Chapter Text
Dear Eris,
You have been requested to meet at the Hewn City tomorrow evening. I'd advise you to be on your best behavior but we both know you are not capable of that.
Sincerely,
A
Dear Shadowsinger,
Despite the hasty notice, with no regard for my own schedule mind you, I will be present. However, I make no promises about my behavior. Although I think we both know you prefer me on my worst behavior. Always looking for another excuse to get those hands around my neck again.
Sincerely,
Heir and General of the Autumn Court
Dear Eris,
Or should I say pretentious prick after all those accolades you dropped at the end of your previous letter. My hands? You should be so lucky. Far more likely you end up on the edge of my blade. Whether by my hands or my blade I promise you the same thing I said during the High Lord’s meeting. I will be the end of you.
Sincerely,
A
Dear Shadowsinger,
I must say I am disappointed that despite all this fuss about a meeting that no one actually bothered to show for said meeting. I do not like having my time wasted and I can only make so many excuses to Beron for my many absences before even that daft fool grows suspicious.
P.S. Seeing as my accolades are fairly fought and earned I think I’ll keep them. If nothing else because I know it will bother you.
Sincerely,
Heir and General of the Autumn Court
Dear Most Illustrious Heir and General of the Autumn Court,
Clearly you view yourself as so above us bastards perhaps you were due a taste of your own spitefulness.
Unfortunately, I have been told to give you Rhys’ sincerest apologies and that it slipped his mind in the busyness of a new youngling.
We will set a new meeting at your earliest inconvenience.
Sincerely,
A
Dear Shadowsinger,
Fortunately for you most times are inconvenient to me. It may come as a shock to you but my titles are more than just pretty words and I do have actual courtly duties to attend, aside from planning patricide.
I do ask that we meet in Autumn as I fear I was correct in my assumption that Beron would grow suspicious of my time in the Hewn City and unfortunately I do not believe it would be wise for either your court nor myself to continue with our meetings there at present.
Tell Rhysand to try a bath with lavender before bed and to warm the blanket before swaddling the youngling. We don’t need the powerful High Lord and Lady of night falling into hysterics from lack of sleep.
Sincerely,
The Most Illustrious and Glorious Heir and General of the Autumn Court
Dear Eris,
Future meetings can take place in Autumn but I will be your only point of contact as only I can remain undetected by Autumn’s wards. We will meet five nights from now.
That was a surprisingly helpful suggestion praytell where did the vicious heir of fire learn such gentle ways.
Also, I am just going to ignore your titles from now on lest your ego will have half a page of prefixes attached to those titles you so love.
Sincerely,
A
Dear Shadowsinger,
We will meet at a cabin located here 25.0343° N, 77.3963° W
You are a spymaster but I expect the utmost discretion with this location as it is one of the few places in Autumn which Beron cannot reach.
You forget I have six younger brothers. Who do you think raised them as younglings? Certainly not Beron, that male shouldn’t be twenty miles within a youngling.
What am I is a male without their titles and pretty accolades?
Sincerely,
Heir and General of the Autumn Court
Dear Eris,
Is Beron not the High Lord of Autumn? How is there a place you can reach but he cannot?
While I can certainly understand Beron distancing himself from the raising of younglings as he does not exactly strike me as a male who is fond of them. I do not understand why the male heir to the court would have involved himself in the raising of his siblings when they already had a mother to do that well enough.
Sincerely,
A
Dear Shadowsinger,
I am quite surprised that the famed Shadowsinger and Spymaster of the Night Court had not puzzled it out before. In short, yes Beron is High Lord but that does not mean that the land answers only to him.
My mother is complicated. Suffice to say that she was almost involved as little in raising the boys as Beron. That is how the mantle fell to me. Ahh perhaps that is yet another title I should add “raiser of a multitude of younglings.
Sincerely,
The Heir and General to the Autumn Court, and Raiser of a Multitude of Younglings
Dear Eris
If you are so inclined, you shall have to further explain the connection of the land when we meet tomorrow evening.
How old are you? Were you not just a child then as well? A child raising children seems like a piss poor way to raise those who one day will be in contention for the throne. Though that does explain why all of your brothers are such vicious cruel males, after all they only learned from the best.
As for the added title I think it’s a bit of a mouthful personally.
Sincerely,
A
Dear Shadowsinger,
I would say I am happy to share more of my knowledge on the connection of the land but I find my amiability wearing thin at your insult to not only myself but my brothers. You do not even know the males of whom you speak. If you desire to continue these convivial conversations between the two of us I would refrain from speaking of my brothers in such a way again.
I am 532, although at this point age hardly matters. Was I a child at the time? Yes, but I am not any more and neither are they.
In regards to the title, duly noted.
Sincerely,
Heir and General of the Autumn Court
Dear Eris,
I would like to point out that it is slightly hypocritical of you to ask me to refrain from speaking negatively of your brothers when you regularly insult not only my brothers but Mor as well. I seem to recall a recent incident of you calling her a slut if that rings any bells.
I always imagined you were older than me, odd to find that is not true.
