Chapter Text
It had been 2 years. 2 years since they had felt a despair like none other. A despair that would swallow you whole and threaten to drag you down until you could no longer see the light of day. 2 years since they had failed their captain so miserably. Their guiding light, their beacon of hope. A light so bright that blinds you towards its own darkness that it keeps hidden. A darkness that would and should never be revealed unless it is to swallow the bright light that holds it back.
“Sanji!!!!” Luffy his idiotic straw hat-wearing captain whined as he dodged another one of Sanji’s kicks by jumping out of the way flawlessly almost as if it were a trained reflex by now, which it probably was at this point Sanji could only think bitterly.
“I already told you Luffy!” Sanji yelled while watching his captain out of the corner of his eye as he attempted another sneak attack on the meat cooking in the pan he was holding, “Get out of my kitchen!” Sanji spun around attempting to kick Luffy while simultaneously holding the pan only for him to dodge yet again while laughing.
“But Sanji I just wana taste! Come on, let me just try a bit…” Luffy stretched his arm around him from Sanji’s left side, attempting to grab a piece only for him to move the pan away to the right in response, giving Luffy the chance to jump on top of him clinging on for dear life while continuing to grab for the meat. In an attempt to get his captain off of him, Sanji spun around while trying to keep the meat out of his reach which proved to be an almost impossible task.
“Dang it Luffy!” He hollered as one last attempt for the meat caused him to finally lose his balance and fall over, pan still in hand. As he was going down Luffy brought his arms back together and reached his right hand towards the food.
Which was fine. It was a normal thing for them. Luffy would try to steal food, he would stop him and kick his rubbery ass out of his kitchen, he would continue with cooking, Luffy would pout, and Sanji would finish lunch; a normal day. But why didn’t it happen that way? Why did any of them let things get to this point?
The smell of burning rubber was the first thing that registered in his brain. The second would be the feeling of the cold tile underneath him. The last would be the quietly still body that was lying on him.
“What the hell…” Sanji began to rant as he looked down to his captain who fell on top of him in their fight for the food. “Goddamit Luffy…” He began until that quietly still body finally registered in his brain. How frozen he was and unmoving. How un Luffy like this was.
“Hey Luffy what’s wrong?” Sanji sat up holding Luffy’s limp shoulders up leaning him against the counter, his head leaning to his side mouth slightly agape as short and quiet mumbles escaped his captain. Sanji cupped his face towards his own. “Luffy! Say something dammit!” He wanted to yell but it only came out more like a plea. Only to have blank devoid eyes staring right back at him. Eyes that didn’t seem to focus in on what was happening right before him. It was almost like he wasn't there. Like he was somewhere else completely despite his body being right there in between Sanji’s own two hands.
“Chopper!” Sanji could only yell, his hands quaking. Or maybe that was the ship? The rumbles of a devoted crew who heard Sanji out of anyone yell for help. A crew who would come running the second their captain would need them. A crew who were saved by this bright light belonged to a boy named Luffy.
The door swung open with so much force that it felt as if a canon had gone off. Normally Sanji would have yelled at whoever would dare open the door like that but this wasn’t the time or place. He could only focus on his amazing captain who needed them all.
“Sanji!” He could hear Chopper yell as he ran to his side, the rest of the crew behind him all in a panic. “Luffy?!” Chopper yelped once he saw Luffy sitting there not reacting to Chopper’s voice at all nor his presence.
“What the hell cook!” Zoro could only yell once he saw his captain the only man he would ever follow sitting on the ground in the kitchen with a look that he didn’t even know how to describe.
“Hey, Luffy what's wrong!” Their resident sniper asked almost sounding like laughter more akin to disbelief. “C'monn this isn’t funny!”
“Luffy can you hear me?” Chopper waved his hoof in front of his face only to gain no reaction from the young captain at all.
“Luffy-san?” Brook joined in just standing near the door next to Franky. Each crewmate adding their own wave of concern for their captain so much so that it made the room almost suffocating. So Zoro would remain silent. Silent and watching, standing right behind his captain as always and watching him guide the way in a way only the future pirate king could.
“Chopper what’s wrong with Luffy?” The orange haired navigator asked standing right beside Robin. Chopper could only look up from where he was standing towards Nami.
