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“So I found this waterfall…” Ronan started.
“Well, Chainsaw found it, I guess. There’s something off about it, though. I think it might be another way into Cabeswater, somehow. I don’t know. But it’s definitely weird.”
Adam was currently in Ronan’s passenger seat, craning his neck to watch his tri-colored car slowly become smaller behind them as they sped away, presumably in the direction of said waterfall. Ronan had told him earlier he’d wanted to meet at Cabeswater, but as soon as Adam pulled in, Ronan had waved him into the BMW. He frowned, pulling his focus back to Ronan’s words.
“Another way in? That doesn’t make sense, we’ve walked the perimeter.”
“No shit, asswipe,” Ronan growled, “It’s not at Cabeswater. It’s…somewhere else. That’s what’s weird about it. Look, I didn’t go in or anything so I could be wrong, but…”
But you aren’t, finished Adam, silently. Ronan never thought his instincts were wrong, and, truth be told, they usually weren’t. At least in regards to Cabeswater.
“Okay, so it’s magically connected to Cabeswater somehow.” Adam conceded, “Shouldn’t we tell Gansey?”
Ronan tossed a glance towards him. “Wanted to check it out first. It might be nothing. If you have something you need to be doing instead I can whip around and drop you back off.”
Adam shook his head and Ronan continued onwards silently. His’s behaviour confirmed what Adam had been thinking about their friend lately; something about Gansey was just…off. Neither had to speak the words aloud, but they both knew the real reason Ronan hadn’t told Gansey yet was because his reaction was no longer guaranteed.
Pondering over this new possible connection to their ever-evolving quest, Adam’s brow contracted into itself. He wasn’t paying attention to Ronan or where they were going, and Ronan kept glancing towards him, wondering if he’d make it home before Adam had the realization.
Almost. The car began to slow and weave as the roads developed more and more corners. Adam looked up sharply, finally tuning into their destination. “The Barns?”
“It’s off in the back corner of the property, through that section of trees there.” He slowed to a stop and pointed out Adam’s window to direct his line of sight.
“You have a waterfall?”
“It’s not mine. I don’t think. I’ve never seen it before.”
Adam peered toward the treeline for a moment more before opening his door and sliding out. “Well, let’s go see if it’s still there.”
~~
Ronan led the way through the trees in the same general direction he had followed Chainsaw yesterday with Adam crunching along behind him. The bird in question had abandoned the two boys when she realised they were repeating her adventure from the day before.
Practically, Adam was there because of his connection with Cabeswater. He’d quickly be able to confirm or refute Ronan’s theory. Of course, there were other reasons he had been chosen. Adam’s presence grounded Ronan in a way Noah’s bouncing, nervous energy never could. And Gansey, well, he couldn’t really put a name to why he’d been so different lately. It was probably just an internal crisis about being so close to Glendower. As time went on, their search became more and more real.
Ronan’s worrying about Gansey turned to excited curiosity at the sight of the still there waterfall once they broke through the final patch of bush, their bodies creating a makeshift path of destruction leading back towards the Barns.
Adam sucked in a breath beside him. “Damn, this is beautiful.”
Ronan shoved a hand in his pocket, taking in the site for the second time. They had made it into a semi-crowded clearing in the forest. About twenty feet ahead was a wall of powerful, rushing water surging down into a crystal clear teal pool roughly the size of Adam’s cramped apartment above St. Agnes. Trees pushed in from all sides yet the pool showed no reflection. Instead, Ronan could see all the way to the illogically still bottom, probably just deep enough to reach Adam’s chin. In between trees and creating a sense of bordering around the pond were large stones and boulders in varying sizes. The source of the water flowed from somewhere just out of sight from the tree tops, but seemed to disappear into nowhere as the pond itself wasn’t being disturbed and there was no visible river or out stream.
Casting a glance back over to Adam, whose eyes were quick and wild as they took in as much as they could, Ronan tried to keep his tone neutral. “Cool, right?”
Adam pulled himself out of his reverential trance. “This wasn’t here before?” he asked.
