Work Text:
The Dead Poets walked to the cave, with Neil and Todd hanging around the back, hand-in-hand.
Charlie called out to them from the front of the group, where he was. “Are you guys still there?”
“Yup,” Neil said, smiling. “Come on, Todd,” he whispered, slightly pulling him forward.
“I’m moving! We’re good.”
“Yeah. You’re procrastinating. You don’t want to read that poem.”
“No, I really don’t. But I’m going to. Because you said to.”
“Oh, that’s great. I was hoping you wouldn’t chicken out.”
“I won’t, I won’t. Trust me, come on.”
Neil gave Todd a peck on the nose, and then looked around to make sure nobody saw. Nobody could even see them, so it was fine. Todd kissed him again, smiling.
“I wish you had read me your poem first, it might give you more confidence,” Neil said in a hushed tone.
“No,” Todd said. “I wanted you to hear it at the same time as everyone else.”
“Okay, if you say so.” Neil squeezed Todd’s hand as they approached the door to the cave, and Todd pointed his flashlight at the entrance, and then passed it to Pitts, so he could hold it as Charlie lit the fire with a match, followed by Neil’s pipe. Neil sat next to Todd, and Todd took out a piece of paper from his pocket. He held it in his hand, trying to avoid squeezing and rumpling it.
Meeks looked over at his hands, but Todd noticed and held it closer to himself.
Neil stood and pulled out the poem of prose. He read the traditional opening, and passed the book to the left.
“Knox, you go first.”
Charlie looked at Cameron, who sat next to him, and then at Knox, who was searching through the book. He took a puff of his cigarette.
“Here we go,” said Knox, opening a page of the book. He read the poem and passed the book along to Pitts, who did the same.
After Charlie and Meeks read their selected poems, Meeks went to pass the book to Todd, who stopped him. “I… uh…”
Charlie sighed quietly. “Come on, Todd. Didn’t we agree you’d read at meetings a while ago?”
“No, I’m gonna read. I just…”
Neil patted Todd’s back and whispered “Come on.”
Todd stood up and unfolded his note, his hands shaking visibly. “I’m going to read… uh…”
“Oh, an original work!” Meeks smiled, and Pitts raised his eyebrows. Charlie gasped and smiled. “Really? That’s fantastic!” He was being genuine, although his tone may have come off as sarcastic.
Todd cleared his throat, and looked at his slightly crumpled page.
“Am I–”
His voice cracked. He cleared his throat again as Cameron chuckled, and Charlie elbowed him. Cameron stopped.
“Am I what you think of when you hear the word ‘love’?”
The group stopped. Charlie smiled. “Have you got something you aren’t–”
“Dalton, let him read the poem.” Neil didn’t take his eyes off of Todd as he said the words. “Start again, Todd.”
“Okay,” Todd said, his eyes darting back and forth. “Maybe this was a bad idea,” he said, but the group began to protest. “No, read, keep going.”
He nodded.
“Am I what you think of when you hear the word ‘love’?
There are times when I pray to the heavens above,
That when it is mentioned you think first of me,
Although I may still speak so incorrectly
That when the thing’s said, I’m first to your mind,
Even still, if I’m not, I hope you’ll be kind
To my feelings quite due to the fact they’re shot
Because I’m pretty sure that I’m something you’re not
So pity me still, for it’s a fact I’m certain of
That you’re who I think of when I hear the word ‘love’.”
His voice was shaky while reading, especially at the beginning, but after he was done, the group applauded. He sat back down.
“That was really good, Todd,” Meeks said, followed by Pitts nodding.
“Thanks, guys. I didn’t want to read it, but you know I’ve been trying to branch out…”
Knox nodded. “It sounded beautiful.”
“Thank you so much, I mean…” Todd stopped. “Yeah?”
The group nodded.
Charlie was still smirking. “Todd, have you got something to let us know? Is there a special girl you’ve had your eye on?”
Todd’s stomach dropped, his eyes darting back and forth.
“No. No. It’s just a study. There’s no one.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m…” Todd was red and flustered. “I think it’s Neil’s turn now, actually. That was my poem. Thanks for letting me read.”
“No problem,” Cameron said. “Anytime, you’re quite the poet.”
Todd grinned sheepishly. He exhaled deeply, his breath shaky. He crossed his legs.
Neil put a hand on his back. “That was fantastic, Todd,” he breathed softly. He smiled. Todd smiled as well, and felt Meeks tap him on the shoulder.
“Pass this to Neil,” Meeks said, and Todd did.
Neil flipped through the book as Todd folded back up the paper, hands still shaking, and put it in his pocket.
The group returned quietly back to Welton and Todd and Neil went to their dorm.
“That was about me, wasn’t it?”
“Wasn’t it obvious?” Todd laughed. He took it back out of his pocket and unfolded it, pointing at the words For Neil written along the top thinly. “It’s not new, I wrote it a while ago.”
“Ah,” Neil said. “How long ago is a while?”
“Four months, ish. I rubbed the date off. Back when I… you know.”
Neil nodded. “I thought it was beautiful. Whenever you write poems, they’re stunning. I love them. I love you.”
“Well, none of it was lies. I speak from the heart.” He smiled. “Really, Keating’s class is where I write most of them. He doesn’t care about whether or not I’m writing as long as I pay attention. He’s happy I do something at least.”
Neil nodded, and put his hand on top of Todd’s. “It’s really nice. You flatter me.”
“I’ll write you another one, if you want. If I read it out loud, though, the boys will start to get suspicious.”
“No! No. They like them too, you should read them. Change all the pronouns. We can make up a girl.”
Todd chuckled. “That sounds like fun, actually.”
Neil smiled at Todd and closed their door. “Now, go to bed, it’s late.”
“I’ve gotta change first.” Todd stood up and kissed Neil, who kissed back.
Once they were ready, Neil laid down in his bed, and Todd sat in his. He took out his flashlight, as well as a piece of paper and a pencil.
“Todd, go to sleep. I want you to be alert in the morning.”
“Calm down, you aren’t my father.” Todd laughed, and started to write.
A couple of meetings later, Todd pulled out another piece of paper, this one less rumpled. After the opening statement was read, he opened his mouth.
“Can I go first? I’ve got one.”
His hands were still shaky, but the group encouraged him to stand up.
“Okay, Todd, let’s hear it!” Charlie said.
Todd cleared his throat, and looked down at his paper.