Sincerely,
A
Dear Shadowsinger,
I will not deny what I have said of your brothers, but while your words were nothing but baseless claims with nothing more than the whisperings of court gossip to back them I have only ever spoken in the utmost of truths and harsh facts in regards to your brothers. Even you cannot deny that Cassian is both a brute and a bastard; it is simply a fact. As for Rhysand though it is perhaps more dependent upon personal opinion I find my assessment of him being both a bastard and prick to be accurate. These are opinions I have made based on personal interactions with the males, unlike you. who assumes the worst of my brothers though you have never even met the males. And no meeting in battle on the ice of the Winter Court does not count as meeting.
For Mor, I never claimed she was a slut, insinuated perhaps, I simply said she was dressed as such. Which again you cannot deny that I was correct in my assessment given her attire and the fact that she was dressed far more appropriately for a brothel than a strategic meeting of the High Lords of Prythian. I will say in that specific instance I was less concerned about the accuracy of my words but rather more focused on ensuring Beron did not get even an inkling of an alliance between myself and your court. What better way to divert his attention than to insult my ex-fiance and enrage your whole court in one go.
So as you can see from my above examples while I certainly have not been the kindest in my delivery of these comments all I have ever been was honest.
It should not surprise you that you are older than I am, purely for the fact that you are the grumpier of the two of us. Therefore, making you a grumpy old male. How fitting.
Sincerely,
Eris
Dear Eris,
Thank you for meeting with me. Again I would like to offer my apologies for coming into the meeting so heated, I fear my brothers and their inability to think rationally has rubbed off on me over the centuries.
If it would be agreeable I would like to meet again and share more of those truths you were talking about.
Though I would love to disagree with your grumpy old male comment l find that would not be the truth. In all honesty it is something my brothers often tease me about, although they prefer the word broody.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Shadowsinger,
Two apologies from the fearsome shadowsinger. I must be dreaming.
In all sincerity it was nice to speak so freely for once in my life. Despite being under knife point.
I have many truths that have yet to be shared spymaster so you will have to be more specific, but yes I will meet with you.
Sincerely,
Eris
Dear Eris,
We can meet a fortnight from now, after the sun has set.
I will take whatever truths you will give to me, and perhaps another game of chess if you are not scared of being beaten this time.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Spymaster,
What is is with you people and meetings only happening at night, that is besides the point but thought it was worth pointing out. I will see you then spymaster.
The day you beat me is the day I hand over the Autumn Court to you.
Sincerely,
Eris
Dear Eris,
Well I am of the Night Court, it is essentially a personality trait for me at this point.
All it takes to be High Lord is winning a game of chess. Interesting. Maybe you should challenge Beron to a game?
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Spymaster,
Apologies and now a joke. I must be truly blessed by the cauldron to be on the receiving end of a joke from the shadowsinger.
I would not like a repeat of my last chess game with Beron where I beat him so I believe I will pass but thank you for the laugh.
Sincerely,
Eris
Dear Eris,
You may be surprised to find out but I am rather a funny male, or at least I have always thought I was.
I do not imagine Beron appreciates losing at anything.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Spymaster,
I look forward to getting to experience more of your humor then.
You have no idea the extent to which Beron will go to ensure he is never on the losing side.
I will see you this evening shadowsinger.
Sincerely,
Eris
***********************
Months passed as the heir and the spymaster continued to write their letters and share truths. A friendship blossomed between the two more pure and full of joy than anything either of them had experienced in their many centuries of life. As the months tangled into years so Azriel and Eris began to tangle into one another.
Neither one could say who made the first move but a butterfly brush of hands turned to the gentlest of kisses turned to a passion and love so fiercely entangling them both that there was no letting go.
The following letter was written the next night.
****************************
Dear Eris,
Waking up to cold sheets this morning instead of next to you was a little rude fireling. No time for goodbyes? If I were a less confident male I would be nervous that I was a poor lay last night but the noises falling from your lips last night tell me otherwise.
In all seriousness I am certain you had courtly duties that could not wait, although I wish you would have warned me before we fell into bad last night so I knew to expect the loneliness this morning. We also need to finish our game of chess that we got approximately five plays into before you pounced on me. Fuck like fire’s in your veins must also mean you are incredibly impatient.
When will I see you again? One night of your skin on mine was simply not enough.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Eris,
Now I am actually beginning to believe I am a bad lay. Ignoring me for over a week now is dramatic even for you.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Eris,
If you don’t respond soon I am going to win on technicalities and we both know you would hate it if your first loss came because of a forced forfeit.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Eris,
For a little while I thought perhaps Beron was simply doling out one of his many “lessons” but he hasn’t even been at Forest House.
If you are not responding because you are nervous I did not enjoy myself or I do not feel the same way towards you I promise you I found it far more than just enjoyable, life changing might be a better way to put it.
If it’s simply cold feet and you regret what we did we can pretend it never happened. Just please answer me.
I miss my friend.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
Your hounds miss you, prick. Best return swiftly before I spoil them rotten.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Eris,
Falling back into old habits are we. Too noble to respond to the likes of an Illyrian bastard now?
