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[You. Were. Tired.]
[You had completely lost count of the loops. You were supposed to be counting, too. Well. Self imposed, anyway. It didn't really matter if you did, anyway. Counting was hope, the idea that you'd make it out of here alive and have someone to tell; proof that all of this was real.
[But was it? Was it really real? You look down at your hands and see a muddy, medium gray mess. You touch the skin between your glove and your sweater, and all you can feel is static.]
[You lay back down on the grass, the ground feeling like prickles of nothing. And after a moment, even that feeling subsides.]
[You feel…
nothing.]
[You hear footsteps, little vibrations in the ground – practiced maneuvers that you could almost write out the sheet music for it from memory, with no music background.]
[What a ridiculous thought. Since when do you think about music? Since when has that became what's important, Siffrin?]
[You focus back onto the blurry mess of clouds and watch with morbid interest as the static comes from the corners of your vision to fill it up into totality.]
[And you feel nothing, absolutely nothing, as your body gets up without your permission, and voices drone into pointless buzzing.]
[You feel nothing.]
[You blink, and shake your head a bit. The buzzing in your head is overwhelming, and you feel the intense need to succumb back into whatever just happened. You look around and see your friends’ concerned, no – just confused expressions, wondering why you had stopped. But, wait… you. Why. The ground was lightless, and bricks and columns lined your vision. You … never got to even say your lines to Mirabelle, why in the blazing stars are you in the HOUSE-]
“Um, Siffrin? I'm, uh, all for sight-seeing, you know, but… I'd understand it if this room was maybe… a bit more interesting? Or do you maybe see a trap we can't..?”
[You feel. Your breath. Catch in your throat.]
[You say nothing, and take a step forward, and the buzzing static in your head takes over once more.]
[You feel your eyes come into focus once more, and skid to a screeching halt, and Mirabelle bonks into the back of you.]
“Ack- Sorry, sorry Siffrin! I….” She goes silent. [You don't even look at her.] “This… You stopped again.”
Isabeau chuckles. “So what, can Siffrin not take a second to breathe?”
“No, Isabeau, hang on, he…” [You feel her eyes burning holes into your backside.] “Siffrin, you.. You hear us, right-?” [Move, move, MOVE, you blinding body! Reassure her that everything is fine! Let's just follow the script, let's just get this OVER WITH-] “Um, I- I… Siffrin, hey, you aren't ignoring us, right? Did we do something?”
[It feels as if you're a ghost, except you're doing none of the possession. Your eyes get lined with static again, and-]
.
.
.
.
[You hear the sound of.. a bell ringing, in your head? It's the closest you've felt to being alive in this loop, so you cling to it, drawing metaphorical blood in the process.]
{Hello? Stardust, am I reaching you?}
[Loop? ‘Loop! I can't talk, something is stopping me. Can you read my thoughts? You usually can, right? PLEASE!’]
.
.
.
.
[You hear a droning tone answer you. And from this point forward, you only see bits and pieces of loops, surely over 20, fail again, and again, and again. You don't even get the chance to try to wonder what's happening. You aren't being possessed. Nothing is making you move. It's… Definitely you, but you can't think. It's like zoning out, but more.. forced. Like your brain is trying to save you from further damage from these loops, even though you're already too far gone.]
[...Ha.]
[You try to force yourself back into your body.]
[You try to force yourself back into your body.]
[You try to force yourself back into your body.]
[It doesn't work.]
[You try to force yourself back into your body.]
[You try to force yourself back into your body.]
[You try to force yourself back into your body.]
[It doesn't work.]
[Haha, hey! Maybe this is a good thing. After all, you wouldn't stop blinding complaining about the thing you had just taken as something that would save you and your friends. You should have just sucked it up and took it. Why can't you just shut up, Siffrin? Why can't you stop taking things for granted?!]
[Imagine your family, no–can you even reserve the right to call them that anymore? Your allies, colleagues at best-knowing that you got blessed so that you could make sure that everything goes right and you can save everyone. So that you could truly be called the ‘Savior of Vaugarde’ without knowing oh so guiltily~ that you could have done more. That you weren't some understudy, some stagehand, just there for the ride. Worthless. What would they think of you? How could they ever look you in the eye after this?]
