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Despite what Hollywood may lead you to believe, getting into a relationship doesn’t just get rid of his social anxiety and OCD.
Considering it was debilitating enough for him to rarely leave his house and almost make him lose his job, getting a girlfriend isn’t some magical fix.
They have more than a few hurdles to deal with as they acclimate to sharing a space.
Max knows that he can be overbearing but if things aren’t the way they have been and should be, it can be excruciating for him.
It takes Nicole a while to truly understand.
When she first moved in, she didn’t respect his space or his routine, too consumed in herself to consider how it affected him.
But when they actually sat down and actually talked about it, she finally knew how much she was hurting him. Who knew? Communication actually does work.
Of course, communication goes both ways, and she told him that it was going to be an adjustment and she’s not going to perfectly flip the switch and get everything right right away and Max had to understand and compromise.
Compromise has always been something difficult for Max and that too is a grueling process.
The first thing he does is make a list. He doesn’t call them rules because they’re not. They’re just what are. They are his normal and they are how things are.
But as he lists all of his idiosyncrasies and specificities, it makes him uncomfortably aware of how much it has controlled his life.
The thing about OCD is that it does control you.
People can preach about shifting your mindset and grounding techniques, but what they don’t realize is that it’s not like he doesn’t know. He knows that it’s irrational. He knows that it doesn’t make sense. But it doesn’t stop him from listening to it. It doesn’t stop him from needing to do it.
It’s like there’s this itch that pulses beneath his skin, growing and growing as things are off and different, but if he follows the compulsions, the itch diminishes, though never disappears, waiting to rise again.
There’s not a time where the itch doesn’t flow through his veins, even if it’s dormant or he isn’t consciously aware of it.
But it’s the discomfort, the anxiety, the inexplicable feeling that makes him uneasy. It’s the need to do something and not knowing what that something is and tearing apart every crevice of his mind trying to figure out what that what is. And then it’s the moment of calm where the itch is soothed.
Sometimes the itch gets worse. It stings, it burns, like his body is attacking itself until whatever is wrong is right.
Sometimes it feels like he’s always chasing the moment of calm where the itch feels like it’s gone.
And dreading the moment it comes back.
Chloe has been a staple in his life that is a consistent source of calm.
Of course, at first, the idea of the germs she can carry and the pathogens she could spread were debilitating.
But once she had warmed to his frequent baths and teeth brushing, that particular itch died down.
With Nicole, it was like everything she did set off the itch. She was crass and disorderly and didn’t care about the state she left any space she was in. Even her dog set off the itch until it was scorching inside of him.
But as he got to know her, and Channing, some of those itches dimmed.
What he had once thought abrasive he now knows is her stubbornness for what she believes in. What he had once viewed with exasperated loathing, he now sees with fond love.
Because he does. He loves her. He didn’t think that was something he could do.
And somehow she loves him too. And that was something he never thought someone else could do.
Love is compromise. It’s true. It is.
But it’s also being willing to wait for that compromise. To accommodate the one you love because what you need compromised takes more from them than it takes from you. To trust that they are trying and they are working to be able to meet that compromise.
It goes for both of them.
Where Max’s are more obvious, hers are more unsaid.
It’s the way his need for the particular gives her unease. How she doesn’t feel comfortable in their home together because she’s afraid that she’ll do something wrong and make him suffer because of it. How she’s always worried that he’ll give up on her if she becomes too much. How she feels like she will never be enough, good enough at meeting his needs, good enough at listening, good enough at being a good person.
So, Max relents. And he’s clear.
The ever growing list that is constantly being updated. The tough conversations when his inevitable breakdowns come. Because when he tells her the truth, even if it’s something she’s done wrong, it’s better than keeping it to himself and leaving her unknowing.
But he also makes sure to tell her what she’s doing good. To thank her for everything she does for him to make him feel safe and comfortable.
And he can tell that that is what she needs to feel safe and comfortable too.
There’s still a lot to learn. A lot to communicate. A lot to compromise.
But the itch doesn’t burn as consistently anymore.
And though it always lies within him, it doesn’t take over his life anymore.