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It had been nearly 4 months since everything went down in Port Townsend, and by now the Dead Boy Detectives seemed to have settled into a new routine. The boys still lived at their office in London, and Crystal and Niko both still had rooms in with Jenny over in America – she’d found a new building to set up the shop that still had three bedrooms in the flat upstairs. With bases in both London and Port Townsend, the agency was busier than ever before. With the ease of mirror-hopping, Charles and Edwin could solve cases in both places, and discuss the London ones with the girls. If Crystal’s psychic abilities were needed for a London case, though, she would always fly over and bring Niko with her – there was always a room ready for them at the office.
They had also decided to close the agency for one day every couple of weeks, partially so that the living members of the group could relax and partially so they had time to hang out as a group of friends outside of solving cases together. Edwin had been hesitant at first, having not closed the agency for even a day since they began, but it didn’t take much more than a suggestion and a bright smile from Charles to convince him. He hoped Charles hadn’t noticed how easy it was to convince him to do something, as he would really abuse that ability if he knew. (Charles, obviously, did know. And he did abuse the knowledge very often, Edwin just barely noticed.)
Today was one of those days where they closed the agency. They had no plans; Crystal and Niko were busy having a ‘girls night’ with Jenny – they were hoping it would go better than their last ‘girls night’, which only ended in trauma for everyone involved. So, the boys were on their own at the office, not quite used to having so much free time. Edwin was sitting at his desk, nose stuck in one of the many huge volumes from their bookshelves, probably something about banshees or tricksters written in a language Charles had no chance of ever understanding. Charles, on the other hand, seemed physically unable to sit still. He’d tried, dropping onto their tiny sofa for a solid 5 seconds before jumping up again and moving onto the next thing to mess with. He’d practised his cricket bat technique, found random supernatural objects around the room to sneak into his backpack without Edwin noticing, and currently he was pacing back and forth in front of the desk, nonchalantly throwing a small crystal ball in the air and catching it. Edwin had noticed his restlessness and began to worry.
“Charles, are you quite alright? I know you’re usually very animated, but I don’t think you’ve sat still for longer than about 30 seconds since we closed the last case,” he said, looking up from his book.
“I’m fine, mate. Just not used to having anything to do.”
Charles put on a smile to stop Edwin from worrying, but Edwin knew the difference between Charles’s real smiles and his ‘brushing off something important’ smiles like the back of his hand. They’d known each other for too long. Edwin also knew not to push Charles for answers – he always told him what was on his mind eventually.
“Alright. Just a reminder that you can tell me absolutely anything, though. I’m always here for you.”
With that, Edwin went back to his book, seeing Charles return to his pacing and fidgeting in his peripheral vision.
It only took a couple of minutes for him to speak up again.
“Okay, there is something.” Charles stood directly in front of Edwin’s desk.
Edwin immediately closed the book, putting it down on the desk to ensure Charles knew he had his full attention.
“Right, so when we were on our way out of Hell, and you told me…you know…I know that I said we had forever to figure out what the rest of it means but I’m not gonna lie, mate, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what it means for the last, like…three months,” Charles admitted.
“I’m sorry it’s causing you so much trouble,” Edwin looked down, breaking eye contact.
“No, don’t apologise.”
Edwin looked back up at him. It was ridiculous how easy it was for Edwin to be comforted by Charles.
“Never do that. I meant what I said, nothing could change how much I love you, but the thing is…okay, I realised I don’t actually know what being in love feels like.”
Edwin’s brow furrowed in confusion, his head tilting slightly to the side.
“What do you mean, Charles? Did you not feel it with Crystal?”
Despite how immediately captivated by one another Charles and Crystal had been, they had since decided that it would be better for both of them if they stayed primarily platonic. Crystal was going through a lot with getting her old memories back and coming to terms with who she is, on top of dealing with the effects of the situation with David. She had felt any romantic relationship currently wouldn’t be great for her, especially if that relationship was made even more complicated by being with a boy who had been dead for 30 years. Charles had agreed, given the emotional confusion he was currently also going through.
“No…I don’t know. Since we decided to stay friends, I’ve been thinking about it and I realised…I know I joked about it back during the Dandelion Sprites case but I really think the reason I was so attached to her was because she reminded me so much of you.”
Edwin was taken aback but couldn’t quite find any words to say apart from, “Right…”
“And I guess…without realising it I kinda jumped at the chance to be with someone like you. Like as soon as I met someone similar to you who was a girl, I was just…obsessed? The thing is, I’d never really considered it a possibility that I could be, y’know, into guys. With my dad, it was never an option, he’d go mad if I did anything he didn’t consider ‘manly’. God, you should’ve seen his reaction when I got this done,” Charles pointed to the gold cross hanging from his left ear. “But like…since Port Townsend I’ve been considering it and maybe…yeah, maybe.”
Charles’s breathing, though technically unnecessary, had become slightly more frantic and he kept fidgeting with his hands. Edwin knew he was being sincere – he was usually so casually charismatic, and only got like this in really serious moments.
“You know how I kept being weird about Monty? And pushing you about what happened with the Cat King?”
Edwin nodded.
“Okay, with the Cat King it was mostly me wanting to protect you because he’s a fucking bitch, but I guess I was also jealous. I think I’d put it down to the fact it had just been me and you for so long, so seeing you making new friends was weird, but now that I’ve been really thinking about it, I think it was more than that.”