[...Ah.]
[You've.. spiraled so hard you… came back to yourself.]
[Maybe… maybe Loop knows what to do.]
[You feel yourself blanking as you walk up to the tree. You can at least be thankful that it isn't the full blackouts from before, but you're still
.
.
.
.
gone.]
[As you sit down haphazardly, you can tell the dazed look in your eye catches Loop off guard. Their face immediately sets back to a stony nothingness (You are starting to hate that word.) you're used to.]
“Stardust.”
[You can barely hear them through the grain, and you're struggling to hold on. All you can do is barely make eye contact.]
“Look at me, Siffrin.”
[The buzzing is only getting louder.]
[Suddenly, Loop grabs onto the hands lying slack on your sides. They hold tight, sparks of pain blossoming from where their fingers are pressing deeply into your bones. It's a welcome sensation. You note that something is deeply wrong once you think that.]
“Do you feel that? I can press harder, if needed.”
[It's surprisingly grounding, you think. And then you notice that you are thinking.]
[You stutter a purposeful breath out.]
“Good job, stardust, you didn't even need me to remind you! Here, I'll guide you, okay?”
[You think… you think that Loop is a bit too knowledgeable on what to do here.]
[...You hope that they had someone like themselves to help them.]
[...You see, a slight crease of their eyebrows at that thought.]
[As you refocus on Loop's (blinding, you realize now, and not like the swear) face, they deliberately, gently, remove their hand from yours, and place a hand on their chest.]
[Amused (amused!) you think to yourself that it's very off to where the human heart is.]
[Their chest expands, and you inhale deeply, before sputtering and coughing. Loop's hand on yours tightens a bit.]
“That's good, stardust. You're doing good. Let's try again, though, okay?”
[Loop breathes in, as do you, and…
Out.]
[As your breathing starts to level, you notice Loop's chest still rising and falling. You look away quickly. Perhaps this helped them as well, in a way.]
[The world seems to.. come into focus, after that. Loop's hand seems slightly too tight, the grass seems a bit damp. Loop is very, very bright.]
“Welcome back to the land of the living, stardust~” they speak with something false rotting from their voice.
[You breathe in, and out.]
“Do you… know what happened?” Your voice rasps from lack of use. Loop slightly grimaces.
“I.. I never learned the word for it. But your brain, hm, decided you had enough fun, let's say?~”
“Like…?”
[Loop looks away. It seems they really don't know, either.]
“Maybe ask that Researcher of yours, hmm? She's quite knowledgeable, isn't she?”
[You suppose she is, not to mention she's probably been through quite a bit.]
[You press harder.] “Why did you know what to do?”
“Why didn't you?” the corners of their eyes lift up, in a smile, or maybe the bared teeth of a cornered animal. You drop it.
“Sorry.”
[They don't respond.]
Loop clasps their hand together with a practiced bravado. “Well! You came to the right person, hm, stardust? Let's try not to make a habit of this, but I'll help you if need be. After all, your good friend Loop will always be here to help you!”
“Loop…” you trail off, and their expression falters. Only slightly.
[You tuck your arms back into your cloak. What? What is there to say? Loop doesn't want your help, and they'll never ask you for help. You can't help them, and they won't help you.]
[You remember the term of a star exploding; collapsing on itself. A bright and beautiful phenomenon, caused by…]
[Your head hurts.]
“...Thank you, Loop.” you say, looking into their mismatched eyes. You wonder what happened to them, why they're here.
[Loop is silent.]
“Can.. can I.. stay here with you, Loop? This… loop, I mean.”
[Loop is still silent. There is a grief, a quiet, unseeable length of guilt and anger and despair in their eyes you cannot place.]
[Their gaze softens into something more fond.]
“And… let's talk about something else. Not about me, or you, or the loops…”
[You can see a slight relief in their eyes.]
“....Fine. Only for this loop.”