Ronan shook his head.
“Wait, Lynch, did you dream this?” He looked so impressed and proud and awed by the power of it all that Ronan almost said yes, if only to acknowledge that Adam thought he could make something so magnificent.
“No.” He shook his head again, tilting his face back to blink against the sun bursting into the clearing through patches in the leafy roof above them. “That would’ve taken too much from Cabeswater. You would’ve felt it. And I’d never dream up someplace like this.”
Whether he meant this beautiful or this peaceful Adam didn’t know, but it his heart clenched a bit either way.
Ronan started off towards the edge of the pond. They had to climb over the stones and cling to tress as they passed by but they pushed on, Adam following Ronan’s clumsy path towards the other side of the pond where Adam had finally noticed the water not going, well, anywhere.
Silence stretched out thinly between the boys, every snap of a twig or scrape of boot against rock situating itself further in Adam’s chest.
Ronan veered slightly closer to the pond with his next step around a particularly large boulder and Adam briefly considered pushing him in, purely for the reaction, before he realised it would probably involve him being pulled along and he was currently wearing his last clean shirt until he had time to make it to the laundromat on Monday.
It was still too quiet though.
“Hey Lynch, up for a dip?” he teased quietly.
Ronan craned his neck around to send Adam an anticipated glare.
“You’d never push me in, Parrish. Because I’d retaliate and fucking dominate in our ensuing water war and then you’d complain for years that I ruined your only pair of shoes and Gansey would feel bad for me and buy you a new pair and you'd complain even worse about that.” Ronan didn’t even stop climbing while he quickly responded. He hoisted himself through two stones using the branch above and shot a sharp smile back at Adam.
“I’m sure you could dream me up some new shoes, Lynch. And I’m positive you could never beat me in a water war. You’re too well-kept,” There was a smile and a challenge in his voice as he continued, “your delicate eyes would collapse under the attack.”
Ronan flipped him off behind his back but Adam could tell he was grinning in return when he responded with an arrogant, “Fuck off, Parrish.”
It was light and easy, this thing between them. It was a little bit dangerous but mostly just relieving to live life however the fuck they wanted sometimes. Ronan probably had the ability to feel like this whenever he wanted, whereas Adam had to wait for the dark boy’s signature grin to appear, but he suspected the feeling may be rare for Ronan too, if only because Adam was the one he had inexplicably chosen to drag along on all his adventures and Adam had Responsibilities.
Adam snorted but the rest of the trek to the entrance of the cave behind the falls occurred in companionable silence.
Upon reaching the mouth of the falls, Adam first noticed the roaring sound that was at complete odds with the lack of splash back into the pond. Where was the water disappearing to?
Adam turned to ask Ronan as much only to realise Ronan’s face was only inches away. He blinked at Ronan’s sudden smirk, and then the other boy was gone.
“Come on, Parrish. I’ve got another shirt in the car.” Ronan’s voice came from behind the wall of water rushing in front of him. He was yelling, and he sounded farther away than he could have possibly made it in the instant since Adam saw him last. After the hesitation from Adam, Ronan’s voice continued, exasperated, “And I really could dream you up some better fucking shoes.”
~
Adam took a breath, squeezed his eyes shut tight, and ducked his head as he pushed into the wall of water in front of him. He tried to go slow, wary of more rocks like the ones they had been maneuvering over earlier, but the water was heavy and oppressive on his shoulders. It was all he could do to hold an arm out in front of him.
He felt Ronan grab his wrist from the other side and start to pull but it still took a good five or six unsteady steps before he could open his eyes and take a stabilizing breath.
Once he was out of the pressure of the water, the silence was striking. There were no sounds of pounding water behind him, only his and Ronan’s intermingling breath. He immediately felt the slight hum of Cabeswater pick up within his veins.
Shaking his soaking hair out of his eyes, Adam made a slow circle to take in his surroundings. Where darkness should’ve been, there was an unnatural brightness coming from the ground beside their feet and leading far out in front of them, allowing Adam to recognize that they were in a cave of some sort.