“So…”
Edwin wasn’t entirely oblivious to the point Charles was trying to get across, but he also didn’t want to be too presumptuous. He couldn’t believe there was the possibility of this happening – that Charles, the boy who’d saved him even after he died; the boy who’d made him laugh so soon after escaping the worst place in existence and continued to do so for the next three and a half decades; the boy who had chosen him over a potentially heavenly afterlife only hours after meeting him, might have the same love for him in return.
“So. I still can’t say for sure that I’m in love with you, but I do know that you’re my favourite person in the world and I’d literally be nothing without you. I don’t think I fully realised that until you got taken to Hell again. I couldn’t think of any way to go on without getting you back. And that’s…that’s gotta mean something, right? I’d never felt anything that strong for anyone before you.”
Edwin had moved around the desk to stand a few feet away from Charles by this point, and Charles had been too focused on getting his words out to properly notice. He looked up and turned to him.
“Seeing you happy makes me happy, and I know how you feel about me so I was thinking…maybe we could try.”
It took Edwin a few seconds to reply; it was as though he suddenly needed breath but couldn’t find it. He cleared his throat and tried to think coherently.
“Charles, it is perfectly fine if you don’t feel the same. Please don’t do this purely for my happiness. As long as I have you as my friend and we have the agency, that’s enough for me.”
“I’m not just doing it for you. I do want to try. I want to try and figure out if this is what being in love feels like, because…I have a feeling. But if you don’t feel comfortable with it, what with me not being sure, we don’t have to. It’s chill.”
Edwin sighs, then surges forward to hug him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. They seemed to do this much more often now, hugging. And other physical affections. Before Port Townsend Edwin wasn’t too keen on it, but he felt that he and Charles had become closer through the chaos. Now, they seemed to always find some way to be in each other’s space, whether it be Edwin being more open to Charles’s attempts to get him to learn some self-defence, or Charles casually throwing his legs over Edwin’s lap if he was sitting on the sofa reading. Hugging wasn’t strange for them anymore, but Edwin tried to hold him even closer this time.
“I know that whatever happens,” Edwin began, momentarily lifting his head from its place buried in Charles’s shoulder, “you and I will be fine. I cannot imagine any situation where this ends anything other than well.”
“Good, because to be honest,” Charles’s smile was audible. “I’ve spent the last couple of weeks really wanting to try kissing you.”
Now, that caught Edwin off-guard. He gasped, pulling out of the hug. He never let go of Charles, only leaned back far enough to look at his face. He was serious. Edwin forced himself to function.
“I’m…sure that can be arranged.”
Charles’s smile seemed to grow. Now that was a real, genuine Charles Rowland smile. His hand reached up, gently holding the side of Edwin’s face. Edwin couldn’t help it – he leaned into the touch as much as he could. After spending 30 years getting used to not feeling anything he touched, knowing he could really feel Charles’s touch on his skin was comforting.
“You sure you definitely wanna do this?” Charles asked, barely a whisper.
“Charles, please just stop talking.”
It wasn’t entirely clear who it was that ended up initiated the kiss, but either way, their lips crashed into one another’s, only for a second before they moved apart. Edwin’s hand instinctively moved over his heart in vague disbelief.
“Woah…” Charles breathed.
“How was that?”
“I mean…different. Obviously, with Crystal I couldn’t physically feel it but with you I can. God, I felt it. It was…”
It felt real, Charles thought. He’d felt the kiss with Crystal in his mind, but this…he felt this in his heart. And in his lips, the warmth of Edwin’s mouth on his own. It reminded him of the lantern Edwin had brought the night they met – the night he died; the warmth Edwin had provided him in his final moments of life and first moments of what came after. Now he felt that same warmth again, directly from Edwin’s skin.
“Brills?” Edwin suggested, grinning.
One side of his eyebrow raised in the same way it did whenever he said something he was proud of. His hand moved from his own chest to Charles’s, and he felt the vibrations as Charles chuckled.
“Yeah. Yeah, it was. More than brills. Although…” Charles lowered his head slightly, looking up at Edwin through his eyelashes, smirking. “I think I might need to test it a few more times…just to be sure.”
“You really don’t need to make an excuse, Charles. That was…please do it again.”
Charles moved his hand down from Edwin’s cheek to pull him in by the back of the neck, the other holding Edwin’s over his own chest. Edwin was sure he felt a shiver run down his spine. He felt alive. Charles always made him feel alive. This time, when their lips met, they stayed that way for longer, Edwin eagerly kissing back. He’d scolded himself so many times over the last few months for even imagining this happening, finding it wrong that his mind always went there when he knew – or at least, thought he knew – Charles didn’t feel the same way. He didn’t want to be unfair to or hurt Charles even in thoughts he would never even know about. But now, now it was happening and it was so much better than any of Edwin’s daydreams.
“Sorry, I’ve…never really done this before,” Edwin apologised when they finally broke the kiss. “The only person I’ve ever kissed is Monty and that was just a misunderstanding and was over in less than a second, so I’m sorry if it was bad-”
Charles squeezed Edwin’s hand, still clung to his chest, and pulled him in by the neck again but this time to touch their foreheads together.
“Edwin, it was aces.”
Edwin couldn’t help it – he cupped Charles’s face with his other hand and kissed him again, thumb stroking his cheek. As he held him, his middle finger hit the earring dangling from Charles’s ear.
“Have I ever told you that I love your earring?”
“No, you’ve never mentioned it. Really?”
“Yes. It’s very…you. It’s pretty.”
Charles laughed, just staring at the boy in front of him. He’d never seen Edwin this happy, not even after solving a particularly difficult case. And sure, he might not have had any specific idea of what being in love felt like, but looking at Edwin now, he couldn’t imagine ever feeling a love stronger. Maybe this was it. They still had forever to figure it out, together.