“I-I’m not sure. It’s just like he isn’t here…” Chopper muttered nervously. “But worst case… I believe that he is having a panic attack.”
“A what?” Nami asked almost like a question but they all knew it was. Even though they wished they didn’t.
“I think that something must have triggered Luffy’s PTSD from the war resulting in a panic attack which is what we are seeing right now..”
“PTSD?” Brook mumbled quietly. A topic that they hoped or wished could be ignored forever
“Ye-” Chopper began only to be interrupted.
“Huh?..” Luffy moaned as he began to move to life, his eyes now brighter with light as they began to take in everything around him.
“What the hell was that Luffy…” Sanji yelled almost as if it were a whisper. Hands instinctively reaching for a cigarette and lighting it.
“Ah- It was…” Luffy began, staring down at the ground with his knees touching his chest his hands clutched in on themselves against the tiled floor, his entire body shaking gently. Slowly Chopper reached out, one hoof about to touch his knee in a comforting manner.
“Luffy-” A laugh began to shake his entire figure surprising Chopper causing him to fall back a couple of steps into Zoro’s own leg.
“Sorry about that! His voice cheery almost as if what had just happened mere moments ago didn’t exist at all. That blank look that Zoro wished he could kill, to slice, to do something. But he couldn’t he was utterly useless. The only thing he could do was place his hand on his Wado Ichimonji holding it’s hilt tightly. “Sanji when’s lunch I’m starving!” He exclaimed jumping back to his feet, the slap of his sandals hitting the tiled floor being the only noise on that ship.
“Luff-”
“What the hell was that Luffy,” Nami muttered while tears began to fill her eyes, “You can’t just ignore what just happened.”
“Hmm.. I don’t know what you're talking about…” Luffy played it off like he didn’t understand or know what Nami was talking about. But how was that even possible? How did their Luffy, their beloved captain who wasn’t able to manipulate lie, or really take advantage of people try to deflect the conversation onto something else.
“Are you kidding me… Luffy you can’t be serious.” Nami could only whisper as Robin silently touched the other’s shoulder.
Chopper touched their captain's knee tears now starting to form in his eyes as the professional part of Chopper was coming undone from his captain's attempt to redirect the conversation. “Luffy, please… Tell us what’s wrong.” Luffy looked down gently smiling as he placed his hand on Chopper’s hat.
“There’s nothing wrong Chopper.” He smiled. A smile that if they were to see mere moments before they would have believed him. They would have thought that nothing was wrong at all. And it made him sick. The fact that they would have believed a lie made to ignore their captain's feelings and instead comfort them made all of them sick.
“Cut the crap Luffy do you really think we would believe you.” Luffy’s eyes widened in surprise before looking at Sanji who was glaring at the straw hat-wearing captain. “Do you really think we will just ignore whatever the hell just happened!” Sanji began to yell towering over the boy captain, yet there were tears beginning to dwell in his eye. “Do you not trust us that much Luffy?” Voice began to break, “That you can’t rely on your own crew and just tell them what’s wrong?”
“Sanji…” Luffy began burnt hand reaching out towards Sanji. But then he stopped once his hand came into view and pulled away. Like some sort of realization had hit him causing him to retreat back to the confines of his own mind away from his crew, his friends, his family. His captain looked down at the ground before looking at his crew a tired smile adorning his face. “I already told you guys that there is nothing wrong-” He began until he was interrupted again.
“Please Luffy-san let us help you.” A quiet yet loud voice joined
“Yeah, Luffy!” Usopp added standing with his hands on his hips. The rest of the crew all adding in their own words of encouragement while Zoro stood there and watched silently.
“Shut up!” Luffy yelled surprising the entire crew, a tiny sliver of conquerors haki spilling out with his words. “I already told you that I’m fine! I don’t need any of you’re help! I’m the captain of this ship, I can handle it.” A look that none of the straw hats were familiar with was worn on Luffy’s face, a look that only enemies that had hurt his friends would ever see, rage pure indescribable anger that threatened to take over and destroy anyone in its way. A look Zoro only had to see once that was built on a misunderstanding and a crew freshly made.
Then he left, a warm heat resonating in the room, and before they knew it the door to the kitchen was slammed open once more and he was gone. Then tension in the room disappearing within a second causing them all to stand there frozen.