Sincerely,
Azriel
Dear Eris,
It’s been eight months. Where are you?
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
I don't know where you are but I know you have to be alive. You are too fucking dramatic to die without all of Prythian knowing of your demise.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
Why can’t my shadows find you?
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
Autumn Equinox was yesterday. I have never seen the forest so dull. The trees miss you.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
My family wants to know what’s wrong. How do I explain to them that I don’t know how to exist without you? Stubborn, stupid assholes probably wouldn’t even let me get a word out edgewise if they found out that you were the cause of my pain.
Nothing is the right without you.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
Your brother Aodh came searching for you.
He came to the Hewn City requesting an audience with me and before I could even say a word he began talking so quickly I could hardly keep up. All the details of your disappearance that he knew and asked if I or my shadows had heard any news of you. I almost broke our rule and told him about us, but then I remembered how mad you would be when you found out I had endangered him by revealing our alliance and kept it to myself.
I told him I had heard nothing of your whereabouts. It was then that he fell to his knees sobbing and begging me to help find you. The fearsome shadowsinger of the night court and he was on his knees begging for you Eris.
Seeing him there broke something inside of me.
I promised him I would do what I could. Little does he know I have never stopped searching for you. Not for one moment. Yet still I cannot find you.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
The sheets no longer smell like you.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
It’s official, your hounds like my shadows more than me and I find myself irrationally mad about that. Why do my shadows get the hounds when I cannot have you?
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
I cannot remember if you have a freckle in your left eyebrow or your right. I know that may seem silly but I promised myself long ago when we first became friends that I would forever remember every detail of the night sky etched on the freckles of your skin. And I do not remember.
I cannot remember.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
No one has seen you in almost four years. I am not even sure if you’re still alive. Please, I Prythian needs you.
Sincerely,
Azriel
Eris,
I played your favourite song tonight in hopes that it would guide you home.
It did not work.
Azriel
Eris,
This is the last of the spelled paper that you gave me. I don't want to send it because it is the last piece of you that I have left, which is probably why I have held on to it for so long.
Silly isn't it holding on to a piece of my greatest nemesis. Except that is not entirely true is it?
You are not my nemesis. I am not entirely sure what we are were. I suppose some might have called us friends but if I am being honest I do not think we were friends. Maybe we once were, but now, I do not know.
What I do know is that since you have disappeared, I have been unable to take a full breath, my lungs constantly constricted against the air desperate to make its way in. The wind no longer calls my name as I soar through the sky. My shadows do not sing for me and instead are a reminder of their gentle caress across porcelain skin or playful tug on bright auburn hair. The sunrise is no longer my ray of hope pushing out the dark lonines of night but rather it simply means that another day has come and gone without you.
I have never wanted. No. I have never needed one as I do you Eris. I do not know when this change of heart happened. Perhaps it happened moment by moment, word by word, game by game, letter by letter. Or perhaps it happened all at once, one glance of piercing amber, one laugh resonate and deep, one accidental graze of pale fingers against scarred hands, one night of your flames ghosting painlessly over my skin.
And though I know I have no right to say this, especially in a letter, this is the last thing that I know.
After 500 years you Eris Vanserra are the reason I am selfish. I have done many things in the name of duty, obligation, necessity, family, but never once have I done something entirely for myself purely because I wanted to. And now I find myself wanting, and wanting, and wanting.
I want you Eris. I want you to finish our game and win just as you always do. I want you to cut me down with that vicious silver tongue of yours just so I can hear your voice. I want to walk through the Autumn woods with you again and watch you absentmindedly touch every tree as you pass by. I want to watch you dance under the stars to music of our own making. I want late nights tangled in the sheets that turn into early mornings in bed. Most of all, I want you to be mine because I know I am already yours.
I was wrong. I will not be the end of you, instead you will be the end of me.
Please come back to me,
Azriel
*******************************
Dark lashes blinked rapidly over wet eyes, trying to hold back the well of emotions about to break through. One singular tear made its way down a tanned cheek falling gently on the drying wax, mingling with the liquid pool of red, a streak of cobalt blue there and gone before even the shadows took notice.
Hazel eyes glimmered as they watched the wax slowly dry against the paper held in shaking hands. The seconds ticked by until at last the wax had set and then just as he had seen countless times Azriel watched as the paper crumbled to ashes in his hands floating away on an invisible wind. As the ashes floated away from him he felt his legs crumble beneath him as the breath from his lungs and beat of his heart followed that trail of ashes traveling further and further until they all were no more.
The trees watched on through the small window of that cabin in the Autumn woods as the male sat before a dusty chess board stuck mid play and tears poured down his face consecrating the ground below. The ground soaked up the males tears and hoarded them away like a hidden treasure. The chilled Autumn air rushed through cracks of the walls and windows and tangled together with the males shadows, whispering a new life into them. The cracking of his soul could be felt in the very roots of the forest and the trees yearned to reach out and comfort the male. Instead they sat in a silent vigil watching over the winged male protecting him for their prince of fire. For though the male was alone in that cabin he was not alone in this land as all of Autumn held its breath in wait.