Ronan had tied his plaid button-down around his waist to dry and was crouched beside the light source, investigating. He stretched out a hand and dunked it into the quickly flowing stream, causing the light on the wall to ripple.
“So, that’s where the water was going.” Adam concluded.
Ronan grunted and straightened. “Did you wanna get back now?” He asked. The unspoken question was “Do we keep going?”
Adam had the uneasy sense there was no going back. Turning around, he tried to push his hand into the waterfall again only to have it stop dead in a frozen imitation of a wave. He put two hands up, but still there was no give. Shrugging, he turned back to Ronan whose brow was deeply furrowed.
“Looks like onwards is our only option.”
“Excelsior.” Ronan muttered bitterly.
Adam gestured for Ronan to lead the way, but the riverbed was wide enough that the two could walk side by side with the stream running along beside them to the left. Their shoulders bumped occasionally but neither one took the effort to avoid it.
“Chainsaw?” Adam asked.
“She’ll be fine,” Ronan assured, gruffly. “Pissed as hell once we get back, but she won’t go anywhere.”
The tunnel was warm and dry, an odd contrast to the water droplets still occasionally sliding down Adam’s cheeks from his hair. Ronan’s grey tank top was almost dry at the shoulders, though it was still a darker color from mid-chest down and his boots squelched every four or five steps.
The further they continued along the river, the better Adam began to feel. He realised that there was a tugging sensation just behind his ribcage that lessened more and more with their progress into the cave.
“Are you feeling that too?” he wondered aloud to Ronan.
The other boy’s hand rose to unconsciously stroke his chest. “Yeah. Must be going the right way.”
“What do you think it wants? I can’t get anything except ‘forwards’.” Adam asked, looking at his friend’s face for a sign of understanding he himself wasn’t privy to.
Ronan glanced at Adam. “No idea.”
He brought a wrist to his mouth to chew on his bracelets. The teal light reflecting off the walls from the river bathed Ronan, making this simple, familiar gesture seem otherworldly and mystical—two things Adam had been associating with the other boy more and more lately.
To combat the silence, they started spit balling theories as to what and where and why they were currently stuck in a cave with a glowing stream as their only source of light. The theories became more outrageous as time went on and they turned it into a game of who could come up with the best way to describe it to Gansey.
“So Dick, I took Adam to a secret cave behind my waterfall yesterday. Also it led to Cabeswater and there were glowing blue faeries in the underground river that allowed us to see.”
“There may or may not have been mermaids.”
Ronan snorted. “I think Gansey would fucking pass out if we discovered mermaids without him.”
“I think he’d be more interested in the ‘Blue’ part of it.” Adam responds, causing Ronan to grin and then consider Adam silently for a moment.
“So you’ve noticed then?” He asked finally, but Adam heard the real question. How do you feel about it?
Adam shrugged. “Not surprising, really. Everyone chooses Gansey in the end.”
Beside him, Ronan growled. Adam cast his eyes curiously towards the taller boy, only to find him rolling his eyes. Hard.
“Oh, what, like you didn’t?”
Adam chose to say nothing but rather continue staring. Ronan had misunderstood. Adam had already come to terms with he and Gansey's relationship, and though he still had to catch himself from arguing unnecessarily, and Gansey still cringed after speaking before thinking through his offers, Adam wouldn't give up what they had for the world. Of course he'd chosen Gansey. He would again and again. Just as Gansey had done and would continue to do for the rest of them.
Ronan pushed on. “And the Maggot chose you first, remember.”
At that, Adam realised Ronan thought he begrudged the two because of his past with Blue. Which, he thought, he probably did a little bit. He definitely was when he had first caught the lingering glances between them.
“It’s not even like that, really.” Adam contributed, breaking his introspective silence. He tried to elaborate. “She deserves the best, and he is the best, so I get it. But.” He sighed, not knowing how to explain the dull pain of being discarded for a better model while not being hypocritical at his own overwhelming want for that same upgrade.
“But.” Ronan repeats, sounding like he genuinely got it, and sparing the fairer boy the responsibility to expand on his confused thoughts.
