,the sticker was a little torn and dirty but there was no denying what it was.The ignition wheel was rusty and hard to flick,constantly hurting his thumb whenever he tried to light it,but it still did its job if you tried hard enough.He didn’t use it anymore,though,he had no use for it.
Pac kept staring at Mike as he lit the cigarette,one hand cupping the end as he struggled with the ignition cog.He finally was able to light it after some difficulty,the end glowing orange as he placed it in between his fingers,taking a long drag of it.
Pac couldn’t help but feel a bit mad,Mike didn’t seem to even acknowledge what he was doing as if he didn’t care.Mike noticed Pac staring at him as if he was doing something wrong
“What’s wrong?” He asked.Pac turned back to look forward,staring out to the sea once more.
“You promised Richas you would quit,remember?” Pac muttered silently while bringing his knees up to his chest,which was a bit of a challenge with the alcohol still in his system.
Mike hesitated before speaking.
“Yeah,I remeber.”
He remembers all too well.
He remembers Richas walking outside onto the balcony of chume labs that day.Watching as Mike leaned against the railing while he finished off a cigarette,pressing its end into the wooden top of the rail.
Richarlyson reaching up to look over the railing with his dad to watch the sunset as his fingers gripped onto the top edge to help keep him up,
Mike chuckled watching his son struggling to see above the rail,keeping a close eye to make sure he didn’t topple over it and fall.
“You need a chair,nenê?” He asked,pushing himself away and looking around for any chair or stool he could let Richarlyson use,but Richas stopped him.
“I got it,Pai.”
Richas rubbed his thumb against the newest burn mark in the railings wood, his skin running over the countless other cigarette burns.The sun gradually dipping below the tree line,washing the sky is its warm mixture of pink and orange.It was almost a harsh transition from the warm colors to the harsh darkness of the trees darkness casted on them by the sun behind them.
Mike joined him,resting his chin on his hand as he gazed at the sky and sun.
“Where’s Pac? Is he inside?”
Richas shuffled a bit as he pulled his legs up,criss-crossing them and setting his hands in his lap.
Mike had to make the railing wide enough to hold Richas whenever he decided to sit on it,last time he tried before the railing head was installed he fell backwards and hit his head.So now luckily he could sit without worrying about it,but Mike still put his hand on his son’s shoulder to make sure he couldn’t tip.
“I think he’s working on something with Fit and Tubbo…but..—“
“But..?”
Richarlyson swayed back and fourth a little,deciding if he should finish what he was saying.
“I’m pretty sure he’s just there to see Fit”
That alone was able to reduce Mike to a fit of laughter.Richas followed his father quickly,giggling and snickering to himself as he covered his mouth so the non-existent people around wouldn’t hear him.
He was so caught up in his laughter that he only noticed Mike wasn’t laughing with him when he heard loud coughing besides him.Richas turned his head to see Mike covering his mouth,facing away from him as he struggled to take a full breath before his throat forced him to clear it again.
As Mike was finally able to catch his breath,he felt a tug on his sleeve.
“Pai..are you okay?” Richarlyson asked,his voice strained itself with worry.Mike tried to respond and tell him not to worry about him,he’s alright! But his throat burned as he tried to speak,he felt like he just tried to swallow sandpaper and the words only caught in his throat.
Mike took a deep breath and just nodded,humming a quick “ mhm ”.
Richarlyson just stared at him,hesitant to believe him. the same damn type of stare Pac was giving him right now.
“ Those cigarettes are hurting you..” Richas said,his voice cracking ever so slightly.Mike wanted to speak up and reassure his son,but his throat wouldn’t let him.So he just sat and looked at his son while listening.
“You said it yourself,to never smoke them.It’s hard to even be around you with the smell..” The grip on Mike’s shirt only tightened, he needed to say something.
“They’re gonna take you away from us one day..“ Richarlysons voice almost broke,Mike could hear the tears in his eyes .
“I don’t want you to leave us..—“ Mike grabbed onto his son’s arm and pulled him into a hug .I won’t leave you again,I can’t,not again.
“I won’t leave you,Richarlyson,I promise.”
“You promised him,Mike.” Pac raised his voice,not by much,but enough to get his attention.
The ember at the end of his cigarette brightened as the wind blew past them,turning the end to ash as it slowly inched its way up towards Mike’s fingers.A small part of him hoped the burn would reach his fingers.
“Are you even listening to me,Moço?” Mike turned to look at Pac;his face having an unmistakable twinge of anger.
“I know what I promised him,Pac.” Mike said.He rubbed the now dead cigarette into the grass,crushing it into the dirt.
“Then why are you breaking it! Do you just not care anymore?!”
“Of fucking course I care Pac!” Mike snapped,his nose scrunched as his voice rose.
“I promised Richarlyson I would never leave him! That I would never let anything take me away from him!” Mike felt his face heat as tears began to prick the corners of his eyes.Pac listened as Mike continued.
“But he’s fucking gone,Pac. I said I wouldn’t let anything take me away from him,instead he was taken away from us and I couldn’t even do anything to save him! I know I broke my fucking promise and it eats away at me every single goddamn day,but that doesn’t mean I don’t fucking care!”
