Work Text:
Mingi was lost.
Not literally, but emotionally and mentally.
Was becoming an artist his true calling? Did he have anyone by him to hear his calls? His cries?
No matter how much Yunho had tried to tell Mingi that he was there, that he would help the younger with anything he needed in life, Mingi continued to push him away; avoid him as though he was nothing but another voice in his head dragging him down. This had continued for months, months of yearning and pleading, until it had all eventually stopped.
“We hope that you all will continue to support while Mingi goes on his hiatus. Ateez fighting!” Hongjoong spoke into the mic, and even though the cheers and comfort from Atiny's drowned out their thoughts, the tension was palpable as they forced smiles. Yunho, on the other hand, was trying not to allow himself to cry. It’s undeniable that tears were building up in his eyes, but he refused to cry in front of everyone, especially in front of Atiny's and his members. He frowned, more to himself as he continued to question why Mingi left him, especially when they were beginning to grow and face the new step in life in front of them.
‘Can it all be shaken off? (Can it all be shaken off?)’
“Yunho? Are you there?” Seonghwa asked, opening the door to his room. It felt so wrong saying it was his room, knowing that it was their room and everything in there belonged to them, not just him. Yunho said nothing, sitting on his bed as he scrolled twitter absentmindedly; it was obvious he had been crying, considering his puffy eyes and empty water bottle next to him. Seonghwa sighed, closing the door behind him as he entered the room and sat next to Yunho. “Yunho-ah, come here” The eldest said, opening his arms as a silent invitation. Yunho looked at Seonghwa before silently moving close to him, sitting on his lap and hugging him; sobs began to escape the younger, and it broke Seonghwa’s heart to hear how heartbroken his brother was.
The two said nothing, Yunho crying in Seonghwa’s arms as his hair was silently played with as a way to silently comfort the other. They stayed like that for a while, unmoving until Yunho pulled away first and wiped his tears on his sleeve. “Sorry hyung…” Yunho said silently, shakily breathing as he tried to compose himself. Seonghwa only smiled softly, moving to sit comfortably against the wall as Yunho followed his lead while pulling a blanket over them. Seonghwa noticed it was Mingi’s, but decided to stay silent about it as he waited for Yunho to speak first.
“I don’t get it…,” Yunho started, playing with the ends of the blanket, “Why’d he have to push me away? I always tried to help him, to be there for him… but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. Hyung, I-” He hiccuped, feeling the tears coming down once again as he rambled. Yunho had continued, expressing his sadness in not being able to help Mingi enough and feeling as though he had let the younger one down. No matter what he did or tried, Mingi always pushed him away. There was nothing he could do but watch as the rapper basically almost ruined himself by the constant drinking he did. Seonghwa listened intently, allowing Yunho to talk his ear off until he slowly came to a stop. “Was I not enough for him?”
“Yah, Yunho, don’t think that way.” Seonghwa retaliated gently, a frown etched on his face as he looked at Yunho, “You can’t expect to always be able to help someone. Sometimes a person doesn’t want to be helped, especially when they are at their lowest. Mingi needed the hiatus, we both know it, but that doesn’t mean you can put yourself down like that.”
Yunho nodded, now listening to Seonghwa and watching him carefully as he tried to put words together. They stayed that way the rest of the night, talking and comforting one another. As the sun went down and the moon rose, Seonghwa looked at Yunho and asked a simple question, “If some flowers can bloom during the storm, don’t you think Mingi will bloom as well?”
‘On this night, night when even the moon cries’
Mingi looked around, feeling nothing but a sudden dread as he made his way to his childhood home. Incheon was the same as ever, nothing changing even as the seasons went by and the years passed. It felt slightly nostalgic, but it wasn’t as comforting as Mingi hoped it would have been. Without saying much, he knocked on the door and greeted his mother as she opened the door. It felt nice to see her, Mingi noted, and as they talked and catched up on their lives. It was an unspoken thought that Mingi knew his mom knew as to why he was back home so suddenly; his hiatus. He didn’t want to talk about it, and his mother did not push to know. After a few hours of talking and getting comfortable, Mingi went to his old room and looked around.
Everything had been left as it was the day he left for Seoul, the posters on his wall still in place and the figurines he collected dusted off and cleaned. It was like his mother to keep everything neat and tidy. For now, Mingi would try to take the time to recover and find himself.
‘It's hard to even sleep, yeah’
Months went by without hearing anything from Mingi, and although everyone in Ateez understood, Yunho was having a hard time coping with the younger's absence in everything they did. It’s been seven months already, and no matter what they do, Yunho’s mind is always drifting back to Mingi and what could’ve been. Everyone knew that Yunho was taking the hiatus harder than them, and they tried their best to help him, especially Wooyoung since it hurt him as well to see his hyung in such despair.
The reassurances had been going in and out one ear in Yunho’s world, and slowly, the group had decided to take a month break themselves so they could rest and hopefully give Yunho some space to collect himself before the next comeback. Hongjoong wasn’t sure if it was the best choice, but Seonghwa had convinced him to do so in favor of them and especially Yunho.
Yunho was losing sleep, and no amount of makeup was enough to cover the eye bags or purple hues under his eyes as they did shoots for the Turbulence comeback months back. Despite the group making a rotation schedule on who would be with Yunho and spend equal time with him, it made no difference in Yunho’s depression. Somewhere in between the months without Mingi, Yunho began sleeping in the younger’s bed and wore his clothes more than his own personal ones. It was the only way he could find himself coping and it was comforting, even if in the slightest.