Then Ronan proved just how much he chose Adam by changing the subject to some shitty technicality on last week’s Latin homework and could they please get a real fucking teacher in soon? At least those who tried to kill them knew what they were talking about. Knowledge doesn't excuse murder, Ronan. The fuck it doesn't.
While Adam argued about the best ways to get away with homicide and Latin syntax and World History influences, Gansey and Blue and everyone else were quickly put out of mind.
~~
They’d been walking for almost an hour now, and though they’d followed slight curves and a bit of a decline (that Ronan had grabbed Adam to steady himself on) there was still no physical evidence to suggest the tunnel might end anytime soon. It was only the tugging in their chests that let them know they didn’t have much longer to go.
Over their trek, Ronan kept sneaking glances at Adam when he thought he wasn’t looking. As always, Adam kept noticing because he was doing the same thing.
Ronan was keeping it Casual so Adam kept it Casual.
Then the feeling in their chests disappeared so suddenly Adam brought a hand to his sternum to remind himself it really had been there just a moment ago. They stopped in unison as they realised their path ended with the river stopping a few feet behind them. The shadows were more pronounced without the briefly accustomed teal glow lighting them from below but it clear; they had reached a very dead end.
“Now what?” Ronan asked just as Adam’s mind flooded with a vision of pushing, of forcing their way through.
So that was exactly what he started to do.
Ronan grabbed at his closest hand with a confused, “Woah, Parrish, what’s going on?”
He wanted to explain but Adam could feel Cabeswater right on the other side of this wall, pulsing and waiting for him, for them, so instead he just closed his fingers over Ronan’s hand still clutching his wrist and brought it up to the wall with his other hand.
The wall of earth gave at first touch of each of their right palms. Adam barely had time to mirror Ronan’s shocked look back to him before he found himself melting into the dirty barrier.
There was a moment where Adam couldn’t breathe; where he thought that he might never breathe again, that he had just killed Ronan, that he must’ve misunderstood the trees, he was wrong-- but then his breath got knocked forcefully back into him through his ass as he hit the ground with a dull thud, Ronan only seconds behind.
It was much too bright compared to the cave and Ronan tried to bring his hand up only to realise Adam was still holding his wrist. Adam allowed his hand to retract calmly once he clued in, unintentionally brushing a finger over the joint that connected the thumb to the palm as he did so.
They both looked at their hands still inches apart for a split second before Ronan realised their surroundings.
They were in Cabeswater.
He let out a loud, triumphant whoop, almost laughing before turning to Adam. “Told ya, Parrish!”
And Adam was grinning too. The mysteries of Cabeswater never ceased to amaze, even now that Adam and the mysterious forest had mostly figured out how to maneuver their agreement.
Ronan’s smile faltered slightly as his gaze became stuck on Adam’s grin for a moment too long. Adam could pretend he didn’t notice, like he had gotten used to. He should continue their game from within the tunnel—allowing one another their perusal without acknowledgement.
But something about Ronan right then screamed Not Casual and Adam suddenly felt off kilter without Ronan’s constant stoic walled attempt at hiding his feelings.
Adam swallowed. The sight of Ronan’s eyes following the movement with more attention than he’d given to anything else in his entire life and then predictably ripping his gaze away gave Adam the courage to clear his throat.
Ronan’s mask was finally back in place just in time for Adam to tear it off again.
“I—” he frowned, suddenly unsure about how exactly to phrase it. He knew of Ronan’s feelings but that didn’t make them any more plausible in Adam’s own mind. He tried to push forward despite his misgivings.
“Lynch.”
“Parrish, spit it out. What?”
“First, good job with the waterfall. You were right, obviously.” Ronan smirked at the blatant compliment but before he could spit out some smart ass comment, Adam continued. “Second, and this is the bigger point, I…I know.”
Ronan cocked his head, confused. “Know what? Why the waterfall is connected to here?”
“No,” Adam shook his head, “Ronan, I know. I’ve seen, well, I noticed the way you look at me.” Understanding flashed deep in Ronan’s eyes at the use of his first name.