Mike could feel the tears in his eyes streaming down his face but he didn’t care.He stopped caring about everything a long time ago.He just kept on yelling,he couldn’t care less about who heard him.Mike just kept on yelling until his throat burned and ached,the words ripping themselves out of his mouth until he couldn’t speak anymore.
Pac sat there and listened to everything,empathy etched into his expression.He listened as Mike yelled and yelled until he couldn’t anymore. Mike felt the words hitch in his throat,his eyes burned as he tried to wipe his face with his coat sleeve.
All he wanted to do was leave.
All he wanted to do was to go home,
But his home wasn’t even home anymore.
Mike tried to get up to leave,he already ruined the night by screaming at the one person who was willing to stay by his side.But before he could even get up to try and leave Pac grabbed his arm,pulling him into a tight hug.
Mike was confused for a second,stunned even.Why was Pac hugging him after he just screaming at him,wasn’t he upset? Mike was even upset with Pac,mad at him even,so why didn’t he feel the same?
Pac just wrapped his arms around Mike,holding him close and resting his head on Mike’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,Mikey.I know you want to leave but just stay with me for a few minutes.” Pac hesitated for a moment,trying to keep himself together before speaking again.
“I know you care,I shouldn’t have said that.I was just too in my own head,you know? I haven’t been able to handle my grief as well as you have.You care about everyone here,maybe even a bit too much,you literally came to find and cheer me up because you knew I wasn’t doing well. You would never break a promise,and you didn’t.”
“But—“ Mike tried to interrupt,tried to tell Pac he did break his promise,But Pac stopped him.
“Just listen to me,please.Mikey you didn’t break your promise with Richarlyson,you promised him that you would never let anything take you away from him and you kept that promise up until his last breath.You stayed with him until the very end,and you still are with him.As long as we hold onto the memories of him,we’ll never be taken away from him.”
Pac could hear Mike sniffling into his shoulder as,hiding his face in his neck as his hands gripped onto Pac’s hoodie.Pac could even feel tears of his own begin to fall down his face as he spoke.
“Before Fit left he said something…I don’t remeber exactly how he said it,but it went a little like—As long as we remeber the ones we love,and hold their memories close to our heart.They will always be with us.”
Mike choked out a broken giggle at Pac’s poor attempt at a macho-man impression.
“Did he really say that? I didn’t know he was capable of saying something that meaningful” Mike chuckled as Pac squeezed him.
“Of course he can say meaningful things! Why do you think I fell for him in the first place? He’s so smart and handsome and has such an attractive voice!—“
“Stop,stop!—Nojento,man! I don’t need to know the details Esquisitão!”
Mike playfully hit Pac’s back as he pretended to gag.Pac could only smile and laugh as his best friend pretended to push away from him.
It reminded him of how they used to comfort each other back at the orphanage,trying their hardest to cheer the other up by making them laugh.Wether it be by making jokes or stupid comments,it was just nice to have someone there.Someone they could hug and cry to without any judgment.
“But Mike,in all seriousness..” Mike stopped pretend-gagging when he heard Pac speak again,stopping his hands from the playful assault on the others back.
“I promise,I won’t ever let anything take me away from you.No matter how bad things get,no matter how far apart we may grow,no matter what.I promise to never leave you.”
Pac could hear Mike’s breath hitch in his throat.His arms wrapped back around Pac’s back and tightly squeezed.
“No matter what,Pac,i’ll never leave your side.No matter what happens,I won’t let myself get taken away from you,I promise.If you leave,I’ll leave with you.”
Pac heard Mike’s choked sniffles turn into sobs.Pac just held the younger one tight in his arms as cried like a child.Mike didn’t care who saw them,he didn’t care about anything anymore.He just sat in his best friends arms and cried.
cried about how he was sorry for yelling, cried about how he missed Richarlyson, cried about how he wanted his son back.
Pac didn’t even remember when he had begun crying again,but he didn’t even care. He held onto Mike,tears wetting the others shoulder.
For the first time in a while the two were able to feel a warmth again. They didn’t need another persons sheets,they didn’t need the faint promise of death,they didn’t need the feeling of blood trickling down their arms.
They just needed each other,they just needed this,whatever this was. Crying into each others arms
The two sat there in each other’s arms,tears streaming down their faces as they sobbed.The sea crashing against the cliffs rocks below,the moon glowing with the stars in the sky above,the wind rustling the grass beneath.All of it seemed to slowly fade away,the only thing the two could focus on was each other.
It still felt like a piece of them was missing now,they knew that the feeling would never go away.The empty room in their house,the empty chair at the dinner table,the emptiness would never leave them. But they knew that he would always be with them.
The memory of their son would be with them forever;the memories of him playing in his room with his siblings,the memories of him sitting at the dinner table sharing stories of what he had done that day.His memory would always be with them,no matter what.
Pac and Mike kept their promise to each other.
They promised to never leave one another.They kept that promise until the very end.
So when they had to leave.They left together.