“Yeosang?” Yunho asked softly, looking at the male who was on his phone. It had been Yeosang’s turn to stay with Yunho through the night, and it made Yunho a bit happy. Yeosang hummed, putting his phone down and turning to look at Yunho so he could give the eldest his full attention. The blonde looked at him, trying to put words together before he eventually spat out his question, “How did you… deal with the breakup between you and JJong?”
It was probably an insensitive question, but Yunho wanted to know how Yeosang coped and was hoping he could at least get some insight or something so he can at least stop being so depressed. He knew that he was tiring everyone out, even if they didn’t show it. He couldn’t help it, he just wanted to know. Yeosang looked a little stunned, an unknown amount of emotions flashing through his eyes, just as Yunho was about to say nevermind and to forget he had ever asked, Yeosang spoke up.
“It wasn’t easy. I was mad for a while, at the world, me, Jongho… but I realized that letting the resentment build and holding onto something that had passed, it would only drag me down and make me become someone I’m not.” Yeosang started, looking at the wall blankly before continuing, “It took me a while to finally let the resentment go and see how I was coping was wrong. It’s never an easy process to suddenly lose someone you love, but I kept pushing myself to do better, to be happy and realize that some things just don’t go as planned.”
Yeosang had a soft smile on his face, but the longing in his eyes was a different story that Yunho knew the younger wouldn’t share. He took his words into consideration, thinking about the possibilities that could happen and breathed. “I see…” Yunho spoke softly
“Hyung, Mingi going on a hiatus may hurt, but I have a feeling that if he knew how sullen you became after his absence, he’d blame himself and find ways to apologize to you for probably the rest of his life. Mingi cares about you more than you think, possibly more than anyone in this world ever could.”
‘Can it all be shaken off? (Can it all be shaken off?)’
Mingi looked at his twitter feed with an absent feeling in his mind. It had been a grueling seven months being gone, with therapy helping Mingi (with some alcohol as well), his mother being supportive while his father took him out to their old favorite spots in Incheon. Mingi missed the adrenaline rush of performing, of composing music and writing lyrics, of being with his other family; he had especially missed Yunho.
‘Yunho,’ Mingi thought, feeling himself smile faintly as he thought of his dear hyung. He knew he had hurt him, possibly causing the elder to spiral into a deep sinkhole that would be hard to get out of. He knew what had been done and how everything was, simply because Hongjoong and Seonghwa had taken it upon themselves to keep him updated on everything that had been going on while he was gone. The guilt had consumed him for a while and he had almost called off his hiatus, but his therapist had warned him against it, stating that Mingi was barely making it through with his anxiety.
Eventually, time passed and Mingi found himself writing lyrics that expressed the sentiments he felt. He found himself writing until the sun set and the moon rose from afar, and the spark he had thought died out finally came to life, and Mingi found himself finally feeling bits of happiness. Finding a new found confidence and the chains finally breaking off of him one by one, he took out his laptop and began typing.
Ateez Official tweeted!
Great news will be shared with Atiny's next month. Thank you everyone for your continuous support of us and for being there, you all are amazing~
#fixon
‘All alone the breeze of my twenties’
“Mingi-ah, are you sure about this? You know your father and I will always be here for you” Mingi’s mom asked, some worry evident in her voice and expression. She saw how bad Mingi had felt, watching as her dear son had his major ups and downs while staying home. Whether it be her mother instincts or not, she was still deeply concerned about her son and wanted the best for him. Mingi only smiled, bringing his mom into a hug and squeezing her lightly.
“I know, and I appreciate it more than anything, but it’s time. Plus, I have someone I need to talk to and make up with all the time I’ve been away from him.” Mingi said, and he felt his mother giggle softly. “Get him, Mingi. I’m sure he misses you.”
With that, Mingi said his final goodbyes and began making his way back to Seoul.
‘Please find it, somewhere in my heart’
“MINGI!” Wooyoung yelled, immediately noticing the other as he entered their shared dorm. Before Mingi could take off his shoes or reply back, Wooyoung had jumped on him into a hug; arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist. It should have overwhelmed Mingi, taken him off-guard or something, but all Mingi felt was a sense of peace and comfort. Laughing, Mingi hugged Wooyoung back, finally taking off his shoes and leaving his suitcase by the door as he made his way to the living room while basically carrying Wooyoung.
Everyone was there, attention now fully fixated on the person they haven’t seen in months. As the current scene finally registered in their minds, they all sat up and began hugging Mingi; save for San who basically had to pry a clingy Wooyoung off of Mingi and held onto him instead. Before they could ask any questions and bombard Mingi with them, Hongjoong signaled them not to and briefly hugged Mingi.
“We missed you.” He said simply, his eyes softening as he took in Mingi’s appearance. “I missed you too,” Mingi replied, finally feeling at peace as he took everyone in. Well, almost everyone; “Where’s Yunho?”
Seonghwa looked at him, almost an analytical look on his face, “In your shared room. Well, his, but he wouldn’t allow any of us to just say it was his. He missed you, I think you both should talk.” The ambiance in the room slightly shifted, but it wasn’t enough to fully ruin the cheery mood everyone was in to finally have their precious member back. Mingi nodded, taking Seonghwa’s words with a little giddiness. Before he could speak again, Yeosang spoke up for a brief moment, “We’ll give you both some privacy. We’re going to the restaurant down the road, so if you’d like to join us after talking, you know where to find us.”
Just as that, everyone nodded and said quick goodbye’s or ‘it’s good to have you back’ before piling out the door. Laughing to himself, Mingi shook his head in adoration before making his way to his and Yunho’s room. It hadn’t seemed like anything changed while he was gone, and Mingi was more than grateful for that little fact. Coming to a short halt, Mingi stood in front of the door and breathed in, trying to calm his nerves before opening the door and spotting Yunho on his bed.
“Mingi?”
“Yunho?”