His shoulders immediately hunched as every muscle in his body tensed.
Adam swore at himself in his head. The other boy obviously wasn’t ready to talk about this yet.
“Look, it’s nothing.” Ronan said leaning slightly away from Adam. They were both still just sitting on the ground, leaves of brilliant red and orange falling slowly off the trees around them.
“Let’s get out of here. I need a signal to call Gansey.” He said curtly, as he rose to his feet, putting more space between himself and Adam.
“Plus, we should probably get back to your shitbucket before someone finds it and reports it as an offense to eyes everywhere.”
He was already past it, pretending it didn’t exist. Adam was sure he’d never catch a glance again; now that Ronan knew Adam was privy to his secret, the taller boy would go back to acting as if there was nothing between them.
Something heavy laced through Adam’s chest at the thought.
He scrambled up and jogged two steps to catch up with Ronan who was already striding confidently through the forest.
“Hey, woah, Lynch.”
“Yo?” He responded, Casually.
Adam stopped in his tracks. “Ronan.” Not Casually.
The other boy slowed and turned, walls and guards thrown up on all sides, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Once we leave we’ll have to call Gansey. We’ll have to explain the waterfall and going without him and we can never mention this again, hell I won’t even think about it again if that’s what you want but we can- at least until we leave- can’t we just fucking talk about something real for once?”
An eyebrow raised at the curse but Ronan was still using the voice he usually reserved for particularly new acquaintances. “The fuck you need to talk about it for?”
“Well for starters—” Adam cut himself off. There was really only one thing he wanted to ask. “Can I ask why?”
Ronan threw his hands up and turned around with a growl, but his pace was much slower now, allowing Adam to keep time with him. “What does that even mean, Parrish?”
Adam’s feet kicked up leaves as they moved forwards in line with each other, softly reminiscent of their past hour in the cave but with much more empty space between their shoulders now.
“Why me?” he asked, and then expanded.
“Not in a pity-seeking way, I don’t expect you to wax poetic about my eyes or whatever, but I mean, it’s obvious you weren’t ever going to do anything about it. So why choose me? You and Gansey are much closer. He gets you, and he’d never presume anything enough to catch on, and it’s Gansey. It doesn’t make sense, is all, I guess.”
Ronan shook his head, ruefully. “Fuck, I don’t know Parrish. There wasn’t anything logical about it. I didn’t sit down one day and fucking plot out who I was going to— Or who would make the best choice. It just happened.”
Adam was silent for a beat. “Okay.” He nodded once.
Somehow, they were almost at the edge of the forest now. Adam could feel it within him, just as he could feel the absence of Ronan’s gazes he had gotten used to recognizing on his cheek or the back of his neck.
Their feet began to slow. Adam stopped first. Ronan finally bestowed his gaze back on the other boy.
Adam put his hands up. “I promised. After we leave, I won’t mention anything about this ever again.”
“But?” Ronan prompted.
“But. Well. Is there anything you want to ask or say or talk about or whatever?”
Ronan rolled his eyes harshly. “Whatever, Parrish. No, can we go?”
Adam just looked at him. He could almost see the cog turn in Ronan’s head and his willpower dissolve, but that was probably just wishful thinking.
“Okay. Now that you know. I just—” His eyes were focussed somewhere behind Adam’s head. “Don’t be weird about this. Say no if it’s stupid. I—”
Cutting himself off again Ronan moved towards Adam. The two boys stood facing each other as if a mirror image. It didn’t seem as if Ronan was going to say anything else, but Adam just waited.
Then he realised what was happening. Ronan was just looking at him. His gaze was open and cursory, moving from edge to edge of Adam’s face. He’d never been this blatant with his interest before.
Adam tried to stay still and watched Ronan’s eyes. There shouldn’t have been any emotion there. Adam knew Ronan was probably trying to keep his gaze as neutral as possible but as the seconds ticked by, the stoney blue briefly showed a flicker of earnest through the depths. He was memorizing Adam’s features.
Finally, his eyes dropped and he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Good?” Ronan’s voice was slightly rough.
“Wait. I have, I’d like to ask another question, if that’s alright.”
Ronan still didn’t look at him but he didn’t move from his position facing Adam. A short nod.
“When? How long?”
Ronan thought of the first time he’d seen Adam. Then he thought of finding out about Adam’s home life. Then about actually seeing Adam crumble after a particularly hard swing from his father. He thought of his fist satisfyingly striking Robert Parrish’s jaw. Of Adam’s relief when he found the place above St. Agnes. The first dream Adam had appeared in. Finally, he shook his head and gave a half-hearted shrug.
“I don’t know, man. When’d you find out?”
Adam’s reply was easy. “I knew that I didn’t really know anything when I figured out the rent. That you were more than you present yourself. I thought I knew the first time you took me to the Barns, to see what you’d been working on all summer. But I didn’t really, truly know until today. Now.” Adam lifted his shoulder in a matching shrug to punctuate his answer.
Ronan looked like he was going to ask something else but closed his mouth, choosing silence instead. Adam, however, was very intuitive.
“I didn’t really let myself think about it.” He started, answering Ronan’s unasked question. And?
“Every time you looked at me, or picked me up, or came over I just kind of let it float around in my brain. The thoughts were there, but they were just acknowledgement of my perceptions. You could’ve been staring at a very persistent speck on my face, for all I knew. So I didn’t analyze it. And then there was so much else going on. My head isn’t even totally my own anymore, I didn’t have enough room or time or energy to think about stuff like that.”
Adam was rambling now, but Ronan’s eyes had lifted from the ground finally. He tried to cut him off. “Parrish, it’s cool. We can leave now.”
“No. No, before we go.” Adam took a breath, “I thought about it today. The entire way through the cave. Since you told me to meet you here, really. I thought about it a lot.”
This time Ronan did verbalize the prompt. “And?”
It came out quieter than he wanted it to.
“And I still won’t have a lot of room in my mind. And I still have to work three jobs. And I’m so fucking close to getting through Aglionby. But,” he took a breath he didn’t know he needed, and realised he didn’t know where his thoughts were leading, “but.” He ended vaguely.
“But.” Ronan repeated, dubious.
Adam’s eyes flicked towards Ronan’s lips, betraying his will hopelessly.
“But I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s okay.” He took a small step to be in Ronan’s space.
There was the smallest of pauses where Adam thought for sure Ronan would rear back. And then his lips were on the dark boy’s lips. His warning had been just enough to ensure that Ronan’s weren’t entirely passive but Adam could feel his shock evident in the tensing of muscles once again.
Ronan’s lips were warm and slightly chapped. Adam could feel the warmth radiating off the other boy. They were standing a hairbreadth apart, and then Ronan’s hand came up to rest against the back of Adam’s neck, his fingers just barely weaving into his hair and softly angling Adam’s head up a fraction. He could feel the ever-present bracelets against the collar of his shirt. Adam stepped impossibly closer and gently rested his hands on Ronan’s chest. Neither had any traces of water left on them from the start of their latest adventure.
Their lips glided slowly and gently over each other, Adam tried to stay in the moment and not let himself move away from whatever he was feeling, and Ronan was acting too careful, caught between trying not to spook the other boy away with intensity, and not really believing this was happening at all.
Finally, Ronan pulled softly away.
The two boys just stared at each other, both trying their hardest to figure out what the other was thinking, having no idea it was identical to their own thoughts. Their gazes were wide and honest, probing for answers to unspoken questions.
Apparently happy with what he found, Adam smiled. Ronan only noticed because of the crinkles around his eyes; his lips had barely changed position.
“Oh,” was all Ronan said before taking a step back and softening his own expression, albeit marginally. “So, okay.”
Adam’s smile widened a bit before he schooled his features and started walking in the direction of his car. “Okay.” He agreed. “Let’s go tell the gang.”
Ronan’s heart skipped. It was a moment before he realised Adam meant the waterfall.
~
Adam did not mean the waterfall.